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A lot of events important to the LGBT community occurred this year throughout the world. From politics to entertainment, I have made a primer of the most important events here and abroad, as well as my favorite and least-favorite moments in pop culture this year. Enjoy.
JANUARY
January 1 - Norway legalizes same-sex marriage. January 1 - Turkish-controlled Northern Cyprus becomes the last part of Europe to decriminalize homosexuality. January 12 - A first for daytime television: As the World Turns' gay couple Luke Snyder (Van Hansis) and Noah Mayer (Jake Silbermann) finally consummate their relationship after a year and a half of their relationship transpires on television. In a downside, the love scene was not shown on-screen, which happens frequently for heterosexual couples.
FEBUARY
February 1 - J贸hanna Sigur冒ard贸ttir is appointed prime minister in Iceland; she is the world's first openly gay head of government. February 10 - Jon Huntsman, the Republican governor of Utah, speaks in favor of civil unions, putting him at odds with the conservative Mormon Church. February 12 - Civil union vote passes Hawaii's legislature. February 13 - Another first for daytime television: The characters Bianca Montgomery (Eden Riegel) and Reese Williams (Tamara Braun) exchange vows on the soap opera All My Children in the soaps' first gay marriage.
APRIL
April 3 - Actress Lindsay Lohan breaks up with British DJ Samantha Ronson after a highly publicized two-year romance, with a breakup aftermath that proves to be similarly high-profile. April 19 - Miss California Carrie Prejean expresses her disapproval of gay marriage at the Miss USA pageant, causing a firestorm partly fueled by guest judge Perez Hilton. Prejean eventually lost her state title after failing to represent her state in pageant-booked events. April 27 - Iowa legalizes same-sex marriage.
MAY
May 1 - Sweden legalizes same-sex marriage. May 26 - The California Supreme Court votes 6-1 to uphold the results of Proposition 8, while upholding legality of the marriages performed before the election.
JUNE
June 1 - The "everything but marriage" legislation becomes law in the state of Washington. Voters approve of the law in the November election. June 3 - Alberta becomes the final Canadian province to include sexual orientation in their human rights act.
MARCH
June 3 - New Hampshire votes to legalize same-sex marriage, effective January 1, 2010.
March 26 - Socially conservative Serbia bans discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation, among other characteristics.
June 19 - Adam Lambert, runner-up on the eighth season of American Idol, officially comes out in Rolling Stone magazine a month after the competition ends.
March 27 - Japan allows its citizens to marry their foreign partners abroad, vowing to recognize the unions as legal at home.
June 25 - Singer Michael Jackson and Charlie's Angels actress Farrah Fawcett both die; the former after an apparent overdose of prescribed sleeping aids, and the latter from a long-running battle with anal cancer.
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JULY
November 13 - Buenos Aires, the capital of Argentina, legalizes gay marriage by court decision, which is immediately put on hold and reviewed.
July 1 - Registered partnerships legal in Hungary.
November 22 - Adam Lambert performs an impromptu rendition of his song "For Your Entertainment" at the American Music Awards, kissing a male keyboardist, simulating oral sex with a dancer on stage, and grabbing the crotch of another dancer. ABC, the network airing the awards, receives 1,500 complaints via telephone.
July 1 - Colorado allows unmarried partners to visit one another in hospitals and to bequeath property upon death.
July 2 - The Delhi High Court legalizes sexual relations for gays in India. July 10 - Sacha Baron Cohen's film Br端no, starring Cohen as a gay Austrian fashion journalist, is released to mixed reviews. The film makes $137 million at the box office.
AUGUST
August 3 - A small-scale domestic partnership bill becomes law in Wisconsin.
SEPTEMBER
September 1 - Vermont legalizes same-sex marriage. September 9 - Ellen DeGeneres is announced as Paula Abdul's replacement on the popular music talent show American Idol.
OCTOBER
October 1 - Domestic partnership becomes legal in Nevada, after a highly publicized override of Governor Jim Gibbons' veto back in May. October 13 - David Bahati, MP in the Ugandan Parliament, brings forth a bill that would call for the death penalty for gays engaging in "carnal intercourse against the force of nature." October 28 - President Barack Obama signs into law an addenda to the current hate crimes legislation, adding sexual orientation and gender identity to the list of personal characteristics protected under the law. October 28 - Guido Westerwelle becomes Germany's vice-chancellor and foreign minister, the first homosexual to hold a high-ranking position in the country's government.
NOVEMBER
November 3 - Maine voters reject same-sex marriage in a surprise result expected to be more favorable.
DECEMBER
December 2 - The New York Senate shoots down a same-sex marriage bill, effectively ending discussion on the issue there until at least next year. December 18 - Mayor Adrian Fenty signs a same-sex marriage bill into law at a church in Washington, D.C., making such relationships legal there as of spring 2010. December 21 - Mexico City votes to allow gay marriage, likely the first place in Latin America where such relationships will be recognized (a court battle continues in Buenos Aires regarding the same rights).
My favorite and least favorite pop culture moments: Favorite September 15 - Kevin bounced from Big Brother 11: After torturing us all summer long with affected mannerisms, the worst wardrobe choices on a sighted person, and a strategy of bottom feeding, graphic artist Kevin Campbell was rightly bounced on finale night before making it to the final two and a guaranteed $50,000 whether he won the final vote or not. Losing never felt so sweet (for me). Memo to Big Brother's producers: Let's not pick stereotypes from 1976 as contestants next year, ok? Least favorite June 22 - Perez Hilton, a "man" for whom I absolutely had no respect to begin with, got into a fight with Black Eyed Peas frontman will.i.am which Hilton provoked, calling will.i.am a "faggot." GLAAD immediately called for an apology, which Hilton eventually produced in a halfhearted manner. In an interview with The Advocate, Hilton admitted to considering the use of the word "n---er," but settled on "faggot" instead as he felt it produced more hate. 2010 will be a truly happy year if Perez Hilton gets his just deserts. Just pathetic.
November 12 - India allows transgender and intersex individuals to register as such on voting rolls. OMG 9
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A FRESH NEW YEAR MAKE REALISTIC RESOLUTIONS
January 1st marks a time of renewal and resolution for many people. Whether you make traditional resolutions or simply plan on becoming healthier and happier, January is a nice time to check in with yourself. Try these simple steps toward a happier New Year. Give Your Status Update a Break
Travel
As much as we love to stalk each other on Twitter, Facebook, MySpace and the like, give yourself some room to breathe once in awhile. I know it can be a little scary, but your friends will survive if they don’t know every detail.
