Contents Introduction………………………………………………….2 Who we are…………………………………………………..4 Preamble……………………………………………………..5 Mission………………………………………………………..5 Vision………………………………………………………….5 Serenity prayer………………………………………………6 How important is it?..........................................................7 Listen and learn……………………………………………..8 Keep an open mind…………………………………………10 Keep it simple………………………………………………..12 Think…………………………………………………………...13 First things first……………………………………………...15 Let it begin with me………………………………………….16 Just for today…………………………………………………18 Let go and let God…………………………………………..19 One day at a time…………………………………………….21 Easy does it…………………………………………………...23 Live and let live……………………………………………….24 Nar-Anon´s Twelve Steps…………………………………..27 Nar-Anon´s Twelve Traditions…………………………….,28 Nar-Anon´s Twelve Concepts……………………………...30
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The Nar-Anon Slogans Introduction As everything in our program, our slogans are only suggestions that work as reminders, like calls to a new way of life that we have chosen.. Such proposal suggests that we take care of ourselves and take up the responsibilities for our own lives, respecting others´. They are brief, simple and objective reminders. At the most difficult moments of crisis, we naturally tended to repeating the behavior learned in the previous attempts to controlling others, our lives´ and even the controlling upon the Higher Power. Those just kept us prisoners in the pain and mismatch the people we loved. At first, the slogans must seem difficult tasks to be accomplished, for they are totally opposite to everything we used to believe and do. They are the result of a program that enhances the “real” instead of the “ideal”, reinforces what we can do instead of what we thought it should be done. The slogans give us back the ability to listen, think, analyze, evaluate, learn and make choices as of our own responsibilities. They set us free of the mission of controlling the others; on the contrary, leading us to respect them. They set us free from the judge of the past and from the anxiety of the future. They reward us with the “ here, now”, bringing us back the power of doing what is possible to do now. They suggest us some discipline, order and organization of our daily routine. They value the pace of each one encouraging us. They allow us to walk lightly, setting what is not really important aside. They also remind us of the importance of not only respecting ourselves, but also the others as well as cooperating and enjoy the interaction among the members, instead of competing and criticizing. They allow us to develop the practice of humbleness and gratitude within ourselves, also bringing back the comfort of surrendering to the orientation and more powerful love. 2
Our slogans are tools of alert and fast reminders that can be used on the exercise of restructuring of our life style as for our thoughts and actions. The slogans presented in this booklet are the most used in our Group meetings, yet there are many others that will be eventually part of a future edition.
THE NAR-ANON SLOGANS – Our reminders at the moments of tension
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WHO WE ARE The Nar-Anon Family Groups are a fellowship of relatives and friends of drug abusers (addicts) who share their experience, strength and hope. Drug abuse is a disease acknowledged by the World health Organization. All the family members are affected emotionally, and sometimes physically. We believe that a change in attitudes can help the recovery and that we can disconnect of the problems of the addict, while we keep on loving him/her. Nar-anon Family Groups are not connected to any sect, religion, political party, enterprise or entity. We are not involved in any kind of public controversy and we do not either endorse or oppose to any cause. There are no dues or fees to join us. Nar-Anon Family Groups are financially independent through volunteering contributions of their own members. Our only purpose is to help addict’s relatives and friends. We do that by using Nar-Anon´s Twelve Steps, encouraging and comprehending the addict’s relatives, as well as ensconcing and providing them relief.
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PREAMBLE
Nar-Anon Family Groups are a worldwide Fellowship for those affected by someone else’s addiction. As a twelve Step Program, we offer our help by sharing our experience, strength and hope. We deliver the message by telling them that they are not alone, through the practice of Nar-Anon Twelve Steps and through our changes in attitude. We respect your Anonymity. Our Program is not religious; but a spiritual way of life.
MISSION The Nar-Anon Family Groups are a worldwide fellowship for those affected by someone else’s addiction. As a Twelve Step Program we offer our help by sharing our experience, strength, and hope.
VISION We will carry the message of hope throughout the world to those affected by the addiction of someone close to them.
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We do this: By letting them know they are no longer alone. Practicing the Twelve Steps of Nar-Anon. Encouraging growth through service. Making information available through Public Information, Hospitals, and institutions and website; and − Changing our own attitudes. − − − −
SERENITY PRAYER God grant me Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference. either endorse or oppose to any cause. There are no dues or .
