Woman Today November 2011

contents

november 2011

How as emotional beings can we truly forgive and forget? Are the words a mere clichÉ or true sparks of wisdom asks Sonya Ghaddar.

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44 38

How do you forgive yourself?

When you start to feel an overwhelming sense of guilt and shame, feelings so awful that you feel your friends would soon drop you if they only knew the truth, then it’s time to do something about it, says Gabrielle Turner.

Starting Young

The magic word that’s hardest to say...

Dr Rajka Milanovic Galbraith offers tips on how to teach your child not only to say ‘sorry’, but also to mean it

40 Who says it first

What does saying sorry really mean in a relationship, asks Nadira Mendis Amarasinghe.

48 Ways of Forgiving

While we all find it awkward to spit out those important words that keep relationships alive, it is time we conveyed the same message through creative methods, writes Sindhu Nair.

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November 2011

WT TRANSFORM 14

Reveal is here!

It’s been one helluva journey for Alyson so far. Not only has she lost weight, she looks and feels beautiful and is a much more happy and confident person now. Alyson has transformed...

18 work wise

Time to Quit?

Do it gracefully!

Bayt.com outlines 10 key tips to keep in mind if you do decide to quit your job.

how women work

Let’s find out again The How Women Work conference is running towards its third year. Founder Carolin Zeitler writes about what she is focusing to change in this third edition.

24 young & happening

26 world wide women

Building bridges

Construction is a male-dominated industry, but a group of women in Qatar are determined to change its masculine image.

Victoria Scott went to meet them, along with our shutterbug Robert Altamirano.

Success On The Move

Andrea Martins founder of ExpatWomen. com, the largest global website helping women living outside of their home countries, speaks to Christine Gerber Rutt on how nomadic life inspired the site.

Drops of Passion

There are three words that best describe Alexandra Cousteau – she is an explorer, an advocate and a film-maker. She shares with Cassey Oliveira her love for the water and the need to tell its story.

56 style stop

Inspire, Dream and Achieve

Women in Arms

An initiative by students Ghada Al-Subaey and Zarqa Parvez, the Women’s Society and Development Club, is the first studentrun club focused on addressing women’s issues and professional development at the Georgetown University in Qatar.

Maryam Al-Subaiey speaks to the ladies.

VOLUME VI / ISSUE 10

november 2011 Publisher & Editor-in-Chief Yousuf Jassem Al Darwish Chief Executive Sandeep Sehgal Executive Vice President Alpana Roy Vice President Ravi Raman

Managing Editor Vani Saraswathi Deputy Editor Sindhu Nair fashion & lifestyle correspondent Orna Ballout Editorial Co-ordinator Cassey Oliveira

correspondent Ezdhar Ali

Art Director Venkat Reddy Asst Director – production Sujith Heenatigala assistant Art Director Hanan Abu Saiam Senior Graphic Designers Ayush Indrajith Sampath Gunathilaka M D Graphic Designer Maheshwar Reddy B photography Robert Altamirano

Managers – Marketing Mohammed Sami

Zulfikar Jiffry

Senior Media Consultant Chaturka Karandana

Media Consultant HASSAN REKKAB

Marketing research & support executive amjeth ali

Accountant Pratap Chandran

sr. distribution Executive Bikram Shrestha

Distribution Support Arjun Timilsina Bhimal rai

Published by Oryx Advertising Co WLL P.O. Box 3272; Doha-Qatar Tel: (+974) 44672139, 44550983, 44671173, 44667584 Fax: (+974) 44550982 Email: wtoday@omsqatar.com website: www.omsqatar.com Copyright © 2011 Oryx Advertising Co WLL

FROM THE EDITOR

Facebook might bring out the best in people, but Twitter brings out the worst, probably because it is difficult to fake in 140 characters or less. In the first you can voice a nasty opinion and follow it up with a ream of disclaimers. In the latter, there is room for just the one, crisp, to-the-point thought.

In a country like Qatar, a multicultural society doesn’t necessarily translate into a melting pot of cultures. People live in their individual bubbles, largely unaware of their neighbours’ lives.

Into this milieu comes something like Twitter, that serves as both a melting pot and a forum for people to express themselves with little or no censorship.

On the one hand, you meet and interact with people you would never get to know offline.

Which is fantastic. On the other, it is rather disturbing to read some of the divisive, intolerant and, often times, racist thoughts that people manage to pack into 140 characters.

Freedom of expression, via any medium, is to be encouraged. As Salman Rushdie, the man of many controversies, said: “It is very, very easy not to be offended by a book. You just have to shut it.” And I guess, when offended by a certain tweet or tweep, one just has to remove them from the timeline.

Yet one can’t help but wonder how heavy a burden of anger and hatred some of the tweeps must carry, if they can express that much rancour in so few words.

I am not talking about tweets against despots and criminals, but against those we work with or live next door to, or run into at the theatre or cafe. It seems like the world is not getting smaller but only more fragmented, where people fear what they can’t understand, disrespect what is not familiar, and deride what is not of their belief – be it cultural habits, traditions or religious thoughts. On social networks they are expressing that bigotry with impunity.

One can only hope that, when the novelty of free expression wears off, fair reasoning and sensitivity will prevail. Until then, take Woman Today’s November theme to heart. Forgive.

Vani Saraswathi Address all your correspondence to Woman Today, Oryx Advertising Co WLL, P.O. Box 3272; Doha-Qatar Tel: (+974) 44672139, 44550983, 44671173, Fax:(+974) 44550982, email: wtoday@omsqatar.com. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced without the written permission of the publisher. The publisher does not accept responsibility for advertising contents. Licensing/ Republishing WT content: To obtain permission for text syndication in books, newsletters, magazines, newspapers and web or to use images/pictures carried in Woman Today, please contact our syndication and licensing department on the numbers given above. Permission is also required to photocopy a WT article for classroom use, course packs, business or general use. Custom reprints: Published article/s to be used as stand-alone pieces can be reprinted by us on special request. The reprint cost is based on the length of the article and the quantity ordered. Contact our custom publishing division on the numbers given above for more information.To subscribe to Woman Today call our subscription department on the numbers given above.

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November 2011

GO GREEN

Nokia C5-03

Woman Today invites readers’ feedback Share your views on the magazine or any issue connected to Qatar.

One lucky reader will win a Nokia C5-03.

Write to: The Editor, Woman Today, PO Box 3272, Doha Fax: (+974) 44550982 email: wtoday@omsqatar.com

Woman Today reserves the right to edit correspondence. Views and opinions expressed in the published letters may not necessarily be those of the publication.

Prizes sponsored by:

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November 2011

letters Women in Power I have always appreciated the way Woman Today focuses on successful women in various fields. The October issue itself had four women, each doing brilliantly well in the career they have chosen. First up was Wangari Maathai whose death is a great loss to the world. She had righteously won the Nobel Peace Prize for being an advocate of women’s right as well as an environmental campaigner. Then there was Nada Al-Shaibani who fought all odds to become one of the first Qatari female television presenters.

Next is Holly Joint who has left a mark in each of the careers that she pursued. Lastly, it’s the globe-trotting vet Helene Baigent who despite her allergy against most animals, went ahead to become a vet. When a woman is filled with passion, there’s no stopping her!

Jesse Leigh Brave Hearts Woman Today has done a commendable job by touching upon a sensitive topic like ‘Breast Cancer’ in its October issue. The story on the five survivors was remarkable with each of them sharing the trials and triumphs in their journey of survival. Though October is the month of Breast Cancer awareness, I believe women need to be made aware everyday. There are many of us (including me) who simply avoid going for screenings. I have decided to go this year for a screening and will make sure my daughters go

for screening too at the right age.

Zainab Fawad Power of Pink It’s strange how a colour considered ultrafeminine can also be the colour of courage and awareness. I have always thought about how to do my bit on raising awareness for breast cancer, now I have got the solution. Yes, I will try going pink for the month using the ideas provided

by Woman Today, and hopefully encourage my dear family, friends and colleagues to go for a check-up. I have been a regular participant at the Think Pink Qatar Walk, and this year too I am going with my husband and kids.

Mouna Kifaii Social Media I liked the article titled ‘Stars, Not So Bright’ in the October issue of Woman Today. I have teenage children at home who are constantly hooked onto either the television or the internet, watching their favourite celebrities on screen. We all know how celebrities turn when they can’t handle fame, especially the younger ones. Young celebrities are a role model to many teenagers like my children, and it’s important that they put up a good image to their loyal fans who are most likely to imitate them. The tips provided in the article are handy. I don’t want my children to grow up as confused adults.

Rekha Vijayan

inshort

Top health apps Heart rate monitor, snore detector...

T

info, and learn about your moods and experiences during pregnancy. http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/ipregnantdeluxe-iperiods/id469844226?mt=8

he last few weeks’ most popular health and fitness iTunes apps around the world include an app that provides ambient nature sounds to calm nerves, a snore detector, and an app that sends you sexy message reminders to check for breast cancer.

Here are some country-wise top apps: UK: Stress Check by Azumio This app transforms your iPhone into a stress gauge. To use, hold your index finger over the iPhone’s camera flash for two minutes. The app then claims to measure your blood flow to indicate elevated stress levels. ht t p://it unes.apple.com/us/app/st resscheck-by-azumio/id439500612?mt=8 US: White Noise This app provides ambient sounds, such as crashing ocean waves or pouring rain, to help you relax or sleep. http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/white-noise/ id289894882?mt=8

Australia: Period Diary Pro This app tracks and predicts your period, fertility, and ovulation cycles each month, as well as provides a diary where you can track symptoms, moods, weight, and temperature. http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/period-diary-pro-period-fertile/id432285067?mt=8

Canada: Your Man Reminder Just in time for Breast Cancer Awareness Month, this app serves up reminders from an imaginary “hot guy” of your choice to check your breasts for lumps. http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/your-manreminder/id467911146?mt=8

Japan: While You Were Sleeping!

Wondering if you snore or talk in your sleep, or if other disturbances in the night keep you from getting your best sleep? This app records nighttime noises for review in the form of graphs, figures, or sound recordings in the morning. http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/while-youwere-sleeping!/id374208989?mt=8

France: iPregnant Deluxe Record and track your pregnancy, get prenatal

Male-minded safety a risk for female drivers

W

omen are more likely to sustain injuries in an auto accident because safety features are designed more with men in mind, a recent study said.

Combing through a decade of data about US motor vehicle accidents, three researchers found the odds of serious injury for female drivers wearing seat belts were 47 percent higher than those of men in a comparable mishap.

Previous studies have focused on differences in the way men and women drive, but the researchers – writing in the American Journal of Public Health – said another explanation could be the design of

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November 2011

safety features.

The positioning of head restraints, for instance, fails to take into account how women’s necks are different in size and strength.

Women also face a higher risk of injuries to the lower extremities because of their shorter stature, added Dipan Bose and Jeff Crandall of the University of Virginia and Maria Segui-Gomez of Navarra University in Spain.

To address such sex-specific disparity, “health policies and vehicle regulations must focus on effective safety designs specifically tailored towards the female population for equity in injury reduction,” the researchers said.

Smart Spoon...

...warns you when food is too salty

A

new health product making waves this week is an electronic spoon from Japan’s Compact Impact that tells you how much sodium is lurking in your soups and sauces.

Dubbed the Salinity Monitor Spoon, the spoon serves two purposes. “People who suffer from high blood pressure are often asked by their physicians to cut down on their sodium intake,” wrote blogger Inventor Spot. “Trouble is, many elderly people have lost some degree of their sense of taste,” so the spoon can provide an accurate measure as to whether or not your meal is brinier than the Dead Sea. The Salinity Monitor Spoon is designed for hot soups, sauces, or other liquids ranging in temperature from 140 to 176 degrees F or 60 to 80 degrees C. The spoon’s indicators display three measures of sodium content: 0.6-0.8 percent, 0.91.1 percent, and a super-salty 1.2 percent and up. The numbers are large and in English. You can purchase one online at the Compact Impact website for $64.00 (QR233).

For a cheaper price, digital salt meters – devices that resemble thermometers – can also be dipped into foods to measure salt intake in hot or cold food.

No video for under twos

L

ike 90 percent of American parents, Matthew Sullivan allows his infant daughter and five-year-old son to watch television, videos and sometimes web-streamed content on his smartphone.

He usually limits their screen viewing to just over an hour a day, and admits that handing his phone to his 16-month-old daughter so she can watch a YouTube video can keep her busy and quiet while they run errands together.

“We know it’s not great for them, but it’s not bad either,” Sullivan, a 36-year-old editor in Wilmington, Delaware, told AFP. Over the past decade, media has pervaded the developed world to such an extent that the American Academy of Paediatrics recently issued its first guidelines since 1999 to discourage any screen time for kids under two.

The largest US paediatr icians’ group says some of the 50 or so studies on the topic have shown that screen viewing can be linked to slower language development.

In a new twist, it also warned parents to be aware of the negative effects their own screen-watching can have on their children.

“I like to call it second-hand TV,” said paediatrician Ari Brown, who is the lead author of the AAP guidelines, in an interview with AFP. “When the TV is on, the parent is talking less. There is some scientific evidence that shows that the less talk-time a child has, the poorer their language development is,”

she said.

“Clearly, no one is listening to this message.

In this ubiquitous screen world, I think we need to find a way to manage it, and make it a healthy media diet.”

The latest guidelines do not refer to interactive play such as video games on smartphones or other devices, but to media watched passively on any kind of screen, be it phone, computer, television or other.

“This updated policy statement provides further evidence that media – both foreground and background – have potentially negative effects and no known positive effects for children younger than two years,” it said.

“Thus the AAP reaffirms its recommendation to discourage media use in this age group.”

Brown also said the update to the guidelines was needed because of the explosion of baby DVDs targeting the 0-2 age group.

“Unstr uctured playtime is more valuable for the develop ing brain than any electronic media exposure,” the report said.

Matthew said he limits his kids’ viewing, not because a doctor told him to, but out of common sense.

“My son is a zombie when he watches television. If the television is not on when I come home, he runs and hugs me. If the television is on when I come home, he just doesn’t even acknowledge my existence,” he said.

“So obviously we’d rather he not stay in that zone for hours a day.”

2011 November

15

Weight: Down a total of 13.6kg

Measurements: Down a total of 81.5cm

Reveal is here!

It’s been one helluva journey for Alyson so far. Not only has she lost weight, she looks and feels beautiful and is a much more happy and confident person now.

