Ocelot 138 december 2017 final artwork

No: 138 December 2017

Wiltshire, Oxfordshire and West Berkshire

Free

Good Bill Hunting Bill Bailey talks Larks in Transit p32

What's on Ocelot 138.indd 1

/ STYLE / EATS / BREWS / SCREEN / TECH 20/11/2017 20:04

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#138 For Starters

DECEMBER ISSUE

04 Michael Bosley + Luke Coleman 06 Encyclopaedia Oceloticca 08 The Bassett Rivers Echo Lifestyle

10 Get Away - Drinking in Venice 12 Get A Life - Camping 14 Style 17 Tech 18 TV 19 Film 20 Gaming Brews and Eats

22 Wine not?

23 Brewery Bird 24 Comptoir Libanais 25 Recipe 26 Casa De Pico 28 The History of Tea Arts and Culture

30 The Theatre List 31 The Unbinding 32 Bill Bailey 34 Panto Guide Music

36 Peter Hook and the Light 38 Gig Monkey Review of the Year 40 Gerard Gearon 41 Marika Hackman 42 Music News 44 Gig List The Final Bit of the magazine

46 Agony Girl

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Christmas shenanigans

You’re all probably pretty stressed out there. Auntie Mildred is coming to visit, you still haven’t got all the kids’ presents. The tree looks like something out of an apocalyptic landscape. And you’ve still got to choose a frock for the office party.

Christmas is actually quite a stressful time and that is why we’ve gone all out in the following pages to try and make things that tinier bit easier for you.

For those whose idea of heaven is making an Italian plumber jump on top of mushrooms we’ve got our guide to the best games released this festive season.

Find out what games will press your buttons on page 20.

We’ve also managed to get you guys a bit of help when it comes to Christmas dinner in the form of Marco Pierre White who gives us some pretty darn tasty festive cooking tips. Find out what the hairy chef has on offer on page 25.

For the theatres it’s panto season galore. And we’re there to help you choose which one would be right for you whether it’s Ian Beale as Captain Hook or some social commentary at Oxford’s Old Fire Station.

Gig Monkey also gets in on the act telling us all what his records of the year are so you can get out there and support your local scene.

And then you have our usual fare like Bassett Rivers, Agony Girl, Michael Bosley, Luke Coleman, Brewery Bird, Gina Akers and Encyclopaedia Oceloticca which will cheer you up in the event of a nuclear war..

Write in to me at jamie@theocelot.co.uk

Jamie Hill

Editor: Jamie Hill - jamie@theocelot.co.uk Deputy: Ben Fitzgerald - ben@theocelot.co.uk Reporter: Claire Dukes - claire@theocelot.co.uk Sales: Dave Stewart dave@theocelot.co.uk - 07872 176999 Rosy Presley rosy@positivemediagroup. press - 07717 501790 Telephone: 01793 781986 Publisher: Positive Media Group, Unit 3, Arclite House, Peatmoor, Swindon SN5 5YN Printers: Stones, Badbury 20/11/2017 20:04

For Starters

The Nerd’s Last Word by Michael Bosley

Breakfast news. Eeurgh. I’ve tried to watch it.

I’ve tried to be the sensible 32 year old with a mortgage and a steady shirt-and-tie job and I’ve tried to sit down in front of the breakfast news with my sensible breakfast and pretend I care about interest rates, football results and a feel-good story about a small girl who makes her own greetings cards, but I just can’t do it.

It almost hurts to watch. The forced joviality, the bland quips between the presenters and the stilted attempts at jokes from people who look like they’ve just got their head around the idea of what humour is and are looking to go on to study a bachelor’s degree in humourology from the University of Fun with the hopes of going on to a placement in a large multi-national jokes factory and work their way up to Vice President of Giggles and Laughs.

There’s something desperately unfunny about anyone trying to be funny in a suit. Suits are fun-killers. They remind you of job interviews, funerals, lawyers and bankers. They are black holes for humour and happiness and anyone attempting to be super casual and care-free whilst wearing one is only fooling themselves.

The trouble with breakfast news, is that it’s job is to report the actual news; you know, earthquakes in China, car bombs in Kabul and insanity in the white house. You know, pretty sombre stuff. The whole format sits uncomfortably when they then spin around energetically and chortle heartily with the sports reporter guy about how rubbish they would probably be at lacrosse.

“Oh, you’re probably not as bad at it as me! Arf, arf, arf!”

“Oh, I bet I am! Arf, arf, arf!”

“Let’s put a wager on it! Arf, arf, arf!”

Oh you crazy kids! If only your mother was here to hear

Factual or fun.

You can’t have both. this risqué back-and-forth! Meanwhile, whilst all this is happening, I’ve already finished my sensible breakfast and am ready to head off to my steady job and have been neither informed nor entertained by this wishy-washy pulp.

What’s more, nobody gets gunged like they used to on kids TV and no one is being interviewed by a puppet in a brightly coloured bathroom like Big Breakfast.

Sadly, in this day and age if I want the news, I can usually speed-read the headlines on my phone in a matter of seconds, sans the unnecessary stock footage and having to beam live to a reporter who is stood somewhere in the vicinity of the thing they are talking about for some reason.

So either report the news, or bring back gunge tanks.

You can be factual or fun, but you can’t be both.

Did the earth move for you too?

Off The Grid with Luke Coleman Our man in Iraq When it happened a few weeks ago, at first I thought I was just a little unsteady on my feet after an illadvised school night of drinking.

My desk is a little jittery, perhaps I’d just be pounding the keyboard with unnecessary vigour? Once it passed, I looked up and saw my colleagues wearing confused expressions.

Plenty of them don’t even touch the sauce, so perhaps we were sharing a mass hysteria. It was, it turns out, a mild earthquake, and the first I’d ever experienced. It was interesting in a

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“well, I can say I’ve experienced an earthquake now” sort of way.

When it happened last night, and I was eight floors up, I knew what it was immediately. When it didn’t cease after a couple of seconds I threw on some trackie bums, made sure I’d updated Twitter with the pithy ‘fucking earthquake again!!!’ and legged it for the interior fire escape.

I couldn’t tell you how long it lasted, because I was negotiating the stairs two or three at a time in flip flops, seemingly chased by my neighbours.

As we got out into the cool night air, where a significant proportion of the rest of the building were, the ground

was steady beneath us.

When it happened this morning, I knew exactly what it was. A whisky hangover.

Last night, we all needed something to steady ourselves post-quickedy ‘quake.

www.theocelot.co.uk

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Science Fact: How to survive a nuclear war

Encyclopedia Oceloticca

kjhgkjh

by Ben Fitzgerald

Oh.. well.

In the 1980s, when we were still up to our knees in the Cold War, I remember my dad bringing home a basic traing manual from the Army base where he worked.

It was compulsive reading for an eight year old - I learnt the basics of how to set up an ambush, how to attack an occupied building...

Oh and how to survive a nuclear apocolypse. Apparently it’s quite simple - if you see a mushroom cloud, you calmly lie down behind a convenient rock or tree, interlace your hands behind your head and press your nose into the ground.

Even at that tender age, I fully understood that if you followed this advice, it would be the only tip of your nose that you pressed into the earth that would remain if you happened across a detonating mushroom cloud.

Other useful tips in the excellent Government produced Basic Battle Skills included the advice to avoid looking directly at the explosion as this could damage your eyesight quite how you could avoid looking at a flash happening before you at the speed of light is beyond me.

And why you would worry about a change in your prescription as

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your entire head melts like a wax candle is also purely academic.

Thinking back on it now, it probably was pretty good advice.

I suppose lying down and pressing your nose into the ground is the only sensible thing you can do, and at least it would be more relaxing than standing up.

There’s a fun US government website called www.ready.gov which provides some heartwarming advice.

Here are some things that you and your family need to know - in bold letters it helpfully tells us “Taking shelter during a nuclear blast is absolutely necessary” I can imagine asking an official as the horizon erupts into a fireball and blots out the sun: “Is it absolutely necessary to shelter - I mean it’s all so frightully ghastly isn’t it?”

It’s also good to prepare ahead of time - here’s what you can do to protect yourself: create an emergency supply kit.

Some of the useful items listed include a fire extinguisher, presumably to fire at your own face as it drops off and grins back at you from the floor.

Pet food for your pet - seems a little odd, because Rover is probably going to have to rapidly become human food before he starts eyeing you up as a handy food source yourself.

Your bank account records - I’m guessing that one of your top priorities will be to find a cash point machine to withdraw some notes before then realising that small pieces of paper actually mean nothing in a post apocolyptic wasteland.

A complete change of clothing - presumably an important consideration if want to dress nice and smart after receiving an invitation from that nice couple from fallout bunker number 408 to stagger over to their’s for a spot of rat fondue.

I think that there’s scope for an honest advice publication detailing what to do in the event of a nuclear war - in fact I shall share my first draft with you.

It goes like this: In the event of a nuclear war relax, there’s nothing to do now, It’s over to the cockroaches - hopefully they will evolve to do a better job.

It’s been a blast.

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on n, Swind Old Tow Presents

Gerard Gearon “WALK AWAY”

live

RECORD RELEASE PARTY SAT 16th DECEMBER 6 - 2 am children welcome Tickets: £5 for two/ £10 pp on door Ticket sales: SN3Records@gmail.com t: 07743776987

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Bassett

The

Rivers Scary news for scary times...

Echo

If Pinnochio told you he was going to lie what would happen to his nose? p49

Entire school curriculum replaced with bumper book of sudoku

by Kit Chentable

BASSETT Rivers Secondary School has caused outrage after announcing that it would be sacking all of its teachers and replacing the curriculum with a bumper book of sudoku.

The announcement was made on Friday at a shocked school assembly.

Principal Ed Ucate said: “It’s a simple idea that will save the entirety of the school budget paying for much needed repair work to my office and my latest wage hike that aligns my salary with that of Amazon chief Jeff Bezos which is something I have been lobbying for quite strongly.

“I got the idea for using sudoku after picking a bumper book up at

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a petrol station during a walking holiday in Wales. As our walking had been rained off we went through the book solidly for three days and we found it invigorating, fun and educational - everything that school should be!

“It was then that I had my eureka moment of replacing the entire school curriculum with the Bumper Book of Sudoku.

“It’s good for maths and problem solving. It’s a book so that covers English literature. Geography is now pointless because of GPS and history is... well history and even more pointless, languages don’t matter because we’re closing all the borders and physical education is still covered as it exercises your brain.

“This book covers the entire curriculum and means I was able to sack every member of the teaching faculty which has saved thousands enabling my inflated salary.”

