Ocelot 139 january 2018 final artwork

No: 139 January 2018

Wiltshire, Oxfordshire and West Berkshire

Free

Golf in a junkyard p12

What's on Ocelot 139.indd 1

Shake off your January hangover p6 / STYLE / EATS / BREWS / SCREEN / TECH 18/12/2017 18:11

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#139 For Starters

JANUARY ISSUE

04 Michael Bosley + Luke Coleman 06 Encyclopaedia Oceloticca 08 The Bassett Rivers Echo Lifestyle

10 Get Away - New York, New York 12 Get A Life - Junkyard Golf 13 Anomie 14 Style 17 Tech 18 TV 19 Gaming 20 Film Brews and Eats

22 Wine not?

23 Brewery Bird 24 The Oxford Artisan Distillery 25 The Jericho Tavern 26 Recipe 27 Bardolino’s 28 History of Quorn 29 The Tuppenny Arts and Culture

30 The Theatre List 31 Oxford Playhouse 32 Simon Yates Music

37 Frank Turner 38 Gig Monkey 39 Craig Charles 40 The Sulks 42 Music News 44 Gig List The Final Bit of the magazine

46 Agony Girl Ocelot 139.indd 3

A positive 2018... please?

As I’m writing this most of us are still struggling in the death throes of one of the most negative years in living memory.

If 2016 was the year of populist big shocks (Donald Trump and Brexit) and celebrity deaths, 2017 was the year that the world decided to just moan about things for a bit, without really doing anything about it.

Brexit is still as divisive as ever with the entire country just moaning at each other about it.

Trump is still as divisive as ever with the entire world just moaning at each other about it.

And, in the wake of the Hollywood sex scandals involving Harvey Weinstein, the battle of the sexes is waging on at more ferocious levels than we’ve ever seen before.

Racism is rife (and having a weird sort of resurgence). Sexism is rife with no-one really knowing what the hell is going on. Homophobia is still hitting the headlines and there are even people moaning about Star Wars as if it really matters. (It was good by the way!)

We’ve ended the year basically at each other’s throats. Which is nice.

So let’s turn it around and make 2018 the year that we all just got along as when you break it down we all have one thing in common - we’re human and just trying to live our lives. Sex, orientation, religion and race don’t make you who you are. It’s you that makes you who you are. So just be nice!

Write in to me at jamie@theocelot.co.uk

Jamie Hill

Editor: Jamie Hill - jamie@theocelot.co.uk Deputy: Ben Fitzgerald - ben@theocelot.co.uk Reporter: Claire Dukes - claire@theocelot.co.uk Sales: Dave Stewart dave@theocelot.co.uk - 07872 176999 Rosy Presley rosy@positivemediagroup. press - 07717 501790 Telephone: 01793 781986 Publisher: Positive Media Group, Unit 3, Arclite House, Peatmoor, Swindon SN5 5YN Printers: Stones, Banbury 18/12/2017 18:11

For Starters

The Nerd’s Last Word by Michael Bosley

Dear Millennials, Who the hell do you think you are?

Moaning about the extortionate cost of education that the oldsters didn’t have to pay. Whining about not being able to afford a house that costs ten to twenty times what you earn. Where do you get off being so damned privileged? Spending all your money on rent and the small amount you have left on wholesome activities like city breaks and fitness, instead of frittering it away down the pub on beer and cigarettes like we did.

Look at you! All healthy and glowing, full of optimism and respect for your common man, instead of twisted and bitter with a beer belly and a nose that would put Rudolf to shame.

You think you’ve got it all sussed out, don’t you?

Wandering around, looking at your phone, not hurting anyone in particular. Back in 1939 kids like you were fighting wars! Not me though, I spend my days whacked out on crack and Teachers whiskey, driving around in cars powered by leaded fuel and pumping CFC’s into the atmosphere, but that’s not the point. Some people at some other time in history did something brave so that you could have the freedom that you’re exercising right now.

Sure, us baby boomers were born into a period of unprecedented financial growth, where you had a job for life, 9 to 5, got married at nineteen, had a house by twenty, had kids, then toiled away until you died.

But now you’re not even getting married anymore! Or having kids! Almost as if you’re exercising some kind of free-will to do what you want with your life!

Who the bloody hell do you think you are? Swanning off around the world expanding your mind and learning things.

In my day, if you weren’t toiling every single day of the

An open letter to millennials

week for forty years being miserable like the rest of us, you were a communist!

You snowflakes don’t know how good you’ve got it! We didn’t have the things you have nowadays, just like our parents didn’t have the things we had in our day or the generations before that.

You all want to start your own companies and do jobs that are “rewarding”, “creative” and “meaningful” instead of just shutting up, letting your dreams die and graft like the rest of us!

I work as a sales manager for a company that makes things I don’t care about, in a windowless office shared with two other people I hate and look how happy I am!

Sure I blame my own failures, poor decisions and insecurities on marginalized sections of society, but who doesn’t nowadays?

Yours sincerely Alan

Itchy feet trumps 2018 for Iraq Off The Grid with Luke Coleman Our man in Iraq April will mark my seventh anniversary in Iraq, and I’ve been writing this column for five or six of them. As I stand here, white skirt billowing around my kebab belly, pouting and dictating this missive while singing “Crappy Toupee Mr President”, I recognise that I am suffering from the Itch.

I can’t be 100% - previous plans have not always been fulfilled – but it’s probably time to draw the curtain on my Iraq adventure at some stage in 2018.

I spent December in Stroud, building

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snowmen with my god children, taking a solid break from my norm, and laying some foundations for a smooth landing back in the UK. I took courses, made a short film to use as a trailer for a project I’m trying to sell, one which will try to throw light on the best of Britain. If I get the backing, I expect my witterings in the June edition of The Ocelot to have a new title, and the content to reflect a more recognisable subject. There are some big ‘ifs’, but I’ve generally had luck in my endeavours.

There is one fly in the ointment though: 2018 is year of the dog, if you’re a believer in the Chinese

Zodiac. The Tango Toddler was born in the year of the dog, so we should perhaps brace ourselves for him cocking his leg over international and domestic policy some more. I might pop back to protest his UK visit, that could be an idea for a little film.

www.theocelot.co.uk

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Science Fact: Hangovers

Encyclopedia Oceloticca

by Ben Fitzgerald

Hangovers: punishment from hell?

Mr Hangover and I have been close acquaintances since my late teenage years. In the early days, Mr H would pop by for a quick visit first thing in the morning and would be off by 10am at the very latest. However, these days I’ve noticed that he’s is not so quick to sling his hook and it’s not like he’s turning up any later. He can be relied on to be there first thing, prompt as anything, ready for when I wake up… but now he seems to stick around beyond breakfast, becoming increasingly awkward and annoying as midmorning drags on. Nowadays he often reasons that as he doesn’t have anywhere specific to be he may as well stay for lunch thank you very much.

A quick glance at the internet will tell you that ‘A hangover is the experience of various unpleasant physiological and psychological effects following the consumption of ethanol, as found in wine, beer

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and distilled spirits.’

My extensive research also reveals that hangovers can last for several hours or for more than 24 hours with typical symptoms including headache, drowsiness, concentration problems, dry mouth, dizziness, fatigue, gastrointestinal distress (I think that means vomiting), absence of hunger, sweating, nausea, hyperexcitability and anxiety.

This all certainly rings true, but fails to explain mysterious bruising, random splatters of chilli sauce and breath that causes nearby paintwork to blister.

Apparently the causes of a hangover are still poorly understood, several factors are known to be involved including acetaldehyde accumulation, changes in the immune system and glucose metabolism, dehydration, metabolic acidosis, disturbed prostaglandin synthesis, increased cardiac output and vasodilation.

However in my own groundbreaking research I’ve narrowed it down to excessive consumption of alcohol and I plan to publish my findings in the Lancet medical journal. There are various cures out there - with perhaps the best known being ‘hair of the dog’ - the theory being that if you have another drink, it will ease your hangover… in the same way that if you have been poisoned, you should immediately drink more poison... It’s never worked for me.

Essentially, like your relatives, there is no way of avoiding Mr Hangover - hiding behind the sofa when he’s knocking at the door just doesn’t work because he’s already spotted your metaphorical car parked outside.

The best approach is to understand that he’s coming over anyway, so clear the diary, and both sit down in front of Planet Earth 2 until he gets bored and buggers off. That is all.

www.theocelot.co.uk

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Bassett

The

Rivers Scary news for scary times...

Echo

Cap popped in ass leads to trip to A & Eeeyore p49

New season of ‘The News’ in doubt after complaints that ‘president’ storyline just too outlandish

by Kit Chentable

TV executives are being pressured to cancel one of their top primetime shows - The News.

This comes amid accusations that the show has jumped the shark with their latest ‘president’ character.

Studio executive Ray Ting said: “The audience hasn’t been enjoying the current season of The News very much and consider this latest ‘president’ character a bit too over the top and a bit of a weak storyline.

“Sometimes shows come back from weak storylines and although next season has been renewed it is hoped the writers come up with something a bit more realistic and less clickbaity.

“It was always going to be

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difficult finding a ‘president’ to follow the ‘Obama’ one from the season before and maybe we went a bit too far. Next season we are looking into ways that we can get rid of him in a way that will surprise the audience. We are bigging up the Russian connections at the moment but that is a massive red herring.”

Other storylines that have been unpopular include the continuing ‘Brexit’ storyline.

Viewer Len Tonapost of Bassett Rivers said: “Like the Who Shot Phil Mitchell storyline in Eastenders, the Brexit storyline has definitely outstayed its welcome. It just seems to be going on forever. It strikes me as very lazy writing. They lined up all these baddies to take the fall

but so far none of them have - not even that Boris Johnson character.”

Executives have also been responding to the backlash and promise next season to be even more explosive.

Mr Ting added: “If you thought this season was interesting you’ll find the next one absolutely nail-biting.

