Ocelot 129 march 2017 final artwork

No: 129 March 2017

Wiltshire, Oxfordshire and West Berkshire Edition

The Night of The Ocelot

Free

featuring

Little Brother Eli Hip Route Bradley Cowtan

A free evening of flippin’ good music at The Vic in Swindon on Thursday March 23 Full details p34

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/ STYLE / EATS / BREWS / SCREEN / TECH 20/02/2017 16:48

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#129

MARCH ISSUE

For Starters

04 Michael Bosley + Luke Coleman 06 Encyclopaedia Oceloticca 07 Running for my life 08 The Bassett Rivers Echo 10 Writers Block Lifestyle

12 Get A Life 13 Get Away 14 Style 17 Tech 18 Screenzone Brews and Eats

22 The Fat Fox 23 Brewery Bird 24 History of Marmite 25 Recipe Arts and Culture

27 The Theatre List 30 Swindon Fringe Festival Music

33 Gig Monkey Review 34 The Night of The Ocelot 36 Next month at the O2 Academy 37 The Olly Murs Interview 38 Live Music News 41 The Gig List The Final Bit of the magazine

46 Agony Girl and toon

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The Night of The Ocelot We’re doing something damned exciting this month.

I’m, of course, talking about our cover story - The Night of The Ocelot.

This is our first foray into putting on gigs again for at least half a decade so we thought we would put a night on that would make you think ‘wowsers! Those Ocelot peeps are really doing something special for us!’.

It’s all about the quality music this month and we’re pretty damn proud of our line-up.

First up we have an amazing singer songwriter going by the name of Bradley Cowtan who has definitely been ruffling a few music scene feathers on the Wiltshire stages of late.

Then we have Swindon’s very own Hip Route who are definitely one of the best bands on the circuit today displaying out of this world musicianship.

Headlining is Oxford’s Little Brother Eli who have been no strangers to getting a bit of a national buzz about them recently. These guys should be getting all you musos out there frothing at the mouth.

It all takes place at The Vic in Swindon on Thursday March 23 and is completely free entry.

So we want you all to come down and show us your support so that we can continue bringing this type of thing to your earholes. Find out all about it and the bands on page 34.

Write in to me at jamie@theocelot.co.uk

Jamie Hill

Editor: Jamie Hill - jamie@theocelot.co.uk Deputy: Ben Fitzgerald - ben@theocelot.co.uk Listings: Mike Barham - mike@theocelot.co.uk Sales: Dave Stewart dave@theocelot.co.uk - 07872 176999 Rosy Presley rosy@theocelot.co.uk 07717 501790 Telephone: 01793 781986 Publisher: Positive Media Group, Unit 3, Arclite House, Peatmoor, Swindon SN5 5YN Printers: Stephens & George, Merthyr Tydfil 20/02/2017 16:48

For Starters

Jazzing it up A Nerd’s Last Word by Michael Bosley

Fad fitness trends are on the up and up in recent years as people, admirably, strive for ways to get fit but for some reason also want it to be relevant and trendy.

Now, I’m a pretty simple person to please. I like standard filter coffee, I’m happy with a cheese burger and a beer and my fitness regime is a pretty standard combination of running until I don’t want to run anymore and swimming until I’m tired of swimming or when I get a used plaster in my mouth.

Sometimes I enjoy it; sometimes the idea of peeling the half-eaten pizza off my chest and going to do exercise makes me as petulant as a teenager being asked to do anything that doesn’t involve a phone or being cynical.

However, I work at a desk all day and if I want to live a healthy life, free from the threat of one day having to be cut free from my house by the fire brigade, I get on and do it.

I can safely say that at no point during my work out have I ever been tempted by the idea that my cardiovascular experience could be vastly improved with the introduction of techno music, neon lycra or a trampoline.

Like having a bowel movement, exercise is just a necessary activity undertaken to reach a desired goal. I don’t enter the toilet asking myself how I can exploit this experience to the fullest nor make it the ultimate expression of my personality by maybe taking in some candles, soft

music and perhaps vlogging the whole experience on my Shitter’s Lifestyle website.

If you’ve put off exercise this long and have only been tempted if the right combination of underwater cycling, Yogaerobics, handstand tennis or Zumba jogging has come along, then you probably have the attention span of a garden pea and probably stopped reading this three paragraphs ago and won’t have been offended by my vegetable related simile.

And perhaps it’s the premium some of these fitness crazes demand that make them seem they are worth every penny they charge. After all, running is pretty much free once you’ve bought the shoes, whilst crazes like SoulCycle are charging up to £26 for a 45 minute session and they offer their own clothing range which is sure to burn a hole in your pocket as well as calories! Plus you get to feel like you’re part of some elite cult of urbanite egomaniacs, which I’m sure passes the time in between taking selfies, Tinder swiping and verbally abusing your Uber driver.

Liquid refreshment during a desert war Off The Grid with Luke Coleman - Our man in Iraq After “Is it safe where you are?” (Answer: “It’s the safest city in the country most likely, fingers crossed.”), the most common question I field about living in Iraq is “What do you do for fun?”

Well, I’m pretty keen on my own company, so that’s never really a problem when there’s a screen, book or podcast. What people often really mean, the thirsty little subtext, is: “Iraq is a Muslim majority country, and I know the demon drink is banned in countries to the south and east, can you get on the sauce?”

Well, yes, of course you can. In some of the more conservative Muslim areas it might take a while to track down an offie - especially to the south where alcohol suppliers have been the subject of recent bombings - and the Baghdad parliament recently tried to ban booze altogether. The autonomous government up here in Erbil quickly denied they’d follow such nonsense should it have passed into law.

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Some of the shops are impressively stocked with fancy schmanzy single malts, the occasional dark beer in amongst the lagers and wines from across the world. All a bit easier on the pocket as well, this being a largely tax free country.

Locally, Farida beer continues to be brewed in Baghdad. It’s hit and miss, none of the multinational consistency one gets from Heineken. It can also be hard to find, but we stumbled across some on a road trip the other week, and enjoyed a road soda or two before we arrived at a wedding.

Still very popular is arak - ouzo to you and me, and while I don’t truck with the piss, many here swear by it. It used to be distilled in Christian towns like Bartella, only recently retaken from the thunderc**ts. There is talk of operations getting going again.

God knows, those who partake need a drink.

www.theocelot.co.uk

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Science Fact: Walking

by Ben Fitzgerald

Rabbit starvation Rabbits can actually kill you...

Don’t be fooled by their floppy ears and their big eyes…

They’re not going to leap up at you and rip out your jugular Holy Grail style.

But they can kill you.

You might assume that rabbits are the perfect go-to meal for the hungry outdoors person - kind of like a Rustlers Burger inside a useful furry glove. Not only are they delicious and fairly easy to catch, but they are also great at… well how shall I put this… ‘getting it on’ - they reproduce as fast as you can flash fry ‘em.

Brilliant - no one need ever go hungry again or ever have to do without gloves or slippers…

Unfortunately, nature is a sod.

Give her half the chance and she will trip you up, steal your dinner money and write something rude on your face with a permanent marker.

As many an unfortunate trapper has found out, if you try to survive on a diet consisting mainly from rabbit meat it’s perfectly possible to starve to death.

The human body needs fat, which is all too readily available in developed societies but in a hunter gatherer situation this is a vital commodity - which is why our brains have evolved to light up with pleasure when we chow down on fat rich foods.

The term rabbit starvation was coined by Arctic explorer Vilhjalmur Stefansson, who

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witnessed it first hand among the native people of Alaska and Northern Canada - who struggled to find any source of fat during the winter months.

There were loads of easy-tocatch lean-as-anything rabbits though.

Without any fat in the diet to break down into energy, the human body burns stored fat to release more energy allowing you to seek out further food.

But if that means another helping of delicious fat-free rabbit, you are going to enter a spiral of despair as Stefansson witnessed among the indigenous people he was living with.

When all the fat runs out, the body tries to create energy by burning protein - while this is possible, it is not a healthy longterm solution.

Protein, when broken down, forms ammonia and other by-products which the body has to get rid of, placing strain

on the liver and kidneys.

The amino acids from protein are converted into glucose by the liver. The process requires a large amount of energy and produces a harmful byproduct, ammonia, which is flushed away by the kidneys.

The problem is that the body can only supply roughly 1,000 calories per day through a protein only diet because the liver is working overtime.

Any ammonia that cannot be converted into urea ends up going back into your bloodstream and frazzles your nervous system.

Symptoms of this extreme Atkins diet include diarrhoea, discomfort, headache and intense hunger.

Oh... and death.

And bad breath.

Not necessarily in that order.

Rabbits: bastards

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Running for my Life

Motivation drought

In January Ocelot editor Jamie Hill, at an impressive 18 stone of fattiness, announced that he planned to lose three stone in six months and would be running the first ever Birmingham Marathon in October in aid of charity ICP Support.

By Jamie Hill It’s amazing how motivation works.

As I’m writing this I’ve just come through the worst week so far where I had lost all my motivation.

Until this point in my year-long quest that would see me losing three stone and then training for October’s Birmingham Marathon in aid of ICP Support my motivation had been what was carrying me forward.

But then this week it all came crashing down like life had turned into a massive game of Jenga.

There are a couple of factors at play here – Number One – The grapefruit diet This was because I had started the month off at 17stone 9pounds and then did a week of the grapefruit diet.

And it worked.

I actually lost half a stone in one week.

But then reality came knocking on my door again and although I lost half a stone in one week taking me down to 17stone 2pounds, I then put on five pounds the week after putting me back up to 17stone 7pounds.

That knocked me for six a bit no matter how I tried to find reasons for this. The main reason being that this was a natural reaction to a fad diet the week before etc. etc.

But I just couldn’t get myself motivated again.

Number Two – Bad news Basically that week I had found out some bad news, that I’m unable to repeat here as it’s still ongoing. It was the kind of news that felt like the foundations of my life had become shiftiing sands. Before you all get worried I’ve still got my health and so have my lovely family. But still it was all-encompassing news that left little room for other worries.

Suffice it to say I found it hard to get motivated in the week that I’m writing this.

It’s interesting how hard it is to keep motivational levels up and I’m sure that this won’t be the first time I find motivation hard to come by during this 12 months of sorting myself out.

Anyway, it actually meant that I did little to no training during the week as I had to firefight another aspect.

And then on the Saturday morning, I turned it all around. You can’t imagine what force of will it took to get out of bed and go for a run on Saturday morning.

My plan was to run a 5k.

And I did it.

I must admit the first mile was pretty hairy but then I found myself getting into my stride and by the time I finished I was going great guns and averaged 9 minutes 30 seconds per mile by the end.

I was pretty impressed by this.

So to the weigh-in – On January 1, I weighed 18stone 4pounds.

Last week, I weighed 17stone 7 pounds.

And this week I weighed 17stone 4 pounds.

So, despite feeling like a complete unmotivated lump of nothingness this week, I still managed to lose three pounds meaning that overall I’ve still lost a stone since the start of January. So I am on track.

I’ve got no plans to give this up and am going to keep going.

If I could lose another two pounds before the end of February I’ll be pleased as punch.

And then my plans are to lose another half stone in March to get me to a stone and a half overall loss.

It’s not going to be easy. But nothing ever is.

Onwards and upwards as they say.

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Bassett

The

Rivers Scary news for scary times...

New council run swimming pool opens p49

Echo

Daily Mail moves operations to ninth circle of hell

by Kit Chentable

THE Daily Mail has moved its operations from Northcliffe House in swanky Kensington to Judecca which is otherwise known as the ninth circle of hell.

The new headquarters is only two stops down on the underground from Dis in the seventh level of hell and is known as an area popular with bankers, estate agents and former Big Brother contestants.

Built from the bones of failed asylum seekers, BBC executives and benefits scroungers, the new offices stand sixty storeys high and have a shared garden with neighbours News International.

A spokesman said: “We were finding the commute increasingly difficult for all of our journalists especially as most of them now live in the varying levels of hell.

“Since Paul Dacre, the editor-in-chief of Associated Press which owns The Mail, moved down here to sit on the right-hand side of Lucifer a few months ago, it only made sense that we should all base our operations from here.”

A campaign has now been launched to get the Daily Mail to move its headquarters away from hell.

Methistopholes, the chair of the Judecca Residents Committee, said: “Having the Daily Mail here will really bring down the house prices so that’s why we’ve started a campaign to get them to move on. I’ve spoken to a few demons, devils and other fallen angels and we’re all of the same opinion that we don’t want this undesirable sort around here.

“People might call us NIMBPs, which stands for Not In My Back Pit, but we don’t care as we don’t want these news journalists coming over here and taking all of our fire and brimstone and then using it to spread lies and deceit throughout the world. We thought that was our job.

