Ocelot 140 february 2018 final artwork

No: 140 Feb 2018

Wiltshire, Oxfordshire and West Berkshire

Free

The Ocelot Spring Curtain Raiser Your indispensable guide to what’s what at the theatre over the next few months p25

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/ STYLE / EATS / BREWS / SCREEN / TECH 22/01/2018 19:23

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#140 For Starters

FEBRUARY ISSUE

04 The Rant + Luke Coleman 06 Encyclopaedia Oceloticca 08 The Bassett Rivers Echo Lifestyle

10 Get Away - Krakow 12 Get A Life - Bad Juju Yoga 14 Style 17 TV 18 Film Brews and Eats

20 Wine not?

21 Brewery Bird 22 Devizes Beer Festival 23 Tiffins 24 History of Alphabetti Spaghetti Arts and Culture

25 The Ocelot Curtain Raiser Including...

31 Dancin’ Oxford 34 Lucy Porter 38 Prime Theatre + Swinge Music

41 The Ocelot Presents Little Brother Eli 42 Music News 44 Gig List

Theatretastic this spring

We are spoiling you this month. Well, in actual fact, it’s not us who are spoiling you, it’s the theatres of Ocelotshire that are buying you too many diamonds and making you feel like a million dollars.

This month we have our annual Spring theatre guide - The Curtain Raiser. And it’s full to the brim of theatrical goodies as the venues go all out to show you a good time.

As part of this we have previews galore, an interview with the amazing comedienne Lucy Porter on page 34, a look at the upcoming Dancin’ Oxford festival which seems to get bigger and better every year on page 31, as well as a glance at Swindon Fringe which this year boasts our very own comedy night.

If that wasn’t all enough to get you into a metaphorical lather, you’ll be chomping at the bit to read the other articles in what is a very varied magazine this month.

I travelled over a thousand miles to bring you a travel article on Krakow, we review Swindon’s newest ‘fabulous’ Indian restaurant Tiffins and we also managed to squeeze in the history of Alphabetti Spaghetti.

There’s also Agony Girl up to her old tricks, a sideways look at life in Bassett Rivers and a good ol’ preview of this year’s Devizes Beer Festival.

I might go and have a lie down.

Write in to me at jamie@theocelot.co.uk

Jamie Hill

The Final Bit of the magazine

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Editor: Jamie Hill - jamie@theocelot.co.uk Deputy: Ben Fitzgerald - ben@theocelot.co.uk Reporter: Claire Dukes - claire@theocelot.co.uk Sales: Dave Stewart dave@theocelot.co.uk - 07872 176999 Rosy Presley rosy@positivemediagroup. press - 07717 501790 Telephone: 01793 781986 Publisher: Positive Media Group, Unit 3, Arclite House, Peatmoor, Swindon SN5 5YN Printers: Stones, Banbury 22/01/2018 19:23

For Starters

No facts please, we’re British

By Jamie Hill We all love a good rant.

Nothing feels better than getting something off your chest. Arguing your point. Scoring points from those who you’re in disagreement with.

It is a sweet release letting that newborn rant out into the world and then watching it grow into big boy clothes and give someone with a differing opinion a good metaphorical kicking.

And the internet makes it so so easy. Too easy you might say.

We now believe that we’re all entitled to our opinions.

The amount of times you’ll see that exact expression used on social media nowadays is growing. And for some reason this ‘opinion’ seems to carry more weight than actual ‘facts’.

It goes like this...

“All men called Peter have herpes!”

“Urm, that’s not exactly true is it?”

“That’s my opinion. That’s what I think!”

“But it’s not true.”

“Don’t you persecute me! I’m entitled to my opinion!”

In this populist world that we now find ourselves in, it’s becoming more and more common for people to throw their opinions around like mini grenades with no real basis in fact.

Facts have now been sidelined as no-one wants the pesky truth to get in the way of a good rant.

“I’m right. You’re wrong. That’s my opinion.”

It’s understandable when it comes to moral based issues and beliefs. They are not fact based and form the very basis of opinions.

But now more and more people are taking what these opinions are as gospel. Shaping their entire belief systems around the very shaky foundations given by some bloke

called Dave on the internet who has a thing against people called Peter because he thinks they’ve all got herpes.

In this instance I feel sorry for Peter. Especially when Dave uses some completely irrelevant fact as a means to persuade people of the veracity of his claim.

“Marsupials only have a gestation period of four to five weeks so that proves that all Peters have herpes.”

“Urm, no it doesn’t.”

“Don’t you persecute me. I’m entitled to my opinion!”

The thing is that these so called ‘fake facts’ are dangerous leading to scapegoating, racism and in some instances ill health especially if you look at the ‘fake facts’ being thrown around by the anti-vaxxers.

But other times they’re completely ridiculous and harmlessly silly like the flat earthers. They’re entitled to their opinions but they are wrong. And that is a fact.

As a rule though these ‘fake facters’ can’t be argued with. They don’t want to be wrong no matter what pesky facts you throw at them. It’s why they use so many capital letters and can’t spell. But that’s just my opinion.

It’s all balls for Valentines Day in Iraq Off The Grid with Luke Coleman Our man in Iraq Being a singleton, and having been one for a few years now, I allow myself some deep resentments and self-hatred around Valentine’s Day. Why doesn’t anyone want to get with this? Dontcha wish your boyfriend was weak like me?

And so, with this misery in place a couple of years ago, I headed to T Bar, the authentically tacky USstyle sports pub. I plugged myself into a podcast, smoked, drank with determined speed – even my pint had a partner in the whisky by its side. Before long I was sat at a table

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with Orlando (Crowcroft, author of Rock In A Hard Place, about metal in the ME), and some other guy (whose name escapes me, but he is author of some truly terrible Vice pieces about life in the region).

We drank, I stitched myself up on the bill, and as the 14th turned into the 15th we stumbled out onto the street, pissed, laughing and hungry.

Directly opposite was a patcha restaurant of good repute. Patcha is workers’ grub. The establishments open late at night / early in the morning, to serve stuffed intestines, brain soup and boiled offal concoctions at rock bottom prices to

day labourers, setting them up for whatever work they can get in the ensuing hours.

“It’s Valentine’s goddammit, and I’m having genitals in my mouth!” I slurred. And so I had a gunn kebab.

Sheep’s bollocks to you and I, and it was all I hoped for as I sobbed an internal cry of loneliness. This year I might give them a miss.

www.theocelot.co.uk

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Science Fact: Mammoths

Encyclopedia Oceloticca

by Ben Fitzgerald

Resurrection...it’s a mammoth task I’ve recently developed a bit of a thing for woolly mammoths since hearing about them being dug up from the frozen tundras of Siberia and Alaska.

What’s amazing to me is that they actually shared the planet with us modern day humans who it seems also had a bit of a thing for them - because they made the effort to draw them on the walls of their caves. They also liked eating them and making them into blankets. In fact, the last known living populations of mammoths were still wandering around the remote Wrangel island (off the coast of Russia) while the Egyptians were perfecting the art of pyramid building roughly 4,000 years ago.

Because of their size and the fact that they liked hanging out in the frozen wastes, we know more about this prehistoric animal than any other creature from the Pleistocene epoch. Unlike fossil remains, mammoth bodies dug from the ice still have preserved soft tissue and hair - allowing us to study not only their skeletons

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and teeth but also to look at their stomach contents, dung and hair.

In recent years there seems to have been a spate of our woolly pals being levered out of the permafrost.

And in 2013, Russian scientists claimed to have successfully extracted liquid blood from a 10,000 year old specimen.

Immediately some people began to raise the prospect of ‘de-extinctifying’ the mammoth.

Horrendous mangling of the English language aside, science is still a long way off being able to clone a mammoth from recovered DNA - but suppose it were possible?

A team of scientists from Harvard lead by Professor George Church claims to be just two years away from being able to create a hybrid embryo in which mammoth traits would be programmed into an Asian elephant (the mammoth’s closest living relative) a ‘mammophant’ would have genetically modified small ears, a thick layer of insulating fat and long shaggy

hair… Cool right?

Possibly… just because you can do something does that mean that you should? There are huge ethical questions that loom into view when these sorts of issues are raised.

Religious fundamentalists might be concerned that it is not our place to play God… but they are contradicting themselves because they don’t believe in evolution which suggests mammoths presumably have never existed so they can get lost for a start.

Do we even need mammoths?

Well no, but do we need Pandas?

No, but they’re fun to have around aren’t they?

With these scientific/ethical questions I have developed what I call the dinner party test that seeks to clarify these arguments.

You simply have to ask ‘would you invite them back?’

Mammoths were great company and should be given an open invite. But prehistoric massive sharks such as the Meglodon are hugely anti-social and left a terrible mess last time they were over... so no.

www.theocelot.co.uk

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Bassett

The

Rivers Scary news for scary times...

Echo

All men called Peter have herpes p49

Mass protests as supermarket starts selling pink shirts for men

by Kit Chentable

POLICE were called to a riot outside of Bassett Rivers’ Costalot Supermarket last night after a peaceful protest against a peaceful protest turned ugly.

The protest was organised in protest against a protest that was organised to protest against the supermarket selling pink shirts for men.

Protesters against the pink shirt protest marched at just before 1pm from Greggs two doors down to the supermarket where a protest was going on against the pink shirts for men being sold at the supermarket.

The two opposing peaceful protests then protested at each other for a bit until a third protest organised against protests in general showed up and fights broke out.

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Supermarket manager Summer Field said: “It just seemed to get uglier and uglier until somehow it spread into the supermarket itself where there were fist fights in the frozen produce aisle without anyone even mentioning the fact that you can now buy two packets of McCain Oven Chips and get a third free.

“This is a startlingly good offer and I would recommend anyone to come down and grab them whilst they can. Obviously come down once the supermarket has been rebuilt it having burnt to the ground in the riot.”

Tess Armchair Clarke, of People Against Pink Shirts (PAPS), said: “It was meant to be a peaceful protest against the supermarket selling pink shirts for men. I just think pink is such an ugly colour and much prefer turquoise and that’s what

I organised the protest about. It wasn’t about me being sexist saying that boys should wear blue and that girls should wear pink as the people from the Protest Against People Against Pink Shirts (PAPAPS) have been making out. It’s just an ugly colour. I wouldn’t even dress my pet tortoiseshell tortoise in them and he’s now dead and just a tortoise shell now so that’s how serious I am.

“No-one protested against my protest against Bounty Bars in Boxes of Celebrations (BBBC) last month but that’s because people really don’t like Bountys but they must really love pink shirts on men for this to get out of hand.”

The riots caused £353 million worth of damage with the resulting fires burning down half the buildings in Bassett Rivers as well as a park bench.

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New Brexit theme park to open in Bassett Rivers Bassett Rivers MP Bane ‘Drive-by’ Bullet’s monthly Column

By Livi Ngroom NEW plans have been unveiled for a new national attraction in Bassett Rivers called Brexitland.

The new theme park will be located in Lower Prospects just by the junction of Doing It The Hard Way and Closed Off Close.

The multi-million pound idea is the brainchild of Bazza ‘Knuckles’ LittleEnglander and came after he had found he had run out of space to put out his 50th St George’s Cross flag in his front garden.

In captial letters he said: “I’M BRITISH AND I’M PROUD. WE DIDN’T WIN TWO WORLD WARS AND ONE WORLD CUP TO CELEBRATE OUR BRITISHNESS WITHOUT A THEME PARK. “I GOT THE IDEA AFTER I FOUND I HAD NO ROOM LEFT ON MY FRONT LAWN TO PUT UP ANY MORE FLAGS SO I THOUGHT I WOULD BUILD A THEME PARK WHERE WE CAN CELEBRATE ALL IT MEANS TO BE BRITISH EVERY DAY. “I’VE ASKED THE GOVERNMENT TO PAY FOR IT USING THE £350 MILLION A WEEK THEY WILL SAVE BY NOT

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HAVING TO PAY LOADS OF DOSH OVER TO THE EU ANY MORE. “OBVIOUSLY I’M GOING TO HAVE TO HIRE A LOAD OF FOREIGN WORKERS TO BUILD IT AND WORK THERE AS NO SELF-RESPECTING BRITISH PERSON WOULD WORK FOR THE PITTANCE I PLAN TO PAY THE STAFF.” The new theme park will have rides such as the Soft Brexit Soft Play Area and the Hard Brexit Rollercoaster which literally ends by going off a cliff edge.