“All season we have been building up several different story threads using Russians, North Koreans and more recently the entire Middle East as the precursor to what will only be described as all-out war.

“Let’s just say that 2018’s season will be going nuclear with its storyline and if The News is to be cancelled we’ll definitely be going out with a bang!”

18/12/2017 18:11

Former MP poos on kids (but not in a weird way) Bassett Rivers MP Bane ‘Drive-by’ Bullet’s monthly Column

By Livi Ngroom Former Bassett Rivers MP Giles Hetherington-Smythe has found himself in hot water once again after pooing on some school kids from a great height but not in a weird way.

The former Conservative MP was ousted at last year’s election

by Labour candidate Bane ‘Drive-By’ Bullet who had been caught up in the Labour/grime election mash-up.

Mr Hetherington-Smythe claims that the incident involving the school kids came after he was caught short during a hot air balloon ride over a primary school.

He said: “I was taking a leaf out of my old chum Nigel Farage’s book by taking to the air to promote my latest book ‘Toodle Pip!’.

“The flight included me shouting through a loud hailer at any passing benefit scroungers or layabouts that they should go and get a job so that they can afford to buy my book in hardback rather than waiting six months for when the paperback edition would be out at half the

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price.

“Anyway I was shouting at some school kids who were playing hopscotch in the playground when the accident happened.

“Unfortunately whilst eating oysters at lunchtime I must have had a rather off one as my stomach started doing cartwheels.

“It was all I could do to take my trousers off in time and put my bottom over the side of the balloon gondola, which is the balloon basket for all you cretins who never went to school.

“I did shout to the kids in warning that I would be letting loose out of the gondola but they just looked a bit confused and one of them even shouted ‘what the hell are you talking about as we aren’t in Venice.’

Unluckily for him the excrement landed directly in his open mouth.

That’ll teach him for not learning the proper vernacular of hot air balloons and does put me in mind to have a word with the school to find out exactly what they are teaching them nowadays.”

Toodle pip!

Dere iz dis man dat iz gettin’ right on me wick.

His name is Donald Trump and he iz like a movie villain or someting.

Anyway dat prime minister lady Mother Theresa May invited dis orange-faced geeza to cum and ‘av tea wiv da Queen or someting but no-one wantz him 2 come.

Dis iz well confusin’ as I ‘av disinvited peepz loadz of timez. Dere wuz dis one time where I wuz ‘avin a barbecue and I invited me homie P Diddy Ha Ha Hum but den he disrespected me biatch (mum) by sayin’ dat she doezn’t use Heinz baked beanz but dat she wuz usin’ generic supermarket beanz. Dis wuz a major dis. So I of courze culdn’t ‘av him cummin’ round 4 a bbq as me biatch (mum) wuld be dere and it would be way awkward so I just told ‘him dat I had been in a car accident and wuz in a coma so couldn’t do da bbq.

He totally understood and asked me if I wuz alright. I said I wuz but dat da coma wuz a major pain in da ass.

But why can’t da Queen or Mother Theresa May do da same?

She culd say dat da UK had like fallen down da stairz and wuz now in a coma and if dis Donald Trump showz up we culd all pretend 2 be asleep until he goez away again.

If da Queen/Mother Theresa May doesn’t wunt 2 do dat she culd just say dat da planz ‘av changed and dat we’re now goin’ out 2 da supermarket or someting and dat we won’t be in.

We culd all then maybe get da ferry 2 Calais dat weekend so dat we’re not dere.

Booze n’ fagz r well cheap in Calais so we culd all stock up and den ‘ave a massive ‘We missed da Trump visit’ party afterwardz.

I iz like well tinkin’ dat we shuld do someting like dat and am plannin’ to bring it up in Westminster durin’ da next Prime Minister’s Question Time (which izn’t a quiz night run by Mother Theresa May like I first thought.)

Respect!

18/12/2017 18:11

Get Away

New York

By Ben Fitzgerald I’ve been to New York hundreds of times… in my head.

When you start looking, it’s everywhere. Whether it’s Woody Allen walking through Greenwich Village wringing his hands with anxiety or Daredevil swooping between towerblocks it runs like a rich seam of gold through popular culture.

Perhaps that’s why visiting New York for the first time does strange things to your head. From the moment I stepped out of the subway in the centre of Manhattan I felt my brain being stretched between somewhere alien and at the same time completely familiar.

My namesake, the author F Scott Fitzgerald said

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something about the definition of great intelligence being the ability to hold two contradictory ideas in your head at the same time and still be able to function.

And looking at the crazy towering buildings lancing into the sky, the roads buzzing with yellow taxis and smoke billowing out of the pavements I was aware that I was standing, mouth open - thinking ‘Wow I’ve never seen anything like this’ and simultaneously thinking ‘Wow I’ve seen this so many times before’ - and being a little bit thick it took me a while to recover from the shock. Perhaps that’s why they named it twice?

The place is physically stunning - we did all the usual things that you are expected to do when one

www.theocelot.co.uk

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Get Away

New York

visits New York including standing outside the Friends’ apartment - wondering if we might catch a glimpse of imaginary Joey and Rachel peeking their heads out of the window of their imaginary apartment. We also ventured to the top of the Empire State building where we wondered if we might see an imaginary giant ape climbing up the side.

It’s weird, pretty much everywhere you go, you are forced to ask yourself the question, on some level - is this real or not? Even the humble Joe’s Pizza shop has photographs inside of all the famous people who have dropped by to eat their amazing food - from the (probably real) Kiefer Sutherland to Peter Parker (possibly not real) the real identity of Spiderman (also

not real) see what I mean.

We also took a swing by Trump Tower - the headquarters of that total buffoon who has a brief cameo in Home Alone 2, Donald Trump (unfortunately real). To the British visitor, this strange schizophrenia is also emphasised by the fact that you are at once a native speaker of the language and also a complete foreigner. As our greatest Englishman Winston Churchill (real, but half American) put it: England and America are two countries separated by the same language.

It’s amazing - and also strange. It’s surprisingly run down (they struggle to comprehend chip and pin payment for gawd’s sake) but also light years ahead.

I’m in two minds about the place - and I loved it.

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Get a Life

By Claire Dukes

Westgate Shopping Centre, Castle Street, Oxford OX1 1PB. Imagine an adult play centre, combined with crazy golf and alcohol, on acid.

That was pretty much my first thought when I entered Junkyard Golf Club, and my last thought when I left.

The Ocelot headed over to Junkyard Golf for its launch in Oxford, and it was next level.

On arrival guests were complimented with a free tote bag and neon visor to get into the swing of things.

Comprised of an upstairs bar, American diner, and three very unique and impressively designed underground courses, this is an evening’s entertainment sorted. The courses: Pablo: The jungle themed desert island dream you wish you were stranded on, which also feels like an obstacle course - there is also a bar.

Gary: Literally a scrap yard made into an interactive playground for adults with UV lights - there is also a bar.

Bozo: A rather enjoyable yet morbid mind-fuck of a fun fair complete with a skull ferris wheel

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and mirror maze - there is also a bar.

Speaking of bars, the drinks menu is in a league of its own with fabulous headlining acts including Ribena Turner, Tequil-ing Me Softly, Cider Woods, and Obi Wan Banofee.

As mentioned before, with said American diner vibes, there’s a range of totally awesome snacks from a Naked Hot Dog and Nacho Dog, to Pulled Pork Nachos and popcorn.

The hole in one was actually the staff. As it was launch night I had to ask if some sort of ‘be happy even if you’re dying inside’ memo went around before opening. But no. The team in Oxford were all genuinely enjoying the night, and why wouldn’t they? Everyone was in good spirits, and playing the funnest round of golf, whilst listening to funk and soul.

I nearly handed in my CV. It was a tough choice but my vote of favourite courses goes to... Nope can’t decide. Luckily Team Ocelot are planning a trip out to help me reach my verdict.

Much to my dismay children are welcome at allocated day time hours, but after dark Junkyard Golf transcends into an adult golf-themed Centre Parks.

For all the official details go to www.junkyardgolfclub.co.uk

www.theocelot.co.uk

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Anomie Publishing Swindon-based publisher’s book by celebrated electronic music pioneer from Devizes shortlisted for the British Book Design and Production Awards Devizes-born Daphne Oram (1925– 2003) was a keyfigure in British experimental electronic music in the twentieth century.

Having turned down a place at the Royal College of Music to become a music balancer at the BBC, she went on to become the co-founder and first director of the legendary BBC Radiophonic Workshop – a department that was to become famous for such iconic and futuristic soundtracks as the Doctor Who theme tune and The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.

Oram left the BBC in 1959 to pursue commercial work in television, advertising, film and theatre, and to continue her personal research into sound technology – a passion she had had since her childhood in Devizes, where she lived with her mother, father and two older brothers. Her father was elected Mayor of Devizes in 1936. Her own home, a former oasthouse in Kent, became an unusual studio and workshop in which, mostly on a shoestring, she developed her pioneering equipment, sounds and ideas, including a groundbreaking and unique form of early synthesizer – the Oramics machine, about which London’s Science Museum made an exhibition in 2011.

Following her death, the Daphne Oram Trust was established to promote her work, life and legacy, and an archive created in the Special Collections Library at Goldsmiths, University of London. A significant amount of material was also donated

by Oram’s family to the archives at Wiltshire Museum in Devizes. One

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of the Trust’s ambitions had been to publish a new edition of Oram’s one and only book, ‘An Individual Note of Music, Sound and Electronics’, which was originally published in 1972.

With help from the Daphne Oram Archive and Wiltshire Museum, and thanks to a successful Kickstarter campaign that raised over £15,000, the Trust has now been able to realize this ambition in partnership with Anomie Publishing – an independent arts publishing house based in Swindon.

