Ocelot 127 January 2017 edition

No: 127 January 2017

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What's on

/ STYLE / EATS / BREWS / FILM / TECH

#127

JANUARY ISSUE

For Starters

04 Michael Bosley + Luke Coleman 06 Mystic May 08 Resolution anyone?

10 Running for my life 12 The Bassett Rivers Echo Lifestyle

16 Get A Life 18 Get Away 21 Motoring 22 Style 24 Tech 26 Screenzone Brews and Eats

30 Livin’ on the Veg 32 Brewery Bird 33 Renegade Beer 34 History of Chicken Kiev Arts and Culture

36 Anti-slam poetry 37 The Theatre List 39 Degas to Picasso 42 Swindon Museum and Art Gallery 44 Luke Courtier Music

46 Gig Monkey Review 50 Mental health in music 51 The Fratellis at the O2 52 The Ocelot Presents...

54 Live Music News 60 The Gig List The Final Bit of the magazine

62 Agony Girl and Twisted Peel

Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be...

Do you remember the good ol’ days?

You know the ones? The days where everything seemed to have a rose-tinted glow.

Lately the whole world seems to be on a bit of a nostalgia tip.

Politically there seems to be a landgrab to get us all back to the Fifties to a time when everyone knew their place. A time before the world got a bit confusing and left us behind with all this blasted technology, smart thingamijigs and iWhatsits.

Obviously, as a species we have moved on a bit from the massive social inequality and innate prejudices of the staid Fifties society but creatively we do seem to be yearning for the Eighties or even the Nineties. Basically it’s as if the world wants to live at any time but now.

But I don’t think now is too bad. I like my smart phone. It’s like having the knowledge of the entire world at my disposal in my pocket (depending on 4G).

That’s pretty damn cool.

That’s not to say that us lot at The Ocelot are against nostalgia as there are always some things that were better in the past. Like punk rock. Or proper sized Mars Bars.

And that’s why we’ve brought back Bassett Rivers as some things are just too good to stay in the past.

Jamie Hill

Editor: Jamie Hill - jamie@theocelot.co.uk Deputy: Ben Fitzgerald - ben@theocelot.co.uk Listings: Mike Barham - mike@theocelot.co.uk Sales: Dave Stewart dave@theocelot.co.uk - 07872 176999 Rosy Presley rosy@theocelot.co.uk 07717 501790 Telephone: 01793 781986 Publisher: Positive Media Group, Unit 3, Arclite House, Peatmoor, Swindon SN5 5YN Printers: Stephens & George, Merthyr Tydfil

For Starters

Technology failure A Nerd’s Last Word by Michael Bosley

Technology can be an incredibly liberating and enabling tool, allowing us to undertake numerous everyday tasks with the accuracy and efficiency we could only have dreamed about five or ten years ago. I grew up in the internet age and I am still amazed how services like YouTube can offer us thousands of hours of high quality, high definition video on demand over an internet line when only a few years ago loading a single jpeg image on a website could take an age to display.

Unfortunately, despite the rampant advancement in technology, our ability to use it correctly hasn’t progressed quite as quickly.

Take phones for example; I think we can safely say that cameras on phones have been a staple since at least the mid 2000’s, giving us well over ten years to learn the principles of framing a photo or video, yet we’re still blighted by awful vertically filmed video from awful people who usually still aren’t able to fulfil the simple requirement of actually pointing the thing at the thing they want to film. Every modern phone should have a function that uses the gyro in the camera to detect when some arseflap is holding their phone in the wrong orientation and prompt them with a warning that filming will not continue until they hold the phone the correct way, or give them a quick jolt of electricity, or simply explode like a Samsung phone does.

The hands-free function on mobile phones is also a feature that seems to confuse many phone users who insist on using it on busy streets and in supermarkets to talk VERY LOUDLY to the person on the other end, whilst STILL HOLDING THE PHONE IN THEIR HAND, thus rendering the advantages of the hands free functions utterly void.

A feature could be implemented that could detect the phone still being held and insist the user put the phone to their ear like a normal person, though I would submit that the only logical recourse would be to feed the user their own phone, in one whole piece, very slowly, like a penguin swallowing a fish.

One kind of user that still remains stubbornly abundant, despite some very high-profile campaigns to rid the world of this scourge, is the iPad photographer. It truly baffles me how anyone in this day and age can remember to leave the house with their car keys, wallet and a cumbersome iPad, but somehow forget their mobile phone. Who are you? Where did you come from? Why are you blocking my view with your massive tablet in a pink case? Your photos will be awful and everyone will hate you, so nobody wins.

A much-needed respite Off The Grid with Luke Coleman - Our man in Iraq

I write January’s musings under the gun-metal grey skies of Gloucestershire, having popped back to the UK for a 2 week break that has incorporated my mother’s 85th birthday and various godfatherly duties, such as watching the lads play under 8s football before taking them to their first game.

I’ve barely checked my emails, signed out of the work WhatsApp group and fought the urge to pull the scratchy blanket of Iraq news from the ether – in short, it’s been a hell of a break and I’m chuffed that I’ll be back again at the end of this month.

It feels that, as I approach the end of my sixth year in Kurdle Burdle, it might be time to start thinking about being at home more than 4 weeks a year, and I’m setting

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the wheels in motion. I want to remain connected to the country, but I want to expand on the notion of getting an alternate view of Iraq out into the Western world.

As I’ve always said, watching Iraq through the prism of TV news doesn’t do it justice, and I want to counter that narrative – by the end of 2017 I intend to be visiting schools across the UK for two weeks out of eight, recounting my experiences and hopefully dispelling a few myths – in a tricked out camper van.

Mystic May

Come what May

Theresa may but she may not

Our special guest celebrity columnist Theresa May gives her predictions for 2017...

Phew Whee! How’s it going subjects?!?! It’s me! Theresa to the M, to the A, to the Y coming right at ya like a ballistic missile. That 2016 was pretty sick what with me sharking the whole Prime Minister thing. I totally win at politics. Well we’re now styling our way into 2017 and with me at the helm I’ll be shoulderpad barging my way right to the front of the Brexit queue. Here’s my sick predictions for 2017 y’all! (as seen by Jamie Hill) Politics We’re going to totally win at this in 2017 you losers.

We’re ripe for a right rumble with those lot over the channel so get your boxing gloves on and your uzis at the ready Britain as it’s going to get rough. And if that leader of the Labour party Gary Lineker or Jeremy Clarkson or whatever he’s called causes any trouble he’ll be yesterday’s news faster than you can say ‘Enemy of the People’.

The BBC By the time I’m finished with The BBC this year they’ll only have enough funding for continual repeats of one episode of My Family. The country might mourn the loss of Countryfile but it’ll also mean I’ve got easy access to a new-fangled torture technique for anyone who stands in my way by making them watch Robert Lindsay haplessly failing at life over and over and over and over again until they break. Watch this space. Or in the case of the BBC watch this space where the BBC used to be.

Privacy and civil liberties There won’t be any.

The economy Me and my BFF Philip Hammond have come up with a crafty plan that will see us right don’t you worry my pigeons and it doesn’t involve the poorer UKIP/Labour areas getting poorer and the richer home counties areas getting richer... honest! If anyone sees that Mark Carney character heading to Number 10 for a chat tell him I’m out having dinner with my fellow celebrity friends like Linda Lusardi or Keith Chegwin or something. Carney keeps asking me what my plans are but doesn’t he know that it’s rude to ask a lady what her post-brexit economic recovery plans are without buying her a drink first?

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International politics Once we’ve locked up that political dissident Farage I’ll be cosying up to Trump faster than a Soviet-backed takeover of the Crimea. Who needs the rest of the world when you’ve got free use of a great gold elevator?!!?

Once Trump’s in my corner us Brits won’t take any dissing from anyone. I’m looking at you mad Merkel!

Immigration Did I hear someone say wall?

The environment Who the frack cares?

Scotland Did I hear someone say wall?

Crime We’re expecting to do well at this in 2017 with a massive upsurge in crime as our policing cuts reduce the entire UK force to just one patrol car and a beat officer called Brian.

The NHS Because of the cuts to the police force and an expected rise in civil disobedience in 2017 as people realise that I don’t really have a clue how to save the economy in the wake of Brexit, hospitals will have a bumper year in 2017 with more people getting hurt than ever before making it the most popular public service that we offer as a country. But don’t worry, our new NHS payment service, in partnership with Wonga means you can have a life-saving operation and it will only cost you a second mortgage and repayments set at 1345% APR interest.

Education Schools and children will flourish in 2017 as our entire education system is replaced by simply giving every student free access to Netflix instead.

Resolutions

You say you want

by Ben Fitzgerald

his middle finger I couldn’t see anything on his roof but I cheerfully The trouble with deciding on a New Year resolution answered with a wave of my tube hand. So there’s is that it is almost impossible to choose one you can always ‘not eating Pringles without due care and stick to. attention’ to fall back on as a resolution, but I know I For years I’ve been resolving to give up bad will never stick to it (they’re just too damn tasty). habits, of which I have many. These include reading This year I shall be taking inspiration from resolulow-brow novels, playing violent computer games tions of famous people of yesteryear. and eating Pringles whilst driving.

Some of the best I’ve found are the ‘virtues’ of The longest I’ve lasted is two whole weeks, when Jonathan Swift, the man who wrote Gulliver’s Travels I once tried to give up exaggeration - it was a total the story about a big man being washed up on an living nightmare. island populated by very little people. Brilliant!

Smokers have it easy. The choice is staring them Having hit on a cracking idea, he flipped the in the face, almost literally, whole thing around and had the big man being what with those washed up on another island where he encountered pictures of some even bigger people. Amazing! blackened Swift’s less successful third outing, which sees his lungs hero Gulliver being washed up on another island, on the where everyone is of medium height, never really front of took off and he died in poverty, rejected and alone. cigarette So here’s his edited list written in 1699, entitled packets. I’m ‘when I come to be old’ which rings just as true now not a smoker, as then...

I’ve smoked Not to marry a young woman - This is really sound eight cigarettes advice. I’m already married and my wonderful wife in my life, badly. would flip her ruddy lid if I absentmindedly got Pringles - more However eating Pringles while married again. I’m always forgetting things and she dangerous than driving is actually eight times gets furious enough when I leave for work without smoking? more dangerous than smoking putting any trousers on. It’s a good one for the I tried it once and it nearly killed me. resolution shortlist.

I was reaching with my left hand into a tube of Not to keep young Company unless they reely the hyperbolic paraboloid shaped snack (Texas desire it - I’m totally down with this idea - in fact I BBQ flavour since you ask would probably go one further (as opposed to Rainy English BBQ and add that it’s a good idea flavour)) while undertaking a rash to avoid young company at all overtaking manoeuvre. costs - even if they do ‘reely’ Much to my horror I realised I had desire it. Young people are delved too deeply and the tube was rubbish, their taste in music now wedged tightly onto my hand like is, at best, misguided and at a metaphor for my greed. I urgently worst, Little Mix. needed to change gear, but instead of Not to be peevish or morose, a hand I now had a foot-long cylinder or suspicious - I disagree with - almost entirely useless for operating Mr Swift on this one, what with a gear stick with. all the stuff that’s going in the I ground along in third gear in what world, there’s never been a has officially been recorded as the better reason to go around slowest ever overtaking attempt since being suspicious, morose and the invention of the glove box. especially peevish.

The truck driver seemed to be Peevish is my normal Jonathan Swift - he’s full of advice pointing to something on his roof with resting state.

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Resolutions

a resolution?

Not to scorn present Ways, or Wits, or Fashions, or Men, or War, etc - you can see that Swifty is running a bit short of ideas at this point. He’s saying that we shouldn’t go around scorning things - like… you know… all the things… Wars and Men and Wits and that. We can forget this one.

Not to be fond of Children, or let them come near me hardly - I get the impression that he’s now being interrupted by some bloody children while he’s trying to bulk out his list of resolution ideas. I understand where he is coming from, but he is beginning to repeat himself.

Not to tell the same story over and over to the same people - Unless you include stories about different sized people being washed up on islands presumably.

Not to neglect decency, or cleenlyness, for fear of falling into Nastyness - probably a bit late for this one. I think I fell into some nastyness when I was walking to the corner shop to pick up some milk.

These shoes are done for now, you just can’t get rid of the smell.

These are all pretty unhelpful, apart from the first one. But just when I was about to give up I stumbled across a list of 33 cracking resolutions by folk singer Woody Guthrie. Problem solved. You could throw a dart at any one of these and it will give you a rule to live by. Here’s the list..

And here’s a picture of a dart. Cut out the dart and sort of lamely throw the dart at the list. You can’t go wrong.

Woody Guthrie - wise words

Here’s your dart.

Simply cut it out and ‘throw’ it at the list below. Good luck!

Woody’s list 1. Work more and bet ter 2. Work by a schedule 3. Wash teeth if any 4. Shave 5. Take bath 6. Eat good, fruit, veg etables, milk 7. Drink very scant if any 8. Write a song a day 9. Wear clean clothes — look good 10. Shine shoes 11. Change socks 12. Change bed cloths often 13. Read lots good boo ks 14. Listen to radio a lot 15. Learn people better 16. Keep rancho clean 17. Don’t get lonesome 18. Stay glad 19. Keep hoping machi ne running 20. Dream good 21. Bank all extra mo ney 22. Save dough 23. Have company but don’t waste time 24. Send Mary and kid s money 25. Play and sing goo d 26. Dance better 27. Help win war — bea t fascism 28. Love Mama 29. Love Papa 30. Love Pete 31. Love everybody 32. Make up your min d 33. Wake up and figh t

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The editor’s marathon year

Running or the year of living sweatily

by Jamie Hill I’m an idiot.