Everyone’s on a budget lately. Don’t worry, travel doesn’t have to mean flying to Costa Rica. Try a weekend trip or a day trip. Find out what you can hit within driving distance or take a budget cruise like the Key West Express.
Schedule a Doctor’s Appointment Just pick a doctor and go for it. Your best bet is probably the dentist. But if you’re a good boy and you already go frequently, try getting a regular checkup with your family doctor. Or get a flu shot.
Try a New Food Instead of obsessing about dieting, try one new food. Expanding your palate may introduce you to healthier habits. Have you ever eaten a pomegranate? Ever had sushi? How about Indian food?
Start Reading a Book Get your mind off work, text messages and e-mail. Grab a book. If you can’t settle on a book, try a magazine. Don’t think literary, think relaxing. If you’re feeling really ambitious, pick up a book on organization or self-help.
Do Something Spiritual Even if you’re allergic to religion, you can tap into your spiritual side. Take a walk on the beach. Visit a meditation center. Write in a journal. Spirituality can be whatever you make of it. The goal is being peaceful and in touch with your emotions.
Phone a Friend Connect with a friend you haven’t spoken to in a while. Call when you know you’ll have an hour or so free. Stay away from your computer and television when you’re on the phone (try taking a slow walk while you call for an extra fitness boost).
Make Love Okay, easier said than done. But focus on getting some. Sex revitalizes you. If you’re limber enough, you can count it as a workout. If you can’t score, score a quiet night with some shiny new porn and keep your phone on silent.
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As we close out this year (and this decade!), I think all of us are looking forward to next year, hoping things will be a bit better for us than they are now. Hopefully the nation will emerge from recession in 2010, and everyone will feel more confident with money. Hopefully we can craft a new relationship between our nation and the countries in the Middle East, especially Iran, who proves to be our biggest foe today. Hopefully a solution can be reached regarding health care, preferably something between what we have now and what Congress would like to do; I believe both those extremes are not good for America. Hopefully we can find happiness in ourselves, and perhaps newfound happiness with the person of our dreams. Hopefully, we will have hope. Take a look at some things that will help shape the year.
1. January 4 - All My Children's 40th anniversary The true 40th anniversary won't come until January 5, which is a Tuesday, but All My Children will be celebrating for a whole week, not only due to the show's 40 years on the air, but also because the first of the year marks their transition from taping in New York City to their new permanent home in Los Angeles. Don't miss special tributes to Ray MacDonnell as Dr. Joe Martin and diva Susan Lucci as the sassy and inimitable Erica Kane!
2. January 7 - Alabama wins the national title‌? I don't normally call myself a betting man, but since I'm crazy about college football, and Alabama has been my team for 10 years ... I'm calling this one early. Alabama will beat Texas in Pasadena, satisfying hardcore football fans like me, and for those of you who won't know what's going on, watch the guys in tight pants (especially that Greg McElroy... yum!). OMG 16
3. February 12-28 - The Winter Olympics The Olympics this year will be held on our continent, as Vancouver, British Columbia hosts the world's champion winter-sports athletes for two weeks. Germany took home the most medals in the last Winter Olympics in Turin; will they pull off the same feat in February?
4. May - Imperial Bedrooms Celebrated gay writer Bret Easton Ellis is coming back, this time with a sequel to the popular 1985 novel Less Than Zero. We'll finally find out if lead character Clay did intend to leave the hedonistic life in Los Angeles for good, and if he ends up reuniting with his former flame Blair. It's on my summer reading list!
5. May 28 - Sex and the City 2 Come on, admit it. You totally identify with one of the four Sex and the City ladies (I'm publicly a Charlotte but secretly a Samantha). It's time once again to share in their joys and sorrows. My one big question from reading the spoilers is ... are they really planning on marrying Samantha off? Guess we have to wait until May to find out!
6. June - Leona Lewis finally starts a world tour Forget that Susan Boyle, Britain's best songbird is still Leona Lewis, and she's coming off her second album, Echo, ready to take on the world, literally. The first dates of her world tour have already been announced, and she will be coming to the United States this fall or winter. My birthday is in November; who wants to buy me a Leona ticket for my birthday?
7. August 31 - Removal of troops from Iraq
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Finally, a national disgrace will be over. In a move that is about three or four years overdue, all troops will be removed from Iraq at the end of August. I'm just really hoping President Obama doesn't recognize some sort of "risk" or listen to some "expert" or "adviser" and keep them over there longer than that. As much as it hurts to say, we failed over there (in my opinion).
Alex Sink is on track to become Florida's first female governor should she beat Republican frontrunner Bill McCollum in the general election. Will such a historic feat impact the LGBT community positively, particularly in the realm of adoption, where a ban is still in place? We're almost a year out but I’m still not too sure about her.
November 2 - Will we have our first female governor?
8. November 2 - Midterm elections
10. December 21 - The lunar eclipse
Will the health care bill be a boon or a bust for the Democrats? Will Charlie Crist have a chance against Marco Rubio or any of the Democratic challengers for the open Senate seat? Will anti-gay marriage politicians be ousted from office like many LGBT voters want? These questions will all have definitive answers on election night.
If you're a total nerd like me, you will absolutely love the full lunar eclipse, the first our area has seen since February 2008. It always makes my night to sit outside, look at the sky, and even take pictures of the rare astrological event. The lunar eclipse will fall on the winter solstice next year, which may mean an omen of a colder winter!
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Male Prostitutes Need Love Too They don't talk about Vegas being Sin City for nothing. Now gay men can sin in a completely different way. The state of Nevada, where prostitution is legalized and highly regulated by the state government, now allows males to "sell their wares" at the state's brothels. As a result, urethral exams have been added to the state's screening process, making sure both males and females will be checked accurately for HIV and STDs. The bill was brought forth as a result of Bobbi Davis's intent to allow both genders to be represented at her brothel, the Shady Lady Ranch in Scotty's Junction northwest of Las Vegas. The biggest concern so far about allowing men to prostitute themselves in the brothels is the possible transmission of HIV, which has not been a big concern with heterosexual sex. How long until the Men of the Brothel calendar?
