Ocelot 108 wiltshire edition june 2015

No: 108 June 2015

Wiltshire Edition

FREE

Puppets with attitude take over The Wyvern with

Avenue Q We talk to some

muppet-like puppets p14

Plus....

Minions with Michael Bosley p4

Blur

The Magic Whip reviewed p29

Seaweed

in Pan of Mystery p42

Cornbury

Tom Jones headlines p22

FOOD AND DRINK / THEATRE AND ARTS / COMEDY / LIVE MUSIC

#108 For Starters

04 Michael Bosley 06 The Goat + Our Man in Iraq 09 Our all new website

JUNE ISSUE Cornbury Music Festival 22

Arts and Culture

11 Are You Talkin’ To Me? 14 Avenue Q 16 Theatre List 18 Comedy List Music

22 Cornbury Music Festival 24 Festival List 26 This is New Music 27 Groovers on Manouevres 29 Blur new album review 30 Gig Monkey 34 Joy Division + Grubby Jack 36 The Gig List Food and Drink

39 Brewery Bird 40 Dave For All Seasons 42 International Pan of Mystery 44 Ocelot Chocolate The final bit of the magazine

46 Agony Girl

The Ocelot’s got a brand new look!

Right. Here we are. After the massive revelations in last month’s Ocelot that we have become a part of a larger stable of magazines called Positive Media Group, you are now holding in your hands the updated, revamped and frankly glorious new look Ocelot.

(I would say it looks glorious seeing as I designed it but I’ve always been a bit biased when it comes to things I’ve done myself. In my opinion, I’m the best ‘tyer’ of shoelaces in the world as well despite the fact that they frequently come undone at the most inopportune of times.)

Well I genuinely hope you like it. But that’s not all as there are more changes afoot. Your hand might start getting a bit tired soon as you are also holding the newly relocalised version of The Ocelot as we have split our geographies. This edition is now solely for Wiltshire so we can have even more local content that is relevant to you.

If that isn’t enough we’ve also launched a brand spanking new website at www.theocelot.co.uk that looks pretty damn spiffing if I do say so myself. You can read all about it on page 8.

Please let us know what you think about all of these changes by writing into me at jamie@theocelot. co.uk

Jamie Hill

Editor: Jamie Hill - jamie@theocelot.co.uk Sales: Dave Stewart dave@theocelot.co.uk 07872 176999 Telephone: 01793 608840 Publisher: Positive Media Group, Arclight Building, Peatmoor, Swindon SN5 7EX Printers: Thames Colour

www.theocelot.co.uk

For Starters

Who wants to be a Minionaire?

A Nerd’s Last Word

by Michael Bosley I’ll admit that I’ve only ever seen about three minutes and thirty-five seconds of the first Despicable Me movie before the compound layers of smudges, scratches and fingerprints on the rented DVD overwhelmed my poor DVD player and it politely revolted, spitting out the disk and asking me if I was having a laugh. There was more extractable data from the DNA smeared across the surface of this DVD than there was from the actual encoded disk.

Denied the chance to watch what has become one of the most popular children’s movies in recent times, I never had the chance to catch ‘Minion fever’ (which is a little bit like scarlet fever, only more irritating and far more infectious to children).

Their appeal to children is obvious; like children, they fall over a lot, talk gibberish and are incapable of carrying out a full day’s work successfully. If it weren’t for the fact that they are animated characters whose frankly haphazard working practices and lack of communication skills are regarded with fondness and endearment, they would have been sacked for gross incompetence or been the cause of the wholly preventable death of either themselves or a work colleague.

Perplexingly, these yellow haemorrhoids have become

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increasingly popular amongst fully grown adults who have made the world aware of their ‘sense of humour’ (presumably frozen in stasis at the age of eight) by bombarding their Facebook posts’ with hi-la-rious, yet entirely unrelated quotes, embellished with a minion in a pink wig or something.

If, for some reason, you’ve read my previous ‘work’, you’ll be fully aware of my hatred for the long-established inspirational quote fraternity, endlessly posting emotionally manipulative, delusional nonsense dressed up as philosophy.

Well minion quotes don’t even try that hard; it’s your usual “You Don’t Have to be Mad to Work Here But it Helps” inoffensive axiom straight from the 1980’s, but with a badly compressed, low-res jpeg of a minion plastered into the corner for some inconceivable reason.

I wasn’t even that annoyed by them at first, just really, really confused by the concept. I mean, for it to be a quote, it has to have been said or written by someone at some time. These aren’t. They’re just anonymous idioms made up by a faceless nonentity, not even quotes from the movies! Why not just post the washing and ironing instructions for a men’s Polyester shirt with a picture of Virgil from Thunderbirds holding a feather duster? It would make about as much sense.

For Starters A surreal sense of anxiety in Erbil Off The Grid with Luke Coleman Our Man in Iraq It feels strange to be back. There have been some subtle shifts in life in Erbil during the two weeks I was back in England (bookended by overnights in Beirut on this occasion).

Dropping off the bacon, sausages and cheddar ordered by a friend, I noticed a whiteboard next to the front door. On a grid, the house mates’ names. Next to that “In/Out?” And then “Location” and “Est. Time Home”. I was going on to a house party, where the same arrangement greeted me at the door.

The street on the way, that passes the US consulate compound, has

been shut. There are extra guards.

More guns. Erbil is jumpy after an Islamic State-sponsored car bomb detonated about a kilometre from my house, rattling the windows, and our nerves, albeit temporarily. Two Turkish men, enjoying a regular Friday coffee date, were killed in the blast, and an acquaintance of mine was among the wounded.

But we can’t let that change who we are, and why we’re here. I’m making plans to do some reporting from the frontline – if anything, I feel a stronger need to bear witness, to keep the story on the morning pages. I understand it’s difficult to maintain interest in a country that

has for so long been a shit show.

But I’m grateful for the chance to express a little about a country I love dearly on this monthly page.

Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam....

A monthly rant by The Ocelot’s resident Grumpy Gruff The Goat - This month he’s a bit peeved with ‘spam’.

When Dante sat down and wrote the Inferno segment of The Divine Comedy in 1314 he would have had a field day filling his eighth circle of hell with the people behind online ‘spam’.

For those of you who don’t know, and it’s not exactly an everyday subject that gets brought up in this world of selfies and celebrity that we live in, the eighth circle of hell is the part given over to fraudsters. At the time, good ol’ Dante was writing about ancient myths and philosphers and men of lofty ideals who gave false counsel.

He was not talking about people selling you false hope that you might be able to increase your penis girth.

Nor was he talking about Nigerian princes who can only access their millions if you send them money now. Right this second. Go on.

Every time we turn on the internet, and this depends on your spam filters, you have to wade through an infinite amount of manure and bullshit before you actually reach any email that might actually be real - and not a fake one disguised as your bank needing you to fill in your account details right this second or the whole internet will explode.

The countless amounts of micro-misery each piece of spam causes in humanity is impossible to measure. Every piece of this filth that clogs up your computer is another bit of rotting detritus making your life that much greyer and full of despair.

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And no-one knows who they are. They are spambots.

Robots that are trained to throw rubbish and Viagra adverts non-stop at you because one person in every thousand might say yes making their ‘con’ a real thing. It is crime going on right in front of us every day that none of us can do anything about.

We just press delete. And move onto the next thing.

Not even thinking of the little old lady down the road who has just sent her pension money out to someone claiming to have become stranded in the Far East with no access to money unless you send them some right now.

And then there’s the ‘spam’ that carries viruses. You press one button and suddenly your whole system is flashing on and off like a police car.

Who does this? Why? Why does it even exist?

Spammers would have filled the Eighth Circle in no time.

In fact they would have over-populated hell so much that it would have ended up getting a virus and shutting down.

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For Starters The Ocelot’s gone and got itself a brand new website - and it rocks!

We like shiny new things. Doesn’t everyone?

Just lately The Ocelot has been going through just a few little changes.

It’s probably because the magazine is nine years old this month. Everyone knows how troublesome ninth birthdays can be.

Anyway, apart from a new look magazine, we’ve also gone and got ourselves a brand new website.

It wasn’t easy. These things never are.

First of all, we had to learn a whole new language.

Apparently there’s this thing called SEO and algorithms and making sure it’s all mobile friendly.

We also had to deal with people that we had never encountered before. Strange people called ‘web developers’. They talk funny. As if they’ve been living on the streets of South London and belong to a gang instead of being a man in their late twenties who knows more about drive-ins than drive-bys. According to these people everything’s ‘sick’. One even fist-bumped the editor at the end of a meeting. He thought he was just about to be hit.

Anyway they must have been pretty damn good at their jobs as the website they’ve created for us Ocelot peeps is pretty damn ‘sick’ and has some pretty rad functionality under the hood (if you don’t mind me stealing their vernacular).

So here’s what it’s got.

Events The whole website is centred upon events. It’s now your one-stop shop to finding out what’s going on and where.

Letting you know everything you need to know about where you should go and who you should see from gigs to theatres to comedians to art exhibitions. It’s pretty damn good.

It also gives people the option to submit their own events - which is pretty sweet as well.

We will also be highlighting the best events on our front page so you can just come on the website and see what takes your fancy.

News The other feature that our website will keep you up to date with is the local entertainment news whether it’s festival line-up announcements or letting you know that a new theatre show has just gone on sale. This is definitely the way to keep up to date with what’s going on in the world of local entertainment from music to comedy to theatre.

Blogs We also have several bloggers who’ll be entertaining

you and making you think on the site. Some will be funny, others will be thought-provoking but they all will be pretty damn interesting. We’ll also be putting our food and drink blogs up there from our resident foodie Dave Stewart.