Other attractions will include ‘The Slightly Racist Ghost Train’, ‘Boris Johnson’s Brexit Fun Bus’, the ‘We don’t Need no EU Farm Subsidies’ Petting Zoo, the ‘No Immigrants Log Flume’ and ‘Nigel Farage’s St George’s Cross Facepainting Extravaganza’.

Mr LittleEnglander added: “OBVIOUSLY I HAVEN’T REALLY PLANNED IT OUT PROPERLY AS THAT WOULD GO AGAINST THE WHOLE ETHOS OF BREXIT AND IF IT DID GET THE GO AHEAD I PROBABLY WON’T STICK AROUND AND SOMEONE ELSE WILL HAVE TO GET IT BUILT.”

DERE iz dis wicked ting goin’ round Westminster at da moment called #MeToo! And itz really funny as dere are now all dese old dudez sayin’ dat dey respect women when dey clearly don’t especially when you go 2 da Westminster canteen and hear a waitresses’ bottom being patted every ovva second.

Dey iz like ‘I have always had the utmost respect for women’ as dey try desperately to clean dere hard drivez of thirty yearz of bad behaviour but without realisin’ dat dis behaviour iz now on da cloud and dat dere iz no escape!

I az alwayz had da utmost respect for women. Just ask me biatch (mum) and she will tell you just dat.

I alwayz tink dat you shuld be respectful 2 everybody unless itz me homie P Diddy Ha Ha Hum az he still hasn’t given me back me copy of Fifa 2013 dat he borrowed five yearz ago.

Now dese men in Westminster ‘ave all gone a bit weird and instead of just acting like normal human beingz in front of women and treatin’ dem like normal human beingz they r now not even lookin’ in da direction of women in case it iz regarded as assault.

Dey r so out of touch dat dey probably don’t even know dat Mad Max Fury Road wuz a film celebratin’ da idealz of female empowerment and not a film about Max getting a bit mad ‘aving bin stuck on da M1 for 5 hourz on a Bank Holiday.

I wuz in da house da ovva day when I saw dat some of the MPz ‘av even taken 2 wearin’ blindfoldz in case dey accidentally spot a woman and can’t control dere own behaviour as dere Oxford education gave dem too much entitlement makin’ dem tink dey can grab whatever dey fancy without a never you mind and dat includez partz of ovva women’s anatomy.

Dey iz just all big loserz!

But 2 da women of da house Respect!

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Get Away

The jewel o

By Jamie Hill I’m lying in the middle of the street. In pain.

I had just crossed the road and forgotten that Krakow has tram lines in the middle of the road. It was the middle of the day and I had just gone flying across the road having gone arse over tit and was now lying in agony in the middle of the street.

If I was in Britain I would have had at least one wag shouting ‘Ha! Did you enjoy your trip?’ but here in Krakow (or Cracow according to locals) no-one batted an eyelid. Maybe it happens so often that the people of Poland are used to seeing Englishmen flailing around in the street.

But apart from a sore leg and wounded pride I was

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fine. And I was in Krakow. And there’s not a lovelier place to be.

This was my second trip to the city having gone a few years before.

On the first trip we travelled to Aushwitz - the scene of some of humankind’s most horrible attrocities. It was one of the most eye-opening experiences of my life.

And in my opinion it is somewhere everybody should go at least once in their life.

This time I visited the Schindler Museum on the site of Oskar Schindler’s factory. An eye-opening experience in itself - giving you a huge insight into the lives of the Jews in the ghetto during the war as well as the impact on ordinary Polish lives.

www.theocelot.co.uk

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Get Away

l of Poland

lier

e a few

scene It was life. ould

site of rience of the impact

Krakow is a beautiful city and wears its cultural heart on its sleeve. Architecture abounds and a visit to the castle is definitely recommended.

It’s also a haven for food and drink with some fabulous restaurants on every corner serving delicious local dishes like pierogi and various stews. They love their meat in Poland and it is definitely a labour of love to go through the menus in the city’s foodie haunts to find the delicacies on offer.

The nightlife is also pretty damn good. It’s quite a vibrant and young feeling city with bars that seem to go on and on underground throughout the night.

If it’s shopping you’re after then you should head to the main market square where you can pick up a whole

array of tat.

One of the things that has to be shouted about Poland is how cheap it is. A Zloty seems to go a long way and this city really benefits from not being in the Eurozone.

I had three nights there including flights for just £200 which is a bargain. And when you’re there everything costs hardly anything.

Things I wouldn’t recommend would be the city’s wax museum unless you like looking at really shoddy wax models of famous people for, you know, a laugh and the local salt mine, unless you really like salt and want to see how it is mined but for other, more normal, people it is as boring as it sounds.

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Get a Life

By Claire Dukes

Punk Rock Yoga By a chance encounter I met yoga instructor, Jo Smith, at the relaunch of The Jericho Tavern.

I had no idea that months later I would be seeing her again in the same room to try out one her yoga classes.

I know what you might be thinking “who isn’t a yoga instructor these days?” and I agree. But Jo’s style of yoga is a little less conventional - it’s yoga whilst listening to punk rock music, and these sessions tend to be held in places like pubs and music venues.

The one thing I loved about this class, with Jo at the helm, is about how oddly calming it was.

The punk rock playlist seemingly created a more relaxed atmosphere by breaking down norms which people usually associate with yoga. For instance, I’ve tried a few yoga classes before and have never felt more stressed in my life. I have awkward memories of trying to create some

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sort of plant position with my physical form whilst listening to the sound of some sort of ocean wave compilation, reminding me of how chilled and zen I should be. Instead I was a sweaty mess at the back of the class watching all the insta-ready yoga elites (#ladieswholatte) show off their flexability. “This is bullshit” I recall thinking. This time round I came equipped with my Patti Smith t-shirt and had a completely different experience Jo explained after class that she started ballet dancing at the age of four, teaches yoga, and still can’t get her foot behind her head. Jo’s methods are much more practical and realistic as she encourages her classes to sit in positions in which they feel comfortable. No judgement. After class I couldn’t help but overhear some girls remarking how great they thought the session was, and my favourite point was that “it

wasn’t boring” - naturally this delighted our teacher, and so it should.

I couldn’t help but be in a state of awe when talking to Jo. She’s incredibly honest and open about her personal experieces with anxiety which is why she focuses her classes on meditation, stretching, and relaxation. She believes that yoga is a useful tool for dealing with life’s stresses and has had a positive impact on her well-being by making your body and mind in tune with one another, which is what she hopes to share with others.

And just when I thought she couldn’t get any cooler, turns out that she also does yoga classes at punk rock festivals across Europe!

Jo’s hoping to return to the Jericho once a month and then hopefully secure a more frequent slot.

To book a class (you should), visit badjuju.eu/punkrockyoga.

www.theocelot.co.uk

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Style

All you need 6

2

1

4 3

By Gina Akers Oh Romeo!

If romance is what you seek then the timing could be just right as looks of love are the flavour of February.

The best way to look good always seems to shine through when you feel good about yourself and your confidence boosted.

A sharp suit, comfortable cute underwear and lounge wear, essential accessories or fabulous fragrance, whichever appeals most to you all can give that boost in feel good factor.

If comfort is key Jockey Ladies and Men’s Underwear and Lounge

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5 Wear is a must. For ladies the Flower Print Women’s Wonder Edge Invisible Lace Hipsters (3Pack £26) 1 offer super comfort with four-way-stretch fabric and are seam free.

For men 3D-Innovations Trunks (2 Pack £22) 2 are soft and breathable with 8-way stretch technology.

For ladies who like to lounge the Women’s ‘Everyday’ Check Lounge Pants (£30) 3 are perfect, team up with the Women’s ‘Everyday’ T-Shirt (£25) 4 for ultimate relax-wear. For guys go for Everyday Short Pyjamas (£38) 5 all available from www.jockey.

co.uk A statement watch can add that luxe feel to any outfit.

The Shoreditch watch from Michael Grant (£275) 6 features prestige styling with a Rose Gold Plated Stainless Steel Case, black Sunray Dial with Rose Gold Plated Indexes and Padded Brown Crocodile Back Grain Leather Strap, available at www. michaelgrantlondon.com If a classic look has you feeling invincible then a Black Slim Fit Suit could be just the thing for you, try the Slim Suit Jacket (£120) 7 Slim Suit Waistcoat (£50) 8 and Slim Suit Trousers (£60) 9 all from

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Style

is love...

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www.jacamo.co.uk The sense of smell can take you back to many memories, with the power of fragrance telling any number of stories. Versace have just launched Dylan Blue pour femme (from £74 for 50ml Eau de Parfum) 10 ladies fragrance as a tribute to femininity, the men’s version (from £52.00 for 50ml) is also available giving the ideal his and hers fragrance option, visit www.harrods.com Feeling prepared and organised can give you the confidence you need to be ready for anything.

Keep all your essentials in a

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beautiful bag to add style to your sense of readiness. The Zatchels Twin Tone Pink and Black Leather Satchel (£72.00) 11 adds a pop of colour (other colour variations also available), has a adjustable removable strap and contrast stitching, the Zatchels range of luxury bags are available from www.zatchels.com Indulge yourself, love yourself and be good to yourself to help calm your mind, refocus and re-energise and give yourself a positive sense of well-being.

Lush have gone naked and packaging free with their ranges of body and bathing gifts, give a

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little love with the Tisty-Tosty Bath Bomb (£3.50 each) 12 or ride the romantic tides with their Love Boat Bath Bomb (£4.25 each) from Lush stores nationwide or online at www. lush.co.uk Important dates can’t be forgotten so Dotty About Paper have made the perfect Desk Planner (£7.50) to help keep you on track, the Desk Planner is available in a variety of styles and colours.

They also offer a gorgeous range of cards and writing sets (priced from £6), perfect for those love letters and keepsake notes, visit www.dottyaboutpaper.co.uk

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TV

Will & Grace has returned!

By Claire Dukes

This article may contain spoilers, but it will not ruin your experience of watching season 9 of Will & Grace.

I was a perfectly balanced mixture of so excited and incredibly anxious when I heard Will & Grace was returning for another (long overdue) season.

Producers trying to redo or reintroduce popular TV programmes has not always been the greatest success (know when to stop). There are also certain TV programmes that are of a certain time and simply belong there - it pains me to say it but Friends is one of them.

So for the first episode of Will & Grace returning I was delighted to be cackling away in my living room, whilst simultaneously texting my gals in London with various heart and ecstatic-looking emojis.

This may be one of the best TV comebacks I have ever seen!

The latter may sound extreme but the team behind W&G clearly know what they’re doing. The core characters, wit, humour, and hilarious situations the cast find themselves in (like a pillow fight in the White House) has remained the same. What has been revamped is of course the current social climate which they are now faced with.

Jumping straight into 2018, it feels like no time has passed since the show last aired 11 years ago.

The first episode brings us back to Will’s apartment where my favourite, dare I say fantastic, four are playing Celebrity. It goes a little like this - Will: “We want to love her but she makes it impossible.”

Grace: “Caitlyn Jenner!” And they’re back!

The show’s revival takes current issues by the balls, adds in some camp sass, and results in hysterics (as usual, sometimes even from the cast which really accentuates the show’s charm and the actors chemistry).

Let’s also not forget the integral part this sitcom has played in many people’s lives. In an interview with Vanity Fair Eric McCormack (Will) said how he’s recieved thank you letters saying how the show helped individuals come out. Come on, that’s amazing!

With America being led with an idiot at the helm it’s shows like Will & Grace which are as relevant and necessary as ever. Episode one and said idiot is being jabbed at left, right and centre and it turns out the Secret Service are all homos - as Jack perfectly remarks “Who better to read a room.” If you’ve been scared to watch it for fear of ruining your love for Will & Grace, then you’re in luck since the show’s first episode aired in 1998, it has remained utterly witty, satirical and clever.

Will & Grace is on Channel 5, Friday at 9pm.