The change will be introduced as soon as Yodel delivers the 600 books currently being dispatched and expected to arrive between 12pm and 3pm on Tuesday with instructions to leave them with a neighbour if nobody is in.

Chair of the PTA Ted Talk said: “We are outraged by this change in the school curriculum and have put our complaint into the DfE especially after our suggestion of using the 1989 Smash Hits annual instead was completely ignored despite containing an insightful interview with Jason Donovan.”

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Sales slump at DIY store as local men decide they can’t be arsed Bassett Rivers MP Bane ‘Drive-by’ Bullet’s monthly Column

By Livi Ngroom HAMMERITIN DIY store on Ouchmyfinger Avenue has posted its latest sales figures amid rumours that the store might go into liquidation.

According to the latest quarterly results sales could not have been much worse after it was revealed that only one nail and a David Hasselhoff calendar were the only things sold in the store in the last few months.

Store owner Philip S Crewdriver said: “Thank God for that David Hasselhoff fan who needed a nail to hang up his new calendar.

“We’ve never known anything like it. People just aren’t doing anything or buying anything.

“We asked some of our regular customers why they haven’t come in and they told us that they simply couldn’t be arsed and were right in the middle of the new season of Stranger Things so that shelf that they needed to put up can just wait and could we get them another beer from the fridge seeing as we were stood up.

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“If this carries on we’re going to have close the store as this is a real nail in the coffin. And not one of those cheap nails that you can buy at Hammertin DIY where quality matters.”

Mr Crewdriver has now introduced a new scheme where they give out their excess stock to local homeless people at the end of the day before they go off.

He said: “The new scheme has been a great success with homeless people queueing up around the block sometimes overnight to get their hands on a few nails and screws. We pride ourselves on only selling fresh nails and screws so this really works for us.

“We had one man ask us for some staples as he was on a staple diet. We like to think that we’re saving lives.”

Local resident Kent B Bovverd said: “Hello? Can anyone hear me? I’ve fallen down the stairs because I didn’t fix the banister.

Can you call me an ambulance but tell them to watch the door as they come in as the hinges are broken? I feel faint.”

I iz like well shocked at sum of da goingz on here at Westminster.

Dere iz dis geeza called Boris who I tink workz for da Queen Theresa May and his job iz to go around and say stuff dat he shouldn’t wiv a view 2 offend az many peepz as possible. He’z quite good at his job.

But dis geeza, who I tink heads up the ministry 4 offending people, iz mainly tryin’ to upset peepz from ovva countriez at da moment so I iz quite safe at da moment although he has started to call me ‘da terrible oik’ which I tink iz like his rappa name 4 me.

Da ovva day dough, I wuz just in da corridor drinkin’ WKD wiv me homies P Diddy Ha Ha Hum and Sixpack Shaker who had come 2 see me new office where I ‘av bin sleepin’ now dat me tent got blown away in Storm Henry or whatever itz name wuz, when dis Boris geeza saw us and started to try and dis us by challengin’ us 2 a dance-off.

Little did he know dat P Diddy Ha Ha Hum once starred as da main dancer in a tribute act to N-Dubz and iz quite famous in Bassett Riverz so he started 2 do da caterpiller and dis Boris went really red and did someting dat he called da macarena back at us. He den crossed hiz armz as if he had won da danceoff but he hadn’t as Sixpack Shaker did da electric boogaloo right back at him. Den one of his cronies, who I tink iz called Draco Gove started doin’ dis ovva dance dat he called da cha cha cha which we wuldn’t ‘av bin able 2 beat.

Luckily at dat moment our main man Corbyn n Stormzy came round da corner wiv dis ovva Labour man called Ed Balls, who iz not even an MP, but dis Ed did dis amazin’ foxtrot 2 a beat bein’ laid down by Stormzy.

It wuz awesome and Boris and Gove huffed and den legged it before it got really real when I started doin me robot dance, which I did anyway.

Respect!

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Get Away

Dreams of Venice

by Tobias Vaughn To look for something better sometimes you have to struggle a little harder, but the viewpoint you reach at the end is informed by the knowledge you’ve gained.

The first thing I learnt when I arrived in Venice is that the locals have this perspective too. Only the attitude is relevant to: how can I make these tourists pay more money? And so it doesn’t take us long after our arrival to find this out. When we arrive at our lodgings which are relatively affordable for Venice we are told we have to pay extra because we don’t have a print out of our reservation. He’s got our names and we’ve got our ID. We’ve got records of conversations we’ve had with the owner of the lodgings (presumably him) but clear proof and common sense proves no match for a piece of A4 paper. We argue but after he says he could legally throw us out we decide not to push our luck.

Sometimes it’s not worth arguing anyway. Venice in Spring feels pretty

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incredible. It’s amazing just to wander around the relatively suburban Cannaregio district, with it’s lines of colourful clothing hanging between narrow waterways, and look out from the edge of the city at the bay of Venice. The weather’s warm enough for a t-shirt (unless you’re Italian) and soon it’s time to eat.

Our first evening meal was a lucky find.

The labyrinthine centre of Venice with it’s disorientating webs of passageways can be daunting with a map, and unnavigable without to a visitor.

Just when we expect to be held to ransom for a dog’s dinner by some mustachioed conman, however we come across a tiny square. It’s serenely quiet, when only moments before we’d been carried along in a bustling river of tourists…

The empty square is half covered by a small row of charming, candlelit tables, under an awning.

It’s a good spot. Though Restaurante Pizzeria Malibran sounds like the

sort of mouthful you may want to forget, it’s a good pizza at a cheap price, and a nice atmosphere, right in the centre of Venice.

Away from the district of San Marco with it’s breaktaking square and architecture replete with Venetian bling, there’s much to see and do.

A tried and tested, watery adventure in Venice can be had on the water buses, which ferry you up and down the Grand Canal, and can also take you beyond the main landmass to surrounding islands. This was recommended to us by the excellent tour guide who shortly after we followed for a few sun stroked hours, filled with fun facts. A tour comes highly recommended from me, but be sure to eat before you join up, if, like me, you can go a bit funny when you don’t eat for a few hours...

The next day, too busy in our stride for breakfast we head back to San Marco, to visit the Basilica; an insane edifice, filled with the medieval booty

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Get Away

of the super rich. It’s very impressive and a little kitch.

After we stop next door at the Doge’s Palace for another tour, this time of the hidden areas and secrets of the palace.

Here we get a glimpse of what it was like to be Casanova, the archetypal stud of medical times, as he spent four years of his life imprisoned here in various small, oppressive rooms. After two escape attempts finally he was released. That’s all well and good for Casanova but I’m looking at the clock furiously, the minutes are fading fast for our lunch slot at the fantastic, and reasonably priced restaurant I’ve picked for lunch. But, like Casanova,

I remain at the mercy of a Venetian until the tour ends. By now I’m beyond hangry and have entered a state of somewhere between voracious fever and religious vision as I stare at the gigantic, sprawling religious scenes depicted in paintings the size of house fronts on the interior of the palace.

Outside it’s dreamily warm and breezy, as we drift around without a lunch reservation after normal service. We wander from terribly overpriced restaurants to cichetti places down what now start to resemble (in my delirious state) secret passageways, where shutters and doors are slammed in our faces. I think back with

uncomfortable fondness to the strawberry ice cream I had at Gelataria Nico earlier, pulling out my phone to find the picture I’ve taken, before licking the screen. My resolve stiffened, we make a final effort into a square, only to realise this is exactly where we’d been half an hour before. Time is circular in Venice.

That was the end of the trip and although I haven’t been on holiday since, it was a journey that’s stayed with me.

I was thinking that if it’s true, what they say about time, and that the same things will happen over and over, time and time again, then we’ll relive any good holiday memory forever. www.theocelot.co.uk

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Get a Life

Wild in Wales!

By Ben Fitzgerald It’s become a bit of a tradition among a select group of my friends that we get together at least once a year to leave our old lives behind and simply go off grid for a couple of days.

It’s a thing that middle aged guys do - others may fix vintage steam locomotives or dress up in women’s clothes - but this is what we do.

Our trips normally involve travelling to somewhere remote to sleep under the stars, eat dehydrated food and drink whiskey out of a plastic cup while scalding our feet beside an open fire.

We’ve been doing it for so long now that none of us can really remember why we do it.

And never was this so much at the forefront of our minds than during our most recent outing when we almost died.

Through a series of unfortunate events and crap planning - our usual end of the Summer trip to the wilds of Wales was kicked into the long grass of Autumn and then… somehow ended up rolling into November - which, as we were soon to discover, is actually a winter month.

The idea was to pitch up at a B&B at Minffordd before heading up Cadair Idris - a mountain

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From a sun dappled paradise, Cadair Idris was rapidly engulfed in a raging storm shrouded in myth (according to the a cup of tea - the ridge above Welsh tourist board). us was engulfed in fog - the And here the B&B deserves a temperature fell through the mention. It was downright creepy floor and the sun was snuffed out - from the sinister doll collection entirely. It was terrifyingly quick. to the oddly stained ceiling. It Any thoughts of prancing along didn’t help that me and my two the peaks was out of the question companions were the only guests as we stuffed down hot food and - and that our host showed us to prepared for the onslaught. rooms beyond shouting range A howling gale shreiked down of each other. And so the next from the peaks and ripped across morning, having slept with the the lake carrying shards of flying chair braced against the door, we ice with it. headed out with an urgent spring Lying in my tent felt like in our step. someone had grabbed the sides Cadair Idris (Isris’s chair) is at of the fabric and was trying to the southern end of the Snowdonia tear a way in - it was totally nuts National Park is the highest point and I loved every minute! in a great crescent of jagged I don’t know if I slept - but it rock. was so dark that I couldn’t see There is a legend that anyone my hand in front of my face. who camps out at Cadair Idris And I began to hallucinate crazy wakes the next morning either patterns before my eyes - which driven mad or becomes a poet may have been my brain making - we were keen to find out what up for the lack of visual imput or would happen to us. something to do with having been The plan was to hike up to the a student in Manchester in the seat of the mountain and set up early 90s. camp beside the lake before Staggering down the mountain climbing up onto the ridge. It the next morning - we met a was so hot climbing up that we couple of other guys coming up. were down to t-shirts by time we “Have you heard the legend?” reached our destination - tents the first one asked. pitched and brew on, we were A dog walker following them looking forward to ditching our asked the same question, and then heavy rucksacks and heading an older couple, and then a group higher. of four teenagers.

But in the time it took to finish It felt like we were going mad.

