Assumption

Assumption

Walking through the crowded halls. Hawk eyes glaring around. I feel the judgement seeping into my bones. Overtaking my thoughts. Head down, not daring to look into anyone’s eyes, I spot my reflection. Frozen to the spot. Bewildered that I’m no longer a lone star, hidden in my darkness. Maybe this will be the time I can finally be me. I can’t begin to imagine the joy of my captivity being released by this person. A person who seems so like me. However, could it just be a case of mistaken identity? Could I have just turned into my snake’s mind? Followed in all his paths? The paths that I so deeply didn’t want anyone to have to be at the end of? Paper flying. Pens crashing. The floor rising up to me. My dictator scowling into my glass eyes. The voices silenced as I gaze at the boy who I so deeply dislike but is the same as me. My mind a running river. Thoughts flowing all around. How can I feel so connected to a person who has made me feel so dreadful? The one person I wished I would never have anything in common with, now I do. Why do I feel this magnet pulling us together? Why does it have to be him? Crawling away, not breaking the eye contact for one moment. Wanting to stay there forever, gazing into his deep olive eyes. Together, wanting to run away and never show my mistaken identity again. How do I say these feelings? All the judgement that I will receive. I must just keep this hidden away, in a black hole of thoughts. Even after all the spitefulness, I still feel this connection. I just want to feel normal. Why can’t I just be accepted for who I am? This feeling won’t go away, no matter how hard I try. It will always come back. Haunting me forever. Praying one day he reaches out to me saying, “I’m you, just in a different font.” I try so hard to fit in. But this burden of not knowing who I am, who I like, what I am, is weighing me down. I need a light to shine through a crack and show me that I am who I am. But all I feel is that I am the mistaken identity.

Anonymous

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