BCN WEEK issue 49 by Marcus Villaca Design

INSIDE T-SHIRT SCIENCE / CUTRE TV / BCN UNHINGED / LISTINGS

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boom town cogs T I B I DA B O G O E S 4 D PA G E 9

ALFREDO LAHOZ

B A R C E L O N A ’ S A L T E R N A T I V E N E W S W E E K LY | W W W . B C N W E E K . C O M | J U LY 1 2 – 2 5 , 2 0 0 7

N U E ST R A M U S A S E VA , T I O !

DYING STROKES BARCELONA’S SICKLY PALETTE

VOL 1, NO 49

PA G E 4

FREE!

VOL 1, NO 49

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J U LY 1 2 - 2 5 , 2 0 0 7 W W W. B C N W E E K . C O M

EDITOR’S LETTER Last weekend I saw the film Raval, Raval by Toni Verdaguer. It’s quite bad, and I’m not talking about acting or production which I expected to be mediocre at best. The writing is flat and generally stale, and the portrait of the Raval this film presents is, for the most part, unfair, if not offensive. As I left the cinema, I couldn’t help but think of another film loosely based in the Raval: Dibujo de David by Iván Morales which is a piece that explores the intimacy of friendship by highlighting ardent details of human behavior to convey a sense of life impossible to articulate. Verdaguer’s effort reminded me of an after-school special, relying on common stereotypes and a didactic mode of discourse to say nothing new. So why did I see Verdaguer’s film on the big screen as a feature and Morales’s in a bar as a short? Surely the biggest factor is that Morales is young and Verdaguer isn’t. Verdaguer has been around for years, and his seniority implies connections that provided this squandered opportunity. Morales will just have to be patient, although I hope he won’t have to wait too long. This week we’re talking about how the fine arts in Barcelona are suffering from not only city planning, but also from an important historical misstep into our contemporary, western world. Does a young filmmaker face the same challenges as a young sculptor might? While they are quite different beasts, I imagine they share similar frustrations, especially in a city where leaders tout a moderno spirit but govern following obdurate convention. I want to send a massive BCN WEEK booty-shake holla out to artists Hugo Bruce and Frank Plant, (English and American respectively), who work in Barcelona. They helped a lot with this issue and we very much appreciate their input — two men well worth a Google.

David Tressel DAV I D @ B C N W E E K . C O M

STAFF Marcus Villaça FOUNDER / CREATIVE DIRECTOR Jennifer Cross CO-FOUNDER Núria Ferrer PUBLISHER nuria@bcnweek.com David Tressel EDITOR david@bcnweek.com Lena Wiget ARTS + CULTURE EDITOR lena@bcnweek.com Claire Gunter SALES DIRECTOR claire@bcnweek.com Joe Littenberg EVENTS MANAGER joe@bcnweek.com Sara Custer COPY EDITOR sara@bcnweek.com Dan Querejazu COPY EDITOR dan@bcnweek.com Megan Ellis PROOFREADER megan@bcnweek.com Alfredo Lahoz PHOTO EDITOR alfredo@bcnweek.com Alida Zapata SALES EXECUTIVE alida@bcnweek.com Harmony Barry SALES EXECUTIVE harmony@bcnweek.com Noelle Julian SALES EXECUTIVE noelle@bcnweek.com

EDITORIAL CONTRIBUTORS Mark Boreland, VJ Dattoli, Mark Dix, Isolda Dosrius Déulafeu, Calvina Dragonetti, Megan Ellis, Esteban Esteban, Raquel Garani, Prada García, Domink Gelada, Helenita González, Bob Groen, Maren Hermans, Jordae, Lady Ondina Osborne, Stephan Ortiz, Joana Pellerano, Regina WB, Lena Wiget

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Pelayo 52, 1-2, 08001 Barcelona, Spain tel. +34 933 01 13 63 info@bcnweek.com | www.bcnweek.com

QUE DICES?

P H O T O S BY

Alfredo Lahoz

FARTSY ARTSY

BCNWEEK

Guiri Trivia! 98.3% OF NON-SPANISH ARTISTS LIVING AND WORKING IN BARCELONA EXHIBIT AND SELL IN OTHER MARKETS NOTING THAT LESS THAN 20% OF THEIR ANNUAL INCOME COMES FROM SALES BASED IN THE CATALAN CAPITAL. C E N T E R F O R S PA N I S H A R T S T U D I E S

LET’S ALL TURN ON OUR CUTRE-METERS, PLEASE!

MEDIOCRITY FOR THE MASSES

BARCELONA’S ‘ARTES PLASTICAS’ RAMBLE OFF P H O T O BY

BCNWEEK

Alfredo Lahoz

INTRODUCTION

WHICH COMES FIRST, THE IMAGE OR THE ART? In a city like Barcelona, it’s hard not to have high expectations regarding the art that is produced here and the cultural ambience or “scene” that must consequently follow. Besides the obvious icons that art history will never forget, Barcelona simply feels artsy. Ask anyone, they’ll tell you. It’s the light. It’s the climate. It’s the multicultural representation who are calling Barcelona home. Surely when you put it all together in a martini shaker: all the different educations and backgrounds, political opinions, languages and ideas that can be found here – of people like you and me - the ingredients are there to pour a brilliant cocktail, if not genius. Perhaps genius is going too far, because that is a peak that is impossible to predict, much less plan, but the city’s fine art production nonetheless seems to be coming up extremely short when you look at the historic culture and its implied potential of the city where we live. Perhaps it is wrong to think in terms of genius and general mediocrity. Art is, and always will be a reflection of the era in which it was produced and should only be examined, not judged, within that context. The art produced by a community is a direct result of the wants, needs and uncertainties of that community, and maybe that’s my true fear. Is a contemporary Barcelona one where we want, and strive for, a cartoon colored world of beauty and glamour which is accessible to the very few? Is it onion-paper tracings of other people’s accomplishments? Maybe not exactly, but these are the messages portrayed in many of the most popularly available images in Barcelona’s current pop art scene and therefore make their own poignant statement about the life we’re all sharing. While these aren’t the desires of the artists I know and have talked to, there is a possible explanation for what is flourishing and what is not, and one aspect is very physical: space. The fine artists with their large spatial requirements are losing out. The following phenomenon in any major city is quite common; artists live and work in the poorer, more neglected areas, because artists are

Mark Borland

poor. Then, as a direct result of all those cool artists, the areas suddenly become trendy. Prices rise, and the artists can no longer afford to live there… they move on to another poor area, which will again, with time, become trendy and expensive, and they’ll have to, once more, relocate. What is happening in Barcelona, however, is that the city itself is making planned, proactive and heavily financed - even aggressive - changes in neighborhoods. Often times, these changes result in either an immediate, impossible to negotiate raise in the cost of rents or alternatively the outright demolition of the spaces used by artists. It’s the exact same evolutionary process, just sped up to unnatural rates. The city sponsored gentrification of all that’s not so nice (but perfect for creative inspiration) will of course be overcome; the art scene is not dead…only changed. Illustrators and designers be they graphic or web, photographers or film producers and digital media artists in general, have greater flexibility regarding what they spatially require to create work. This is a trend that city bosses like, and, I dare say, planned. In 1990, Catalonia formed KRTU, (Culture, Research, Technology, Universal), which is housed right here in Barcelona and whose purpose is to act as an observatory for new cultural forms, as well as a stimulus for creation and research within these new cultural trends. Barcelona also actively participates in Art Futura. All well and good, but their commitment to new forms of art doesn’t release them from their responsibility to the fine arts, and certainly doesn’t excuse them from the harm caused to painters and sculptors by imperial manipulation of resources, such as basic work space. This is a common theme on a socio-political level in contemporary Barcelona: the imposition of what is best for the communal whole, as designed by politicians who are seemingly out of touch with the farreaching and complex needs of their community. Instead, it appears they are more focused on constructing a façade around an everemptying heart.

BROKEN INTO A THOUSAND PIECES

THE PUZZLE OF DISENCHANTMENT CONTEMPORARY SPAIN’S ARTISTIC MISGUIDANCE Thanks to the post-Franco thrust into freedom, BCN’s art scene had notions of ephemeral states of being that were bored with classical cannons of beauty and existed with a lack of regard for material possessions. From this period grew a mogollón of conceptual thinkers in the world of the arts. Yes, BCN too had a movida, but its twisting excitement in Spain’s still young democracy was quickly manipulated into a still-life. Life in the city was dark, vulgar and dingy and it was even harder to make ends meet then than it is now. Ahhhh…what a beautiful time that must have been, because this kind of situation could only exist if people understood each others’ positions and negotiated much of life’s traditional details like, for example, an artist paying for a doctor’s visit with an original piece. It was during this epoch that BCN started to breathe deep with inspiration; the cojones and ovaries were coming out from behind the zippers of repression loosing their fear to speak out. BCN was itching for an opportunity to prove its talent and ideological diversity, but a consequential reality of the time (the transition into democracy was a quiet one with no dramatic walls falling or massive blocs crumbling) was that no one was watching; the New Spain had yet to introduce itself to the world’s art

market. You couldn’t sell anybody anything. No one was looking when BCN artist Nazario first published comic books about gay/transvestite and transsexual life in BCN called El Vibora back in the late 70’s and early 80’s. No one was paying attention when Nazario’s friend burned to death as part of a performance piece about homosexual liberation. But just because there was a post-dictatorial explosion of expression that doesn’t mean that there wasn’t still a strong grip holding on to old norms, and that tight fist was still directing governmental reigns. Imagine all the pissed off conservatives after the fall of Franco. They were much less interested in art under these bohemian-ovary terms, but were instead more interested in the church, military, and other stately institutions, wanting those humanly hush hush organs to go back to the sweaty, zipped-up workshop they came from. Cultural ministers from this period wanted to leave the dingy back waters of in your face dictatorship for a shiny, over industrialized paradise called Capitalism, but they wanted to do so nicely: no bohemians, no burning queers. The 80’s saw the birth of ARCO (or ASCO as remembered by some) and it was Spain’s first postFranco opportunity to show off their arts to the rest of the world. ARCO’s intention was to kick-start a newly