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How important is it? How important is that in fact? The question suggested by the slogan makes us stop to reflect. It is an opportunity to reassess what happens in the daily routine: • • • • •
Is that an inconvenience or a disaster? A difficulty or a tragedy? Do we search for perfection in others, in ourselves, in life? Is it necessary to do everything my way? Do I want to be right or happy?
The slogan favors leaving back the drama, wining, terrible previsions, exaggerated fear losing material things, choosing to ponderous actions rescuing our serenity. The reflexion stimulates us to develop non-reactive behavior, bringing up to us the opportunity of acting consciously whenever we face new facts and frustrated expectations in our relationship. This actual vision of life brings us back the sense of measuring our behavior. Perhaps we should stop, wait, stop, accept and act, instead of reacting. We become conscious that very few things, good or bad, really matter; and even being important, they are temporary. Valueing what is trite, makes us unstable, anxious, it irritates us, and wears us out. Why should we neglect our serenity so easily and frequently? After all, our serenity is what brings us comfort, gives our lives a pleasant taste, it is an inseparable part of our happiness, In order to keep our serenity, it is important to replace frustrated expectations, fights and constant charges, by the peace of acceptance, by the opportunity of relief through detachment. If we cannot change, it is not our responsibility. The real important thing is to respect ourselves and the others, preserving our most significant relationship.
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Nar-Anon members share their experience in this slogan My son abused several kinds of drugs, he had a destructive behavior, on the other hand I had an insane need of controlling his actions, getting to know everything he had done and the “whys” of such an absurd behavior. The slogan “how important is it?” motivated us in the search of the balance of our emotions. “how important is to satisfy my own curiosity about the kinds of drugs, amount, time of usage and the effects they caused in my son´s life. Why should I enhance my insanity? In two, five or ten years, will this issue, I am overvaluing now, be really important? This slogan helped me recover my mind! Stimulated me to recognize the difference among the choices I can make. Attentive to the question suggested by the slogan, was I slowly encouraging myself to take the focus out of my addict son. Initially giving more attention to the ones who lived with me, taking care of my daily tasks, and rending service to Nar-anon Groups. I do not collaborate with my recovery process by simply satisfying my curiosity about my son´s dangerous experiences, or insisting on remembering unpleasant past situations.
Listen and learn In Nar-anon Family Groups´ meetings we often listen: “ the medicine enters through the listening…”, so the slogan “Listen and learn” is fundamental for us to achieve the gift of replacing the despair by the hope. Not everything said in a meeting serves everybody, that´s why we are reminded that the opinions expressed there are strictly personal. It is upon us, the choice of what to take for our lives.
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In order to have “Nar-Anon ears” it is important to learn the difference between listening and hearing. For hearing, it is enough to have good ears working well, while for good listening involves, it is important to be generous, that is, available to your fellow. At first, many of us have to make an effort to leave behind our will, opinions and prejudice, old habits of criticizing, judging and evaluate people, no matter if they are addicts or fellows of our Group. Little by little we start learning that we must avoid our ill standards of thinking, which might keep us from recovering. Listening and judging by appearance or the way people speak, might keep us from acknowledging new ideas or taking new attitudes, or even from being able to change. Listening and comparing the ones who share to our own story just feeds the belief that our difficulties are bigger than the others´ and cannot be fixed, reinforcing our resistance to changes. Listening and justifying our feelings and attitudes, just reinforces the habit of charging someone else for our own attitudes. Listening charging the truth keeps us from recognizing ourselves through someone else´s sharing, and it is one of the symptoms of getting ill – the denial. Through the sharing of those ones who have been collecting the blessings of practicing the program we can feel the acceptance of reality, admitting our impotency upon the other and the belief in a Higher Power, Who can bring us back to sanity. We learn with each other. Nar-Anon members share their experience in this slogan This was a very difficult slogan for me. Besides overtalking, consciously or unconsciously, I had the bad habits of interrupting the others, quickly jumping to conclusions, judging everything I heard through my my beliefs, experiences, expectations, pre-assumptions and prejudice.