There I said it.

Here’s a bit of advice. There are a few things you should never agree to in life without giving it serious thought first. Signing up to the Army is one of them.

Joining the priesthood is another. And you should never say you’re going to run a marathon just on a whim.

Especially to a charity.

This goes double if you’re an 18-stone 42 year-old man who has spent most of his life only getting up from the sofa to visit McDonalds.

But that’s exactly what I’ve done. I’ve bloody agreed to do a marathon and I’m going to write a weekly blog starting from January 1 letting you guys know exactly how I’m doing at every pain-filled step of the way.

The Plan I am actually taking part in the first ever Birmingham Marathon on October 17 this year. That’s ten months away but if you actually saw how out of shape I am you know that I’m going to need every minute of that time getting myself ready. I’m doing it in aid of ICP Support a charity that is very close to my heart as my three kids might not have been here at all if it wasn’t for their help.

When they asked if I could fill one of their spots, because they had seen that I had gone for a run on Instagram, I found it very difficult to say no. Not after what they did for my family.

Bloody charity making me feel guilty and making me want to give something back.

First of all, I should admit I’m not a complete stranger to running but the most that I’ve ever done is a 10k. That is just

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six miles. That’s 20 miles short of the marathon. The last 10k I did, and I’ve only done two, was in 2014 - when I was a sprightly out of shape 39 year old. I’ll be 43 when I run this marathon in October. And I’m not aging well.

A marathon to me might as well be a million miles as it is a distance that I can’t even imagine running at this point in time.

Losing weight My actual marathon training will start properly in June but before that the plan is to lose three stone to get me down to 15 stone.

According to my BMI even at 15 stone I will still count as overweight but what do they know! Bloody experts with their life-saving research. According to my BMI as a 6ft2ins tall man to not be overweight I should be 13 stone 13 pounds. I haven’t been that weight since I was about eight years old. So I’m going for the 15 stone target - a weight I’ve not seen on the scales since my early 20s.

For me this is just common sense as lugging around extra weight as you try and run 26 miles is probably not the best idea. Three stone is only one kilo off the maximum suitcase weight you’re allowed on an Easyjet flight so bascially it would be like doing a marathon whilst carrying a fully packed suitcase ready for your holidays. That wouldn’t be fun.

How am I going to do this?

Okay, I’m going to start properly running in January at least three good sized runs a week. A good sized run is at least 5 kilometres. This will hit my body hard. I will be a wreck. My legs won’t work. I will be in pain most of the time.

If you like pain you should definitely make a beeline for my weekly online blog.

The running will steadily increase until June when I want to be in a position to be able run a 10k like it’s nothing. Like it’s just popping down the shops and back to get some bread. I want to be able to look 10k in the face at this stage and make it feel small and insignificant.

Throughout this period I will also be doing a pretty intensive weight-loss programme which should make my

The editor’s marathon year

for my life blog pretty damn interesting as I try every fad diet I can think of under the sun.

I’ll be starting small in January with a resolution to cut out all snacks altogether and eat sensibly by using a calorie counter to ensure I don’t eat more than 1,500 calories a day for the entire month.

After a gluttony filled Christmas this will also be a massive shock to the system.

So why am I doing this?

There are a few reasons behind why I feel I have to do this. It’s a big mix of vanity, health, fitness, charity, and stupidity.

Basically on and off I’ve started running here and there for the past five years but these spurts of energy last for a few weeks and then sputter out and I become a couch potato, my natural state, again.

The idea behind this is a sustained fitness thing that I do over a good few months to make sure I keep off the weight and get fit at the same time.

In essence I feel it’s a way of reversing the downward health trend that my life seems to be on and that’s why I’m calling it ‘running for my life’.

Why the online blog?

I don’t know if any regular readers of this magazine might have noticed but I quite like writing. I like writing about lots of things but I do write a bit about my life now and again. I guess I’m quite vain in that way.

But it’s mainly to give me motivation. The blog means I’ve got to keep to my word. I’ve publicly told people I’m going to do it and I’ve got a kind of audience, in my head anyway, so I’ll look a bit of a dick if I fail.

There’s that vanity thing rearing its very good looking head again! I suppose it’s quite arrogant of me to think other people will be interested but hopefully they will be as I need the motivation.

It’s also a great way to raise awareness of the charity ICP Support which helps women who suffer from obstetric cholestasis in pregnancy. I’ll start raising money for them seriously when I start the marathon training proper in June.

The blog will appear on www.theocelot.co.uk every week but be warned there might be pictures of a man looking like he sweats more than any living thing should sweat grimacing at you when you open it.

www.theocelot.co.uk

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Bassett

The

Rivers Scary news for scary times...

Echo

Free tinfoil hat for every reader p65

Breaking point: Number of experts reaches 16.1 million

by Kit Chentable

The number of experts has soared to 16.1 million since the EU referendum according to the latest figures leaked today.

A new Goverment policy is now being launched to identify the experts and draw them out of hiding by making nonsensical and illogical arguments on social media.

A spokesman said: “I’m no expert but since the referendum the number of experts has increased exponentially with 48% of those who voted now being labelled in that way. It is widely known that as a country we have had enough of experts so we have to do something about it.

“They are easy to identify as they are usually right and don’t seem to just go with their gut about things like the rest of us. I mean I don’t know that for sure as I’m no expert. I always lose at Trivial Pursuit.”

Experts are now being rounded up and sent to special camps called ‘universities’ where they have to endure a lifestyle of drinking and daytime television until they are fit to join society again.

Kevin McFlea, of Bassett Rivers, said: “I’ve really had enough of experts. They keep coming over here and knowing more than the rest of us. I mean who do they

A group of scientists who washed up on our shores yesterday

think they are?

“I ran into one expert the other day at the hospital who said that I needed an urgent operation or I would die in the next few days. But what do they know? Swanning around with their labcoats and their glasses and their facts. They make me sick. In fact I really am going to be sick. Actually I feel really rough and I don’t know where that blood is coming from. I feel a bit dizzy and I can’t really think straight anymore. What’s going on? I’m now seeing double and what’s that bright light over there? I think I will head towards it. Oh hello, I like your beard...”

Turn to page 73 for The Echo’s ‘Homeopathic Guide to Performing Open Heart Surgery at home’ pullout guide.

Post truth pub quiz to be held A new post truth pub quiz is to be held on Monday evening at the Stag and iPod pub on Bassett Rivers high street.

It will cost £2 per person with a maximum of five people per team.

Landlord Al Colic said: “We wanted to do something a bit different with our new pub quiz so we’ve decided that we would make it a post-truth pub quiz.

“This means we will be asking the questions but none of us will have the answer and we will just go with whatever answer simply feels right, as if you have a feeling that something is true it must be true, and even if it ends up not being true it was true at the time as that is what you thought to be the truth when you were presented with the question.

“To give you an example, if I asked the question ‘Who Shot JR?’ you would get most people saying it was ‘probably an immigrant’ as it probably was an immigrant so that must be the right answer.

“Obviously, like most people, we’re not really bothered with checking to see if that was actually the right answer as we know it probably is the right

answer so what’s the point in finding out.

“I mean what is truth anyway?

Many human activities depend upon the concept of truth, where its nature as a concept is assumed rather than being a subject of discussion.

“According to Martin Heidegger, the original meaning and essence of ‘Truth’ in Ancient Greece was unconcealment, or the revealing or bringing of what was previously hidden into the open, as indicated by the original Greek term for truth, ‘Aletheia.’

On this view, the conception of truth as correctness is a later derivation from the concept’s original essence, a development Heidegger traces to the Latin term ‘Veritas.’

“Oh and we’ll be holding a meat raffle every Sunday afternoon.”

B. Rexit’s Bakery Seating for 17.4 million people

All cakes made from the best of British ingredients

Have your cake and eat it!

16 Backwater Lane, The Green, Bassett Rivers

Bassett Rivers MP Giles Hetherington-Smythe’s Monthly Column

What what! It’s been a year now since I defected from The Tories to the UK Independence Party and it’s been a bally good 365 days I can tell you. First of all I have been meeting some rather spiffing folk in my new role as UKIP’s shadow immigration and justice secretary (otherwise known as the chuck ‘em out, keep ‘em out or lock ‘em up portfolio).

These meetings really have opened my eyes to the different cultures that make this land so great. I’ve even met someone from a place called Birmingham. Sitting in a UKIP meeting is like a different world to what I was used to before in the Tories. It is very exotic. There was even one person in the meeting who was wearing very strange garb. He told me that his pantaloons were called ‘trackie bottoms’ and then he said something else but I didn’t quite catch it as I think he must have dropped a few consonants. I asked him to repeat himself and speak the Queen’s English and he offered to give me something called a ‘kickin’ which sounded very nice and a bit like ‘tiffin’ but before he could give me this ‘kickin’ delicacy he was suddenly whisked away by security. I was told by the security man that our new leader Paul Nuttall is also fond of giving people ‘kickins’. I’ll have to ask him for some advice on how to give ‘kickins’ when I see him next. When I say ‘ask him’, I obviously mean get my translator to ask him as unfortunately between learning Greek and Latin at school, Liverpudlian wasn’t on the curriculum. Anyway it’s an exciting new world we now live in and anyone who thinks that UKIP is not multicultural should really seek help as it’s broadened my horizons I can tell you. I can assure you that if you come to my consituency surgery next week I’ll definitely give you a ‘kickin’. Toodle pip!

Get a Life

Up close and personal with...

Ben Fitzgerald paid a visit to Swindon’s Warhammer to get the lowdown on tabletop wargaming.

In the olden days, before video games were a thing - when television was limited to the occasional showing of The Bionic Man - I would sit and stare at the empty space in the corner of the room and curse science for not hurrying up and shaping the glittering future I had been promised.

Driven to desperation, I would spend hours drawing characters from 2000AD comic on my jeans, using a biro, occasionally looking up to check if the internet had been invented yet.

But then I discovered Bowie and paint fumes and my world changed.

I was not alone.

There were thousands of us out there, desperately uncool kids overburdened with imagination and equipped only with an eight sided dice, a paint brush and time to fill.

Warhammer - an arcane hobby involving obsessive painting of vast armies

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of lead figures - that would then be pitted against each other in competitive battles - filled the rain sodden weekends of many a youth in the 80s.

Nottingham based Games Workshop saw the niche and built on the success of the role playing games boom by publishing a groundbreaking set of rules for pitching armies of Tolkien-esque creatures such as orcs, dwarves and wizards against each other that launched the hobby into the realms of competitive gaming.

What is incredible and heartening is that despite the advent of photorealistic computer games and on-demand movies via netflix, there is a vast cohort of youngsters and adults who are drawn to this most analogue of hobbies in a digital world.

The figures are no longer made of highly toxic lead and the paints are now health consciously water-based instead of the intoxicating enamel paint fumes of my

Warha mm

Get a Life

youth, but the genuine joys and satisfaction of tabletop wargaming are still out there waiting to be explored.

Matt Scarrott, who manages the Warhammer store in the Brunel centre, explained: “People love Warhammer for many different reasons.

It is a hugely social game. What’s great about Warhammer is that it allows people to meet with others who share the same interests and get on in a really easy-going social environment. There are quite a few different aspects to the hobby and I think that’s why it is appealing to a wide range of people. Some people really love the gaming aspect, they enjoy the competitive aspect of pitching their armies against each other and working out the best strategy to win. It is quite a big thing now, there are people who take it really seriously and take part in national and even international matches.

“Then there is the crafting side of the hobby.

People spend hours painting, constructing and building these figures to a really high standard.

Here at the store, we cater for all these different sides of the hobby and can provide everything you need to get started.

“I would say that if anyone is interested in getting started in the hobby and wants to find out more, they should come along to our 45 minute taster sessions which are held everywhere. We can teach you how to paint and assemble a figure and explain the

er!

Warhammer manager Matt Scarrott, discusses basics of thestore Warhammer game.

Most right, of the people the rules with salesare assistant Adam Trotter who come along genuinely gripped by the game

and this opens the doors for them to explore this fascinating hobby.”

Working alongside him in the store is fellow enthusiast Adam Trotter, a member of the Engand Warhammer squad.

He explained: “It’s a community all of its own.

There are people who enjoy taking this hobby really seriously and play competitively against each other.

It’s great fun. Come along and give it a go.” l Drop-in beginner sessions are held at the Warhammer store in the Brunel Centre on Sunday and regular gaming tournaments are held on Saturdays.

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Get Away

7 1 0 2 n i y a G et Aw

We know it’s still winter, and you’re longing for some warm weather to cast off those grey mornings and escape the day-to-day boredom, so we decided to get some expert advice from Thomas Cook in West Swindon on the best travel destinations for 2017.

British holidaymakers are renowned for spending their time in the Mediterranean climates of Spain, southern France and the Balearic Islands of Majorca and Ibiza. But this year, our friends at Thomas Cook have predicted a continuation in the swing towards longer haul flights and more exotic locations.

Cuba, and in particular Havana pictured above, appears to be popular with the adventurous souls looking to step off the beaten track. Maybe this is because holiday makers want to experience this historic island before it becomes a US playground for the super rich, not dissimilar to Mexico and other Caribbean destinations.