Alyson has transformed...

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November 2011

I

Body Fat: Down 1.57kg and a total of 10.16kg

t has been a challenging month: making time for my exercise, being on track with my healthy eating regime, and getting everything in order with the start of the school year. I suddenly had to start doing all the household chores as my recently appointed maid didn’t quite work out. Although I have always done it myself, I was amazed how difficult it was to get back into the swing of things. It would have been easy to let the stress make me lose focus and throw in the towel. However, the girls at Curves would not let me give up on the exercise. Fortunately there was a six-week challenge which forced me to focus on the exercise, which I have really enjoyed, and this

month’s results prove it. The twice-weekly pampering at dados has helped me relax and feel gorgeous. Coach Nicole has been my motivator for the month.

I was anxious to have my weigh-in but also very nervous, because though I had lost a couple of centimetres in the last two months my weight had hit a plateau, and I was feeling despondent. So when I learnt that I lost 2.9kg and 17.5cm at Curves, I was over the moon. What a fantastic feeling! I am exhilarated and getting so many compliments from family and friends. In fact, a colleague of mine has even nicknamed me “The Amazing Disappearing Woman”. It’s only a few weeks to the Reveal, but my shrinking journey will continue...

Following Alyson

... As she shares her personal journey on her Wordpress and Twitter

ON Twitter @AALNicole #wttransform@WomanToday Just been to # Lynette Cowie’s clothing launch in Doha. Fantastic fresh fashion, did some

October 2, 2011

very feminine and have a romantic feel about

CURVES 6-week challenge!!!

them. I had fun trying on some of the designs

Going to Curves has been such fun the last 2

and even bought a few! I have already worn

@AALNicole #wttransform@WomanToday

weeks. They are running a 6-week challenge

them and they are fantastic.

CURVES 6-week challenge!!! http://wp.me/

with fantastic prizes for the biggest losers

shopping

p1rhxQ-2U

and weekly prizes for the ladies with most

October 26, 2011

spirit. The requirements for the challenge

Great Results This Month

@AALNicole #wttransform@WomanToday

are you have to attend sessions 3 to 6 times a

Well the countdown has begun to the RE-

Lynette Cowie Clothing Launch romantic and

week. I must admit all the ladies are very mo-

VEAL 15 days to go!!!

unique designs http://wp.me/p1rhxQ-2T

tivated and the gym is buzzing with laughter

I must admit my blogging and twittering has

and ladies sweating and working hard to be

come to a bit of a standstill . The only excuse

@AALNicole #wttransform@WomanToday

the Biggest Loser!!

I have is that life is focusing on hectic family,

At Dados for cellulite treatment really helped

(no longer have a house maid), work and the

with cm loss, Reveal countdown on

October 3, 2011

most important at the moment is exercise

Lynette Cowie Clothing Launch

and eating the right way to get the most out

@AALNicole #wttransform@WomanToday

Last week I was invited to Lynette Cowie’s

of my Transform experience, so by the time I

17.5cms lost 2.9kgs 15 days to go to REVEAL. I

new season clothing launch. The clothing

finally sit down I really collapse.

feel amazing and very motivated

was wonderful, made from soft cool fabrics

However all the hard work has paid off!! I have

that breathe in this hot weather and are so

had great results this month.

comfortable to wear. Lynette’s designs are

I feel absolutely fantastic!!!

Follow her on: wttransform.wordpress.com wttransform

Mobile partners :

2011 November

17

fitness partners

Measurements: Down a total of 81.5cm

Weight: Down a total of 13.6kg

Journey so far Coach Nicole shares some tips and tools that helped Alyson succeed in her transformation...

Circle of life

Accountability CIR

O CLE

F LIFE

Spirituality

Creativity

LE RC CI

Finance

L OF

Joy

IFE

Social Life

IFE OF L LE

Career

Education

Relationship

Home Environment

Health Home Cooking

Physical Activity

O LE RC CI

RC CI

Get a health coach! Alyson has so many wonderful qualities but was being pulled in many different directions in her life. With our regular coaching sessions, she was able to commit to herself, stay focused, receive lots of guidance and support, and transform her life!

Have fun

A great way to beat stress and stop taking the world and yourself too seriously.

Your outside is a reflection of your inside.

As Alyson began to change on the inside, it was time for her outside to shine! Thanks, Lynette, for a fabulous makeover.

Water

Eight glasses per day, and much more if you are stressed, physically active, healing your body, pregnant or on medications.

FE F LI

Think

The way you think has a major impact on the way you choose to live your life. Hypnotherapy helped Alyson to create new thought habits.

Try new foods

Green smoothies are a super quick and convenient way to superboost Alyson’s health and fit into her very busy lifestyle.

November 2011

Life isn’t a race to the finish line; it’s a walk in the park! Taking time to relax is essential for Alyson to reduce her stress levels, to breathe more deeply and enjoy the journey.

Invest in your appearance

A great way to increase your awareness of what, when and how much you are putting into your body. By recording what she ate, Alyson was able to self-reflect and make small changes that kept her health improving.

18

Slow down

Cooking classes – keep building new skills every month, Alyson.

Food Diary

Be inspired and stay focused on your goals with this personalised, unique expression of what you want from your life. Alyson used this tool to great effect.

All five senses are stimulated by food – sight, smell, touch, taste and hearing (the crunch of an apple, the snap of a snow pea, the sizzle of a steak). Using all your senses when eating makes food taste so much better and ensures that Alyson enjoys every mouthful.

Gain skills

Alyson used this at the beginning to get some perspective about what’s important to her, to celebrate what is already working well, have clarity on what needs to change and set goals for the areas that she is ready to make changes in.

Vision Board

Eat With your senses!

venue

wardrobe

beauty & spa

support partner

wellbeing

Body Fat: Down 1.57kg and a total of 10.16kg

Support network

Family and friends are one of the keys to Alyson’s continued success after she has graduated from “Transform”

“My husband is proud of me. He says I have done well but still have a long way to go. He also says he is impressed with my determination.”

“My youngest son Craig says he loves me whether I am fat or thin but he has to admit I look more beautiful now.”

“My oldest son Matthew told me I am looking pretty funky. He constantly checks if I have been exercising.”

“My family in South Africa constantly tell me how fantastic I am looking and can’t wait to see my results. My sister once sent me an sms which read: “Hello skinny. Are we going to recognise you?

I am so proud of you. Well done on the loss in one month. wow.”

Retreat

After years of toxic stress and lifestyle choices, Alyson retreated to The Spa Resort, Thailand where she was treated to a luxurious health holiday, cleansing her digestive system and rejuvenating body, mind and spirit.

Celebrate

This month is the Reveal – Alyson is going to wow the crowd. Mango Tree is spoiling her with a glamour celebration. Keep celebrating, Alyson.

Work that body

Alyson found so much joy in the many ways her body moved this year.

Sleep

Hit the pillow no later than 11pm. Alyson rested her adrenal glands as much as possible over the months and her body and mind keep benefiting from this habit.

Get organised

Alyson scheduled time in her diary for those activities that took her little steps towards success. We all have 24 hours in a day – invest them wisely.

Health Journeys are what Nicole specialises in. It's a holistic approach to wellness that empowers and transforms lives in a way that is individual and sustainable. Nicole created WT Transform to inspire everyone with the "I can do it" attitude to health and wellbeing, and to showcase a holistic approach to creating your best life. Along with Transform, Nicole has created More Raw – a Facebook group that is guiding participants through detox and cleansing, and also regularly takes individuals and groups to detoxing retreats in exotic locations worldwide.

Nicole van Hattem is Founder and Wellness Director of Art of Abundant Living, which specialises in individual health coaching, corporate wellness programmes, health products and retreats.

Find out more at www.artofabundantliving.com, join Art of Abundant Living on Facebook or follow Nicole on Twitter @AALNicole and LinkedIn. Nicole transformed her own life and as a result her body transformed too. To read her story and view the before and after pictures, please visit www. artofabundantliving.com -Success Stories.

2011 November

19

workwise

Time to Quit?

Do it gracefully!

The career experts at Bayt.com, the Middle East’s No 1 Job Site, outline 10 key tips to keep in mind if you do decide to quit your job after carefully weighing the pros and cons of such a key decision.

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November 2011

Announce your resignation professionally

Be very professional and tactful in announcing your resignation and make sure you go through the proper channels of command, resigning to your immediate boss first, and then announcing your departure to your peers and colleagues. Do not let the word of your intention to depart filter through the grapevine before you have announced your intentions to your boss.

Give sufficient notice Consult your company’s policies and procedures for the proper notice period and make sure you give sufficient notice. If the company asks you to stay a little longer you are under no obligation to, but if you have no other pressing priorities it may be a good idea to prolong your stay as a gesture of goodwill, to ease the transition and complete any unfinished tasks.

Write a letter of resignation Always follow your verbal resignation with a written resignation letter. Make this short, tactful, professional and to the point. Your resignation letter should be used as an added opportunity to maintain a positive rapport with your old employer; not as an opportunity to voice grievances or vent any bad feelings you have towards the company.

Ask for a reference letter You don’t want to wait till you need a refer-

ence to ask for one as people you work with leave and in time you may lose track of them, and the stellar work you did for them may be forgotten. Use your resignation time while you are still fresh in the company’s mind to ask for all the references you need, so you have them in hand whenever required.

Offer to help find a replacement One gesture of goodwill is to offer to help find a replacement for you. This is usually very well-received as no one knows the intricacies of your job better than you do and you are likely to have more time to devote to the task than anyone else.

Do a proper hand-over

riod, you can choose to offer to be available by phone or email or during weekends for a little while after your departure, to ease the transition if the company needs you.

Don’t bad-mouth the company Make sure you leave on good terms and do not burn any bridges. You may well end up working with the same team in some capacity or other in the future or needing their reference, so do not take your resignation as an opportunity to bad-mouth bosses or colleagues no matter what you really think of them.

Don’t leave your office in a mess

Make sure your work is well-documented, all outstanding tasks and projects are assigned to the relevant parties and you have done all you can to ease the transition. Make your handover documentation as informative, detailed and polished as possible so you look good to your successor, bosses and peers well after your departure.

Clear your office, computer and files before you depart and leave nothing personal behind. Make sure your files are in order and your office, desk and drawers are clean, orderly and ready to be handed over to your successor. If you are not a very organised person by nature, make an extra effort to leave your space in order before you depart so as to leave a positive lasting impression.

Finish important projects

Do say good-bye to your colleagues

Don’t leave any loose strings. Make sure all important projects are completed or reassigned. You will be remembered positively if you have allowed for a smooth, professional and effortless transition. If you have no immediate next job or assignment that awaits you, offer to stay longer until that important deal or project is closed. Even if you must rush off to your next job after the notice pe-

Don’t leave abruptly – make sure you say your friendly goodbyes to all the people you have shared your days with. Emphasise the positive when you bid your farewells and do not use this as an opportunity to boast about your new pay packet or dig up old grievances or traumas.

Leave your peers your contact details so they can choose to stay in touch with you in the future

Bayt.com is the #1 job site in the Middle East with more than 40,000 employers and over 5.5 Million registered job seekers from across the Middle East, North Africa and the globe, representing all industries, nationalities and career levels. Post a job or find jobs on www.bayt.com today and access the leading resource for job seekers and employers in the region.

2011 November

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workwise The ‘How Women Work’ conference is running towards its third year. “Only the third?” I think. We just seem to have come so far in such a short period of time – very much like many other things here in Qatar, writes Founder, Carolin Zeitler

T

he conference was held first time in April 2010 and from the first to second year it already grew considerably – both in the range of workshops offered as well as the number of participants. Participants have greatly helped with input and feedback to keep improving the conference to meet a need for women (and men who have the working conditions of women at heart) here in Qatar.

The Qatari society is evolving very fast and we are happy to be part of this process and help women be more productive and satisfied with their lives. Just as we want the conference to be very hands-on and interactive, we cherish the numerous concrete examples of women who have managed to start their own business, find a sponsor or a business partner via the conference.

Where the first conference’s mission was to enhance and support Women’s Leadership and Career Development, the second was to help women Create and Define their Success, thus giving the possibility to the participants to explore their own personal definition of success and not only the classical one in terms of career. Very often we have to juggle many different roles and positions at a time and we believe that our conference should also offer a possibility for women to create more sustainability and harmony in their lives whilst jug-

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November 2011

How Women Work?

Let’s find out again How Women Succeed – The book

Carolin Zeitler (third from right) at the How Women Succeed book launch.

The book, which is sponsored by IBQ, is a spin-off of the annual How Women Work conference. The conference is organised by Arcata Interactive Communication Coaching, and powered by Woman Today magazine. The How Women Work conference has been under the patronage of the Qatari Business Women Association since its inception in 2010.

The purpose of the book, as of the conference, is two-fold: “to empower women in Qatar to grow and succeed,” and “to reach gling these roles.

Heading towards our third conference, we are now evolving from an annual conference into a community with many activities between the conferences and even more possibilities for support for the women who want to introduce changes in their lives.

hearts and minds, break down barriers and promote understanding between cultures and genders in Qatar.” The book features stories of accomplished women from around the world, and how they have defined and created success in their lives, thereby inspiring its readers to keep on growing, thriving and pursuing their own dreams.

The proceeds of the book will be used to provide free coaching for women who have aspirations and ambitions, but lack the means to fund their own professional development.

The founder of the How Women Work Group, Carolin Zeitler, who also authored a substantial part of the book, said, “We are thrilled that the book has been received with such enthusiasm and interest. The more popular the book, the more free coaching we can provide for women of lower incomes.

The book is a great resource and source of inspiration for those who buy it too. The many stories that have been contributed really show that there are so many ways to create success in our lives.”

Check out www.hwwqatar.com

What’s up? The upcoming How Women Work conference on March 7-8, 2012 is set to once again empower women to grow and succeed. For the third edition we are hoping to focus on the following: Stop Rushing on the day of the conference.

workwise The conference being an isolated annual event.

Keep Offering great content.

Working together with our loyal partners, like Woman Today, Qatar Business Women Association, Qatar Professional Women’s Network and IBQ. The principle that EVERY WOMAN HAS A VOICE and support this cornerstone of our conference by maintaining the highly interactive format that allows women to voice their concerns, ask questions and exchange ideas directly with the speakers and the 90second pitches.

Preparing and presenting global principles in a locally relevant context.