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By trying to rule the dialogue, I usually spent more time thinking about what I was going to say than listening to what the others had to say. I used to get so anxious that in the end I could not either understand the real meaning of a conversation, a lecture or a movie. I remember that in my first Nar-anon meeting I could not get anything, because I only wanted to be listened and talk about my problem. Thanks to my Higher Power I kept coming back because I felt that in that place, I was accepted and understood, although I kept on judging and feeling like giving advice. After some 24 hours, I did not have so much anxiety to talk anymore, and I also found out that by listening to my fellows share their experiences I learned more and more. It was by listening with love that I ended up figuring out answers and solutions that I had been searching for a long time. Learning how to listen demands practice and training. The coordination of the meetings, welcoming the newcomers and the sponsorship helped me out a lot in this training. At NarAnon Family Groups I learned how to listen, not only with the ears, but also with the eyes, with my heart and all the senses.
Keep an open mind Having an open mind is to believe in ourselves and come to believe in a Higher Power, as you conceive Him; it is to accept the other one without judgement. Nar-Anon introduces us to new possibilities of learning who we are as well as what we could do every day. Keeping an open mind we can conceive a Higher Power who inspires and orients us. In every meeting we watch something essential, if we put ourselves to disposal to listening and sharing. If we allow ourselves to try and experience the program, keeping an open mind, we will be able to get rid of the old behavior, prejudice and beliefs.
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The group shows itself as a cooperation, discovery and growth space. Keeping an open mind we should have the possibility and flexibility to achieve inner changes, without being led by an insane behavior. We could accept the differences, respecting the people as they are, finding help where less expected, through any means. Keeping an open mind is to be humble, receptive and courageous, qualities which allow us to grow up in affection, freedom and serenity. When we still feel too focused on the past and attempting to control the others, our Higher Power will be able to help us in several ways, if we keep our mind open. Nar-Anon members share their experience in this slogan When I arrived at Nar-Anon Family Groups, I just searched for people who behaved and thought in a flexible way, and singled the others who opposed to my ideas out, making little distinct divisions in the Group. Even so I used to see myself as everybody´s friend. Such insanity! It was when somebody talked about the slogan Keep an open mind and with the help of the Higher Power I could notice that the other people had assertive loving attitudes. So I decided to practice this slogan. Today I wish I talked sincerely, unarmed, keeping my mind open. I go to the Group to every meeting to listen and share, with an open mind, looking to being receptive and listening. The change in my attitudes comes from this experience in the room. Keeping an open mind I get ready to receive and accept new ideas, discovering a strong power for recovery. Today I try to be true at exposing my feelings when sharing and being generous at listening. The first message that I take along is inside the room. Sharing and being sympathetic in the service I am helped and I can turn out to be able to help the others. I am convinced that I do not see the world as it is, I see it as I am.
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Keep it simple This slogan suggests that we keep the focus on what really matters to our happiness and tranquility. Several times the concern about details turns our lives so much complicated that it keeps us from walking ahead. Simplicity is profoundly spiritual and at the pace we leave the superfluous back we achieve more effective results. The biggest and better result is the welfare brought about by the acceptance of the reality, looking at everything around us in a simple and grateful way. The slogan Keep it simple encourages us to discover new manners of seeing and feeling everything that is part of our daily life. • Keep the relationship with ourselves simple, feeling, accepting and respecting our bodies and their reactions. • Respect the boundaries and learn how to say “n” without guilty. • Live a process of search for freedom and happiness. For so, it is not necessary a pricey sophisticated, complicated style driven to the outside and to the others, doing too much and enjoying too less, on our prejudice. • Keep our communication simple, talking honestly, without faking or manipulating the feelings; but sensing. • Keep confront simple, Crisis is the opportunity for you to start seeing and behaving differently. We do not have to face such a situation as a powerful being, remembering… everything fades away, the crisis will also fade away and we have a Higher Power to help us. • Moreover, as for the actions of our recovery program, we should remember what Dr Bob said: Keep it simple. Nar-Anon members share their experience in this slogan 12
Today I notice how many things I could not achieve just for making it so complicated. Looking to perfection, many times frustrated, I gave up my engagement. My biggest failure resided in the desire to please everybody. I did not accept criticism; however, I myself was always criticizing. I feared rending service in the fellowship a lot, for judging myself unable to meet what the fellows expected from me. Encouraged by my sponsor, I started to render small services to my Group. Very kindly, she presented the Slogan Keep it simple to me and told me that simplicity is the best way for transparency, an essential pre-requisite not to bring controversy about. This slogan was a great lesson, for it was the moment when I engaged myself more in the services in the Group and in the fellowship. I learned that at carrying the message of Nar-anon Family Groups, when practicing the Step Twelve, keeping it simple is fundamental for the liability of the fellowship. With the help of this slogan I am always alert to focus on the biggest purpose of Nar-Anon Family Groups, which is to help families and friends of addicts, so I always ask myself: • What is good for Nar-Anon? • Am I making it simple or more difficult?
