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Worth the Stretch: A new Optimist reflects on resilience
Worth the Stretch: Can resilience be the key to Optimism?
by Caryn Sullivan
Is it possible to become an optimist if it isn’t within one’s nature to be so? I’d like to think so, for though I don’t have both feet in the optimist camp, I wish I did. And through resilience, I think I’m getting there. How does one become more optimistic? In my case, the first step was to accept an invitation. Last spring, a friend invited me to a Roseville Area Optimist Club meeting. I went as a guest and soon became a member. I was intrigued by the longevity of Optimist International as well as its broad reach. Others must also welcome a place where those things that divide us are secondary to a philosophy that binds us. I love that we launch our meetings by reciting the Pledge of Allegiance and conclude by reciting The Optimist Creed. Standing shoulderto-shoulder with people who share my values and saying them out loud affirms I’m in the right place. In September 2019, Bob Veninga spoke to our Club about resilience, the topic I write and speak about. A University of Minnesota professor emeritus, Veninga discovered patterns and lessons about how we respond to occupational stress, crises, and loss as well as building resilience. His work includes the book “A Gift of Hope: How We Survive Our Tragedies.” Resilient people understand most personal and professional problems are solvable – with time and patience. Conventional wisdom is it takes about a year to deal with a loss. In fact, Veninga said, it often takes much longer than a year. Mastering resilience requires us to surrender the past, for there is no value in belaboring conversations or decisions or nursing old wounds. As the Optimist Creed says, we are wise to forget the mistakes of the past and press on to greater achievements. Resilient people have more than a “to do” list. They also have a “joy list” that reminds them to give a stranger a smile, to do something that brings them joy. Support is integral to resilience and it can take various forms, Veninga said. Support may come in a group or in one-on-one relationships. Veninga said many resilient people have adult guard rails - people who offer honest feedback and opinions and help to keep us in our lanes or steer us away from potholes.
Caryn Sullivan is a columnist for the St. Paul Pioneer Press in Minnesota, a member of the Roseville Optimist Club, public speaker and author of Bitter or Better. Find more of her work at www.carynmsullivan.com.
In studies of occupational stress, Veninga discovered that teachers who have a principal they consider a supporter were less likely to experience burnout. Real estate agents were better able to manage the ups and downs of the business cycle if their supervisors offered guidance and encouragement. As a self-employed writer and speaker, I don’t have the opportunity for “water cooler” talks with colleagues, as I did when I was an attorney. I rely on an informal network of adult guard rails with whom I process all sorts of dilemmas and decisions. While I may not always agree with their viewpoints, I respect and value them. As Veninga spoke, I thought about the relationship between optimism and resilience. Can we have one without the other? Can we develop optimism, just as we can build resilience? For much of my life, adversity was my companion. It’s been difficult to shed a deeply ingrained fear that the next phone call or doctor appointment will bring the latest round of bad news. It’s been counterintuitive to follow the Optimist Creed’s charge to “maintain a cheerful countenance and to look at the sunny side of everything.” Until now. Veninga helped me shift my thinking. I deliberately embrace the spirit of the Optimist Club, “to be too large for worry, to noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.” I’m creating both “to do” and “joy” lists. Though putting both feet squarely in the optimist camp may be a lofty goal, it’s worth the stretch.