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Residents of hell are up in arms about the Daily Mail’s plan

“We have been doing quite a lot recently to try and improve the image of hell as an up and coming area with nice parks and a decent Starbucks but this element moving in here and taking our jobs will only bring the area down.

“Since their arrival we’ve had enquiries about moving in from lots of different people including the Ku Klux Klan, ISIS and Bashir Al-Assad as well as three members from the band Steps. It’s got to stop.

“We’re all for murder, rape, and causing mayhem but us lot in hell would never stoop so low as to spread stuff about refugees, cause a measles epidemic by spreading scare stories about the MMR vaccine, or employing Richard Littlejohn. What kind of sick people are these Daily Mail reporters?”

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Tesco to open new superstore in Narnia

Bassett Rivers MP Giles HetheringtonSmythe’s Monthly Column

CONTROVERSIAL plans by supermarket giant Tesco to open a new store in Narnia have been hit by mass protests.

The corporation, which opened a Tesco Metro last year in the Emerald City in Oz, has stated that the new openings are part of its mass expansion plans to open 33 megastores in fictional worlds by 2018.

Tesco spokesman Rick Baker said: “We’ve found that the supply of groceries in these often isolated fantasy locales have left a lot to be desired.

“Middle Earth might be magnificent in its majesty but until we opened a Tesco in Gondor there was absolutely nowhere to get Fairy washing up liquid.

“Narnia is only the latest plan to be unveiled. We also have our sights set on Azeroth, from the game World of Warcraft, Kings Landing from George RR

Martin’s Game of Thrones series and Tatooine, which is the home planet of Luke Skywalker.

“All of these places are in serious need of a cheese counter.”

The controversial Narnia scheme will be built on the site of the former Focus DIY store at Archenland, on the southern outskirts of the country.

However, many residents and traders who went along to see a display of the provisional plans felt the project could hit the viability of the fantasy world centre and have organised an opposition group.

Spokesman for the group Mr Tumnus said: “I don’t care if you are a daughter of Eve or a son of Adam we will not let you ruin our fair land of Narnia with an incarnation of Tesco.

“Besides, we’ve already got an Aldi.”

Need to sell your used galaxy?

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Well, life does send a few surprises our way sometimes. For the last few weeks I’ve been campaigning on the streets of Stoke on Trent alongside my new UKIP chums Paul Nuttall and Nigel Farage. It’s been an absolute blast as most of it was spent in my Rolls Royce sipping Champers with Farage and Nuttall shouting at passersby out of the window that they should ‘Believe in Britain’ or ‘We’re taking Britain back!’. Apparently, according to Nigel, Stoke on Trent is still part of England although to me it didn’t look like any England I’ve ever known as I couldn’t spot anyone wearing Joules clothing and there wasn’t a Waitrose in sight.

There seemed to be quite a few supporters out for us on the streets of the city and if you looked past their funny accents and strange clothes and the fact they were all horrible oiks with pitbulls on string, they were quite nice if slightly delusional people - although they did seem to spit every time the EU was mentioned.

Apparently we’ve now taken our country back according to a few of them. I asked Nigel what this actually meant and he didn’t seem to have an answer but waffled on about laws and unelected EU officials straightening bananas which led to my follow-up question about what is actually wrong with a straight banana and how do you actually straigten one in the first place. I tried to demonstrate this by straightening a banana in his presence but I managed to break it in two by mistake and a piece of the aforementioned fruit flew into the air and hit Nuttall in the face. At this point Nuttall seemed to completely lose it and told me to ‘Come on, if you think you’re hard enough’ but Nigel calmed him down and we were all friends again.

I must admit there are times where I think I might have made a mistake joining UKIP as I’m not really sure what the point of them is but then I remember that if I hadn’t crossed the floor to them I would have my arch-nemesis Theresa May as a boss and that just wouldn’t do as I find her even scarier than Paul Nuttall.

Still, at least we’ve taken our country back.

Toodle pip!

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Writers Block

Part One: Potato philosphy, Nick Hornby and British Airways In a new series of articles Tobias Baughan blogs about a lifechanging trip to Mexico.

It’s a wonderful morning in summer, singing birds content to give their music away for free and avoid commercialisation by only signing away a very limited amount of their musical output in birdsong compilations.

Outside, meandering in circles I look round at the tomato plants, cow turds and cottages that form the quiet and richly textured tapestry of my home. I pause briefly to consider whether they have cow pats, cottages and tomatoes in Mexico, concluding yes, but still doubtful that they will occur in the same statistical ratio, or without their own unique and regional Mexican identity.

Then it’s into the car with my friends Sam and Sorem who are sending me to Mexico (with my permission) along with their daughter, my faithful translator Roberta. Although I barely understand a word of Spanish she does sound a lot like someone who can speak it.

Looking back through the YouTube viewing history of my mind I remember a few nights ago, darkening night outside meaning I couldn’t see without a fully functional torch, thinking that I was about to set out for Mexico and panicking, it was so close. A flashback to this intense

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first world trauma causes me to refer to a list I made earlier after reading a Nick Hornby novel, calming myself with a series of good things to remember when setting out on a journey to make sure I don’t do anything wrong.

1. When boarding a plane always remember to have your passport at the ready, this saves time later, making boarding more efficient and ensures that everyone’s best interests are looked after.

2. Never take anything that might make you feel a bit funny before you get on the plane, because you don’t want to be as high as the plane at 34,000 ft, yelling something about having a potato philosophy. The staff, of course, would point out an object or specifically vegetable cannot be a philosophy in itself, except for perhaps in consumerism, and so yes in the 21st century we are moving towards an increasingly potato philosophy.

3. You need to put liquids over 100ml in your main luggage rather than hand luggage.

4. Have a reply ready you can use reflexively if someone compares you to Hugh Grant again, like: did you prefer me in ‘Four Weddings or Notting Hill?’

By the time I’ve memorised these as best I can, we have arrived at Gatwick.

On the plane there was an in

flight magazine, which included several breakdowns of how you could enjoy the flight - a movie here, a TV episode there, all enjoyed on a British Airways economy flight which also provides free meals. Furthermore, with British Airways don’t forget you can also sign up for the executive club to get points on every flight you make, points which transfer into air miles, air miles which transfer into holidays for free, free holidays where your dreams can come true.

‘Hey, it’s Hugh Grant,’ said one of the hostesses in the drinks and snacks section.

‘Did you prefer me in Four Weddings or Notting Hill?’

‘I don’t know, I have two copies of each. One on VHS and one on DVD. It would mean a lot if you could sign something for me.’ ...Back at my seat I opened a beer and took a good long gulp, staring out the window. Outside, looking at the clouds below, it was like someone had turned the world upside down. I turned over the list I made, remembering because I had written it in a big pink crayon I had not been able to fit it all on one side. The other side read: 5. Always remember to enjoy the journey.

I took another swig of beer and wondered how I would cope in Mexico.

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Get A Life

Running Rocks Ever fancied going for an incredibly long run but concerned that doesn’t leave you enough time to visit Wiltshire’s neolithic monuments?

Then the Sarsen Trail walk and Neolithic Marathon might well be the solution you are looking for.

Taking place on Sunday April 30, the event challenges runners, cyclists and walkers to follow the 26-mile route which winds its way through some of the finest downland countryside in Britain and offers stunning views across the Avon Valley. The ancient path

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links the two World Heritage Sites of Avebury and Stonehenge and takes in part of Salisbury Plain usually closed to the public.

If this seems a little daunting, provision has been made for those who want to cut the distance by starting out at the midway point - Redhorn Hill. The event is organised by volunteers from the Wiltshire Wildlife Trust to raise funds for nature conservation in Wiltshire. To book a place log on to www.wiltshirewildlife.org/ Pages/Events/Category/sarsen-trail-and-neolithic-marathon

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The joys

Get Away

of flying

For the travel column this month, we are looking into the joys of flying off to sun-soaked lands for some much needed relaxation. And how our reporter Mike Barham doesn’t fit on a plane...

Dear Airlines of the world, I’m not a happy flyer...

In other parts of this magazine, I’ve been labelled a ‘man mountain’. Due to my 6ft 8” frame. No, I haven’t played basketball in years, the weather is just the same up here as it is at your level and I’m not the freak, I’m the next stage of evolutionary growth. Can we move on?

Well apparently not, as this month’s travel column is all about the mind-bending trials and challenges of jetting off for your holidays, which for many people are at their worst only within the airport itself.

For instance, you don’t want to be that person who sets off the magic radar machine that detects if your flies are open or decides that the minute amount of metal you have in your Levis amounts to a possible terrorist plot, and you get carted off to explain your family history back to William the Conqueror.

Or is that just me?

The actual experience of flying itself doesn’t bother me. Being up in the air contained in nothing but a pressurised tin can with wings potentially made by an old school friend in a Bristol workshop doesn’t fill me with dread, and on long haul flights the food isn’t ever so horrendous that I want to kick open the doors and hurtle back to earth to escape it.

But for someone of my stature, slightly on the taller side of the evolutionary scale, being slotted into a seat that leaves more room for your barely used fold-out tray than actual limbs is intolerable.

And before you say “it’s your fault for being so tall Mike” and joke about cutting off limbs, I shall retort with ‘a fact’. If that’s allowed these days...

Airline seats are designed with the average person in mind, specifically to accommodate someone of 170cm.

Or 5ft 5in if you don’t speak metric.

In 2016, seatguru.com reported the average distance between seat rows has declined to 79cm from over 89cm, while the average seat size has shrunk to 43cm from 46cm in the previous two decades.

This is because airlines find that squeezing more human beans into their aforementioned pressurised tin is a lot nicer for their bank balances than giving up room on their planes to people with arms and legs.

Bearing in mind that the average height in the UK in 2012 was measured at 5ft 10in for guys and 5ft 5in for ladies, I can’t really understand the logic in making the seating arrangements smaller as the people are getting taller. Especially when the Dutch are all over 8ft tall these days.

My plea to airlines around the world is therefore fairly simple; I like going to other countries. I enjoy sampling other cultures. I like getting there feeling refreshed and as though I’ve been looked after.

This does not mean I will pay you £2,000 to lie down if I travel to LAX, but I shouldn’t have to pay extra due to my height. People may be able to slim down to fit your seats, but I most certainly will not be shrinking any time soon. So you will learn to respect my “authoritah”! Or at least my call for some leg space.

Also, your other passengers are sick of having my knees breaching their headrests.

Yours Sincerely, Mike Barham

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Style

Copper load Show stopper copper... No, we aren’t talking about shooting Sheriffs here or about finding Britain’s best looking bobbies.

There was a time when copper was reserved for antique pieces in stately homes and the piping for your central heating system but over the last 18 months copper tones have been trailing a bright path through fashion, beauty and home styles.

This trend is set to be huge for 2017 and whether you like the bright striking rose gold effect, true light and dark copper tones or more of a rich bronze feel this is one colour fix you won’t want to miss out on.

In fashion rather than going full on metallic look opt for rose gold accents using accessories such as the Bebrave Textiles Neck Tie, www.

From top Bebrave Textiles Neck Tie, Born Gifted Rose Gold Heart Charm Bracelet, Guess Connect watch and below Maui Jim Castles Maui Rose Lens Sunglasses

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bebravetextiles.com Rose Gold is highly prevalent in jewellery and watches, the Born Gifted Rose Gold Heart Charm Bracelet is ideal for just a touch of copper themed accessorising, £13.99 from www.borngifted.co.uk For men the Guess Connect watch has just the right balance blending a rose gold and brown colour scheme, £259 from www.guesswatches.com Rose tints can even feature in sunglasses with the Maui Jim Castles Maui Rose Lens Sunglasses, £225, www.mauijim.com The Elizabeth Scarlett Jungle Leaf Rose Gold Embroidered Pouche has just a shimmer of copper, £25 from www.elizabethscarlett.com or for a bolder statement go for Rollersole’s Rosie Gold Shoes, £19.95 from www.rollasole. com

Clockwise from left, Rock and Ruddle Brush, Rose Gold Puffin Alarm Clock, Madame La La Bronzing Ball and Agent Provocateur’s Pure Aphrodisiaque

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of this For the home use copper tones for highlighting special features in a room or dressing up smaller details.

If it isn’t copper then you can make it copper with Rust-Oleum’s Metallic Spray Paint in Bright Copper, 400ml, £9.49, Homebase Thomas Kent’s Rose Gold Puffin Alarm Clock is the perfect copper addition to any room, from £35 from www. thomaskentclocks.com Beauty has caught the copper bug too, to get a gorgeous glow the Madame La La Bronzing Ball gives a precise glide of instant bronze in a shimmering shade, it can also be used for highlighting and contouring the cheeks, £14 from www.madamelala.com The Rock and Ruddle Brush is available in metallic tones, in large size (£30) or travel/handbag size (£20) from www.rockandruddle.