Esteban Esteban

conceived ART MACHINE, and when I say kick-start I mean 10 pages in El País and El Periódico dedicated to this art fair. ARCO preferred a hybrid between Velázquez and Warhol: classical beauty with the inevitable modern twist. The dinosaurs running the show wanted art that would sell, and that meant that it had nothing to do with what was happening on the streets. ARCO could have been what Spain needed as a platform for intellectuals, artists, critics and the public in general to meet and discuss how Spanish society was being reflected in art. But ARCO went very differently; bosses chose to create poster children for the international community. Artists such as Barceló, or Eduardo Arroyo were bolstered up above the rest, and while they are people who should not go unmerited for their talent they still could not possibly represent the whole of Spain’s artistic urge on their own. By choosing representative icons, a false standard of expression was created. ARCO was to Spain what a really hot chick would be to a fifteen year-old boy with her hands down his pants: a whole lot of promise mixed up with eager ignorance. Spain’s premature exaltation of safe, representative, money making artists set the tone for the next 20 years and is continuing today in BCN. What was once a paradise for cheap living and work studios, a

BCNWEEK

paradise for those who fed off the grit and the political and ideological diversity, has become a place where artists and independent galleries feel unappreciated and forgotten while Jordi La Banda sticks out as a household name. Today we find BCN regretfully sitting in the post coital afterglow, smeared in the face with its own jizm.

Gallery/School The work in this gallery is an eclectic selection of art that represents BCN with a unique eye. They also have classes for drawing, painting, life drawing and an intensive weekend painting course. ------------------------------------------------------------------

P U T T I N G I T BAC K T O G E T H E R

The following are some organizations that are also

working to make a difference in BCN’s fight to save its sickly artistic soul. Art Factory t45 http://www.bcnartfactory.org nau21 http://www.nau21.net La Escocesa http://www.laescocesa.org Espai M http://www.espai-m.org Niu http://www.niubcn.com La Makabra http://www.lamakabra.org Hanger http://www.hanger.org

FEED YOUR HEAD GALLERIES AND COLLECTIVES YOU SHOULD SUPPORT BY

Helenita González

It might seem as if BCN is full of galleries because you see them on every corner. But, compared to other major “art” capitals of the world, BCN is still lacking them. And if you add the fact that galleries aren’t as receptive to artists as they should be, then we have a major problem. Like any other city, galleries here (some more than others) seem to be run with a business mentality when galleries should be, first and foremost, platforms: spaces willing to embrace the new, where the dialogue on art is a primordial thing. Places where the exchange of human creativity and ideas is the ultimate goal. A gallery is not a fucking chiringuito selling churros. Having said that, not everything es tan jodido. There are collectives and galleries doing something fresh and alternative, struggling to survive while working hard to bring us closer to innovative people!

MARIPOSA

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TPK (Taller de Publilla Casas) Avda. Josep Tarradellas 44 http://www.tpkonline.com Gallery/School/Collective It started as a meeting place for artists to exchange ideas and expand their interests, but when private and public funding, with help from other art schools, got the ball rolling, it became a school of collectives. The concept here is that artists are indeed multitasking and multitalented beings. So not only do they have expositions, they give classes of classic and contemporary art and multimedia and multidisciplinary workshops. ------------------------------------------------------------------

Base Elements Baixada Viladecols 2 http://www.baseelements.net Gallery/Studio Street-edgy, naïve, powerful work, they stand strong by the gritty and crude at Base Elements. At the same time it has a relaxing, warm, familiar feel to it. ------------------------------------------------------------------

MX Espai c/Llibreteria 7, principal http://www.mxespai.com Gallery/Collective This is a very cozy, experimental gallery where you can find both video installation and poetry readings. They are also one of the galleries selected by the festival loop to present video art, national and international artists. In addition, there is a segment of the gallery called “Cuina de l’Angel” dedicated to small sized art and peculiarities. ------------------------------------------------------------------

Espacio Cultural Ample LOFT Barcelona + DART Barcelona + OFF*AMPLE c/Ample 5 http://www.espace-ample.com Gallery Here you get three galleries in one: Loft being contemporary Chinese art, Dart being contemporary European art and Off Ample being a space where different cultures collide to represent a concept. It’s very refreshing to go in and see what’s going on in other parts of the world. ------------------------------------------------------------------

Artist love Barcelona c/ Ferlandina 26 http://www.artistslovebarcelona.com

BCNWEEK

HOW DEAD IS DEAD?

Jordae

TURN YOUR HEAD AND COUGH BCN already this year, barcelonan artists have been breaking old boundaries, setting new limits, creating new standards. bcn has always been a very creative city. it inspires us in many ways. yet, the last few years, its been hard to put a finger on what that inspiration exactly is anymore. with so much political sway, the artists have apparently pushed their artwork back indoors. with all the mainstream hoopla, artists are focusing on success. walls where once there was a beautiful array of color, have been reduced to boring grays and territorial scribblings. a building where there used to be markets or living space, now houses countless new galleries. and every gallery seems to be full ‘til 2010, a new pop star born every month. with so much money and energy being wasted on marketing new artists into mainstream culture, bcn has suffered. its artists have suffered. its culture has suffered. so when something as fundamental as difusor (a weekend long stenciling project around the city) comes along, bringing together both local artists and international artists alike, focusing on the word “community,” it makes me wonder what’s going on behind the curtain. i don’t mean that old red iron curtain. i’m talking about this brand spankin’ new, shiny green rag paper curtain. what is the motivation and inspiration behind the art anymore? especially in a city with so much artistic history and creativity as bcn. this last weekend was somewhat of a paradox. the organization of difusor was good but the event kept the artists, for the most part, out of the public eye due to civil ordinances/nuisances. everybody passing by in the streets was impressed, taking an interest, if they could see anything at all. and a nice n’ tasty chunk of media attention discussed the event. on the other hand, it was an extremely communal happening. whether it was sharing one ladder between 30 people, having complete strangers lend a hand to hold up your template, or just exchanging various ideas and war stories, there was a very real degree of integrity abound. all this without even mentioning the extraordinary amount of diversity, experience, novelty and intelligence in the artistic talent. how ‘bout a more personal look, say you? well, the jump-off point was bocanord, about 150 meters of pure stencil dysfunction. there was obviously no plan, no rhyme, just a mess of where-to-put-up-the-

next-shtick. meeting point madness. the next day we set up on the roof terrace at gothic point hostel in ribera, plenty happening there. not much chitterchatter that day, just right down to business. with the visual stimulation of artists like dildo society, fragil, mr. case & olivia, mir, dothemath and many more, it was plantilla on a design platter. unfortunately, it was a timed event, due to the hostel management, so most people had to rush through their work or leave it unfinished. c’est la vie. i asked some people what they thought about the arts in bcn being dead. local artist mr. case commented that “barcelona is not completely dead yet, it’s just very sick. you can tell that by the color of its skin.” ms. olivia, in all her color, said that “barcelona is dying, but we’re trying to revive it using color as a medicine.” not limited to cute sentences, there are still a handful of local artists trying to nurse bcn back to health. we packed up the goodies, and were off to the next spot at the top of a mountain (great view by the way). a small graffed-up wall had been buffed and set aside for the event at the gardens of frederica montseny. the cool thing about this spot was that there was a whole other set of artists painting, another 25 or so. here people brought out the big guns: giant-sized photo-realistic stencils. reppin’ the spot were people like orticanoodles, fk, snub, fremantle, m-city, creadores invisbles, ripo, don silencio, lex/sten, dothemath, and many more. there were various other locations, some night gettogethers, a couple seminars/discussions given at the bocanord base-camp, as well as the miscelanea gallery opening for m-city, fremantle and silencio. all in all, difusor was a success, an eye-opener for both artists and passersby alike. an excessive creative abuse of allotted time and space. a meeting point of soap boxes. but, is this type of event the new platform for street art to go conventional? or is it something much more than that? perhaps it’s a place for all arts to intertwine. after all, anybody can make a stencil. and, more and more people are being driven to explore this medium. most importantly this weekend was about making art for content, not success. about passion, not money. it showed that there was hope behind the curtain. what are you trying to say? "paredes en blanco = mentes en blanco." —fragil, local artist

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bcnunhinged OV E R H E A R D BY

V J Dattoli

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MAC LOVER: She already thinks I am having an affair… so it seems like a good reason to. Realist: Yes, but not with your iMac, you nincompoop.

POLITICAL CONSPIRACY THEORIST:Terrorism - isn’t that what the government does to us by terrorizing us with the fear of an intangible but imminent doom around every corner? Poor sod with foul hair: Jeez, war on terror… there you go again. War on hairdressers fucking up my barnet, now that is more tangible.

------------------------FRIEND OF HOME REMOVALS GUY: And then he said that wanking off with his knob between the loo and the loo seat was ‘just the same as doing it to furniture’. Like doing it to furniture is normal?

