onetribe Dr.AdinaMcGarr-Knabke
Casualties of Perfectionism
THE DEFINITIVE STYLE MAGAZINE FOR MIND, BODY & SOUL
OneTribeMagazine.com
Issue 33 – September 2020
Join the world’s most inspirational creative writers living life with passion.
onetribe Dr.AdinaMcGarr-Knabke
Casualties of Perfectionism
THE DEFINITIVE STYLE MAGAZINE FOR MIND, BODY & SOUL
OneTribeMagazine.com
Issue 33 – September 2020
Join the world’s most inspirational creative writers living life with passion.
Our cover features Dr.Adina McGarr-Knabke Clinical Psychologist and Consultant
Photography By: Rhonda Johnson Santa Barbara, CA.
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EditorsLetter
Autopilot Engaged. Ladies and gentlemen, please sit back and relax; you will arrive at your final destination with lightning speed. We have 24 hours in a day, but so many of us will coast these hours on autopilot and miss out on life itself. You are in autopilot mode if you use phrases like; where does the time go, how time flys, and feel the weeks, months and years are whizzing past you. Its time to slow down and re-engage with life, change the repetitive habits that become automated by the mind and be more aware of your actions and surroundings. Start to live a mindful life, and you will get more value out of the same 24-hour cycle, or your final destination will be on the horizon before you know it.
JOIN OUR TRIBE AND RAISE YOUR VIBE.
With love and gratitude, always. – Kenny Ball, Editor-in-Chief
One Tribe Magazine will transform the way you see yourself and the world around you. So, get ready to LOVE YOUR LIFE, as our creative writers share fresh perspectives, inspiring stories and simple, easy-to-follow steps that will help you FIND YOUR HAPPY. We would like to thank our fabulous creative writers for their amazing insights and you, our wonderful readers for your continued support over these 33 issues. Have a fabulous month and remember to share the love and live your life in glorious technicolour. With love and gratitude, always. Please note our writers are from all over the globe where there are variations in English dialect, to preserve authenticity we have retained these variations throughout the magazine. Photos and text are Copyright to the respective authors and OTM. Articles in this magazine are for entertainment and do not substitute any medical advice. Š2020 One Tribe Magazine | OneTribeMagazine.com | OneTribe.Media
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Contributors
Samantha E. Vax
Joanna Intara
Intuitive Empath
The Intimacy Genius
Trisha Mitchel TT Creations-Ishtar Temple-Sacred Scars
Christine Saunders
Dawn Bates
Empowerment Coach at Wholehearted Life
International Bestselling Author, Coach & Speaker
Kenny Ball Chief Designer at One Tribe Media Editor in Chief at One Tribe Magazine
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Contributors
Dr.Adina McGarr-Knabke
Adele Mason
Clinical Psychologist and Consultant
Founder/Head Coach at WomenShift Coaching, Inc.
Ferial Puren Sojourner, traveller, lover, mother, friend, dreamer, and Founder and CEO at Ignite Life Community
Robert Landau
Larry Rosenberg, PhD
National Motivational Speaker, Certified Life Coach.
Inspirational Edutainer, The Larry Show, Sedona, Arizona
Charmaine Barber Coach, Artist & Writer
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Contributors
Liva Levica
Lenny Hadassah Zulu
Rapid Transformational & Emotional Detox Therapist
Blogger & Writer
Manisha Ramdhim Owner/Managing Director at: The Adventurous Mommy
Andy Ferguson
Burt Kempner
Guide, Author, Mentor, Speaker, Exploring The World Since 1961
Independent Writer/Producer
Mercy Juma Blogger at HoneyRealTalk & Founder of Chajiuz
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Contents
10
The Call Of The Wild Woman. Manisha Ramdhin
16
Casualties Of Perfectionism. Dr. Adina McGarr-Knabke
20
“You’ve Got Cancer” – Accepting The Gift. Larry Rosenberg Phd
24
What Is Addiction. Adele Mason
28
Heal Yourself From The Inside Out. Samantha Vax
32
Warrior Woman The Wounded Feral Child Rises.... Trisha Mitchell
36
How To Take The Lead… Even When You Don’t Want To! Robert Landau
40
How Experiencing Unbelievable Trauma Turned Out To Be A Huge Gift. Joanna Intara
44
The Naked Truth – It’s Not About How You Look - It’s What You Think How You Look! Liva Levica
48
It’s Edutainment! Even During A Crisis. Larry Rosenberg Phd + Andy Ferguson
52
Embrace That We Are Deserving. Charmaine Barber
54
You Don’t Know What You’ve Got. Dawn Bates
58
Get Out Of Your Way. Lenny Hadassah Zulu
60
Beneath Behavior. Mercy Juma
62
The Wolf That You Feed Will Grow. Ferial Puren
66
The Four C’s Of Life. Christine Saunders
68
This Story Burt Kempner
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on e tr ib e
photo: kiraliffe
THE DEFINITIVE STYLE MAGAZINE FOR MIND BODY & SOUl
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Photo:
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Design Photography | Model: Manisha Ramdhin
ManishaRamdhin
The Call of the Wild Woman Wild woman – what does that evoke within you? Uncouth, broken, reckless, free, a woman who likes nature, a woman with no limits, an untamed woman, undisciplined, unrestrained, crazy, animal-like. It is whatever meaning you choose to give it.
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ManishaRamdhin
For me, it represents my untamed spirit which has been allowed to run free, authentically, openly, vulnerably and its entirety. I have always been on this mission to understand and know what my purpose is. It started when I was a child, inquisitive and questioning, and never accepting what my eyes were telling me is reality. I would gaze into the ocean, I would smell that ocean breeze, I would feel that sand between my toes and that saltiness would be on the tip of my tongue and I would be drowning with this sensation of I want more. That was the wild child in me beckoning to me. As I grew up, she would show up at different times, sometimes laughing at me when I was trying to fit in, sometimes taunting me and egging me on if I got scared to take that first step. She was always there pushing me to my boundaries. She was bold, courageous and fearless and everything I wanted to be. I wished I could be her-she always seemed so happy and so carefree. I wanted to let go, but instead, I Would have my parents voice in my head reprimanding me for something I had not even done yet, and I would retreat. I did not have the guts to dance on tables as the other girls did. I was the shy girl in the corner or the one at the bar pretending to get a drink to make myself look cool. The alcohol would kick in, and for a few moments I would be brave, and the wild child and I would dance and it would be spectacular, but the mornings that followed with the headaches and the puking was not worth it at all. I wanted so badly to be her and yet over the years that wedge between us would grow wider apart and she would visit me less often. Then she started visiting me again last month when I started spending more time in nature. As I gazed into a candle flame, it ignited this spark within me.
This fire and I were one, I could feel my passions and fears being stirred within me like a tornado. I had this sudden surge and reminder of all my dreams when I was young. I felt this pang of guilt and shame for the person I had become and the dreams I let fall by the wayside. I ended up journaling about all my fears on one page, and all my dreams and everything I wanted to welcome in on the second page. In those sacred moments, the call of that wild woman inside me got louder, and she cheered me on as I burnt those two pages. She showed up, and suddenly I felt at ease and at peace with myself once more. As I watched the paper burn, so did all my fears burn with it. I suddenly had the courage to stand up for myself and my dreams. I put on some music, and I let the beat of my heart guide my rhythm as I swayed back and forth, in circles, and I even threw in some hand twirls. I felt alive, and this new energy surging through my body had given me a voice. I found that my posture was more confident and forthcoming, and this, in turn, brought about this feeling of surety, security and safety. The following weeks, I found myself surprised by the things that rolled out of my mouth as I suddenly found the courage to say everything that I had kept bottled up for so long. I started fighting for my wild woman, and as I fought those battles, she started visiting me daily and guiding me more. I sat on the earth morning and evening, and I listened to the birds, smelled the roses more, and I remembered my dreams with clarity and colour. I was empowered as this force within me started conspiring to make everything in my head a reality. For most of my life, I had felt so lost, lonely and confused, and in
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a few weeks, all of that was gone. The more battles I fought, the stronger I got, and that started bringing the right people into my life. Like magic, everything shifted, and I was aware of this swirling energy all around me, like a vortex making my dreams a fast reality. There was no resistance. Then the most beautiful thing happened- I started to flow. There was no more resistance. I could see patterns. I was aware of my energy, and others energy. I could see shapes and colours and have strong, intense feelings of inner knowingness. There was no more self-doubt or self-blame. I felt free, and it dawned on me that this was the very freedom I had been searching for most of my life. I was flowing in gratitude, love and abundance, and I felt at home like it was the most natural thing in the world. I had always heard that to find yourself; you would need to go within. I had no idea that it would be that easy or that simple. Sitting out in nature with the elements was like an activator. As a single mom, I was so accustomed to playing both roles and particularly the masculine energy. I finally listened to that call of the wild woman, and my whole world shifted. I no longer had to “do” so much. I could “feel” and “be”, and more I was in tune with my divine femininity, the more aligned I felt to my soul and its purpose on earth. If you have been hearing that faint call of the wild woman, join the group: www.facebook.com/groups/ thecallofthewildwoman There is a free course on activating that inner wild woman.
Stay SOCIAL with
Manisha Ramdhin
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Dr.Adina McGarr-Knabke. Photo by Rhonda Johnson Santa Barbara, CA.