The recent departure of Cuban revolutionary leader Fidel Castro could potentially signal the green light for a tourism explosion in the country too, and keep the island in the minds of many a holidaymaker in 2017, so our advice would be to look into travelling to the Caribbean sooner rather than later. Before the

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Americans move in.

Speaking of the United States, a favourite for British tourists has always been Florida. Of course, DisneyLand has always been a key attraction for families, as have the other theme parks like Universal Studios, Busch Gardens and SeaWorld. But the Floridian attractions have begun to show their age in the 2010s, and with the main water park attraction Wet ‘n’ Wild due to close soon, the Sunshine State could be about to undergo a bit of a makeover.

Our advice would be to counter the logical step of keeping away from the US at the moment (no that’s not a political statement) and grab some deals whilst you still can. Aside from the brilliant weather and usual US hospitality, there is so much to see and do in Florida besides just visit the theme parks.

Adventure seems to be the call of the younger travellers, with long haul options actually getting far more takers than you think. Our experts at Thomas Cook advised us that last year they saw hundreds of people taking the “braver” option to head further east than convention would allow, and jetting off to destinations like Vietnam, Cambodia and Thailand.

And we aren’t just talking about the yobbos who tear around Bangkok looking for a cheap....tattoo.

Get Away These eastern delights are often seen

by Brits as off the beaten track, or too far away to justify the costs of long haul flying, but if you take the whole experience into account, these destinations actually prove to be great value for money. The initial outlay for a return flight in April to Cambodia with baggage for a two week stay starts at just under £400! You can’t get the same kind of deal for the Costa Del Sol if you tried, when you take into account hotels, food and things to do once your boots are on the ground is so much cheaper to someone used to paying for things in GBP. It’s the same story with holidaymakers jetting off to Sri Lanka, with its abundance of historical and natural wonders, which you can see an example of below.

In 2016, cruises became one of the hottest products in a travel agent’s books, no longer acting as the mainstay of the older traveller. The latest ships have done away with the bingo halls, the discos that play tacky 70s music until 11pm only, the old camping chairs and assorted stereotypes and have replaced these with on board water parks, cinemas, high class restaurants and in some cases even indoor miniature theme parks!

Include into all of this the fact that you are constantly moving towards a different destination every day, like the Greek Islands above, you can essentially have all the joys of basing yourself in a four or five star hotel, with a different day out at each stop. What’s not to like?! No wonder families and younger couples have been taking to the water in search of something different from their holiday. Just remember to pack your sea legs!

If you forgot your sailors’ limbs and feel more comfortable on dry land, the classic holiday packages to Spain and the Mediterranean are still extremely popular. But don’t think this means it’s still going to be expensive.

Families are still able to secure the best spots on those classic beaches and keep the bank manager happy with a little prior planning, so our best advice would be to stop in at your local travel agents as soon as possible and give yourself a six month window to fish in.

So 2017 is full of opportunity for those willing to head out there and grab it. In this crazy world there is always a corner you can sneak off to for some relaxation time or for some thrills and spills.

For more ideas on travelling this year, and for the best deals, we recommend heading to your travel agent early, have a good idea of what you want from your trip and your budget must be clear.

There are absolute bargains to be had for those willing to take a chance.

But above all, make sure you have fun!

Send us your crazy holiday snaps and we could feature you in our next Get Away article. The sillier the better!

Email mike@theocelot.co.uk

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Ice Ice Baby

Get your skates on!

Club members raise money at the Children in Need event

Swindon’s Ice Figure Club is inviting anyone interested in trying out a new sport to get their skates on and join in the fun.

The Ice Figure Club, which runs from Swindon’s Link Centre, is a NISA affiliated skating organisation, set up to encourage, cultivate and promote amateur ice figure skating at all levels up to the age of 18.

There is also an adult section, ideal for anyone wanting to brush up on their skills, which is run every other Tuesday evening.

The club has had an exciting year, recently taking part in a fashion shoot by London-based

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photographer Tom Johnson. And club members were also invited by BBC Points West to skate on live TV at the outdoor rink at Cribbs Causeway as part of their Children In Need fundraising event, where the club raised more than £1,200 by working together to cycle the 140 miles distance from Swindon to London and back on exercise bicycles at the rink. Members also gave Pudsey a skating lesson.

The club also holds regular competitions, and social events.

For more information, see the club’s website www.sifc.co.uk.

Motoring

Ford Take Us To The Edge

By Geoff Maxted of drivewrite.co.uk The Ford Edge, tested here in full Sport trim, leaps fully formed into the burgeoning SUV market with some style. With its crisp outline embellished by a big rear spoiler and a wide-mouthed grille it is perhaps the most American looking of the big beasts of the road and is set to take on the prestige German brands at their own game.

The vehicle in the image comes absolutely fully loaded with all manner of safety and infotainment features, along with the striking ‘Electric Spice’ paint. Although not a dedicated off-roader the Ford intelligent all-wheel drive can be relied upon to put the grip where you need it in bad driving conditions. Just let it get on with the job.

At a wallet-clenching £38,595 for the fully-featured Sport model this version of the Edge moves close to the price territory of models like the Mercedes GLC and the BMW X3, so it needs to deliver on quality and refinement. Aside from a couple of minor niggles it is fair to say that Ford have cracked it.

In The Cabin The Ford Edge scores big on legroom and headroom.

Although a five-seater (there’s no seven seat option) the lucky five can sit comfortably with plenty of surrounding storage for discarded toys and general family detritus.

With three levels of trim available – Zetec, Titanium and Sport – there’s a model to suit all budgets. The Sport came with some really attractive 20” gunmetal alloys that really looked the business. Some say that big wheels compromise comfort and ride quality, although on test it wasn’t found to be a big issue.

The seats are very comfortable and the driving

position relaxed. The dashboard is well laid out and refreshingly low on the button count with most controls accessed through the big, clear touchscreen. As usual Bluetooth, climate control, active noise control (well worth having) and the like all make an appearance and there’s a special word for the Sony sound system. If you’re a fan of hip-hop, you can hear it across the supermarket car park. Apparently.

It’s just a shame that the screen surround and the dash-top storage box are rather low rent plastic. Sturdy enough for sure, but it lets down the soft-touch materials elsewhere. Around the back there’s a powered hatch with the option of opening by way of a waggling foot. A bit pointless but kids like it.

On The Road There’s only one engine available, a 2.0L four-cylinder diesel with 178bhp and 400Nm of torque. With a 0-62mph time of 9.9 seconds the Edge is not quick but is full of purpose so most users will be satisfied, especially when they see 40mpg plus on the dashboard readout, the economy aided by a Stop/Start function.

In corners, the Ford Edge Sport isn’t as composed as you might expect given the ‘sporty’ ride quality. There’s some body roll and you can occasionally feel the car’s weighty bulk. The steering is quick and varies with speed but there’s not much feedback, a complaint that can be levelled at a lot of cars these days.

The Ford Edge has a lot of appeal and is one of my favourite SUV’s. There’s loads of space inside.

Also, it looks more distinctive and feels more relaxed and less suited and booted than its German rivals.

Recommended.

www.theocelot.co.uk

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Style

The Finer Details of Maui Jim Pohaku Sunglasses (£205)

Happy Plugs headphones (£19.99) Quay Australia’s Super Girl Sunnies (£45)

Heathcote & Ivory’s Harlequin Savanna Mirror (£12)

Sherene Melinda Black Box Bag (£390)

With fashion writer Gina Akers Have you ever noticed how the right accessories can give an outfit a whole new look or how a style can be changed just by switching up the finer details you put with it?

Looking to movies, TV, iconic photographs and even music videos the accessories are just as important as the actual outfits. 2017 will be no exception when it comes to making sure you have the right accessories to see you through the year in style.

To start off, no iconic wardrobe is complete without the perfect pair of go-to sunglasses. If you are going for statement shades the Maui Jim Pohaku frame is ideal as an easy to wear lightweight frame, (£205) visit www. mauijim.com For an on trend fashion look Quay Australia’s Super Girl sunnies (£45) are a must have right now, the oversized frame screams glam and gives an alternative modern vintage style, check out www.quayaustralia.co.uk Headphones may not be a typical accessory that spring to mind but it is essential that what you are

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EmjJ Phoenix mini bag set (£36)

listening to your tunes with looks the part too, the new deluxe range of metallic headphones from Happy Plugs look as good as they sound, available in champagne, pink gold and space grey, from £19.99 at www. happyplugs.com As much as the perfect handbag should be practical it also has to be something special and shout that it’s the superhero of accessories, the Sherene Melinda Black box bag with a fan does just that (£390) from www. sherenemelinda.co.uk The contents of your bag can also be considered as accessories, for cosmetic bags that firmly establish you as stylish go for EmJ bags, the Phoenix mini bag set is £36 from www.theemjcompany.com The compact travel mirror has become firmly established as another handbag accessory favourite, for elegance with a quirky twist Heathcote & Ivory’s Harlequin Savanna Mirror (£12) is the one, visit www. heathcote-ivory.com for a range of gorgeous travel, cosmetic and handbag accessories.

With great shoes you can achieve anything and

Style

the fashion world Beaverbrooks Rose Gold Bar Bracelet (£65)

Beaverbrook Rose Gold Bar Necklace (£135) Classic shoes from Goodwin Smith

Zara navy blue Ballarinas shoes (£180)

Ladies Guess Watch

smart brogues are a classic for shoes to impress. In fact with these kinds of styles you can’t go wrong so if you consider yourself an accessorising pro or have no idea where to start you can work the brogue look to the max, basically they go with everything. For a range of must haves to designs for the more adventurous check out Goodwin Smith at www.goodwinsmith.co.uk Footwear doesn’t always have to be flash in order to stand out, subtlety can work just as well, Bonessi Ballarinas footwear looks are simple but hold just enough detail to provide elegant interest. The Zara style in navy blue (£180) are a real go-to that could suit any occasion, visit www.bonessiballerinas.com Jewellery often is the accessory that provides the finishing touches to an outfit but it can be quite personal and give a subtle insight to your personality. Rose Gold is a key tone right now fitting in with the metallic trend that seems set to stay for 2017, for a wearable look the Rose Gold Bar Bracelet (£65.00) from Beaverbrooks is perfect, if you like matching jewellery team it up with

Ciculr Spectaculr Black Chrono Watch (£59)

Salvatorre Ferragama’s Tuscan Scent (£215)

the Rose Gold Bar Necklace, (9ct, £135.00) from www. beaverbrooks.co.uk Watches make perfect statement accessories and are an easy to wear option if you don’t like wearing jewellery or want to maintain a simple but accessorised style. For ladies the Guess Watches Romantic Rebel in black and gold offers drama with an edgy flair, visit www.guesswatches.com for stockists. For men the Circulr Spectaculr Black Chrono watch (£59.00) is a timeless piece, check out www.circulr.com Fragrance may not be considered an obvious accessory but scent can have a huge impact on the way you feel and how confidently you carry off a style or outfit. A top scent for ladies is Salvatorre Ferragamo’s Tuscan Scent Incense Suede Eau De Parfum (75ml, £170.00) from www.harveynichols.com there is no way you can’t feel incredible when wearing this. For men a great choice is Dolce and Gabbana The One For Men Eau de Toilette Spray (150ml, £66.95) from www. fragrancedirect.co.uk

www.theocelot.co.uk

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Tech

Hydrogen is the future people!

Great Scott! Let’s hope these hydrogen powered little cars don’t go all “Hindenburg” on us! (Credit: Riversimple)

By Mike Barham We all know we shouldn’t be using fossil fuels. In your heart of hearts you know we are killing the planet, and hopefully you’d do something about it if you were able.

So without going all ‘eco-hippie’ on you, and because I’m a bit of a petrol-head at heart, I can see only one alternative to burning through old dinosaur bones, and that’s to use hydrogen.

Now, get the image of that infamous Hindenburg airship falling to earth as a flaming wreck out of your collective heads and buckle in, I’m getting my ranting trousers on.

Electric cars are great, but are fundamentally flawed.

They still run off fossil fuels, in a roundabout way, as you charge them from the national grid, which comes from a big filthy power station commissioned in the days of stove pipe hats, Brunel and typhus. Add to this the issue of not being able to go a whole week of commuting on one single charge means electric cars will become the best option for city motorists, but us folk here in the sticks will probably have to find alternative means to get around.

Hybrid vehicles suffer similar problems, although more indirectly as you top up half the tank with petrol (still) and the other half of some, like the Toyota Prius, have batteries made from nickel mined in Canada which is shipped to Europe to be refined, shipped to China to be made into “nickel foam,” then to Japan for assembly and then sent to the UK to be sold. And they say it has a minimal carbon footprint?! REALLY?! It’s not just the environmental cost of actually running the vehicle to consider, but the work that goes into putting it together. If it was human it would club baby seals. With another seal.

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So what are the alternatives? I’m putting my money on hydrogen fuel cells, however much the oil industry big wigs may hate me saying so. (If you do work at OPEC and would like to discuss the matter, please email me).

Manufacturers like Honda, Toyota and Hyundai have all invested heavily into finding a way to make the hydrogen fuel cell work in a modern car, and have gone so far as to release models operating the technology, but the main problem now is supporting the oncoming fuel revolution.

Essentially, hydrogen powered cars are just the same as hybrids except they use the H2 to power their electrical motor, not petrol. And the best part is there are no carbon emissions coming out the back end. Nothing!

