The lifestyle and entertainment guide for Wiltshire, Oxfordshire and West Berkshire

Lifestyle and Culture Magazine Wiltshire, Oxfordshire and West Berkshire

No: 150 December 2018

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The Ocelot at 150 p8

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#150

DECEMBER ISSUE

For Starters

04 Michael Bosley 06 Encyclopaedia Ocelotica 07 Tattoos, booze and poos 08 The Ocelot at 150 Lifestyle

10 Get Away 12 How to Survive New Year 14 Style 16 TV and Film and Gaming Brews and Eats

19 Wine not?

20 Brewery Bird 21 History of tequila 22 Christmas around the world Arts and Culture

26 Review - Sherlock Holmes 28 The panto guide 32 Watermill’s Robin Hood 35 Richard E Grant?!?!

Music

36 Two Sick Monkeys 38 Blinders 40 EP and Single reviews 42 Huey Morgan at The O2 44 The Month Ahead The Final Bit of the magazine

46 Agony Girl

Welcome to our 150th That’s me there looking like a bit of a smarmy git!

I was young when I started The Ocelot, 12 and a half years ago. I was baby-faced without a hint of grey and now I have more grey hairs than a timber wolf.

With that in mind we thought we would show you what The Ocelot has been up to in the past 150 years of history before he settled down to ‘do’ a magazine.

There have been some big changes going on behind the scenes of late. Some of you might know that three and a half years ago The Ocelot was sold to Positive Media Group and they retained me and Dave Stewart to run the company. This is the company that also runs Swindon Link magazine.

Well, I’ve now bought Positive Media Group myself so The Ocelot is now back in the ownership of me - the guy who founded it. Except now I also own Swindon Link as well so that’s all good then...

Happy Christmas.

Write in to me at jamie@theocelot.co.uk

Jamie Hill

Editor: Jamie Hill - jamie@theocelot.co.uk Deputy: Ben Fitzgerald - ben@theocelot.co.uk Reporter: Claire Dukes - claire@theocelot.co.uk Sales: Dave Stewart dave@theocelot.co.uk - 07872 176999 Rosy Presley rosy@positivemediagroup. press - 07717 501790 Telephone: 01793 781986 Publisher: Positive Media Group, Unit 3, Arclite House, Peatmoor, Swindon SN5 5YN Printers: Deltor, Saltash, Cornwall

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For Starters

A black hole of a The Nerd’s Last Word with Michael Bosley Black Friday is a thing that just happens now, let’s just accept that. It also doesn’t seem to span the length of a Friday, but across an arbitrary period of time of the store’s choosing.

The term itself sounds ominous and originates from the idea that during this period, companies peddling their wares will see their finances appear back in the “black”, whilst those buying will ironically see their finances fall into the red. It’s also not at all in keeping with the jolly holiday season we’d expect. I mean what’s wrong with “Festive Friday” or “Frivolous Friday”?

“Black Friday” sounds like the term coined for an infamous massacre nobody likes to talk about.

Do you remember where you were on Black Friday? Cowering in the bath with the kids or watching it all unfold on rolling TV news?

Black Friday: When you thought it couldn’t get worse than Dark Tuesday.

It’s also a marketing nightmare. Black signs generally don’t invite the shopper to come inside and spend, but rather warn them that there could be extreme violence and scenes of a sexual nature that some may find disturbing.

But it’s just another sign of our increasing Americanisation in an age where not only our shopping has become international, but our film and television shows too. No longer are we constrained

by terrestrial channels beaming Supermarket Sweep and Wish You Were Here to our televisions once a week. We can access the latest US dramas, comedies and chat shows from legitimate, paid for services such as Netflix and Amazon Prime and stream our favourite YouTube videos at the same time as anyone else around the world.

But in having the world on a plate, ready to consume at any time we want means we’ve lost the collective conversational topics we once had when TV was scheduled and we eagerly looked forward to the next episode. No more conversations around the water cooler about last night’s episode, because Janice from accounting has it on catch up, or it’s on her “list” because she’s still catching up with Game of Thrones, which you can’t talk about because you think it’s all a load of dragon porn and medieval wank.

So instead now all we have in common is Black Friday. That one time of the year where we can share stories about the unbelievable bargains we got on our soon-to-be-landfill deals on moustache trimmers and coffee pods. That frenzied period before Christmas where we can get away with a bit more jostling, passive-aggressive tutting and street fighting over something called “Kevin the Carrot” before we’re officially required to be charitable and festive.

Black Friday: Because Black Monday and Bloody Sunday were taken.

No relief when the rains finally come Off The Grid with Luke Coleman - Our man in Iraq

Winter’s rolled in, here in Erbil.

It’s not something people associate with Iraq, the cold, the rain, the drawn-in nights.

This year we’ve had lots of rain, cracking thunderstorms breaking over the thirsty country. If these downpours could be averaged out over the winter, they’d be vital for Iraq. Reservoirs would fill, a store would be set for the

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dry months from May onward.

Crops could be irrigated, the two rivers might flow fast enough to reach the very south unburdened by salt, the marshes might not be under threat.

As it is, the rains fall hard and fast, the land unable to slake the summer thirst effectively, water running off and flooding, rather than finding its way into the rivers, streams and water tables.

IDP camps get washed away, whole towns find themselves underwater, overnight – think Somerset or the other flood plains

that are hit worst in the UK, but couple it with crumbling civil works.

It’s a bad joke that when the rain comes, it’s more hindrance than relief, another obstacle for authorities and NGOs to navigate.

Iraq is not, sadly, a geographic manifestation of a camel.

And water will be the basis of the country’s continued insecurity until the other resource – oil – is made to pay for a massive overhaul of the neglected infrastructure.

www.theocelot.co.uk

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Encyclopedia Ocelotica: The Kilogram

By Ben Fitzgerald

Since 1889 a simple platinum iridium cylinder has been hidden away under no fewer than three glass bell jars and secured with three keys two of which are in France - and placed inside a secure vault in the Parisian suburb of Sevres.

For this is no ordinary lump of metal… it even has its own name as befits its hallowed status.

It’s not big at all, in fact it weighs just one kilogram. As a matter of fact it’s the only thing that weighs one kilogram in the entire universe.

Sure there are some things that get close, give or take a zillionth of a nano thingy.

But ‘Le Grand K’ is the literal definition of the kilogram. The original unit. The one by which all other are measured - it’s the Jimi Hendrix of weights. It’s the literal physical embodiment of an idea… not a representation but the thing itself. Which explains all the glass domes I suppose.

It is so precious that it only emerges blinking into the daylight

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every 40 years, just so that the other replica ‘not quite so’ Grand Ks can be compared to it.

It’s as close in scientific terms as it gets to being a piece of the true cross - and it’s a matter of fact that scientists actually make pilgrimages to it - not on their knees and whipping themselves with branches, they’re scientists after all, but quietly, possibly carrying clipboards and sporting lab coats I should imagine.

But in a small conference centre a few steps from the Palace of Versailles, an international meeting of people whose job it is to vote on things like kilograms decided to upset le cart aux pomme.

On any other year, the annual meeting of the official weights and measures steering committee could be relied upon to respond to item 7 on the agenda ‘Shall we continue to keep Kilograms the same?’ with a short period of token beard stroking and biro tapping before agreeing ‘yes’ and then going out for a curry and a beer.

So what happened last month then?

Perhaps one of them laughed at the other’s leather elbow patches or poked fun at him missing a square root sign off a complex equation?

We will probably never know, but we are all saddled with the Earth shattering consequences. Because a show of hands overturned the natural order of things - with the assembled delegates deciding to hand Le Grand K its P45.

Now the kilogram will be defined by an abstract constant of nature - using the speed of light and factoring in Planck’s constant which you will recall, and I feel a bit silly even mentioning it, links the amount of energy a photon carries with the frequency of its electromagnetic wave. It’s a shame, whatever will they replace next? I’m a bit concerned that they might replace the genuine Keith Richards with the measurable concept of a legendary Stones frontman… please don’t let this happen.

www.theocelot.co.uk

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Easy as pumpkin pie Tattoos, booze and poos by Sara Witham

Back in October I had what was probably one of the first days ever that I had a (semi) successful solo (ish) outing with the boys.

