Ox and newbury ocelot 126 december 2016 final artwork

No: 126 December 2016

Oxford and Newbury Edition

Free

The Oce lot Christm as Surviva l Guide p8

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/ STYLE / EATS / BREWS / FILM / TECH 21/11/2016 17:02

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#126

DECEMBER ISSUE

For Starters

04 Michael Bosley + Luke Coleman 06 New World Order Glossary Lifestyle

08 Christmas Survival Guide 10 Get A Life 12 Get Away 13 Motoring 14 Style 16 Tech 18 TV Heaven 20 Gaming 21 Are You Talkin’ To Me? Brews and Eats

22 Brewery Bird 23 Recipe and Vic burger 24 History of Christmas Dinner Arts and Culture

27 The Theatre List 28 Edward II 29 A Christmas Carol Music

30 Gig Monkey Review of 2016 34 The Ocelot Presents...

36 The Gig List The Final Bit of the magazine

38 Agony Girl and Twisted Peel Ocelot 126 Ox.indd 3

Happy Christmas...

Okay. 2016 is nearly finished.

We’ve now got Trump.

There’s not a lot else to say as the weirdest year on record finally draws to a close.

But at least we’ve got Christmas to cheer us up.

It’s that time of year when it’s meant to be good will to one and all. Remember that. That means everyone.

Not just all you white males out there.

So whether it’s donating to a homeless charity, a refugee charity, a cat charity or even a charity that helps out former celebrity darts players, let’s try and think of others this Christmas no matter who they are.

Let’s finish this year of inward looking selfishness with a bit of altruism to just show that the human race isn’t beaten yet (although with Trump on the nuclear buttons and Putin still beating the war drums it is a bit scary.)

Anyway with being cheerful in mind (and we are determined to smile whatever happens) we give you The Ocelot Christmas Survival Guide - your one stop shop to getting through the festivities.

We also have Gig Monkey’s Review of 2016 which celebrates the music scenes of Ocelotshire, Agony Girl dishing out advice willy nilly, a visit to Lapland but not the one you think and a quiz that is all about beer for all you lovely quaffers out there.

Happy Christmas from all of us at The Ocelot.

Email me at jamie@theocelot.co.uk

Jamie Hill

Editor: Jamie Hill - jamie@theocelot.co.uk Deputy: Ben Fitzgerald - ben@theocelot.co.uk Listings: Mike Barham - mike@theocelot.co.uk Sales: Dave Stewart dave@theocelot.co.uk - 07872 176999 Rosy Presley rosy@theocelot.co.uk 07717 501790 Telephone: 01793 781986 Publisher: Positive Media Group, Unit 3, Arclite House, Peatmoor, Swindon SN5 5YN Printers: Stephens & George, Merthyr Tydfil 21/11/2016 17:02

For Starters

Festive ads A Nerd’s Last Word by Michael Bosley

This year has stripped us of a number of talented individuals, divided us as a nation and almost left us entirely without marmite. Perhaps Christmas is a good time to reconnect spiritually with everything that matters to us; family, friends and good will to all men.

It’s no surprise that soon after the vitriol and hatred begins to die away (slightly), that those who were once spitting emotionally charged, political drivel are suddenly quelled by the bafflingly hyped release of lengthy, saccharine Christmas ads from the vanguards of consumerist propaganda.

John Lewis, the shop that no one shops at, have again led the charge, keen to improve on last year’s “moon pervert” ad with something a little more light-hearted and not quite as depressing as chronic loneliness amongst the elderly (yawn!).

Instead their ad features all the animals the Tories love to kill, jumping around on a trampoline. Foxes are first to feature, presumably bloated from having spent all night chewing on toddler’s faces, but are soon joined by enemy of factory farming; the badger, who is keen to escape the concentrated culling of his species and enjoy a night off instead, spreading his TB all over the place.

The domesticated dog looks on in frustration, perhaps an allegory of the current administration’s own frustrations

with current legislation, the glass patio door representing the barrier created by animal rights and popular opinion.

Or maybe it’s just horseshit and I’m talking out of my arse.

Sainsbury’s have also weighed in with their festive epic, successfully managing to make their ad somehow seem as long as all the Godfather films rolled into one, whilst managing to convey the most paper-thin message of “I want to buy a Christmas present, but the shops are busy and I don’t have the time.”

Sung insipidly by James Corden, the stop-motion animated protagonist agonizes almost obsessively about what gifts to buy, past the point of irritation and well past the point where I would have given up and said “Sod it, you’re getting a Nando’s gift card, you picky little prick!”

In the end, the bespectacled waif resorts to outsourcing, misappropriating company property by creating ‘clones’ of himself out of clockwork toys, proving how piss-easy his job must be if a mechanical monkey can do it and also highlighting how little his colleagues must give a toss about him as they can’t even tell the difference.

In a way, the whole ad is really a narrative on the modern work culture and its indoctrination of the ‘perfect’ automaton employee and the resulting isolation from our fundamental humanism as we instead crave acceptance in the chasing of consumerist goods and cubicle jobs. Or maybe it’s all just horseshit and I’m talking out of my arse.

An orange armageddon Off The Grid with Luke Coleman - Our man in Iraq

The first casualty of war, they say, is the truth. Certainly I spend quite a lot of my time trying to mitigate the malicious sectarian postings that people are all too happy to regard as fact. The Fuckers’ (aka ISIS) media machine is adept at editing video to give the impression of victory, and videos executions which are then claimed to be sectarian murders by their enemies. They’re not.

ISIS will kill its own supporters to try to stir up hate.

So it was no surprise when they expressed their delight at the election of the tango shit gibbon to Commander-in-Chief. A man so at ease with lying to instigate bigotry and hatred, a man with such a poor understanding of what ISIS is – I’d love to get to ask him just some basics – a man whose vitriol has sparked a wave of Islamophobic crimes in the week following his election, is just the kind of unhinged, petulant and

impulsive maniac Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi wants at the helm.

At best, Trump will continue current US & coalition policy in regards to ISIS. His stated intention to come into Iraq “and take the oil”, will garner him no fans. At worst, with the ease at which he takes affront, he’ll point the big guns – after all, he keeps banging on about how useless nuclear weapons are if only a deterrent – this way.

ISIS fighters want to die. Martyrdom is what they’re all about. Apocalypse is their ultimate goal. Many in Iraq are worried they’ve just skipped a little closer to their wish.

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Dictionary corner A glossary to the new world order

The future Sir Nigel Farage

2016 has been quite the year and a good few of us are feeling a bit left behind what with all the new words and terms that have been thrown about. So whether you’re a Brexiteer or a remoaner here’s a handy guide...

Brexit From a Vote Leave perspective - The greatest thing that has ever happened to our country. We’ve finally taken our country back.

From a Vote Remain perspective - The worst thing that has ever happened to our country. We’ve finally taken our country back.... to 1955.

‘Get over it. You lost. That’s democracy.’

A phrase that has now been stolen by the Americans but first came into being in late June in the UK. Usually said by people who don’t really understand how democracy works and believe that a referendum or an election is more akin to a sporting event and that people on the losing side are now considered ‘bad losers’ if they have a dissenting voice.

A Remoaner Anyone who unhelpfully points out the flaws in the Government having no real Brexit strategy and the fact that there has been a rise in racial intolerance.

A Disbeleaver A ‘Leaver’ who refuses to believe that the Brexit vote is anything but wonderful and puts their fingers in their ears and sings the ‘I’m not listening’ song whenever anyone points out the flaws in the Government having no real Brexit strategy and the fact there has been a rise in racial intolerance.

Post Truth The new rebranded sexy definition of the word ‘lie’. As seen in an electorate ignoring easily disprovable ‘facts’ like buses with £350 million written on the side. It is now all about ‘feeling over fact’. If someone feels something to be true that’s not based in any real fact or evidence it now carries more weight than something that’s actually true.

An expert Someone that should be ignored in favour of drunk Gav down the pub.

The liberal elite Before the referendum - Rich, socially conscious academics who have never experienced ‘real’ life and like to judge from on high in their Islington ivory towers.

In the days after the referendum - Anyone who has gone to university.

In the months after the referendum - Anyone who has gone to school or read a book.

Six months after the referendum - Anyone who has learnt to spell.

A luvvie Before the referendum - An actor usually part of the Royal Shakespeare Company.

After the referendum - Gary Linekar.

The EU A bloc of countries who now have very confused expressions on their faces as they try to work out what the hell is going on.

Soft Brexit To leave the EU but still remain part of the Single Market and still have freedom of movement. Akin to giving up your seat at a restaurant so you can stand outside looking in but at least you’re still eating a burger.

Hard Brexit To leave the EU and the Single Market and to endure all of the financial penalties that comes with it. Pesky things like ‘tariffs’ and companies like Honda leaving our shores so that they only have to pay one tariff going in rather than 28 going out. But at least we won’t have any more jobs being stolen by foreign workers as there simply won’t be any jobs to steal. So that’s something at least.

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Christmas survial Guide

Christmas Your handy survival guide...

by Ben Fitzgerald Begin thinking about things early: This first rule is, of course, blindingly obvious to everyone except a small group of festively challenged people that we shall call ‘men’. Let’s focus on them.

It’s not like we don’t get enough warning that Christmas is on its way, conveniently falling as it does on the same date every year.

And those hard-working advertisers are happy to do their bit - cynically swinging on our heart strings before Guy Fawkes has even stopped smouldering.

Before November is out, you can’t move for feature length adverts featuring confused moon dwelling pensioners.

So maybe there’s no excuse. Or perhaps there is...

You see scientists have discovered that ‘men’ have an extremely efficient attention filter. It’s an evolutionary thing probably, it means that we might be good at concentrating on chucking a spear at a sabre tooth tiger but we tend to blank out anything that isn’t immediately useful.

