path of purpose

This Minnesota girl became an international traveler early in her life. Her father, Darwin Soyring, an Evangelical pastor, took the entire family on many long missions across North and Central America offering tent revivals. Unlike some of the evangelists seen now with mega-churches and designer duds, this family grew up very modestly. Shelley and her three siblings shared hand-me-down clothes and had very little but always just enough. Her mom and dad had no savings, nor a checking account or credit cards, but there was an abundance of one thing.

“We always knew that our parents loved us,” says Shelley. “And we always felt that God was, and is, a huge part of our lives and that He would always take care of us.”

Sometimes the family’s travels were fun, like when Shelley [self-taught on the piano by age 9], her guitar-playing dad, and drum-beating brother performed together. Sometimes they were scary, like when the engine in the family’s bus blew in middle-of-nowhere Mexico. Shelley felt they were visited by an angel from God sent to protect the family while they slept in that broken-down bus.

“I really think those were some cool experiences,” Shelley says, looking back fondly on her unconventional upbringing. “Those times of my life have really shaped who I am.”

When Shelley turned 12 God called her father back to the Detroit Lakes area, where he founded a small church called Jesus Is Real Ministries. Darwin says he felt it was time to establish a permanent home for his children, and to start a church where the family could use their evangelistic experiences as a teaching opportunity to spread the positive word of God.

As the family put down roots, Shelley settled into life in junior high. She was an extremely bright kid who earned good grades. She was social, although a bit mature for her age, which she says is totally understandable, given her childhood. Shelley re-connected with one of her friends, Chris, who was the son of some good friends of her folks. Life was good. It was steady. It was solid. It was, for once, predictable.

Then it wasn’t.

The Change

Shelley was 14 years old. She was pregnant. Chris was the father. They were scared, panicked.

“I knew exactly what we had done and the mistakes we made,” says Chris, humbly.

The young couple had no idea what to do. He took her to a clinic in Fargo. A counselor, fresh out of college, took Shelley’s hands. Gave them a squeeze. Comforted a scared, overwhelmed girl when she needed it most.

“She was so compassionate and caring,” remembers Shelley. “She took me to the doctor. She even offered to be there to help me tell my parents. For someone I didn’t even know to be able to make me feel okay was something I’ll never forget.”

Shelley was so intrigued with the counselor that she even asked what her college degree was in. “‘Child development and family science,’ she replied,” says Shelley, smiling at the memory. “I never forgot that.”

One weekend when Shelley was already five months pregnant, she and Chris mustered up the courage to tell their parents. She feared what her parents, especially her dad, would say. She expected him to be angry. Ashamed. Embarrassed. Disappointed. He indeed felt all of those things. Instead of those feelings driving them apart, their shared faith brought them closer.

“I felt disbelief, anger, and I cried, and then I remembered the word in Job 13:15, ‘though he slay me, yet will I trust in him,‘“ says Darwin.

Shelley relied on God and her family for help, just as she had been raised to do. “I was terrified on one hand, but on the other hand I knew I could handle it. God was there for me. Even though my dad’s a pastor, it was my choice. I don’t want people to think poorly of my parents. I made my own choices.”

By Monday the whole school knew. Before the end of the day Shelley was placed on “homebound,” where she would continue her schoolwork from home. The school and her parents felt this would limit distraction for Shelley as well as the other students and staff.

“Some teachers were very rude to me,” says Shelley, shaking her head. “What I needed most was support. Our families were very supportive, even if they didn’t wish this for us.”

The Parents

On a Tuesday in January 1988, 14-year-old Shelley gave birth to her son, Justin. Although she received literature during her monthly appointments she still had no idea what labor would be like.

“Nobody really informed me or educated me on what was going to happen,” she says.

She brought Justin home on Saturday and was back in school the following Monday. She desperately wanted to be at home with her baby but her parents encouraged her to get back to her studies. Motherhood was not what Shelley had hoped. Reactions from schoolmates and teachers didn’t help.

“That first week was really hard,” she recalls. “The gossip and rumors. People just didn’t know what to say. But I adjusted with the help of friends, family and God,” Shelley says with a smile. Ultimately, though, Shelley decided to leave school to care for her baby.

Later that year Chris graduated high school early and began living on campus at NDSU. He visited Shelley and Justin when he could and called when he couldn’t.

“He put a lot of quarters in that pay phone,” chuckles Shelley. “I needed to talk to him, though. He’s one of my rocks.”

A year-and-a-half passed. Justin grew into a sweet toddler. Everything about their lives was different except for one thing: they were still together.

“It was challenging. We had friends tell us we wouldn’t make it,” says Shelley.

But the young man had proven himself. Once feeling Shelley and Chris weren’t mature enough to make it alone, Darwin relented and gave Chris permission to marry his daughter.

In the summer of 1989 Shelley [16] and Chris [19] exchanged their vows. They were ready to live life on their own terms and moved into married student housing at NDSU. Shelley was determined to earn her high school degree. She started taking correspondence courses, but realized getting her GED would allow her to reach her goal sooner. With diploma in hand, Shelley then put her dreams of earning a college degree on hold to raise Justin and support Chris. Money was tight. They received county assistance and food stamps. At times, it felt like taking a step backward. Not only did they make it, they become a stronger, tighter, more loving and supportive couple.

“Parenting, we found, has little to do with money, and it was a joy that didn't cost money. As a couple, we found a way to allow the other to be right, when they were right, and allow the other to be wrong when they were wrong,” he explains. “Being gracious to the other didn't cost any money either. I think we were able to persevere because we were both able to forgive and