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Film

Wanna come round mine and watch a French film?

By Claire Dukes

Much to my editor’s dismay, I find it hard to get on board with Marvel movies. I just find them boring.

As it turns out, my ideal night in is tucked up with a film which goes along the lines of cannibalism meets sexual awakening. I’m talking about my latest discovery Raw, by French film director Julia Ducournau.

My mind was blown. It’s not your typical selfdiscovery type of film, you know the ones that are called ‘coming of age’, but it’s certainly one of the more interesting ways in which to breach the subject.

Our protagonist, Justine, is a vegetarian off to start veterinary college and it doesn’t take long before she’s whisked away for her initiation. Ducournau has executed this film incredibly, from start to finish. It’s riddled with enigmas which are constantly shadowed by a piercing score to accompany the visual which leaves you extremely on edge.

The whole thing is animalistic. As part of the early on initiations the ‘new recruits’ are being herded out of their rooms like frightened little lambs who are then seen in a somehat sadistic manner crawling on all fours to an unknown destination.

Some people may look at such a scene and resonate a part of their earlier education, but it’s when part two of the challenges take places that Justine learns some pivotal lessons when she gets her first taste of raw rabbit liver. Needless to say it escalates from there to a jarring episode involing waxing strips, scissors (but more like gardening shears), and blaming the dog after

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Justine’s sister catches her eating her severed finger.

After watching the film I could only imagine what the outcome would be like if the film was made in England or America. Could you imagine? “Yeah I’d like to have that drink please, but oh do you have it in diet?”

The French have perfected their cinematic caft that they can just get away with looking into such topics to the point where they are not taboo. The audience are completely rendered to an ultimate suspense of disbelief.

Despite its mild content, Raw is sexy, it’s young, and rebellious. It’s also cinematically stunning and mesmerising to watch. Okay fine, so I probably wouldn’t recommend Raw for an evening in with a date, but I’d argue that Raw is an imperative piece of cinema that’s really worth watching for an eye opening, and jaw dropping, experience.

www.theocelot.co.uk

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Brews and Eats

e h t g n i t a g i v Na e regions win Know your Abruzzo from your elbow

by Darren Willmott The long and sprawling supermarket shelves may lead you to believe that the number of different bottles of wine out there are unending, especially when you see that Tesco stock different wines to Sainsbury’s, who stock different wines to M&S, and so on and so on.

Being able to confidently navigate all of these bottles may seem like an impossible task, but there are many hints and tips out there to make things easier, and it’s always good to remember that grapes grow in certain regions for a good reason.

They need to ripen successfully to give the winemaker a regular and sizeable crop each year.

Climate plays a massive factor, and applying a little straightforward logic can mean you already know a little more than you thought you did. For example, the warmer the region, the thicker and darker the grape skin will need to be in order to stand up to the sunshine.

The thicker and darker the grape skin, the more robust and ripe fruited a wine will be.

The classic wines of France tend to use their recognised region of origin instead of grape variety, so

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instead of being listed as say, a Sauvignon Blanc, you will see them listed as Bordeaux, Loire, Rhone etc.

A quick tip here is to remember that Chablis is made from Chardonnay (both starting with Ch), and similarly Sancerre is made from Sauvignon Blanc. There have been numerous times I have heard someone saying that they don’t like Chardonnay but are partial to a Chablis, even though they are both made using the same grape variety.

Just like when trying to learn a new language mnemonics can be useful too, with abbreviations particularly helpful when trying to recall, for example, the 20 different wine regions of Italy.

The country covers some 10 degrees of latitude and is split for the wine world in to the north, the central and southern regions. The north can easily be remembered with the mnemonic PLV LEFT. This give you the seven regions, left to right, of Piedmont, Lombardy and Veneto, followed by Liguria, Emilia-Romagna, Friuli and Trentino which run in a row underneath.

For the central regions I recall TUMLA, which indicates Tuscany, Umbria, Marche, Lazio and Abruzzo,

and the south is CCSSBP (or 2xC, 2xS, British Petroleum) for Campania, Calabria, Sicily, Sardinia, Basilicata and Puglia.

Whilst at first glance this might still seem incredibly difficult, after a bit of practice, and with a healthy dose of interest in the areas, it will trip off the tongue with no effort at all.

A key to making things even easier to recall is to make the acronyms relevant to you.

Another quick example is the vineyards of South Africa. Being very much into my music the western coastal regions of Constantia, Durbanville and Swartland are recalled by thinking of CDs, and the inland regions of Paarl, Roberson and Stellenbosch have the initials PRS, the same as the Performing Rights Society.

If you’re interested in the work of the Physiotherapy Research Society the same trick could work for you too.

Whilst you obviously still need to put in time learning the details for each one of these regions/ countries to fulfil the recall, using abbreviations is definitely a learning technique that I would recommend.

Cheers!

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Brews and Eats Beer columnist Brewery Bird celebrates the rise of the experts

It’s time to go back to school...

beer school!

With the welcome resurgence of cask beer over the past three decades and the number of micro-breweries continuing to rise past a level that was once thought impossible; beer has never tasted so good.

Consequently, this has led to many drinkers’ understanding of beer moving beyond just the basic observations of colour, aroma and flavour - the term ‘everyone’s an expert’ has never seemed more apt.

As brewers we’ve happily engaged a new breed of consumer who continually chase new beers, attend Meet The Brewer events and who are super-keen to trump their drinking buddies with brewing terminology, or take to social media, brandishing their form of beer-bashing with a zeal that would put the average street preacher to shame. Happily, there are even qualifications which self-proclaimed beer-bores can undertake (yours truly included), which range from basic beer tasting right up to Beer Sommelier (equivalent to Wine

Sommelier qualification (There are currently only 166 Beer Somms from 17 different countries, many of whom are making a living from their training and knowledge).

And this training isn’t just for people in the brewing or hospitality trade; anyone with an interest in and passion for beer can sign up to undertake a variety of different courses and qualifications. So if you always wanted to learn more about beer but didn’t know where to start……

The Beer Academy is a Londonbased beer ‘school’ supported by the Institute of Brewing & Distilling, that was founded by a small group of beer enthusiasts in 2003 to help people understand, appreciate and enjoy beer sensibly.

Over 4,000 people have attended Beer Academy courses held across the country which range from How to Judge Beer, to Food & Beer Pairing to Advanced and finally Beer Sommelier. Aside from the latter, the courses are one day and range from £130 - £150

Check out their courses here: Our friends across the pond also have a similar qualification - the Cicerone Certification Program (Cicerone meaning to guide, mentor or tutor, of Italian origin), started in 2006 by Ray Daniels, an esteemed home-brewing lecturer who created the Cicerone qualification as a result of being served a very badly kept pint of Sierra Nevada Pale Ale; having been advised by the server that “that’s how the beer always looks and tastes”.

That old adage ‘if you want something done properly never sounded more apt to Ray and 11 years later more than 91,000 hospitality professionals worldwide have undertaken Level 1 of the web-based Cicerone qualification.

There are other places where similar courses are available – check out your local breweries as a number have started to offer a variety of courses ranging from Identifying Off Flavours in Beer to full on 3 day courses in the finer aspects of brewing.

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Brews and Eats

Hey... like beer?

Do you They’ve got some in Devizes! def Devizes Festival of Winter Ales 2018 def

If you fancy indulging in the finest winter ales and ciders, you will probably want to pull on your drinking trousers and head on over to Devizes where The Corn Exchange is hosting the annual Devizes Festival of Winter Ales on February 23 &24.

A mere £10 per person will grant you entry to what organisers are already calling ‘a delicious celebration of bespoke, warming winter ales and ciders’.

The ticket price

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includes your first pint and a commemorative glass.

And if that’s not enough to warm the cockles of your heart, you can sup a range of brews knowing that proceeds will go towards supporting the arts via DOCA (Devizes Outdoor Celebratory Arts).

Your crumpled £10 note will help meet costs of DOCA’s free annual programme of outstanding outdoor arts events and activities, including

the Devizes International Street Festival, Devizes Carnival and the Christmas Lantern Parade.

The DOCA artistic programme is free to enjoy but costs thousands of pounds to produce.

This year the event will host Rod Laver and his vaudevillian ping-pong mouth jugglng, with music performances by Rob Lear and the Drystones.

Check the Devizes Festival of Winter Ales 2018 Facebook page for updates from DOCA and the Kennet and Avon Brewery team. www.docadevizes.org.uk

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Brews and Eats

Tiffin was spiffing!

By Ben Fitzgerald If I was stuck on a desert island and a genie suddenly appeared from a washed up bottle and granted me the traditional three wishes, first on my list would be unlimited supplies of curry, closely followed by a constantly replenishing cup of tea and then perhaps some form of rudimentary raft as an afterthought.

So the chance to try everything on the menu at the newly opened Tiffin curry buffet in Regent Circus, Swindon was too tempting to resist. First impressions were just great - whoever was employed to sort out Tiffin’s interior design has done a cracking job, with over-the-top fountains, reflective surfaces, and even a Tuk-Tuk (a motorised rickshaw since you ask!) creating a kitsch atmosphere that celebrates the restaurant’s Indian heritage.

We (editor Jamie Hill, reporter Claire Dukes and I) decided to cheer up a Wednesday lunchtime by descending on the restaurant with the intention of filling our

boots - I even skipped breakfast because I was so excited about the prospect of unlimited curry.

On arrival, we stood awkwardly in the reception area kicking our heels, before deciding to seat ourselves as the only person on the desk appeared to be busy with other customers.

Ideally, even on an overcast weekday, you want to be welcomed to a restaurant like a long-lost friend. But on this occasion I couldn’t shake the feeling that we were a slight inconvenience for the other staff members who seemed more interested in polishing and stirring things. Admittedly it’s important that things are polished and stirred… but you know… customers? Unwilling to wait much longer I asked for help and am happy to say that we were given a great introduction to the restaurant by the duty manager - and the initial glitch in proceedings was soon put behind us by her excellent service.

For the highly reasonable price of £8.95 we had the run of the place - and grabbing my plate I

surveyed the range of steaming curry options and loaded up my plate.

The food was excellent in every regard, the poppadoms crisp, the Korma punchy and the Dahl comforting.

Vegetarians are also well catered for, with the staff able to whip up a range of extra dishes on request.

We were also offered cocktails - which was an odd thing to consider drinking with a curry - especially on a Wednesday lunchtime, but it was three for £10 so we agreed. It was probably a mistake - you see making a good cocktail is a work of art whereas my Long Island Iced Tea was more of a lazy child’s drawing. No ice, a knackered looking slice of lemon, and a mix that tasted a bit like windscreen washer fluid. But who cares because the curry was amazing... and endless.

Please don’t go there for the cocktails - but do… and I mean really do go there for the food which was excellent.

I wouldn’t hesitate to go again.

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Brews and Eats

S T ORY OF I H A

By Ben Fitzgerald Don’t play with your food! Is a phrase that anyone who has spent time as a child will have heard at some point.

The one exception to this rule is Alphabetti Spaghetti which cleverly manages to override parental anxiety for good table manners with a super educational opportunity.

Creating alphabet shapes from pasta is a genius idea there’s nothing like being able to artfully arrange pasta swear words to enliven a family supper - but who came up with the notion in the first place?

According to legend (ie almost certainly not true) a minor mishap in a pasta factory led to a piece being formed in the shape of the letter C, this ‘C-bomb’ gave some bright spark the idea of creating the entire alphabet.

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According to food archaeologists, the first recorded reference to alphabet spaghetti was in 1867 where the snappily titled US paper Raleigh TriWeekly Standard made reference to the fact that some soup manufacturers were replacing some of their macaroni shapes with letters of the alphabet.

The latest culinary novelty is

alphabetical soup. Instead of the usual cylindric and star shaped morsels of macaroni which have hitherto given body to our broth, the letters of the alphabet have been substituted.

These letters of paste preserve their forms in passing through the pot.

And it is thought that Knorr sold it in Europe as early as 1910 under various names from Alphabet past to Alfabeto and Alphaghetti or even Alphabetti Spaghetti.