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Menú de Mediodía Cocina abierta de 13-16 y 20:30-24h Parking al lado restaurantemamitalinda@telefonica.net

------------------------STUDENT 1: Oh my god, I love this country. We just had the

WAR ON HAIRDRESSERS FUCKING MY BARNET, NOW THAT IS MORE TANGIBLE. ------------------------PASTY GIRL: Have you ever faked it? Leather holdall face: I think life is about faking it babe; we are all doing it all the time. Pasty girl: Fake tan? Leather holdall face: We even fake fake baby... fake fake! ------------------------TRANSITIONAL: People seem to come and go in this town, but the one thing I can always rely on is my hammock. ------------------------SUMMER EXCITEMENT: Shall we get a drink on the beach? Jaded mojito drinker: Well it is chiringuito time, chirin-come have an overpriced drink and watch the beautiguito by.

most amazing THREE-HOUR MEAL. Student 2: Yeah man, it was INTENSE, not like the 23 minutes we get at school for lunch. ------------------------HOBO: Can you spare some change please? Hobo mocker: No sorry, I spent it all on drugs and stinky glue to sniff. ------------------------So the relationship had to come to an end, really. Why? Well, I’m the kind of person who wanted to live abroad, personal growth, and then maybe, you know kids and house, whereas she, well, she just wanted to fuck other guys.

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Isolda Dosrius Déulafeu

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CHAPTER X: THE NEW BEHAVIOR OF GUIRIS THIS SEASON

ISOLDA’S GUIRI NOTES BOOK. www.hibernian-books.com

Metro: Fontana L-3

hibernianbooks@yahoo.com Mon 16:00-23:00 Tues to Sat 10:30-20:30

+34 93 27 47 96

Week BCN

OFF NITES!

PIZZA AND SALADS

WHY STAY HOME AND LISTEN TO WHAT’S ON YOUR IPOD WHEN YOU CAN MAKE OTHER PEOPLE LISTEN TO WHAT’S ON YOUR IPOD? NOBODY LIKES MONDAYS, BUT THEY’RE GETTING A LITTLE BIT SWEETER. BCNWEEK AND CONEXION ARE HOSTING ‘OFF NITES’ AT BENIDORM, ONE OF THE COOLEST BARS IN RAVAL. THE ATMOSPHERE IS CASUAL, AND THE MUSIC IS UP TO YOU. BRING YOUR IPOD OR LAPTOP, AND YOU CAN TAKE REVENGE ON YOUR BOSS BY DOING WHAT YOULIKE FOR A CHANGE. SIGN UP FOR A DJ SLOT ONLINE AHEAD OF TIME OR TAKE A CHANCE AND SHOW UP ON MONDAY NIGHTS FROM 22:00 TO 1:00AM. IF THERE’S SPACE OPEN ON THE BILL, IT’S YOURS. MONDAYS: THEY’RE THE NEW SUNDAYS.

BCNWEEK

>> Observed behavior: Two guiris are walking barefooted. They are speaking and I’m not able to understand them, only some English words. Their accent of xiclet is ever confusing me. From the States!! Americanish guiris. This mumbling, these nasal sounds make me lose myself. I hallucinate with da sound and after I don’t understand a word of it. It’s more easy to understand the Britanish people. But, it’s clear! nobody can get who speaks between the teeth. Ok. She and she are obviously wearing summer wear: 2 mini-skirts, summer stockings, 1 red top with tirants, 1 white tight t-shirt and the plastic sandals are hanging on their hands.

>> Effects of the observed behavior: Tothom, and when I say tothom it means everybody, is looking at them

she and she believe that here we are always living in an eternal good weather. Mala cosa, above all they will explain it to their friends and family.

>> Additional notes: Sure these two guiri girls are not guiris residents. Sure, because these outlandishness are only done when you know you are in BCN only for a few days. If at the end the guiris in question decide to live here, these nonsense disappear. Depending on the way of life they will need more or less time, but at the end it will disappear. Some times other kind of behavior remains, but now this is not the matter.

>> Warning conclusion: They are arriving too promptly and I’m not ready. If she and she believe this is always our weather, maybe the

ACCOMODATED. WELL-OFF PEOPLE. MADRID IS ROBBING US THE INDUSTRIAL AND ECONOMY ACITIVITIES. THEY ARE TRANSFORMING MY CITY IN A TOURISM REDOUBT. PERÒ QUÈ DIC, BCN IS A TOURISM EPICENTRE. THROUGH THIS WAY WE ARE LOSING OUR POWERFUL THINKING, OUR INITIATIVE, OUR CREATIVITY. from head to big toe and then everybody can’t stop to look at their toes. This is not strange, everybody is clothing winter wear, although we live a new kind of season: the spring-ed winter. Of course! If I bought a new and fashion boots from MuXart, I’ve to wear it even though my feeth have to support 40ºC. No passa res! Well, all of us are feeling the heat into the winter clothes and at the same time we’re pretending it’s cool, when these 2 guiris brake our effort to maintain the winter illusion. Insolent. They challenge the four elements. Maybe

profecy that I read in the news paper will be true. In general terms the citizen’s life, here in BCN, is quiet. They observe the changes in their city from the distance. Accomodated. Well-off people. Madrid is robbing us the industrial and economy acitivities. They are transforming my city in a tourism redoubt. Però què dic, BCN is a tourism epicentre. Through this way we are losing our powerful thinking, our initiative, our creativity. Our mind is anaesthetized. And while the guiris are arriving and we let them que campin per on vulguin...

CALVINA’S COUTURE-QUERIA

Calvina Dragonetti T H E N E W S BY

LAZY FRIDAYS Calvina has gone oficina. That is, I actually work in a proper office, with a proper salary, in a proper building! Of course, on la Diagonal! With air conditioning, and without cucarachas, without beggars at the entrance, but also without colors… sigh, sob. How painful for my eyes, so used to the colourful chaos of my gothic barri! From Monday through Thursday I have problems getting dressed in the morning: black pants with white shirt or black skirt with white shirt? How fucking boring is that? Apparently wearing colorless clothes is a condition required to make money (do red flowers distract that much?), and creo que me voy a conformar if I want to pay the rent for the month of August. Luckily, the company I work for leaves Friday’s outfit “up to you”. This week I had my first casual Friday, and I have to say I found it interesting. Everyone tries to look cool in a natural way. But I bet that each person takes more time getting dressed on Friday than on any other day of the week. In fact, it’s the only day where we can show our curro-mates the way we really are (or we’d like to be). And there are no no-no’s from the management; we can really dress however we want. It’s a big office — almost 40 people — and all of us share the same open space. We have plenty of time to look at each other, so everyone does their best to look as tempting as a pizza de cuatro estaciones. There’s a French guy, Tony, who works in front of my desk. He’s very quiet, super polite and very helpful. He was

T-shirt! Random messages to the world via the medium of camisetas. Cherries...very sex fruit. Or so I was informed by a t-shirt yesterday, anyway. What’s with the trend that, admittedly, has been around for años now, where the simple equation of camiseta + slogan (in English, claro) supposedly equals instant cool? You’ll be admiring a cute t-shirt, and after grappling for a closer look, you turn it around, only to be presented with a collection of words similar to fridge magnets after a house party, and realise that in buying this garment, you will instantly appear as a dyslexic dresser. If it’s not a faded advert for a beach shack (Rock Steady Bay: Simply the best Jamaican vibest), it’s a cute picture with some unintelligable nonsense emblazened across the front. Who the hell is “Cream Boy”, and why, in Jordi’s name, would I want him lying across my tetas in his cotton incarnation anyway? After a bit of research, I think each slogan can be loosely put into one of five categories. Informative: I’m the biggest bubble in the world! (obviously, something to be proud of), obscene: Eat me, baby! — accompanied by obligatory cherry picture (classy!), profound: Let the beauty we love be what we do (wise, wise words), random: Mind Fly (generate by combining words that are exactly 500 entries apart from each other in the dictionary), and

BOOMTOWN

wearing a blue t-shirt featuring a pint of beer, and the words “the more you drink, the better you look.” Then my curiosity took off. I started to check out everyone else and the way they were dressed, and I noticed that 99% of the guys had tshirts on, and each one wanted to make a statement. Tony probably wanted to say “I look very quiet, but outside of work I party all the time”. I doubt it. My boss, for example always dresses very smartly during the week, with his expensive-looking suits. He’s always trying to be friendly with his workers, but normally people no le hace mucho caso because being close to the boss is just not… right. So on Friday he came in dressed like a 20-year-old in a black tshirt with the Harley-Davidson logo and some strange white designs. What he wanted to say was “I have a Harley. I’m cool. I’m a successful young individual. I have a Harley. Look at me like a normal person with a Harley and not as your boss (but only on Friday)”. T-shirts are so successful because we can say things to hundreds of people without even opening our mouths! It’s great! Europeans, for instance love to wear American t-shirts, from stores like Old Navy or American Outfitters, or with logos of famous universities (Yale, Harvard, UCLA, etc). They think they are saying “I have been to the States. I’m a globe trotter. I’ve been to NYC!” It makes me smile. I would wear one saying “I love the world, I love this city, and I want to fall in love”. Fair enough? What would your casual Friday t-shirt say?

diseñas o trabajas?

Stephan Ortiz

Megan Ellis

finally, fruit — usually cherries. They say that our clothes are our image to the world, and with or without slogans, you present yourself, silently... rocker, goth, hippy, towny, preppy, banana picker and grower... WHAT? Qué banana?! Yes, grammatically sound, but what’s its point? No irony, just a large, questionable helping of soft fruit cultivation. Tonterías! I don’t know, maybe there’s an advantage to having someone know that personal quirk of yours before you’ve even met, but will it ever get to that stage, if you’re firstly communicating I’m coming on! or I love my robot? Those things are best left until a more intimate time in the relationship, surely? So, why use English? I’d imagine it’s because it adds a certain je ne sais quoi, (or what the fuck? in English), that one’s native language wouldn’t. On first glance it’s exotic, mystical, poetic, enigmatic, from lands afar... To us inglés-hablantes, the mis-translations and mangled phrases are simply amusing. My metro journeys are often brightened by a 100% free sugar! here, or a HAPPY GRAPES Luscious there, but really, I’m not going to blush and shyly catch the eye of the wearer of a camiseta shouting YOU´RE SO HOT RIGHT NOW! To supplement my meagre BCN wage, I’m actually thinking about offering my services as the original translator of t-shirt slogans. Fijate; a wider fruit-related vocabulary and with a constant flow of international proyectos, it would definitely be so lucrative I could earn a mint. Or A mint could win, as the patented automatic t-shirt slogan translator informs me.