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by fashion writer Gina Akers

Style

Left: Jack & Jones Crew Neck Long Sleeve Top and Charnos Mock Lurex Fishnet Tights Right, top to bottom: The House of Oud fragrances, Frenchic Paints, Balmain’s Golden Comb Collection and MyKitCo’s Electro Brush Kit Right: Brand Attic Pink Studded Faux Suede Jacket and Parallel Lines Suedette Criss Cross Pants

Everything looks and feels better when made with luxurious fabrics, marvellous materials and precious metals.

The festive season and the colder months demand it all, the snug, the shiny and of course the luxury looks.

For a real statement select suede, the Brand Attic Pink Studded Faux Suede Jacket (£50) feels as fabulous as it looks, for trousers go for the Parallel Lines Suedette Criss Cross Pants (£42), both are machine washable and available from www.brandattic. com Show some shimmer with your favourite seasonal outfit by wearing Charnos Mock Lurex Fishnet Tights with sparking metallic fibres (£9.99) from www.uktights. com or www.charnoshosiery.com Luxe-up with leather boots giving a smart edgy look and great for wintery weather, Sorel’s Mid X Celebration Wedge Boots (£260) are a limited edition exclusive style made with waterproof full grain leather, for a wide range of ladies and men’s winter footwear check out www.sorelfootwear.co.uk

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Wool is a high quality super material for winter warmth, guys can wrap up in style with the Only & Sons Jordy Grey Collared Wool Jacket (£63) easily wearable for a smart day or evening occasion. For a lighter option but just as stylish go for the Jack & Jones Crew Neck Long Sleeve Top (£18) made from 100% cotton knit, available in grey or navy, all from www. brandattic.com Luxury accessories can complete or up-grade a look to give a higher end finish. The Strathberry Midi Leather Tote Bag in Pearl Grey (£455) could enhance any outfit, with the iconic Strathberry bar closure, two interior pockets and detachable adjustable shoulder strap this is sound style investment. A range of luxury bags for men and women can be found at www. strathberry.com Be gorgeous with gold with Balmain’s Golden Comb Collection (£24.95-£29.50 each), this unique 24-carat gold-plated Golden Comb Collection consists of three specific combs to look stunning on your dressing table, but scream style in your hand bag, visit www.

www.theocelot.co.uk

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balmai Get Brush K by the include from w Prec up look these h metaliz in 6 sha Gorgeo visit ww Fine makes fragran ranges, are the visiona travel, bottles

Style

k & Jones ck Long op and Mock Lurex ights

p to The House ragrances, Paints, s Golden ollection KitCo’s rush Kit

and Attic dded Faux acket allel Lines Criss Cross

balmainhair.com Get precision make-up results with MyKitCo’s Electro Brush Kit (£25) this eye catching metallic set is inspired by the neon party lights of the holiday season, the set includes 6 brushes and the electro make-up travel bag, from www.mykitco.uk Precious metal shades create sensational makeup looks, try Technic Metalix Eyeshadow Creams, these highly pigmented mega shimmer creams give a metalized look that will last all night long, available in 6 shades. For an ultra luxury finish use Technic Get Gorgeous 24k Gold Highlighting Powder, for stockists visit www.techniccosmetics.com Fine fragrance is key to feeling luxurious and nothing makes this statement better than The House of Oud fragrances (£190 each for 75ml EDP). There are two ranges, Desert Day and Klem Garden, the fragrances are the result of the coming together of two fragrance visionaries sharing a passion for art, perfume and travel, with a deep appreciation of beauty. The bottles are reminiscent of a smooth stone with a unique

layering technique that means no two bottles are the same, available exclusively at the Salon de Parfums at Harrods.

For the home the Farringdon Steel Double Wall Shelf (£59) gives a robust quality to a room, crafted in steel with a matte lacquer seal, visit www.hurnandhurn. com The Umbra Tesora Raw Jewellery Box (£30) is the perfect place to keep your precious items, made with a mix of raw materials, the concrete resin and copper plated metal truly complement each other to give a high end flair. There are different compartments to allow you to store your treasures, one of the trays is actually felt pillow lined so ideal for fragile pieces, available at www.flamingogifts.co.uk Creamy, rich and with superior coverage Frenchic Paint can bring a feeling of fabulousness to any room in shades such as Posh Nelly, Lady Grey, Gentlemans Club, Parchment and Velvet Crush you’ll be surrounded by luxury through colour, visit www.frenchicpaint.co.uk

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TECH

The return of the Tamagotchi

By Claire Dukes

So apparently millenials (this term is so overused) are to be reunited with their ‘favourite’ digital pet from the 90s: the Tamagotchi.

I can remember these weird little egg things attached to everyone’s rucksack at school. They were bloody everywhere, and I think I had one. It probably died quite soon after I got it, and then bitched about me in the afterlife along with my decapitated Barbies and burnt teddy bears.

There seems to be a strange anticipation towards the return of Tamagotchis - I must have missed the memo about the national wake for these little liabilities, because I can’t quite compute the hype.

The thing I remember most about Tamagotchis is parents looking after them. Once the reality of responsibility took over, to the parents they went.

Naturally once a Tamagotchi reached its inevitable death children would scream bloody murder, and I honestly don’t think parents really gave a shit, just more relieved if anything. Until the thing came back to life.

To celebrate 20 years of wasted childhood Tamagotchi are releasing their latest design, which is basically the same as the original from 1997 just swankier.

The same concept still applies: feed it, clean up after it, and try not to let it die. You will have 3 buttons to do this. The very same 3 buttons which even today I cannot recall the official function of.

Apparently said functions are meant to be simple

to allow some sort of Tamagotchi-life balance.

Eventually this then leads to forgetting about the bugger completely.

I’m predicting that this era of children are going to create some sort of super Tamagotchi, and actually see what this pet was meant to evolve into.

90s kids had a tendancy to instantaneously malnurish them. Then again, kids today have something our generation didn’t have: complete access to the internet.

Yes, like most fun things the mystery is killed by Googling the cheats. To be fair I probably enjoyed playing the Sims purely because mine were always minted.

It’s weird to think that a toy without any connection to the internet, or app that engages with social media platforms, could possibly be totally unique to kids today. But you could just give a child a plant, or gerbil to look after- in theory the life expectancy should be longer.

To be honest I just don’t think people have the patience for Tamagotchis, and the novelty will probably wear off soon enough - kind of like Pokémon Go. If anything it’s just another digital device to check on for updates, in the form of a really high maintenance virtual pet. Maybe my outlook is too pesimistic, as Tamagotchis are still a big deal in Japan and we’re just about ready for our next fad.

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Screenzone: TV

There’s a lot at stake

Screen Grab A TV column by Jamie Hill It’s about time I let you all know that I’m a bit sad.

I’ve been writing this TV column for a couple of years now and I’ve made quite a big ommission so it’s about time I confess.

I’m a Buffy The Vampire Slayer fanatic.

And I’m such a fanatic that I’m currently watching it through from start to finish, all seven seasons worth, for the umpteenth time but this time with my daughter Annabel. And she is loving it.

In my humble opinion it is the greatest pre-watershed TV show that has ever been created. A slice of screen heaven that never gets old.

For the uninitiated Buffy, which was originally spawned from an average movie, is the brainchild of Joss Whedon, who has gone on to a lot bigger things since. It ran from 1997 to 2003 and was seven seasons of awesomeness.

The basic plot is that Buffy is a high school teenager who is also secretly a vampire slayer by night helped by her nerdy friends Willow and Xander and even nerdier mentor (watcher) Giles.

And it was funny.

Very funny. With more pop culture references and knowing winks than a whole multitude of Screams.

Each character has their own arcs and are loved by the writers as you see them tackle everything from teenage angst to the loss of a loved one to simply being hunted by a multitude of monsters.

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The Scooby Gang

For me, the best episodes were Hush and Once More With Feeling both of which defied conventions - one being almost entirely silent and the other being a musical.

It was a genre TV show like Charmed but had so much more going for it.

Since it went off air having finished naturally where it should have (unlike other shows I could mention like Supernatural), there have been a thousand other shows trying to emulate its success with varying successess and failures.

There was just something about the world of Buffy. It never talked down to its audience and was so full and rich with excellent characterisations and world-building.

And although I loved the spin-off series Angel it never reached the same heights as Buffy.

We’re now living in a world of remakes and reboots but if they dare to go near this with ‘remake’ in their minds there will be a multitude of fans ready to break down the TV executive’s doors with pitchforks and torches (and probably stakes) to get them to stop.

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Screenzone: Film

In a cinema not far far away Are you talkin’ to me?

A film column by Jamie Hill This month there will be one film that will dominate every cinema whether it is good or bad.

I’m, of course, talking about Star Wars Episode VIII The Last Jedi.

And if you see 2015’s The Force Awakens as the ‘New Hope’ of the reawakened franchise (just don’t mention the prequels!) then this is definitely going down the darker path of ‘Empire Strikes Back’.

Just from the trailer, you can see that this will be an intense and emotional ride as our heroine Rey has to deal with her new Jedi power under the mentorship of Luke Skywalker as their foes, The First Order, gather their forces in retaliation for the events of ‘The Phantom Menace’.

There was a lot of criticism about the ‘Menace’ that it was too much of a retread of ‘A New Hope’, (not something I agree with personally) but all indications are that the new film will be going off in a wholly new direction. New characters, spectacular landscapes and some great tales of derring do.

One of the things I love about the Star Wars movies are the veils of secrecy that shroud every production meaning that until you actually get your bum in that seat you really don’t know what to expect. And the trailer is

just enigmatic enough to leave you guessing. You don’t even know who ‘The Last Jedi’ is referring to. Is it Luke himself, is it Rey or is it some completely random bloke called Derek who works in Tesco Metro in Sidcup (that last one is pretty unlikely but you never know!)

One thing that is particularly poignant is that it is Carrie Fisher’s last film as Princess Leia after the actress’s untimely death last year.

Disney have just announced that there will be a further nine films after this current trilogy finishes. A whole new story with wholly new characters.

So we’re going to be seeing a whole lot of this universe over the coming decade or so and I for one am pretty glad of it.

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Gaming

Game on for C Christmas is a time for giving. A time for thinking of others. But it is also a time for shooting countless zombie hordes. One of the things that we’ve grown to love about this time of year is that it’s when all the gaming studios release their big guns to fill our stockings. Here’s our top five games that you should be asking Santa for this year...

Mario Odyssey - Nintendo Switch If anyone remembers the beauty of the N64’s sandbox Super Mario World then this will knock your socks off and has been perfectly developed for The Switch. Giant mushrooms are sure to abound.

Wolfenstein 2: The New Colossus - Nintendo Switch, PS4, Xbox One, PC Wolfenstein hero B.J. Blazkowicz returns to fight the Nazi menace in the 1960s in an alternate history USA where the Nazis won World War II. Totally mad and shoot-em-up stuff.