The down-side at the moment is if you buy one of these amazing new machines that will save the planet, you’ll be able to drive it for around 250 miles before you have to refill with hydrogen. That sounds easy, and indeed it is much easier than having to plug your car into the wall for a few hours to recharge. You can simply fill the vehicle up with hydrogen in the same way you would fill up a standard petrol or diesel car. Although this still seems to baffle some drivers at our local Sainsbury’s.

Except that would require every petrol station in the land to stock hydrogen. Which they don’t currently. In fact the UK only has four stations that have the facility to refill a H2 powered car. FOUR! In the whole country! If you’re still reading Mr OPEC, can we get this sorted?

The future is coming slowly, with cars like the Riversimple Rasa (pictured above), which is Welsh by the way, coming to take your trusty dinosaur munching Ford Fiesta away with the sands of time. Drive safe!

Screenzone: TV

Chilling Nazi drama returns Hollywood’s arttoof the con... our screens A new series of the alternative history drama, The Man in the High Castle is goose-stepping onto our screens for a second series

Screen Grab A TV column by Ben Fitzgerald It’s out with the old and in with the new.

I shall miss BBC1’s The Apprentice, which reached its preposterous crescendo in December. I can’t remember who won though, I never can. This is season 12 but the winners of the previous dozen shows have evaporated from my mind like a summer dew.

It’s a strange show. There is something utterly compelling about seeing a group of utter twerps spouting business gibberish at each other into a phone held flat in the palm of their hands like a miniscule tray. But I’ve never seen anyone, anywhere, use a phone like that.

And that’s not the only thing I don’t understand – what is Lord Sugar doing behind that milky white door before he dramatically sweeps into the board room?

I think we’re supposed to imagine that he’s busily engaged

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in high-level business things behind a massive green leather topped desk on a phone carved out of rhino horn. But apparently, those scenes are filmed in a low-rent warehouse on an industrial estate - in somewhere like Watford – and not a slick glass and steel monolith in the throbbing heart of the metropolis.

And Lord Sugar is more likely to be killing time having a crafty fag and gently kicking a wall before being pushed through the door by an intern wearing a headset and carrying a clipboard.

Oh, and another thing that doesn’t ring true is the mysterious woman whose job it is to say: “Lord Sugar will see you now.”

I really want to know her back story. What does she do when she’s not pretending to answer her defunct Amstrad e-mailer phone to tell the candidates that it’s time to move from the pretend waiting room into the pretend board room? Perhaps all will become clear in series 13.

Maybe she’ll get her own spin-off show.

So that’s the old... what’s new I hear you ask. Well how about putting The Man in the High Castle in your pipe and smoking it. Yes I know it’s on Amazon Prime Video, but if you are not willing to shell out the price of a couple of coffees to keep the tax efficient (not dodging, that’s illegal) internet behemoth in business then shame on you.

Series 2 of the utterly incredible alternative history drama (very loosely based on the Philp K Dick novel of the same name) sees more running and hiding in a world where the Nazis and the Japanese Imperial Army have won the Second World War and split the USA up between them.

The fact that history could very well have turned out like that, were it not for my grandad tipping the balance, makes it all the more compelling.

Nazis are more scary than zombies. Fact.

Screenzone: Gaming We bet that six months into 2017, all images from the original Battlefront II will start to disappear... Never forget!

Step into the future Game On! The gaming column by Mike Barham Welcome to 2017 gamers! And what a year it’s promising to be! I didn’t receive any disagreements with my Christmas gaming awards, so I must have been pretty good at these list things. So I’ve decided to do another one looking forward to the best offerings of 2k17. If you think I’ve missed anything, or want me to discuss any other titles, drop me an email - mike@theocelot.co.uk As an Xbox owner, I have to say that Halo is one of my favourite franchises on the planet. And I’m probably on my own here, but I thought the original Halo Wars wasn’t a terrible game! A little clunky sure, but overall it didn’t disgrace the universe in the way many believed it would. So I’m actually looking forward to the return of the Command and Conquer style top-down RTS title with Halo Wars 2.

However, again as an Xbox owner, I’m looking on in jealous agony as Horizon: Zero Dawn looks set to drop in ‘17, with its jaw dropping visuals and ROBODINOSAURS?! The 90s Power Rangers fan-kid in me exploded with excitement when I saw the first trailer at E3 a couple of years back, and Horizon is quickly becoming one of the few really good reasons to jump over the console wars parapet and pick up a PS4.

Another title that would twist my gaming arm to the ‘dark side’ would be Gran Turismo Sport. As I mentioned last month, I grew up on GT racers, mainly learning how to avoid careening, kamikaze siblings in tuned up hatchbacks 30ft from the finishing line. A new Gran Turismo title has me very excited as a racing fan, and hopefully they

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can once again take the fight to the dominant Forza Motorsport series to give gamers some choice in the marketplace.

Sitting firmly in both camps are a number of incredibly enticing games, including one of my personal favourites; Mass Effect: Andromeda. The Shepard-less voyage has been long awaited with EA claiming to have righted all of the supposed wrongs from ME3 BEFORE release this time...

We shall see, but for the most part, I’m looking forward to diving back into another epic, futuristic world created by BioWare. (If only they were allowed to create Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic 3) Speaking of a galaxy far, far away, Star Wars Battlefront II is slated for a 2017 release. The second iteration of the re-invigorated shooter will retain its epic visuals and map size if Battlefield 1 is anything to go by, but will likely include elements from The Force Awakens and Rogue One. If DICE play this right, and include some single player functionality this time, I sense we could have a contender for shooter of the year.

But of course, the biggest news, is the out of control bison in the back of the room: Red Dead Redemption 2. You’ve all seen the trailers and we think this could be something simply mind blowing. Even though GTA Online is still receiving incredible support, we think the next Red Dead is going to have simply sublime story content, visuals and of course come with a fully loaded, wild-west version of the aforementioned GTA Online. Just imagine roaming around the Wild West, stealing cattle and setting up imaginary gangs whilst drinking copious amounts of alcohol.

Sounds like any night out in Bristol to be honest...

Screenzone: Film Michael Fassbender finally snaps after the 100th Monty Python reference...

Fassbending history Are You Talkin’ To Me? A Film column by Mike Barham The Assassin’s Creed movie is finally with us, released on January 1.

Now let’s forget the last time Ubisoft tried to make a film (Prince of Persia... yuck!) and be positive about this.

I’ve loved the Assassin’s Creed video game franchise since day one.

The scope of historical story that can be delved into is just a world of possibilities.

As far as I can figure out, this film version of the Creed is going to deviate a little from the established story laid down by the games, but that’s okay. If it was exactly the same, fan-boys would whine. And we don’t want that. Video game fans can get vicious when provoked. Just look up Call of Duty tournament fights on YouTube.

To get my film head back on, I’m genuinely intrigued to see what kind of journey this first AC film will take us on. The games are renowned for their epic story and a few killer twists

here and there (that may have been an unintentional pun).

At this point I should explain that Assassin’s Creed hinges on a timetravelling story mechanic to make it work. The Brotherhood of Assassins are fighting the Templar Order (from the Crusades), who essentially run the world from the shadows, and have a machine called the Animus that can read a person’s DNA and let them relive the memories of their ancestors.

Pretty cool right? That’s why the games have been able to move from the Crusades, through Renaissance Italy to pirate raids in the Caribbean and the American War of Independence.

The film, therefore, has two settings. One in the modern day, with Michael Fassbender playing career criminal Callum Lynch, and also one set during the Spanish Inquisition, with Michael Fassbender playing Aguilar de Nerha, an Assassin.

Getting Fassbender doubly on board could be a master stroke from Ubisoft. He’s a face people

recognise, so that will get bums on seats initially, but he’s also a genuinely brilliant actor in my opinion. Hopefully he can carry off the double role that is asked of him.

From what I’ve seen (as I’m writing this ahead of release) the Spanish Inquisition side of the film is going to be full of action, massive battles and swords swinging about, with a lot of jumping around, fleeing and freerunning thrown in for good measure.

But I’ll be intrigued to see how they carry off the more cerebral elements needed on the modern side to make the film flow between the two settings. I don’t want to ruin anything, but there is something called “The Bleeding Effect” that could play heavily in that side of the story. AC players will be on edge for this.

Assassin’s Creed could end up being an absolute schizophrenic mess, but I think Ubisoft have a chance to offer cinema-goers an alternative to the conveyor belt of comic book movies. I have everything crossed for this film, I really do. Please be good!

www.theocelot.co.uk

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Brews and Eats

veg

Living life on the

Riverford Organic was launched in 1993, when farmer Guy Watson began delivering vegetables from the back of an old Citroen car to 30 friends in Devon.

But the business has now expanded rapidly - to the extent that the farm now delivers around 47,000 boxes a week to homes around the UK. To match the demand, Riverford Organic have formed a mutual cooperative of British farmers around the country.

The weekly boxes come with a newsletter explaining the content of the box, giving farm news from Riverford and providing appropriate recipes.

The firm believes in good food, good farming and good business - everything that the firm produces is 100 per cent organic.

And it’s not just boxes of spuds and carrots Guy loves experimenting with new crops and other products.

Customers can order everything from vintage cheddar cheese to clementines, hazelnut truffles to fresh turmeric and everything in between.

Customers can specify the type of veg they want in their box – with a bewildering range of options.

And it’s not just vegetables, Riverford Organic Farms

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are now a one-stop shop for fish, herbs and spices, mushrooms, organic meat, classy regional cheeses and even wine.

For keen cooks, or those looking for inspiration, Riverford also delivers seasonal recipe boxes complete with absolutely all of the ingredients needed to produce complete meals, from squash, kale and Stilton pie to chicken and mushroom stew with juniper and smashed celeriac.

To find out more, log on to www.riverford.co.uk

Brews and Eats

Toasted seed & tahini slaw

removed, leaves very finely shredded Toasted Seed and Tahini Slaw (serves 4-6 as a side) 2 carrots, peeled and coarsely grated Mixed toasted seeds add extra crunch, 1 small or ½ larger onion (red or white), very finely sliced flavour and nutrients to coleslaw. You needn’t salt and black pepper stick to cabbage and carrots – try grating any Method other root veg you have to hand.

This one’s especially good served with chicken l Toast the mixed seeds in a dry frying pan wings and potato wedges. for 1–2 minutes over a medium heat, until fragrant.

Ingredients 4 tbsp mixed seeds (e.g. sunflower, sesame, l Mix the yoghurt, garlic, tahini and lemon juice in a large bowl. pumpkin, linseed) 4 tbsp plain yoghurt l Add the cabbage, carrot, onion and toasted 1 garlic clove, crushed or grated seeds, season with salt and pepper and toss gently to combine.

1 tbsp light tahini (sesame) paste juice of 1 lemon For more inspiration visit ½ Savoy cabbage, core and tough ribs www.riverford.co.uk/recipes

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Brews and Eats

Brewery Bird’s Beery Predictions for 2017 Busy consulting everything from her crystal ball, to the dregs in the bottom of her much-used pint glass, Brewery Bird assures us there are interesting times ahead for beer-drinkers in 2017! As well as looking to her cousins across the pond for a little guidance, post Great American Beer Festival competition – well, they do have previous and a little penchant for being ‘far out there’ on the brewing scale - she’s been tracking down a few rarities in good old Blighty… l Fruited Sour or Wild Beers – For many, the marmite of the beer world, sour beers are, well, sour. Dating back to ancient brewing methods which relied on wild yeast and bacteria to help ferment the brew, until the 1800s when purer, commercial yeasts became available.

Today brewers use a combination of bacteria and wild or commercial yeast to sour their beers. But don’t be put off by the sour label; these brews are a legion away from their fusty forefathers – think funky, flavourful and fun, sour meets tropical zest like a cold shower on a hot day. Lower strength, dry-hopped sours will be a popular alternative to big, hoppy IPA’s this summer.

Beers to Try: Siren Calypso Berliner Weisse Sour 4% Magic Rock Salty Kiss Gooseberry Gose 4.1%

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l Wood/Barrel Aged Beers – Aging beers in wooden casks is not a new process and many brewers have been using this method for generations. Beer is taken straight from fermentation tanks and stored in wooden barrels which previously stored spirits such as whiskey or brandy and stored from as little as a couple of months to years (depending on the strength of the beer).

However, brewers are starting to experiment with the more exotic – tequila, bourbon, chardonnay, pinot noir, even gin. Whilst these beers may be limited in number, particularly bottled, they really will be worth seeking out and laying down for a couple of years.

Beers To Try: Wild Beer Winey Beast 11% - Imperial Stout aged in Pinot Noir barrels for 9 months l Kolsch / Pilsners - First off Kolsch. (Pronounced “Kulsch”) A traditional German beer from Cologne, brewed as an ale – with top-fermenting yeasts, but then stored like a lager for a month or two. A hybrid if you like. Pale, moderately bitter with prominent hop flavour it is light, refreshing and Germany’s answer to the British Pale Ale, both established around the same time in the 1940’s. Pilsner is a type of lager originating in the Czech Republic and probably the most popular of all lager styles. Budweiser, and Coors Light are both a derivation on this style and there are three recognised types: American Double/Imperial Pilsner, German and Czech Pilsner Beers To Try: Thornbridge Tzara Kolsch 4.8% Windsor & Eton Republika Czech Pilsner 4.8%

Brews and Eats A lager you can drink in polite company

Renegade craft lager (Alc 4.5%).

Lager has something of an image problem... it’s a little.. well thuggish I suppose.

If lager were a person, he might well accuse you of looking at his girlfriend.