COGS EXTRA! EXTRA! BIKES SORE, HOUSES DROP, PESEDTRIANS PUMMELED, CARS STONED, TELEFONICA WHINES, CASTELLES ARE GUAY, BOOKS MAKE LEARNERS HORNEY. Bicing is a massive success! Everyone is zipping around on what BCN Week has branded as a KinderEgg bike. The thing is that the Ajuntament is quite unprepared for the success. Nearly 70,000 people have signed up (currently 1,000 daily) to use what will be 3,000 bikes at 200 stations by the end of the year. The French city of Lyon, which has a quarter of Barcelona’s 1.6 million inhabitants, has 300 stations and 4,000 bikes in circulation. Studies for a bike system in Paris (pop. 2.1 million) show a need for 1,450 stations and 20,000 bikes. Housing prices haven’t just slowed, they’re actually falling. For the first time since 2001, prices for flats de segunda mano have fallen: by 1.3% to be specific. That, my friend, is good news. The Mortiz factory on Ronda Sant Antoni, that was due to open sometime this year, will actually open in 2009. It will be a fancy affair with a street level cervecería proudly featuring a 20 meter-long bar. There will be a beer museum, tours of the factory, and lots of mirrors and lights. Suspicions pin the delay on hangovers. Because your life can change in an instant, seven pedestrians were knocked over like bowling pins on a sidewalk that rounds Plaza de Catalunya. The driver lost control. One woman is elderly and has several broken bones. In their great haste to gut that blue bitch, the demolition crews responsible for taking down the ever infamous okupa house on Joan de Borbó overlooked basics like cutting electricity and gas, not to mention taking care with debris falling at the feet of pedestrians. The work has been suspended by some governmental office and will continue only when it can be done correctly, but there’s obviously no rush now that those pesky okupas have lost their fight.

If somebody throws rocks at your car, don’t stop. After hearing about the arrests earlier in the summer of some scary Easterners (read: Romania and Italy) for some serious rest-stop thievery, some more simple minded Westerners (read: L'Hospitalet de Llobregat) thought they’d try some pirating of their own. Cue the rock throwing and subsequent threat-making. After gruelling negotiations with the city, the monopolizing mama Telefónica is moving its Espacio Movistar to the opposite end of Diagonal, to the Zona Universitaria in Les Corts. The deal is that the telephone dictator and customer enslaver is building a massive, multistoried horror to consolidate its evilness where the Espacio now stands. And because it can, Telefónica has been a right twat about refusing alternatives suggested by the city, and has even threatened to move the concert venue to Valencia. In more scientific polling, 98.3% of Catalonia’s population knows what a castell is (do you?) and of those, 93.6% think it is a positive activity and 90% think it helps integrate people into the community. 40% of those questioned think it’s dangerous, but no more than skiing and less so than scuba diving and motorbike riding. Tibidabo has opened a 4-D cinema. The fourth dimension at last?! No, park bosses assure us that they haven’t been able to include time travel as an attraction, but they can move cinema seats and wet you with “rain” water, and such. It’ll be a great way to pass the time if your kid gets stuck on the up swing of a massive platform for two hours due to a mechanical malfunction, as happened last month. The Generalitat will install 290 condom-dispensing machines in train stations and public libraries across Catalonia, bringing the number to 800. Books make me horny too.

BCNWEEK

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LISTINGS MAY 31 - JUNE 13

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THURSDAY 12 Film Future Shorts @ Maumau Every month Future Shorts puts on a new compilation of international short films that Art are screened at a different venue each week. ROJO® OPENS NEW ART VENUE Usually they have a descanso in July and The Spanish revista ROJO® – rollo hip, artsy August, but— today they takeupa and break from the and glossy that features coming break and Maumauinaugurates provides the pantalla for artists/illustrators a 175m2 eleven specially shorts directed by exhibition spaceselected on calle Girona tonight. The filmmakers from the UK, France, Japan, the h US and Sweden. Place: Maumau @ Fontrodona, 33 Time: 22:00h Admission: Free More info/contact: www.myspace.com/futureshorts_spain

THURSDAY 31

dBTOWN

Raquel Gariani

LOVIN’ MUSIC DAYS Love kills. Remember Heart in the 80’s saying: “If looks could kill, you’d be lying on the floor…”. I wish I had this kind of killing-look but instead, I’m kind of the one looking dead. But, let’s go back a bit in time, when I was a healthy and happy person. Yes, that beautiful day, with my blushing cheeks, I arrived at the European Music Day, the 21st of June to see Astrud and The Happy Mondays. I don’t know how good your Spanish is, but you should use the lyrics by Astrud to learn some intelligent and acid-funny Spanish: “¿Cuántas copias de la biblia catalana interconfesional hay enterradas en el vertedero de Sao Paulo?” By the time the Happy Mondays arrived on the stage, the Plaça de la Mercè was crowded. They started with “24 Hour Party People” and everybody shouted with Xibecas in hand. The ebony girl saved them from the sound problems and mal rollo between Shaun Rider and Bez (he did everything but play the maracas he had). “Step on” was a better moment, but after this everybody went home. Man, I was expecting another thousand concerts for the Music Day but the Ajuntament spends all the money on the Greekexpensive-and-rich-only-Festival. What do they think that young BCNans appreciate? Sick. Yep, the Ajuntament makes me feel a bit sinister, which is why, for months, I have been waiting to see Type O Negative. This show was their first in Spain, and my first. Peter Steele has a wonderful voice: kind of scary but very attractive. The band is authentic and this guy is a genius. They played lots of songs from the mythical Bloody Kisses. Remember their unforgettable video clips? Especially the one with the lesbian vampire kissing and the nun having sexual thoughts about Jesus — good to see when you’re fourteen. On the weekend I packed my bag for Faraday Festival. I arrived in time for The Ladybug Transistors. These guys are from New York and love Spain - it’s their third time playing here. Then, one of the greatest Spanish bands of the moment, Sr Chinarro, took to the stage. Yes, you may have read here earlier that he isn’t my favorite, but things change; I’m a mutant. Yes, he sings in Spanish and yes, you will love it. After Sr. Chinarro, we sat down on the grass to see Hidrogenese. This is one of the Astrud guys with his boyfriend. More relaxed and petardo than Astrud; they are also nice. After, we moved to the bigger stage with Jens Lekman. This Swedish crooner always has lots of Swedish girls in his band and wow, the boys were goin’ crazy. A good poppy moment, dancing with everybody. Then the thing started getting more rock’n’roll when, on a small stage, a guy from Zaragoza said: “Sorry for the delay: my parents are brothers”. El Gran Puzzle Cosmico he’s called, and electronic base organ music with crazy comments it was. Towards the end of an evening full of concerts, I saw England’s Neils Children. Their hair and make-up, hummm, too much time spent in front of the mirror — not my type, really. The typical schedule for Faraday is: go to the beach, then back for to the early sound check, beach, some nice food, beers and it starts again. You don’t sleep. The spectacular seafood in “Casa del Mar” in Vilanova beach made me miss Evripidis and his Tragedies, ooops! But ok, we will hear lots about him as he’s releasing his debut album now. Then I was expecting something special, strong emotions and ethereal sounds from Carla Bozulich, an experimental L.A. girl. She took too long to set up things on stage though, then she did 3 songs and I was exhausted. Soon I was laughing again at Los Carradine onstage and wearing a Michael Faraday t-shirt, (who discovered electro-magnetic induction). This time, they were softer… more poppy. I prefer it when they go more rock’n’roll, but the important thing is that people liked it a lot (I’ve seen them lots of times, and after a while you become like a perfectionist mother). Luke Haines from Black Box Recorder and The Auteurs made an appearance too. I loved the songs he sang from his new work: Leeds United EP. He was supposed to be the big thing at the festival, but in general the Festival itself was the best thing. I’ll confess, the best band for me was Sunny Days Sets Fire. This Hong Kong girl left me with bigger eyes than I thought possible. She was amazing: playing drums, playing keyboard, playing everything, singing… What a woman, what a band. On Sunday, more beach and tapas, and on Monday I couldn’t get up. Luckily, I was recovered enough for Tuesday’s concert from TV on the Radio. They’ve got my support back with their energetic songs. The audience loved it as well, as they were shouting, dancing, on ecstasy. Hopefully Frank Black will do the same on the 10th in Apolo. He never gets me down. The Pixies fans say when he’s solo he goes too country — that’s a lie, shit. And what is the problem? Every heart is country, admit it or not. Mine would never beat in a ska rhythm for example, but gosh, Tokio Ska Paradise Orchestra could kill me from a heart attack: 12 Japanese boys. I’ll show up if just one of them would come by and call me cariño. If this music love hasn’t killed me, all my physical and mental strength will go into Summercase. I’m going right now to buy some good shoes in the rebajas and I hope to see you there for Jesus and Mary Chain. Keep alive. (Ah, too much love. Don’t go hippie on me. Don’t forget about The!Fuck, the band also playing in Niu, in a nice civic center near Marina. Let’s do The!Fuck!)

