Ocelot 151 January 2019

Lifestyle and Culture Magazine Wiltshire, Oxfordshire and West Berkshire

No: 151 January 2019

Free

Alexander O’Neal brings something to pout about to Oxford p42

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#151

JANUARY ISSUE

For Starters

04 Nerd’s Last Word, Luke Coleman 05 F.A.K.E News 06 Encyclopaedia Ocelotica 08 How to Detox 10 Tattoos, booze and poos Lifestyle

11 How to talk to people 12 Get Away: Amsterdam 14 Style 16 TV and Film and Gaming Brews and Eats

19 Wine not?

20 Beer Monkey 21 History of burgers 22 The Runner 23 The Burger Priest 24 Coconut 25 Recipe 26 Sloe gin Arts and Culture

28 The cultural months ahead 32 Macbeth Music

36 Talk in Code 38 Gappy Tooth and The East Pointers 40 EP and Single reviews 42 Alexander O’Neal at The O2 44 The Month Ahead The Final Bit of the magazine

46 Agony Girl

2019 - The year of not much I’m sure I’m not the only one.

For 2019 my deepest wish is for not much to happen at all. I mean nothing.

The last few years have been a whirlwind of national crisis followed by international crisis.

Can’t we all just get our heads down for 2019 and for not much to happen at all?

We have had things constantly looming over us in recent times from the financial ruin of Brexit to impending armageddon courtesy of Wotsit Hitler and his mates Putin and Kim Jong Un as well as some twattery from egotistical terrorists.

I just want to enjoy the present without worrying about the future. Is that too much ask?

So, here’s how I would like 2019 to go.

I want Brexit to sort itself out in the early part of the year one way or another (I’m past caring which way).

No more hassle, just no more bloody Brexit.

And then at the same time I want Putin, Kim Jong Un and all the assorted terrorists of the world to suddenly have a road to Damascus moment and realise that the world would be a lot better if they stopped being such selfish vain twats. As for Wotsit Hitler, or The Donald as some people call him, I want him to leave the White House in handcuffs by February.

Then we all forget that any of this nonsense ever happened and we have a year of doing nothing. A long hot bath of a relaxing year. Bliss.

Write in to me at jamie@theocelot.co.uk

Jamie Hill

Editor: Jamie Hill - jamie@theocelot.co.uk Deputy: Ben Fitzgerald - ben@theocelot.co.uk Reporter: Claire Dukes - claire@theocelot.co.uk Sales: Dave Stewart dave@theocelot.co.uk - 07872 176999 Rosy Presley rosy@positivemediagroup. press - 07717 501790 Telephone: 01793 781986 Publisher: Positive Media Group, Unit 3, Arclite House, Peatmoor, Swindon SN5 5YN Printers: Deltor, Saltash, Cornwall

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For Starters Vegging out without bragging out The Nerd’s Last Word with Michael Bosley “I’ll stick to bacon, thanks!” reads the terse comment left on a Facebook advertisement for a vegan meat alternative by one of the major supermarket brands.

“Why do vegans feel the need to ram their lifestyles down our throats!?” reads another. In fact, the whole thread, save for a small number of actual vegans who have tagged fellow vegans is full of defensive meat eaters who have taken exception to an advertisement on their free-to-use platform that isn’t even aimed at them.

Vegans eh? Choosing to live a lifestyle that has the least impact on the environment and animals.

Who do they think they are?

In this age of ‘instant offence’ where the line between a contented existence and outrage is a hairline trigger away, every subject of discussion and life choice is an opportunity to find injustice where there seemingly is none.

For many meat eaters, this oppression is not borne from any personal experience they’ve had with a vegan, but from a stereotyped image created by other meat-eaters that all vegans are holier-than-thou social justice warriors shaming and indoctrinating other meat eaters into following their salad eating ways.

“How do you identify a vegan? Don’t worry, they’ll be sure to tell you.”

That’s right, vegans, eh? Having to ask for vegan menus at restaurants. Do they ever shut up about it?

I’m a fully-fledged meat eater myself but have never felt that vegans have ever encroached on what I choose to eat. On the contrary, I respect them for having the conviction to act on their beliefs and if anything, it serves to highlight my lazy life choices that are based more often than not on convenience and cost rather than any genuine moral choice.

Perhaps then, it is not any one action by vegans that causes irritation in meat eaters, but the fact that their life choice highlights an inconvenient truth that we purchase and consume unquestioningly and contradict ourselves as a nation of supposed animal lovers.

It leaves us uncomfortable as individuals who have carefully created an image of ourselves as responsible, empathic and conscientious and ultimately have that perception challenged by the positive actions of others.

It’s instead become a socially accepted norm that those who choose to make positive changes in their lives should simply keep quiet about it for fear of offending those who have not, possibly eroding their delicately constructed sense of a virtuous self that in action, never really existed.

Instead of a reactionary attack on those who leave us feeling uncomfortable, perhaps we should begin to look inwardly and understand what it is about ourselves that we can change for the better, or in the very least tolerate or even appreciate the choices of others.

An Irish New Year (probably)

Off The Grid with Luke Coleman - Our man in Iraq

I spent New Year’s Eve and a few days in Cork, Ireland. Obviously we go to press way before we land in front of you, so I’m going to take a few guesses at how my break has turned out.

NYE – Landed in Dublin, and was picked up by Mairéad and her mates. Immediately swallowed temptation to use Irish colloquialisms and broadened Gloucestershire brogue to Forest of Dean parody levels in attempt to not be that guy.

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Drove to rented pad in Leap (pronounced ‘Lep’), stopped at village along the way, comprised of three houses, six pubs and a horse. 6 Guinness before Leap, and it really does taste different here. Petted an Irish Wolfhound.

Dumped bags in house, swam in estuary to ocean. Kept telling myself that I am comfortable in my body as three lads with four grams of fat between them swam to Newfoundland and back before tea.

Into town, there was a massive shindig, spectacular pissup.

NYD – Found an old lady with a portable sauna near a river.

Actually did feel good in my

own skin.

2 Jan – Blarney Castle. Last time I was there I was 4 years old. Needed a recharge. Raised a large Bushmills to chatting 12 months more shit in 2019.

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FAYE AND KING ENTER

PRISE

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS GONE MAD

Snowflakes to force soldiers to carry flowers and not guns

BRITISH soldiers could have their weapons replaced with flowers according to a loony new report by a left-leaning Government Defence department think tank.

Under the proposals soldiers would be kitted out with flower baskets and trained in the use of ground to air chrysanthemums.

A spokesman said: “We just had a brainwave one day that guns could be seen as an offensive weapon by some and in worst case scenarios could actually lead to someone getting shot.

“It was a real health and safety concern especially since some of our soldiers were actually being trained into how use these ‘weapons’.

“Under the proposal we would like to see all of the weapons replaced at a fraction of the cost by different flowers. Grenades would be replaced by confetti and all explosive ordinance will be replaced by nicely scented bath bombs.”

Parliament is due to decide on the new proposals next month but the idea has already stirred up a lot of criticism.

Backbencher Giles Hetherington-Smythe (Con) said: “This is such a ridiculous idea that I feel forced to speak in capital letters so that’s what I will do.

“HOW CAN WE BE EXPECTED AS A NATION TO DEFEND OURSELVES IF WE DON’T HAVE ANY WEAPONS? “DO WE JUST HAVE TO HOPE THAT THE ENEMY MIGHT JUST HAVE HAY FEVER AND WILL GET A RUNNY NOSE IMPAIRING THEIR ABILITY TO SHOOT US WITH REAL BULLETS WHILST WE POINT A DAISY AT THEM?”

FACT: Donald Trump is the best human ever IT is something that we all knew already but now a new report scientifically proves that Donald Trump is the nearest humankind has come so far to creating a Superman.

The new report carried out by Doctor Mal Practice states that The President is the next stage of human evolution. He said: “I was paid quite a lot of money by Donald and he’s very pleased with the results. This report shows that he can literally walk on water, heal the sick with his mind and fire laser beams from his eyes. He is literally the greatest human ever.”

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Encyclopedia Ocelotica: Flat Earth

By Ben Fitzgerald

Some people say that The Earth is a globe - which is pretty amazing if you stop and think about it.

But even more amazing than that is that other people believe that The Earth is a flat disc.

And, get this, there are other people who believe in some form of a higher being working in mysterious ways - laying down rules in a series of seemingly contradicatory manuscripts.