Heinz discontinued production in 1990 in the UK - but conscious of falling rates of literacy combined with a growing obesity crisis, the wordy treat was reintroduced in 2005 in a bid to ensure that young children spend more time spelling out words and less time stuffing their greedy faces.

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THE OCELOT THEATRE GUIDE

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Spring Curtain Raiser

Your guide to all things theatre The upcoming months are being hit by a wave of incredible performances from theatre, comedy, film, and dance. Throughtout Wiltshire, Oxfordshire and West Berkshire theatres will be inundated with both headling and fresh new acts.

Needless to say the last political year has been somewhat weak and unstable but thankfully, as our guide will highlight, there just so happens to be numerous comedic acts heading our way from the multi-talented Phill Jupitus (Swindon Arts Centre, Salisbury Arts Centre and The Neeld), Sophie Willan (Oxford’s BT Studio,), Jason Manford (Salisbury City Hall) Ellie Taylor (Swindon Arts Centre), Bill Bailey (Oxford’s New Theatre), and Ed Byrne (Wyvern Theatre).

For film fans The Banff Mountain Film Festival is on its world tour which will be featuring the top picks from “the world’s most prestigious mountain film festival “ at Oxford’s New Theatre, The Hexagon in Reading and Salisbury’s City Hall.

For those with a taste for nostalgia we’d recommend checking out the likes of The Johnny Cash Roadshow (Oxford’s New Theatre), The Best of Wham (Wyvern Theatre), That’ll Be The Day (Salisbury City Hall) and I’m Still Standing: The Elton John Story (The Neeld).

Funnily enough there will also be some incredible theatrical productions and dance performances within these venues including Point of Echoes (The North Wall), We Are Bronte (Salisbury Playhouse), Crimes Under the Sun (Swindon Arts Centre) and the Great Train Robbery (Arts at the Old Fire Station).

Also proving over the recent years to be a popular night out are some insightful talks including Let Me Be Frank (Wyvern Theatre), TEDxOxford - TED Talks (Oxford’s New Theatre) and An Evening with Ant Middleton (Salisbury City Hall).

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Spring Curtain Raiser

The Banff Mountain Film Festival 2018 will be kicking off at Oxford New Theatre Wednesday 7 February

Thursday February 1 to Thursday February 8 Thursday Feb 1 to Saturday Feb 10 THEATRE: Teddy Times vary - Watermill Theatre, Newbury

Friday Feb 2 to Saturday Feb 3

Thursday Feb 1 to Saturday Feb 24 THEATRE: Murder, Margaret and Me Times vary - Salisbury Playhouse

FAMILY: The Littlest Mermaid 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon

THEATRE: Beyond My Control Times vary - Swindon Arts Centre

Saturday February 3 THEATRE/FILM: Met Opera: Puccini’s Tosca 4pm - Salisbury Arts Centre TALKS: Suggs – Life in the Realm of Madness 7.30pm - Salisbury City Hall COMEDY: Ellie Taylor - This Guy 7.30pm - Swindon Arts Centre

Tuesday February 6

Thursday February 1 THEATRE: Play the World - The Dino Show 10am - Pegasus Theatre, Oxford THEATRE: Willie and the Bandits 6.45pm - Salisbury Arts Centre COMEDY: Nicholas Parsons: A Laugh a Minute 7:30pm - Neeld Community and Arts Centre, Chippenham THEATRE: The Johnny Cash Roadshow 7.30pm - New Theatre, Oxford THEATRE: Dylan Thomas 7:30pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot THEATRE/COMEDY: Hurricane Michael 7:30pm - Swindon Arts Centre THEATRE: Constructions of Thin Air 7.45pm - Corn Exchange, Newbury THEATRE: Luke Write: Frankie Vah 8pm - North Wall Arts Centre, Oxford Friday February 2 TALKS/COMEDY: Our Life with Birds 6.45pm - Salisbury Arts Centre MUSIC: Simon Garfunkel: Through The Years 7.30pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot MUSIC: Frankly Sinatra 7.30pm - New Theatre, Oxford COMEDY: Corn Exchange Comedy Club 7.45pm - Corn Exchange, Newbury COMEDY: Bilal Zafar 8pm - Swindon Arts Centre

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FAMILY: Red Riding Hood and The Wolf Times vary - Salisbury Playhouse

THEATRE: Beowulf 8pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot THEATRE: John Kearnes: Don’t Worry They’re Here 8pm - North Wall Arts Centre, Oxford MUSIC: Livewire: The AC/DC Show 8pm - Arlington Arts Centre, Newbury COMEDY: Andy Zaltzman 8pm - The Pound Arts Centre, Corsham THEATRE: Mark Thomas: Showtime from the Frontline 8pm - Arts at the Old Fire Station, Oxford Sunday February 4 FAMILY: The Chit Chat Chalk Show Times vary - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot MUSIC: Big Band Brunch 11.15am - Salisbury Arts Centre DANCE: Anton and Erin - From Broadway to Hollywood 3pm - New Theatre, Oxford

THEATRE: The Best of Wham!

7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon Tuesday Feb 6 to Wednesday Feb 7

DANCE: Wiltshire Schools Dance Festival 4.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon COMEDY: Comedy Scratch 7.30pm - Arts at the Old Fire Station, Oxford FILM: Britain on Film: Black Britain 6.45pm - Salisbury Arts Centre COMEDY: Rob Newman: A Total Eclipse of Descartes 7pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot MUSIC: 3Fall 8pm - Arlington Arts Centre, Newbury Wednesday February 7 FILM: Banff Mountain Film Festival 2018 7.30pm - New Theatre, Oxford Wednesday Feb 7 to Thursday Feb 8 COMEDY: Tim Vine - Sunset Milk Idiot 8pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon Thursday Feb 8 to Friday 9 Feb COMEDY: Jonny & The Baptists: The Best Of (With live band) 7:30pm - Arts at the Old Fire Station, Oxford Thursday February 8 FAMILY: Play the World - Travel and Transport 10.30am - Pegasus Theatre, Oxford THEATRE: Toby Belch is Unwell 7:30pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot

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“A searing exploration of the pornification of our culture and the sexualisation of our children “ The B*easts, The North Wall, Tuesday 13 march

Thursday February 8 to Friday February 16 THEATRE: Winter Soltice 8:00pm - North Wall Arts Centre, Oxford

Songbook 7.30pm - New Theatre, Oxford

MUSIC: The Grahams 8:00pm - Arlington Arts Centre, Newbury

MUSIC: Big Boss Man 8pm - Arlington Arts Centre, Newbury

Friday February 9 MUSIC: The Chicago Blues Brothers 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon THEATRE: No Kids 7.45pm - Salisbury Playhouse MUSIC: The Cory Harris Band 8pm - Arlington Arts Centre, Newbury MUSIC: The Ronnie Scott’s Soho Songbook 8pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot COMEDY: Tom Allen - Absolutely 8pm - Swindon Arts Centre Saturday February 10 MUSIC: Live Lunch: Ma Polaine’s Great Decline 12pm - Salisbury Arts Centre TV - LIVE: Superslam Wrestling 7pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon

COMEDY: Shappi Khorsandi - Mistress & Misfit 8pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot MUSIC: The Little Mix Experience Times vary - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon

THEATRE: Mirror Mirror 2.30pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot

FAMILY: Red Riding Hood and the Wolf Times vary - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot MUSIC: Didcot Concert Orchestra 4pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot COMEDY: Lloyd Griffith - in:Undated 8pm - Swindon Arts Centre Monday February 12 TALKS: Let Me Be Frank - Meet & Greet 6pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon

MUSIC: Jive Talking 7.30pm - Salisbury City Hall

Tuesday Feb 13 Saturday Feb 17 THEATRE: The Little Matchgirl Times vary - Oxford Playhouse THEATRE: Cilla - The Musical Times vary - New Theatre, Oxford

MUSIC: An Evening With Kentwood Show Choir 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon

Tuesday February 13 FAMILY/THEATRE: Yana and the Yeti Times vary - North Wall Arts Centre, Oxford

THEATRE: Happiness Ltd 7.45pm - Salisbury Playhouse

Wednesday February 14

MUSIC: Someone Like You - The Adele

FILM: Sing-a-Long-a Beauty and the Beast 7pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon

Sunday February 11

Tuesday Feb 13 Wednesday 14 Feb FAMILY: The Gingerbread Man Times vary - Salisbury Playhouse

COMEDY: Ahir Shah - Control 8pm - Swindon Arts Centre

MUSIC: Rebecca Ferguson 7pm - Salisbury City Hall

Thursday February 15 FAMILY: Kids Tea & Tour 2pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon

THEATRE: Manwatching 7.30pm - Arts at the Old Fire Station, Oxford

MUSIC: Platform 4 Invisible Music 7.30pm - The Pound Arts Centre, Corsham

6.45pm - Salisbury Arts Centre

THEATRE: George and the Flight of the Imaginees 2pm - The Pound Arts Centre, Corsham THEATRE: Theatre Fest West: Whey Down

THEATRE: Journey to the Impossible Times vary - Salisbury Playhouse THEATRE: PracticeX 7pm - The Pound Arts Centre, Corsham MUSIC: Theatre Fest West: Louise Jordan ‘No Petticoats Here’ 7:15pm - Salisbury Arts Centre THEATRE: Above the Mealy Mouthed Sea 7:30pm - Arts at the Old Fire Station, Oxford THEATRE: May 7:30pm - Trowbridge Town Hall FILM: Banff Mountain Film Festival 7:30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon THEATRE: Rachel Newton 8pm - North Wall Arts Centre, Oxford Friday February 16 THEATRE: Friday Night Tripple Bill 6.30pm - Salisbury Playhouse THEATRE: Sing-A-Long, Beauty and the Beast 7pm - Salisbury City Hall THEATRE: Theatre Fest West 7:15pm - Salisbury Arts Centre MUSIC: Ruby Rose Ray’s Vintage Valentine’s Supper 7:30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon

South

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The larger than life string quartet, Graffiti Classics, bring their all-sing, alldancing show to The Cornerstone Arts Centre Saturday February 17

Friday February 16 to Tuesday February 27 THEATRE: Journey to the Impossible 7:30pm - The Pound Arts Centre, Corsham

7.30pm - New Theatre, Oxford

DANCE/THEATRE: Point of Echoes 7.30pm - Trowbrige Town Hall

FAMILY: Penguins Times vary - Pegasus Theatre, Oxford

Saturday February 17 THEATRE: Sister Act Times vary - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon FAMILY/THEATRE: Glisten Times vary - Salisbury Arts Centre MUSIC: Graffiti Classics 7.30pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot THEATRE: LEGO® Beach - Inkbloc Ensemble 7.30pm - The Pound Arts Centre, Corsham

Wednesday Feb 21 to Saturday Feb 24 THEATRE: Some Mothers Do ‘Ave ‘Em Times vary - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon Thursday Feb 22 to Saturday Feb 24 DANCE/THEATRE: Ending The Silence 7.30pm - Arts at the Old Fire Station, Oxford

VARIETY: Hundred Watt Club 8pm - Salisbury City Hall MUSIC: Pagoda Project 8pm - Ace Space, Newbury

Thursday February 22 THEATRE: Sandman 7:30pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot THEATRE: Ellen Kent’s Rigoletto 7:30pm - New Theatre, Oxford THEATRE: No Finer Life by Graham Harvey 7:30pm - Swindon Arts Centre THEATRE: The Great Train Robbery 7:45pm - Salisbury Playhouse

Sunday February 18 MUSIC: The Tannerhill Weavers 6pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot

Friday Feb 23 to Saturday Feb 24 OPERA: Ellen Kent: Madama Butterfly 7:30pm - New Theatre, Oxford

Monday February 19 THEATRE: Say That Again 7.45pm - Salisbury Playhouse

Friday February 23 DANCE: Dance to the Music 7.30pm - Salisbury City Hall THEATRE: Great Train Robbery 7.30pm - The Pound Arts Centre, Corsham MUSIC: Voodoo Room 7.30pm - Neeld Community and Arts Centre COMEDY: Barnstomers Comedy 7.45pm - Salisbury Arts Centre THEATRE: I’d Be Lost Without You 7.45pm - Salisbury Playhouse THEATRE: Mummy Monster 7.45pm - Salisbury Playhouse MUSIC: Whitehorse Whisperers and Boon Mew Wooster