Publisher Matt Price said: “It’s been a real pleasure working on a project with such a strong connection to Wiltshire. Oram’s love of the landscape and history of the region played an important part in her thinking about music and sound technology – ideas that went well beyond keyboards and jingles and into some really incredible areas of thinking about how our minds, our bodies and the universe work. She was one of those remarkable people who is ahead of the curve – a true pioneer and a radical thinker from the early days of electronic sound.

It’s a privilege to have played a part in bringing her book back into print and getting it out into libraries, colleges and bookshops, and back onto people’s shelves at home.’

The book was launched at a packed event at Waterstones’ flagship store in London Piccadilly at the end of 2016, and within just a few months the new edition had sold out, so a second print run was undertaken in spring 2017. Over the summer, the book was shortlisted for the prestigious British Book Design

and Production Awards, and at the awards ceremony in London’s exclusive Mayfair district in mid November, hosted by comedian, actress and writer Jenny Eclair, the book was highly commended by the panel of judges.

Mr Price said: “As a small, independent publishing house, we were thrilled to be shortlisted alongside some major publishers and such amazing books.

‘We were also touched by how many people – over five hundred, in fact, and from all around the world – contributed to the Kickstarter campaign to help us finance the book, giving an indication of how passionate people are about Daphne Oram – people who are as keen as us to see that her work is not forgotten. Their support also meant that we were able to make the book with higher specifications – with a hard cover, beautiful paper stocks and some special touches in the design and production processes, making this a really beautiful book, as well as a fascinating one.”

In addition to all the content of the original 1972 book, the new edition includes a newly commissioned introduction by British composer, performer, roboticist and sound historian Sarah Angliss, which positions the book within Oram’s wider life and work. There are also additional, including some previously unpublished, images from Goldsmiths, Wiltshire Museum and the Oram family, all united by a new design for the book by York-based Joe Gilmore.

www.anomie-publishing.com www.theocelot.co.uk

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Style

Is it time for a The Next Navy Button Detail Belted Dress

Guthrie & Valentine White Slim Fit Shirt

Mia Tui Sydney Backpack Goodwin Smith Worston Tan Brogues and Yull Shoes Chester Tweed Block Heel Boots

By Gina Akers A new year brings new hopes, dreams and resolutions. To get into the right frame of mind to achieve your goals a new look can be extremely helpful in boosting confidence and self esteem.

Whether you are seeking a complete style overhaul, a new you or a revamp here are some ideas to help you dress for success.

The best place to start is with smart staple pieces such as an iconic coat and chic shoes.

A Barbour jacket is a great investment and a timeless statement item that fits the top looks bill for any occasion. For men opt for a style such as the Barbour Quilted Jacket (£119.00) available from

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www.flannels.com For ladies the modern mac is a must that clearly states class while being both versatile and practical.

The Protected Species Sandstone (also available in other colours) Waterproof Mac (£245.00) has synergised fashion and technology in perfect balance with a waterproof fabric, visit www. protected-species.com Suede or leather shoes always look the part, if you can go designer then do, if not then opt for designer like style. Goodwin Smith offer a range of men’s designer quality footwear, the Worston Tan Brogues (£120.00) give the perfect polished look, available from www.goodwinsmith.co.uk

K&K Labs Skinny Brown Amur Leopard Print Silk Scarf

Lord Timepieces Men’s Orion Rose Gold Watch and Ladies Classic Black Date Watch

Yull Shoes are as elegant as they are beautiful and demonstrate an ideal tone in women’s footwear.

The Chester Tweed Block Heel Boots (£135.00) could work with almost any outfit, visit www.yull. co.uk Good tailoring is key to shaping a smart look. The NoLogo Chic Jersey Classic Wrap Dress (£45.00) by designer Tina Malhamé is a design classic that will take you effortlessly from the office or even the boardroom straight out for the evening. It can be dressed up with accessories or worn more formally, and is a style that works for every woman, available at www.nologo-chic. co.uk

www.theocelot.co.uk

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Kather croft Tr Bag

Labs ny Brown r LeopPrint Silk f

meMen’s Rose Watch dies Black Watch

Style

style overhaul?

Men’s Barbour Quilted Jacket

Flintoff by Jacamo Slim Charcoal Check Suit Jacket and Protected Species Sandstone Waterproof Max

Tina Malhamé NoLogo Chic Jersey Classic Black Wrap Dress

Mia Tui Maya Backpack

Katherena Hollycroft Trunk Clutch Bag The Next Navy Button Detail Belted Dress (£32.00) is a perfect go to for smart wear. The belt and buttons give an edge to what can be worn as a smart or more casual look, visit www.next.co.uk For men a go to suit is always a must, the Flintoff by Jacamo Slim Charcoal Check Suit Jacket (£100), Waistcoat (£45) and Trousers (£50) combine as the perfect suit to make the right statement for any occasion, for a range of suit options go to www. jacamo.co.uk The right shirt always completes a guy’s outfit, a white shirt is a staple of the smart look, try the Guthrie & Valentine White Slim Fit Stretch Single Cuff Long Sleeve

Shirt (£27.00) from www.slaters. co.uk The right accessories are a necessity to really give a sharp look the edge and to make a look luxurious. Take your style to new heights with statement watches, bags, scarves and backpacks.

Jewellery and metal work can provide the finishing touches to an outfit, chose carefully to give the high end edge. For watches Lord Timepieces really look the part, the Men’s Orion Rose Gold Watch (£149.00) and Ladies Classic Date Black Watch (£75.00) add a sense of status and flair, available at www.lordtimepieces.com The smart designer backpack is now a vital addition to any modern

sharp work look. For men the Mia Tui Sydney Backpack (£45.00) and for ladies the Mia Tui Maya Backpack (£40.00) both available in black and a range of colours, are perfectly practical while giving the luxe look, visit www.miatui. com The Katherena Hollycroft Trunk Clutch Bag (£100.00) is available in a range of colours and is a really smart eye catching piece that can carry a designer look from day to night with ease. Team up with a silk scarf from K&K Labs such as the Skinny Brown Amur Leopard Print Silk Scarf (£86.99), to showcase real attention to detail and give a bespoke twist to your style, from www.kklabs.co.uk

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TECH

You will never be alone again

By Claire Dukes

I like my alone time. Sometimes I can’t tell if it’s more to do with enjoying a weird loner vibe, or my part-time social anxiety. But the point is, for the most part, time by myself is bliss. Lets face it, nowdays it is nearly impossible to go off-grid.

As a sweet gesture my friend said I should get a tracking app called Find My Friends - it was my first trip down the M4 to London, and for peace of mind she wanted to check up on me. This didn’t actually happen, but with two hours to kill it did get me thinking.

Based on very basic research the jist is that you can find your friends who also have the app (as long as they accept your request to stalk them, and vise versa).

It starts with a concerned friend.

But where does it end? A pocessive husband? A bunny boiler?

Or some nosey prick who I now recommend flicks to our Get a Life collumn.

It’s just a bit much, and yeah quite stalkerish.

Find My Friends seems like a harmless and fun fad to me, but for those who are borderline

obsessive this app is an enabler.

Personally I think a little bit of mystery is quite healthy, so if you get to the point of downloading an app because you don’t trust where your partner says they’re at your relationship has probably died a death. If Moulin Rouge has taught me anything it is that “without trust, there is no love” preach.

Is this also not a little bit needy?

Kind of ‘well I may not be able to hang out with my friends, but I can follow their every move by staring at my phone’. Cool story bro.

The only legit service tracking apps provide is for parents checking in on their underage children, for genuine safety

measures. This should not be used as a toy by basics who obsess over every minor detail.

I don’t condone stalking but, credit where it’s due, there’s merit in the creative process and effort behind stalking before iPhone’s came along. This app, like most, is just sheer laziness.

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Screenzone: TV

“We were on a break!”

Screen Grab A TV column by Jamie Hill The Americans.

I blame them for so much these days. They’re an easy target at the moment especially with their incompetent in chief buffooning around trying to create World War Three because someone looked at his pint funny.

But my major gripe is that they are just so damned good at bringing us television. They surprise me over and over and over again. Just check out Godless on Netflix if you want the latest example.

And with that great power of bringing us great television they also have a great power in making it as frustrating as they possibly can.

Not only do we get 22 episode runs (what’s so wrong with 15 or even 10? Why does each show have to last six months!) but they have also given us the mid-season break.

You’re just getting into a series. The zombies are at the door. They’re just about to reveal who the big bad is. Or whathisname or whatshername are finally going to get it on and suddenly without any warning you are told that the show is taking its mid-season break and won’t be back until February. That’s three bloody months away.

And when it comes back, in their heads, it’s still the same bloody season. Despite them now having a finale episode just before the break. Why don’t they just admit that they’re now doing two seasons a year and be done with it.

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But why should we put up with this weird affliction that television has got into? Why do they even do it in the first bloody place?

Of course it’s all about money and time. Breaks or hiatus’s give the studios catch-up time to finish the episodes as it takes about eight days to shoot one ep on average.

The studios also want to make ‘ad’ money off of each episode so spreading it out over a longer period is another way they can keep the shows in busy ratings slots of autumn and late winter/early spring.

Also during November, February, May and July, all prime rating times, Nielsen (the biggest ratings analyser in the US) carries out ‘sweeps’ where they analyse each show to see what people are tuning into and what demographic. This is then used by ad buyers to target audiences.

That’s why you’ll often see shocking twists or big guest stars during these periods so the networks can impress as much as possible during ‘sweep’ weeks.

Personally, I believe it’s all a bit silly. Why can’t people just tell a good story nowadays without worrying about all this other stuff? Bloody money coming around here and making the world go round.

It’s why Netflix’s refusal to reveal ratings is so damn refreshing. It means that they’re not beholden to the man and can just tell a good story at whatever speed they damn well want.

For the viewers that’s got to be the way forward rather than being stuck in this constant ratings spiral.

www.theocelot.co.uk

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Screenzone: Film

When CGI goes bad...

Are you talkin’ to me?

A film column by Jamie Hill There was a moment in the original Jurassic Park where CGI first became something wonderful. Something that changed cinema forever.