As a species we are collectively insane aren’t we?

As far as the shape of the Earth goes, I’m pretty sure that that it’s globular, but then again who can be sure?

Yes there is a wealth of scientific evidence out there - basic experiments and observations that are easy to prove - even to children.

Very quickly then: 1) The moon casts a circular shadow during a lunar eclipse.

2) Ships when observed through a telescope appear to rise up out of the sea when on the horizon - caused by the object disappearing from view behind the horizon due to the curvature of the Earth.

3) Varying star constellations depending on where on the surface these stars are observed from - on a flat Earth surface, the same star patterns would always be visible in the night sky.

4) Placing a stick in the ground will produce a shadow. Another stick placed on a different spot on the globe at exactly the same time will produce different length of shadow

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because of the different angle of the sun.

5) The horizon of the Earth is curved - this is most obvious when observed from a height - for example on top of a mountain or a plane.

6) All other observed planets are globe shaped because of the way that they are pulled together due to gravity.

7) The existence of time zones - at any one time, the sun is in a different position depending where on the surface of the globe you happen to be.

8) Gravity is essentially the same wherever you happen to be on the surface of the Earth. But if the world was flat, we would be drawn sideways towards the centre of mass at the centre of the disc.

But what happens if you run up against someone who refutes the science or rather, the reliability of interpreting scientific observations?

Flat Earthers tend to fall back on the branch of Philosophy called Epistemology - the theory of knowledge. More specifically the sub category of Skepticism which questions whether knowledge is possible at all.

The argument goes like this: all evidence from scientific testing such as observing the curvature of the Earth from a high flying plane, comes to us through our limited senses. They point out that our human senses are imperfect and can be easily fooled - for example optical illusions. And they add that there is more going

on out there than we can detect with our limited senses - wavelengths we can’t see, smells that we can’t pick up on, gravitational fields we can’t feel - so it follows that we cannot also trust scientific evidence as entirely foolproof.

And that if there is a small crack of doubt, then we cannot definitively say that the world is a globe, despite the huge weight of evidence showing that it is.

It’s a difficult one to argue against. But then, if you operate on that basis, you cannot definitively prove that stairs exist and you would never venture out of your bedroom for fear of falling through the nonexistent stairs to your death as you hit the difficult-to-prove ground.

Pragmatism comes into play - we operate using rules and observations that see us though life 99.999 per cent of the time. We assume that the sun is going rise tomorrow, because up until now it has. It’s not a form of proof, but the evidence is overwhelming that it’s a safe bet.

I won the argument against the Flat Earthers in my head - but I wanted to speak to a real one. I contacted the Flat Earth Society press office but have yet to receive a reply. It’s possible that they have stopped believing in the existance of email or perhaps they are too busy trying to prove that their floorboards exist before attempting to climb out of bed. Either way, if anyone else wants to contact them, head over to www.theflatearthsociety.org - best of luck!

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How to detox your mind, body

By Ben Fitzgerald

I

t’s an unavoidable truth that eating well over Christmas and the New Year is as difficult as maintaining a smile as you endure the searing pain of a clip on plastic mostache from a cracker as it bites into your septum - like the pincers of a pissed-off leaf cutting ant.

It begins early with the first box of Celebrations/ Roses/ Quality Street that infiltrates its way into the office, staffroom or abattoir (depending on where you work).

Let’s not pretend otherwise, no one genuinely believes that this grade of chocolate is a treat.

A quick peek at the percentage of coco-solids will tell you that they fall into the same bracket as ‘dog chocs’ - one step up from Novichok.

But as the day wears on and

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perhaps you have had a tough time shooting cows in the head with a retained bolt gun, it’s all too easy to hit that 4pm sugar crash where even the most abstemious intentions crumble to dust.

Before you know where you are, you’re sitting in a nest of foil wrappers with a big chocolate clown smile around your sad mouth.

And it’s still only November.

Fast forward to the morning of New Year’s day and in the unforgiving blue grey light of a January morning, you catch a reflection of your palid puffy face in the mirror and discover that you have grown a sleeve of fat around your neck - the last place on a human body where energy reserves are stored and a sure sign that all the other fat deposit zones of your

body are already taken - apart from perhaps your earlobes.

On the upside, you’re certainly not going to starve to death at any time over the next seven months - that’s an absolute cast iron guarantee.

On the downside - the most statistically likely way that you are going to lose that weight, given your current state of health, is that your abused heart muscle is no longer able to force your syrupy blood past the buttery

Don’t think that the solution to your problems is at the bottom of a cup of green vomit

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ody and probably your soul ...

apart s.

e he n e.

lump of cholesterol blocking your vena cava and you pitch forward, stone dead in the middle of a conversation with your work colleagues about the latest series of Luther on Netflix.

If you do happen to survive the festive excesses, you will probably want to go about ridding your wretched body of the accumulated poison of months of thoughtless scoffing.

Trouble is, whenever someone is at their lowest ebb - there are packs of circling charlatans out there who are keen to take advantage like an evangelical Operation Christmas Child charity worker stuffing religious

propaganda into a shoebox of presents filled by a well intentioned infant destined for a desperate Liberian refugee…. for example.

A quick look on the internet will find countless such self-appointed experts (their profile pictures revealing them to be performing a yogic headstand on a rocky outcrop) who have compiled a list of usually 7 or 31 (or another prime number) great ways to ‘rid yourself’ of those winter blues and purify both your body and… yes that’s right your soul. They also assure you (in brackets) that solution number 5 may surprise you. It never does, but by then it’s too late isn’t it?

Their solutions will almost certainly involve some of the

following - seaweed, spring water, a freshly squeezed lemon, kale, tumeric, beetroot, beneficial bacteria one or more bodily orifices and a credit card.

I can tell you now that they are all wrong.

I’m not a doctor, but I am a miserable cynic which is the next best thing.

I have created my own prime number list of three great ways to detox (number 4 may surprise you).

Here they are: 1) Have a nice cup of tea 2) Go out for a bracing walk in the cold air.

3) Go to bed early Repeat this until you start thinking about someone else for a change.

Humans have no business eating seaweed. Even in a survival situation.

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Life lessons for 2019 Tattoos, booze and poos by Sara Witham

Ok so I learnt some life lessons this month that I will be taking into 2019...

Whilst the four year old was on the loo the other day (we have some interesting conversations at poo time) I got asked...’Mummy, why do you have MASSIVE creases on your forehead?’ Cheers kid. So I replied ‘Because Mummy is old.’

To which he replied, ‘Well Daddy doesn’t have them and he’s older than you.’ ARGH. So clearly I want to reply ‘Because Daddy is a lucky b*****d.’ But instead I explain that some people have different skin and creasey bits and non-creasey bits.

Fat bits and thin bits etc.

Life lesson one: Sometimes you just get dealt a crap hand in the body stakes. Also save up for regular Botox.

In other news I had a new tattoo,

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I have only ever sat for four hours before so I thought what’s the worst that can happen sitting for six. Turns out the same experience as when you move from normal labour into established. The difference between being able to actively participate in a crossword to feeling like the world has caved in and you want your Mummy.

I was not expecting that. So for the first time ever I had a love-hate relationship with my tattoo for the first week. Not to mention the fact that my thigh was double the size of the other one. It’s like when your kid winds you up, you love it and you know you have to look after it but you can’t look at it without feeling a bit ragey.

Life lesson two: Pain duration limit is approx four hours before I lose my s**t.

Lastly are anyone else’s kids ‘challenging*’ in the run up to Christmas? I have lost count of the amount of Santa coal/tangerine related threats, withdrawals of books, chocolate and magazine buying.

It’s bleak, why are they so terrible and the thing is you have to give them the pile of stuff stashed in the wardrobe anyway because no one really goes through with a complete diss from Santa. I’m finding the gin helps a lot, that and the Christmas parties. Anyhow, not long before dry January (said no parent of small children ever) I’m renaming it gin-uary.

Life lesson three: kids + Christmas = enhanced gin dependency. *A**holes

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How to talk to other people Not talking to people has become something I enjoy doing in my spare time.

I used to get super anxious about ‘missing out’ on things but, aside from hanging out with friends, - because being broke this is something of a rarity - I feel gloriously smug staying in.