WRITTEN BY MIKE HALTERMAN
Stop Blaming the Gays‌ I guess those thousand points of light blinded pundit Peggy Noonan and caused her to confuse a pop singer with things that actually matter in this world. Noonan, best known as a speechwriter for former presidents Reagan and Bush Sr., opined about the "Adam Lambert Problem," believing that Lambert's spectacle at the American Music Awards sums up American culture in 2009, a year in which Noonan believes we have reached our rock bottom. "In the great scheme of things, a creepy musical act doesn't matter much. But increasingly people feel at the mercy of the Adam Lamberts, who of course view themselves, when criticized, as victims of prudery and closed-mindedness ... Americans feel besieged by the culture of their own country, and to what lengths they have to go to protect their children from it," Noonan wrote in The Wall Street Journal. Of course she would be against Adam Lambert and "what he represents," whatever that means; she is, after all, the person who helped make "palatable" the Religious Right claptrap in America in the '80s. What should we ban next, Peggy? The "demon drink"? Slow-dancing? Get into the 21st century; the water's fine!
Like Father, Like Son? As you all are well aware by now, same-sex marriages will be legal in the District of Columbia soon after a 30-day review period in Congress is over. One representative, from Utah, is planning on derailing the bill, against the district's wishes. Jason Chaffetz is going to try to overturn the bill, despite heavy Democratic opposition and little to no chance of success. What is the delicious irony? His father, as an author, has written a book about a gay couple's life together as partners. John Chaffetz wrote a book called Gay Reality: The Team Guido Story, a biography of Bill Bartek and Joe Baldassare, who may be best known for appearing on two seasons of the CBS reality series The Amazing Race. The elder Chaffetz wrote the book to promote tolerance between gays and straights, and to "invoke thought by all readers, should they hear a friend, relative or close family member is gay or lesbian." Sounds like an apple fell pretty far from the tree!
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WRITTEN BY JORGE ALVARADO
THE FASHION YEAR IN REVIEW 2010. Doesn’t it sound strange? By this time I thought we would all be flying around like The Jetsons, having silver hair and wearing purple Lycra like Buck Rogers, head to toe with matching gravity boots, teleporting from once place to the other. Well, not so much now, but it doesn’t mean that the New Year in fashion won’t be just as amazing, as we already know 2010 is going to be. It is time for our global financial crisis to come to an end, and designers all over the world are already predicting a Fashion Revival in the New Year... What will happen to scarves, Crocs, bling, skinny jeans and hair? Well bye-bye to all that! Those trends have gone way past their shelf life. You’re going to have to learn to let go and embrace the future! To the clearance racks please, if they are not already there. Be prepared to see vibrant colors, eccentric patterns, sleek accessories and the continued dominance of designer denim, not to mention the HAT makes a huge Tina-Tuner-Emancipation-of-Mimi-Sex-in-the-Cityoriginal-Supermodel comeback! What a perfect way to spend your tax return! Put some personality into it and revive your wardrobe! Baseball caps will always be an American fashion staple, but experiment and go right now and purchase a fedora or its larger-sized sibling, the Akubra walking hat. Thank you Michael Jackson for that inspiration! You can also try Kangols, berets, newsboys and drivers caps. Designer denim will never go away. There is nothing like having a pair of jeans that make you feel like a Sexy Bitch! I dare you to show up on casual day with a screen-printed T-shirt, fabulous sports coat with handkerchief in left pocket, rocking out some Rock & Republic jeans. You will be working while working it at the same time. The break room will never be the same. OMG 20
Accessories and hair? No more clunky jewelry! Not only is that style of jewelry heavy but because of the dimensions, you come across looking shorter and just bulky. Detour and purchase something sleek in the same style, with a sophisticated look and modern touch. Email me if you need help with this one (Jorge@omgmag. com). For your hair, stick to one color for now and wait for the summer, though spring is fine if you must. The men’s fringed look is hot in all lengths. For the clean and neat look, the classic part on the side is a sure win. Also, the old school Jersey Shore slick back, one of my favorites, is all over Hollywood red carpets! There it is kids, just in time for the New Year. It’s never too late to make a Fashion First Impression. You never know, by the time our next issue is out I may be telling you to scratch everything I just said and keep wearing your Kanye West Shutter Shades! Happy New Year with all the L.O.V.E. and May the Fierce be with You!
May the fierce be with you!
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MAKING YOUR NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION STICK THIS TIME It’s time for New Year’s resolutions again. Time to start anew. Make promises to ourselves to change something we don’t like … make more money, quit smoking, and of course my favorite, get into better shape. We all make them and we convince ourselves we’re going to succeed this time. But you can't wave a magic wand and make your resolution come true. It takes work and dedication to succeed. So, here are some tips to use when you make your resolutions. This is a fitness column, but the concepts can be used for obtaining any resolution you set.
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Make an attainable goal. Resolving to look like a male model is not realistic for most of us, but promising to do physical activity daily is very possible.
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Avoid choosing a resolution that you've been unsuccessful at year after year. This will only set you up for disappointment. And since you’ve probably made this promise to yourself in the past years, try altering it. For example, instead of stating that you are going to lose 30 pounds, try promising to eat fewer, healthier calories and walking for 30 minutes, four times a week.
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Be realistic. You will not always want to exercise and eat healthy. Even the most committed exerciser doesn't always want to do it. Know that you will have to work on it every day.
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Create a plan. At the beginning of January, write out a detailed plan. Describe your goal and specifics on how you will reach it – even when it comes to the diet. Stop wasting your time following someone else's diet plan for you. Make your own plan based on YOUR realistic changes. Make it a diet you can follow the rest of your life.
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Reward yourself. If you've stuck with your resolution for two months, treat yourself to something special, but be careful of your reward type. If you've lost 5 pounds, don't give yourself a piece of cake as a reward. Instead, treat yourself to something like a massage.
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Break it down and make it more reachable. Set several smaller goals to achieve throughout the year that will help you reach the ultimate goal. For example, if your goal is to complete a 10K race, your smaller goals could be running a 5K in less than 30 minutes, adding upper- and lower-body strength training to increase your muscular endurance, and running two miles with a personal best-completion time.
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Don't go it alone! Everyone needs help and sometimes a friend just isn't enough. Sometimes you need the help of a trained professional, especially when it comes to fitness. Research studies have shown that assistance from a trainer greatly improves people's success rate.