Casualties of Perfectionism Dr.AdinaMcGarr-Knabke
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Dr.AdinaMcGarr-Knabke
We get good at what we practice. Most of the time, a statement of this kind conjures up images of improving some sort of skill, sports skills, motor skills, math skills, and the like. However, we also “get good” at things we aren’t intentionally trying to practice, but are repeated often enough that unbeknownst to us, we are, in fact, practicing and worse, habituating. The human brain is an incredibly energy hungry organ and relishes the opportunity to increase efficiency. One of the ways it does this is by automating behaviors, so that our attention can be freed to focus on other things. Once patterns of behavior, either external or internal (thought processes, beliefs) have been repeated enough times, our brains relegate this task to the automatically piloted, subcortical parts of our brain. It has now become a habit and, therefore, is driven by cues in our environment and less by intentional effort. At a quick glance, this is highly advantageous, as the majority of our conscious attention can now be placed elsewhere. This allows us to go through the tasks of our day with relative ease, learn new things, and shift our attention so quickly between multiple things, we believe we are multitasking. There is a downside though if the habit doesn’t serve us. Now,
because it is largely out of our conscious attention, we don’t notice when we are doing it, which makes it much harder to break. A recent, perfectionism infused, experience with my 2-year old, had me wondering about unconscious habits and commonly held beliefs about perfectionism. A simple Google search will tell you that perfectionism is rooted in insecurity, is a defense against shame, and is a striving for flawlessness, with unrealistically high standards. While it certainly can be, perhaps some of the time, it is less complicated than this. Perhaps, as habits go, it results when someone takes pride in excelling at things they do and this behavior is repeated enough times across different contexts that it becomes the default for approaching whatever they touch. The latter explanation fits much closer to that experience with my 2-year-old and has me expanding my conceptualization of perfectionism and how to work with it in myself and my clients. Whether it’s simply a habit, the result of something deeper or a combination thereof, there is a price to pay if it’s not recognized and addressed.
after, she moved towards me and kept attempting to color on the page opposite of the one I was carefully coloring. My first few gestures to shoo her back to her own book were largely out of my immediate awareness, but after the third time I caught myself literally pushing her away, mindfulness thankfully kicked in for me. “What am I doing” I wondered”, the perfectionist in me was quick to pipe up. “She’s going to color outside the lines!” This was quickly followed by perfectionisms’ [sic] good friend, anxietist, who worried what the picture would look like at the end. Fortunately, for me and for her, I was aware of this silly process going on inside of me. So, I made the values based decision to be with and enjoy my daughter, reveling in the process, instead of being attached to an outcome of how something should be. When it comes to my ability to execute creative genius, I don’t have the best track record anyway. I would have thought I’d have learned by now after the 2017 great pumpkin craft debacle. Guess which one is mine?
(A)
(B)
Allow me to share the eye opening revelation that has me touting mindfulness, yet again, as the antidote to waking up from a life on automatic pilot and the vehicle to free yourself from habits that don’t serve you. The almost casualty of my perfectionism was delighting in my 2-year olds newfound coloring skills and the fact that I had finally found a “play” activity that I enjoyed as much as my child. The latter of which has been no small feat and believe me I have tried them all. We each began the activity with our own coloring book, but soon [ 17 ]
Stay SOCIAL with
Dr Adina McGarr-Knabke
Dr.AdinaMcGarr-Knabke
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Dr.AdinaMcGarr-Knabke
Dr.Adina McGarr-Knabke. Photo by Rhonda Johnson Santa Barbara, CA.
Live less out of habit & more out of intent.
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LarryRosenbergPhD
“You’ve Got Cancer”
Photo: Larry Rrosenberg PhD
Accepting the Gift
As I awoke from the anesthesia after a colonoscopy, the gastroenterologist -surgeon stunned me with his rapid words, “You’ve got cancer, a tumor in your rectum, and will need chemotherapy and radiology!” I thought, too much information and too fast. Then he asked, “Any questions?” My voice was silent.
Thus began my new life episode, ushered in by one of any language’s most terrifying words, cancer. I had reached 77 years old – being aware that this age is when my father passed. Although the COVID-19 pandemic was raging globally, suddenly I had a higher-priority focus. Further tests described my cancer as a 2 cm tumor, stage 2: Not life threatening.
Next, either the loved one on the phone posed questions or shared advice – based on their personal experience, or what they’d heard from others who struggled with cancer. I took notes, which is my way of capturing worthy ideas, and detaching from unwanted emotions – especially fear, anger or shame. After three days, I was overwhelmed with too much information.
Because I’m connected with a network of close friends and family, the first thing I did was to phone them. I announced that I had the C-word. This should not sound very unusual – given that 1 in 3 men develops cancer during their lifetime (for women, it’s 1 in 2).
On these phone conversations, I always interjected two other points. The first was that I’m going to handle my issue in a holistic framework. Yes, I will pursue the medical system’s treatments, which will comprise chemotherapy and radiology in tandem, followed weeks later by surgery. But I will embrace methods that foster my total health – physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. It dawned on me: I’d been preparing for a life-changing adventure like this one for more than a decade.
On the first series of my phone calls, my news was greeted with versions of “Larry, I’m sorry to hear this!” Triggered by those words of sympathy, which depressed and agitated me, I had an insight: I would have to stay positive, upbeat and optimistic, in order to overcome this culturally feared disorder, and encourage those around me to do the same. In subsequent phone chats (and emails and texts), I spoke some version of this preamble, “I have personal news. It’s positive because that’s how I choose to see it. And it’ll take positivity for me to get through this. Please, don’t say you’re sorry to hear my news, because that puts you and me in a down mood, which isn’t helpful for either of us. This news is a wakeup call, a learning opportunity, and truly a gift – to clean up and elevate my life.” In pausing for a full breath, I heard quiet or consenting words. [ 20 ]
My second point on every phone chat involved a request, “Whatever your religious/spiritual practice, would you please pray for me? For my tumor to shrink and dissolve.” Everybody said yes. Of course, they were the people whom I loved most in the world. And they expressed in heartfelt words how much they loved me. More than I had ever permitted, these words sunk into my mind and cellular memory, and had a profound effect on me. As each phone call ended, I felt more uplifted and peaceful. I’m blessed with several friends from around the world, who are gifted emotional/spiritual healers. My phone chats with
LarryRosenbergPhD
Another friend, an Irish healer who now lives in America, urged me to view my situation in terms of relationships and actually have conversations with them, whether being people or parts of my reality. He suggested I name the tumor … and instantly I met Tommy. I accepted that Tommy had materialized for valid reasons. And I started saying to him my adaptation of the ho’oponopono prayer: I’m sorry you needed to appear; I forgive you for disrupting my life; I thank you for making me aware of the need to release my negative past; and I love you for providing me with renewed purpose and meaning. Eventually as our relationship deepens, I hope to ask Tommy if he’s satisfied that his work with me is done, and if he is ready to return to a state of healthy pink cells. I’ve taken more seriously my inner child, his presence and needs. At first, when I dove into childhood memories of wounds suffered in my family seven decades ago, I felt sad and hurt, unloved and unworthy, which have undermined my self-esteem all of my life. But soon this process felt repetitive and indulgent, trapping me in the past and its pain. So, I stopped focusing on my past, and instead envisioned my inner child in the here and now within me: Today as an empowered adult, I can assert
Photo: Larry Rrosenberg PhD
them were long, deep and transformative. One friend in Australia prodded me to ask my I Am Presence (the inner portal to Source) what resentments are still festering from my childhood. I heard lucid answers, and shed tears of insight and felt gratitude for these formidable insights.
that I love him unconditionally, appreciate his delightful talents, and make him feel safe, special and whole. As I do when I’m steeped in a challenging period in my life, I look for negativity in any of my thoughts and words, and convert them into positivity. I never mention the cancer-word alone, but always modify it with the words healing or healed. I avoid references to the violence of fighting or battling cancer, and instead talk about cleansing and purifying it. In conversation, rather than say cancer and disease, I substitute words such as my issue or condition. The result is to energize and support my healing process, and not feel burdened by the dark thoughts of disease, dread and death.
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I’m strengthening my physical body, its immune system and overall health. I gave up white sugar and white flour (overcoming a lifelong addiction), I’m drinking alkaline water, upping my protein intake as a vegetarian, blending fresh green smoothies, sipping calming herbal teas, preparing the many-vegetable-based Miracle Mineral Broth recipe, among other salutary health practices. In other natural ways, I’ve accelerated my healing, assisted by a friend who is a Naturopath. My new practices include forgiving the people in my life who I have offended in some way (and then forgiving myself too), listening to two guided one-hour audio meditations each morning and night, reciting inspirational affirmations and prayers (from
LarryRosenbergPhD
books and papers taped on my bathroom mirror), having sessions with intuitive healers who remove toxic presences that have invaded my energy field, taking two Kundalini Yoga classes on Zoom weekly, visiting regularly a sacred-feeling natural setting (a swimmable stream and grove of healing trees), walking the outdoor Labyrinth in West Sedona, and sleeping longer (undisturbed by worry or nightmares). Also, my two pet cats have been gently interacting with me with caring and healing intent. As for medical (allopathic) therapies, I decided to go for the assurance of their curing outcome – accepting the unpleasant side effects probably ahead. Thanks to my integrative oncologist issuing referrals for complementary modalities (such as hypnosis, acupuncture, therapeutic massage, nutrition counseling, physical therapy, and social work), hopefully I’ll experience an easier medical-treatments journey.
While making peace with and healing the cancer is currently a major life endeavor, I continue to engage in meaningful, creative and playful activities. I’m present and supportive of friends. And pray for the healing of all people who are facing severe health challenges. Rather than simply surviving an ordeal, I see myself thriving as a spiritual being having an extraordinary human experience.
Photo: Larry Rrosenberg PhD
I am the captain of my life, the manager of my healing project, and the leader of my medical team of specialists. I’m determined to heal in order to live long and healthy, which includes personal growth and consciousness evolution. I’m welcoming the love and support of my friends and family, fortifying my physical body, purifying my mind and emotions, and asking God to bless my health practitioners, healing process and future life.
I close with this excerpt from John O’Donohue’s poem “For a Friend, on the Arrival of Illness”: May grace come to restore you to balance, May it shape a new space in your heart, To embrace this illness as a teacher Who has come to open your life to new worlds. Stay SOCIAL with Larry Rosenberg
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OneTribe
“What counts in life is not the mere fact that we have lived; it is what difference we have made to the lives of others that will determine the significance of the life we lead.� – Nelson Mandela
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Photo:
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Design Photography | Model: Manisha Ramdhin
AdeleMason
What is Hi. I’m Adele. And I’m an alcoholic. Okay, you think. But what does that mean? What did that look like, back when I was drinking? What exactly is this big word, addiction, that we hear about ever-more often? The American Psychiatric Association defines addiction as a medical condition, a disease of the brain whose main symptoms are continued and compulsive use of a substance inspite of negative consequences. This definition represents progress, an important shift to a scientific definition in medical terms, rather than sinful behavior or moral failing.
