4.1.19- Fourth Estate

F O U RT H E S TAT E April 1, 2019

GEORGE MASON UNIVERSITY'S STUDENT NEWSPAPER

Volume 6 Issue 19

MASON’S ANNUAL DRAG SHOW page 11

STUDENTS RESPOND TO KAVANAUGH

WHAT

IZZ ACTIVISM? Opinions page 05

News page 04

KOREAN AGE CALCULATION

WHAT IS YOUR The Voice of Mason Korea page 06

@ivestate | gmufourthestate.com

MASON’S FIRST

TRANS CLOSET

Culture page 10

Fourth Estate is a free publication, limit one copy per person. Additional copies are 25 cents payable to the Office of Student Media.

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04.01.2019

FOURTH ESTATE

GMUFOURTHESTATE.COM @IVESTATE

ALEXANDER SHEDD Editor-in-Chief

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

BASMA HUMADI Managing Editor IZZ LAMAGDELEINE Copy Chief

Dear Patriots, This is a very special week. This issue is coming out on April Fool’s Day, which gave us a very rare opportunity: a satire issue.

I have dreamed of this moment since I was a humble assistant news editor in the spring of 2018. Unfortunately, because the news never stops, there are still real stories in this issue, including the results of the Student Government elections and coverage of the ODIME and LGBTQ Resources drag show. Look in the back half of the issue for the good stuff, or go back to the cover, flip it over and turn it around.

Please help me. I’m being held here against my will, I don’t want to write these anym...

We only have a few more issues this semester, and then many of us, including myself, will be saying goodbye to Fourth Estate as new editors get promoted and hired. So, cherish the issues this month, because we are almost done.

Also of note in this issue are an opinion piece on LGBTQ+ activism from our copy chief, coverage of Student Government’s recently passed bill acknowledging sexual assault at Mason, and some helpful tips on being eco-friendly for Earth Month. Happy reading.

Sincerely,

LIZ ELKIND Assistant Copy Chief ZARA FAROUK SARAH LURIA BEN STOVNER Copy Editors DANA NICKEL News Editor ABIGAIL ADCOX Assistant News Editor MONICA ECHOLS Culture Editor HAILEY BULLIS Assistant Culture Editor CHRIS KERNAN-SCHMIDT Opinions Editor NATALIE HEAVREN Sports Editor DOMENIC ALLEGRA Assistant Sports Editor LAUREN SULLIVAN Investigative Editor

Alexander Shedd

ALLIE THOMPSON Photo Editor

Editor in Chief

ALEXANDRIA MCALPINE Art Director BILLY FERGUSON Online Director LAURA SCUDDER Social Media Editor

We are always recruiting volunteers for: - WRITERS - VIDEOGRAPHERS - ILLUSTRATORS - COPY EDITORS - PHOTOGRAPHERS

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COVER PHOTO CREDITS Leigh Norman / Fourth Estate

NEWS

GMUFOURTHESTATE.COM @IVESTATE

04.01.2019

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TRUMP SIGNS EXECUTIVE ORDER FOCUSING ON FREE SPEECH FOR STUDENT CONSERVATIVES

Mason students respond to the executive order On Thursday, March 21, Donald Trump signed an executive order aimed at “requiring colleges and universities to support free speech if they want federal research dollars.”

According to the White House, “we must encourage institutions to appropriately account for this bedrock principle in their administration of student life and to avoid creating environments that stifle competing perspectives, thereby potentially impeding beneficial research and undermining learning.”

This executive order has been met with some support. According to Politico, Trump brought “Hayden Williams, a conservative activist who was punched in the face while recruiting on the UC Berkeley campus for the conservative youth group Turning Point USA,” onstage with him at his appearance at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) earlier this month.

In addition, Kristan Hawkins, president of the nonprofit pro-life organization Students For Life of America, said “her group has met twice with Vice President Mike Pence to tell him about the times their

activists have been shut down on college campuses.”

Given the very diverse community at Mason, an executive order such as this serves “no need,” according to Vice President of George Mason Democrats and Student Government President Elect Camden Layton.

“Why I really like Mason is we have an environment where you can express your views no matter what,” Layton stated. He continued, “We used to have a bunch of people out in Wilkins Plaza from anti-abortion groups, pro-choice groups … Personally, I feel we have a very good environment where you can speak your mind.”

Layton added, “From what I’ve seen here, there really is no need to threaten taking away federal research funds from colleges who do apparently censor people’s freedom of speech. … I feel like it’s more of a PR stunt, because it was [presented] at CPAC, where it was targeted at conservative youth who might feel [they are censored], but I don’t think it was necessary, because I’ve never seen that happen.”

This executive order appears to focus

on student conservatives who feel their views have been censored. However, Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos has shared that she feels “government muscle” would not solve the problem of free speech on campuses, stating that “a solution won’t come from defunding an institution of learning.”

Republican student David O’Connell stated that he had not felt his beliefs had been censored on campus.

the general state of conservatism on campus … but I struggle when we jump to federal legislation to address any issue [of this kind] right off the bat. I don’t think that’s a conservative solution at all.”

“There are some colleges that do censor conservative thoughts more than Mason, but it’s not the president’s job to step in and handle that.

It’s [each] college’s job.” O’Connell added, “It didn’t surprise me at all, because Trump feeds off of the culture war, and this is a very good example of [the] culture war on college campuses.”

Furthermore, Senate Committee on Health, Education, Labor, and Pensions Chairman Lamar Alexander stated, “I do not want to see Congress or the president or the department of anything defining what a speech code should be or should not be, what you can say, or what you shouldn’t.”

On Mason’s political environment, student and College Republicans (CRs) member Ian Waite stated, “I think this university, though I would say the student body [leans more to the left], is very good at accommodating multiple viewpoints. … There are certainly colleges out there that have a problem, I think, with either censorship or just

The American Association of University Professors said it is “troubling that in his remarks the president sought to drive a wedge between students and faculty, casting his executive order as a ‘clear message to the professors’ that their funding was now at risk while also raising the specters of ‘political indoctrination’ and ‘coercion.’”

PHOTO COURTESY OF JIM YOUNG/THE ATLANTIC

COLLIN COPE STAFF WRITER

Students on campus may wonder what will come of this executive order in relation to Mason as well as campuses nationwide.

According to Layton, “I think nothing will happen, because our campus is such a diverse community [of] thought. We do have people from all over the spectrum, both extremes, who are able to share their voice and do so peacefully, so I don’t think it will really affect Mason at all.”

Waite later added, “this is just a show that Trump is putting on. I don’t necessarily think this is something we’re going to see enforced at any scale. This is just something to appeal to his base overall.”

LAYTON/MCLAUGHLIN TICKET SECURES VICTORY Progress with purpose proceeds to prosperity

ABIGAIL ADCOX ASSISTANT NEWS EDITOR

“Adia and I are extremely grateful and humbled to be elected as your next Student Body President and Vice President!” said Layton via text. “This campaign has been about promoting progress with purpose and we are excited to work towards a better Mason.”

For the past year, Layton has been serving as the executive undersecretary for civic engagement. McLaughlin has also been serving on the executive cabinet as the executive secretary for diversity and multicultural affairs.

Layton went on to talk about his plans for the upcoming year as student body president.

“Starting off the bat, we have plans on taking the connections we have made this year and starting moving towards tangible results, especially with Title

IX and acting Res. 49 (A Resolution to Support a Better, Safer Mason) with the demands listed in there and from the concerns that the student body has expressed.”

PHOTO COURTESY OF CAMDEN LAYTON

Camden Layton and Adia McLaughlin are to be Mason’s student body president and vice president for the 2019-2020 academic year.

He added, “As always, we will promote transparency and if there are ever any questions or concerns about Mason or Student Government, don’t hesitate to reach out to Adia or I. (sic)” Layton and McLaughlin ran on a platform that included requiring weekly office hours for university departments, including the Housing office, parking and transportation, as well as improving the response rate of the Title IX office and instituting a Title IX undersecretary position in their cabinet.

Though Layton and McLaughlin ran unopposed, a campaign titled “Vote For Nobody” encouraged students to select “Abstain from Voting” on the ballot versus the Layton/McLaughlin ticket. Organizers behind this campaign referred to it as a “referendum on Student Government.”

When asked if they plan to work with the “Vote for Nobody” campaign in the future, Layton said, “Going forward in SG [Student Government], I will definitely let those who supported the abstain campaign have a seat at our table and work with us to overcome the lack of activity they believe SG has had in the past.”

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NEWS

04.01.2019

GMUFOURTHESTATE.COM @IVESTATE

STUDENTS RESPOND TO KAVANAUGH’S HIRE AT ANTONIN SCALIA LAW SCHOOL

Mason receives backlash from students after hiring Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh LAURA SCUDDER SOCIAL MEDIA EDITOR

Mason received backlash after Fourth Estate published a report that Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh was hired as a visiting professor at Antonin Scalia Law School.

Though some defended the decision to hire Kavanaugh, many students felt as if the choice, which comes in the midst of Title IX complaints on campus, was inappropriate. Students took to Facebook and Twitter to express their anger and disappointment with Kavanaugh’s hire.

Students around Mason gathered on Saturday, March 23, to offer support to survivors of sexual assault. The gathering led to the creation of Mason for Survivors.

In a tweet, Mason for Survivors (@ Mason4Survivors) explained its purpose, saying, “Mason For Survivors is a student advocacy organization dedicated to cultivating a safe space for survivors of sexual violence through the reform of Title IX, dialogue on the systemic corporate influence in higher education, and the disaffiliation

of Mason from Brett Kavanaugh.”

The group hosted a teach-in Thursday, March 28, where students addressed concerns over Kavanaugh’s hire and Title IX resources, and trained for a direct-action response.

Students from different programs and majors came out to the teach-in, expressing their concerns with Mason’s decision to hire Kavanaugh and their own decision to join Mason for Survivors.

One Mason student, Michaela Pereira, described her reason for joining. “I’m here because I feel really strongly about this … [sexual assault] often feels inescapable, and it shouldn’t be.”

During the meeting, the organization emphasized how important it is to lift up survivors in all the work they plan to do in the future. “No one else should be the lead voice on sexual assault or harassment other than survivors,” said Gabriella Hutchinson, Mason for Survivors’ direct-action co-lead.

Members of Mason for Survivors

discussed their petition which issued a list of demands toward Mason President Ángel Cabrera at the teach-in. Demands include that Kavanaugh be fired, a better amount of resources on campus for survivors, free access to rape kits and the option for a student to relocate if they report an incident of sexual misconduct in their residence hall. The petition has over 1,500 signatures.

On-campus resources that the group calls for include additions to the staff in Mason’s Title IX office and changes to the police department, such as a 24/7 Mason PD sexual-assault response coordinator and trauma-informed training for the department. “‘Trauma-informed’ is basically exactly what it sounds like,” student leader Sara Deriso explained.

“So when police are working with survivors, they know how to talk to them and interact with them without re-traumatizing them. That is imperative to the rightful pursuit of justice to these survivors and their cases.”

The student senate passed a resolution Thursday to “Support a Better, Safer Mason” as Mason for Survivors filled the student senate meeting. The resolution aligned with the mandates of Mason for Survivors, which made it known that the teach-in would not be the only event to take place in the wake of Kavanaugh’s hire. The group plans to speak at the upcoming faculty senate meeting set for Wednesday, April 3.

“We want to show Cabrera, we want to show the faculty senate, that we really care about this issue, that this affects our university, this affects our livelihood,” student leader Janine Gaspari said.

Gaspari continued, “It’s really damning that this happened … and that it was broken by a student paper and not announced to us.”

Other student groups on campus, such as Transparent GMU and the George Mason Democrats, also denounced Kavanaugh’s hiring.

The Antonin Scalia Law School

Now accepting 2019 – 2020 student member applications!

Discuss current issues and actions relating to the student experience at George Mason University with President Cabrera, Vice President for University Life Rose Pascarell, and fellow student members. This group will meet for two hours, over lunch, twice a semester. Attendance is required.

TO APPLY, complete and submit an online application by April 14, 2019

getconnected.gmu.edu/submitter/form/start/255369

released a statement defending its decision to hire Justice Kavanaugh as a visiting professor: “It is a rare opportunity for students to learn from a U.S. Supreme Court Justice and we believe that contributes to making our law program uniquely valuable for our students.” Senior Associate Dean Allison Price said in an email that the statement reflects the views of herself and of Dean Henry N. Butler.

Cabrera reiterated the decision of the law school in his own statement, explaining that Kavanaugh’s hire does not dilute the university’s commitment to removing sexual assault from Mason’s campus.

“This decision, controversial as it may be, in no way affects the university’s ongoing efforts to eradicate sexual violence from our campuses,” Cabrera said. “We remain firmly committed to this goal, and I want to encourage students who feel strongly about sexual assault prevention at Mason to continue to raise their voices and help us move forward.”

OPINIONS

GMUFOURTHESTATE.COM @IVESTATE

04.01.2019

Opinions do not reflect the views of Fourth Estate. Submit opinions to ckernans@gmu.edu

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WHAT IZZ ACTIVISM

When people learn my name, they always have to repeat it. “Izz?” they ask with a hint of confusion. My favorite way to react, if I am not tired and can think straight, is to ask, “Is what?” as it IZZ nothing but my name.

Izz is not my biological name, but it is my name, just as my biological gender is not the gender I identify with and my pronouns are not the pronouns that immediately come to mind when you look at me. I am non-binary, agender, someone who does not identify as either a man or a woman. To me, gender is the most pointless societal invention in the entire universe, just like capitalism, fat-shaming and not picking up every cat and kissing them on the forehead the second that you see them.