On average, only about 20 percent of us keep our New Year's resolutions. Unfortunately, some of the biggest failures are found in fitness resolutions. Don't let the statistics get you down. Follow these tips above and you'll fall into that successful 20 percent category in no time. Chris Alberts Independent ACSM Certified Personal Trainer 727.542.9716 www.SoHoHealthandFitness.com Other locations: Powerhouse Gym, Channelside and Elite Training Center, St. Pete
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regular in Tampa Bay for many years, Melanie Minyon has become one of the most recognizable, friendly faces in Ybor City. The lovely Melanie has performed all over the Southeast and was a staple at the famous El Goya, as well as Tracks and more. Her cheerful smile and over-the-top personality have made her a fixture in the Central Florida gay scene. We chatted with her to see what makes her tick. Can you briefly describe your journey into the beautiful woman you are today? I’m from very rural Louisiana, Mississippi … it has been a journey. I never felt like a boy growing up. I didn’t really know how I was supposed to feel. At that time, nobody ever took hormones or [did] plastic surgery or alterations to your body; it just wasn’t done or heard of then. I struck out on my own after I got out of high school … I just went out on the road on my own, and it was rough. You know, never knowing where you’re gonna stay, where you’re gonna eat … A lot of queens, they start out that way. They just see the bright lights and the promises, and they get out there and realize “oh, wow I actually need to find a place to live and make some money.” Then you have to prove yourself … I was very lucky along the way. I had a lot of great, great people that helped me out. How did you get your name? I got my name when I was still in Jackson, Mississippi. For some reason I always loved
the name Melanie, and I ran around with this girl in high school named Melanie. I had these crazy gay friends of mine that [said] you need a last name. They actually got my last name, Mignon. They said that it was a piece of meat that you wouldn’t find in the grocery store. I used to spell in “Mignon” … but nobody got it right. So finally I gave in and said I’ll compromise, I’ll spell it “Minyon.” With all the fuss about labels, how would you describe yourself? I don’t really pay any attention to them … I don’t get offended by any of them. It’s just a label. I know I’m a drag queen, I know I’m a man in a dress, I know I’m a transy. But, I just like to think that I’m Melanie … with all of that wrapped up in one. Where and when can you be found around town? Regularly I work at City Side on Thursday nights. We do a strip contest there. Every other Friday, I’m at Blur in downtown Dunedin. Mainly you can find me at Streetcar Charlie’s. This is my number one, top priority right now. I’ve got a great position here and a great opportunity, and I feel very secure. Bar business can be a little shaky, you know, it’s like you’re here today and gone tomorrow. It’s just more secure here [at Streetcar Charlie’s]. OMG 25
Back when we were working in the 70s and 80s, oh my God, it was like a novelty! It was like, wow!, and they would just throw money at you, and you had people that would put money into shows. It’s gotten to where it’s just not that big of a deal anymore. What do you like to do when you’re not working or performing?
What’s your favorite part about being a performer?
Sleep! [laughs] To tell you the truth, I’m such a couch potato … during this time of the year, I’m an avid football fan. Pretty much college more than pro, but during football season, that’s my happiest: to be on the couch, just watchin’ football … When I’m not working, I’m really, really a homebody. I stay out of the streets and stay out of trouble as much as I can [laughs].
The recognition. To be recognized by people that you have no idea who they are, but you’ve made an impact on them, or you’ve Future plans? made an impression on them – mostly good, “I know I’m a drag queen, I know If you want to know sometimes not so good [laughs] – and if you’ve I’m a man in a dress, I know I’m the truth, it may sound paid your dues and done a transy. But, I just like to think cheesy [but] I’m at my your time and you’re in a that I’m Melanie … with all of best when I’m devoting my time here at the position [where] you’re restaurant. That’s my really well known and that wrapped up in one.” number one priority, established, then you can and I love the restaurant. It’s very scary use your art and your craft to do commutimes for the restaurant, for anyone in nity work, benefits … you have a voice … this business, with the economy and You can get more accomplished [than] if this, that and the other. I mean … [I] you’re trying to go about it just ordinarily just [want] to be as happy as I can be [and] day to day. and be as helpful as I can be, and stay out of the County [Jail] [laughs]. If I Hardest part of your job? can achieve that, I’m good to go. Nowadays, finding work … Florida as a whole: there’s so many girls, and there’s so many entertainers, and there’s so many good entertainers – there’s too many girls and not enough work. I don’t wanna come across at negative, but it’s like [you’re] jockeying for a position … it’s really, really hard. How would you describe the local gay scene compared to when you first started? It’s a lot faster now … it just seems like the traditions … [there’s] just something different. It’s just faster than we were used to, you know. The one thing I can tell now is there’s not as much excitement and there’s not as much appreciation for drag anymore, because it’s not a big deal anymore. OMG 26
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The Highs and Lows of 2009
Hey Everyone! Hope everyone's holiday season has been as great as mine. Between shows in St. Petersburg, Cocoa Beach and Tampa, along with working my day gig, it has been a busy and rewarding time for me. Let’s get right into the fun world that is drag. First and foremost, let me say that my last article here in OMG! was not aimed at anyone in particular. I have heard that a few feathers were ruffled thinking that it was aimed at them. It was not. It was simply my take on what is happening in the drag world right now. Sometimes we should just read the lines and not what we think is between them! So with that said... The New Year is upon us and for most folks it is a time for reflections and new starts. This past year has had its ups and down in the drag/ bar business. We saw the return and re-closing of Club Chambers, a favorite venue of mine. The Copa Night Club & Show Bar came and went and more recently, L'Olivier has left us. It is a little sad to me every time a venue closes. It means fewer options to visit when we want to go out and party and less employment opportunities for the community, especially for the entertainers. We are in such a specialized field. Each venue has a certain number of slots for entertainers and when they are full, they stay full. I have known many entertainers who have had a rough year due to lack of work. On a more positive note, this year has seen the introduction of some new venues and some great new shows. The new Flamingo Resort in St. Petersburg was opened with much fanfare. Chic Bar was remodeled, restructured and became the amazing show bar Nautico, and as anyone who has paid attention to this article knows, Hamburger Mary's opened four weeks ago in Centro Ybor. These venues all feature some hot shows and are perfect places to spend your gay dollars in. OMG 30
So now where to go to spend New Year’s Eve with your favorite entertainers... Hamburger Mary's will be having two shows on the 31st, with Joey Brooks, Divinity Everlasting, Robyn Demornay and I. Valentines will be ringing in the New Year with Desiree Demornay, Alexis Mateo and Apple Love. The Flamingo will feature Bobby York, Iman and Coco Montrese. Last but not least, our friends at The Pulse in Lakeland will be ringing in the New Year with their house cast Dakota Starr, Conundrum and a special guest. Who knows what the New Year has in store for us. I hate to speculate, because I am usually wrong, but I will just say I wish for nothing but prosperity and happiness for all the venues out there. After a rough few financial years, I think we all deserved it! Remember, I am always looking for new ideas, topics and entertainers to profile in this column. So, if you have any questions, comments or suggestions, you can reach me at JocelynSummers11@aol.com! Until next time, much love to all! - Jocelyn
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I
stopped making New Year’s resolutions some time in high school. After too many failed attempts to stop swearing all the time, I realized that my faults were just part of my personality. I’m crass. I bite my nails. I leave dishes in the sink until they threaten to walk away and form hostile mold colonies. My tendency to question and balk at authority probably influences my issue with New Year’s resolutions. I don’t like ultimatums, even when I’m giving them to myself. And I like my bad habits. I’m not a total New Year’s Grinch. There’s nothing wrong with setting goals for yourself. Just don’t make them goals to stress over. The last thing you want to start your year with is guilt weighing on your conscience because
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you’re having trouble following arbitrary guidelines. Just saying, “I’m going to try to be happy this year,” is a perfectly reasonable resolution. If you want to lose weight, focus on being healthy. If you want a new career, focus on baby steps like updating your resume. If you want to travel, focus on putting a little bit of money aside.