ADDICTION. And yet. Alcoholics Anonymous, while it doesn’t define addiction per se, does suggest that the path to sobriety is a set of twelve steps designed to close the gap between self and God. So if sobriety is closeness to God, is addiction absence from Him? Maia Szalavitz , who wrote Unbroken Brain, argues that addiction is a developmental learning disorder. Holly Whitaker, who wrote the wildly controversial and much-loved Quit Like A Woman argues (in good company) that alcoholism is a ridiculous concept because absolutely no one should be expected to consume any addictive substances like alcohol normally. Others, like Joe Polish, who has built a career in coaching and started Genius Recovery to further the global conversation about addiction and recovery, suggest that it’s a disease of loneliness, of lack of connection. Another way to define addiction is to define its opposite, which is recovery. In Out Of The Wreck I Rise, Steinberg & Bader suggest that recovery is less about me letting go of something than about “finding a way to make something let go of” me. And there it is. To be addicted is to be held. Ensnared. Enslaved. When I was drinking, I sought freedom from reality, my emotions, myself. Instead, I found myself beholden to the bottle, forever in its shadow, in its debt. I wanted a big, bold, artistic, [ 25 ]
fantastic life, and instead I found myself slumped over on my couch, confused to see the credits of a movie running across the screen already, not understanding that I had sat through the full two hours in a blackout. Only the very worst hangovers would prevent me from drinking on a given day. That, or some mysterious alignment of the stars. Most other days, the drumbeat of desire would start deep in my blood by about 10am. I rarely drank before noon, and because of that it took a long time for me to admit that I was an alcoholic. But once I started drinking, I couldn’t stop. Addiction is primal, hungry, raw, and I became almost an animal in my thirst for more. In the last two years of my drinking, when those around me got more adept at preventing me from getting my hands on more booze, I drank mouthwash. Bottles and bottles, gallons and gallons of mouthwash. I got sober on July 19, 2018. And right up until that last day, that last horrible day, I didn’t want to stop drinking. I wanted to want to. But waking up feeling like death, sick with a hangover and regret, is not wanting to stop drinking. It is not a commitment to changed behavior, to hard work, to rigorous self-honesty. Despite the fact that I had lost my marriage, and with it my matrimonial home, my friends, my pets, life as I had known it, I had no desire to quit drinking. In
AdeleMason
fact, the worse life got, the more traumatized and grief-stricken and alone I became, the more I wanted to drink, and the more entitled I felt to the small, cold comfort of alcohol. That is addiction. On the final night of my drinking, I found myself outside the apartment of an on-again, offagain lover. He was also active in addiction, sophisticated in a kind of psychological warfare that was driving me mad. We were ruthless with each other. Two broken, sick and twisted people cannot a healthy relationship make, and we were fools to try. I had taken off barefoot from a bar, leaving my shoes, my keys, my wallet, my phone, the last of my sanity, and my mother behind. Apparently I kept telling her that I wasn’t handling the events of that night well, that I needed her to call an ambulance. When I took off, she called the police.
I found myself outside his apartment, drunk and deranged in an impenetrable summer silence. No one was coming. Not a soul answered back when I screamed. Despite knowing down to my bones that this was rock bottom that would make me stop, I set off once again in search of more alcohol. No money, no plan, just need. That is addiction. When four police cars surrounded me, my brain was still on fire, and I was ready for a fight. The officer who got out spoke to me quietly, telling me they were there to help me, asking me what I needed. And just like that, it was over. I knew I’d had my last drink. Addiction is complex disease of overthinking, undercoping, and feeling far too much. It often involves trauma, mood disorders, and other challenges. It’s a disease of dis-ease, of unrest, of wanting to belong but feeling alone in a
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crowd. It is wandering forever, looking for home, without the knowledge that everyone else has, which is that peace was always supposed to be inside the wanderer herself. Addiction is often a death sentence, but it doesn’t have to be. The journey of recovery has given me a whole new life, and after years of wandering in a terrible wilderness, sobriety has turned me, at long last, towards home. I was drunk when I started my recovery, nothing left to fight with. So I looked at the officer looking back at me and I said three words that are the secret key to unlock the prison we as addicts are all kept inside: I need help. Stay SOCIAL with
Adele Mason
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SamanthaVax
Heal Yourself From The Inside Out.
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Photo: Samantha Vax
SamanthaVax
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SamanthaVax
Heal Yourself From The Inside Out Let us come up with a daily routine that warms our heart and lifts our spirit. Let us sing and dance, while immersed in nature. Let us make our passion our work, so that life may never be dull again. Let us be free. This is what it means to heal your body from the inside out. If you could design your own perfect week, what would it look like? Would you travel, perhaps work a couple of hours and come home to read a book? Do you enjoy cooking or maybe it’s painting that’s your hobby! Whatever your perfect week looks like, you can have it. All you have to do… is be consistent. You have to want it. You have to own it. Most importantly, you have to know you deserve it and then trust yourself. This is not an easy for most jump to make, but it’s the jump we make to happiness. Now, we know the jump is our end goal, but would it not be simpler to cross a bridge? Let us make one. Your bridge must consist of three things, in order to work.
1. You must be dedicated to your happiness.
2. Y ou must be motivated to reach your happiness. 3. Y ou must love yourself enough to make your own happiness.
Find your happiness.
Feel Healthy Now.
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Photo: Samantha Vax
SamanthaVax
Stay SOCIAL with
Samantha Vax
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TrishaMitchell
WARRIOR WOMAN THE WOUNDED FERAL CHILD RISES... We are not born Warriors, but forged through pain, suffering and sometimes terror. The Warrior Woman resides in all feminine waiting to be ignited. She is known throughout civilizations, religions and mythology. She has many names: Ishtar, Lilith, Persephone, Xena, Amazon/Viking Warrior, Athena, Kali, Joan of Arc, and the list goes on.
My Story Abuse, Trauma, Terror awakened my warrior spirit at a very young age; already, I was born into abuse. As a very young child, I watched my mother being violently physically abused by her partners.
depressants medication, alcohol and money. He was totally psychotic and suicidal. His rage and outbursts were more frightening than the previous relationship. In the end, after a night of terror, he committed suicide.
Fear, Rage, Hopelessness, emotional outbursts were my first tools of survival. I was taken away by the welfare system and placed in an orphanage far far away from my mother for most of my life.
The final was the player who charmed me during my grieving state. More deception, lies, psychotic outbursts, violent rage and total disrespect for women in general.
I never foresaw this reoccurring in my own life with the partners I chose or rather chose me.
Sadly I was yet to watch my only son grow up to be a man and display some of the same aggressiveness, anger, violent outbursts and behaviour patterns as my previous abusers.
My first husband was my first abuser. After the death of our first child, everything changed, and he put a loaded gun to my head on two separate occasions right in front of my children. I hid in a cupboard for hours in fear of my life. The flight or fight syndrome had kicked in. That marriage ended, but the foundation was laid. The second abuser was a young artist. A life of drugs, alcohol, nighclubs, sexual experiences and violent and psychotic outbursts and physical beatings. I learnt the art of denial, excuses and make-up touches to cover the bruises and scars. Leaving him was just as dangerous as living with him, but with support and courage, it happened. Years later, I met my second husband. An ex-policeman who was addicted to prescription anti-
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My big day of awakening happened on Woman’s Day, after a debaucherous night out with the player and his groupies or enablers. I was badly beaten up by his enablers as he watched and did nothing. That night I looked deep into the mirror, horrified, broken, shattered, and I knew this was the end of my abuse. I was going to stop this violent cycle of abuse in my life.
Abuse Background We blame ourselves, we think we can help the abuser, we think it’s generic, we feel shame and guilt, we feel unworthy, we live in fear, sometimes we have no family or support and nowhere to go. Abusers, Violent Men, Narcissists,
TrishaMitchell
Handlers choose their victims. They prey on vulnerable, broken woman, or woman who have no family structures.
The Warrior Woman Archetype in the collective is rising as we come to the ending of the age of patriarchy.
They mostly mirror image their victims, meaning they themselves are from broken homes, being abused sexually or physically as children.
Warrior Woman is the protector of family, communities and the vulnerable. Warrior Woman is filled with experiences of both the Light and dark natures as she has been to the bottom of darkness and returned.
They have Control issues; they are very jealous and insecure within themselves. They tend to isolate their victims, remove them from friends, family and work environments. Then they control, dominate and abuse their victims. The victim once subdued, remains silent, feels guilt, shame and has no support base or finances to get out of the relationship that she fears so much. Our Abusers are the creation of a Patriarchal System, which is based on Male Domination and Female Suppression. Our consitution does not provide safety, protection or justice for femicide, abuse, rape and death of a woman. There is no justice for the victims. Police tend to back away from domestic violence complaints and interdicts against spouses have proven to be useless in many cases.
I had to re-live, address the wounds and release the fear/pain/ wounds/scars/rage/hopelessness/ unworthiness/shame/guilt/self hate/unforgivness/revenge and co-dependency. I transmuted this experience into creativity/dance/writing/self love/ self care/forgiveness and courage. I learnt how to howl like a wolf and grow my Horns.
Overcoming Abuse healing tools 1. S elf Love / Self Care / Self Forgiveness. 2. Mind / Body / Soul Therapy 3. G et involved in support groups, community / activism in gender-based violence against woman.
Victim to heroine
4. Trust your intuition and create safe boundaries.
Personally, I had to go back to my childhood wounds. That was my beginning point, and it took a few years and deep shadow healing to process all the wounds.