It was the reveal of the dinosaurs in all their glory.

They seemed alive up there on the screen. The world had never seen anything like it before.

Before that in the early infancy of CGI it had always seemed a bit shonky. But from that moment CGI could bring the imaginary and the magical to life.

And since then it has had a fantastic impact on cinema giving us the wonderful films of Pixar where every hair is done to the minute detail to the visuals of Avatar where a whole alien world is brought to life.

But then came the over-reliance. And the downright stupid.

Before CGI, movie magic was performed with animatronics, amazing creature effects, brilliant design and camera trickery. But film-makers became obsessed with the green screen and actors having to interact with tennis balls on sticks.

The best films used both. The Harry Potter franchise and Lord of the Rings being two great examples of this.

But even now 24 years later, there are films that simply get it wrong and we’re not just talking low budget films. Who remembers the horrible CGIed Dwayne Johnson at the end of the Mummy Returns?

Horrible stuff.

And more recently Justice League really ballsed up by making their main baddie Steppenwolf look like he had just stepped out of a Sega Megadrive game in the early nineties. I’m not even going to mention Superman’s CGIed out moustache which just looked frankly wrong.

And in the latest Avengers: Infinity War trailer Thanos looks like a big cheesy Wotsit (let’s hope they improve the CGI before the film comes out!)

But there are still absolutely wonderful examples of what can be done with the technology. And you have to look no further than the latest slew of Planet of the Apes films to see how this can be done to still make the hairs on the back of your neck stand up.

I’m all for CGI but most of all, especially in live action films, I don’t want to even be able to tell that it’s being used.

It needs to be so lifelike that it feels alive. We’ve got the technology now but we just need it to be used in the right way.

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Gaming

Out of the shadows...

Sometimes gaming can be art.

An ethereal experience that touches your heart, inspires you and lifts you out of your daily existence.

If there is one gaming studio that has mastered the complexities of this transcendence it’s Team Ico. They are the studio that brought you last year’s masterful The Last Guardian where what they created was a creature that felt truly alive as you had to cajole and nurture it to get through the problem-solving game.

They are also the studio that brought you the beautiful Ico. A stunning art project of a game.

But they are most famous for Shadow of the Colossus.

A stunning game full of ‘monsters’ that you had to defeat in the most beautifully crafted game of the last decade.

And it’s getting a next-gen makeover which will be out on the PS4 in February.

The game is an undisputed classic as you follow a young warrior’s quest (he’s called Wander in case you

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were… well wondering) to bring the love of his life Mono back to life by slaying 16 giant monsters roaming across a barren landscape.

It is a truly haunting experience with fights that are more like puzzles in a ruined landscape that is at once foreboding and beautiful.

The creativity in sound and vision of this game makes it something that is different than most games. It’s like you’re wandering around in an artistic dream.

Each creature feels alive and acts like it’s alive as you try to find its weak point.

And it is heartbreaking when you do the deed and defeat the magnificent beast as something so wonderful is no more.

The gameplay is magnificent as you struggle to climb one of the monsters as it tries to shake you off looking for that weak point that you can take advantage of.

Some of you might be wondering why Team Ico are resurrecting this 12 year old PS2 game but if you’ve played it on the old console and marvelled at its stunning visuals then you’ll be wanting to know what this experience could look like on the all-powerful next gen consoles.

It will be a truly mesmerising experience.

www.theocelot.co.uk

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Brews and Eats

What is a vintage?

by Darren Willmott A vintage wine is made when a producer feels that all of the individual elements have come together perfectly in both the vineyard and the winery, and they can craft a wine that stands above others and reflects the year in which it was made.

Despite the radical advances in 20th century wine production technology, one factor still remains untamed; Mother Nature.

In the post-war years a producer could expect to make quality vintage wine in just three years of every decade.

A further three years would perhaps be considered ‘good’ whilst the remaining four years were written off as ‘Poor’ and not a good representation of the producer’s best work.

These days technology facilitates a consistent wine almost every year, even in vineyards sited in dubious climates.

Weather deficiencies are easily counteracted by adding or subtracting the qualities given by the missing elements. In an extreme example, one producer with enough funds at their disposal deployed helicopters above their vineyards to disperse the approaching storm clouds.

Despite such advances I did wonder how the vignerons of Champagne could muster the energy to bring in the recent 2017 harvest when, even though it went well, the odds that they will actually release the wines are already seriously stacked against them.

Taking into account all external factors, virtually no vintage Champagne has been declared in years ending with a seven in over 100 years. Yep, that’s correct,

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in spite of all the technological advances something nearly always goes wrong if the year happens to end in a 7.

The mid-war year of 1917 wasn’t produced for obvious reasons, and the poor weather 1927 has been expunged from the history books altogether.

The 1937 which, although rated as ‘outstanding’, was ready to drink in 1939 and fully requisitioned by thirsty WW2 British troops before invading German armies could get their hands on it.

The revered year of 1947 is our exception; something of a welldeserved post war miracle that kept many Champagne producers afloat after years of bad results.

Both 1957 and 1967 were lost to the rains of time, their hot summers followed by dismal September harvest conditions. 1977 was as equally poor, garnering the one-word critical appraisal of ‘Unattractive’, although some bottles were produced anyway in the guise of commemorating the Queen’s Silver Jubilee. A wet spring

and summer in 1987 once again produced sodden and un-useable grapes.

Bizarrely the ripe and healthy grapes of the 1997 harvest slipped through the net as, trailing the 1996 (hailed as the vintage of the decade) and just ahead of the wellpublicised final millennial vintages of 1998 and 1999, even the possibility of a great Champagne was largely discarded by many producers.

2007 was once again cold, wet and uneven, with hail decimating certain vineyards. Requiring careful grape selection, Bollinger were one of the few houses to release it. Taking into account the law of averages which dictates that vintage quality conditions cannot occur every year, what are the chances that, once again, the year ending with 7 suffered the damp fate? Only 2001 saw similar conditions in the whole decade. Now that the grapes of 2017 are picked and safely maturing, time will tell if it will be the year to break the cycle.

Read Darren’s blog at: vinesight.me

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Brews and Eats Brewery Bird’s Beery Lowdown for 2018 An insider’s insight into beery goings on for the coming year The Beer Column By Brewery Bird

How Low Can You Go?

Session beers are going to be the popular choice for 2018, brewers are predicting, both in cask and more surprisingly craft keg too.

Drinkers might also see a rise of more English-style brews emerging on the keg front, to perhaps offset a potential further decline in cask for brewers all vying for the same bar-space.

Expect to see more hazy IPA’s in both cask & keg with lower bitterness, beers which will have a similar depth of flavour to their stronger counter-parts, without the alcohol hit of a DIPA (double IPA) On the other side of the coin, ABVs will continue to push 8-10%+, particularly IPAs, with people prepared to drink less but receive more in terms of flavour and intensity.

Diversity

Our friends across the pond are predicting continued popularity of the IPA, and whilst this extremely fruity, juicy and generally strong brew will continue to assault drinkers’ taste buds both here and ‘over there’ for the foreseeable, we will see a rise in varietals such as White IPAs, Red IPAs, Barrel Aged IPAs, fruit-infused, session…..you get the picture. Whatever your palate, you’ll find a style to match. The craze for hazy to full on murky unfiltered brews will also continue to grow – making for happy vegans everywhere.

Rise of The Lager

Lager still has a somewhat poor rep, thanks in part to its treatment at the hands of big corporations (we all know who I’m talking about).

Staggeringly, there are drinkers out there who just don’t appreciate hazy, hoppy IPAs, full-flavoured stouts and porters or the hedgerow bitterness of standard ales (I know); so lager drinkers will be happily well-catered for this coming year with more breweries offering a lager-style beer within their standard range. Aside from the standard pilsner or Vienna style we’ll hopefully see more traditionally German styles on offer from Helles to Dunkels, bocks

to marzens along with a few cross-over varieties to keep the hop-heads and bitter-needy happy.

The Perfect Pair

Whilst we beer-drinkers have known that, of course, beer goes better with cheese for yonks (it just does), turns out the rest of the world has finally started to cotton on and with this astonishing revelation the tides are finally turning on wine alone being the prized sole accompaniment to food.

Actually many good pubs have been offering beer pairings on their menus for years, but this year beer will no longer find itself lagging behind its vinous counterpart in even the best restaurants. Ok, it may take a little longer than 12 months, but beer’s many characteristics and ability to blend in or contrast with pretty much any dish you can name, as well as beer sommeliers becoming as vital to a restaurants reputation as its prize dish; it’s only a matter of time.

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Brews and Eats

My first time at TOAD

By Claire Dukes

ROMEO

Last month TOAD hosted an intimate show for its investors. Headlining the event was Magic Numbers lead singer, Romeo. With a voice equivalent to caramel, it echoed softly through TOAD’s barn as the audience listened seemingly captivated in silence - myself included.

Afterwards I questioned Romeo on his whereabouts since the band’s last album in 2014. He said he’s been busy prducing, but The Magic Numbers have in fact finished their fifth album which

TOM Tom, TOAD’s Chairman and CEO, is hands down the most charismatic and eccentric businessman I have ever encountered. Needless to say my time at TOAD didn’t feel like work in the slightest.

From the off it was apparent how much energy and passion he’s put into the distillery, such as the heritage grain (which are pre-1940s)

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they use which Tom explained produces a glorious caramelly sweetness. I can vouch that he is not lying. I had a sample of TOAD’s gin, and it was quite simply a juniper dream. “Oooooh” I believe was my instant reaction.

It’s of no surprise that Tom’s quite the eco warrier and has created Oxford’s first distillery which is also extremely sustainable - using absolutely no chemicals or fertilizers - which results in a marvellously organic production of booze.

TOAD is full of creativity and passion, which makes sense with Tom at the helm, which is also reflected by his wonderful colleagues each with their own area of expertise.