I think I’ll focus on starting the New Year with a clear, open mind. Like a marathon runner, I’ll load up on carbs, get a good night’s sleep, and do some light stretching. I’ll stand at the starting line, I’ll gaze out onto the trail before me, and I’ll begin at a steady walk. That’s how the tortoise wins the race, right?
This year has been crazy for almost everyone I know. From death to illness to financial worries, 2009 has been a real bitch. Instead of pressuring ourselves to be better people in 2010, I think we should all get medals for making it to the finish line of a brutal year.
For all my resistance, maybe I do have one small resolution this year. I want to face each new day with my eyes open. I won’t stress about a distance goal or something I need to accomplish before 365 days pass. I’ll try, each day, to be present in the moment.
Maybe that’s kind of “cup-half-empty” of me. So let’s think of it this way too: The finish line is also a starting line. It’s a fresh beginning.
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o I have been back for about a month now, and I decided that I would update my adoring fans (or something to that effect). The transition has been fairly smooth this time around, for the most part, but there have been a couple of drawbacks. It ain’t easy let me tell you. First off, I seem to be stuck with these feelings of inadequacy and it sucks. I feel that, for one, part of my life has been taken, because my friends and family have been continuing life while I have been gone. I came back and I feel like a whole century has passed me by, and I am still trying to catch up with everything in the past month. But that could also, on some level, be my fault for trying to think I could fit my integration back to civilian life in a month’s time. Which brings me to my experiences of trying to meet new people; at times I actually envy children because everyone in their little universe is a potential friend, no matter what they look like or their skin color, etc. Making friends, especially in the gay world, is difficult because we go against what our parents always said and judge a book by its cover.
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So, as you can imagine, as much as I would like to think that it’s in my mind, I can already hear the whispers and it makes my insecurities come out even more. Other than those feelings and the ever-infinite search for the perfect boy, it has also been kind of difficult to find an apartment in the right neighborhood, or at least where I would like to live. But, unfortunately, I believe it’s just all a part of integrating back into civilian society. However, my insecurities coming back to the surface are giving me the toughest issues. See, when you are overseas you are away from everything, i.e. name brands, clubs, social scenes, things like that, so really you kind of don’t have a reason to be insecure. Therefore, when you come back home and they all resurface, it’s difficult to deal with on top of everything else. But, like they always say, it’s going to be a new year, so we will see what that brings me. I am sure that next time I write for you, my whole situation will seem a lot better to me. Happy Holidays everyone and may the New Year bring you many blessings all year long!
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Happy New Year Yawl! As I reflect back on 2009, I’m so happy that it’s finally over! But before we cast off 2009, here are a few of Ms. Darcel’s favorite people of 2009: Mz. Kori, UCF graduate student; Doug White, owner, D’Squared Productions; Pastor Bri and Elder Sue, Oasis Ministries; The Gucci Boys, charity fundraisers; Drew Sizemore, computer graphic artist; Frecklz, dancer/choreographer/entertainer; Karl S., owner Century Costumes; Nema, promoter/bartender; Becky Fisher, actress/singer; Diana Ross of Sanford, friend; Craig M., owner, Revolution Nightclub; Patty S. and Daisy L., Orlando City Commissioners; Kevin Callahan, Universal Studios; Spanish Michael, infectious laughter/friend; Kennedy Davenport, dancer/entertainer; Hope and Help Center of Central Florida, full-service HIV/AIDS charity; CoCo Montrese, entertainer/friend; Don G. and Susan U., personal financial planners/owners, Parliament House; Josephine Andrews, entertainer/Miss Gay Orlando; and Facebook.com, all my FB friends. 2010 promises to be scary, exciting and rewarding, and I am ready to dive in. What’s going to be hot in 2010? For starts, Me, I’ll turn another decade older! Yes, I’ll finally admit my true age to the world … 30! (lol) What else, I’ll reach my goal weight of 240 pounds, bringing my total weight loss to 100 pounds. But more importantly, that wonderful hereditary gift of High Blood Pressure my parents gave me will finally be under control, yeah! Ms. Darcel’s people hot to watch in 2010: Tyra Sanchez, Orlando’s native contestant on Season 2 of RuPaul’s Drag Race; Armani, Ms. Continental USA 2010/electrifying entertainer; Doug Bowser and Carroll Lee, Orlando’s best comedic actors; Jamie Beverly, Orlando Bear President;
Lady Guy, Orlando’s breakout club hostess; Replacunt, O-town’s hottest emerging Club Kid; Sassy Devine, entertainer/artist extraordinaire; and finally Jinx and Eureka Fish, newcomer entertainers. I’ll keep you informed on their success. What’s Hot right now … the movie Avatar and Michael Wanzie’s play, A Christmas Carol. You must see Avatar. Yes, it took more money than God to make and, yes, it’s a bit long, but the story, cinematography, and naturally accruing special effects are to die for. If you see it, see it in 3D. Warning: make sure your bladder is bone dry and you’re stocked up on popcorn/candy, because with previews and the movie, your ass is hankered down for a kewl 3.5 hours. My beard grew two inches by the time the movie finished but nevertheless, I thoroughly loved every second of this groundbreaking movie. Michael Wanzie’s A Christmas Carol is brilliant! Michael has taken Charles Dickens’ classic tale and turned it completely upside down, interjected his hilarious, warped sense of humor and has emerged with what I think is the funniest play I’ve seen since Spamalot. The actors play multiple roles and are simply stunning in their performances, keeping you laughing throughout the entire play. I was floored and amazed by Carol Lee’s performance as Carol Channing. Her comedic acting and timing, coupled with physical comedy was simply wonderful. A MUST SEE. Local actor Doug Bowser was equally hysterical and brilliant in his many roles, making me clamor for more. If you see one play during the holidays, you must see Michael Wanzie’s A Christmas Carol. For dates and tickets, visit www.Wanzie. com. Love you all, but I’ve got to run, tons holiday bargains out there! Until next time, Happy New Year!