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Gaming

r Christmas Assassin’s Creed: Origins - PS4, Xbox One, PC It’s a whole new world for the assassins as we journey to ancient Egypt for the beginnings of the order. A change-up for the series with more roleplay and strategy elements.

Star Wars Battlefront Two - PS4, Xbox One, PC Star Wars is going to reign supreme this Christmas with the Last Jedi release on top of this. Expect amazing graphics and the much-anticipated single player campaign sadly lacking from the first game.

Middle Earth: Shadow of War - PS4, Xbox One, PC A return to Mordor for this Lord of the Rings based series with an even better nemesis system enabling you to control armies. Superb stuff and Gollum’s in it too.

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Brews and Eats

Don’t choose a turkey

By Darren Willmott The perennial wine question in December is “what shall I drink with my traditional Christmas meal”?

For reds, so as not to overpower the dry white turkey meat, and to compliment other meal components such as nut stuffing and cranberry sauce, you need a light fruity wine such as Pinot Noir. Try a Burgundy or Beaujolais from France or a New Zealand example. Working equally well are the Tempranillo or Grenache based reds from northern Spain. If cooking the dark meat of beef or the traditional birds of goose and duck you’ll need something with more fruit and tannic structure.

Cabernet Sauvignon from either Bordeaux or Chile should fit the bill nicely.

In terms of a white wine, Chardonnay is a very good match for all, with its oily buttery lemon qualities matching up to the meat, fluffy potatoes, rich gravy and stuffing.

Sparkling wine can be fitting at any part of the day, from a breakfast treat to toasting Her Majesty’s speech. This year, why not give home-grown English sparkling a chance?

Whatever you choose, I’m sure you will have a wonderful Christmas and, hopefully, a headache free start to 2018.

Another big part of Christmas for me is the excuse to play games of all sorts so, grab the tipple of your choice, and have fun finding the names of seven white and seven red grape varieties in this wine based word-search.

Read Darren’s blog at

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White Grape Varieties Sauvignon Riesling Semillon Chardonnay Chenin Pinot Grigio Viognier

Red Grape Varieties Cabernet Merlot Pinot Noir Shiraz Grenache Malbec Tempranillo

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Brews and Eats

The year that was...

Brewery Bird takes a look back at 2017 in all its beery loveliness, highlighting the wonderful, the wacky and the just plain weird in… This Was The Year That Was… The Beer Column By Brewery Bird

Kerching!

The average price of a pint of bitter topped £4 this year, and Surrey, not London, became the most expensive place to buy a pint of beer at £4.40! For a more pocket-friendly pint, head to Herefordshire or Yorkshire where you’ll pay an average £3.31. And yes we are still one of the highest tax paying countries on a pint, second only to Finland – that’s 53p in every pint

How Taxing!

Oliver Strümpfel a German tax inspector broke the world record in September for the number of beer tankards carried over 40 metres (130ft). He carried the 29 litre vessels, weighing almost 70kg (154lbs) at a Bavarian beer festival, breaking his own previous record of 25 jugs in 2015

Brew By Numbers

The number of UK breweries pushed past the 2000 mark for the first time since the 1930’s, an increase of 64% in the past 5 years! The increase has been attributed to both the UK craft beer boom and to the tax break afforded to micro-breweries that brew less than 5,000 hectolitres, and subsequently pay 50% less duty.

Hoppy Birthday!

The CAMRA Good Beer Guide celebrated its 45th year in print. The 2018 edition (released in September) is a hulking 1032 pages, with 648 pages of pubs and 283 pages of breweries, in comparison to the 1st edition printed in 1972 which was just 18 pages long!

Pub Crawl And A Half….

A group of friends who set out to visit 300 pubs together have chalked off their 20,000th ale house 33 years later! Members of the Black Country Ale

Tairsters began their epic charity pub crawl at a boozer in Wales in 1984, where they camped in a graveyard, and completed their trek at the Knot & Plough in Stafford in March. Co-founder Pete Hill, 60 has knocked back 46,632 pints and helped raise £24000 for charity by asking licensees at each pub for a £1 donation

Probably the shortest marketing campaign in the world

March 14th saw the release of 10,000 Special Edition cans from Coopers Brewery in Australia, commemorating the Bible Society’s 200th Anniversary.

Coopers Premium Light Ale cans featured bible verses and the message: Live Light: Happy 200th birthday to Australia’s longest-living charity, from Australia’s longest-living family brewery. Bible Society 18172017. Tim Cooper said he didn’t expect any negative response, but the beer was pulled two days later due to public backlash at a subsequent marketing video.

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Brews and Eats

By Claire Dukes 227 The Westgate, Queen Street, Oxford OX11PE For anyone in love with Lebanese/Middle Eastern food, casual dining vibes, and all-in-all a really fun time, you should check out Comptoir Libanais, in Oxford’s Westgate.

The Ocelot had the priveldge of a rather personal dining experience with the founder himself, Tony Kitous, who was there to oversee the opening of his twenty nineth restaurant.

Day three and this place was packed.

Whilst still undergoing some decorative renovations, no one seemed to mind. In a rather comical juxtaposition to a dreary and glum street view, Comptoir Libanaise was the liveliest place on the block.

From the moment you walk in you’re hit by a sea of vibrant colours, from the various Middle Eastern crockery and ingredients on sale, to countless tiles and the take-away counter which curves around into the restaurant.

Tony fixed the two of us up with a meal for eight,

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Review: Comptoir Libanais, Oxford

with various dips, meats, fresh salads, juices, Libanais wine, and Turkish beer, as he explained what this place is all about.

Amidst incoming calls from his mother, who’s dying to see the latest venue via FaceTime, Tony describes how food has always been at the centre. He says how it’s all about fun, and art - the whole culture is Middle Eastern - as well as family and generous amounts of food.

And he’s not kidding.

Comptoir Libanaise has both quality and quantity in perfect balance. The menu is incredibly healthy and so delicious - you’re full and in this most satisfying way.

Furthermore everything is handmade, and Tony’s not just talking about the food. From each tile to the smallest artistic carving on a table, it’s been made with care.

As Tony excitedly shows us round he laughs “nothing matches, I love it!”

So much heart and soul has gone into this place, and it’s even more evident from Tony’s energy. He said:

“The team is my family, and the thing for the guests,” as he doesn’t think of them as customers “is to feel the love.“ Speaking as a guest, I had the most marvellous time at Comptoir Libanaise. Team Ocelot will definitely be returning.

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Brews and Eats

Win at Christmas...

with Marco Pierre White’s Christmas Dinner Guide

The thought of cooking Christmas dinner fills most of us with dread. It’s the crescendo to Christmas Day and everybody wants it to be superb. No need to panic, I’ve got a few essential tips for cooking the finest roast potatoes and timing the turkey perfectly.

The perfect roast potatoes For my potatoes, I cook with clarified butter, which is very simple to make. Slowly heat 7oz/200g of chopped, unsalted butter in a pan. Discard the surface liquid (milk solids and water). The remaining golden liquid is clarified butter.

Nine medium-sized potatoes will serve six people comfortably without being wasteful.

An hour before you plan to serve, put the chopped potatoes in a saucepan of unsalted cold water. Place on a high heat, bring to the boil and then reduce the heat to a simmer.

Meanwhile, put the clarified butter/fat into the roasting tin for the potatoes. I also sprinkle in a chicken stock cube – this provides seasoning so there is no need for salt. Heat the fat in the oven at 190C/gas mark 5.

At the first sign of cracks in the potatoes’ edges, remove them from the heat and drain.

Remove the roasting tin from the oven and carefully place the hot potatoes into the fat, which should come up the edge of the potatoes. Baste them well with clarified butter and return to your oven.

Do not touch the potatoes now until they are ready to be served, turning them may break them. Just leave them be.

Timing the turkey perfectly Turkey size matters. I buy one that weighs about 4.5kg, which will feed six with plenty to spare. Don’t stuff the bird – cook the stuffing separately. It slows the cooking, so by the time the inner meat is cooked, the white meat on the outside will be overcooked and dry.

Morning: Remove the turkey from the fridge as it will need several hours to reach room temperature – a cold bird takes longer to cook.

11.30am: Set the oven to 190C/gas mark 5, allowing it half an hour to reach that temperature. Baste your turkey.

12 noon: Place the turkey in the oven, uncovered.

12.45pm: When the turkey is golden brown, remove it from the oven and cover it in tinfoil. Return it to the oven and continue to cook at 170C/ gas mark 3. In total, the turkey should take between 90 minutes

and two hours to cook.

1pm: Chop three onions in half, remove the outer layer of skin and place the halved onions into the roasting tin with the turkey. The onions will caramelise, adding sweetness and colour to the roasting juices.

1.30pm: Check the turkey.

Remove it from the oven and insert a skewer into the thickest part of the bird – the breast behind the thigh. The temperature of the skewer represents the temperature inside the turkey; if it’s only slightly warm, it obviously needs longer. Do not be concerned if the juices are a little pink because the bird will continue cooking when it’s wrapped in foil. Return it to the oven.

2pm: By now your turkey should be ready. Lift it from the oven and quickly wrap it in tinfoil. During this rest period, the temperature remains high and will continue to cook. Don’t worry about it going cold, once wrapped in tinfoil, it will easily stay warm for up to two hours.

Finish off your trimmings, then carve, and lastly, enjoy.

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Brews and Eats

Review: Casa De Pico Tapas Bar

By Claire Dukes 152a High St, Royal Wootton Bassett, Swindon SN4 7AB People tend to shy away from tapas, potentially for fear of leaving hungry. This is simply not the case at Casa De Pico.

The menu offers a wide variety of Spanish cuisine from meats, cheeses, vegetarian platters and seafood.

Tucked away on Bassett’s highstreet, you could almost miss this little gem. But once inside, you become immersed within its vibrant and authentic dining experience.

The Ocelot recently visited Casa De Pico for lunch, and as per tapas protocol selected a number of dishes each to share.

The dishes are brought to the table as they come, which incorporates a really laid-back atmosphere whilst grazing and socialising as the other dishes are prepared.

Our host-turned-chef and then waiter, was incredibly accommodating and made us feel most welcome. As a result Casa De Pico feels more like a friend’s dining room, rather than a restaurant.

Although small in size, Casa De Pico has a huge personality. Throughout the interior are various artworks from Spanish artist Fabian Perez, as well as the cultural aesthetic of orange and red walls, which exhibit many Spanish tropes. This place really gives its customers a taste of Spain.

This independent restaurant is perfect for those who enjoy sharing and socialising in an artisan environment, who don’t mind a bit of personality on the side of their meal. It is perfect for small groups, or parties, and accomodates larger ones in the garden room.