Reviews We’ll also be chucking regular reviews up on the site so you can have a bit of guidance about the latest band, theatre piece or comedian.

Read the digital magazine Obviously you’ll be able to read the digitial magazine on the site. That goes without saying.

Advertising The new website also gives our advertisers the opportunity to reach new customers. It’s early days yet but even in its infancy the website is already attracting numbers like a thousand visitors a day - which is pretty damn good.

All in we’re quite excited by it. The website is SEO friendly meaning Google loves us and it’s also mobilefriendly meaning it appears on your tablets and phones with no problem at all. In fact it’s just a friendly website and we’re incredibly proud of it.

Thank you ‘web developer’ man. You are sick!

www.theocelot.co.uk 9

Film

Road Rage!

Are You Talkin’ To Me? A Film column by Jamie Hill Max is still mad. It might be 20 years since we’ve last seen him but he still hasn’t taken a chill pill.

He’s not a ‘bit peeved’ Max nor has he become ‘slightly miffed after stubbing his toe’ Max. No he’s still angry as hell. And he’s not going to take it anymore.

And he also likes blowing stuff up as much as he used to. Look at him in that picture. He loves blowing stuff up.

He’s doesn’t feel at home unless he’s surrounded by a lovely orange fireball and the stench of ignited gas fumes.

This time, in George Miller’s latest imagining Mad Max: Fury Road, he’s joined by someone equally as angry in the form of one-armed Charlize Theron who plays Furiosa - a woman trying to get a group of wife-slaves away from some evil big bad. And she’s just as tough as Max. Maybe even tougher as she manages to fight the good fight with just one arm.

You might have noticed that Max is no longer played

by Mel Gibson and has been replaced by Tom Hardy.

This comes after a terrible decade or so for Mel, in which he really did go a bit mad and started ranting at police officers and whatnot.

But, don’t worry, Max is still Max with Tom Hardy doing a great job of looking pretty damn angry for most of the movie.

It’s also still the world of Mad Max. There’s still loads

of leather. Loads of spiked up vehicles and motorbikes in a post-apocalyptic Oz that thrives on adrenaline and mohicans. And death and misery and more death and more misery.

For a non-stop thrill-ride of a film with more things blowing up than at a hot air balloon convention, it’s actually got a lot more to say than you think. You could say that, despite its excellent visceral violence, it’s pretty thoughtful and at times even beautiful.

And that’s the most surprising thing about this latest Max incarnation. It does the action sequences brilliantly.

Choregraphed like ballet squeezing the most out of every vehicular set-piece. But the fact that you end up caring and feeling for these characters that you thought would just be one-dimensional against the chaotic backdrop of the post-apocalypse is the biggest masterstroke of all. It also quite cleverly shoves in your face some issues that’ll make you think about the environment and female empowerment without you even noticing. Explosions at the same time as expanding your mind. Good stuff.

If you want one-dimensional characterisation but excellent vehicular mayhem stick with your Fast and Furious franchise but if you want a bit of intelligent film-making that still presses all the buttons for adrenaline fuelled action then Max is very much your man.

Let’s hope that Max doesn’t take such a long holiday in between films next time.

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Theatre

Wes Bull’s Choose Your Own Adventure – A Theatrical Review

By Ed Dyer This has perhaps been the hardest review I have ever had to write, of any kind. In fact, I watched the show several weeks ago, and it has taken this long for me to be confident enough in what I thought of it to feel able to start typing.

But then, when a group of people such as writer Wes Bull (more on him in a moment) and collaborating lead actor Peter Hynds (TS Theatre) are involved, you don’t expect a generic, bland, easy to review production and a nice smooth ride.

Writer Wes Bull is in reality Shaun Buswell, a man famed (at least in my neighbourhood) for his trampy beard, vast musical talent (check out the band Buswell) and love of ridiculous personal challenges (usually musical – see The Underground Orchestra for an example). Shaun has now turned to theatre, seeking to challenge himself and his audience through a new medium; a challenge I can now testify he has thrown himself into with some gusto and relish.

This shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone familiar with earlier works such as the long run of shows he performed as Jurgen Milkwolff, a legendary project that was part musical, part comedic, part theatrical, part pornographic and wholly insane.

It is from these same dark corners of his imagination that this work has sprung. Ignore the title, it has little to do with the show, in fact, much of the pre-show promotion and chatter was smokescreen and ruse, as the team took great delight in misdirecting and essentially saying nothing at all about the production. Clever, as one of the stated aims from the very first moments was to challenge the audience’s perceptions, morals and comfort.

The production is part film, part live action, and once we had moved on from the frankly scary sight of Shaun’s disembodied head floating around a stark, white background things started in very familiar territory with some Milkwolff video clips. This served as something of a warm up for what was to follow, a warm up in the sense it began to reconfigure our brains into a state they would

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Shaun Buswell looking mean as his alter ego Wes Bull - which they’re planning to take to the Edinburgh Fringe

possibly accept what was to come next; a boundary pushing examination of perversion, shock, hypocrisy, decency, twisted humour and societal taboos, where your expectations were screwed up, kicked around and slam dunked into the nearest bin. To be fair, Shaun took pains in the opening to warn us, to ensure we were comfortable with what we were going to bear witness to. Or was that merely another way of creating presumption?

I really don’t want to give much more away; you really need to go into this experience with as few facts as possible so you can build up your own, wildly inaccurate expectations. If I gave you some of the keywords I noted down, you would lose out on a whole level of shock and hideous revelation, and I would hate to rob you of that. However, the final questions I noted, in heavy type, perhaps start to give you an idea of what lies in wait: “Has it started? Has it ended? Is this just a trick on us?

CONFUSION!” This is theatre as a challenge, a challenge to you the audience, to the writers and actors and to the theatre establishment. It asks more questions than it provides answers, and leaves you sickened, bewildered and yet, weirdly, rather euphoric. Perhaps it is our innate survival sense responsible for that last feeling, but regardless, don’t take your Granny to this. https://gigmonkeyblog.wordpress.com

Theatre

Avenue Q

Adult puppet musical Avenue Q is coming to Swindon’s Wyvern Theatre from Tuesday July 14 to Saturday July 18. Dave Stewart caught up with the puppets for a chat. (pictures by Richard Wintle) So tell me about Avenue Q? Kate Monster: Avenue Q is a pretty downbeat neighbourhood on the outskirts of New York. It’s full of lots of quirky characters who can’t afford to live anywhere else!

Princeton: I’ve just moved here, and it’s great so far. Gary Coleman is the superintendent, how about that?!

Trekkie Monster: Avenue Q nice place for Monster like Trekkie to live. Nice friendly peoples!

How long have you lived here? What brought you here?

Kate Monster: I’ve lived here a few years now. I’m a kindergarten teacher, and with the crummy salary I can’t really afford anything else. My boss Mrs Thistletwat won’t give me a pay rise so I think I’ll be here for a little while longer!

Princeton: I’m the newest resident on the street, so I’m still settling in. I’ve just graduated and I came here to start my life in the real world. So far the real world sucks, but I guess you can’t be a student forever!

Trekkie Monster: Trekkie live here many many years now.

Trekkie buy apartment after making good dollar on stocks.

In volatile market, only stable investment is porn!

Are you excited about visiting Swindon?

Kate Monster: Oh sure, I’m super excited! We’re here for a whole week in July, so hopefully the weather will be nice and we’ll get chance to go out and explore.

Princeton: I hear there’s an Air Tattoo on whilst we’re in Swindon, which is super exciting!

Trekkie Monster: Are there nice gentleman’s clubs for Trekkie to visit?

The show’s been a roaring success, winning Tony awards all over the place. How has fame changed you? Do you get recognised?

Kate Monster: I’m kinda shy really, so I’m determined to keep my feet on the ground and not get a big head!

Although Kevin Spacey tweeted me the other day, that was kinda cool!

Princeton: Sometimes people ask me for my autograph.

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But then I realise they think I’m Bert from Sesame Street.

I guess we do look kinda similar, so I play along to be polite!

Trekkie Monster: Trekkie have groupies now! Trekkie happy to greet his adoring public, and make new pretty lady friends!

Do you find that you have a tendency to burst into song at a moment’s notice?

Kate Monster: Of course, liiiife is a muuuuusical! *ahem*.

Princeton: I try to keep the urge under control, it makes it kinda hard to get a job!

Trekkie Monster: Trekkie no sing too well. Trekkie more into rap.

Kate Monster – what advice would you give to aspiring young Kindergarten teachers?

Kate Monster: I would say, dream big! At the moment I’m a Kindergarten teacher, but my true ambition is to open a school especially for Monsters like me.

Princeton – What advice would you give to young graduates seeking a purpose in life?

Princeton: Don’t give up! It’s a rocky road, and things don’t always go as you plan. Some people have known their purpose their whole life, some people never find their purpose, but you’ve gotta keep looking! And who knows what you will find along the way.

Kate – Amongst your fellow cast members, who is the biggest diva backstage?

Kate Monster: Well, that’s not difficult – Lucy the Slut.

Diva is her second name, I’m just glad I don’t have to share a dressing room with her!

Do you think there will ever be an Avenue Q sequel or even a movie?

Kate Monster: Ooh, that would be fun!

Princeton: A sequel! We could call it… Avenue R! No…?

Trekkie Monster: I think movie good idea, but only if Trekkie played by Animal from The Muppets. He my idol!

