Okanagan Child Fall 2009 by Kerri & Bev

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Fall 2009

Getting Fit for Fun cover photo: www.adriankidsphotography.ca

Backpack Safety: What you need to know

10 Tips

to Ease the Transition to Childcare Admitting Mistakes to Our Teens

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articles

In Praise of Being Ordinary 10 Tips to Ease The Transition to Childcare Giving Thanks Backpack Safety Single Parent or SuperHero? The Best Parenting Moments Admitting Mistakes to Our Teens How to Boost your Baby’s Brainpower with Books Getting Fit for Fun

columns

volume 1, issue 1

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Fall 2009

Getting Fit for Fun Backpack Safety: What you need to know

Tips to Ease the Transition to Childcare

Admitting Mistakes to Our Teens

cover photo: adrian photography

contents

FALL 2009

Visit our website to sign up for your free e-subscription to Okanagan Child! www.okanaganchild.com

cover photo: Adrian Kids Photography www.adriankidsphotography.ca E. info@adriankidsphotography.ca P. 250.863.0176

Editorial Photography: Added Touch Photography, Adrian Photography, Elizabeth Soergel Photography, Tasha Jean Photography Contributors: Judy Arnall, Michelle Collie , Erin McInnis, Jennifer Reynolds, Gina Roberts-Grey, Lora Shinn, Heidi Smith Luedtke, Wayne Terai, Sheila Wray Gregoire.

Editor’s Note Books: Bellies in Bookland Michelle Collie: Overscheduled Parents New Business Spotlight Featured Parent: Ivan Larcombe Featured Finds Snap Happy - “Favourite Toy”

Editor & Publisher Colleen Bezeau

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Opinions expressed in this publication may not necessarily reflect those of the Publisher. All contents copyrighted ©. No part of this publication may be reprinted, quoted, copied or reproduced without the express written permission of the publisher.

* Keeping Your Marriage Healthy * Going Green Without Going Broke * Holiday Features and much more!

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com Fall 2009 l

editor’s note

Poolside with my grandpa. Penticton, BC, 1982.

What makes a memory? I vividly recall clamoring down to the basement with my dad in the mid of Winter to retrieve a jar of home-made apricot jam from our storage room; biking to the “404” – 404 Haven Hill Rd. – with friends to purchase cent candy (and it actually *was* cent candy at that time); feeling 5 years going on 16 when driving a pedal-operated car around the Penticton Safety Village; trooping with my parents and brother into waaaay too deep snow to cut down a larger than expected Christmas tree up at Apex.

services and resources; to include editorial that supports you in your role as a parent; to encourage reflection on your beliefs and behaviors; and to provide you with a free magazine to just plum enjoy. In order to achieve these goals, your feedback is imperative. This magazine is for *you* and I want to hear what you like, what you don’t, what else you’d like to see. Please do not hesitate to share your opinion and thoughts. As a reader you have a voice and I would like to hear it!

Some of our memories are retained for obvious reasons, others seemingly at random. No matter the ‘why,’ our memories offer us a chance to reconnect with time past. A chance to pause, reflect and grow, whether they’re happy memories, complicated memories or ones wished forgotten. As I watch my now one and half year old son, Julian, I find myself re-visiting my own childhood, trying to recall memories as far back as possible. I don’t remember the moment captured in the above photo. Nonetheless, it symbolizes the essence of the relationship I shared with my grandpa. Although he passed away when I was pregnant with my son, his spirit lives on in my daily life. Sharing his penchant for business, both he and my son Julian are the inspirations for this magazine. Okanagan Child offers the opportunity to reconnect with my childhood region, this time on the other side as a parent.

I am looking forward to connecting with readers and getting to know you over the forthcoming seasons. Best wishes for a hearty Fall and all the fun and traditions this season brings: Back to school, Thanksgiving, Hallowe’en, leaf raking (and jumping into the piles of course)!

Parenthood is anything but simple. It’s a journey in every sense imaginable. Okanagan Child is designed to provide you with a community resource that connects you to local events, businesses, Fall 2009 l 4

Enjoy!

In Praise of Being Ordinary by Sheila Wray Gregoire

photo credit: Tasha Jean Photography

hen my daughter Rebecca was two I was a nervous wreck. The only words she said weren’t even words—they were animal sounds. She called a dog “woof woof.” She called a cat “meow.” She could do a mean barnyard pig. But she couldn’t say “want juice.” I had been so proud when she was the first in my little moms’ group to walk, but now she was letting me down. I wanted her to be exceptional, and she was, well, ordinary. If we can produce a child who is exceptional, we figure that reflects well on us. Our kids become our measuring sticks and that puts a lot of pressure on them to excel. Yet I think most of this pressure is misguided. After all, in the long run, does it matter who was toilet trained first, or who first mastered writing their name? Statistically some of us will give birth to geniuses, but most of us will not. Some of us will have musical prodigies, or sports prodigies, but most of us will have those who may be able to hum a tune or kick a ball, but that’s about it. All kids have one or two things they do really well, and identifying these skills and giving our kids the chance to develop them can give a sense of pride and accomplishment. But nobody has to do everything really well. In fact, maybe we should change our expectations. Maybe being wonderfully, delightfully middle of the pack should be perfectly fine. Besides, in our desire to raise brilliant kids, we may push them in the wrong direction. Lots of smart people with arts degrees are waiting tables, because a university degree is no guarantee of anything anymore. If I had a child who wasn’t strong in book learning, I would push them into a trade so fast it would make your head spin. You can outsource lots of intellectual work, but you can’t outsource plumbing, mechanical work, or contracting. When your toilet is plugged, you need a plumber, pure and simple. And they make pretty good money, too. It may not be glamorous, but it pays the bills. We need to keep an eye on the long haul, rather than on today’s pressures. After all, the things that matter most in childhood rarely matter much in adulthood. I can’t hit a volleyball worth beans, and

I remember being petrified on the soccer field that the ball might actually come my way and I’d have to make contact. Any kind of sport made my stomach turn. That’s why I used to fake sick during public school gym class. But one of the greatest things about being an adult is that no one can force me to play volleyball. I can laugh in their face and walk off. Once you’re all grown up, it’s like that for many things. If math isn’t our thing, we can still find careers that are satisfying and fulfilling. If music isn’t our thing, no one can force us to try to learn the tuba ever again. Instead, we can devote our energies to the things that do matter: having a good marriage; making good friendships; raising kids you love and enjoy who love and respect you back; even finding a good job that can provide for your family. And these things can all be done by perfectly ordinary people. In fact, they might even be done better by perfectly ordinary people, because such people aren’t as selfabsorbed as those who think they are exceptional. It doesn’t matter if our kids’ IQ’s aren’t astronomical, if they aren’t sports stars, if they will always eat barbecued hot dogs and wear Wal-Mart clothes and take vacations only when they can borrow someone else’s cottage, as long as they make the world a better place. Character, faith and love will outlast designer clothes, professionally landscaped lawns and catered cocktail parties. We don’t need exceptional kids as much as we need exceptional love and support within our families. I’m tired of comparing my kids to other people’s kids. I wish we could stop all that and just say “I love my child, even if she is beautifully ordinary.” After all, most of us are ordinary, too, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Build a Library...Build a Business! Discover Usborne Books! Home Shows School Fairs Direct Sales Consultants needed in the Okanagan! Karen McGrath www.usborne.ca/titles (T) 250.868.3232 (E) karen.mcgrath@shaw.ca Fall 2009 l 5

feature feature

Ways to Ease the Transition to Childcare by Gina Roberts-Grey

or most moms and dads who work, dropping a child off at a new childcare arrangement can be a gut-wrenching task. You wonder if your child is adjusting to the new routine, making friends, or coping with the separation from family and home. While it’s one thing for an adult to embrace a 9-to-5 world, you may worry when your child has to do it too.

Fortunately, today’s families have many good childcare options from which to choose—childcare centers, in-home caregivers, relatives, au pairs and nannies. A high-quality caregiver can do much to ease your anxiety about separation, concerns about your child’s safety, and well-being and worries about your child’s adjustment and socialization. To find the childcare situation that best suits your family’s needs and to ensure a successful transition to the daily routine, check out these tried-and-true tips:

1. Do the math. Look for a childcare situation where the child-

to-caregiver ratio is appropriate for the age of your child (The range for childcare centers in British Columbia starts at one infant / toddler educator for four children up to 36 months old, up to one responsible adult for 15 school-age children in grade 2 and above. For more information, see Schedule E of the Child Care Licensing Regulation, available on-line at www.hls.gov.bc.ca/ccf/child_care. html). While some children thrive on activity and the chance to

be independent, others require a more nurturing atmosphere. Before you commit to a situation, visit the childcare center or home caregiver at various times of the day to make sure the schedule and interaction is right for your child.