Sometimes I feel like I am a terrible member of my community. I identify as non-binary so strongly, but never talk about it at length. You are not going to find me on Twitter with fabulous tweets about the subtext of gender or incredible threads about being non-binary. At times when people use my wrong pronouns, I do not immediately correct them, even though it makes me want to punch them in the throat when it happens. I have not come out to all of the people I know and care about, even though I feel strongly that I should.

It is the same with all of my other identities, asexual and biromantic. It feels as if it is less prevalent than when I was in high school, or maybe it is just because I spend way less time on Tumblr now, but there are still many harmful ideas about people who do not feel sexual attraction. Having identified on the asexual spectrum since high school, I can tell you right now that I am not sick, do not need to be cured and do not have a disorder. Even with all of the disgusting discourse around it, I normally do not start any conversations about what being asexual truly is, or how wrong people who say cruel things like these are.

Identifying as bi comes with its own issues. No, I am not going to cheat on anyone I date just because I am attracted to men, women and everyone else human out there. Yes, I will fight you if you come at me with such accusations. However, as it is with my other identities, I often do not discuss it, and just retweet about it or mention it in common conversation.

The truth is that personally, I am terrified to come out, scared of an unwanted reaction from someone I love about something that I cannot change. It has happened rarely, but it has happened where, I have been invalidated immediately by someone I love a lot. I know I should not care, that I should immediately cut them out

PHOTO COURTESY OF CCO PUBLIC DOMAIN

IZZ LAMAGDELEINE COPY CHEIF

of my life and move on, but in some cases, I cannot, unless I wish to be kicked out of my home. That is a kind of bravery I do not possess.

You could easily call me a coward or something worse, especially because of the passionate way that I feel about these issues yet the very disconnected way I often behave about it in public.

When the Trump administration is trying to take away my identity one legal right at a time and the non-binary suicide rate is much, much, much too high for me to be OK, this is the last time to shy away from the activism that is desperately needed.

On a more personal level, it becomes even worse. When someone uses she/ her pronouns referring to me in class,

or assumes I am straight when they have no way of knowing how much my identity is rooted in my queerness, it makes me feel invalidated. Unseen.

What is the point of slowly coming out to everyone I know, stating again and again who I am and what pronouns I use, if no one is going to use them?

Why does it matter if I try my best to be heard if I am not loud and proud all of the time?

Because even though my activism is not loud, it is proud. Even with me being scared, I am out in almost every space that I wish to be. I have slowly but surely started to come out to my professors, when I never would have even considered doing so last semester.

I may be the first openly non-binary member in my chapter of Sigma Alpha Iota, a women’s music fraternity that I will always swear love and roses to, when a few months ago I was terrified to even hint about identifying as non-binary there. (Anxiety.)

FOURTH ESTATE ALLIE THOMPSON

The first place I ever came out was this newspaper, Fourth Estate, the place that I happily give my everything to, and I received more validation than I ever had gotten before in my life as a result. I feel more respected and heard, allowing me to be more happy than I have ever been. In this place of respect and privilege that I hold, I pave the way for those after me, those who just want to be respected for who they are, not what they are expected to be.

For me, activism is not just storming the Capitol for your basic right to be, or bringing a case all the way to the highest court in the land to ensure that you are respected wherever you go. (Although both are pretty bad---.)

For me, activism is in the quiet, when someone is telling me that I give them

the confidence to be out one day or to learn more about their sexuality.

Activism is a close friend telling me they appreciate a conversation about their gender, when I listen closely to her experience and make sure that she knows she can talk to me anytime.

Activism is finding the courage to correct someone who uses my wrong pronouns once, twice, three times, as I look forward to the time that I will never have to remind them again. For me, activism is the little moments, the ones that look small but are huge, that normalize my experience and help me spread my quiet pride to those who need it.

I find it is an honor to be non-binary, to be bi, to be on the asexual spectrum— because the world does not consider you at all when you belong to these communities, but they are the best things that have happened to me.

Whether or not you are gay, lesbian, bi, pan, trans, non-binary, gender fluid, in or out of the closet, afraid to tell your closest friends about your sexuality, in the process of coming out to your closed-minded cousins or all of the above, “a lil poly pansexual papa hello good morning,” as our savior Kehlani has said, in a now-deleted tweet. You are valid. You are good. You are still you, regardless of what someone is screaming at you over social media or quietly saying to your face, making you feel wrong and small, breaking your heart in the process. Whoever and whatever you are IZZ amazing and incredible and fabulous, regardless of whatever anyone else might say.

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04.01.2019

THE VOICE OF MASON KOREA

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Opinions do not reflect the views of Fourth Estate.

KOREAN AGE CALCULATION METHODS: HOW OLD ARE YOU?

DA HYUN KIM STAFF WRITER

On Jan. 1, 2019, a petition was posted on the Korea presidential office’s page demanding the revision of the “Law on Age Calculation and Marking.”

The description of the petition says, “the Korean age is not legally effective and there are many inconveniences in

Korean Age and International Age. Korean Age is also referred to as the “East Asian Age Reckoning.”

Koreans are considered one year old from the moment they are born and become older on each New Year’s Day. Conversely, the international age

19 years old by international standard.

This means that even if a person is 20 years old in Korean age, they may not be able to vote. However, under the Juvenile Protection Act which relieves youths from various harmful environments, alcohol and cigarettes can be

He said, “We need a unified way in all areas to prevent various inconveniences caused by this and minimize social costs and conflicts.”

posted in January and public opinion on changing the law to the international calculation system is still under discussion.

As of currently, there is no response from the Blue House on the petition

Your Age + 1 = Korean Age

“Your Age + 1 = Korean Age” system is referred to as “man-nai,”in which “man” means “actual”, and “nai” means “age.” In this way, a newborn turns one year old on their first birthday.

In Korea, there are three main ways to calculate people’s age: Korean Age, International Age, and Annual Age. Among them, the most well-used calculation methods in Korea are

Age regulations vary under the current law, so the different age counting methods may be a source of social discomfort. The civil law states that the legal age of adulthood begins from

purchased at the age of 20 in Korean age, regardless of whether someone is 19 by International age.

PHOTO COURTESY OF SOOYEON KIM

handling matters. We hope the government will actively encourage the use of the International age system.” Within three months, about 6,100 people agreed to the petition.

In addition to the petition posted on the presidential office’s page, Congressman Hwang Joo-hong proposed a legislation at the National Assembly regarding age calculation. He recommended implementing the International age in both official documents and daily life.

ASIAN BOSS LAUNCHES STUDENT SOCIETY PIONEER PROJECT AT GEORGE MASON UNIVERSITY KOREA SUKIN CLAIRE JUNG STAFF WRITER

PHOTO COURTESY OF SUKIN CLAIRE JUNG

Jungho Lee, the Asian Boss NEXT Advisor, started off by mentioning “NEWS”—the acronym for North, East, West and South. Would it not

be a dream if news could represent and give voices to all groups in this globalized world? Haseung Joung, the President of Asian Boss NEXT, questioned the group of interested students if the everyday news is indeed authentic representations of the current experiences and perspectives, especially in the vast region of Asia.

Based on their experiences as interns at the media company, Asian Boss, is an opportunity to contribute interviewing “real people on real issues” and produce “real news”, right here at George Mason Korea and how the students could contribute by interviewing “Real People On Real Issues” and produce “Real News”.

Asian Boss is a media startup with more than 1.2 million

subscribers, and strives “to bring the most authentic voices and perspectives on the latest news and cultural trends from Asia,” according to the channel description on their YouTube account.

Their aim is “to decentralize the existing mainstream media and prove that anyone can become a reporter to deliver news and commentary by challenging the global youth to think critically and to challenge various cultural and social issues.” The CEO of Asian Boss, Stephen Park, has a vision of reflecting this global movement among the youth, which happens specifically at George Mason University Korea for the very first project with the young visionaries.

Members of this association can expect to be pushed to the limit to think outside the box and share news derived from the most direct sources and opinions. Students will be running it entirely by themselves with the support of the campus’ Career Development Center and Asian Boss.

Besides the learning experience, there is exposure of self-created content

and videos on a widely viewed and somewhat vulnerable platform, namely YouTube. This way, there is bound to be global networking and be an outlet to receive constructive feedback. The student’s participation is recognized with a certificate at the recognition ceremony. It is an exciting society to join, with interest in planting seeds of diversely represented discussions to

arouse positive change.

Even though everything is fresh and new, Haseung Joung said, “I think that’s the beauty of it. All we’re sure of is that we want to encourage students to talk about issues within our society that aren’t talked about and show them the power of spreading stories that need to be heard.”

PHOTO COURTESY OF SUKIN CLAIRE JUNG

“Asian Boss NEXT” pioneers-to-be gathered at George Mason University Korea’s information session on March 4, 2019 with a global-oriented vision starting from South Korea.

GMUFOURTHESTATE.COM @IVESTATE

THE VOICE OF MASON KOREA

04.01.2019

Opinions do not reflect the views of Fourth Estate.

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MASON KOREA WELCOMES DR. ROBERT MATZ AS NEW CAMPUS DEAN

HYUNSEON KIM STAFF WRITER

George Mason University Korea named Roberts Matz as its very first campus dean. During the campus dean candidate interviews, which took place in December 2018, students and faculty were able to engage in the selection processes by leaving anonymous feedback or questioning directly to the candidates. Chief Business Officer Gbemi Disu made the official announcement via email on Janurary 10, 2019 that Dr. Matz would be assuming the deanship from February 2019. As a relay from the email, she explained that “Dr. Matz will be responsible for leading and managing all aspects of campus programs and operations.” According to his resume for the candidate interview, Dr. Matz has over 10 years of experience in administration for strategic planning, program development and the management of large staff. He served as the chair of the English department of the Fairfax campus from 2008 to 2013 and serving as senior associate dean of its College of Humanities and Social

Sciences (CHSS).

Can you tell us a little bit about your life before coming to work with George Mason University?

I grew up in Chicago, Illinois, and major[ed] in English in college, which I also studied in graduate school. In particular, the Renaissance literature was really interesting, and I hope to teach some of the classes later in the future. For recreation, I like to do bike touring and [am] hoping to ski in Korea or Japan. I also like Scrabble or watching Netflix.

What are the visions that you had when applying for the position of campus dean?

I’ve been working at George Mason University Fairfax for 25 years. I really love its culture and the people there. I hope to bring the two campuses closer together and promote the international quality and diversity. Not only to bring that mission to this campus, but also from my personal level, being in the same place for 25 years and then

coming to Songdo feels like the best of both worlds for me; doing something new, but also stay at an institution that I’ve always admired.

Based on your background from CHSS (College of Humanities and Social Science), how do you plan to use your experience to engage with students?

One of the nice things about CHSS was that the dean would have regular lunches with students. And we’re also starting this here, starting from Thursdays of the month hoping that we will be able to sit down together and ask students about how things are going, their interests and concerns.

Also, we encourage Mason Korea students to follow us on social media to get updates and informed about student activities.

Can you briefly introduce to us about the “Student Success Collaborative Platform” mentioned in your resume, and from that experience, how

would you like to work with our students in Mason Korea?

The “Student Success Collaborative Platform” is a software that helps us with advising and supporting students.

First, it allows advisors to keep a record of conversations with students and make notes from previous sessions, creating an information-based system.

It also enables to detect the students’ difficulties. The faculty can reach out and suggest any help. One of the good things about Mason is the student support culture. Students have to work, but we’re also there to help them succeed.

What do you think is the most important thing for our students to have a well-balanced college experience?

A couple of things: one is planning, looking over syllabi at the beginning of the semester and mapping out and project management. Also, getting involved in extracurricular activities and student organizations

is important because you can use different parts of the brain, and to also help one another. I highly suggest students to be involved in at least one student activity.

Last but not least, do you have some visions for our Mason Korea community?

One of the advantages that Mason Korea has over the Fairfax campus is that we’re relatively small, and I believe that we can individualize connections—a community where we know each other, as a particular individual and create good connections among students, faculty and staff. I also want some great interchange between the two campuses; bringing more Mason Korea students and faculty to Fairfax, and vice versa. I think the small classroom is a unique experience while you’re on this campus. That kind of engagement, listening well, thinking and answering to problems will make you grow. Learning from others and to view things from different perspective.

SHOULD SOUTH KOREA BE RESPONSIBLE FOR REFUGEE PROTECTION? SOOYEON KIM STAFF WRITER

On Feb. 28, the ‘Refugees Around Us’ forum was held at the national assembly library with three guests including Woosung Jung, a UNHCR National Goodwill A m b a s s a d o r.

During the forum, one of the audience members asked a question about why South Korea has to be open-minded in safeguarding asylum-seekers or refugees. Some people argue that the contributors for the emergence of refugees are mostly located in Europe, so they believe that Korea has no reason to help them.

The answer to this,

however, lies on the United Nations 1951 Refugee Convention, which is the foundation of international refugee law and its 1967 Protocol Relating to the Status of Refugees. These treaties are based on the principle of non-refoulment, meaning that the host countries have no authority to expel refugees to the territory where their freedoms are endangered. In addition, since they are customary international laws, the rules are also applied to nations that haven’t acceded the 1951 Convention.

Therefore, they have no right to compel the asylum-seeker to go back to their own country. The total number of States that ratified the documents is 145 (The 1951 Convention) and 146 (1967 Protocol) nations, including the Republic of Korea which consented on Dec. 3, 1992.

Even though the 1951 Convention and its 1967 Protocol has been approved from South Korea for a long time, Korean society seems to overlook those facts and protest to ban the influx of refugees into Korea. Many analysts have believed that these kinds of issues were motivated from the media that

informed the public about numerous terror acts carried out by refugees. This leads Korean citizens to have a solid stereotype about refugees in a negative way. Islamophobia and misconceptions of refugees as migrants who come to seek economic privileges are some of the negative beliefs. In order to eliminate this prejudice against refugees, “Refugee Around Us” forum guest speaker Eil Lee mentioned the efforts of governments or parliamentarians are first and foremost required to alter civic consciousness of refugees.