Think That is the slogan that openly and honestly summons the reflection up. We need to notice and accept that our thoughts are the ones to generate feelings, that is, if we are accustomed to producing negative and uneasy feelings, we will develop bad and unpleasant feelings, such as fear, guilty, self-pity and rage. When we are involved by those feelings, we make little room within ourselves for calm, for love or for the subtle and silent listening to the orientation from our Higher Power. The slogan Think alerts us to the importance of exercising the act of reasoning in a positive way. It allows us to acknowledge that 13
our freedom results in our thoughts. On certain occasions we fear to feel imprisoned; although it may be good to notice that our prison is in fact caused by our beliefs and our thoughts. Nar-anon is a program designed to our own recovery, which relies on the changes in our way of thinking. It is our own responsibility to exercise the power of thinking constructively. We have the right of choosing what to believe and behave with authenticity, without the need to worry about someone else´s feelings and actions. In order to bring the bad feelings down we have to recognize and change the thoughts that trigger them. That way we will calm down, experiencing the presence of a Higher Power intimately within ourselves and, with His help, we can behave in a more assertive and suitable way.
Nar-Anon members share their experience in this slogan Looking into the Slogan Think, I feel that for an effective growth I need to have openness and flexibility sensing some issues that have gotten to me: • Have my attempts to change the others worked out? • Have I reflected deeply on my own values or my own relevance ? • Have masking and blocking my feelings helped improve my relationships? • Do I keep on searching for recognition, acceptance and the love of others coasted on denials, facilitation, manipulation and lies? • Do I insist on believing that my happiness comes from the outside, and am I also responsible for someone else´s happiness? The answers to these questions have helped me think over my thoughts and feelings, and consequently I HAVE BEEN BEHAVING in a more serene way when facing any problem or difficulty that life brings about.
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First Things First Amidst the chaos our lives have been turned into, it becomes mandatory to put our days in order a bit. We have been arguing with internal and external charges the time, with what has to be done and with what is prior. This way we get lost in remembering the past, which cannot be changed, planning attitudes for the future which cannot be effective yet, finally we have been wearing out in endless speculations about what is important and necessary to be done. So, we really do nothing and kind of struggle, frustrated, insecure and fail beforehand. This slogan suggests that we consider first things first. But what are the things to come first? They are the ones I am supposed to do here and now. Perhaps they are the most relevant actions for our recovery, although they may not seem the most urgent or pleasant tasks to be embraced now. We cannot fix our whole life all at once and we do not have the power to fix the others´. For sure we can choose what is possible and important to do here and now with humbleness and responsibility, engaging ourselves immediately, right at this moment; instead of also getting wrapped up in more pleasant or urgent tasks, but not so important. This gives us a sense of relevance, efficiency and self confidence in the process of making our lives simple. First things first is the Slogan of the order, the importance and the one of our real responsibilities every day. The practice of this slogan is the proof that Nar-anon program is one of choices, besides it points out our responsibility in picking the most important choices for ourselves Nar-anon members share their experience in this slogan It was just after sometime going to Nar-Anon meetings that I started paying attention to the Slogan First Things First. I remember that in the past I used to feel pushed by somebody else´s urges, by the expectations of serving everything and 15
everybody, and I felt frequently guilty for not having made important decisions, with the excuse of always being very busy. This slogan made me understand that I am the only person at charge of my own life and welfare. The practice of Nar-anon program leads me to the learning of how to dedicate more to the first things , the most important ones, which for me, are the ones that will really strengthen me, gratify me, improve my life today and also match my responsibilities. From the understanding of that I started taking more care of my time in a way to fulfill my personal commitments (paying bills, taking care of my health, my own welfare), investing time and attention with humbleness and responsibility to the identification of what is important for my own serenity, recovery and spiritual growth. The slogan encouraged me to identify and take important tasks and decisions in my life, immediately, for in the past not always had I had a second opportunity of making a decision which had been put off. Such practice ended up teaching me how to evaluate alternatives and embrace the most important first; I ended up learning that sometimes it is cheaper to pay fines for a little delayed bill, than missing the only opportunity of growth in life. The practice of the Slogan First Things First teaches me how to evaluate the different weight of the things I deal with day by day, and I am also enabled to make my decisions today, here and now.