2. Play 20 questions. Once you’ve verified the safety and licensing records of some local childcare centers, ask for a few referrals to parents whose children attend the center. The ability to chat openly with other parents about how they view the care and services provided, or how other children enjoy the facility, will help you overcome some natural anxiety. Ask about the types of play the center offers and how the children are disciplined, nurtured and fed. 3. Practice makes perfect. You can build your child’s sense of security and ease the transition to childcare by starting with short intervals of separation. Schedule a few short visits, 10 to 15 min-

Consult your local Child Care Resource and Referral Program (CCRR): Kelowna

Phone: 250.762.3536

www.kelownachildcare.com

Penticton 330 Ellis Street

Phone: 250.492.2926

www.childcarechoices.ca/main/Interior

Vernon

Phone: 250.542.3121

www.childcarechoices.ca/main/Interior

Fall 2009 l 6

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utes long, before your child goes all day. Gradually increase the time she spends at the facility (or with an in-home provider, au pair, or nanny) to boost her confidence at being away from you. Stick to the scheduled time allotment so your child will begin to trust that you will return.

4. Familiarity breeds comfort. Schedule or request the same caregiver for your child whenever possible. If you hand your child over to a member of the childcare center’s staff, try to establish a connection with one individual with whom your child feels comfortable. This stability will reduce stress and ease some immediate separation anxiety. 5. Set a routine. Allot a few quiet moments with your child before

you leave the house in the morning. Read a book, rock in a chair, or play a quick game to give your child added attention and to ease his advertisement transition into the day ahead. During breakfast, or in the car, talk directly to your child or sing nursery rhymes; turn your cell phone off. Then sit with your child and the caregiver a moment before you have to leave.

6. Don’t look back. After you’ve said goodbye and you’re on your

way, don’t go back for a final check or an extra hug. Your return may trigger another round of anxiety because your child will have to adjust to your departure all over again. If your curiosity gets the best of you, wait 20 minutes and make a quick call to the childcare provider for a progress report.

7. Don’t sneak out the door. When your child realizes you’re gone, she will experience the same emotional response as if she saw you leave. A short, loving and consistent goodbye will give your child the chance to face your departure, develop the ability to cope with her emotions and begin to understand that your absence is not permanent. 8. Model your confidence. Give your child the chance to watch

your behavior and acceptance about going to childcare. Let him see you chat with the caregiver, which will encourage him to trust this person. When he sees your smile and hears the calm interaction between you and the provider, he will sense your confidence in the situation.

9. Pack a bag. A few special items lend comfort and support and

may ease separation anxiety. Tuck in a copy of a favorite book, a few family photos, or even a Teddy bear or one of your old t-shirts that your child can snuggle with at naptime.

10. Have a back-up plan. For an additional cushion of support,

ask a family member or trusted friend (who is readily available and lives close to the childcare provider) to act as an emergency contact. If your child becomes ill or is injured, and you’re away from your office or trapped in a meeting or in traffic, you’ll appreciate knowing your child is receiving tender loving care. Gina Roberts-Grey is an award winning freelance writer.

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feature

Giving Thanks: Jean Photography

Instilling Gratitude into our Daily Lives

photo credit: Tasha

by Jennifer Reynolds

efore the days reach the darkest and coldest of the year, before the hustle, bustle, and stress of the holidays, comes our season B to give thanks. Thanksgiving is the one day a year we purposefully

set aside to give thanks for all we that we are grateful for in our lives. Many of us say a prayer at dinner thanking our respective deities for our family and the food we are about to receive. Another common tradition is allowing each dinner guest the opportunity to take a turn sharing what they are thankful for that year. The following are just a few ways you can help instill the virtue of thankfulness in your children’s hearts on and around Thanksgiving:

grew and harvested the food? What elements of earth went into the food? You can have similar conversations with your children about all the work many different people did to help bring this meal to the table.

• •

Other ways you can incorporate thankfulness into your family life year-round include the following:

• • • •

Share a Thanksgiving memory from years past. Put everyone’s name in a hat before dinner. At dinner, draw names and share why you are thankful for that person. Provide Thanksgiving dinner groceries for a family less fortunate. Invite someone who does not have the fortune of being around friends and family to share your dinner. Read stories, poems, and religious texts about giving thanks and being thankful. The public library usually has a display of such books in the children’s section during the season. Discuss with your children the fact that not everyone has enough food to eat.

Remember, you can incorporate activities that promote being thankful into your family’s daily routine year round. Vietnamese Buddhist Thich Nhat Hanh teaches the art of giving thanks through the simple act of slowing down and appreciating where our food comes from. He teaches the art of “eating mindfully,” with the end result being awareness and gratitude for the food you consume and being more grateful for the interconnectedness of all life. He suggests sitting down with your meal and family, recognizing and smiling at all at the table and taking three very deep breaths to clear the mind. Next he suggests we look at our food and think of all the work it has taken for this meal to come before us. Who prepared it? Who bought the food? Who brought the food to the store? Who Fall 2009 l 8

• • • • •

•

Help your child write a thank you note to someone who has done something nice for them or for your family. Practice what you preach. If you incorporate gratitude in your own life, your children will follow suit. Follow the 5:1 rule. For every negative remark that is made in your home, say five positive things before saying anything else. Annually round up items that are no longer of use to your family and donate them to a charity. Have your children go through their toys. Place a blessing basket in an accessible place in your home. Throughout the year write things you are thankful for and place into the basket. Look through it with your children every once in a while. Once a month choose someone you don’t normally thank and do something to show your family’s gratitude for them. Bake your housekeeper cookies or write your child’s teacher a note of appreciation.

Cicero, a wise Roman philosopher, may have said it best: “A thankful heart is not only the greatest virtue, but the parent of all other virtues.”

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health

Backpack Safety by Wayne Terai

growing problem I see with children and our educational system is the number and weight of books that children are required to A carry to and from school. Parents, health care professionals and

affiliated organizations are becoming increasingly concerned about the short and long term effects this trend may have on children’s back health.

What the Research Shows Dr. Yankus of the American Academy of Pediatrics says, “There is a growing concern that youngsters may have long term back problems from trudging about with such heavy loads. It typically puts them off balance and gives them a posture that promotes low back pain. A lot of kids don’t suffer immediately, but over the long run they might.” An Auburn University research study surveyed children between the ages of 11 and 13, and reports that nearly 70% suffered muscle soreness, 50% experienced back pain, 25% numbness and 15% had shoulder pain from toting backpacks. A Simmons College research study found that 55% of 5th through 8th grade students surveyed are carrying loads that are too heavy for their size. According to the American Academy of Orthopedics, over 70% of orthopedic doctors feel that carrying an overly heavy backpack is a clinical problem. The Consumer Product Safety Commission (USA) estimates that more than 3300 children ages 5-14 were treated in emergency rooms last year for injuries related to backpacks.

How We Develop Poor Posture Repeatedly carrying a backpack over one shoulder, or a backpack that is too heavy for the child’s frame, can cause serious postural misalignments and imbalances. These misalignments are called “Vertebral Subluxations.” Because the spinal bones house and protect the spinal cord and the various nerves that branch out to control the body, the misalignments will cause pressure, irritation, chaffing or choking of the nerves, impairing their function. Impaired nerve function leads to a variety of symptoms including neck and back pain, stiffness and headaches. When the spine has continual stress placed upon it, it will heal wrong and grow wrong. Recent MRI studies have shown that carrying overly heavy backpacks, particularly when carried on one side only, affect the fluid content in the discs (shock absorbers between the vertebrae).

Choosing a Backpack 1. Size: Size should be proportionate to a child’s body. The top should not extend higher than the top of the shoulder and the bottom should not extend beyond the hip bone. 2. Weight: Lightweight vinyl or canvas (not leather). 3. Shoulder straps: Straps should be minimally 2” wide, adjustable and padded. They should not cut into armpits. 4. Padding: Look for padding on the surface that rests against the spine.

tell us what you think!

5. Waist strap: A waist strap will help distribute as much as 50-70% of weight to the pelvis, off the shoulders and neck. 6. Compartments: Several pockets help to divide contents and keep things from shifting around.

Okanagan Child magazine is your parenting resource magazine.

7. Wheels: Wheels eliminate weight-bearing stress off the spine, but must be pulled with alternate hands to even stress on hips, back, arms and shoulders. Also, the palm of the hand should be facing backward to minimize shoulder stress.