Theatre A chat with the puppeteers on the unique challenges of Avenue Q From left Stephen Arden (Trekkie Monster); Richard Lowe (Princeton) and Sarah Harlington (Kate Monster)

Sarah Harlington (Kate Monster): Avenue Q is like no other musical out there. It’s very, very funny, very naughty (in parts!) but it’s also got a really lovely story and a great heart to it. In the show I play Kate Monster as well as Lucy the Slut – which is a challenge as there are scenes where both characters are on stage at the same time having arguments! So I’ll have Kate on one hand, and there’ll be another puppeteer holding Lucy. I will speak for both –it’s really difficult, and I have to really concentrate as the voices are different for each character. [puts on Kate Monster’s high-pitched voice] ‘Because Kate Monster speaks really high up here!’ [switches to a deep sultry tone] while ‘Lucy the Slut speaks down here like this…’. I also have to make sure I’m in sync with the puppet’s mouth movements.

Had you done any puppeteering before Avenue Q? No, not at all…puppeteering is completely new to me, and I honestly had no idea whether I’d be any good, but I tried it out, and I got the job!

There’s a very ‘adult’ part of the show [a puppet sex scene] which, funny as it is, must be incredibly difficult for the actors to keep a straight face? [laughs] Yeeah… At first it’s so strange because it’s probably one of the hardest puppeteering moments in the show, and when we were learning it of course it’s so funny, and we had mirrors in front of us the whole time in rehearsal, and the puppets are naked and have little furry boobs, and not only that but because it’s so difficult to co-ordinate the moves between my puppet and Princeton, you find yourself concentrating really hard!

Favourite Song of the Show?: A song I get to do with Princeton [as Kate] called ‘Everyone’s a Little Bit Racist’, it’s one of those songs where having a puppet on your arm allows you to say things you probably couldn’t say if it wasn’t there!

Richard Lowe (Princeton): Although I live in North London now, I’m originally from Cirencester so it’s great to be back in this part of the country! Avenue Q follows mainly Princeton [who Richard plays] who, just after graduating college, rents a house on Avenue Q and is basically trying to find his purpose.

Tell us more about the technical side of the puppeteering itself?

Well – in terms of the lip synching, it’s not with every word, but every syllable, and, if you imagine your hand inside a puppet’s head, you have to make sure you don’t move the top of the puppet’s head when you’re lipsynching, you have to just try and move the ‘jaw’ down with your thumb, so it takes some getting used to! And aside from the moving jaw, the puppets faces are static – they don’t blink or frown or anything – so it’s our job to create their emotion, so it helps that the audience can also see the puppeteers mirror the puppet’s emotions throughout the show.

Favourite Song of the Show?: I think my favourite to perform is probably Rod’s song ‘My Girlfriend who lives in Canada’.

Stephen Arden: (Trekkie Monster) Tell us about Trekkie Monster?

Well, he’s a sort of cross between Cookie Monster and The Grouch. Trekkie is a large glove puppet –one of the more complex ones in the show, so it requires a couple of us to operate. So every move we do is choreographed.

Every step, every gesture, everything. It took about a month of rehearsal to get used to it.

Favourite Song of the Show?: Well, Trekkie’s got one telling you what the internet is for and, er, -is this a family magazine? – no, OK, well he tells us the internet is for porn, and that song usually gets some of the biggest laughs of the night.

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Theatre List Monday June 1 to Saturday June 6 DRAMA - The History Boys 7:30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon Friday June 5 to Sunday July 12 ART EXHIBITION - Travel Photographer of the Year Lacock Abbey Monday June 8 to Saturday June 13 COMEDY DRAMA - Peter Pan Goes Wrong 7:30pm -Wyvern Theatre, Swindon Tuesday June 9 DRAMA - Perchance to Dream 3pm & 7pm - Salisbury Playhouse FILM - New College Film Club presents The Lego Movie 7pm - Phoenix Theatre, Swindon Friday June 12 and Saturday June 13 BEER FESTIVAL - Salisbury Beerex Salisbury Arts Centre Saturday June 13 DRAMA - Murder Mystery Dinner – The Great British Bump Off 7:30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon CABARET - NoFit State Circus Open House 11am - Northbrook Street, Newbury Sunday June 14 MUSICAL - That’ll Be The Day

7:30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon Monday June 15 TALKS - Magna Carta Now with Edward Fox 2pm - Salisbury Playhouse Wednesday June 17 to Saturday June 20 DRAMA - Western Players present Theft 7:30pm - Swindon Arts Centre Thursday June 18 COMEDY DRAMA - Shaun of the Dead live 7:30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon Saturday June 20 to Sunday June 21 DRAMA - Clause 39 7pm - Salisbury Cathedral Saturday June 20 DANCE - Teresa’s School of Dance Rhythm of the Night 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon

Tuesday June 23 DRAMA - Every Brilliant Thing 8pm - Salisbury Arts Centre Wednesday June 24 to Saturday June 27 MUSICAL - Sunset Boulevard with Ray Dance & Judith Sharp 7:30 pm - Swindon Arts Centre Thursday June 25 COMEDY DRAMA - Faulty Towers - The Dining Experience 7:30pm -Wyvern Theatre Restaurant, Swindon Saturday June 27 COMEDY DRAMA - Faulty Towers - The Dining Experience 7pm -Bear Hotel, Devizes Sunday June 28 FAMILY - Stick Man by Julia Donaldson 1:30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon

Sunday June 21 DANCE - Miss Kel’s Dance Academy 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon

Tuesday June 30 to Saturday July 4 DRAMA - Mrs Warren’s Profession 7.30pm Salisbury Playhouse

Monday June 22 DANCE - Lydiard Park Academy Dance Extravaganza 7pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon

Tuesday June 30

Tuesday June 23 to Saturday June 27 DRAMA - Romeo and Juliet 7.30pm - Salisbury Playhouse

TALKS - Lucy Worsley 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon

FILM - New College Film Club presents Lucy 7pm - Phoenix Theatre, Swindon

Mrs Warren’s Profession “The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can’t find them, make them.”

Back when it was written in 1894 the play Mrs Warren’s Profession by Bernard Shaw caused a massive scandal.

It wasn’t even allowed to be performed publicly for another 30 years. Now, that’s a long time.

Imagine having to wait that long to watch Fifty Shades of Grey. You would have been chomping at the bit (which coincidentally is a scene from the film).

This new version of the ground-breaking play Mrs Warren’s Profession is directed by Paul Milton & Designed

by Dawn Allsopp.

Sue Holderness (Only Fools and Horses, The Green Green Grass) stars as Mrs Warren alongside Christopher Timothy (All Creatures Great and Small, Doctors, Dial M for Murder).

Young Cambridge graduate Vivie Warren is horrified to learn that her education and luxurious lifestyle have been financed by her mother’s career in the world’s oldest profession.

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Mrs Warren’s Profession - a play so shocking that it still causes heart palpitations in any living Victorians

Bernard Shaw’s period drama is full of insight and humane understanding, ranking as one of his masterpieces alongside Pygmalion and Saint Joan.

This sumptuous adaptation is a touring production from Cheltenham’s Everyman Theatre and it is advised that you have to be over 14 years old to see it.

It takes place at Salisbury Playhouse from Tuesday June 30 to Saturday July 4.

For tickets visit the theatre website at www. salisburyplayhouse.com

Theatre

Joseph - a Technicolour review

By Anita Jaynes On Tuesday May 19, I ventured to Swindon’s Wyvern Theatre for the opening night of Bill Kenwright’s recordbreaking production of Tim Rice and Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat.

The production includes X Factor finalists Lloyd Daniels from the 2009 series and Amelia Lily who finished third in the 2011 show.

As an 80s child I excitedly remember taking my seat to see Jason Donovan star in the lead of the production in 1991, which really put the musical in the spotlight.

The new all singing-all dancing production visiting Swindon doesn’t fail to deliver the feel-good atmosphere of the original and the star-studded cast definitely hit the high notes too. Lloyd Daniels plays the lead role of Joseph and Amelia Lily has the important part of narrator. Former Eastenders actor Matt Lapinskas joins them as the Elvis inspired Pharaoh and Henry Metcalfe doubles up as Jacob (Joseph’s father) and Potiphar.

The musical tells the story of Joseph, the 12th son of Jacob, who is sold as a slave by his brothers to the Ishmalites who take him to Egypt where he is bought by millionaire Potiphar. It’s in Potiphar’s care that the story transpires and Joseph’s talent for reading people’s dreams and seeing into the future unveils.

Joseph is known for its impressive stage show. This adaptation certainly doesn’t let the side down, with the clever use of a smaller theatre. Humour is injected when

Mrs Warren’s Profession - a play so shocking that it still causes heart palpitations in any living Victorians

inflatable sheep come to the stage and a Harley Davison inspired bike is used as Joseph’s golden throne.

There are some energetic dance routines from Joseph’s brothers that keep the feel-good mood of the show moving and it is the clarity of the actor’s vocals that really impresses. Lloyd Daniels delivers vocals with real clarity and depth of tone and Amelia Lily’s voice is sweet and crisp making her perfect for the storytelling role. The only thing I would have changed for Amelia Lily was her very unflattering jumpsuit, I was hoping for a costume change (for her sake not mine), but sadly she stuck with the damn thing throughout.

However, it was the finale that really did it for me wwwith re-mixes of the musical’s hits re-mastered into high-paced versions echoing the style of the decades rave music. All in all a great show and one to leave you walking out of the theatre with a spring in your step.

Stick Man at The Wyvern From the book by Julia Donaldson, which was Illustrated

by Axel Scheffler, the creators of The Gruffalo, comes a fantastick show for all branches of the family tree.

With that many puns you’ve probably already guessed that I’m talking about Stick Man which is coming to the Wyvern Theare in Swindon on Sunday June 28 at 1.30pm.

We love Julia Donaldson here at The Ocelot - the editor is now raising his third child by reading them her books.

The Gruffalo is everyone’s favourite but The Snail and the Whale, Room on the Broom, A Squash and a Squeeze are also well worn. They are books full of heart and humour and Stick Man is no exception as we follow the antics of Stick Man on a journey to get back to his family through different seasons.