Style

By Ocelot fashion writer Gina Akers

co.uk For fragrance it has to be Monsoon Rose Gold, 30ml, £24 from The Fragrance Shop in store and online at www.thefragranceshop. co.uk and Agent Provocateur’s Pure Aphrodisiaque, 40ml, £51.50 from www.thefragranceshop.co.uk Ted Baker’s Kit for Queen limited edition cosmetic bag features a copper zip with rose toned design and includes a luxurious Body Wash, Body Spray and shimmering Body Souffle, infused with notes of bergamot, tuberose and patchouli, and a vanilla berry Lip Balm, £25 from Boots and www.boots.com Phil Smith’s CoCo Licious Shampoo and Conditioner are packaged in white and with striking copper lettering, £3.50 each from Sainsburys or visit www.philsmithhair.com

Clockwise from left, Phil Smith’s CoCo Licious Shampoo and Conditioner, Elizabeth Scarlett Jungle Leaf Rose Gold Embroidered Pouche and Rollersole’s Rosie Gold Shoes. Above right, Rust-Oleum’s Metallic Spray Paint

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Education

Quality tuition with a twist Oxford is synonymous with educational excellence and packed with businesses promising parents the best possible opportunities for their children’s schooling.

With sought-after places at schools, colleges and universities becoming ever-more competitive, the number of youngsters receiving private tuition continues to rise. It has now become the norm for students to seek extra help with their studies, but it has become increasingly difficult for even the most discerning of parents to choose the right provider for them.

Tutorious is a newly established educational services provider with a difference.

Contemporary yet characteristic, they offer a fresh take on a

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traditional format. Tutorious’ approach is student-centred, focused on delivering high quality tuition that is reassuringly accessible.

Even the most stubborn of teens will find themselves at

ease the moment they step foot into the ‘Tutor Hub’, Tutorious’ relaxed and modern office-cum-common room. Their expert tutors educate and inspire, making supplementary tuition an enjoyable and

rewarding process.

There’s one more thing that sets Tutorious apart; their emphasis on driving educational equality through a pioneering accessible tutoring initiative. By partnering with local businesses, including Reeds Solicitors and the Jam Factory, they are able to offer sponsored placements to local state school students.

Tutorious also offer Easter Revision courses at A-level, IB and GCSE, with a limited number of funded spaces available.

For more information on sponsorship, tuition or Easter courses, contact: enquiries@ tutorious.co.uk The business is seeking business sponsors to extend their scheme, can you help?

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I am Iron Man....kind of

By Mike Barham If you don’t think this is cool, you’re dead inside...

I understand that sometimes this tech column can stray a little too far down the ‘nerdy’ route, but you have to admit that having a power suit and becoming Tony Stark is “the dream”.

It’s been a long haul in this department for humanity, but if we put aside the military connotations for a second (Call Of Duty fans can move to the next column) exo-suit or exoskeleton developers have the very best intentions at heart.

Think about it; wheelchair users could be able to walk again, supported by their suits, and those who struggle day to day due to paralysis or injury could be given the ability to do even the most simple little things that we all take for granted.

The Phoenix exoskeleton (that you can see below) is the world’s lightest and most advanced system of its kind, and is designed to help people with mobility disorders to be upright and mobile.

Tech

The Hyundai suit is essentially designed to turn your average factory worker into a forklift truck, meaning our trade unions will have to rewrite those Health and Safety guides.

I can’t wait to see the line “If injury by robot does occur...”

But of course, as we’ve seen from the Iron Man films, the military always comes knocking when it comes to suits. And in the real world, things aren’t any different, with the US Army chasing after developers to make their own versions of these powered exoskeletons.

So either someone in the Pentagon is a big comic book nerd or the writers at Marvel are actually writing the script for the universe...

Thankfully for you and me, robotically augmented soldiers running around is a fair way off yet.

Exoskeletons and powered suits continue to cause headaches for military scientists, as they face many of the same challenges as their industrial counterparts: being comfortable to wear for many hours and integration with already established equipment and standards.

If a paratrooper needs to jump off a plane, parachute into a lake, crawl through mud and then run for cover to engage the enemy that exoskeleton has to work and not become a liability. And because it’s the American army it needs to come with cup-holders, air conditioning and sat-nav that can locate the nearest fast food outlets.

In the clinic, at home, and in the workplace Phoenix has successfully enabled many individuals to stand up, walk about, and speak to peers eye-to-eye.

The advantage of Phoenix over its competitors is that it has only two actuators at its hip; the knee joints are designed to allow support during stance and ground clearance during swing. This means the actual mechanical components needed to carry around are minimal compared to something like the heavy loading suit created by Hyundai (opposite).

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Screenzone: TV Red sky at night - superheroes’ delight

Episode fatigue Screen Grab A TV column by Jamie Hill I find watching telly exhausting.

When I’m lying on the sofa gorging on whatever nugget of tellyland has taken my fancy that day I really do find it bloody knackering.

But before you get your patented ‘world’s smallest violin’ at the ready - let me just explain what my first world problem is that leaves me barely able to keep my eyes open as I strain myself reaching for the remote control. (As a side note to this I once broke two ribs reaching for the remote control. It was one of those futon sofas with metal bits keeping the sofa mattress in place.

Stuff like this does happen.)

Anyway, my major malfunction with television is the sheer amount of episodes each season of an American TV show has.

It started with Buffy. I loved Buffy The Vampire Slayer. But even I found it tiring to sit through 23 episodes per season.

That’s about 13 episodes too many. It just doesn’t need that many.

It really doesn’t. It means shows like

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Buffy, which had fantastic season arcs still had to have the filler ‘monster of the week’ episodes to fill the creative gaps each year.

It’s my major problem with The Flash at the moment. I love The Flash. It’s witty but technicolour if pretty unbelievable pulp TV for the most part.

But because of the US insistence on the 23 episode rule it consistently descends into the supervillain of the week drudgery - where a plot point moving the major arc forward is dripfed piecemeal.

It just means even the best series have to meander to survive. They have to have so much pointless filler.

But what makes it exhausting is just trying to keep with this sheer volume of episodes. There’s simply not enough time in the day.

Sky Plus has made it easier enabling you to save them all up a bit and then binge watch them.

But it’s hard to binge watch a 23 episode run and keep your concentration as the filler involved means you end up looking at your phone half the time wondering when they’re going to finally move the

main plot forward.

Granted it’s easier with sitcoms with their shorter running times but it’s still too many. Fawlty Towers only needed six episodes and that’s a classic. Talking about Fawlty Towers, I actually like the British system of doing much more where you have six episodes and that’s your lot.

Us Brits have managed quite well on this for years and even with the shorter seasons the storytelling seems to have more breathing room and space in between the action scenes to keep us entertained.

In contrast over the pond every episode of The Flash seems so frenetic and fast-paced that it’s hard to keep up as they chuck more and more pseudoscience at you.

It’s not all American productions granted with Game of Thrones, Breaking Bad and The Walking Dead actually tailoring the length of their seasons for the amount of story they have to tell which is a lot more sensible way round of doing things.

I know this isn’t the biggest deal in the world but with so many quality shows nowadays it would make much more sense to have shorter runs.

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Screenzone: Gaming Why I’m looking forward to...

We are definitely not in Kansas anymore...

Game On!

by Mike Barham “This won’t be like Mass Effect 3, this won’t be like Mass Effect 3, please don’t be like Mass Effect 3...”

Ah yes, the resentment from Mass Effect players towards the next instalment of the franchise seemingly remains, after the Shepherd trilogy (as we are now told to call it) ended on a flat, bum note way back in 2012.

Let’s face it, even after the hasty patch up job from EA and Bioware, the ending to ME3 was still a little bit.... meh?!

I mean, you slog across the known universe, battling massive, maniacal and genocidal space robots to stop them wiping out all life in the galaxy, and it all comes down to a final epic battle for Earth. Pretty standard setup for an epic conclusion right?

Nah, we are just going to pass you three options to either die, die or die. REALLY?!

Yes, okay, the fix gives more intricacies to the options.

But it shouldn’t have come down to that.

So that brings me nicely on to Andromeda. Let’s make no efforts to conceal the fact that this is going to be a reboot. It just is. The principal character of Shepherd has been replaced with the children of Alec Ryder – an N7 special forces soldier. Seeing as Andromeda takes place 600 years after ME3, and in a totally different galaxy, don’t think there is going to be a sudden appearance from some of your favourite characters. This is the same universe, but a whole new slant on it.

So to put things simply, you’re playing as Pathfinders; operatives tasked with discovering new planets for Humans to colonize. You’re going to explore an open

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world galaxy aboard the starship Tempest and the whole tale starts around the time in which Mass Effect 2 takes place, separating the new game from the events of ME3.

So immediately this is brand new territory. And that can only be a good thing as far as I’m concerned.

If Bioware had brought back story elements from the previous games, there would be outcry. In a decision based game, people get very particular over how they played and how this crafted their world. So to have this shaken apart and be told ‘this is now how the Mass Effect world works’ would have been disastrous. Although it seems to be working for Star Wars... kind of.

Principally, my excitement is based on equal parts nostalgia and intrigue. I want to know what the expert story tellers at Bioware have concocted this time. I want to dive back into a world that I took a chance on when the first Mass Effect was just a low level title that came out with Assassins’ Creed and tag teamed my Xbox into submission through the summer of 2007.

But my main reason for being excited is the fact that, once again we will have a brilliant, science fiction romp to get your teeth into. It’s bound to be cinematic, engaging, full of action but not so much that you lose sight of the scale of the story and your objective.

Plus, it becomes YOUR story. This isn’t unique to Mass Effect of course, but for some reason the choices you make in these games always feel like they have more weight to them. Suppose I should get my artificial gravity checked.

Mass Effect: Andromeda is dropping into stores on March 23, and with Horizon: Zero Dawn and the new Ghost Recon to compete with, it’s going to be a solid month for gamers.

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Screenzone: Film Apocalypse not so wow

Close encounters of the third kind Are You Talkin’ To Me? A Film column by Jamie Hill Sometimes I despair of Hollywood.

Last month I was going on about sequels and how they better do a good job on Trainspotting and not do a Highlander 2 on it! (They did do a bloody good job by the way. I’m still smiling about it.)

Anyway it got me to thinking about something I like to call ‘third film syndrome’ and how the third film is usually the weakest.

There’s bound to be some exceptions but I can’t think of any off the top of my head (except for Toy Story 3 which was superb and maybe Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade).

Just look at Godfather Part 3, Alien 3 and Terminator 3 - Rise of the Machines. All of those films followed two fantastic movies and were the weakest of the bunch.

I would even bunch Return of the King into this list just for the neverending ending that just went on and on and on until you just wanted to physically shove Frodo onto that bloody boat just to get rid of the

little emo Middle Earth self-harmer (and they didn’t even have the razing of The Shire which would have been a far better and more fitting ending to the trilogy!)

And here’s where I despair as this even happened to the final film in the Cornetto trilogy.

It all started so promisingly with Shaun of the Dead, which subverted the American zombie film to a British setting brilliantly.

And then you had Hot Fuzz which transplanted Bad Boys to rural Somerset and just about made the whole country smile as one as Nick Frost, Simon Pegg and director Edgar Wright worked their magic.

But it was all ruined by World’s End. It had such promise as a few mates reunited for a nostalgic crawl of a hometown’s pubs for one final time.

The first act was great as we were introduced to the characters. It had a sparkling and very funny script that made you feel nostalgic for recaptured youth and lost dreams.

And then it all went wrong.

Seriously wrong.

The basic premise of the film is sound with their pub crawl interrupted by the end of the world but with the main character insisting that they finish the crawl despite this but like the fourth outing of the Indiana Jones it was ruined by introducing aliens making the final act of the film a complete mess which left you scratching your head as you still tried to find the funny.

If Edgar Wright, Nick Frost and Simon Pegg had kept to their basic premise but made the world’s end a simple and more believable environmental disaster it would have worked so much better.

Instead they chose aliens and the rest is bargain bin history.

I blame studio interference as all three actors had been catapulted to Hollywood stature by the previous two films so their schedules were busier and the movie was more of a cash-in than the previous two.

But it was a missed opportunity and left the Cornetto Trilogy ending on a bit of a duff note.

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Brews and Eats Review by Jamie Hill There’s nothing like discovering somewhere new..

And if you’re headed to deepest, darkest Oxfordshire you will be in for a gastronomic treat if you head to The Fat Fox in Watlington.