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they will be touring this year. This led me to ask how this London-based dream boat from Trinidad ended up at TOAD. As it turns out, he and TOAD’s CEO Tom have been friends for roughly 16 years. They met in London when Tom came across The Magic Numbers during his earlier career as a music producer.

Romeo said: “We just kept tight!

He’s an inspiration, and very charming. We were kind of dreamers back then, and still are, but now look at us!”

TOAD: The Oxford Artisan Distillery

Having only opened last July, TOAD have got off to a flying start. But it’s not really that surprising. These guys make their own stills, manually row the malt (Tom explains how this part looks like they’re making a huge bowl of alcoholic porridge), and bring so much personality and fun to distilling.

In recent news TOAD announced

the Russian Embassy (yeah, those guys) have selected TOAD’s Rye Vodka to kick off the 2018 World Cup! I am extremely anti-vodka, but if it’s good enough for the Russians, then that’s got to count for something.

If you’re into splendid booze and tons of fun, I insist you go and check TOAD out (and for goodness sake do not drive).

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Brews and Eats The Jericho Tavern’s back and fully re-loaded

By Claire Dukes

You can tell a lot about a place by its vibe.

After hearing that The Jericho Tavern in Oxford was re-launching, The Ocelot eagerly went to check it out.

The Jericho team went above and beyond for their re-launch night with a jazz band, complimentary drinks and canapés. Not only was the hospitality on point, but it was a great opportunity to check out this iconic venue’s new look.

Split into three parts, the Jericho offers two luxurious bars each with their own vibe hosting a range of craft beers, cask ales, premium gins, wine, and pretty much everything else.

On re-launch night there was also a variety of guest stands including Camden Town Brewery.

Then of course there is the revamped and cosy as it comes outside/smoking area, complete with outdoor heating and cushioned seating.

Downstairs is very much in tune with a casual yet classy dining experience. It’s apparent that the Jericho has kept its old pub roots, whilst simultaneously giving the old gal a suave makeover, and maintaining some of its primary features including stained glass windows and open brick walls. Its loyalty to heritage

became more apparent upstairs by revealing old artwork which was previously hidden behind wallpaper.

As a smoker, the garden got my vote by default. But take away my filthy habit and the upstairs bar would be my go-to get away, every time. If anything it’s more of a snug meets jazz bar, with a Twin Peaks aesthetic – somewhere you’d find Hugh Laurie tucked away having a whiskey whilst listening to a brass ensemble. Minus the whiskey, because I was driving, that was pretty much what I did.

The Jericho has always been a well established music venue, having hosted the likes of Radiohead and Supergrass, so it is no surprise that their events calendar is already filling up from comedy nights and burlesque, to upcoming live bands and yoga mixed with punk rock (yeah, you heard me correctly).

By the time I had to dash, The Jericho Tavern was in full swing and comfortably returned to its former glory. www.theocelot.co.uk

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Brews and Eats

! n o b y a r t It’s

Sausage and Jersulem artichoke bake with cabbage

Assemble a whole meal using just one tray. Ideally your tray should be a roasting tin that can go both on the stove and in the oven. The ones with rims are best since foil crimps tightly over them – the tighter the foil, the quicker the contents will bake. rapeseed or sunflower oil, for frying 8 pork sausages 1 litre hot chicken stock 600g Jerusalem artichokes, scrubbed clean and cut in half or in wedges, depending on size 80g Puy or dark green lentils, rinsed in cold water, then drained

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leaves from 4 large thyme sprigs 1 tsp fennel seeds, crushed ¼ tsp dried chilli flakes pinch of smoked paprika (optional) 1 Savoy or January King cabbage, outer leaves removed, cut into wedges with the root intact salt and black pepper Heat the oven to 180°C/Gas 4. Heat a tablespoon of oil in a flame- and ovenproof roasting tin (or use a frying pan and transfer the cooked sausages to a roasting tin). Fry the sausages, turning now and then to brown them on all sides, for about 10

minutes. Add 800ml of stock.

Cover with foil and bake in the oven for 15 minutes. Uncover the roasting tin and add the Jerusalem artichokes, lentils, thyme, fennel seeds, chilli flakes and paprika. Season with salt and pepper. Put the tin back into the oven (still uncovered) for 15 minutes or so. Add the cabbage, wedging it between the other ingredients in the pan.

Pour over the rest of stock then return the tin to the oven and cook uncovered for a further 10–15 minutes, until the lentils, artichokes and cabbage are tender. www.riverford.co.uk/recipes

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Brews and Eats Review: Bardolino

by Marco Pierre White, Swindon

By Claire Dukes

18 Wood St, Swindon SN1 4AB Now completely immersed within winter, Team Ocelot fancied a hearty lunch. So it seemed fitting that we check out Marco Pierre White’s place as we’d been meaning to for quite some time.

Aptly situated on Swindon’s up and coming Wood Street, this swanky Italian boasts a chic interior with smart-casual dining vibes.

My first thought after I technically suggested the idea, was that we should probably wait until after payday. It is, at the end of the day, a Marco Pierre White restaurant, and this guy’s food can’t be cheap. I was wrong.

The most expensive thing on the menu was Ocelot Editor Jamie’s burger (£12.75) and it was bloody huge (and juicey).

Unfortunately fresh out of the salmon I immediately wanted, I went for a panic pizza: Ragù alla bolognese (£11.95). This essentially is bolognese on pizza. Don’t get me wrong, this is two of my favourite things combined, with some rather hot chillies on top.

Ocelot Deputy Editor, Ben,

went in for the mushroom cannelloni (£11.50). As it turns out this is one of the louder meals on the menu, taking approximately 4 minutes to stop bubbling away. Naturally, this entertained Ben greatly.

Surprisingly, the starters actually impressed us all the most. I really don’t care for onion rings - they are overrated - but Bardolino’s Parmesan onion rings, with mustard mayo (£4.50) changed that up for me. They were ridiculously crispy and upon biting into them didn’t violate my mouth by seeping out oil (the worst), and at not one point did the whole onion come out of the batter to burn my chin.

The gents’ favourite went to the Parmesan pommes frites, with truffle mayo (£3.95). I don’t think anyone can get overly excited by mayo, but Marco’s made something magical and garlicky here.

Next time we’ll be taking a taxi to get some of the lunchtime bottomless belinnis. www.theocelot.co.uk

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Brews and Eats

A history of

By Ben Fitzgerald If you believe what you see on the telly box (and I do unquestioningly) running hero Mo ‘bot’ Farah relies almost entirely on Quorn to help him power around the track.

When he’s not running around the track, he’s chowing down on Quorn - he’s absolutely obsessed with the stuff.

But what on God’s green Earth is Quorn? Well, the worrying truth is that no one really knows, not even the guys at Quorn marketing HQ - as is made clear by the following explanation on the company’s website under the heading ‘What is Quorn?”

“Quorn is a brand dedicated to helping you make and create an inspiring range of irresistibly tasty meals. Built on our belief in Sustainable Nutrition™ and a vision to make food that’s better for us and better for the planet.”

See what I mean? Not a bloody clue. And if they don’t know, how

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are we supposed to know?

So apparently Quorn is a brand… an edible brand.

As luck might have it, my colleague happened to be eating a Quorn-based sausage roll and offered me a chunk to help me with my research.

Lifting aside the pastry outer coating, I gingerly prodded at the beige matter with the business end of my biro - there were no signs

of life. I then proceeded to take a careful nibble - it certainly didn’t taste like a brand - it tasted a bit like a sort of meaty nothing.. A sort of nothingy stuff. Or maybe a kind of protein-ish thing. It wasn’t bad. Or good. It just was. It’s probably the most zen-like food I’ve ever had.

Further research reveals that Quorn scientists take fungus from the soil and ferment it to produce a dough - so essentially Quorn is a ball of rotten fungus - I don’t know why they just didn’t just say that instead of whiffling on about branding. It’s also probably why I don’t work in marketing.

They’ve called the fungus used in Quorn ‘Mycoprotein™’ which sounds all science-ish and clean.

And the great thing is, because it is so bland, you can cook a pretend version of almost any meat based dish with it. It’s like the tribute act of food - churning out all your favourites which are not as good as the real thing.

www.theocelot.co.uk

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Brews and Eats

Something’s brewing over at The Tuppenny It’s been a whole year since Old Town’s unique beacon of craft beer and fermented excellence flung open its doors to enthusiastic customers.

The Tuppenny, at 58-59 Devizes Road is the brainchild of Jamie Stapleton and Linda Gulliford who were determined to create a welcoming, independent establishment catering for a growing interest in beer, wines and spirits from smaller producers.

Jamie explained: “One of the most heartening things was that on our first birthday celebration, on 23 November, it was great to see so many people there supporting us.

“The place was packed. Linda and I both realised how many new friends we have made since The Tuppenny opened. It hasn’t all been plain sailing - but our customers believe in us and what we are trying to achieve and it is their support that has enabled us to thrive in our first year.”

Jamie’s business partner Linda explained: “One of the things that people say to us all the time is: ‘When’s that beer going on?’, we have a quick turnover of lots of different beers. We have showcased more than 70 different beers here in a year and that’s just the draft ones!

“At any one time we have more than 30 different beers available here. And we try to ensure that we cover a range of different styles.”

Jamie said: “The craft ethos applies to everything we do

- we say that there’s a beer for everyone. We aim to be approachable and we are happy to recommend something that people might not have tried before.”

Jamie and Linda are constantly on the lookout for new and exciting brews to bring to their customers and often attend industry exhibitions which are attended by dozens of small independent producers.

Linda has been working in the industry since she was 18 and understands the pub trade inside out.

“It’s all about people really that’s the best part of the job.”

Jamie, a former sound engineer, has always been a selfconfessed beer obsessive.

“I think it’s important to do a job that you are passionate about - we both took a risk, but after the first year we can say that it was definitely the right thing to do. Our customers can see that we have a vision for the type of establishment that we are trying to create and that we really

believe in what we are trying to achieve.”