It’s weird because when I moved from London back to Swindon, I made an active effort to socialise, but quickly found that small town mentalities find striking up a conversation with perfect strangers psychotic. It wasn’t a complete waste of time though, because one thing I do like about talking to strangers is the social safari aspect. That being said, what’s weirder is that

a few months after breaking these barriers I found myself staring blankly at the majority of people speaking to me thinking in an internal monologue, “and you’re the person who’s definitely going to procreate meanwhile people like myself feel guilty because the planet’s kind of overpopulated” as I nodded along. Rude as this may sound, I found that this is a more ideal alternative than being honest, like telling someone to their face that you think they’re basic despite my forward approach I found that this was not well received, and it turns out basic people don’t like being told they’re basic (I’m 26 and still learning). According to my mum

this is where I need to revert back to my internal monologue and smile politely - so ultimately my social skills are still very much like Bambi on ice.

Talking to people, as it turns out, is a social minefield but maybe 2019 will be a more progressive year. As a new year’s resolution, I’m an advocate for using less filters - they manipulate our appearance on many levels, including how we communicate with people. And let’s face it, it’s agonising listening to someone talk out of their arse - it’s social modicodling, and no way to live.

Granted you don’t have to be a dickhead, but not suffering fools can’t be the worst way to start the new year.

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Amsterdam:

Art, bikes, canals and cheeses

T

he name derives from “Amstelredamme”, in reference to the fact that it began its life around a dam in the river Amstel, a name we all know now as being that of a well-known Dutch beer. It’s the Netherlands’ capital and also its most populous conurbation, although the country’s seat of government is The Hague.

The city is situated in the province of North Holland (and indeed another called South Holland, home to The Hague in fact), so “Holland” is actually only a part of the country. Many from outside use the term for the whole country and this, while erroneous, seems generally accepted. The name Holland comes either from the Old Dutch “Holtlant” meaning “wood-land”, or another term meaning “hollow land” in reference to its low-lying, below sea level, terrain. I give the first source

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much more credence. As for the English word ‘Dutch’, it comes from an old word meaning ‘people’ or ‘nation’ which interestingly also gives rise to the German words “deustch” and “Deustchland” (German and Germany respectively).

I’ve just spent a few days in the city with my mother, who fancied going there after a 40 year absence, and very pleasant it was.

Inclement weather and even a rained-off Christmas market in the Museum Quarter failed to dampen our spirits.

We stayed in a friendly midrange hotel minutes walk from the Leidseplein (Leiden Square), one of the city’s busiest squares at the southern end of its canal ring, and so named on account of its position at the end of Leidenstraat (Leiden Sreet) which for a long time had been the main road to the town of

Leiden.

We got our fill of Rembrandt and Vermeers’ artworks in the worldfamous Rijksmuseum, and learned how Vincent Van Gogh’s talents went beyond painting sunflowers or chairs and ‘self’ ear-mutilation, in the museum named after him.

Sadly he died at the early age of thirty-seven by his own hand, while his once friend and fellow artist Paul Gaugin made it to fifty four, taken by an accidental drug overdose. Vincent’s other influence, Charles Laval, could only manage thirty two, victim of an illness complicated by tuberculosis. Being an artist in the late nineteenth century was clearly a hazardous business.

I mention these two French artists since they were friends of the Dutchman and influenced him; and, at the time of our visit, there was a

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Words and pictures By Bill Hill

temporary exhibition of the artwork they produced from their brief visit to the island of Martinique in the Caribbean.

Another major draw for visitors to Amsterdam, if not the biggest, is the house of the young war-time diarist Anne Frank, now a museum.

Tickets are only available on line from two months prior, with 20% kept back for sale on the day. Alas, our attempts to bag an ‘on-the-day’ ticket failed miserably. “Laat maar” ..never mind.

The sheer number of bicycles going every which way was incredible! I’d heard the place was well geared up for cyclists, but there are so many that, to the uninitiated, it’s a job to avoid them. Cycle lanes abound, and boy are they busy.

Bicycle shops seem to be on every corner and there are plenty of places to hire them. Unexpectedly

though, scooters (mopeds) and the like can use the cycle lanes, and even really small cars. I hear there are plans to ban scooters on these paths, however, as they are understandably causing more than the odd accident; which I imagine means the diminutive cars will lose their license too.

So, yes, bikes are everywhere, and plenty of them line the railings of canals and the bridges that straddle them, much to the delight of those wanting typical photos.

Incidentally, most bikes are quite heavy sturdy-looking things, as opposed to racers or mountain bikes.

Talking of canals, there are various companies offering cruises and these are a great way to see the sights and learn a lot about the history of the city and its architecture. We did two! The only

accidents reported involving canals appear to be revellers relieving themselves too close to the edge …. splash!! So be warned, lads! (Yes, it tends to be men, for some reason.

And it is illegal, by the way).

Cheese, of course, makes more than a cameo in Amsterdam, and it’s not limited to your bog standard Edam and Gouda. There are specialist shops plugging all sorts of cheeses, made from all sorts of milk, with all sorts of flavours, such as fenugreek and coconut.

Haven’t mentioned the infamous coffee shops, where limited quantities of cannabis can be smoked, have I? Nor the prostitutes of the Wallen area of the Red Light district? Funnily enough, we didn’t seek these out.

Oh, and there are plenty of decent places to eat.

Enjoy your trip!

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New Year, fresh start A new year is the perfect time to wipe the slate clean and go for a fresh start with your style. Working from a blank canvas is the perfect pure platform for building your new look.

For fresh foundations add neutral tones, light shades and white to your wardrobe,

as they pretty much go with everything. Build onto this with colours and tones from your existing wardrobe. As the year goes on take full advantage of your neutral base to get the confidence to add bolder colours, and become more daring with your image.

A White Porcelain Triceratops Dino Egg Cup looks awesome on any breakfast table £9.99, visit www.firebox.com

The men’s Beck Sweater (£49.99) above is the perfect go-to top and the women’s Momentum T-Shirt (£24.99) left, the ideal under layer in soft cotton jersey, both by Protest visit www.protest.eu

S’ip by S’well’s Clean Slate Travel Mug is perfect for that morning hot drink www.sipbyswell.com

Fade Out have created a unique formulation to create a brighter, more hydrated skin tone. £9.99 from www.lookfantastic.com

The Scentered Mindful Aromatherapies Mini Tin is the perfect restore, support and rescue kit for those January winter blues £26, visit www.scentered.me

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Leighton Denny Expert Nails have the ideal clean slate nail polish shades in Natural White and Pure White, £12 each, from www.leightondennyexpertnails.com

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The Orchid White Leather Jewellery Box (£166.50) by Stackers is ideal for an organised focus to the new year and adds a light look of luxury to any room, team up with the White Mini Phone Valet (£28) and you are off to a truly tidy start, visit www.stackers.com

The Protected Species Waterproof City Walker Jacket will see you stay dry in the winter rain, £87.50 from www.protected-species.com

The Tangle Angel Classic is the ultimate detangling brush for minimalists, £14.95 at www.tangleangel.com

Sugarcube Bag is carefully handmade out of real leather in England, £37.50, available from www.zatchels.com

MAD Beauty’s Clip & Clean Lemonade Gel Sanitizer is the essential on the move hand freshener, £2.50 from www.madbeauty.com

Kipling’s Niman Fold Backpack in smooth grey is a foldable backpack that can turn into a shoulder bag or vice-versa, giving a minimal effortless look that’s practical and on trend, £59.40 at www.kipling.com

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Stranger things are happening as filmmaker reaches final stages of UFO feature film Words by Claire Dukes

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Where is the line between fiction and reality? This is a little irrelevant for Oliver Rogers, - a 21-year-old filmmaker from Swindon - as he encourages people to “question some things” in his first feature film.

After receiving international interest for his first short film ‘Full Disclosure’ Oliver Rogers is in the final stages of completing his first feature, and follow-on film, ‘The Black Spot’.

The feature film, which is due for release next year, follows an agent who uncovers dark and mysterious activities in a secret space programme.

“Some people say this is happening right now, and we’ve created a fictional version of what people believe is currently happening,” explains Oliver.

“It’s slightly based off a real interview, so you could say it’s a little based in reality or on ‘so say’ true events that a man says he’s gone up to Mars – I just thought that was a brilliant plot.”

Taking inspiration from his love of film noir and interest in UFOs, Oliver has based the film in Wiltshire and used many Swindon locations throughout the film including Milton Road, Stanford House, The Beehive,

Longs Bar and some local houses.