My wife and I jumped at the offer of heading out for a Saturday night to The Fat Fox for an evening meal, a night’s stay and then breakfast in the morning.

We had never been to Watlington before so didn’t know what to expect.

What we found was a beautiful village nestled at the foot of The Chilterns in a part of Oxfordshire just enough off of the beaten track.

We were seated in the restaurant area of the pub and it was like a Georgian dining room with sumptious wallpapers and deep lighting that immediately added to the relaxed atmosphere of this gastro pub.

The menu was fantastic with an array of tastebud tickling dishes on display.

For starters I opted for cured local trout with an apple, radish and carrot slaw, which was to die for with the succulent fish complemented completely by the slaw. My wife’s gorgonzola also went down a treat judging from the way she wolfed it down in seconds.

Unfortunately I just missed out on my chosen main of beef shin and oyster suet pie as some pesky other diner had just ordered the last one so I went for the Bavette steak with gremolata and straight cut chips. The steak, medium rare obviously, was perfectly cooked and melted in the mouth just how a good cut of beef should. I was jealous of my wife’s steamed pollock with wasabi and cucumber butter sauce as that was heaven on a plate according to my wife.

For pudding I chose the sticky date pudding with a toffee sauce which really finished off the meal to perfection.

All in all though we had a lovely evening in a crowded gastro pub where they really looked after you and made you feel welcome.

The room was great as well. Decorated to a high standard with everything you needed right there and only a few steps away from the actual pub which was good as I might have partaken in one too many gin and tonics by the time I found my way there.

Usually in a lot of pubs that offer breakfast it is almost an after-thought. Not so with The Fat Fox as the standard of the breakfast of eggs, sausage and bacon was as high quality as anything we had eaten the night before.

In summary we had a truly sumptious stay that is well worth a visit.

To book a table visit www.thefatfoxinn.co.uk or call 01491 613040.

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A gorgeous stay at The Fat Fox Inn

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Brews and Eats

Takeover or makeover?

Brewery Bird considers the effect that huge pub companies might have on the range of choice offered to consumers and how it might also secure the long-term future of establishments under their ownership...

During 2016 in the UK, there were 52,750 known working pubs, approximately 17,000 of which are owned outright, or Freehouses as they are termed.

Now at some point, you will have visited a pub which is owned by a pub company such as Enterprise Inns, Punch Taverns, Mitchells & Butler, or Admiral Taverns, all of which are wellknown names to most pub-goers.

And these companies all have one thing in common; they will at some point have purchased pubs from another company, which are then let on tied lease or tenancy agreements to self employed operators to run under certain constraints; such as beer-tie, or fixed term rent for instance.

You’ve also probably heard or read about Dutch giant Heinekens’ successful £430 million bid on Friday 10 February to take-over debt-ridden Punch Taverns (subject to regulatory approval)?

Heineken are not new to the UK pub scene, currently owning 1,049 pubs through its Star Pubs & Bars division, but the acquisition of almost 3,200 pubs from Punch will make it the second largest pub company in the UK behind Enterprise Inns, with Greene King bringing up the rear.

And whilst Heineken have tried to allay fears raised by CAMRA and the Punch Tennent Network that Punch licensees and leases will not be forced to stock solely Heineken brand products, one wonders how long it would take for said Heineken products to be offered at a more attractive rate to increase their presence on bars? I mean, that’s just good business sense, isn’t it?

And this may well be a good thing for many lager and cider drinkers. Brewery Bird is aware that not everyone appreciates the never-ending array of ales which our lovely UK brewers see fit to bestow upon us.

Heineken have also confirmed that it will continue to work with SIBA – Society of Independent Brewers Association – to allow its tenants access to a wide range of beers from smaller, independent breweries who have signed up to the SIBA scheme.

One can only hope that Heineken will not withdraw Punch’s finest cask scheme which again offers a varied and interesting assortment of beers from both micro and regional brewers up and down the country – at a slightly more forgiving price to tenants than the SIBA option.

At this point it is difficult to say whether the buy-out is a positive move for the UK beer industry or not – hopefully it will prevent more pub closures if Heineken are indeed going to ‘listen to tenants’ and treat each pub on ‘an individual basis’.

And that can only be a good thing. Right?

Landlords celebrate their first year at the Tawny Owl

Landlords Dan and Tracey Brackenbury are celebrating their first year behind the bar of the Tawny Owl in North Swindon.

The married couple took up the new role on March 17 last year and are planning to mark their anniversary on St Patrick’s Day this year with the launch of Mustang Black, a new keg stout from Arkell’s Brewery, which owns the Tawny Owl. “Over the year, we have been made to feel really welcome.

We have made a big push on developing the pub and hotel as a family friendly venue.

“We still screen big sports

matches, so sports fans are well catered for, but our big emphasis is on making The Tawny Owl a place where you can enjoy what we have to offer in a family friendly environment.

The Tawny Owl pub boasts a well appointed conference room, family friendly food options, accommodation and a welcoming atmosphere.

Dan and Tracey have ensured that a program of regular events has something for everyone, from weekly quiz nights and open mic slots to live music and even Rock n’ Roll Bingo. www.thetawnyowl.co.uk

Tawny Owl landlords Dan and Tracey Brackenbury

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Brews and Eats

The history of Marmite

By Mike Barham Marmite. You all know the tag-line - you either love it or you hate it.

I’d like to add my own personal third option, and say right now that I absolutely detest it. For me, it’s on a par with a napalm and rusty nail cocktail in terms of things I don’t want in my stomach.

But how did we get to a stage where people put a yeast extract on their toast?

The product that was to become Marmite was invented in the late 19th century when German scientist Justus von Liebig discovered that brewer’s yeast could be concentrated, bottled and eaten. So blame him...

In 1902 the Marmite Food Extract Company was formed in Burton upon Trent, Staffordshire with Marmite as its main product. By 1907, the product had become successful enough to warrant construction of a second factory at Camberwell Green in London. The product’s popularity prompted the Sanitarium Health Food Company to obtain sole rights to distribute the product in New Zealand and Australia in 1908, and they continue to spread the foul black paste across the antipodean regions to this day.

By 1912, the discovery of vitamins was a boost for Marmite, as the spread is a rich source of the vitamin B complex. With the vitamin B1 deficiency beri-beri running rife during World War I, the spread became more popular, and was even added to the rations of British soldiers.

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Of course, the most common way for Marmite to be consumed is layered on toast, as we already mentioned, but unbeknownst to most of us it can be dissolved in water just like Oxo and Bovril and becomes a hot drink direct from Mordor.

Our friends down in New Zealand have an alternative however. Their advertising encourages them to spread their Marmite across their bread with ‘potato chips’ (what we refer to as crisps we think?) to create a ‘Marmite and Chippie’ sandwich, whereas in Malaysia the trusty black substance has been used to cook with prawns and chicken for years, and has even been used in cocktails apparently!

Just to get technical for a second, while the process for making Marmite is secret, the general method for making yeast extract on a commercial scale is to add salt to a suspension of yeast, making the solution hypertonic, which leads to the cells shrivelling up. This triggers “autolysis”, in which the yeast self-destructs.

The dying yeast cells are then heated to complete their breakdown, and since yeast cells have thick cell walls which would detract from the smoothness of the end product, the husks are sieved out. As with other yeast extracts, Marmite contains free glutamic acids, which are analogous to monosodium glutamate. Whatever that means...

None of this changes my personal opinion of Marmite, but if you are a lover of the horrific black sludgy waste product, please indulge yourself at least 30 feet from me.

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Brews and Eats

Radical radicchio

For more inspiration visit www.riverford.co.uk/recipes

bacon & radicchio omelette serves 2 A perfect speedy lunch. You can make one large omelette and split it or two smaller ones to serve.

2 tbsp light olive or other mild oil 6 rashers of smoked streaky bacon, diced 4 large eggs 1 small tightly packed head of radicchio, or half a large head, roughly chopped a generous knob of butter (about 30g) 1 garlic clove, finely chopped squeeze of lemon juice a few snipped chives salt and black pepper hot buttered toast, to serve (optional)

l Heat a tablespoon of the oil in a frying pan on a medium heat.

l Add the bacon and fry until it starts to

brown. Meanwhile, beat the eggs together

using a fork along with a small dash of water and a pinch of salt. l When the bacon has started to brown, turn up the heat and add the radicchio. Keep it moving as it starts to wilt. l Add half the butter and the garlic and cook for a further 2–3 minutes, making sure the garlic doesn’t burn. l Season with salt, pepper and a squeeze of lemon juice. Set aside and keep warm. l Wipe the pan clean and heat the remaining tablespoon of oil and the other half of the butter over a medium heat until hot and foaming. l Add the beaten egg, swirl quickly with a fork and let it settle into the pan. l Cook your omelette to your liking; the egg continues to cook with residual heat so slightly underdone is good. l Spread the radicchio and bacon mix across the omelette, scatter over some chives and fold the omelette in half. l Eat with hot buttered toast, if you like.

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Theatre List Wednesday March 1 FILMS: Swindon Film Society - Rams 7.30pm - Swindon Arts Centre, Wiltshire CONCERT: The Grahams 8pm - Arlington Arts Centre, Newbury POETRY: Tom Gill: Growing Pains 8pm - North Wall Arts Centre, Oxford CONCERT: You Win Again - The Story of the Bee Gees 8pm - New Theatre, Oxford FILMS: Southside With You 7.30pm - Salisbury Arts Centre, Wiltshire THEATRE: FOSAC Young Arts Showcase Swindon Arts Centre, Devizes Rd TALKS: An Audience with Lesley Garrett 7.45pm - Corn Exchange, Newbury

THEATRE: Burton 7.30pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot

THEATRE: Meet Fred 7.30pm - Corn Exchange, Newbury

THEATRE: I Am Beast 7.30pm - Arts at the Old Fire Station, Oxford

FILMS: Swindon Film Society - The Second Mother 7.45pm - Swindon Arts Centre, Wiltshire

CONCERT: Sam Bailey - Sing My Heart Out 7.30pm - New Theatre, Oxford

THEATRE: Scary Shit 8pm - Salisbury Arts Centre, Wiltshire

COMEDY: Susan Calman: The Calman Before The Storm 7.45pm - Corn Exchange, Newbury COMEDY: Josie Long: Something Better 8pm - Arts at the Old Fire Station, Oxford COMEDY: Omid Djalili: Schmuck For A Night 8pm - Salisbury City Hall, Wiltshire

COMEDY: Carl Donnelly: Bad Man Tings 8pm - New Greenham Arts, Newbury

Saturday March 4 to Saturday April 22 EXHBITIONS: Perdita Sinclair 10am - Salisbury Arts Centre, Wiltshire

Thursday March 2 to Saturday March 25 THEATRE: Faust x2 Times Vary - Watermill Theatre, Newbury

Sunday March 5 FAMILY EVENTS: Leaping Frog 2pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot

Friday March 3 FILMS: Artists’ Film and Video 10am - Trowbrige Town Hall, Wiltshire

CONCERT: Camille O’Sullivan - The Carny Dream 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon

COMEDY: Jongleurs Comedy Club March 7.30pm - Corn Exchange, Newbury

CONCERT: Mike and The Mechanics 7.30pm - New Theatre, Oxford

DANCE: Leviathan Pegasus Theatre, Oxford

Monday March 6 DANCE: Reflections 7.30pm - Pegasus Theatre, Oxford

THEATRE: William Shakespeare’s Long Lost First Play (abridged) 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon

TALKS: Robert Winston - Modifying Humans 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon

CONCERT: Blackbeard’s Tea Party 8pm - Arlington Arts Centre, Newbury

Monday March 6 to Wednesday March 8 TALKS: Matthew Bourne’s Early Adventures 2 7.30pm - Oxford Playhouse

TALKS: Dr Phil’s Health Revolution 8pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot

Wednesday March 8 to Thursday March 9 THEATRE: The Depraved Appetite of Tarrare the Freak 9pm - North Wall Arts Centre, Oxford Thursday March 9 THEATRE: Frozen Light: Home Times Vary - Arlington Arts Centre, Newbury CONCERT: Life’s Merry Go Round 7.30pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot THEATRE: Meet Fred 7.30pm - Arts at the Old Fire Station, Oxford THEATRE: Noel & Gertie 7.30pm - Swindon Arts Centre, Wiltshire COMEDY: Shappi Khorsandi: ‘Oh My Country!’ From Morris Dancing to Morrissey 7.30pm - Neeld Community and Arts Centre, Chippenham CONCERT: Blazin’ Fiddles 7.45pm - Corn Exchange, Newbury COMEDY: The Misfit Analysis 8pm - New Greenham Arts, Newbury Friday March 10 CONCERT: Richard Digance - Golden Anniversary Tour 7.30pm - Swindon Arts Centre, Wiltshire CABARET: Northern Soul Live 7.45pm - Corn Exchange, Newbury