One that didn’t leave me reaching for the gin at 5pm (I actually waited til 7pm).

We went to pick pumpkins (yep, you guessed it - we’re talking preHallowe’en which might seem dim and distant to all you lot out there right now surrounded by festive lights and Michael Buble belting out carols), the one year old slept the whole way there, didn’t complain much all the way round the farm as he was in his new trike, the four year old was happy (I did say yes to pretty much everything with the exception of the flashing pumpkin tat) plus he had not one but two packets of Pom bears with lunch and we discovered he likes a new

food that is not beige...squeezy strawberry jelly.

We had no rouge poos anywhere, successful mass loo trip and nappy changes, lunch was easy peasy, I even got to eat and we generally had a bloody brilliant day.

Even when the four year old left his hook a duck prize in the loo and realised halfway home then burst into tears, it was rectified with a short trip to a shop to buy £3 of replacement tat. Easy!!

The one year old slept all the way home and the four year old even had a car nap for the first time since he was one pretty much.

I’m almost pinching myself that today has been real.

So is it getting easier or am I just getting more used to what two kids can throw at me?

Interesting concept this one, I never know if I am...

A) Predicting what might happen with the variables that are a one and four year old and preventing disasters B) The kids are getting slightly easier to manage as they get older C) Being more chilled about things (doubtful as no gin on board because that would be generally frowned upon when pumpkin picking with small children) Whichever the reason I am sure as hell high fiving myself for that day, I escaped virtually unscathed!

And even though I still had three bloody pumpkins to carve in the aftermath that was nothing that a good bit of gin couldn’t solve.

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The Ocelot at 150 The mighty Ocelot has reached 150 and, if anything, is more full of beans than he has ever been. We thought it was about time we dusted off the album and reminded ourselves just what he has achieved over the decades.

1901: Braving sub-zero temperatures, The Ocelot led numerous expeditions in Antarctic regions where he also coined the phrase ‘Brass Monkeys’ which is now used by scientists to describe extreme low temperatures sufficient to freeze balls off aforementioned Brass Monkeys.

1872: This year saw The Ocelot playing a key role in subjugating the Native Americans as part of the Western expansion. He’s not proud of this and rarely talks about it now.

1917: Fuelled by the injustices of society, The Ocelot played a leading role in the Russian revolution and led to the overthrow of the Czar and the promise of a utopian socialist dream where all men, women and felines can live together in collective harmony. It didn’t quite work out, but look, we all make mistakes.

1966: Turning his back on politics, The Ocelot threw himself into the world of professional football, rapidly rising through the ranks of Bassett Rivers Rovers to secure a place on the Legendary England Squad and giving those ruddy Germans a solid working over like they deserve.

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1969: As the world watched open mouthed, The Ocelot became the first living creature to set foot on the lunar surface.

Gingerly stepping from the ladder, he muttered the imortal phrase: “I was expecting cheese so this grey dust is a bit of a let down if I’m going to be honest.”

1984: Unwilling to turn his back on social injustice, The Ocelot was on the front lines during the Miners’ Strikes as pitworkers vowed to take a stand against the mass closures of mines under Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher ‘The Milk Snatcher’ as she was known.

1984: Shortly after the whole Miners’ Strike hullabaloo, The Ocelot decided to induldge his artistic side, rapidly taught itself to play a variety of instruments to a high standard and went on to release the ground-breaking album Purple Rain which he also produced, because he is that cool.

1994: The Ocelot, inspired by his own incredible life, decided to write, direct and star in a film about a wild cat which plays a pivotal role in various moments in recent history, unwittingly steering the course of event and spreading his influence for the greater good.

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Sophisticated surroundings and classy gin: The De Vere Wokefield Estate

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here has been an estate at Wokefield since the first house was built in the 1560s for the wealthy Plowden family.

Set in 250 acres of Berkshire parkland, south west of Reading, the estate has now been totally transformed following a £20 million restoration throughout.

The impressive entrance to this estate gives a taste of what was to come. The sweeping drive passes through the golf course surrounded by beautiful countryside looking particularly stunning with the changing Autumn colours.

After checking in at Wokefield Place, a high-tech dedicated conference building, we were directed to the Grade II Listed Mansion House with its pillared façade and grand entrance hall.

We climbed the sweeping staircase to the first floor where we found

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our sumptuous room, with equally sumptuous en suite bathroom complete with his and hers basins.

The rooms have been sympathetically refurbished to an extremely high standard in a very traditional manner in keeping with the whole ambience of the place complete with the widest bed I have ever seen – I’m sure it would have slept four people in comfort!

We had every comfort and convenience – tea and coffee making facilities complete with coffee machine, ironing board and iron. The view from the majestically large windows was fabulous, looking out over a manicured garden area, parkland and a lake, complete with flocks of geese who put on a spectacular show for us, flying in perfect formation past our windows.

In addition to the 18-hole PGA-standard golf course there

is an outdoor activity course in the grounds, plus a fully equipped gym and indoor 25m swimming pool available daily for guests to use – unfortunately we weren’t staying long enough to take advantage of these facilities.

Having settled in to our room (and wishing we were staying there for more than just one night!) we were picked up by taxi and taken the 40-minute drive to Bombay Sapphire gin distillery situated in the historic Laverstoke Mill in North Hampshire, which is recorded as far back as the 1086 Doomsday Book. Situated on the River Test, the site was originally a paper mill, manufacturing bank notes for the British Empire and one of the buildings bears testament to this being called India House.

In 2010 Bombay Spirits purchased the site and turned it into

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By Sue Roberts

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the wonder it is today.

Our self-guided tour (complete with interactive map which activates a commentary from designated points around the site) was relaxed and informative followed by a personally guided tour of the distillery itself which threw up some interesting facts and figures : All Bombay Sapphire gin is distilled on this site and 90% is exported – 60% to USA, 30% to Europe and the rest of the world – a mere 10% stays in this country; In addition to the basic ingredient of juniper berries they use a secret blend of other botanicals known by only four people within the company, which is never written down and only passed on by word of mouth. Security of this recipe is such that the four people are not allowed to travel together by car, plane, train or indeed any other form of transport and all four

are never on the same shift together!

Probably the most impressive part of the tour was the amazing glasshouses which showcase the botanicals used in the gin making process, using the residual heat from the distillery to heat them.

Our tour finished in the aroma room where we could smell all the various botanicals used and by indicating our favourite aromas we chose a cocktail which we then enjoyed in the bar, finishing off with a visit to the well-stocked shop.

We enjoyed the basic tour but they also offer cocktail masterclasses and other seasonal events throughout the year.

Definitely worth a visit, even if you don’t drink gin!

Back at De Vere Wokefield Estate we dined in the View Restaurant – although it being dark we couldn’t appreciate the stunning views. This

is a buffet style restaurant (at a set price of £19.50) offering an array of salads, soup and, on this particular occasion, a range of curries and accompaniments which were washed down well with a bottle of Spee’Wah Shiraz-cabernet sauvignon – no I haven’t heard of it either but it was very smooth and delicious!

After a good night’s sleep in the huge bed we were treated to a vast array of breakfast items in the 1560 Restaurant in the Mansion House itself. We sat in the conservatory part of the restaurant, again with magnificent views and a lovely terrace for drier and sunnier days!

Full of bacon, eggs and every other breakfast delight we returned to our room to savour the wonderful view for the last time and bid our farewell to this wonderful place.

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How to survive

By Ben Fitzgerald

N

ew Year is a strange one.

It’s a time of heightened introspection; when we are tempted to look back on what we have achieved and then make a mental list of all those things that we are supposed to tick off over the next dozen months.

Combine this with an odd assortment of left over Christmas drinks… of the kind that are only bought around this time of year - Advocaat, Tia Maria, Kahlua, Ginger Wine, Sambuca with a flaming coffee bean in it, Tequila with worms in it, Vodka with flakes of gold in it - and you are begging for trouble. If you

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go down that route, you shouldn’t be surprised when you wake up in your neighbours’ children’s garden playhouse; in a foetal position, dressed as Agnetha Fältskog.