However, some members of the lager family are not at all like that - they are interesting company on a night out and some of them even come from ‘the abroad.’

Renegade craft lager is one of those; reminding you of the difference between a pint of liquid earwax and a decent drink.

There are a lot of drinks out there calling themselves lager, in much the same way that there are plenty of people lined up at the bar who claim to have served in the SAS. But just because you have a tattoo and are wearing trousers with lots of pockets doesn’t mean you’re a former special forces operative - you’re more likely to be one of those strange people that goes fishing.. or more sinister still… a school caretaker.

Similarly, all ‘golden’ coloured drinks are not the same - in fact some may not even be drinks at all… a liquid is not necessarily a drink.

As you may know, the difference between ale and lager is that ale

is brewed with top-fermenting yeast (Saccharomyces Cerevisiae) and lager is brewed with bottom-fermenting yeast (Saccharomyces Uvarum).

And I suppose you were already aware that although ale and lager are both beers, they are brewed at different temperatures - with lager being brewed colder to allow the fermentation process to develop more slowly.

The final result of all that is the wonder of so-called “lager” beer (from the German lagern: to store), a beer that is crisper in character and less fruity in aroma than ale.

Renegade craft lager, produced by the award-winning West Berkshire brewery, is more than just your average lager.

It’s been nurtured like a baby by experts… (I’m not suggesting keeping children in a dark cellar, it’s frowned upon these days.)

Not only is it carefully lagered for six weeks, it’s loaded with Progress and Fuggles hops to infuse the drink with masses of flavour.

All that fussing about seems to be worth it - this is a lager that doesn’t cut corners.

It’s a crisp, hoppy thing of beauty.

A grown-up lager that works equally well with Pate de Foie Gras or Frazzles.

Please, for heaven’s sake, drink responsibly.

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Brews and Eats

The history of Chicken Kiev

This isn’t just any chicken Kiev; this is an Ocelot Kiev.

So it’s going to taste funny and vaguely alcoholic...

By Mike Barham So we’ve got a bit of a curve-ball for you this month Chicken Kiev, and its mysterious, controversial origins.

Since the 18th century Russian chefs have adopted many techniques of French haute cuisine and combined them with the local culinary tradition. The adoption was furthered by the French chefs, such as Marie-Antoine Carême and Urbain Dubois, who were hired by Russian gentry. Or as they became known in 1917 - target practice. (Russian Revolution jokes anybody? No?!)

In particular the use of quality meat cuts, such as various cutlets, steaks, escalopes and suprêmes became widespread in the 19th century, and a number of original dishes involving such cuts were developed in Russia at that time.

While the roots of chicken Kiev can thus be traced back to the French haute cuisine and the Russian cookery of the 19th century, the origin of the particular recipe known today as chicken Kiev remains disputed.

Ultimately, original ‘kievs’ were not what we know today: bread-crumbed and oozing with garlic butter.

The main difference between the old time côtelette de volaille and the modern chicken cutlet Kiev-style is that the elaborate stuffing of the former are replaced by butter, which has been known in Russian cuisine at least since the invention of the Pozharsky cutlet in the first half of the 19th century. The Pozharsky cutlets are breaded

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ground chicken patties for which butter is added to minced meat.

The people of Kiev attribute the invention of the “cutlet de volaille Kiev-style” to the restaurant of the Continental hotel in the Ukrainian city in the 1910s. In the traditional variant, the humerus bone of the chicken is left in the arrangement, like the original French recipe before it. So none of this processed chicken rubbish you get in M&S. Interestingly, good old Marks and Spencer were the first company to introduce Chicken Kiev to the UK in 1976 as their first ever ready meal! In fact, they have been so popular over here that companies have started calling any stuffed meat parcel a “Kiev”. How about a bacon and leek Kiev? A cheese and ham Kiev? No? Since the end of the 1940s and beginning of the 1950s, chicken Kiev became a standard dish in Soviet high class restaurants, in particular in the Intourist hotel chain serving foreign tourists. Though these foreign tourists were likely just MI6 spies on their way through to save an ice-skating protégé in their Aston Martin. That’s probably how we ended up with chicken Kiev’s in M&S! Good old Bond!

So next time you’re in M&S, remember that their ready meals started as a snack for the Russian gentry. If you start being chased by some men waving red flags, flag down the nearest Aston Martin.

Oxford held in consternation by terrible rhymes at the Old Fire Station

Performance poet Tina Sederholm

Producers Varjak and Simpson

Edinburgh Fringe sell-out show, The Anti-Slam, returns to The Old Fire Station, Oxford, on January 28.

Contrary to a conventional poetry slam, where the poet with the best poem and most authentic performance is judged the winner, the Anti-Slam crowns the worst poet with the lowest score as its champion.

Organisers have challenged Oxford’s finest performance poets to be brilliantly terrible in this ultimate celebration of failure and disaster. Expect clanking metaphors, rhymes straining at the seams, vomit-inducing imagery. Poetry so bad, it transcends quality and becomes genius.

Also featuring blatantly biased judging, irrational score-keeping and mob rule, which will somehow be corralled by Tina ‘Calamity’ Sederholm, who has been Hammer and Tongue Oxford Slam champion twice, as well as a member of the winning Oxford team at the 2013 National Slam Championships, Dan ‘Disaster’ Simpson and Paula ‘Catastrophe’ Varjack. Prepare yourself for the antithesis of all things gentle or highbrow; poetry, yes, but not as you know-etry.

The Anti-Slam is an internationally touring show, with events in Berlin, Sydney, Warsaw, Singapore and Turin. Having sold out in Oxford yet again last year, it has now been moved to the theatre at the Old Fire Station, promising to be bigger, messier and more marvellously terrible than ever before. Tickets are £10.

For more information, head to: www.oldfirestation.org.uk

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Theatre List

in association with Wychwood Brewery www.wychwood.co.uk Saturday December 10 2016 to Sunday January 8 FAMILY EVENTS: Cinderella Wyvern Theatre, Theatre Square, Swindon SN1 1QN Thursday January 5 to Saturday January 7 THEATRE: La Cage Aux Folles New Theatre, George St, Oxford OX1 2AG Friday January 6 DANCE: Pilgrim 7.30pm - BT Studio, Oxford Playhouse, Beaumont Street, Oxford OX1 2LW Saturday January 7 THEATRE: MET: Nabucco 5:10pm - Salisbury Arts Centre, Bedwin Street, Salisbury SP1 3UT THEATRE: I Stop To Understand 7.30pm - BT Studio, Oxford Playhouse, Beaumont Street, Oxford OX1 2LW Monday January 9 to Saturday January 14 THEATRE: The Commitments New Theatre, George Street, Oxford OX1 2AG Monday January 9 COMEDY: To She or Not To She 7.30pm - BT Studio, Oxford Playhouse, Beaumont Street, Oxford OX1 2LW Tuesday January 10 to Wednesday January 11 THEATRE: Heartbeats and Algorithms 7.30pm - BT Studio, Oxford Playhouse, Beaumont Street, Oxford OX1 2LW Wednesday January 11 COMEDY: John Shuttleworth – My Last Will and Tasty Mint 7:30pm - Swindon Arts Centre, Devizes Rd, Swindon SN1 4BJ Thursday January 12 CONCERT: Oxjams 7.30pm - BT Studio, Oxford Playhouse, Beaumont Street, Oxford OX1 2LW Friday January 13 THEATRE: The Adult Panto – Puss and Dick 7:30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Theatre Square, Swindon SN1 1QN COMEDY: Jongleurs Comedy Club 7:45pm - Corn Exchange, Market Place, Newbury RG14 5BD COMEDY: Showstopper! - The Improvised Musical 7.30pm - Oxford Playhouse, Beaumont Street, Oxford OX1 2LW COMEDY: Joz Norris and Marney

Godden 7.30pm - BT Studio, Oxford Playhouse, Beaumont Street, Oxford OX1 2LW THEATRE: Dylan Thomas’ Under Milk Wood 7:30pm - Salisbury Playhouse, Malthouse Lane, Salisbury SP2 7RA Saturday January 14 COMEDY: Miles Jupp 7:30pm - Oxford Playhouse, 11-12 Beaumont Street, Oxford OX1 2LW THEATRE: Dancing Bear, Dancing Bear 7.30pm - BT Studio, Oxford Playhouse, Beaumont Street, Oxford OX1 2LW FAMILY EVENTS: Come and Sing The Pirates of Penzance 7:30pm - Salisbury Playhouse, Malthouse Ln, Salisbury SP2 7RA Sunday January 15 to Monday January 16 COMEDY: Jack Whitehall – At Large 8pm - New Theatre, George Street, Oxford OX1 2AG Sunday January 15 CONCERT: Tommy Emmanuel + Clive Carroll 7:30pm - City Hall, Malthouse Ln, Salisbury SP2 7TU Tuesday January 17 THEATRE: From Ibiza to the Norfolk Broads Swindon Arts Centre, Devizes Rd, Swindon SN1 4BJ TALKS: Cafe Sci presents Prof. Andrew Harrison 7.30pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, 25 Station Road, Didcot OX11 7NE Wednesday January 18 COMEDY: Ross Noble 8pm - Wyvern Theatre, Theatre Square, Swindon SN1 1QN

Salisbury Playhouse, Malthouse Lane, Salisbury SP2 7RA Friday January 20 CABARET: Circus of Horrors 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Theatre Square, Swindon SN1 1QN TALKS: Down to Earth with Monty Don 5:45pm - Salisbury Playhouse, Malthouse Ln, Salisbury SP2 7RA DRAMA: La Boheme 8pm - Oxford Playhouse, Beaumont Street, Oxford OX1 2LW COMEDY: Shappi Khorsandi 8pm - Salisbury Arts Centre, Bedwin Street, Salisbury SP1 3UT COMEDY: Andrew Lawrence 7:30pm - Swindon Arts Centre, Devizes Rd, Swindon SN1 4BJ Saturday January 21 CONCERT: Barry Steele and Friends – The Orbison Story 7:30pm - New Theatre, George Street, Oxford OX1 2AG DRAMA: Black is The Colour of My Voice 7.30pm - Oxford Playhouse, Beaumont Street, Oxford OX1 2LW COMEDY: Shazia Mirza – The Kardashians Made Me Do It 8pm - Swindon Arts Centre, Devizes Rd, Swindon SN1 4BJ CONCERT: ELEGIE: Rachmaninoff – A Heart in Exile 7:30pm - Salisbury Playhouse, Malthouse Lane, Salisbury SP2 7RA THEATRE: MET: Romeo et Juliette 5:10pm - Salisbury Arts Centre, Bedwin Street, Salisbury SP1 3UT

DANCE: Tangomotion 7.30pm - Oxford Playhouse, Beaumont Street, Oxford OX1 2LW

Sunday January 22 THEATRICAL SCREENING: Bolshoi Live: The Sleeping Beauty 3pm - Corn Exchange, Market Pl, Newbury RG14 5BD

Thursday January 19 CONCERT: The Pasadena Roof Orchestra 7:30pm - Salisbury Playhouse, Malthouse Ln, Salisbury SP2 7RA

COMEDY: Omid Djalili – Schmuck for a Night 8pm - Wyvern Theatre, Theatre Square, Swindon SN1 1QN

THEATRE: The Mitzvah Project 7.30pm - Arts at The Old Fire Station, 40 George Street, Oxford OX1 2AQ COMEDY: The Remains of Tom Lehrer 7.30pm - Oxford Playhouse, Beaumont Street, Oxford OX1 2LW Friday January 20 to Saturday January 21 THEATRE: A Little Of What You Fancy

Tuesday January 24 to Thursday January 26 DANCE: Lord of the Dance – Dangerous Games 8pm - New Theatre, George St, Oxford OX1 2AG Friday January 25 to Saturday January 28 DRAMA: Edward II Oxford Playhouse, Beaumont Street,

www.theocelot.co.uk

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Theatre list

in association with Wychwood Brewery www.wychwood.co.uk

Oxford OX1 2LW

Newbury RG14 5BD

Salisbury SP1 3UT

Thursday January 26 DANCE: Break Out! 7pm - Arlington Arts Centre, Mary Hare, Snelsmore Common, Newbury RG14 3BQ

Saturday January 28 CONCERT: Vampires Rock – The Ghost Train 7:30pm - New Theatre, George Street, Oxford OX1 2AG

Monday January 30 DANCE: Swindon Schools Dance Festival 3pm + 5.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Theatre Square, Swindon SN1 1QN

Friday January 27 to Saturday January 28 COMEDY: The Thing That Came From Over There!

7pm - Pegasus Theatre, Magdalen Road, Oxford OX4 1RE Friday January 27 CONCERT: The Johnny Cash Roadshow 7:30pm - New Theatre, George Street, Oxford OX1 2AG DANCE: Tangomotion 7:45pm - Corn Exchange, Market Place,

POETRY: The Anti Slam 7.30pm - Arts at The Old Fire Station, 40 George Street, Oxford OX1 2AQ COMEDY: Lee Nelson: Serious Joker 7.30pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, 25 Station Road, Didcot OX11 7NE Sunday January 29 TALKS: Michael Portillo - Life: A Game of Two Halves 3pm - Salisbury Arts Centre, Bedwin St,

Monday January 30 to Saturday February 4 COMEDY: Stewart Lee - Content Provider 7.30pm - Oxford Playhouse, Beaumont Street, Oxford OX1 2LW Tuesday January 31 COMEDY: Russell Howard – Work in Progress 7:30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Theatre Square, Swindon SN1 1QN

Oxford’s annual Spring Dance Festival is as inclusive and adventurous as ever It may be a cliché, but it is true to say that, Dancin’ Oxford’s annual Spring Festival offers something for everyone.