Let it begin with me This slogan reminds us of keeping more attentive to ourselves. Let it begin with me is the slogan that invites us to the personal action and shows us that we only have the power upon our own lives. We can only change ourselves, and that is the change we are responsible for.
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By getting that, we could get rid of the anguishing fight and await for the others´ change so that we can be happy. If the environment in our houses is very troubled due to our relatives´ or friends´ ill attitudes, it is not reasonable to wait for their change of attitudes, for the situation to improve, after all they are ill. If we are in recovery, certainly we can more easily gather the tools of Nar-Anon program that can enable us to change our own attitude. Eventually this change can encourage others to do the same, but the important thing is to start with me. Whenever we feel the need of changing a situation, we should put the program to practice, changing our attitudes, beginning with what we can and stop expecting that the other take the initiative. Let it begin with me, with loving and generous attitudes, whatever the change is: in ourselves and in our relationships. Keeping the focus on ourselves, we can turn our lives better and healthier; we will set realistic goals and achievable plans. Happiness and spiritual peace are among the rewards that we find when we let the slogan Let it begin with me and carry the message of this program with love. Nar-anon members share their experience in this slogan I had been going to a Nar-anon Family Group for about six months, trying to do things as suggested: arrive 15 minutes earlier to organize the room, the literature and prepare coffee. The person at charge of opening the room was sometimes late, and that bothered me; I gathered all courage and went to talk to the RSG about what was going on. After my report she simply said:” Fellow! You know the slogan Let it begin with me ?” I answered that I did not, because in fact, until then I did not know anything about the slogans. “ If you have the responsibility of always opening the room at the specific time, you can do it!” I answered that I did not know how to do it. Then she put a key into the lock of the door and said: “ It is like this.” Since then I started I started rendering service to the Group.
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The beginning of “rendering service” for me was the beginning of recovering forgotten values due to the turbulence my life had turned into. By changing myself, I contribute to what I can in terms of experience, strength and hope. They are the changes I have been searching for my treatment. Now as for myself, the Slogan Let it begin with me is to work on the respect and responsibility that I have for my own life and recovery.
Just for today The practice of this slogan encourages us to do something different only today, without the commitment of doing it for the rest of my life. Perhaps a long term compromise might be a heavy weight on our back, but if with humbleness we take it to do something different, just for today, our life can change. The slogan Just for today can turn ourselves lighter, enthusiastic, decided, courageous, to achieve changes. It can set us free of defenses that ended up imprisoning us and give us strength to deal with the new, dare, think, feel and do different. It is also the Slogan of the promise of walking ahead and continuity, which gently pushes us saying: “Go, you can! Just for today, do not give yourself up. • Just for today we will try to learn, communicate and honor our limits, respecting the others, that is, practicing detachment with love. • Just for today we will try to be open to a new way both, of life and to relate to others. We will listen more and with open heart, we will talk honestly, without charges, without disputes to be right. • Just for today we are going to deal with the past under a new perspective, we will search for a new comprehension, without repeating the same story, without making it everlasting every day. What novelty can this day teach us? What are the misleading visions and beliefs must we abandon, and what are the negative habits we will decide to free ourselves? • Just for today we will make positive choices that might gradually be turned into healthy and pleasant habits, bringing colors and lights to our days. • Just for today we will be attentive to our day, valuing our victory, the simple it can be, accepting our 18
failures in a good mood and love, so that with happiness and pursuing, we can modify what we can. Enjoying the freedom of making a new day, a new myself, and a new life. • Just for today we will let the fights away and we will let God with the love and wisdom of a Higher Power. Nar-Anon members share their experience in this slogan Today is a present I give myself; it is life itself, the result of my own decision. Today I collect what I planted and I plant my own living. This way, at the awakening, I know what is prepared for today, even if I deny that. Just for today, my present time can be wrapped with kindness. Following the natural order of life, I meet the needful happiness to a good sowing. Just for today I can breath and walk, eat and drink, sleep and criticize less, dream and work more, love and to be loved, forgive, thank, value things not for what they worth, but for what they mean. I can enjoy the seven world wonders – see, listen, touch, taste, feel, laugh and love. Placing my objectives at reach today, I can have inner peace as the goal of my life. Just for today I will remember that I am unique and that taking care of myself is my biggest responsibility, and I cannot either delegate it or charge someone with it, someone who also has the right to take care of his/her own life.
