kathleen

Surrounded by 37,000 others at the start of the 2005 New York City Marathon, Kathleen Wrigley was overtaken by emotion. All different sizes, shapes and abilities, but one common goal; to finish. Everyone had a story. And for the first 14 miles of the 26.2 total, she cried and thought about her story. Her brother, her husband, her kids and with every breath and every step the pounding of her necklace reminding her of the chapter recently finished and the ones yet to be written…

story by | karina hodny photography by | rialee photography

Upon entering her South Fargo home, it was her shirt that first caught my eye. It said: be kind. And only seconds later, after a very warm welcome, I believed she was truly a reflection of those words on her pink shirt. Kathleen Wrigley is the wife of US Attorney Drew Wrigley and mom to 7 year old Quinn, 5 ½ year old Patrick and 4 month old Harper. She has had a hectic week of shuffling kids to activities, sleepless nights, and the challenges of parenting while her husband is away in Washington D.C. for work, but you wouldn’t know it, and she definitely doesn’t look it. Kathleen’s closet could have many be shirts representing the type of woman, daughter, sister, mother, wife, and friend she is.

be an advocate. Kathleen is passionate about lending a voice to those who need it, but the events that led her to a career in victim advocacy are heartbreaking. Seventeen years ago, Kath- leen was called out of class at Penn State to hear something she couldn’t imagine. Her brother, Philadelphia Police Officer Danny Boyle, was shot and killed in the line of duty at the young age of 21. At the time of the crime, Danny’s murderer should have been in prison. Due to overcrowding, he was released early as he was deemed not violent enough. His release occurred just weeks prior to Danny’s death. be loved. Drew Wrigley was a hard working assistant district attorney who kept to himself. Keeping to himself, however, became a little more difficult upon meeting Kathleen. It wasn’t uncommon for Drew to hear about his weekend from coworkers upon entering the elevator Monday morning. Everyone knew what movie they saw, where they went for dinner, and what they ordered. “He made me laugh harder than anyone had ever made me laugh in my life,” Kathleen chuckled.

Danny’s murderer was convicted and is currently on death row in Pennsylvania. “It was through that experience that I learned what a courtroom was,” recalled Kathleen. At that time, victim advocacy services were less common, and it was then that she decided to direct her emotions in a positive way. “I wanted to help others and be of service with my own experience. So I thought victim advocacy was for me.” This led her to pursue a master’s degree in social work at Temple University and then onto a career in the Philadelphia District Attorney’s office. It was there that the girl, “born and raised in Philly,” became “good buddies” with native North Dakotan Drew Wrigley.

The prosecutor from North Dakota wanted to return to his home state after gaining invaluable experience in Philadelphia. So, four months into their marriage Drew and Kathleen moved to Bismarck and began their life together. She worked as a forensic investigator and child psychotherapist; again an advocate, but this time for children. The work was tough and emotionally draining so Kathleen used her love of writing to become a speech writer for Nancy Schafer, North Dakota’s first lady at the time. Starting fresh in North Dakota, Kathleen spoke of this time as “an awesome adventure. We looked at it like, we are doing this together, and we’re going to see where it brings us.” Drew added, “Public service and hard work are blessings in their own right, but, in my case, they are made more so by having a great wife to share ideas, goals, and a vision for what’s to come and the impact we can make together.” be grateful. Four years ago, with 3 year old Quinn and 1 ½ year old Patrick in tow, Kathleen was heading out the door to teach aerobics when the phone rang. It was a phone call that would change her life. Kathleen had been having some mild numbness in her face and although she was active and healthy, she and Drew suspected multiple sclerosis. Advocating for herself this time, she decided to share their fears with the doctor, which led to a precautionary MRI. Then, the phone call. The voice on the other line was the neurologist. Kathleen recalled the conversation vividly. “This is the exact quote. I will never forget it. It is etched in my brain. ‘The good news is you don’t have MS, and the bad news is you have a very large brain aneurysm and need surgery right away. It doesn’t appear to be bleeding right now, but it is very large.’ I didn’t know anyone that survived that.” Standing there with her babies in her arms she could only ask, “Am I going to die?” Dropping to her knees, sobbing and hyperventilating, she summoned Drew out of a meeting, and they began yet another journey together.

The aneurysm, which was thought to measure 7mm, but actually turned out to be a stunning 11mm, was in a location that made it accessible for a procedure available in Minneapolis called Coiling. The procedure involves packing the aneurysm with platinum coils to form a ball. The aneurysm isn’t removed; it is repaired. The week between diagnosis and surgery, Kathleen and Drew “were pretty much wrapped around each other.” The conversations they were forced to have were not typical of a young couple with two small children. “First you go into mommy mode. You take care of things.” The reality was always present, Kathleen said, “I felt like I had a ticking time bomb in my head.”

Leaving for surgery in Minneapolis meant saying goodbye to Quinn and Patrick. “I remember I rocked both the kids, which I don’t do, but I rocked them completely to sleep and just prayed over them that this was not going to be it, “ Kathleen remembered, with tears in her eyes and her voice quivering. Upon their departure, Drew recalled, “I watched in silence as Kathleen lifted our young children, kissed them and said ‘good-bye, I will see you in a couple of days.’ She believed—she knew—she would come home to them, and I was reminded how much I admire Kathleen. Anyone who knows Kathleen will tell you that she is kind, loving, fun, and giving. And then, when they know her well, they will add this: she is strong and she has great faith.”