Ocelot Editor, Jamie Hill, said: “It’s just so welcoming and relaxed.

“The food was wonderful. Having eaten a lot of tapas whilst travelling in Spain, this is as close as it gets.”

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Brews and Eats

The history of sherbert...

by Ben Fitzgerald Way back in the technicolour world of my childhood - the Sherbert Fountain was a top class confection, easily eclipsing those second rate upstarts Curly Wurly and Spangles.

The Sherbert Fountain was uniquely messy among sweets and required undivided attention and quite some skill to be able to consume flawlessly. One slip and you ran the real risk of looking like you had been practicing your lines with ‘Mork and Mindy’ era Robin Williams.

A little internet research reveals that sherbert means different things to different nationalities.

We British correctly understand that it’s the brain numbingly sweet fizzy powder that you might find inside a sherbert lemon - the sweet that Dumbledore insists on handing out to his magical pupils.

However, Americans think of sherbert as being a some form of frozen desert, weird eh?

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The word comes from the Arabic sharab, a sweetened fruit drink which was introduced by the Moors when they conquered Spain.

Around the end of the 19th

century - a group of rogue English and German chemists discovered that a mixture of bicarbonate of soda, tartaric acid and a couple of shovelfuls of sugar produced a sweet mixture which fizzed when it came into contact with water - or indeed saliva.

Some of the sharpest chemistry minds in Europe were stunned when a group of maverik scientists demonstrated how if you tipped a whole handfull of the new powder into their mouths at once, you could do an excellent impression of a rabid dog - shortly before their teeth immediately rotted away before the assembled dignataries.

They were laughed out of their profession by their peers who accused them of bring their calling into disrepute with their pointless invention.

The disgruntled boffins vowed to turn their skills to evil and invented both mustard gas, and chemistry homework.

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Theatre list

Friday December 1 to Saturday December 2 THEATRE: Die Fledermaus Times vary - Oxford, New Theatre THEATRE: A Spooky Christmas 7pm - Swindon Arts Centre THEATRE: Doubt: A Parable 7.30pm - Old Fire Station, Oxford Friday December 1 to Sunday December 31 THEATRE: Beauty and the Beast 7pm - Corn Exchange, Newbury Sat December 2 to Sun December 31 THEATRE: A Christmas Carol 7pm - North Wall Arts Centre, Oxford THEATRE: Peter Pan 7pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon Sunday December 3 THEATRE: The Little Match Girl 2pm - Swindon Arts Centre THEATRE: A Christmas Carol

4pm - Neeld Community and Arts Centre, Chippenham Tuesday December 5

Times vary - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot THEATRE: A Christmas Carol 7pm - Trowbrige Town Hall

THEATRE: A Christmas Carol 7.30pm - Neeld Community and Arts Centre, Chippenham

Saturday December 9

Thursday December 7

Sat December 9 to Sat December 23

THEATRE: Nativity 7.30pm - Watermill Theatre, Newbury

THEATRE: Amongst the Stars Times vary - New Theatre, Oxford

Friday December 8

Sunday December 10

THEATRE: A Christmas Carol 7pm - Trowbrige Town Hall

THEATRE: When the Stars Come Out Time vary - Neeld Community and Arts Centre, Chippenham

THEATRE: Vienna Festival Ballet Sleeping Beauty 7.30pm - Neeld Community and Arts Centre, Chippenham

THEATRE: Swindon Rectical Series 7.30pm - Swindon Arts Centre

Wed December 13 to Sat December 30 THEATRE: Warhorse Times vary - New Theatre, Oxford

Friday December 8 to Saturday December 30

Saturday December 23

THEATRE: The Nutcracker and the Mouse King

THEATRE: Abominable Snowman 11am - Trowbrige Town Hall

A cracker of a Christmas show, at the Cornerstone Cornerstone, in association with Goblin Theatre present The Nutcracker and the Mouse King. Starring 40 young people from Didcot and the surrounding villages with a professional cast of 5 adults, 39 shows of the classic Christmas tale will take to the Cornerstone stage this December.

The 234 seated auditorium will be transformed into a children’s toy shop which is set to wow audiences…

When Maria and her family turn up at a dusty old toyshop on Christmas Eve, full of raggedy old toys and a mysterious toymaker, they’d rather be anywhere else. But all is not as it seems- when everyone goes to bed the toys in the shop burst into life with music, singing and dancing. Maria meets the Nutcracker, a toy who has been cursed by the evil Mouse King. Together they must find a way to lift the curse and save Christmas for everyone. www.theocelot.co.uk 30 Ocelot 138.indd 30

Cornerstone’s The Nutcracker and the Mouse King is vividly brought to life in this new musical version. Performed by actor musicians and the ensemble cast, it promises to take you on magical Christmas story about the power of imagination, against the stunning backdrop of a Victorian toy shop.

The Nutcracker and the Mouse King is the first in house production by Cornerstone in association with Goblin Theatre, under the direction of the centre’s new Arts Director Darren Walter.

To book tickets to see The Nutcracker and the Mouse King this Christmas, you can book online or via the box office on 01235 515144.

Family ticket (of 4, must include one child) only £50. Individual tickets £15, £13.50 concessions and £12 members. Performances even on Christmas Eve and Boxing Day!

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Theatre Review

The Unbinding at Shoebox Theatre

By Claire Dukes

Lets be clear: I do not tolerate horror well, at all.

As soon as The Unbinding began the audience were introduced to four women cloaked in The Ring-style gowns, and immediately I thought “shit” and contemplated making a run for the exit.

I was delighted to find that The Unbinding was not so much terrifying, just more… disturbing.

And, for good reason.

The Unbinding, created by Wrong Shoes Theatre Company, follows the story of four women.

Accused of witchcraft, they are persecuted and imprisoned by contorted accusations and prejudice.

Throughout the performance there was also a consistent and underlying current of allegorical representations, which I could not ignore.

Based on real life stories of women believed to be witches not only are the group faced with betrayal and situations beyond their control, they are also embodiments of how women throughout time have been typecast and disregarded by society.

As a result, The Unbinding is inherently thought-provoking and sophisticated.

Luke Marquez, Director of Wrong Shoes Theatre Company, explained: “By researching and working with historical accounts of witch trials through Europe, we have created a piece that

explores a world where those who dare to stand out from the crowd are treated with hatred and suspicion.”

Supporting the four bold performances was Gary Bamford’s eerie and ominous compositions. Striking and morbid, the music paralleled the women’s unjust and often traumatising experiences. On cue with Bamford’s score was a powerful and fierce use of both lighting and cutting of scenes (some of which viewers may find quite distressing).

Luke added: “Due to its content, the show may be uncomfortable watching for some. But after what thousands of women and men went through doing the witch trials we wanted to stay true to their experiences and also explore the folklore that surrounded their persecution.”

Despite the often sinister occurrences within the narrative, The Unbinding is not all doom and gloom. Engaging with timeless motifs, the women, played by Rebecca Martin, Daniella Faircloth, Louise Catherwood and Hannah Marquez, depict female relationships through strength, unity and bravery.

For their next set of trials and tribulations, Wrong Shoes Theatre Company are preparing to take The Unbinding to Edinburgh’s fringe next year. It's a must-see.

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Bill Bailey

Top of the Bill

By James Rampton

Bill Bailey is buzzing.

After a gap of two years, the comedian is hugely excited about returning to the live arena. In January, he is embarking on a major nationwide tour with an entirely new show entitled, “Larks in Transit” – and he just can’t wait!

The show combines in one unique package Bill’s trademark hilarious comedy and brilliant music.

Drawing on superb new songs and dazzling routines, Bill will address politics, philosophy and the pursuit of happiness. In addition, he will regale us with the real tale of Old McDonald and deliver an entirely new take on The Stars and Stripes. The show promises larks by the lorry load.

Offering a one-off mixture of virtuoso comedy and virtuoso music, Bill is one of the best loved comedians in the land.

And the critics would agree. The Evening Standard declares that, “Bailey cuts a world-beating swathe all of his own.

Absolutely genius on so many levels.” Time out says that, “Bailey is on top form; joyous, playful and effortlessly funny.”

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He is described by The Guardian as, “Approaching the status of national treasure”, while The Times affirms that he is, “At the top of his game”. The New York Times enthuses that, “Bailey is an unalloyed pleasure, a treat for the funny bone, the brain and the ear.” The Daily Telegraph, meanwhile, calls him, “The brainiest comic of his generation.”

You will no doubt be delighted to hear that Bill is just as delightful in person as he is on stage. An hour in his company at his local pub in West London simply whizzes by. Over orange juice and cheese and onion crisps – rock ‘n’ roll, eh? – we touch on everything from Indonesia to stone masonry. It is like being treated to a Royal command performance – to an audience of one.

The comedian, who over the past 20 years has enjoyed a dozen immensely successful international stand-up tours, begins by underlining how much he is looking forward to touring with “Larks in Transit.”

He asserts that nothing beats the heady feeling that comes from live comedy. “There’s nothing quite like it. It’s a singular experience. I don’t think there is anything that quite matches up to it in all of performance art. When you’re in a play or a band, it’s still a collaborative thing.

“When everything comes together and you think of an idea, a joke or routine that connects with people, it’s incredible. It’s the most amazingly

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Bill Bailey satisfying experience hearing an arena full of people laughing at something you’ve thought up. It’s a tremendous buzz.”

Bill, who won the Best Live Stand-Up gong at the British Comedy Awards in 1999, adds that, “The best of those times come when you’re laughing along with them. It’s like you’ve hit on a bit of funny. It’s a bit of funny that was out there, a bit of universal funny that you’re just lucky enough to have plucked and shared with everyone. Those moments rare, but they are wonderful.

“There’s a great folk singer who said that the tunes are out there. You just have to tap into them or capture them before someone else gets them.”

“Larks in Transit” features long-form stories about the weird and wondrous places that Bill has visited. He recounts to me one particularly amusing traveller’s tale. “We were on a birding trip in the jungles of Indonesia. I cannot tell you how remote this place was. It was like some sort of Eden. I was just standing there naked in this river. I was the only person there, and I was thinking, ‘This is one place where I won’t meet anyone’.

“Then out of the blue, a couple of Aussies just came out of the bush and shouted, ‘Oh, look at that - it’s Bill Bailey! What the bloody hell are you doing here?” That just suddenly brought me back down to earth.” The comic, who has starred in such widely-adored TV comedies as Black Books, Spaced and Is It Bill Bailey?, continues that, “The two elements of what I’m talking about in this show come together in that story. “The show is about being lucky enough to have those kind of experiences where you get to think about the world and our relationship with Nature. But it’s also about how my life has led me to the point where people do recognise me in those same places.”