The Wyvern show follows a smash hit West End season and has been produced by Scamp Theatre.

Touching, funny and utterly original, this award-winning production features a trio of top actors and is packed full of puppetry, songs, live music and funky moves.

What’s brown and Sticky?

Stick Man! (who will be coming to the Wyvern in June!)

Guarantees more fun than you can shake a stick at!

Most suitable for children aged 3+ with their friends and families Ticketrs cost £12 and can be bought from the website at www.swindontheatre.co.uk

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Comedy List Monday June 1 The Ocelot Comedy Night 8pm - The Vic, Swindon Wednesday June 3 Michael McIntyre – Work In Progress 8pm - City Hall, Salisbury Friday June 5 Rich Hall – 3:10 to Humour

8pm - City Hall, Salisbury Thursday June 11 Katherine Ryan: Glam Role Model 8pm - Swindon Arts Centre Friday June 12 Jasper Carrott’s Stand up & Rock with The Bev Bevan Band 7:30pm - City Hall, Salisbury

Tuesday June 16 Ruby Wax - Sane New World 7:30pm -Wyvern Theatre, Swindon Tuesday June 23 to Wednesday June 24 Jasper Carrott’s Stand up & Rock with The Bev Bevan Band 7:30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Salisbury

Striking it Rich with laughter If you fancy getting your chops around some pretty damn good comedy this month - Rich Hall is definitely your man when he comes to Salisbury’s City Hall on Friday June 5 for his new show 3:10 to Humour.

Rich Hall is the star of the critically acclaimed BBC4 documentaries ‘Rich Hall’s Continental Drifters’, ‘Rich Hall’s The Dirty South’’ and ‘How The West Was Lost’.

Rich’s critically acclaimed grouchy, deadpan style has established him as a master of absurdist irony and the king of rapid-fire wit. The award-winning Montana native renowned for his expertly crafted tirades and quick fire banter with audiences and delightful musical sequences saddles up and hitches his wagon to come to Salisbury.

This is a comedian whose plain spoken growling indignation and acerbic observations have an unerring talent for hitting his targets with precision every time, leaving his audience hanging on every word winning him fans all over the globe. He has been described as a transatlantic messenger lampooning each country he visits with his common sense, and he is no less harsh to his homeland. For tickets visit www.cityhallsalisbury.co.uk

“If I was a Rich man!” - I could do far worse than being Rich Hall who is coming to Salisbury’s City Hall on Friday June 5

The Ocelot Comedy Night is a laugh, right?

The Ocelot Comedy Night is Swindon’s longest and greatest running comedy night bringing you the best National and the occasional International Stand- Up Comics.

It’s always very busy and the calibre of the comedians we get in is pretty damn good.

It’s definitely good value for money costing nothing to get in.

This month’s takes place on Monday June 1 at The Vic in Swindon and we’ve got Danny Buckler headlining.

Danny is a magician at heart. A comedy magician if you will. He’ll definitely make a smile appear on your face anyway.

He’s joined by opener Thom Tuck and compere Howard Smith. The two middle open spots this month are Ian Miller and Ben Thurston.

The doors open at 8pm with the comedians on at 9pm.

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Comedy magician Danny Buckler comes to The Ocelot Comedy Night

Festivals

Cornbury!

Cornbury Music Festival Friday July 10 to Sunday July 12 www.cornburyfestival.com The Cornbury Music Festival is one-of-a-kind: a lovingly crafted, top notch, very English open air party, tailormade for the whole family.

Like the best of England, The Cornbury Music Festival is civilised, charming and irresistible – a homespun melting pot where music-lovers share pies and a glass of champagne with superstars, toffs, rockers, crooners, Morris dancers, farmers, urbanites, fashionistas, gourmet chefs and little old ladies who make exceptional cakes.

And the line-up this year is pretty damn good. How’s Tom Jones grab you?

The Fratellis? Razorlight?

A spot of Lulu? Billy Ocean?

It’s a top-notch line-up that you can’t really argue with.

At The Cornbury Music Festival there is something for everyone – an eclectic mix of music across 4 stages, the Berk’s Nest Comedy Emporium, the brilliant Festival of Words hosted by QI and Unbound, a magical children’s area with a complete programme of workshops, gourmet festival caterers with a huge choice of culinary delights, great coffee and an emerging talent stage from festival friends Caffe Nero, an extensive range of arts and crafts stalls, roaming entertainers who never fail to stop you in your tracks, a fun-filled fairground, a relaxing therapy

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and massage zone, the fabulous Disco Shed for those who want to dance their socks off, an exclusive VIP area and beautiful campsites nestled in the estate’s rolling hills.

In short, The Cornbury Music Festival represents classic summer entertainment for a friendly crowd from all walks of life. A country fair with a rock ‘n’ roll twist; a farmers’ market with a dancefloor; a local carnival with a classic contemporary soundtrack.

So here’s the line-up...

On the Friday there’s Joel Rafael, Police Dog Hogan, Moulettes, The James Hunter Six, Larkin Poe, Chas & Dave, The Fratellis and Razorlight. The comedy headliner that night will be Aisling Bea. On the Saturday there’s loads going on. Lower down the bill there’s Jess and the Bandits, Raintown, Stargazer, Striking Matches, Hank Wangford, The Shires, Ward Thomas and Paper Aeroplanes. Then on Saturday night it really kicks off with Lulu, Martha Reeves & The Vandellas, Blue and Tom Jones. Saturday’s comedy headliner is Joe Lycett.

On the Sunday there’s The Fishwives Choir, Rothwell, Chastity Brown, Head North, Slim Chance, CC Smugglers, The Harbour, Stax, Only The Young, Joanne Shaw Taylor, The Trevor Horn Band, Jack Sovoretti, Felice Brothers, Billy Ocean and Rodger Hodgson (formerly of Supertramp).

Sunday’s comedy headline will be Katherine Ryan.

Tickets are available from www.cornburyfestival.com

Festivals

The Fratellis will be joining Razorlight on the Friday night

When the Going Gets Tough The Tough Get Going to Cornbury if Billy Ocean has anything to do with it

Tom Jones will be taking a break from looking a bit bewildered on The Voice for Cornbury

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Festival List Wednesday June 3 to Sunday June 21 Devizes Festival Venues across Devizes Saturday June 6 Oxford Pride Oxford Castle Quarter from midday Gay Pride carnival and parade followed by after-party Molly Gay Night at Modern Art Oxford Calnefest Calne Rec from miday featuring Dodgy + All Ears Avow + Rewire The Machine + SN Dubstation + Soulside + The Chaos Brother + The Newbolds Froxfield Beer and Music Festival The Green - A fun family day out Friday June 12 to Saturday June 13 Wallingford Blues and Beer Festival The Regal Centre featuring rmadillo Blues, Ben Poole, Chantel McGregor, Dr Feelgood, Howlin’ Mat, Laurence Jones, Matt Woosey, Stomp & Holler and The

Vincent White Band Friday June 19 to Saturday June 20 Rugfest Wallingford Sports Park, Wallingford featruring Fleur Stevenson, Flight Brigade, Hope and Glory, Land of the Giants, Normanton Street, Quadrophobe, RSVP, Rugfest, The Christians, The Mojo Slide, The Novatones, The Original Rabbit Foot Spasm Band, The Revue, Unusual Suspects and Will and the People.

Beacon Festival Watlington Hill Farm, Watlington Hill, Watlington OX49 5HS featuring Flash, Goring Unplugged, Gun Hill Riffs, Harry Quinn, Innes, Kamikaze Test Pilots, Rustyshackle, The First Thursday Music Club and U2 Tribe

Blokefest Bruce Arms, Easton Rd, Easton Royal, Pewsey - A festival for blokes who like singing Saturday June 20 Radford Mill Festival of Rhythm and Blues Radford Mill Farm featuring Built for Comfort, Connor the Piano Man, Innes Sibun Band, Luke Doherty Band, Mike Hoddinott’s Blues All Stars, Otis Mack and The Tubby Bluesters, Radford Mill Festival of Rhythm and Blues, The Idle Hands, and The Pete Gage Band.

Friday June 26 to Saturday July 11 Hungerford Community Arts Festival Venues across Hungerford

Friday June 19 to Sunday June 21 Tandem Festival Hill End Outdoor Education Centre from midday to 5pm

Pewsey Music Festival’s looking good!

The August List hope that Pewsey Music Festival will be drier than the last festival that they performed at!

Pewsey Music Festival 2015 is on Saturday August 8, in Cooper’s Field, Pewsey, Wiltshire, from 12 noon to midnight.

This year’s they’re welcoming back Wiltshire vocalist and guitarist Jon Amor, headlining with his band. Jon has previously appeared at Pewsey on four occasions. He is also a founder member of The Hoax whose drummer Mark Barrett will be joining him at Pewsey.

Other confirmed acts so far include reggae/ska band The Erin Bardwell Collective; alternative rock group Invisible Vegas; The Showhawk Duo – who have dazzled audiences worldwide with their spectacular superfast guitar repertoire; The August List – “backwards country/ porch folk with a rock ’n’ roll attitude”; and renowned Yes tribute act Fragile, featuring Claire Hamill on vocals –

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who has worked with bands as diverse as Procol Harum, Jethro Tull and Gary Numan, to name a few.

Pewsey Music Festival was established in 2007 to provide a day of diverse music at an affordable price whilst supporting the following local charities: The Bruce Trust, Pewsey Carnival and The Richmond Fellowship (Wiltshire Outreach).