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Packing a Backpack – “Pack it light, wear it right”

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2. Distribution should include heaviest items closest to the body and toward the bottom.

Fall 2009 l 10

1. Total weight should be less than 15% of body weight (10% for elementary children).

3. Minimize by packing only necessary items.

Joseph R. Gordon B.A., LL.B

4. Organize by positioning odd-shaped items away from the body so they don’t dig in to the back.

Lifting and Carrying a Backpack 1. Face directly towards the backpack before lifting. 2. Lift with your legs, not your back. Squat or kneel to pick up the backpack and place it on a desk, chair or counter (table height) before slipping on. Ensure your child avoids twisting and lifting at the same time. 3. Use both shoulder straps, putting one on at a time. 4. Use the stabilizing waist strap. 5. Parents should look for signs of improper use. Signs include pain, red marks from straps digging in and forward-leaning posture if the pack is too heavy. If you have any questions or concerns, talk with a health professional that works with children and understands the specific stresses and problems that can arise from improper backpack use. This information is provided by Dr. Wayne Terai, a Doctor of Chiropractic practicing in Kelowna for over 15 years, helping Okanagan families be well without the use of drugs and surgery.

Frances Joy Bullick

B.S.W., B.Juris., LL.B, LL.M.

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parenting

Single Parent or Superhero? by Heidi Smith Luedtke

• • • • • • • • •

Drive school carpool. Go to work. Lunch break? Pay bills and schedule doctor visits. Supervise homework. Take out trash. Cook dinner. Send email. Referee family squabbles. Make cookies for the class party.

ingle parents have important (and seemingly endless) responsibilities. And unless you have super powers, the stress of doing it all yourself can leave you lonely and exhausted. But asking for assistance isn’t easy. “It can be an act of tremendous courage, humility, or coordination to seek out help,” says Suzanne Harrington, M.A., a counselor who works with children, parents, and families at the Kelowna Family Centre. Asking for help or support can make single parents feel they’ve failed, especially because there continues to be a social stigma around parenting solo. We want to feel competent and incontrol, so admitting we need support is difficult. Even if you know you need help, you may feel you have few resources. “Today’s families are quite isolated from extended family and community,” says Harrington. “Those people we might natu-

L oca l

SUPPORT RESOURCES FOR SINGLE PARENTS

Kelowna Community Resources Family Friend Program www.kcr.ca/ffp_program.htm T. 250.763.8008 ext.36 Penticton and District Community Resources Society Parenting After Separation Group www.pdcrs.com T. 250.492.5814 Vernon Family Resources Centre www.vernonfrc.ca T. 250.545.3390 Fall 2009 l 12

photo credit: Elizabeth Soergel Photography

rally turn to for help are not as accessible as they were in the past.” Grandparents may be busy with their own lives or unwilling to take on childcare responsibilities. And feelings of mistrust or concerns that help-seeking would be used against you in an acrimonious custody dispute may prevent single parents for asking ex-spouses for assistance.

Listen Up, Stressed-Out Superheroes Even if you’ve got it under control, doing it all yourself isn’t wise. Being a single parent can be isolating and overwhelming, and you miss opportunities to connect when you don’t ask for help. Social support diminishes the negative health effects of stress, including coronary disease and immune suppression, and boosts your sense of personal balance and well-being. You’ll have more energy and a more positive outlook if you develop a team of trusted helpers around you. Our kids learn important lessons from our help seeking behavior. When you share responsibilities with others, you model reciprocity, humbleness, and gratitude, says Harrington. And you give kids exposure to other adult role models you respect. The helping community you create for your kids will likely inspire them to pitch in, too. Even young children want to feel like important members of the household, says Donna Genett, PhD, author of Help Your Kids Get it Done Right at Home and at School (Quill Driver Books, 2005). When you give kids meaningful responsibilities, you help them

build competence and experience the sense of accomplishment and belonging. And isn’t that what every parent wants for their kids?

Local Events Calendar

Discovering the Joys of Teamwork Slow down, superhero. Follow these steps to reach out and reconnect with sources of support.

Visit www.okanaganchild.com to stay informed about local events happening in your area.

Identify Needs. Start out by figuring out what concrete help would be most beneficial to you as a parent, to your child, or to your family as a whole, Harrington advises. Perhaps you need to find childcare so you can work, attend school, get counseling, or just relax. Maybe a nutritious home-cooked meal one night a week would lift your burden and brighten your spirits. The more specific your needs, the easier it will be to get help.

If you know of a family friendly event taking place, let us know by filling out the form below the events calendar and we’ll help spread the word!

Be Clear. When you seek help, explain exactly what you want.

Brainstorm Buddies. Develop a list of resources, including family

Misunderstandings happen when we assume others know our expectations. If you want the bathroom squeaky-clean, explain what clean means: towels hung up neatly, bath toys picked up, toilet and tub scrubbed, floor mopped. Set helpers up for success.

and friends, and church and community services. Don’t be afraid to put formal sources of support, such as counseling groups, on your list. Individual or group therapy can help you heal after divorce and learn to thrive as a single parent.

Praise Progress. You may not get the results you want right away, but be generous with your appreciation. Recognize others’ efforts, instead of focusing on their shortcomings. When you’re sure they know how much you value their help, explain how they could improve. Then say thanks (again). You really can’t thank them enough.

Talk Teamwork. If you’re on good terms with your ex, have a con-

versation about your parenting roles. Take a problem-solving approach. Say “The kids need more help with science homework than I can give them,” rather than criticizing “You never help the kids with homework.”

The pressure to be a single-parent-superhero can be strong, and letting go isn’t easy. As you turn over some responsibility to others, you may miss the rush and recognition you got from doing it all single-handedly, Genett warns. But stay the course. Remind yourself that everyone benefits when we make connections and support one another. Take pride in the caring (and super helpful) community you’ve created for yourself and your kids.

Play to Others’ Strengths. Consider who is best at what and take

preferences into account. If the kids’ grandparents get frazzled by babysitting, they might prefer to host a family dinner once a week to stay involved and give you a break. That’s okay. You want this to be a win-win situation.

Help Kids Help You. Determine what kinds of contributions are age-appropriate for each child. Your six-year-old may be too young to vacuum, but she can set the table or sort the recycling. Older kids can take turns folding laundry or helping put away groceries. Be sure to praise kids for work well-done.

Heidi Smith Luedtke, Ph.D. is a psychologist and freelance writer. You’ll find her blog on parenting as a leadership experience at www.LeadingMama.com. Suzanne Harrington is a passionate and proud single parent who holds a Master’s Degree in Counselling Psychology. She works at the Kelowna Family Centre, a non-profit counselling service.

It’s easiest to ask for help when you know you can return the favor. Follow these simple suggestions to build mutual helping relationships. 1. Identify ways to get others involved. Maybe you’d like help with yard work or need a babysitter who won’t bust your budget. These situations are perfect for mutual helping agreements. 2. Figure out how you might help in return. Exchanges don’t have to be exact – you can swap babysitting for piano lessons if that works for everyone. And you don’t have to reciprocate immediately, just pay it forward when you can. 3. Be optimistic. If you explain exactly what you need, you’re likely to get it. Research shows people are twice as likely to say yes to a request for help as you may think. 4. Create a community. Develop a network of other parents (single and married) for mutual help and support. Share your successes and struggles and ask others how they handle parenting dilemmas. We’re all in this together. Fall 2009 l 13

books

Bellies in Bookland by Erin McInnis

ith more than 14 million copies sold, What To Expect When You’re Expecting has been the go-to bible for first-time mothers for over 20 years. Like most books written for new mothers, the focus is on preparing for the birth and care of the newborn – no surprises there. And although most maternity books provide plenty of information on the physical changes of pregnancy on a woman’s body – from morning sickness and stretch marks to hemorrhoids and leaky breasts – few have addressed how pregnancy affects body image and self-esteem. In the new book Does This Pregnancy Make Me Look Fat? The Essential Guide to Loving Your Body Before and After Baby, authors Claire Mysko and Magali Amadei provide a fresh perspective and tackle women’s most common body fears about pregnancy and provide advice on maintaining a healthy body image – before, during and after pregnancy. Starting a Conversation Don’t pick up this book expecting yet another diet or exercise book – the authors make no promises of sharing secret tips to get your pre-baby body back. Instead, they aim to shed some light on issues that most women stay silent about. Based on interviews with over 400 women, the authors discovered some scary stats: • 57% of women don’t openly discuss about the connections between body image, pregnancy and motherhood with their friends; • 51% of women don’t share their fears and anxieties about their changing bodies during pregnancy with their partners; • 76% of women who previously experienced eating disorders or poor body image did not mention their history with their obstetrician.