COMEDY: Oxfordshire Mind Comedy Gala 7.30pm - Arts at the Old Fire Station, Oxford THEATRE: Half The World Away 7.45pm - Salisbury Playhouse

Tuesday February 20 THEATRE: Theatre Fest West: Practice X 7pm - Salisbury Arts Centre DANCE: Richard Alston Dance Company 7.30pm - New Theatre, Oxford Wednesday February 21 THEATRE: Fall Out Times vary - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot COMEDY: Jonathan Pie: Back To the Studio

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Wednesday Feb 21 to Friday Feb 23

8pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot THEATRE: Mark Thomas: Showtime from the Frontline 8pm - North Wall Arts Centre, Oxford COMEDY: John Robins The Darkness of Robins 8pm - Swindon Arts Centre Saturday Feb 24 to Sunday Feb 25 THEATRE: Autobahn by Neil LaBute 7pm - Shoebox Theatre, Swindon Saturday February 24 FAMILY: All Star Superslam Westling 7.30pm - Salisbury City Hall THEATRE: We Are Bronte Times vary - Salisbury Playhouse COMEDY: Lucy Porter - Pick Your Battles 8pm - Swindon Arts Centre Sunday Feb 25 to Tuesday Feb 27 COMEDY: Michael McIntyre: Work in Progress 8pm - New Theatre, Oxford Sunday February 25 MUSIC: The London Swing Orchestra 3pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot MUSIC: The complete Beethoven works Times vary - Swindon Arts Centre MUSIC: Chinese New Year Extravaganza Times vary - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon Monday February 26 TALKS: Lloyd & Rose Buck - Our Life with Birds 7.30pm - Swindon Arts Centre Tuesday February 27 THEATRE: Up ‘N’ Under 7.30pm - Oxford Playhouse COMEDY: Stuart Goldsmith: Like I Mean It 7.30pm - Arts at the Old Fire Station, Oxford TALKS: An Evening with Ant Middleton 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon

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John Steinbeck’s classic Of Mice and Men will be taking to the stage for 2 nights in March at Salisbury Playhouse

Wednesday February 28 to Saturday March 10 Wednesday February 28 TALKS: An Evening with Ant Middleton 7.30pm - Salisbury City Hall TALKS: Variety Night with Grayson Perry, Sir Michael Parkinson, and more 7.30pm - New Theatre, Oxford

7.30pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot

Thursday March 1 to Friday March 2

THEATRE: That’ll Be The Day 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon

THEATRE: Macbeth Times vary - Swindon Arts Centre Thursday March 1 FAMILY: Play the World - Building & Homes 10am - Pegasus Theatre, Oxford MUSIC: G4 7.30pm - New Theatre, Oxford MUSIC: Sam Kelly & The Lost Boys 8pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot

MUSIC/TALKS: The Glass Aisle: Paul Henry and Brian Briggs 7.30pm - Arts at the Old Fire Station, Oxford THEATRE: Buddy Holly and The Cricketers 7.30pm - New Theatre, Oxford

COMEDY: Iain Stirling - U OK HUN? X 8pm - Swindon Arts Centre Sunday March 4 TALKS: TEDxOxford - TED Talks 10.30am - New Theatre, Oxford THEATRE: Theatre and back again: An Odyssey 2pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot

THEATRE: Digging For Victory Times vary - Watermill Theatre, Newbury Wednesday March 7 THEATRE: No Such Thing as a Fish 7.30pm - Oxford Playhouse MUSIC: An Evening with Hazel O’Connor 8pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot THEATRE: Point of Echoes 8pm - North Wall Arts Centre, Oxford Thursday March 8 to Saturday March 24 FILM: Banff Mountain Film Festival World Tour Times vary - Salisbury City Hall Thursday March 8

Monday 5 March to Thursday March 8

THEATRE: Play the World - Super Space 10am - Pegasus Theatre, Oxford

TALKS: Mark Steel 8pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon

DANCE: Tango Moderno Times vary - New Theatre, Oxford

THEATRE: No Such Thing as a Fish 7.30pm - Oxford Playhouse

Friday March 2

Monday 5 March to Saturday March 10

THEATRE: Vamos Theatre ‘A Brave Face’ 7.15pm - Salisbury Arts Centre

THEATRE: Of Mice and Men Times vary - Salisbury Playhouse Monday March 5

DANCE: At the End We Begin 7.30pm - Arts at the Old Fire Station, Oxford

THEATRE: The Best of Queen 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon

THEATRE: Crooners 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon

COMEDY: Rob Delaney - More Meat 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon Tuesday March 6

MUSIC: New College Recital Evening 7.30pm - The Phoenix Theatre, Swindon

THEATRE: Teechers 7.30pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot

MUSIC: Buddy Holly and the Cricketers 7pm - Salisbury City Hall

COMEDY: Reginald D Hunter 7.30pm - Oxford Playhouse

MUSIC: Jake Bugg 7pm - New Theatre, Oxford

THEATRE: Translunar Paradise 8pm - North Wall Arts Centre, Oxford

COMEDY: Rachel Parris: Keynote 8pm - Arts at the Old Fire Station, Oxford

COMEDY: Richard Herring - Oh Frig, I’m 50!

8pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon

Saturday March 3

COMEDY: Ed Byrne - Spolier Alert 8pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon

Friday March 9 to Saturday March 10

THEATRE: Odyssey 8pm - North Wall Arts Centre, Oxford Friday March 2 to Saturday March 3 BALLET: Vienna Festival Ballet: Swan Lake 7pm - Neeld Community and Arts Centre, Chippenham

THEATRE: The Selector and the Beat, Feat.

Ranking Roger 7pm - Salisbury City Hall MUSIC: Thank you for the Music - The Tribute to Abba

Wednesday March 7 to Saturday March 10 THEATRE: The Western Players - Bedroom Farce 7.30pm - Swindon Arts Centre

Friday March 9

THEATRE: Audiograft 7pm - Arts at the Old Fire Station, Oxford DANCE/THEATRE: Moving with the Times 7.30pm - Pegasus Theatre, Oxford

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The multi-talented Phill Jupitus will be swinging by Swindon Arts Centre for his unmissable show Juplicity, Sunday March 11

Saturday March 10 to Thursday March 22 Saturday March 10 FAMILY/DANCE: Tidy Up Times vary - North Wall Arts Centre, Oxford

THEATRE: Hansel Times vary - Salisbury Playhouse Thursday March 15 to Saturday April 21

THEATRE: Cupids Revenge 7.30pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot

THEATRE: The Rivals Times vary - Watermill Theatre, Newbury

MUSIC: Salisbury Symphony Orchestra 7.30pm - Salisbury City Hall

Thursday March 15

MUSIC: Paul Carrack 7.30pm - New Theatre, Oxford THEATRE: Bowie Experience - The Golden Years Tour 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon Sunday March 11 COMEDY: Phill Jupitus - Juplicity 8pm - Swindon Arts Centre Monday March 12 to Saturday March 17 THEATRE: The Winslow Boy Times vary - Oxford Playhouse MUSIC: Quartet Times vary - Salisbury Playhouse Tuesday March 13 THEATRE: Theatre Scratch 7.30pm - Arts at the Old Fire Station, Oxford MUSIC: Sorana Santos 7.30pm - North Wall Arts Centre, Oxford THEATRE: Crimes Under The Sun 7.30pm - Swindon Arts Centre TALKS: Jason Donovan 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon THEATRE: The B*Easts 8pm - North Wall Arts Centre, Oxford MUSIC: Raghu Dixit 8pm - Arlington Arts Centre, Newbury Wed March 14 to Thursday March 15 THEATRE: The Audit 7.30pm - BT Studio at Oxford Playhouse Wed March 14 to Saturday March 24

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THEATRE: Play the World - Brilliant Birds 10am - Pegasus Theatre, Oxford THEATRE: Giant 7.30pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot MUSIC: Someone Like You - The Adele Songbook 7.30pm - Salisbury City Hall COMEDY: Andrew Lawrence 8pm - Swindon Arts Centre Friday March 16 COMEDY: Kendal Mountain Festival on Tour 7pm - Salisbury Arts Centre THEATRE: I’d Be Lost Without You 7.30pm - Arts at the Old Fire Station, Oxford THEATRE: Under My Skin 7.30pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot THEATRE: Bilal Zafar Biscuit 7.30pm - BT Studio at Oxford Playhouse THEATRE: The Upbeat Beatles 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon MUSIC: Steamchicken 8pm - Arlington Arts Centre, Newbury Saturday March 17 to Sunday March 18 FAMILY: Dear Zoo Times vary - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon Saturday March 17 FAMILY: Landscapes Times vary - Salisbury Arts Centre FAMILY: Leaf Times vary - BT Studio at Oxford Playhouse MUSIC: Zoe Schwarz - Blue Commotion 6.45pm - Salisbury Arts Centre

THEATRE: Ted & Co - The Sitcom Experience Dinner Show 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon COMEDY: Ellie Taylor: This Guy 8pm - North Wall Arts Centre, Oxford MUSIC: Raghill Dixit 8pm - Arts at the Old Fire Station, Oxford Sunday March 18 THEATRE: When They Go Low 7pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot TALKS: England Legends Live!

7.30pm - New Theatre, Oxford COMEDY: Hardeep Singh Kohli Alternative, Fact 7.30pm - Swindon Arts Centre Tuesday March 20 to Saturday March 24 THEATRE: Birdsong Times vary - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon THEATRE: The Importance of being Earnest Times vary - Salisbury Playhouse Tuesday March 20 THEATRE: The Enormous Room 7.15pm - Salisbury Arts Centre MUSIC: Oxford Improvisers 7.45pm - Arts at the Old Fire Station, Oxford THEATRE: Carry On Jaywick 8pm - North Wall Arts Centre, Oxford Wednesday March 21 MUSIC: O’Hooley & Tidow 7.30pm - North Wall Arts Centre, Oxford Thursday March 22 THEATRE: The King Lear 7.30pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot MUSIC: The Sensational 60’s Experience 7.30pm - Salisbury City Hall

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Multi award-wiining comedian Sophie Willan will be bringing her Branded tour fresh from Edinburugh Fringe to Oxford’s BT Studio, Friday March 23

Friday March 23 to Friday April 6 Friday March 23 MUSIC: Jim Moray - Upceta 7.15pm - Salisbury Arts Centre COMEDY: Sophie Willan - Branded 7.30pm - BT Studio at Oxford Playhouse MUSIC: The George Michael Legacy 7.30pm - Salisbury City Hall

THEATRE: Holes 7.30pm - Swindon Arts Centre

Friday March 23 to Saturday March 24 FAMILY/THEATRE: Grandad’s Island Times vary - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot DANCE/THEATRE: Sutra 7.30pm - New Theatre, Oxford

Thursday March 29 to Saturday March 31 BALLET: The Snow Maiden & Swan Lake Times vary - Wyervn Theatre, Swindon

Saturday March 24 to Sunday March 25 THEATRE: Monkey Bars 7.30pm - Arts at the Old Fire Station, Oxford Saturday March 24 FAMILY: The Sagas of Noggin the Nog Times vary - North Wall Arts Centre, Oxford COMEDY: Barbara Nice 7.30pm - BT Studio at Oxford Playhouse COMEDY: Lucy Porter: Choose your Battles 8pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot Sunday March 25 FAMILY: The Snow Beast 2.30pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot THEATRE: Judy and Liza 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon COMEDY: Carl Hutchinson - Live!