“Larks in Transit” also has some thought-provoking things to say about the merits of perseverance.

Bill, who for 11 highly popular series was a team captain on BBC2’s hit comedy pop quiz show, Never Mind the Buzzcocks, reflectst that, “My grandfather was a great influence on me. He was a stone mason, and he had a very strong work ethic.

Somehow, through all the chats I had with him, I get the feeling that’s rubbed off on me. “He used to tell me about the dignity of work and really developing a craft. He taught me that you shouldn’t give up too easily. You continue, you endure, you keep moving forward and somehow work gains its own meaning. You don’t have to think too much about it.

You just keep going. I hope I have been true to the spirit of what my grandfather said.”

The tour of “Larks in Transit”, to which 36 shows

and 50,000 seats have just been added, will also include some of Bill’s inimitable musical flights of fantasy. He will, for example, create a symphony out of ringtones.

The comedian considers the importance of music in his show. “It’s another dynamic really, it’s a bit of light and shade. I always think it’s a tremendous art and a tremendous skill to keep people’s attention with the spoken word for a couple of hours. I’m always aware of that.

So when I was starting out in stand-up, I was looking for ways to break it up.

“I think music works on a different level to language. Some of the words create a picture and can feed people’s imaginations. Often slow-burn, great, long routines can build up to great crescendos. But music gets you on the gut level. It gets you straight away. It’s a more instantaneous kind of reaction.”

Another standout characteristic of Bill’s comedy is his captivating use of language. That is once again evident in “Larks in Transit.” “I think we’re very lucky to have English as our language,” muses the stand-up. “It’s just so expressive and so endlessly supple, and it has myriad ways of telling the same story. You can tell the same story, embroider it, put in new language, and it becomes something completely different. It’s a treat and a wonder.”

So as you can see, those of you fortunate enough to secure tickets for “Larks in Transit” have a terrific night out in prospect. Bill’s shows remain so entertaining because, after more than three decades in comedy, Bill is still as passionate about it as ever.

In fact, he observes, “I appreciate it even more now because I realise that I’m lucky to have this career. I’m lucky to still be doing this and to do something I love. I’m lucky that after all these years, people still want to come and see me.

“My priority is always funny first. Then if you have the time and the experience to refine it to the level where maybe the odd phrase does get through to people – well, that’s as good as it can get really.”

I’ll leave the final word to The Mail on Sunday critic who simply concludes that, “Bailey live is a joy to behold.”

I defy anyone to argue with that.

Bill Bailey: Larks in Transit will be at Reading’s Hexagon Theatre from March 12 to 14 and April 24 at Cheltenham Town Hall, May 11 to 12 at Bristol Hippodrome and Oxford New Theatre from May 18 and 19.

Tickets available via www.TicketMaster.co.uk

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Christmas Theatre Guide

Christmas a t

Peter Pan at Swindon’s Wyvern Theatre - Sat December 2 to Sun December 31 Throughout December, the Wyvern Theatre will be taking audiences to the second star to the right and straight on ‘til morning.

Along with Eastenders’ star Adam Woodyatt at the helm of the Jolly Roger, the production will be bringing

Amongst the Stars at Oxford New Theatre - Sat Dec 9 to Sat Dec 23 A magaical world is discovered within Oxford’s New Theatre, when a precious item goes missing.

Amongst the Stars won Best Family Event at the national Family Arts Festival, and promises an interactive evening full of wonder and charm during this promenade.

Tickets are available online at www. atgtickets.com

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the wonders of Neverland to life.

Including impressive flying sequences, action-packed adventures, ‘the high-flying pantomine’ is the perfect theatre trip out for all the family.

Tickets are available online at www. swindontheatres.co.uk

A Christmas Carol at Oxford’s North Wall - Sat Dec 2 to Sun Dec 31 The most classic of all Christmas productions, A Christmas Carol, will be taking to the stage at The North Wall.

With guests past, present, and future, this classic tale has been brought to life by the creative team behind last year’s sell-out Snow White and Other Tales from the Brothers Grimm.

Tickets are available online at www.thenorthwall.com

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Christmas Theatre Guide

a t the theatre

Beauty and The Beast at Newbury’s Corn Exhange - Fri Dec 1 to Sun Dec 31

The Nutcracker and The Mouse King at Didcot’s Cornerstone - Fri Dec 8 to Sat Dec 30

Working Christmas at Oxford’s Old Fire Station December 6 to December 23

Magic, music, and mahem is whar’s instore at Newbury’s Corn Exhange for their production of Beauty and The Beast.

Putting a modern spin on this classic tale is the writer and director of last year’s patomime, Phil Willmott.

Despite telling a tale as old as time, the Corn Exchange also have a surprise celebrity guest to be revealed on the night.

Tickets are available online at www.cornexchangenew.com

Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas without this ultimate cracker.

Toys come to life in this charming production who, along with Maria, must once again save Christmas!

Will Dollard and Mary Erskine have devloped ths enchanting story with brand new music performed live by actors, musicians, and the local community.

It’s a musical for the whole family.

Tickets are available online at www.cornexchangenew.com

In this city, you can be next-door neighbours, but live in totally different worlds.

This is the Old Fire Station’s play for grownups, following on from last year’s sell-out show Thirty Christmases.

Filled with laughter and definitely some spirit, this is a play all about coming together and celebrating differences, this is a Christmas special “created specially for Oxford.“ Tickets are available online at www.oldfirestation.org.uk

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Peter Hook

Let there Peter Hook chats

to the Ocelot about Joy Division, New Order and why he’s a bit like Tina Turner

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www.theocelot.co.uk

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Peter Hook

be light...

Peter Hook, best known as bassist for Joy Division and New Order, is currently touring with The Light. Ben Fitzgerald caught up with him on a ferry travelling between Newcastle and Amsterdam.

Performing live - is it purely economics or is there something that draws you to playing music in front of fans?

It’s a fascinating thing. When you look at Tina Turner, there’s no way that she needs to go touring, but there must be something about performing that is part of who they are.

When we first formed Joy Division, it was just the most incredible feeling to perform in front of people. And that feeling has never left me. It’s such a privilege to be able to perform in front of people who want to hear your music.

- every time I get up on the stage it’s like I’m looking at myself and thinking how did I get here? It’s the best feeling in the world.

It’s about communicating with your audience.

What do you think about the shape of the music industry how has it changed since you started out?

Everything has changed beyond recognition, when we started out the record companies would be interested in nurturing young bands and developing them.

This doesn’t seem to be the case now, they want instant results and unless you are

selling records straight away, they don’t want to know.

People expect to be able to hear records for free now - this makes it very difficult for artists to support themselves - there’s no recognition of the fact that as an artist you have to lock yourself away for months at a time to produce something that you have put your heart and soul into.

What was the spark that set you on this path?

I can pinpoint one pivotal moment for me and Bernard - we both saw the Sex Pistols perform in Manchester at the Free Trade Hall in 1976 - when we came out of that concert, we both emerged knowing that we wanted to form a band. I had been to see other amazing bands before that time, you know, Led Zeppelin and Deep Purple and even Kraftwerk for God’s sake - they were amazing but none of them affected us in that way. There was something about the Sex Pistols that made us feel that anything was possible for kids like us. We didn’t need to have a lot of money or the best instruments - it was more of an attitude of mind.

What does the future hold?

I used to not think too clearly

about the future - I’m an alcoholic and that tended to affect things. But I’m not drinking now and the future is good, I’ve never been fitter.

We are already looking at putting together next year’s dates when we plan to play the two New Order albums Technique and Republic.

What do you do when you’re not playing music?

Normal things really. I love to take our dog for long walks.

He’s not keen when I go away, He gives me this long look and I admit it makes me feel a bit guilty - it can be a bit of a wrench.

What is the magnetic appeal of Joy Division songs - do you change them around?

We play them straight through like the LPs. This time around we are going to be playing Substance by Joy Division and then we have a fag break and play all the way through Substance by New Order - it’s a three hour set, people are definitely going to be getting their money’s worth.

Wow, playing for three hours, you’re just like Bruce Springsteen!

I dunno about that, Bruce Forsyth more like!

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Gig Monkey

Gig Monkey’s Record Gig Monkey, AKA Ed Dyer, takes a rummage through the best music released by local artists. If you like the sound of something please check it out. Send your reviews to ed@secretchordrecords.com

Another year has been and gone, but it has left behind a decent stash of local music for us to enjoy. So, after much deliberation and arguing (with myself), these are my top ten local releases of 2017.

10 - Lucy Leave – The Beauty of the World EP Gloriously off-kilter and left-field, this is spiky, gnarled post-punk that is not an easy listen if linear, friendly music is your thing; no, this is math rock for the dyscalculic – it doesn’t make sense, and is wonderful because of it. Lucy Leave are a band that delight in making their audience uncomfortable and seem hell bent on being as unpredictable as possible.

9 - Enrosadira – In Search of Fresh Water EP An instrumental record that commands attention with a habit of constantly changing riff, key, time signature and feel, this keeps you guessing, focussing on the shifting, swirling soundscape that comes to surround and envelope you. It is a progressive blend of Prog-Rock, Jazz, Math Rock and Psychedelia that truly captures the attention and doesn’t drift off into background muzak territory or confusing free-jazz noodling.

8 - The Great Western Tears –

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Oxford’s Lucy Leave - ‘gloriously off-kilter’

Tales from Tallows LP A real Americana treasure, this is as genuine sounding as you could hope for. Country music is often at is best when laced with sorrow and regret, and Great Western Tears excel at this with some hauntingly stark lyrical imagery adding plenty of heartache, longing and loss to cleverly understated and restrained music all pitched to perfection, never once over blown or underdone.

This album is a bronco of a ride around some pretty dark and lonely points, but still manages to shine very brightly.

7 - Raze*Rebuild – The Interlude EP This grown-up skater punk is littered with seriously chunky riffs, soaring solos and growled vocals but is underpinned with a heart and soul - songs of a substance and intelligence that may surprise. These are refreshingly honest, straightforward, no frills, blue collar rock ‘n’ roll everyman torch anthems built round killer tunes that should be required listening on all school of hard knocks syllabuses.

6 - Henry Soothill – Thrang EP

Spartan and hypnotic in style this is built round mesmerising rhythms that gracefully pulse along, slowed down Nile Rogers guitar licks and a flowing, smooth vocal delivery. The result has a seriously atmospheric trip hop vibe, if trip-hop had been created during a workshop at WOMAD festival led by an electronica band and is unlike anything you will have heard previously, a rare achievement in these days of carbon copy musical blandness.