It’s no way to usher in the New Year.

And it’s no way to impress your neighbours.

Or their children.

That is why it was felt necessary for The Ocelot to step in and hold out a furry paw of guidance.

We’ve done all the drinking and made all of the dreadful decisions so that you don’t have to.

Rule 1: Avoid fireworks - It makes perfect sense to avoid anything involving fire and explosives generally, and yet for some reason that slightly charred rulebook is thrown out of the window over New

Year. Just because the fire and explosions come in a variety of different colours is no reason to ignore the voices in your head that are telling you to hit the dirt and crawl for cover. Trust dogs.

They know what’s going on. If you see them bugging out, you should do the same. In fact you should always do what dogs do, up to and including licking your own genitals.

Rule 2: Avoid any food involving boiling hot cheese. Fondue is not a quirky and sociable way to share time with good friends. It’s actually a high-calorie form of Russian Roulette.

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New Year A moment’s lost concentration can see a lump of bread shimmering with burning liquid Gouda slipping neatly down your gullet, cauterising every nerve ending on its agonisingly slow passage down your oesophagus - forcing you to draw your silent inner scream into the rough shape of an interested smile as Gillian and Ian explain how they made a fortune by selling their home in Reading after buying it for a song when the housing market collapsed in 2008. “Mmmm excellent.. (neeaarrrrrgggghhhh) solid (fuuuuuuukk) investment.. (shiiiit the beeed) you must be delighted.”

Rule 3: Avoid strangers: New Year is no time to get to know anyone new.

This is possibly the most important rule - apart from the thing about the burning hot cheese.

During the planning stage, if anyone suggests inviting that quiet lonely man from across the way to your wine and nibbles buffet you should immediately shout them down at the top of your voice.

There’s almost certainly a good reason he ‘keeps himself to himself’.

He will probably involve you in one of those conversations where he lets you in on his ‘between you, me and the gatepost’ solution to the growing problems of inner city knife crime. He may also have the severed head of a hitchhiker in that Sainsbury’s bag for life that he carries around with him wherever he goes. Just stick to tried and tested friends.

important that you agree this with companions beforehand to avoid any last minute conversational quicksand. According to Newton’s Fourth Law of Motion, any party goer who is at rest past midnight will remain in a state of inertia unless acted upon by another mass with sufficient inertia to shift both of their asses out into the cold night air.

This is important because there has not been a single recorded instance of a party becoming more fun beyond the stroke of midnight... ever.

Rule 4 (a): Prepare an exit/ ejection strategy: Even as dongs of Big Ben hang in the air, you want to be heading smoothly out of the door, hand reaching out for your carefully pre-positioned coat as the other works on the door latch. It’s

Rule 4 (b): It’s slightly different if the party is at your house. There will almost certainly be someone there who has not heard of Rule 4 (a) and can be seen loading up his/her plate with another slice of olive tapernade smeared

This is no time to try out new things: Who is she? Why did she bring all this freaky food. What sort of animal had to die to make this blanket? Who the hell brings a Siamese cat to bed with them? bruschetta and pouring out a shot of vodka with gold flakes in it.

Rapid and, if necessary, violent action needs to be taken if you are going to have any hope of getting rid of them before sunrise.

Your initial play should include a multi-pronged approach involving turning off the heating and pointedly offering coffee whilst loudly yawning and beginning to reminise about what a great evening it was.

If this does not work you should immediately go to DEFCON 1 and deploy the vacuum cleaner... on their faces... screaming ‘Get out of my house!’.

If they are so far gone that they fall unconscious, physically drag them out of the house and deposit them inside the next door neighbours’ children’s garden playhouse.

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Time for reflection There’s never really a time when metallics aren’t in fashion, it’s just a question of how you wear them and how much of them you wear.

If you want to go full on festive metallics then opt for garments that are just exactly that ‘full metallic’ but if you’re scared of looking more ‘glam rock’ than glam, then use metallics to enhance an outfit made up of plainer block colours.

Black and gold, and silver and white are classic metallic style combinations, but also think about rose gold or copper with black, or white and pastel pink and peach shades.

To add a truly magical feel to your Christmas decorations a (A) Lit Rustic Star Wreath (£25) is a must, and start the magic the minute you walk through the door with a (B) Light Up Polar Bear Bauble (£6) from www.marksandspencer.com The (C) Luxury Leather Metallic Silver Buckle Clutch Bag by Brix & Bailey (£125) is an easy addition to any colour outfit to add some metallic style, available at A

www.brixbailey.com M&S has excelled with some seasonal magical and metallic combinations including the (D) Kids Reindeer Cross Body Bag (£14) (E) Snowflake Knitted Jumper (from £18), (F) M&S Collection Lace Shift Dress (£55) and, all at www.marksandspencer.com The (G) Stackers Black Clutch Bag (£50) is the ideal example of a metallic edge on a classic shade, with super useful compartments to keep you organised from www.stackers.com.

The ultimate combination of magical and metallic has been created with golden encased (H) Mickey Mouse Hand Cream (£11.99) and (I) Lip Balm (£8.99), from www.firebox.com For guys Opposuits have all the answers to magical style with looks such as their (J) Starstruck suit (£64.95), for a range of festive combinations visit www.opposuits.co.uk The 100% (K) Merino Wool Poncho (£89) by Le Tee Paris is

available in a range of colours, just right for dressing up with metallic accessories, available from www.leteeparis.com Avon’s (L) Tabitha Webb fragrance set (£20) includes the gift of magical metallic sparkle with a scented shimmer mist, EDT fragrance and cosmetic bag, visit www.avon.uk.com Penhaligons fragrance looks as stunning as it sounds with a metallic stags head adorning the top of the (M) Lord George (£185) mens fragrance bottle, visit www.penhaligons.com. Madbeauty have the ultimate for a luxury magical bath time with their (N) Splash of Gold Bath Soaks (£4.99) from www.madbeauty.com (O) Frenchic Furniture Paint offers the perfect means of adding that metallic look to your home. After using the Frenchic range of furniture paints to refresh, change, upcycle or update, add Frensheen to your Finishing Coat for added pizzazz, from £7.95, at www.frenchicpaint.co.uk

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Let’s talk social responsibility Words by Claire Dukes

I’ve always been a big believer that film is one of the most powerful and influential mediums.

In many respects film is a way for filmmakers to offer their view on the world, whether this is through fictitious allegories or observational documentaries. Either way it’s a view into someone else’s world – a world millions of miles away, or a world just next door.

I find it hard to comprehend many things, one of which is how little old me can make the slightest bit of difference when many things across the globe seem out of my control. However, I think the key is to start a discourse about topics which many like to remain

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blissfully ignorant to including climate change, abortion, racial injustice and modern slavery, because many people won’t talk about it - especially if it’s not too close to home. I would, however, argue these discussions are already in our homes - thanks to Netflix.

One of my favourite things to do of an evening is curl up and watch a documentary because firstly I know how to party, and secondly, there are some things we should try and comprehend or at least think about.

If, like me, you prefer a cold hard documentary over a blockbuster, then here are some films available on Netflix to awaken and ignite your social responsibility.

Time: The Kalief Browder Story

Nobody Speak

The True Cost

This series traces the tragic case of Kalief Browder, a Bronx teen who spent three years in America’s most violent jail, Rikers Island - two of which he was subjected to solitary confinement - and yet he was never convicted of a crime.

As a journalist this doc was an emotional rollercoaster. Free speech has economic value and it’s harrowing, and incredible, to see how much money people are willing to spend to keep journalists on a tight rein when it goes against their interest.

Fashion has become a lot like the food industry - fast. Sure it’s convenient for the consumer, but what about the people we don’t think about when we’re wearing our bargain garments? This doc shines a lot on the true cost of our fashion choices.

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Reversing Roe

Blackfish

Dirty Money

Marine biologists and exSeaworld trainers uncover the corrupt and immoral capture of orca whales for sea-parks.