There are still refugees suffering from war and seeking protection to escape from different types of persecutions. According to UNHCR, South Korea only take the responsibility of accepting refugees 3.5 percent, which is a number that is below the international standard, 24.8 percent.

Korea has a legal obligation as a member of the 1951 Convention and its 1967 Protocol, it is significant to put more effort on supporting refugees like refugee resettlement which is a program that UNHCR’s suggested refugee resettlement solution.

FACES OF MASON delves into the lives of Mason students, faculty or alumni, and organizations every week. This week we take a close look at student Taylor Williams, alumnus John Daniels, and faculty Richard Todd Staffford and Suzanne Smith.

INTERVIEWS BY IMANI HOLLOM

S T U D E N T, TAY L O R W I L L I A M S What do you enjoy the most about being an athlete?

Who would you consider to be your biggest supporters?

I think traveling to different states with my teammates is my favorite experience. I think that without track, I probably wouldn’t have traveled to as many states as I have, if I was just a student. It also gives me the opportunity to get closer with my teammates, because when we aren’t competing, we are spending quality time together.

I would say my biggest supporter is my mother. I think when people think of a supporter, they think of someone who agrees with their decisions or choices and just go along with it. To me … a strong supporter is someone who helps add to your goals to help enhance your potential. They don’t allow you to settle. They push you; and they have your back through a win or a loss. … That’s [who] my mother is for me.

PHOTO COURTESY OF TAYLOR WILLIAMS

What was it like winning Miss Maryland at the USA National Competition?

Winning the title USA National Miss Maryland 2018 was truly a dream come true! I hadn’t competed in a pageant in four years. Last year, I had to revisit why I started competing in pageantry in the first place, which was to make a positive impact on other young women and to raise awareness of my platform, ‘Living a Healthy and Active Lifestyle,’ to help lower the childhood-obesity rate.

Winning this title proved to me that I was enough! Beautiful enough, confident enough, strong enough, capable enough and supported enough to get as far as I did. As I competed at nationals, I had the same mindset, and I was grateful to have walked away as a Top 6 National Finalist out of 45 women in the Miss division ... I believe that I was blessed to bless others, so my goal when I do speaking engagements or work with other organizations is to share my story in hopes to inspire them.

You graduate in May. Are you excited?

College has been a long journey for me. When I got to college, I developed an autoimmune [condition] called hyperthyroidism. It affected the functioning of everything in my body, inside and out. It also affected my heart which, as a result, didn’t allow me to compete my freshman year.

I lost a lot of confidence due to all the changes that I was going through due to this condition, so it took some time to realize that the condition did not define me. … I think that, since I’m critical of myself, I don’t always realize how much I do, so I overlook the fact that I’m doing a lot and manage to do them well. I’m really proud of what I’ve accomplished over these past four years, and I appreciate all I’ve learned and gained from this experience. I hope to carry those strengths to the next chapter in my life. I’m ready for what else life has to offer for me after graduation!

ALUMNUS, JOHN DANIELS You may get this a lot, but seriously, what is it like to be a triplet?

Alliance, Mason Ambassadors and the Mu Mu Chapter of Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity, Incorporated.

Being a triplet for me is pretty special. I was born essentially with two best friends. We can’t read each other’s minds or anything, as many people seem to ask, but we’ve always been close. Yet [we are] three completely different individuals. We were born at 28 weeks due to my mother developing a rare disease during her pregnancy that called for us to be premature. I was born at 2 pounds, my brother Joshua [was born at] 3 pounds, and my sister Hannah [was born] at 1 pound. We’ve always been a close family due to the nature of our birth. I’m blessed to be a triplet.

What do you do with your life now?

When did you start playing the piano?

PHOTO COURTESY OF JOHN DANIELS

I started playing the piano at 5 years old. My aunt, who played at a local church, gave me lessons every Thursday after school, and I’ve been playing ever since.

What organizations were you involved in as an undergraduate?

In college, I was a part of a lot of organizations. I was in Student Government for three years, where I served as speaker of the student senate, chair of the Diversity [and Multicultural Affairs] Committee and vice chair of [that] committee as well. I was in Anointed Vessels of Unity (AVU), the gospel choir on campus, where I played the piano. I was [also] in Freedom Connection, Black Student

Besides being a full-time graduate student, I also work full-time as a congressional staffer for Congressman Beyer in his district office in Rosslyn. Congressman Beyer represents the 8th District of Virginia, which includes Alexandria, Fairfax, Falls Church and Arlington. For my job, I do African-American outreach as well as outreach to various organizations, nonprofits, businesses and elected officials in Falls Church and in the district overall. I also plan events for Congressman Beyer, which can include roundtables as well as town halls. I also handle all of the immigration casework in the office, where I correspond with federal agencies to help constituents apply for their visas.

Which politician has influenced your interest in politics?

President Obama obviously had a big impact for me and my love of politics for being an inspiration to achieve and be the best I can be, as a Black man in politics. Obama isn’t the only inspiration, as there have been many AfricanAmerican trailblazers, including Congressman Bobby Scott, Congressman Donald McEachin, and former Virginia Governor Douglas Wilder, [whom] I look up to.

FA C U LT Y, R I C H A R D T O D D S TA F F O R D Do you have your own podcast? And if so, what’s it about?

Yeah, so I am the main organizer [and] producer for a podcast that is sponsored by the Cultural Studies department at George Mason University. The podcast’s theme is capitalism, climate change and culture. We have brought, so far, eight guests to campus who are already going to be giving a talk on campus, and then [conducted] … 30-minute to one-hour interviews with these individuals about their sort of way of investigating the relationships between capitalism, climate change and culture.

PHOTO COURTESY OF WWW2.GMU.EDU

What is a hobby of yours?

Oh, I have a lot of hobbies. I’m really into bicycling. I mainly bicycle around the neighborhood. I’m not like a tight-pants bicyclist, but man, I love biking around the neighborhood. I really like gardening. I’m learning to do archery. I spend a lot of time just pleasure reading; pleasure reading is one of my huge hobbies. And, of late, my main hobby has actually been that podcast, because it takes up so much time outside of my workday. And I play guitar, too.

What is your research dissertation about?

So [in] my dissertation, the question that I want to answer in the biggest sense is, ‘How did it come to be that when people say the words “clean coal,” the thing that they are describing

seems to be so far away from the actual technological developments of coal pollution [and] mitigation technologies?’

So it’s a question about how ... we [got] this ideology about clean coal and how ... it [became] disarticulated from the material of reality that it purports to represent. That’s the big picture.

What’s your favorite kind of ice cream?

In Front Royal, Virginia, at C&C Ice Cream, which is a sort of weird, kind of old-fashioned ice cream parlor, they have two flavors that are very unusual that I am in love with. This is something where I might give a different answer a week from now, but they have a wasabi-flavored ice cream that I love, and they have a kale-flavored ice cream that I love. And so, if I have to give a single answer, can I give a two-scoop cone that has wasabi on bottom and kale on top?

What would you want to say to the students at Mason, if you could?

I would encourage students at Mason to take very seriously the opportunities that they’ve been given, to ask really hard questions and engage with people that have really different perspectives from them. And understand that, in some respects, the ability to do that is a luxury that comes with a certain amount of duty for them to do that outside of the university context, whether that be in their professional or their civic or their private lives.

FA C U LT Y, S U Z A N N E S M I T H What is your research about?

PHOTO COURTESY OF BROADSIDE

Well, I teach African-American history, and my research has been basically studying the relationship between AfricanAmerican culture and African-American entrepreneurship, trying to understand how African-Americans were able to turn ... their cultural products into a product sometimes.

And my first book was on Motown music. … So, I was trying to understand what Motown and its place as a successful Black business meant to the Black community and Detroit.

So, that was my first piece of research.

And then my second book was on the history of AfricanAmerican funeral directing. So, I was really interested in the role of African-American funeral directors to their communities. And not just how they buried the dead, but how they might have helped with the civil rights movement or supported people in their community in different ways, whether it was giving scholarships to kids to go to school. But this idea that, in the African-American communities, funeral directors were not just people who buried your loved one, but they were people you could turn to in a crisis [and would] help you. … I’m interested both in how African-American culture helps us understand resilience in African-American society, against racial oppression, but also how certain people in these communities are able to create businesses around this and then support their communities.

Is that what you’re looking at now?

Yeah, my current project, I’m actually looking at a very famous African-American radio evangelist. And his name is Elder Lightfoot Solomon Michaux ... and he was the most famous radio evangelist of the 1930s. And he first was down in Newport News, but then he moved to Washington, D.C.

And he also became known as a very successful businessman.

He was very successful on the radio and as a religious leader.

But he also had kind of a business of investing in real estate and helping the Black community in Washington, D.C., by building homes for the homeless and things like that.

So, again, I’m trying to look now at religion and AfricanAmerican religion in the 20th century, and how AfricanAmerican religious leaders kind of sometimes went into business to help their communities survive against racism.

And then you teach an honors class, and it’s about music?

Yeah, I teach honors classes as well as history classes on the history of American popular music, and it’s usually a two-part class. The first part is on roots music, which is … the history of blues, gospel, country music and ethnic [and] immigrant music, and how those different genres, including jazz, actually, form the foundation of what we consider post-war popular music.

So, part of the research I do is on that, those originating genres of rock-and-roll, and right now I’m actually teaching the class on the history of popular music in the 20th century and rock-and-roll.

So like Sam Cooke?

Yeah, and Motown music. So I teach all my research around Motown music in this class, to try to understand how music kind of shapes not only our understanding of 20th century politics, but also how marginalized people often found their voice through music and were able to challenge the dominant culture through music.

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A CLOSET FOR EVERYONE

The ODIME + LGBTQ Resources Office opens a transgender closet NAYOMI SANTOS STAFF WRITER

“There [are] some barriers that trans people experience,” Kinchen said.

One of them is the experience of shopping for clothes. “What are the two categories of clothing sections?” he asked. “It’s very gendered.”

He continued, “For folks who either identify as [a] man or [a] woman, regardless of the gender expected at birth, [they] may not feel comfortable, because of how folks may perceive them.”

Kinchen said, “Also, there are a lot of folks who identify in a number of different ways, so they may want to access clothing from a number of sections around the store.” Too often, their safety and comfort are threatened.

“The other side of it is trans people face a disproportionate amount of employment discrimination,” Kinchen said. This financial aspect of the problem is even more important when faced with the statistic that 83 percent of LGBTQ+ students in America must pay for their education on their own, compared to 53 percent of those who do not identify as LGBTQ+, according to NBC. This problem prompted many schools across America to open closets in which transgender and non-binary students and faculty can expand their wardrobe without feeling uncomfortable or unsafe. The opening of a gender-neutral closet at Mason was

The office opened the closet Friday, March 22. “We had our grand opening, and about 15 students came.

The joy in the space was just palpable,” Kinchen said.

The closet has a mirror and enough space inside for students to try on clothing. There is also a tracking system in place that allows students to let the office know how many items were claimed. The clothing inside is not separated by presumed gender, only by size.

A couple of years ago, ODIME combined with LGBTQ Resources to form one office. “That partnership was very intentional,” Kinchen said.

Though they are now one office, each has a suite in SUB I. As a result of the combination, all the items that were in a storage closet in the LGBTQ+ suite were moved to a larger closet in the ODIME suite. That empty closet “opened up the possibility for creating the [trans closet],” Kinchen said.

So far, the closet has received 300 to 500 donations since the announcement of its opening.

“We are going to have overflow at some point, so it will probably extend into our common space a little bit,” Kinchen said.

The next step is a partnership with Casa Ruby, a nonprofit bilingual organization that provides housing and social services to the LGBTQ+ youth and immigrant population of the Washington, D.C., area.

Every new batch is labeled so that, by the end of the year, the office can audit the clothing and assess which items have been there for a while. “Maybe our demographics aren’t excited about that particular item,” Kinchen said.

Those items will be donated to Casa Ruby at least once a year.

“We really see this as a community initiative,” he said.

The office is seeking partnerships with various organizations on campus,

including Patriot Pantry, which provides access to non-perishable food, toiletries and school supplies for Mason students who can’t afford them.

Donations will be taken all year round, and there are hampers in the LGBTQ Resources office suite, 2200, and the ODIME suite, 2400, in SUB I. The items should be freshly laundered, stain-free and free of unintentional holes. “We are taking all items, so shoes, boots, accessories, scarves, kilts,” Kinchen said.

For students who want to browse the closet, the doors are always open. “It’s an open space. They can just go in there and claim whatever they like,” he said. “We don’t use the word ‘take,’ because it’s theirs.”

There is also a form on the door for people to list the number of items they claimed “for assessment purposes,” as well as to give feedback on the closet and items.

“We made the intentional decision to call it the trans closet because we’re centering transgender, non-binary, gender-nonconforming people,” Kinchen said, “but we are not going to be checking IDs.” The closet, as well as the office, is open to anyone.

FOURTH ESTATE ALLIE THOMPSON

The associate director of the LGBTQ office, Josh Kinchen, and the assistant director, Lulu Géza Keleman, who goes by the pronouns they/them/ theirs, have worked with members of the LGBTQ+ community to open Mason’s trans closet.

a priority for ODIME + LGBTQ resources.

“We will never turn anybody away,” he said.

The reception has been really positive.

“We’ve heard from lots of students that they’re excited about the resources here,” Kinchen said.

