The Many Faces of Anger
John D. McKellar, PhD Bay Area Pain and Wellness Center Private Practice SF Bay Area
Common Myths 1. Males are angrier than females 2. Anger is Good/Anger is Bad 3. Anger is only a problem if you “Lose it� 4. The older you get the more irritable 5. Anger is in the mind
Anger Self-Assessment 1. How often during a typical week in the past month did you get irritated, mad, or angry? 1.
Not at all
2. Once or twice a week 3. Three to five times a week 4. One to three times a day 5.
Three times a day
6. Four to five times a day 7.
Six to ten times a day
8. More than ten times a day
(A, B, C, healthy normal; D, E, F, G, H, excessive)
Anger Self-Assessment
2. On average how intense is your anger when you get mad? 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10
Various types of Anger Experience Intensity
(If your intensity or below, your within a Frequency is 61-3 4-6 anger is 7-10 healthy, normal If you intensity above, Less than range. Episode Episodic is 7 or Episodic rage you likely have a problemirritation with anger.) once/day anger At least once/day
Chronic irritation
Chronic anger
Chronic rage
Factors that Contribute to Anger 1. Mood Disorder 2. Sleep Problems 3. Substance Use 4. Chronic Illness 5. Chronic Pain 6. Example of Significant Others (Parents)
Predominant Types 1. Anger Out- Likely to outwardly express anger, rage, or hostility. More likely to be known to others as an “angry” person 2. Anger In- Anger is experienced but not outwardly expressed. Such people are often known to others a lacking in “assertiveness” or being “REALLY nice.”
These TYPES can appear very different in an outward sense but the COSTS to HEALTH and WELL BEING are the same.
Initial Steps to Change 1. Quick (not impulsive) Action is best 2. Step away from the situation- but return to resolve 3. Tolerate the distress of letting someone else FEEL “right� 7. Distraction can be helpful 8. Stop the rumination- constant replays 9. Make use of relaxation
Assertive Communication 1.
Difference between assertive and hostile communication
2. Be aware of how you speak – volume, pace, don’t escalate 3. State what you want out the situation- use “I” instead of “you” 4. Avoid labeling other people’s behaviors, just keep to the facts 5.
Avoid making assumptions about what people think or feel- instead you may ask them (don’t Mind-Read)
6. Gain confidence by writing down what you want to say prior to the discussion
Forgiveness 1.
This is a process that takes time and effort
2.
Find support from others in working through the process
3.
Things you may need to give up.. 1.
The protection of your anger (keeping others away)
2.
Your notion that “life must be fair”
3.
The notion that righteous anger can “undo” the situation
7.
Safety is paramount
8.
Acceptance may be required
9.
Let YOURSELF off of the hook
Competition 1.
Keep your eyes on your own paper
2.
Ask yourself the following question… “Am I struggling to just be the fastest tortoise”?
3.
Focus more on learning who you are that on what you do
4.
Being perfect and expecting perfection are big sources of anger
5.
Spend one week letting others win..
Constructive Anger 1.
Decide how you want to feel after being angry
2.
Acknowledge your anger
3.
Focus your anger on the problem not the person
4.
Believe that the problem can be solved
5.
Try to see the situation from the eyes of others
6.
Don’t be afraid to take a timeout
Final Thoughts 1.
Try to maintain a healthy perspective- I am not always right and I am not always wrong
2.
Finding greater inner peace may improve most situations
3.
Take the steam out of your anger before you have to deal with regret
4.
My happiness does not depend on whether or not life is fair