Celebrating the arrival of a newborn? You can help us deliver a healthy community by making a donation in honour of a newborn child who is important to you. Making a donation is easy: On-line: www.unitedwaycso.com Call: 250-860-2356 Visit: United Way at 249 Lawrence Avenue, Kelowna

Helping all children succeed

Fall 2009 l 14

for life.

Mysko and Amadei place partial blame for these findings on our media-obsessed culture, pointing to celebrity magazines with their bump-watch paparazzi photos and the “onslaught of articles that reveal which new mom celebrities fit back into their bikinis in five minutes by ‘just eating healthy.’” Newsflash: it’s not a miracle, it’s called having a trainer, nutritionist, stylist and a team of live-in nannies! Sexy Mammas Given the authors’ personal backgrounds – Amadei is a former model who went public with her own struggles with bulimia and Mysko was the director of an eating disorders organization – Does This Pregnancy Make Me Look Fat? takes great pains to drill it into their readers’ head that sexy is not synonymous with skinny. The desire to stay sexy isn’t a bad thing, say the authors: “We want mothers and mothers-to-be to know that worrying about your appearance doesn’t make you selfish or a bad parent. It’s what you choose to do about it that matters the most.” Above all, they aim to provide practical and inspirational solutions for women who want to care about their looks and their new bundles of joy:

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We won’t sugarcoat this for you. The stakes are much higher when you bring kids into the picture. Of course you won’t always feel like a beautiful, glowing goddess¬¬ – and that’s okay. But even after one of those “ugly” days, every woman deserves to go to sleep believing deeply and implicitly in her own beauty. Our children need us to believe in our beauty. Each morning you wake up feeling stronger and more confident, you will be better prepared to help your daughters and sons find their strength and confidence. Getting Busy While Getting Bigger Speaking of sexy, the authors devote plenty of ink to tips for both pregnant women and new mothers to, ahem, continue enjoying the activities that lead to their present condition – and in particular to overcome any insecurities about their growing and changing bodies. Advice ranges from the obvious – more time cuddling and rebuilding the connection, putting less of a focus on intercourse – to the very blunt: “more blowjobs.” But the authors’ best advice for sex après baby: “creativity, connection and a broader definition of sex will go a long way when you’re trying to reconcile your life as a couple with your new life as parents.” Does This Pregnancy Make Me Look Fat? The Essential Guide to Loving Your Body Before and After Baby has a due date of October 1, 2009. Published by Health Communications Inc. $21.95 CDN.

RECOmmEnDED REaDS A new generation of mother-writers are sharing their stories of pregnancy and motherhood. Check out these great reads: It Sucked and Then I Cried: How I Had a Baby, a Breakdown, and a Much Needed Margarita by Heather Armstrong (Simon Spotlight Entertainment) A radically honest – and laugh-out loud hilarious – look at postpartum depression. Mommywood by Tori Spelling (Simon Spotlight Entertainment) Beverly Hills 90210 alum and reality TV star Spelling balances her public persona with her most important role: as mother to her son and daughter. Bad Mother: A Chronicle of Maternal Crimes, Minor Calamities and Occasional Moments of Grace by Ayelet Waldman (Doubleday) A collection of 18 personal essays by a lawyer-turned-stay-athome-mom. Bonus bad read: Eight Little Faces: A Mom’s Journey by Kate Gosselin (Zondervan) Before her marriage (very publicly) disintegrated, the Jon & Kate Plus 8 mom released her own book, a family photo album “featuring themes like trust, perseverance, joy and encouragement.” Fall 2009 l 15

The Best Parenting Moments by Judy Arnall

Labour is worth it when. . . photo credit: Added Touch Photography

photo credit: Added Touch Photography

As School-Ages

As Babies

Their little heads snuggle under your chin and you can stroke their round little warm bodies swaddled in cloth. They smell so sweet after baths and sleeping. Their first smile breaks across their face as they recognize YOU!

When your school-aged child takes a moral stand against his peers. When she learns a new concept and gets that “ah ha” look in her eyes.

As Teenagers

As Toddlers

When they sleep in those padded feet sleepers and they’re lying on their tummies and their bum is up in the air. How can anyone sleep that way? When they raise their arms to you (up, up) and only you will do. When your child says “I love you, Mommy” for the first time. When they gaze at the moon as they really look at it for the first time with total wonder. When their sticky faces have a ring of chocolate circling around their lips, under their nose and around their chin.

As Preschoolers

When your preschooler wants his new little playmate for a sleepover and you remind him that he needs to get out of the family bed first. When your child emphatically tells his playmates the house rules that he never “listens to” himself. When you get to wear Mother-Daughter dresses and your

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daughter is so proud of you. When you’re all outside playing, the weather is gorgeous and your children are getting along famously.

When they take great glee in correcting your bad driving habits because they learned the “correct way” in their Driver’s Ed course despite the fact that you’ve been driving 30 years with no collisions. When you gain more self time in increasingly faster steps, as they become more independent every day, with the added joy of considering your children to be your closest friends. When your six-feet-tall sons carry in the groceries, mow the lawn, take out the recycling, repair the fence and rebuild the basement. When you and your daughter share days at the spa and tissues while watching chick flicks together.

As Adults

When you look back at all the mistakes you made and you realize how resilient children really are. When you are proud not of their educational attainment, but of who they have become as a person. When you not only have your children as close friends, but also add the joy of Grandparenting to your life and you get to experience all the wonderful moments of childhood again. “Remember when you used to…” becomes a common phrase. Judy Arnall is a speaker, mother of five children and author of Discipline Without Distress: 135 tools for raising caring, responsible children without time-out, spanking, punishment or bribery. www.professionalparenting.ca

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michelle collie

Overscheduled Parents y calendar looks like a well-orchestrated symphony of activities, appointments, playdates and meetings. One missed apM pointment or one re-scheduled activity and the whole thing falls off-kilter. While it is manageable, sometimes finding the balance between overscheduling and underscheduling can be overwhelming. The irony of having to schedule unstructured playtime has not been lost on me. A lot has been written about the downside of overscheduling kids. And many a parent has lamented that the only way for their child to find an activity they are passionate about is to try a variety of different things. Kids need time to play and be kids, but it can be argued that this generation of kids, who arguably have the inkling to spend far more time than suitable at the computer or watching television, can benefit from scheduled extra-curricular activities, too. Finding the balance is stressful. If I underschedule my kids they end up whining, bickering, and annoying each other when they’re bored and out of ideas for things to do. If I overschedule them,

they end up whining, bickering, and annoying each other because they’re tired. What’s a parent to do? While our family manages quite a few activities between the kids, we’ve dropped some as well. Swimming lessons are saved for the summer, skating became a free-time hobby instead of a lesson. We’ve left music for the schools to teach and a second-language will now have to be learned on a much needed vacation. My kids seem to thrive on our balance of activities and quiet time (until something goes amiss, that is). But what about the parents? While some studies show kids who are overscheduled are stressed, and other studies show they’re not, I’d like to know how the moms and dads fare. Do their hands cramp up from the endless writing of cheques in September? Are they exhausted and worn out come June? What’s the mileage on their minivan? Perhaps the reality is that while I may not be overextending my children, I’m inadvertently doing it to myself and my husband, who does a great job tag-teaming the demands of children, by the way. And the older the kids get, it seems the more time I spend helping out. So much for thinking things got easier once the kids got older! Between helping at school, coaching the soccer team, fundraising, and field trips it’s no wonder the days are usually full. It’s too bad volunteering didn’t work more like a charity. We could say “I’m sorry, I’ve already given and have no hours left” without feeling guilted into saying yes. We could proudly reach our limit instead of feeling like we constantly need to do more. We could actually find the time to use that gift certificate to the spa.

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It’s not that I don’t like the helping, the coaching, the volunteering or the fundraising. I do! It’s just come June, I don’t want to feel the weight of all those yes’s fall down on me and wear me down. I’d like to be able to say “I’m sorry, that’s Grey’s Anatomy night” when asked to decorate for the recital without feeling selfish. If the proverbial ‘they’ claim that my kids need downtime then I want some too. One regularly scheduled night where nobody gets my time but me. Is that too much to ask? No activities, no playdates, no volunteering, no meetings, no moms night outs or date nights (though I want those, too!). Just me and my scheduled, unstructured time with my television (my regular date with McDreamy), or relaxing in a bubble bath with a good book. I’m claiming Thursday night. You? Michelle Collie is a wife, mom, freelance writer and child chauﬀeur who lives in West Kelowna, B.C.