5 - Buswell – Stitched Shoes & An Irish Wristwatch LP This was everything I wanted it to be, a real gem of folk-pop songs blended with lavish cinematic pretentions. Musically epic in scope and sound, underneath the orchestral bluster it is possessed of a real heart and soul – simple seeming songs augmented with layer upon layer of lush sweeping strings, punchy brass and emotive woodwind.

It is when you start considering the vast number of instruments and musicians involved that you understand that this album is as much about them as it is Buswell

www.theocelot.co.uk

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Gig Monkey

ord of the Year 2017

Rewire the Time Machine - Record of the Year

himself. The people are the true heart and soul of the record and it is all the better for it.

4 - Catgod – Ready When You Are LP The debut album from a band that has been collected around multi-instrumentalist and producer Robin Christensen-Marriot is an extraordinary record. It is a slick, polished and effortless sounding collection of Jazz, Blues and Soul inspired Dreampop songs that cleverly builds layer upon layer of sounds that both relax and leave you in wonderment at the nuanced way the different influences and styles are assembled and being presented.

This is an album of rare quality and talent indeed.

3 - All Ears Avow – Edge of This EP The pace of the record is relentless, a compelling blend of crunching riffs, slick melodies and polished production, principally pulling in elements of modern alternative rock, pop-punk, melodic metal and even atmospheric electronica.

It is then peppered with almost imperceptible traces of soul, rhythm & blues and funk, nods to the historic roots of all that is good in music. All Ears Avow are becoming masters of dynamics, structure and momentum, and this EP is the new pinnacle of their achievement.

2 - The August List – Ramshackle Tabernacle LP Sonically this still delivers the duo’s analogue and rustic “back porch” style, but now everything is bigger. Whilst it doesn’t have quite the rawness of the first record, here the energy is tamed and more controlled, but this just means it can be directed more accurately, a musical sniper rifle rather than shotgun. Brilliantly though, while the production and craft is all upgraded, they never stray too far from the backwoods feeling. This is analogue music of wood, and strings and breaths of air that is all about simpler days, troubled ages, youth and twilight years; yet it fits into a modern, digital word with barely a murmur.

RECORD OF THE YEAR Rewire the Time Machine – Rewire the Time Machine LP Drawing influence from a myriad of rock-based sources this spectacular album is sure to tick boxes with fans of alt-rock in general, but especially if the big, riff driven output of the likes of Desert Rock titans Kyuss and QOTSA is your thing. It is the monstrous riffage and pounding rhythms that grabs you by the proverbial balls, but with vocal melodies that Mr Grohl and his merry band of Foo Fighters would be happy to unleash upon the world there is further wizardry at work that makes this instantly accessible and immediately sing-along-able. It is well judged - full, lush but not over complicated and you feel like you are stood in the middle of the band at times. If you have ever enjoyed a record with big riffs and great melodies then get hold of a copy of this, it is a stunning achievement.

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Gerard Gearon Bradley Cowtan

Brickie’s single strikes a chord kjhkjh Swindon bricklayer Gerard Gearon has always had a creative side to him - having taught himself how to play the guitar at the age of 14.

But never in his wildest dreams did he believe that he would hear his own music being played as a hot recommendation on national radio.

Gerard, 53, admits that he only sent off the demo CD of Love is Bad as a shot in the dark - and it was only when a friend told him that he realised that his single had been picked up by BBC 6 music’s Steve Lamacq and included on his Best New Music list.

“I was totally amazed to be honest - it’s difficult to get my head around it.”

His success has inspired Gerard, with the support of his wife Alinka, to continue recording his music in earnest.

“I’ve really got Alinka to thank to be honest - she bought me an Apple Mac and I’ve found that the Garage Band software that comes with it has really helped me to unlock the creative ideas that I have always had with me. It’s made

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it really easy for me to give a voice to my music and I hope that other people enjoy it as well.”

Gerard, who describes himself as a bi-polar vegan, explained that he draws influences from a wide range of styles, citing artists such as Bob Dylan and Neil Young as well as beat poets such as Allen Ginsberg - and he says that he is planning to work the words of Ginsberg’s Sunflower Sutra into a recording he will make with music backing.

Gerard, who will also be releasing music with girl group The Shivettes, has set up his own record company SN3 records to allow him to distribute his own music and poetry.

The record label will be holding a record release party for Gerard’s latest single ‘Walk Away’ on Saturday 16 December at 4 Carlisle Avenue, Old Town, Swindon.

Tickets are available for £5 for two tickets or £10 per person on the door.

For more information, call 07743 776987 or email SN3Records@gmail.com

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Marika Hackman Marika Hackman in the Bullingdon’s Back Room

Words James Queralt Image @RichardBrabin

Not knowing whether or not, when stepping out onto the stage of an unfamiliar venue, you’re going to be spending the next hour-and-a-half with a room of people who are fully on your side must be one of the more daunting prospects for an up-and-coming indie musician. Fortunately for Hampshire-born, London-based alt-rocker Marika Hackman, it was quickly apparent that the majority in attendance at Bullingdon’s 400 capacity live venue – known affectionately by locals as ‘the Back Room’ – were there to see one of their favourite artists of 2017.

As someone who only recently caught wind of Hackman’s work through her 2017 album I’m Not Your Man, I soon became aware that I was about to experience a performance of exceptional intimacy with a sell-out crowd whose relationship with her ran far deeper than my own. Luckily, that’s something which suits the Back Room down to the ground (and up to its low ceiling) as the boxed-in design of the venue, where the only real light comes from the stage itself, allows the audience to carry the momentum of the music themselves.

This phenomenon was particularly apparent during Hackman’s performance. The 25-year-old singer took to the stage in an oversized grey t-shirt and, slouched over her Fender, long blonde hair loosely covering her face, she somewhat resembled a young Beck or Kurt Cobain. This suited grunge-infused opener Good Intentions, one of a number of tracks off her latest record which serve to dispel the ‘Brit-folk’ label to which she is often, lazily, attached. By the time the third track, the far more melodically twee My Lover Cindy came around,

that audience momentum began to gather as the tongue-in-cheek humour of the lyrics, characteristic of much of Hackman’s latest work, resonated well.

This created a notable shift to a more relaxed atmosphere, with banter beginning to fly back and forth between crowd and songstress. Even a heavily toned down version of an older track, 2015’s Bath is Black, couldn’t keep this down; one punter gleefully pointed out that Hackman’s guitarist’s eye shadow matched his guitar. “Thanks,” he responded. “That’s why I chose it.”

Hackman’s confidence swelled and reached its apex as she blared out new album opener Boyfriend, a song about a woman stealing the girlfriend of a complacent man who doesn’t take their affair seriously because he believes “a woman needs a man to make her shout.” Hackman responds by pointing out that the girlfriend prefers her thanks to her softer hands, because she “likes to moisturize.”

This one is a real fan favourite, and the audience responded with joy.

Despite the punchier, more band-driven style that gives her new work much of its identity, a real highlight here, and one of the strongest tracks on the album, was Apple Tree: a Medieval-sounding ballad with tones of Laura Marling, whom Hackman has toured with twice. This coming during the encore was a fitting way to close the set, as it highlighted Hackman’s ability to stun an audience into submission, minutes after charming them with her combination of grungy riffs and razor-sharp wit that might just end up with her stealing your girlfriend.

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Music News Hook up for an evening of substance Legendary performer Peter Hook will be appearing at Salisbury City Hall on December 8 with his band The Light.

He will be performing two stone cold classic albums in their entirety Substance by Joy Division, followed by Substance

by New Order, a three hour musical meander through his amazing back catalogue.

Released in August 1987, New Order’s Substance was originally conceived as a way for Factory Records boss, Tony Wilson, to play the New Order singles on the CD player of his new Jaguar. Substance became the best selling New

Order album ever upon its release, the double LP going on to sell 2 million copies in America alone.

Running from “Ceremony” in 1981 up to “True Faith” in 1987, the set takes in the high points of New Order’s catalogue, including “Temptation”, “Thieves Like Us”, “The Perfect Kiss” and “Bizarre Love Triangle”.

Released the following year in July 1988, Joy

Division’s Substance features all the singles which did not appear on the albums such as “Transmission”, “Komakino”, “Love Will Tear Us Apart” and “Atmosphere”, as well as their b-sides, tracks from their EP “An Ideal For Living” and the Factory Records sampler.

Doors open at 7pm.

Tickets £24.50. www.cityhallsalisbury. co.uk

The Twang dust off the classic tracks - live Coming to Oxford’s O2 Academy on Friday 8 December are baggy legends The Twang.

Way back in 2007, The Twang’s debut album, Love It When I Feel Like This, made them the most talked about band of the year being branded ‘Best New Band in Britain’ (NME). Fast forward a decade and experience it live as The Twang return to play their acclaimed record in its entirety.

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www.theocelot.co.uk

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Music News Making his Mark Following career-best reviews for his tenth album Gargoyle, and a sold–out UK tour in late June, Mark Lanegan Band will finish a stellar 2017 with a handful of UK dates, an extensive run of European dates and the release of his EP, Still Life With Roses.

So... on the basis of all that, why not treat yourself to an early Christmas present and book tickets to see him at Oxford’s O2 Academy on December 9.

No one else is going to shell out for you.

It wouldn’t be Christmas without Slade Chart topping 70s glam rockers are touring with original members Dave Hill and Don Powell.

They will be blasting out misspelt classics such as Cum on

Feel the Noize at Salisbury City Hall on December 14 and the Oxford O2 Academy on December 21.

Tickets £25.50 For more information see slade.uk.com

A tsunami of tributes heading for The Vic There are tribute acts galore heading to Swindon’s legendary Vic this month - if that’s your cup of tea.

Purists might sneer, but at least with a tribute act you know that you are assured

a night of sing-along fun.

For starters, there’s a double bill on December 9, with Oasish and Stereotonics.

And as if that’s not enough, how about a slab of Bon Giovi - ‘The world’s

premier Bon Jovi Tribute’ apparently.

You can catch them on December 28.