8pm - Swindon Arts Centre Monday March 26 TALKS: An Evening with Martin Kemp 7.15pm - Neeld Community and Arts Centre, Chippenham Tuesday March 27 to Saturday March 31 THEATRE: The Flying Lovers of Vitebsk 7.30pm - Salisbury Playhouse Tuesday March 27 MUSIC: Mercury: The Ultimate Queen Tribute 7.30pm - New Theatre, Oxford

Wednesday March 28 THEATRE: A Brave Face 7.30pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot TALKS: An Evening With Brian Blessed 7.30pm - City Hall Salisbury

Tuesday April 3 FAMILY: Justin’s Band 11pm - New Theatre, Oxford Thursday April 5 FAMILY: Milkshake! Live - The Magic Story Book Times vary - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon FAMILY: So you think you know about dinosaurs 2.30pm - Salisbury City Hall

Thursday March 29 FAMILY: Play the World - Down Town 10am - Pegasus Theatre, Oxford THEATRE: Police Cops in Space 7.30pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot THEATRE: 1 Woman, A High Flyer and a Flat Bottom 7.30pm - Oxford Playhouse, Oxford FAMILY: Jonny & The Baptists 7.30pm - Arlington Arts Centre, Newbury

MUSIC: Public Service Broadcasting 7pm - New Theatre, Oxford COMEDY: George Egg: DIY Chef 8pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot COMEDY: Eleanor Conway - Walk of Shame 8pm - Swindon Arts Centre

Friday March 30 MUSIC: A Vision of Elvis 7.30pm - New Theatre. Oxford FAMILY: Barnstormers Comedy 7.45pm - Salisbury Arts Centre

THEATRE: Instructions for Border Crossing 7.30pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot

Saturday March 31 THEATRE: Circus of Horrors 7.30pm - New Theatre, Oxford TALKS: An Audience With Mediums 7.30pm - Swindon Arts Centre Tuesday April 3 to Wednesday April 4

Friday April 6 COMEDY: Clare Summerskill: From Fairly Vocal to Varifocal 7.15pm - Salisbury Arts Centre

FILM: Sister Act Live Choir 7.30pm - New Theatre, Oxford MUSIC: I’m Still Standing: The Elton John Story 7.30pm - Neeld Community and Arts Centre, Chippenham COMEDY: Shazia Miraz: With Love From St Tropez 8pm - Arts at the Old Fire Station, Oxford

THEATRE: We are the Lions, Mr.Manager 7.30pm - Arts at the Old Fire Station, Oxford DANCE: Remembering Fred 7.30pm - Wyervn Theatre, Swindon Tuesday April 3 to Saturday April 7 THEATRE: Gallowglass Times vary - Salisbury Playhouse

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Spring Curtain Raiser Comedian Lucy Porter boards the chat train

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Lucy Porter has been a huge hit with comedy audiences up and down the country for over ten years with her distinctive, bouncy,

feel-good comedy.

She’s on her way to Swindon where she is due to appear at the Arts Centre on 24 February.

I’m aware that you need to be rapidly heading out of the door for the school run - how do you balance childcare with touring?

It is quite a challenge at times - and it’s made a little worse by the fact that my husband Justin Edwards (an actor) also has a ‘weird’ job as well. If it wasn’t for my network of friends and family I don’t know how I would manage to be honest.

My children are 6 and 7 at the moment, which means that yes… childcare is something of an issue, bless ‘em!

They don’t quite understand the job I do - but they know that they are not allowed to see the shows. They have been telling people that Mummy is an adult entertainer… which is not quite right I’ll have you know!

Your new show - ‘Choose your battles’ - what does it all mean?

Do you pick the title ahead of writing your material and then furiously backfill?

You do have to choose the title of your show ahead of time - I draw my inspiration from real life and the things I observe around me. Something will suggest itself as a topic and then I will run with that.

You can expect the content of the show to change from the time when you have put together the poster - but I’ve never had anyone come back to me to complain that they have been mis-sold a show.

Do you evolve the show through feedback with the audience?

Yes of course - in fact I’m

the worst for that.

But that is what’s so great about performing live in front of other people. I love connecting with the audience - bouncing off the audience. I like to take people on a journey - there are other brilliant comics out there who bang out the one liners - but that is not my style. While I have my script, it’s great to depart from that and explore different avenues. That’s why I absolutely love doing stand up. I’ve done a bit of acting in my time - but I guess I’m not the greatest actor, stand up is my thing. It’s genuinely wonderful when you get people coming up to you afterwards and saying that you made them look at something a different way.

Can you remember your first gig? What persuaded you to continue?

I can remember it well - It was a show in a jazz bar where you

with Ben Fitzgerald

Ben Fitzgerald managed to fit in a high-speed power chat before she had to rush to school to pick up her children. get a two-minute slot and if you were no good then the fun police would come on the stage and hit you with rubber truncheons and haul you off.

Luckily they seemed to like me - no rubber truncheons. I thought this is great it was only later that I realised how difficult stand up can be.

Is it really you up there on stage?

Very much so. Some comics like to develop a persona which is quite different to their real personality. I’m very much me. I probably should have created a new stage personality when I started out because then I could blame it on that person if I bomb badly.

Career wise - can you afford to be choosy about what you take on?

There is that temptation when you are self-employed because you might not know where the next job is coming from. But I’m lucky enough to have great management now and I’ve got a lot better at choosing what work to do and what is best for me.

Also, I’m fundamentally quite a lazy person so that is a good thing. Being lazy is an important life skill.

Is stand up any kind of job for a grown up?

Not really I suppose - it is a strange way to earn a living as people around me are keen to remind me.

The trouble with being a comedian is that it is hard for people to take you seriously. www.lucyporter. co.uk

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Jason Manford is on tour again with his latest show Muddle Class. Sold out in most places across the UK, tickets are still available at Salisbury City Hall, Friday April 20

Saturday April 7 to Sunday April 22 Saturday April 7 FAMILY: Tweedy The Clown 2pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon MUSIC: Garry J Foley - Elvis Tribute Night 7.30pm - Neeld Community and Arts Centre, Chippenham THEATRE: The Listening Room 7.30pm - Arts at the Old Fire Station, Oxford TALKS: An Evening with Brian Blessed 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon COMEDY: Thünderbards - The Best Of 8pm - Swindon Arts Centre Sunday April 8 FAMILY: The Sagas of Noggin the Nog 2.30pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot Monday April 9 FAMILY: Nick Sharratt’s Big Draw-Along 2pm - Swindon Arts Centre Wednesday April 11 FAMILY: Higgledy Piggledy Pie 11am - Salisbury Arts Centre FAMILY: The Nose that Nobody Picked 2.30pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot THEATRE: The Bob Dylan Story 8pm - Swindon Arts Centre Thursday April 12 to Saturday April 14 THEATRE: Hamlet Times vary - Salisbury Playhouse Thursday April 12 MUSIC: Russell Watson - Canzoni d’amore 7.30pm - Salisbury City Hall THEATRE: The War of the Worlds 7.30pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot TALKS: Robin Ince - Pragmatic Insanity 8pm - Swindon Arts Centre Friday April 13 to Sunday April 15 THEATRE: 42nd Street Times vary - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon

Friday April 13 MUSIC: The Travelling Wilburys Experience 7.30pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot COMEDY: Phil Jupitus: Juplicity 8pm - Neeld Community and Arts Centre, Chippenham Saturday April 14 FAMILY: John Hegley: All Hail The Snail Times vary - North Wall Arts Centre, Oxford FAMILY: Captain Flinn and the Pirate Dinosaurs 2: The Magic Cutlands 2.30pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot MUSIC: The Guns and Roses Experience 7pm - Salisbury City Hall MUSIC: The Bootleg Shadows 7.30pm - Swindon Arts Centre Sunday April 15 FAMILY: Innocence Times vary - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot Monday April 16 FAMILY: Squawk: Penguins Times vary - Salisbury Arts Centre Tuesday April 17 to Saturday 21 April THEATRE: Pirates of Penzance Times vary - Swindon Arts Centre Tuesday April 17 COMEDY: Squawk: Prejudice and Pride Times vary - Salisbury Arts Centre THEATRE: Quarter Life Crisis 7.30pm - BT Studio at Oxford Playhouse Wednesday April 18 to Saturday April 21 THEATRE: Black Men Walking 7.45pm - Salisbury Playhouse Wednesday April 18 MUSIC: Barenaked Ladies 7pm - Salisbury City Hall MUSIC: Squawk: Grace Petrie 7.15 - Salisbury Arts Centre THEATRE: Jane Eyre – An Autobiography 7.30pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot

MUSIC: Beth Hart 7.30pm - New Theatre, Oxford MUSIC: The Deadsouth 8pm - Arlington Arts Centre, Newbury Thursday April 19 to Saturday May 5 THEATRE: Moonfleet Times vary - Salisbury Playhouse Thursday April 19 THEATRE: The Magnificent Music Hall 2pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot MUSIC: The Roy Orbison Story 7.30pm - New Theatre, Oxford Friday April 20 to Saturday 21 April THEATRE: A Berlin Kabaret 7.30pm - North Wall Arts Centre, Oxford Friday April 20 THEATRE/DANCE: Squawk: Too Pretty to Punch 7.15pm - Salisbury Arts Centre COMEDY: Jason Manford: Muddle Class 7.30pm - Salisbury City Hall MUSIC: Calan 8pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot Saturday April 21 to Sunday April 22 FAMILY: My First Ballet - Swan Lake Times vary - New Theatre, Oxford COMEDY: David Baddiel - My Family: Not The Sitcom 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon Saturday April 21 FAMILY: Calan Times vary - BT Studio at Oxford Playhouse THEATRE: Bertolt Brecht’s True Protagonists 5pm - Arts at the Old Fire Station COMEDY: Squawk: Peter Tatchell 6.45pm - Salisbury Arts Centre DANCE/THEATRE: Spanish Night – Flamenco de Academia 7.30pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot MUSIC: Rumours of Fleetwood Mack 8pm - Salisbury City Hall

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“A discussion with readings of the role of women in Brecht’s life and work.”

Arts at the Old Fire Station, Saturday April 21

Sunday April 22 to Thursday May 17 Sunday April 22 MUSIC: Kim Wilde - ‘Here come the Aliens’ Tour 8pm - Salisbury City Hall Monday April 23 MUSIC: Feast of Fiddles 7.30pm - Neeld Community and Arts Centre, Chippenham Tuesday April 24 Saturday May 5 THEATRE: Burke and Hare Times vary - Watermill Theatre, Newbury Tuesday April 24 Saturday April 28 THEATRE: Pericles, Prince de Tyr Times vary - Oxford Playhouse Tuesday April 24 MUSIC: Menopause: The Musical 7.30pm - New Theatre, Oxford Wed April 25 to Saturday April 28 THEATRE: The Accrington Pals 7.30pm - Swindon Arts Centre Wednesday April 25 MUSIC: Heather Small - The Voice of M People 8pm - Salisbury City Hall Thursday April 26 to Saturday April 28 THEATRE: A Dangerous Woman 7.45pm - Salisbury Playhouse Thursday April 26 COMEDY: Jason Manford - Muddle Class 7.30pm - New Theatre, Oxford THEATRE: Seven Drunken Nights - The Story of the Dubliners 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon COMEDY: Tez Ilyas: Teztify 8pm - Arts at the Old Fire Station, Oxford Friday April 27 DANCE: Pasha Kovalev - Meet & Greet 6pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon MUSIC: Bryan Ferry 7pm - New Theatre, Oxford COMEDY: Phil Jupitus: Juplicity

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7.15pm - Salisbury Arts Centre COMEDY: Comedy Club 8pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon Saturday April 28 to Sunday May 1 COMEDY: Dara O Briain - Voice of Reason 7.15pm - New Theatre, Oxford Saturday April 28 MUSIC: Royal Philharmonic Orchestra 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon Sunday April 29 MUSIC: Hazel O’Connor - See You Again 8pm - Swindon Arts Centre Tuesday May 1 to Saturday May 5 THEATRE: Thoroughly Modern Millie Times vary - New Theatre, Oxford Tuesday May 1 COMEDY: Ed Byne - Spolier Alert 8pm - Salisbury City Hall Wednesday May 2 COMEDY: Jeremy Hardy 8pm - Swindon Arts Centre Thursday May 3 to Saturday May 5 THEATRE: Education, Education, Education 7.45pm - Salisbury Playhouse Thursday May 3 COMEDY: Adam Hess & Glenn Moore 8pm - Swindon Arts Centre Friday May 4 MUSIC: Davey Dodds & Friends 7.30pm - Swindon Arts Centre Saturday May 5 MUSIC: Oye Santana 8pm - Arlington Arts Centre, Newbury Sunday May 6 MUSIC: The Waterboys 7.30pm - New Theatre, Oxford Tuesday May 8 to Saturday May 12 THEATRE: Beautiful - The Carole King Musical Times vary - New Theatre, Oxford

Wednesday May 9 MUSIC: Eddi Reader 8pm - Arlington Arts Centre, Newbury Thursday May 10 to Saturday May 12 THEATRE: Crimes Under the Sun Times vary - Salisbury Playhouse THEATRE: Macbeth 7.30pm - Salisbury Playhouse Thursday May 10 to Saturday June 16 THEATRE: A Midsummer Night’s Dream Times vary - Watermill Theatre, Newbury Thursday May 10 COMEDY: Lee Hurst - ‘Mucking About’ 7.30pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot Friday May 11 DANCE: Ian Waite & Oti Mabuse Rhythm of the Night 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon MUSIC: Queen II 7.30pm - Neeld Community and Arts Centre, Chippenham Sunday May 13 MUSIC: Swing Birds 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon Tuesday May 15 COMEDY: Brian Conley 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon Wednesday May 16 COMEDY: Brian Conley 7.30pm - New Theatre, Oxford MUSIC: Stacey Kent in Concert 7.30pm - Salisbury Playhouse Thursday May 17 to Saturday 19 May THEATRE: Engine Break 7.45pm - Salisbury Playhouse

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Dancin’ Oxford’s Spring Festival

The 2018 Dancin’ Oxford festival is probably the best yet, with more professional companies, lots of taster sessions plus extraordinary aerial performances on the new Westgate Shopping Centre façade.