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would you like to write for okanagan Child?

We welcome unsolicited articles. If you work in a ﬁeld (e.g., nutritionist, counsellor, etc.) relevant to Okanagan Child you may e-mail your submission to submissions@okanaganchild.com.

New Business Spotlight Milla and Sol Children’s Boutique just celebrated her first birthday on August 1. Owners Corey Holbrooke and Michelle Blake were inspired to open the boutique as a way of keeping their children close, particularly as their daughter is special needs. The adorable shop name is inspired by the names of two of their children – 8 ½ year old Milla and 3 year old Sol (Solomon). Rounding out their family is 14 year old Desmond and a little girl due to arrive in September. Milla and Sol is a modern kids shop that stocks hip, stylish threads for babies, boys and girls from newborn to 12 years. The boutique offers a wide range of new and high quality used clothing and gear that is second to none, plus new unique and cool items great for your little one or next baby shower. Check them out in historic downtown Vernon. Store hours are 10-4:30pm Tuesday to Saturday and 10-4pm on Sunday. 2912 - 30th Ave., Vernon, B.C.

We will feature a new business each issue. Drop us an e-mail with the subject “New Business Spotlight” to info@okanaganchild.com and tell us about your new venture. Fall 2009 l 19

parenting

Admitting Mistakes to Our Teens Why It’s Hard, and How to Do It by Heidi Smith Luedtke

rents aren’t perfect – we make mistakes. When our kids are P small, they quickly dismiss our blunders, convinced of our superhero status. They write essays titled, “My Mom’s the BEST!” a

They shout, “My dad’s stronger than your dad” on the playground. We can do no wrong.

But the teen years take down superhero parents like kryptonite. Suddenly, we’re held to account for every slip-up, bad decision and character flaw – it seems that we can do no right.

Don’t worry – your teenager isn’t out to get you. She’s just showing you she’s a perceptive thinker, willing to argue until she’s blue to defend her beliefs. It’s a good thing. Really.

Messing Up Is Easy – ’Fessing Up Is Hard

To Err Is Human Nature – To Point It Out Is Teen Nature

Admitting mistakes isn’t easy. Parents are likely to deny, rationalize and justify what went wrong for several reasons, says Carol Tavris, Ph.D., social psychologist and co-author of Mistakes Were Made (But Not By Me): Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts (Harcourt, 2007).

If good intentions were enough, parenting would be easy. But noble intentions don’t prevent parents from making mistakes that belittle, betray and alienate teens. We yell when they bring the car home late (again). We search their rooms or read their text messages because we worry about whom they hang out with. We tune out and push harder when they say they’re flunking advanced math, because we believe they can do better.

To begin with, we feel lousy when our behavior conflicts with our beliefs. Psychologists call this “cognitive dissonance.” Because yelling at our kids is out of line with our self-concept as good, capable and caring parents, it’s hard to admit we messed up, says Tavris. We’re more likely to justify our actions: “I had to yell to get the point across”; “She deserved what she got for breaking the rules” or “He knows I love him.”

The adolescent’s world “is rich in insight and complex connections; it’s also full of ambiguity and mixed messages,” explains Michael Riera, Ph.D., head of school at Redwood Day School in Oakland, Calif., and author of Staying Connected to Your Teenager: How to Keep Them Talking to You and How to Hear What They’re Really Saying (Perseus, 2003). Teens struggle for clarity amid confusion, and their growing cognitive skills make them especially good error detectors. With lightning speed and laser-like precision, teens spot the difference between what parents say and what we do – and they point it out.

To make matters worse, justifying our errors leads us to see what we believe. If you think your teen will make poor decisions, or fear that wayward peers will influence your kids for the worst, you’ll unconsciously seek out evidence that you’re right. This “confirmation bias” justifies your previous actions and sets you up for repeating the same old mistakes. It’s easy to convince ourselves that we’re doing the right thing even when our actions diminish our real influence in teens’ lives.

Fall 2009 l 20

Parents may fear that admitting missteps will diminish their

authority. But this couldn’t be further from the truth. Adolescents don’t want parents who are experts, who know all the answers and can solve every problem. What they want, says Riera, are parents who embrace the role of consultant; teens need to know that they can count on us to stick with them as they explore new experiences and confront challenges on their own terms.

The High Prize of Admission “Admitting mistakes doesn’t come easy … even in our smoothest relationships,” says Michael Gorsline, a parent coach, family therapist and author of the Awareness * Connection blog. While you may feel less like a superhero on the inside, you’ll build credibility with your teenager by ’fessing up. Teens lose trust in parents who won’t admit that they’re wrong, especially if the errors are obvious. Admitting mistakes restores that trust and communicates respect for your teenager and your relationship. When you say, “I was wrong and I’m sorry,” you set the right example, reminds Tavris: “It is Teens lose trust in important to take responsibilparents who won’t ity for our mistakes; apologize for them; and then learn from admit that they’re them so we do not repeat them.” wrong, especially if Teens’ fears of punishment, embarrassment or rejection make the errors are obvious. it hard for them to admit their mistakes, too. A deep connection with parents makes it safe for teens to admit wrong or hurtful actions and to grow from their experiences. They need to learn that making mistakes doesn’t mean they are bad, stupid or unlovable. It just means that they’re human.

Take a deep breath and follow these three steps for coming clean and reconnecting: 1. Lead with empathy. Take your teen’s perspective, Gorsline recommends. Say, “I bet I’m not your favorite person right now,” or “You are probably really angry with me for what I did.” This validates the teen’s feelings and shows that you understand that your actions were hurtful. 2. Think discussion, not confession. It’s easy to get wrapped up in your guilty feelings and make the conversation all about you. Don’t get sidetracked with a lengthy explanation or make excuses for what you did – these are justifications in disguise. And it doesn’t have to be an overblown, on-your-knees apology, says Riera. Directly acknowledge your error, then allow your teenager to respond. 3. Pay it forward. Talk about how you might avoid the problem in the future, says Gorsline. Ask your teen for suggestions and listen without defensiveness – or at least keep your defensiveness to yourself! Make sure that you both come away with lessons learned and an agreed-upon game plan. As teens gain independence, parents sense their authority slipping away. Struggling to hold onto the relationship they had with their kids in the past, parents may justify bad decisions and hurtful behavior, pushing teens away in the process. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Every parenting mistake is an opportunity for re-connection with your teenager. But first you have to admit it. Heidi Smith Luedtke, Ph.D. is a psychologist and freelance writer. You’ll find her blog on parenting as a leadership experience at www.LeadingMama.com.

Bringing Your “A” Game The next time you miss the mark, make it right.Wait until you’ve calmed down. Then, initiate a conversation with your teen in the car or late in the evening, when he’s tuned in and ready to chat.

books • Staying Connected to Your Teenager: How to Keep Them Talking to You and How to Hear What They’re Really Saying, by Michael Riera, Da Capo Press, 2003. Good advice for parents frustrated with trying to communicate with their teenagers. • Mistakes Were Made (But Not By Me): Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts, by Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson, Harcourt, 2007. A smart, witty book about how easy it is to feel right and justified, even when we’re making mistakes. Tavris and Aronson also explore how not to make the same mistakes again. Online • Awareness * Connection – http://enjoyparenting.blogspot.com – Michael Gorsline, a parent coach and child and family therapist writes this blog that offers parents positive, practical approaches to dealing with all kinds of child-rearing issues.

Fall 2009 l 21

Ivan Larcombe

photo credit: Adrian Kids Photography

on life as papá to Oscar. A bit about myself.

Three things I’ve learnt since becoming a father.

I was born in England, raised in the suburbs of Toronto, have lived in London, Madrid, Barcelona and Valencia, and I’m now back in the Okanagan (for the second time) where my wife grew up.

Clean shirts are a miracle – don’t stress out about the dirty ones. Sleep is the greatest luxury – be grateful when you get it. There is no difference between children and adults; we’re all the age we are for the first time and none of us has all the answers. If we can remember that, we’ll get way more out of life.

Professionally, it’s the same: I have one of those resumes that’s all over the place. My real passion is the written word and more and more, that’s becoming a part of what I do for a living. Our website explains it better: www.springboardconsulting.ca.

The choice to become a parent. I’m not sure how most people become parents. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve got the technical details down, but what I mean is, do most people have a set plan? Or do they get swept up in life and sort of find themselves becoming parents? For us, it was a bit of both. We had talked about having a child some day, even chosen a name, but then firmly decided to put it off indefinitely. Now wasn’t the time. Literally the next day we found out that Katie was pregnant. It’s a good thing we had a boy, because I don’t think Oscar would be a great name for a girl. Fall 2009 l 22

The most rewarding part of parenthood. Oscar’s belly laugh.