Orcas are one of the most intelligent living mammals, yet some are trapped in swimming pools for our entertainment.

Let’s talk the little man losing against the conglomerates, banks laundering cartel money, inhumane loans, and Trump - they’ve all got one thing in common: dirty money. This is an investigative series that the corrupt don’t want you to see.

Before the Flood

Cowspiracy

Minimalism

Leonardo Dicaprio talks to scientists, who have been giving us the clues and warning signs, about climate change. The world is literally disappearing with vital eco systems being wiped out. And yet, access to fossil fuels seems the priority.

No one likes being told what to eat. But what if cutting out beef could help alleviate climate change? What if it could help rebuild the Amazon and ultimately sustain our planet?

This is one of those ‘ignorance is not bliss’ docs and rightly so.

Times are changing - we are no longer living in a material world. In fact, it’s becoming more apparent that we need less. This doc looks at ‘the important things’ and how they postively impact our wellbeing, lifestyle and finances.

Icarus

What the Health

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A film about experimenting with doping accidentally shines a light on one of the biggest political doping scandals. Fake victories and unexplained deaths - is it overly suprising that Vladimir Putin’s name is on the head of the snake...?

Do you know what’s in your food? I know, it’s painful and simultaneously exhausting to know. But, just maybe, we should be taking note about what is in the products we consume, where these products come from and how they’re made.

If you think the race debate is over, it’s because it has literally been locked behind closed doors. This intellectual doc looks into racial inequality in the modern day, and reveals how many African Americans are still wrongfully imprisoned.

Who is in control of women’s bodies? Women? The government? Religion? This is a very intimate look at the abortion debate in America and who ultimately gets to decide whether women can or can’t decide their own fate.

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Words by Simon Oxlade

GAME: Forza Horizon 4 There are two premium racing games on the Xbox One: The po-faced racing simulator Forza and its more lunatic, less serious younger brother Forza Horizon, which has just received its fourth instalment.

This time the Horizon festival has located in the UK and is now all year round which brings us seasons. Every two weeks or so your game will shift into the next season with major changes to the game’s impressive visuals (snow and ice in winter, falling leaves in autumn, wet roads in spring) and subtle changes to the excellent handling and physics model that underpins the game. Driving the same car in the different seasons requires you to adapt to the differences in grip and braking; visibility is affected and what was dry ground in Summer becomes a slippery bog in winter. Of all the Horizon games this one requires much more subtlety in the player; you can just mash the throttle and may win a race or two, but on the higher skill level, which offers greater rewards, being smooth with your inputs is much more beneficial.

Horizon is an open world game, you can go anywhere in anything at any time. Events races and challenges are marked on points of the map and are simple to enter or ignore as you pass. The map is littered with bonus boards and barn finds to collect. You race, you gain cash and influence, which allows you to enter in more races, buy more cars and, for the first time, buy houses (each of which offer a perk).

The terrain you can travel around varies from

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the wide sandy beaches of the North Yorkshire coast, through to the Highlands, the city of Edinburgh, the Lakes, and the Cotswolds.

You also don’t have to stick to the roads, you can simply just blast across the countryside, demolishing dry stone walls, hedges, garden fences, and scattering flocks of sheep. The more destruction, skids, jumps and close overtakes you make the more skill points you gain, which convert into upgrades for your car(s). You also have an avatar which you can gains points to unlock clothes, dance moves and celebration animations.

You can also paint your cars, design and apply liveries, develop tuning setups, and take photographs, all of which can then be added to the game’s Marketplace for other users to download – for which you receive in-game cash.

Forza Horizon 4 is a massive game, one that offers knockabout thrills or a challenging simulation depending on what you are looking for. Yes, there are occasional glitches; yes, the extensive car setup menus are largely irrelevant; yes, there is paid-for DLC, but when a game looks this stunning, offers this much gameplay (online community events and PvP races are all catered for too), and is SO much fun, it is very hard to pick holes.

To be honest, if you like cars, and you like racing games, there is going to be something in Horizon 4 that will appeal to you. It is, quite simply, the best racing game available on any platform right now.

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The grape big Christmas quiz The countdown to Christmas is surely the highlight of the culinary and wine-loving year?

A chance to put aside the frugality and normality of the months behind and enjoy the optimism of the abundance of wine and foods at large.

In terms of having a good time there are no wrongs or rights; do whatever makes you feel comfortable.

If that’s Prosecco as opposed to Champagne, fine. If that’s ignoring the Port and Sherry on offer, no worries. If you’re on to the Advocaat, well… write back in January and let us know.

Rather than using this column to put together my roundup of the wines of 2018 or even my hopes for the drinking trends of 2019, I adore a festive quiz.

For me, that’s what the festive season is all about.

The images, when read out loud, should lead you to a grape variety.

As a kick off, an example is below:

Ocelot wine guru Darren Willmott puts your grape knowledge to the test

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2 3 4

5 Yes, that’s right!

Tan + Gnat = Tannat... the national grape of Uruguay.

Now put your grape identification skills to the test with the six on the right.

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Answers 1. Sauvignon 2. Grenache 3. Cabernet

4. Reisling 5. Chardonnay 6. Pinot

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My first, My Last, My Everything Words by Brewery Bird

Can you remember your first pint? I can.

Theakstons Old Peculiar. In my late teens, after quickly becoming bored and quite frankly incredulous at some of the drinks my female friends opted for – Cinzano and lemonade or Leibfraumilch anyone? – I figured there must be an alternative tipple that I hadn’t yet discovered.

So it wasn’t long before I began to check out what several of the blokes in our social group were happily quaffing and it was there I discovered the Holy Grail. A beautiful amber-chestnut pint of rich, malty fruitiness; it was smooth, and it was good. And that was it. I was hooked.

Now back in the early 90’s, it’s safe to say that there certainly wasn’t the choice of beer that there is today, and whilst there were some beautifully crafted beers, you pretty much found the same brews in every pub you drank in. Thankfully over time this is no longer the case and as a result over the years there have been a handful of beers which have made an impression on this beer-drinker…

Harveys Best Bitter 4.0% – I’m not really a best bitter drinker, but if I moved to a village with only one pub, which just served this beer, I would happily sup a few pints a couple of times a week. Light toasty notes with a fairly big bitter hop taste, but perfectly balanced.

Goose Island IPA 5.9% - The One That Got Me

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Into Hops. First drunk whilst working/travelling in the US, around the time US microbreweries really started to upset the big boys. The aroma was like nothing I had encountered before in a beer; an explosion of lemon and grapefruit which to my delight carried on with the first sip. My first real hop fix, and definitely not my last.

Thornbridge Jaipur IPA 5.9% –American hops are layered throughout over a malty background with a dry bitter finish – I first came across this brew at the Great British Beer Festival in 2006 where it won Silver in the Champion Strong Bitters category – at the time for me, it was one of a kind in terms of flavour. Two years later at GBBF 2008 Jaipur was awarded Gold Medal in the Champion Strong Bitter Category. Nuff said.

Bristol Beer Factory Milk Stout 4.5% – Oh my days. What can I say about this beer that hasn’t already been said? Smooth, chocolatey loveliness in a glass, with hints of coffee and dark fruits which balance out the sweetness. It won Bristol CAMRA Beer Festival in 2006 and again in 2007. CAMRA finally crowned it Champion Winter Beer of Britian in 2009. About time.

Oakham Citra 4.2% - Found at pretty much every major beer festival and my go to palate cleanser.

Sharp, refreshing and zingy thanks to the beer’s namesake. Back in 2009 Oakham claimed to be the first UK brewery to brew a commercial beer with 100% Citra hops. Meant to be seasonal, they haven’t stopped brewing it since. CAMRA Supreme Champion in 2014.

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The history of Tequila

By Ben Fitzgerald There are many clear alcoholic spirits out there - but not many of them can proudly boast lids shaped like small hats.

But it’s not the small hats that make Tequila what it is - and it’s not worms. Contrary to popular belief, Tequila doesn’t have a worm in it - that’s your actual Mezcal. Sure, Tequila is a type of Mezcal but Mezcal is not Tequila keep up!