Let go and let God While we do not let our uncertainties, opinions, preconceived ideas, recurrent remembrances and “foolproof previsions” go, we will always be captive in a misgoverned carrousel. We tried everything our way, we fought without dismay, but we were not succesful because the mission we aimed, changing the others and the world was impossible. We feel weak, incapable and humiliated. We had handed in our will, our life and happiness to someone else´s care and afterwards 19
we were frustrated, so as we charged, fought, and got weary and hurt. The slogan suggests that we: “let go�, quiet our mind, make room for a new listening, a new look to everything we thought to know better and control. It is the surrendering to a Higher Power in wisdom, gentleness and love so that we can be welcome, mitigated, cared and oriented. That is about the Slogan which sets us free of the attempt to controlling the uncontrolled; the one which suggests acceptance of the situation at this moment, by letting ourselves go; it encourages the exercise of humbleness, through the practice of faith in a Higher Power that can do for us what we could not do. Then we enjoy the serenity which comes from the practice of humbleness, from acceptance of our own size and limitations. We relax with calm and trust for knowing that we let go and let a Higher Power take care of us and give us orientation. This slogan allows us to replace despair, uncertainty, stress, preoccupation and suffering by serenity and faith. Nar-anon members share their experience in this slogan At the pace time went by I took part in the meetings, listened, shared and I started to feel relief. Each day I listened to testimony and I identified with a fellow, I was surrendering to the wisdom of Nar-anon program and enhancing my commitment to the Twelve Steps. The comprehension and the spontaneous use of the Slogan Let go let God are directly linked to the comprehension and practice of Steps One, Two and Three. They are connected to my surrender. At accepting that I am powerless, I also accepted that a Higher Power could bring me serenity, then the next step became obvious! Why not giving God a chance? Why not 20
experiencing to hand in the difficulties that, alone, I had not been able to solve? Doubts challenged my thoughts and several times I still tried to play God in my life and in the ones close to me. Hopeful, I started questioning my ability to change my behavior, let go and deliver to God my conflicts, my anguish, my will to control and also my cheer and rapture. The practice of the Slogan Let go, let God leads me safely to any direction, even when I do not know what direction to take. The feeling of initial delivery was like a long, profound and painful breath, but it raised my mind and heart to a new life, free of uncertainties and guilty. Now I feel free, loose and surrendered to the designs of God, of my Higher Power.
One Day at a Time Several times we spend a day without really living it, not only for one moment, smoldering or remembering the past or even create expectations in relation to the future, without fully dedicating to the day today, the moment, which is a present of the Higher Power, as each one conceives Him. When we cry over the past for the good experiences, losses or pain, it torments us, weakens and paralyses us. On one hand, if we do not engage ourselves in projecting the future, we create either positive or negative expectations which keep us anxious or fearful, which also paralyses us. If the worse ends up happening later it is smaller than our expectations had projected it, we notice that we suffer beforehand, without any need. On the other hand, if the good happens it is smaller than we had over expected, so we get disappointed and it does not occur to us to be grateful for what we had received. The conclusion we got is that Life is here and now, where we are and what we are effectively doing, with such determination of acting, choosing, accepting, changing, adapting and living.