Combining the use of recognisable locations and a “loosely” realitybased plot, the young filmmaker wants to explore the boundaries between conspiracies and everyday occurrences.

Oliver tells me, “It’s fairly UFObased even though you don’t ever see a UFO in the film, but it’s mentioned a lot. It’s about ‘larger than life’ happenings in quite a matter of fact way, like this could be happening right now but we wouldn’t necessarily know about it.

“With The Black Spot we’re trying to say ‘keep an open mind and do question some things’. I’m not saying it’s real, but I’m not saying it’s not either.

“I’m fascinated with UFOs, - I’ve seen a UFO – and the film’s based in Wiltshire which is very UFO central especially around Avebury. So, Wiltshire’s the perfect place to set the film.”

Upon release the film will be sent to film festivals around the globe and, after getting in touch with Lloyd Kaufman, - the founder of an American independent production company, Troma Entertainment - The Black Spot will also be distributed in America.

With much interest generated through his short film the 21-year-old now believes there is no practical benefit to attending university.

He said: “I don’t want to go to university. Don’t get me wrong you learn skills, but at the end of it you just end up as a runner at the BBC – you spend all that time and money on university, and running up a lot of debt, to end up as a runner.

“It’s definitely been challenging, but that’s why I love it – it wouldn’t be worth it otherwise.

“We’re making the film as a spring board for everyone involved – as much as it’s my project, it’s everybody else’s as well. We want to prove to people that we can make a competent film and hopefully we’ll get work out of it in the end. As far as I’m concerned, if I make a film and one person I don’t know likes it then job well done.”

Asking about his future plans, Oliver adds: “I love being in Swindon, – there’s a great collective of people here – but just trying to make a living out of filmmaking here is quite hard. If I could find money doing this in Swindon then I’d happily stay, but at some point I might want to go to Bristol to branch out a bit.”

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GAME: Revisiting PlayStation Classic Words by Simon Oxlade

Ten or so years ago, I bought a replica Atari 2600 (VCS) joystick that contained some twenty or thirty classic VCS games ready for you to simply plug into your TV and play to your heart’s content. It was an impressive duplication of the original control system containing games vaguely remembered. Ultimately it was a bit disappointing, perhaps because I never owned a VCS so did not have the nostalgia factor, but mostly because the games were (whisper it) not actually that enjoyable.

Because of this disappointment, I didn’t buy the Mini NES and SNES consoles that have appeared in the past two years as I never owned one when I was a kid, but when Sony announced this year’s PlayStation Classic, I was immediately interested.

So what you get is a dinky recreation of the original console, and two full size original joypads. The console has an HDMI connection for use with modern TVs and is powered from a micro-USB (although, oddly, no power supply is in the box).

Hitting power brings up nicely dated menu from which you can select one of twenty included games. The controllers connect via USB, but have mouldings to make them look like the original connectors. They are also the real originals, so digital input only, no analogue sticks.

This takes a bit of getting used to, and yes the games look dated, but they play so well.

Unlike the Atari, the games feel modern and play excitingly. They are also quite large and

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daunting, unlike the arcade games of the VCS which are more about the short sharp hit of a game. Final Fantasy VII, by contrast, would take many, many hours to complete. The games remind you how much of a debt the modern gaming scene owes to Sony’s machine – no PlayStation, no Red Dead Redemption. Playing the classic makes this abundantly clear.

All of which makes it a crying shame that the games included in the unit are more than a little underwhelming: No Tomb Raider, no WipeOut, no Crash Bandicoot, no Gran Turismo, no Tony Hawk, no Mortal Kombat. Also, some of the games are the US versions, others are from Europe, so the games play at slightly different speeds and in slightly different ratios. Another issue is that while Sony has a reputation for creating some very fine emulations of their own hardware, the PlayStation Classic uses a range of off-the-shelf emulators which vary in quality.

All of which sums up the PlayStation classic – it is beautifully put together, the hardware is decent and playing the games is a blast, but the lacklustre range of games and the iffy implementation hints at a project being done on the cheap and with little care.

However hackers have discovered that not only are there another twenty games hidden on the machine’s hardware, but the USB ports provide access to the internal settings and, possibly a way to ship other software onto the device. It may be that the PlayStation Classic gets a new lease of life, but right now it smacks of a missed opportunity.

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By Darren Willmott of vinesight.me

Corking reads for the new year!

The potentially niche world of wine doesn’t often make it to wider media platforms, but the 2004 wine-novel-turned-film Sideways gave the masses a rare chance to submerge themselves in a wonderful vinous world via a scenic travelogue along westcoast USA. More than a decade later, bookshelves now have two welcome additions in the form of Corkscrew and Brut Force, the first two novels from wine buyer turned author, Peter StaffordBow. Following the Blackadderstyle comedic exploits of wine buyer Felix Hart, we see him triumph against many bizarre situations using a constant stream of wit, luck and mind-altering substances. How else would you navigate international wine shipments filled with illegal immigrants, or supplier conferences interrupted by angry cows?

To celebrate the recent release of Brut Force I caught up with Peter to chat through the story behind the story: Vinesight: How did the novels come about?

Peter Stafford-Bow: It occurred to me around five years ago whilst working in South Africa with a lot of spare time on my hands.

The inspiration came from the Flashman Papers, a series of Victorianera novels by George

Macdonald Fraser featuring a caddish cavalry officer. They got me thinking about the parallels between modern multi-nationals and the mercenary activities of certain organisations.

VS: Did the success of Sideways influence you at all?

PSB: They’re such different books to the character-driven, mid-life crisis comedy of Sideways, being pacey, satirical thrillers about big business, hung around a picaresque, coming-ofage story.

VS: Much of the books sound both plausible yet absurd at the same time. Does the reader need any previous wine knowledge to enjoy them and, as they are loosely based on your career, what’s the balance between fact and fiction?

PSB: It’s more than 50% true but I wanted to write books appealing to non-wine enthusiasts and wine geeks alike. The cowinfested conference is inspired by a UK retailer who, in the

1990s, presented ‘wooden spoon’ awards to humiliate certain suppliers.

VS: Did you achieve your career success at the same rate as Felix, starting at the bottom, smashing targets, and generally being in the right place at the right time?

PSB: They’re definitely not an autobiography, I’d be in prison or dead for sure! You need a combination of hard work, skill and timing.

I subscribe to the theory that luck is when preparation meets opportunity. The world of wine buying is not back-stabbing at all, quite the opposite, so that’s a vile slander on my part.

VS: There’s a wider plot of Felix getting involved with the mafia and causing international incidents. Did you ever consider the books simply focusing on wine-buying?

PSB: They definitely needed to be more than ‘Confessions of a Wine Merchant’. That would be like Ian Fleming simply writing about the budget approval process at the Ministry of Defence!

The highly recommended novels Corkscrew and Brut Force are now both widely available from good booksellers and online merchants.

Cheers!

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The Beer Monkey Column From The Ocelot’s tame beer industry insider….

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adly, Brewery Bird has decided to stretch her wings and leave her nest here at Ocelot Towers.

So, I have packed up my music column and moved in to take over writing about beer, my other passion. This column will look at all the delights that our local brewing and beer scene has to offer, so I am calling on the fantastic breweries we have here in Wiltshire, Oxfordshire and West Berkshire, as well as all of the specialist beer pubs, bars and retailers etc to send in all your news, views and brews to the magazine, where they will find their way to me.

January is a tough month for the beer industry, as along with the usual post-Christmas slump in sales driven by everyone’s parlous financial state and general misery there is the recent trend for “Dryanuary” to contend with. This happening finds overindulgers and generally morally superior sorts abstaining from alcohol for the good of their waistlines, bank balances and souls.

All well and good until you consider the poor old landlord of your local pub and the good folks of the brewery down the road who consequently see their already meagre income

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disappear to new levels of scarcity, a level of scarcity they can ill afford.

Now, whilst it is very noble of you to abstain for a few weeks and gives you a temporary talking point over coffee at work, consider a worst case scenario at the end of your month of self-discipline – you rock up to break the booze-fast at your favourite watering hole to find the shutters down, permanently, as the regular trade they rely on through the tough times has deserted them for a month of boxsets, soft drinks and reclusive behaviour.

Fear not good people, for the industry is fighting back, they launched a national campaign in 2015 called “Tryanuary” to support local beer throughout January.