Jamie and Linda plan to expand on what they have achieved with the Tuppenny so far by extending their range in the New Year. They are installing a new six beer range to allow them to host a constantly changing range of six exciting guest craft beers of different styles. And the Tuppenny will also always stock a core range of lager, pale ale, cider and stout as a permanent fixture as well as one real ale.

As some of the beers that will be stocked are of a higher strength, there are also plans in place to make them available in 1/3 and 2/3 pint glasses.

The monthly music quiz will still be held and there are plans to introduce beer, wine, gin and whisky tasting sessions.

For more information about forthcoming events at the Tuppenny, follow them on Facebook or log in to their webpage www.thetuppenny.com

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Theatre list Friday December 1 to January 7 THEATRE: Beauty and the Beast 7pm - Corn Exchange, Newbury Monday January 8 THEATRE: Trowbridge Arts Youth Company 6.30pm - Trowbrige Town Hall

Nutcracker 7pm - New Theatre, Oxford

3pm - New Theatre, Oxford

Thursday January 18

THEATRE: Hanna 7pm - North Wall Arts Centre, Oxford

THEATRE: The Adult Panto – Sinbad the Seaman 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon

THEATRE: Russian State Ballet of Siberia’s Snow Maiden 7.30pm - New Theatre, Oxford

Saturday January 20

Mon Jan 8 to Wed Jan 10

Sunday January 21

THEATRE: Russian State Ballet of Siberia’s

THEATRE: Johann Strauss Gala

THEATRE: Vampires Rock – The Ghost Train 7.30pm - New Theatre, Oxford

Wednesday January 24

Wed Jan 24 to Thurs Jan 25 THEATRE: Peppa Pigs Adventure Times vary - New Theatre, Oxford Wednesday January 24 THEATRE: Circus of Horrors 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon

Welcome to The Circus of Horrors After taking to the road over 22 years ago and touring all over the world, the phenomenon returns with its latest brand new incarnation Voodoo and is coming to Swindon’s Wyvern Theatre January 28.

This spectacular features an amazing amalgamation of bizarre & fantastic circus acts all woven into a sensational shock / horror story and the darkest of magic – taking the show to a whole new level, it’s driven by a mainly original soundscape & performed with a forked tongue firmly in each cheek, you’ll certainly Die Laughing.

Annually, the Circus of Horrors plays over 100 UK theatres and this tour has expanded to take in festivals throughout the world including The Fuji Rock Festival in Japan (twice), the Wacken Festival in Germany plus shows in Chile, Uruguay, Holland, Belgium, Argentina, France, Italy, Ireland, Finland,

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Hong Kong and Moscow where it became the 1st UK Circus ever to perform in Russia. The show also played an astounding 10 nights at London’s O2.

This is not the first time that The Circus of Horrors has created history, as it became the only circus ever to reach the finals of Britain’s Got Talent and the first circus to perform in London’s West End for over 100 years.

The Circus Of Horrors’ appearances on various subsequent TV shows have turned what started as a cult show into a household name – taking the extreme to the mainstream. Its TV credits now also boast The X Factor, The Slammer, Daybreak, Fairground Attractions, Who Wants to be a Millionaire, Body Shockers, Fake Reaction, This Morning, and Ant & Dec. For tickets visit www.swindontheatres.co.uk

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Simon Yates interview

The man who ‘Touching the Void’s Simon Yates speaks to Ben Fitzgerald about the split decision that both saved his life and propelled him into the spotlight...

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It must be a difficult thing to be defined by a single moment.

In a split second, Simon Yates, a passionate and talented young climber, was hurled into the spotlight - when he cut the rope on which fellow climber Joe Simpson was dangling high above a gaping crevice.

And he has been living in the shadow of that momentous decision for 32 years.

But meeting up with him for a pint and a pie at the Fox and Hounds in Newbury before his My Mountain Life lecture at the Arlington Arts Centre, it’s clear that his life has moved on.

“People ask me all the time about that time - they wonder if it

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SImon Yates interview

cut the rope... took me long to make that decision and whether I’m still affected by it.

I can say that at the time, as soon as I remembered that I had a knife with me it took me about two seconds to decide what I was going to do.”

Simon and his climbing companion Joe were both part of Sheffield’s thriving community of mountaineers - many of whom had chosen to live in that part of the world because of its proximity to the peak district and the many climbing opportunities that it offers.

“We were both living in Sheffield at the time, I was studying biochemistry at the time, but the real reason was that I had moved there for the climbing opportunities. A lot of us would spend our summers out in the Alps and that is where we both became climbing companions.”

The ‘cock-up’ as Simon now refers to his disastrous expedition in Peru happened early on in his climbing career.

He explained: “It’s true to say that we might have bitten off more than we could chew, but we were young and fit and were eager to achieve what we could.”

Simon and Joe had reached the summit of the previously unclimbed West Face of Siula Grande in the Peruvian Andes.

They were climbing Alpine style, in other words taking all their kit up with them on

the ascent as opposed to leaving a trail of fixed lines. This meant that that they were able to climb quickly but meant that they were vulnerable if they needed to retreat in a hurry.

The climbing pair were on their descent when disaster struck, Simpson slipped down an ice cliff and landed badly, breaking his right leg.

With bad weather closing in Simon was forced to attempt save the life of his friend by lowering him 3,000 feet to the valley floor below.

“This is something that the film ‘Touching the Void’ seems to skirt over.” Joe said. “It paints me as the guy who cut the rope, but they don’t really talk a great deal about how I attempted to save Joe.” Simon attempted to lower Joe off the North Ridge by tying two 150-foot rope lengths together to make a single 300-foot length - a highly risky feat that has earned him the respect of many in the climbing community.

After a series of successful abseils, Simon inadvertently lowered Joe over the edge of a precipice that was longer than the rope, meaning that Joe could not get his weight off the rope leaving him dangling helplessly in midair and Simon unable to unclip from his end of the rope.

They both faced a slow and agonising death until Simon remembered that he had a knife

with him.

“It took me about five seconds to make the decision to cut the rope. People always assume that I spend the hour or so that I was holding Joe wondering whether to cut him free.

The fact is that as soon as I remembered the knife I knew that I had no choice.”

Joe’s survival story - crawling back to Simon’s camp over the course of three days has become the stuff of legend and propelled both climbers into the public eye.

However, Simon regards this incident, early in his climbing career as a sideshow - quickly covering the events of the Siula Grande drama in the first ten minutes of his ‘My Mountain Life’ lecture during which he charted his various climbing exploits around the world.

After the Siula Grande climb, Yates went on to carry out expeditions to Laila Peak and Nemeka in Pakistan and several expeditions to the Cordillera Darwin in Chile.

He has since gone on to found his own successful outward bound company Mountain Dream which takes clients on mountaineering trips to the Andes, Nepal and the South Pole.

“I suppose I’ve been lucky I’ve found a job I love, and even though I have a family now, I couldn’t imagine doing anything else. It’s been a life-long love affair with the mountains.”

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Frank Turner

Don’t miss Frank Turner in Swindon!

Sheer Music are delighted to confirm the “worst-kept local secret” that the UK’s most prominent underground singer-songwriter will return to Swindon to perform at Level III on Saturday January 20 2018.

Frank made his name performing hundreds of shows in 200-capacity venues up and down the country including a number of Swindon performances, before migrating to theatres, festivals and stadiums across the UK, and around the world.

One of the most notable early shows was at the celebrated Victoria venue in Swindon, which was recorded by then landlord, David Young. This recording made its way to Frank’s label, and was

subsequently released when the label re-issued a 10th anniversary deluxe version of his debut album Sleep is for The Week last year.

Sheer Music are finally bringing this belated solo show to Swindon, back to the very venue Sheer Music first met Frank in 2003 when Frank performed in his punk band, Million Dead.

Supporting Frank will be: Mike Barham – 7.30pm to 8pm Sean McGowen – 8.10pm to 8.55pm Frank Turner hits the stage from 9.15pm to 10.45pm -Priced at £25 and available exclusively via WeGotTickets.com

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Gig Monkey

The review Gig Monkey, AKA Ed Dyer, takes a rummage through the best music released by local artists. If you like the sound of something please check it out. Send your reviews to ed@secretchordrecords.com

All is Worth – All is Worth Any musician who approaches me with a musical CV that includes Oxonian luminaries The Winchell Riots - one of my favourite and most missed Oxford bands, must be listened to. As expected, this theory keeps up it’s 100% strike rate as Nathan Allsworth has produced a beautiful, evocative and quite mesmerising dreampop album.

The basis of these songs may be rooted in folk music, but Allsworth has sprinkled plenty of contemporary magic music powder over them, taking the bare songs and adding washes of synths and reverb drenched guitars to them, backed with delicately produced and sympathetic rhythm tracks that dart in strange and unexpected directions. Vocals are also suitably hushed and whispery, floating above the music like mist, never quite settling, always sweeping away just as you think you have grasped it.

All round, an exciting and beautiful interesting introduction to an artist well worth watching.

Erin Bardwell Collective – Great Western Reggae Soundclash

Weighing in at a mighty 16 tracks, this double album from legendary Swindon Rock Steady outfit is a giant of a piece of work. Bridging the gap between Ska and Reggae and pulling in parts of each, this is a cracking and traditional Rock Steady piece of work Whilst it musically is all about exotic, sunshine sounds of the Caribbean, lyrically this is an

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All is Worth - ‘beautiful and evocative’

album with much more prosaic roots, taking inspiration from the bands oft-maligned home town (the title gives it away) and pitching “Downtown” against “Old Town” in a Swindon culture soundclash. For anyone with an interest in the town and history, this is a must purchase for the captivating little tales of life in a provincial railway town the rest of the country passes by. For fans of reggae, ska, rocksteady and dancehall music this is also required listening for the chilled vibes and great sounds.