There will be two stages, children’s entertainment including a magician, clown and inflatables, food stalls and a bar with real ales. Any businesses or individuals interested in being registered in the PMF 100 Club can find out more by emailing info@pewseymusicfestival.org Tickets are available via the website and the festival’s Facebook fan page. £5 in advance, £10 on the day.

Children under 12 free. www.pewseymusicfestival.org

This is New Music

Discovering the acts of tomorrow with our new music specialist Mark Muggeridge

This is... Keston Cobblers Club

This is... Basheba

It’s only eleven months since Basheba Describing themselves as one band who sing, play and create was mentioned here, but her progress of Britain’s best kept secrets, in harmony. Not to be outdone since then and her current single, Devonshire based five­-piece Keston by artists with bigger budgets High n’ Dry on YOB records justifies Cobblers Club are on the brink of the band have additionally her reappearance on this page. being a secret no longer it seems. collaborated with experienced The blend of musical influences from This distinctly British folk­pop act festival organiser Lee Denny to her childhood along with inspiration have used constant touring and create a three­day album launch of her mother’s Bajan roots gives a very hands on approach to festival called Wildfire which is on Basheba’s blend of R&B, gospel, releasing their music to build a the cusp of selling out. Beyond this and blues a unique twist. Online and substantial fan base over the last they’re already booked to play radio platforms such as SBTV, AKA, couple of years. Led by songwriting numerous major summer festivals, Flava, MTV Base and Kiss FM have siblings Matthew and Julia Lowe there’s two more singles already all logically supported this star on the KCC are currently wowing fans chosen, and they’re currently rise but I’m sure that before very long with their new album Wildfire. It’s planning a full UK headline tour for at all she will find a more mainstream an album which as the album’s the Autumn. Could this five-­piece be audience and you’ll be picking up name suggests, flickers and leaps your new favourite folk­pop group? tastemaker points for having known in unexpected directions but at its Key Tracks: Laws and Win Again. about the stylish singer before the core is the genuine warmth of a KestonCobblersClub.com crowd arrived. She’s currently working on a debut album due out towards the end of the year and considering that this young singer has already had considerable support from BBC Introducing and has been an Artist of the Week on Xfm I expect to see her on long lists for things like the BBC Sound Of poll in December. Key Track: High N’ Dry. This is... Vant bashebaofficial.com Vant have actually been around for a couple of years Kinks but in truth I hear something more contemporary. now, mainly as a solo project for frontman Matty Vant.

Before he left Radio 1, Zane Lowe certainly heard However a chance meeting with Swedish drummer Martin something in the boys music because he gave them Next Söderin led to the latter moving to the UK on the strength Hype status and played their current single Parasite three of Vant’s songwriting. The duo were soon on the hunt for times in one show. Need more style comparisons to get an cast members of the band line­up and having found Billy idea of what Vant are about? Well they’ve been touring Morris, a young kid from a small hippy commune just with Royal Blood, The Bohicas and Hinds as a support. outside of Swansea who plays bass and lead guitarist Watch out for these new era rockers as they head to all Henry Eastham, who was born and bred in Blackpool, three editions of the Dot to Dot festival and dates beyond.

Vant were on a mission. Vant are going to get name Key Tracks: Parasite and Do You Know Me. checked stylistically with bands like The Pixies and The WeAreVant.com

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Groovers on Manouevres

Dave Franklin is our man about town when it comes to the Swindon music scene. This month he discovers a musical gem.

Kid Calico and The Astral Planes (pictured at a different night at The Vic and not The Beehive for those of you who are easily confused.)

By Dave Franklin It’s all to easy to view music purely as a big, commercial business, especially when people are mortgaging their houses for festival tickets and bands are dropped from labels for not selling the required 2 million albums.

A wonderful reminder of the purity of the art came at The Beehive recently when a last minute flight delay left the local pick up band without their featured artist. But the show must go on, so a few hurried phone calls later, extra musicians added and a new line up was convened to snatch musical victory from the jaws of airline-induced defeat. And the results were not only stunning but served as a reminder of what live music is really all about.

The night began with the duo of David Corrigan and Emily Sykes and a combination of lilting acoustic folksiness and beautifully complimentary harmonies. Jim Blair took the stage next, his funky slide blues augmented by rhythm section and piano and who appeared to be jamming

along, a fact not given away by their playing, which was stunning, but by the hushed chats, nodded cues and laughter whilst weaving their wonderfully improvised creations. I’m not sure who was having more fun, the audience or the band themselves.

The headline act was David Corrigan’s new musical vehicle, Kid Calico and The Astral Ponies, a psychedelic take on the rustic Americana you normally associate him with. The band is something of a local super group, though they would be too modest to use that term themselves, but the set was nothing short of brilliant. The songs were infectious and groove driven but with enough leftfield quirks and originality to really make their mark.

And at the heart of everything was the love of music, a bunch of talented musicians coming together to jam, experiment, entertain and revel in each other’s company.

To be honest I don’t think they even cared if there was an audience there or not.

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Review

Blur ‘whip’ it into shape

By Jamie Hill Blur - The Magic Whip - A Review I’ve always been a big Blur fan. And since Think Tank 12 years ago, there’s been a massive Blur shaped hole in my life.

Okay. We’ve had Blur-lite in the form of The Gorillaz plus various solo incarnations by Damon and Graham and I’ve even eaten some of Alex James’s cheese. Urm and whatever Dave Rowntree has been up to. But it wasn’t filling the gap. Not even the cheese. I always felt that it wasn’t true Blur. Not ‘Great Escape’ Blur or ‘13’ Blur.

So now we have their new album. The Magic Whip.

I’ve got to admit it was pretty nerve-wracking playing it for the first time as so many artists make their comeback and never fulfil the glories of yesteryear and become a mere shadow of their former selves.

I’m pleased to say this is not the case with Blur. If this review comes across as a bit of a love letter I’m sorry. But

I genuinely have fallen in love with The Magic Whip.

From the opening refrains of Lonesome Street you know you are in proper Blur land. It feels the same. It has that same energy and raw power.

It’s just as rewarding as previous albums. With new surprises on every listen. There’s beauty in the form of issue-based There Are Too May Of Us, New World Towers, My Terracotta Heart and Pyongyang and prog weirdness in tracks like Thought I Was A Spaceman and Mirrorball.

There’s even the odd goofball antics from The Country House days with Ice Cream Man - which is already a favourite of my children (and mine).

My personal listen though is Ong Ong. I can’t get enough of it. I could just listen to it for days. It makes me smile every time I play it. Not since Tender have I loved a song so much.

Blur have made the wait very worthwhile. Please don’t go away again. I don’t know if I could cope without you.

From the left: Alex James, Damon Albarn, Graham Coxon and urm... the other one! (Dave Rowntree!)

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Gig Monkey Gig Monkey, AKA Ed Dyer, is a primate on a mission to discover as much quality original music as possible. Send your reviews to ed@secretchordrecords.com

Ship happens to Colour The Atlas

For anyone who appreciates new and original local music, the Swindon Shuffle is the must see event of the year.

The last few years have seen the Shuffle occupy a slot in early August, but for 2015, thanks to a partnership with the Academy Of Music and Sound, things will all be happening from the 14th to the 19th July! As the event is a celebration of grassroots music, and has a desire to nurture the musical talent of tomorrow, this is a very natural partnership, and one that will see young musicians and technicians from the college getting involved both as performers and in support roles in a great introduction to the industry (maybe not the most professional of introductions judging by previous experience, but it will certainly be an education for them).

This year, The Shuffle has slimmed down somewhat, in reflection of the current original music scene, and possibly in anticipation of events at what will be the festivals 10th year in 2016, where surely all stops have to be pulled out?

Therefore, venue wise the stalwarts of the original music scene, The Victoria and the Beehive will be the cornerstones of the event, hosting music on the Thursday and Friday, and The Saturday and Sunday respectively.

They are joined by Shuffle upstarts The Castle (in their 3rd year), for the Friday and Saturday, Baila Coffee & Vinyl throughout the weekend and The Central Library on the Saturday (both in their 2nd year of involvement).

Everything will be kicking off on the Wednesday at The Roaring Donkey (also in its 2nd year).

But who is playing I hear you ask? Well, as is tradition not all of the line-up has been confirmed yet, but so far on the Thursday night at The Vic you can catch the high-octane Foo’s-esque rock of A Way With Words the hardest working band in Swindon when it comes to promotion. They will be supported by drum & bass punk

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Everybody is Shuffling! overlords 2 Sick Monkeys, pop-punk tech rockers All Ears Avow and 2 piece blues rockers The Harlers.

Friday at The Vic will see some hazy, reverb soaked dream-pop from Colour the Atlas alongside the slick indie-pop of Theo Altieri, the awkward noise-pop of Super Squarecloud and, opening proceedings are young band Sahara Heights whose brand of indie-pop is wise beyond their years. Joining Swindon’s finest that night are Bristolians Cursor Major, an 80’s pop influenced indie band with a neat line in catchy melodies.

The Castle line up on the Friday is headed by those masters of Rhythm ‘n’ Booze, the Hamsters From Hell who you can tell, just by looking at them, know how to party!

Joining them is the band formerly known as Coasters - all angsty rock anthems with punk undertones. The Saturday features Swindon’s foremost exponents of upbeat ska and funk rhythms, SN Dubstation, another band who knows how to get a serious party started. Alongside them you will find the indie-anthems of Yves and an acoustic outing from songwriter extraordinaire Plummie Racket, whose tales of life in Swindon are bittersweet but often hilarious.

So far The Beehive line-up has been kept fairly closely under-wraps, but I can reveal that following their triumphant closing of the festival (and the pub) last year, The Shudders will again be gracing proceedings with their country and Americana sounds, where they will be playing alongside the intelligent folk music of Mr Love & Justice.