Kinchen and Keleman are exploring future collaborations with bartenders and hairdressers who could provide other services, either free or discounted, to the trans and non-binary community. Kinchen explained, “It’s all about access for folks who may not otherwise have either financial access or safety access.”

Over time, Kinchen hopes to cater the closet to the needs of the community.

He said, “We want to keep the same spirit of safe and inclusive access.”

FOURTH ESTATE ALLIE THOMPSON

The importance of inclusivity in every space and aspect of life is often overlooked or taken for granted. The Office of Diversity, Inclusion and Multicultural Education (ODIME) + LGBTQ Resources recognized the lack of inclusivity in many spaces, specifically for people within the transgender and non-binary community, and decided to do something about it.

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FALSE EYELASHES, REAL PEOPLE Annual Drag Show is a smash hit LEIGH NORMAN STAFF WRITER

The room was alive with rainbow flags and dollar bills.

“How many of you have heard of RuPaul’s Drag Race?” host Shi-Queeta Lee shouted.

The audience hollered. Lee smirked and said, “We’re better.”

FOURTH ESTATE LEIGH NORMAN

Lee was the host for the Pride Week Annual Drag Show, held Friday, March 29, in the Johnson Center Atrium. The drag show featured performers from both Mason and Shi-Queeta’s Palace, Lee’s venue in D.C. Rustling by in an orange gown, Lee brought the house down with her jokes and quips.

every performer received applause.

Performances ranged from lip synching to table-dancing and throwing heels.

Audience members raced to throw cash on the stage.

Next, it was time for some real tips.

During the intermission, several Mason LGBTQ student organizations spoke.

A Women and Gender Studies representative recommended the department’s LGBTQ minor. The GMU Pride Alliance announced their 30th Anniversary. Students were reminded that the Alliance “can help you when you can’t help yourself.”

The night formally began with a Mason drag queen, Venus Envy. The music swelled as the performer sparkled in rainbow sequins from the second-floor balcony. As they descended from the stairs, students cheered.

Afterwards, a member of Queer and Trans People of Color (QTPOC) spoke. The club understands “what it’s like to be queer in a non white-dominated way.” The audience was just as exuberant as they were before. Then, the dances continued.

The performers were in various outfits, from Missy Elliot in an inflatable suit to a Beyoncé impersonator in a red drumline ensemble. Several queens were in casual clothes. One wore a hoodie with a fanny pack while another sported flannel. No matter the costume,

Assistant Director of LGBTQ Resources Lulu Géza Kelemen, who uses they/them/theirs pronouns, praised the performances. “A lot of people…celebrate,” they said.

“Sometimes that’s what a community needs.” A plethora of students of every

color and sexuality clapped along with the shaking pop beat.

However, Kelemen noted, “[The drag show] is not all we do.” As Kelemen suggested, there is more to Pride Week than the drag show. Each queen was a regular person. However, the show is fitting as one of the final events. It showcases the true meaning of Pride— to find, cultivate and love your true self.

The range of performers highlights this meaning. Whether you are a thigh-bearing Cardi B or a flannel punk-lover, it does not matter. What matters is confidence. Every queen embraced themselves.

Finding a supportive community is also important, a place to be that true self.

The spectators applauded all night, no matter the act or outfit. Several times, an audience member could be heard happily crying or applauding for their friend onstage. The crowd cheered not only for the performers’ costumes and dances, but for the display of overflowing confidence and bravery.

The room was alive with Pride.

THE GOURMET: A SLICE OF OLD ÉIREANN

A review of the Auld Shebeen, an Irish restaurant in Fairfax ETHAN REYNOLDS STAFF WRITER

Within the illustrious city of Fairfax lies a slice of the magical land of Ireland. With authentic Irish music, great décor and hearty, carb-filled goodness, Auld Shebeen feels like a piece of home you never knew.

Decor- Filled to the brim with wooden furniture, Auld Shebeen feels like an old, lived in business, even though the restaurant was founded only 15 years ago. Paintings and posters with Gaelic inspiration written all over them cover the walls. There are televisions in the main dining room for all your newsand sports-watching pleasure as well.

While the televisions were nice, I was so concerned with the immense size of the bar that I couldn’t have cared less about the Duke vs. UCF game. Sorry, sports fans. The bar was rowed with delicious wines and brews. As a pub,

and an Irish pub at that, it fits the bill as a place to get an authentic Irish draft or wine. The traditional Irish music within the pub also was amazing, as I heard familiar Irish jigs and ballads as I observed my surroundings.

Service- Our waitress was very friendly and smiled brightly, even through the bustling business of dinnertime. She always asked if there was anything else she could get me, and the food was steaming hot when it was delivered.

Food- To start off, I ordered the Irish Croquettes as an appetizer, and they were good. The crispiness of the fry was just right, and the inside, which consisted of mashed potatoes, cabbage and corned beef, was tasty.

The mashed potatoes and corn beef meshed well, as did the cabbage, with its slight sourness that added to the heartiness of the other ingredients.

After that, I ate the shepherd’s pie,

which was about what I thought it would be: an oval bowl filled with beef, carrots, peas and onions with a thin, brown gravy between the other ingredients and the mashed potatoes layered on top. While I wish the gravy was a bit thicker, the dish was still very good.

To finish, I ate an Irish Stout cake, which was a layered chocolate cake with Baileys cream on top and a strawberry on the side. It was soft, rich in sweetness and creamy—all things a cake should be. I didn’t think the Baileys cream would be good, but I stood corrected. It was my favorite part of the course. Its taste was by far best out of the other entrees.

If you want great Irish food, good service and sweet, traditional Irish music blessing your ears as you eat, the Auld Shebeen is the place to be. I give it an especially simple and digestible rating of 4.2 pints of beer out of 5

PHOTO COURTESY OF TRE THOMAS

Restaurants are scored by three categories: decor, service and food.

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ON THE ABROAD AGENDA

Mason students become part of the global community through study abroad KIM BARTENFELDER STAFF WRITER

With each study abroad cycle, Mason students roll in with their applications, checklists and excitement. The chaos of having documentation in and on time, booking flights and attaining a VISA, among numerous other tasks, weighs heavy. However, the most pressing thought is leaving both the U.S. and Mason’s campus for something new, something unknown and something different.

Nerve-racking and thrilling at the same time, dozens of Mason students prepare to leave the U.S., usually only with a few bags of luggage and courage to last them through their travels.

As of 2019, Mason’s study abroad

program is especially alive and well. Not only are there a variety of countries available to students, but many students have expanded their comfort zones because of their decision to study abroad.

Claudia Conrad, a junior majoring in global affairs with a double minor in sustainability and Spanish, is studying in Madrid, Spain, for the Spring 2019 semester.

Like many other students, Conrad prepared for take off to Spain with her own version of a study abroad bucket list. She said, “[I wanted to do] everything that I possibly could.”

Adding to that, Conrad also advised students studying abroad to “pay for the things you want to do, because you can’t do it when you’re back home.”

The traveling, memories and cuisines, among numerous other things, are activities and experiences that disappear the moment you set foot back on American soil.

Conrad also emphasized that the most important thing she has learned about herself and the culture she’s been submerged into is that “I really enjoy having a diverse group of friends and actually becoming friends,” she said.

“We all speak different languages, [including] English and French, and then learning it together in Spanish.”

She highlighted how language barriers seem intense and intimidating up front, but then become easier and welcoming overtime. French, a language unfamiliar to Conrad, did noted not impede her from being friendly and trying to communicate.

Stepping into the Madrilenian culture, Conrad described how “there’s no trees in Madrid. It’s all concrete but there’s this park, Retiro Park, where it’s all nature. There’s also Tirso de Molina, where the flowers smell so good and they also have really good sangria close by.”

Another Mason student is Christopher Campos-Pérez, a senior majoring in communication with a political concentration, who studied abroad for two weeks in Paris, France before the start of the Spring 2019 semester.

When asked about advice for study abroad students or about Paris, Campos-Pérez created a list of criteria. He began with finances.

“Know what you want and what to expect,” Campos-Pérez said.

“People also need to know about scholarships because they’re helpful.

Also, learning how to ask for directions or having a general knowledge [of where you’re at].”

PHOTO COURTESY OF CLAUDIA CONRAD

PHOTO COURTESY OF WILLIAM PATYKEWICH

For many students, study abroad programs are seen as an opportunity.

With dozens of study abroad options that range from lasting a whole semester or summer, spring and winter breaks, internships, exchange and direct enrollment, Mason students are gifted with the chance to live and learn outside of the Fairfax campus.

Campos-Pérez further explained that mental health, especially in modern day, is an issue that often gets swept under the rug. Rather than ignore and dismiss mental health and, more broadly, communication about emotional health, it is necessary to have a support system.

For study abroad students this is sometimes hard to establish, and Campos-Pérez is very much grateful for the individuals who formed that community for him in Paris. “Being in a group, it’s easy to take care of ourselves with support,” he said.

Additionally, Campos-Pérez had high expectations for his two weeks abroad, stating that “I traveled to California and New York City by myself [previously] so I thought, ‘Where can I go after?,’” he said. “Seven to eight months in prep, it was France. Life is too short. My family and some people don’t get the opportunity to travel, and I needed something to shock me.”

A bigger shock to Campos-Pérez, however, was the realization of returning to the U.S. He said, “I kept making a joke the last day that I’d miss my flight,” he said. “I just wanted to stay and not say anything. [When I got to Paris], I went through culture shock and straight into the honeymoon phase.”

Sophomore William Patykewich is studying abroad in Florence, Italy, for the Spring 2019 semester, and exploring courses to declare a major.

Patykewich described his intriguing experiences abroad. “I wasn’t super shocked, but I didn’t think how I’d find out how weird Americans are,” he said.

With Florence being the city of the Renaissance, tourists flood the small cobblestone streets daily. Patykewich emphasized how Americans,

especially American students, can have an English-only mentality and assume that other people follow American habits that are not seen in people of other cultures.

Most importantly, Patykewich advises American students first to “go. Like for real. I wasn’t going to do study abroad and let it pass me by—just the idea. But when you’re here, don’t do nothing.”

Secondly, Patykewich suggested to “always make an effort and be a good ambassador for your country.”

Study abroad is not just for the experience of traveling. Students learn a lot about themselves and others, especially when they learn that the concept of “otherness” becomes irrelevant. There are situations where language and culture differences really stand out, but in a country not of your homeland, “otherness” can be pushed to the side when students dive into understanding and appreciation for things outside of what is familiar.

Students may not be granted citizenship in their host countries or become fluent in a few short months, but at least the effort was made to adapt and adopt while there.

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MASON’S NEWEST SUPPORT RESOURCE FOR FIRST-GENERATION STUDENTS A freshly tailored and expansive website looks to cater to first-generation students and their allies ANGELIQUE ARINTOK STAFF WRITER

Completely and uniquely tailored for the Mason community and prospective students, firstgen.gmu.edu has years of research to back it up and is a very informative resource for Mason Students.

“It was a long road to get to this very tangible [and] actionable support resource for students,” said Dr. Graziella McCarron, assistant professor in the School of Integrative Studies (SIS).

In an effort to bring a higher level of awareness to the term and definition of “first-generation,” McCarron was accompanied by a web-development sub-team within the SIS, working alongside Misty Krell, Sharrell Hassell-Goodman, Beth Dalbec and visiting intern Chris Garner.

The SIS team worked to include findings from a research study, which serve as the core for the newly formed

website. The research team, led by SIS’ Dr. Julie Owen, collected analytics and data as early as 2016. The team was comprised of faculty, graduate students and undergraduate students focused on first-generation well-being on campus.

They developed a website seeking to aid current students, prospective students, parents, families, faculty and staff.

“By creating a website, I think it’s allowed for an opportunity to help

giving first-generation students a better chance to see what options are available to them.

way of being helpful in real time with students who are living the experience [and] with faculty and staff who want to support them,” said McCarron.

With their ability to answer students’ questions, McCarron said that feedback from the first-generation

ODIME + LGBTQ Resources’ first-generation working group and correspondence with F1rst Gen Mason provided the SIS team with a better understanding of this project’s importance and potential impact.

Christian Suero, a doctoral student studying sociology at Mason and a first-generation student, was a part of the initial research team.

While the team collected research, Suero said it was important for them to also have something deliverable down the line, something that would consolidate the information and data. As time passed, the idea of creating a website came to mind.

McCarron shared that she did not think she would ever see this kind of resource for Mason’s first-generation community develop so quickly and so successfully. But the SIS team worked long and hard collaborating with the Office of Diversity, Inclusion and Multicultural Education (ODIME) + LGBTQ Resources and F1rst Gen Mason.

PHOTO COURTESY OF FIRSTGEN.GMU.EDU

A 2015 research study showed that 33 percent of Mason undergraduate students were first-generation, according to the homepage of firstgen. gmu.edu. The website, which launched in March, aims to help first-generation students and allies like parents, faculty and staff.

expand the opportunities for those who identify as first-generation [who] traditionally wouldn’t have these forms of capital,” said Suero.

Suero also noted that a website is able to “provide a visibility of resources,”

community allowed them to integrate tools like accessible website translations to more than 15 different languages and dedicated tabs for students, families and staff.

“We have this very vital and vivid

Gia Ha, senior civil engineering major and president of F1rst Gen Mason, says that even just getting the term “first generation” out there can give people a better understanding of that identity.

“I think it’s so inspiring to see so much coming out for first-generation college students, even though I am on my way out,” said Ha. “I am really happy for all the freshmen and underclassmen who get to see all of these resources developing.”

Along with the work of the SIS team for the creation of firstgen. gmu.edu, Ha also shared that other campus resources like the Leadership Education and Development Office (LEAD) are similarly working toward visibility and awareness of the first-generation community.