The basic concept is simple – create a mechanism to encourage beer fans to support independent breweries, pubs, bars and other retailers during the industry’s most challenging month, to attempt to inspire people to try something they haven’t drunk before and perhaps experience this in a place they haven’t been before.

Run entirely by volunteers both nationally and regionally, the movement has proven a huge success so far, with more and bigger events happening each

year. For the full lowdown check the website www.tryanuary.com where you can also get involved as an area co-ordinator or champion.

But locally, what is happening?

Not much has been officially announced yet but the big event can be found over at the taproom of West Berkshire Brewery on January 26 from 6.30pm, where they are hosting as many local brewers and their beers as they can fit in, along with good food and live music.

Expect to see beers from the likes of Love Beer Brewery, Tap Social Movement, Elusive Brewing, Double Barrelled Brewery, Wild Weather Ales, Oxbrew, Binghams, Two Cocks, Tring and Little Ox as well as the hosts.

At the time of writing, tickets were still on sale on the West Berks website, and transport is available from Newbury Train Station. Rumours abound of events taking place across the bars of Oxford, Newbury and Swindon, so keep an eye on the Tryanuary social media feeds for details as and when they are released – a good one to follow is twitter.com/TryBerkshire.

Ed Dyer works for West Berkshire Brewery and is a partner at Swindon craft beer bar The Tuppenny

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A history of hamburgers

By Ben Fitzgerald The rise of the hamburger is not only a story of mass production, portability and convenience - it is also inextricably linked to attitude.

A great American icon, it shares a platform with the Harley Davidson Motorcycle, the Fender Stratocaster and Ray-Ban sunglasses as a symbol of freedom, individuality and frontier spirit.

Swaggering around with a hamburger is your way of saying: “Hey, do you think I’m the kind of guy that uses cutlery? You do?

Well… you’re completely wrong.

Watch me eat my burger, with just my hands! I bet you’re feeling pretty foolish now!”

There is no doubt about it, the burger is among the most badass of foods - especially when you consider its origins.

Like many foodie developments, the idea of squishing together meat and some flavourings has probably been simultaneously ‘invented’ in many different continents in the distant past.

My favourite origin story is the one that suggests that a ‘proto’ burger was developed by well-hard Mongul horsemen who terrorised The Steppes during the 12th Century.

Because they were so busy with all the killing and the shouting, leaving them little time

to prepare a simple nutritious meal, they would wedge a slab of meat beneath their saddles for later.

After a day of riding about, the meat would be beautifully tenderised and ready to eat - a bit like putting it into a slow cooker - only with the piquant aroma of arse and horse sweat.

The idea of putting the meat inside a sesame bun would have to wait for the invention of the sesamie bun. Generations of Mongul warriors would have to endure the irritation of greasy fingers - serving to make them even more angry presumably.

Fast forward 500 years to 1747 and 500 miles west to London where the Hamburg Sausage surfaced with the publication of Hannah Glasse’s The Art of Cookery. The author came so close to achieving the ‘inside a bun’ concept with a recipe placing a smoked sausage of ground beef, suet, pepper and other aromatics on top of a slice of toast.

A century later, in 1845, in Virginia, Mr GA Coffman patented his imaginatively named ‘Machine for Cutting Sausage-Meat’ in response to increasing demand for convenient food but it wasn’t until Charlie Nagreen, from Wisconsin, came up with the idea of squashing a beef meatball between slices

of bread so his ill-mannered customers could walk around whilst eating - that the first hamburger was born.

He would later insist that everyone called him “Hamburger Charlie”, in much the same irritating way that pint-sized jazz crooner Jamie Cullum claimed that people had begun referring to him as “Sinatra in Sneakers” when it was clearly a name he had made up himself for marketing purposes.

But the first guys to shove a burger inside an actual bun - Walter Anderson and Billy Ingram - opened up a White Castle restaurant in Wichita, Kansas and changed the course of ‘hamburger history’ - which is like normal history but meatier.

It wasn’t long before others caught on, with the first branch of McDonald’s opening for business in San Bernardino, California in 1948 and Burger King opening in Miami and London in 1954.

In the year of love, 1967, McDonald’s found a way of making the hamburger twice as good by sticking two of them in a bun and calling it a Big Mac - there was no where to go after that, we had reached peak burger.

Unless.... there’s some way of making a hamburger three times as good?

It’s good to dream.

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The Runner, Swindon - “our table left full and satisfied”

Words by Claire Dukes

Have you ever driven past a pub you keep meaning to go to, but never actually go in?

I can’t count how many times I’ve driven past The Runner, formerly The Running Horse, on Wootton Bassett Road, and last month my curiousity gave in.

During the winter months I’m an avid fan of pub lunches, often accompanied by an ale. As I was driving, this particular pub lunch was without ale but it was not without a full plate of warming comfort food.

I frequently opt for vegan choices, but given The Runner’s one catering option I didn’t fancy a burger. My alternative go-to was the vegetarian Spring Veg & Minted Pea Quinotto (it’s risotto with quinoa). It could have done with some more seasoning, but - as a seemingly healthier version of a risotto - it was hearty and filling without inducing a food coma. At £9.95, with some added salt and pepper, I was left content.

Peering around the table, with only some minor food envy, it is evident that The Runner plates up

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like a mother showing her growing boys how much she loves them - with big boy portions. For most, like myself, this is ideal winter servings.

Going in for one of the more staple pub dishes, Swindon Link editor - Jamie Hill - went for a classic serving of gammon, eggs and chips.

He said: “It was a good, well-cooked, slice of gammon that had just the right amount of sass to keep my mouth yearning for more.

“Was it the best gammon I’ve had? No. But as far as pub food goes I’d happily choose it again.”

Another usual suspect is the Chicken & Bacon Caesar Salad, selected by Swindon Link’s Office Manager Karen Randall. She said: “For someone who doesn’t like salad, I thought it was great. I’m quite a fussy eater so this was a nice alternative to a meal with lots of carbs.”

It’s safe to say our table left full and satisfied and for a fair price in a cosy atmosphere. As far as places to pop in and grab some lunch, The Runner is another great contender in Swindon’s pub grub scene.

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Is there nun better than The Burger Priest?

Words by Claire Dukes

The Crossing, Swindon, now boasts quite a nice varity of places to eat.

Most recently I spotted the latest addition to the town centre, The Burger Priest, which one lunch time last month had quite a few people flocking over to it.

Perusing the menu The Burger Priest will already be preaching to the choir on most fronts, - burgers are crowd pleasers, and you can’t really go wrong - but there’s plenty of options from The Vatican Specials, The Vicar’s Breakfast Choice, and Biblical Ciabattas.

Despite the (ironically)

sinful menu, I stayed faithful to my vegan persuasion and went for The Priest’s Vegan Burger - aka a sweetcorn and chickpea pattie - with fries. Unfortunately the lord’s work is not yet complete on this one as it was a little bland - and yes contrary to popular belief this is not true of all vegan food, but now’s not the time to preach about that. As the new kid on the block I’m willing to forgive this oversight particularly because of The Burger Priest’s top-notch fries, and the nice religious nods from the interior furnishings including the pews we sat on.

From one biblical bun to another, The Ocelot’s deputy editor, Ben Fitzgerald, opted for the Cajun Chicken Burger.

He said: “I am a convert to The Burger Priest, and I shall sing their praises wherever I go.

“If you’re going to eat in a religious themed burger joint, then this is the one to go for.”

Was I disappointed that our burgers weren’t served to us by nuns on skates? Absolutely.

But, that being said, a burger, fries and drink cost me a grand total of just under a fiver - I speak for my bank balance when I say ‘Amen’. www.theburgerpriest.co.uk

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The Coconut Tree, Oxford luscious Sri Lankan street food, superb ‘cocotails’ Words by Claire Dukes

Before heading out on a minor bar crawl up Cowley Road, I made the adult decision of grabbing some food first.

Conveniently situated just a two-minute walk from where I was staying, I spied ‘Sri Lankan street food’ on the corner of Saint Clements Street and without hesitation I found myself at the bar asking for a table.

If you’re like me, - indecisive and basically want everything on the menu - then you’re in luck because The Coconut Tree is Sri Lankan street food served tapas style with an abundance of meat, vegetarian and vegan dishes to choose from.