The challenge of being a dad. Balance is the hardest thing. I sometimes miss the days when it was just Katie and I – it’s amazing just how much of our time is taken up by parenthood, whether that’s the time spent with Oscar or the time talking about him. And I can be a bit over protective. I’m getting over that, but it’s work.

Best parenting advice ever received. It will get easier. Our friends have a son who is a year older than Oscar and this is what they told us when we were still in sleep deprived baby land. It gave me comfort and it was true; the challenges are different now – Oscar is three – but the bleary-eyed drowsiness

“Why?” It’s not always a bad thing, but on the thirty-second repetition I start to come undone.

of the first year is a thing of the past.

Finding balance. Time away is a must. Getting a babysitter and putting a moratorium on the subject of children helps, though I wouldn’t claim to have the answers on this one.

Favorite ways to unwind. A glass of wine with friends and family (adult family); a good read; playing guitar.

Best memories from my childhood. Picnics. Oscar loves them too.

Hopes, Goals, Dreams. When it comes to Oscar, we just want to give him all the support he needs to reach his amazing potential. He is naturally creative, outgoing and enthusiastic; we want to foster that. So far, so good.

Happiness means...

My fridge always contains... These days it’s melon – honeydew, watermelon – Oscar loves his melon. That said, we’ve always just given him what we eat (with some spicy exceptions) and he just isn’t a picky eater. Some days I think he eats more than I do.

Fun. Fun. Fun! Fun! Fun! FUN! FUN! FUN! FUN!!! He’s asleep…

Three things I could not live without. My family. Music. Books.

Pet peeves. Small, hard, pointy toys that lie in ambush about the house. photo credit: Adrian Kids Photography

Do you want to be our next

featured parent? We love all parents: New parents, seasoned ones, step-parents, single parents, parents of multiples, grandparents.

What’s involved: *Share your experience as a parent in a conversational style written interview. *Receive a photo shoot in Kelowna courtesy of Adrian Photography *See your interview and photos in print (because it’s fun!)

How to apply: (1) Visit our website at www.okanaganchild.com (2) Complete our ‘Featured Parent’ form under the Explore menu. (3) We’ll get in contact with you if you’ve been selected. Fall 2009 l 23

onight in Kelowna, a mother is building her daughter’s brain, without lifting a finger. Well, except to turn the pages of “The T Going-to-Bed Book” by Sandra Boynton. Parent-child reading helps prepare infants for future learning, observes Danielle Z. Kassow, Ph.D., of the Talaris Research Institute, a Seattle-based nonprofit research organization studying early brain development. “Experiences with parents help the brain get organized,” Kassow says. “Any experiences that are loving, warm, nurturing -- such as singing, playing or reading together affect the wiring of the brain.” Positive memories of snuggling and reading “Goodnight Moon” build an enduring interest in books. After all, as adults, many of us still relax before bed with a good novel. In order to create a budding bookworm, take the time to read with your child consistently. Plus, reading together boosts long-term success, Kassow points out, because it increases attachment. “Research has found that when

by Lara Shinn

children have a secure attachment to parent in infancy,” Kassow says, “they have better responsiveness to reading when in toddler and preschool years.” Here are more tips for reading with your infant:

Captivate your baby’s senses.

Brain areas controlling vision and sensory integration are the first to develop, say University of North Carolina researchers. So it’s no surprise that babies love titles with touchable fur, bright colors, scratchand-sniff strawberries; or books that squeak, rattle, and crinkle.

Accept the nutritional content of “Jamberry.”

Infants explore with their mouths -- in fact, all that tasty cardboard is good for your curious child. They see books as an everyday object they feel comfortable playing with, rather than an offlimits treat. “It’s great for a young child to hold the book, and put it in their mouth,” Kassow says. Keep books easily accessible, so your baby can crawl over and pick one up whenever she’s curious.

What’s on baby’s bookshelf? Animal Crackers: A Delectable Collection of Pictures, Poems, and Lullabies for the Very Young by Jane Dyer (Little, Brown Young Readers, 1996) Black on White by Tana Hoban (Greenwillow, 1993)

Goodnight Moon by Margaret Wise Brown (HarperFestival, 2007) Jamberry by Bruce Degen (HarperFestival, 1994)

Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? by Bill Martin Jr. (Henry Holt and Co., 1996)

Mr. Brown Can Moo, Can You: Dr. Seuss’s Book of Wonderful Noises by Dr. Seuss (Random House Books for Young Readers, 1996)

Dinosaur’s Binkit by Sandra Boynton (Little Simon, 1998)

Ten, Nine, Eight by Molly Bang (Greenwillow, 1996)

First 100 Words by Roger Priddy (Priddy Books, 2005)

The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle (Philomel, 1994)

The Going-To-Bed Book by Sandra Boynton (Little Simon, 1998)

Where Is Baby’s Belly Button? by Karen Katz (Little Simon, 2000)

Fall 2009 l 24

l. rea

life.

art.

www.tashajean.ca 250.863.0985

Sing a story.

Babies love poems, songs, and nursery rhymes, particularly when they’re sung by a parent or other trusted caregiver. Once you’ve got a book memorized (it won’t take long) try singing the text while in the car, or waiting at a doctor’s office as a distraction. You may be building long-lasting verbal skills too -- a recent study from Georgetown University suggests that music and language share the same brain real estate.

Select baby-friendly topics.

Choose books with animals, routines (bedtime, getting dressed), food; or books with many simple, bright illustrations and few words. Talk about what you see on each page, and don’t worry about following a narrative. Kassow points to studies showing that children exposed to a wide variety of words have a better vocabulary by school entrance.

See reading as a form of play.

Don’t feel silly putting on a show while reading – making funny noises, speaking dramatically, or in “parentese,” the sing-song voice that parents worldwide use to converse with babies. Your enthusiasm demonstrates that “books can be exciting and entertaining,” Kassow says. Plus, many researchers believe parentese helps prep baby brains for the natural patterns of everyday language.

Bilingualism and Books.

According to research from the University of Washington, baby brains learn language from human interaction, not expensive foreign-language videos. If you’re bilingual, you can help baby’s future fluency by reading books in your native (or second) language.

Too busy for books?

Don’t despair. Once babies start crawling, they may not want to stop for stories. A couple of strategies: read during mealtime, playtime or bathtime. Kassow suggests keeping reading sessions short: “It’s fine to stop halfway through, and come back to the book later on.” Nestle on the couch or before bed -- with a book in one hand and a babe in the other. Your child will enjoy the sound of your voice, particularly if it’s part of a comforting nighttime routine.

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ÉCOLE PENTICTON ENTRE LACS SECONDARY 675 Lequime Road 1077 Nelson Ave. 158 Eckhardt Ave. Kelowna Penticton Penticton 250-764-277 250-770-7691 250-770-7691 M/K - 12 M/K - 8 9 - 12 • A full-day Francophone kindergarten • Portable computers for grade 4-12 students • A French-language acquisition program • A quality English-language program • Excellent academic results • High level of bilingualism • Distance education courses via the École Virtuelle For more information, please communicate with:

• Une maternelle à temps plein • Des ordinateurs portables pour les élèves de la 4e à la 12e année • Un programme de francisation • Un programme d’anglais de qualité • Une formation académique de haut niveau • Un haut niveau de bilinguisme • Des cours à distance via l’école Virtuelle Pour obtenir plus d’information, communiquez avec :

WWW.CSF.BC.CA LE CONSEIL SCOLAIRE FRANCOPHONE DE LA COLOMBIE-BRITANNIQUE (SD No 93) 180-10200 Shellbridge Way, Richmond, (C.-B.) V6X 2W7 | (604) 214-2600 or/ou 1-888-715-2200

NEW BABY? It’s time to call your Welcome Wagon representative. She will bring congratulations and gifts for the family and the NEW BABY!

1.866.856.8442

Kassow acknowledges that some parents don’t feel comfortable reading aloud to an infant. But don’t wait until your child is a toddler to bestow the benefits of a good book. “It starts right from

birth,” Kassow says.