HIDDEN HANGOUTS: GETAWAY HOUSE

Winter has gone and spring is here, so come to Getaway House YIJIE ZHU STAFF WRITER

Getaway has built some Nordic style cabins in the forest near Washington, D.C. Getaway is just an hour's drive from Fairfax. Its cabins are designed to relax people who have been living in the city for a long time. People can make reservations on their official website, but usually their staff will not send you the specific address until a

week before the trip.

Simplicity and comfort are the hallmarks of these cabins. They can accommodate two to four people. The cabin is fully equipped with a built-in toilet, a shower and a kitchen, so people can cook delicious food here.

Outdoor barbecues and charcoal fires are also provided.

There are also many interesting places around Getaway. Hightop Mountain is only a 15-minute drive away from the cabin. The Skyline Drive to Shenandoah National Park is 30 minutes from the cabin, and the Early Mountain Vineyards is 10 minutes away from the cabin.

Here, people are brought closer to nature. After all, it is in the forest. In the morning, the chirping of birds often wake up visitors, accompanied by other beautiful elements of nature like the warm sunshine or the sound of rain. Visitors can leave their worries behind and relax in an area free of crowds.

In such a quiet and beautiful cabin, you can cherish rare peace, see the stars, or burn a bonfire with friends.

You can find your most authentic self, connect with nature and reactivate your life while visiting Getaway.

PHOTO COURTESY OF RONA ZHAO

After spring break, the semester is already half over. Are you still in spring break mode and dread the thought of going to class? Do you feel like your soul has not followed you back after spring break? Then why not get close to nature, relax yourself, calm down and then resume your busy study life?

14

CULTURE

04.01.2019

GMUFOURTHESTATE.COM @IVESTATE

OUR COUNTRY’S GOOD

The play opened last weekend in the de Laski Performing Arts Building IZZ LAMAGDELEINE COPY CHIEF

In one scene of “Our Country’s Good,” the latest play put on by the Mason Players, a character of the play is dying. He lays on the floor, on his back, while his love interest sits next to him on the floor. She promises all that she can give as incentives for him to stay alive: her fidelity, her love, everything she has.

As he dies, several of the ensemble members are hitting the floor, surrounding the two characters in a circle, resembling a heartbeat. As he comes closer and closer to death, the heartbeat becomes slower and slower, in contrast with the grand proclamations the woman is making to save him. When he finally dies, the heartbeat dramatically stops—as do the woman’s proclamations. She states that she loves him and then starts to cry as the scene comes to a close.

This is just one example of the drama that occurs in the play, which will run for two weekends in TheaterSpace, a highly versatile black-box venue located deep within the de Laski Performing Arts Building.

With multiple storylines involving multiple characters, the main plot of “Our Country’s Good” concerns an officer trying to put together a play using convicts in 18th-century Australia.

Even though the play was written more than 30 years ago, in 1988, it still resonates today, as some of its themes include identity and the struggle to find one’s place. Associate Professor of Theater Kristin Johnsen-Neshati, one of the directors of the production, said about its relevance, “With people being kind of pigeonholed or told, ‘Well, wait a moment, you have this background in this way, so the way we’re pigeonholing you right now is we’re going to see you as something other than what you are.’ So, I like those aspects of the play. I think there is a lot to think about for audiences and for actors taking on the text.”

She continued, “I’d like [the audience] to look at these stories from the past and focus on how many possible ways they can apply to us today, what we can get from something that seems very distant, that seems to be unfolding in a completely different part of the world

in a completely different time period, and then to look at how the stakes that the characters are experiencing speak to us. And to look at the role of the arts, as well, the power of the theater.”

give-and-take, with directing choices. … It’s been a wonderful partnership, and that’s a nice opportunity, for a student and faculty member to direct together.”

Both the actors and crew members of the show have been rehearsing for the past five weeks, though planning for the production began last spring.

Much thought was put into every decision made, from the design of the set to the lighting in each scene.

Another important aspect of the show is that the play itself is fairly diverse, especially for a script published in the late ’80s. The characters include a Jewish man who wishes to become a famous writer, a man from Madagascar who highly values his ancestry and roots, and a strong-willed woman who fights tooth-and-nail against the constraints that society has placed upon her.

“It’s been delightful,” Johnsen-Neshati said about working with her cast and crew. “It’s been delightful. … A great group of people. And I think I’ve been collaborative in our approach.”

As Johnsen-Neshati and her co-director, student Ben Maderi, put the play together, there were many others involved, from Nick Horner, the voice consultant, to Felicia Hecker, who did costume design, to Austin Shores, the lighting designer.

Shores, a theater major with a concentration in design for stage and screen, emphasized collaboration in the process he used to design the lights. “The connection with the director is the most important thing for me, because if we don’t have [the] background of that connection, then our collaboration during tech is going to be—we wouldn’t be on the same page,” he said, “It’s really important to have that connection.”

Jo h n s e n - N e s h at i echoed that sentiment.

“I enjoy that kind of collaboration that goes way beyond what I could bring to a play by myself,” she said.

“I think one thing I enjoy most is bringing excellent collaborators together and then just seeing what we can come up with together.

And it’s been that way working with Maderi as a co-director.

Maderi has handled all of the movement work for the ensemble, and it’s been a lovely exchange, kind of

Shores helped to convey the feelings of the setting and of the play through sound. “How are we going to fit sounds that we want to add? It’s all about morphing for the text, and how we’re putting it on,” he said.

“I want the moments that I’ve enhanced with the [directors] through the whole process—I want that to be recognized,” Shores said about what he wanted the audience to get out of the play. “It’s really important to me.

They don’t even have to verbally say it. I just get the vibe in the room and how things sound, you know? I know when things impact an audience, and

that’s really special for me. … Yeah, just that overall emotional impact. Did I enhance their experience?

That’s the one question: Did I enhance your experience? If so, awesome, cool.” " O u r Country's Good" will still have shows from T h u r s d a y, April 4 to Sunday, April 7. Tickets can be obtained online at $30 for adults and $15 for students, staff, seniors and groups.

STRATEGIC

STUDIES G R A D U AT E P R O G R A M

WASHINGTON, DC A R E A CA M PUS

Call 703-218-3565 or email DSS1@missouristate.edu dss.missouristate.edu

MASTER’S DEGREE AND GRADUATE CERTIFICATES OFFERED

Prestigious faculty with extensive experience in national security and international relations Very affordable tuition rates and numerous scholarships available FOURTH ESTATE ALLIE THOMPSON

The following article contains spoilers to the plot of “Our Country’s Good.”

DEFENSE AND

Exciting internship opportunities and global alumni network Evening seated or online courses

FAU X E S TAT E All articles between pages 15 and 28 are made up and intended for entertainment purposes. Nothing in this section is real as it is saterical commentary

Your Cast and Crew ALEXANDER SHEDD Mr. Shedd from JMU BASMA HUMADI Leo Sun Libra Moon IZZ LAMAGDELEINE Copy God LIZ ELKIND Grammar Empress ZARA FAROUK Copy Minion SARAH LURIA Copy Sprout

FAUX ESTATE LAURA SCUDDER

BEN STOVNER Copycat DANA NICKEL Chief Egg ABIGAIL ADCOX The Assistant

FAUX ESTATE LAURA SCUDDER

MONICA ECHOLS Unproblematic Gemini Queen HAILEY BULLIS LaWfUl GoOd WiTh A hInT oF cHaOs CHRIS KERNAN-SCHMIDT Actions and Reprecussions Advisor NATALIE HEAVREN The UCONN Women Are Not Bad For Basketball DOMENIC ALLEGRA The Washington Capitals Are Stanley Cup Champions LAUREN SULLIVAN Detective Tea Spiller ALLIE THOMPSON Picture Perfect Photography LLC. ALEXANDRIA MCALPINE New York’s Finest BILLY FERGUSON Mr. Man LAURA SCUDDER ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

FAUX ESTATE LAURA SCUDDER

DOMINIQUE BERNARDINO Fancy Smancy Video Person

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NEWS

16

04.01.2019

CHARGING OUTLETS REMOVED FROM ALL BUILDINGS; CABRERA QUOTED SAYING, “FEND FOR YOURSELVES, BASTARDS” Cabrera lobs portable charger at angry mob of communication-starved undergrads

JAY JUGHEAD JAMESON EDITOR IN CHIEF

On the morning of March 25, 2019, students entered classrooms across Mason to discover that all charging outlets had been removed from buildings, having been either plastered over or torn out over the weekend.

The project was carried out by elite militaristic construction squads allegedly rented out to Mason by Northrop Grumman, a local mom-and-pop military contractor specializing in aerospace tech.

“It was really something to witness,” said Riley Williams, a double major in computer science and criminology. “I’m actually looking to intern with them in the future, so it was kind-of intimidating to watch them work so efficiently. It took them about―I’d say―15 minutes to go through all of Exploratory Hall.

It was all very tactical.”

Not everyone was satisfied with the tactical efficiency of this new undertaking. Several students

responded to Fourth Estate simply with “this is horseshit” while they ran from room to room frantically searching for charging ports.

“I cannot believe the school’s administration OK’d this,” said Margarita VanDerMast, a junior who spoke to us while using an old-timey USB attachment to crank up her laptop.

“Like, to be fair, this isn’t the most inexplicably bone-headed thing they’ve done, but it’s easily a top 10,” she said, right before the crank kicked back, hitting our intrepid reporter in the face and knocking them out for a solid 10 minutes.

The administration was unavailable for the day, with high-ranking members barricading themselves in the top floors of Merten Hall.

posting tweets such as, “here

at Mason, we strive for access and affordability. As such, we have decided to cut electricity costs in an effort to make this school more affordable for all students.”

President Cabrera did not respond when asked for comment.

Instead, he chose to solely communicate through Twitter,

comment, Cabrera instead tweeted a link to a study about overwhelming student debt, writing, “wow, this just shows how much students care about higher education. we’re really doing a wonderful job!”

The day ended unexpectedly when, at 2 a.m., Cabrera tweeted, “@JeffBezos hey wyd rn.” The tweet was taken down a few hours later.

FAUX ESTATE ALEXANDRIA MCALPINE

When

pressed

for

further

When confronted by students Thursday at Einstein Bros.

Bagels as he left a now-food-bereft Merten to seek sustenance, Cabrera spoke to the crowd: “Listen, here we provide access to innovation and a more excellent society. Prosperity is tradition.”

When prompted for further comment, Cabrera took a Patriotbranded portable charger out of his pocket and lobbed it into the mob, calling out, “Fend for yourselves, bastards!” as he made his hasty retreat.

Mason PD has shifted their efforts to focus on outlets on campus.

“Look, it’s been fun, but Clery Act reporting is just so early 2000s―you know, very ‘The Wire,’ invasion-of-Iraq-type stuff,” said a source inside the department. “The new move for law enforcement is identifying and taking out these outlets with extreme prejudice.”

Since Monday, Mason PD has tactically carried out several operations into the nooks and crannies of campus that the contractors missed, including lobbing a hand grenade into the tunnel under Krug Hall.

Editor’s Note: This is a developing story; more information will be updated as it comes out.

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED THIS WEEK Wednesday, March 27

Tuesday, March 26

Monday, March 25 In an effort to resurrect his father, George W. Bush sacrifices Jeb Bush on an altar at the family’s ranch in Texas.

President Trump skips out on meeting with North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un to watch reruns of “Saturday Night Live” from before they hated him.

Mueller report reveals aging FBI investigator “could have been in Hawaii this whole time, I don’t know.”

Mason President Ángel Cabrera shocked that students are angry over Kavanaugh hiring.

Thursday, March 28

Putin shocked to learn he didn’t collude with Trump’s campaign after reading the Mueller report.

Strict “anti-abortion” bill that makes it illegal for women to even consider not having children passes in Georgia state House.

Trump decides not to kill Obamacare after learning his family has been on it since 2012.

Compromise on Green New Deal results in the abolishment of trash cans; all garbage to be burnt on White House lawn.

Friday, March 29

Congress authorizes funding of $15 dollars for Trump’s border wall.

Paul Ryan “hopeful” for 2020 presidential run.

04.01.2019

17

NEWS

TIMELY NOTIFICATION FROM MASON PD ABOUT 1993 SEXUAL ASSAULT FINALLY EMAILED TO STUDENTS

Students complain Mason “to o transparent” Mason PD.

Mason also ranks number 1 for most spirited schools in America, outranking schools like Virginia Tech, Clemson University and the University of Alabama.

Visitors to the Fairfax campus often note that they cannot walk to the JC without a few students yelling “GO GREEN, GO GOLD” or reciting the beloved Patriots fight song.

One student, Jennifer Atkinson, recalled one of her many spirited experiences at Mason: “Every Friday, you have to wear green or gold. It’s practically a crime not to; I mean, not literally, but social suicide for sure,” she explained while tweeting the lyrics to Mason’s fight song line by line.

from head to toe. If you aren’t wearing our colors, then spirit monitors will issue a spirit violation, which can have severe consequences if they pile up.”

It seems that not having a football team has not stopped this spirited school. Some students even commented that they would rather have club Quidditch any day than a normal, boring football team.

Overall, it seems that Mason’s community is quite safe and happy, and there is no place the students would rather be.

Atkinson looked up from her phone 20 minutes later to continue, “Most Fridays, you’ll see students decked out in green and gold

CHARLES KOCH FOUND SCAVENGING IN AIR DUCTS OF SCHOOL HE PURCHASED Aging billionaire se en searching for fo od scraps, small trinkets MR. SHEDD FROM JMU ASSISTANT NEWS EDITOR

Billionaire oil mogul and patron of Mason Charles Koch, 83, was reportedly seen Friday, March 29, in the air ducts of the Johnson Center, allegedly searching for pieces of food and other scraps.