Now in its 12th year and funded by Oxford City Council and Arts Council England, Claire Thompson, Oxford City Council Dance Officer said “Each Festival has its strengths and this Spring one is no different. I am delighted that we have now engaged with venues all over the county with a wide variety of performances that should suit all tastes.

For our annual free event in Oxford City Centre we are upending the dance floor for a series of aerial performances danced to a driving musical score. What a treat.”

Gravity & Levity (March 10) one of the UK’s leading aerial dance companies revel in animating architecture, upending the dance

floor to view the city from a whole new perspective. It will scale the Westgate Shopping Centre façade to dance up, down and across, to a lively musical score.

The annual Moving with the Times (March 9 and 10) comprises of 3 specially commissioned pieces by Dancin Oxford and Pegasus and feature Oxford performers Joelle Pappas, Lunas Dance and Orley and Sermet. The themes range from an exploration of attitudes and behaviours to motherhood.

One of last year’s Moving with the Times performers Richard Chappell Dance wowed audiences and now has a show for 4 dancers at the end we begin (March 8) based on TS Elliot’s poems.

The other two big shows this year are Gecko’s The Wedding (March 1 to 3) and Tango Moderno (March 5 to 8), the latter starring Vincent Simone and Flavia Cacace.

The North Wall plays host to four dance performances including the return of the popular children’s’ dance company Peut-Etre Theatre with a new show Tidy Up (March 10).

Outside the city The Mill in Banbury will host J&D Acrobats’ Knot (March 9) and Cornerstone Didcot New Art Club’s Cupid’s Revenge.

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PRIME THEATRE The true story of two male penguins in New York’s Central Park Zoo will come to life in a new show for children in Swindon at the Wyvern Theatre on April 23 and 24.

Inspired by a report in the New York Times that touched hearts worldwide, Penguins tells the story of Roy and Silo, two male Chinstrap penguins who just like the other penguins at Central Park Zoo, walk, play, swim and dance together. When the duo decide to try and hatch a rock in place of an egg, they find themselves on an adventure that could mean raising a chick for real.

The production is being directed by award winning children’s theatre director Paul Bosco Mc Eneaney and choreographed by critically acclaimed Carlos Pons Guerra.

Mark Powell, Artistic Director, said: “We are incredibly proud to be working on this important, unique theatre piece for families and young audiences. Being able to combine dance and theatre means many of our young people will be introduced to a new type of production.”

Tickets are on sale via www.swindontheatres.co.uk.

SWINDON FRINGE FESTIVAL Swindon Fringe Festival is returning this year for another tour of fanatstic local acts from Friday April 6 to Sunday April 15.

Fringe boasts a varied range of acts from comedy, music, magic, theatre, and dance which will be taking place in venues all across Swindon. Previous venues included The Victoria, Shoebox Theatre, Swindon Town Hall, and The Bohemian Balcony.

Swindon Fringe, aka Swinge, has announced some award-winning and unmissble upcoming acts including Tony Cowards – Punderdog, Rob Gee - Fruitcake – Ten Commandments from the Psych Ward and Brave Bold Drama - George and the Flight of the Imaginees, SexJazzm and Spunking Octochoke.

This year The Ocelot will be holding a comedy night at The Victoria Thursday April 12. The night will include four free comedy acts including our night’s comedy compare. The acts will be released at a later date, but what we can disclose is that it’s one to whack in the diary.

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New to the comedy citcuit is Patrick Monhan who will be debuting his latest show at Arlington Arts Centre, Friday May 25

Thursday May 17 to Thursday May 31 Thursday May 17 MUSIC: The Illegal Eagles 7.30pm - New Theatre, Oxford COMEDY: Daliso Chaponda 8pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon Friday May 18 to Saturday May 19 COMEDY: Bill Bailey - Larks In Transit 8pm - New Theatre, Oxford Sunday May 20 COMEDY: One Woman Sex and the City 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon Monday May 21 TALKS: Tony Stockwell - Psychic Medium 7.30pm - Swindon Arts Centre Tuesday May 22 MUSIC: A Celebration of the Carpenters 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon Wednesday May 23 COMEDY: Danny Baker - Good Time Charlie’s Back!

7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon COMEDY: Stuart Goldsmith - Like I Mean It 8pm - Swindon Arts Centre Thursday May 24 DANCE: Remembering Fred 7.30pm - Salisbury City Hall COMEDY: Tom Stade: I Swear

7.30pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot THEATRE: Grumpy Old Women - To The Rescue 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon COMEDY: Shappi Khorsandi 8pm - Swindon Arts Centre Friday May 25 MUSIC: That’ll Be The Day 7.30pm - Salisbury City Hall DANCE: Kevin & Karen 7.30pm - New Theatre, Oxford MUSIC: The Illegal Eagles 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon COMEDY: Morgan & West 7.30pm - Swindon Arts Centre COMEDY: Patrick Monahan 8pm - Arlington Arts Centre, Newbury Saturday May 26 FAMILY: Jay Foreman 2pm - Swindon Arts Centre THEATRE: One Night of Queen 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon COMEDY: Joe Lycett 8pm - New Theatre, Oxford Sunday May 27 DANCE: BalletBoyz 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon THEATRE: Quentin Crisp - Naked Hope 7.30pm - Swindon Arts Centre

Monday May 28 TALKS: The World Cup Roadshow 8pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon Tuesday May 29 to Saturday June 2 THEATRE: 9 to 5 - The Musical Times vary - New Theatre, Oxford Tuesday May 29 FAMILY: Tidy Up Times vary - Salisbury Playhouse COMEDY: Chris Ramsey 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon Wednesday May 30 FAMILY: The Little Mochi Man Times vary - Salisbury Playhouse MUSIC: Wuthering Heights - The Music of Kate Bush 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon Thursday May 31 MUSIC: The Dreamboys 7.30pm - Wyvern Theatre, Swindon COMEDY: Ivo Graham - Educated Guess 8pm - Swindon Arts Centre

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Little Brother Eli

Little Brother Eli

By Claire Dukes

It’s always great to see a familiar name pop up in your inbox. Back in October we were pleased to share that Little Brother Eli (LBE) had been named the ‘Best Unsigned Band in the UK’, and this time round the guys have got in touch to link us up with their latest single Tooth.

The one thing that’s always drawn me to Little Brother Eli is that they are always showing signs of experimenting and evolving. I first came across the band when they were coasting through on a foundation of bluesy garage rock vibes, but their latest material has found a new direction. It’s incredible.

Tooth is undoubtedly going into disco and electronic territory, and LBE have pulled it off like ducks to water. They’ve even changed their physical look. LBE bassit, Josh Rigal, said: “We’ve decided to move in a new musical direction and alter our image, completely moving away from ‘blues rock’ and ditching

the waistcoats look.

“With our new songs we’ve been experimenting with disco rhythms and contemporary electronic sounds in the context of a live rock band.“ I won’t lie I’m kind of missing the waistcoats, mainly because only so many people can pull them off, but having had a sneaky listen to Tooth I am completely on board. If Tooth is a sample of what to expect from their latest material, I can’t wait to get my hands on the album. I thorougly ate up their last album Oceans, but it would appear that LBE have excelled onto new horrizons and graduated from adolescence.

Little Brother Eli will be releasing Tooth this month, February 9, followed by their launch gig at The Wheatsheaf in Oxford on February 24.

For tickets visit www.littlebrothereli.com

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Music News Wildheart frontman lined up for Swindon date Swindon’s Victoria pub is hosting Ginger Wildheart, iconic front man of British rock band The Wildhearts on March 8.

Ginger has had many stage guises, Silver Ginger 5, Mutations, Sonic Circus among others, but he is best loved and known for fronting The Wildhearts throughout the 90s, releasing eight studio albums, knocking Top Of The Pops for 6 and touring the world, regularly gracing the front of the British press musical tabloids.

Ginger will be performing

his “Ghost In The Tanglewood” album. In support is Oxygen Thief.

The Xtra Mile signed artist is making the short trip down the M4 from Bristol for this one off show. AKA Barry, is well known locally, and being such a super fan of The Wildhearts, was a natural fit for the support.

The act opening the show to be announced, but will certainly be local Swindon act.

Tickets £15/£18 on the door www.wegottickets.com/ event/426569

Cabaret legend Barb Jungr delves into Sting’s songbook

On Thursday 22 February, cabaret legend Barb Jungr will return to the Corn Exchange stage in Newbury, with her latest show, Float Like A Butterfly: The Sting Project.

An internationally acclaimed singer in the worlds of jazz and cabaret, Barb Jungr is renowned for her unique vocal style, interpretation of well-known songs, and highly skilled approach to re-arranging music. In this brand new show, she is joined

by Grammy and Emmy awardwinning pianist, John McDaniel, combining his transformative new arrangements for voice and piano with Barb’s infectious style to explore and reinvent Sting’s hitladen songbook. This will include songs from Sting’s time both as a member of The Police, and as a solo artist, including Englishman in New York, Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic, Fields of Gold, Fragile, King of Pain, and Roxanne.

Long-time Newbury favourite, Barb Jungr performed numerous times at the Corn Exchange’s former venue, New Greenham

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Arts, and played her last show there in June 2017, accompanied by piano powerhouse, John McDaniel.

The pair now make a welcome return to Newbury, with their exploration of Sting’s extensive jazz back catalogue.

Across her 40 plus year career, Barb has carved a significant reputation for combining immaculate vocal technique, impassioned performance,

piercing insight and beautifully unexpected musical arrangements to reinterpret a century’s worth of European and American popular songs.

Enjoy an evening of world class music, and welcome Barb back to the Corn Exchange on Thursday 22 February, 7.45pm.

Tickets £16 (£14 concessions).

To book tickets please visit www. cornexchangenew.com or call the Box Office on 0845 5218 218.