Start More networking and informal exchange opportunities throughout the days of the conference.

A community that is active all year round.

Even more focus on our target group, i.e. women with dreams, aspirations and ambitions who live here in Qatar

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How THIS Woman Works When I moved to Qatar just over a year ago I didn’t have the faintest idea that I would be involved in a project like How Women Work. I wanted to set up my own business and on the way there I met Carolin Zeitler, the founder of the conference, and quickly decided to volunteer. I have done quite a lot of volunteer work in my life but never as professionally as this. I also didn’t hesitate long before I accepted to become a part of the core planning team after this year’s conference despite the fact that I was some eight months pregnant when I got the offer.

Hence, my maternity leave was very short this time – I got back to work after two weeks and am now trying to practice what I (and others) preach: To find a new work/life balance (in this case with two children, no maid an interesting job and a husband who works long hours). And I am actually getting there.

I think two key questions are “Do I have the right ingredients?” and “Are they in the right proportions?”

The most direct effect of the previous conference has undoubtedly been to be with all the inspiring and inspired women before, during and after the conference. Being with people all the time who ask: “What are you all about?” has made it quite impossible for me to ignore the feeling up putting up with a job for the security of it and this was actually the case with my job back home.

As a core team member I constantly have to learn new things and use my skills in new ways. Creating a sustainable work/life balance and doing what I am all about and doing it fully are my most important learnings of this journey so far and it has only just begun...

Trine Normann

m an a e d r D

hieve Ac

Women in Arms

How did the idea of WSDC develop? What need did you hope to meet?

Both of us have always been passionate about women’s roles in society, and this was further inspired and encouraged by what we and other women have experienced in our lives.

When we came to GUQ and witnessed the diversity of students, we felt that women can learn from this diversity by sharing their experiences. Sisterhood is a strong bond that can link us, no matter how different our backgrounds. In fall 2010, the University had launched its branch of the Women’s Center, dedicated to educating and empowering women of all cultures, races, identities, spiritualities, and ages. After attending some of their events, we were inspired to develop a student-led organisation to focus on our passions and goals, and thus the Women’s Society Club was established in the spring of 2011.

Our passion and belief in social and professional development led us to incorporate this aspect into the club’s mission, thus changing our name to the Women’s Society and Development Club. We wanted to do more than just discuss – we wanted to have something effective and beneficial for both Georgetown students and the larger community as

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November 2011

Women, regardless of their nationalities or beliefs, share the same concerns, hopes and aspirations, and the Women’s Society and Development Club (WSDC) at Georgetown University mirrors that commonality.

An initiative by students Ghada Al-Subaey and Zarqa Parvez, the WSDC is the first student-run club focused on addressing women’s issues and professional development at the University.

They speak to Maryam AlSubaiey about the initiative and what they hope to achieve in the future.

pic courtesy: Mariam Al-Malki

Inspire,

young&happening

Enthusiastic young minds: Zarqa Parvez (l) and Ghada Al-Subaey

a whole.

As one of the few entities in Education City solely focused on women’s issues and their development, the WSDC has become a platform for women, both in GUQ as well as the other campuses of Education City, to come together to share and discuss their experiences, ideas, values, concerns, and challenges. We want this club to help women further recognise, and explore the opportunities of growth, in their personal, academic and professional lives.

What is your vision?

Our vision it to help educate women on various contemporary and traditional issues that concern them. We want to explore and enhance the understanding of gender connections through discussions and events.

Though we want to target all the students of Georgetown, we will focus on female students in particular. We want to provide a platform for women, including students, staff and faculty, to learn, discuss, and embrace the common and contrasting values of women from different cultural and religious backgrounds.

We want to help women develop their identities, both socially and professionally, through various events, such as group discussions and public-speaking.

How has WSDC helped in your vision?

Previously, we had organised some discussions on topics related to gender issues, as well as traditions for women in various societies.

This year we plan to continue to host discussions about women’s issues; to organise talks by inspirational women from all walks of life in Qatar; and to organise charity fund-raiser events, awareness campaigns, networking events, and other creative events that will help introduce and explore various career opportunities for students. We collaborate with SFS-Q’s Women’s Center for many of our events, but our programmes are mainly student-initiated and student-run.

What do you plan to accomplish through the Club?

The list keeps growing, but we are driven by our motto, which is ‘To Inspire, Dream, and Achieve’. We hope that women who join our

club will engage and learn from each other through the discussions and events; and we hope that they will be inspired to believe in their dreams, realise their potential, and be aware and actively involved in development projects here in Qatar and in their home countries as well.

What inspired you?

We were very excited when the Women's Center opened here in GUQ last year. By participating in some of the Center’s events organised by the inspiring faculty members, we were inspired to create a club that would be by and for the students in particular. Elena Lopez Khoury, who is in charge of the Women’s Center, supported and encouraged us to pursue this passion. We wanted to break the stereotypes and get to the essence of reality and uniqueness of lifestyle here, to discuss our differences and celebrate our similarities and successes. Our ambition and enthusiasm guided us to where we are today.

What are the challenges you face and how do you plan to overcome them?

When we started this club we were aware of the challenges we would face, the biggest being time management. We both have very busy schedules, and we need to maintain a balance between time allocated to the club and academics. The Women’s Center staff and our club members help us by sharing the tasks and dividing the roles allocated for certain events. Another difficulty is organising events at a time that is suitable to all, as everyone has different schedules. We try to organise events at different times in the hope to accommodate as many people as possible.

At times we also have to struggle with the misconception that this is a women only club, this almost makes it sound like a gender discriminatory concept. In fact, GUQ rules ensure that any club at the institution does not discriminate against any group of students. Understanding the issues women face and their social and professional development impacts upon everyone in the society, and thus it is important for everyone to be a part of this. Although some of our events are for women only, many of our events are open to both male and female students, so all

students get a chance to participate and take advantage of the opportunities offered by the club and can better understand our club’s mission.

Do you think you have enough support from society?

Yes. We have a lot of support. We have met many women here in Qatar from different fields, all of whom were very excited and supportive of the club. They were willing to help and participate in the club, offering us ideas and suggestions, which ultimately helped us make the club better. Our friends, family, and faculty at GUQ have been supportive from day one. In fact many times they inspire and motivate us to keep going, and to learn and search for new possibilities.

Between university, family, and friends, how do you find the time for WSDC? WSDC is our passion and ambition, so we always make time for it no matter how tight our schedule is. However, as a consequence we hardly ever have time for ourselves. We try to catch up with friends during breaks, and as for family, we spend the weekend with them to compensate for the busy working days. The trick is in prioritising our agenda to maintain the balance. Also, having a lot of helping hands always cuts the time, and we are lucky to receive great support.

What change would you like to see in Qatar?

We would like to see the positive change that Qatar is already headed towards, which is a healthy social growth that benefits all. We hope to see all citizens, and women in particular, have the opportunity to realise their potential.

Is there anything you would like to say to the women out there?

Our message to all the women is to just believe in your dreams, to be the best you can be; you are your only competition. Embrace the beauty of being a woman. And remember, as women, we share a mutual responsibility to encourage, inspire, support, and learn from each other

2011 November

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worldwidewomen

Female Trio Win

Nobel Peace Prize

The Nobel Peace Prize 2011 was awarded jointly to Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, Leymah Gbowee and Tawakkul Karman for their “non-violent struggle for the safety of women and for women’s rights to full participation in peace-building work”.

LIBERIA, Monrovia : Liberia’s President Ellen Johnson Sirleaf gestures as she talks to the press at her house in Monrovia.

Liberia, which held its second election on October 11, 2011 since the end of successive civil wars between 1989 and 2003, has been ruled since 2006 by Sirleaf, Africa’s first elected woman president.

AFP PHOTO / ISSOUF SANOGO

YEMEN, SANAA : Yemeni journalist and activist Tawakaul Karman speaks on the phone from a protest tent in Sanaa on October 7, 2011 following the announcement that she was one of three women awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. Karman became the first Arab woman to win the Nobel Peace Prize and she dedicated it to “all the activists of the Arab Spring”.

AFP PHOTO/ MOHAMMED HUWAIS

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November 2011

UNITED STATES, New York : Leymah Gbowee gives a speech to the Columbia Business School Social Enterprise Conference on October 7, 2011 at Columbia University in New York, after it was announced she won the 2011 Nobel Peace Prize.

AFP PHOTO / TIMOTHY A.CLARY

worldwidewomen

Success On The Move

Weekly Sanity Savers talk to friends, 15 minutes every morning swim laps, 2-3 times a week DVD nights with husband, 1-2 nights a week

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November 2011

N

Andrea Martins founder of ExpatWomen.com, the largest global website helping women living outside of their home countries, speaks to Christine Gerber Rutt on how nomadic life inspired the site.

ot everyone hits the ground running to the nearest coffee morning when they land in an international assignment.

Andrea Martins, founder of ExpatWomen.com, a relocation website, says that one thing every woman should know is that “when they are having a bad day abroad, they are not alone. They will get through it.

Too many women have written to me over the years, ‘confessing’ their struggles, thinking they were the only ones not able to adjust quickly or cope abroad. Down days are normal and they need not feel guilty.”

Andrea’s relocation website has helped thousands of women get through their bad days. She aims to be there from the beginning of an international relocation to the end. Her website attracts more than 30,000 unique visitors monthly, has more than 11,000 members based in 191 countries (for comparison, the United Nations has 192 member states) – the region most strongly represented is the Middle East.

Andrea hails from Australia. She currently lives in Malaysia with her husband and two children, but has set foot in 25 countries. Her first foray into the world of international relocation was to Indonesia in January 2000. She had been working in Australia as a National Workplace Diversity Coordinator, a job she loved and in a position that was higher than her husband’s. They chose to move for her husband’s job. Andrea used the move as an opportunity to redirect her career.

But like many she had a difficult time finding work in her new location. Initially she worked different jobs at the Australian Embassy but when a Human Resources position opened at Consult Group, an international HR consulting firm, Andrea jumped at the chance. She worked as an executive headhunter during the day and studied for her Post-graduate Diploma of E-Commerce at night. After more than a year she found out she was pregnant. “My body was not coping well with full-time work, travel in and out each day (1 hour to work, 1-3 hours back home, depending on traffic – and I was nauseous and getting carsick as well).

I was tired all the time, and then I was going home to study.” Her doctor finally told her,

worldwidewomen “You are juggling too many balls. You need to decide which balls to keep, before your body decides for you.” She quit her job.

Soon after the baby’s birth, the family moved to Mexico where Andrea took three years off to focus on the early years of child raising. During this time she kept her brain active by attending personal development conferences. Andrea says, “This was really motivating – not just the speakers, but the attendees as well, who were usually just as motivated to find ‘that great idea’ as I was. It kept my brain going, even when I was not actively building my business yet.”

She didn’t find her business niche right away. Before launching Expat Women she tried her hand at designing board games. After doing the necessary market research, she sent a game to a game agent. He said it lacked “wow factor”. Andrea tried another avenue – bath toys for babies. The agent said big companies weren’t investing in bath toys.

Not one to be easily daunted, Andrea turned to developing a doll to help boost girls’ self-esteem. She took this a step further and paid for a one-on-one consultancy with a different toy agent. On her way to the meeting, Andrea lost her wallet and the agent rejected the project.

If there is one word that best describes Andrea, it is tenacious. Her response to three rejections was to “go back to the drawing board again”. She shifted her focus away from games and toys. Of this experience she says, “It’s not always your first idea that is the idea that you end up running with. But it’s important just to have ideas – and to proactively generate ideas.”

This time she took a year to develop her idea before launching and she didn’t work alone.

Together with Jill Lengri she brainstormed, researched, met with developers, lawyers and accountants and had many late nights. She wanted “to create something for women living abroad, that was global, and not localised for a specific location. So that every time you moved, you had one user-friendly starting point, from which you could find expat websites for your new location – plus find some motivation and encouragement as well.”

As the concept for her website developed she realised it could be a profitable business rather than just a hobby. She sought legal and financial advice and in 2007 launched

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Expat Women with the intention to become a for-profit business. Reflecting on this time Andrea says, “so much was involved in this that it boggles my brain just to think about it”. From finding resources, to include on the website, and connecting with partner sites to designing the web pages and fact checking. At each stage of the process they found hundreds of mistakes. These they had to articulate on spreadsheets, which were sent back to the designers to fix before they were paid.

By the second year online the website was making profits from sponsorship revenue.

Enough to pay for a full-time webmaster, project work for two or three internationally located part-timers, outsourced research projects, all of Andrea’s own office expenses, as well as two to three international work trips per year, attendance to conferences and a revamp of the website every couple of years. While she couldn’t solely support herself and her children from the profits as of yet, she believes that day will come as the website expands into physical products.

The first of which, a book, has just hit the market. Expat Women: Confessions: 50 Answers to Your Real-Life Questions about Living Abroad is a 274-page book based on the popular Confessions column on the Expat Women website. Together with trained psychologist, Victoria Hepworth, who is located in Dubai, they created a book which challenges women to not only voice their difficulties but to come up with a solution. In addition to common themes such as developing positive

It’s not always your first idea that is the idea that you end up running with.

But it’s important just to have ideas – and to proactively generate ideas

friendships, emotional negativity, and ageing parents, Martins and Hepworth also tackle more complex issues such as starting a business, when your partner wants to go home, divorce and expat teen suicide. Confessions takes away the stigma attached to voicing issues and informs those considering an international assignment of the most common issues they will likely face.

Now that Andrea has found her successful niche, she is busier than she’s ever been. “I find myself always stretched between all my different responsibilities – wanting to give 100 percent to everything – which can exhaust you sometimes.” She gave up television and daytime indulgences years ago. Andrea says, “I do not sleep a lot and I do sacrifice a lot. But I am so driven to be the best mum I can be for my kids, plus to do the best I can for my business, that I work almost every minute my children are in school (but I never miss important events at the school) and I work 3-4 nights a week when my husband is attending work functions. I catch up with my friends in the evenings, during play dates or online. I multi-task – while my children are in swimming class, I am swimming laps in the pool beside them. I outsource my cooking and cleaning. I ask my friends for help when I need it – and I always make an effort to repay their kindness.”

