DELILAH’SDILEMMAS

“Ðid you insure my engagement ring?” Delilah asked, disregarding any pleasant salutations the instant Eli answered her call. There was a slight pause. “You didn’t lose it, did you?” Eli finally inquired.

o,” Delilah replied with a sigh. She cut an accusatory glance at her mother. “Hannah,” she continued sarcastically. “Decided to have it appraised. Because . . . you know, she thought you’d been chintzy. I think chintzy was the word you used, was it not, Mother?”

“Delilah!” Hannah cried.

Eli laughed. “I’m curious,” he said. “How much did it appraise for?”

“Over a hundred thousand dollars,” Delilah said.

“Huh,” Eli said. “Not bad. You do realize I didn’t pay that much for it, right? So, Hannah can go right on believing I’m chintzy.”

“Eli!” Delilah exclaimed, losing her patience. “Did you insure it?”

“Yes, I insured it,” Eli growled. “But try not to lose it.”

While Hannah drove from the jewelers to the hospital, Delilah updated Eli on Buford’s’ condition, and then Eli went over the list of ranch chores on the schedule for the day. The call concluded as Hannah parked the Mercedes.

Once inside Buford’s hospital room, Delilah felt more at ease about her father’s condition. While he looked a little peaky, he seemed in good spirits, and had already been for a couple of walks down the hall with no trouble. However, the doctor was not ready to release Buford just yet, as his blood pressure had not stabilized to the doctor’s satisfaction.

The following morning, before breakfast was served, Dooby was at the Beauregard’s front door.

“Have you got your phone off?” he asked Delilah when she answered the door bell.

“Oh, fiddle,” she said. “I turned it off when we were at the hospital yesterday, and forgot to turn it back on.”

“Have you had breakfast yet?” Dooby asked.

“No,” Delilah replied, inviting him into the entry hall.

“Let’s go out,” Dooby said.

He didn’t have to twist her arm. Five minutes later they were on their way to a little diner Delilah was unfamiliar with.

with DIANE BROWN

It had high-backed, bench seat booths with red vinyl upholstery and red checkered table clothes, that went down the side of each wall. There was an old-time jukebox. A visual cliché that was no less charming.

They had finished their breakfast. Dooby placed a twenty and a ten on top of the check, and the waitress scooped it up and quickly walked away from the table.

“Oh, heavens!” Delilah said under her breath, looking over and beyond Dooby’s shoulder. “Shondra Eggleston. You remember her? The biggest . . . ”

“Delilah Leigh Beauregard!” Shondra screeched in a Georgian drawl that would rival that of Scarlett O’Hara’s. “As I live and breathe.”

“Shondra, how are you?” Delilah said with a welcoming smile, as the average height, slightly heavy-set woman with short ash-blonde hair and blue gray eyes reached the table and bent to kiss Delilah’s cheek.

“Oh, thunderation!” Shondra exclaimed, becoming aware of Dooby’s presence. “Vernell Kelly.”

“Dooby,” Dooby clarified. He hadn’t gone by his given name, Vernell Hezekiah Kelly III since he was six years old, when a five-year old Delilah had given him the nickname. When his mother would tell him to, “do be looking after Delilah, now,” or “do be sharin’ your lemonade with Delilah,” etcetera, Delilah had thought his name was Dooby. It stuck.

“So good to see you both.” Shondra said. “Where have y’all been? I haven’t seen either of you in so long. It’s like you just dropped off the face of the earth. There’s been nothing in the social section of the Macon News. Well, you know, since the unfortunate death of your, what was he, your fifth, or was it sixth, husband?”

Shondra patted Delilah’s arm, indicating her intent to sit down. Delilah scooted over while confirming in a low voice that Jeremy was her fifth husband. It was then that Shondra caught sight of Delilah’s engagement ring.

“Oh, my golly gosh!” she trilled, taking Delilah’s hand to get a closer look at the ring. “Y’all are married! I knew it. I always said y’all would wind up together.”

“We,” Dooby began with a slight shake of his head.