RAW – Collected Releases 2017 Newly introduced to us, Swindon based producer RAW has been a busy musician, releasing a hatful of tracks and EP’s throughout 2017. It is a collection worth seeking out if you are in any way interested in creative, clever EDM and electronica music that inhabits the more trance, chilled end of the music spectrum.

Fantastically creative sampling

and programming keep all the tracks contemporary and motivating, with a personal favourite the double-bass led ‘Thank You, Simon’, a hypnotic piece with a great groove about it. Some of the spoken word sampling is reminiscent of Public Service Broadcasting, which is no bad thing.

These tunes are as good a listen at home as they are out in the clubs.

Ephebe – Says the Silence Every once in a while, a record comes around that leaves me slightly perplexed. Oxford based musician Constantine Blintzios has, under his Ephebe persona, produced such a record.

This EP takes a base of Jose Gonzales style flamenco-folk, introduces some north African vibes, Indian percussion and tops it all off with some odd, fat, sub bass rumbles here and there. It shouldn’t work, and does indeed misfire occasionally, but on the whole, it is a pretty clever and inventive piece of work.

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Craig Charles

The legendary Craig Charles brings ‘The Craig Charles Funk and Soul Club’ to Swindon Yes – the legendary actor, host and broadcaster Craig Charles is one of the UK’s most beloved funk and soul DJ’s and he is bringing his legendary Funk and Soul Club Night to Swindon.

From Robot Wars to Red Dwarf, Craig has now grounded himself as a Funk & Soul icon after 10 years of broadcasting on BBC 6 Music with a primetime Saturday night show.

Craig will now be bringing some of that magic to Swindon’s Meca venue January 20 2018.

Craig had said: “When BBC 6Music asked me to do a radio show I only had one condition, it has to be a funk & soul show otherwise I wasn’t interested”.

And so the Craig Charles Funk and Soul Show was born, pioneering 6Music radio show from its dawn in 2002.

Live every Saturday night with an assortment of classic gems and emerging artists, Craig has garnered global support as one of the UK’s foremost Funk and Soul commentators, DJ’s and promoters of new music. The show has become a European benchmark for artists who want to connect directly with their fans.

Craig added: “Since its inception I have been interested in all varieties of soul and funk music,

without imposing any barriers and I am just as enthusiastic about fresh new talent as I am about the classic artists from the golden age of the 60s and 70s”.

The list of guests that have been on The Funk and Soul Show speaks for itself: Gil-Scott Heron, James Brown, Roy Ayers, Cymande, Marlena Shaw, Paul Weller, Primal Scream, Terry Callier, Candi Staton, Marva Whitney.

Hip Hop legends, The Roots and the Jungle Brothers, as well as the leading players of the new school Kokolo, Cut Chemist, Sharon Jones, Osaka Monaurail, Amp Fiddler, Amy Winehouse, The New Mastersounds, Smoove and Turrell, Quantic, The Apples, The Grits, JTQ, and The Fusion Experience.

Craig Charles has captivated crowds throughout the UK – the Maestro of funk has played at numerous festivals such as, Love Box, Park Life, Festival no 6, Wychwood Festival, Common People, Mostly Jazz funk and soul festival to name but a few. Highlighting 2016, Craig recently played to over 10,000 people at the world famous Arcadia and Shangri-La stage in Glastonbury.

To book tickets for this unmissable event visit www.gigantic.com

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The Sulks

Rhys Bury Matthew O’Hara Ball

The Sulks

James Cumner Matt Cumner

By Claire Dukes

Last month Swindon boy band The Sulks recorded their first EP Silence Is Only The Start.

The news is exciting within its self, but these guys definitely weren’t sulking anymore when they hit the studio to record with Strokes producer Gordon Raphael. The Ocelot caught up with the lads for a nice Q&A.

What was it like recording your first EP, and with Gordon Raphael?

He really pulled the best out of us. His honesty and clear direction really challenged us, but consequently brought the best out of us. It was just what we needed, we all feel like we’ve developed so much as a result. All in all, it was a load of fun, and hopefully look forward to working with him again in the future.

What’s your song writing process? Is there a designated song writer or is it all very collaborative?

The songs are mostly constructed either from Rhys or James coming up with a seed and then helping one another to finish the idea. However, taking it into the rehearsal room with the band to figure it out together, sometimes brings out new and exciting ideas. But mainly James and Rhys are the main composers, meeting up regularly to exchange ideas, as we all know… two heads are better than one.

How long have you been playing together?

We have only been working together for about a year now. Although, we’ve only being playing live as a band for about 6 months, but have recently

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got a new rhythm section, so looking forward to performing with them in the near future.

If you weren’t playing the instrument that you play now, what would you rather be playing?

James has always dreamed of one day maybe getting the opportunity to demonstrate his prolific abilities on the triangle… Maybe he’ll get his chance on the next EP.

Who’s the sulkiest in the band?

James is without doubt the most stubborn human being we have ever met. However, get a couple glasses of wine down Rhys, and you can assure yourself that you will be getting an earful.

What lazy musical category can we put you in?

Contemporary funk punk/prog jazz fusion, with reggae elements.

Music wise, I’m in love with Patti Smith.

Who are you guys in love with?

Obviously we all love the Beatles.

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The Sulks

Gordon Raphael

What’s your guilty musical secret? Who do you like that isn’t cool? We won’t tell anyone (we will tell everyone)!

We could never say no to a little bit of Michael Bublé’s Christmas Album or Take That.

What sort of activities does your music best suit? For instance, New Order’s Blue Monday is my cleaning go-to - it changed my life.

Sexual activities… If you catch my drift…

Would you allow any of your songs to be played at a Tory Party Conference, if the money was right?

Well we need to pay for our bus fares somehow.

What’s your dream venue to play at?

Obviously the big UK venues and arenas are the obvious answers, however Glastonbury would be pretty cool!

Where’s the weirdest place you’ve woken up after a gig?

As Swindonians, what is the worst and best thing about Swindon?

It’s a town where nothing ever happens but the M4 is only down the road, so escape is never far away.

The grass is always greener on the other side of the M4, as the saying goes. There’s top class musicians around town though, that’s for sure.

And finally, tell us about what’s coming up next for you guys!

Rhys and James are moving to London, to join the rest of the band. We’ll be releasing our debut EP in the early parts of the new year and we’re also playing Paris this month (which will be very special), plus loads of other shows we can’t talk about yet!

The Ocelot will defintely be keeping an eye out for these guys and look forward to seeing them in action (I wish, but probably not, in Paris).

You can pledge for the new EP at PledgeMusic, plus loads of other cool stuff.

You can keep an eye on The Sulks via Facebook @thesulksband

An abandoned building somewhere in Croydon… don’t ask.

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Music News Stitched Shoes and An Irish Wristwatch - Live!

Songwriter Shaun Buswell returns to Swindon after his recent Orchestra Challenges to release his album Stitched Shoes & An Irish Wristwatch through Secret Chord Records.

He will attempt to perform the entire album live for the first time with nearly 20 musicians, playing 144 different parts in 45 minutes.

Buswell and his band have featured on MTV, VH1, XFM & BBC, as well as reaching #1 in Amazon’s Hot 100 CD singles chart.

Shaun is also known for completing music challenges on the London Underground, Glastonbury Festival, Edinburgh Fringe Festival, and most recently in Paris.

With special guests Charlie Bath and Sun and the Rain Men in support, the album launch will take place at Swindon Arts Centre on Saturday 13 January at 7.30pm.

Tickets £11 (£9conc).

The Night Cafe announce Oxford tour date Following the release of their latest track Turn, The Night Café have announced their show date at Oxford’s Bullingdon.

Turn is the second cut to come from the Liverpool outfit’s muchanticipated second EP, due out in early 2018 via Kobalt, and follows Felicity.

The track builds on sonic foundations established in their acclaimed debut Get Away From The Feeling, taking things into exciting, cathartic new territories.

Turn comes alongside the news that The Night Café will be hitting the road again for a UK headline tour and will be playing at The Bullingdon, in Oxford on January 25.

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Music News Madness frontman lifts the lid on his crazy life Madness frontman Suggs comes to the Salisbury City hall on February 3 with his one-man show - Suggs-Life in the Realm of Madness.

Due to huge popular demand, after his first tour-de-force, smash hit show, ‘My Life Story’, Suggs is treading the boards again.

If the first show was about how on Earth he got there, Suggs: A Life in the Realm of Madness is about the surprises that awaited him when he did.

Vertigo on the roof of Buckingham Palace. Nearly blowing the closing ceremony of the Olympics. Watching his underpants fall to earth on Bowie’s driveway.

Things have gone a smidge surreal since the Madness frontman was a twelve year old in shorts on the tough streets of North London.

Constantly expecting that inevitable tap on the shoulder to hear ‘what are you doing here, Sunshine?’ how has he got this far? In this business you can be washed up at any minute. How has he managed to get away with it for so long?

Fame is a tightrope and Suggs has fallen off many times.

Things take a punky turn as the Cribs hit O2 The Cribs’ new album 24-7 Rock Star Sh*t saw the band take a turn in their sound and offer a punkier side to the band. As they begin a new era in their 15-year career,

make sure you catch them live in January to witness the future for the Yorkshire brothers. See them on 15 January 2018 at Oxford’s O2

Three free acts in one night at Swindon’s Vic There’s a free-entry ‘smorgasbord of moody shoegazing ecstasy’ taking place at Swindon’s Vic on January 11.

The night will feature High Flyers - Franco-Australian musical brothers joining arms with an Anglo-Welsh power couple to muck around with their music for a mood. Fun, noisy, synth-drenched alt-folk-rock-gaze-fusion loveliness

hitting the road with the addition of a shiny new rhythm section.

Sounds like Mercury Rev fighting Neil Young apparently.

As if that’s not enough, the Vic will also host Flour Babies joyously maudlin post-punk with equal parts swirly synth and choppy guitars. They’re ace, despite the name.