Driven as she is, Andrea also makes sure she switches off. She turns the computer off during her ‘mum hours’, she tries to not get distracted by lots of social events, and she says no. But she knows when to say ‘yes’. “My friends know that I rarely go out with them during school hours, but they do know that I spend every morning at school with them, catching up with them and showing that I still care.” Andrea reduces her work hours when the children are on school vacation and goes completely off-line for two weeks over Christmas break. She says, “I treasure this time that the whole family switches off from work, phones, laptops and enjoys being at the beach together, stress-free.”

Andrea believes the cornerstones of building her successful business were high energy, high drive, the ability to solve problems and much determination. “We create our own fears of success, when really, we have nothing to be afraid of at all.”

worldwidewomen

Building bridges

Construction is a male-dominated industry, but a group of women in Qatar are determined to change its masculine image. Victoria Scott went to meet them, along with our shutterbug Robert Altamirano.

Women at Work: (l-r) Anna Serdean, Suzan Mohamed and Melanie Robson

I

t’s a dusty day to be on a construction site. The wind is whipping up waves of sand and blowing it straight into my eyes as I head to the offices of KEO International Consultants, who are working with Qatar Foundation to build the Sidra Medical and Research Center.

We are here to meet Melanie Robson, the founder of the Qatar branch of the National Association of Women in Construction, or NAWIC for short. She’s a British architect who specialises in healthcare design. Dressed in a smart suit, she greets us warmly and takes us to meet two of her female colleagues and fellow NAWIC members, Anna Serdean and Suzan Mohamed.

As we begin our conversation, I’m struck by how, well, feminine they all are. I naively assumed they’d be dressed in jeans, boots and company shirts, but no, they’re looking polished, colourfully attired and undoubtedly professional.

So what does their job entail?

“Well, Sidra is a Women and Children’s Hospital”, says Melanie. “I advise our client on medical planning issues, using all the experience I have working on similar projects in the UK and US for the last 10 years.” Melanie is 35, and has two daughters aged 4 years and 18 months. Her husband also works in the construction industry as a Design Manager.

She moved to Doha in 2008, and aside from a short spell living in Morocco, has lived in Qatar ever since.

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39-year-old Anna Serdean is an Interior Architect from Finland. “I’m the person who deals with all the interior parts of the building. I advise them on how to divide the space, and I help with finishes, even going as far as finding the right furniture.” Anna has been an expat for about 12 years, working in the UK before moving to Doha in 2004 for what was originally intended to be a short contract.

She’s worked on several high profile projects here, including the Aspire Zone and the Q-Tel tower.

Suzan Mohamed, 37, is an Egyptian Civil Engineer. She arrived in Doha in 2005 a single woman, but met up with a family friend in Doha, and fell in love. Her husband is also an engineer. She’s had several roles in Qatar. “I was the design manager at Lusail for five years and I’ve also worked on projects in Bahrain, Dubai and Saudi,” she tells me. “I started as a senior design engineer and eventually became a project manager.”

Just the tone with which these women describe their roles speaks volumes about the pride they have in their careers. “I love my work”, says Suzan. “I did actually try stopping work for a bit once. But my husband actually encouraged me to go back to work – he said that I was such an active person, I’d go crazy staying at home all day!”

Anna’s career, meanwhile, has been, in her own words, “eventful”. “I’ve had several detours,” she says, laughing. “I’ve never gone for the safest option. Instead, I find myself taking a job where I feel I can get some new skills or experience. And also of course while I was in London the financial situation wasn’t great, so I’ve been made redundant more than once.

You just have to be resourceful so that you find another job before the money runs out.”

Melanie Robson’s induction into the world of construction started early. “My father runs a building firm, so I grew up with it. I wanted to be a builder when I was five, but my father thought there were possibly better professions for me! I worked with him on site when I was younger”.

Accustomed to the challenges of being a woman in a man’s world, she joined NAWIC while she was working in the UK. Upon her arrival in Doha, she recognised that the region was crying out for a similar organisation, so in 2009, the NAWIC Middle East branch was

born. “Construction in the Gulf Region is a heavily male-orientated profession, and in some aspects it feels like the UK 30 years ago,” says Melanie. “So the group is an invaluable resource for women who want to network and receive support in a way that was automatic in their previous lives.”

The group has a full programme, with coffee evenings, seminars and site visits planned.

Melanie says its membership is growing. “People have been surprised by how many women we have on the database – we have 40 at the moment. I went to a coffee evening last week, and there were ten women there I hadn’t met before.”

I think that companies only employ women here if they can’t find a man with the skills for the job.

Personally, I think women in construction are better than men!

We’re better at time management and multi-tasking

COPING WITH CHALLENGES One of Melanie’s key areas of concern is the lack of part-time jobs for women in Qatar.

“Many women are here as a result of their husband’s work, but that doesn’t mean they have no knowledge or experience to offer. Yet they’re prohibited from working by the blanket ruling companies here impose with respect to employing part-time workers – they just won’t generally consider it. Job share would work

brilliantly here. It’s such a shame.”

All three women work a six-day week, which is common in many industries in Qatar. Melanie is one of the lucky ones. After initially working full-time, she has managed to renegotiate her contract to work shorter days so that she can pick up her children from school.

“We balance our lives with military precision!” she says. “My husband is very supportive of my work, so he tends to share the childcare.” Suzan, meanwhile, says it would be her “dream” to work part-time. Anna is resigned. “It took some getting used to, but now I’m used to it.

I wouldn’t say no to a two-day weekend, but these are the terms here”.

I ask them whether they’ve ever come up against discrimination in the work place. “In Egypt, no problem, but here, yes,” says Suzan.

“I think that companies only employ women here if they can’t find a man with the skills for the job. Personally, I think women in construction are better than men! We’re better at time management and multi-tasking” she says, with a chuckle.

“I haven’t had any problems here,” says Anna. “I honestly feel I had more problems in the UK. I once went to a site meeting there, and the guys said “aren’t we going to wait for your boss?” They couldn’t believe I was in charge.

But in general, I think it’s easier for me – a lot of people see interior design as “fluffy” in the first place!”

Meanwhile Melanie sees a positive side to the male-dominated workplace. “Sometimes it’s quite nice,” she says. “This way, you don’t get any of the issues you find when you’re working with too many women!”

One thing all three women agree on is that Doha is an exciting place to be at the moment.

“It’s a unique place,” agrees Anna. “It’s in the middle of a big change. In that sense it’s the right place at the right time – we’re ideally positioned to see how a society is changing.”

“If you’re going to be an architect anywhere right now, Qatar is the place,” agrees Melanie.

“There are so many opportunities here to see designs you would never see anywhere else.

We are each, in our own small way, helping a civilisation achieve its aspirations. It’s an exciting, inspiring but also frustrating time.”

Anyone interested in joining NAWIC Middle East can visit www.nawic.co.uk and fill in the online application form

2011 November

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worldwidewomen

Dr ps of Passi n

Photography: Bil Zelman

One woman’s fascination with the deep blue waters...

There are three words that best describe Alexandra Cousteau – she is an explorer, an advocate and a film-maker. She was in Doha recently on a cultural exchange trip organised by Qatar Foundation International to teach students how to use digital story-telling to capture and share their experiences.

Alexandra shares with Cassey Oliveira her love for water and the need to tell its story.

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November 2011

T

here is a certain calmness in Alexandra Cousteau’s voice; a calmness reminiscent of the waters that she has sailed upon so far. Hailing from one of the world’s most famous environmental dynasties, the granddaughter of legend Jaques-Yves Cousteau, her love for the water and its conservation seems inevitable.

“I have some of my most precious childhood memories with water. I had my first expedition with my parents to Easter Island in Chile when I was just four months old. My grandfather taught me to dive at the age of seven. As I got older, I would travel back to these places but many of them would be destroyed. Those places were the keepers of my memories, and when they disappear the memories begin to disappear too. There is a grief that cannot be explained,” says Alexandra.

Adamant to preserve her memories and more importantly, pass it on to her children, she founded the Blue Legacy in 2008 – a Washington-based non-profit organisation that employs emerging technologies to connect mainstream audiences with their local water issues.

Alexandra was a student of Political Science, but that did not keep her from accompanying her grandfather on expeditions and learning about story-telling. “He taught me to go out and experience the world through the lens of different people, different cultures, different ideas and perspectives. This pushed me to ask the hard questions. I feel fortunate to have travelled a lot because every place teaches me something new, and the people that I meet

have all contributed to my perspective of the world. That is an incredibly rich experience in itself.”

Short stories, deep impact...

As a Cousteau, Alexandra carries forward the legacy of leveraging film and media to teach environmental stewardship. Her 2009 Expedition: Blue Planet project was named a finalist in two categories at the prestigious Jackson Hole Environmental Film Festival.

There are several environmental documentaries out there, but what makes her stories different is their ability to start a dialogue.

“We try keeping the films as short as possible because if they are long, people wouldn’t watch them. We focus on one idea and offer a different perspective on it. These films are part of the multimedia; they are uploaded so that they can be shared easily and thus reach a wider audience. The idea is to give people access to these compelling films to start a conversation.”

So what makes a compelling film?

It needs to show both sides of the story or at least have an impartial take, for one. It also needs to capture the essence of the issue in the place where people are experiencing it. “That’s why I have editors with me on the field, so that they can experience it and tell the story in a more authentic way,” she says.

As a non-profit organisation, it is always a challenge to find funds, says Alexandra. “But I love what I do, I love the people I work with, I love the stories that we do, the places that we travel. That excitement coupled with the excitement that my crew and the communities that we visit have is enough to keep me moving ahead.” Despite all the fun and excitement on-field, it’s hard work at the end of the day.

“Since we can’t stay long at a place, we work for long hours to make the most of the day we get. It’s exhausting, but greatly satisfying.”

Alexandra also tries to give back to the community she visits. She raises funds for local water conservation organisations and gets the media to cover their work and support the issues.

Woman making waves...

When Alexandra first dived into the waters at age seven, little did she know that it would take her deeper into the realms of the ocean,

Issues that we face...

No matter where we are in the world, there are three ways by which we all experience water issues, says Alexandra.

First is a quantitative issue. We are mismanaging our water resources by damming our rivers and over allocating water to agriculture and energy. Our rivers are drying up, and we face a quantity problem.

Second is a qualitative issue.

We are polluting our water sources which mean we don’t have water to drink, to swim in or consume the food from it.

Lastly, we are disrupting the water system. Water is part of a large chain that starts from the mountains, all the way to the oceans. If we break the chain, the system starts to degrade. This further reinforces the quantity and quality problems.

let alone inspire others to follow. She recalls meeting a girl who was raised in a poor fishing family and was uncertain of her career as a marine biologist. “But when she read my article in a magazine about the work I do, she said to herself if Alexandra could do it, so could she. Now she is 25, and has her PhD in marine biology. That was inspiring because it indicates that the work we do is resonating; it’s inspiring people to follow their dreams.”

Alexandra is the first woman in the Cousteau family to become a National Geographic

Videos by Blue Legacy are available on www.alexandracousteau.org, YouTube, National Geographic and the Mother Nature Network.

explorer, and she feels more female voices need to be heard.

“Women have contributed enormously to how we explore, understand and experience the world, and there’s no stopping now. Amelia Earhart was the first woman to fly solo across the Atlantic Ocean. Even Lewis and Clark could never have crossed and mapped the United States without the help of a woman – Pocahontas.

“As my grandfather always said, without women we can never save the world. They play an important part right from planning a family, to making the choice of the food we eat, thinking of solutions for our community, to making breakthroughs in science, technology or politics.”

However, every culture demarcates what field is right for a woman and what’s not.

“Women are not encouraged to pursue careers in science and technology or math or engineering. We need to make them feel confident that they too can be successful in these fields,” she says.

Carrying the legacy forward...

Alexandra’s two-month-old daughter is the first member of the fourth generation of the Cousteau’s and Alexandra is already planning to take her on her first expedition soon. “I believe in my work because I think it’s important. I also want my daughter to understand the importance of this work and stories that we do. I want her to relive some of the experiences I grew up with. We are all part of these stories no matter who we are. We depend on water, and water is disappearing.”

She feels not enough is being done to invoke excitement about environmental careers in the younger generation. “Today technology has reached a point where we can solve any issue. We just have to encourage people to be a part of imagining what those solutions are.

“I grew up learning about the environment, but there are people who don’t. Only when they experience it, they start to love it. More than being taught about our environment, it’s the opportunity to experience what we could lose. If I am successful in empowering young people to be a part of telling the stories of our environment, that will be a true measure of my success.”

2011 November

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Forgive, Forget ...Free Yourself.

By Sonya Ghaddar

F

orgive and forget, what a mouthful! Good advice if you can master it. Yet, sometimes the best advice, given with all the best intentions, still falls short from a practical standpoint. How, as emotional beings (with long-term memory capacity), can we truly forgive and forget? Are the words a mere cliché or true words of wisdom?

Well, to find out, first we need to break the saying down into manageable bites. We should separate the terms and focus on forgiveness alone, then on forgetting, and possibly in the end reunite them when we feel we have a better grasp of the concept.

Webster’s dictionary defines the word “forgive” as: “To cease to feel resentment against an offender”, and “forgiving” as: “The act of forgiveness”.

Forgiveness frees us from an array of negatively charged emotions such as anger, hurt and betrayal that serve no useful purpose.

Negative emotions do not change what has happened, nor do they help us recover from the pain surrounding such events.

Forgiveness is really all about moving on.

We cannot truly live life in the present, to its fullest, if we don’t first let go of the past. Life pulls us forward. Negative memories hold us back. So, for many of us, forgiving is the part of the equation that comes easier and is essential to life in the present. We forgive for our own mental health. We do it to release ourselves from the pain of past offences.

To get the perspective of a mental health

expert, Hannah Omar, licensed Marriage and Family Counsellor and Director of the Student Counselling Centre at Qatar University, was asked to weigh in on the topic. Hannah explained: “People who cannot forgive are continuously focused on the past and therefore, cannot sense the present or plan for the future. They are stuck. We, of course, must learn lessons from each past experience, but we must not hold on to the negatively charged emotions surrounding an event. We must forgive to move forward. Without forgiveness, we are always looking over our shoulder to events in the past.”

Forgiving drains the energy from a negatively charged situation.

Now, let’s consider the other side of the equation: forgetting. This is the more difficult side and often fraught with unrealistic expectations. Do we ever really forget important events in our lives? No, not realistically.