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Photographed by Michael Downs OMG 44
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n the eve of the new millennium, my friends and I huddled in a crowded street, freezing, bundled tight, waiting to watch a giant ball of light drop from the sky. Ten years have gone by, but I can still remember the energy, the almost tangible excitement of that moment. There was something so monumental about experiencing the event. In reality, it was just the change of another day, but something about that night seemed to hold so much promise. I brushed aside a slight tinge of nervous anticipation that at any moment a giant asteroid would come crashing down or the Y2K scare would come true, dousing the world into darkness and chaos. I huddled close to the people that had come to mean more to me than anyone I had met up to this point in my life. We had prepared for this party for weeks, and now, dressed in our swankiest attire, adorned in shiny hats and tiaras, we joined the chorus with thousands of other voices and counted down, anxiously awaiting the end of something we couldn't describe and the beginning of something we could scarcely imagine. At midnight, amidst the cheers, horns, and insanity that can only result from pure, meaningless bliss, our friend Brian got down on one knee and asked Jimmy to marry him. Even though I knew – we all
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knew – that Brian had been cheating on Jimmy for at least four months, and that the proposal was a ploy to win points, combined with a perfect excuse to be overly dramatic, I still teared up. I had come from such an anti-gay world and literally stumbled into this amazing group of friends and new life with what seemed like limitless possibilities. Now, exactly 10 years have passed, and I'm left wondering, what now? In the time since, I have seen my friends legally marry their husbands, a monumental achievement for us all. I have changed homes, changed jobs, changed states. I have fallen in love and had my heart broken. I've lost old friends and made new ones who have become just as important to me as those cherished ones who watched me grow up. So during this time when we all resolve to change our lives for the better, I'm find myself reflecting on that night when I had so much clueless hope for what was yet to come. I look back on the last 10 years of my life and how truly wonderful it has been, and I realize, I don't want to change a thing. My only hope for the New Year is that, once again, I will find myself huddled tight with my friends, counting down the seconds until we can do it all over again.
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As the year comes to a close, everyone starts pulling out the lists, the best-of’s, the tabulating and scrutinizing of what made the year memorable. It’s all about opinion and perspective and MyFlexRadio. com is here to give you a quick and dirty look at what the year in dance music felt like from the booth. Battle of The Divas – We knew it was gonna be a blood bath this year with Whitney’s comeback album looming and then arriving nearly a year late, but did everyone have to get in the act? Seriously, every diva besides Cher dropped tracks this year. Shall we count them off…? Janet, Madonna, J.Lo, Mariah, Britney, Rihanna, Beyonce … basically all the bitches with one name. We love all the gals and there was some great music produced, but in the long run the year goes to La Dame Gaga. She smoked all the competition and became the current leader of the league. Bravo! Put Your Hands Up! – Every party track this year keyed into a little secret weapon to lift spirits and test deodorant strength. Dancefloor homos obeyed and raised their hands to the sky to countless songs by BEP, Miley, Whitney, etc. With a stressful economic year, it was just what the doctor ordered.
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Honorable mention goes to Fergie and the boys for dominating the charts for six months with two of the best party anthems in history. Auto-Tune – One of the Top Buzzwords of The Year, it was everywhere and allowed mediocre singers to make pop hits and sound passable. Novel and electronic, it was a fitting stamp for the technologyladen social network the decade had become. Feat. – Seriously, can ANYONE make a song by themselves anymore? “Known Artist Feat. Current Trendy Rapper” was the norm and got very old after a while. There was some stellar exceptions like David Guetta Feat. Kelly Rowland’s “When Love Takes Over” (my personal fave for Anthem of the Year), but most of the combos seemed forced and contrived. Record execs must think there’s more selling power with two artists than one. R.I.P. King Of Pop – None of us will forget where we were that hot June day when we heard the news. I’m still processing the tragedy of the loss and the impact he had on music and pop culture. Opinions fly but you can’t deny there’s dance-floor magic in the DNA of his songs. We miss you Michael.
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(photo credit: David Noles) Eden (left) with Elizabeth Hendrickson (right) in Imaginary Bitches. Photo credit: Quyen Tran (photo credit: Brooke Nevin)
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he soap opera All My Children celebrates its 40th anniversary on January 5, and no character has impacted the landscape in Pine Valley, the town where the soap is set, quite like Bianca Montgomery, played by Daytime Emmy Award-winning actress Eden Riegel. Through multiple stints in the last nine years, heroine Bianca has been beset with such emotional turmoil as coming out to a less-thansupportive mother (Erica Kane, played by Susan Lucci), repairing a relationship with her sibling, being raped and raising the rapist's baby, and falling in love numerous times (the last of which resulted in soaps' first gay marriage, see our 2009 timeline).
How did you prepare for the character's change? I grew up in the theater, so gay people were far from unfamiliar to me. My sister is a lesbian, so I called her up and basically got permission from her to play Bianca however I liked. The gay population is diverse and varied, and so I knew I couldn't represent the whole community. I set about playing Bianca as I would any young adult dealing with feelings of being an outsider and misunderstood. In short, I played her as a human being. And I had extraordinary writing to support me.