Fall 2009 l 25

health

Getting Fit for Fun! by Sheila Wray Gregoire

y 1 ½ year old never walks. Like most toddlers, Katie jumps, hops or runs instead. Though kids are naturally drawn to exercise, this desire can easily be snuffed out. As we age, we often neglect physical activity and unfortunately our children are copying us. Surgeon General Satcher has announced that obesity has reached epidemic proportions, with over 60% of American adults being overweight, along with over 20% of our children. One of the best legacies we can give our children is the habit of exercise. Dr. Kenneth Cooper, the “father of aerobics,” says in his book Kid Fitness that the easiest way to do this is to exercise with them, so that exercise becomes a time to nurture your relationships. One of our main complaints as parents is that we don’t have enough time to spend with our kids. Exercise provides the perfect opportunity to get fit while you’re all having fun together! As wonderful as this sounds, few of us follow through. Laziness, though, can’t be the problem. Parents today face so many demands exhaustion is our default state. Instead, I believe our inactivity stems from our attitudes about exercise: it’s hard, it’s time-consuming and it’s boring.

“But It’s Hard”

My mother-in-law spent her childhood in a rural East Coast town with her thirteen siblings. She recalls eating all the traditionally high fat foods, yet the family’s waistlines didn’t expand because there was simply so much to do to run the household. Few of us today lead such physically demanding lives. A Scottish study found that in the last twenty-five years our energy expenditure has dropped by 800 calories a day.

Not only does our daily life not require exercise, we also choose to spend our spare time watching TV or playing computer games. To make exercise easier, make such sedentary pursuits harder. When we moved to our new house, our once central television set was relegated to the basement. Instead of the TV being the focal point of our home, we created a central, comfortable place where the children were free to jump or wrestle. As a result my toddler cut her viewing time by about 75%, without any effort on our part.

“But It Takes Too Much Time”

The guidelines for exercise used to be an intimidating 30 minute bursts at least three times a week. Few of us can free up these blocks of time, so we don’t even try. However, researcher Steven Blair of the Cooper Institute of Aerobic Research in Dallas says that smaller time units may still provide many health benefits. So how much is enough? Blair says, “Doing something is better than doing nothing at all, and doing more is better still.” Even 10 minutes at a time, if you keep at it, can build fitness.

“But It’s Boring”

Our final misconception is that exercise is a chore. But our bodies crave exercise, and reward us by feeling great afterwards. With so many ways to stay active, you don’t have to try something you hate. Find something that’s fun for you and your children will gravitate to it. Giving children—and yourself—a harmless way to release energy has one other benefit: it makes household life far more peaceful. You and your children will burn off steam, resulting in less whin-

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Penticton and District Community Arts Council

Family Christmas The holiday season will be here before you know it. Mark your calendar...

Mentoring makes a difference...

Friday, November 27. 10am - 9pm Saturday, November 28. 10am - 5pm

If you think your child would benefit from a Big Brother or Big Sister please contact us at 250-768-2261 ext 111.

Starting at The Penticton Trade and Convention Center

Peak inside Santa’s Workshop, enjoy choirs of all ages, cast a vote for your favorite Christmas Tree and more! Contact the Penticton Arts Council for detailed information: 250.492.7997 Tickets are available at the Wine Country Visitor Centre. 250.493.4055 800.663.5052

ing and fewer fights. But perhaps best of all, you will have more energy to accomplish the many other things you need to get done.

•

Family Exercises

• •

You’re pumped to move, you have ten free minutes, your children are ready, but what activities should you do that constitute “exercise?” Here are some ideas. Use them as a jumping board for finding your own family’s fitness style. Birth to Eighteen Months • Get on the floor and crawl with your baby. Encourage them to move by placing colorful objects just out of reach. • Lie on your back with your baby on your legs. Do leg lifts. Older toddlers still love this “airplane” game. • Wrestle with your baby with lots of tickles and kisses. • Take swimming lessons. • Instead of using the stroller, use a backpack or a front carrier to maximize the benefits of walking. • Dance while holding your baby. Preschoolers • Chase kids around the yard or basement; play tag, freeze, or hide and seek. • Dance and jump to tapes, action song videos or even kid fitness videos. • Practice throwing, kicking and catching a ball. • Have a clean-up race: set the timer for 5 minutes and see how much you can tidy up.

•

Act out stories you read. My family likes Maurice Sendak’s Where the Wild Things Are and Eric Carle’s From Head to Toe Have tickle fights or play wrestling matches. Join play gym groups at the local YMCA or gym. You’ll use gym equipment you wouldn’t normally have and meet other neighborhood families. Attach a knotted rope or gymnastics style-rings to a tree or indoor wooden beam for children to practice lifting themselves up.

School-Age Children • Bike on short errands. • Buy a trampoline. • Jog to the corner store and reward your kids with a low-fat treat. • Have skipping contests. • Play hopscotch. • Find a family sport, like skating, skiing, biking or basketball. Hold sports parties for the neighborhood. • Take camping holidays, and canoe, hike and swim. • Play frisbee in the park. • Go tobogganing When you turn active times into family times, you will spend more time with your kids, have more fun with them and have more energy. What better motivator do you have to get up the couch and get moving! Fall 2009 l 27

Featured Finds...

The Angel Brush might not make Raffi’s “tch-tch-tch-tch” sound, but it’s one fantastic invention. Made of 100% silicone, this nifty PVC-free toothbrush is suitable for ages 3 months to 5 years. Added bonus: it makes a fantastic teether for wee ones. 7.49 www.organicallyhatched.com

Smiling Planet plates are über earth friendly: They are BPA and pthalate free and contain no lead or toxic inks. The plates include a 1” lip around the edge to keep yummy food where it ought to be - on the plate or in the mouth (a big yay for less mess). 16.99 www.raspberrykids.com

Go on. . .relax. . .inhale the soothing scent of lavendar. Made with organic ingredients, Little Twig Bubble Bath is paraben free, sulfate free, Ph balanced, and free from synthetic fragrances and artificial colors. Only drawback? There might be fights for the tub. 13.99 www.naturesgrace.ca Let’s face it: being green is not always glamorous. But with this stainless steel counter-top compost, you can infuse some serious style into your composting practice. Complete with an effective charcol filter, you can reduce trips to your outside bin or compost without odourous consequences. Ahhh...practical, functional, time-saving. Just what a parent needs. 70.00 www.lavishandlime.ca

Re-usable bags are everywhere. But what about the produce section? Onya weigh bags have it covered with these transparent tulle bags that are so lightweight they don’t even tip the scale. One bag can carry up to 2 kilos of produce. Includes 5 bags. 12.94 www.onyabags.ca

Fall 2009 l 28

Say hello to the eco-You pillow, handmade in Richmond, BC using 100% organic cotton and 100% natural kapok. Ergonomically designed and versatile, the eco-You pillow is great for pregnancy, labour, breastfeeding and beyond. 139.95 www.youpillows.com

Resource Directory Breastfeeding Clinics / Support

Chiropractic Care

La Leche League www.lllc.ca Kelowna, BC: First Wednesday of the Month, 7pm, 630 Cadder Avenue (The Parent Place) Penticton, BC: Third Tuesday of the Month, 10am, Penticton Health Unit Vernon, BC: First Tuesday of the Month, 10am, Vernon Alliance Church, 2601 43rd Avenue

Burtch Chiropractic, Dr. Wayne Terai 250.860.4518 229-1634 Harvey Avenue, Kelowna BC Dr. Wayne Terai is a Doctor of Chiropractic practicing in Kelowna for over 15 years, helping Okanagan families be well without the use of drugs and surgery.

Breastfeeding Center 1340 Ellis St , Kelowna, BC 250. 868.7700 Rutland Health Centre Breastfeeding Centre 155 Gray Rd , Kelowna, BC 250.491.2768 Car Dealerships Penticton Toyota 2405 Skaha Lake Rd. 250.493.1107 www.pentictontoyota.ca See ad on page 17.

Tidy Tushees Diaper Service 250.870.4106 info@tidytushees.ca www.tidytushees.ca We help families with all their natural parenting needs including cloth diapering. Whether you choose to let us do the dirty work for you, you need help troubleshooting your system or you are on the hunt for products, we are here to help! See ad on page 9.

CSF Schools 1-888-715-2200 www.csf.bc.ca The Couseil scolaire francophone de la C.-B. offers French language public education across the province. It has schools in Kelowna and Penticton and elsewhere in the province. See ad on page 25.

North Okanagan Childcare Society 250.558.9963 www.noccs.ca See ad on page 9.

Kumon www.kumon.ca Kumon provides after-school Math and Reading for students of all ages and abilities. Daily practice increases confidence, improves concentration and develops better study skills. Visit www.kumon. com or call 1-800-ABC-MATH See ad on page 11.