As I write this, my wife could be warning me that my legs are on fire and I would be none the wiser, because I am busy ‘doing writing’.

It is very easy to overload the sensitive ‘man’ brain and once it trips, repeated attempts to break through the attention filter will only make the mind shut down even further, like a barnacle grabbing hold of a rock. So when I say get ready early – I mean early.

That means logging on to that huge faceless online shopping site and ordering roughly anything that might make a Christmas present… During your summer holidays.

Sling it all in a wardrobe and let it marinade until December 24.

Don’t even think about drinking until The Great Escape comes on the telly (usually about 2.30pm): Don’t be tempted by the ready availability of those weird drinks that people only ever chug back at Christmas - to quote Chris Rea, they are the road to hell.

Yes, egg nog would seem to be the perfect breakfast accompaniment (it’s got egg in it right?) and you may reason that a cheeky half pint of the stuff is the ideal way to ‘get your Yule on’ but don’t go there. One simple egg nog is a gateway to a sly flute of creme de menthe and before you know it you’re showing excited children ‘how skateboard tricks are really done’ with a pint of flaming Sambuca in one hand and a fistfull of really nice Stilton in the other. Avoid at all costs. No one wants to spend Christmas day having embedded Lego removed from their faces.

Address the ‘whose house are we going round to this year?’ elephant in the room.

Family diplomacy is a little like trying to put a bobble hat on a sleeping tiger - it’s almost impossible to do, there’s a fair chance that you will get savaged and you quickly begin to question why you are even doing it in the first place.

I would advise leaving everything as vague as possible - make the important call to everyone you need to, on the pretext of calling about something else - and make sure you don’t commit to anything.

Those who want to come over will do it anyway despite what you arranged three months ago; and those that don’t… won’t.

Any actual plans, no matter how well meant, will only come back to bite you... like that furious hat-wearing tiger I mentioned earlier.

Rehearse your ‘pleased’ face Ask any facial reconstruction surgeon how many muscles there are in the human face and he will quickly say “42” before asking you to step out of his light as he is trying to perform a particularly tricky reattachment procedure.

Now, that’s a lot of muscles that all have to be marshalled into some sort of genuine smile when you unwrap ‘The Best of Chris De Burgh’ - your head

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Christmas Survival Guide

with a smile swimming with the egg nog that I warned you not to drink earlier.

In the lead up to Christmas you need to put yourself through a rigorous smile boot camp - something like 50 full-on smiles a day from now until Christmas should mean that your face will effortlessly spring into an expression of genuine heartfelt gratitude as you unwrap Michael Gove’s autobiography.

And you should be able to hold it there for at least 30 seconds (any longer and it gets a little creepy).

Board games You’re sitting back in your protesting chair and you’ve managed to maintain the smile face for most of the day (see above) and it’s time to kick back and relax. But as sure as night follows day, the dead zone between the post lunch cheeseboard and the 4pm cake is the one time in the year when we are expected to play board games.

It must be stressed that some games are better than others: Buckaroo and Operation are far too stressful – the prospect of being struck in the face by a flying plastic saddle at any given moment is frankly unappealing.

Also avoid anything that demands you have to do ‘acting’ – Charades makes my blood run cold.

So does acting, and actors come to think of it. You also need to run a

mile from anything that has no end in sight, Monopoly can drag on for days and some people have been known to devour the entire pack of community chest cards to avoid starving to death.

So that only leaves the best board game ever…

Escape from Colditz, a heady blend of racial stereotypes and ‘war as entertainment’ I know it’s wrong but I love it.

Look after number one Forget all this guff about Christmas being about giving to others and putting everyone else first. Your primary responsibility should be for yourself. After all, if other people can see that you are having a good time and if they genuinely claim they love putting other people first (they don’t… not really) then surely you are putting them first, by putting yourself first.. see?

Bearing this in mind, there is plenty you can do to make sure that your Christmas goes with a swing.

Simply place a rolled up £20 note inside your own cracker at the Christmas table. Then act genuinely surprised at your good fortune while everyone else is forced to endure those really painful plastic clip on mustaches.

Or you could of course substitute those lame cracker jokes with some of your own involving nuns and bicycles.

The possibilities are endless.

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Get a Life Mike Aston and inset, keen climbers Abbie Hickinson and Jack Foster

Getting to grips with climbing Ben Fitzgerald chats to Mike Aston, owner of Swindon’s Rockstar Climbing, which has recently chalked up its first birthday.

Ever since Sir Isaac Newton invented gravity, people have been falling off high things and hurting themselves.

This led to the creation of the niche past-time known variously as ‘not falling’ or ‘holding on tightly’ - later to be rebranded ‘climbing’ during the 19th Century by a small group of men and women who shared a love of hemp (the rope kind..) tweed jackets and near-death experiences.

Although the idea caught on around Europe, it was in England that the notion of climbing as a sport was fully embraced.

By the end of the Victorian era, dozens of enthusiasts would gather in the Wastwater Hotel in the Lake District with everything they might need for a cheerful day out risking their lives. The well-prepared climber in those days would be sure to take a thick woollen jumper or two (that would absorb any amount of ice cold rain and be an ideal way to develop hypothermia) a pipe and plenty of tobacco (to steady the nerves and strengthen the lungs) and most chillingly of all, a pocket full of small rocks.

Mike Aston, who runs Swindon’s Rockstar Climbing, explained that early pioneers of the sport would attach their ropes around these shaped flakes of rock to wedge into cracks - protecting them should they lose their grip.

Thankfully climbing has moved on since then.

Looking around Rockstar Climbing, based in a spacious industrial unit off Hobley Drive in Swindon, it is clear that the sport has come a long way since.

Rockstar is an Aladdin’s cave of challenges, where visitors can hone their skills on the fiendishly designed routes on the overhanging technicolour artificial cliff faces. These challenges are regularly re-plotted by expert route setters to ensure that visitors are constantly kept on their toes.. and fingertips.

Mike explained: “Climbing is no longer an elite sport.

We wanted to make sure that visitors were made to feel welcome to have a go, no matter what their climbing background is. We are really inclusive, we run courses for children as young as five and our oldest member is 77.

There is something here for everyone.”

I can vouch for that. As a keen wanna-be climber, I signed up for the adults’ learn to climb programme.

Under the expert guidance of Mike and his team, I soon lost the dreaded knee tremble. And I soon developed enough trust in my fellow climbers and the modern equipment to know I would probably survive. I even began to enjoy myself, focussing on climbing technique rather than clinging to the wall and making small frightened noises. I love it and you should too.

Mike added: “I would advise anyone interested in starting out in climbing to sign up for professional training so that you develop those good habits right from the outset rather than having to learn from mistakes.

Incredibly, you do get some people who try to teach themselves from watching videos on YouTube… This is not to be encouraged.”

Climbing is gaining a mainstream reputation, The sport is set to debut at the 2020 Tokyo Olympics. It is no longer the preserve of a hardcore group of elite athletes - and you don’t even need to smoke a pipe (in fact some leading scientists have suggested that this may even be bad for you). Imagine... if you get training now, you could be sinking your own teeth into a gold medal in the Land of the Rising Sun in four years’ time. Or perhaps more realistically, you could have developed a little more self confidence, swapped some of that flab for muscle and an expert knowledge of early 90s grunge rock which seems to be on hard rotation at Swindon’s Rockstar Climbing Centre. Find out more at: www.rockstarclimbing.co.uk

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Get Away

Lapping up the atmosphere

By Ben Fitzgerald Conjuring up Christmas magic on the outskirts of Bracknell is no easy task, but LaplandUK seem to be doing something right – Now in its 9th year of transforming a muddy field beside the A329 into a magical snow-bound corner of Scandinavia, the attraction consistently gets rave reviews.

Now, a word of caution, don’t confuse LaplandUK with other attractions that claim to be able to pull off the same magic trick.

LaplandUK might come with an eye-watering ticket price (£49.50£79.50 per person), but you don’t want to fall foul of the cut-price Grinches.

Tinker with the magic of Christmas at your peril – after all no-one wants to encounter chain-smoking elves who would rather be elsewhere, thinly disguised dogs sporting clip on reindeer horns or (dare I say it..)

Father Christmas sporting love and hate tattoos on his bruised knuckles.

Children are pretty savvy and will be the first to point out anything that deviates from the accepted Christmas narrative.

That said, my own Christmas memories did not entirely stick to the script either. I remember my uncle

(not an actual uncle you understand) sticking lit matches in his ears and dancing around the Christmas tree to liven things up a little.

His dog had earlier cocked a leg against the classy Norwegian Spruce causing the lights to short circuit. But I’ve come to terms with that now and I have moved on with my life… Let’s never speak of this again.

So… the best way to describe LaplandUK is a lavish walk-through theatrical production. The three-anda-half-hour show gives adults and children the chance to suspend belief and throw themselves headlong into the festive fun.

Part of the deal is that you have to put in a bit of sneaky preparation ahead of your visit – providing important details about your children to give Father Christmas and his elves the heads-up.

Obviously he already has a pretty good idea about who’s been naughty and nice, but I should imagine he’s getting on a bit and his memory is not as sharp as it once was – give the guy a break!

The organisers do their best to ramp up the excitement beyond the elastic limit before the children arrive – by sending a personalised invitation from actual Father

Christmas through the post.

During the visit, families will be given the chance to help the elves in their Toy Factory, decorate gingerbread with Mother Christmas, go ice skating, meet huskies and reindeer and post letters from the North Pole post office.

Oh and of course children get to meet the big man himself – by this time, if everything has gone to plan, they should be fizzing with excitement and barely able to hold a coherent conversation. (A bit like my uncle during that memorable Christmas – we’re no longer in touch.)

