ASK-A-DOC

Family Health Q&A

with Leslie Pelinka, MD

Q: My youngest, who just started kindergarten, seems to be struggling the most in the pandemic. I feel like she’s clinging to how things used to be. She talks about how after COVID, she’ll get to go back to preschool and see her friends. But now she’s in kindergarten, doing school online, with no friends around and no real sense of back to school. We’ve been dealing with a lot of angry outbursts and tears. How do we support her when she hasn’t yet developed the coping skills to deal with this type of change and trauma?

A. This is hard and while there aren’t easy answers, there are a few principles that will help you and your little one through this time. First, children this age are amazingly resilient and adaptable. It may not seem that way now, and it may take time, but she will recover from the disruption and move on—much more easily than the adults around her. What seems like a BIG problem to a 5 year-old is likely to be completely forgotten in a few years. This doesn’t mean she’s not affected now— but rest assured, she should be able to move on without long-term effects.

Second, young children are very astute in sensing the emotions around them. If they sense anxiety, fear and uncertainly, their emotions will reflect that. If they sense calm and gratitude, they’ll reflect that as well. So it’s very important for you to practice self-care. Take time for your own activities, social connections, sleep, exercise and healthy eating. Try deep breathing, meditation or regular journaling to help clear your mind and bring you calm. This isn’t selfish—your whole family will benefit from you being at your best.

Third, young children thrive on structure. So without being rigid, be consistent with times for sleep, meals, school and play. Continue evening routines like bathing, teeth brushing, story time and other activities. Fourth, even if you have a very precocious child, their reasoning ability is still limited. Keep things simple. No need to delve deeply into the challenges and complexities of COVID, wildfires or online learning. Messages like “I’m sorry you’re sad that you can’t see friends right now,” or “I’m sure we’ll hear from your teacher soon” are enough. Complicated discourse is confusing to children. Simple, straightforward, positive messages are what they need.

Hang in there. Trust that your love and support are all that she needs right now to feel reassured.

Leslie Pelinka, MD

is a PeaceHealth Medical Group pediatrician based at the RiverBend Pavilion in Springfield.

To make an appointment with PeaceHealth Medical Group Pediatrics call 541-222-8500.