Accompanied by my vegan compadre we went in for the Five C’s, Chickpeas in fried

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coconut oil, Fat Sister (Pumpkin Curry), Cashew Nuts, Vegan Kotthu, and red rice - essentially a banquet of herb and spice infused veggie goods. Odd as it may sound my personal favourite was actually the Five C’s - a crisp, fresh and cooling salad made up of carrots, cucumber, coriander, shaved coconut and a few green chillies. It was the perfect dish to counteract the fire from within some of the other meals.

Meanwhile the ‘are you sure you want to stay a vegetarian’ part of my brain was undoubtedly eyeing up the Goat Curry, Beef Kotthu, Devilled Squid, and Black Pork.

It soon became evident that The Coconut Tree is a smorgasbord

for all appetites and dietary requirements.

Pre-empting a weary night ahead on Cowley Road I stuck to the one cocktail, or ‘Cocotails’ as they’ve been aptly named, from the beautifully illustrated menu. I went in for a Rio Rumble, - mango liquor and rum - whilst my dinner date strayed from the 2 for £10 menu and selected a TCT Old Fashioned - whiskey, chocolate and orange. To be fair, no regrets were had and that’s mainly because The Coconut Tree is a bargain for luscious street food, a small selection of superb cocotails, served by friendly staff in a stylish venue. Will definitely be returning. www.thecoconut-tree.com/oxford

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Leek and smoked cheese macaroni

An invigorating winter dinner, this goes well with salad or a generous helping of wilted greens. Make more than you need, as this freezes well either before or after it is baked.

400g macaroni drizzle of olive oil 40g butter 4 small leeks (about 400g), washed and shredded 4 heaped tbsp plain flour 800ml milk 200g smoked Cheddar, grated, plus extra for topping 2 tsp Dijon mustard, or to taste 4 tbsp breadcrumbs (optional) salt and pepper Heat the oven to 200°C/Gas 6. Boil the macaroni in a pan of salted water until nearly cooked, about 8 minutes. It should be slightly too al dente to eat. Drain and toss in a little olive oil to stop it sticking together.

While the pasta is cooking, melt the butter in a small pan on a low heat.

Add the leeks and cook gently until soft, about 7 minutes, stirring now and then. Add the flour and stir over a low heat for 2 minutes, then gradually stir in the milk (a whisk helps avoid lumps). Add the cheese and heat gently, stirring, to thicken the sauce and melt the cheese.

Season to taste with mustard, salt and pepper.

Combine the pasta with the leek mixture and transfer to a baking dish. Sprinkle over a little more cheese and the breadcrumbs, if using, and bake for about 20 minutes, until golden on top.

Variation * Add some leftover cooked chicken or fried bacon pieces to the leek mixture before baking. * For extra veg, stir through some blanched and chopped kale, cabbage, spinach, chard or broccoli. www.riverford.co.uk/recipes

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Vineyard’s sloe spirit voted best in the UK Words by Jamie Hill

A liqueur distilled at Swindon’s nearest vineyard has been voted the best in the UK by readers of a magazine aimed at the global elite.

Poulton Hill Vineyard’s Sloe de Vie was named LUX Product of the Year 2018 in the annual competition run by Lux Life.

The Estate, on the Wiltshire / Gloucestershire border, was also named Best Family-run Vineyard in the South West in the same competition.

Lux Life is aimed at the world’s highest net worth individuals, and covers a range of products, services, attractions and events that will appeal to them. “They know what they like and are willing to pay for it,” boast the publishers.

Each year the magazine’s 230,000+ readers are invited to

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vote for their favourite products across a range of categories, including food and drink, hotels and resorts, health and beauty, automotive, jewellery, art, and technology.

“We’re thrilled to have been voted product of the year by the readers of Lux Life,” said Poulton Hill Estate managing director Tiléri Charles-Jones.

“But rest assured you don’t have to be among the mega rich to enjoy our award-winning products. Sloe de Vie is available from us, in person or online, for a very affordable £37.99.”

Sloe de Vie – the name derives from the French colourless brandy eau de vie, or ‘water of life’ – is a clear liqueur distilled from sloes hand-picked at the estate in 2015. The fruit was fermented and triple distilled before being

bottled and all hand labelled.

A range of red, white and rosé wines made from grapes grown at the vineyard, as well as Sloe de Vie and the vineyard’s Cotswold Brandy can be found at poultonhillestate.co.uk

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Theatre: highlights of the m

By Ben Fitzgerald

The Barn Theatre - Cirencester Just So - The Musical 5 December - 13 January 2019

Five of Rudyard Kipling’s well loved tales weave together into a wondrous tale of personal courage, individuality and friendship in this captivating production at the Barn

Back by popular demand following huge success in 2017, the madcap murder mystery returns to The Watermill Theatre for a limited run.

A high-energy musical whodunit, Murder For Two is a mystery with a twist. In this loving homage to the canon of murder mystery plays, two actors play thirteen characters... and the piano.

A hysterical blend of music, murder and mayhem, Murder For Two thrilled audiences in 2017 during its UK premiere at The Watermill, before transferring to London. www.watermill.org.uk

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Theatre, Cirencester.

The children’s classic tales, originally written by Rudyard Kipling in 1902, provide tongue in cheek explanations of how certain

animals came to be - for example how the camel got his hump.

The Barn Theatre’s adaptation is a fun filled musical adventure. www.barntheatre.org.uk

The WaterMill Theatre - Newbury Murder for Two 30 January - 23 February 2019

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he months ahead...

Formed in 1981, the Russian State Ballet of Siberia has quickly established itself as one of Russia’s leading ballet companies and has built an international reputation for delivering performances of outstanding quality and unusual depth.

The soloists and corps de ballet are superb, and never fail to delight audiences with their breathtaking physical ability and dazzling costumes. www.swindontheatres.co.uk

Wyvern Theatre - Swindon The Nutcracker & La Fille Mal Gardee 28 - 30 January 2019

New Theatre - Oxford Macbeth 8 - 12 January 2019 The ruined aftermath of a bloody civil war. Ruthlessly fighting to survive, the Macbeths are thrust towards the crown by forces of elemental darkness.

The National Theatre, creators of War Horse and The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time,

bring this epic and visually daring production of Shakespeare’s most intense tragedy on a tour of the UK and Ireland immediately following a sold out run in London.

Directed by National Theatre Artistic Director Rufus Norris (Cabaret, London Road) and designed by Rae

Smith (War Horse, This House) this new production propels Shakespeare’s classic title into a post-apocalyptic world of anarchy and uncertainty.

Get your tickets today to see the National Theatre’s latest spectacular production. www.atgtickets.com/ venues/new-theatre-oxford

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“What’s done cannot be undone” - the National Theatre brings Macbeth to Oxford Words by Claire Dukes

Since getting a sneak peak of the Macbeth rehearsals at London’s Sugar Studios, I have eagerly been awaiting the touring productions arrival in Oxford. This month the wait is over!

From January 8 to January 12 the National Theatre will be returning to New Theatre Oxford with their latest production of Macbeth.

Aside from theatregoers, like myself, looking forward to seeing the show this particular tour will be seen by hundreds of school pupils across the UK and Ireland who are

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studying Macbeth as part of their English curriculum.

Ahead of the show I caught up with Liz Stevenson who is co-directing Macbeth alongside the National Theatre’s renowned Artistic Director, Rufus Norris. After watching the cast of 19 perform the end of act 1 I was eager to know how this rendition of Macbeth will resonate with today’s audiences.

“There isn’t one way of doing Shakespeare,” Liz tells me.

“The design is very bleak, it’s very dark, and a brutal world. We’ve

talked a lot about nature and a lot about mankind’s disrespect for nature and how that manifests in the landscape, which is very plastic and broken down – it’s not a very green, lush, alive world. I think that’s a comment on what mankind is doing to the planet.

“If law and order was to disintegrate, if the internet was to crash, if the banks were to crash, if the world descended into chaos, we would end up in a place something like this potentially. I think that’s why it’s another good one for students to see, because it’s not

‘we’re gonna do Macbeth and relate it to Victorian history’ – it’s set in the future, it’s whatever we imagine it to be, and I think that means they’re going in on the same page as everyone in the audience. It’s imaging what the world could be like, and I think young people are really interested in that.

“Things like superstition come from a time of struggle and uncertainty – you might not be a religious person but if you’re in a moment of danger you might say a prayer or cross your

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fingers. similar p “For st studying whateve a brillia come an what’s re in rehea the time – that th feel rea you can them. M Macbeth evil peo ivory tow two peo despera through and strif

“Superstition comes from a time of struggle and uncertainty” Left: Tom Mannion (Duncan), Joseph Brown (Malcolm) and the cast of the UK and Ireland tour of Macbeth.