And the final cherry on the rock

gateaux are Indoor Goblin gothic, foggy and plinky-plonky dream-poems and synth-loop vignettes into the delightful imagination-cloud of Sumita. I guess it’s like a lo-fi Tim Burton re-imagining of CocoRosie except way less stage-school and shite than that sounds. Attempting a Post-Eno Talking Heads impression.

Doors open 8.30pm

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Gig list Tuesday January 2 Singaround 8pm - The Swan Hotel, Bradford-on-Avon

Friday January 12 Oxrox Presents Deftones UK & L-Lacwra 8pm - Fat Lil’s, Witney

Thursday January 4 Plugged-in Singers Night 8pm - The Royal Oak, Corsham

Hep Cats 9pm - The Queens Tap, Swindon

Friday January 5 Brickwork Lizards Album Launch 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford Rascal Presents Dense & Pika 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford Electric Troubadours 9pm - The Queens Tap, Swindon Sloe Train Calling 9pm - The Rolleston, Swindon Bull Town Boys 9.30pm - Groves Company Inn, Swindon Aftershow Party 11.30pm - Fat Lil’s, Witney

Natt Davis 9pm - The Mermaid, Burford Useless Eaters 9pm - The Rolleston, Swindon Bingo Lingo 7pm - O2 Academy, Oxford

Blackmax & The Pirates 9pm - The Rolleston, Swindon

Banter with caller Andy Rouse 7.30pm - Kennington Village Centre, Kennington

Firefly 9pm - Woodlands Edge, Swindon

Ninebarrow 8.30pm - ACE Space

Monday January 8 All Welcome Night 8pm - The Lamb Inn, Devizes Tuesday January 9 Singaround 8pm - The Swan Hotel, Bradford-on-Avon Thursday January 11 Echo4Four + Rocksolid + Swords of Thought + Counting Cards + Eight Great Fear 7pm - Fat Lil’s, Witney

Saturday January 13

Chaos Bros 8.30pm - The Lamb Inn, Marlborough

Mojo 9pm - The Queens Tap, Swindon Port Erin 9pm - The Rolleston, Swindon Petty Thieves 930pm - Groves Company Inn, Swindon Aftershow Party 11.30pm - Fat Lil’s, Witney Saturday January 20 Port Erin 8.30pm - The Lamb Inn, Marlborough The Guns and Roses Experience 8.30pm - The Victoria, Swindon Edgar & The Ravens 9pm - The Queens Tap, Swindon

El Toro 9pm - Woodlands Edge, Swindon

Felix & The Funk 9pm - Woodlands Edge, Swindon

Groove Radicals 9pm - The Queens Tap, Swindon

The Hush 9pm - The Rolleston, Swindon

Tom McCartney Band 9pm - The Rolleston, Swindon Terrorsaurs/Charred Hearts 9.30pm - Groves Company Inn Doctor Feel Good 11pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford Aftershow Party 11.30pm - Groves Company Inn, Swindon Aftershow Party 11.30pm - Fat Lil’s, Witney

Singers’ Night 8pm - The Royal Oak, Corsham High Climbers + Flour Babies + Indoor Goblin 8.30pm - The Victoria, Swindon

Monday January 15 The Cribs 7pm - O2 Academy 2, Oxford

Last Call + Blacktree Vultures 8pm - Fat Lil’s, Witney

U2 Baby – UK’s Top U2 Tribute Band 9.30pm - Fat Lil’s, Witney

Sunday January 14 No Mans Land 5pm - The Bell, Wantage

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Friday January 19

Gina 9pm - The Mermaid, Burford

Talon – The Best of the Eagles 7pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon

Sunday January 7 Belladonnas 5pm - The Bell, Wantage

Spotlight Night 8pm - The Royal Oak, Corsham

Aftershow Party 11.30pm - Fat Lil’s, Witney Groove 11pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford

Statx + Black Rose 8.30pm - The Victoria, Swindon

Aftershow Party 11.30pm - Fat Lil’s, Witney

Thursday January 18 Oxrox Metal Night: URSUS + Worry + More TBC 7pm - Fat Lil’s, Witney

Joe Brown 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon

Aftershow Party 11.30pm - Fat Lil’s, Witney

Down & Dirty 9.30pm - Groves Company Inn, Swindon

Tuesday January 16 Singaround 8pm - The Swan Hotel, Bradford-on-Avon

Motorboat 9.30pm - Groves Company Inn Groove 11pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford

Saturday January 6 Natt Davis 8.30pm - The Lamb Inn, Marlborough

Saints of Sin 9pm - The Queens Tap, Swindon

All Welcome Night 8pm - The Lamb Inn, Devizes

Real to Reel 9.30pm - Groves Company Inn, Swindon Musical Medicane feat Magnier 11pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford Aftershow Party 11.30pm - Fat Lil’s, Witney Monday January 22 All Welcome Night 8pm - The Lamb Inn, Devizes Tuesday January 23 All Welcome Night Singaround 8pm - The Swan Hotel, Bradford-on-Avon Thursday January 25 The Night Cafe 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford

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Gig List

Singers’ Night 8pm - The Royal Oak, Corsham

11.30pm - Fat Lil’s, Witney

Aftershow Party 9pm - Fat Lil’s, Witney

Friday January 26

Saturday January 27 Erinade + Rat the Magnificent + Freemantle + Curfew 8.15pm - The Wheatsheaf, Oxford

Sunday January 28

F.U.D 7pm - The Prince of Wales, Shippon

Monthly Blues Jam 3pm - Fat Lil’s, Witney

Rotten Aces 8pm - The Victoria, Swindon

Bull Town Boys 8.30pm - The Lamb Inn, Marlborough

No Middle Ground 5pm - The Bell, Wantage

Built for Comfort 9pm - The Queens Tap, Swindon

Whole Lotta DC 8.30pm - The Victoria, Swindon

Damn Good Reason 9pm - The Rolleston, Swindon

2 Tone All Skas 9pm - Woodlands Edge, Swindon

Marc Hopkins as Robbie 9pm - The Mermaid, Burford

Blind Lemon Blues Band 9pm - The Rolleston, Swindon

Rock Bottoms 9pm - The Cross Keys, Wanborough

Jenny Darren & The Lady Killers 9pm - The Queens Tap, Swindon

Natt Davis 9.30pm - Woodlands Edge, Swindon

Two Kons Dub: Celebrating Lives of Bob Marley and Dennis Brown 9pm - O2 Academy 2, Oxford

The Strays 9.30pm - Groves Company Inn, Swindon Mr Scruff 10pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford Aftershow Party

This is the Kit 7pm - O2 Academy 2, Oxford Pete Fij & Terry Bickers 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford All Welcome Night 8pm - The Lamb Inn, Devizes

The Sex Pistols Experience 9.30pm - Groves Company Inn, Swindon SASASAS – Up Another LVL 10pm - O2 Academy, Oxford

Tuesday January 30 The Americans 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford Si Barron 8pm - The Swan Hotel, Bradford-on-Avon Wednesday January 31 Mandolin Orange 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford

Your dreamy teenage band, The Cribs, are playing in Oxford

By Claire Dukes

If you’re thinking you might know these guys but can’t put your finger on where from, then just flash back to your teenage soundtrack because Man’s Needs, I’m A Realist and Mirror Kisses were definitely on it.

The Yorkshire trio seemed to have gone underground

recently, but it’s probably because they’ve been recording their latest album 24-7 Rock Star Shit which is taking them down a different route.

According to The Guardian it’s “the most aggressively raw they’ve sounded in years.”

I’ve always had a fondness

for The Cribs, and yes it was because they guided me around the indie era, so it’s good to see them returning, only this album strays away from their indie roots and takes a jump into grungier territory.

Tickets: www.academymusicgroup.com

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Agony Girl Four year old Amy is still going through all her Christmas presents but she still finds time to do Agony Girl.

We ask her the questions and these are her answers.... honest!

Dear Amy, I fight crime. And I’m good at it. My only problem is that I dress up as a massive bat and now all the criminals are copying me and dressing up in stranger and stranger costumes. It’s like Hallowe’en around here most nights. How do I stop all these people copying me? It’s not fair. It was my idea first! What would you dress up as if you fought crime? And what would you be called?

Bruce, Gotham I would dress up as a big army but I’d still be called Amy. This person can stop people copying him by dressing up as an army too and buy a suit of an army.

Dear Amy, It’s so unfair. My mummy and daddy keep making me eat all my vegetables but they taste yucky. They say it’ll help me grow up big and strong. But I don’t want to grow up big and strong. How do I get them to stop?

Emi-Grace, Swindon Say I don’t want that dinner. If you want to ask you can say ‘No, I’m not going to eat my vegetables.’ I don’t like vegetables because I don’t.

Dear Amy, I don’t really understand the gun debate. Why do Americans need guns? They say it’s to protect themselves from others who have guns. But if there were no guns the problem would completely disappear as there would be no guns for anyone to have. What do you think?

Randy, Alabama Because they have to fight in the war and they buy them from a shop like we buy milk.

Dear Amy, I feel very lonely. My kids have now left home and it’s like I’m in an empty house. What can I do to make me feel less lonely?

Dierdre, Abingdon You can buy a picture of them and you can say ‘Now I

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can see all of my kids!’

Dear Amy, Who is the best dancer in the world that you know?

Grant, Newbury Emi-Grace because she is my best friend. She’s not actually. I’m just saying that.

Dear Amy, You’re going to be five next month. What do you want for your birthday?

Daddy A carrot. Because I like carrots. I don’t like vegetables but I like carrots. A toy carrot though.

Dear Amy, I’ve got a friend cally bubby but no-one can else see him. Have you got a friend that no-one else can see?

Gav, Swindon Maybe he’s camouflaged. I don’t have a friend that no-one can see but I do have a cousin called Sparkle that noone can see. Sparkle does stuff that looks nice and she’s beautiful.

Write into Amy at editorial@theocelot.co.uk

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