Even with that little lot, you have a damn fine musical event happening, but with a stack more talent to be revealed it is looking like The Swindon Shuffle 2015 is going to be a classic. And with all venues free entry (there will be collections towards Goldenhar UK, The Shuffle’s chosen charity) you have absolutely no excuse not to get down and check out what amazing music is right on your doorstep.

Gig Monkey

Gig Monkey’s slightly small song selection Slim pickings this month I am afraid in terms of numbers. But two great records did make it in, and oddly generated almost opposite opinions in me. Come on bands; get your stuff into me at the usual address!

Go On, Do It, Jump – January Record of the month OK, a bit late reviewing this as it is June. But shit happens, so I’ll quietly deal with it and review it now. The only other time I have written about this band was as part of a live review almost 2 years ago, and I was not massively impressed by them, I felt the band’s name was the most impressive thing about them at the time and I felt they needed to work on the songs and up the energy. Well full credit to them, they appear to have been working rather hard, as they have done just that; this is a belter of a collection of contemporary pop- rock tunes that border on arms aloft anthemic status There are obvious nods to classic late 80’s indie rock with swirls of guitars and staccato beats that motor along very nicely and are layered with plenty of pop punk energy and drive. This underpins some slick and hummable melodies, and it is these vocal melodies, their engaging lyrics and the crystal singing of Dave Thompson that are the driving force of the material, the part that really stays with you after listening.

The whole thing just glues together very well, and feels very complete. As I said in my earlier review, all the ingredients were always there, but this time the recipe is spot on and damn tasty too. I am really not sure what they have been taking in the last 2 years, but I wish I had some, and that more bands would get some…

A Way With Words – Reflections Up to now my only contact with A Way With Words has been as a live unit, when they have turned in some very special shows to packed rooms; sets that were full of energy, passion and excitement. I have often wondered how this would translate to record; would they lose that special edge they have? The short answer, is yes, this EP, whilst a very fine piece of work, is not a patch on the actual real life experience (they are in some very good company in that), although having set such a high benchmark, this is no surprise.

What you do get is A Way With Words watered down, as the studio experience and production has polished some of the fun rough edges and energy from their music, robbing it of some of the character. However, I am being overly harsh here as this does leave a record that is still head and shoulders above pretty much all of the local rock bands efforts, exhibiting more originality of thought and willingness to push the boundaries of genre than any number of them put together. It also grows on you with repeat listens, which too many records these days don’t do. The melodies are memorable, the riffs suitably hefty and the lyrics well judged. This is certainly one for fans of bands such as Foo Fighters, Fall Out Boy et al. In summary, get this record, listen to it and love it. And then go and see them live to be properly blown away.

Oh, and they make really nice tea!

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Gig Monkey

The Maiians at The Oxford Punt

One of my highlights of last year was The Punt, so I jumped at the chance to join in with Oxford’s annual venue crawl of local musical high-lights. And I do mean I actually jumped. But, would 2015’s Punt live up to it’s predecessor?

For Team Ocelot this year’s Punt extravaganza started at The Purple Turtle with a wee taste of The Shapes, their blend of pop, rock and R ‘n’ B reminding me somewhat of the Beautiful South. Fun, upbeat and a nice way of easing into the night, but we had other artists we wanted to see so sprinted over to Turl Street Kitchen where we were lucky enough to catch most of My Crooked Teeth.

Beautifully suited to this cosy, intimate space, ToLiesel frontman Jack Olachawski’s Americana tinted rootsy music flowed beautifully under highly intelligent lyrics of hearbreak and adventure. The packed room loved it, I loved it, and I shall be checking out some more of this guy’s solo and band stuff.

The one band on the bill I had seen before were Indica Blues (see last month), and I had a hankering to check them out again, so back to the Turtle and their lack of decent beer it was. Playing in what is basically a hole in the ground really does suit this band and their cavernous sound, the sludgy, heavy as hell riffs sounding majestic in the tight space. Although, amusingly, the brightness of that damn white light in the middle of the room was emphasised by the ridiculous sight of a girl in sunglasses, underground. Yeah, really.

After this sonic assault we swapped venues to catch some of Peerless Pirates next door in The Cellar Bar, who I have to say were damn good fun. Their upbeat, groovy shanty rock got the fancy-dressed front row jigging along and it was hard not to join in, the tunes proving as infectious as herpes, but a whole load more fun.

Things had been good up to this point, maybe not as

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Gig Monkey Takes a Punt exciting as last year had been, but as the crowds ebbed and flowed with people moving around the venues; full rooms emptying at weird times and vice-versa. Moving over to The Wheatsheaf (which for our visit last year had been one of the more empty venues at the time) things suddenly seemed to click into place. We arrived to a room only a third full, grabbed some drinks and pondered if it was going to be like last year and stay like this. Needless to say, it didn’t.

We had gone to check out Little Brother Eli, intrigued by the promise of amped up blues on steroids, a promise that was kept in some style as they rocked through a blistering set of tunes that sounded more accustomed to the dingiest of back street bars in Memphis.’ Whats more, they played this set to a room packed to the rafters and totally rocking out as everyone Punting seemed to have snuck in behind us quietly all at once.

The atmosphere was so electric we decided to hang around and see what Maiians had to offer, and whether the sharp U-turn in musical style would affect things negatively. It didn’t, if anything more people seemed to arrive to throw some complex geometric shapes to the searing electro-groove of this twin drum dance monster of a band. Exhibiting some seriously clever synthy atmospherics that lead into bass and drum driven grooves that even Nile Rogers would be proud of the band proceed to blow my brain halfway down the High Street.

Trippy, funky and huge all at the same time, this is a live act you really need to see.

It was at this point, due to the realities of day jobs and the fact that I had to go and retrieve my brain from somewhere out towards Cowley Road, that we had to call it quits. So apologies to those at The White rabbit for not getting up to you. But for me, Punt 2015 was a belter, and for this year, The Wheatsheaf was where it was at.

Live Music

Transmission: The Sound of Joy Division

It’s been 35 years now since Ian Curtis tragically departed this mortal coil.

The last time the band Transmission: The Sound Of Joy Division was invited to Swindon was to mark the one year anniversary of the sad passing of Tony Wilson back in August 2008.

But they’re here again and will be playing Level 3 on Commercial Road in Swindon on Saturday July 4.

They’re regarded as one of the leading UK tribute acts. Local support is from young up’n’coming act Sahara Heights who are gigging hard and making quite a name for themselves.

Reliving the dark cavernous sound of Joy Division The night also marks the final time DJ Dust will be doing his REBOOT club night at Level 3. DJ Dust is going to finish with a REBOOT night that takes the club back to its Indie / New Wave roots.

And he will also be doing a special DJ DUst mix Cd of Joy Division and early New Order to give away on the night to all the folk who’ve bought a ticket.

The doors open at 8pm and tickets cost £7 in advance available from The Rolleston, Swindon Central Library and wegottickets.com.

The club night starts at 11.30pm and costs £3 entry but is free for anyone who got tickets for Transmission.

Grubby Jack folks us off at The Rolleston There is nowt as odd as folk.

Well, we beg to differ somewhat as when you’ve got folk as polished and as good as Grubby Jack the last thing you’d describe it as is odd.

The three-piece will be heading to The Rolleston on Commercial Road in Swindon on Saturday June 20 for what promises to be a handbag swinging night of folky goodness.

The Swindon folk band arranges the best and most well loved folk tunes from Ireland, Scotland and America into a foot-stomping live set.

With fiendish banjo and fiddle breaks and the unmistakable folky vocals of J C Leonard, expect an evening of dancing, singing and entertainment the way it used to be.

Formed in late 2013 their line up is Jenny Gleeson on the violin and backing vocals, the aforementioned JC Leonard on the guitar and lead vocals and Levi Saunders on Banjo.

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Grubby Jack

Their aim is to get people up and dancing, stamping their feet and clapping their hands.

So if you fancy some traditional and original folk songs played in a lively uptempo style with a feel of Irish and a dash of the East European then you should definitely pop down to The Rolleston.

The gig is free entry and kicks off at 9pm.

Fri 5th - Salisbury Live - Echo Boom Generation + Robb Blake & Friends Fri 12th - Release the Monkey + Support Weds 17th - Salisbury Open Mic Fri 19th - Bands TBA Fri 26th - Dream Overkill

Gig list Wednesday June 3 Songs of Praise presents Sue Hart 8pm - The Roaring Donkey, Swindon

Tundra 9:30 pm - Woodlands Edge, Peatmoor, Swindon

Release the Monkey + Support 8:30 pm - Winchester Gate, Rampart Road, Salisbury

Thursday June 4 Pete Brown & The Newgrass Cutters 8pm - Swindon Arts Centre

Broken Image 9pm - Rolleston, Commercial Road, Swindon

Professor Elemental 8pm -The Bear Hotel , Market Place, Devizes - Part of Devizes Festival

Songs of Praise presents Ghost of Machines + Armchair Committee + Even Nine 8pm - The Vic, Swindon

DJ MOSCO presents SUMMER FIESTA 10pm - Level 3, Commercial Road, Swindon

Saturday June 13 Bon Giovi 8pm - The Victoria, 88 Victoria Road, Swindon

Friday June 5 Rorke’s Drift 8pm - The Vic, Swindon Plucking Different 8.30pm - The Castle, Swindon Train To Skaville 9pm - Rolleston, Swindon Salisbury Live – Echo Boom Generation + Robb Blake & Friends 8:30pm - Winchester Gate, Rampart Road, Salisbury The Blue Stars 9pm - Bear Hotel, Devizes Saturday June 6 The South Theatre on the Hill, St John’s school, Marlborough Judie Tzuke - Songs and Stories 8pm - Swindon Arts Centre Whole Lotta DC 8pm- The Vic, Swindon Echo 8:30pm -Green Dragon, High Street, Marlborough

Sunday June 7 Jon Walsh - Jazz Sunday Lunch Midday - The Bear Hotel, Market Place, Devizes

Angel Upfront 8:30 pm - Green Dragon, High Street, Marlborough

Monday June 8 and Tuesday June 9 Academy of Music and Sound Showcase 8pm - The Vic, Swindon

Echo 9:30 pm - Woodlands Edge, Peatmoor, Swindon

Wednesday June 10 Songs of Praise presents Mark Chilvers 8pm - The Roaring Donkey, Swindon

Honeycomb presents… a night of modern ska and reggae featuring..