Ticket prices vary depending on the time and date you visit. The higher priced premium tickets are for dates closer to Christmas.

Web: www.laplanduk.co.uk Email: enquiries@laplanduk.co.uk

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Motoring

The Nissan Pulsar – spacious and comfy

By Geoff Maxted of drivewrite.co.uk There’s a whole flotilla of quality small cars on the market these days so the Nissan Pulsar has its work cut out to impress in the highly competitive family hatchback market.

The good news is that, like its bigger brothers the Qashqai and the X-Trail, the Pulsar impresses.

The Pulsar is offered with three 4-cylinder turbocharged engines to choose from, a 1.2 litre petrol that has a claimed average of 56.5mpg with a power output of 113bhp and a 1.5 litre diesel with a claimed 78.5mpg and a power output of 108bhp. The tested car slots into almost hot hatch territory with a new 1.6 Turbo petrol motor with a lively 187bhp on offer.

The Nissan Pulsar is available in various specification levels – Visia, Acenta, N-Tec and Tekna with prices starting from £14,000 and rising to around £22,885 for the range-topping Tekna version shown here.

On The Inside

This version comes equipped with keyless entry, automatic wipers, 17” alloys, a range of Nissan’s safety technology and much more. Included in the safety package is an automatic braking system, a 360 degree camera to give the driver full visibility of the cars surroundings, plus a lane departure system, moving object detection and a great blind spot warning system.

Where the Pulsar does steal a march on the opposition is with space. There’s oodles of it. With a 2,700mm

wheelbase Nissan have delivered a spacious interior; first in class by some margin. Back seat passengers especially win out in the leg stretching stakes. The whole cabin is an exercise in getting the most out of a confined space and that includes a deep boot.

It’s comfortable too, with supportive leather-covered seats and a truly smooth ride, even on our rotten roads.

With a CD, Aux and USB sockets music lovers are well catered for. Bluetooth and a good navigation system are standard at this price point.

On The Road

Interior space is one thing but the whole car has to be shifted up the road and the biggest surprise was saved for under the bonnet. I have driven the diesel version and it was something of a revelation, proving to be very economical indeed. Keen drivers though will prefer this feisty petrol version which brings an element of performance to a family car. The car is set up for comfort not speed so it doesn’t qualify in the hot hatch stakes but it still provides plenty of fun when driven with a touch of brio.

As a driving enthusiast I’m always looking for a little excitement and variation in new car design but car makers often don’t see the world my way. In this case however Nissan have obliged. Thus the Nissan Pulsar is smart and conventional as you would expect, but also offers some genuine positives for all-round motoring pleasure. One for the shortlist.

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Style

Winter Wear - Festi

New Look’s Black Long Sleeve Knitted Christmas Jumper (£19.99) Next’s Navy Miliary Coat (£75)

Festive socks from Sock Shop

Dickens & Jones Casey Cable Knit Jumper (£55)

With fashion writer Gina Akers Winter fashion brings to mind warm and comfy clothing suited to the season but there is no reason why winter wear can’t be done in style. Festive films make the best inspiration with many providing the unexpected gift of the perfect scene to draw ideas from for your winter looks.

Remember the ‘coat’ scene in Love Actually, you know the sweary one with Martine McCutcheon looking for her “****ing coat”, well you can’t get through the cold spells without a great winter coat. A favourite for this season seen in many designer collections is the officer style coat, Next has the perfect example with their Navy Military Coat (£75) from www.next.co.uk There’s no shortage of movies featuring festive jumpers, from Bridget Jones to Arthur Christmas, New Look’s Black Long Sleeve Knitted Christmas Jumper £19.99, is about as festive as can be, have a look at

Next’s Monochrome Lounge Cardigan (£38)

www.newlook.com Why not go for festive feet too with a wide variety of festive socks for all from www.sockshop.co.uk?

The classic cosy winter jumper is a seasonal staple as seen in movies such as About a Boy, Home Alone and The Holiday. The Dickens & Jones Casey Cable Knit Jumper (£55) is ideal, available alongside a whole range of classic knitwear styles from House of Fraser (www. houseoffraser.co.uk). If you are looking for a chunky knit with a current twist (along the lines of Bridget Jones wrapping up in a big warm but kind-of-cool cardigan) then the coatigan style is a must, the Monochrome Lounge Cardigan is the perfect knitwear piece priced £38 from www.next.co.uk For ski chic Snow Finel’s Mens Classic Merino Wool Half Zip Jumper (£255) wouldn’t look out of place in wintery ski scene in any James Bond movie.

Warm winter accessories are a must in festive

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Style

stive Film Fashion

Denim and Supply Ralph Lauren Faux Fur Vest (£215)

Luxury Cable Knit Lamora Hat (£29) Gloves from Gizelle Renee

Ruffle Shirt from Next (£32)

Snow Finel’s Mens Classic Merino Wool Half Zip Jumper (£255) Superdry’s Capital Scarf (£24.99)

Essential winter boots from The Welly Shop

movies. Jovie’s cream woolly hat in Elf has to be one of best easy to wear looks, for a similar style go for the Luxury Cable Knit Lamora Hat £29, from www. giftwrappedandgorgeous.com The gloves were off in Home Alone but cold weather means cold hands, so check out the beautiful selection for him and for her from British glove designer Gizelle Renee, www.gizellerenee.co.uk Scarves are a clear winner for the festive look and are in almost every scene in The Holiday with Cameron Diaz and Jude Law’s characters wearing some particularly nice examples. The Snowman, of course, is famous for his green scarf, Superdry’s Capital Scarf gives the perfect balance of colour and style, £24.99 from www.superdry. com The essential winter boots are a necessity for seasonal adventures, for wellies for winter and very practical (and pretty) welly warmers The Welly Shop has everything

Black Signature Suede Long Boots (£100)

Winter pyjamas from www.cyberjammies.co.uk (£32)

you’ll need, visit www.thewellyshop.com When the occasion demands something a little more classic, long glam winter boots are always a festive fashion go to, the Black Signature Suede Long Boots (£100) from Next will go with pretty much any winter outfit.

Snow and ice can be a cool inspiration for seasonal style, the Denim and Supply Ralph Lauren Faux Fur Vest (£215 from House of Fraser) will give you that Narnia Ice Queen look. If you want to keep on the vintage side of winter style like in A Christmas Carol, the Ruffle Shirt from Next is ideal for a Victorian edge, check out www. next.co.uk Bridget Jones seemed to be rather fond of her festive pyjamas, visit www.cyberjammies.co.uk for winter PJs so comfy you could be just like the boy in The Snowman, and wear them throughout an entire film of your favourite festive story.

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TECH

Christmas Stocking Fillers

USB Fridge - iwantoneofthose.com (£12.99)

Reflex YoYo - Hawkin’s Bazaar (£10)

Bluetooth Gloves - PrezzyBox.com (£25)

Stocking fillers are the hardest things to get right when Christmas shopping. To adults they are just an after-thought, keeping the kids happy until the main unwrapping, but to the children they are the first taste of the big day! So what do you get for the little (and sometimes big) kids of your household? Never fear, The Ocelot is here to help: SelfieShutter - Red5 (95p) If you’re living with a serial ‘selfie-ist’ then this is a nifty little purchase. Come on, it’s only 95p! The SelfieShutter is a keyfob sized Bluetooth device that connects to your phone and acts as the camera button, meaning your self-photography can reach new heights! Just don’t get it mixed up with your car keys...

USB Fridge - iwantoneofthose.com (£12.99) We don’t condone using this minute fridge for storing anything alcholic, as drinking at your desk is probably one of the first signs of having a problem, but for under fifteen quid you can finally avoid those warm cans of Coke and avoid your Fanta tasting like molten oranges. We are thinking of getting a few of them and opening a mini-bar in our office!

Blackstar Fly 3 - Professional Music Technology (£80) Willing to splash out a bit? If you’re looking for the best in bluetooth speakers, then why not have a look at one of the best guitar amplifier manafacturers in the UK? After all, their business is making things sound great and very

SelfieShutter - Red5 (95p)

Blackstar Fly 3 Speakers - PMT Online (£80 or £45+ for main unit)

loud. The Blackstar Fly 3 can be used for guitars and other instruments quite comfortably, but connect up your iPod or phone and you can supercharge your favourite songs from a tiny little box. You can buy just the main unit for around £45 but for the true rockstar experience, we picked the double stack with the extension cabinet. Now if you’ll excuse us, we are off to stand on our chairs and pretend we are in AC/DC! Bluetooth Gloves - PrezzyBox.com (£25) Looking at the picture above for these gloves, you’d be mistaken for thinking the lady is completely mad, or just taking the mick. But seriously, these gloves contain a speaker and receiver so you can phone people using the ancient nightclub hand signal for “call me”. We have seen a rather ridiculous promotional video for these gloves online, and they appear to work if you’re skipping down the road, so that’s a bonus. But for the sheer hilarity of explaining these magic hand warmers to your friends, its got to be worth the money?!

Reflex YoYo - Hawkin’s Bazaar (£10) Call us ‘old-skool’ but we couldn’t have a stocking filler list without a YoYo in it. This Reflex version apparently comes complete with ‘auto-return technology’ to make the process of Yoyo-ing that much easier. This is essential as we often see hordes of young children throwing YoYo’s around in confusion. Thanks Hawkin’s Bazaar and your auto-returning YoYo, you’ve saved us all!