From the crème de la crème of international choreographers, to free outdoor experiences, a Dance-A-Thon, professional and amateur companies plus shows for children and workshops, Dancin’ Oxford 2017 has programmed a festival of treats.

Now in its 11th year and funded by Oxford City Council and Arts Council, England, Dancin’ Oxford goes from strength to strength.

Claire Thompson, Oxford City Council Dance Officer said “We find that each new festival is rewarding in so many ways. Oxford’s vibrant dance scene love it as do many people who have never experienced dance before. The free dance event in the city brings a variety of dance styles to the shoppers and has some real treats in store!

Dancin’ Spaces (4 March), in and around the City Centre, is a variety of programmed dance performances and promenade pieces.

Shoppers might find they are chosen to be ‘protected’ by dancing Bodyguards, discover a dance about football fusing hip hop with contemporary dance, watch and interact with a performance for children or see a duet in the Weston Library foyer.

All this runs alongside a plethora of local dance companies which will entertain and delight shoppers.

For more information on the events happening around Oxford during the festival, and for tickets to an array of shows, head to: www.dancinoxford.co.uk

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The Ashmolean Museum

Art that

Shocked the world

Shocking stuff - portrait of Igor Stravinski by Gleizes (left) and study of a bathing nude by Degas

The Ashmolean’s spring exhibition charts one of the most compelling stories in the history of art – the rise of Modernism.

From the early nineteenth century to the middle of the twentieth, this story was played out in France and especially in Paris which became a creative crucible where international artists were drawn by salons and dealers, the creative exchange between poets and painters, and the bohemian atmosphere of such places as Montmartre and Montparnasse.

The exhibition plots a course from the Romantics through the Impressionists and Post-Impressionists to the groundbreaking experiments in abstraction by Picasso, Braque and Léger.

Academic artists and members of the avantgarde exchanged ideas and as rivalries developed between different schools and powerful characters.

In works by Manet, Pissarro, Cézanne, Degas and

Picasso, the exhibition explores the artists who created Modernism.

At the heart of the exhibition is a group of works

by Picasso and other artists who first experimented with Cubism. Examples include an early study by Picasso for Les Demoiselles d’Avignon of 1906–7, and oil paintings and works on paper produced by artists who exhibited at the first public showing of Cubism, the Salon des Indépendants in 1911, Degas to Picasso surveys, in a very personal manner, key moments in the development of art in France from the French Revolution to the Second World War – a time when artists evolved new means of expression, which depended on new subject matter, and adopted new techniques and formal strategies.

DEGAS TO PICASSO - Creating Modernism in France runs at the Ashmolean Museum from 10 February–7 May 2017. www.ashmolean.org

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Swindon Museum and Art Gallery

Swindon’s Ark Plans unveiled for £22million cultural hub A vision of Swindon’s proposed new £22m museum and art gallery has been unveiled.

Partners and stakeholders have lifted the lid on details of an ambitious plan which promises to revitalise the town centre and secure Swindon’s place as a cultural hub with the creation of an iconic landmark.

Architects were challenged to submit their proposals to transform the site of the former Wyvern Theatre multi-story and ground level car park into the home of a museum and art gallery housing the town’s nationally significant collection of British 20th Century modern art, which includes works by Lucian Freud, Henry Moore, LS Lowry and Graham Sutherland.

The new building will sit on the footprint of the now demolished multistory car park overlooking a large plaza next to Princes Street.

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The architects were also asked to create a landmark destination that would form the centrepiece of Swindon’s new cultural quarter, become a significant source of pride and wellbeing for residents and businesses, and attract visitors to Swindon from the wider region and beyond. The winning design, realised in a 3d model, was put on show at Swindon’s current Art Gallery and Museum on Bath Road.

As part of its fund-raising strategy the Swindon Museum and Art Gallery (SMAG) Trust will be applying to the Heritage Lottery Fund (HLF) in November for a grant of around £10 million towards the £22 million project.

Make Architects, whose founder Ken Shuttleworth lives in Wiltshire, were selected to develop the design concepts to submit to the HLF as part of

Swindon Museum and Art Gallery

the bid. Make’s proposal, designed with Arup, Steenson Varming and Alinea, presents a cutting edge venue that includes learning centres, event spaces, cafe and dining areas, a viewing gallery and a generous public realm.

Alongside these are four flexible independent gallery spaces.

The founder of Make Architects, Ken Shuttleworth, said: “Our team is extremely excited by the immense potential of the site.

We believe the development of the space is a fantastic opportunity to create a beautiful cultural destination in the heart of Swindon that safeguards, enhances and celebrates the area’s collections, and creates a new and engaging public realm that draws and excites visitors.”

Director of SMAG, Hadrian Ellory van Dekker, said the design reflected the town’s cultural heritage, was sensitive to the demands

‘

We didn’t want something safe, or just another glass cube.

‘

Hadrian Ellory van Dekker with a model of the proposed muesum and art gallery

of the site and fulfilled the requirements of housing and displaying the town’s collection.

“This was the design that really stood out for us. We didn’t want something safe, or just another glass cube, we wanted something that shows the architects have really thought carefully about the site and how best to show off our wonderful collection.”

Swindon Borough Council has already pledged £5 million towards the project.

The Swindon Museum and Art Gallery trust will submit their application for around £10m of Heritage Lottery Fund money in November 2017, where the bid will compete for a national annual allocation of £50m. www.theocelot.co.uk

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Luke’s out for lunch Actor, musician and comedian Luke Courtier is coming to the North Wall Arts Centre in Oxford on January 21 Ben Fitzgerald caught up with him over an erratic mobile line from the cosy confines of Pret a Manger... somewhere in London.

Describe your show ‘Lunch’… It sounds a little odd if you don’t mind me saying?.

“Well I thought I’d write a song cycle about having lunch. I like singing and I like lunch but lunch is such a mundane meal that I thought I would combine the two. I really like Flanders and Swann and I noticed that they always seem to begin with someone having lunch before descending into something a bit surreal involving animals. That’s where I take my inspiration from I suppose.

How do you write your material, do you sit in a small quiet room and scribble away or do you forge it in the white heat of live performance?

“I like to have a song half written which I then put in front of an audience – that means that I can keep tweaking it as I go. It seems to work best that way

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– I must admit that I quite like the creative pressure that puts on you. I did 24 live performances at the Underbelly Theatre during the Edinburgh Fringe festival over the summer and that was quite an opportunity to do a fair bit of honing. I feel that my songs are never quite done – I am constantly changing things depending on how the audience reacts.”

I hear that most acts lose money when they take a show to the fringe – how did it go for you?

“Well, it wasn’t that bad, I’m feeling a little sore, but we were really happy that we had good turnout of people coming along.

“This means that I will be able to buy people Christmas presents this year you will be pleased to hear.”

I had a look at your biography and it turns out that you’re a proper actor – what on Earth are you doing messing around with comedy?

“I love the idea of taking the silly extremely seriously.

“When I went to acting at RADA, everyone would be incredibly sincere about their acting craft.

“I thought that if you could take that level of sheer dedication and sincerity and apply it to something utterly ridiculous then that could make for something funny.”

moment called Cowboys and Tax Returns, my goal is to keep on writing. There is no better test than putting something before an audience and I enjoy challenging myself in this way.

“The more I write the better I get at doing it – I’ve got a lot of ideas and a lot of energy and I’m really enjoying what I do.

“I can’t wait to perform at the North Wall Arts Centre, I’ve never been, but I’ve got a lot of friends who have performed there and they tell me it’s a great venue.”

What does the future hold – are you going to get a proper job?

“Hopefully in the future, I shall continue to perform and hopefully people will continue to find it funny and come along! I’m writing a play at the

l Luke Courtier will appear at the North Wall Arts Centre on January 21 at 8pm Tickets: £10 (Conc) £8. For more information see www.thenorthwall.com or call the box office on 01865 319450,

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Gig Monkey Gig Monkey, AKA Ed Dyer, once again sifts through the best music released by local artists. If you like the sound of something please do go and check it out Send your reviews to ed@theocelot.co.uk

Gagreflex – A Mouthful of Marbles (Album)

Sometimes music can be complex, big and clever, and that can be a wonderful thing (see Pet Sounds), but sometimes, stripping it all back to basics can be equally as good. This doesn’t always mean twee, folky acoustic music either. Noisy punk bastards GagReflex take the rhythm section simplicity of a bass guitar and a drum kit, add a voice, and fashion something very special from just these three components, and it couldn’t be much further from twee folk.

Lyrically there is a surprising dexterity at work – a ferocious and deep commentary that is well intentioned and perceptively produced, adding a steampunk literacy to the recordings.

What is also very apparent, and very special, is how much ‘tune’ there is in this album. Rather than just the crash-bang-wallop-du-du-du you might expect from a band with no guitars or keyboards, there are layers of melodies, rhythmic changes and subtleties, meticulously melded together alongside all the noise and dynamism you could possibly hope for. The end result is a superb, catchy pop record you can stage dive to. If that sounds strange to you, then seek this out and get a copy, for it will open your ears Available via gagreflex.bandcamp.com

Jonny Payne & The Thunder – Toronto / Across The Brooklyn Bridge This is a handsome release of quality Americana styled song-writing, influenced heavily by Jonny’s travels around North America. Accessible, understandable stories of interesting people in interesting places, but all against the back drop of someone who knows they will eventually be returning home to real life.

As catchy as the noro virus but infinitely more pleasurable, this is a fine aperitif for the upcoming, grander scale release that I know is coming very soon.

Get it at: www.jonnypayneandthethunder.com

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Catgod – Ready When You Are (Album)

Anything new from a member of Neverlnd is asking to be listened to and as this record is the debut album from a band that has been collected around multi-instrumentalist and producer Robin Christensen-Marriot and heavily features two other members of his old band there was a good chance it was going to be rather special.

All this initial promise is followed through, as this is indeed an extraordinary record. It is, as you would expect from Robin’s pedigree, a slick, polished and effortless sounding collection of Jazz, Blues and Soul inspired Dreampop songs. This combination of influences and sounds gives a very similar listening experience to that I had when listening to those Trip-Hop pioneers back in the day, that clever combination of being made to feel very relaxed, sleepy almost, tempered by such fascination at the layer upon layer of sound being built, (layering in a style very much how fellow Oxfordians Radiohead do), wondering at the different influences and styles building up and being presented in new ways, and the anticipation as you concentrate so hard on the music so as not to miss any little nuance.

The use of guest vocals gives each song an immediate identity and enables the whole piece to shift gear and atmosphere, almost location even, as it pulses around you.

These voices soar alongside the music, always adding to the experience, never detracting or spoiling, sitting in the songs perfectly.

Robin has stepped up to the plate, delivered on all the promise of Neverlnd and its spin offs and produced an album of rare quality and talent. This is the earliest shout ever for Record of The Year I reckon.

Listen at: soundcloud.com/catgodmusic/sets/readywhen-you-are

Live Review Credit - BR (Very Amateur)

Jo Harman@ Devizes Sports Club

By Mike Barham If the UK blues scene has somehow gone underground, nobody has told Disorderly Sounds in Devizes, and thank goodness for that.

Consistently booking extraordinary performers, December saw the arrival of rising blues star Jo Harman and her incredible backing band. Having visited Devizes before at the Long Street Blues Club, Jo became a favourite of the community in the area, which became one of the main factors for the December show at the R&B Bar at the towns sports club.

Just five minutes before taking the stage, Jo was ambushed by our reporter, and said: “If it wasn’t for the blues community in this area, I wouldn’t be here.

It’s humbling to have such support and I felt we had to repay that and bring the tour here.

“It’s great to be doing the full band shows as well. Our current schedule is usually just duo shows at the moment, so pushing out these songs in their full form is great”.

The show itself was a showcase of vocal quality and tightly formed, excellently written songs that ebb and flow in the most natural of ways. Harman possesses a timeless voice that fills a room and demands attention, whilst maintaining an organic flair and drama that you get only with the best singers.

If the previous Disorderly show at the R&B Bar was a riotous showing by DVL of how rocking the blues can be, Harman and her band were the direct antipodean offering, slowing things down, focussing on the songs themselves and really driving forward with emotion and power.

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With a few more shows like this, Disorderly Sounds and Devizes itself could become a hub for the new blues revolution that appears to be in motion at the moment.

The town may need to focus on upping its ability to handle these shows, as competitors on the doorstep, like City Hall in Salisbury, start to cotton on to this vein of talent all the more. Especially with its Corn Exchange in the centre of town appearing to be woefully underutilised aside from as a weekend basement nightclub.

This shouldn’t be a problem though, with the community consistently being able to call on their passion for the musical arts and attracting acts like Jo Harman and her contemporaries on a regular basis. Long may it continue!

Keep an eye on the Disorderly Sounds facebook page for more of these shows: facebook.com/DisorderlySounds

January Gigs

7th No Middle Ground 14th Built For Comfort 21st El Toro - blues & rock cover band) 28th Sister Sister

Fri 13th - Kahtet + Cutlass Fri 20th - Austeros + Support Fri 27th - Krooked Nation + Support Sat 28th - Faux + Chapter and Versen

Live Music News

Musicians and mental health (or How to stay sane as a musician)

Musicians are among the most creative and yet troubled people on this earth. Let’s face it, we all have to be a little crazy to stand in front of people and crave that attention.