Koch, who effectively purchased the school over the last two decades with his generous donations, apparently told university janitorial staff that he was looking for “trinkets, baubles, forgotten things … and something to eat for lunch.”

Michael Eberhart of the janitorial staff said, “I was just replacing an air filter, and I saw something red gleam in the dark, down there in that shaft.

Turns out it was his eyes. He was

FAUX ESTATE ALEXANDRIA MCALPINE

just down there picking up any random old thing he could find.

Real friendly guy, though, just seemed happy to be a part of the school community.”

When contacted for comment as to who may have let Koch into the air ducts, the Mason administration said, “We support an individual’s right to freedom of expression. Also, Daddy Chuck is welcome to scavenge anywhere he damn well pleases.”

GMUFOURTHESTATE.COM @IVESTATE

MASON STUDENTS RELOCATED TO LIVE IN

CLASSROOMS DUE TO LACK OF AVAILABLE HOUSING

Classrooms able to accomodate up to 958 students BASMA HUMADI LEO SUN LIBRA MOON

ABIGAIL ADCOX THE ASSISTANT

On Tuesday, March 26, students received an email from Mason PD alerting them to a suspect allegedly groping female students, which occurred in several residence halls on campus in 1993.

Since then, Mason students have expressed several complaints that Mason is “too transparent.”

Mason sophomore Ariadne Timms explained, “I just feel like we get too many alerts from the university. There’s so many that I’ve just turned them on mute. The school sends us an alert every time there’s a report of harassment, assault, theft, a car accident or a traffic stop.

There was one time we got an alert about newspapers being stolen―I mean, super helpful and transparent, but I’m missing emails from my professors because of all the transparency.”

This event followed Mason being recently ranked in the top 10 safest schools in America, citing the number of lights on campus and the fast response rate of

FAUX ESTATE ALEXANDRIA MCALPINE

Koch, known for his massive business empire and widespread humanitarian and charity work, has donated millions of dollars to Mason’s law school and Economics department over the last two decades.

It is no secret student housing is in high demand as the population of incoming Mason students continues to grow. Just last year, seniors at Mason were waitlisted and told they were not guaranteed housing due to lack of availability and the need to prioritize other students.

having a 7:20 p.m. to 10 p.m. class Mondays and Wednesdays in the Fall semester,” said freshman Renée Sance. “My friend in Planetary Hall 207 has a 1:30 p.m. to 2:45 p.m. class Mondays and Wednesdays, so we agreed she’ll come to my room during that time, and I’ll be able to go

Luckily, the housing department has come up with a creative solution to better serve the housing needs of all its students: relocate students to classrooms across campus.

“We are pleased to announce, after much strategery and listening to the concerns of our Mason student body, that we are expanding and implementing a new program next year which will allow us to meet the housing demands of all our students,” wrote the housing department in a mass email that was sent to the Mason community.

“Starting in the 2019-2020 school year, students will have the pleasure of being able to live in classrooms. The following buildings will be available for student housing: Aquia, Art and Design, East, Exploratory Hall, Innovation Hall, Lecture Hall, Planetary Hall and Research Hall.”

In total, the classrooms will be able to serve up to 958 students. Students will be able to either share classrooms with two to three roommates or request a smaller one-person classroom for themselves.

Koch did not respond to requests for comment. Eberhart added, however, that when asked why he was in the air duct, Koch only said, “It’s the free market, baby.”

This new plan will allow the university to immediately address housing concerns and save money by not having to build new residences.

Classes will still continue in these buildings throughout the school year. For some students, they will have to leave their rooms for hours at a time so that classes can be held.

PHOTO COURTESY OF WIKIMEDIA COMMONS

over to her place during my class.

I guess it works out fine.”

For more spacious classrooms that can hold 30 to 50 people, residing students will be able to have a section of the room sectioned off as their bedroom, while the other half of the classroom will be able to still have class going. Computer science major Paige Turner is one of those students.

“I’m going to be in Exploratory and apparently will have a Women and Gender Studies class going on a couple times a week,” Turner said. “I think it will be nice, because I’ll be able to gain exposure to a topic outside of my major. Also, I think listening to a lecture will help me have something to fall asleep or nap to.”

Junior Kareem O’Weet is mainly relieved he will not have to stress about not having housing.

“Frankly, I’m just happy I won’t be homeless next year,” O’Weet said. “I haven’t been placed in a building yet, but I hope I get Aquia, because it’s in a pretty decent location and probably won’t be as crowded as other peak places on campus like Planetary, for example.”

Housing for all students will be finalized by April 15.

“I’m going to be staying in Planetary Hall 203, which will be

GMUFOURTHESTATE.COM @IVESTATE

MASON TO REPLACE CUT-DOWN JC TREES WITH STATUES OF CHARLES KOCH

NEWS

18

04.01.2019

MASON STUDENT GETS DRUNK, ACTUALLY BEATS ROBOT

“It just wanted to have a beep-boop day” IZZ LAMAGDELEINE COPY GOD

Mason to erect statues of Charles Koch in place of all trees on campus DANA NICKEL CHIEF EGG

Shortly after returning from spring break, Mason students were outraged to notice the trees surrounding one entrance to the Johnson Center (JC) had been cut down.

“It’s just insane to me,” wrote Sean Sampson, a graduate student at Mason. “Because of all the construction, we hardly get to see any nature around campus anymore. Now all we’re left with are a couple stumps here and there. Does the university have a plan to replace the trees?”

In an email to students early in the morning on Wednesday, March 26, the Office of the President explained the university’s plans.

The email read, “Here at Mason, we like to pay tribute to those who make our vision of innovation and excellence possible, which is why we are happy to announce that the university will be erecting statues of Charles Koch in the place of all trees on campus.”

reached out to Faux Estate for comment, explaining, “We are in the early stages of this project. Core Campus has been instructed to halt all construction in an effort to make this a top priority.”

Priit also broke down the finances of the project: “To afford this gesture of gratitude to our donor Daddy Chuck, we will be defunding the journalism concentration until further notice.”

This announcement comes amid rumors of Mason’s janitorial staff seeing Koch

In a manner that showed how professional, incredible and amazing Mason students are, Tuesday, March 28, a student was found in a state of intoxication close to one of the dining halls beating a delivery robot half to death.

The student has not been identified yet, but is thought to have been a rude, ugly man. He appeared to be privileged, and no charges are expected to be brought against him when he is found.

The student body reacted with disappointment but not surprise.

“We were just doing our jobs,” reported a delivery robot that witnessed the horrid act. “We were going around, delivering Starbucks to those who ordered it and wishing everyone a very beep-boop day.”

The incident occurred in front of Southside and Skyline, an area that is constantly crowded now due to the construction happening in front of it. As the robots made their way with their many deliveries, stopping to ram students walking by in order to show their love and appreciation, a very loud and rowdy group of Mason students passed.

FAUX ESTATE BILLY FERGUSON

The email went on to explain that the statues will be erected near the JC, on top of the remaining stumps.

one of the members grabbed him by the hinge.

“He picked it straight off the ground, the annoying little creep,” a member of the group

FAUX ESTATE DANA NICKLE

path screaming, “PIZZA PIZZA” and attempting to break open the area where it holds food.

At this point, the student who dropped the robot grabbed a bat that presumably had been left by the construction company and started beating the robot repeatedly, over and over, again and again.

“They mercilessly beat the s--- out of it,” the robot commented. “It looked like it hurt so much. He just wouldn’t stop. Wires were coming out of it every which way, and it just sounded so scared and kept saying, ‘Beep’ and ‘Have a nice day!’ until it just couldn’t anymore.”

Members of Student Government were the ones to inadvertently break it up.

FAUX ESTATE DANA NICKLE

YIKES said that they were arguing rather loudly about whether a hot dog is a sandwich. When the group noticed the robots, they stumbled away slowly, but the students were so heated that they did not notice them or the fallen robot. (Student Government did not respond to requests for comment, only stating, “We were figuring out the sandwich situation one topping at a time.”)

FAUX ESTATE DANA NICKLE

scavenging in Mason’s air ducts for food and other scraps.

The statue project is expected to begin in June 2019 and will last until September 2029.

Mason spokesperson Satchel Priit

“I was very surprised to see so many students,” the robot continued. “The lighting is so bad around here, anyone can jump out and attack us without being discovered.”

Despite feeling apprehensive about the situation, the robots decided to ram the students anyway. When the now-smashed robot got close to the group,

who wished not to be identified said to Fourth Estate. The member, who will be referred to as YIKES for the rest of this story, confirmed that the group was very, very, very, very, very drunk at the time of the incident.

After picking up the robot, the student dropped it to the ground, breaking part of its exterior.

The robot let out a loud “BEEP” in response. Another robot tried to roll away and get help for its poor pal but was distracted by one of the people in the group, who deliberately stepped into its

The robot bystander said that it only wanted justice for its friend.

“It did nothing wrong,” it said. “It only wanted to have a fun time, but it got destroyed, instead.

It came to have a good time, and instead felt so attacked.

Literally. Attacked.”

Editor’s Note: This is a developing story. We expect a call from Michael Sandler expressing his immense displeasure sometime in the near future.

THINGS

CULTURE

THINGS OF MASON delves into the lives of Mason community members. This week we take a close look at Mason robot Beep the Robot, Mason resident Squirrel and our namesake George “The Statue” Mason.

INTERVIEWS BY AHMED FARID

R O B O T, B E E P T H E R O B O T

What‛s your biggest fear in life?

I love it! It’s a chance to have my name, which is Beep by the way, spelled B-E-E-P, written in robot history. I like to think of myself as a trailblazer for all other electronic organisms.

me twice as long now to deliver food to people, and hungry customers are not fun to deal with.

How do you feel about being the first robot to be used on a college campus?

Have you discovered any cool secret hideouts or shortcuts you would like to share with us?

FAUX ESTATE NICOLAS MACOTTO

Well, if I did know any of that, I wouldn’t share it with you, because otherwise it won’t be a secret anymore, would it? I would just like to say how inconvenient all this construction work is. I mean, it takes

That someone will come along one day and trap me between four cones. That is probably my greatest fear, because then I will be completely unable to move, and it’s like, ‘Now what?’

Overall, would you say your time at Mason has been a success?

I absolutely would. Based on the fact that people keep using me all the time, and I mean that in a nice way, I would say that I have been a good addition to campus.

Is there something you would like to

say to Mason students?

Yes, I would! You know, when I’m running from one place to another and you see me trying to pass by, DO NOT stand in front of me. I mean it.

It is not funny at all; it’s practically bullying. Also, you might think you’re special doing it, but I promise you, you are not the only one doing it, so it isn’t like you came up with a cool, funny new idea.

Also, you keep doing that and getting in my way, then you complain about how long it takes me to get your food!

I mean, I work hard all day, every day, for you, rolling around from one end of campus to another, and this is how you repay me? Really??

N A M E S A K E , G E O R G E “ T H E S TAT U E ” M A S O N What‛s your favorite thing about Mason?

Obviously, the fact that it is named after me is my favorite thing about GMU. Not a lot of people can say that they have a large public university that carries their name.

What does it feel like to be standing in the same spot for almost 23 years now?

FAUX ESTATE NICOLAS MACOTTO

To be honest, it can be quite boring standing in the same place literally doing nothing for the past 23 years.

I mean, it would be really nice to just walk around for a bit and see what

the rest of campus looks like. I hear the Mason pond looks really great.

But after the first 10 years, you get used to it. Besides, it’s not all that bad.

You‛ve probably heard that there is a myth going on that anyone who steps on your plaque will not graduate in four years unless they rub your toe for good luck?

It’s absolutely true. Every year I get students who think it’s fake and just shamelessly walk on my plaque, thinking its funny. Well, too bad for them, I say, because in four years they will not be laughing.

And what about your left foot being lucky?

Also true. Back in the day I used to have gangrene on my left foot. It hurt like hell. But then one day, the pain stopped and my foot was completely healed.

Now, I don’t know about you, but I haven’t heard of anyone else with a foot that miraculously heals itself, have you? So, you should rub that foot whenever you need some extra luck. Maybe all your problems will miraculously disappear too.

R E S I D E N T, S Q U I R R E L Why did you choose to hang around at Mason?

Because it is a great campus obviously!

There are so many trees to climb and explore. I also love interacting with Mason students. They are always so friendly and try to feed me stuff.

FAUX ESTATE NICOLAS MACOTTO

What do you do at Mason?

I like to spend my time climbing trees and looking for fruits and nuts. I also enjoy running around campus from time to time for no reason. But my favorite thing to do is to hide in the

bushes and jump out right as someone is passing by just to freak them out.

This is usually the highlight of my day.

What is the worst thing a Mason student tried to feed you?

There was this one time when a student tried to feed me a piece of cheese, and it smelled really bad.

I’m pretty sure it was rotten, and he just felt that it would be better to feed me this piece of rotten cheese than throw it in the trash. Obviously I did not go anywhere near it, and let that be a lesson for all of you. If

you are debating between feeding us something or throwing it in the trash, throw it in the trash. I might be a squirrel, but I have standards.

What are your goals for the future?

I don’t really have any set goals for the future. I live more on a day-today basis, if you know what I mean.

TEA WITH IVY

RANDOM WHITE GUY FOUND STUDYING ON JC THIRD FLOOR

20

CULTURE

GMUFOURTHESTATE.COM @IVESTATE

Confusion sparks among third floor Middle Eastern and South Asian community BASMA HUMADI LEO SUN LIBRA MOON It was any other ordinary Tuesday in the Johnson Center (JC), and sophomore Bradson Tanner needed a place to study. Tanner grabbed his Blaze Pizza and began to scour the building for a place to sit and study. He looked around the first and second floor to no avail, and found all the seats taken.