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December Listings

Thurs 1st Songs of Praise presents The Shudders + Quarterlight 8pm £3 Sat 3rd Syntronix 8pm £6adv £8dr Weds 7th Awakening Savannah + My Social Decline 8pm free Thurs 8th Metal 2 The Masses 8pm free Fri 9th Echo 8pm free Sat 10th Stop Stop + Jolly Joker + Saint Of Sinner 8pm £6adv £8dr Mon 12th Franck Carducci Band + Black Tunes 8pm £8 Thurs 15th Songs of Praise presents The Last Great Dreamers

+ Molotov Sexbomb + Falls on Deaf Ears 8pm free Fri 16th Oasish + Stereotonics 8pm £10 Sat 17th 12 Bands of Christmas 8pm £7 Weds 21st Wacky Christmas Special 8pm free Thurs 22nd Phlemmy’s Christmas Special 8.30pm free Fri 23rd Peloton 8pm free Sat 24th Nightmare Before Christmas 8pm free

Thurs 29th Kova Me Badd 8pm free Fri 30th Sat 31st

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TV The limited edition Peter Capaldi Christmas Tree is now available from all good stockists

Who’s up for Christmas?

Screen Grab A TV column by Jamie Hill How has this happened?

How have we become a nation so inured to advertising that now the big annual Christmas TV event is about what cutesy animal or animation is going to be up front in the annual John Lewis ad?

I suppose we should have seen it coming, especially as the annual visit of the Coca Cola Truck to your nearest town now gets more crowds than a Biffy Clyro concert.

Am I one of the only humans left alive who actually still likes Christmas telly?

I remember the days where the Christmas Radio Times edition was a huge event as you would learn what big shows and films each of the channels would be putting on.

Families used to pore over that magazine and keep it on the coffee table for the duration of the festive period just so that they don’t miss a thing.

Viewing figures for these shows used to be huge - I’m talking the Morecombe and Wise Christmas specials or the feature length annual Only Fools and Horses (still one of the funniest sitcoms ever produced).

Their viewing figures used to number over 20 million.

In recent years we’ve had Downton Abbey bringing a bit of a class to the

Christmas roster but that’s now sadly departed and this year will probably be a lesser thing because of it.

But we still have Doctor Who. And having just watched the trailer to the Time Lord’s latest foray into a Christmas special it looks like it might be a real tongue in cheek treat - dealing with a flying superhero like it does.

The only other show that carries a bit of weight on BBC’s Christmas line-up is Call The Midwife but other than that we’ll have to make do with the dodginess of Mrs Brown’s Boys or Citizen Khan. Strictly will obviously be giving us its annual Christmas sparkle and if it’s misery you’re after Eastenders always comes up trumps.

Oh and Sherlock is back on New Year’s Day. We all love a bit of Cumberbatch.

Over on ITV, it looks even more depressing with their big shows being confirmed as Birds of a Feather and Jonathan Ross. Where’s Downton when you need it eh?

Channel 4 fares slightly better with its usual roster of panel shows from Big Fat Quiz to Eight out of Ten Cats enlivened with a bit of Gogglebox and the excellent Travelman with Richard Ayoade.

It’s not the same though is it? But at least we can always talk over the Queen’s Speech like usual as she’s not going anywhere yet.

The Boxset Binge

By Jamie Hill Okay, this is a bit of a weird show but for all of its foibles it really works and is definitely a bit of a treat mainly for the central performance.

I’m talking Lucifer which can be found on Amazon Prime. At the moment you can view the first two series and it’s definitely an enjoyable romp. The devil himself is excellently played by British actor Tom Ellis who is laden with more camp innuendo than a Carry On film but can switch to scary devil-mode at a moment’s notice. Sometimes it comes across as a bit of a police procedural - with its story of Lucifer resigning from hell and living in LA to help a police detective solve crimes. But it’s a hell of a fun bit of telly!

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Gaming Okay... technically this has nothing to do with Christmas... But how could we not mention it?!

The Battle of Christmas 2016 Game On! The gaming column by Mike Barham The battle for your Christmas cash is well and truly underway in the gaming sector, with all the big hitters piling on the advertising like a Scarab barging through New Mombassa (cue cheers from Halo fans).

I’ve gone ahead and picked my top games for Christmas 2016 and tried to keep it as broad as I can, but if you disagree with any of my choices or think there is some I’ve missed, feel free to email me: mike@theocelot.co.uk.

I’ll start off with my most obvious choice; the best game I can recommend as a gift for the budding firstperson shooter in your life this year is going to have to be Battlefield 1. I admit, this is a tough decision, with competitors coming thick and fast in recent months like Titanfall 2 and Overwatch, which both deserve an honourable mention. But I still think the First World War setting, the drama of a single player campaign that is both immersive and compelling (if a little bit inaccurate) and the return of a genuinely intense Battlefield multiplayer experience with 64 players, it is a riot!

My pick for best racer this Christmas is going to have to be Forza Horizon 3. I know it’s a little bit unfair to just concentrate on an Xbox exclusive title, especially as across all platforms we had good showings from F1 2016 and even a decent motorcycle game in the form of Ride 2.

But the latest Horizon offering is both stunningly beautiful in its representation of the vehicles and the Australian landscape, brilliantly configured feeling of control over the massive variety of cars and a fresh take on the racer genre that no other game this year has come close to in

my opinion. Well done Turn 10 and Playground Games!

The racing category rolls nicely into the sports games, and FIFA 17 pops up immediately (as it always does when EA Sports decide they want your money) but I’m going to dismiss the advances in graphics and added story mode in favour of NBA 2K17, which has genuinely landed a slam dunk for me. The story mode has been a feature of the NBA 2K games for the past few years, so they have our football friends beaten there already, and it’s a vast improvement on an already very playable sports sim. Get yourself into a game and take it to the paint this festive season.

Action/adventure and RPG games are going to be the hardest categories for this piece, with Uncharted 4, Dishonoured 2, Mafia 3 and many more vying for the title, but I think your money this year should go on FarCry: Primal. Not only because it’s now going to be very well priced (having been out since February), but because where else are you going to get a caveman based assault on your gaming senses this festive season? It’s raw, visceral and has tonnes of classic FarCry drama which breaks new ground with a savage fist. Get yourself a pet sabretooth!

The role playing fans have had a great year too, with The Division, expansions for Fallout 4 and The Witcher 3, Deus Ex: Mankind Divided and of course the latest updates to Star Wars: The Old Republic on PC. All deserve a mention this year, RPG players are spoilt for choice. But 2017 is already shaping up to be an incredible year for gamers, with Mass Effect: Andromeda, a new Gran Turismo... Oh, and RED DEAD REDEMPTION 2?! We couldn’t leave out a mention, could we... Bring on 2017!

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Film

Actor Paul Blake, who played the role of Greedo in the original 1976 Star Wars movie. Inset, one of the original stormtrooper outfits.

Star Wars: behind the mask A new documenary about the making of Star Wars will be hosted at Commonweal School in Old Town, Swindon this month.

And two of the original Stormtrooper actors will be on hand to answer questions from the audience.

Some of the scenes for the feature-length documentary, Elstree 1976, were shot on the roof and in the basement of Swindon’s Wyvern Theatre. The original costumes were provided by Luke Kaye of Luke Skywalker fancy dress company, who is also an executive producer on the film.

Commonweal School will host the South West screening in their purpose built C6 auditorium on December 8 and media and film students from Commonweal sixth form will lead a question and answer session following the screening.

Film Studies teacher Cherise Osolin said: “The students are really excited! It is really important to the learning experience to have hands on work with people from the Industry.”

Canal Cat Films’ independent cinema tour, in support of the UK release, starts on November 6 at the legendary Prince Charles Cinema in London and continues across the UK throughout November and culminating with the showing in Swindon.

All dates include a post-screening director and cast Q&A including Laurie Goode (the Stormtrooper who banged his head) and Anthony Forrest (These aren’t the droids we’re looking for Stormtrooper).

The film explores how over the summer of 1976, a vast army of American and British actors and extras donned crazy costumes to populate George Lucas’s universe. Few of them understood what the film was, let alone

the impact it would go on to have.

Filmmaker Jon Spira has tracked down some of those who were there, to find out what it means to exist in the shadow of such a phenomenon.

Elstree 1976 is a Canal Cat Films Production, made in association with The Works, Verax Films and British Film Company. The film was made between 2012 and 2015. PostProduction was funded by a highly successful Kickstarter crowd-funding campaign.

The film premiered at London Film Festival 2015 and was released on all platforms by Transmission Films in Australia/NZ and Film Rise in the USA 2016.

The film is released in the UK on Itunes and special edition DVD

by Soda Pictures on 14 November 2016.

Feature Running Time 97 Minutes.BBFC Certificate 12

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Brews and Eats

Brewery Bird's festive beer quiz

There’s nothing like a good quiz especially when it’s accompanied by beer. But how about a fiendishly difficult quiz about beer? Well, Brewery Bird’s got your back as she’s put together just such a quiz for your delectation. It’s just for fun with the answers below but if you fancy winning a 5ltr mini-can (9pints) of Flying Monk’s award winning Birdman ale then send the answer to the final ‘prize’ question to competitions@theocelot.co.uk with your age, name and address and BEER in the subject line by December 31.

1) What does beer contain today which ale traditionally did not?

should you ideally use for this type of beer?

9) Which has more hops, mild or bitter?

2) Who was JD Wetherspoon? (Hint: Two parts to this answer)

10) Fermentation in beer is caused by the yeast consuming what?

3) True or False? Male and female hops grow as separate plants, but only female hops are used in brewing.

4) Match the beer style to its native city: Rauchbier Sydney

Steam Beer Hoegaarden Pale Ale Bamburg Witbier San Francisco Sparking Ale Burton-on-Trent

5) How many breweries opened in the UK this past year?

6) Which Berkshire Brewery brews beers named Baldrick, Double Warp and Nosey Parker?

7) What is cenosillicaphobia a phobia of?