BCNWEEK

Music Gertrudis They are not seldomly mentioned in the same breath as Ojos de Brujo and are never forgotten when the history of the reinvention of rumba catalana is retold: The Gertrudis. The band that mixes rumba with reggae, latín and cumbia has just released its third album called Política de Verbena and presents the new mestizo sounds at Sala Castelló. Place: Sala Castelló @ Francesc Combo, 36 Time: 20:00h More info/contact: www.salacastello.com www.myspace.com/gertrudisband // www.mass-records.com Music Hélène Renaut & Alexis O’Hara Niu, a venue that usually invites electronic music maker to its stages surprises with a powerful female double act. Hélène Renaut plays careful, unassumingly sweet folk pop in French and English while poetry slam winner and performance artist Alxis O’Hara from Quebec plays with spoken word in two languages backed by spooky, spacey, dreamy, dirty beats and noise that she loops and samples in a one-woman show. Place: Niu @ Almogàvers, Time: 20:15h Admission: 3¤ More info/contact: www.niubcn.com // www.myspace.com/helenerenaut // www.myspace.com/alexisohara Music DJ Vadim at Nuggets The prolific DJ and producer Vadim (born in Iran based in London) is back in Spain with a brand new band (Yarah Bravo and Katrin de Boer of Belleruche on vocals, Emil Soegaard of EMO fame on percussion and vocals and Lil Ste on keys and piano) and his newest release "Soundcatcher,“ a showcase of his take on everything from reggae, dub, hip hop, grime to straight up beats. Place: Apolo 2 @ Nou de la Rambla, 111 Time: 22:00h Admission: 20¤ until 24:00h // 10¤ after 24:00h More info/contact: www.myspace.com/nuggetsclub -----------------------------------------------------

FRIDAY 13 Audiovisuals Grec: Peter Greenaway and DJ Radar The unorthodox Welsh filmmaker Peter Greenaway who did his first VJ performance in Amsterdam in 2005 is in Barcelona for the Grec to demonstrate once again how to create a movie in real time using a touch screen and images from his film series Tulse Luper’s Suitcase with a soundtrack by DJ Radar (Serge Dodwell). Place: Teatre Grec @ Pg. Sta Madrona, 36 Time: 22:00h Admission: 12¤ to 36¤ More info/contact: www.barcelonafestival.com

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Lena Wiget

Music Summercase Nothings gonna change my love for youuuuu. I’ll always beininBarcelona, love with you Sum-merTeatre Grec or for free in Sta. caaaaaase. love summer, bright sunshine, Coloma de IGramanet just outside of Barcelona sangría fresquita and god, I love you, my on the 31st of August. Summmercaaaaase. I love Pj so much, and Time: 21:30h Arcade Fire, and Jesus and Mary Chain, andDel Place: CD Drome, Primavera Sound @ Parc fresh Air,s/n and Jarvis and Gossip and… When it Forum, gets dark I’m65¤ off for forthe some LCDnight and I’ll be !!! Admission: entire flying high and ready to try some OMD. Let’s More info/contact: www.primaverasound.com lose control. ( Place: Parc del Forum s/n Time: 20:00h to 5:00h // Friday 13th and Saturday 14th Admission: 115¤ More info/contact: www.summercase.com by Dominik Gelada

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SATURDAY 14 Festival Interferencia Festival Running from the 9th through the 15th of July, this festival features creative artistic interventions in public spaces designed to provoke questions about our interaction with the urban environment. From 19:00h to 21:00h on Moll de la Fusta, Czech sculptor David Cerny, known for works that break with political and social myths in an ironic and humorous manner, presents his Radio Controlled Car. Is it a vehicle or a toy? Do we control traffic or is it the other way around? You’ll have to judge for yourself (www.davidcerny.cz). One of the festival’s permanent exhibits is Santiago Cirugeda’s La necesidad de ser illegal (casas en las azoteas), on Rambla Santa Monica (facing Colón). The installation consists of two dwellings originally constructed illegally on the rooftops of buildings in Zaragoza, and serves as an information office about how to be a do-it-yourself-illegally architect. Place: All over town Time: Some permanent exhibitions; most performances between 19h and 24h Admission: Free More info/contact: http://www.interferencia.info Fiesta Mayor La Alegría del Barrio de Raval: La Sucursal Raval celebrates its barrio-ness this weekend and as usual you’ve got an eclectic mix of bands playing at the Rambal de Raval. This year it’s La Sucursal S.A., Dil Mastana, Papawa, Abdeljalil Kodssi and El Rey. Place: Rambla de Raval s/n Time: 20:30h Admission: Free More info/contact: www.latrifulca.org Music The Boiler Club Cumple Cuatro The Boiler Club — arguably BCN best rhythm and soul club — celebrates its 4th anniversary this weekend with a Friday-Saturday double event at Café Noir. Apart from The Fabulous Ottomas who’ll rock the stage wearing their turban gear at 23:30h on Saturday you’ve got plenty of guest DJs from the UK to rock the house. Place: Café Noir @ Plato, 15 Time: 22:30 to 4:30h // Friday 13th and Saturday 14th Admission: 10¤ including drink More info/contact: www.theboilerclub.com -----------------------------------------------------

SUNDAY 15 Festival Interferencia Festival Remember the good, clean fun of Twister? The dirty-kiddie party game is back in a new format, and now you can play with strangers. Artist Anita Serrano invites you to bring your

Prada Garcia

C O M P I L E D BY

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Alfredo Lahoz

A D D I T I O N A L R E P O R T I N G BY

Joana Pelerano

THE SHORT LIST

BARS, RESTAURANTS AND HANGOUTS QUE MOLAN BIG TIME M E T I C U L O U S LY S E L E C T E D ( B U R P ! ) /// R E P E AT E D LY J U E R G A -T E S T E D /// N E V E R E V E R PA I D F O R

CHIRINGUITO

LA NUEVA OLA MAR BELLA BEACH

When summer arrives, pareos and Xibeca become main accessories and everyone swaps Razz out for the beach. Yes, my friend, it’s chiringuito time. And even though neighbors Morchima 1 and 2 try really hard, la Nueva Ola is the place for those who love company and shaking to the beat, sand between your toes and a beer in each hand. They are known to break out the music as early as 9 a.m. and DJs start spinning around 4 p.m. Weekdays are more about chilling out, but weekends (which begin on jueves, mind you) get crazy the minute the sun goes down as Catalans and guiris mingle until 1 a.m. when the Generalitat says “party’s over.” Sunday is the hottest day, so get there early to reserve your space on this beloved Barcelona sand. And don’t worry if you forgot the Xibeca. Someone will hit you up to buy a cheap cervezabeer every five minutes on the five minutes.

GRÁCIA

RELICS FRANCISCO GINER 23

TEL 678 31 13 19

Smokers, tokers, you have found your mothership. Take a step through the front door and then through the second front door and enter smoking-landia. Every single person in the place has a cigarette or a porro in their hand and they are busy with the activities indigenous of a church lock-in: foosball, pinball, loud music and making out in the corner. However, they are doing it all to hardcore heavy metal, which makes it about a million times better. And, instead of rancid punch (also so common at those long-ago lock-ins), you can choose from a wide selection of imported bottled beers. Among them are Satan, which wins for best label and Belzibut, which will take you from zero to shitfaced faster than any other thanks to its 12% alcohol content. Any of them will cure what ales you. Pun intended.

PA S T I S S E R I A

AYUB H O S P I TA L 9 5

TEL. 934 42 54 29

The Raval is a tough neighborhood full of opportunities for the intrepid guiri, and Ayub is one of them. This pastry store beckons yellow, like the golden arches, only here the happy is implicit in the meal. Looking into the window, your mouth will start to drool, dripping saliva, like so much honey, onto the street while you think “damn! I need me a pistachio

and garbanzo flour pastry STAT!” And you do. Ayub is more about need and functions much like those meth vans so popular in Holland: addicts walk up, order, then scurry away with their goods to… where? Granted, the tables are not the most comfortable, but the ambience is consistently lackadaisical and the coffee, good. Also, if you stay, they will heat up your order, and if you have gone for salty as opposed to sweet (just as good), expect a bottle of no-name ketchup to liven things up, free of charge.

CROISSANTERIA

BÉN

GRAN VIA 392

TEL. 933 25 34 76

I have recently been on the warpath. Among my immediate hates are low wages, long hangovers and nasty Catalán croissants that never ever taste good. I feel like a city that has always looked to Paris for its answers should be able to get a fucking clue about pastries. But no, it is all clear sugar coatings and weird citric aftertaste. Until Bén, that is. At this neighborhood pastry

shop, fresh, buttery croissants compete with chocolatey-but-not-too-sweet napolitanas in the display case, and their fruit pastries will have you understanding why that kid fucked the apple pie in the movie. I won’t even go into the creamfilleds, though you might want to. This is a tiny place full of happy endings and afternoon delights, and though the coffee was a little weak, the post-coital bliss was as intense as intense can be.

BRAZILIAN

CANTINHO BRASILEIRO AMPLE 43

TEL. 933 68 14 22

Sick of paella and cava? Give feijoada and Brahma beer a try at this Brazilian hang out. It's easy to see why the cariocas feel at home here: non-stop samba DVDs entertain while you scarf barbecue and farofa for a mere 8¤. To spice it up, there's the ultra hot chili from Bahia, brought illegally in secret suitcase compartments for over 20 years. For a quick snack, say olá to empada, coxinha and pão de queijo. All are indescribably good. Just watch the tears streaming from that hot Brazilian’s eyes as he takes a bite. After a Caipirinha or two you will not really understand what everyone is saying. After the third, though, the Portuñol (Brazil’s answer to Spanglish) sounds pretty logical and you might just speak it yourself. Leaving this place, though, is always a let-down because reality is almost too cruel: after such fare how can one be at the Barceloneta and not Copacabana? And where is the girl from Ipanema?