So what does it truly mean to “forgive and forget”? Possibly, it is more of a metaphor or figure of speech, which simply denotes “letting go”. Yes, that would make sense. We probably don’t actually forget that it ever happened; rather, the event becomes so insignificant to our life in the present and our future aspira-

...forgiving is not really a selfless act; it is actually a protective measure for ourselves According to Hannah, “The key is to take the necessary time to process the trauma and work through the feelings surrounding the offense. The process itself weakens the strength of the negative emotions and their hold on you.”

Forgiveness allows one to focus on the here and now. Therefore, at the end of the day, forgiving is not really a selfless act; it is actually a protective measure for ourselves. Forgiveness is essential for ourselves, much more so than for the person we are attempting to forgive.

tions that it is “like” we have forgotten it.

If our focus is so intensely, intentionally (mindfully) placed on the present and the future, the past fades in comparison. The key is not “forgetting”; it is really about allowing the achievements and successes of the present and future to displace the memory. A displaced memory has lost its power to control our thoughts and emotions and is therefore forgotten from our current consciousness.

So break down the equation, and find your way to freeing your mind...

2011 November

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How do you forgive yourself?

By Gabrielle Turner

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November 2011

H

ow often do we tell ourselves: “I can never forgive myself for that”; those small slip-ups (that most of us inadvertently fall prey to) that build up in your mind to such a degree that you are convinced you are a terrible person (or find other such labels) and can’t forgive yourself?

When you start to feel an overwhelming sense of guilt and shame, feelings so awful that you feel your friends would soon drop you if they only knew the truth, then it’s time to do something about it.

Those feelings of guilt sap our energy levels and leave us feeling bad about ourselves while not doing anything constructive to resolve the situation we are feeling guilty about.

There tend to be four types of situation that we find it difficult to forgive ourselves for: Hurting someone else.

Hurting ourselves with unhealthy decisions e.g. smoking.

Not succeeding at a major life task e.g. a failed marriage.

Not doing something we feel we should have done.

For centuries the world’s religious, spiritual and moral traditions have recommended the use of forgiveness to overcome hurt, anger and guilt. It is only recently however that any scientific research has confirmed the benefits of forgiveness while also recognising that it is much harder to forgive ourselves than others.

Psychologist Dr Frederic Luskin, Director of the Stanford University Forgiveness Project, has been conducting research and workshops on forgiveness for the past 12 years.

The biggest obstacle he has found to selfforgiveness is the tendency we have to wallow

in our own guilt. This is not just about the fact that we feel bad because we’ve done wrong, but we sometimes try to ward off the consequences of our actions by drawing a blanket of guilt and shame over our heads.

Dr Luskin has said this can become a crazy form of penance. Instead of taking responsibility for what we’ve done by trying to repair the damage or make things right, many of us decide to punish ourselves by feeling miserable for much of our lives.

Further studies about forgiveness have led scientists to believe that people who have difficulty forgiving are more likely to experience heart attacks, high blood pressure, depression and other illnesses.

The mind affects the body in many ways, and carrying long-term guilt and blame is very stressful. These stressful guilty feelings cause the release of chemicals which can increase your blood pressure, disrupt digestion, tense muscles, increase cholesterol and reduce your ability to think straight.

So how can we forgive ourselves and move on in a more positive and responsible way?

We can...

Recognise any unrealistic expectations of ourselves. We are all human and all of us make mistakes.

Reduce our levels of stress. Using relaxation techniques such as meditation, self-hypnosis or yoga.

Be active and do some good rather than feeling bad. Don’t waste your energy on feelings of guilt and shame; make the most of your energy for positive action.

Categorise your mistake and understand specifically what you feel you have done wrong. This helps you to know what you need to do in order to repair any damage and what actions or words not to repeat. You are

not forgiving yourself for being human and making a mistake. You are forgiving yourself for a specific mistake.

Share your mistake with a friend and get support and advice about how you feel.

Understand what you want, whether that is to reconcile with the person you hurt or make good your mistake in some way, or to just release the blame and feel calm.

A sincere apology to those we’ve hurt is sometimes all it takes when we can’t forgive ourselves.

If an apology is not appropriate or possible, then finding other ways of showing the person we’ve hurt some kindness can help us too.

Remember to put things in perspective, thinking of all the good, kind things you’ve done today.

Remember that forgiving yourself means: That you realise you might have done something differently if you had known how.

That you have not forgotten what you’ve said or done.

That you are still responsible for your actions and words.

That you have learnt from your mistake and will act differently in the future.

That you accept yourself as you were at the time you made the mistake.

So how do you know if you’ve forgiven yourself?

It’s as simple as feeling no more pain or anger when you think of the memory. A transformation of some sort such as making amends or never repeating the action or words will reinforce this feeling.

It means having moved on with your life, accepting that you are human and moving forward with a clearer, more positive mind

Gabrielle Turner is a hypnotherapist who specialises in guiding people to resolve difficult feelings such as guilt, anger, fear, low self-esteem and anxiety.

She is dedicated to helping people find inner resources that they often don’t realise they have, enabling them to make long-term positive changes in their lives. She also helps people to change habits such as smoking, to lose weight, to sleep better and to improve study skills – to name just a few. She can be contacted through Six Senses Spa at the Sharq Hotel or her website www.oasishypnosis.com

2011 November

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Who says

it first

by NADIRA mendis Amarasinghe

“Apologising does not always mean that you are wrong and the other person is right. It just means that you value your relationship more than your ego.”

I

am not sure who gets credit for this profound piece of wisdom but I do know it to be true. An apology is not something that comes naturally to most of us, at least not a genuine, honest, from-the-depths-of-my-heart apology. We bump into people in the grocery store and we mutter “sorry”. We cut in front of the vehicle in the next lane and we flash them an apologetic look. But when it really matters most, like in a relationship, the necessary words stick in our throats and it literally hurts us to spit them out.

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What does saying sorry really mean in a relationship?

I apologise I am sorry Please forgive me These are the three most common phrases used. Let’s dig deeper and look at what lies beneath this vanishing art. An apology in your marriage, or any relationship for that matter, is more than saying “I’m sorry”. An apology is an acceptance that you made a mistake, hurt your spouse’s feelings, did something really stupid that upset a friend, were careless, lazy or a hundred different things. However, one thread that runs through every apology is an acceptance of responsibility. Trying to justify or rationalise your actions is not a true apology.

People may apologise for a variety of reasons. Some might say they are sorry because

they just want to get out of the fix they are in or they want to present a caring and repentant image to others. But this would mean that the focus of the apology is on themselves and not on the person they are apologising to, so that makes it fall short of being a true apology.

Others might apologise because they want to put the past behind them and start afresh, or because they are genuinely sorry for what happened, want to accept responsibility for their actions, and want to make amends. These are all good reasons to motivate a genuine apology. When it comes to a marriage, hopefully, when one apologises to a spouse it is because there is a genuine desire to help ease and eventually end the hurt and pain that you have caused them, because you love them and want to do whatever you can to ensure that your marriage is on solid ground.

the f-word Arguments happen because two people,with conflicting ideas each think the other is wrong.

The longer and stronger each person strives to “win”, the more hurt both share, and the harder it is to find a way back to a loving and trusting relationship. When conflict arises between two people who love each other, there is always far more at stake than in a casual relationship. That’s why people can have serious, painful fights over such trivial things as what colour to paint their home. Often, feelings of rejection, dismissal, unimportance, abandonment and betrayal are wrapped up in a conflict over something as silly as the colour of paint.

Putting your ego away...

Those who have mastered the art of apology say that the first requirement of an effective apology involves some measure of reflection.

The apologiser must be willing to reflect on their role in the conflict. There aren’t many occasions when we can say we were totally innocent in a conflict in a relationship. There is nearly always something for which we should apologise, even if it is the slamming of a door or a nasty jibe. If we are intent on righting the

A good apology should consist of: A request for their attention. (“I want to talk to you about what happened yesterday.” ) An acknowledgment of what happened. (“I know I hurt your feelings when I…” ) Sincerity in admitting you did something wrong. (“It was wrong of me to say/do that...” ) The words “I'm sorry” or “I apologise”. (“I’m truly sorry for that. You didn't deserve that.” ) Apologising in the form of a letter is acceptable, however if possible you should be present when the letter is being read by the other person. Express your shame, regret, sadness, guilt, etc. You also need to state what you are willing to do to make things right again. You should emphasise your determination not to make the same mistake again. Whatever you decide to do to make restitution, make sure it is meaningful and something that you will do. Don’t make promises you won’t or can't keep.

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Things Never To Say in an Apology “I’m sorry IF I hurt you.”

Or “I’m sorry BUT you really made me mad.” (“If” and “but”, in this case, means you do not take responsibility. You are still continuing to blame the other person either for feeling upset or for starting the conflict.)

“I’m sorry you feel that way.”

(Again, you're not taking responsibility here, and instead belittling the hurt the other person feels.)

“I’m sorry you think I did that.”

(Even if the other person is mistaken about something you have done, discuss it further so you are both on the same page rather than make this statement.)

wronged relationship then we need to search deep within ourselves for that word or action that we can actually apologise for.

Apologising first almost always encourages the other person to apologise as well. It makes it easier for them to take the step because it is no longer a long leap, since you would have already shortened the distance by taking the first step. We all know that it is easier to say “I’m sorry, too” than to say the first “I’m sorry”.

If you wait for your partner to be logical or show sensitivity before the conflict ends, you have already responded incorrectly. Only in the movies do you find a presentation of the “facts” leading to a tearful compromise from the other person. In real life, there are at the minimum two perspectives on the “facts” and both are usually incorrect, because they are tainted by personal feelings and the emotional baggage that each person has brought into the relationship.

What we don’t realise is that when we fight to make our spouse see things our way, we step all over them and their ideas. If we don’t give their side of the argument its due consideration, we quite blatantly dismiss their feelings as invalid and unimportant. And try as they might to hide it, men have feelings, too, they are just in denial about them.

This is one of the most frustrating things about apologising; there does not seem any way to validate both people. It seems like someone has to lose. But it’s the idea of winning and losing that created the conflict in the first place.

In fact, the only way to win an argument is by being the first to say “I’m sorry”! This might sound confusing because the question remains – how can you win when you apologise first? You win because you have accepted that the argument isn’t as important as your relationship; because you believe that your partner matters more to you than your opinion does.

If people love each other as much as they profess in cards and songs and other crazy demonstrations of love, there is no way they can lose by giving in to their partner. By apologising, we empower our partner. By preferring their needs and wishes over our own, we prove our love, respect and desire to please. When you make your partner feel important, accepted, respected and loved by you, the relationship is strengthened a hundredfold. So that’s a Big Win. That is why apologising first in a relationship works!

the f-word

Starting Young The magic word that’s hardest to say...

Dr Rajka Milanovic Galbraith offers tips on how to teach your child not only say ‘sorry’ but also to mean it.

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The goal is to allow the child an opportunity to “MAKE UP” for their mistakes

Y

our toddler has inadvertently hit you in excitement.

Or your pre-schooler has hit you out of anger. Both actions require an apology: one accidental, one intentional. How do you handle this?

Forcing a child to apologise is like giving a command and hence not the right way to get a child to comply. The key is to teach your child, not command. But how do you teach your child to say sorry, especially when empathy is not innate?

Infants and children are naturally self-centred for self-preservation.

For example, they cry when they are hungry etc.

One key is to use modelling while teaching. The book Parenting with Love and Logic focuses on this modelling as a key concept in teaching. When you yourself have done something wrong, say so. Look your child in the eyes and apologise meaningfully. The more it is modelled, the more it will become a reality. At about four years of age, children will begin to associate their emotions with the feelings of others. Then at about five, they can learn empathy. This is the prime time to teach empathy.

Ask your child the next time an incident occurs: How did hitting that other child make you feel? How did that other child feel? And then ask how they can make it better. Let them think about this a little. The first time or two you may have to help them come up with a solution.

The goal is to allow the child an opportunity to “MAKE UP” for their mistakes. This helps children feel remorse while leaving their dignity intact, a key distinction between discipline and punishment.

What if they won’t apologise? Is it better to force an apology? No, as this is teaching them to lie if they don’t mean it. And it is also giving a command, which only serves to invite power struggles with you and your child.

Another way to teach is to let natural consequences do the teaching for you: if your child won’t eat what is for dinner then he will be hungry; or logical consequences: you broke the neighbours window, now you

will have to pay for it.

Multiple studies have shown that physical punishment results in the opposite of the intended result. The last thing a parent wants is an angry child or submissive child.

If our goal is to teach with consequences, it is equally important for your child to experience positive consequences such as rewards for their good behaviour as it is with negative consequences for bad behaviour.

To forgive...

How do you, as the adult, forgive your child at a time when you may feel extremely angry? Focus on the child’s behaviour, which was wrong.

“Your behaviour was very naughty and this makes me angry. But, I still love you.” They have to know that they are loved. In fact, because toddlers cannot distinguish between “their selves” and “their behaviour”, they may feel shame (the belief that they are bad) instead of the far healthier remorse. Focusing on the behaviour and reassuring your child that you love them will guard against them feeling shame.

Additionally, give your child an appropriate venue to safely express their emotion. So when they hit out of anger, feed them the appropriate behaviour for this situation. You can say: “It is ok to tell me your angry but don’t hit. Hitting hurts.” I vividly recall the pride I felt when our son understood this concept and he verbalised “I am so angry at you now, mama!”

Now if your child repeatedly doesn’t show empathy or remorse then this may be a reason to be concerned that there is an underlying disorder such as Asperger’s Syndrome, autism or one of the autism spectrum disorders. If there is a cause for concern, talk to your doctor.

For additional information, I recommend: Parenting with Love and Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay and When you say “Thank You”, mean it: And 11 other lessons for instilling lifelong values in your children by Mary O’Donohue

Dr Rajka Milanovic Galbraith is an American Board certified family physician, a mother of two and a wife who has resided in Doha for the past 6 years. She has over 14 years of clinical experience and is regarded highly by her patients, colleagues and staff. Recently she launched a website: www.expatdoctormom.com, which provides up-to-date information in a wide variety of areas including: healthcare, parenting, travel, and entrepreneurship. Dr Rajka writes a regular column covering subjects from women and family health to parenting issues. If you have questions you wish answered, please write to wtoday@omsqatar.com, subject line ‘Ask the Doc’.

2011 November

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Famous faces, infamous cases...

Let’s see how they said “Sorry”...

tiger woods Tiger Woods gave a 13 1/2 minute public apology speech for his shocking string of affairs (2010): “I want to say to each of you, simply, and directly, I am deeply sorry for my irresponsible and selfish behaviour I engaged in...”