8) You have a bottle of Imperial Stout, which type of glass

11) What’s the percentage of British Craft Brewers who sport half/full face beards - 39%, 48%, 56% or 65%?

12) UK Rock stars have been busy collaborating with breweries over the past few years, but can you match the brew to the Brewer?

Elbow - Build A Rocket Boys Signature Brew New Order - Stray Dog Portobello Maddness - Gladness Robinsons Status Quo - Piledriver Moorhouse Professor Green - Remedy Pale Ale Wychwood 13) What is Brewery Bird’s favourite beer?

Prize Question: Which beer won the prestigious Champion Beer of Britain award at CAMRA’s national beer festival this year?

Answers 1) Hops 2) ‘JD’ is borrowed from the TV series Dukes of Hazzard and Wetherspoon comes from the surname of a teacher whom had told founder Tim Martin that he’d never amount to anything! 3) True 4) a) Rauchbier/Bamburg b) Steam Beer/San Francisco c) Pale Ale/Burton on Trent d) Witbier/Hoegaarden e) Sparkling Ale/Sydney 5) 136 6) Indigenous Brewery 7) An empty glass 8) Snifter 9) Bitter 10) Sugars 11) 48% 12) a) Elbow/Robinsons b) New Order/ Moorhouse c) Madness/Portobello d) Status Quo/Wychwood e) Professor Green/Signature Brew 13) The next one!

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r ying

er 31.

Brews and Eats

Indulgent Christmas tiffin

By Angela Barlow This is one of my favourite periods of the year when it’s time to forget the diets and concentrate on festive fun, frivolity and fantastic comfort food.

So this month’s recipe is straight out of the indulgence catalogue and for anyone with a sweet tooth it will be like meeting Santa, winning the lottery and luxuriating in a warm bath all at the same time. The taste is that good.

It can accompany afternoon tea or be packed into lunchboxes or offered as part of a Christmas party menu.

It is also good to have with coffee to help alleviate the stress of the Christmas preparations. It is a nice recipe to make with the kids as the Tiffin are easy to produce and can even be good presents if wrapped in cellophane.

The only problem being that they are so addictive and ‘moreish’ you will need to hide a plate away for yourself to partake after the kids have left and you are alone.

Method l Line a 20cm square or small tray bake tin (approximately 27cm x 19cm) with baking parchment. l Place the chocolate, butter and golden syrup into a

Ingredients: 200g Lindt milk chocolate - 100g unsalted butter 2 tbsp golden syrup - 100g digestive biscuits - 100g Maltesers - 50g chopped brazil nuts - 50g sultanas - 50g glace cherries For the topping - 100g Lindt milk chocolate - 100g Lindt plain chocolate 25g unsalted butter - 1 tsp golden syrup bowl suitable for the microwave and heat until chocolate has melted. l Remove from microwave, stir to mix ingredients and allow to cool for a couple of minutes. l Place the digestives and 50g of the Maltesers into a sealable plastic food bag and crush with a rolling pin until you have crumbs with a few larger pieces. l Chop the brazil nuts into small chunks and the glace cherries into quarters. l Add the biscuit and Malteser mixture to the chocolate along with the nuts, cherries, sultanas and remaining whole Maltesers. Stir so that everything is mixed together and coated in chocolate. l Empty the mixture into the prepared tin and press down so that the surface is level. l Make the topping by melting the chocolate, butter and syrup in the microwave as before and spread over the biscuit base. l Cover the tin with foil and refrigerate for a couple of hours. Remove from the refrigerator and cut into small squares. Enjoy.

The Victoria now does

food!

One of our favourite drinking establishments in Swindon has fired up their kitchen and started producing simple, quality food that will fill you and your friends to the brim.

Using locally sourced produce and a keen eye for a tasty meal, The Victoria in Old Town now has a menu to rival the Big ‘M’ in both expediancy and taste, and even beats old Ronald the Clown with that warm fuzzy feeling of helping out the local farmer get rid of his pesky cows. The burger menu in particular ranges from simple yet effective cheesey offerings to the adequately named “MoFo”, which we can report is a monster of a meal, with a beer-battered onion ring, fried egg, TWO huge slabs of beef and a selection of foliage (to help you justify the extra belt loop you’ll need afterwards). The sides menu is equally impressive, with sweet potato fries, a generous plate of nachos and halloumi all on offer. This could very quickly become our permanent residence now there is food on offer. You need never leave!

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Brews and Eats

The history of Christmas Dinner

By Mike Barham Christmas dinner - what could be more traditional? By its very nature, this meal has been consumed primarily in Christian orientated countries for centuries, as a feast of celebration. The traditional British Christmas dinner is well known to us all; turkey or goose, pigs in blankets, seasonal veg like carrots and parsnips, a few balls of stuffing and the dreaded sprouts!

Add or subtract as you will, the Christmas meal is that moment in the year when time slows to a pleasant crawl and you sit with your family to chow down on the bountiful feast you’ve hauled down the road from M&S (because no-one can deny the lure of their advertising).

In medieval England, a main course of boar was sometimes served, although we can’t imagine Iceland

selling many of these today. Or delivering them...

Through the 16th and 17th centuries goose or capon (which is a rooster without his crown jewels apparently!) was commonly served, and the rich sometimes dined upon peacock and swan, although now this is quite obviously frowned upon by Her Majesty! The turkey appeared on English Christmas tables in the 16th century, and schoolboy history tells us Henry VIII was the first English monarch to have turkey for Christmas. We wonder if he knew the misery he would cause sandwicheaters throughout January?

So when you’re sitting down to munch on your chosen meat and/or vegetables, just remember all around the country, everyone thinks your version of Christmas dinner is wrong.

Japan A successful advertising campaign in the 70s made eating at KFC around Christmas a national custom. Its chicken meals are so popular during the season that stores take reservations months in advance. We couldn’t quite believe it either!

Netherlands One typical Dutch tradition is ‘gourmet,’ an evening long event where small groups of people sit together around a gourmet-set and use their own little frying pan to cook and season their own food in very small portions.

So essentially it’s like a Christmas fondue. How very 70s!

Sweden The Swedish Christmas, Julbord, consists of three courses. The first is a variety of fish, usually different types of pickled herring and salmon, eaten with boiled potatoes or crisp bread. The second is cold cuts of meat, with the Christmas ham being the most important.

Sausages, cheese and leverpastej are also common,

eaten with boiled potatoes or on crisp bread. The third course consists of warm dishes such as meatballs (of course), small fried sausages and Janssons frestelse.

Australia As we all know, the Aussies have their Christmas in the blazing sunshine of summer (why they have chosen to do this baffles us) but their dinner is still based on British customs, with a down-under style spin. And we aren’t talking about Fosters. Meats are sometimes served cold with cranberry sauce, accompanied by side salads or roast vegetables. Barbecues are the most popular way of avoiding the heat of the oven, because Australians would rather be burned by the sun than their appliances.

Norway The most common dish is svineribbe, pork belly side prepared with seasoning for proper crackling. Usually it is consumed together with boiled vegetables, sauerkraut, Lingonberry jam, potatoes, gravy, beers and a few shots of akevitt (to wash down the rather greasy meal)

Christmas Dinner around the world

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in association with Wychwood Brewery www.wychwood.co.uk Friday November 25 to Saturday December 31 FAMILY EVENTS: Cinderella Corn Exchange, Market Pl, Newbury RG14 5BD Monday November 28 to Sunday January 8 FAMILY EVENTS: Cinderella Oxford Playhouse, Beaumont Street, Oxford OX1 2LW Thursday December 1 THEATRE: Police Cops 8pm - New Greenham Arts, 113 Greenham Business Park, Lindenmuth Way, Newtown, Thatcham RG19 6HW COMEDY: Shazia Mirza: ‘The Kardashians Made Me Do It’ 7:30pm - Old Fire Station, 40 George Street, Oxford OX1 2AQ Friday December 2 CONCERT: Show of Hands 7:30pm - New Theatre, George St, Oxford OX1 2AG CONCERT: Christmas with The Overtones 7pm - New Theatre, George St, Oxford OX1 2AG Saturday December 3 COMEDY: Zoe Lyons: Little Misfit 8pm - New Greenham Arts, 113 Greenham Business Park, Lindenmuth Way, Newtown, Thatcham RG19 6HW THEATRE: From Ibiza to the Norfolk Broads 8pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, 25 Station Rd, Didcot OX11 7NE CONCERT: Mandolinquents Christmas Special 8pm - Arlington Arts Centre, Mary Hare School, Snelsmore Common, Newbury RG14 3BQ FAMILY EVENTS: The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe 7.30pm - Pegasus Theatre, Magdalen Rd, Oxford OX4 1RE CONCERT: The Sensational 60s Experience 7:30pm - New Theatre, George St, Oxford OX1 2AG THEATRE: Silver Moon 1pm & 3pm - Old Fire Station, 40 George Street, Oxford OX1 2AQ COMEDY: Sophie Hagen 8pm - Old Fire Station, 40 George Street, Oxford OX1 2AQ

The Theatre List Sunday December 4 FAMILY EVENTS: Christmas Wreaths 2pm - Corn Exchange, Market Pl, Newbury RG14 5BD CONCERT: Abingdon Concert Band presents The Snowman 4pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, 25 Station Rd, Didcot OX11 7NE Monday December 5 DANCE: An ACE Winter Showing 7.30pm - New Greenham Arts, 113 Greenham Business Park, Lindenmuth Way, Newtown, Thatcham RG19 6HW Tuesday December 6 to Saturday December 10 THEATRE: All My Sons 7:30pm - Old Fire Station, 40 George Street, Oxford OX1 2AQ Tuesday December 6 to Saturday December 24 FAMILY EVENTS: Emily Brown and The Thing Cornerstone Arts Centre, 25 Station Rd, Didcot OX11 7NE Thursday December 8 to Saturday December 31 FAMILY EVENTS: Snowflakes Oxford Playhouse, Beaumont Street, Oxford OX1 2LW

