path of purpose

her when she tells them they have potential and their children have potential.”

Shelley proved to be the perfect role model for Jena, whose daughter, Aubrea, will be seven in April. Jena says not only did Shelley help prepare her for motherhood and the highs and lows that come with it, but she also helped guide her academically so she could graduate early and make a long-term plan for college. Today, Jena is completing her sixth year of college and studying for her Master’s degree.

“I honestly think every school should have a program available for teen moms. I was able to learn about pregnancy, babies, and parenting, and I had people around me that were in the same situation and I was able to relate with my classmates and my teacher,” states Jena. “Shelley was a godsend; I may not have realized as much back when I was in school, but now I truly feel like she helped me get through so much.”

On any given day Shelley plays many roles: educator, mentor, mom, friend. But most of all she wants her students to know that she understands what they’re feeling and that they, just like she did, can dream big. “I share my whole story with them. I want people to know that you can have challenges in life. You can be a teen mom. Or have a death in your family. Or come from nothing. You can overcome all those things. You just need to find something to rely on like your spirituality, area resources, your family, or me.”

The Couple

If there is one thing this mother of three has learned about relationships, it’s that they take sacrifice. She sacrificed stability as a child so her dad and mom could pursue their evangelist calling. She sacrificed the freedom of her teenage years to be a mom. She sacrificed her education so Chris could finish his college degree first. But she also knows it’s all been worth it.

“You get married once,” she says. “You love them forever.”

As her career took off, so did Chris’s, but not in the way either of them imagined. Chris sought out, and was hired, as an engineer by an independent contractor and sent to one of the most prolific war zones in the world—Afghanistan.

“Shelley knows my heart, and every once in a while I find myself seeking out an adventure. Not a normal adventure, but darker, more daring than the average man,” he says. “The grace that she allowed for me to accept this job—where she knew what the extreme separation was—was extraordinary.”

For three years Chris was gone as long as six months at a time. However, Chris’s job afforded the family a lifestyle neither of them grew up with, nor even imagined. Travel became a hobby. They have visited several European countries, and even spent Christmas in Paris, New Year’s Eve in Amsterdam, and taken the entire family to Cancun.

Although he was able to provide for his family in a way they’d never experienced before, the distance was tough. At times Shelley and Jasmine struggled to find common ground. Reece needed his dad.

“It all cascaded pretty quickly when Shelley and I started having long conversations on the phone figuring out how to help Reece spend more time with male role models,” says Chris.

So, in April 2012, Chris brought his time in Afghanistan to a close, returned home to continue his engineering profession and became a present dad and husband again.

The Future

Even in today’s world, the odds are stacked against teen moms and Shelley continues to work tirelessly to help ease their stresses. In most cases these girls want to be good mothers and productive members of society; they just need someone to build up their confidence.

“It’s hard enough to be a mom at any age, but especially if you’re a teenage mom,” she explains. “These girls just need support once they’ve made the decision to have their babies. We need to help them rather than putting them down and making them feel ashamed. I remember very vividly what that feels like. Shouldn’t we try to help them be the best moms they can be?”

There is no doubt that the battle to erase that stigma is an uphill one, but Shelley also challenges us to think of the innocent life that is new to this world. How do we want that child to feel growing up? Do we want the pattern of poverty and self-loathing to continue? Or do we want to empower, support, and educate that child?

“That baby has no choice in the matter in how they were born or what circumstance they were born into,” she says. “I will do everything I can to support that baby.”

Shelley dreams of building a residential center for teen moms and their children, in addition to continuing her education and outreach through the public school system. “I hear of these improper and unsafe living environments my moms and kids are in,” she says. “It’s nothing against their families, but I want to show these girls what it feels like to get love and give love in a healthy way. I want to show them how you make a meal, how to clean a house, how to have a budget, and how you bond with your infant. I’d love to show them that they’re all special and worth something.”

If her own kids are any indication, Shelley is a remarkable mom. Justin is married and has two daughters. Jasmine and her husband welcomed a baby girl one year ago. And Reece is a typical 14-year-old who craves independence but isn’t willing to let go of the warm embrace of his parents.

“I know that I can speak for my siblings when I say that we are forever thankful for what my mother and father have done for us already and for the excellent grandparents they immediately became,” says Justin. “They are amazing role models and I recognize their success in me as a parent frequently.”

Path Of Purpose

At 40, Shelley Skarie is proud of the daughter, mom, grandmother, teacher, and mentor she’s become. And she’s not nearly finished yet.

As her father says, Shelley is a doer. “What she learns she applies immediately,” he says proudly. “So she doesn't just listen and learn but applies that which she learns.”

There is no doubt that Shelley’s story is just beginning.

“People look at me today and think I have this perfect life,” says Shelley, dressed in trendy jeans and sporting gorgeously coiffed brown hair and a glittery manicure. “But they have no idea about my story. It’s proof that you can be whoever you want to be despite your challenges.”

What do you get when you mix a full-time freelance writer with a 1-year-old girl, two cats, a dog, a husband who works evenings, a house that needs picking up and nearly a dozen publications and clients who need their deadlines met? Welcome to Patricia Carlson’s life. She is an award-winning journalist whose work spans magazines, television, radio, newspapers and the internet. She has produced, written, edited and directed programs for ESPN Radio, History Channel and Hallmark Channel. And she hosts customized media training workshops for groups like the North Dakota National Guard. You can view her work at www. patriciacarlsonfreelance.com