Very Reverend Michael Demkovich, O.P.: Confession

By Very Reverend Michael Demkovich, OP, Episcopal Vicar for Doctrine & Life “B less me Father for I have...” From about third grade on, this phrase has initiated most of my childhood, adolescent and adult conversations on sin and grace in my life. But I am not alone. Many people have come to appreciate and value the sacrament of penance as a grace for living an adult faith. What do I mean? When we are young, our faith comes to us from the outside in. Our parents teach us the prayers, they take us to Mass, tell us about the sacraments and about the holy women and men who have gone before us. But adult faith can’t be lived like that. Adult faith must come from the inside out. It is lived from the “interior mansions” as St. Teresa of Ávila tells us, or the “cell of self-knowledge” as Catherine of Siena speaks of it. Adult faith is our

encounter with the true self, the inner person, who encounters the mystery of God in the secret chambers of one’s heart.

Regrettably, some adults have a hard time growing up when it comes to their Catholic faith. Rather than understand it as an adult, they abandon it like some toy from their childhood. Jesus tells us to be childlike in our faith, not to be childish. Adult faith demands of us an adult understanding. So, what does it mean for us to appreciate confession, the sacrament of reconciliation, as an adult? The “Catechism of the Catholic Church” tells us that “Sin is before all else an offense against God, a rupture of communion with Him. At the same time, it damages communion with the Church” (#1440). In one sense, we risk breaking our communion with God and the Body of Christ, the Church. It is less about what we did that was wrong and so much more about letting go of the evil and reaching out to our loving God. It is much more about restoring and renewing us to a relationship of love, both divine and human. I’d even say this, God doesn’t care about the “laundry list” of the bad things I’ve done. No! God cares if I am truly sorry and if I genuinely want to come home, to be restored to grace. Oh, we may need to do a thorough examination of our conscience to be aware of how and why we have wandered away. However, unless I discover in the very depth of my being a genuine desire to

be with God, to be forgiven and to be re-united with God and with the Body of Christ, the Church, we miss the point. So what is the sacrament really all about?

There are three critical aspects of our being truly penitent. First, we must be “contrite of heart,” that is to have a genuine interior sorrow for the wrong done and to resolve to avoid it, to genuinely be free of it. Secondly, one must confess one’s sins. This is a moment of genuine honesty and personal integrity, a moment of humble self-awareness. A good confessor knows the ground being walked upon is sacred, and a good penitent trust in the grace at work in the sacrament. And third, “one must do what is possible in order to repair the harm” (#1459). This is a simple demand of justice, to make right the wrong we’ve done if we are able. There is no easy, cheap grace and it is the immature penitent who thinks just going to confession is a “get out of jail free” card. In addition, one must make spiritual amends in the satisfaction called penance. This means in fact returning, restoring or compensating those injured, if possible, and doing penance. St. Thomas tells us that a good penance should be medicinal, it ought to help restore one’s spiritual health. So contrition, confession and satisfaction are essential. It can be a challenge to take the time, prayer and honest reflection to really enter the grace of the sacrament, but adult faith

demands it.

I discovered a modern-day parable of sorts that might help. A few weeks ago I was overwhelmed by the stuff piled up in my room at the rectory. Boxes, bags, piles of things I had to find a place for after my mom’s death and our cleaning out my parents’ home with all its memories. Feeling a bit paralyzed by it all, even a bit helpless, I lamented to my sisters who both told me “You have to read Marie Kondo’s books!” So I did what everyone does, I Googled her, watched the videos, read the reviews, and now I am an expert on the “Konmari method” to “de-clutter” and “spark joy.” And during the NFL playoffs, I tackled my clutter. It was then I realized there was a parable in this for adults to better appreciate confession.

The kingdom of heaven is like a couple who set out to get rid of all that was not truly valuable in their home. They began with their clothes and gathered everything from the closets and drawers, the attic and store room, and put it in a big pile in the middle of the room. They were overwhelmed to realize how much unnecessary stuff, how much “baggage” they were holding on to. They made a commitment to get rid of what wasn’t truly valuable. They had to think about when they wore it last and how they now felt called to live their lives. They put things in one pile to give away, or in a pile to throw away, or in one

In a spiritual sense, Jesus’ way for de-cluttering our soul is this: “If you would be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come follow me” (Matthew 19:21). Sadly, the young man’s life was too cluttered and he went away sad, with no joy.

to keep. Of the things they needed to throw away, they realized it wasn’t of any real value, or they recognized that it just took up space and limited their lives (our sins of commission). Of the things they needed to give away, they recognized that parts of their lives couldn’t be hoarded, needed to be shared to really have more meaning (our sins of omission). Of the things they realized were worth keeping, they sensed an inner peace and joy (God’s grace). So you see, the kingdom of heaven is like a person who went to confession, who let go of all that cluttered his or her soul, and shared with others, living closely in Christ. When you think about it, confession is the joy of an uncluttered soul. Our failure to appreciate this brings about unhappiness, sadness, and sin. A person who fails to appreciate the sacrament of reconciliation in a mature way is like that rich young man, the model of a poor penitent we see in Matthew (19:16-30), Mark (10:17- 31), and Luke (18:18-30). In a spiritual sense, Jesus’ way for de-cluttering our soul is this: “If you would be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come follow me” (Matthew 19:21). In a spiritual sense, Jesus’ way for de-cluttering our soul is this: “If you would be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come follow me” (Matthew 19:21). Sadly, the young man’s life was too cluttered and he went away sad, with no joy. Sadly, the young man’s life was too cluttered and he went away sad, with no joy.