And in actual fact, the worm is not even a worm - it’s a larva from one of two types of moth, that live on the agave plant.

The thing that makes Tequila the real deal is the fact that it is distilled from the blue agave plant, primarily from the area surrounding the city of Tequila.

Tequila is recognised as a Mexican designation of origin product in more than 40 countries and has been a protected designation of origin product in the EU since 1997 - in much the same way that Melton Mowbray Pork Pies are protected - but that’s where the similarity ends.

Tequila was first officially produced in the 16th century however, the agave plant was used in pre-Columbian central Mexico before European contact.

But the drink as we know it can be traced back to the Spanish

conquistadors who began to distil agave when they ran out of their own supplies of brandy.

At around 1600 the Spanish began mass-producing tequila at the first factory in the territory and by 1608 Spain’s King Carlos IV granted the Cuervo family the first license to commercially make tequila.

There are five types of Tequila, Typo 1 is Blanco, Silver or White - a clear spirit that is aged for no more than 60 days.

This gives the strongest taste of

the agave plant. This is typically drunk by lunatics on a night out using the ritual of first licking salt from the back of their hand, or someone else’s hand or any other body part, taking a full shot and then biting into a lemon.

Presumably to detract from the paint stripper taste. I would avoid.

Typo 2, Joven or Gold, typically coloured with caramel or other additives. Also avoid.

Typo 3 is Reposado or rested - this has been aged in wooden casks for a minimum of two months, with the process mellowing the flavours and imparting a soft oak flavour and giving the tequila a light tan colour. Now you’re talking.

Typo 4 Anejo, or old, is aged for at least a year to produce a dark and robust spirit - pure necter.

And Typo 5 ExtraAnejo is extra aged, which is comparable to malt whisky. Oh yes it is.

That is all you need to know.

But if I can leave you with one piece of wisdom, never accept a shot of Tequila from an attractive woman wearing a bandolier of small bottles and a cowboy hat.

It’s almost certain she’s not a real cowperson and its a safe bet that the booze she’s hawking is not fit for human consumption.

You will thank me.

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Christmas Dinner... but not as we know it

By Ben Fitzgerald

Christmas Dinner is great, but it does run the risk of being a little humdrum. So how about breaking out of that festive box and mixing it up with a little inspiration from ‘the abroad’ if only to irritate and confuse your xenophobic relatives.

Here at The Ocelot, we’ve done the hard work for you - using the popular search engine Google - to bring you five examples of ‘that foreign food’ you may want to deploy this Chrizzletide.

The Australian Barbecue Let’s first turn to Australia where our antipodean cousins find themselves basking in soaring temps at this time of the year. So it makes sense then for them to wheel out the barbecue. Why not emulate them? You could be standing outside wearing a balaclava and puffa jacket, fiddling around with flamable liquids, matches and raw meat while your hungry children and invited guests peer at you through the French Doors with puzzled looks on their faces trying to lip read your swear words. Definitely more fun than Buckaroo (which isn’t fun).

Honduran Turkey Tamales

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In Honduras, Christmas is taken very seriously. As a mainly Catholic country, they put a religious twist on what is traditionally a celebration of the retail industry, placing great emphasis on praying and singing and whatnot.

Foodwise it’s all about the tamales. Families gather to enjoy these mini parcels of plantain leaves stuffed with chicken, pork, cheese or dried fruit. Try it yourself, it’s a great way to save on washing up. Just encourage your guests to pick up their food using leaves.

Any leaves will do (probably).

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Dutch Gourmetten The Dutch like to do things a little differently - including Christmas dinner.

Their main festive meal is ‘gourmetten’ which involves your guests sitting around a small stove, each of them with a miniature frying pan. The idea is that everyone drinks wine and chats while attempting to fry things at the same time. Essentially you’re forcing everyone to sort themselves out - it’s a good plan. Presumably everyone then sparks up a doobie, kicks off their clogs and settles down for some eyewateringly graphic pornography.

Midnight Filipino feast Filipinos celebrate with their main feast at midnight on Christmas Eve with an entire roasted pig or ‘lechon’ cooked over coals decorated by the looks of things with icing or possibly mayonaise.

This is served with a ball of cheese coated in red wax and noodles.

If you fancy trying this out, simply start a massive fire in your garden when you come back from the pub on Christmas Eve, chuck a dead pig on top before driving out to the 24-hour Tesco supermarket to pick up an Edam and some noodles. It should be ready to eat at about 3am. Pass the time by loudly singing carols for your neighbours to enjoy.

Portuguese Mediterranean Medley The Portuguese like to wheel out a ‘feast’ of boiled cabbage, potatoes, chickpeas, and other vegetables on Christmas Eve while they swap presents. If you want to ensure that no one ever wants to come over to yours to celebrate, you can also adopt this tradition by reaching to the back of your fridge and scooping all of those horrid left over bits in little pots onto a tray and slapping it down on the dinner table. It won’t be long before they bugger off and then you can enjoy your mint Matchmakers in peace in front of The Great Escape.

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The Hound of The Baskervilles “British comedy at its best” Review at Cirencester’s Barn Theatre

The Hound of The Baskervilles is probably one of the most well-known and best-loved Sherlock Holmes tales. The latest take on it in Cirencester tied in murder mystery with superstitious folk law and farce.

Raising the curtain on The Barn Theatre’s second season comes a cross-over of farcical adventures, superb use of wordplay and fabulous entertainment – this production of The Hound of The Baskervilles is British comedy as its best.

When actors play multiple roles there’s always that fear that there will be no distinction between the switches but through an impressive stage design, simple yet effective costume changes and brilliant chemistry from the cast you’d think that this was a huge operation with numerous understudies ready at their disposal. With three strong leads, tactile lighting and a diverse set made for a really engaging and immersive take on this Sherlock classic.

Making his debut, director Joseph O’Malley gave The Hounds of The Baskervilles a ‘The Play That Goes Wrong’ tone with perfectly timed (or well disguised) mishaps, corny puns and hilarious outcomes. It’s silly but sophisticated.

One of my favourite sketches was the silent movie

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Words by Claire Dukes

style journey from London to Dartmoor – Vaudeville meets ‘Allo ‘Allo’s slapstick physical comedy, modernised by a kind of Wes Anderson-esque sound

by Christopher Cleal. It was here in particular that Hywel Dowsell (Dr Watson) and Dominic Brewer (Sir Henry Baskerville) had me in stitches. When we arrive in Dartmoor the trio run havoc with versatility as Herb Cuanalo channels a suave Sherlock, a Spanish damsel and crooked housekeeper, and Domnic Brewer is a walking catalogue of the Baskerville ancestry. No stone in this narrative is left unturned.

How three actors managed to hold a packed-out audience in the palm of their hand I may never be able to confidently articulate, but justice was done to this Sherlock Holmes story – quick, witty and contemporary.

Despite the exaggerated humour there is something very organic about this show – the trio made up of Herb Cuanalo, Hywel Dowsell and Dominic Breweris is proof that three really is the magic number. The Hounds of The Baskervilles is by far my favourite show from The Barn Theatre. www.barntheatre.org.uk

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Pantomime Guide For some people Christmas kicks off when the Coca-Cola Truck starts doing the rounds, for some it’s the screening of John Lewis’ TV advert, and for others it’s pantomime season! Yup it’s that time of year where pies go flying, double entendres are second nature, and audiences are advised to not sit back and relax!

Snowflake at Arts at the Old Fire Station, Oxford The award-winning writer, Mike Barlett, will be premiering his latest show ‘Snowflake’ in Oxford, December 5.

Known most recently for his shows Doctor Foster, Press and King Charles III, the British playwright’s latest work is “Full of the warmth, wit and heartbreak of Christmas”, as it explores the relationship between a father and his daughter who haven’t spoken in three years. It may not be a pantomime but Snowflake feels like a good breath of honest air as we enter a time of year which can be incredibly difficult for many people.