Tanner, growing fruitless in his efforts, took a leap of faith and tried searching the final JC third floor for a place to sit. He climbed up the steps and once he got to the top, he started to walk around.

women. Tanner even noticed toward the back there was a small “prayer corner.”

“There’s a place where Muslims on campus pray up here apparently,” he said. “I heard rumors, but I didn’t think it was a real thing.”

Luckily, Tanner found a seat along the edge of the rails and began to sit down and eat his pepperoni

Tanner saw that his surroundings had changed, and noticed many confused stares and whispers toward his direction. He noticed a lot of people that he believed to be of Middle Eastern or South Asian descent on the floor.

As he walked around, he smelled an aroma of strong perfume and home cooked food spread throughout the floor. He passed by Muslim women in hijabs, foreign Emirate or Saudi students in designer apparel, Afghans meeting together and cliques of South Asian men and

pizza. Tanner later reflected that he didn’t expect to learn so much about other cultures just by stepping into a different area on campus. He wouldn’t say he’s completely uncultured, however— he is 1/4th Irish and 1/99th Lebanese.

FOUNTAINS OF MASON

Rating the Water Fountains of George Mason University MR SHEDD FROM JMU ASSISTANT CULTURE EDITOR In this column, I will rate the the stream is unpredictable. wonderful world of Mason’s water The Hub, First Floor by Student fountains using five quality cate- Involvement: 5/5 gories: Water Pressure, Usability, Stream Consistency, Location and Presentation.

Johnson Center, First behind Chipotle: 3/5

Floor

This fountain is in a good location, is fairly consistent and looks nice.

It has one of those neat bottle fillers. However, I am of average height and it is a little low for me, plus the water pressure is subpar.

The Hub, Ground Floor by the Mail Room: 3/5 Decent location by the mailroom with good water pressure and usability, but it is kind of ugly, and

I’m very proud of this little fountain. It fell on some hard times and was out of commission for a while, but it is now back with a vengeance and excels in all categories. Please come support this fountain if you can.

Southside, Ground Floor by Gold Rush: 3/5 This fountain is in a good location and has average water pressure.

However, it is still an older-looking fountain and a little chaotic— it gave me two streams from one fountainhead, which is weird. No complaints about usability.

I have a strong dislike for this fountain. The only good thing I can say is I had no trouble using it.

However, it is ugly, the pressure is weak, the stream is all over the place and it’s in a terrible location—it is the closest fountain on that floor and you have to cross past wildly practicing dancers way behind the staircase to get there, just to be disappointed.

04.01.2019

From Digital Affair to Interpersonal Reluctance, Two Youngsters Are Caught in Identity Crises Dear Ivy,

Palestinian-American global affairs My girl best friend, let’s major Lahmeh Biljabn, who saw call her E, recently created Tanner on the third floor, later a fake online dating profile reflected on his interaction and for fun. My guy best overall presence on the JC third friend, we’ll call him H, floor. thinking the whole catfish idea was hilarious, did the “Honestly we didn’t really notice same thing. Turns out now he was here at all,” she said. “But, it is a bit unexpected. Not to be dramatic, but I kind of felt like he Dear Middleman, might have given us evil eye.”

THAT IS “It’s kind of an unsaid thing that OOOUUU, most of the Middle Easterns CRINGEY. It definitely seems and South Asians and all our like a sticky situation your friends hang around here,” Biljabn friends have put themselves continued. “I don’t really know in. Although, I must say, this when or how it started, but it’s has to be the doing of some cosmic order at work and just a thing.” having a good laugh at the Tanner stayed on the floor for an same time. hour or two, and tried to focus on doing both schoolwork and not Since you are asking for help, making eye contact with people I see two solid options in your future. around him.

“For the first time in my life, I felt The first, and more boring is like I didn’t belong,” Tanner said. option, since “It was a real culture shock. Is this that what minorities mean when they you already say they feel like the only person see yourself as the in the room?” middleman, be the mediator even further and tell them.

I’m sure E and H are aware JC, Ground Floor behind that feelings Dewberry: 1/5 are starting to catch, and could consider telling the other their real identities anyway.

FAUX ESTATE GRANT SMITH FAUX ESTATE ALLIE THOMPSON

Seeing that the profiles started as a joke, there isn’t any valid reason for them to have hard feelings against you. You are just the friend who knows all the tea.

The more fun option, and I actually prefer this option, is that you could let them ride this crazy roller coaster they strapped themselves into.

Funny as this is, while I was in the midst of writing your response, I received another

that their accounts matched. They don’t know it’s the other and they’re actually catching some feels. What should I do since I know?

From, The Middleman

call for advice from none other than the notorious E herself.

So E, since you asked for my advice, here it is.

E- Surprise, surprise ma’am, but your online love interest is actually a mutual friend. Go to him like in the romcoms we all love to love and love to hate.

Or don’t, and let the awkward tension of your friendship with H fester until one of you has an outburst of affection in the dining hall causing all sorts of attention to be drawn to you.

And H- embrace this queen if and when you see her Naruto running towards you! No fear, you won’t have to be like Judd Nelson in “The Breakfast Club” or anything, because your typed sweet nothings from your profile have already won her over.

Or don’t, and be that guy who represses any form of emotion because society tells men they can’t express feelings.

Which, by the way, is a trash concept, and you should go on to do your own thing.

FAUX ESTATE BILLY FERGUSON

To my readers, if you know E and H, call them out. Make a scene, because we all love a courtroom drama aka campus drama now. Good luck, young catfishing lovers!

-Ivy

21

04.01.2019

OPINIONS

GMUFOURTHESTATE.COM @IVESTATE

Opinions do not reflect the views of Fourth Estate. Submit opinions to ckernans@gmu.edu

SOCIAL MEDIA HEALTH AND AWARENESS SUSAN KATHERINE CORKRAN MYSPACE OUTREACH MANAGER

Presidents of the United States have left their immortal words behind—written beautifully on parchment in the Declaration of Independence, spoken with mournful bravery on the field of Gettysburg or broadcasted boldly to a nation determined to break the confines of the planet itself by landing a man on the moon.

We can’t all become writers and speakers like these men, but we can make changes in our public social media lives right now to start sounding a little more presidential. The power of this transformation will not only strengthen others’ perception of you, but will also improve your own social media health by leaps and bounds—boosting self-esteem, revealing your true friends and freeing you to speak your mind.

Follow this list of tip and tricks to improve your social media experience: •

Be bold. Be as bold as a

face full of cigar smoke in a non-smoking area—like the pediatric ward of a hospital.

Be as bold as a climatechange denier standing on top of a melting iceberg. Be as bold as a man groping the flag of the United States of America. USE CAPITAL LETTERS! That’s bold.

• Keep yourself trending for all the right reasons by using the best catchphrases.

The hashtag #MAGA is like a McDonalds burger—you’ve got to have at least one a day.

a little typo, just remember that Shakespeare made words up all the time, and people love him.

• Tweet at all hours, because the sun never sets on the U.S. If something is keeping you up at night, get it off of your mind and onto everyone else’s.

nice to say, don’t say anything at all,” because sometimes the not-nice things get a lot of retweets. If it’s politically correct, it isn’t worth saying.

Life has no safe spaces, so just go for it. Also, world peace probably wasn’t going to happen anyway, so this

is really no skin off your back. Unless someone says something mean about you, then that’s FAKE and you should sue.

This article is part of the Faux Estate’s April Fools’ satire issue.

• Give yourself some credit. Nobody is going to do you justice except you, so don’t be humble or timid about tooting your own horn.

• You regret the things you don’t say more than you regret the things you do say.

When in doubt, spit it out.

• It’s ridiculous to think, “If you don’t have anything

• Spellcheck is for losers.

If someone calls you out for

• Find occasion to use the following words more often: liar, great, witch hunt, dog, crooked, great, loser, low IQ, great, tremendous, wall, hoax, great, sad, AMERICA.

• Truth is really subjective, or something like that. Retweet everyone and everything you like without fact-checking it or taking a look at the source: like a broken clock, even Mussolini is right sometimes. Or maybe alt-right.

PHOTO COURTESY OF PIXABAY

THE ARGUMENT FOR WINGDINGS

CHRIS KERNAN-SCHMIDT ACTIONS AND REPERCUSSIONS ADVISOR

I have never found myself a fan of the traditional 12-point font, Times New Roman jazz.

It has always felt too boring, and if I’m being honest, too easy to read. When peers, professors and especially employers read my work, I want them to be challenged, and I want to show them how stimulating my writing can be.

My advocacy for the usage of Wingdings goes beyond the aesthetic, and truly transcends into the realm of pragmatism. I think a shift from standard fonts to “neo-symbolic” fonts in both casual conversation and formal writing is critical to personal development, and contributes to one’s own demeanor.

us intellectuals can agree that the latter option is preferred.

Personally, I have chosen to start using Wingdings exclusively in potential romantic relationships.

So far it has proven to be an effective method in weeding out candidates. Any woman who can’t read Wingdings is obviously not on par with my own intelligence.

I mean really, what is the difference between emojis and Wingdings? “Wine, winking-kiss face, saxophone, sunset” is no different from “Lets get down to business.”

You would think that there be no need for emojis when we have Wingdings. When using emojis, no one knows for sure if you are conveying that your eggplants need to be washed, or well, something else. With Wingdings, you can have your fancy symbols, but the meaning is perfectly clear.

Did I mention I gave up Times New Roman for Lent? Well, I did, and I believe that my professors are enjoying the extra challenge of reading Wingdings. So far, I have submitted two essays and written several emails

all in Wingdings, yet none of them have been returned or answered. The last time they were challenged this hard was graduate school. I am positively sure they love it, I mean after all, what professor doesn’t love a challenging student?

You may be asking yourself, “Well, isn’t using Wingdings just like a simple substitution cipher with symbols?” Of course, it is, but like, more special you know? For all you cyber security majors out there, how do you expect the National Security

Agency or Microsoft to hire you if you can’t solve a simple substitution cipher on the fly by reading Wingdings? Checkmate.

I implore you, next time you have a term paper due, perhaps even a master’s thesis or simply a text message to write think, “Does my audience enjoy intellectually stimulating content?” The answer is almost always “Yes” if you hang around the right people. Therefore, it’s only logical to use Wingdings.

This article is part of the Faux Estate’s April Fools’ satire issue.

Do I want to be seen as an uninteresting, typical student, or am I someone who wants to stand out and be able to stimulate my readers’ minds? I think most of

PHOTO COURTESY OF ANDREW C | WIKIPEDIA

GMUFOURTHESTATE.COM @IVESTATE

OPINIONS

Opinions do not reflect the views of Fourth Estate. Submit opinions to ckernans@gmu.edu

22

04.01.2019

WHY MASON’S FOOD IS THE BEST IN THE STATE Move over James Madison and Virginia Tech OWEN FERGUSON SCRIBE

If you’ve ever lived on campus or eaten in the dining halls at Mason, you know the food all too well. If we’re being honest, it’s pretty great, not to mention the options seem endless. And if you haven’t had the dining hall food yet, I’m

here to tell you that you should.

When I was still in high school, all I ever heard about was how good James Madison University’s food is or how Virginia Tech gets milk from its own cows or something

FAUX ESTATE ALLIE THOMPSON

(who cares), but what I never heard about was Mason’s food.

Coming here and eating the food for the first time, my life flashed before my eyes. Never have I experienced something so lifechanging in all my 18 years.

W h e n describing it to the unfortunate souls who have never consumed it, it’s hard to know w h e r e to begin.

I guess the best way to start is by listing all the dining

halls on campus. In my opinion, the real gems are Ike’s and Southside, with the Globe being a bit overrated. For example, if you want to experience the best breakfast buffet on this side of the Mississippi, go to Ike’s. Hungry at two a.m.? Go to Ike’s. If you want a real, fresh hamburger, Southside is the place to go. Whatever you can think of, it’s probably there.

Now one of my favorite things about eating at the dining hall food here at Mason is how cheap the meal plans are. There are tons of meal plan options, but the best one is definitely “Independence”, which is required for freshmen and sophomores if they live in a dorm without a kitchen. At only $2,300 a semester for the 2019-2020 school year, it’s a steal. You get unlimited swipes for all that amazing food. How can

you beat that? Exactly: you can’t.

Another factor that puts Mason on the top is how clean the dishes are. You’d have a hard time trying to find cleaner cups anywhere else in the state. Everytime I pick up a cup, it is truly spotless.

This cleanliness puts me at ease when wondering how sanitary my dishes are. I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone complain about having lipstick on the rim of a cup or something crusty on a fork.

No matter how many people you might hear try to bash Mason’s dining hall food, just know that it’s not that bad. As students, we should be happy that we are fortunate enough to have such great food to nourish our bodies as we learn and grow as people.

This article is part of the Faux Estate’s April Fools’ satire issue.

I AM THE LORAX, AND I SPEAK FOR THE TREES!

SUMMER BROWN PROFESSIONAL LUMBERJACK

You know what? When I came back from spring break and noticed the trees gone, I realized something. I realized something so incredibly important that I was beside myself for days on end.

What did I realize, you may ask? Well, I realized that George Mason University (for once) made an amazing call.

Their decision was so amazing that I realized that they were right. Having a massive blade whirr a million miles an hour to rip into the defenseless trees and see them fall was 100 percent a good decision.

These trees? Ha, they were terrorists. Whenever it became mildly cold, the wimps decided to send their billions of leaves down to cause us such havoc in our normally peaceful lives.