Mango Seed 7pm - Level 3, Commercial Road, Swindon

Thursday June 11 Bite The Hand 8pm - The Vic, Swindon Beats & Bars (UK Hip-Hop showcase with live acts + DJs) 9pm - Level 3, Commercial Road, Swindon Friday June 12 Genesis Connected 8pm - Swindon Arts Centre, Devizes Road Jasper Carrott’s Stand up & Rock with The Bev Bevan Band 7:30 pm - City Hall, Salisbury Rockabilly Rumble 8pm - The Vic, Swindon Flash Harry 9pm - Rolleston, Swindon

The Worried Men 9pm - Rolleston, Commercial Road, Swindon Sunday June 14 That’ll Be The Day 7:30 pm - Wyvern Theatre, Theatre Square, Swindon Tuesday June 16 Peggy Seeger with Neill and Calum MacColl 8pm - Salisbury Arts Centre Wednesday June 17 Joe Mcelderry 7:30 pm - Wyvern Theatre, Theatre Square, Swindon

Dream Overkill at The Winnie Gate in Salisbury

Dream Overkill is a reincarnation of Overkill, the UK band (1979 to 1983) who built a solid reputation and a dedicated army of fans by gigging hard all over the country.

They are now back for Round Two in their fight for recognition as a unique British Rock band.

Their music has its roots in the classic rock acts of the 60s and 70s.

Add in some punk attitude, Heavy Rock power and the ability to craft memorable tunes and you will get close to what Dream Overkill are about.

Lyrically, the songs cover many subjects and explore different aspects of life. You can try to figure the different meanings of the songs or just rock out to the music!

If you fancy having a gander at what real old school rock musicians sound and look like you should head to The

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Dream Overkill

Winnie Gate on Friday June 26. But please make sure that you’ve practised your devil horn hand gestures first as you don’t want to look silly now do you?

The gig starts at 8.30pm and is free entry.

Songs of Praise presents Joe McCorriston 8pm - The Roaring Donkey, 6 Albert Street, Swindon Salisbury Open Mic 8pm - Winchester Gate, Rampart Road, Salisbury Thursday June 18 Songs of Praise presents King In Mirrors + The Hi-Life Companion + Oui Legionnaires 8:30pm - The Vic, Swindon Friday June 19 Princes of Pop 7:30 pm - Wyvern Theatre, Theatre Square, Swindon All Ears Avow + Double Experience + Special Guests 8pm - The Vic, Swindon Metal Gods 9pm - Rolleston, Commercial Road, Swindon Bands TBA 8:30 pm -Winchester Gate, Rampart Road, Salisbury Saturday June 20 Roy Orbison and Friends 7:30 pm - City Hall, Malthouse Lane, Salisbury Live Lunch: Blackheart 12pm - Salisbury Arts Centre Troy Ellis & His Hail Jamaica Band + Erin Bardwell Collective + DJ Andy V 8pm - The Vic, Swindon Bad Obsession 8:30 pm - Green Dragon, Marlborough

Gig List

Penfold 9:30 pm - Woodlands Edge, Peatmoor, Swindon

Dream Overkill 8:30pm - Winchester Gate, Rampart Road, Salisbury

SWIM NIGHT (south west indie music) with Sahara Heights + Coco Esq + Yves + Westways 7:30 pm - Level 3, Commercial Road, Swindon

Corinthian Casuals 8pm - The Bear Hotel , Market Place, Devizes

Grubby Jack 9pm - Rolleston, Commercial Road, Swindon Sunday June 21 Well Hung Heart 8pm - The Bear Hotel, Devizes Wednesday June 24 Songs of Praise presents Skins & Strings 8pm - The Roaring Donkey, Swindon Thursday June 25 Open Mic Night 7:30 pm - The Bear Hotel , Market Place, Devizes Hijack Open Mic 5pm - Salisbury Arts Centre Friday June 26 Songs of Praise presents Gaz Brookfield + The Company of Thieves + The August List + Jake Martin 8pm - The Vic, Swindon Robbie Williams Tribute 9pm - Barrington Arms, Shrivenham Alicia 9pm - Windmill, Freshbrook, Swindon Mike Hoddinott Blues Band 9pm - Rolleston, Commercial Road, Swindon

‘Secret Event’ 10pm - Level 3, Commercial Road, Swindon Saturday June 27 Live Lunch: Trio of Men 12pm - Salisbury Arts Centre Before the Dawn - Kate Bush Tribute 8pm L- The Vic, Swindon Hamsters From Hell 8:30 pm - Green Dragon, High Street, Marlborough Zing 9:30 pm - Woodlands Edge, Peatmoor, Swindon Altar Club with The Members + Pyeshoppe + Bamboo Vipers + Luke Hall + DJ Odd Job. 7:30 pm - Salisbury Arts Centre First Raitt 9pm - Rolleston, Commercial Road, Swindon Sunday June 28 A Celebration of John Denver 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon Tuesday June 30 Open Mic Night 8pm - The Vic, Swindon

All Ears Avow album launch at The Vic

If you missed their set at Calnefest on June 6 you get another chance to see the fantastic All Ears Avow on Friday June 19.

This is to celebrate the release of All Ears Avows debut album Get In The Game and the gig takes place at The Vic in Swindon.

All Ears Avow began in early 2013. They devised their own brand of alternative rock, dipping their toes into pop punk and also heavier styles with melodic choruses and fist pumping anthems that leave crowds begging for All Ears Avow more. The quartet quickly began gigging around the UK supporting major acts including The Computers, Empire neo-rock band from Ottawa - a musical multiplayer and Versus as well as performances in Berlin, Barcelona sensation with an undeniable DIY ethic, as well as With and headlining the Pomme Stage at the renowned Ghosts, a Wiltshire post pop punk band.

Wychwood Festival.

Tickets cost £4 in advance or £5 on the door. Definitely a They are supported by Double Experience - a nerdy night for you proper gig lovers.

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Brewery Bird

All Hail the Pub Landlord

The Beer Column by Brewery Bird Ever dreamt of running your own pub? I mean, c’mon, how hard can it be standing around all day pouring beer, chatting to customers and taking their hard-earned cash?

The thought of ditching the 9 to 5 grind in favour of being master of your own destiny (and bar), polishing the glasses whilst waiting for the first of your many regulars to arrive, ready to dispense sympathy, wisdom and witty repartee sounds almost too good to be true.

And whilst many go into the trade having wisely researched the industry, possessing the entrepreneurial skill to take on a pub and make their mark, firmly embedding it in the very soul of the community, and ensuring its continued longevity; others perhaps lured by the empty promises of devious pub companies or just naivety, fare not so well.

The Bitter Truth According to a Happiness survey undertaken by the Office for National Statistics last year looking at the relationship between different occupations and life satisfaction, publicans it turns out, are the unhappiest of the lot. The Publican’s Morning Advertiser found that more than half of licensees claim to have suffered from, or been diagnosed with stress, with 42% saying they have suffered from depression. One in nine also confessed to alcohol dependency, with just one in 10 stating their current health as good. Little wonder when you’re staring

a 70+ hour week in the face, coping with everything from 7am deliveries (when you were up till 2pm), staffing issues, supplier negotiations, endless admin, licensing, blocked toilets on a busy Friday night, and of course customers. Because when the proverbial hits the fan and you’re juggling more balls than the Cirque De Soleil it’s your charisma and charm that keeps the customers coming back. That and your ability to keep a good pint, which in itself is an acquired skill.

And if you’ve opted for food-led enterprise, then you’d best add on another 20+ hours, because aside from the hassle of having to hire yet another Head Chef because the last one hid all the knives and went walkabout, there’s even more admin and legalities to contend with courtesy of the FSA (Food Standards Agency).

Ironically, the profession that took the top spot in that aforementioned Happiness survey were clergymen/ women. Polar opposites at first glance, but both appear to be markedly similar in their approach to maintaining their respective posts – attracting a customer-base, dispensing bread and wine and offering a sympathetic ear. Of course, it’s not all bad news. Whilst around 26 pubs are still closing a week, there are many whose fortunes are turned around by knowledgeable and enthusiastic patrons. So let’s pledge our support on this side of the bar and raise a glass to those who undertake this revered profession.

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Dave For All Seasons Watercress with potato rosti and smoked mackerel

Watercress is probably my favourite green, and I tend to serve them with everything. This dish is the perfect partner to the bitter green pepperiness of the leaves. Take 2-3 floury potatoes and grate them. Through a metal sieve, or muslin cloth, squeeze ALL the water you possibly can out of them. You might have to do this one handful at a time.

Season with salt and pepper and form the potato mixture, a handful at a time, into little balls, and then squeeze them down into flat, thin ‘pancakes’. Something the size of a tart mould, with a removable base, will help here, as

Chicory, walnut and blue cheese salad The word ‘salad’ all too often conjures up something quite drab, but this one’s full of great flavours and a guaranteed crowd pleaser.