Snowflake runs at Arts at the Old Fire Station from Dec 5 to Dec 22 and stars Elliot Levey, Racheal Ofori and Ellen Robertson. www.oldfirestation.org.uk

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Beauty and The Beast Where: Salisbury Playhouse When: December 1 to January 13 Following the classic fairytale of Beauty and The Beast, - with some minor panto adjustments - the team that brought you Jack and the Beanstalk, Aladdin and Cinderella are back! Join Salisbury Playhouse for a “spellbinding” tale as old as time. www.wiltshirecreative.co.uk

Dick Whittington and His Cat Where: Oxford Playhouse When: November 23 to January 6.

This new retelling of the traditional English fairy tale tells the story of a boy from rural Oxfordshire who ventures off to the big city to seek his fortune. But with King Rat out to get him, and pirate ships on the horizon, he’s going to need a little help from his faithful feline friend! www.oxfordplayhouse.com

Aladdin Where: The Wyvern Theatre, Swindon When: December 8 to January 6 EastEnder’s star Adam Woodyatt returns to Swindon this month as Abanazar!

Families are invited to join Aladdin for adventures in the Far East on a magic carpet to witness impressive stage designs, dazzling costumes and a cave of wonders. www. swindontheatres.co.uk

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Come for a walk with The Ocelot through Sherwood Forest Claire Dukes talks with renowned children’s author, Laura Dockrill, and former Maccabees guitarist, Hugo White, about The Watermill’s contemporary tale of Robin Hood.

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Back in October Theresa May declared that ‘austerity is over’ but I am inclined to disagree.

For me there is no wonder as to why the folk tale of Robin Hood continues to be explored and developed as a timeless story – for many people the ‘hard times’ are very much in the present, financially the UK is seemingly not strong and stable, and Christmas can be one hell of a tough time for many people.

So, if you ask me, Robin Hood the people’s hero who gives back to those less fortunate - is the perfect production for Newbury’s Watermill Theatre to put on this Christmas, and Laura Dockrill and Hugo White seem to agree.

Laura and Hugo are currently residing at home in London, with the latest addition to their family, Jet, gurgling away in the background.

We start talking all things Robin Hood – it is timeless, but through some of the more recent films I argue that it’s not always pulled off. I was relieved to hear that this rendition of Robin Hood has been revamped by the creative pair to produce a contemporary rendition which will resonate with audiences today.

As a children’s book author, and illustrator, Laura primarily focuses on female protagonists, so with a female lead, Georgia Bruce, cast as Robin Hood she was quickly drawn to the project.

“That’s what excited me about it and got my attention,” she says. “I do like to write female leads - girls who are brave and fierce. I was also really really excited about exploring the idea of Robin Hood and the Merry Men, or ‘Merry Many’ as we call them, and Robin’s relationship with Maid Marion – I left that quite blurred, so the relationship is quite abstract “I think the exciting prospect of having a female lead is very important for theatre goers, - a lot of communities and schools are

going to see this across the regions – because young kids might not be exposed to that. But even with Disney films like Moana and Frozen, kids are loving the fact that their heroes are women - and that’s how kids learn: through entertainment.”

For a grinch I’m suddenly feeling all warm and fuzzy. I’m conflicted greatly by this but ultimately state that I love the message of Robin Hood, especially at this time of year. Hugo agrees. “It’s the perfect time of year to celebrate sharing and giving,” he says. “The importance of sharing is explored through music – there is a character in Robin Hood who is really confused about sharing, and their journey is really celebrated through the music.”

In keeping with the motifs of Robin Hood, and adapting this to embody contemporary allegories, Laura and Hugo very much worked off each other’s creativity. Hugo explained: “I was reading the script and translating it as ideas for songs.

Laura and I wrote all the demos at home which was a rough guide to what it would be – the demos were really fun. – We played with the traditional folk element of Robin Hood, but then some of the songs became quite Bob Dylan-esque the music balances a lot of themes.

So, for example, with the Sheriff the music started quite folksy and then went into dark rock music, which then became really cheesy and gave it comical value.

“We were also writing for the actors who are musicians – all the music will be performed live. So, Robin Hood could be in the middle of scene and pick up an instrument and start playing. It’s really fluid.

The director, Laura Keefe, made the music work with the cast. It’s brilliant the way they’ve translated it!”

There’s a great feeling of unity between the two of them, but as individuals they’ve seemingly had their own adventures on the same journey with the weirdest one being

that Laura wasn’t overly familiar with the story of Robin Hood when she got involved with the play.

But this seems to have enabled Laura to put her own stamp on the production to create her own adaptation. She tells me about a trip to Nottingham, “I went to a library in Nottingham for an event for kids, and the librarian had a lot of knowledge on Robin Hood and Nottingham. From that, the characters just built up over time.

Hugo had to act out a lot of the script and read lines for me - I didn’t have a lot of knowledge of Robin Hood, but it was Hugo’s favourite as a child. I really enjoyed putting all the adaptations together!”

They told me that the whole process has been quite organic and fluid. At this point [November] they’re both extremely excited to see Robin Hood at The Watermill.

Laura says, “We’re looking forward to bringing our friends – we’ve been talking about it so much now.

“The true magic of theatre is conjuring up stories – especially for children as it’s the act of make believe. Never have we lived in such a time where kids have so much expectation to outperform and grow up.

“It’s really important to us that the show is a real big laugh. If by chance the actors burst into laughter on stage that’s absolutely acceptable - it’s infectious! That’s the art of true theatre: it’s not perfect and it’s different every time. It also allows the actors to relax and evolve into something different each time.

“We loved the themes that underpin Robin Hood! We want it to have that Christmassy intimate atmosphere, so it really feels like a fairy tale and family show.”

Robin Hood will run at The Watermill, Newbury, from December 1 to January 5. www.watermill.org.uk

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With smell and I - The odour of Richard E Grant In one of the most random interviews we’ve ever carried Ocelot columnist Gina Akers talks to Richard E Grant about his latest fragrance. Picture by Weatherall Photography I’m here at Jovoy (Mayfair) and I’m joined by the fabulous Richard E. Grant. So what brings us here today Richard?

They are very generously stocking my Jack perfume brand. So I’m here for a launch for that.

Now we may not have put you and fragrance together, could you tell us anything else that we might be surprised about you?

Maybe something we’ve never heard before?

(Grinning and smiling) You’ve never heard before. I’m 5,000 years old and I’ve been reincarnated from Egyptian peasants, I have no idea, I can’t tell you, I can’t think of anything that I haven’t said to somebody before.

But we could believe you about that story though, from anyone else absolutely not but definitely from you. So with regard to fragrance do you use fragrance around the home as well as fragrance obviously for yourself?

Yes, I use all my scented candles in my brand. I have different perfumes in my house and I think that it y’know, it does make you feel good. I love and I’m obsessed with scent, so having scented rooms or a scented garden is, well, it makes you feel good about life as there’s a lot of stress and stuff to deal with. I find it helps.

In your acting career have you ever used fragrance to set a

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scene? Have you actually used it on set at all?

Every character that I’ve played I’ve had a different scent for, that would represent what that character would wear.

So do you think fragrance can be used for confidence and overcoming nerves? You probably never get nervous.

Yeah I think it does, yeah I do get nervous. It’s the invisible clothing that gives you a sense of your own signature and who you are, and how you remember other people, because even if you may not remember what they look like, you can remember what they smell like if they smell good.

It can bring back a memory as well can’t it?

(Answers knowingly). Yes. It’s the shortest synaptic leap to the brain.

Smell to memory.

So here’s the questions that every 90’s teenager wants to know the answer to, if there was ever another Spice Girls movie would you be involved?

(Answered so enthusiastically before I’d even finished asking the question). Would I do it? YES! YES I would. (Followed by laughter).

Now we know that you’re involved in the upcoming Star Wars movie, is there anything you can tell me about that?

Yes. My character is called (opens mouth and pretends to speak but

makes no sound) and the plot is (again opens mouth and pretends to speak but makes no sound) and it comes out next December.

Right we’ll keep that under wraps then for a little bit longer.