Delilah gently kicked Dooby’s leg under the table to stop him, but it wasn’t necessary because Shondra interrupted him before he could finish.

“I told Troy,” Shondra said. “You remember Troy? My Husband? We married right after we graduated. I told Troy, I said, ‘Troy, that Delilah and Vernell . . .

“Dooby,” Dooby said under his breath.

“’Are going to wind up together. You mark my words.’ That’s what I told him. I just knew it,” Shondra finished.

Just kidding!

“I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sort of known something was going to happen, especially with couples, and children, too,” she blathered.

“You were always so clever,” Delilah said sardonically.

The sarcasm was totally lost on Shondra as she steam-rolled on with barely a breath. She smiled and actually batted her eye lashes. “Well, thank you for sayin’ that. Shame Troy’s not here to hear that. He thinks I’m silly. You must be lovin’ Oklahoma. Didn’t you inherit a farm from your uncle?”

“Ranch, Aunt,” Delilah interjected before the next stream of verbal diarrhea began.

Dooby’s eyes narrowed. Hadn’t she just asked where they’d been? Delilah kicked him again, and his expression lightened while Shondra continued her discourse of epic proportion. They learned about the extra marital affairs of three classmates, and the questionable practices of two doctors, which segued into the medical history of practically every teacher at the Kimberland Middle School where she taught English.

“Why did you tell her we were married?” Dooby whispered as he watched Shondra finally walk away.

“I didn’t,” Delilah said. “I didn’t tell her we were married, Dooby,” Delilah continued in answer to Dooby’s puzzled look. “If you will recall, she just assumed we were married. She scarcely took a breath, much less left me opportunity to confirm or deny it.”

“She’s been here over two hours,” Lauren, the waitress, said as she returned to the table with Dooby’s change.

“Really?” Dooby said.

“What? You think you were the only table she took hostage?” Lauren asked.

Dooby laughed.

“Most of Macon knows when they see Shondra’s Buick in the parking lot, to drive right on by and have breakfast at Uncle Betty’s Diner, two miles down the road,” Lauren said. She quickly checked the invisible light bulb over her head. “Unless of course, she’s at Uncle Betty’s, then they come here.

“How’s Delaney?” Lauren asked Dooby. “If you don’t mind me asking.”

“How do you know Delaney?” Dooby countered. “If you don’t mind me asking.”

“We were in the same class at Westside,” Lauren said. “She was such a hoot.”

Dooby laughed. “She still is,” he said.

“Well, ya’ll have a good day,” Lauren said. She looked toward the front of the building. “I think the coast is clear.

“She’s been known to ambush people in the parking lot,” Lauren said in answer to Delilah’s puzzled expression.

“Good to know,” Dooby said.

When Dooby returned Delilah to her childhood home, they were met at the front door by a flustered Hannah.

“What is wrong?” Delilah asked, taking Hannah by the arms. “Is Daddy okay?”

“I just got a call from Mabel Thorn who asked when it was that you and Dooby got married,” Hannah cried.

Delilah’s eyes went wide and she started laughing. Dooby was simply thunderstruck. He looked at his watch.

“Are you kidding me?” he said. “It hasn’t even been thirty minutes.”

“That’s got to be a record,” Delilah said. “I mean, the skinny-dipping incident, which coincidentally never occurred either, took about three hours to get back to Mother. And I thought that was fast.”

“Well, there’s cell phones and social media now,” Dooby said.

“You two think this is funny, don’t you?” Hannah snipped.

“Well, yeah,” Delilah said.

Hannah took a deep breath. “It’s time to go get your daddy,” she said. “Are you going with us, Dooby?”

“Yes, Ma’am. Be glad to help,” Dooby said.

“Good,” Hannah said. “We need to talk about Delilah coming back to Macon for good.”

“We?” Dooby said under his breath with a look of shear terror on his face.

DOES HANNAH THINK DOOBY CAN PERSUADE DELILAH TO DO ANYTHING?

Would Dooby want to persuade her to stay in Macon?

Stay tuned for another installment of Delilah’s Dilemmas in the next edition of OKLAHOMA Corridor Magazine.

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