6. S hare your story and inspire others.
5. Find support and healing through group therapy or social media avenues.
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Warrior Woman is fueled with wisdom and stands in her truth and power. Warrior Woman is Independent, self contained, assertive and courageous. Warrior Woman unravels all falsities and demands respect. Warrior Woman is the liberator. ***** “You may shoot me with your words, You may cut me with your eyes, You may kill me with your hatefulness, But still, like air, I’ll rise.” – Maya Angelou
*****
Stay SOCIAL with Trisha Mitchell
TrishaMitchell
“You kill a Woman, You kill creation.”
Photo: Trisha Mitchell
– Trisha Mitchell
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RobertLandau
How to Take the Lead… Even When You Don’t Want To!
your Inner Leader lead you in life, you will reach the finish line even before you realize that you’ve gotten there. Leadership is a part of your heartbeat, it’s a part of your breath and it’s who and what you really are.
These are unprecedented times. Many often ask how they’ll get through. Ultimately, the question is this; Are you a victim to life’s dark moments or might you be a willing co-creator? If you resonate with the latter instead of the former, you just might be on to something.
How do you let your Inner Leader get you to where you need to be? Here are seven easy-to-follow steps to life leadership;
You can make it through the storm. It takes faith, focus and leadership. If you can’t lead yourself through the muck and mud of a trying situation, you truly won’t make it through. Reaching the finish line means you have decided above all else, that you will lead yourself to victory. Are you a leader? I often ask this question when I facilitate seminars or work with people one-to-one and I’m always amazed at the answers I get. Most people consider themselves a leader if they happen to find themselves in a leadership position at work. What many often miss is that one isn’t only a leader while one is on the job. Leadership doesn’t begin and end when you begin or finish work every day. With that in mind, here is the same question, but with a slight twist; Are you a leader in your life? Is your answer any different than the one you gave for the first question? I believe that each one of us was born to lead. It’s in our genes so to speak. Leadership is part of the human condition. It’s how you get through your day, every day. A leader envisions a task and then goes about accomplishing that task in the best way they can. But here’s the key; Effective leaders don’t let their mind-chatter stop them from
1. BELIEVE that there is a leader within you
getting to where they want to be. They end up becoming an example to others. Motivational leadership happens when others watch a leader facilitating a task and admire they way they go about it and the results they’ve gotten. The lesson becomes, “Well, if the leader can do it, then I must be able to as well!” Don’t think you have what it takes to be a successful leader? Think again. You do it every day. Getting out of bed and going about your day is a task that, believe it or not, involves leadership. You are setting a goal for yourself and you take the steps necessary to accomplish that goal. You lead yourself to the finish line. Getting from A to Z is what leadership is all about. Giving up along the way, isn’t! Each one of us has an “Inner Leader” that is always there. It comes to the fore when we get out of its way. It has everything to do with confidence and positivity. If you let
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2. When you have a task that requires leadership in any way shape or form, map out how you will get from A to Z, in a few easyto-accomplish steps. It’s up to you to make the journey easy for yourself 3. KNOW you can get there, no matter how fierce the storm might appear to be 4. FEEL what it’s like already accomplishing the task even though it hasn’t happened yet 5. Repeat step 4 as often as possible until the results have been achieved 6. Stand out of the way and let it happen! Sometimes we can be our worst enemy 7. Don’t worry about the day, date and hour that your goal will be achieved, just KNOW that it will happen when it is supposed to and not a moment sooner. Your Inner Leader will see to it. You may not get want you want, but you will always get what you need
RobertLandau
Robert Landau is a Certified Life Coach that works with people around the world via Zoom. His new website is robertlandaulifecoach.com
John was successful all his life. He had it all, great house, great life partner, great job. Then the world turned itself on its side. Civil unrest, the virus, you name it, John’s world literally imploded within twenty-four hours. He couldn’t stop watching the news…all day long. It got to the point where he didn’t even recognize the guy he saw looking back at him in the mirror. “What have I become? Where was the guy I used to know? I am a walking talking bundle of dread, doom and fear!”, John said to himself.
your disbelief and get back on the road of believing that you came here for a very specific purpose. Let your Inner Leader take you there. It’s your path, it’s your life and it’s your destiny. All you have to do is stand out of the way, no matter what the nightly news says. Stay SOCIAL with Robert Landau
He went on…”Well, this is absolutely ridiculous! I’m not this pile of worry. I need to get back on track, starting right now!” Every day, John would spend a bit of time with himself. Talking to himself, encouraging his Inner Leader to come back out and rule the day, every day, just like it had for so many years. He would feel what it felt like to soar higher than the many fears that he had allowed to bring him down. After only two weeks, he was back on track again. He took the time to remember what he thought he had forgotten. Leading is something you came here to do. If you still aren’t convinced, find out what it is that might be holding you back from this realization. Once you know what that roadblock might be, understand that this issue might not be as real as you thought it once was. Figure out what it will take to walk through
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OneTribeMedia
Become the storyteller of your own destiny.
OneTribeMedia.co.u
Are you ready to share your awesomeness?
One Tribe Media merge imagination and technology to allow brands and individuals tell their stories and grow their tribes in an age of digital transformation through collaborative website design and branding.
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k
JoannaIntara
How Experiencing Unbelievable Trauma Turned Out To Be A Huge Gift.
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JoannaIntara
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JoannaIntara
How Experiencing Unbelievable Trauma Turned Out To Be A Huge Gift, Not A Death Sentence, And Makes Me A Master Healer Who Can Help You. I grew up in tremendous dysfunction.
That I was too beautiful and s*xy
All kinds of abuse.
And that it was way too much of a problem
And no one knew about it.
And that closeness to me was wanted from others all the time.
Because on the outside everything looked really fine.
But if I was really real and the wise me, I’d be rejected
But inside, I died a little each day because I felt so broken-hearted.
And that it was weird and ‘off’ that all kinds of angels and images appeared in my mind before I fell asleep each night, guiding me though,
As you can imagine, someone who had endless curiosity,
Those are the messages I got repeatedly as a little one.
and endless depth,
Just let that in,
who looooved nature so much,
because I know lots of you have your own version of this to deal with, especially when it comes to relationships, and we all have our histories and lineage, in some way or another.
who loved to draw and write and sing and dance, who felt the presence of awareness and love deeply, and was very open and cared so much,
Let in, that I overstand (lol) this very much.
would not have an easy time in a family with two dark warriors as parents, shut down hearts, full of criticism, contempt and hell-bent on self-destruction.
It’s really hard to overcome all those horrible messages about yourself. And to believe that they were true.
Not at all.
And to see how much of your personality and body forms around taking these lies as gospel.
I knew, dawning at age 9, that all was not well at home, in fact, not just...not well, but really off, really disturbed.
I know what it’s like to be sunken in false identities..
But I wanted to be like the other kids, who had parents that cared, were normal and equipped to be parents.
And you know what else, I know what it’s like to let my essence live free.
I didn’t want what I had.
But it was really hard to deal with all those thoughts about myself.
I remember one day sitting in meditation in front of my closet, summoning all my will and heart to find my way through the door, into another land, one where children and their essence were cherished, wanted and respected.
And to behave, believe and feel as though they were true. So for a while, I surrendered the battle to the fake identity (id) that I WAS all those things.
But instead, I got the messages,
I succumbed to all the attitudes, behaviors, feelings and actions that went along with believing the fake id. (my husband and I’s term.)
I was a problem And what I saw and heard and felt was a problem. I was too much energy And not enough, all at the same time.
And I felt the crippling self esteem, the oppressive inside voice that shut me down and off, every time.
I was good for what I did for others
But I kept going in my healing.
And selfish for wanting anything for myself.
And my relentless liberation for the truth fueled me.
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JoannaIntara
And I finally, only recently came to accept the truth,
Because this is what I survived and lived through.
I am not a problem.
And it is part of ‘my story,’
I am just plenty.
And what I was dealing with, over and over,
I see and hear things that need to be shared.
so I know how to undo, even the most
That my intuition is acutely right on, every time.
tangled of entanglements,
That my voice is one that wants to be heard.
they’re not just mental, or physical, or emotional, or s*xual..
And that I know the incredible value of a thorough, no stone left unturned, transformation journey.
it’s usually all of them at the same time...
It’s a bit bittersweet now to see how long I believed falseness about myself.
and it’s art and science, and soul, and awareness, and tension, and dynamism to break through them...
Bitter cause it hurt me.
And my divine essence got me through.
Sweet, because there’s nothing more precious and sacred than knowing the truth of who you really are.
And so I know how to be a Master Healer because of such relentless initiations into healing, every step of the way.
And what you’re meant to create and bring forth in this world.
And I know what it takes to thrive in a relationship because of my incredible inner strength and bravery.
And of course, from where I sit now, it’s undeniable who I truly am,
And it’s also what makes me amazing at my work, because I can have sincere integrity when I share with my clients
Even though it was deeply difficult to arrive here. And I know,
that I see
We don’t all arrive at this ‘suddenly’ one day,
and hear them
It’s a process that requires fathomless amounts of selflove and self-compassion.
and that their love matters and so does their beauty, power, creativity, natural instincts and dreams,
I have to give this to myself each day. And I was thinking the other day about all the adversities that I’ve had,
and I see the way through the heartache of difficult relationship into the one that you most desire
the sheer number of obstacles that I have overcome with the sheer depth,
and you get to have that, all the way. because this is what I went through myself too,
and creative perseverance of my all my inner resources, and my brave heart,
and as I deepen into it,
I am a Scottish Goddess of The Wild, After all...;-)
more and more,
And I realized that those things that I felt dammed with all those years, forsaken, lost, broken, and eternally heartbroken, really were instead a huge miracle and blessing, in helping me recognize the medicine that I carry.
the better and better it gets. Now it’s your turn. I’m here to walk beside you. This is how experiencing multiple and complex trauma turned out to be a huge gift, not a death sentence, and made me a master healer.
Because I could hear what hadn’t been said, And felt what hadn’t been felt, on the most intricate and whispered of places,
I hope this speaks to someone’s soul today.
And what was in the relationship in-between places,
All My Heart...
That was causing the trouble, And I could feel true beauty, sincerity, creativity, power, and love, struggling to get through relationship tensions.
Stay SOCIAL with
Joanna Intara
And the way through all of it. By leaning into inner and outer support. Which is exactly what I did and still do.
