Moving Forward in Future Hope Within your authentic identity is everything you need. That is where your power lies. Moving forward means that you live from that place. You will know you are living from authentic identity when:
·∙ You are not looking for external validation. Although it is wonderful to hear words of affirmation, even if they don’t come, when walking in authentic identity one knows she is affirmed deep inside. One’s sense of validation does not depend on someone else’s acceptance or affirmation. One can move forward in her decisions and life directions confident that she is worthy no matter what anyone else thinks or says. Even in those times when someone may say disparaging things, you have the internal confidence to work it through. ·∙ You have freedom and a sense of joy. Someone walking in his authentic self does not typically experience a sense of oppression in relationships or life choices. If he does, he will explore the reason behind it and make an adjustment where necessary. He knows his limits and draws boundaries, but has freedom as he does that for he operates in and makes choices out of, his internal truth. Joy is a deep internal abiding sense regardless of external circumstances. Joy is available when living out of a complete identity. ·∙ My passion is aligned with the skills I have available. The very thing you were created to do begins to match your abilities. I have had the privilege to watch the conquering victim clean off her compassion and move into becoming a social worker. I have seen another free up her passion for kids and become a teacher. ·∙ Others attempt to experience it. People are drawn to those who live out their fullness. Sometimes that is a healthy attachment, as in the client drawn to the authentic counselor. Sometimes it is an unhealthy attachment. Sometimes people want what you have in your authenticity but do not want to do the work to find their own. They attach themselves and you hear such words as “absorb you”, or “possess you.” You have the skills to recognize that and draw the appropriate boundaries to keep yourself safe. ·∙ When not operating out of it you feel disconnected, not whole, not yourself. You will begin to feel as if something is missing if you slip out of being you. You will feel out of sorts, not all together. You will have awareness and a longing to get back on track and be authentic. ·∙ Engaged in ongoing growth and exploration of self and capabilities. We don’t just arrive at this authentic place and get it all correct. There is excitement and ongoing development of becoming. Talents open new doors and new curiosities. Life lived this way is exciting and challenging; never boring!
From: Beyond Recovery To Restoration; working with the trauma of sex abuse, 2009, Born, Davis Available at www.connectionssp.org
You face your future equipped with new skills and new belief systems. You move into your community with purpose, confidence and a well earned ability to provide assistance to others coming up behind you! You live in the moment with your emotions intact. You are fully present in the moment without hyper-‐ vigilance or anticipation of harm. Every moment creates itself. You now brings all your senses and emotions to any experience. No longer are emotions foreign and locked up. Daily experiences are accompanied by experiencing the emotions activated in the experience. Living in the Identity Stage means that emotions are trusted as part of living fully. As a restored survivor you are able to receive your emotions as message senders and not only express them but listens to them. At the same time you have insight and skills about when and where to safely allow others to experience them with you. You live life fully engaged as you! You are engaged in life with all your capabilities available. You no longer want to melt into a crowd because of shame. You know you have something to offer and with discernment make yourself available to the mix. You walk into a room with presence and confidence because you are walking with inner knowledge and a connectedness to your strengths. You do not fear ridicule or rejection, nor do you place yourself in unsafe places, for you have the internal foundation of your identity intact. You have the power to design your life. The impact of being sexually abused has controlled the victim’s life. Not many of your decisions have been made without that filter, whether you were aware of it or not. Repeated abuse has been the norm, as your belief systems created atmospheres of abusive patterns. Rejection may have been experienced not only as part of the abuse, but also during restoration as relationships formed through the filter of trauma have disintegrated. Now you have the truth of your experiences, the foundation of healthy belief systems and the internal strength of your identity to make your decisions. You have the tools necessary to design and shape the life you were created to live or have the knowledge about how to develop the tools as needed. You impacts your life more than life impacts you. Your beliefs are aligned with your truth and your reality. Not only has the survivor identified hurtful beliefs, but has made the exchange to a more healthy way of believing. That shift enables you to live with integrity and better able to safely approach life. You maneuver through the world trusting your gut feeling and knowing you can confront lies as they appear. You now have the skills available to recognize your ability to explore beliefs as you become aware of their presence. You are able to sift through what you are experiencing, looking for the truth and distinguishing between truth and beliefs that have hurt or limited you. You are free to live out of your reality, no imprisoned by it. The secrecy of sex abuse leaves a victim unsure of what is real and what isn’t. That feels suffocating and imprisoning leaving you feeling unsure in your instability. In Identity you take back control by validating what you know to be true for you. You no longer have to stay imprisoned in others perceptions of you or what happened to you. You know what you know and thus takes command of your reality and command of the direction of your life. You experience reciprocal and balanced rights in relationships. Perhaps the most important freedom acquired is that of being in a safe reciprocal relationship. Part of your core need is being known and knowing others in relationship. The survivor now brings to a relationship the fullness of self and healthy skills to protect self and others. You recognize safe boundaries and unhealthy relating patterns. You have an internal ability to recognize safe and unsafe people and how to explore any unbalance you experience. You have learned to be safe for others without losing yourself. From: Beyond Recovery To Restoration; working with the trauma of sex abuse, 2009, Born, Davis Available at www.connectionssp.org
From: Beyond Recovery To Restoration; working with the trauma of sex abuse, 2009, Born, Davis Available at www.connectionssp.org