re We, the community will deal better with illness, dying and loss
Even very young children can sense when something is happening in their family without anyone saying anything to them. As adults, it is our role to mind and protect our children. It’s easy to understand why we may find it very difficult to talk to them about the serious illness of a parent, brother or sister or a grandparent. But, if we don’t talk to them, we can leave them coping alone with some of life’s most difficult experiences.
The Compassionate Communities Project We are an initiative of Milford Care Centre. We are here to support people in the Mid-West to think a little differently about death, to encourage people to plan ahead, talk with others and offer practical support to those facing the end of life. A small change in our attitude toward death can make a big difference to how we live today.
Let’s talk...
Let’s talk... Please get involved in this important project. You can engage by: Telephone: (+353) 61 201 769 Email: CompassionateCP@milfordcarecentre.ie Web: www.CompassionateCommunities.ie
If you find this leaflet helpful, please share with others. If you would like to support the work of Milford, text MILFORD to 50300 to donate €2*.
Coming to terms with serious illness can be difficult and distressing. When someone is seriously ill in a family, everyone around them is affected. Children are often faced with unfamiliar emotions: worry, helplessness, fear, anger and guilt are some of the feelings that may be experienced. dC for ar
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*100% of text goes to Milford Care Centre across most network providers. Some providers charge VAT which means that at least €1.63 will go to Milford Care Centre. Service provider LIKECHARITY 0766805278.
Communicating with children about illness and death...
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We, the community will deal better with illness, dying and loss
Do...
Don’t...
✓✓ Be consistent and keep to the routine of normal daily life as much as possible ✓✓ Give information that suits the child’s age and understanding
✕✕ Avoid the truth – this can isolate your child from what is going on
✓✓ Give them updates – keep them informed about what is happening
✕✕ Assume that children don’t understand what is going on
✓✓ Reassure them that they will be looked after and cared for no matter what ✓✓ Ask them about their worries and concerns
✓✓ Be open about your feelings – this can help your children to understand and express their own feelings. For example, you might explain: “I cry because I’m sad”
We cannot protect our children from the realities of illness, dying, death and loss – these things are part of life. But, by finding ways to talk with them, we can support them through what is happening and help them to survive and cope.
✕✕ Make promises you can’t keep
✓✓ Use clear, simple language when talking about illness, death and dying
✓✓ Give children choices – for example, let them decide if they want to visit their sick relative or not, and let them decide how much information they want ✓✓ Invite and welcome questions
✓✓ Encourage different kinds of communication, such as drawing and writing
✓✓ Prepare them in advance for what they may see – for example, “Granddad has a tube coming from his arm”. Keep it simple ✓✓ Make time to spend with your children
✓✓ Tell your children’s teachers and the parents of their close friends what is happening so they can be supportive
✕✕ Use explanations like “Granddad is just resting” instead of “Granddad is very ill” or “He will be fine” instead of “He is going to die”
✕✕ Change carers and routines unless you absolutely have to
✕✕ Overload children with responsibilities they can’t manage, such as taking over child care duties, looking after all household tasks or providing emotional support for adults