Photo courtesy: AFP PHOTOS

Bill Clinton’s White House address to the nation on his extra-marital affair (1998):

Bill Clinton

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“Indeed I did have a relationship with Miss (Monica) Lewinsky that was not appropriate.

In fact, it was wrong... I misled people, including even my wife. I deeply regret that.”

Olympic gold medal track star Marion Jones admitted to using steroids and announced her retirement from track and field (2007): “I recognise that by saying that I’m deeply sorry it might not be enough and sufficient to address the pain and the hurt that I have caused you.

Therefore, I want to ask for your forgiveness for my actions, and I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.”

Marion Jones

Kanye West Kanye West apologised on Twitter to Taylor Swift after his infamous microphone-grabbing moment at the MTV Video Music Awards (2009):

Chris Brown John Mayer Singer John Mayer was criticised for being racist when in an interview he used the word “nigger” (2010).

He posted on Twitter: “Re: using the “N” word in an interview: I am sorry that I used the word. And it’s a shame that I did because the point I was trying to make was in the exact opposite spirit of the word itself. It was arrogant of me to think I could intellectualise using it, because I realise that there’s no intellectualising a word that is so emotionally charged.”

After assaulting girlfriend Rihanna, Chris Brown finally apologised during an episode of Larry King Live (2009): “ ...it’s probably one of the worst moments of my life. And I always wish like I could take it back.

And every day, it’s just something that sticks in my mind. And I’ve said countless times how sorry I am to Rihanna, and I just accepted full responsibility. But it’s just one of those things I wish I could have relived and just handled totally different.”

“With the help of strong will, a lack of empathy, a lil alcohol and extremely distasteful & bad timing...

I became George Bush overnight... How deep is the scar... I bled hard... cancelled tour with the number one pop star in the world... closed the doors of my clothing office... Had to let employees go... for the first time I felt the impact of my brash actions... I felt the recession from an ownership side... People booed when I would go to concerts and the performer mentioned my name... Remember in Anchorman when Ron Burgundy cursed on air and the entire city turned on him? But this wasn’t a joke.

This was & is my real life...”

2011 November

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Ways of Forgiving When you haven’t forgiven those who’ve hurt you, you turn your back against your future. When you do forgive, you start walking forward.

By Sindhu Nair

F

or months I was walking around reflecting on the trust broken by a friend and negatively focused all my energy on that incident. There was no going forward; I wallowed in the heartache associated with betrayal. Work seemed monotonous, life ceased to be exciting and I detested coming to work every day. Lack of close friends around me in whom I could confide, added to the misery. My Facebook status would invariably read “moving on”, but I did not. Mentally, I had not forgiven the person nor forgotten the incident...

After a few months, the incident lost its clarity while the hurt remained. Soon the hurt was also a thing of the past, but I wouldn’t embark on any form of friendship. I was very cynical of the mere thought of having friends.

It was then that I chanced upon an excerpt from the book Dare to Forgive by Dr Ned Hallowell: “To understand forgiveness, you must first understand what forgiveness is not. Forgiveness is not turning the other cheek. Forgiveness is not running away. Forgiving someone does not mean that you condone what the person has done, nor does it mean that you invite them to do it again. It doesn’t mean that you don’t want the offending person to be punished.

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Personalise your apology After a reprimanding session my younger one slipped a note into the book I was reading. She was five-years-old and had scribbled “I love you but only if you love me”. She drew a smiley below. The message was subtle, coming from a child her age, but she had managed to put it very ingeniously without saying the difficult three words “I am sorry”.

While we all find it awkward to spit out those important words that keep relationships alive, it is time we reinvented the action but conveyed the same message through creative methods:

Recreate the Moments

Create an online collage of 10 photos of amazing places you’ve been together or fun experiences you’ve shared. Add a message to the gift, such as: “Nothing is more important than the magical moments you’ve given my life. I forgot that today, and I’m sorry.”

Go social

Post your message on Facebook with a quote or even a song. If you want to go a step further, make a Youtube video of your public apology.

“It takes a strong person to say sorry, and an even stronger person to forgive.”

Anonymous

Afrikaans: Jammer!

Arabic: ana Āsif!

List it out

Give the person a list of the top five reasons they are important to you.

Add a note at the end explaining: “I told myself to remember these five amazing things that make you special to me and I can’t imagine I hurt you.”

Woman Today’s Guide to 'I AM SORRY'

Bengali: Ami Dukkhito

Perform

You can recruit a performer to sing your apologies to the person you have hurt. If you can dance or sing, doing it yourself is not a bad idea.

However, don’t forget to rent a costume for that. It will surely help break the ice between the two of you and bring things back to normal once again.

Chinese Mandarin: duì bÙ qĬ French: Je suis dÉsolÉ German: Es tut mir leid!

Greek: sygnÓmi Hindi: mĀf kĪjiye Irish: TÁ brÓn orm!

Old school

Try something old-school like dedicating a song on the radio. If you really want to rev up the volume, hire a band.

And if you have some school connections, get a marching band. Now, that’s a wild apology and would work well for friends from school.

But all this depends on what you wish to convey. If left to me, I would still prefer a subtle apology, the kind that makes your heart warm without making you feel embarrassed about it. like A candle-light dinner with some soft music playing a genre you both love. or if it is to a close friend, I would still say those words: “I am sorry I hurt you.”

It doesn’t mean that you forget the offence, nor does it mean that by forgiving you tacitly invite bad things to happen again. It doesn’t mean that you won’t defend yourself.”

This seemed so true. I was reliving my pain over and over without forgiving and letting go. It not only made me unhappy, it was straining my existing relationships, at home and work, and made me reluctant to open up to new experiences and people. I was trapped in a cycle of anger and hurt, and missed out appreciating what I had. I was even suspicious of anyone who offered a hand of friendship.

We need to be able to forgive, so we can move on...

Italian: Mi dispiace Japanese: gomen nasai Korean: Choe-song-ham-ni-da Malay: Minta Ma’af Norwegian: Jeg beklager Polish: Przepraszam!

Russian: Prastite Spanish: Lo siento!

Tagalog: Pasensya na Thai: kŎr tôht Turkish: ÖzÜr dilerim Vietnamese: Xin lÕi Sinhaleses: Mata Sama-vin-nah

2011 November

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health&fitness

Practise yoga outdoors

Imagine doing yoga while watching the sun set over the Arabian Gulf. Now that the weather in Doha is becoming more temperate, it is possible to take your practice outside while keeping a few tips in mind, writes Valerie Jeremijenko

I

n yoga what we are actually trying to develop, in addition to a flexible, strong and pain-free body, is a focused stable mind. For this reason we want to create a practice space for ourselves that is as free from distractions as possible, and is safe and comfortable. It is important to distinguish between the yoga of photographs where beautiful yoginis practice advanced poses on the edges of precipices and the reality of a relaxing secure space for an average struggling practician.

So while it is very lovely to practice outside it is important to make sure of a couple of things. Firstly, have a solid stable floor. (You can stretch on sand perhaps but not really practice.) Secondly, make sure that there is shade and protection from the wind. Thirdly, make sure that you have privacy – especially if you are just starting out and are not comfortable in your practice.

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While all of this may seem obvious, the space in which we practice yoga is extremely important. If you plan to turn your yoga stretches into an actual practice, then you need to focus on withdrawing the senses from the outside world and keeping the mind still. We call this developing eka grata or single-pointed concentration that helps prepare the mind for meditation and it is through developing a meditative practice that we start to practice yoga. Many of the tools of yoga including concentrating on the breath, directing the gaze in a specific way, and locking the abdominal core are designed to help with withdrawing the senses from the outside world and stilling the internal dialogue.

Distractions, such as wind and sun and the fear of people watching can all detract from that (which is not to say that it can not be inspiring and motivating to go outside). Yoga is also about beauty and joy and I take my own

practice outside as often as possible but I take care of the basics first. So if you are planning to create an outdoor yoga space, remember to keep it solid and safe and secluded so that your practice can be one too.

Namaste

Valerie Jeremijenko is the Director of Yama Yoga Studios in Doha, Qatar. Yama Yoga offers outdoor yoga classes in the Yoga Pagoda at the Ritz Cartlon twice a week.

See www.yamayogastudios.com for details.

foodcorner

Some tips and tricks:

Quick Bites Eating healthy can sometimes be bland and time consuming especially if you’re a woman on the go.

Shikha Layla Al-Siyabi cooks up an Asian inspired savoury grilled chicken breasts with stir-fry veggies and coconut gravy that is rich in flavours and doesn’t take up too much of your time.

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Ingredients for the chicken breasts: 900 g of skinless, boneless chicken breasts 1/4 cup soy sauce 2 tbsp lemon juice 2 tbsp apple cider vinegar 1 tbsp red chilli powder 2 cm of crushed ginger or just powder 2 tsp garlic paste or powder.

3 tbsp sugar 1 tbsp sesame oil

Method:

With a meat tenderiser pound chicken breast until 2 cm thick on all sides.

Marinate Chicken breasts with soy sauce, brown sugar, lemon and apple cider vinegar with a hint of red chili pepper powder, garlic and ginger for one hour or overnight in the refrigerator.

Lightly brush some oil all over the grilling pan and pre-heat it on medium high heat.

The chicken breasts can be marinated anywhere from 30 minutes to a day ahead and kept in the refrigerator overnight or up to three days (I don’t recommend putting it in the fridge for three days but if you're not going to cook it the next day then I suggest you freeze them.

Don’t try to do it with frozen chicken breasts that have been thawed).

Too much leftover gravy? Make sure after you have made the gravy, to cool it first before you freeze it. Leave space in the freezer containers/bags for expansion of the gravy once frozen and mark them with dates.

To reheat the gravy in the safest temperatures, bring it to a rolling boil on the stove top. (165 degrees is the safest temperature). You can re-heat in the microwave in a microwave safe dish.

When grilling the chicken breasts make sure you clean the grill with a kitchen towel after every batch to remove charred residue left behind. To do this you can leave the grill on the heat and lightly oil it and rub it across with a kitchen towel.

Buying the ingredients :

Place your chicken breasts and grill for 5-8 minutes (depending on size and thickness) on each side or till chicken breasts are tender and not pink in the middle.

Ingredients for the Stir fry veggies:

1 tbsp sesame oil 175 g of broccoli (fresh or frozen) (I use frozen because sometimes I do not have time to go shopping for fresh veggies and neither do I want to spend time chopping and prepping them. Research says they are just as good as fresh veggies!)

75 g of chopped mushrooms (Fresh or canned) A medium size bell pepper chopped length wise.

175 g of whole lady fingers (Fresh or frozen) 1 tsp of garlic/onion crushed Salt to taste 1 piece of dried red chilli pepper (optional)

Method:

Add the sesame oil to a wok or a frying pan.

Drop in the lady fingers and garlic/onion mixture and stir fry for a minute or so, just till you smell the aroma.

Add the broccoli and bell peppers and stir fry for five minutes or till it is tender but still has a good crunch to it and hasn’t lost its green colour.

Add the dried red chilli pepper by chopping it into small pieces.

Ingredients for the Coconut Gravy: (Makes approx three cups of gravy ) 1 tbsp sesame oil 1 tbsp butter 2 tbsp flour 1/4 cup cold milk 1 2/3 cup room temp water 1 chicken bouillon cube 1/4 cup soy sauce 2 tsp fish sauce 2 tsp apple cider vinegar 2/3 cup coconut milk powder diluted in 5-6 tbsp hot water dash of red chilli powder 1 tbsp light brown sugar 2-3 tbsp of coconut flakes

I do most of my shopping at the Lulu hypermarkets located at Old airport or Gharaffa. You have lots of choices and varieties of ingredients to work with when shopping there; also they have exquisite offers on food items so you don’t leave the store feeling light in the wallet. Recently I have discovered another place called Maskar shopping complex which is located at the ground floor of the new Wathnan mall in Muaither. They had the finest fresh vegetables and fruits in their fresh produce section. Although it was limited when it came to special ingredients their fruits and veggies were absolutely bright, crisp and colourful. Give them a try the next time you are in the area.

Health benefits:

Chicken breasts is the leanest part of the chicken and grilling it keeps it healthy and light. I am not one to count calories when it comes to food, Instead I make sure I’m giving my family a delicious meal that is healthy and I always make sure they eat in moderation. I have kept it mildly Thai inspired. It is not heavy on the salty/sweet/tangy taste but has a hint of it to treat your taste buds to something different. The gravy for this dish is a little rich as it has a fair quantity of coconut milk powder but you can always control the amount of gravy you put on top of the chicken breasts so you can enjoy a meal without feeling guilty. Adding the side dish of stir-fried veggies to the grilled chicken breasts makes it a double healthy combo.

Garnish: Dried red chilli flakes Chopped green onions

gravy because I freeze it and use it later for other dishes like soups, meats and even sometimes serve it on fries for a quick fix

Method:

Heat a sauce pan on medium high heat and add the sesame oil and butter.

Add the flour gradually whisking it in with the butter and oil to form a roux, incorporate well.

Bring the heat to medium low and brown the roux for a minute Add the cold milk while whisking it in with the roux and the water goes in next gradually while whisking to get rid of lumps.

Add in the chicken bouillon cube, soy sauce, fish sauce, apple cider vinegar and bring to a boil.

At this point you should have your coconut milk powder diluted in hot water ready so you may pour it in once it comes to a boil.

Whisk the gravy so all lumps from the coconut milk are gone.

Season with a dash of red chilli powder and brown sugar. I don’t add salt to this gravy because it is salty enough with the soy sauce and chicken bouillon cube.

Let it simmer for another 3-5 minutes or until you have gotten the consistency of the gravy as desired. Don’t worry if it looks thin, it will get thicker as it cools down.

Add in 2-3 tbspn of coconut flakes for texture and taste. I always make extra coconut

Serve:

Serve grilled chicken breasts topped with veggies and a fair amount of gravy poured on top.

Garnish with red chilli flakes and green onions. It’s great to eat it just the way it is or chop up the chicken breasts in slices and toss it with the veggies if you’re controlling your portion.

A wife, mother, business woman, cook and food lover, Shikha Layla Al-Siyabi keeps her love for cooking alive through her small catering business and cooking for family and friends. She loves experimenting and creating new recipes and plans to bring people a little closer with her food. She will write regularly for Woman Today.