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LivaLevica
THE NAKED TRUTH It’s NOT about how you look - it’s what you think how you look!
Our minds are complex “systems” with lots and lots of learned beliefs, behaviours and habits. Some of them serve us and make our life happen in the best way, but some cause damage that can last a lifetime. We all have this “MAGIC VISION” in our heads how we look, and then there’s a vision of how we would like to look, and then there’s a vision how other people around us see us and then is also a vision how they would like to see us. The last one is more pointed to our parents and also to our partners in love. But, here’s the thing if they don’t accept you the way you are - GET AWAY from THEM! “Social distancing” - and NOW is the perfect time for it as you have a really good excuse for it.
the same tops for my grandmothers birthday - I was angry, shocked and pissed at the same time. I knew that my mother doesn’t really like my grandmother, but NOW also I was on her “blacklist”. For a while, I was trying to convince myself that my mother loveed me, but the reality was also hitting hard!
I always hated the way I look - I was taller than others in school, class and so on. I was bigger than others, and I was growing faster than others… it was NOT my breasts that were getting bigger; it was my waist. With every inch I gained around my waist, I also gained extra hate for myself.
By that time, I was a teenager, and I hated myself, even more, I was NOT popular in school, so I tried very, very hard to be good in everything that I was given to do, but even that didn’t work out! I remember one time I was given a place to go for exhibition to Germany with a bus full of adults if there was an opportunity to travel I was in, I was just 17 years old and this older man came to me and asked me - “So who is looking after your husband and kids while you are gone???” He thought I am in my mid-thirties. And you know what that’s how I felt if not even older - I had stretch marks on my stomach, my stomach looked like I am pregnant for the fourth time and I also felt like an exhausted woman that have had it.
The situation in my family was “very supportive” NOT to say more! My mother was putting me on every diet she could read of; eventually, we had a library of diet books and NO kg lost. Then came “MAGIC” slimming powders and thank God, only my mother was drinking them! After that followed all kind of “SUPER promise” weight loss equipment and guess what still NOTHING!!! I think the biggest disappointment for me and also reality kick was when my mother bought my grandmother and me
But then things changed! When I was 19 I got myself on the plane to England and joined almost a year and a half long program to volunteer in Africa and OH Boy I LOVED IT! I meet people from around the world; I learned things I never even knew about, I experienced adventures, and also I finally started my way to recovery of my SELF LOVE! People were treating me with respect and for who I am, NOT for who I thought or my mother thought I was. Also, I was getting more and more attention from men in a very
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Photo: Liva Levica
LivaLevica
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LivaLevica
good way, and that gave me even more self-confidence. Plus on top of all that - I was actually losing weight. I was NOT thinking about it, worrying about it - it JUST was HAPPENING! But the main reason it was happening was that I stopped punishing myself and my life for who I thought I was and started living my life as I was and feeling happy about it. NOT long after my confidence just kept growing and growing, yes I still had those doubt moments in me, but they were NOT so bright and powerful as before. The other thing that changed was that I finally accepted my mother for who she is and NOT for who I wanted her to be. I accepted that she is just a human being like we all are and that she also doesn’t know what self-love and respect are. But at the same time as I was feeling sorry for her, I also felt that it is NOT my problem. She was supposed to be my mother, NOT all way around, and she was supposed to be supporting me, loving me and being there for me no matter what. But that was NOT the case! And yes, I know it could we worse, but for me, in this life, it was bad enough, so I decided to distance myself from my family, friends, employers that would NOT appreciate me for who I was. You see, life is too short and also to long to live in misery. And if you have people around you that are NOT supporting and accepting you for who you are then you are in the wrong company! Don’t be scared to tell them off or just leave them, because trust me keeping yourself miserable will just make them happy if that’s how they make you feel. And if they make you feel like that then it’s their purpose towards you otherwise they would feel crap. Just NOW in my 30, I learned that the MOST important thing is what
you feel, think and say to yourself! But here is one catch - NOT all that you say to yourself is your own words. As kids we are like notebooks ready to be filled in with information coming towards us, so we copy and paste everything we hear, see, smell, touch, taste, but most of ALL we implant beliefs that are presented to us, as we don’t know anything else in that moment. And then when we start to grow up, develop our own thoughts, our own words and beliefs, life becomes conflicting. Why because beliefs that we implemented as small children are there already and they are NOT giving space to our own beliefs. It’s like a push and pull situation! It took me a while in therapy sessions, past life readings and healings, to step out of my pasted beliefs. It took me a while to UNLEARN things that were NOT mine but was growing in me, conflicting with me and making me so uncomfortable. One thing I can say from my experience - change takes TIME. Yes, for some, it happens smoother and faster, but for some, it may take a lifetime or more, but trust me if you are willing to walk this path, nothing can stop you! The other thing here is, if you don’t surrender to your being, your voice, your own beliefs eventually you will have to fight with them. And that can be fought between life or death! You are here for a reason! The way you are in this existence is for a reason! But when you don’t follow that reason you soon end up fighting with your thoughts and thoughts from the society around you. You can start drinking, smoking, abusing your mind and body, but the deeper you go, the more voice inside you will speak with you, and you will have to get more and more duped to silence it! At this moment in my life, I can say to you - I AM IN LOVE WITH [ 46 ]
MYSELF! These words have taken me ages to accept and make them happen in my life. And you know what the funniest thing I am the biggest I have ever been in my life is! I can feel it by years old dresses that suddenly are too small for me and numbers on scales. Yes, I am NOT happy about so much extra weight, but it doesn’t make me love myself any less. I love myself even more! I see and acknowledge now things that I need to change with understanding and willingness to work on them, instead of feeling angry or disappointed with myself. You see, there is NO bad or good energy - there’s JUST energy! And it is up to us to make it bad or good. So choose your frequency for the direction you want to go! And remember - You are Your BEST everything. Only then, when you master it, you will get the same response from people and the world around you. Speak kind words to yourself! Nourish yourself with the best intentions, best valuations. Even if you are still NOT where you have wanted to be, that’s fine, accept this moment with gratitude and peace that you are moving in the direction where you want to be. Life is NOT about goals; life is about the journey to them because even though the view from the top is nice, it lasts only for a moment where clime takes ages. Love yourself and say that to yourself every day! Tell yourself every day how wonderful, unique, beautiful and amazing you are, because there’s NO ONE in this world like you will never be and has never been! Embrace that! Stay SOCIAL with
Liva Levica
Photo: Liva Levica
LivaLevica
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LarryRosenbergPhD + AndyFerguson
It’s Edutainment!
Photo: Larry + Andy in Linlithgow
Even During a Crisis
Two Edutainers Meet Some people just can’t sit still and let the world be. They feel they have to stand up and do something to stop injustice, discrimination, bullying and general mischief-making. They have a compulsion to help make life more worthwhile for as many people as possible. Even after a series of direct frontal assaults are followed by abject failures, some people will persist, reinventing themselves to start over again, when they perceive further pain and wrongs in the world that need sorting out.
That describes us, Larry and Andy. We can’t just leave it alone. And we believe the best way to tackle today’s burning issues, to make our world a better place to live for everyone, is education. Ah, but in what shape and style?
conversations, we have explored how our work is characterized by the creative fusion of educational content and entertainment methods. And so, Larry decided we should style ourselves edutainers!
To start to answer that question, we want to relate how and why we co-authors met. In 2015, Andy contacted Larry via Facebook, after seeing that Larry used costumes and props while performing his one-person musical show, The Liberation of Larry. We discussed how Larry’s show had sprung from an epiphany which crystallized into his new identity, inspirational entertainer. The show brings to life the ups and downs of Larry’s life and the lessons learned from them. The show, right from conception, was designed to guide audience members to have an introspective personal-discovery experience, and have fun while doing it.
What About During a Crisis?
For his part, Andy had also used music, quirky outfits and other surprising activities when asked to deliver Inspirational speaking assignments at conferences and business events. Again, this approach was designed to excite audiences in order to multiply and deepen their personal insights. It was natural why we formed an instant bond based on our shared understanding and approach to education and training. As learners ourselves, we are well aware we learn best when fully engaged, having fun, feeling open, and caught up in the high energy of what’s unfolding in front of us. Over many Transatlantic [ 48 ]
But in these coronavirus pandemic times of real stress, uncertainty and a massive worldwide human crisis, we need to check: When the educators are full of life and joy, does the smiley happy-as-Larryand-Andy edutainer approach really still fit? Is it appropriate for these trying times? First of all, as a general trend, when imagining the future of personal education – involving participants in an intimate faceto-face workshop, or in larger numbers on platforms like Zoom – we recognize the increasing need to sensitively maximize the synergy of education and training with that of entertainment, and even bits of showbiz. Because we learn best when we’re calm and open minded, we believe getting out of a negative space and introducing joy and humor work as an effective antidote to apathy, cynicism and even downright hostility. Times might be tough, but being negative doesn’t help. Experience has taught us: We are more likely to discover solutions when we’re stress-free, even care-free, and in the moment. As edutainers, we aim to change the energy and focus, keep things positive yet respectful, creative and always relevant. And we know there is nothing more real that when we’re smiling or laughing
LarryRosenbergPhD + AndyFerguson
Photo: Andy fergusone + Larry Rrosenberg PhD in conversation
at ourselves or the situation. Joyfulness opens the doorway to learning. We believe edutainment will become ever more important in personal education’s future. It’s being pushed and shaped by the fast-growing amount of educational content being produced by universities and schools, as well as individual experts seeking new business opportunities. And let’s not forget the need to compete for attention in an over-saturated market. Now to addressing personaldevelopment edutainment during the pandemic’s dark days and beyond: The key messages – from how to be safe while the disease spreads, to dealing with the economic earthquake that’s about to hit – have been most effectively delivered by this type of edutainment, what we and others have been developing. It’s a proven way to gain attention, induce rapport and trust, raise awareness, and result in a deeper consciousness of articulated issues and promising solutions. Edutainment enhances the effectiveness and efficiently (fewer training hours and less financial outlay) of most types of personal developmental activity. And that’s surely what we need right now to enable people to access their inner resources – such as positivity, confidence, creativity, love, joy and peace – and apply them to enact thriving activities – individually and in collaboration with communities.