Photography by Brinkhoff Mogenburg

“Macbeth and Lady Macbeth aren’t two evil people sat in their ivory towers”

Question time with the leading lady: Kirsty Besterman (Lady Macbeth) You’re playing Lady Macbeth, an iconic role – how are you finding that?

I’ve always wanted to play her, I think she’s wonderful – I don’t think she is the evil woman she’s painted to be. I think she’s fierce, but I also think what’s also attracted to me to her is that she’s lost her children and that her and her husband are united in their grief – they are this incredible force. In our production they are more pragmatic, and they’re opportunistic survivors in a dark, horrible, world.

How does this production resonate with the current social and political climate?

fingers. It all comes from a similar place.

“For students that are studying Macbeth, at whatever age, it’s such a brilliant production to come and see because what’s really important in rehearsal is that all the time the story is clear – that these characters feel really human and you can empathise with them. Macbeth and Lady Macbeth aren’t two evil people sat in their ivory towers – these are two people who are desperate, they’ve gone through so much struggle and strife during the war,

and they’ve lost their children. They’re given a glimmer of hope, and that hope – that they get to be King and Queen – means they’re safe and secure. We wanted to find a way to bring out humanity in them so that people would watch them and go ‘that could be me’. I think because that was so important to Rufus that makes it a really accessible, human, production.

“There’s a real diversity amongst the cast, and that’s how it should be – reflecting the world we see around us today.”

There’s certainly an echo of someone getting into power who is mad, and everyone around him going ‘what the hell are we going to do about this?’ Because that also happens in the England scenes, they go ‘we’ve got to sort this out!

And then of course, rather nastily in this play, - I hate to think about it – knife culture is a huge thing in this country and this play does not shy from it. Maybe seeing us all getting stabbed and bleeding out on stage will be a bit of a reminder that it’s not a game. I don’t want to glamorise using a knife but it is a part of this play.

Why do you think theatre is an important part of school education?

As an actor my love for theatre started when I started watching plays from a young age. I’ve also worked a lot in schools doing workshops, and I see kids come alive when they get to do this stuff. They just start bouncing off each other - drama can build confidence in a really brilliant way. It gives them the chance to be other characters and to work with each other, and to listen to each other. It has huge benefits.

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Talk in Code It’s lovely when one of the bands that we’ve dealt with for years goes from strength to strength. Hats off to the lovely lot at Talk in Code for doing just that with their second album which is a brilliant blend of indie anthemic goodness.

‘Resolve’ is the second album from synth-led indie pop band Talk In Code.

Recorded and produced at Studio 6 in Wootton Bassett by Stu McKay and Talk In Code, ‘Resolve’ is a collection of ten tracks written and recorded over the past two years. The album is a depiction of the

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band’s journey to date.

The album draws on themes of problem solving and overcoming adversity with uplifting tracks such as ‘Keep Safe’, ‘Oxygen’ and ‘Never Too Late’.

Meanwhile brand new track ‘Disguise’ addresses the fakers and frauds so often

found in life whilst the closing track ‘Come On Die Young’ is a rallying cry to live for the moment.

In a hotly anticipated homecoming, Talk In Code played their album launch party for Resolve at The Victoria last month. www.talkincode.co.uk

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Play that punky music

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Music promoter Gappy Tooth Industries are hosting an amazing night of punky music at Oxford’s Wheatsheaf pub on January 26.

The High Street venue will be

hosting Phat Cardinals, Hatepenny and The Overload in a punky triple header.

Tickets on the door cost £4.50 or are cheaper from www.

wegottickets.com/event/454715 ahead of the gig.

Gappy Tooth supremo Richard Catherall shares his thoughts on the acts:

The Overload This summary could just say “best new band in Oxford” 17 times, but just to show it’s not just our opinion, we’ll quote Nightshift: “Shaven-headed frontman Arthur Osofksy stalks onstage and opens the show with some deadpan poetry about frozen food like some offspring of John Cooper Clarke before the band crank out tight, punked-up krautrock rhythms over which he hectors the audience, a swaggering mix of attitude and nervous energy. Early reports likened them to Sleaford Mods and there’s a similar sense of disgust at the world in the words, but really they’re closer to Squirrel and G-Man-era Happy Mondays, particularly “Lucky Man”. Hands in pockets, reading his rhymes from

a crib sheet, Osofsky has an air of chaos about him, matched at times by the band who can switch from meandering Crazy Horsestyle riffs into militant, staccato punk, throwing paint splatters of The Fall, The Sex Pistols and even Crass into the mix”. www.facebook.com/TheOverload-1741973219225901/

McCluskey album one of their songs drips with acid but has a sly wink underpinning the vitriol – plus, who can resist albums called Animal Smarm and Punk Rock Sex Tourist. Eh? www.hatepenny.bandcamp.com

Hatepenny Once three, Hatepenny are now two men with a pair of sticks, a short scale bass and the occasional Microbrute interlude. They write songs about hypocrisy, stupidity, treachery and rainbows. Live, they’ll always try to stove the back of your head in, but kiss it better afterwards, because they’re nice.

L:ike a distillation of a whole

Phat Cardinals Mr Crutch Fungus, Mr Horse, Mr Flop Flop and Mr Awesome. The names of Phat Cardinals’ members should be enough to entice you on their own, but just in case, let us assure you they make a horrible, greasy, perverse surf rock, that might make even The Cramps start eyeing the door nervously. So that’s euphoria, repulsion and – if you’re very lucky – a raffle. www.facebook.com/ thephatcardinals

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The East Pointers head south for Oxford tour date The East Pointers are fiddler/singer Tim Chaisson, banjoist Koady Chaisson and guitarist Jake Charron all from Canada’s East Coast. They’re heading overseas to debut their latest album at Thomas Hughes Memorial Hall, Faringdon, January 31.

Their palpable authenticity makes their instrumental tunes infectious rhythm-driven hits and ensures their lyricdriven songs connect as though they were looking right in your eyes as they say the words.

What We Leave Behind, Juno Award winning album, produced by songwriter/producer Gordie Sampson, is the follow-up to 2015’s internationally acclaimed, JUNO Award-winning debut Secret Victory. The album reflects on the traditions of Canadian Celtic music, where it comes from, and what it means to the people, but also strides in new directions that make it totally contemporary.

The trembling first single ‘82 Fires’ and the inspired ‘Two Weeks’, co-written with Sampson, were recorded at Nashville’s famed Sound Emporium last winter. It was born out of the band’s real experience of the disastrous Australian wildfires of 2016. “It was a restless few days for us,” says Koady. “Small human decisions about where to live or whether or not the show would go on didn’t matter, Mother Nature would always have the final say.

Being in the middle of that brings an immediacy about it.

You can feel powerless.”

The arresting ‘Two Weeks’ meanwhile documents a passage sadly common in the bands’ home province of Prince Edward Island and played out the world over in

economically challenged communities: the need to leave home and travel far away from friends and family to find work.

“When I played that song for my mom, she said ‘That’s going to hit home for a lot of people,’” Koady Chaisson explains. “Many families here are forced to split their time, with at least one member having to go out west, usually to Alberta, to make ends meet. It’s so hard. I did it, though luckily not for long, but there are people in my community going through it month after month, year after year.”

The flip side of What We Leave Behind, and indeed, of The East Pointers’ electrifying concerts, are the scorching instrumental tunes that yank the freewheeling, Celticgoosed past into the present. “Celtic-influenced tunes have always been at the core of what we do as a band,” says Jake Charron. “There’s something powerful about a style of music that has been passed on for generations around the world.” A new take on this tradition is evident in the spry ‘Party Wave,’ inspired by a thrilling surfing experience the band enjoyed in New Zealand, one of many countries The East Pointers visited during ten months of touring in 2016. The tunes, written on the road, take you on a journey, building the excitement. This is what gives their live shows the atmosphere of a pop concert at the O2 and makes The East Pointers unique in the folk genre.

What We Leave Behind carves a new path for The East Pointers, as they continue to blur the lines between traditional and popular music.

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Words by Claire Dukes

The Ocelot music reviews

Single review: Oops Artist: Little Brother Eli

Single review: Hourglass Artist: Ruby Joyce

Just when I don’t think these guys can get better, they do.