Reflecting on the previous year and all they had been through, Drew had a necklace made for Kathleen to celebrate the anniversary of her successful surgery. It is a beautiful platinum ball on a thin chain. “We walk humbly, we are reminded of the fragility of life, and we are in awe of the gifts that God has given mankind to heal and repair”, stated Drew. “It’s that simple. In that little space there was the potential for death, but through that precious little wad of platinum, there was healing by the human hand that God created. It’s a hopeful and happy reminder.” Tugging at the chain, Kathleen explained, “I haven’t taken this off at all. “I wear it with everything. I can’t ever take it off. It is a constant reminder of how precious life is.” be supportive. That year post surgery was not only difficult because of the emotions of such a life altering event; it was also the height of the highly publicized Dru Sjodin case. Drew, was the prosecutor in what would be North Dakota’s first capital murder case. Kathleen attended the trial about 90% of the time. “I know that meant a lot to him to know that I completely supported him being there and doing what he needed to do at the time.”

Despite Drew’s high profile career, Kathleen feels that “it is no more important than so many other careers. With young families we are all in the same boat.” Throughout the trial Kathleen made it clear to Drew he didn’t need to worry about balancing his time at that particular moment in their life. She stated, “His place was there. He needed to put every single ounce of soul and heart into that, because that is what Dru Sjodin deserved. As a person who went through that, I knew that her family deserved him and his attention more than we did at the time. So I just let him go do it and encouraged him to and not to feel bad for not being here.” be strong. Kathleen’s doctors told her to live her life exactly how she wants to. “I will never forget that”, said Kathleen. “I’m going to live life. Watch me do it!” She took that advice--and ran the New York City marathon—18 months after her surgery. Kathleen’s mother, Nancy recalled, “Her father and I were scared that this was something that maybe she should not have tackled.” Kathleen persevered once again. “In my mind, I was meant to push the limits because that is what life is about. Pushing it and being in it and doing what you want to do.” She ran in honor of her brother raising $5000 for the Daniel Boyle Scholarship Foundation. And she ran while wearing her special necklace, the pounding of the platinum ball and the cuts on her neck from 26.2 miles of the chain rubbing her skin, another reminder of all she has overcome. Kathleen’s entire family was affected that day. Her mother Nancy stated, “The feeling of her completing that was overwhelming for all of us. She continues to amaze us with her zest for life and her accomplishments as a wife and mother.” Kathleen said that experience taught her to “just go for it” and hopes to teach her children the same. “If you have the will, you can do it.” She has since run the Fargo Marathon twice in addition to several other races and is preparing for the Walt Disney World marathon in January. be you. Kathleen has lived and when asked what advice she has for area moms, her response again reflects her sincerity and realism; so much a part of whom she is. “I have three kids but, I don’t feel like I’m any more prepared to give advice than anyone else, but I think a couple of things. First, take a deep breath and enjoy because it is so fleeting. We’re all rushed in this day and age; just take a deep breath and try. The other thing is, do your own thing and try not to compare yourself. I never realized until I got to this stage how we compare and contrast. ‘Is my schedule right? Am I disciplining right? Am I volunteering enough?’ Who cares! Do what you do! Learn from other people, but try not to compare. This stage of our lives is, sadly, one of the most judgmental because our kids are a direct reflection of ourselves; and they’re going to be kids. If you are not humbled by parenthood, there is no chance of humility at all, ever. So, try not to judge other parents. Be open and learn from each other. We all have a story. Be open to learning other people’s stories and really listening.”

“Kathleen has tremendous character and she expects the same from our kids”, Drew stated. “She also knows how to have fun and to make life rich with laughter and great moments. Kathleen is the very best influence our kids could ever hope to have in their lives—I can’t help but smile thinking about the amazing life she makes for Quinn, Patrick, Harper and me.” be inspired. Through the events in her life, Kathleen has learned that living life means just that: living life. The events that have shaped her life provide a perspective that is enviable. We all have challenges, from something as profound as the unexpected death of a sibling or a medical emergency to those everyday parenting struggles we all deal with. Even Kathleen, who has faced difficult challenges, struggles with those parenting issues we can all relate to, such as: a son who tries for some Root Beer on the sly, knowing his mom is busy; a daughter who begs for a dollar for the ice cream truck because that ice cream tastes so much better than the ice cream in the freezer at home; or an infant who leaves her ‘mark’ on the be kind shirt. Facing challenges, whether big or small, with the poise and perspective of Kathleen Wrigley will inspire you to appreciate, enjoy and live life. Kathleen’s mother summed it up best, “I’m sure we will continue to be surprised at whatever else she has in store for us.”

Hornbacher’s would like to welcome On The Minds Of Moms to our checkout stands. We are happy to provide an outlet for a local FargoMoorhead magazine with moms in mind. With back to school season upon us, we know how the day unfolds once the yellow bus has made its stop at your house.

First the door opens, the backpack hits the floor and the shoes are kicked off. Then you hear, “MOOOOOOOM! I’m hungry!” A healthy snack after school will provide some needed energy to concentrate on homework or to play outside rather than vegging in front of the TV! Here’s an EASY apple dip: ingredients

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1 (8 ounce) package cream cheese

1/2 cup brown sugar

Stir together the cream cheese, brown sugar, and vanilla extract until the sugar has dissolved and the mixture is smooth. Cut up some apples and enjoy! And don’t be afraid to get creative! Add some peanut butter, nuts or chocolate sauce, or try using strawberry flavored cream cheese.

Hornbacher’s is committed to providing the products that allow you to prepare nutritious, flavor fi lled meals. With a great line of Store Brand and National Brand Products, a large organic section, pre-prepped fruits and vegetables and a highly trained staff ready to help make your shopping experience enjoyable, at Hornbacher’s we know what’s important:

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• apples

1 tablespoon vanilla extract fun + food made EASY = more family time