Making Edutainment Work About now, you may be curious, intrigued or eager to know what the education-entertainment intersection might look like, and how you too can incorporate this creative approach into your life or programs you facilitate for others. To design and deliver training as edutainment, here are our suggestions: • Use entertainment carefully at key times in a program. Consider it while introducing the program or a new section, signalling what’s coming next, leading into a principal message, transitioning from one topic to another, providing a break to recharge group energy, lightening up sensitive or controversial content, enlivening a long and detail -filled section, and concluding a section or the program.
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• Introduce surprise elements beyond the participants’ expectations. In the middle of serious content, think about inserting humor and playfulness. Do this by shifting the setting (to a story, game or party), bursting into song (existing or improvised, solo or sing-along), doing an expressive dance (solo, with one or a few participants, or everyone), putting on a costume (scarf, vest or hat), picking up a prop (umbrella, sword or fan), using a chair or stool (to lean against, sit on, or stand upon), switching on sounds (music, sound effects, or another person’s or your prerecorded words), and conversing with a pretend person (on an unconnected phone, to an empty chair, or with an imaginary person off-stage). • Select an entertaining topic from your personal experience.
LarryRosenbergPhD + AndyFerguson
Examples from the authors’ journeys include something amusing about Japanese behavior, where Larry has lived; and something adventurous regarding skiing in France or climbing Mount Kilimanjaro in Tanzania, where Andy used to work. Make it personal and juicy. Being human is allowed, even encouraged.
Try edutainment out for yourself, and feel free to get in touch if you want to join us in exploring any of the above ideas. Larry and Andy Stay SOCIAL with Andy Ferguson Larry Rosenberg PhD
These needs are driving personal development practitioners to experiment, innovate and integrate the use of high tech and artificial intelligence, introduce gaming and make edutainment an even more appealing approach. We often talk about our desire to inspire, encourage and empower people, and edutainment done right provides an unbeatable way to do that.
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Photo: Larry Rosenberg in a Yukata robe
In conclusion, we believe that in a changing world with greater complexity and even more unpredictable crises ahead, we are compelled to continually develop ourselves and our understanding of the world around us. And as educators, we need to understand the potential of edutainment to transform individual and collective actions, empowering us to not just survive but to thrive, even in the most challenging of times.
Photo: Larry Rrosenberg PhD
• Invite the participants to share their ideas on how to enliven, lighten or jazz up a substantive or routine topic; do this after they have seen several times how you have blended entertaining methods and serious content.
OneTribe
DIF FER ENT
religions skin colours languages
EMBRACE DIVERSITY AND PROSPER [ 51 ]
CharmaineBarber
Embrace That We Are Deserving There are times when we feel we don´t deserve to take care of ourselves. We forget to look after ourselves because we´re too busy looking after others. For some of us who were trauma victims once, we might go as far as failing to care about our appearance, our hygiene, our health. We stop caring about our hair, nails, our weight, our clothing, our environment. We work ourselves into the ground because it doesn´t matter, it´s only us, no-one else, so what. We don´t go out and have fun with others and we refuse other offers to help or take care of us, the small things they might want to do like bring us a drink or offer to pick the children up from school. We might live in clutter, mess, dirt, dust and chaos and can´t be bothered to clean because we think, why should I, I don´t really deserve it, I haven’t earnt the right to live like everyone else have I? We might rarely finish things we start, or we might not even feel the need to commit to something and even start it.
we don´t deserve to live properly? We are not here to live life for others, we are here to live life for ourselves. What we do to ourselves isn´t deliberate, but it is uninformed and unintentional self-sabotaging. Have you ever asked yourself why you do it? If you have asked yourself, then it´s a first step in the right direction to healing and understanding that you can change how you think about yourself and that it is important to accept that we do deserve self-love and love from others. A poor self-image does not come from no-where, it´s more than likely come from bad experiences in childhood, either from parents, school where we might or might not have made enemies or others outside of school.
Maybe we´re in a relationship which is destructive because we feel we do not deserve anything better. We eat the wrong sorts of food because we think it does not matter what we eat, heck, it´s only food isn’t it? We might smoke or drink like a fish because we don´t think we´re worth the effort.
Awareness of what we´re doing to ourselves and an acceptance to change for the better becomes the part of the motivation to do it with commitment. We do not have to be martyrs and lead a life of sufferance. Understanding where these feelings of hopelessness come from allow us to become more in touch with our feelings about ourself and who we are. Perhaps we were always expected to live up to other peoples expectations and weren’t allowed to be ourselves and develop our own unique character. Perhaps we were emotionally or physically abused. We can heal.
Maybe we accept every situation that under normal circumstances we would not, like being a doormat for others or not being able to say no to anything when asked because again, we think
We have a tendency to put conditions on how we live, such as, “I only deserve to feel good if….” Or “If I don’t do x, y, z then I will feel incomplete, useless, hopeless, unworthy.” [ 52 ]
We all deserve to be happy, proud of our accomplishments, however large or small because they matter to us and no-one else and they should matter because we´re the ones who put the time and effort in. They are our own unique moments of glitter and sparkle, rainbows or fireworks going off. Whatever way we see them, they belong to us. At the very least, we deserve to be happy, joyous and grateful for life. A corny saying, but life really is what we make it and if we think we deserve an amazing life, then we will do our best to make our life the most amazing one ever. If not, we may regret it by the time it´s too late to do anything about it. What we do deserve, is the chance to live life fully, which is the chance we´ve already been given, only not everyone takes that chance and uses it to its fullest. We are already able to feel and to breath without encumbrance. Being happy and fulfilled and deserving of love, with the freedom to speak freely, move freely without being restrained is what we deserve and what we already have. Material things are something else which are optional. Emotional feelings aren´t optional because they flow in, around, through and out of us at the speed of light it feels sometimes. Our feelings of deserving will feel that way too, just emotions to watch. So let´s stop whining and whinging and get out there and be deserving of everything good. No good is victimhood. Be alive and live life fully because we deserve to.
Charmaine Barber
CharmaineBarber
Be alive and live life fully because we deserve to.
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DawnBates
You don’t know what you’ve got.
We’ve all heard the phrase “You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone”, and for many of us we associate it with losing a loved one.
And the results in all areas of my life I had been looking for started to flow like the water cascading down the falls in Iguazu here in Argentina.
It’s very much like the phrase “Be careful what you wish for”, with many of us associating it with receiving something negative we have been moaning about.
It was almost as if me wishing I had the same level of success as these people, wishing they would invite me onto their stages and shows had blindsided me in forgetting just how successful I already am.
I’d like us to explore these phrases together and take a look at them from a different perspective. Recently I deleted a lot of people from my online spaces. Removed myself from groups and networks where it felt like a one-way street. A one-sided relationship will never work, regardless of whether it is personal or professional. I started looking into how certain relationships were working and not working for me, deleting the ones which were not working, and it was liberating! I felt so much lighter afterwards, literally felt as though a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Why? Because I had owned my space and stepped into a new level of awareness of myself. I hadn’t realised I had been carrying a certain aspect of fear around with me. Fear of letting go of these people because they were seen as leaders in their field. A fear of the repercussions from removing them from my space. It wasn’t an obvious fear, it was one of those fears buried deep in my sub-conscious that took a whole lot of digging to discover what it was. And when it was gone… WOW! The awakening I had! [ 54 ]
Now, my idea of success is not the same as anyone else, nor is yours, nor anyone else writing for or reading this magazine. Success is a very personal idea and can never really be measured or compared from one person to the other, especially as we never really know the distance travelled. Many of us wish we had better health, more happiness, a sexier body, financial freedom, and many of us wish we were better parents, siblings, lovers and friends. The truth is though when we remove the people from our lives who have failed to see our power, our light, our fire, our talents, ultimately failing to see who we are, it is because we have failed to see who we are. The people in our lives who see us are the ones who reflect back to us our greatness, helping us see our true selves. This gift of awareness leads us to an awakening and a level of courage to let the others fall away like leaves on a tree in autumn. The wishing we were this, wishing we had that and wishing we were like someone else radiates from deep within us on a deep cellular level. It is this cellular
DawnBates
energy which holds us back and permeates from us without us even knowing it. Many of us who have been ‘doing the inner work’ for years, two decades in my case, are not exempt from being held back, although to many people the thought that we are being held back can be quite intimidating. With each new level of success and global impact we achieve, the awareness becomes greater, and more profound, which again calls us forward to positively impact the lives of others, whether that is on a family level, a community level or a global level. With my work as an author coach and strategist, I have had the pleasure and the privilege to work with some incredible people. Leaders in their field of expertise, individuals who have got to the point in life where they are ready to be seen for all of who they are rather than simply a CEO, or Vice President of a major multinational. They want to speak up for the causes they believe in, using their skills, success and leadership to make a difference in the lives of people who do not have a voice, or who need a louder voice. They want to let go of the fear of speaking up, they want to let go of the secrets buried deep inside of them, the ones they know they have been avoiding, carrying around shame, guilt, embarrassment or the fear of upsetting others. It is this fear of upsetting others which weighs them down, that stops them from the ultimate freedom anyone can have: To be at peace, free to speak the truth, free
to be all of who they are and all of who they are not. These fears and secrets which so many of us carry around with us, wherever we go, are the ones which, when heard, will give hope and courage to others who have the same fears and secrets. We will give them a role model in which to learn from, give them back their voice, if they ever had it to begin with. As leaders it is our responsibility to step up to the next level of authenticity, to use our success in society, to really make a profound social change, because society is broken and in need of hope on so many levels right now. We are seeing Hollywood society, governments, corporations and prestigious family names be associated with the darkness and evil of an underworld which is closer to home to all of us than we could ever imagine, or would like to think it is. We cannot live in ignorance anymore. We cannot think it won’t happen to us, and we cannot carry these burdens and secrets, these fears and doubts within us any longer. They will eat away at us, distract us and stop us achieving all we were born to achieve. Everything is happening for us right now, has always been happening for us, and it is up to us whether we choose to let go or hold on. It is up to us to choose to stop wishing to become, or have what we already have deep within us, and just embrace our own magnificence. It is up to us to allow ourselves to [ 55 ]
shine in a world of darkness so others too can find their light, their hope and their courage. Our world starts with us. What we choose, who we choose and where we choose to be matters. When we choose to choose ourselves and our happiness over everyone else, magic starts to happen. When we choose our journey over the journey of anyone else, the beautiful energy forces of selfbelief and self-worth lead us to a freedom like no other, and isn’t that a journey worth taking? Isn’t that a journey we would like others to share with us? Isn’t that journey that once taken, starts to form a road for others to travel on towards their own freedom? Our truth is the gift that will keep on giving for years to come, generations to come, and it will heal more people than we could ever imagine. So, are you ready to let go and discover what you’ve truly got? Or are you going to keep holding on to the blindness which is holding you back? *To learn more about a magical transformation by one of the world’s leading ladies, order my latest book Becoming Annie: The Biography of a Curious Woman by clicking on this link https:// dawnbates.com/anniegibbins It is a story which will surprise you, delight you and inspire you and really bring home that it doesn’t matter how successful someone is, there is always something they are dealing with. Stay SOCIAL with Dawn Bates
DawnBates
What happens when we get curious? Becoming Annie: The Biography of a Curious Woman
Becoming who we truly are is a defining moment in everyone’s journey; yet many
This is a story which will surprise, delight and inspire you, bringing home the reality that it
of us are still hiding amongst the self-imposed shadows of life. Becoming Annie is a story
doesn’t matter how successful someone is, there is always something they are dealing
about a woman who not only redefines what it
with behind closed doors.