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Music News Three top notch acts to look out for in Oxford A triple headed treat is in store at The Wheatsheaf in Oxford. Taking place on March 31, Gappy Tooth Industries will be hosting a night to showcase the work of three up and coming artists A Different Thread, Kiva and Little Red. A Different Thread play what they are calling ‘BritishAmericana’ pulling from the roots of traditional American and British music alike, weaving together aspects of country, blues and folk with classical undertones and a hint of bluegrass. After the band’s recent tour in Europe, front-man Robert Jackson returns to the UK for this

solo performance with tales of his latest adventures. www.facebook.com/ adifferentthread Kiva bring to the stage a lighter, eclectic mix of powerful songs and beautiful harmonies. They write original material that draws on traditions as diverse as folk, pop, indie-rock, and classical music. Their songs twist and turn in unexpected directions yet always keep melody at their heart. Their words explore life and love, by turns funny, sad, lost, and found. www.kivaband.uk Oxfordshire and Berkshire’s foremost macabre folk spellcasters, LIttle Red will

be playing in a new quintet format. From a clean fingerpicked guitar figure, that has a whiff of the cosy, unflurried ’70s library music style that Trunk Records christened Fuzzy Felt Folk, closely entwined male and female vocals bob on a charming little melody, like a toy boat on a choppy duckpond. It sounds limpidly lovely, but like so many great folk tunes, the jaunty music hides a black heart, the lyrics telling of betrayal, disappointment and visceral knife crime” www. littleredband.co.uk £4.50 on the door, cheaper from www.wegottickets.com/ event/428824

Rolleston and Level III rock out for the last time The Rolleston and Level III bowed out in style when they hosted rabble-rousing singer-songwriter Frank Turner to see off the iconic venue in style.

As the bar closed around him Frank led the sell out crowd in a sweaty singalong in fitting tribute to the much loved live music venue.

Kicking off the evening were support acts Mike Barham (the tallest man in rock) and Sean McGowan (not him from the Pogues) who revved up the energy levels ahead of the main event.

In a statement, Level III owners said: “Due to cost of operation pressures Level III (and the pub upstairs, The Rolleston Arms) will sadly be closing its doors after our sold out show with Frank Turner. We’re immensely upset and disappointed that after over a year of impressive progress the

team behind the venue have not been able to do enough to keep the doors open.

It’s hard to feel like anything other than we’ve let you down –

and we’re sorry.

“We’d also like to thank all current (and former) members of staff for their contribution to the venue.

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Gig list Thursday February 1 Oxrox Industrial Rock Night 7pm - Fat Lil’s, Witney The Brew 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford Friday February 2 Natalie Imbruglia 6.30pm - O2 Academy 2, Oxford London Calling Play the Clash 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford Martin Simpson 8pm - Marlborough Town Hall One Last Thrill 8pm - The Winchester Gate

Jesca Hoop 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford

Triple JD 8pm - The Three Horseshoes, Bradford on Avon

Groovelator 8pm - The Three Horseshoes, Bradford on Avon

Down & Dirty 8.30pm - The Lamb Inn, Marlborough

Monday February 5 All Welcome Night 8pm - The Lamb Inn, Devizes Tuesday February 6

The Scalectrics 8.30pm - Fat Lil’s, Witney

Singaround 8pm - The Swan Hotel, Bradford on Avon

Evolution 9pm - The Queens Tap, Swindon

The Blinders + TBC 8pm - The Victoria, Swindon Wednesday February 7

The Funkinstiens 8pm - The Three Horseshoes, Bradford on Avon

Josh Smith + Aerial Posen 8pm - The Victoria, Swindon

Big Boss Man 8.30pm - The Victoria, Swindon

Wacky Wednesday 9pm - The Victoria, Swindon

One of Us 9pm - The Mermaid, Burford Penfold 9pm - The Queens Tap, Swindon Broken Silence 9.30pm - Groove Company Inn, Swindon Saturday February 3 The Sherlocks 6.30pm - O2 Academy, Oxford Glee Comedy 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford China Shop Bull + Slackrr 8pm - The Three Horseshoes, Bradford on Avon The Soul Strutters 8pm - O2 Academy, Oxford Hog Wild Scooters Club Annual Do 8.30pm - The Victoria, Swindon Killertones 8.30pm - The Lamb Inn, Marlborough Interlight 9pm - Woodlands Edge, Swindon Shepherds Pie 9pm - Fat Lil’s, Witney Vice Versa 9pm - The Queen’s Tap, Swindon Emergency Banter 9.30pm - Groves Company Inn, Swindon

Hipkiss Band 8.30pm - The Castle Inn, Swindon

Thursday February 8 Oxrox Heavy 7pm - Fat Lil’s, Witney Singers’ Night 8pm - The Royal Oak, Corsham Ginger Wildheart 8.30pm - The Victoria, Swindon Friday February 9 Mr B The Gentleman Rhymer 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford

Sound Affects 9pm - The Crown, Lechlade Zing 9pm - Woodlands Edge, Swindon Syntronix 9.30pm - Groves Company Inn, Swindon Sunday February 11 Angel up Front 5pm - The Bell, Wantage John Robins: The Darkness of Robins 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford Jorja Smith 7pm - O2 Academy, Oxford Dirtbox Disco + Charred Hearts 8pm - The Victoria, Swindon Ruzz Guitars Electric Blues Review 8pm - The Three Horseshoes, Bradford on Avon Monday February 12

Downard + Brockly Forest 8pm - The Three Horseshoes, Bradford on Avon

Newton Faulkner 6.30pm - O2 Academy, Oxford

Faustus 8pm - Ace Space, Newbury

All Welcome Night 8pm - The Lamb Inn, Devizes

Soapbox 8pm - The Winchester Gate, Salisbury

Tuesday February 13

Rewire the Time Machine 8.30pm - The Victoria, Swindon Jimmy Lee – Red Hot Trio 9pm - The Queens Tap, Swindon Rockin Ratbags 9pm - The Mermaid, Burford Steely Scam 9pm - Fat Lil’s, Witney Blinkdaze 9.30pm - Groves Company Inn, Swindon

Thornbridge 8pm - The Swan Hotel, Bradford on Avon Wednesday February 14 Wacky Wednesday 9pm - The Victoria, Swindon Thursday February 15 Hayseed Dixie 7pm - O2 Academy, Oxford Big Boy Bloater & The Limits 7.45pm - Fat Lil’s, Witney

Saturday February 10

Simple Ft DJ Stingray 11pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford

Sunjay 8pm - The Royal Oak, Corsham

Cash – A Tribute to the Man in Black 6.30pm - O2 Academy, Oxford

Chay Snowdon + Basement Club 8.30pm - The Victoria, Swindon

The Skepsis UK Tour 11pm - The O2 Academy, Oxford

Glee Comedy 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford

Friday February 16

Sunday February 4

Bitter Divideo 8pm - The Winchester Gate, Salisbury

Hyperbolics 5pm - The Bell, Wantage

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The Guitar Legends Show 8pm - The Victoria, Swindon

Fern Brady – Suffer Fools 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford Pink Diamond Revue 8pm - The Three Horseshoes, Bradford on Avon

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The White Lakes + Mellor + Dais 8pm - Jericho Tavern, Oxford Who’s Next (Tribute to The Who) + Circus 66 8pm - Fat Lil’s, Witney Supernaut 8.30pm - The Victoria, Swindon Damm (Dan & Mac Music) 9pm - The Queens Tap, Swindon Kevin Lovatt (Johnny Cash Tribute) 9pm - The Mermaid, Burford Train to Skaville 9.30pm - Groves Company Inn, Swindon Saturday February 17 Dr John Cooper Clarke 6.30pm - O2 Academy, Oxford Glee Comedy 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford Babar Luck & The World Citizen Folk Band 8pm - The Winchester Gate, Burford

Thursday February 22 Oxrox Punk Night: Trauma UK + The Urban Outsiders + BEUK + Be Still + Red Terror UK 7pm - Fat Lil’s, Witney

Gig List

Wolfbait 8.30pm - Fat Lil’s, Witney Flash Harry

9pm - The Queens Tap, Swindon

Folk Spotlight Night 8pm - The Royal Oak, Corsham

Soul Tones 9pm - Woodlands Edge, Swindon

Stolen Jam 8.30pm - The Vic, Swindon

Stat-X 9.30pm - Groves Company Inn, Swindon

Friday February 23 Daliso ‘What the African Said’ 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford

Sunday February 25 Monthly Blues Jam 3pm - Fat Lil’s, Witney

31 Hours + Zurich + Daisy 8pm - The Jericho Tavern, Oxford

Blackmax & The Pirates 5pm - The Bell, Wantage

Ocean Sunset View + Sinful Maggie 8pm - The Winchester Gate, Salisbury

Tom Ivey (duo) 5pm - The Brewery Tap, Abingdon-onThames

The Bohemian Embassy 8pm - The Three Horseshoes, Bradford on Avon

Carlton Melton + Carpet 8pm - The Winchester Gate, Salisbury

Deaf Horse + Hell Death Fury + The Bucky Rage 8pm - The Three Horseshoes, Bradford on Avon

Felix and the Funk

Pagoda Project 8pm - Ace Space, Newbury

Beatles Tribute

Barrelhouses 8.30pm - The Lamb Inn, Marlborough

9pm - The Mermaid, Burford

Monday February 26 All Welcome Night

Craig Hutchesson

8pm - The Lamb Inn, Devizes

9pm - The Cross Keys, Swindon

Tuesday February 27 Cosgrave & Banks 8pm - Swan Hotel, Bradford-on-Avon

The Harlers + Bloody English 8.30pm - The Victoria, Swindon Damn Good Reason 9pm - Fat Lil’s, Witney Dirt Preachers 9pm - The Queens Tap, Swindon Mojo 9pm - Woodlands Edge, Swindon Absolute Blondie 9.30pm - Groves Company Inn, Swindon Silent Disco by Silent Social 11pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford Sunday February 18 Locarno Beat 5.30pm - The Bell, Wantage Real to Reel (Tribute to Marillion) 5.30pm - Fat Lil’s, Witney

8.30pm - The Victoria, Swindon

Get Schwifty 9pm - Woodlands Edge, Swindon Mad Larry 9pm - The Prince of Wales, Shippon Haxan 9.30pm - Groves Company Inn, Swindon Saturday February 24 King 810 6.30pm - O2 Academy, Oxford Glee Comedy – Stand up Saturdays 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford Lucy Vee + Quartermelon + Little Brother Eli 8pm - The Wheatsheaf, Oxford Professor Elemental + Support

Monday February 19

8pm - The Winchester Gate, Salisbury

All Welcome Folk Night 8pm - The Lamb, Devizes Tuesday February 20

Pussycat and the Dirty Johnsons 8pm - The Three Horseshoes, Bradford on Avon

Pete Boss and the Blue Hearts 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford

Belladonna 8.30pm - The Castle Inn, Swindon

Folk Singaround 8pm - Swan Hotel, Bradford on Avon

Rockabilly Rumble

Wednesday February 21 Wacky Wednesday 8pm - The Vic, Swindon

Retro Electro 8pm - The Three Horseshoes, Bradford on Avon

8.30pm - The Lamb Inn, Devizes Shepherds Pie 8.30pm - The Victoria, Swindon

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Agony Girl Four year old Amy is celebrating her fifth birthday this month but she still finds time to do Agony Girl.

We ask her the questions and these are her answers.... honest!

Dear Amy, What came first the chicken or the egg?

David, Newbury The chicken because somebody else had it first. I like chicken but I wouldn’t want to be one.

Dear Amy, What do you think of Donald Trump as president of the United States of America?

He’s now been president for a whole year and every decision he makes seems to be the wrong one that causes lots of damage but I might be wrong.

Gary, Devizes I don’t like him because he’s bad. Because he kills people. lots and lots and lots of people.

And he smells.

Dear Amy, I really need a good story that I can turn into a movie and make loads of money off without paying any royalties to the person who came up with the idea. Can you tell me a story?

Hans, Oxford Once upon a time there was a litte litte dinosaur that went stomp, stomp stomp and a princess comes and gets eaten. The end.

Dear Amy, My wife keeps saying that she wants me to stop snoring. But I don’t snore. I know 46

because I stayed awake one night just to see if I did snore and I didn’t snore once. What should I do?

Kenny, Swindon You should tell her to stop it. Because she is really really annoying. I don’t snore because I don’t. My daddy snores but I quite like it as he sounds like a piggy.

Dear Amy, What are you doing next week?

Karen, Oxford I’m gong to a jungle gym near school and I’m gong to go down the slide and going to kick something like a ball and do some playing.

Dear Amy, What’s your favourite subject at school?

Quentin, Abingdon I like it when we do about tigers. That’s my favourite subject. Tigers eat people and I love them. They’re cute but you shouldn’t stroke them as that’s naughty.

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