Now you’ve played a lot of different roles. You’ve probably already played your perfect role time and time over. But if there was another perfect role that you haven’t yet done, what would that role be?

I’ve just done a film with Melissa McCarthy which came out in the States this last weekend and it’s out here in February, called Can You Ever Forgive Me. Which is an amazing true story about a writer called Lee Israel and her involvement with a fellow crook called Jack Hock who I play, and that has been...that was an amazingly positive life enhancing job to do. So I’d like to work with Melissa McCarthy again.

And was it always acting for you, or was there anything else that you ever wanted to do?

Oh I’ve always written so I thought if I couldn’t succeed as an actor I might have a career as a writer, so I’ve managed to do both so I’m very grateful.

Jack perfume by Richard E. Grant is available at Jovoy Mayfair London or www.jackperfume. co.uk

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Pete and Fred

End of an era: legendary punk duo call it a day with charity gig Words by Claire Dukes

Chance is a funny thing. It has a glorious way of catapulting us into situations we’d never dreamt of, and this could not be truer for Swindon punksters 2 Sick Monkeys.

What was supposed to be nothing more than a “jam session” saw Pete Butler, 51, and Fred Cooper, 49, start a band 19 years ago. Fast forward 1065 gigs later and they’re preparing to call it a day at Level III, Sunday 16 December.

Originating from Wootton Bassett the duo has toured across the UK, Germany, Bosnia,

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Lithuania, France, Latvia and Japan - and for two guys who essentially - accidently started a band that’s pretty impressive.

I’d argue what is even more impressive is the amount of noise they’ve made as a punk band made up of no more than vocals, bass and drums.

I’m chatting with Pete (bass and vocals) over coffee. It’s his birthday. But like many things he’s not precious about it - his experiences from 2 Sick Monkeys have very much shaped Pete’s outlook on life. Would it have been great to be a bit more well-

known? “A thing like a band is not meant to be a permanent thing, it’s a transient thing – in our case it’s nearly a lifetime. I’ll be sad to stop but I’ll be able to remember so many happy memories like the time a geezer in Germany left us in his house and went to work and we couldn’t find the key, so us and the other band had to climb out of his living room window. All of his neighbours must have been thinking ‘this is the most unsubtle burglary in the world!’ as we were climbing out with all our bags and guitars.”

Pete’s become rich in other

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ways, and I admire him for that.

It’s a funny thing as we discuss some people’s misconceptions about punk bands, because Pete’s a really chill guy and actually a little shy.

“When I was growing up, the minute you mention ‘punk’ everyone assumes you’re just going to start spitting everywhere, you’ll always be swearing - which is probably quite true – and doing drinks and drugs. They assume you’re going to be a negative person in terms of how you treat other people, but it’s not really like that.

“Some people are real c**ts, and to those people you don’t have to be nice, but you don’t have to be horrible either. All we’ve ever done is try and be nice to people, and if somebody’s kind and helpful to us we try and reciprocate in any way that we can – it’s just courtesy.”

Despite all the “racket” their songs have never been lacking

in sentiment - they’re almost an offering for people who might be having a shit time. “We write a lot of very dark songs,” he tells me. “We’ve had people come up and talk about how songs have made them feel and some people have said they’ve got quite emotional once they understand what’s being said.

“We’ve done one bizarre song where essentially a suicide note is put to music, but the music’s really cheerful – the song’s called ‘Happy Days’. It’s essentially a list of things about wanting to end it all with that juxtaposition of happy and sad. There’s no point in being precious about a song, because it might mean fuck all to someone else – but smiling means the same to everybody. I’d just like to think that we made people feel good – if making a horrible racket makes somebody smile then that’s a beautiful thing.”

For their last gig 2 Sick Monkeys are bringing friends

and bands together for one last hurrah in aid of two charities Oak and Furrows, and SCWAD (Swindon Children Without A Diagnosis). For two guys who never intended to start a band, they’ve had an impressive career.

There’s a sadness about the impending finale, but Pete says it’s a natural end and something he looks back on with “no regrets”.

When I ask how he’s feeling about the final show he says, “I’m in two minds! I’m really excited, I love all the bands playing - and to think people are travelling to come see us in itself is mindblowing, but at the same time it’s like ‘how are we going to play knowing it’s our last one? We’ll approach this gig like any gig: play like it’s the gig of our lives.

“I’d like to think people thought we were a good band, and I’d like to think our music just made people smile.” www.level3swindon.com

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The Blinders - “the brave new world we’ve been waiting for” Words by Claire Dukes

I’d been waiting for this gig for months - I imagine this is how weird people feel about Christmas.

After seeing The Blinders back in August at Fieldview Festival - on a tiny, unassuming stage - I was completely sold, and I barely moved during their set. I was pinned to my position, voluntarily being fed their manifesto of hope, angst and political awakening.

The first time seeing The Blinders will always remain dear to me for many reasons, but when I saw them at The Bullingdon, Oxford, they in no way disappointed. I was in a perpetual state of confliction between dancing and taking to the streets to start a riot.

The Blinders started about five minutes before they came on stage. Eerie white noise and satellite glitches made for an ominous, and perfect, prelude to their set. (I imagine) it’s like that burning state you fall into before you come up on a pill.

You’re impatiently waiting for that drop which instils you with a playful excitement. Suddenly you’re catapulted forward, happily terrified of the uncertainty that you’re being engulfed by. The Blinders are on the stage.

On tour with their album ‘Columbia’ they’re not

Photographs by Alan Wells

complaining about modern society - they’re initiating change, new ideas and comradery.

The set, - of which the song list practically parallels the album - is an amalgamation of rock ballad (Orbit), cathartic mantras (I Can’t Breathe) and political awakening (Brutus) which has sonically and lyrically been crafted in a very raw and sophisticated manner.

It’s no wonder politicians are making cuts to the arts, because The Blinders have created an antidote, or even a weapon, in a time of crisis to ignite hope and diminish complacency as Tom Haywood’s stage persona, ‘Johnny Dream’, orchestrates the crowd to “Come together, we need each other” (Rat In A Cage) because we’re prisoners surrounded by “a world of walls and cameras and censored flaws” (Orbit), but all is not lost. This is a call to action - not a white flag of surrender - to “free the child from the minister who restricts his thoughts” (Free the Slave) - wrapped up in their gothic finesse.

For a young band which has a lot of raw edge, they’re also very polished and captivating.

As a stage presence they’ve got Johnny Dream (vocals,

guitar) at the helm with Kiss’s energy, Charlie McGough (bass) embodying Nick Cave’s mystery and swagger, and Matthew Neale creating thunder on the drums - the underlying rumbles of the underground which erupt in organised outbursts.

I remained stood in awe as my brain tingled with detection of references. It’s a subjective point of view, for sure, but I couldn’t help but draw parallels between Iggy Pop (particularly ‘Nightclubbing’ during the intro to ‘Where No Man Comes’) and Patti Smith. As my favourite artist I am never light to make such a comparison, but their poet storytelling of Orbit really resonated with Smith’s Birdland.

By the end of it all I felt liberated. I also came away with Columbia on vinyl, and CD (for my car rides). I’d say Columbia is one of the most important albums to come out of 2018. Just when I thought there was nothing to pick up my spirits from Britain’s political misery, I was introduced to the brave new world that we’ve been waiting for. The next time The Blinders return to Oxford, I predict it’ll be at the O2 Academy. www.theblindersofficial.com

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The Ocelot’s December music reviews Words by Ed Dyer (The primate formerly known as Gig Monkey)

2 Sick Monkeys – Into Oblivion

The term “Legend” get’s bandied about all too freely these days, but in the case of Wiltshire DIY Punk two-piece outfit 2 Sick Monkeys, it’s a fitting epithet.

For over 10 years they have been playing their way around venues, dives and squats not only all over the UK, but most of Europe, and even as far afield as Japan, peddling their own brand of drum and bass punk noise to eager crowds.

However, this latest release is their swansong, their last hurrah, as they call time on this epic journey.

But what a final statement it is, for a band used to spitting out sub 2-minute rants has created a behemoth double album chock full of special guests and even

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a track that weighs in at a hefty 6 minutes.