2011 November

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stylestop

Moving Moments Valentino

Marc Jacobs

Fendi

celine kenzo

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November 2011

Call for Colour Softer colour is the calling this autumn/winter. Being confident in one’s approach to incorporating splashes, blocks or tone-on-tone colour is about knowing your complexion’s most complementarily hues.

Begin with the sophistication of a onecolour uber-luxe ensemble, and then incorporate the season’s subdued tones of filtered sunsets, glowing fires, playful reddish pinks, and hues of ocean blue-toned greens.

If soft translates to dull for you then go bright with an accessory or two, but be mindful that too many bright colours in a single outfit will fail you in style.

1

t’s show time again. I somewhat reluctantly accepted front row seats. In they will glide – wafer thin – but unlike supermodels, these vessels are destined to become voluptuous. They will lumber out my front door, square-shouldered and bulging under the weight of what makes our house a home. With boxes packed we’ll be on the move, again (sigh!).

On the bright side though I have a couple of things going for me. Firstly, it’s a suburb change, rather than country or continent (phew!). Secondly my work is promoting change – so I’d better adapt smartly. But most of all, this move lies perfectly in sync with a season change, giving me ample motivation for the inevitable wardrobe spruce-up.

Updating your wardrobe arsenal is an opportunity to redefine your style, streamline your choices, which can leave you feeling, almost, giddy (and it won’t be starvation induced) with excitement.

It’s this excitement that can keep you regularly sorting through your closet, teaching you, through experience, what works for your body type and lifestyle. Begin to identify wardrobe staples and versatility in classic cuts and you’ll adapt easier to the subtle complexities of each season’s trends.

No doubt though, whether it’s your particular forte or you’re a novice to the know-how, we can all do with seasonal update guidance in these times of shortening fashion cycles.

So with autumn/winter 2011 upon us here’s my seven-point action plan for an exciting seasonal clue in:

Neck to Neck Whether you’re dressing down for school-runs or up for working weeks, it’s all about the detail.

Lift your staples with this season’s statement neck detail accessories. Try the tuxedoinspired ribbon bow tie, add a feminine touch in a prettily tied neck scarf, or snood knits to keep the chill off your dicolletage.

2

Below the Line Pants are this season’s number-one separate, keeping in mind that you can only really attain true style if you wear what works best for your body shape – no truer than for a trouser. Find the best variety of cuts for your shape.

Wear this season’s midis (3/4 length) skirt with caution, not commonly a flattering length, unless worn with boots. Rather fit your feminine frame into a show-stopping, leather pencil skirt; this season’s hot necessity, with longevity that will serve you for years to come.

3

both debut as fashion-forward choices.

Round and pike toe trends will see you choosing your fashionable favourites in suede, laces, silks, patent and reptile leathers.

The socks in shoes trend remains unscathed, and can be moderately tamed by wearing tights instead. This is a sure way to get the most use out of your summer’s front-runners.

Vamp in Vintage Fashion is cyclic; so it’s no wonder this season’s trends take their queue from the 60s.

This offers an ideal opportunity to make an outfit your own by mixing old with new. Look out for over-sized buttons, a simple shift dress to team with bold patent leather boots, a belt or on-trend polka dot detail in a bag, the outcome is sure to be your own!

6

Bag it Amalgamate the season’s trends and you’ll discover the bag for you. Texture is key, colour it bright or keep it simple in tone and style.

Whether you wear it slung over the shoulder, clutched in hand or easily draped across the chest, the shopper, clutch, handbag and sling will be your finishing vogue-savvy signature to everlasting style.

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I trust these a/w 2011 trends have moved you. I, for one, am already in full sprint to find myself the season’s hottest feline pattern, the leopard print! Whatever your choice, run with the thrill of this season’s wardrobe reshape

Touch-me Texture Keep it tantalisingly tactile as faux fur, suede, leather, sequins, chunky knits, silks and wools beg for shelf space. Unless you’re confident about your styling skills rather keep textural touches down to singly rather than piling it on in one go.

4

Well-Heeled 5 The season’s shoes trends are bound to offer you comfort and walking confidence. The sexy spike and snug chunky heel

Aptly known as Doha’s Image and Clothing Revivalist, Lynette Cowie dedicates her energies to family, friends and clientele. For personal styling consultations and viewing of her Cowie range visit www. lynettecowie.com. She also works with Alyson Gilpin of Woman Today Transform project. Lynette will be writing a regular column for Woman Today.

2011 November

57

stylestop Dermalogica Be Age Smart

Dermalogica has introduced an innovative, scientifically advanced set of products – Age Smart – specifically designed to prevent ageing and premature ageing of your skin. Particularly rich in Vitamin C, antioxidants and SPF, these products are developed to address the underlying factors that lead to signs of premature ageing in your skin including wrinkles, uneven pigmentation, dehydration, hyperpigmentation and loss of elasticity and tone to the skin.

Products include the MAP-15 Regenerator – a unique powder that melts into a fluid emulsion upon contact with skin to stimulate collagen, brighten skin tone, smooth texture and lightly exfoliate skin; the Dynamic Skin Recovery day moisturiser with an SPF 30 that protects against free radicals, regulates collagen production and protects against UV radiation; and an Antioxidant Hydra Mist that combats the damaging effects of pollution.

Defying age is so easy now!

Tod’s Touch of Italy

Tod’s brings the magic of the old cobbled streets of Italy to life through its new Signature Collection that was unveiled at the Villagio Mall in Qatar. We love the fact that the pebble motif is not printed on, but rather imprinted in fine leather, giving each of the pieces a distinctive sophisticated look. Pieces include a shoulder bag, a portfolio clutch, a small trunk-style, a shopper, a soft envelope clutch and a pochette bag created from the finest quality natural leathers such as soft patent leather, a metalised leather, a shiny calfskin and a semi-opaque nappa leather. A deep red shoulder bag or an electric blue clutch – it’s perfect this season.

Tod’s is located in the Villaggio Mall.

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Starlink iPhone 4 in gold

iPhone enthusiasts can now own a specially customised 24-carat gold iPhone 4 from Starlink. The telecommunications retailer will be producing a number of customised 32GB iPhone 4s which will have a 24-carat gold-plated back cover and Swarovski crystal bezel, to order.

The Gold iPhone 4 will be identical to the standard 32GB iPhone 4, which offers a whole range of features including video calling, HD video recording and editing, an impressive 5-megapixel camera, iPod, iMovie and the highest resolution phone screen ever plus direct access to a wide range of fantastic apps to download. The phone will only be available to customers who place an order for the handset on Starlink’s website www.starlinkworld.com and it will take three to four weeks to be created and delivered.

Starlink will be selling the Gold iPhone 4 for QR9,999.

Damas Festive offers

On the occasion of Diwali, Damas unveiled 25 new designs from renowned collections, including exclusive one-off designs specially created to celebrate the Festival of Lights. To enhance the celebration, Damas is offering bumper raffle draws to win a 10-tola gold bar every week for three weeks along with free gifts on selected purchases, including 22-carat gold coins, pearl jewellery sets, a 24-carat gold foil photo frame and an exclusive jewellery case.

Damas’ new Diwali offering consists of a large array of jewellery sets such as the Legacy, Ananya, Rangoli, Harmony and Kiku, embellished with emeralds, rubies, diamonds and pearls set in 18-carat and 22-carat yellow and white gold, and designed to meet all tastes and budgets. Damas has also designed bangles from the popular Legacy collection, an array of Mystique nose pins set in 22-carat gold and – for the first time – several new timepieces.

It’s time to celebrate!

Babyshop Bundles of warmth

Keep your little ones warm and cosy this winter with Babyshop’s new Fall/Winter collection.

The collection is defined by a wonderful medley of scarves, cute berets, graceful turtlenecks and soft woollen sweaters layered with warm leggings and jeans that accentuate the season’s hottest trend of colourful checks and prints.

The collection also has outfits with children’s favourite cartoon characters on them – everything from hoodies, designer jeans and winter hats for boys to floral winter frocks, leggings and sequinned jackets for girls.

C’mon kids, it’s time to dress up!

Splash Rock and Roll

Imagine fashion inspired by music? The ninth edition of the Splash fashion show in the UAE was all about that, with the brand paying tribute to the diversity of styles that rock ‘n’ roll influence has brought to high-street fashion.

With the overall setup of a backstage area, the catwalk resembled behind the scenes of a concert, and the region’s creme de la creme witnessed a theatrical depiction of backstage drama unfold. The 20minute power-packed show saw three prominent themes on the catwalk which summed up the season’s key looks and trends, namely ”School of Rock” that reflects the freedom of youth with preppy overtones and bright colours; ”Rock n Soul” – the perfect combination of high luxury and absolute subtlety put together in a 70’s boho-chic look; and ”Rock Royalty” that combines masculine tailoring with feminine ruffles for a look of decorous glamour.

Splash, CEO, Raza Beig said, “Music and fashion have been inextricably linked since both are acknowledged as art forms across the globe. With our Rock’n fashion show we chose to marry one of the most scintillating forms of music rock ’n’ roll with high-street fashion and presented the ruling catwalk trends in true high-street style to the region’s fashion enthusiasts.” And we simply love it!

2011 November

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aroundtown

Beauty that glows Glow American Salon kick-starts its Inner-Glow Monthly Makeovers to honour inspirational women with a glowing inner beauty. First up, is Kimberley Sheedy.

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BEFORE

imberley Sheedy is an Australian living in Doha and the owner of the Starfish Lane Kids Nurseries, one of the leading nursery environments for young children in Qatar. As a successful businesswoman, Kimberley is committed towards employing women, under an “equal opportunity environment”, to build strength and confidence in them. She is also an active member of the Qatar Professional Women’s Network and is involved in many fund raising activities.

Kimberley is extremely passionate about the plight of Ethiopian women and children, and has been working with her mentor, Dr Catherine Hamlin, at the Fistula Foundation in Addis Ababa. Many of these wonderful moments are captured through her photography which she regularly exhibits.

Why was she chosen?

Hillary Kozma, Founder, Glow American Salon: “When the idea came to me to start a makeover project to celebrate inspirational women, Kimberley was one of the first people I thought of. I first met her, years ago, when she was giving an awareness lecture here in Doha. She talked about her travels to Africa, to help the women in Ethiopia who suffer from fistula.

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“I remember how moved I was that day by her genuine compassion for these women, and that day has stuck with me since. Women with fistula could lose everything – their health, their family, their home and their dignity – through no fault of their own. But thanks to people like Kimberley, many of these sad stories can have a “happily ever after”. Since Kimberley has given others so much, she deserved a day where people will give her something for a change.

“I admire Kimberley for her glittering philanthropic spirit, for her courage to travel into a third world country, and meet head on the problems of poverty and injustice. A lot of people, upon hearing about the problems in Ethiopia (including myself) will say “that’s not right.” But Kimberley said “I’m going to do something about it.”

I hope to be more like her.”

“For Kimberley’s hair, we evened out the blonde colour throughout, adding some low lights of a lighter brown shade to break up the curls and give it a ribbonyeffect. We didn’t cover the greys completely as they give a natural highlighting. Lastly, a toner was applied to soften and add shine to her hair.”

“We didn’t give Kimberley an over-the-top glamorous look, we just worked on accentuating her natural beauty. The peachy pink foundation highlights her teal-coloured eyes beautifully.”

Beauty advice:

Choose a foundation that suits your skin type. If you already have nice skin, use a moisturiser. To get a tannedeffect, use a bronzing powder instead of a foundation.

Kimberley: “I am not really into the whole beauty routine. However, on my 40th birthday it kind of hit home, when my mum called me to convey her wishes but followed by saying with a slight giggle, “Well darling you are now middle aged!” So bearing the middle age comment, a make over for me at 43 was a real treat.

Tips on handling curly hair: Wash: Since curly hair is inherently drier than straight hair, use conditioner to cleanse your scalp rather than shampoo because shampoo can dry your hair further.

“I was extremely nervous about wearing make-up as I always think I look better as my natural self. But I was completely surprised how natural the make up was, and how it completely enhanced those great bits that even I like about myself! Nikki, the stylist from Glow, also taught me wonderful new things about having extremely curly hair.”

AFTER

Dry:

Don’t use a regular towel. Use a micro-fibre towel, a t-shirt or a paper towel. These remove most of the dampness out of the hair with the least amount of touching.

Don’t scrub your hair dry with the towel as it creates too much friction which results in fuzzy hair.

Dry from the ends to the scalp while scrunching the hair.

Brush:

Curly hair is fragile; brushing and combing can break it. Your fingers are the best comb or else use a wide toothed wooden comb.

Trim:

Trim your hair every three months, and not frequently, because curly hair takes twice as long to see length.

“I firmly believe that if something makes you feel great then do it.

Everybody has a strong point and a flaw in their appearance, most women only recognise the flaws in them. As women, we want something special in our busy lives. All women deserve “a walk into beautiful”, like the one that Glow just gave me.”

Photography Sherry Patrizi Hair & make-up glow american salon Dress Waad Jewellery M collection

2011 November

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aroundtown

T Qatar Silver Media Sotheby’s exhibits Sponsor of DTFF eminent art pieces

T

Qatar, the Qatar edition of New York Times Style Magazine, was the silver media sponsor for the third edition of Doha Tribeca Film Festival (DTFF). The magazine serves as an ideal platform for exclusive and in-depth coverage of the festival, the films it showcased and the stars it brought to Doha.

“The seeds of both the magazine and the film festival were sowed in New York, to bring a new perspective and depth to the media they represent. Both have now found an audience in Qatar, and it’s only natural that this tie-up should happen,” said Ravi Raman, Vice President, Oryx Advertising Company, publisher of T Qatar.

DFI, Head of Sponsorship, Hanaa Issa said earlier, “From movies to cultural events to the fashion and style of this year’s stars who will be in Doha for the festival, T Qatar will provide in-depth coverage of the festival, bringing the full flavour of this community event to local Qataris and showcasing the many arts and cultural events associated with DTFF to our local community in Doha.”

One of the top publications of OAC, T Qatar was launched in the country in December 2009, and has secured its place as the leading style and arts magazine in the country.

Artist Andy Warhol's Mao (l) and Dollar Sign

W

Multi Speciality Clinic to open soon

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ealthspring World Clinic, a multi-speciality healthcare centre offering world class healthcare services, will soon be launched in Qatar. Located in Abu Hamour, the clinic has a one-of-itskind facility in the country that will provide services that are curative and preventive in nature through clinical excellence, patient-centricity and ethical practices.