Tuesday December 13 to Saturday December 31 THEATRE: The Rocky Horror Show New Theatre, George St, Oxford OX1 2AG Wednesday December 14 to Sunday December 18 THEATRE: The Night Before Christmas New Greenham Arts, 113 Greenham Business Park, Lindenmuth Way, Newtown, Thatcham RG19 6HW Wednesday December 14 FAMILY EVENTS: A Christmas Carol 7pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, 25 Station Rd, Didcot OX11 7NE Friday December 16 to Sunday December 16 DANCE: Ballet Theatre UK: Romeo and Juliet 7:30pm - Arlington Arts Centre, Mary Hare School, Snelsmore Common, Newbury RG14 3BQ Monday December 19 THEATRE: Living Spit presents A Christmas Carol 7:30pm - Cornerstone Arts Centre, 25 Station Rd, Didcot OX11 7NE

Friday December 9 CONCERT: Michael Ball & Alfie Boe 7.30pm - New Theatre, George St, Oxford OX1 2AG Saturday December 10 COMEDY: Adam Hills – Clown Heart 8pm - New Theatre, George St, Oxford OX1 2AG COMEDY: Nish Kumar 7.30pm - New Greenham Arts, 113 Greenham Business Park, Lindenmuth Way, Newtown, Thatcham RG19 6HW Sunday December 11 FAMILY EVENTS: Festival of Light: Lantern Procession 4pm - Northbrook Street, Newbury, Tuesday December 13 to Friday December 23 COMEDY: 30 Christmases Old Fire Station, 40 George Street, Oxford OX1 2AQ Tuesday December 13 to Saturday December 24 FAMILY EVENTS: Once Upon a Snowflake Pegasus Theatre, Magdalen Rd, Oxford OX4 1RE

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Theatre

Oxford Playhouse is staging Marlowe’s Edward II - and it’s been given a political makeover. Ben Fitzgerald puts quill to paper ahead of next month’s production.

Political intrigue at the highest level I’ve always preferred Christopher Marlowe to that upstart William Shakespeare.

Yes, Shakespeare is considered to be a genius who penned 38 plays, 154 sonnets and a few other side projects as well. But Marlowe was just a little more of a badass… and he was there first.

They were born two months apart, in 1564, but while Bill was still working out one end of a quill from the other, Marlowe was shocking the bejesus out of the theatre-going public with ballsy plays featuring devils, kings, tragedy, comedy, blood and guts.

And he’s not just writing drama, it seems that he was living one. There is good evidence that while he was a student at Cambridge University, he was actually working as a spy for Queen Elizabeth.

He was often away for protracted periods of time, presumably returning from time to time smelling heavily of garlic and sporting an unseasonal sun tan.

And when the university started pondering whether he actually deserved the Master’s Degree he was supposed to be studying for because he had done bugger all work for it - The Privy Council sent a letter ordering the university to grant it anyway because he had been away ‘on matters touching the benefit of his country’.

During his six-year writing career, he penned (or quilled) six plays that we know of. Scholars suggest that four of these became the first draft for Shakespeare’s Merchant of Venice, Macbeth, Richard II and the three Henry VI plays.

Then he exits stage left in bloody form, when someone shoves a dagger in his eye during a barroom brawl over unpaid debts, in Deptford. You couldn’t make it up.

Or maybe you could, because theories abound that his death was faked in some embryonic witness protection programme. The fact that William Shakespeare’s first successful play, Venus and

Adonis, surfaced a couple of weeks later is cited by the tin-foil hat brigade that Shakespeare’s plays are actually written by our man Marlowe - perhaps disguising himself by swapping his trademark ruff and Elizabethan goatee for an Elizabethan ruff and a goatee - and throwing any pursuers off the scent by swapping his career as a successful London-based playwright for the life of a successful Londonbased playwright. Devious eh?

We know for a fact that Marlowe wrote Edward II though.

Next month’s production of his second to last play is being presented as a political thriller by Oxford University’s student company, Drame Fatale, at the Oxford Playhouse. Inspired by tensions created by the fall of the USSR this production follows the fortunes of Edward II - torn between his wife, powerful nobles and his banished lover. The show runs from January 25 to 28. Tickets £11.50 - £19. www.oxfordplayhouse.com

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Theatre

It’s a Dickensian double helping

As the season of mistletoe and wine looms large, Ben Fitzgerald thumbs a lift with the ghost of Christmas-yet-to-come to see what’s on offer at Didcot’s Cornerstone Arts Centre.

It doesn’t get more Christmas-esque than Dickens’ tale of past, present and future.

Although Old Scrooge is painted as the villain of the piece, I can’t help feeling a flicker of sympathy for the old goat.

So… he refuses to shell out his hard-earned cash for the charity chuggers who come knocking at his door - well we’ve all been there haven’t we?

Just because you’re wearing an ill-fitting top with ‘collection for the ill children’ printed on it doesn’t mean that your fiver is going to lift anyone out of poverty.

Surely it is enough that he is providing the means for people to help through providing steady employment? The cash that he stores in his counting house will surely trickle down to the lowest rungs in society at some point?

Let market forces solve all of society’s ills I say, after all, it’s worked wonderfully so far hasn’t it?

Make your own mind up with a double helping of Christmas Carol pudding at the Didcot Cornerstone Arts Centre this month.

A Christmas Carol was a huge hit when it was published in 1843 at a time when the telling of ghost stories during the festive period was in vogue - and it came at a time when Victorians were debating the ills of society, the role of religion and morality.

It was the first public reading Charles Dickens gave of his own work. He enacted it over 150 times and the effect on the public was phenomenal.

On December 14, you can experience what it must have been like to be in the audience when the European Arts Company

faithfully recreates Dickens’ famous performance of his best loved and most heart-warming story.

Or if you are looking for something a little different, you might want to see what is being described as a ‘feast of festive foolery’ by the Living Spit Theatre Company.

See Howard Coggins’ unique take on the eponymous anti-hero of Dickens’ festive masterpiece. He is joined on stage by Stu Mcloughlin who plays all of the other parts.

Join the pair for silly songs, pitiful puppetry and Dickensian daftness.

A Christmas Carol by the European Arts Company is staged on Wednesday 14 December at 7pm.

Tickets £15.

Living Spit presents A Christmas Carol is on Monday 19 December at 7:30pm Tickets £15.

For details see www.cornerstone-arts.org

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Gig Monkey Gig Monkey, AKA Ed Dyer, once again sifts through the best music released by local artists. If you like the sound of something please do go and check it out Send your reviews to ed@theocelot.co.uk

Review of the year 2016 Performance of the Year - The Waterbirds

This year, this column has changed, moving away from an emphasis on local live music to a position of championing the recorded output of local artists.

This has resulted in me attending a far less diverse spread of shows, and been more reliant than ever on bands telling me about their music.

Which, sadly, is something that many artists seem to overlook. So please accept this opening paragraph as a plea to artists to send me their work for review. The other change of course, is I have less space, so let’s dive in to the awards.

Realistically I am unable to offer a live award without huge bias, as most of the shows I have been to I have been involved in, in one way or other. However, the performance that stood out for me most this year was during one of the few occasions I managed to get to a

show I hadn’t promoted. So Performance of The Year goes to Bristol / Wiltshire psychedelic rock n roll band Waterbirds for properly blowing my mind at The Victoria in Swindon back in October. Essentially Nudybronque with an additional member, the addition of frontperson Nuala has changed the sound and dynamic in hugely unmeasurable ways. The songs are stronger, the sound more cohesive, her guitar work laying a solid foundation for Aidan to get silly over. But the voice is the biggest difference. With a range not heard since a certain Mr Mercury passed away, it is an additional instrument adding further texture to their flowing sound. Her onstage performance is oddly compelling as well. I’ll let you know why when I work it out.

There are a number of contenders for Record of the Year, with fantastic efforts from the likes of Little Red, Water Pageant, homeplanetearth, Dreuw, Yves, Nick Byrne, Rain, Vienna Ditto, Diagonal People and the

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Gig Monkey Joint Record of the Year- Polar Front

Joint Record of the YearGaz Brookfield

Breakthrough of the Year - Diagonal People (photo by Joe Haney)

cascade of singles released by Nevrlnd. But the year ended on a high with two records of extraordinary quality that I really cannot separate, so for the first time ever I am making a joint award to Polar Front for the 16916 EP and Gaz Brookfield for his album I Know My Place. The former is a masterpiece of dreamy atmospheric yet driven pop music with perfect vocals, the latter an anthemic folk-punk album full of exquisite songs and powerful performances. Both need to exist in any modern music fans collection.

The band I would like to give my nod for Breakthrough of the Year have technically been around for years, first troubling my ears whilst they were teenagers still at school. The precocious multi-instrumental talent that existed within the core members even aged 15 was astonishing. However, this year as they all surpassed the age of consent and could gig proper venues they have truly exploded onto the circuit, their schizophrenic sound incorporating pretty much every genre known to man, but in an impossibly cohesive way. Hats off to Diagonal

People for defying all expectation and belief and creating their own genres to work within.

I am going to take a bit of an anarchists approach to my traditional final gong and award the Hero of the Year award to every single promoter and venue out there still flying the flag for new original live music. You are a very select bunch of visionary fools who unashamedly have a very philanthropic approach to life as the whole music industry shifts and mutates around you.

One day, the rest of society will catch back on and realise without grassroots gigs, bands cannot cut their teeth, and if future generations are to have anything anymore musically artistic and articulate than a noughties ring tone then songwriters and musicians need to be nurtured.