But what if it gets on top of you? Who will listen, or even understand? Wiltshire based counsellor Amy Walters may have some answers: Since I have the distinct pleasure of being both a mental health professional and a musician, I thought it was high time I addressed the complex world of musicians’ mental health.

As we head into a new year we might be thinking about how we can make 2017 a great one musically, we might be making plans about how to reach more people, how to write more authentically, how to be successful or even what counts as success. What about your mental health?

Let’s be honest, being a musician creating art can be really tough on our mental health. We have a tendency to embrace the darkness of our past and present hurts so that it can inform our writing, we’re constantly making ourselves vulnerable, holding out our art for the world to judge, hoping for connection, not to mention carrying the weight of the expectations of family and friends. That can take a toll.

‘The Stage’ magazine recently published an article reporting that more than 70% of musicians suffer with

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anxiety and panic attacks and 65% suffered with depression. It’s no wonder there is a desire to turn to outside sources to feel something or nothing. Drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, food anything that helps right?

So how can you stay sane as a musician?

1.Connect with other art. Since the dawn of time philosophers, scientists, playwrights and artists have tried to figure out this meaning of life stuff. Have a look at the ‘The Guest House’ by Rumi. Other artists have gone before us, paving the way with their neuroses and pain.

We are not alone.

2. Make time to refill. When you are constantly giving out to your music, your other jobs, your family, your friends, it can feel like there is very little left for yourself.

Find something that is separate to your own art that can top up the internal vessel, you can’t give out what you don’t have.

3. Put it into your music. It can be really cathartic to make music that reflects the chaos of our minds.

4. Share your mind. Whether it’s a friend, and therapist, a family member, share the things that are taking up your head space. You really are not alone.

Happy New Year.

Amy Walters runs a counselling service in Calne, Wiltshire as well as regularly performing her own music.

For more info visit: amywalterscounselling.co.uk

Live Review Feel good pop from The Fratellis at the O2 Academy

The Fratellis may be a name that has dropped off the Radio 1 audience radar, but that is no reason not to celebrate a stand-out album by the feel good indie kids from the early noughties. Our intrepid Oxford music guru Alyssa Nilsen headed down to the O2 Academy to let us know if The Fratellis still wield a Chelsea Dagger, or if they just Need Medicine...

The Fratellis returned to Oxford as part of a big anniversary tour for their debut album Costello Music, which was released 10 years ago (yes boys and girls, back in 2006!) spawning several massive hits and setting off a decade long career, which is now being celebrated in venues all around the UK. The Scottish trio visited the O2 Academy for a sold out show, playing the album in full plus a handful of newer songs. It didn’t all get off to a great start though.

The band took to the stage, played a minute or so of Henrietta, and then stopped playing, not satisfied with the sound. “We’re gonna go off stage and come back when it’s sorted” vocalist Jon stated, “or this isn’t gonna be fun for us or you”. The band left the stage to the silence of a somewhat puzzled crowd, who then started chanting the chorus to Chelsea Dagger until the band came back on and dived straight into smash hit Flathead.

The decade long

experience of the lads was obvious on stage. They’re utterly professional at what they do, even if vocalist Jon is the only one who really stands out, all dapper in a suit and fedora.

The crowd seemed to catch the security a bit off guard with their bouncy celebration of the album, with waves of people crashing into each other and jubilant moshing.

Several of the songs were met with cheers and loud sing alongs, particularly “Whistle For The Choir” and “Creepin Up The Backstairs”, while the obvious highlights of the evening were “Baby Fratelli” and “Chelsea Dagger” which made the crowd nearly implode with happiness.

There was still time left for some newer songs, and the crowd was treated to singles “Impostors (Little by Little)” and “Baby Don’t You Lie To Me” from last year’s “Eyes Wide, Tongue Tied” album, a Dion cover and a scattering of songs from “We Need Medicine” and “Here We Stand”. The Fratellis have a strong catalogue of music, even if the newer material has somewhat less of the frantic energy the debut album did. And this evening was clearly all about “Costello Music”.

Despite still cheering and singing along to what was being delivered from stage, it was the songs from the debut album which set the bar, and which made this a magical night for the crowd.

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The Ocelot Presents...

Discovering the music of today’s and tomorrow’s local scene with our very own man mountain Mike Barham Insert obligatory “outstanding in his field” joke

Jamie R Hawkins One of Wiltshire’s finest “adopted” singer/songwriters Jamie R Hawkins - is a constant on the local music scene in one form or another. If he’s not relentlessly playing in every venue he can find, he’s organising shows for others or performing with his brother as Son Of David and much more besides. Added to this the fact that he is one of the most approachable and likeable characters on the circuit means I just had to have word with him: Who is Jamie Hawkins? Give us a little of the life story...

I was born, some stuff happened and now I write songs about most of it. I spent most of my youth in Devon where I mostly drank cider, woke up on roundabouts hugging traffic cones and working in warehouses to fund my coco pops addiction.

I got married, had a couple of kids and did the corporate thing for a while but went slowly insane and decided one day to become a musician instead because money isn’t everything, right? Besides, song writing is a kind of therapy for me and has in many ways, kept me this side of the dirt.

How did you get into music?

My Dad used to play us songs on his guitar when we were little - he taught me my first chords. I’ve always loved music but my brothers both got into playing live way before I did. I focused more on the writing side of things - I’ve always had a love of literature and wordplay. We formed a band in the 90’s and toured the UK for a couple of years. When that ended, I started writing songs on my own with the intention of

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getting other artists to perform them but getting people to even listen to my songs was virtually impossible.

Then I won the UK Song-writing Contest in 2011 with ‘Bloody Good Xmas’ and that’s when I decided to go out and try performing them myself. I’ve never looked back since.

What’s your proudest musical achievement to date?

I’m really proud of all the songs I’ve written and my second EP, ‘Capacity To Change’, was a pretty big deal for me but, touring Switzerland and landing a record deal with an independent label out there is probably the achievement I’m proudest of to date.

What are you looking forward to most in 2017?

2017 is going to be awesome! I’ve got two more tours lined up in Switzerland, a single (Planets’) set for chart release out there and an album in the works. I’m also working on an EP for UK release.

Plus, I’ve just released a charity single, ‘Those We Leave Behind’, in memory of my nephew Darryl and in aid of CALM - I’m hoping that by the end of January I’ll have raised my target of £1000 through donations and downloads (links can be found on my website www.JamieRHawkins.com - or on my facebook page, Twitter, etc).

Name your favourite brand of cereal and why?

My favourite brand of cereal, as already mentioned, is Coco Pops because, in the words of the anthropomorphic primate himself, ‘they’re so chocolatey, they even turn the milk brown’... www.JamieRHawkins.com

Live Music News

Acoustic sensation Tommy Emmanuel at City Hall Salisbury Two-time Grammy nominee Tommy Emmanuel, whose five decade career has garnered hundreds of thousands of fans worldwide, will be bringing his passionate and infectious live show to the UK in January, stopping off at Salisbury City Hall on Sunday 15.

If you haven’t heard the name, do yourself a favour and head to YouTube. You won’t regret it!

“It’s all about the feeling of the music,” Emmanuel says. “And it has to make me feel something. I’m still playing for myself, you know, because I figure if I please me, then I’m pretty sure I’m gonna please you.

And that’s not an arrogant statement, it’s just quality control.”

An accomplished fingerstyle player, Emmanuel frequently threads three different parts simultaneously into his material, operating as a one-man band who handles the melody, the supporting chords and the bass all at once. That expert layering is evident in It’s Never Too Late on the quixotic “Only Elliott,” the calming title track and the gorgeous “Hellos And Goodbyes.”

There’s a science to assembling the parts, and Emmanuel’s technical gift has earned him multiple awards from Guitar Player magazine and made him a Member of the Order of Australia, an honour bestowed by the Queen in his homeland. But the average fan could listen without even considering the precision behind the work, focusing instead on the artful tension and release of Emmanuel’s melodies.

That’s how he intends it.

“I write as if I’m writing for a singer,” he explains. “I don’t think, ‘Ah, it’s just a solo guitar piece.’ I try to imagine I’m playing with a band or with a singer, but then I play the whole thing as a solo piece and look for ways to give it space.”

Emmanuel was destined, perhaps, to become a world-class musician. Given his first guitar at age four, he started working professionally just two years later in a family band, the Emmanuel Quartet. He never learned to read and write music, but he and his brother Phil were dedicated students of the instrument, creating games that helped them identify chords and patterns. They became adept at picking out the nuances of complex chords, a talent that takes most musicians years to develop.

For more info head to: www.cityhallsalisbury.co.uk

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Live Music News Little Comets will be at the O2 Academy on February 9

O2 Academy Oxford springs back into action Rejoice music fans of Oxfordshire, for the worst of the winter blues are behind us! The O2 Academy is diving straight back into its packed schedule of top acts to make sure you’ve got something to dance to through the last throes of Jack Frost’s reign of icy terror!

First up in January is a welcome return for Hertfordshire four-piece The Hunna, who sold out their January 25 date at the O2 Academy2 before Christmas had even settled into its festive drinking trousers. So if you’re a fan of these boys, or the epic support act High Tyde and didn’t get a ticket, sorry you are missing out!

However, when we went to press there were still tickets available for the Bob Marley Birthday Festival being run by Robert Nesta Dub. Featuring Ras Keith, ZAIA, Tom Dred, King Lloyd, Dan-I, Jah Paul and Tony Dread, why not try celebrating the life of a legend by dancing away those January blues.

February kicks in with hip-hop’s latest rising star Loyle Carner, who is in Oxford on the seventh to support his highly anticipated debut album, Yesterday’s Gone. Loyle’s insight, erudition and poetic intensity have earned him the respect of all the right people: die-hard hip-hop fans, industry insiders and most importantly, his peers.

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Little Comets descend on Oxford on February 9, bringing their ‘kitchen sink indie rock’ with them in support of latest album WORHEAD. Expect walls of noise and singalong tunes that keep you feeling good throughout the night.

Having put their invasion plans on hold in December, Star Wars themed metal act Galactic Empire will finally be appearing at the O2 Academy on February 18, this time supported by virtuoso guitar star Sithu Aye. The internet sensations Loyle Carner takes over the O2 perform classic Academy on February 7 pieces from the

Live Music News

The O2 Academy welcome White Lies on February 25

iconic soundtrack of the Star Wars films written by John Williams, sure to please members of both the Empire and Rebel Alliance alike.

After the release of her acclaimed third album Wild Things featuring singles ‘Let it Roll’, ‘A Love Song’ and ‘Wild Things’, and her sold out 2016 worldwide tour, synth-pop artist Pip Brown (aka Ladyhawke) from New Zealand is back on UK turf for a run of shows, including Valentines’ Day in Oxford. (That’s February 14 for those who may forget every year...)

Due to overwhelming public demand, White Lies are returning to the stage for a new headline tour in support of their latest album, Friends including February 25 at

Ladyhawke burns a trail into Oxford on February 25

the O2 Academy. Recorded in Bryan Ferry’s private studio in London’s Olympia, Friends was self-produced by the band and featured Grammy-winning engineer James Brown (Foo Fighters, Arctic Monkeys), David Wrench (Caribou, FKA Twigs) on mixing duties and long-term collaborator, Ed Buller.

Following the White Lies show, you may want to stick around as at 11pm, Dusky take to the stage to share their vast catalogue of electronica influenced music, from Belgian techno through to vintage progressive house to ambient, new beat and electronica.

So what are you waiting for? Grab your tickets from: academymusicgroup.com/o2academyoxford

The O2 Academy welcomes Dusky Live on February 25

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January Listings Thurs 5th

Games Night 8pm free

Fri 6th

Martyrials EP Launch Show with

Siblings Of Us 8pm £3 Sat 7th

Hooch 8pm free

Thurs 12th

Jon Amor + Mike Barham + Jack

Moore 8pm free Fri 13th

Private Function

Sat 14th

Private Function

Thurs 19th

The Shadow Monkeys 8pm free

Fri 20th

Vice Versa 8pm free

Sat 21st

Buslife 9pm £5

Thurs 26th

Last Call 8pm free

Fri 27th

Ghost Of Machines + Special Guests

8pm free Sat 28th

Still Marillion 8pm £8

Live Music News Take The Stage continues - Escapade through to final Applications open for February heat Round Two of Take The Stage took place on November 24 (just after our deadline) with Bath based indie rock group Escapade fighting off competition from Chippenham’s own Lacuna’s Grace and Bath contemporaries Television Villain. The four piece indie troupe will join Misfires in the final for their chance to win a collection of prizes including recording time, festival slots, magazine coverage and more!

Ocelot judge Ben Fitzgerald said: “Escapade provided a slick, professional performance and were deserving winners, but Television Villain and Lacuna’s Grace did not disappoint either. A thoroughly enjoyable night.”

Applications are still open for the next heat of Take The Stage. Acts must be under 21 years old and available to perform at the Neeld Community and Arts Centre in Chippenham on February 16 2017. To apply, visit: riverbankchippenham.co.uk/takethestage

Congratulations to Escapade from Bath, the second Take The Stage #2 finalists. Apply for your slot in the competition now!

Swindon promoters Songs of Praise scale back 2017 shows One of the cornerstones of Swindon’s music scene for the past decade, Songs of Praise, have announced via their website that they will be scaling down their gigs in the town in 2017.