CONCERT: The Grahams 8pm - Swindon Arts Centre, Wiltshire

Monday March 6 to Saturday March 11 THEATRE: The Verdict 7.30pm - Salisbury Playhouse, Wiltshire

Friday March 3 to Saturday March 4 THEATRE: Leaf 10.30am - Salisbury Playhouse, Wiltshire

COMEDY: Bridget Christie - Because You Demanded It 8pm - Oxford Playhouse, Oxford

Tuesday March 7 TALKS: An Evening With Levison Wood 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon

COMEDY: Charlie Baker is the Hit Polisher 8pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot

CONCERT: Camille O’Sullivan 8pm - North Wall Arts Centre, Oxford

CONCERT: Chris Wood 7.30pm - Arts at the Old Fire Station, Oxford

Friday March 10 to Saturday March 11 DANCE: Moving With The Times Times Vary - Pegasus Theatre, Oxford

TALKS: Nick Galer Bakes 7.30pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot

CONCERT: audiograft 2017 Times Vary - Arts at the Old Fire Station, Oxford

Friday March 3 to Sunday March 5 THEATRE: Constellations 7.30pm - Swindon Arts Centre, Wiltshire Saturday March 4 THEATRE: Cinderella 5pm - Neeld Community and Arts Centre, Chippenham CONCERT: Andy Fairweather Low & The Low Riders 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon

Tuesday March 7 to Saturday March 11 THEATRE: Evita Times Vary - New Theatre, Oxford Wednesday March 8 THEATRE: That’ll Be The Day 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon

COMEDY: The Misfit Analysis 7.45pm - Salisbury Playhouse, Wiltshire COMEDY: Jon Richardson: Old Man 8pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon

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Theatre list Saturday March 11 FAMILY EVENTS: The Magic Paintbrush Times Vary - North Wall Arts Centre, Oxford

THEATRE: The Western Players Amateur Dramatics Presents - Don’t Dress for Dinner 7.30pm - Swindon Arts Centre, Wiltshire

THEATRE: Thrive 7pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot

Thursday March 16 FILMS: I, Daniel Blake 7.30pm - Salisbury Arts Centre, Wiltshire

COMEDY: Andy Parsons 7.30pm - Oxford Playhouse, Oxford CONCERT: Salisbury Symphony Orchestra 7.30pm - City Hall Salisbury, Wiltshire CONCERT: Swindon Recital Series - Dale Piano Trio 7.30pm - Swindon Arts Centre, Wiltshire Saturday March 11 to Tuesday March 31 EXHIBITIONS: Maryl Donoghue - It’s a Jungle Out There Times Vary - New Greenham Arts, Newbury Sunday March 12 CONCERT: Stornoway - The Farewell Tour 7.30pm - New Theatre, Oxford Tuesday March 14 TALKS: ‘The Science and Beauty of Birds’

by Oliver Smart 7.30pm - Salisbury Arts Centre, Wiltshire THEATRE: Fish Eye 7.30pm - Arts at the Old Fire Station, Oxford COMEDY: Hammer and Tongue 8pm - Arts at the Old Fire Station, Oxford COMEDY: Rob Beckett - Mouth of the South 8pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon Tuesday March 14 to Wednesday March 15 THEATRE: Romeo And Juliet / Twelfth Night Times Vary - Corn Exchange, Newbury DANCE: St Gabriel’s Dance Showcase 7.30pm - Arlington Arts Centre, Newbury Tuesday March 14 to Thursday March 16 THEATRE: Bucket List 8pm - North Wall Arts Centre, Oxford

COMEDY: Jon Richardson : Old Man 8pm - City Hall Salisbury, Wiltshire

CONCERT: Mud Morganfield 8pm - Arlington Arts Centre, Newbury COMEDY: Sara Pascoe: Animal 8pm - North Wall Arts Centre, Oxford Thursday March 16 to Saturday March 18 COMEDY: Jonny and the Baptists: Eat the Poor 7.45pm - Salisbury Playhouse, Wiltshire THEATRE: Showtime Bohème 8pm - New Greenham Arts, Newbury Friday March 17 TALKS: Cheats and Deceits 5pm - Oxford Playhouse, Oxford

COMEDY: Jasper Carrott & Alistair McGowan 7.30pm - New Theatre, Oxford Monday March 20 to Thursday March 23 THEATRE: The Unbuilt Room 7pm - Frewin Annexe, Brasenose College, Oxford Monday March 20 to Saturday March 25 THEATRE: La Strada Times Vary - Oxford Playhouse, Oxford Tuesday March 21 DANCE: Spring Equinox 7pm - Corn Exchange, Newbury FILMS: Banff Mountain Film Festival 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon TALKS: Cafe Scientifique Spring 17 7.30pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot

THEATRE: Diary of a Hounslow Girl 7.30pm - Arts at the Old Fire Station, Oxford

THEATRE: Theatre Scratch Night 7.30pm - Arts at the Old Fire Station, Oxford

CONCERT: Allan Yn Y Fan: St. Patrick’s Day Twmpath 8pm - Salisbury Arts Centre, Wiltshire

Wednesday March 22 TALKS: An Evening with Levison Wood 7.30pm - City Hall Salisbury, Wiltshire

CONCERT: Soprano Summit Legacy Band 8pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot

COMEDY: Andy Parsons - Peak Bulls**t 7.45pm - Corn Exchange, Newbury

Friday March 17 to Saturday March 18 THEATRE: Every You Every Me Times Vary - BT Studio at Oxford Playhouse, Oxford

FILMS: Swindon Film Society - Son of Saul 7.45pm - Swindon Arts Centre, Wiltshire

Friday March 17 to Sunday March 19 FAMILY EVENTS: Babe the Sheep Pig Times Vary - Corn Exchange, Newbury

Wednesday March 15 COMEDY: Rory Bremner: Party Political 7.30pm - Salisbury Playhouse, Wiltshire

FAMILY EVENTS: Jack and the Beans Talk Times Vary - Pegasus Theatre, Oxford

Monday March 20 THEATRE: Home 11am - Salisbury Arts Centre, Wiltshire

COMEDY: Sara Pascoe - Animal 7.30pm - Swindon Arts Centre, Wiltshire

Saturday March 18 DANCE: Gemma Short School of Dance & Theatre Arts Times Vary - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon

Wednesday March 15 to Saturday March 18

THEATRE: Holmes & Watson - The Farewell Tour 7.30pm - Swindon Arts Centre, Wiltshire

CONCERT: A Swingin Affair 7.30pm - Salisbury Playhouse, Wiltshire

Tuesday March 14 to Saturday March 18 THEATRE: Blithe Spirit Times Vary - Oxford Playhouse, Oxford

Wednesday March 15 to Friday March 17 DANCE: Rambert - Ghost Dances plus other works 7.30pm - New Theatre, Oxford

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DANCE: Tangomotion 7.30pm - Salisbury Playhouse, Wiltshire

Sunday March 19 CONCERT: The Glenn Miller Orchestra 3pm - New Theatre, Oxford

TALKS: David Starkey - Henry VIII 7.30pm - Salisbury Arts Centre, Wiltshire THEATRE: The Reduced Shakespeare Company 7.30pm - Salisbury Playhouse, Wiltshire

COMEDY: Count Arthur Strong - The Sound of Mucus 8pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon Thursday March 23 COMEDY: Is That Chris Ramsey?

7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon COMEDY: Count Arthur Strong - The Sound of Mucus 7.30pm - New Theatre, Oxford FILMS: The Innocents 7pm - Salisbury Arts Centre, Wiltshire THEATRE: Ventoux 7.30pm - Swindon Arts Centre, Wiltshire COMEDY: Russell Kane: Right Man, Wrong Age

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Theatre List 8pm - Salisbury City Hall, Wiltshire

8pm - North Wall Arts Centre, Oxford

Times Vary - Watermill Theatre, Newbury

Friday March 24 CONCERT: Elkie Brooks 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon

Sunday March 26 COMEDY: Jimmy Carr - The Best of, Ultimate, Gold, Greatest Hits tour 7.30pm - New Theatre, Oxford

Wednesday March 29 to Saturday April 15 THEATRE: Echo’s End 7.30pm - Salisbury Playhouse, Wiltshire

THEATRE: Richard III 7.30pm - Swindon Arts Centre, Wiltshire CABARET: The Dreamboys 7.30pm - New Theatre, Oxford THEATRE: Under My Skin 7.30pm - Pegasus Theatre, Oxford CABARET: Champions of Magic 7.45pm - Corn Exchange, Newbury Saturday March 25 THEATRE: The Giant Jam Sandwich 11am - Salisbury Playhouse, Salisbury THEATRE: Earthquakes in London 7.30pm - Arts at the Old Fire Station, Oxford CONCERT: Royal Philharmonic Orchestra 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon COMEDY: Kieran Hodgson: Maestro

Tuesday March 28 to Saturday April 1 THEATRE: Grease Times Vary - New Theatre, Oxford

Thursday March 30 COMEDY: Jonny and the Baptists: Eat The Poor 8pm - Arts at the Old Fire Station, Oxford

Tuesday March 28 to Saturday April 8 THEATRE: As The Crow Flies 7.45pm - Salisbury Playhouse, Wiltshire

Thursday March 30 to Saturday April 1 THEATRE: Jane Eyre Times Vary - Oxford Playhouse, Oxford

Wednesday March 29 COMEDY: Lee Nelson - Serious Joker 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon

Friday March 31 DANCE: Incognito 7.30pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot

THEATRE: Rosalind 7.45pm - Corn Exchange, Newbury

COMEDY: Jongleurs Comedy Club March II 7.45pm - Corn Exchange, Newbury

Wednesday March 29 to Thursday March 30 THEATRE: All The Little Lights 7.30pm - BT Studio at Oxford Playhouse, Oxford Wednesday March 29 to Saturday April 1 THEATRE: Ann Veronica

Your chance to tread the boards with the Shoebox Theatre Company The Shoebox Theatre Company are looking for local community actors to bring Andrew Bovell’s moving and thought provoking play, ‘When the Rain Stops Falling’ to audiences in Swindon.

The company became aware of the theatrical work by Australian writer Andrew Bovell, after they saw his latest show ‘Things I Know to be True’, at the Oxford Playhouse last year.

Luke Marquez, Artistic Director at the Shoebox Theatre said: “The play was performed by Frantic Assembly, a well-known and respected physical theatre company, so it was beautifully performed, but what really stood out for us was the writing. As soon as we got home we researched what else Bovell had written. When the Rain Stops falling was exactly what we were looking for and we cannot wait to start working on it! Our next challenge is finding the right cast to make this project a reality.”

‘When the Rain Stops Falling’ moves from the claustrophobia of a London flat in 1959 to the windswept coast of southern Australia, and into the heart of the Australian desert in 2039.

Auditions are being held on March 1 at the Shoebox Theatre. For full details on the theatre company, the play and how to take part, visit: www.shoeboxtheatre.org.uk/shoeboxcompany

COMEDY: Rachel Parris: Best Laid Plans 8pm - Arts at the Old Fire Station, Oxford THEATRE: The Thing That Came From Over There!

8pm - New Greenham Arts, Newbury

Newbury Corn Exchange will have you spoilt for choice in March

We love the Corn Exchange in Newbury because they are never afraid to offer something for everyone, from fabulous family shows through to top-level performances from the worlds of dance, drama and music.

This month is no different as on March 8, Hijinx Theatre present an innovative puppet based production called Meet Fred to Newbury. Packed full of first-rate theatrical invention, irreverent revelling, and with an urgent human story at its heart, Meet Fred is a real marvel.

Then on 17 to 19 March, the classic tale of Babe the Sheep Pig is retold by a cast of West End performers in a show brimming with laughter, thrills, stunning puppetry and original live music. For tickets and more information visit: www.cornexchangenew.com

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Swinge 2017

Swindon Fringe Festival 2017 returns with fun for all the family, including The Homeless Panda on April 8 at the Shoebox Theatre

The Swindon Fringe Festival is back and packed with great comedians, dramatic theatrical performances, fun family shows, cracking workshops and The Groovy Pig Music Festival, all from April 1 – 9.

The Swindon Fringe Festival is the first of the year in the UK and many artists come to Swindon to test out their new material, get some face-to-face audience feedback and receive their awards to take on tour.

Being the first performance festival in the calendar year, it is a great benchmark for acts to trial their work before taking them on to the Brighton Fringe in May, the Greater Manchester Fringe in July and then the Edinburgh Fringe in August.