On paper the odds would seem against them, but ‘Oops’ is proof that LBE have suavely transitioned from the old gentleman’s club to new wave electro pop - and they’ve annoyingly made the conversion sound easy.

For me Oops is LBE positioning a strong foothold

towards more anthemic tunes, giving fans infectious catchy lyrics to sing-a-long to - 2019’s festival season will see this four-piece soar. And, musically the single rises and punches in exactly the right places - infectious disco beats are combined with layered waves of snyth which contemporise this electro-eighties banger. There’s nothing ‘Oops’ about this.

Hourglass is urban soul, combined with well placed jazz twangs, which refines this contemporary pop song giving it sophistication and swagger.

Joyce’s vocals are incredibly captivating and in combination with her lyrics make ‘Hourglass’ wise beyond its years. There’s a classic element to her vocals, but she manages to avoid falling into the ‘nothing

but a big voice’ pitfall and instead neatly shows off her capabilities to confidently align herself within modern pop.

Hourglass is both delicate and sexy, - making Dua Lipa sound like baby pop - and this is really mature material from such a young artist. It’s my first introduction to Ruby Joyce and I am eagerly keen to hear more.

This month we say goodbye to our long-standing Gig Monkey - aka Ed Dyer.

Since 2011 Ed’s been writing his monthly music reviews for our dear publication, however 2019 marks the burial of our Gig Monkey.

In the world of music reviews, he’s died a death but has resurrected on pg20 as the replacement for The Ocelot’s Brewery Bird - aptly and involuntarily named as our ‘Beer Monkey’. As Sales Executive for West Berkshire Brewery, complete with a bushy beard, - because appearances are everything in this line of work - he’s the perfect replacement to fill the boozy boots.

So, from here onwards yours truly will be taking over the music reviews. If you’re brave, - and don’t expect an imminent response to your email - send over your album/EP/single to claire@theocelot.co.uk

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EP review: EP One Artist: Mat Caron www.matthew-caron.bandcamp.com

As an EP this is not my favourite of Mat’s work, but I cannot dispute that EP One offers something so undeniably raw - it’s honest first-person music which has taken an unjustified back seat to fictitious songs about heartache.

There’s a sort of cathartic reckoning with lyrics like “heading home alone” (Trace the Whale from the Shoreline with the Other Men), and the EP itself feels like a journey seeking redemption.

Contrary to his own lyrics this EP isn’t “Just another

“Just another shitty Mat Caron song”

shitty Mat Caron song” (‘Long Wind’ - ‘As Long As Needed, And No Longer)’ one after the other. The three tracks are evident that he has an undeniable capability to compose very off the cuff and raw lyrics that feel as if he’s on the presuppose of his own self-discovery. As a listener you’re on the journey with him - it’s frequently hard-hitting but there’s a weird melancholy joy to the songs, and yet no one of them is the same.

Lyrically Caron possesses the capability to put Bukowski-esque poetry

alongside alt-country instrumentals. And, like Bukowski, Ep One - along with his older material - will never be intended to feed the masses of mainstream society but comfort the lonely lost souls who still romanticise the underrated qualities of low-lifes. I become saddened as I listen to EP One, but I oddly feel better for it.

For me the main continuity in Caron’s music is that, without question, if I was driving whilst harbouring a body in the boot of my car it would be him that I’m listening to.

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Smoother than smooth Alexander O’Neal

Oxford’s O2 Academy will be flinging open its doors to veteran soul crooner Alexander O’Neal for Valentine’s Day. Famed for hits such as ‘Criticize’ the R&B legend will dig into his seductive songbook for a night to remember.

O’Neal rose to fame in the middle of the 1980s as a solo artist, releasing 14 singles that entered the top 40 charts.

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His hits, in case you want to write the lyrics on the back of your hand ahead of the gig, include If You Were Here Tonight, Fake, The Lovers, (What Can I Say) To Make You Love Me. Make a date with him at the O2 in Oxford on Thursday 14 February at 7pm.

For information and tickets see www. academymusicgroup.com/o2academyoxford

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Music for the months ahead Words by Claire Dukes

Happy New Year!

We’ve reached that annual period where the majority of us are broke, hungover, dreading going back to work, considering dieting, and deluding ourselves into thinking that this year will be a “whole new me”. It’s a vicious cycle.

Despite not being the most optimistic person, on the

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music front January and the next few months ahead are shaping up pretty nicely definitely worth leaving the house for.

The run up to Christmas sent musicians and bands back into the studios, which can only mean that our regions should have new music on the horizon - tour dates, fresh material and undiscovered talent yet

to emerge.

I can’t speak for anyone’s personal life, - especially my own - but music wise I have a good feeling about 2019 (refer to p45). There were a few bands which popped up on my radar near the end of 2018, so I’m eagerly hoping they will reappear in some of our venues across Oxfordshire, Wiltshire and West Berkshire.

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All Ears Avow

Rainy Day Fund

The Twilight Sad

Where: Level III, Swindon When: Saturday 12 Jan Doors open: 8pm www.level3swindon.com

Where: Level III, Swindon When: Saturday 12 Jan Doors open: 8pm www.level3swindon.com

Where: Sound Knowledge, Marlborough - doors: 6.30pm When: Wednesday 23 Jan www.thirty-8.com

The Vaccines

Laura Veirs

Allusinlove

Where: 02 Academy, Oxford When: Saturday 26 Jan Doors open: 7pm www.academymusicgroup.com

Where: The Bullingdon, Oxford When: Monday 11 Feb Doors open: 7.30pm www.thebullingdon.co.uk

Where: Jericho Tavern, Oxford When: Monday 18 Feb Doors open: 7.30pm wwwthejerichooxford.co.uk

GETRZ

Sea Girls

Mawkin

Where: Level III, Swindon When: Saturday 23 Feb Doors open: 8.30pm www.thevicswindon.com

Where: O2 Academy, Oxford When: Monday 25 Feb Doors open: 7pm www.academymusicgroup.com

Where: ACE Space, Newbury When: Saturday 16 March Doors open: 8.30pm www.acespace.org.uk

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Agony Girl Five-year-old Amy is missing the festive antics of Elf on a Shelf and is now counting down the days til next Christmas, but she’s still got time to answer your questions. We read her the questions and these are her answers... honest.

Dear Amy, It’s your birthday next month. You’re going to be six years old. That’s really old. How will it change it you?

Ben, Swindon I won’t have to get a job. I’ll be in a New Year at school.

Year Two. They do work. Maths and English and French.

Dear Amy, If you could ride any animal like an elephant or a tiger or something, what would you ride?

Kayleigh, Oxford I would ride an elephant. I would ride it to school especially in Year Two. I could park it with the bikes.

Elephants live somewhere hot. Really hot. Really, really hot. So I would also ride it to the desert.

Dear Amy, My boyfriend doesn’t seem bothered by me at all.

We’ve been together for a few years now but the relationship doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. He doesn’t want to get married or settle down and it’s left me feeling lonely. He also will go off for days and won’t be in contact at all. It’s like I’m on my own. What can I do? I love him but I didn’t sign up for this.

Tracey, Didcot Maybe she can stand up for herself and say ‘You have to marry me otherwise I will Kill you.”

Dear Amy, I’m right in the middle of something called Brexit and it’s a nightmare. Some people want to do it but don’t like the way I’m doing it. Some people don’t want me to do it and they really don’t like the way I’m doing it. And some people just want me to get on with it but

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even they don’t like the way I’m doing it. How would you do Brexit?

Theresa, Westminster For Brexit I would have chocolate pillows with milk. And I have orange juice as well. That’s how I would do Brexit.

Dear Amy, I’m thinking of going back to school but I’m 37. Do you think they would let me sit in your class and learn? Can you ask your teacher?

Brenda, Salisbury Yes. You would find the seats kind of small though but you would be really good at PE. Dear Amy, I’ve accidentally shaved an eyebrow off and I’ve tried to draw a new one on but it now makes me look constantly surprised. Should I just wing it and act surprised at everything until it grows back or should I stick some hair from my armpits there instead and hope nobody notices?

Dave, Chippenham You should go to the hairdressers so that they can fix your eyebrow. They would use magic hair growth stuff and it would grow back.

Dear Amy, Where’s the strangest place you’ve had a wee?

Gordon, Haiti Here Dear Amy, What sound does a giraffe make?

Jeff, Devizes Alaughhrgrhmm!

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