Chicory is much underused, but its bitter crunch goes great with strong supporting flavours. In a salad bowl, mix 2-3 chicory heads, chop the base off and separate remaining leaves, 150g crumbled Roquefort or Gorgonzola, and 100g toasted walnuts.

For the dressing, whisk 2 tbsp walnut oil, 2 tbsp olive oil, 1-2 tsp Dijon mustard, 1 tsp sugar, juice of ½ lemon and 1tbsp white wine vinegar, black pepper and a tiny pinch salt (the cheese is quite salty already). A little rocket (just coming into season as I write this) can also go well in this salad.

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you can ‘press’ the cakes down onto the hot pan and then remove the mould around it. Heat some oil to medium and fry the potato rosti, until both sides are golden brown and crispy. Whilst they are frying, push down from the top with a spatula, to make them ‘sizzle’. This will help them go crispier. Once all your cakes are cooked, serve on a plate topped with pieces of the smoked mackerel, a handful lightly chopped watercress and a dollop of crème fraiche and a sprinkling of smoked paprika. Put a poached egg on top if you really want to push the boat out.

Dave For All Seasons Fattoush (middle eastern pita bread salad)

This is probably my favourite salad of all time and compliments nearly every dish it’s served with, it’s great for BBQs. The secret is dicing the vegetables into small, equally-sized pieces, and adding a brilliant middle eastern spice called sumac. It offers a vibrant red colour and fruity-sour note that is hard to replace, but if you can’t track it down, the salad will still taste good without it. First off, toast two pita breads until they puff up (to allow for easier cutting). Then cut them in half lengthwise, and cut all the bread into small (1-2 cm)

Cherry brandy Crepes

squares. Heat some olive oil in a pan and fry the bread for a couple of minutes until golden and crisp. In a salad bowl, dice 1 cucumber, 4 ripe tomatoes, 4 spring onions and 1 green or yellow pepper into roughly the same size as you cut the bread. Dress with the juice of 1 lemon, 1 crushed garlic clove, 4-5 tbsp extra virgin olive oil, 2-3 tsp sumac, a handful of chopped flat-leaf parsley and a handful of chopped mint. Season with salt and pepper. Just before serving, toss in the bread cubes and 1 whole gem lettuce (or 2-3 cos/romaine lettuce leaves), diced to the size of the rest of the vegetables.

Make the batter about half an hour before you want to eat, the resting time seems to help. Whisk 120g plain flour, 1 medium egg, and 1 tsp sugar with 100ml milk until smooth. Then slowly whisk in an additional 150ml of milk until you have a smooth batter. Set aside whilst you make the sauce. De-stone 200g cherries, setting one aside for tasting! If it’s sour, you’ll need to add a little bit more sugar. Proceed to boil the cherries, 2-4 tbsp sugar (depending on sweetness of cherries and your personal tastes), 2-3 tbsp cherry brandy and 100 ml water. Once boiling, reduce to a simmer for 10 mins or so, until you have a gorgeous cherry sauce. Taste for tartness, you don’t want it too sweet but feel free to top it up if you think it needs it. In a large, shallow, non-stick frying pan, melt a tsp of butter and a tsp of veg oil. Add one ladle full of batter, swirl around and cook for 1 minute or 2 on each side. Tip out and fold the ‘crepe’, top with a dusting of icing sugar (or 2-3 tbsp whipped cream whipped cream) and a drizzle of the ridiculously good cherry sauce. Any leftover sauce goes excellently with ice cream.

But you didn’t need me to tell you that.

Also in season: Artichoke, Aubergine, Basil, Blueberries, Broad Beans, Broccoli, Cherries, Chives, Coriander, Crab, Cucumber, Dill, Gooseberries, Lettuce and salad leaves, Mint, Oregano, Parsley, Peas, Radish, Raspberries, Runner Beans, Sage, Sorrel, Strawberries, Tomatoes, Venison, Watercress

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International Pan of Mystery Mara Seaweed Flakes

A real treat of a product from the crystal clear waters of Scotland.

Still a relative novelty to most of us outside a sushi wrapper, dried seaweed is having something of a moment. And the seaweed flakes sold by this company have been picking up all manner of national taste awards and accolades (recently featured in the Times, the Mail and Saturday Kitchen).

A whole array of seaweed varieties, from Dulse to Kombu (kelp) to Shony are available, and they have a surprising amount of culinary uses – from something as simple as sprinkling on top of a boiled egg to a more complex application where extra depth in flavour is required – for example rich meat stews. Seaweed, being

World Gin Day - Saturday June 13 Gin. Just the word is enough to make you reach for the tonic and the lime and settle in for a relaxing summer’s evening.

It was bound to have its own day.

And this year it even falls on a Saturday.

Bonus.

Here’s some facts...

You might think

that gin is a purely English spirit but the country that drinks the most is The Phillipines.

Bet you didn’t know that?

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as it is not only absurdly healthy but also a major source of the fabled umami (akin to similar flavour-boosters like parmesan, anchovies and cured meats), means a simple sprinkling of the pretty dried flakes is all the food needs to really notice the difference.

The trick is to not think of this particular seaweed as a vegetable, but more as a seasoning, giving an extra kick to whatever you’re cooking but without becoming the dominant flavour or texture. I had a lot of fun experimenting it – from savoury scones to my personal favourite, a roast tomato and cheese tart, the recipe for which will be provided next month. Next time you’re in the mood for something new– give http://maraseaweed.com a try, it might just surprise you.

Tesco Finest Torrontes We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again but Tesco’s Finest range really knows what it’s doing when it comes to picking a good wine.

This wine displays ripe flavours of lychee, orange peel and citrus, and is light and fresh with exotic fruit flavours and lemony crispness.

It makes the perfect aperitif, and is also a wonderful match with delicate seafood dishes and Asian salads.

It is made for Tesco from high quality Torrontes grapes from Salta in Argentina - seen as one of the world’s highest vineyards. It is believed that it was brought to the country by Spanish Jesuits in the 18th century, which is nice. You can find it at a bargain price at £6.99 at the moment!

Book now for our Carvery Sunday Lunch Crazy Golf Course now open!

Food and Drink

Choccy heaven

So you can now not only stroke an ocelot (if you don’t mind having your hand chewed off), read an Ocelot but you can also eat an Ocelot.

We’re not talking about hiking into the Amazonian raniforest and trying to hunt one of the beautiful creatures - no, we’re talking about the wonderul Ocelot chocolate that we’ve discovered.

And it’s not in Guatemala but a bit closer to home in Edinburgh where you will find these delicious handmade chocolate delicacies.

Ocelot Chocolate is a small business, based in Edinburgh, Scotland, and is owned and run by Matt and Ish - a newly married couple who left their jobs as chefs to pursue their dream of having their own business and making the most delicious confectionery, in the purest way possible.

They hand-make everything themselves using only the highest grade organic and fair-trade produce, and they use ethical business practices in every way we can. They also draw and design all of our packaging and artwork ourselves - Ish studied illustration at art school, and Matt has always loved art and graphic design - so this is a hugely important part of the business.

Aside from making the best chocolate in the world, they aspire to one day having a garden with room for a goat, 6 chickens and a big Maine Coon cat called Lionel. But right now their main aspiration is to grow their business and to begin sourcing and grinding their own

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Matt and Ish of Ocelot Chocolate

cocoa beans, so that they can produce their very own ‘bean to bar’ chocolate.

Ish said: “We are obsessed with good chocolate - to us it’s in a food group all of it’s own, and cannot (and should not) be compared to a regular chocolate bar. High-grade dark chocolate - like a fine wine or a specialty cheese - is up there with the most special things in the world and it is an experience to savour, with flavour notes that come in waves and linger long after you finish.”

Well, they’ve certainly got new fans with us lot at The Ocelot magazine. The chocolate is out of this world and we’ve been munching on little else. It’s a tady pricey at £5 a bar but it is so so worth it.

Order some from www.ocelotchocolate.com

Agony Girl Eight year old Annabel has been answering your questions for four years now. And her answers are getting more serious. See what you think?

Dear Agony Girl, Every time I go outside I notice that it either gets warmer, colder, wetter or even windier. It’s weird. What can I do to stop this happening?

Gerald, Abingdon You can’t stop it happening because weather does its thing.

I like it when it’s either snowy or really sunny. Because we get to play in the snow and get to play in the sun but when it’s rainy days you can’t play and when it’s windy something might fall on us.

Dear Agony Girl, I’m thinking of buying a new car. What should I get? I want something that is good for the environment but also economical.

Yazz, The Plastic Population What car doesn’t do smoke? Get a small car like my mummy’s old car. It was a Corsa because it doesn’t do smoke and it’s good for the environment to help people stay well instead of being ouchy and ill.

Dear Agony Girl, I don’t get on with my parents very well. Every time I see them we end up arguing and I’m worried that we’ll never get on. What can I do to make us get on?

Beth, Swindon Have a good attitude when you go over. Bring her some flowers so it makes her smile and have a big smile on your face. With the daddy you can run in and give him a big hug and then you can say I just need to go in the car to get him a present. You could get him some deodorant. Daddy’s like deodorant.

Dear Agony Girl, What’s better? Ben and Holly’s Little Kingdom or Peppa Pig? Chas, Newbury Ben and Holly’s Little Kingdom because it’s got more character. I like Peppa Pig but Ben and Holly’s better.

Holly would win in a fight against the pigs as she does magic.

Dear Agony Girl, What time’s the next train to Didcot?

Horatio Nelson, Trafalgar Six thirty in the morning. I don’t like trains because it takes forever for us to get on and off. It takes forever for us to get where we want. It was like we were on the train for half an hour when we were going to London and I had to stand up as everybody had seats and I didn’t.

Twisted Peel (twistedpeel.thecomicstrip.org

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By Peter Roy