With recent government cuts to arts funding and the cost of running a theatrical company increasing, the Swindon Fringe Festival doesn’t charge the acts for taking part. The ticket sales go straight to the artists to continue developing their projects and keep their tours on the move.

As each show is paired with another, they get a chance to network with other artists working in a similar vein. In the past, there has been some tremendous new work that has been awarded in Swindon and taken off.

Degrees of Error with Murder She Didn’t Write have toured across the UK with a successful run in Edinburgh; TS Theatre have gone on to perform at the RSC; young Swindon Fringe Festival actors have now attended Drama Schools to hone their talents; and local writer Matt Fox has had his scripts debut in America.

The Swindon Fringe Festival is the best place to witness performances before they become sell-out shows in The West End. That might be a slight exaggeration but it’s not far off. With the Swinge coming from very

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humble beginnings itself, anything is possible.

It all began when local theatre producing company, Madam Renards, offered their own home to performers and writers in Swindon for one night to showcase their work amongst friends and family. They used every room in their house and put on 5 – 10 minute pieces to entertain and critic all evening.

They nicknamed it the Mini-Fringe Festival and with laughs, tears and drinks shared, it turned into a successful event. 5 years later it has now become the Swindon Fringe Festival running over 10 days and spanning across 4 different venues. Not only does it showcase all the local theatre groups but performers from around the UK and across the waters have taken part each year.

The now coined “Swinge” has become known for it’s unique style of scheduling and theatre originality.

Ranging from dance to comedy, drama to music and magic to family shows, the Swinge pairs up fantastic new writing with distinctive performance styles and overall, gives Swindon a brilliant week of entertainment.

Highlights of the week include The Groovy Pig Music Festival at The Victoria on Sunday 2 April where there will be rock, pop, jazz, punk, funk, folk, blues and even flamenco. (So a little something for everyone.) There will be 10 different bands taking their place on the stage in the back room of The Victoria and the bar will be open all night. People are welcome to pop in and out when they please so they can listen to music they enjoy or try something new. All the events at The Victoria will take place on The Ocelot stage, as we’ve kindly thrown in our support again this year.

The opening night at The Bohemian Balcony on April 1 will

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Swinge 2017

Swinge stand-up favourite Matt Hoss returns this year at The Victoria on April 3

Madam Renards present Breaking Point on April 5 at The Bohemian Balcony

be a fun evening of drinks, raffles, prizes and entertainment provided by local musicians and a stand-up comedian. It’ll also be a chance to meet and greet some of the acts that will feature later in the week.

There are workshops for children and adults to take part in: Clown Workshop for Children by Swindon Fringe Festival award winner Bianca Bertalott and the Spoons Workshops by Jo May will be a fantastic addition to your family talents. There will be some excellent improv on the first weekend and brilliant stand-up on the last.

Physical theatre and dance on Friday April 7 at the Shoebox Theatre will be a great chance for the more experimental audiences to experience something unique and beautiful.

And finally, the chill-out afternoon from midday on Saturday April 8 will put you in a great mood for the end of the festival.

Tickets are available from the Wyvern Theatre Box Office and you can either purchase individual tickets ranging from £5 - £10 each or get yourself a platinum ticket (£50) giving you access to every show during the Swindon Fringe Festival.

The stand-up comedians and The Groovy Pig Music Festival are offering a Pay What You Want system so you can enjoy the comedy and music and give what you feel the performance was worth. For more information, simply go onto the website: www.swindonfringefestival.com

What’s On at the Swindon Fringe Festival

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Gig Monkey Gig Monkey, AKA Ed Dyer, takes a rummage through the best music released by local artists. If you like the sound of something please check it out Send your reviews to ed@theocelot.co.uk

Martyrials – An Influx of Heritage (Album)

I have been quite excitedly waiting for this record ever since I first caught this band live at last year’s Shuffle. However, that anticipation has always been balanced by a fear that all that makes this one of the most exciting bands I saw last year would be polished off in the studio.

Live they are a crazy beast, their punk-electronica uplifted by high energy onstage antics and keyboard torture.

Without the visual spectacle, you can indulge in the songs more, marvel at the sheer creativity of their construction, at the insane virtuosic keyboard work that flits from crunching riffs to vintage bleeps and blips and the otters pocket tight rhythm work.

They are also a band who want to make a point, taking the traditional protest heritage of Punk and that spirit of ’77 and bringing it right up to date via a torrid fling with 80’s synth-pop.

In short, this is everything I wanted it to be, and more and is one of the most important recordings to come out of Swindon in recent times.

Martyrials are writing the future of music by corrupting two of its most treasured and contradictory past movements.

The future is Punktronica, as one sage music commentator has labelled it.

Flatlands- Provisional Licence (EP)

An Oxfordshire band barely out of school and embarking upon the early stages of their music journey, and it shows in this maiden offering.

There is a certain naivety at work here which adds an

Martyrials - the future of punk electronica? and right Flatlands naive charm. element of charm but, this is very much indie-pop by numbers at this stage. There are influences from a raft of 90s indie and folk-punk bands nailed together in a fairly obvious way, but when you remind yourself where this band are in their story, that naïve charm carries it through.

There is enough quality in melody and musicianship to point to an interesting future.

Daisy – Murder Porn (EP)

Ignoring the slightly provocative title for this two track EP, what you get is a couple of tracks of pleasantly shambolic emoacoustica. It is all very earnest and indulgent, and you can see what Daisy is trying to do and say but, as with Flatlands, it is all a bit naïve and obvious.

But again, there is evidence of enough ability and fibre to suggest Daisy is one to keep half an eye on.

Bradley Cowtan – Catfish Pt 2 (EP) We live in a world in which the

likes of Ed Sheeran, George Ezra and Jake Bugg sell millions of records. Therefore, it follows, based on the evidence of the four tracks presented here, that Bradley Cowtan should also sell a lot of records.

It is all here – shiny polished pop melodies, lyrical stories, reflective acoustic guitar picking, chirpy ukulele, upbeat anthems etc, all wrapped up in a tidy package.

If the world was fair this collection should propel Cowtan out of North Wiltshire to the bright lights and big stages of fame and fortune. However, we shall have to wait and see if this happens, as we all know the music industry doesn’t always read the script.

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The Night of The Ocelot

It’s time to get your Ocelot on!

Ladies and Gentlemen, we are proud to announce The Ocelot will be running an evening of live musical entertainment at The Victoria in Swindon on Thursday March 23, completely free of charge, bringing you some of the most impressive acts from the wider Ocelotshire region!

For those of you who may remember, The Ocelot used to run nights of live music at a variety of venues including Riffs Bar near Royal Wootton Bassett, The Vic and the late, great 12Bar (R.I.P). But it’s been almost 10 years since the last big Ocelot night, so we think it’s high time we did something about that!

Live music has evolved and shifted massively in that time, with venues closing down, bands retreating on to the internet and crowds having no-one to focus their love and attention on. We know you’re out there guys, and we want to help!

So, we got to thinking. What would we want a night to be? What kind of show would we immediately want to dive out from behind our writing desks and charge out into the wild to stand at the front of and act like teenagers again?

The answer was simple; get together three of the best musical forces from our area, put them on at one of our favourite venues and have a bloody good time with all our lovely readers in the process.

The Night of The Ocelot was born, and after many

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discussions about how the title almost sounded like The Day of The Jackal, (look it up kids) we put in some calls and set this bad boy up!

In your mind, cue up that stirring rendition of Jerusalem for this next bit...

This is going to be a celebration of everything we hold dear in our little arts circles. A chance for the community to gather and share the night air and some good tunes. We want to shine a light on the artists in our region who dedicate themselves to entertaining others, to creating new sounds and weekend memories.

We want to showcase new music, new styles and new artists who are carrying the torch not only for their sound, but also for the sounds of the future.

We’ve brought together a damn fine line-up if we do say so ourselves, with a real quality and charm about each and every act. Little Brother Eli will be flying the flag for Team Oxford with their monumental bluesy garage rock that’s seen them gaining national coverage and getting many people rather excited. Hip Route will form the riotous, rocking roots section of our evening for Team Swindon, and amaze you with guitar work that would have made Hendrix blush. And Team Youth has its champion in the form of the brilliant Bradley Cowtan from Royal Wootton Bassett. You can find out more about each of our line-up on the next page.

SEE YOU AT THE VIC ON MARCH 23!

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The Night of The Ocelot

Little Brother Eli

Our headliners for the evening are truly a force to be reckoned with. Hailing from Oxford, Little Brother Eli are champions of the bluesy garage rock sound, with acts like Jack White and his associates immediately coming to mind when you stick on their latest release Oceans (which was released on YouTube in February) They’re a band that has drawn the attention of national press including TeamRock, BBC 6Music and more captivating audiences with their driving sound and spectacularly written tunes that step the border between classic influences and a plan for the future.

The band was formed in Oxford during early 2013 by bassist Josh Rigal and vocalist Alex Grew.

The pair were joined by guitarist Adam Stowe and drummer Benji Page who began sharing their eclectic mix of musical influences along with lap steel specialist Tom Williams, and their influence is spreading exponentially. They’ve already been announced for several festival slots this year including Are You Listening, Wildfire and Witney Music Festival.

We can’t emphasise enough how happy we are to have these boys as part of The Night of The Ocelot, and we know that you will be dancing the night away at The Vic when Little Brother Eli get into their groove.

Check them out online at: www.littlebrothereli.com

Hip Route

If you haven’t heard these guys already, we will be hugely surprised. We might even be shocked!

Hip Route are a slide guitar wielding, rootsy blues rocking trio from the Swindon area, so we’ve got the local angle covered in a big way here!

In all honesty, these guys could have easily been our headliners for the night, they are simply incredible live with front-man Jim Blair’s immense guitar skills shining out amidst a brilliantly skilled rhythm section to create a wall of almost primal, driving and pulsating music. You’ll be involuntarily tapping your feet within seconds, guaranteed.

Check them out online via: www.hiproute.com

Bradley Cowtan

Young Bradley hails from Royal Wootton Bassett and currently studies at the Academy of Music and Sound in central Swindon, pushing his brand of thoughtful, charming acoustic pop across the local scene.

Releasing his Catfish Part 2 EP via a live BBC Wiltshire session in February, Bradley has impressed us with his professionalism and dedication to his music, and thoroughly deserves the spotlight we threw on him in last month’s Ocelot Presents.

The Night of The Ocelot is all about celebrating our region’s music scene and presenting people with the very best that the area has to offer, including the up and coming artists on your doorstep. To this end, we think Mr Cowtan is the best opener for the job and shows that live music in Ocelotshire is in safe hands indeed. Plus he doesn’t have to go to college in the morning we’re told...

Check out Bradley’s corner of the internet here: www.bradleycowtan.com

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O2 Academy Oxford

Going Ape-ril at the O2 April is proving to be a month to look forward to at the O2 Academy in Oxford, with show after brilliant show rattling off almost daily throughout the month.

Our highlights include The Jesus And Mary Chain who are touring their long-awaited new record, Damage and Joy. The Scottish alternative band will be sure to come along armed with their classic songs as well as a raft of new tunes to re-invigorate their dedicated fan base as well as pull in the new ones.

April 3 is when the sound of a generation rocks its way into Oxford. Feeder are back with their latest album All Bright Electric, and are bound to sell the place out fast. Make sure you grab your tickets early for this one, as we will be there jumping up and down to Buck Rogers as soon as the first chord is played!

The very next night, we might be tempted back to the Academy as Mallory Knox rock up as part of their Spring UK tour on April 4. Lonely The Brave and Fatherson will be filling out any tiny sonic gap that the Knox boys leave open, but given their reputation on the national circuit for being one of the best new live bands, it’s going to be a brilliant night either way.

They’re brash, loud and a little unhinged, but everybody loves Electric Six just for the sheer fun of it all. April 22 sees the return of the comedy rock band that made a name for themselves in the early 00’s with tunes like Gay Bar and Danger, High Voltage, which will undoubtedly be ringing around the venue. Support comes in the form of Nightmares from the Discotheque from Cardiff who released their debut album About Last Night in December and bring you their own brand of rock, hip-hop and mind-blowing visuals.

If you want things a little more chunky, why not get your head-banging self along to While She Sleeps on April 27 when the roof will be well and truly blown off the place.

Metal in its most modern form, the Sheffield five-piece come armed with crushing riffs, piercing vocals and all the attitude you’d expect from one of the premier heavy acts in the country right now. Support on the night comes from up and coming heroes of the underground heavy scene In Hearts Wake and Fizzy Blood who will really get you in the mood for a few beers and a damn good mosh.