BCNWEEK

LISTINGS copy of the game to Plaça Catalunya between 20h and 21:30h (it’ll be returned!), and enrédate. For more information, go to http://marcianita.org/ enredate. If snuggling up to random passers-by isn’t your thing, go in the complete opposite direction and check out Kabinett Ad Co.’s choreographed performance piece CC Cushion, in which the performers are separated from the world around them by a giant air-filled bubble. From 20h to 21h in Plaça de la Catedral/Portal del Àngel. From 22:30h to 23:30h at the Espai Cultural Caja Madrid (Plaça Catalunya 9), you can see Falling Life, an example of the work of Kamila B. Richter and Michael Bielicky, two Czech artists who have been running around projecting their creations onto the façades of public buildings all over the world since 2005. Their twoperson show, carried out with only a laptop, a generator, and a light projector, uses simple visual imagery to comment on the information pollution in our public spaces. Place: All over town Time: Some permanent exhibitions; most performances between 19h and 24h Admission: Free More info/contact: www.interferencia.info Art Pinzat: Portable Art on Recycle Bolsos // Last Day Art doesn’t need to be framed and hung on living room walls to be art, correcto? Art could be tattoo style or graffiti style and whatever style drawings and paintings on bags made out of recycled materials, correcto? In that case, check out the exhibition of the Barcelona duo Pinzat who’ve produced the recycle bags and invited seven artist to design on top. Place: Miscelänea @ Guardia, 10 Time: 18:00h to 23:00h Admission: Free More info/contact: www.miscelanea.info -------------------------------------------------------------

MONDAY 16 Music Sounds from the Lab The Fundación Phonos offers musicians the most recent technology to experiment with new ways of creating and controlling sound and this event that’s part of the “Music and contemporary technology” series at the MACBA presents the latest creative approaches towards sonidos. OtherSounds, for example, shows their work SkateOscope that consists of live sampling and remixing skate boarding sounds. Place: MACBA @ Plaça dels Angels, 1 Time: 22:00h Admission: Free More info/contact: www.iua.upf.edu Music Off-Nights Monday nights are usually sad and boring even in a city as lovely and lively as Barcelona. As an attack against the Monday blues, BCN WEEK and Conexion organise weekly Off Nights at one of our favorite bars in Raval, Benidorm. It’s really low key, nada fancy — just a chat with friends over a beer and a chance to meet new people. As a little extra, those who have ganas to dj can bring their laptop or iPod and play their songs if they’ve signed up at www.bcnweek.com/offnite_sub.html. Time: 22:00h Place: Benidorm @ Joaquin Costa, 39 Admission: Free More info/contact: www.bcnweek.com

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WEDNESDAY 18

-------------------------------------------------------------Music Antony & The Johnsons Antony Hegarty also known as Antony and the Johnson’s is too precious to me not to mention him although tickets for his concert have been sold out for weeks. This concert needs to be mentioned simply because “I’m a bird now” is a master piece and will become legendary soon; because he IS the artist right now (as even such a personality as Bjork has admitted); because his music is just fantastically beautiful, and of course because we adore him. So anyways, for all of you, who have tixs, enjoy this fantastic artist. For the rest, this is just a hurtful reminder so, mmm let’s meet somewhere and get drunk? Place: Teatre Grec @ Pg Santa Madrona, 36 Time: 22:00h Admission: 15¤ to 48¤ More info/contact:

Film Donnie Darko by Richard Kelly Open Air A troubled teen starts hallucinating that a horrific 6foot-tall bunny rabbit that brings him dark forebodings about death and disaster in the very near future. A streak of "Heathers" is mixed in as well, with trenchant satirical observations of highschool life in the late '80s involving a priggish teacher, a self-help guru (Patrick Swayze!), and a put-upon fat girl at the fringes of the herd. Finally, a whiff of "Back to the Future," in the form of a local eccentric who just may have discovered the secret of time travel, but a secret that has more to do with spirituality than technology. All in all, a film well worth seeing especially open air and down town in the barri Gòtic. Place: Pati de Correu Vell @ Correu Vell, 5 Time: 22:00h Admission: Free --------------------------------------------------------------

THURSDAY 19 Music Sólo Los Solo Hip hop is not always about fighting, struggling, hustling, and fucking around. Well, actually it is. But this time, it’s in Spanish, it’s Barcelona based, and it’s well done, really well done hip hop. Aggressive or smooth — I don’t really care — Spain has a scene that’s constantly growing and getting stronger and Sólo los Solo is a vital sign of this development. The band has been beating for nine years now and collaborated with other great Spanish rappers such as Tote King or Mucho Muchacho. There are more than enough reasons then to join the groove at Sidecar and show off your best bambas. Place: Sidecar @ Plaça Reial, 7 Time: 22:30h Admission: 12¤ More info/contact: www.sidecarfactoryclub.com by Dominik Gelada

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TUESDAY 17

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BCNWEEK

SATURDAY 21 TV www.tv-links.co.uk This city is mad in the summer. It never ever stops. Think about it: When was the last time you enjoyed a quiet night in front of the tele? You say, there’s no good tele in Spain? Check out www.tv-links.co.uk then. It has a huge collection of all TV series and movies and it’s all for free. Don’t forget the bucket of ice cream and the chilled estrella. Place: Your couch Time: Your time Admission: Free --------------------------------------------------------------

SUNDAY 22

by Dominik Gelada

Music Llimonades 2007: Fi de Festa The Llimonades events at the centre civic Pati Llimona close with a DJ session by DJ Man-RHU and DJ Gas who’ll spin the top 50 electronic music themes (1985-2005) selected by Rockdelux. Place: Pati Llimona @ Regomir, 3 Time: 21:00 Admission: Free More info/contact: www.bcn.es

Music Sanjosex Every member of the group is Catalan, as are the lyrics of their songs. Some of Sanjosex’s music has traditional Catalan roots, but blended with blues, flamenco, and folk, which results in a unique species of fusion. Place: Sala Castelló @ Francesc Combo, 36 Time: 20:00h More info/contact: www.salacastello.com // www.myspace.com/sanjosex

together some of Barcelona’s most distinguished indie bands who will delight the audience with their reinterpretation of summer hits ranging from Julio Iglesias to Las Ketchup, from Mecano to Fórmula V, from Las Grecas to Madonna and Malena Gracia. Place: CCCB @ Montalegre, 5 Time: 20:30h Admission: Free More info/contact: www.cccb.org

FRIDAY 20 Music BCNmp7: An Indie Approach to Canción del Verano The BCNmp7 Music in Process series usually dedicated to more theoretical topics like copyrights or the evolution of musical genres concern themselves this time with the dichotomy between commerciality and independence. However, instead of round tables and debates they tackle the topic practically and rather sarcastically by bringing

Music Klimtcarol Description: Four Euros is a bargain for this show. Klimtcarol is good. Her voice is sound, her rock-pop catchy but not boring. Place: Heliogàbal @ Ramón i Cajal, 80 Time: 22:00h Admission: 4¤ More info/contact: www.myspace.com/klimtcarol --------------------------------------------------------------

MONDAY 23 Film Head-On, Fatih Akin, 2004 (V.O.S.E.) This German film by newcomer Fatih Akin is a wrenching but gorgeous tale of passion between two Turkish-Germans with train-wrecked lives. Awarded the Golden Bear in the 2004 Berlinale for its actors’ powerful performances and its acute look at the complexities of not quite belonging, HeadOn’s disturbing beauty will stay with you long after you descend from Montjuic. Fortunately, the beer and sandwiches that can be bought at the open-air festivities should aid your emotional digestion. If you plan to use public transport, wait at the Plaça Espanya towers where a special bus service will be provided to take you to Sala Montjuïc between 20:30h and 21:30h (there are also buses that take you back down). Place: Sala Montjuic @ Montjuic s/n Time: 22:00h Admission: 4¤ More info/contact: www.salamontjuic.com ---------------------------------------------------------------

TUESDAY 24 Art Barcelona-París-Pekin More than 50 artists from Barcelona, Paris and Peking exhibit their interpretation of Catalan, French and Chinese urban realities. Place: Off*Ample @ Ample, 5 & Pasaje de la Paz, 10 Time: 11:00h to 20:00h Admission: Free More info/contact: www.espace-ample.com --------------------------------------------------------------

WEDNESDAY 25 Art Tofer The exhibition on the Hollywood based artist and photographer Tofer showcases a selection of his new images printed on textile. A compilation of explicit and everyday live pictures where Tofer scatters his memories, feelings and fantasies looking for a unique reaction on seduction and distress. Place: Rojo Artspace @ Girona 61 Time: Tuesday to Friday from 16.30h to 21.00h // Saturday from 12.00h to 14.30h and 17.00h to 21.00h. Admission: Free More info/contact: www.rojomagazine.com/artspace/

REVIEWS

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A NIGHTMARISK ENCOUNTER WITH THE BAJA BEACH CLUB NURSE, OR WHY I CANCELLED MY ACUPUNCTURE APPOINTMENT BY