On their website, SoP said: “It’s fair to say that it has been a tough year for us at Songs of Praise. Audiences have in many cases been a fraction of previous years and making ends meet has proved a difficult task in the last 12 months. We tried to bring bigger, known acts to the town’s venues, but even for these shows the numbers have been disappointing and resulted in some pretty hefty financial hits.”

Emotive young four-piece Flying Machines come to Oxford in February

Award winning songwriter Emily Barker to play intimate Sheer Music show in Devizes

Flying Machines play emotive and dramatic music, drawing upon influences as diverse as jazz, pop, progressive rock and metal to create an utterly unique and modern sound. So the Oxford University Jazz Society might get a pleasant surprise on February 21.

Check out alexmunk.com/flying-machines for info.

Answering a call from the lady herself for house shows on her social media page, Sheer Music will be bringing award winning songwriter Emily Barker to Devizes for an intimate, limited ticket show on Saturday January 14.

Kicking the year off in style, if you’re a fan of Emily’s incredibly powerful yet soulful songs, this could be your ideal opportunity to get up close and personal.

Visit facebook.com/Sheermusicuk for more information

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Live Music News Newbury rockers Elasea to release ‘Lesson Learnt’ EP in March One of our favourite young acts in Ocelotshire, the masters of massive sounding rock Elasea, will be releasing their latest EP ‘Lesson Learnt’ on Friday March 17.

Following 2015’s release “Where I Belong” cementing the group’s position as serious contenders amidst the local rock scene, Elasea have always taken to the stage with a professional attitude and simply mind-blowing attention to detail when it comes to their songs and their portrayal.

In an announcement online the band said: “This release marks over six months work for the band and we are so proud of it. Pre-orders are available now on iTunes, hard copies & T-shirt bundles on www.elasea.bigcartel.com”.

(Credit - Benji Walker Photography)

Hackney Colliery Band tour hits Cornerstone Arts Centre in Didcot

In a band? Want to record with The Pogues? Take your shot!

Hackney Colliery Band hit the road this winter, including a gig at the Cornerstone Arts Centre in Didcot on Friday, January 27.

The East London group continue to reinvent the brass band sound for the 21st century, because it needed reinventing really, with their new LP Sharpener, released July 22. A tour de force of trumpets, trombones, saxes, sousaphone, marching percussion and electronics, the band are as inspired by contemporary rock and electronica as they are New Orleans marching bands and the traditional British brass bands to which their name pays homage.

For more info head to: www.cornerstone-arts.org

The Pogues Irish Whiskey and Academy Events are tuning up to find the UK’s next big rock group. The search has started and the winning band will receive £3,000 towards band equipment as well as recording and releasing an EP, where members of the legendary band, The Pogues, will guest produce.

The team is looking for bands with spirit from all over the UK to enter and the competition will hot up with heats at the O2 Academy in Oxford between March 5 and March 16, 2017. Finalists from the regional events being held up and down the country will rock out in front of music industry professionals in April at O2 Academy Islington, London.

And even if you don’t win, it’s another way to test yourself against the best bands in the country!

Enter online by Monday January 16 at: www.academymusicgroup.com/poguesyourshot

Boondocks amazed by support and create Baby Boondocks for 2017 After amazing support from Boondocks fans, the festival organisers have organised a smaller version of the festival for 2017, to take place in the village of Sherston outside Malmesbury.

On July 7-8, Baby Boondocks will occupy Sherston Village Hall and grounds and will come with all the charm and brilliance you’ve come to expect from Boondocks over the years, just a little smaller.

Only 500 tickets are going on sale for Baby Boondocks from February 1 2017, so if you want to

enjoy this special little event, grab one early. Think of it like a fun size Mars Bar – you’re getting all of the chocolatey goodness but sized down for your convenience.

The Boondocks Team told The Ocelot: “So much for a year off! Well, we just couldn’t turn our backs on this thing and the people who have loved it so much.

“For now though, get the diary out, and then have a top notch Christmas.”

Save that date Boondockers, and show your support!

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Gig list Sunday January 1 The Worried Men 5pm - The Bell, Wantage Oxfordshire West of England Youth Orchestra - A Night at the Movies 7.30pm - Wiltshire Music Centre, Bradford on Avon Friday January 6 Newbury Unplugged 7.30pm - ACE Space, Newbury Martyrials + Siblings of Us 8pm - The Victoria, Swindon Sparky’s Spontaneous Showcase and Spotlight Jam 8pm - James Street Tavern, Oxford Built for Comfort 9pm - The Rolleston, Swindon Marc Hopkins 9pm - The Mermaid, Burford Penfold 9pm - The Queens Tap, Swindon Saturday January 7 Hooch 8pm - The Victoria, Swindon Interlight 8.30pm - The Lamb Inn, Marlborough Angel Up Front 9pm - The Rolleston, Swindon Broken Image 9pm - The Queens Tap, Swindon Mudslide Morris and the Revelators 9pm - The Brewery Tap, Abingdon-onThames No Middle Ground 9pm - The Locomotive, Swindon Sunday January 8 Bloodstock: Metal 2 the Masses 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford Thursday January 12 Jon Amor + Mike Barham + Jack Moore 8.30pm - The Victoria, Swindon Friday January 13 Steve Knightley 7.30pm - City Hall Salisbury The Reaper (EP launch show) 8pm - Fat Lil’s, Witney Kahtet + Cutlass 8.30pm - The Winchester Gate, Salisbury Chocolate Candy Band 9pm - The Rolleston, Swindon Fab 208 9pm - The Queens Tap, Swindon

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in association with Wychwood Brewery www.wychwood.co.uk Michael Brown 9pm - The Mermaid, Burford Saturday January 14 Bradford Roots Music Festival 2017 Wiltshire Music Centre, Bradford on Avon Glee Comedy - Tom Allen + Marlon Davis + Ellie Taylor 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford Barry Steele as Roy Orbison 7.30pm - Neeld Community and Arts Centre, Chippenham Supreme Queen 8pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon No Middle Ground 8.30pm - The Lamb Inn, Marlborough Strange Kind of Purple - Deep Purple tribute 8.30pm - Fat Lil’s, Witney

Friday January 20 Billy Bragg & Joe Henry 7pm - City Hall Salisbury Margo Price 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford Bookends: Simon and Garfunkle 7.45pm - The Players Theatre, Thame Vice Versa 8pm - The Victoria, Swindon Austeros + support 8.30pm - The Winchester Gate, Salisbury Damn Good Reason 9pm - The Rolleston, Swindon Locarno Beat 9pm - The Mermaid, Burford Disco Ma Non Troppo 11pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford

Down & Dirty 9pm - The Rolleston, Swindon

Saturday January 21 Christian Garrick and the Budapest Cafe Orchestra 7.30pm - Wiltshire Music Centre, Bradford on Avon

Emily Barker 9pm - The Lamb Inn, Devizes

Buslife 8pm - The Victoria, Swindon

Kaos 9pm - The Queens Tap, Swindon

Think Floyd 8pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon

Felix and the Funk 9.30pm - The Woodlands Edge, Swindon

The Bright Eyes 8.30pm - The Lamb Inn, Marlborough

Organised Fun feat. Moxie 11pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford

El Toro 9pm - The Locomotive, Swindon

Sunday January 15 Tommy Emmanuel 7.30pm - City Hall Salisbury

Flash Harry 9pm - The Queens Tap, Swindon

Built For Comfort 9pm - The Locomotive, Swindon

Tuesday January 17 Beth Rowley 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford Wednesday January 18 The Cactus Blossoms 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford Steve Knightley 8pm - ACE Space, Newbury Thursday January 19 Take The Stage 7pm - Neeld Community and Arts Centre, Chippenham Ben and Tom Waters 7.30pm - Swindon Arts Centre, Devizes Road The Chicago Blues Brothers: Back in Black 8pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon The Shadow Monkeys 8pm - The Victoria, Swindon

Hot Flex 9pm - The Rolleston, Swindon Mudslide Morris & the Revelators 9pm - The George Inn, Littlemore Bossaphonik presents K.O.G. and the Zongo Brigade 11pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford Sunday January 22 Hyperbolics 5pm - The Bell, Wantage Bloodstock: Metal to the Masses 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford Tuesday January 24 Black Peaks + Tigercub + Employed to Serve 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford Wednesday January 25 The Hunna + High Tyde 6pm - O2 Academy2, Oxford

Gig List

in association with Wychwood Brewery www.wychwood.co.uk Chatham County Line 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford

Metal Gods 9pm - The Queens Tap, Swindon

System - D 8.30pm - The Lamb Inn, Marlborough

Thursday January 26 Last Call 8pm - The Victoria, Swindon

Snatch It Back 9pm - The Rolleston, Swindon

Blind Lemons Blues Band 9pm - The Rolleston, Swindon

The Soul Man 9pm - The Mermaid, Burford

Last Call 9pm - The Queens Tap, Swindon

Mr Scruff - All Night Long 11pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford

Sister Sister 9pm - The Locomotive, Swindon

Saturday January 28 Eric Sardinas 8pm - Arlington Arts Centre, Newbury

Hooch 9.30pm - The Woodlands Edge, Swindon

Ags Connolly - Album launch 8.30pm - Fat Lil’s, Witney Friday January 27 Fisherman’s Friends 7.30pm - City Hall Salisbury Ghost of Machines + special guests 8pm - The Victoria, Swindon

Rawdio feat. Emperor + Nausika + Blunt + D-Tox + Swyndla 11pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford

Hackney Colliery Band 8pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot

Robert Nesta Dub: Bob Marley Birthday Festival 8pm - O2 Academy2, Oxford

Kast Off Kinks 8pm - Arlington Arts Centre, Newbury

Still Marillion 8pm - The Victoria, Swindon

Krooked Nation + support 8.30pm - The Winchester Gate, Salisbury

Faux + Chapter and Verse 8.30pm - The Winchester Gate, Salisbury

Sunday January 29 C Duncan 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford

The Hummingbirds 8.30pm - Fat Lil’s, Witney

Gappy Tooth Industries - Holy Moments + Le Pub + Freddy Le Cragg 8.30pm - The Wheatsheaf, Oxford

Amnesty International: Another Evening of Words & Music 7.45pm - The Players Theatre, Thame

Switch feat. Sigma and Nadia Rose 11pm - O2 Academy, Oxford

Holy Moments Batman!

Gappy Tooth kick off 2017 in style One of our favourite Oxford promoters is barging its way into 2017 in style with three brilliant, uncompromising acts at The Wheatsheaf on January 28.

Headlining this month’s musical melee is Holy Moments, providing punky, grunge-spattered pop. In 2016 they played with some of Gappy Tooth’s very favourite Oxford acts; Lucy Leave, Cherokii and Slate Hearts, which should be all the evidence you require that they are great fun. If you’re less trusting, check out “Bug In The Brain”, a chunky piece of self-conscious power pop pitched somewhere between Sugar and Sebadoh, and you’ll doubtless come round to their way of thinking.

Opening up the evening will be Banbury’s Freddy Le Cragg, who started with a cheap guitar, went electric, joined a band, switched to bass, wrote some epic songs and now has come full circle to a cheap guitar again.

Blues, ballads, rock ‘n’ roll, all mixed in a big blender

and spat out through a microphone. Freddy holds the record for being in the greatest number of bands who split up just as Gappy Tooth were about to offer them a gig.

Sandwiched in the middle of these two superb acts will be Le Pub, whose mentality is no negotiation, no nonsense and no compromise. Just music, served well with a side of beer/wine and pork scratchings. A big, bouncy quintet from the west of the county, for people who know that rock bands, like pubs, should be wholesome, unpretentious and full of booze.

So it sounds like The Wheatsheaf is going to be rocking yet again and kicking off 2017 with a bang.

For more information on this show, and what’s coming up from the team at Gappy Tooth Industries, get yourself over to their facebook page: www.facebook.com/gappy.tooth.industries

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Nine year old Annabel has only just finished opening her Christmas presents. But she’s still had time to answer your questions. We ask her the questions and these are her answers.... honest!

Dear Annabel, What’s the meaning of life?

Sue, Swindon Be happy! And to have lots of cats and pets because they make me smile. You have to have friends in life otherwise you’ll be lonely.

Dear Annabel, If you could ride a horse on an adventure to the moon.

What colour would your horse be?

Gordon, Abingdon Black. Because I love black horses and I’ll be able to call him ‘Moon’ and that’s always been my dream name for a horse.

Dear Annabel, 2016 wasn’t exactly a good year. What’s 2017 going to be like?

Michelle, Newbury I’ll get plasticine on my face at some stage I think and Amelie might get a boyfriend.

Dear Annabel, They’re building a new museum and art gallery in Swindon. In London they have names for buildings like The Shard or The Gherkin. What should they call this Swindon building?

Hadrian, Swindon The Silent Art Eagle that flies around at night.

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Dear Annabel, Why is the media so obsessed with what women wear rather than what they achieve? Surely you can be Prime Minister and wear leather trousers at the same time. A man wouldn’t get the same treatment.

How can we stop the media trying to put women down?

Bazza, Croydon You should argue about what they’re saying about girls. When boys call me names I tell the teacher maybe that’s what the Prime Minister should do.

Dear Annabel, Do you like fairies?

Belinda, Carlisle Yeah. Because they’re magical and beautiful and mythical and fun. They fly around and they always laugh and they bring goodness to the world and fairies are real. I would like to be one. Can we get an Elf on a Shelf? Can I have some chocolate?

Write into Annabel at editorial@theocelot.co.uk