Orlando Goon

It's hard to write about yourself without sounding presumptuous but what the hell, let me give it a shot. I'm what you would call an "ART-TIST", a concrete analyst, a renaissance man if you will. Critics (and by critics I mean my mom) swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear and funkify, hipster hair style. I don't perspire; calm and collective most of the time, like "Bond" just without a gun, a hot chick or a cool car. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail ALL THE TIME mostly from my one year tour with the 80s band "Menudo". I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. I like to go to the park and play fetch with "Sally" my pet fish. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a pilon and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in China, cliff-diving competitions in Nebraska and spelling b