The team at Healthspring World Clinic aims to bring the highest standards of medical care to Qatar. The clinic is also introducing the concept of telemedicine, through which patients will be connected to renowned institutions across the globe for super-specialist consultations and opinions.

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ith the upcoming New York Contemporary Art auctions, Sotheby’s exhibited a few of the art pieces including works by Andy Warhol, Jackson Pollock, Willem de Kooning, David Hockney, Edward Ruscha and Josef Albers at The Ritz-Carlton, Doha.

De Kooning’s Cedar Street is an example of the urban landscape paintings that captured the raw dynamism of New York, and holds a place of particular homage for this era of de Kooning’s career. Located nearby to various artists’ studios, the Cedar Tavern was a convenient place to congregate for de Kooning, Pollock, Franz Kline, Mark Rothko, Philip Guston and many other members of the New York art world.

Three iconic works by Warhol were also exhibited, including Dollar Sign from 1982. Seen as the ultimate capitalist and consumerist society, America is here reduced by Warhol to one signifier – the dollar sign. Another of his works is Mao, the classic silkscreen image of Mao Zedong’s official portrait. Yet another is the artist’s Jackie from 1964, one of just a handful of single canvases of Jackie Kennedy in gold.

Other highlights include Pollock’s enamel on paper, Untitled, from 1951, that brilliantly displays the artist’s treatment of a single bold paint, and David Hockney’s With Conversation, 1988, which is a delightfully bold and brightly colourful landscape.

Festival of the Senses (l-r) Barbara Aeberhard, Music Therapist from Switzerland; Dr Abdul Ghafour Al-Heeti, Principal of Qatar Music Academy; and Dr Wafa Al-Yazeedi, Acting Chairperson of Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation Department at HMC

Let the music heal Executive Chef Richard Green (l)

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Executive Pastry Chef Jérôme Bertoumieux

he Ritz-Carlton, Doha played host to chefs from around the globe during the third annual Festival of the Senses that was held last month. The hotel’s resident chefs, under the guidance of Executive Chef Richard Green, collaborated with internationally acclaimed experts from the culinary world such as Executive Chef Matthew Morrison from The Ritz-Carlton, Tyson’s Corner, USA, Executive Chef Xavier Salomon from The Ritz-Carlton, Half Moon Bay, USA, Deputy Chef Erlantz Gorostiza from Abama Golf & Spa Resort, Tenerife, and Australian Chef Jeremy Steele to offer the world’s finest dining pleasures.

Chef Richard was excited about The Ritz-Carlton, Doha setting the stage for this remarkable gourmet event and that the hotel’s culinary team joined forces with venerated chefs from around the world to bring epicurean tales that suceeded in surprising the palate and delighting the senses.

The festival saw all chefs host a series of gastronomic events such as gourmet dinners, private chef’s tables and cooking classes. Resident Executive Pastry Chef Jerome Bertoumieux showcased his exquisite culinary art throughout the festival and also held a master class in desserts and two special afternoon teas.

A song for charity

Singers Waed (l) and Marwan Khoury at the recording studio

L

eading Arab artists were brought together in Doha by the Global Gumbo Group to lend their voices to the charity single Tomorrow-Bokra – a re-adaptation of Quincy Jones’ Grammywinning single entitled Tomorrow (A Better You, A Better Me). The song will be premiered world-wide on November 11 via global TV simulcast, regionally with MBC and online with YouTube-Google at an exclusive

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amad Medical Corporation (HMC) and Qatar Music Academy – a member of Qatar Foundation for Education, Science and Community Development – held a specialist training workshop for healthcare professionals and therapists to promote the concept of “music therapy” in Qatar. Music therapy is an established form of therapy where music is used within a therapeutic relationship to address physical, emotional, cognitive and social needs of individuals.

The workshop was conducted by an experienced music therapist from Switzerland, Barbara Aeberhard, at Katara Cultural Village. She said, “Music therapy is an allied health profession and one of the expressive therapies, consisting of an interpersonal process in which a trained music therapist uses music in all of its facets – physical, emotional, mental, social, aesthetic and spiritual – in order to help clients to improve or maintain their health.”

The therapeutic use of music is known to improve communication skills among individuals who may have difficulty in expressing themselves, thus boosting their confidence over the course of the therapy.

VIP event at the One&Only, The Palm, Dubai. CNN is the global media partner and Sony Music is the record label partner.

Proceedings from the project will benefit Arab children of the Middle East and North Africa region, by providing educational scholarships in arts and culture programmes and funding initiatives in music and the arts.

“This song could not have come at a better time for the Arab world,” said Badr Jafar, Executive Producer of the charity single. “Almost three decades ago Jones’ single We are the World saw artists from across the globe inspire a generation to do something about the food crisis in Africa. Music and the arts have the ability to bring together people from across the world, inspire action and promote solidarity, and this song gives voice to what the people of the Middle East region hope for – a brighter, more prosperous future.”

The project featured singers Marwan Khoury (Lebanon), Fahad AlKubaisi (Qatar), Waed (Saudi Arabia), Mashael (Saudi Arabia), Fayez Al-Saeed (UAE), Tamer Hosny (Egypt), Sherine Abdel Wahab (Egypt), Latifa (Tunis), Ahmed Al-Jumairi (Bahrain), Hani Mitwasi (Jordan) and Nassif Zaitoun (Syria).

2011 November

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aroundtown

DTFF

Celebrating Cinema, Celebrating Culture

The third annual Doha Tribeca Film Festival 2011 was a smash hit, with an eclectic pick of films from around the world. Presenting our DTFF diary...

Say Cheese: Actors Dev Patel and Freida Pinto pose on the red carpet at the Black Gold world premiere during the Festival’s Opening Night. The film is DFI’s first major international co-production and one of biggest and most ambitious projects ever to shoot in the Arab region. The movie is directed by Jean-Jacques Annaud and stars Antonio Banderas, Freida Pinto, Tahar Rahim, Riz Ahmed, Mark Strong, Jan Uddin and Akin Gazi.

AFP PHOTO / KARIM SAHIB

Fashion forward: Egyptian actress Yusra and French fashion designer Stephane Rolland arrive at the opening of the Festival.

AFP PHOTO / KARIM SAHIB

Day 01

Old is Gold: Egyptian veteran actor Omar Sharif speaks to the press.

AFP PHOTO / KARIM SAHIB

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Namaste: (R-L) Actress Dalia Al-Bahairi, Egyptian Actress Yusra, Indian Fashion Designer Manish Malhotra, Executive Director of the Doha Film Institute Amanda Palmer and Actress Dorra Zarrouk pose for shutterbugs. The ladies are seen wearing stunning traditional Indian outfits created by the designer himself. Manish attended the Middle East premiere of Bollywood: The Greatest Love Story Ever Told on the Festival ’s second day which was dedicated to Bollywood.

AFP PHOTO/KARIM SAHIB

Day 02

Tribute time: Minister of Culture HE Dr Hamad Bin Abdulaziz Al-Kuwari speaks at the Omar Amiralay Tribute Reception at Sukar Pasha. DTFF paid a cinematic tribute to the late Syrian director and held a special screening of Amiralay s much-acclaimed sociopolitical documentary Everyday Life in a Syrian Village.

Photo by Sean Gallup/Getty Images for DFI

Day 03

Let ’s Talk: Multi-award-winning cinematographer Christopher Doyle speaks at “Masterclass – Christopher Doyle”. Japanese horror movie Tormented that was premiered during the festival marks Japanese director Takashi Shimizu ’s first collaboration with Doyle. Master Class is a DTFF special programme that features film industry legends every year.

Photo by Andrew H. Walker/Getty Images

Reporting Live from DTFF: Actor Vincent Cassel with DFI Kids Reporting Team. As part of DFI ’s initiative called DFI Kids Access Programme, students aged 9-13 turned reporters for these five days to cover the family-friendly events and produce blogs, reviews and features.

Source: DFI

The perfect view: Pigeons get the best seats as they rest in a pigeon coop known in Arabic as a burj al-hamam in the Katara Cultural Village during the Festival.

AFP PHOTO / KARIM SAHIB 2011 November

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slugname When Zorro meets Puss: Actor Antonio Banderas arrives at the Middle East premiere of the 3D animated film Puss in Boots during Family Day. The actor lends his voice for the main character, Puss in Boots, in the film.

AFP PHOTO / KARIM SAHIB

Day 04 Family Fun: It ’s Family Day at DTFF with families taking part in the day’s revelry.

AFP PHOTO / KARIM SAHIB

The Night is Young: DTFF’s closing night couldn’t have got any better with UK Singer Leona Lewis enthralling the audience with her electrifying performance.

Photography: Rob Altamirano

Day 05 Meet De Niro: US actor Robert De Niro arrives with his wife Grace Hightower at the closing night ceremony.

AFP PHOTO / KARIM SAHIB

Award Night: In this image made available by the DFI on October 29, 2011, director Merzak Allouache winner of the Best Arab Narrative Film (Normal) at the DTFF, is seen on stage during the award ceremony. The competition in its second year had fourteen feature films and documentaries, including eight world premieres, vying for top honours.

AFP PHOTO/HO/DFI

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slugname

Jorge Ben Jor

Brazilian Beats in Katara

With a career spanning almost half a century, Brazilian superstar Jorge Ben Jor shows no sign of slowing down. Debrina Aliyah caught up with Jorge when he was down in Doha to close the highly successful Latin American Cultural Festival 2011 at Katara Cultural Village.

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atching Jorge Ben Jor take the stage, one cannot help but stand on one’s feet and start swaying to the funky rhythms and beats that Brazil is famous for. The music of the samba and funk has been, and still remains, a major influence among musicians around the world. Jorge, for one, is very aware of this movement, as his first-ever composition, Mas Que Nada, shot to global recognition after being covered and remixed first by, Sergio Mendes and then the cult dance outfit Black Eyed Peas.

Even at this juncture of his career, Jorge himself is still driving the movement, working on new projects set for release next year.

“I’m currently recording two new albums. One is a remix of an old record, and the other is a compilation of entirely new compositions. I’m also going to be working on a very special project with a heavy metal band, combining the sounds of samba and funk with rock.”

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Although Jorge considers himself a lyrical poet who composes music to accompany the written word, this legendary musician is one of the few performers in the world who transcends language in his musical reach.

“It is truly a miracle! To this day, I am still amazed and flattered by how my music has reached such a wide audience and touched their hearts. The turning point in my career was when I travelled and performed at funk and jazz festivals in Europe for the very first time. In spite of the language difference, my music was so well received that it sparked off the beginning of global recognition of my work. Another memorable moment in my career was, of course, when I was invited to play at the Olympia Hall in Paris, one of the most prestigious music venues in Europe.”

Jorge’s charismatic performances go beyond his music and words into his sense of style and demeanour. A big fan of fashion, he professes

his love for brands like Calvin Klein and Adidas, which he often wears when he is performing. He also has a penchant for adopting an allwhite look when he is on stage. And of course, who can miss Jorge’s signature sunglasses, which he wears almost all the time on and off stage. At the last count he owned about 87 pairs of sunglasses for different times of the day. For his show at Katara, Jorge donned a pair of his favourite Ray-Ban, a gift from his son.

“When I was very young, I was diagnosed with an eye condition which makes them very sensitive to light so I had to wear sunglasses to protect my eyesight. Eventually, it became a trademark when people started to see me in my sunglasses all the time.”

Jorge’s closing show for the Latin American Cultural Festival 2011 at Katara Cultural Village marked his first performance in Qatar, and he applauds the effort of the festival in bringing the unique sounds of the continent to this region. “Doha is a very impressive city; the city and the airport are very clean and the people are extremely friendly and welcoming.

It has been such a great experience. I really do hope that the festival will take place again next year, and I look forward to being able to play in Doha again.”

thinkingaloud

Power of Sustained

T

here are paeans to forgiveness in the preceding pages.

About its power to soothe, its psychological, social and emotional value. Valuable indeed, most of the time, but there are times, places and occasions when nothing but sustained fury justifies the cause. Not martyr-like forgiveness, not feel-good hugs, not sentimental sorrow. No, nothing but pure unadulterated anger and retribution. Because the act of forgiveness is a powerful one, and should be committed only after deep thought and with true meaning.

So your friend took a swipe at your dress sense? Forgive her. Your sister took the last of your favourite chocolate cake? Thank her for the calorific good turn. Your mum whacked you in anger? Give her a hug. Your husband forgot your anniversary? Joke about it. Your boss gave you a bad appraisal? Forgive her, and prove her wrong.

Yes, there are things that should be forgiven because not to forgive them is far more tedious than to accept an apology.

But what if it’s abuse, infidelity, or unmentionable treachery? A boss or colleague who steals your idea, and denies you your due, your promotion. The loving husband who after a peg too many, lands his fist on you. Night after night. A reckless driver who costs you an arm or a life or a period of productivity. The ‘uncle’ who can’t keep his hands out of his little nephew’s pants...

Do we forgive them to feel better? I can’t think of a worse idea.

When someone hurts you or affects you deeply, there has to be a period of anger and confrontation, then a period of mourning if you want it, followed by a period of payback, and a period of nursing the wound before we can even consider the F-word.

70

November 2011

Forgiveness, like losing weight, always seems easier to the person who is not carrying the burden. Why would you be so quick to forgive someone who has wronged you? Is it because you think you deserved the treatment in the first place?

Don’t get me wrong. I am not one to propagate grudges. Far from it.

When you decide to forgive someone, it should not feed a pattern. It should, instead, end a negative one, and the only way that can happen is to allow the anger to run its course.

Forgiveness will then follow effortlessly.

Don’t be in a hurry to move from a situation of conflict.

By all means forgive the wrong-doer, eventually, but let them grovel a bit first; force them to stew in the mess they created for themselves. Let them make amends and change their behaviour. You’ll autom at ic a l l y

know when the time is ripe to walk away with no rancour in your heart.

Don’t feel compelled and guilt-tripped into accepting apologies. Quick fixes, like waxing and shaving, are all good for hirsute pursuits, but when it comes to matters of the heart, think laser. Make sure you are treating more than the surface emotion.

I am not dissing a magazine full of advice on forgiveness, I am only asking you to give yourself the luxury of wallowing in your hurt, before you shake yourself free

By Vani Saraswathi