season... for choice tis the

story by | deb uglem

We made a quick stop at Starbucks recently and were so excited to receive our drinks in that festive red cup! My daughter and I even giggled a little as the overly friendly barista handed us our warm treat. We each read aloud the inspiring message on our cup finishing with an, “ooohhh that it so nice.” Instantly I thought I should start an annual Holiday Starbucks run with my girl—she will remember it for years.

As a young mother it was a goal of mine to create the perfect holiday tradition. One problem—I haven’t been able to get one to stick. I guess I feel a little pressure because my mother is great at tradition. We receive ornaments yearly and for the last 40 years I have attended my mom’s Christmas Eve Brunch. Imagine a morning filled with family members arriving at Grandma’s house dressed in our Christmas best, greeting each other with hugs and presents. Ok, the reality is we are more like A Christmas Story than Miracle on 34th Street, but you get the idea.

With this kind of training and support it should be easy enough. Right? My first attempt, the collecting of special ornaments, lasted two years until my twins literally ate the bright red balls! What a mess, cuts in their mouths followed by ornaments in the garbage. Next up a homemade dinner served on china of course—add a hectic work schedule and Dominos saved me. On to decorating the tree as a family…then practice, dates and friends got in the way; so now it’s just my tradition to complete. The list of attempts could go on for miles.

As moms we are the unofficially keeper of family memories. It doesn’t matter if your cookie cutters are in the shape of the Star of David or a Christmas tree, you are in charge. The stress and obligation can make you feel like you are not doing enough for your family and friends. It is easy to be caught up in it all.

It’s time to remember you have a choice. This season start to take responsibility for your own experiences. You can choose to stress over what you haven’t done or be envious of another family’s ritual or you can choose to embrace the fun and magic of this time of year. Eliminate obligation from this year’s to-do list. Don’t attend functions because you have to; go to enjoy the company of everyone in attendance. Take a step back and find time to window shop.

Don’t force your children into something because you have done it every year. Who cares if you can’t get together and bake the cookies, have a great conversation with your kids over Oreos and milk. If you are willing to look, I know you will find that your traditions are there in some form or another. Times are changing , embrace your choice to commit to appreciating the season regardless of the circumstances or pressure you may feel. Once you choose gratitude you will focus on the fun and enjoyment of the season and your family.

I have been working on traditions for just over 18 years. So last week I took a poll of my family and asked them, “What is your favorite family tradition?” The results—one vote for the cousins snow football game; two votes for Uncle Bob’s trivia game; one vote “I’m not sure, we do a lot”; and my husband went with Egg Nog—clearly not understand the question [in his defense he was reading the paper during the polling]. It saddened me just a little when I realized that I was not involved in the creation of even one of these traditions.

In the years ahead I know I will continue on my quest to create that everlasting family event, but I have chosen to let go of the pressure to make it stick. For now I am proud that my family had an answer to my impromptu poll [even if it wasn’t what I wanted to hear]. I guess our family tradition is making many different memories!