Maren Hermans

Last night I dreamt I was in Barceloneta. I went there by metro and as I left the station, where one of those flyer boys handed me a flyer. Surprised by the content and colorful design, I stopped walking. It had a photo of Prince - or the artist formerly known as Prince — with a giant speech bubble floating over his head that read “Wanna join my party?” Next to his tiny body in high heels, crowned by his big head, I saw a picture of a girl with long, dark hair. Her head was atop a teeny tiny body too, but what weren’t in proportion were her tits. Above her picture, a big paella featured greasy, wide-eyed fish who tried to ignore their neighbour’s huge complements. Normally I would never even consider going to a party like that, but what kind of thrilled me - and this is definitely due to my German background - was a David Hasselhoff lookalike in the right corner, informing me of where the party was going to be: Baja Beach Club. I have heard a lot about this BBC (how it’s probably called by its fans). I heard that the girls and boys there have great booties and dance half naked. Also, I read in a magazine, while waiting for my acupuncture treatment (for increased self-esteem) that the BBC people plant

microchips under the very BBQed skin of beautiful people so that they can pay for their Piña Colada or, of course, Sex on the Beach. This is based on the idea of American born Baja-Boy Conrad Chase, who was also the first person to enjoy the chip injection. Maybe Chase is a big fan of freaky future fantasies and threatening control politics, which would also explain his appearance on Spanish Big Brother 6 some years ago. Moreover, 'el chico mas guapo de la casa de Gran Hermano' once owned a company selling alarm technology security systems. Now all this sounds a little like a very cool James Bond character; you know, technology freak working undercover as a hot stripper guy. Standing outside the entrance with the flyer in my hand, a nurse came up to me. It was a male nurse, who, accompanied by the first notes of 'A la Gosadera', (Chase's misstep into the music industry, worth a minute spent, but not more, on YouTube), opened his nurse purse. Scary nurse smiled with no teeth, and when I saw the little injection needle glinting in the sun I started to run. I woke up all sweaty and dizzy. I decided to cancel my next acupuncture meeting.

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“Bestial” at Iguapop C/Comerç 15

“I was bored of working alone. It didn’t feed me.”

The latest exhibition at Iguapop represents French artiste Miss Van’s first outing as a curator. Having shown and sold her work in galleries all over the world, she brings together a group of sixteen international artists at a venue that has the monopoly on young and hip art events in Barna. When asked how the artists were selected, Van describes a meeting of two worlds, “I wanted to make a mixture of people I know, nice people, and people whose work I admire”. Looking through the work that has been generated for the show, you’d find it difficult to tell the difference. Miss Van’s social circles are clearly a little more skilled and productive than the majority of groups in the city. However, she adds, “I didn’t want to be elitist in my selection.” Elitist? It’s hard to say. Artists such as Mike Giant and Jeremy Fish are, without doubt, at the top of their game. Although their subject matter and techniques are very different, the influence of Americana, hip-hop and a respect for classic fables are visible in both sets of work. Their lines are as steady as a 90s graffiti writer could possibly hope for. Fish depicts a pair of stag heads, mounted like hunting trophies, whose antlers morph into a pair of bragadocious b-boy lower arms, their host dignified and unconscious. The plaques below read: “Buck You” and “Buck Wild.” Giant’s illustrations, black and white tattoo flash, hyper traditional imagery lleno de pride and Mexican Cholo tribalism; his graffiti roots obscured but not forgotten. Tattoo art is a major part of this show, and the artists’ own skins could constitute an exhibition in itself. Angelique Houtkamp, a Dutch painter, is covered with delicate lines and coloured symbolism, which is explored even further in her paintings. A Marlene Dietrich-esque face adorns the body of a prisoner bulldog and a mermaid octopus. Her techniques are faithful to the craft of the tattoo artist and she stains the paper like it’s virginal beige skin. Kev Grey, a Northern-English country boy, demonstrates a more uncompromising series of

BORN, AVDA. ALLADA-VERMELL, 16 (M) JAUME I www.pubblackhorse.com 93 268 33 38

Mark Dix

illustrations. Free from irony, but not without a sense of humour, Grey’s butch skulls tussle with weapons, alcohol and women, framed by heartbroken sensibilities. Despite all of her successes, Miss Van’s input reinforces the melancholic direction of her recent work. Her portraits avoid the gaze of the viewer; chest exposed, mascara applied, dressed-up like unwilling royalty. Her hand is coarser than many of her counterparts, her output less polished - perhaps more personal. The regal theme is prominent in the work of a genuine revelation in the group, Poppy Jabianski. Her animal portraits give religious dignity to their subjects, and evoke comparisons with that classic children’s series, Dogtanian. The non-painted disciplines are represented by Kid Acne and Landry, (who also gives credit to his dog, Limbo). Acne has mounted a couple of shelves upon which a complex narrative unfolds. Wee mythical warrior girls battle a giant squid and yeti, mounted on old burnt spray paint cans and empty bottles of Xibeca. The caption, painted onto pizza boxes, reads “Let it roc for all the girls,” a quote from a 1980s London graffiti mural. Landry and Limbo have assembled a bunch of dog bones to form the phrases, “GOD IS DOG” and “MY DOG IS POLITE”. These bold brown statements sit next to a collection of missing pet posters, the forlorn animal owner’s contribution to street art. The touch of these two artists is a step away from the two dimensional glamour of the remainder of the group but invites interest and ultimately strengthens the theme of the show. Miss Van does not claim to be objective in her selection of artists, but the direction and influence of this woman has resulted in a sound exploration of folklore and contemporary feeling. This cross-section of yesterday’s youth represents self-taught craft and animal-like dedication to community and communication. Iguapop may not be the most original venue for this type of work, but Van is pragmatic in her explanation, “Life as an artist is hard, and I wanted to give these people opportunities. We use Iguapop. They use us.”

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STEREOTOTAL — PARIS BERLIN THIS ALBUM SUCKS SO HARD THAT IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN A NICE EP BY

Bob Groen

Judging solely on musical merits, I can’t help but classify this homegrown under the pathetic classification 'art'. Or better said, artesanía doméstica. Not quite as cool as Vive la Fête, but potentially reaching a plastic Heaven Hotel squat-you status. Conveniently packaged in oldskool Panavision, so close - yet so far away - design, and smartly linking up to (or is it scandalously taking advantage of) Charlotte Gainsbourg’s recent homage to French crooners from the late 60's, while en este caso muy importante - not being a traitor to its German roots. Alas my friends, Nico died 20 years ago in Ibiza, and prohibiting French people from singing in a foreign language (that’s not Spanish) should be basic vocal lesson material by now. However, if doing pre-shows for major bands is to be an indicator of good music, the fact that StereoTotal has been

invited by the Beastie Boys to open their show in the legendary Bataclan nightclub in Paris, must mean there’s more to this duo than first meets the eye. A hidden gem lies tucked away in the hilarious lyrics and an attitude that just screams “don’t take any of this too seriously, please”, backed by an overly square electronic rock ‘n roll beat that Tarantino made salonfähig again through introducing the 5678´s. To withstand all that screaming over monotonous melodies, my suggestion is to play just three tracks from the whole LP: track 2, “Stricherjunge” (a great song in native German about a male prostitute who goes out looking for trouble), the welcomingly melodious track 9, “ta voix au téléphone”, and the Gainsbourg cover, “Relax baby be cool”. All the rest might be mighty funny and clever, but that has got nothing to do with sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll.

Bernal and Gainsbourg are well versed in The Science of Sleep.

M OV I E

THE SCIENCE OF SLEEP BY

Regina WB

I love W.T.F. films. You know the kind that make you say, “What the F&@# was that?!”, but in a good way. Perhaps this is why Michel Gondry’s 2006 film — The Science of Sleep — appeals to me so much; it’s a real brain tease with a crazy sense of humour. Much like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Gondry’s 2004 hit, The Science of Sleep deals with what goes on inside the subconscious mind, confronting the especially mysterious subject of dreams (think: Being John Malkovich and Waking Life). With Gael Garcia Bernal in the lead as Stéphane, the strange subject matter of the film becomes easier to swallow. Garcia Bernal (Y Tu Mamá También, Babel and Amores Perros) is damn good, and oozes quirky charm as he plays the role of a Mexican/French day-dreamer who has severe problems with discerning the real from the unreal. To make it all a bit more confusing, the dialogue switches

from Spanish to French to English, as Stéphane tries desperately to hook up with his unassuming French neighbour, Stéphanie (Charlotte Gainsbourg). The relationship between Stéphane and Stéphanie is believable and sweet, a necessary contrast to balance to the rest of the bizarre storyline. While blurring the line between reality and fantasy could be annoying, the overall feel of the film is playful, never taking itself too seriously. After all, how clear is the line between reality and fiction for any of us (especially here in Barcelona)? While Gondry has been criticised for this film by some who believe it tries too hard to be intellectual and existential, it appears instead that Gondry has made a difficult subject open to vast interpretation and created a funny, light-hearted romance that is 100% sure to mess with your cabeza — at least a little.