You did a lot of the coming out scenes Riegel is now based in Los Angeles with Susan Lucci. What was it like and is hoping to continue produc- “I once had a young man working with the daytime diva? tion on her YouTube comedy series approach me with his mothImaginary Bitches, in which a woman She's as sweet as her character is bitchy, escapes from the reality that her close er and tell me that my story and that is very, very sweet, indeed. friends are all getting married by mak- helped the two reconcile. She's like a member of my family now, ing up imaginary friends, only to reand I am so grateful that AMC brought alize that they're "total bitches." On That was very powerful.� us together. I love her, I look up to her, a busy week just before Christmas, and I really miss her. Thank goodness Riegel managed to sit down and talk AMC is moving their studios to LA. with OMG! about her role on All My Children, which made her a gay icon, and what she plans to do with her comedic Out of all Bianca's loves (Sarah, Frankie, Lena, Maggie, talents in 2010. Zoe, and Reese), which one do you believe was Bianca's "true love," or do you think she hasn't found it yet? When did you learn that the producers of All My Children wanted Bianca to be a lesbian? This is a very dangerous question for me, as I have a group of fans devoted exclusively to each of the relationships you I knew Bianca was going to come out of the closet before mentioned who would kill me if I took sides. Each of those I accepted the role. Bianca had been on the show before, relationships was extremely important to Bianca in a differas a child and then as a teenager. The character was returnent way, and I'm sure she still loves each of those women, ing on the canvas SORAS'd; that's Soap Opera Rapid Agdespite the fact that the relationship has ended. Reese is ing Syndrome, a malady that affects many of Pine Valley's the one she's married to, so that's got to mean something, youngsters in order to get them out of boring years and into although they certainly have had their share of problems, the years when they can start having sex, getting pregnant, secrets and lies. If Bianca should ever return to Pine Valley, and experimenting with drugs without having Standards and the answer to your question would be that she hasn't found Practices hit the ceiling ... When she came back on the canher true love yet. A world of drama and possibilities must vas, played by me, Bianca already knew she was gay, but she remain open to her or she'll die of the most deadly disease a didn't know how or if she could ever tell her mother and live soap opera character can contract: happiness. the life she wanted to live. OMG 53
What is your most memorable LGBT fan interaction? My fans are incredible, and their relationship to my character is so personal. I once had a young man approach me with his mother and tell me that my story helped the two reconcile. That was very powerful. Tell us the story of how Imaginary Bitches came together. My husband [Andrew Miller] conceived the show during the writers' strike here in Hollywood, because the idea of a sweet girl whose inner bitches help her find her true voice excited him. And also because I have a lot of hot friends we wanted to exploit for their talent! Also, it makes him laugh when I use profanity because I'm usually so sweet. How did you decide to use YouTube to broadcast the show as opposed to television? We decided to put it on the Internet just because we could! We could reach millions of people with our little homemade show, and not have to surrender creative control to a load of TV executives. We made the show we wanted to make, and thankfully a lot of people really liked it. Is it easier for you to be a comedic or dramatic actress? They both have their own challenges and I love doing both. I think, weirdly, the soaps really prepared me for comedy, because the circumstances are so heightened all the time in soaps I tend now to be a little too big for the usual drama.
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I'm working on it. But I do love comedy. It's so scientific and there is nothing like hitting the perfect comedic rhythm and making people laugh. It's so satisfying. The show was nominated for a Daytime Creative Arts Emmy. When you heard the news, how did you feel? It was so cool that the Academy awarded us with a nomination. It legitimized our little show and put a juicy cherry on top of the delicious sundae that was the whole Imaginary Bitches experience. Are there any plans to continue Imaginary Bitches further? We're still looking for sponsorship so we can continue to make webisodes of IB, so if any of your readers owns a giant corporation that can give us, say, a half a million dollars, they are more than welcome to. We're also developing the concept into a feature film that we're hoping to shoot in the summer of 2010. What are your plans for 2010, and do any of them take you to Florida? Who knows where [our plans] will take us? But I do have a soft spot for Florida because when I did Les Mis at 7 years old, the first city we opened in was Tampa, so that's where I made my performing debut. Later on we did the show in Miami and Jacksonville.
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was sitting on Santa’s lap at the mall, and he looked at me and said, “What can I bring you for Christmas this year young man?” I thought real hard and said, “Well, I hope you know that teal makes me squeal, so anything from Tiffany's I’m perfectly fine with. I'd also love for you to get my friend Mary Jane out of jail (wink wink)…” As my list went on and on, I stopped for a second and remembered all those people that I've talked to over the years. You guys the readers, strangers, friends, etc. and I started changing my wishes. There are a lot of us out there with HIV and all I wish is for all of us to have strength, courage, and wisdom to deal with everyday life and live it to our fullest. To stay on top of our health and make smart decisions. Santa looked at me and smiled ... he said my heart grew three times that day... As far as 2010 is concerned, I say bring it on! We should go out into the world and educate it. Enjoy it.
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It’s hard to talk about being HIV positive, and I’m not saying that we should wear a T-shirt with “I Am HIV Positive” on it, but let’s be true to ourselves and the situation we’re in. The biggest reason people spread this disease is ignorance: “I don’t wanna know, I can’t deal,” “No no, I won’t get it I’m too good.” We’ve all said it, and we can do better. OMG! we need to love ourselves and each other. Look out for yourself and your fellow men and women. So here is my New Year’s cheer: “Here's to the men we love, and here's to the men who love us, and if the men we love don't love us, then fuck ‘em ... we got each other!” Be safe OMG! readers and Happy New Year! Email me at pozpapi@omgmag.com with any questions or topics you would like covered
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Remember that New Year's resolution you made about 2-3 years ago? Of going to college so you can pursue that dream career of yours? I expect that’s on the checklist. However, a lot of us are struggling to reach that peak because of money, lack of support, personal issues, transportation and other excuses we have. Starting over can be frightening to many of us out there. I’ll enlighten you with this, “Don’t walk backwards because you will be stuck in the past instead of the present, and the present is a mystery so walk towards the future!” Analyze that quote and ask yourself, do you want to maintain the boring life? Or go out and do something amazing? Editor’s Note: Despite a brief hiatus last issue, we are pleased to welcome Erica Winston to the OMG! family as our new LOL columnist, who will continue bringing the same quality content you’ve come to expect.
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ey ladies, Erica in the house! Here’s a little bit about me: In the years beginning in childhood to now, I’ve been absolutely surrounded by art. However, writing has been my survival. I’m a full-time student majoring in Interior Design and an experienced Graphic Designer. I’m a sucker for Shakespeare, Edgar Allen Poe, and other inspirational poets, and I’m thrilled to share my pride in being a lesbian with you! 2010! A new year that we all somewhat count on, to use as a start-over in our lives, goals, resolutions, family and friends, relationships, fashion, career, sex, health, money and the list goes on. I want to chat with you procrastinators who are continually telling your conscience you’ll do it soon. NO! You’ve laid down goals or even prepared a list of what you sought to do, although you haven’t succeeded because you’re not in the mood to put your “priorities” first. Yea, I admit that a quantity of us need to let loose, enjoy life, and spend time socializing more with our loved ones, having a few shots of tequila with the best friends, loafing on the couch and watching movies with pookey. However, we tend to overwhelm our brains and fail to realize that you can only take so much at a time.