The band has really chucked everything at this album, ensuring it is crammed full of everything that made them the band they were. Elements of classic Punk Rock are woven with Hardcore, Oi and their own version of Pop-Punk, ensuring the music thrashes around with abandon but still manages to nail a groove down and dig up some slick melodies.

But don’t think for one minute these means they have made a break for the mainstream, as this is still a grubby, outspoken piece of work; the vocals have more gravel than the drive of a stately home and the lyrics take aim at a variety of subjects including racists, bigots,

politicians, oppression, mental illness and in the memorable speed-rant of “These Are The Things That Don’t Seem Like Fun To Me” pretty much everything else.

If you have yet to experience 2 Sick Monkeys and you are not too faint of heart, I suggest you do yourself a favour and check this record out; as well as a hell of final statement it also works perfectly as an introduction to one of our most significant and truly heroic underground bands, icons of a scene and jolly nice lads to boot.

Or even better, catch them at their last ever gig on December 16th at Sindon’s Level III. Take a bow Pete and Fred, this is a superb full stop.

You will be missed.

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All Ears Avow – Skin and Bones EP OK, answer me this – why aren’t this band huge yet?

For years they have been one of the most accomplished bands in the region, yet they manage to sail along un-noticed by the masses whilst exhibiting all the musical traits that even people who don’t like actual music would normally fall for.

I don’t get it, but thankfully,

the band just belligerently keep plugging away, getting better and better at what they do, producing slick, effortless appearing pop-rock songs again and again.

All the usual All Ears Avow trademarks are here – big riffs, addictive melodies and a fabulous groove, but with this new EP they have taken

this formula to even greater heights, concentrating it even further than you think would be possible.

This EP is a celebration of all things that make the band who they are, and the joy and fun that this sentiment puts across to the listener is infectious, so do yourself and the band a favour and join in the celebration.

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Gettin’ your boogie on with the Fun Lovin’ Criminal Words by Jamie Hill

Ever fancied partying with the Fun Lovin’ Criminals until the early hours?

Well if you pop down to the O2 Academy Oxford on Saturday December 15 you might get your chance when Huey Morgan rocks up.

Huey Morgan’s NYC Block Party is the sound of

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funk, soul, disco and hip hop jams battling it out on the dancefloor in a riotous celebration of good times from the Fun Lovin’ Criminals frontman.

In recent years the legend Huey has carved out a career on BBC Radio 2 and BBC Radio 6 Music.

Doors open at 11pm and it goes on til 3am.

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Rough times for the Oxford music scene Words by Claire Dukes

The Oxford music scene has been turbulent - to say the least - for the last few months, and that includes the fate of Oxford’s most treasured independent music venue The Cellar.

The Cellar Bar, Frewin Court, had to once more call on music lovers and loyal patrons of the independent music venue for support as it faced threat of closure. Just as The Ocelot went to print The Cellar had reached their target of £80,000 to fit a new fire exit after a safety inspection back in July ruled it too narrow by 30cm.

The campaign was not ignited immediately, but safety regulations meant the venue had to reduce their capacity from 150 to 60. As this was not financially sustainable The Cellar had two choices; pay £80,000 to fit a new fire exit; or close.

The campaign money enables a new fire exit and expansion of the basement which could hold up to 200 people. In a video created by The Cellar as they launched the #CellarForever

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campaign the venue’s manager, Tim Hopkins, said: “We feel like The Cellar is an important place for young musicians. Due to the cost of urgent renovations that we simply can’t afford to pay for ourselves, we’re asking for your help.”

It’s an intense position to stand in since their previous campaign ‘Save The Cellar’ triumphed over plans to redevelop the popular underground space into retail use. Thanks to thousands of signatures Oxford City Council dismissed the new proposals.

The most recent successful campain received support from the likes of Mr Scruff, Mark Gardener (Ride), Phillp Selways (Radiohead), Young Knives, Gaz Coombes and the organisers of Truck Festival.

The venue has provided Oxford with more than 35 years of live music and has offered many young bands and musicians starting out a place to practice and perfect their craft. The Cellar has also hosted well established bands including

Foals, Mumford and Sons, Glass Animals, Maiians and Willie J Healey.

They’re not completely out of the woods yet as there are ‘still a few pieces of the jigsaw to slot into place’ (their words) but there is definite hope that this venue will be here to stay.

Amidst the #CellarForever campaign, its neighbours Purple Turtle announced a closure date shortly after.

The 20-year-old venue was given until November 30 to vacate the premises after their lease negotiations fell down.

In a post online, the owners released the following statement: “As some of you may know we have been negotiating our new lease with the Oxford Union over the last few months and unfortunately much to our disappointment we have not been able to come to an arrangement that would allow us to remain in Frewin Court.”

Sad news for everybody concerned but let’s hope that The Cellar Bar at least is saved.

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Music for December Words by Claire Dukes

12 Bands of Christmas

Forest Live

One of the most anticipated annual gigs is hitting The Vic, Swindon this month!

Taking place December 15, It’s pretty selfexplanatory - one night with 12 live bands.

This year the line-up includes Wyldest, Yves, The Harlers, Martyrials and Basement Club. www.thevicswindon.com

Not December, no - but tickets are now on sale for next year’s Forest Live concert at Westonbirt Aboretum.

Taking place from June 13 to June 15 2019, acts confirmed so far include Paul Weller and Jack Savoretti. www.forestryengland.uk

This is the time of year where musicians, and bands tend to burrow - after the last year of touring and releasing new material, it’s time to retire back to the studio and also get some rest.

It’s a weird feeling, because this is the last Ocelot issue of 2018, but I could not be more excited to

see and hear what 2019 has to offer from musicians we’ve been following over the last year, and others that are not yet on our radar. Fear not though, as this does not mean it’s going to be a quiet month!

Got some music news coming up for 2019? Email claire@theocelot.co.uk

Reef

True Strays

Self Help

Where: 02 Academy, Oxford When: Saturday 15 Doors open: 6.30pm www.academymusicgroup.com

Where: The Tuppenny, Swindon When: Thursday 20 Time: 8.30pm www.thevicswindon.com

Where: The Bullingdon, Oxford When: Friday 21 Time: 7pm www.youneedselfhelp.com

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Agony Girl Five-year-old Amy is determined that she will catch Father Christmas in the act this year, but she’s still got time to answer your questions. We read her the questions and these are her answers... honest.

Dear Amy, It’s Christmas coming up soon. Have you been a good girl this year and what do you want for Christmas?

All the best, Nicholas, Oxford I want a LOL Doll Big Surprise. I’ve been a good girl. I’ve been helping grandma when she comes to babysit and I went to sleep last night straight away.

Dear Amy, I hear you’re really good at maths but I’ve got a math problem that has been giving me some real issues. What is 10 minus 6?

Terence, Abingdon *holds up hands and counts her fingers* It’s three. I’m good at maths as I copy it off other people.

Dear Amy, My boyfriend is out all the time. He’s never here and doesn’t have much time for me.

He’s either out seeing his friends, at work or at the gym. I don’t even feel I’m in a proper relationship with him. What should I do?

Rebecca, Newbury You should not let him go out and say ‘I’ve had enough. You have to stay with me now’. But don’t put him in prison.

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Dear Amy, I keep getting offers to present a game show with Alexander Armstrong. But my real love is music as I want to be my like my hero Kenny Loggins. I keep telling them it’s pointless and they keep looking at me weirdly and saying ‘we know’. How can I get them to stop?

Mike, Devizes You should say ‘why are doing this? I keep on telling you I want to do music.’ And I’ve never been to the danger zone. What’s the danger zone?

Dear Amy, I want money. How do I get some?

Letitia, Swindon You should go to the cashpoint and put your ticket in the cashpoint and then you win some money.

Dear Amy, What’s your favourite film?

Steve, Salisbury I like that Father Christmas film we watched last night. I think it’s called that Father Christmas film.

Dear Amy, Can you put the kettle on for me?

Jamie, Swindon No.

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