And if all this doesn’t get you down to the O2 Academy, we know that Rat Boy will offer something completely different for you to sample. Part of the Radio 1 Sound of 2016 Longlist and moulded in the ways of Beans on Toast et al, you can be sure of some highly charged lyrics, a bit of Essex humour and some cheeky beers are on the cards with this promising young talent.

For tickets and more information on all the shows at the O2 in the upcoming months, visit: www.academymusicgroup.com/o2academyoxford

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You know them, you love them - Feeder are at the O2 Academy Oxford on April 3

Mallory Knox hit the O2 Academy on April 4

The irrepressible Electric Six pile into the O2 Academy on April 22. Expect chaos...

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The Olly Murs interview

It Murs be love...

Singer, songwriter, TV presenter and actor Olly Murs shot to fame on X Factor in 2009, he has crafted four multi-platinum albums and produced four number 1 singles with total record sales exceeding 10 million.

You worked for a while in the glamorous world of recruitment consultancy - did you always have a desire to break out?

I had no idea that life would take me on this journey. I feel incredibly lucky to be where I am. I always wanted to be well known but there is no way of knowing if you are ever going to achieve that success.

You shot to fame as a result of your X-Factor appearance in 2009 – is that difficult to deal with that level of fame so quickly?

It was a bit strange to begin with I suppose, it’s great though. Looking back, it took me about six months to get used to it.

I really enjoy being well known and connecting with the fans.

Everyone is so nice and polite to me all the time so it’s not a problem.

I know that some people find it difficult, but I still see the same group of friends that I always did. We all do our jobs and life has taken us down different paths, but we’re still the same people.

I’m a really grounded person. I can still go out and buy chips and do normal things that anyone else does, I don’t see that it needs to change.

What do you attribute your success to – do you think you’ve been lucky or is it talent?

It must be a bit of both to be

He found time in his busy schedule to chat for precisely ten minutes to Ben Fitzgerald about buying chips, not giving a bollocks and bringing his latest album to life on stage.

honest – I imagine that I must have some talent because I don’t think you can get through the X-factor without it. That said, I’m aware that there are people out there who have better voices who have not achieved the same level of fame that I have.

Did you struggle to be taken as a serious artist? Did you feel that you have had to prove yourself as being more than a product of a TV show?

I don’t give a bollocks what people think about me. I just focus on being who I am and performing to the best of my ability. There’s no way that you can please all the people all the time – that’s just the way it is. There will always be people out there who try and knock you but I think I’ve shown the doubters out there that I’m a serious artist.

I love going on tour. It’s brilliant to bring the album to life, there’s no better feeling in the world. People have said my latest album 24 HRS is a bit of a heartbreak album but there’s quite a few upbeat tracks on the album. I’m really looking forward to meeting the fans and putting everything into my performances. We’ve got a brilliant show lined up.

Olly Murs will be appearing at Newbury Racecourse on August 18 as part of Party in the Paddock and at Westonbirt Arboretum in Tetbury on June 16. For tickets see www. ollymurs.com

Go on then… tell me about what to expect in your forthcoming tour.

I think the people who follow me and love my music are the greatest – that’s why

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Live Music News

Wychwood announce Friday headliners and more Wychwood Festival have revealed that Buzzcocks will be their Friday night headliner for this year’s event.

Joining them will be Jesus Jones, Smoove & Turrell and Professor Elemental with the Smashing Blouse team adding Zak Abel, Let’s Eat Grandma, IDER, Girli and Flamingods to the eclectic line-up.

Also announced for the Hobgoblin stage are Indigo Rose, Cherokii, Curse Of Lono and Skata Tones.

Wychwood Festival takes place 2 – 4 June at Cheltenham Racecourse, with the likes of OMD, The Levellers and Billy Bragg already announced and more still to come. Day tickets are on sale now, starting at £47 for an adult with weekend tickets costing £140. For tickets and further information visit wychwoodfestival.com.

Lechlade festival release headliner details Indie band The Hoosiers and rhythm and blues band Dr Feelgood have been announced as just two of the headliners at this year’s Lechlade Music Festival.

The bands will headline on Sunday night, with further headline announcements expected joining the Saturday line-up.

The festival closes on Sunday night with ‘That 80s Rock Show’ – described as “an 80s nostalgia filled, Flux Capacitor powered Time Machine show.” The colourful 6 piece rock band perform classic 80s hits and were a big hit at last year’s event.

For tickets and more information as it’s released, head to: lechladefestival.co.uk

2000Trees 2017 first wave of acts announced Slaves, Jamie Lenman, Nothing But Thieves… and that’s just for starters as 2000Trees festival announces 38 bands for the 2017 event.

The 11th year of Trees has seen records broken in ticket sales, surpassing last year’s record before bands were even announced.

The full lineup also includes Pulled Apart By Horses, Dinosaur PileUp, Feed the Rhino, Muncie Girls, Black Foxxes, Area 11, Queen Kwong, Steven Battelle, Vukovi, The One Hundred and many more.

Festival organiser James Scarlett said: “We had a phenomenal 10th anniversary last year. The atmosphere was so special and the feedback was incredible, so it was always going to be a tough task to top that, but ALL our efforts have gone into doing just that.”

Tickets are on sale now via: twothousandtreesfestival.co.uk

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Live Music News Cornbury Music Festival’s Fabulous Finale is getting a star studded send off A fantastic all-star line-up of artists will gather at Great Tew Park this July for Cornbury Music Festival’s Fabulous Finale.

Joining Canadian superstar Bryan Adams for the Festival’s farewell weekend on 7-9 July, will be big band supremo and national treasure Jools Holland, Chrissie Hynde’s perennial Pretenders, and a host of Cornbury favourites including Sophie Ellis-Bextor, Jack Savoretti and Scouting For Girls.

Yorkshire rockers Kaiser Chiefs make their Cornbury debut headlining Friday night. Recent No.1 country sisters Ward Thomas also make a welcome return, along with Keane frontman Tom Chaplin, festival darling Imelda May, and last year’s crowd pleasers, Australian troubadours The Pierce Brothers.

Heading up the newcomers, and boasting an awesome live reputation, US soulsters St Paul & The Broken Bones will join Paul Weller protégés, Stone Foundation, Mark Ronson-collaborator and indie darling Rose Elinor Dougall, and Danish new-disco superstars Black Dylan. For more information and tickets, visit: www.cornburyfestival.com

Super advance tickets for CalneFest have gone on sale

Grand re-opening for Reading’s much loved Arts Centre

Fancy a ticket to CalneFest this year?

Super advance tickets are now available via seetickets.com/event/calnefest-2017 for one of Wiltshire’s best small town celebrations of music and culture.

CalneFest has previously played host to Republica, Artful Dodger and Ulysses as well as showcasing some of the best up and coming talent from the local area and further afield.

This year’s event will take place at the Recreation Ground in Calne on Saturday June 3.

For more information, and for regular updates, visit: www.calnefest.co.uk

Reading’s much loved arts centre, South Street, celebrated the completion of its £800k major improvement work at the end of February.

The future of the arts centre was secured last year, thanks to a generous award of £500,000 from the Arts Council England and just over £300,000 from Reading Council. The arts centre, which has been closed since June, with some limited opening since November 2016, has been revamped to feature new seating, toilets, dressing rooms and a brand new purpose built bar.

Grab your copy of the South Street Arts Centre 2017 programme from the centre itself, or visit: www.readingarts.com/south-street

Backwoods win February Take The Stage heat - Final March 3 We have our finalists for the latest Take The Stage competition hosted by Riverbank Studios and the Neeld Community and Arts Centre in Chippenham.

Chippenham/Corsham based three-piece Backwoods have gained the last place in the final on March 3 with a chance to win recording time, festival slots and more. The group accepted their congratulations from a packed Neeld centre, and revealed to Chippenham FM DJ Brian Reid that it was the first time they’d all performed live as a group, making their achievement all the more impressive.

The alt-rock trio showed off silky musical skills and heaps of originality that charmed the crowd, fending off stiff opposition from three piece punk outfit Julien & Co and acoustic duo Burbank to progress through the heat and join Misfires, Escapade and Caught By The Bears.

The Take The Stage Final will take place at the Neeld on March 3 and we will bring you the winner in a very special section of our April edition.

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Gig List Wednesday March 1 Dan Reed Network + support 7.30pm - Level 3, Swindon Black Sheep Apprentice + Awakening Savannah + My Social Decline 8pm - The Victoria, Swindon The Grahams 8pm - Arlington Arts Centre, Newbury You Win Again - The Story of the Bee Gees 8pm - New Theatre, Oxford Thursday March 2 Tall Ships 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford Chas and Dave 7.30pm - City Hall, Salisbury Open Mic + Jam Session 8pm - The Music Box, Salisbury An Audience with Lesley Garrett 7.45pm - Corn Exchange, Newbury Babajack 8pm - Arlington Arts Centre, Newbury Bowie Experience 8pm - New Theatre, Oxford Polar Front + Rozelle + Cursor Major 8pm - The Victoria, Swindon You Win Again - The Story of the Bee Gees 8pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot

The Grahams 8pm - Salisbury Arts Centre, Salisbury Gina 9pm - The Mermaid, Burford Hooch 9pm - Groves Company Inn, Swindon The Runaway Boys 9pm - The Rolleston, Swindon Nigel Garage 11pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford Friday March 3 & Saturday March 4 Camille O’Sullivan 8pm - North Wall Arts Centre, Oxford Saturday March 4 Evarose + Veridian + Matchboy + The Kaos 6.30pm - O2 Academy 2, Oxford

7.30pm - New Theatre, Oxford Monday March 6 Josefin Örhn 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford Tuesday March 7 Seafret 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford The Pogues Irish Whiskey Presents: A Shot at Discovery – The Heats 7pm - O2 Academy 2, Oxford Chris Wood 7.30pm - Arts at the Old Fire Station, Oxford Wednesday March 8 Dutch Uncles + Her’s + 31 Hours 6.30pm - O2 Academy 2, Oxford FameLab 2017 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford

Andy Fairweather Low & The Low Riders 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon

Alan Reed and The Daughters of Expediency 8pm - The Victoria, Swindon

Brazilian and Reggaeton Night - DJ Gui 8.30pm - The Music Box, Salisbury

Thursday March 9 Ashanti 7pm - O2 Academy, Oxford

Sam Bailey - Sing My Heart Out 7.30pm - New Theatre, Oxford Motown/Soul/Disco/Funk night with The Soultones 8pm - Level 3, Swindon

Gilbert O’Sullivan In Concert 7.30pm - City Hall, Salisbury Open Mic + Alex Hadley 8.30pm - The Music Box, Salisbury

UK Ramones + The Dirty Outlaws 8pm - The Victoria, Swindon

Life’s Merry Go Round 7.30pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot

Salisbury Music Alliance - Rock 4 Salli 3pm - The Winchester Gate, Salisbury

Pink Hotel + Special Guests 7.30pm - Level 3, Swindon

Beyond The Barricade 7.30pm - New Theatre, Oxford

Fab 208 9pm - The Lamb Inn, Marlborough

Blazin’ Fiddles 7.45pm - Corn Exchange, Newbury

Kahtet + One Last Thrill + Support 8.30pm - The Music Box, Salisbury

From Dusk Til Dawn 9pm - The London Road Inn, Calne

Dots Funk Odyssey 8pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford

Take The Stage FINAL 7.30pm - Neeld Community and Arts Centre, Chippenham

Haxan 9pm - The Queens Tap, Swindon

Friday March 10 Richard Digance - Golden Anniversary Tour 7.30pm - Swindon Arts Centre

Friday March 3 The Amy Winehouse Experience + Alice Victoria 6.30pm - O2 Academy 2, Oxford

Sparky’s Spontaneous Showcase and Spotlight Jam 8pm - James Street Tavern, Oxford The Restless Wrestler + Support 8.30pm - The Lounge, Music Box, Salisbury

No Middle Ground 9pm - The Rolleston, Swindon Simple feat. Palms Trax 11pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford Solardo Sessions Tour 11pm - O2 Academy, Oxford

Bare Knuckle Parade + Slowtalk 8pm - The Winchester Gate, Salisbury

Sunday March 5 Bloodstock: Metal to the Masses 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford

Blackbeard’s Tea Party 8pm - Arlington Arts Centre, Newbury

VANT 7pm - O2 Academy 2, Oxford

Blue Dog 8pm - The Cellar Bar, Devizes

Camille O’Sullivan - The Carny Dream 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon