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The more difficult is the challenge of this day, of the situation we are living, the more important not overloading it with yesterday remembrances and the fear of tomorrow. We need strength, energy, sanity, determination, focus and responsibility to choose what we can effectively do. If we dedicate each day only to what is about, we will certainly progress. One day at a time is the slogan that suggests that the only time in our lives when we have the conditions of achieving something is in the present moment, more specifically today. By living this day as the only one, accepting to practice Nar-Anon program, we discover that we can have a new choice and a better way of life, one day at a time. Nar-Anon members share their experience in this Slogan Everything which is new and different is fearful and frightening to me; at the difficulty the only thing I care about is to remember that everything goes away and this day will also be gone. The remembrances of the past can afloat in my life today the way they are, not meaning that I have to stay captive to them. By living the program, one day at a time, I can feel my old and hidden emotions and leave them in their place: the past. Facing them generates fear, I cannot leave fear interfere in the decisions I have to make; that is an emotional state originated in my mind, which can generate anxiety enrooted or irrational. By living one day at a time, the fear can remain outside; however, I have an eye on it if it is by my side. Using the tools that Nar-anon program offers me, I give myself the opportunity of having a better day. The practice of the program and the attendance to the Group provides me courage, strength and hope. “ Fear and courage are the same side of the coin�.
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Easy does it It seems we are always rushing, willing immediate solutions for the disagreements in our lives. When we arrive at Nar-anon family Groups it is common we want changes with fast results, preferably immediate. But the changes have their own pace inside each one of us. We need our own the pitch and pace. Our recovery program is not mitigating for immediate solutions; it works when we try to practice it with honesty and responsibility, applying its principles day by day to all our activities. We are people in recovery of our energy, strength, happiness and hope. The recovery is available to all of us. It requires just assurance of what we can, for we are carriers of the sparks of this Higher Power and that also requires the certainty that we deserve that, when at the pursuit and kindness, we keep on our recovery path at our own pace. We only need calm during the whole process. The rush may result in frustration and that is what we want to avoid. The slogan Easy it does is a reminder for us to be patient, gentle, respectful to our own timing as well as the others´. Necessary attention to pitch and pace, acceptance or overcoming each difficulty. Such an easy time, not one of dispassion, favors the reflection, the awareness of ourselves, of what we do or do not want, and of what we can or cannot do. When we accept and practice the Slogan Easy does it, we get rid of the huge weight of resolving all the problems immediately. We learn through the others´ sharing that our recovery will bring us peace, serenity and an entirely new way of life, if practiced with honesty, responsibility, calm and at our own pace. Nar-anon members share their experience in this Slogan Since my first Nar-anon meetings I have heard that the program is one of actions and changes. I thought that just for the fact of joining Nar-anon program my problems with the addict would be solved. I 23
was used to go after fast results and my first premature attitudes made me angry and frustrated. I kept on coming back and I learned that the changes have their own pace and that each one has their own timing. This Slogan taught me how to respect my own timing as well as the others´. Today I notice how much I rush, take the risk of going over the limits and I end up frustrated and discredited in myself. By practicing this slogan, I learned to give one step with more safety, getting it better, enjoying every moment on my walk. The slogan Easy does it makes me see and live each day as an only opportunity of building up my destiny, choosing how to deal with everything brought along on that day, carving myself like an artist searching for the lights of this incredible piece that I am. I discovered that tasting life slowly does worth it! Today this slogan is part of my life and I always repeat it to myself: Easy it does, but does it!
Live and let live In general, according to our beliefs, we behave totally opposite to what is suggested in the Slogan. How can we let the people whom we love live, if they cannot do it the way we want it and find it right? Our failure ends up bigger because the more we dedicate to changing the other one, the more crisis we go through, just for the simple inability of changing him/her and, we automatically waste all the time we have on our hands which should just be dedicated to taking care of our own life. Worried about leading or changing someone else´s life, we forget the most important thing: our own life and recovery. We do not let live, and we do not live! We usually forget that everybody has the right to decide which directions to give your life and no matter how much we want, we will not manage to change his way of life. This slogan suggests a new form of love, recognizing the responsibility of making choices within ourselves and the others, facing challenges, growing and being free. We learned the importance of loving ourselves, working on our self-esteem, 24
strengthening ourselves, and consequently, we will be able to love the other ones, without expecting his life to be exactly the way we think it must be. Live and let live is the Slogan that brings us back the responsibility and happiness of being what we are, just for today, while it teaches us that the main characteristic of love is the respect for ourselves and the other ones
