WHY
Time Apart
MIGHT BE THE PERFECT MARRIAGE ELIXIR BY PAM MOORE
I was
PREGNANT WITH OUR FIRST child when my husband and I attended a friend’s 40th birthday party. Over thumping music and margaritas (a Shirley Temple for me), we wished the guest of honor a happy birthday. “How does 40 feel?” My husband asked. “It’s good,” he said. “But I’m tired.” He and his wife had two young kids at the time. “I don’t remember the last time I slept through the night.” Our friend turned his gaze to his wife. Beaming in her direction, he told us how excited he was to spend the night at the swanky hotel down the street that night. “So fun!” I exclaimed. “The kids are with their grandparents overnight?” Our friend and his wife laughed, shaking their heads. “No,” she explained. “I’m staying with the kids so my husband can have the entire night to himself and wake up whenever he wants, in silence, totally alone.” “Too bad you couldn’t find a sitter so you could stay at the hotel together,” I replied. “No, this is actually the perfect birthday treat,” our friend insisted. I sipped my Shirley Temple and tried to make my face look as if I understood. Six years, two kids of my own, and countless sleepless nights later, I understand. As I’ve come to learn, taking time for yourself once you become a parent is not a luxury, but a necessity. Though it seems counterintuitive, one of the best things you can do for your marriage is to step away from it, regularly and intentionally. I talked to experts to find out why couples—particularly those with kids—are so much better together when they spend time apart.
BECAUSE, KIDS Our kids absorb an incredible amount of our time and energy. Ironically, this is exactly why parents need to take time for themselves. Alex Hedger, therapist, and clinical director of Dynamic You Therapy Clinics, encourages parents to take breaks from the demands of both their children and their partner, in order to “prevent cracks appearing in either partner’s well-being—or the relationship.” Tiya CunninghamSumter, a certified life and relationship coach, describes those potential cracks as “regret and resentment toward your partner… You’ll find
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O R E G O N F A M I LY . C O M
FEBRUARY 2022