Fell Out Boy + As The Sun Sleeps 8pm - The Victoria, Swindon

Mike and The Mechanics

Northern Soul Live 7.45pm - Corn Exchange, Newbury Electro Night - Where The Night Falls + Solar Wolf + Road To Mayhem + more 8.30pm - The Music Box, Salisbury True Strays + Special Guests 8pm - The Victoria, Swindon Will Edmund Band 8pm - The Cellar Bar, Devizes Elvis 9pm - The Mermaid, Burford Ragged Union 9pm - The Queens Tap, Swindon

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Gig list Vice Versa 9pm - The Rolleston, Swindon

Lucy Spraggan 7pm - O2 Academy 2, Oxford

Bossaphonik feat. Nubian Twist 11pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford

Fizz 10pm - Groves Company Inn, Swindon

The Amazons 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford

Bedrock present Tragedy - A Heavy Metal Tribute to The Bee Gees 11pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford

Thursday March 16 Saiichi Sugiyama + Matt Edwards Band 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford

Sunday March 18 Half Man Half Biscuit 7pm - O2 Academy, Oxford

1471 Records present - Riskee and the Ridicule vs Ghouls 8pm - The Winchester Gate, Salisbury

Mud Morganfield 8pm - Arlington Arts Centre, Newbury

Rick Astley 7pm - New Theatre, Oxford

Open Mic + Antoine Architeuthis 8.30pm - The Music Box, Salisbury

Ran Kan Kan + Lakuta 7.30pm - Arts at the Old Fire Station, Oxford

Friday March 10 & Saturday March 11 audiograft 2017 7.30pm - Arts at the Old Fire Station, Oxford Saturday March 11 Salisbury Symphony Orchestra 7.30pm - City Hall, Salisbury Swindon Recital Series - Dale Piano Trio 7.30pm - Swindon Arts Centre Big Dog + Odstocks + King & Conqueror 8.30pm - The Music Box, Salisbury Gaz Brookfield + Wilton Sleeper + Chloe Glover 8pm - The Winchester Gate, Salisbury Peloton 8.30pm - The Lamb Inn, Marlborough Rorkes Drift 9pm - The Rolleston, Swindon The Ultimate Band 9pm - Woodlands Edge, Swindon The Worried Men 9pm - The Queens Tap, Swindon FreeRange Roots feat. Iration Steppas & Channel One 11pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford Genres feat. DJ Guv & Eksman + MC A.M.C + Phantom MC + Voltage 11pm - O2 Academy 2, Oxford Sunday March 12 SALES 7pm - O2 Academy 2, Oxford

Friday March 17 The Dirty Hit Tour - Superfood + King Nun + Pale Waves 6pm - O2 Academy 2, Oxford Nine Below Zero 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford A Swingin Affair 7.30pm - Salisbury Playhouse Allan Yn Y Fan: St. Patrick’s Day Twmpath 8pm - Salisbury Arts Centre Reggae Sessions - Slim Pickings (Live) + Dance Barry Dance + DJ Steve EZ 8.30pm - The Music Box, Salisbury John Otway & The Big Band 8pm - Arlington Arts Centre, Newbury Kevin Lovatt (Country Legends) 8pm - The Castle Inn, Swindon King Biscuit Boys 8pm - The Cellar Bar, Devizes Professor Elemental + The Real Cheesemakers + Corky + Poetman 8pm - The Victoria, Swindon Reins - March 8pm - Pegasus Theatre, Oxford Soprano Summit Legacy Band 8pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot

The Sherlocks 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford

Banksy 9pm - The Mermaid, Burford

Stornoway - The Farewell Tour 7.30pm - New Theatre, Oxford

Daisy Rodgers Music present - Catgod + Flights of Helios + Club Soda 8pm - The Cellar, Oxford

Monday March 13 Laura Marling 7pm - O2 Academy, Oxford Tuesday March 14 Bonafide + Tequila Mockingbyrd + Killer Bee 7pm - O2 Academy 2, Oxford Wednesday March 15

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Wasuremono 8pm - The Victoria, Swindon

Laura Marling 7pm - City Hall, Salisbury

Stand Up To Cancer 7.30pm - Level 3, Swindon Bon Giovi 8pm - The Victoria, Swindon Rumpshakin’ & Damo’s Birthday Bash Danny Franks + DJ Prodigy + Paul Alex 8.30pm - The Music Box, Salisbury Professor Elemental + Corky + The Real Cheesemakers 8pm - The Winchester Gate, Salisbury Port Erin 8.30pm - The Lamb Inn, Marlborough Broken Image 9pm - The Rolleston, Swindon Tim Clayton 9pm - The London Road Inn, Calne Vice Versa 9pm - The Queens Tap, Swindon Danny & The Randoms 9.30pm - Woodlands Edge, Swindon Bass Escape 11pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford Monday March 19 The Glenn Miller Orchestra 3pm - New Theatre, Oxford Bloodstock: Metal to the Masses 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford Maddy Prior In Concert With Giles Lewin & Hannah James 7pm - Holywell Music Room, Oxford ABBAMANIA 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon

Dirt Preachers 9pm - The Queens Tap, Swindon

Tuesday March 20 Goldfrapp 7pm - O2 Academy, Oxford

Monkeydolls 9pm - Groves Company Inn, Swindon

IDLES 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford

Port Erin 9pm - The Rolleston, Swindon

Wednesday March 21 Declan McKenna 7pm - O2 Academy 2, Oxford

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Gig List The Wailers 7pm - O2 Academy, Oxford

Pretty Little Enemy + Blackwater Void 8pm - The Winchester Gate, Salisbury

Wednesday March 22 Scott Bradlee’s Postmodern Jukebox 6pm - O2 Academy, Oxford

Let’s Hang On 7.30pm - City Hall, Salisbury

Bob Fox 8pm - New Greenham Arts, Thatcham Thursday March 23 Bear’s Den 7pm - O2 Academy, Oxford

Ben Hodson 8.30pm - The Music Box, Salisbury Mark Chadwick + Special Guests 7.30pm - Level 3, Swindon

Will Johns & Friends + Jasmine Rodgers 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford

Gappy Tooth Industries 175th show Self Help + Deathsex Bloodbath + A Reluctant Arrow 8pm - The Wheatsheaf, Oxford

Open Mic + Escape The Future 8.30pm - The Music Box, Salisbury

Royal Philharmonic Orchestra 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon

Live and Lyrical 8pm - New Greenham Arts, Thatcham

Songs for the End of the World 7.30pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot

The Night of The Ocelot - Little

The Bootleg Beatles 7.30pm - New Theatre, Oxford

Brother Eli + Hip Route + Bradley Cowtan 8pm - The Victoria, Swindon Friday March 24 Sonic Boom Six + Ghouls 6.30pm - O2 Academy 2, Oxford

The Splash 8pm - The Winchester Gate, Salisbury American Aquarium 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford Slazzy & Daryn’s Birthday Bash - Swifta + Profile + Texas + Skydro + more 8.30pm - The Music Box, Salisbury Elkie Brooks 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon Emily Portman and The Coracle Band 8pm - North Wall Arts Centre, Oxford Rusty Shackle 8pm - Salisbury Arts Centre The Britpop Boys 8pm - The Victoria, Swindon The Unravelling Wilburies 8pm - The Cellar Bar, Devizes Built for Comfort 9pm - The Queens Tap, Swindon El Toro 9pm - The Rolleston, Swindon Hyperbolics 9pm - Groves Company Inn, Swindon

The Bootleg Shadows 7.30pm - Swindon Arts Centre The Pete Gage Band + Poplar Jake Electric Delta Review 7.30pm - R&B Bar @ Devizes Sports Club Big Girls Don’t Cry - The Music of Frankie Valli and The Four Seasons 7.45pm - Corn Exchange, Newbury Motley Crude 8pm - The Victoria, Swindon Humdinger 8.30pm - The Lamb Inn, Marlborough Danny and The Randoms 9pm - The Rolleston, Swindon Fab 208 9pm - Woodlands Edge, Swindon The Tinshack Band 9pm - The Queens Tap, Swindon Volume #3 feat. Taxman & Felon 11pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford Sunday March 26 The Lewis Creavan Band 5pm - The Bell, Wantage The Fureys 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon Martin Harley and Daniel Kimbro 8pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot

Michael Jackson Tribute 9pm - The Mermaid, Burford

Monday March 27 Blackberry Smoke + Biters 7pm - O2 Academy, Oxford

Saturday March 25 Circa Waves 6.30pm - O2 Academy, Oxford

Pulled Apart By Horses + Tigercub + Thee MVPs 7pm - O2 Academy 2, Oxford

Sunday March 27 to Saturday April 1 Swindon Music Festival Swindon Arts Centre Tuesday March 28 Blaenavon 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford Warpaint + Shame 7pm - O2 Academy, Oxford Mike and The Mechanics 7.30pm - City Hall, Salisbury The Listening Room 8pm - Arts at the Old Fire Station, Oxford Wednesday March 29 Krissy Matthews 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford Thursday March 30 The AC/DC Experience 7pm - O2 Academy 2, Oxford Roy Orbison & Friends 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon Diagonal People + Special Guests 8pm - The Victoria, Swindon Open Mic + Mixtape Nation 8.30pm - The Music Box, Salisbury Jonny and the Baptists: Eat The Poor 8pm - Arts at the Old Fire Station, Oxford Friday March 31 Bill Kirchen & Austin De Lone 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford John Verity Band 8pm - The Cellar Bar, Devizes Punk and Disorderly 2017 8pm - The Winchester Gate, Salisbury Red Butler 8pm - Arlington Arts Centre, Newbury The John Verity Band 8pm - The Cellar Bar, Devizes Corsairs 9pm - Groves Company Inn, Swindon Wiltshire Damn Good Reason 9pm - The Queens Tap, Swindon Matt Carlson 9pm - The Mermaid, Burford The Dirty Outlaws 9pm - The Rolleston, Swindon White Magic Sound Birthday Bash feat.

Seani B + Selector Hype + 2Xclusive + Party Shot Movements 11pm - O2 Academy 2, Oxford

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Imagine stumbling across a smokey back street bar’s late night jam featuring Django Reinhardt and The Pogues and Robert Johnson accompanying Edith Piaf and Bob Marley’s jammin’ with Stephanie Grappell. Tom waits to join in.

This is French Connection.

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Fri 3rd - Bare Knuckle Parade + Jonny Phillips + Matt Underdown Sat 4th - Rock for Salli feat. Gypsy Jukebox, Pyeshoppe, Vatican Romp, Six Feet Above, Poison party, Tim Madden, The Acrustic Badger Band, The I’s, Britton’s On patrol, Tom Stokes, Luke Hall (3pm) Fri 10th - Riskee & the Ridicule + Ghouls Sat 11th - Gaz Brookfield + Wilton Sleeper + Chloe Glover (SOLD OUT) Thur 16th Craobh Ruah (Tickets £10) Fri 17th - Dakka Skanks + Support Sat 18th - Professor Elemental + Corky + The Real Cheesemakers (SOLD OUT) Fri 24th - The Splash + Support Sat 25th - Pretty Little Enemy + Blackwater Void Fri 31st - Sun 2nd - Punk & Disorderly Festival

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Agony Girl Nine year old Annabel is really loving life at the moment. But she’s still had time to answer your questions.

We ask her the questions and these are her answers.... honest!

Dear Annabel, Do you think we should remain or leave the EU? Theresa, Westminster Where’s Europe? Aren’t we part of Europe already? What do you think? I don’t understand as if we remain we will be going to Romania and we need to stay at our house and not go to Romania.

Dear Annabel, Should middle-aged men who are going bald get a wig or just leave their head as it is?

Benno, Swindon It’s up to them. If they don’t want to have a bald head then you should have a wig that suits you and not like Donald Trump’s wig who’s a big fat hairy alligator that should get flushed down the loo and get pooed on.

Dear Annabel, Is a Jaffa Cake a biscuit or a cake?

Mr Kipling, Oxford Well it’s got jelly in the middle, a biscuit underneath and chocolate on top so it’s a cake.

Dear Annabel, My wife has announced that she’s had enough and is

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moving to the other side of the planet. How do I stop her?

Dave, Abingdon You have to be romantic. Buy her flowers, chocolate and whatever she likes. Buy her 200 shoes and lots of make-up and then you should tell her that you still love her and that you don’t want her to leave. Amy have you farted?

Dear Annabel, If cats could speak what would they say?

Will, Chippenham Hello, I love you. Aargh. I love mice.

Dear Annabel, What did you think of the Lego Batman movie?

Sarah, Marlborough It was amazing. My brother George was in the film as he has sick abs.

Dear Annabel, What’s the last lie you told?

Christine, Salisbury Can’t say as I’ll get in trouble.

Write into Annabel at editorial@theocelot.co.uk

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