Love and Relationships

by ALANA OWEN

My husband claims this special day in February, along with other holidays, is nothing more than a conspiracy from giant retailers to take your money. I am sure many others agree, but do not worry. This holiday does not require you to empty your bank account. Simplicity in today’s times can be comforting for many. A trip to an nostalgic drive-in theater, a quiet dinner out, or even spending the night at home are all wonderful options.

Over Christmas, a men’s group that I facilitate discussed gift-giving. The men often felt frustrated and confused about what to get that special someone, so they would procrastinate with less-than-ideal results. My advice to this group was identify something the other person is passionate about. There is a meme circulating on social media showing a man with his wife blindfolded by the Christmas tree and a new vacuum just beyond her reach. That likely would lead to disaster for many. However, if someone has wanted a new vacuum or mentioned how terrible the current vacuum is, then that gift would become something very touching and appreciated.

This year I bought a yogurt maker in the hopes of saving some money and implementing some subtle healthy practices. To my surprise my husband has made the transition (mostly) over from a bowl of ice cream to a mini cup with yogurt and fresh fruit. Other similar ideas could be a gym membership, a new exercise item, or a heart scan to identify any issues that may need to be addressed.

Many relationships stand the test of time because of the couple’s ability to do things that are sometimes less than desirable for the sake of their partner’s happiness. The first thought that came to mind was my husband agreeing to a trip to Pawhuska to visit the Pioneer Woman’s Mercantile and lunch establishments.

Be adaptable and flexible, realizing that even the most well planned and thought out day can be ruined in an instant by weather or other issues. Hint: keep your hot chocolate and marshmallows on deck.

Families with small children in the home often stay home and cook a special meal together or have a stay-uplate movie night. The circus is in Oklahoma City during the month of February. What fun that could be as a family!

I thought it would be interesting to interview a licensed professional counselor. Avian Reid has such a practice in Shawnee, OK, and I have had the privilege of working alongside of her and meeting her delightful family.

Avian met her husband Assif while she was in gradu ate school in Tulsa at Oral Roberts University. Avian, who is friendly and outgoing, was shy at the time and felt herself behaving differently around Assif. She knew he was the one after much prayer. She added, “I felt he could see right through me into my soul or something, so I had a hard time looking straight at him.” Avian was able to spend time observing her future spouse in his work and church environments, although they both were working hard on their advanced degrees and not looking for a relationship at the time.

I wondered what would motivate someone to go into the field of professional counseling. Avian explained that she was entering law school when she heard the call to professional counseling. She became a confidant to many in her social circle because she was easy to talk to, so the transition was a natural. Avian then obtained her master’s degree in counseling.

Avian and Assif went on to have three children. She described, “One is a mini-me, one is a mini-him, and the other one is a natural blend of the two of us.”

For Valentine’s Day, the family will share a special meal together and personal heartfelt notes. She purchases a small personal item for each of the kids. Her husband will often warm dinner up when he hears her coming home or even fix a fancy dinner requiring much time and effort to prepare.

I asked Ms. Reid to explain the most challenging is- sues facing couples today. She said that many people are simply afraid of being vulnerable and to “just do it.” When asked what makes a relationship strong, she advised, “Friendship, fun, and a willingness to put the other person first for the sake of the relationship, because sometimes you have to lose to win.”

Her advice to families facing stress is to slow down, rest, and “trim the fat” (take away unnecessary activities). Her children participate in one special activity each, allowing the family time to stay rested.

Avian advises spending time to try something new together as a couple. It presents an opportunity to learn something together which may create a team effort.

I had to ask Avian how she sees technology is impacting couples today. She said that intimacy seems sacrificed as instant gratification robs us of the pleasure of anticipation. In her words, “To some extent it has taken the mystery out of the waiting game. No anticipation of the person’s likes, looks, or anything. You can even see them before meeting in person and learn everything about them on social media.”

I share her sentiments that there was much to be gained in waiting for that long-anticipated phone call or letter in the mail.

Enjoy your special day, friends. Spring is just around the corner waiting to reveal a new season of outdoor activities and new experiences.