Another uneasy topic to discuss in the New Year is LOVE! Just saying this word makes my heart reach out, with my soul dragging behind me, holding onto my ankles, forgetting to breathe. However, I smile like a fool. Ladies, Dykes, Femmes, Butches, Birls, He-shes, Shebois, Bulldaggers! I’m going to break it down in Shakespeare manner: “Let your affection be devoted to the one you desire, and let thee be lovesick.” This is the ingredient we all dream about and have integrated it in our “list,” and we believe this is the innermost thing we want. Love isn’t just regarding sex, money, bribing gifts, fashion, looks, being short/tall, skinny/fat, etc. We excessively disregard that it’s about honesty, friendship, commitment, support, loyalty, promises, happiness, staying faithful and all the goodness that comes along with it. Stop wasting your words just telling her you love her! Be real to your partner and prove it through your actions! Appreciate the things they do in support of you, and don’t let it slither away. If you do, one day you’ll regret it, and the agony will strike you in the gut. 2010! You can’t continue postponing those resolutions. Finish what's needed to be done, and see how much you complete – the difference can unwrap your life. You’ll soon realize that achieving your accomplishments can earn you much-deserved success in your life, so hop to it. Questions, comments, concerns? Have a topic you’d like to see covered? E-mail me at LOL@ omgmag.com
A DOUBLE DOSE OF HOLIDAY MAGIC
WRITTEN BY RENÉ PEREZ
Avatar Starring the sexy Sam Worthington, sci-fi hottie Zoe Saldaña (albeit in CGI form) and tough girl Michelle Rodriguez, this film is a fantastic epic with a budget and hype to match. Luckily this massive, immersive tale lives up to its buzz and more. Though a little lengthy (the film clocks in at nearly 3 hours), you’ll find yourself not wanting to leave the beautiful, enthralling, yet dangerous world of Pandora, which is full of exotic, mesmerizing creatures and plants. Packed with dazzling special effects, a gripping story and a stirring score, this film packs a punch. What starts as a story of human exploitation of a foreign planet at the expense of its ecosystem and native, blue-skinned humanoids, the Na’vi, turns into an impressive chronicle of ex-Marine Jake Sully infiltrating the native population via an “avatar,” which is basically a human-Na’vi hybrid that he can control remotely with his mind. Although first sent to get the locals to move off of a rich source of a valuable mineral, Jake ends up falling for the Na’vi Princess Neytiri (impressively played by a motion-captured Saldaña) and appreciating their way of life, putting him at odds with the brutal mercenaries in charge at the human base. Before you know it, you are starting to feel something for the strange, blue-skinned, tattooed Na’vi and their beautiful world, and you virtually forget you are watching something that is predominately computer animated. James Cameron clearly knows his stuff and it shows – from the intricate facial animations to the fictional Na’vi language, not a detail is missed. And those looking for social commentary will find obvious allusions to American expansionism at the cost of Native Americans, as well as a more positive message of inclusion and acceptance of different appearances and ways of life, one that we can all relate to. If you haven’t seen it yet, what are you still reading this for? Do yourself a favor and watch it already! (A-)
The Princess and the Frog This movie is an absolute joy for anyone who grew up falling in love with classics like The Little Mermaid, Aladdin, The Lion King, and Pocahontas, as well as newcomers alike, and it made me remember why I love Disney movies so much. Thankfully bringing Disney back to what it does best – 2D animation and classic song – they’ve taken their formula and given it a much-needed injection of fresh energy, wit and a modern edge. Full of gorgeous animation and a clever story, the film is also notable for featuring Disney’s first black princess, the headstrong Tiana. Set in New Orleans in the 1920s, the movie tells the story of a waitress Tiana and her dream of owning a classy restaurant. On day, she comes across a talking frog, who happens to be a visiting prince, Naveen, at her friend’s masquerade ball. He begs for her kiss to turn him back, and in return vows to help her fulfill her dream. She, however, is transformed into a frog as well, and they are thrown together on a quest to become human again. While traveling the bayou, they run into a jazz-playing alligator and a hilarious firefly, all while being pursued by the evil, voodoo Shadowman. Along the way, they both learn to distinguish between what they want in life versus what their heart truly needs – someone to love. All in all, it’s a feel-good movie that’s full of somewhat cheesy, yet meaningful ideas of hope, persistence, trusting yourself and of course, love. It speaks wonders to see a Disney movie featuring such diverse main characters that represent a segment of society that was repressed for such a long time. As such, it also gives me hope and a glimpse of a future where we’ll see a same-sex couple given the same treatment. After all, this movie is all about trusting in your dreams and “wishing on a star,” in a world where anything is possible. (B+)
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Mar 20 - Apr 19 Being on your own and at your homeaway-from-home isn’t all you thought it would be, huh? Stop sucking your thumb and get a life. You know the oldest profession is still out there and looking for new applicants. Apr 20 - May 19 Even now after you’ve gotten all that money, nobody cares what you want or even understands you when you speak. In short, all your fast-food orders will be wrong. May 20 - Jun 20 You don't know who to believe, because everyone lies to you. Stop giving them reason to and you might get some insight. You’re going to need more socks and underwear, and you might want to get a better job.
Jun 21 - Jul 21 You are way too whiny. People think you're nuts and they’re right. Go have a good cry. Talk to small children and you will feel big again.
Jul 22 - Aug 22 The people you work for will have tremendous, sudden success, but next month they'll go broke because YOU missed one tiny detail! Better get to worrying.
Aug 23 - Sept 21 Your acrobatic skill of always landing on your feet will not come in handy when the tick in your leg at the bathroom stall is misinterpreted, greatly.
Sept 22 - Oct 22 To get your mind off your ex-boyfriend, you’ll shop ‘til you drop! But wait. Scratch that. Those were his credit cards. Get a job, slacker! Oct 23 - Nov 21 Your school cred will plunge after you find out that the school geek is more popular than you are. And no, that does not mean you should become founder and president of the “I Heart Zac Efron Club.”
Nov 22 - Dec 21 You are really full of it this week. Go tell your ridiculous stories somewhere else! Nobody wants to know the crap you THINK you know.
Dec 22 - Jan 19 Saying things like “jk,” ”lol,” and “idk” out loud will take a bad turn when U.S. Immigration authorities mistake it as a foreign language and ship you out of the country. I don’t know who is less competent.
Jan 20 - Feb 17 You’re the type of person that thinks working hard only sometimes pays off and vodka will cure anything. Hope it cures that friend who keeps posting fake Craigslist ads about you. Feb 18 - Mar 19 Don’t be so tough on yourself – rehab really isn’t that bad! But knowing you, you won’t follow through with it. You know the clinic is open 24/7, but you also know the club doesn’t close until 3.
Note: precise dates vary slightly from year to year, and from source to source. These are not meant to be definitive.
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