For more information about forthcoming bands at The Vic, log on to www. thevicswindon.com www.theocelot.co.uk

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Gig list

Friday December 1 Jagged Little Pill, A Tribute to Alanis Morssette 6.30pm - O2 Academy, Oxford

Bernie Torme 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford

Tropicle Popside 11pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford

Splat the Ratt 7pm - Groves Company Inn, Swindon

Whitesnake UK 11pm - Fat Lil’s, Witney

Bingo Lingo 7pm - O2 Academy, Oxford

Nodens Ictus + Oversoul + Keepers Brew (DJ set) 8pm - The Victoria, Swindon

Saturday December 9

Newbury Unplugged 7.30pm - ACE Space, Newbury

Monday December 4

Mark Ianegan Band 6.30pm - O2 Academy, Oxford Willie J Healey 6.30pm - O2 Academy, Oxford

Dreams Divide + One Way 8pm - The Winchester Gate, Salisbury

All Welcome Night 8pm - The Lamb Inn, Devizes

AD/HD 9pm - The Queens Tap, Swindon

Good Life Ft The Heatwave 11pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford

Henry Ray 9pm - The Mermaid, Burford

Wednesday December 6

Grub & Worry 8pm - The Jericho Tavern, Oxford

Fishies – Week 11 9.30pm - O2 Academy, Oxford

Oasish + Stereotonics 8pm - The Victoria, Swindon

District 10pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford

Zing 8.30pm - The Lamb Inn, Marlborough

Thursday December 7

Damn Good Reason 9pm - The Queens Tap, Swindon

Natt Davis 9pm - The Rolleston, Swindon Ruzz Guitar’s Blues Revue 9.30pm - Groves Company Inn, Swindon Women in Rock 11pm - Fat Lil’s, Witney 15 Years of Critical Records Ft Mefjus and Karsa 11pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford

Ben Haenow 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford Plugged-in Singers Night 8pm - The Royal Oak, Corsham

Tim Westwood 11pm - O2 Academy, Oxford

Craig Hutchesson 8.30pm - Groves Company Inn, Swindon

Saturday December 2

Rock Bottoms Open Mic 9pm - The Queens Tap

The Prince Experience 6.30pm - O2 Academy, Oxford

Friday December 8

No Middle Ground 8.30pm - The Lamb Inn, Marlborough

Absolute Bowie 6.30pm - O2 Academy, Oxford

Elvis 9pm - The Rose and Crown, Malmesbury

The Twang 7pm - O2 Academy, Oxford

George Andrews DJ 9pm - The Mermaid, Burford

Absolute Stone Roses 7.30pm - Level III, Swindon

Going Underground 9pm - The Victoria, Swindon

Pretty Little Enemy + Mighty Magic Animal 8pm - The Winchester Gate, Salisbury

Hooch 9pm - Woodlands Edge, Swindon Hush 9pm - The Queens Tap, Swindon George Andrews DJ 9pm - The Mermaid, Burford Snatch it Back 9pm - The Rolleston, Swindon WAM 9pm - Fat Lil’s, Witney Rotten Aces 9.30pm - Groves Company Inn, Swindon Sunday December 3 Vice Versa 5pm - The Bell, Wantage

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Captain Accident vs Grant Sharkey 8pm - The Winchester Gate, Salisbury

Vinyl Haze 9pm - The Rolleston, Swindon W.M.D 9pm - Woodlands Edge, Swindon Rockabilly Rumble 9.30pm - Groves Company Inn, Swindon Sunday December 10 Kevin Lovatt (Johnny Cash Tribute) 6.30pm - The Castle Inn, Swindon Absolva 7pm - The Victoria, Swindon Monday December 11 Tinkers Bag/Xmas 8pm - The Lamb Inn, Devizes Simple Ft Beatrice Dillon 11pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford Wednesday December 13

999 + The Voos + The Liabilities 9pm - The Victoria, Swindon

Fishies Week 12 9.30pm - O2 Academy, Oxford

Built for Comfort 9pm - The Rolleston, Swindon

Thursday December 14

Erin Bardwell Collective 9pm - The Castle Inn, Swindon Metal Gods 9pm - The Queens Tap, Swindon People Like Us 9.30pm - Groves Company Inn, Swindon WAM 9pm - Fat Lil’s, Witney Tom Zanetti & KO Kane 11pm - O2 Academy, Oxford

Doc Brown & The Haggis Horns 7pm - O2 Academy, Oxford Lewis Leighton 7pm - Groves Company Inn, Swindon Oxrox Presents Motor Headache 7pm - Fat Lil’s, Witney Pete Driscoll & Al Summers 8pm - The Royal Oak, Corsham Friday December 15 Catfish 9pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford

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Gig List

Glitch Trip, Death Drive + Support 8pm - The Winchester Gate, Salisbury

Interlight 8.30pm - The Victoria

Mike Barham & Kirsty Clinch Xmas Party 8pm - The Cellar Bar, Oxford

Spidasense 8.30pm - Groves Company Inn, Swindon

The Long Insiders + Badmonkey + Special Guests 8pm - Fat Lil’s, Witney

Friday December 22

Blind Lemon Blues Band 9pm - The Queens Tap, Swindon

Dreadzone 6pm - O2 Academy, Oxford

Friday December 29

Lee Pryor 9pm - The Rolleston, Swindon

Bright Works & Tibetan Night Terrors 8pm - The Jericho Tavern, Oxford

Locarno Beat 9pm - The Mermaid, Burford

Dirty Earth Band 8pm - Fat Lil’s, Witney

Soul Strutters 9.30pm - Groves Company Inn, Swindon

The Acrustic Badger Band 8pm - The Winchester Gate, Salisbury

Saturday December 16 Leatherat – Last Orders 7pm - O2 Academy, Oxford 12 Bands of Xmas 8pm - The Victoria, Swindon Crippled Rook + Support 8pm - The Winchester Gate, Salisbury Misfires 8pm - Level III, Swindon Shepherds Pie 8pm - Fat Lil’s, Witney Josie & The Outlaw 8.30pm - The Lamb Inn, Marlborough Mike Barham 9pm - The Courthouse, Trowbridge Vice Versa 9pm - Woodlands Edge, Swindon Vulcan Reign 9pm - The Rolleston, Swindon Innes Sibun 9.30pm - Groves Company Inn, Swindon Musical Medicane Ft KON 11pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford

Krissy Matthews Duo 9pm - The Mermaid, Burford Vice Versa 9pm - The Victoria, Swindon Worried About Mike 9pm - The Rolleston, Swindon Last Call 9.30pm - Groves Company Inn, Swindon P.Y.T Xmas Party 11pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford Saturday December 23 Fused 8pm - Fat Lil’s, Witney Tenacious G + Big Dog (Winni Xmas Bash) 8pm - The Winchester Gate, Salisbury The Shapes/Peerless Pirates Xmas Show 8pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford Worried About Mike 8.30pm - The Lamb Inn, Marlborough Angel up Front 9pm - Woodlands Edge, Swindon

Thursday December 28

Bon Giovo 8.30pm - The Victoria, Swindon

Versions 7.30pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford Belladonnas 9pm - Woodlands Edge, Swindon Kaos 9pm - The Rolleston, Swindon Kova Me Badd 8pm - The Victoria, Swindon Locarno Beat 9pm - The Queens Tap, Swindon Rock Bottoms 9pm - The Mermaid, Burford The Corduroy Kings 9.30pm - Groves Company Inn Saturday December 30 Shades of Seattle 8pm - The Victoria, Swindon Angel up Front 8.30pm - The Lamb Inn, Marlborough Penfold 9pm - Woodlands Edge, Swindon Sons of Liberty 9pm - The Queens Tap, Swindon The Strays 9pm - The Rolleston, Swindon 2 Tone All Skas 9.30pm - Groves Company Inn, Swindon Aftershow Party 11.30pm - Fat Lil’s, Witney

Sunday December 17

Missin’ Rosie 9pm - The Rolleston, Swindon

Worried Men 5pm - The Bell, Wantage

Rock Bottoms 9pm - The Crown, Lechlade

John Otway 40th Anniversary of the Kit 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford

Syntronix Xmas Party 9pm - The Victoria, Swindon

Cowley Road’s NYE Festival Feat. Dutty Moonshine Big Band 8pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford

The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus 7pm - O2 Academy, Oxford

Worried Men 9pm - The Queens Tap, Swindon

NYE Party with The Intercepteurs 8pm - The Winchester Gate, Salisbury

Wednesday December 20

Felix & The Funk 9.30pm - Groves Company Inn, Swindon

The Killertones NYE Party 8.30pm - The Victoria, Swindon

Fishies – Week 13 9.30pm - O2 Academy, Oxford Thursday December 21 Slade 7pm - O2 Academy, Oxford Xmas Party 8pm - The Royal Oak, Corsham

Sunday December 24 Reggae Christmas Feat Susan Cadogan 9pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford Tuesday December 26

Sunday December 31 Monthly Blues Jam 3pm - Fat Lil’s, Witney

Last Call 9pm - The Queens Tap, Swindon Meccano Men 9pm - The Mermaid, Burford

Deep Cover Boxing Day Bash 11pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford

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Agony Girl Four year old Amy is busy making Christmas present lists for Santa Claus but she still finds time to do Agony Girl.

We ask her the questions and these are her answers.... honest!

Dear Amy, I’m a bit confused. We’ve got billions of people on this planet all living their lives as if they are the centre of their own universes. It doesn’t make sense. How are we all here? Who created us and why? What’s our purpose?

Dave, Oxford We have to get everybody with a different language and all the people with the same voice and brain to go to London and Swindon and if there’s too many we have to take them to a different land or a different planet. If they want to go to Portugal they can fly on a plane.

Dear Amy, If you could make up your own television programme what would it be?

Clive, BBC Creative Peppa Pig. Because I like Peppa Pig. Dear Amy, If you could be any animal, what would it be and why?

Susie, Swindon I would be a tiger because my classes are tiger class so I’m copying them to be a tiger. Emmi might be a lion as she’s in lion class. We need to find the letters to spell the tiger name or lion name. I can spell tiger. It goes like this T I Ger and Lion is L I On. But you can be any type of animal you want to be.

Dear Amy, My girlfriend has been acting weird. She’s started going out all the time and the other night she smelt of men’s aftershave. Is she dressing as a man?

Derek, Abingdon Yes. She’s got confused by which wardrobe is hers. She needs to find her own wardrobe. If she puts her name

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on it she won’t get confused. If boys wear perfume they’re girls. That’s how you know. Can we go to a funfair?

Dear Amy, I find cleaning the oven really difficult. What should I use to keep it clean?

Abigail, Salisbury A sponge and some water and some bubbles.

Dear Amy, What’s the time?

Boris, Tenby Tenny.

Dear Amy, What’s it like being four?

Petra, Moscow It’s fun because I think it’s really fun and helpful and it means you don’t have to be bothered if your friend is older and if you have your birthday at the same time that means you can be the same height.

Write into Amy at editorial@theocelot.co.uk

www.theocelot.co.uk

Ocelot 138.indd 46

20/11/2017 20:05

Ocelot 138.indd 47

20/11/2017 20:05

Ocelot 138.indd 48

20/11/2017 20:05