means to be a woman in the corporate world,
To learn more about Annie and her magical
but also what it is to be a woman in each and
transformation into one of the world’s leading
every area of life. And more importantly, how
ladies, order your copy of Becoming Annie: The
we relate to each other.
Biography of a Curious Woman (Click Here)
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DawnBates
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INTERNATIONAL BEST SELLING AUTHOR AND AUTHOR COACH
Ever thought about writing a book? Maybe you have already written a book but you are not living the life you want, or receiving the exposure and income you want to. If this is the case, check out my Free 21 Top Tips for Authors by clicking on this link DawnBates.com/AuthorTopTips
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LennyHadassahZulu
Photo: Lenny Hadassah Zulu
Get Out Of Your Way
The only person who really has the power to stop you is YOU! I know this may sound unbelievable, but it is so true. Nothing outside of yourself is able to stop you like you can stop yourself. These are outside factors which are only able to influence you to go a certain direction. Why would you give so much power to things or people who don’t have that much power over you. Forget about the naysayers and just focus on your own race.
Imagine you’re in a race running for the finish line and in the sidelines are people. All manner of people. They are screaming and shouting for you to stop or quit, they’re saying you should just give up and give in. They’re yelling that the race you’re running is just not worth it. Think of it, these sideline people are not in the race, they don’t even have the capacity to stop your legs from running the race. They do not have bulldozers to bulldoze you out of the race, they do not have sophisticated machines to tie your legs from running. All they have are baseless words. Would you stop running your race because of baseless words? Would you even stop mid track to respond to these people, I bet you wouldn’t because that would be a sheer waste of time. I’m pretty sure you would continue running your race ignoring whatever it is that these people are yelling or shouting at the top of their lungs. Why? Because your eyes are focused on the prize, which is to finish the race and as long as your legs are still running, their words of discouragement mean nothing. In the same way, when it comes to your life why would you allow critics to stop you from running your race successfully. Ignore the naysayers and keep running your race like you would on the track. People will always have an opinion but that doesn’t mean it should affect you, because an opinion is just that; an opinion, it’s simply someone else’s thought. Like I said at the beginning, you’re the only [ 58 ]
one who has the power to stop yourself. People don’t have that much power over you so don’t give it to them. The power belongs to you. It is your race so determine to run it well. Determine to win it. Determine to show others how to run their race too. You might face challenges along the way but never give up my friend. Challenges are part of life. Don’t give up. When you’re tired from running your race, take a break if you must but don’t you dare give up. No, you’re better than that. You’re way much better than that. Allow challenges to make you better and stronger, learn to roll with the punches, don’t get knocked out of the game, you can make it, determine to make it. Don’t let people who are not running your race stop you, they have their own race to run too. Don’t let people who are not living your life or dreams stop you. Don’t stop for anyone, just keep going. Your race is the only one worth running. Run hard to the finish, believe all the way. All that’s left now is for you to get out of your way. Lenny Hadassah Zulu
LennyHadassahZulu
Photo: DragonImages
Your race is the only one worth running
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MercyJuma
Beneath Behavior Behavior can be done in one of either two ways: with a heart that is filled with love and is at one with itself, or with a heart that is without peace and is at war with itself.
sense whether what is beneath it
Why is this important you may
is a ticking time bomb. There is
ask? I mean behavior is behavior right? Why care where it is coming from? Well ladies and gentlemen, here is the interesting part: It
is filled with love or disdain, quite accurately and that is what they respond to. There are silent wars going on inside most hearts of the human population. They are wars hardly noticed and hardly ever realized by the humans themselves. What this means in general is that most of the human population a war awaiting to happen. It is only a matter of when. What if I told you though that we could do something about it? That we could
makes all the difference because
change it?
people do not respond to your
When I ask whatever is wrong
behavior per se. They are able to
with society today, I am fairly [ 60 ]
certain that the fingers will be pointing away from you. What is likely to come to mind may be a tyrannical boss, an off putting colleague, a problematic child, a hard to deal with spouse, crafty politicians and business people, corruption, deception and the list goes on and on. What is more is that most of us believe we are doomed but are we? We do want to correct things that go wrong but that is the tip of the iceberg. What really invites change is helping things go right. I would bet, that if a child or someone at work wronged you, or even a spouse the first thing you would feel compelled to do is correct them. Some might even go
MercyJuma
as far as punishing them so that they learn their lesson. Depending on how aggravated you are at that moment, you might even find yourself shouting or saying hurtful words maybe but justify yourself by saying they made you do that. Say for example, your teenage son went partying last night with your car and ended up driving while drunk and got into an accident. You have always drilled it into him through lectures that he should avoid drugs and alcohol and he knows it is wrong. He also knows that driving while drunk is not very wise. Now he was not hurt but the car is seriously damaged. You were called by the police to come and get him the next morning. What happens then? One thing I know about teenagers because I was once one of them is their rebellious nature. I would be tempted to yell and talk, and since it is very common in Africa, even beat some sense into my naughty son. After that I could take away privileges like the television and his computer or even his phone plus have him grounded. You name it! I could even demand that he no longer sees those friends he has because they are misleading him. Would it help though? Do suppose he would clam up and rebel even more, or would I be inviting cooperation from him? Do you really think it would invite the change I desire? Would he be closer to me or will the wall between us grow wedge even higher? This happens between people, within families and spouses, between communities, nations, organizations and companies. When our hearts are at war, we invite a rift and even trigger
others to war. A snide comment, a criticism just because we do not like someone, gossip, strategies to bring another country down because we believe they are a threat, the list is endless. But notice this, is there someone you can think of who would give a snide comment and you would laugh it off because you believed it came from a place of love? Or someone who would criticize you by being honest with you about something you were doing wrong and you would actually see the love beneath it and would even thank them without taking offence? What makes the difference then? How come in one situation you respond with animosity and with another you respond by being brought closer? With one folding fists and in another embracing one with a hug? I could actually yell at my teenage son, and drill lectures into him concerning what is right and what is wrong and he could actually sense the love beneath it all, but if my heart is at war, he will also sense it that I do not see him as a person but as a stumbling block, an inconvenience, someone I am better than, evil, a fool or a disgrace. In other words I would demonize him and my heart would be at war with him. What of if I saw my teenage son as a person just like me with needs, wishes, worries, hopes, dreams, fears, talents and struggles just like me. If I went to that police station seeing him just like that, as my son, whom I loved and wanted to understand, be close to and help grow. Do you see how my approach would be different? If I saw him as someone who had made a few bad choices just as I do sometimes, would it change the whole outcome? Would he feel cared for and [ 61 ]
therefore cooperate instead of see me as the devil with horns that is out to get him? When we see people as people we get a whole different sense, to work with, help and engage with them. We see their wounds, we see their pain, we see their aches even if their actions appear horrible and inhuman for we recognize that they are human just like us and that if we walked in their shoes for a mile, we would understand them. As a matter of fact, when people’s actions seem inhuman, mostly it is because they are in pain. A pain they are reacting to and one that they may not even know they have. When we see people as people, we invite peace, collaboration and success. When we see them as objects, we invite disharmony, division, a skewed way of looking at life (being inside boxes), a crumbling society, company, organization or country and we become ticking time bombs of a war awaiting to happen. A heart at war is beneath all the wars on earth. Because of it we have been wronged, betrayed, spat at, demeaned which may have made us go to war ourselves and continue the cycle that flawed us. It is a choice though. Yours and mine. Do you choose love or do you choose war? Is your heart at war? Do you blame others and justify yourself for what is? Do you choose success or do you choose a cycle that has been going on for a millennia? The power is with you. By choosing, you either begin to heal your world or wound it. Stay SOCIAL with
Mercy Juma
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Photo: Ferial Puren
FerialPuren
The Wolf That You Feed Will Grow. One day while driving, I was listening in on a back seat conversation between my two teenage daughters. Each of them had one earpiece in ear of the same set of earphones as they discussed what they thought was a really great song. The conversation caught my attention when they quoted some of the lyrics. They shared that the singer was conveying, why there’s no point to being concerned with life as we’re all gonna die anyway. At this point, I barged into their conversation and shared my concerns that this worldview was influencing their thinking and subsequent decision making. They thought I was being ridiculous because what they liked was the tune and not the lyrics. They did not believe that the lyrics had any bearing in their decision making process.
meaning, purpose, or value. She did not remember it but I did, she made that very statement in the song. Why does doing life well matter when I am gonna die anyway? Now she is a very bright and incredibly talented young lady but at this point she refused to contribute anything positive. She felt it was pointless. Fortunately, the crisis was shortlived as it often is with teenagers but none the less scary. In the wake of this story, I want to vehemently disagree with my daughters because I believe that words have the power to transform and impact. So, when I listen, even subconsciously to lyrics of music, it is certainly influencing and eventually transforming my thoughts and my thoughts shape my actions and this in turn, down the road, shapes my life.