So please, please, please get out and check out the amazing original live music in this region, it really does deserve support.

So, goodbye 2016. A challenging year in many ways but as always a very rewarding one. I’ll see you in 2017!

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Live Music Review Frank Carter and The Rattlesnakes (almost) cause a Bullingdon riot

Selling out The Bullingdon in Oxford is no mean feat, but hardcore artist Frank Carter and The Rattlesnakes are one mean-sounding band. Fortunately for us, music journalist Alyssa Nilsen (who only used to be editor-inchief for Musikknyheter in Norway!) has recently moved to Oxfordshire and kindly offered to head down Cowley Road and report back on the carnage!

Frank Carter is a man of many voices, from the rage-filled days in Gallows, through the more melodic Pure Love, to his current project Frank Carter and the Rattlesnakes, which somehow manages to envelop the whole range of expressions and sound in one package.

Frank Carter brought his Rattlesnakes to The Bullingdon as part of his sold out UK tour for new record Modern Ruin, and was greeted by an enthusiastic crowd as they started off the show with Trouble, a powerful number summoning singalongs and crowdsurfing alike. It quickly became clear that the venue might not have been overly prepared for the kind of show Frank Carter brought to town, as by song number two, Fangs, there was already a steady stream of crowdsurfers flooding the stage, only to dive headfirst back out into the crowd - with no one to catch them when they fell over the barrier.

Not to worry, Carter held the mic with one hand, and steadied tumbling fans with the other, giving them a grin and a pat on the back as they tumbled back out. This is one of many things earning him the reputation of being one of the nicest people in rock and hardcore, being the perfect gentleman while simultaneously - literally spitting out aggression through his songs.

Though musically it’s not all anger and hatred either; Carter took the time to look for lost watches among the

churning crowd, to chat to members of the audience, and at one point dedicated Juggernaut to his bandmates, thanking them for helping make his dreams come true.

This night in particular was a big night for ex-guitar tech - now bassist - Tank, hailing from Abingdon and doing a sort of hometown gig at The Bullingdon.

Musically, it’s all impressively tight and well performed, and it’s obvious to anyone watching that the members are thoroughly enjoying what they’re doing. Guitarist Dean Richardson also took his guitar for a spin on top of the crowd, not even once failing to play while doing so.

Carter’s strength as a vocalist was proven when, in a tender and emotional segment of the show, he made the entire crowd sit down and stay quiet while he sang Beautiful Death, dedicated to everyone who has ever lost a loved one. Not one for staying calm for too long though, Carter soon had the crowd back on their feet, demanding an all female crowd surf for new tune Modern Ruin, stating that he wants his two year old daughter to grow up in a world where it’s not just acceptable for women to crowd surf, but where it’s as normal and safe as it is for men these days.

Ending the main set with Paradise, the boys left the stage for a few seconds, only to come back out for an encore even more chaotic than the main show. Devil Inside Me was performed from the bar across the room, before crowd favourite I Hate You saw the first knock-out of the evening, as the crowd-surfing saw an audience member crash down headfirst and get carried offstage by security 30 seconds before the end of the song. “Well, we nearly made it to the end!” Carter chuckled before finishing off the last gasp of the song to an enormous cheer.

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Live Music News Supergroup Minor Victories come to the O2 Academy

We have a feeling Minor Victories and Ulrika Spacek (below) haven’t realised that you can do pictures in colour...

Supergroups can sometimes be far from super, but some can be outstanding. Minor Victories fall into the latter category, with members of Editors, Slowdive and Mogwai joining forces to create something truly beautiful.

After forming in 2015, Minor Victories have been heralded as a positive force on the UK scene, with each member’s previous work informing the progression of this latest project. Independently developed by vocalist Rachel Goswell (Slowdive), guitarists Stuart Braithwaite (Mogwai) and Justin Lockey (Editors), and film-maker James Lockey of Hand Held Cine Club while working on other projects, the band’s virtual geography spans the country from Exeter to Glasgow and across the Atlantic, and this global enterprise has yielded the band’s self-titled debut album and this new tour, which pulls into the O2 Academy in Oxford on December 13.

Support on the night comes from Reading alt-rock outfit Ulrika Spacek, who can only be described as one of the most art-focused groups of our music scene in the 2010s. The group formed in 2014 and has regularly been involved with the Oysterland shows in London, which showcase some of the best underground art exhibitions alongside promising musical contributors.

We are thinking this show is going to be the perfect mix of positive, driving indie rock from Minor Victories and the obscure and defining sounds provided by Ulrika Spacek, but with these two literally anything could happen! www.academymusicgroup.com/o2academyoxford

Ulrika Spacek taking shoegazing to the next level

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The Ocelot Presents...

Discovering the music of today’s and tomorrow’s local scene with our very own man mountain Mike Barham Does two out of five mountains still make a range?

Loud Mountains Oxford five-piece Loud Mountains celebrated their first record deal at a gig at AKAs in Banbury on 11 November to coincide with the launch of their debut EP, ‘Love One Another’ on Clubhouse Records, almost acting as an apex event in a momentous few months for the Americanafuelled moutaineers.

Led by brothers Sean and Kevin Duggan, who hail from Connecticut and have lived in Oxford since 2011, Loud Mountains also includes drummer Fish Thompson, guitarist David Thompson and Craig Doran on bass.

Kevin, who lives in Cowley, said: “I moved to the UK in 2011 and it wasn’t long before Sean joined me to continue our music whilst he studies at Bucks New University.

“We grew up listening to Tom Petty, Counting Crows, Third Eye Blind, Whiskeytown, Bright Eyes, Ryan Adams and Conor Oburst. Our love for the Americana genre and roots music also has a huge influence on the songs we write.”

Loud Mountains performed an in-store acoustic show at

Truck Records on 12 November following their successful set at Truck Festival in July, and continue to make new fans across Oxfordshire and beyond. The band also supported Cameron AG at The Cellar, Oxford on 18 November, adding to their list of support shows on the way up the musical ladder.

Tristan Tipping, co-founder of the Americana label, Clubhouse Records said: “Americana is based on songdriven music, roots and traditional instrumentation. It’s a very broad spectrum, taking a lot from country and folk.

“Loud Mountains sit at the rockier end of the genre and Clubhouse is delighted to be releasing their debut EP. We’ve been bowled over by their raucous live shows. Go and catch one of their gigs, I guarantee you’ll be blown away by their live performance.”

Loud Mountains’ ‘Love One Another’ EP was produced and engineered by Chris Clarke at Reservoir Studios in North London and mastered by Mark Lord. Further information is available from Loud Mountains’ website: www.loudmountains.com

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Live Music News

Meteoric rise for Pastel Frontier and InAir continues with show at The Bullingdon The Bullingdon will most certainly rock on December 1 as several of the most promising local groups combine for a high intensity show. Pastel Frontier have been going at it hammer and tongs in recent months, having been given BBC Introducing’s Band of the Month title, self-releasing their debut self-titled EP, and pulling together crowds of sweaty slack-jawed audiences across central England.

Support includes Reading based InAir, who have been pushing through the relative mass of alt/rock groups in the region with their sparkling clean sections and synth additives, and are now a force to be reckoned with not only on their home scene but incresingly across the county borders. Definitely worth checking out.

Also backing up the Pastel people are Oxford punks Holy Moments and A Very Deep Hole, also from Reading.

Both bring energy, passion and a litle bit of chaos to this stacked night of musical madness.

For more information, or other shows like this, visit: www.thebullingdon.co.uk

Pastel Frontier continue to impress locally

InAir have been making a splash in Oxfordshire of late

Cowley Road is the place to be on NYE If the show above isn’t enough of a reason for you to visit Oxford’s Cowley Road (or if you’re reading this after December 1) then New Year’s Eve is going to be a party not to be missed! The Bullingdon will be hosting a New Years Eve Festival featuring Rat Pack, Simple, Zaia and more across two rooms throughout the night. Meanwhile the O2 Academy will be putting on a SWITCH night with SASASAS, Flava D, Mollie Collins so you’re really out of excuses when it comes to heading out and partying into 2017 this year.

For more information on this years NYE and Christmas parties in your area, head over to: www.theocelot.co.uk

Oxford Lieder Festival heralded as a huge success, with a romantic 2017 already being planned Some of the most illustrious buildings in Oxford were alive with the sound of song during October as many of the world’s greatest singers and pianists arrived in the city for the annual Oxford Lieder Festival.

The sixteen day, city wide festival saw some of the world’s most sought-after artists and a new generation of emerging stars take to the stage in 21 venues hosting the 100 events all over the city for an exciting fortnight of song recitals, piano and chamber music recitals, choral works, study events, films, readings and masterclasses taking place from 14 to 29 October.