Nar-anon members share their experience in this slogan When my daughter used to go out in the night saying that she would come back at a certain hour, I could already predict that it would not happen. That often happened at that tough time during her active addiction, the story went that at a certain time she would start calling, saying that she was late but within around an hour she would be back. The time usually went by and she would not show up. Sometimes there would be other calls, but usually she would be back home two or three days later, completely wasted and looking like a beggar. And what about me? How did I feel and behave on that occasion? I did not sleep, spent the whole night long up, attentive to the movements in the street and rushing to the balcony every time I listened to some car riding out there, hping that it might be her. That was frustrating and desperating. After I started attending to Nar-anon meetings and at the recovery of my own hope with the regular attendance to the Group meetings, I started understanding that I needed , for my own welfare, detach of the problems of the addict. I read and re-read the leaflet, “ Detachment, the key to survival�. Then, little by little, I started to realize that if I really wanted to get rid of the chains that tied me up to that situation, I needed to apply the Slogan Live and let live to my life. At the beginning it was not that easy. It was difficult to relax when she was not home. I could not let her pay for the consequences to her actions. I was always fixing it up, so she could get away with murder of the mess she usually went into. But finally, little by little, one day at a time, I could detach and let her carry out her life the way she wanted. 25
Today, she has been sober for some twenty-four hours, she lives abroad and supports herself. In old times I would not be ease with her living in any other house, but mine. I reached this safety, which brought me serenity, applying the Nar-Anon program to my own life, just attending to the meetings and reading the Literature on recover
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Nar-Anon's Twelve Steps 1.We admitted we were powerless over the addict -- that our lives have become unmanageable. 2.Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. 3.Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. 4.Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. 5.Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. 6.Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. 7.Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. 8.Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. 9.Made direct amends to such people wherever possible except when to do so would injure them or others. 10.Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. 11.Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. 12.Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
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Nar-Anon's Twelve Traditions 1. Our common welfare should come first; personal progress for the greatest number depends on unity. 2. For our group purposes there is but one authority -- a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants -- they do not govern. 3. The relatives of addicts, when gathered for mutual aid, may call themselves a Nar-Anon Family Group, provided that as a group, they have no other affiliation. The only requirement for membership is that there be a problem of addiction in a relative or friend. 4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other Nar-Anon Family Groups, or NA as a whole. 5 Each Nar-Anon Family Group has but one purpose; to help families of addicts. We do this by practicing the Twelve Steps of Nar-Anon, by encouraging and understanding our addicted relatives, and by welcoming and giving comfort to families of addicts. 6. Our Family Groups ought never to endorse, finance or lend our name to any outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary spiritual aim; but although a separate entity, we should always cooperate with Narcotics Anonymous. 7. Every group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions. 8. Nar-Anon Twelfth Step work should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers.
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9. Our groups, as such ought never to be organized, but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve. 10. The Nar-Anon Family Groups have no opinion on outside issues; hence our name ought never be drawn into public controversy. 11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, films, internet and other forms of mass media. We need guard with special care the anonymity of all NA members. 12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles above personalities.
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Nar-Anon's Twelve Concepts Just as freedom for the individual comes from the Twelve Steps and freedom for the group springs from the Twelve Traditions, so freedom for the service structure flourishes from the Twelve Concepts. 1.
To fulfill our fellowship’s primary purpose, the Nar-Anon Family Groups have joined together to create a structure that develops, coordinates, and maintains services on behalf of Nar-Anon as a whole.
2.
The final responsibility and authority for Nar-Anon services rests with the Nar-Anon Family Groups.
3.
The Nar-Anon Family Groups delegate to the service structure the authority necessary to fulfill the responsibilities assigned to it.
4. Effective leadership is highly valued in NarAnon.Leadership qualities should be carefully considered when selecting trusted servants. 5. 6.
For each responsibility assigned to the service structure, a single point of decision and accountability should be clearly defined. Group conscience is the spiritual means by which we invite a loving Higher Power to influence our decisions.
7.
All members of a service body bear substantial responsibility for that body’s decisions and should be allowed to fully participate in its decision-making processes.
8.
Regular, two-way communications are essential to the fulfillment of all these concepts, and to the integrity and effectiveness of our services themselves.
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9.
All elements of our service structure have the responsibility to carefully consider all viewpoints in their decision-making processes.
10.
Any member of a service body can petition that body for the redress of a personal grievance, without fear of reprisal.
11.
Nar-Anon funds are used to further our primary purpose to carry the message, and must be managed responsibly.
12.
In keeping with the spiritual nature of Nar-Anon, our structure should always be one of service, never of governance.
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