ASTROLONA BY

Lady Ondina Osborne

ARIES This week I want you to write to someone old. I’ve been writing to my 90 year-old grandmother recently and I’ve fallen in love with the time and care it takes to write an actual letter, with pen and paper, addressing it to someone who has never had an email address. Increase the size of your world, separate from technology, get a little lost, connect with someone who remembers the horror of a world war. (You know who I’m talking about.) TAURUS Every night around eight I hear horse and carriage clippity-clops down my street, and every night I imagine that it is actually a ghost carriage of a time gone. In the minute it takes for the sound to wax into my salon and wane out of my head, I live another life in another century. You need some similar personal theater and this week you’ll be especially creative. Imagine what you will and you just may get out of the overly analytical slump you’ve been in. GEMINI Do you remember when flaming homosexual David Gest married raging alcoholic Liza Minnelli? The tabloid press was in a feeding frenzy. The wedding photos were a salacious starter of what was to come—any wedding where Michael Jackson and Elisabeth Taylor are guests is doomed to fail, alcoholism and faggotry aside. Be careful not to wrap yourself up in a situation like this, you’ve got something just as bizarre coming your way. CANCER You need to go into the hills. You’ll need a basket full of snacks, a stick to support your walk, and an entire day. It doesn’t matter if you find what you’re looking for, in fact it isn’t required that you look for anything in particular. What you need more than anything is the time away from cars and people. You need birds and twigs, and if the mood strikes you, give a good scream to the forest—the forest can handle the release of your pent-up aggression, someone near you can’t. LEO Last weekend I stumbled across a film presentation in the CCCB about animal slaughter houses showing how pigs, sheep, goats, and cows are killed. The only animals that screamed before their deaths were pigs, and then I remembered something a farmer once told me: as stupid, greedy, dirty, and simple as a pig is, it is the only animal (including humans) that screams in anticipation of its death, like a swan song, but less poetic. I want you to be 100% pig this week: demanding, greedy, selfish. This is nothing new for you, so dress your attitude like a swan, be a poet, scream your horror. VIRGO Thinking of you I can’t help but to think of the Christmas party I went to in 1997 where the host brought out a platter of cocaine made to look like a snowy nativity scene with a plastic baby Jesus and Ken and Barbie dressed as S&M Joseph and Mary. It was so naughty, and we all laughed at the sacrilege of it all: decadent, disrespectful, arrogant, and just plain sinful. All of these adjectives apply to you. Are you okay with that? I’m not judging, just asking. LIBRA Yesterday coming home my usual way on my bike, I realized upon arriving to my street that I had completely blanked out and had no memory of the fifteen minute trip home crossing busy intersections. I was on auto pilot. It disturbed me a little, that my conscious disconnected into random thought while my body continued with what was required, but then I remembered that that’s how life often is, guided by auto pilot. Don’t feel bad about pulling away and disconnecting, sometimes it’s the only way to survive. SCORPIO “BRING OUT YOUR DEAD!” What have you just thought of? Yellow Fever? Bubonic Plague? Monty Python? Whatever your association, just be glad you’re not having to cart around dead and rotting bodies to make money. I see a little unhappiness/unease/uncertainty with your employment, but as a former employer once told me, no matter how bad it gets it’s betting than being stoned to death. SAGITTARIUS I’ve had a piece of bamboo imprisoned in a tube of water for almost three years now. In that time it has produced one little shoot. It is now turning brown and dying. A Three year long life spent in the same tube in the same place with just one little 6cm shoot coming out of the side. I feel guilty now that it’s almost dead, like I’ve had a child tied in the basement. That piece of bamboo could have been massive and mighty, instead it was destined to die on a windowsill in a tube. What child do you have tied in the basement? CAPRICORN Has encontrado tu media naranga? I hate this assumption that we’re not whole, that we have a half missing. I reject this and any similar notion that implies that I am incomplete. You are born alone and you will die alone and no one or thing can change that. There is no reason to seek out a partner and if you’re feeling pressured to commit to something, a person or a way of thought, remember that no one will make you better than what you already are. AQUARIUS Someone might steal your bike this week, or maybe the mirrors off your moto, someone might fuck your partner. Yes, I see the distinct possibility of you receiving a very close to the quick injury, one that takes your breath. Or what I see is you doing the stealing/ fucking. Whatever happens, you’ll be caught off guard by odd behavior, and it just might be your own. PIECES This week I’m going to sing you Alaska’s “A Quien le Importa” on my neighbor’s karaoke machine. The chorus translates something like, “I don’t give a fuck what anybody thinks about what I say or do, this is how I am and I’ll always be like this.” Be proud of your quirks and opinions, don’t be shy or ashamed, they make you who you are. The devil lives in the details and in your details lives a crafty, intelligent, artistic fiend.

Personals I SAW YOUS + CONFESSIONS

CUTRE TV DISCONNECTING THE SATELLITE AND UNPLUGGING THE CABLE: WHAT YOU’RE MISSING ON SPANISH TELEVISION.

it’ll be Thursday at 22:00h. Six guapos and six listos live in a mansion together, but I really don’t get where it goes from there. I just know that the guapos are extremely stupid and the listos are made to look aesthetically pathetic.

BY SYDNEY RODRIGUEZ

ANTENA 3 TVE 1 // LA 2 The two state run television stations are mostly cutre-free, but they also have a dash of trash. Recently finishing a run was a program called “Lluvia de Estrellas” where wannbe performers dress up as their favorite singers and imitate not only their voices but their appearance as well. The contestants are referred to not by their real names, but rather by the names of the stars they’re imitating. This last round’s winners were Rocío Jurado, Anastasia and some guy. 21:00H // GENTE // DAILY A regular program you may want to keep in mind when national and international noticias get too boring or violent to accompany your evening meal. It’s kind of like the news, but instead of reporting on the miserable state of the world it tells personal tragedies of regular people. Buen provecho.

TELE 5 15:30H // AQUÍ HAY TOMATE // DAILY A daily afternoon of tabloid roundups that provids the perfect background to your siesta. Surprisingly well produced with brilliant cuts and cutting voiceovers, this hour and a half treats tabloid as it deserves to be: like a cotton candy acid trip. 00:30H // HORMIGAS BLANCAS // TUESDAYS Hormigas Blancas is another step into the life of someone you will never know or care about. Presented in documentary format, the first hour and a half is a buckled down rollercoaster ride through the life of some B-list Spanish celebrity. Last week ran the first chapter of the life of Jesulín de Ubrique, one of Spain’s most popular bullfighters who lost a cojon to a bullhorn. Look for chapter two this coming Tuesday. This show is best watched stoned. 22:00H // NADIE ES PERFECTO // THURSDAY A new reality show that recently premiered. It’s quite possibly the worst television ever produced. If there is a shred of human decency left in this screwed up world, this show won’t make it to a second airing, but if it does

22:00H // ¿DÓNDE ESTÁS CORAZÓN? // FRIDAYS ¿Dónde Estás Corazón? airs every Friday at 22:00h and lasts for eighteen hours, or at least so it seems. This television format calls for five journalists, and I use the term loosely, to interview people on who they’ve fucked or loved, or how they fucked loved someone famous, or something like that. The interview usually ends in tears or screaming. Sometimes a lie detector test is involved. Quality.

I SAW YOU SEND YOURS IN AT WWW.BCNWEEK.COM/ISAWYOU48_SUB.HTML Lunes, 25 de junio a las 9h: tú (1'80, hombros anchos, traje de negocios, maletín y te falta el brazo izquierdo) subiste en la plaça de Sants. Yo (1'55, rubia con el pelo corto, llevaba puestos unos pantalones de color azul fuerte y una camisa de color rosa pálida) le dejé mi asiento a una yaya que había subido para ponerme al lado tuyo. Creo que lo sabías porque me sonreíste y pasamos el trayecto entero mirándonos. Me bajé en Urquinaona pero tenía que haberte dicho algo porque creo que pensabas que no hablaba castellano. Te quiero volver a ver. edomnav@gmail.com

NEW CUTRE TV GUIDE!

Dónde: Burger King, Glories Cuándo: Viernes 23, sobre las 14h. Tú: Obrero con las manos sucias, polvo en el pelo, polvo en la barba…eres un polvo en general. Tienes menos que 30 años, o por lo menos así pareces. Yo: Ingles alto con la mochila abierta. Me lo dijiste. Te lo agradecí, pero más importante, vi algo en tus ojos que me hizo pensar cosas muy guarras. Sé que no vas a leer este mensaje, pero por si acaso… bilmatthews@gmail.com

JORDI’S LAW If you withdraw 50¤ from a cash point you’ll always get a 50¤ bill. 50¤ bills are generally not accepted in any shops. You might be able to pay with a 20¤ bill if you speak Catalan. If you only speak Sapnish and you know that you’ll need a coffee on your way, pocket some change before you leave the house or go the bank and ask for cambio. The ticket prices for the music festival will rise the day you finally decided that you really want to go. Spanish beginner: There are some English words that work fine in Spanish if you just change the pronounciation and add an “O.” There are others that don’t work. Keep preservatives versus preservativos in mind. Newbees: You will realize you have gone to the wrong side of the metro only after walking through the turnstyle and to change sides, you will have to pay. Fresh food shoppers: At the market, always be sure to buy your soft fruit first so that it gets crushed at the bottom of your carrito.

You: totally cute Spaniard working at the Pza. Catalunya Pepecar on Friday, June 22. Me: mediumheight brunette in white and red sun dress renting the car at 8 a.m. I was your first customer of the day and you were very flirty. You have all of my contact information and I invite you to use it very soon.

Murphy’s Law: If there are four bakeries on a single block, you will choose the one with shitty croissants and weak coffee.

I saw you at a roof-top party for San Juan. You were wearing a black dress and had cute little 'amelie' hair. I asked you what CD you were putting on and you said "Depeche Mode" and asked me if I approved. I didn't. But I approve of the look we shared right after that. You're hot.

Flatmates: Always check the freezer before going to the store, because the day you succumb to the temptation of Carte d'Or's chocolate is the day your flatmate decided to stockpile frozen chicken and spinach.

I saw you cut in front of me in line at the Carrefour on Las Ramblas. What do you think... just because you've graced the planet for 157 years and walk with a cane you get to buy your Depends before the rest of us? I saw you. And if I see you again..........It's on old man!

Bilingualists: If you speak to someone in Spanish, they will answer you in Catalán. If you then respond in Catalán, they will switch back to Spanish. Fuckers.

Spanish teachers: Cut the “Everyone makes mistakes when they are learning a new langauges” bullshit. Tell them the truth: They’ll make total fools of themselves for at least the first half-year. There are Caixas everywhere until you need one. Then it is all Caixa Catalunya and BBVA.

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