Over 220 performers, wordsmiths and artists from around the world, plus an additional 180 local schoolchildren from across Oxford who were involved in this year’s Schools Project, took part. The Festival attracted audiences of more than 12,000 people over the sixteen-day period and were supported by 19 members of Oxford Lieder Festival staff and volunteers. The 2017 Oxford Lieder Festival, ‘The Last of the Romantics’, runs from 13 to 28 October and promises to be a thrilling ride through Vienna at the turn of the last century, featuring the complete works of Gustav Mahler. For more information, visit: www.oxfordlieder.co.uk

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Gig list

Thursday December 1 Dona Oxford (USA) + support 7pm - The Cellar, Oxford Kula Shaker - K Tour, 20th Anniversary 7pm - O2 Academy, Oxford Pastel Frontier + InAir + Dear Hero + Slate Hearts + Holy Moments 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford Friday December 2 Dreadzone 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford Oxrox Present - Tequila Mockingbyrd + The Black Bullets + Circus 66 7pm - The Cellar, Oxford Uprising (BBC Introducing) - 31 Hours + Kanadia + Dolly Mavies + Wednesday’s Wolves + A Way With Words 7pm - O2 Academy2, Oxford Son of David 9pm - The Mermaid, Burford Saturday December 3 Motörheadache (A Tribute to Lemmy) 6.30pm - O2 Academy, Oxford Better Than Never + Coast to Coast + Last to Leave + One State Drive 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford

in association with Wychwood Brewery www.wychwood.co.uk Friday December 9 Absolute Bowie (Tribute) - Celebrating the life of David Bowie 6.30pm - O2 Academy2, Oxford Catfish 8pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford ZZ Tops 8pm - Fat Lil’s, Witney Gina 9pm - The Mermaid, Burford Trevor Nelson Club Classics UK Tour 10.30pm - O2 Academy, Oxford Saturday December 10 The Saucy Pear Cabaret present OxPHWOARd: Feel My Presents 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford Disco Biscuits 8pm - Fat Lil’s, Witney Sunday December 11 Blossoms 7pm - O2 Academy, Oxford Youth Club 7pm - O2 Academy2, Oxford Future Perfect presents - Clay + guests 7.30pm - The Cellar, Oxford

FUSED 7pm - Fat Lil’s, Witney

Tuesday December 13 Minor Victories + Ulrika Spacek 7pm - O2 Academy2, Oxford

Tigmus presents - Mad Dog Mcrea + Peerless Pirates 7:30pm - The Cellar, Oxford

Rizzle Kicks 7pm - O2 Academy, Oxford

Sunday December 4 Chas and Dave + Chasing Daylight 7pm - O2 Academy, Oxford

Jazz at The Bullingdon - Oxford Brookes Big Band 8.30pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford

Nick Harper and The Wilderness Kids 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford

Wednesday December 14 Fishies Sports Night 9pm - O2 Academy, Oxford

Monday December 5 The Night Cafe 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford The Fratellis - Costello Music 10th Anniversary Tour 7pm - O2 Academy, Oxford Tuesday December 6 Jazz at The Bullingdon - Temple Funk Collective 8.30pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford

Thursday December 15 Willie J Healey 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford

Leatherat Christmas Party 7pm - O2 Academy2, Oxford Shepherds Pie 8pm - Fat Lil’s, Witney Tribute to Elvis 9pm - The Mermaid, Burford Sunday December 18 Galactic Empire + Nick Johnston 7pm - O2 Academy2, Oxford Tuesday December 20 Jazz at The Bullingdon - Stuart Henderson Jazz Quartet 8.30pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford Wednesday December 21 Halfway to Seventy-five Christmas Jamboree feat. - CC Smugglers + The Savoy Jazz Swingtet + Hannah Johnson & the Broken Hearts 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford Thursday December 22 Haze Xmas Party 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford Friday December 23 Dirty Earth Band 8pm - Fat Lil’s, Witney The Tinshack Band 9pm - The Mermaid, Burford Tuesday December 27 Jazz at The Bullingdon - Alvin Roy’s Reeds Unlimited 8.30pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford Saturday December 31 Switch NYE 2016/17 feat. SASASAS + Flava D + Mollie Collins 9pm - O2 Academy, Oxford Cowley Road’s New Years Eve Festival feat. Rat Pack + Simple + Zaia + more 9pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford

Friday December 16 Peerless Pirates + James Bell and the Half Moon All Stars 6.30pm - O2 Academy2, Oxford Uncle Acid and The Deadbeats + Vodun 6.30pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford

Wednesday December 7 Fishies Sports Night 9.30pm - O2 Academy, Oxford

Oxrox Christmas Gig - Raised by Hypocrites + The Reaper Dog 8pm - Fat Lil’s, Witney

Thursday December 8 Primal Scream 7.30pm - O2 Academy, Oxford

The Corduroy Kings 9pm - The Mermaid, Burford

The Wedding Present 7pm - O2 Academy2, Oxford

Cate Le Bon 7pm - The Bullingdon, Oxford

Craig Charles Funk and Soul Club 10pm - O2 Academy, Oxford Saturday December 17

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Candy Says and Young Women’s Music Project to perform live at the Ultimate Picture Palace in December This December, independent cinema The Ultimate Picture Palace will host two film screenings both preceded by special live music performances by local musicians and artists.

Firstly, on Friday 2 December (9pm), local band Candy Says will perform songs they wrote for British comedy Burn Burn Burn, it will be their first Oxford show since 2014. Secondly, on Thursday 8 December (6.30pm) local charity the Young Women’s Music Project will present live music performances before a one-off screening of recent documentary release Sonita.

After seeing Candy Says perform live in London in 2013, screenwriter Charlie Covell approached the band and asked them to write the soundtrack for her upcoming film Burn Burn Burn. The band, along with composer Marc Canham, supplied the film with six songs from their debut 2014 album – Not Kings – along with two new songs written specifically for the film.

Juju Sophie of Candy Says said: “We always dreamed of playing the Ultimate Picture Palace but we needed a good excuse. So we wrote the music for an awesome British Indie film, and now we are proud and excited to share it with our home town.”

Music

On Thursday 8 December, a special one-off screening of documentary Sonita will be preceded by live performances from sixteen year old folk-pop singer Susie Corfield and soul/hip-hop artist Ithar MK who are both participants of local charity the Young Women’s Music Project. Sonita follows the inspiring story of Sonita Alizadeh, an aspiring rapper and undocumented refugee in Tehran, as she as she overcomes hardship and misogyny in Iran through music.

Zahra Therani, who co-ordinates the Young Women’s Music Project said: “For us to be able to support movements connected with girls rights is a vital part of what we deliver, so opening the screening of Sonita will be an honour.”

The Sonita event is funded by the BFI Film Audience Network and Film Hub South East. A percentage of tickets sales will be donated to the Young Women’s Music Project.

First ever Halfway to Seventy-Five Christmas Jamboree in December Oxford is set for its swinging-est Christmas ever, with the arrival of the first ever Halfway to Seventy-Five Christmas Jamboree on 21 December.

Bringing a night of festive fun and fabulous music to the Bullingdon on Oxford’s Cowley Road, it’s an offshoot from the popular festival held annually at the Isis Farmhouse.

Special guests at the inaugural Jamboree are CC Smugglers – a band which Cerys Matthews calls “the best live band on the scene at the moment”, and Bob Harris describes as “just brilliant”. Fresh from a UK tour including a sell-out date in London, their unique blend of roots, swing, bluegrass, ragtime and country will ensure feet won’t keep still!

CC Smugglers are still en route to Oxford via this field...

They’ll be joined by Oxford-based 9-piece the Savoy Jazz Swingtet, and stars of Halfway to Seventy-Five’s 2016 summer festival Hannah Johnson & the Broken Hearts.

The Savoy Jazz Swingtet, led by trumpeter and broadcaster Al Ryan, is a nine piece band made up of the finest professional musicians from Oxfordshire, including Bob Cutting (lead trumpet with the acclaimed Herb Miller & John Miller Orchestras), broadcaster, jazz historian and writer Alyn Shipton, and featuring the vocal talents of Karen Wymbs. Formed in 2008 the Savoy Jazz Swingtet has played at some of the most exclusive venues in Ireland and the UK as well as playing for dignitaries including former US Presidents Jimmy Carter and Bill Clinton.

Evolving from the much loved and highly acclaimed Toy Hearts, Hannah Johnson & the Broken Hearts continue to seek inspiration from honky tonk, classic country, western swing, blues and standards. Combining original material with classics of the genre, the songs are delivered joyously by musicians at the very top of their game. Get your dancing shoes on because this one’s going to be a party!

The Halfway to Seventy-Five Christmas Jamboree is on Wednesday 21 December, 7.30pm at The Bullingdon.

Advance tickets are £12 and are available from wegottickets.com, Truck Store Oxford and Rapture Witney.

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Agony Girl Nine year old Annabel has been busy making her Christmas list. But she’s still had time to answer your questions. We ask her the questions and these are her answers.... honest!

Dear Annabel, What do you want for Christmas? Have you been good this year?

Santa, North Pole I want a car. A BMW but one of those small ones like the ones that are electric and you can ride around in them but it’s not a proper car but a small one that kids can ride in especially nine year olds!

Dear Annabel, My cats keep bringing in mice and other animals. It’s disgusting. What can I do about it?

Jenny, Westbury You can’t do anything as mice are amazing and cute and cats are amazing and cute. You flush the dead mice down the toilet and tell your cat off but for them it’s like they’re bringing you presents so flush the mice down the toilet when the cat’s not looking so they don’t get upset.

Dear Annabel, What do you think of Donald Trump?

Barack, Washington He evil. Because he’s going to start World War Three because he’s a bad man. He wants to build a wall to keep people out of his country but everybody should be allowed to live anywhere. And he smells of poo because he doesn’t wipe properly.

Dear Annabel, I’ve been doing a job for the past eight years but I’m being forced to stop soon. The thing is the person who is taking over isn’t going to be very good and I’m at a loss of what I’m supposed to do next. Have you got any good advice?

Barak, Washington Argue to stay in your job.

Dear Annabel, Who’s the best? Mummy or daddy?

Dad, Swindon Mummy and daddy. Because they’re both amazing and they’re the best people in the world.

Dear Annabel, How much is a pint of milk?

Steve, Oxford £2.50. I like milk because it has calcium and it’s funny and it doesn’t come out of a cow’s bum as it comes out of an udder.

Write into Annabel at editorial@theocelot.co.uk

Twisted Peel (twistedpeel.thecomicstrip.org )

By Peter Roy

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