BUT, when my older daughter was 13, one day she had what she terms, an ‘existential crisis’. An existential crisis is a moment at which an individual questions the very foundations of their life: whether their life has any
Life. What’s the point? It seems everyone you ask has a different answer. And that’s totally normal, because the only answer that matters is your answer. The trick is to find an answer around which you can build a life that matters, a
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life that transcends your current physical lifespan because then there is a point. You see your belief concerning life is absolutely imperative because if you believe that this is it, the life you’re experiencing right now is all that there is to it then there is no point but if you believe that we exist within eternity and this space in time is just a snippet. If you believe that you are much more than just this physical being then you will do life very differently because you will understand that every action requires an equal and opposite reaction and so your choices today, in this life, resonates throughout all of eternity. You see, the wolf that will grow is the one that you feed. If you feed your mind with negative belief systems then you will be negative and life will have no point. The proof, well all you need do is look at the staggering rise in ill mental health statics all around the world, not to mention the decline and chaos across global infrastructures and systems
FerialPuren
we have created to make sense of life. If you feed your mind with positivity, peace, beauty, possibility, love then that too is the wolf that will grow. You are much more than this physical being. You are a powerful creator that possesses the potential to change the human story.
South Africa with no advantages except my own talents, my mind, my gifts and a commitment and yet, here I am! You don’t need anything handed to you. All you need is yourself, a flexible plan and the commitment to transform your life, even in the midst of this global crisis.
But is life an absolute? Do we each have one divine purpose?
I believe that in order to truly exist, we must fully manifest our talents and virtues. As Nietzche said, “becoming the person you really are.”
This is another belief we each have to grapple with and hopefully answer for ourselves. It is personal. I choose to believe that was created with a divine purpose but the way in which I live this purpose out is a choice and then how I define my own life. My purpose is embedded in the very fibre of my being and denying or defying it is to deny myself. It is the ultimate betrayal. To not live my purpose would be death for eternity because it is this purpose that will resonate into eternity. My passions, that which stirs me, moves me, compels me, concerns me and even makes me angry, is my purpose. It is this purpose that influences what I want to accomplish and the dreams that I want to see come to life. And that’s the key to realizing your dreams. Having a clear sense of your own purpose. I don’t think it’s enough to merely “exist.” To me that means doing all the stuff that society expects me to do. Plodding through an uneventful cardboard life someone else handed down to me. That life can be summed up in two obituary sentences: “Ferial, was a nice. She always did her duty.” We have so many choices, and more possibilities than we’ve ever had as a species! You no longer have to be born into money to be an explorer and travel the world. You don’t even need family connections or be born into a title to make something great of yourself – I was born in Apartheid,
That means a journey of exploration, taking the time to unravel what makes you come alive, and having the courage to live it. It also means completely rejecting the victim mentality that seems so prevalent in today’s society. I think it needs to be said, because so many external voices are intending to brain-wash you. They are sending you the wrong message. You are responsible for yourself, responsible for who you are, responsible for what you do, responsible for the way in which you interact with, connect with others, nature, creation but most all responsible for who you become. You are not a victim of your childhood or your past or your circumstances – unless you choose to be. There are no excuses great enough that outweighs the potential with which you were born. Nothing in all the universe can stop your purpose from coming to fruition and fulfilling that which was intended when you were created other than you. When you realise that, you wake up. When I realised that I was responsible for myself, I stopped making excuses and I stopped waiting for others to help me. Instead, I started changing my life. It is not easy but then nothing worthwhile ever is. It does get easier if you’re clear about your purpose and you embrace it with passion and abandon. When you’re led by purpose, your actions will
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begin to be aligned with purpose thus making it easier to stay on track and realise your dreams. If you are someone that already knows your purpose, great! Sit down and think about it some more, and re-evaluate how you spend your life so that you can realign. You need to let this purpose guide what you spend your time and life doing and often this means trimming away negative people and tasks that do not contribute to this purpose. You have an allotted time within which to fulfil this purpose so let’s not waste time on non essential things. When doing this trimming, it is important to allow your instinct to also have a voice because it knows what you need. If you’re not clear about your purpose, if you feel like you’re living your life for someone else or for some vague notion of “society” and what it expects of you, don’t despair … Set aside some this week – go for a long walk in nature and take along your journal and a pen. It’s important to carve out this silence, because clarifying your purpose takes time. Quiet, uninterrupted time. If you’re skimming across your life at high speed, it’s impossible to dig down more deeply. There are many tools out there to help you with this and if you are serious about feeding the right wolf then it indeed will grow. Stay SOCIAL with
Ferial Puren
Photo: Ferial Puren
FerialPuren
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ChristineSaunders
The Four C’s of life We have one life, one amazing life, one heart, one mind, one body. We have one easy mission in this life… it is freedom. The freedom to do what you want when you want and with who you want. In order to live out this mission here are four things one must possess in order to meet this mission should you choose a life of freedom.
Courage Courage and bravery… for some are the same, for others they are different. I have been asking this question of all the guests I have had on The HeartBeat (my podcast) and have gotten beautiful answers every time. Not because of right or wrong, not because most answers are in alignment with my own thoughts (because they are not).
It all comes down to one reason, and that reason is, they are real authentic answers for my guests. I dig creating a space for others to think about courage and bravery and how they show up in our lives. The question I ask is, “what is the difference between bravery and courage?” You have now been asked that question also, just to get you to think about it. For me bravery is the action step, courage is remaining steadfast in the face of fear. So, in other words sitting in the uncomfortable, knowing the message could be louder in the silence. Courage is never giving up until you arrive at that freedom you seek. You must have bravery to act, and courage to stay true. Sprinkle a little grace for those moments you want to give up but don’t. [ 66 ]
Connection We as human beings are made to connect. We are built to be around others, we have succeeded in tribes and groups from the beginning of time. We tend to navigate to likeminded people. We look for others with the same values, the same likes and interests. We have been told all our lives to look for compatibility in friendships, romantic relationships, employment to name a few. Connection in this sense is a connection to others, self, and a higher power. Now I am not here to preach religion, whatever you believe is for you, not for me. I am simply asking you to keep in mind connection to something bigger than yourself is a component of freedom. I am inviting you to explore your connection to something greater
Consistency Consistency and habits (that are good for us) will keep our momentum going. Be consistent in your daily routines and show up for life. “Show up for life” no one perfect and showing up is an individual responsibility. Showing up daily for me means doing my best, learning something new,
Photo: Christine Saunders
than yourself. Connections with others is one of my primary drivers in life. Not just connection, love and connection. I recently was asked what I fear the most and why. My answer shocked the interviewee. My answer was “I am scared to death of losing connections and relationships”. That got me thinking, (you know thinking is simply asking and answering questions, right?) Why? That small three letter word that means so much in our lives and we rarely ever stop to think about the “why” behind our every action in life. So… my why around love and connection is simple after I gave it a little thought. Why do I fear losing the connections in my life? These connections are my lifeline. They meet that tribal internal desire to belong. Belonging brings a sense of community, of unity, and enriches our lives with energy. It is this energy we gain that feeds our hearts and gives us strength to keep going. Now I did say we tend to gravitate toward likeminded people. That is too easy! I would challenge you to also seek out those who are not just like you. There is little internal growth if you surround yourself with people that always agree with you. My suggestion is to find a few members of your tribe who will lovingly challenge your thoughts. That is the best way to have accountability and grow as a human.
sharing my knowledge, and spreading the good. Showing up for you may mean something totally different. That is the amazing part about life, we get to choose who we are, and the rules, values, and beliefs that make us who we are. When we are consistent and show up, the universe shows up for us. The energy we chose to bring every day will be returned twofold. Consistency also speaks to knowing that “why” I spoke about earlier. When you know your why, the how becomes clear. Being consistent gives you data, consistency helps you figure out what is working and what is not. It is my little life hack. If you are not sure of why you do what you do, the “how” will be more difficult. Consistency is the little voice tell me “if you can measure it, you can manage it”. In those moments when you show up consistently, you will know what needs to be done.
Cake Yes cake. It is important to remember the small things that bring us joy. Cake is one of those luxuries we take for granted at [ 67 ]
times. Having gluten intolerance, I must avoid cake. Every once in a while, I want cake. It is my choice to have cake, knowing there will be consequences. There is something about a wedding cake. Moist cake with loads of sugary frosting. What could better? I am not sure in this case, if it is the cake, or the actual wedding I love more. Bonus C – Choice We have the power to choose. Do not give that powerup. You are powerful not powerless unless you choose to be. Make the best choice with the information you have. Stand by those choices, even when they might not work the way you intended. You will learn from every choice in your life. What kind of cake do you want? Stay SOCIAL with
Christine Saunders
BurtKempner
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BurtKempner
This Story This story asks nothing of you. It doesn’t care which candidate you’re supporting in the next election. It doesn’t want to know your astrological sign. It has no idea what’s on Netflix, nor does it follow the latest scandal. It acknowledges the pain you’ve expressed, the heartache and the shattering of dreams. It doesn’t deny a world in which raw positive and negative emotions play a wearisome game of tug of war with our hearts, a world that encompasses the cruelly choked-off cries of abandoned children, flaming words and futures erased while you wait. That world is real. But so, this story is meant to remind you gently, is this world.
Burt Kempner
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“
A tribe is a group of people connected to each other and an idea – it needs only two things to be a tribe: ~a shared interest and a way to communicate. OneTribeMagazine.c
om
one tribe MAGAZINE
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.COM