Penticton Child Care Resource & Referral  330 Ellis St., Penticton, BC 250.492.2926  Vernon Child Care Resource & Referral  3300- 37th Avenue, Vernon, BC 250.542.3121

monthly e-newsletter Receive great content and local events information straight to your inbox. Hurry though...you must sign-up at www.okanaganchild.com by October 15, 2009.

Doula Services Association, BC 604.515.5588 www.bcdoulas.org

Nannysitters 250.575.6645 www.nannysitters.ca Kelowna’s premier nanny and babysitter agency. Specializing in providing thoroughly-screened local childcare professionals. Nannysitters is fully licensed, bonded and insured. See ad on page 19.

Kelowna Child Care Resource & Referral 1890 Ambrosi Rd, Kelowna, BC 250.763.3536

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Diaper Service

Child Care - preschools, daycares, nannies

YMCA-YWCA of the Central Okanagan www.ymca-ywca.com The Y is th elargest not-for-profit childcare provider in Canada. See ad on page 18.

Pssst...

Events Penticton and District Community Arts Council Family Christmas. Friday November 27 10am - 9pm Saturday November 28 10am - 5pm Peak inside Santa’s Workshop, enjoy choirs of all ages, cast a vote for your favorite Christmas Tree and more! Starting at the Penticton Trade & Convention Centre. See ad on page 27.

Haute Mama is the upscale boutique for pregnant women who love clothes. Visit our online shop at www.hautemama. ca to see our beautiful collections from around the world. See ad on page 15. Mary Kay - Viv Bonin Contact me today to discuss how I can streamline and simplify your everyday beauty routine while booking your Complimentary Pampering Session. Offering 100% Customer Satisfaction Guarantee and time saving deliveries! See ad on page 19. Lawyers Gordon and Company 102 - 1433 St. Paul Street, Kelowna, BC 250.860.9997 With over 30 years of professional experience, Gordon and Company offer an extensive range of serices including all types of litigation, family law, wills/estate disputes and personal injury. See ad on page 11.

Fashion for Moms

Midwives

Haute Mama www.hautemama.ca

Midwives Asscoation of BC 604.736.5976 www.bcmidwives.com

Music Music for Young Children www.myc.com Celebrating its 30th anniversary, Music for Young Children has been among the world’s leading music-learning systems. The hour-long classes include rhythm ensembles, singing, ear-training, sight-reading, note-reading, theory and composing techniques. See ad on page 26. Parent & Tot Storytimes Your local library branch offers storytime sessions and fun seasonal events! Check out their website for up-to-date dates and times. Your little one will thank you! www.orl.bc.ca Then select ‘Parents and Educators’ and then ‘Children’s Programs’ Enjoy your library resources! Photography Added Touch Photography 250.309.0966 www.addedtouchphotography.ca Added Touch Photography specliaizes in maternity, new life and wedding portrait art. See ad on page 7.

Fall 2009 l 29

Resource Directory Photography Cont’d Adrian Kids Photography 250.863.0176 www.adriankidsphotography.ca info@adriankidsphotography.ca Kelowna photographers Jon + Jenny bring their fresh and creative style to kids portrait sessions. Visit them online or give them a call to book your kids session. See ad on page 9. Tasha Jean Photography www.tashajean.ca 250.769.0232 Kelowna baby, child and family photography. See ad on page 25. Public Health Services/Nurses Kelowna Health Unit 1340 Ellis Street 250.868-7700

at www.chickenlittle.ca See ad on page 7. Felt Fantasia www.feltfantasia.com Felt Fantasia provides creative wall designs for children’s rooms. These fun decorations will tell any story on a lucky kid’s wall. Shop online at www. feltfantasia.com See ad on page 16. Little Miss Clips www.littlemissclips.ca info@littlemissclips.ca Canada’s premium collection of slipproof hair clips for baby and toddler girls. Enjoy $1.50 shipping everyday and free shipping on orders over $20. See ad on page 26. Moojoes www.moojoes.ca Moojoes Kids Gear is a web-based business offering high quality, unique and funky baby and kids products with a Euro flair! See ad on page 26.

Penticton Health Unit 740 Carmi Avenue 250.770.3434 Rutland Health Unit 155 Gray Road 250.980.4825

The Natural Baby Shop #108 - 1980 Cooper Road, Kelowna, BC 250.860.0307 1.866.763.7214 www.thenaturalbabyshop.ca Offers customers a unique opportunity to select from not only the latest and most highly respected brands for moms and babies, but also introduces many yet unknown locally produced products destined to be appreciated. See ad on back cover.

Summerland Health Unit 12815 Atkinson Road 250.404.8050 West Kelowna Health Unit 160 – 2300 Carrington Road 250.768.6150 Vernon Health Unit 1440 – 14th Avenue 250-549-5700 Retail Chicken Little 4407 - 29th Street, Vernon BC 250.549.1221 Chicken Little is a great place to shop for your kids, grandkids, family and friends. For shopping 24 hrs/day, visit us online

Organically Hatched http://www.organicallyhatched.com We bring you the best in organic baby products, including BPA free baby bottles, pacifiers and feeding accessories, eco-friendly diapers and wipes, organic baby clothing, toys, bath products and more! See ad on page 14. Raspberry Kids

Sound bites... Share a funny parenting moment with us. E-mail info@okanaganchild.com with a brief re-cap of your moment (3-4 sentences). Don’t forget to include your first name and the age(s) of your child(ren). We’ll share some in our next issue!

1.888.950.KIDS www.raspberrykids.com Raspberry Kids is an online lifestyle store that features fresh, healthy & fun products for the little ones in your life. We cater to savvy expectant parents, moms, dads and gift givers. Usborne Books - Karen McGrath 250.868.3232 karen.mcgrath@shaw.ca www.usborne.ca/titles Guaranteed to be your children’s favorite books! Interactive, award-winning titles including fiction, art, science, puzzle and flap books! Host a home show or become a consultant today! See ad on page 5. Support Services Aboriginal Infant Development Program 442 Leon Ave , Kelowna, BC 250.763.4905 ACHIEVE BC Toll Free: 1-800-514-0554 Website: www.AchieveBC.ca Advice on prenatal care, nutrition and developmental guides. Parenting tips and information on stimulating your child’s mind and body through reading and play. Learn more about the services offered through the Government of British Columbia by calling the toll free number or visiting the website. Association for the Benefit of Children with Disabilities 250.763.4663 BC 24- HOUR Nurse Line Toll Free: 1-866-215-4700 Website: www.bchealthguide.com BC Nurseline gives you 24 hour, 7 day toll-free access to registered nursed specially trained to provide confidential help on the telephone. Available to answer medical enquiries free of charge - carecard required

Fall 2009 l 30

photo credit: Elizabeth Soergel Photography

BC Council for Families 204-2590 Granville St , Vancouver, BC 1.800.663.5638 The BC Council for Families works to help create healthy families in a healthy society. Our goal is to empower families. We provide educational resources on topics such as parenting, childhood development, parent-teen relationships, work-life balance, suicide awareness and more. BC Lions Society for Children with Disabilities 250.763.0899 Big Brothers and Sisters of the Okanagan 151 Commercial Dr , Kelowna, BC 250.765.2661 www.bigs.bc.ca Big Brothers Big Sisters of the Okanagan provides children and youth ages 7 - 12 (‘Littles’) with volunteer adult mentors (‘Bigs’) who provide a positive influence in their lives. See ad on page 27. Success by 6 www.successby6bc.ca Success By 6 is an early childhood development initiative dedicated to providing all children with a good start in life. It helps to ensure that children ages 0 to 6 develop the emotional, social, cognitive, and physical skills they need as they enter school. See ad on page 14. Welcome Wagon 1.866.856.8442 www.welcomewagon.ca It’s time to call your Welcome Wagon representative. She will bring new congratulations and gifts for the new baby and family. See ad page 25.

Snap Happy

Adorable wee ones captured with their “Favorite Toy”

Cooper and Paxton, caged monkeys!

This toy has no batteries - girl #5

lovin’ the tub! Weston’s Favourite Toys

Share. . .

Smile Our water baby in the kiddie pool

Next Theme: “In the Moment” Sort through your albums...we love all shots whether they are just snapped or vintage 20th century! Upload your pictures to our photo gallery on www.okanaganchild.com Try to upload the highest resolution photo possible. We’ll feature some in every print issue. beautiful girl

Fall 2009 l 31

You want Natural and Healthy products for your Baby Your Family. And our Earth. Find them at The Natural Baby Shop #109, 1980 Cooper Road, Orchard Plaza 2 Kelowna 250.763.7514

shop online at www.thenaturalbabyshop.ca