I remember my very first semester here at Mason, when fall came. Oh. My. Gosh. It was like a war zone. Leaves were everywhere. And I mean … truly

everywhere. They littered the ground so much you couldn’t see our beautiful, blandish beige sidewalks whenever you’d take a nice stroll down to your classes.

Please don’t tell me the leaves didn’t cause you trouble, because I don’t know one person who didn’t have issues because of them.

One of the many issues faced was when I wiped out on some leaves because they were so slippery from the rain. Like, let’s be real, these leaves became banana peels waiting on the pavement purposefully so a disaster would strike a poor, innocent, unsuspecting student just waiting for them to fall in the minefield of leaves.

Don’t even get me started on how ugly the campus looked whenever fall arrived and the leaves would come crashing down unnecessarily on us in a torrential wave of mustysmelling foulness. All of the vivid colors clashed so poorly with all

of the buildings around campus, it was as if I was at a glowin-the-dark amusement park.

These trees would simply ruin pictures too. Like graduation in fall? Umm, no thanks. Not with those invasive beings in the background. Yuck. Got to have those perfect “I survived!” pictures to prove to your family that yes, you actually graduated.

You definitely can’t have them judging you over the fact that there’s colorful leaves in the pictures.

And what about those demonic creatures called squirrels?

They didn’t need homes. They only live off of making our lives miserable by throwing acorns at our head, gambling on how many students they can hit a day.

FAUX ESTATE NICOLAS MACOTTO

Ugh. Thank goodness George Mason decided it was a good call to cut down those trees. Whew.

This article is part of the Faux Estate’s April Fools’ satire issue.

23

04.01.2019

OPINIONS

GMUFOURTHESTATE.COM @IVESTATE

Opinions do not reflect the views of Fourth Estate. Submit opinions to ckernans@gmu.edu

JOHN DELANEY FOR PRESIDENT

DOMINIC PINO BROOMSQUIRE

And you really should know who he is if you care about the upcoming 2020 elections, because John Delaney has been running for president since July 28, 2017.

While all the rest of the lazy Democrats were declaring their candidacies at the beginning of this year, John Delaney and his staff were celebrating their campaign’s one-and-a-halfyear anniversary. John Delaney cares so much about running for president that he didn’t run for reelection to his House seat in 2018. America needs that kind of focus, determination and eagerness in the Oval Office.

If you haven’t heard anyone say that, I would ask if you’ve heard of the silent majority.

It’s not just me—the silent majority stands with Delaney.

You can’t hear them right now, but that’s the whole point of the silent majority. It’s a bit like my girlfriend. She’s in Canada, and they are on a different school schedule there, and no, you can’t see a picture, you creep.

Old Line State’s 6th district in Congress. John Delaney.

John Delaney. (This paragraph should help his name ID.)

I’m just going to say what everyone is already thinking: this country needs John Delaney to be president of the United States.

If you haven’t heard of John Delaney, it’s about time you woke up and started paying attention to American politics. If you read his name and thought, “Isn’t he a comedian?,” the answer is no, that’s John Mulaney. And presidential candidate John Delaney isn’t to be confused with the John Delaney who is a Florida politician, or the John Delaney who runs Irish association football.

This is Maryland’s John Delaney, the John Delaney who formerly represented the

One of Delaney’s signature campaign issues is dealing with the challenges of automation.

He has an optimistic view of automation, and he proves it by letting an automatic presidential campaign text generator write his entire website.

Some examples: “Americans deserve a leader who will

unite our divided nation and turn big ideas—that address present day and future challenges and opportunities— into real solutions.” “Not only is infrastructure funding necessary to improve the system,

PHOTO COURTESY OF UNITED STATES CONGRESS

investing in rebuilding crumbling infrastructure is a job creator and will boost the economy.” “The country is in need of immigration reform to update the system to account for changing times.”

“John Delaney is running for president to bring the country together and implement policies that work towards the common good.” John Delaney practices what he preaches.

John Delaney is flexible.

He isn’t locked into a rigid

ideological platform, or even a rigid logical platform. He opposes gerrymandering and wants to have independent redistricting committees.

Concerning his time in Congress, his website says, “In many ways, the district I represented, Maryland’s 6th, is America in miniature, spanning the rolling hills of Western Maryland to the enterprising suburbs of Montgomery County.” That’s one way to put it. The Baltimore Sun put it differently in a story about the current Supreme Court case challenging Maryland’s district map.

“The Maryland case centers on the configuration of the 6th congressional district, which stretches from the liberal Washington suburbs of Montgomery County to conservative western Maryland,” The only reason John Delaney won his election was because Maryland gerrymandered his district to unseat the Republican who used to represent the 6th district, but Delaney is an anti-gerrymandering crusader.

That’s the kind of flexibility we need to lead the free world.

Finally, what’s a presidential campaign without some swag from the campaign store?

Delaney’s store includes the normal hats and t-shirts, but also includes the “Memory” Eraser.

This eraser is meant to be placed under your pillow before falling asleep so that “by morning, you’ll have forgotten all of the pain, invective, division and incoherent ramblings of our 45th president.”

But wait, there’s more. The website also states, “If troubling memories linger…simply empty the entire bag under your pillow and sleep again like it’s 2009.” You might be thinking that it’s odd to hearken back to the good old days of 2009, when unemployment was rising, housing prices were collapsing and the economy was in its worst downturn since the Great Depression … but they are selling a “Memory” Eraser, so that just proves the product works.

Join me and vote Delaney, but don’t tell anyone. Let’s keep this majority silent.

This article is part of the Faux Estate’s April Fools’ satire issue.

STUDENT GOVERNMENT NEEDS TO GET ITS PRIORITIES STRAIGHT

JACE WHITE MASTER OF THE BUCKHOUNDS

Anyone who pays attention to Mason’s Student Government will know that the organization has had quite an embarrassing year.

Though some members have tried to keep the body focused on its original mission, too often this year it has deviated from its proper function.

Student government was, is and should always be an organization whose sole purpose is the facilitation of ongoing personal feuds between its members.

It should be a playground for aspiring politicians to act out “House of Cards” style scenarios on a smaller scale, with all of the tribalism, secrecy and backroom dealings that accompany real politics.

Though there has been plenty of that this year, this Student Government consistently faced attempts by some of its members to derail the group’s agenda,

using tactics such as passing bills, organizing events and reaching out to the student body. Such efforts are emphatically not the purpose of Student Government.

Petty arguments are the lifeblood of Student Government.

It provides some of Mason’s most socially problematic students with an opportunity to satisfy their urges in a contained environment.

Let’s say a student senator gets a coalition together to block a bill that was proposed by someone they don’t like. If that senator didn’t express their pettiness in the student senate, they would have surely expressed it somewhere else, probably in their dorm or in the classroom. This is perhaps Student Government’s greatest contribution to the Mason community: it makes sure that the ridiculous and toxic social situations that

budget. When we give a child a toy train, we hope that the joy of pushing it up and down the track and making “choo-choo” noises will inspire him to become an engineer. With tears in our eyes, we imagine that child all grown up, standing tall and proud at controls of a great locomotive.

In the same way, we watch our Student Government playing pretend politics with its toy meetings and toy budgets, and we hope that one day they will become big and strong politicians.

might otherwise involve regular students occur deep inside the HUB and Merten Hall, where they can’t hurt anybody.

But it’s important to remember that Student Government is about much more than having arguments. The group is given a budget and the power to decide how that budget is spent. Because of this, some believe that Student Government is supposed to be a way for the student body to express its opinions through their representatives about what they think should be done with that money. However, the reason that Student Government has a budget is because the real government also has a budget, and Student Government is supposed to replicate the real one.

Don’t let the do-gooders and the pragmatists ruin the fun that you’re having pretending to be grown-up politicians.You tell them to go right on home, so you can get back to acting out your personal disagreements in front of everyone and having a great time doing it. Just keep that stuff far away from the rest of us.

This article is part of the Faux Estate’s April Fools’ satire issue.

Unfortunately, bullies have invaded the playground, insistent on ruining everyone else’s fun, teasing us with their taunts of “We should do actual work,” and “Aren’t we supposed to be doing this for the student body?”.

Just as we give children plastic versions of real-life objects, we give Student Government a plastic version of a real-life

FAUX ESTATE JALEN REID

This is my plea to the Student Government: Don’t listen to those meanies.

GMUFOURTHESTATE.COM @IVESTATE @IVESTATE_SPORTS

SPORTS

24

04.01.2019

WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE IRON THE FINAL FOUR BANNER

For far to o long, Athletics has refused to iron the banner that they love DOMENIC ALLEGRA THE WASHINGTON CAPITALS ARE STANLEY CUP CHAMPIONS

When people are asked about the one thing they would change about Mason, they usually give examples like making better dining halls, lowering the cost of parking passes or having more people on campus on the weekends. But no. Not me. NOT ME. This campus needs reformation, and it has needed it since 2006.

I feel an absolute disgust every time I look up at the rafters in EagleBank arena.

You may be thinking, “What’s the problem, Domenic? What’s wrong with the rafters in EBA? “Is it the tournament banners?”

No, those are fine.

“Or the Atlantic 10 banners, perhaps? Maybe you are not a big VCU fan and want their banner taken down?” Nope.

“How about the CAA Championship banners?” Negative.

“The American or Virginian flag?”

Wrong again.

I have a problem with the Final Four banner.

Now you may ask, “Domenic, why don’t you like the Final Four banner? It represents one of Men’s Basketball’s greatest runs in the history of the NCAA.” Oh, I will tell you why.

It has been too long, I say. IT HAS BEEN TOO LONG SINCE ANYBODY HAS IRONED THAT BANNER, and I have to look at it.

I have to look at it every. Single.

Time I walk into EBA. I have to stare at the wrinkliness of that banner.

I have even been tempted many times to grab my $15 steamer that I have in my closet, tape it

onto a broom and climb up to the catwalk just to take out those creases.

Some people just do not understand. This banner symbolizes one of the best Cinderella stories of the NCAA, AND IT IS NOT IRONED. C’MON, MASON ATHLETICS, DO YOUR JOB. What the hell does it take for someone to go up there and press some hot air onto that thing?

Hell, just get Dave Paulsen to yell at it, and that might even do the job.

I would say that there are many things that I think Mason Athletics does well, but ironing their FINAL FOUR banner ranks dead last. THE DISRESPECT THAT THEY PUT ON THE NAME. HORRENDOUS.

ABSOLUTELY HORRENDOUS. It is absolutely repulsive to see that the Final Four banner that Mason loves to talk about year after year is left untouched and uncared for when people see it in person.

Help me get Mason Athletics to iron the 2006 Final Four banner.

How would we do this, you ask? By signing my petition. (Yes, this is actually a thing.) Go to the link and sign my petition to have the Final Four banner ironed.

FAUX ESTATE BILLY FERGUSON

Here is the link: http://bit.ly/IronFinalFour Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

A MASON SWITCHEROO

Gre en Machine and Mason basketball to switch for one game next year; Doc Nix to be head coach NATALIE HEAVREN THE UCONN WOMEN ARE NOT BAD FOR BASKETBALL

During one nonconference game in both the men’s and women’s schedules, the Green Machine and the Mason basketball teams will switch places, on a date to be determined.

Doc Nix is set to coach both the men’s and women’s teams in their respective games. He plans to draw from his experiences over the years watching not only Mason but also Michigan, a perennial powerhouse, and Yale, who shocked the world by upsetting Baylor three years ago.

Players for both teams will be picked out of a hat at the last Green Machine rehearsal this semester. Those not chosen will spend time teaching the basketball teams and coaching staff to play their randomly assigned instruments.

The student-athletes will be attending Green Machine rehearsals for the first couple months of the semester to learn

both the music and the eclectic dance moves that make Green Machine the incredible band that it is.

Green Machine members who are chosen to play will begin practicing during band camp in August and will continue to train with the Mason team for their Division I basketball debut.

The student-athletes and Green Machine members look forward to switching up their game-day roles and getting to sit on a different side of the court at EagleBank Arena. The members of the pep band are excited to get on the court again between Mason Madness performances.

The NCAA recently passed a rule allowing Green Machine to play during these two incredibly unique games. You can look forward to seeing sousaphones, saxophones and even singers on the court disrupting the opponent’s offense, defense and

Both Athletics and Green Machine are concerned about the size of the pep band in the stands during these games and are looking into recruiting other student-athletes to join the band for these very exclusive games.

Don’t be surprised if you see the members of the pep band applying a full-court press and sousaphones blocking shocks while playing “Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger,” “Take on Me” and “California Love.”

an expected pushback to the pep band’s presence on the court.

especially free-throw shooting for the full 40 minutes.

Look out for the release of the 2019-2020 basketball schedules, including the dates of these once-in-a-lifetime games, and keep your eye out; your two favorite sports editors could be suiting up for Mason basketball next season!

Substitutions may prove difficult for Mason’s opponents, with all of the extra people on the court.

Would it be the worst thing in the world if they couldn’t get on the court?

Probably not.

It may also be difficult for the band’s opponents, as Green Machine will be taught the “swarm toward the ball” technique most often found in the youngest levels of youth soccer.

FAUX ESTATE BILLY FERGUSON

There may be an increase of technicals given due to

25

04.01.2019

SPORTS

THE DEBATE IS OVER

GMUFOURTHESTATE.COM @IVESTATE @IVESTATE_SPORTS

What fabric should sports uniforms be made out of?

ALEXANDRIA MCALPINE NEW YORK’S FINEST

The biggest concern in sports today is which fabric jerseys are made out of, obviously. The polyester basketball jerseys are soooo three years ago. Also two years ago. And last year and this year, as well. Basically, the sports uniform industry is in shambles, and this article is here to solve this everlasting debate.

Silk The queen of textiles, her majesty’s silk, will improve literally anything. A silk dress automatically sounds more professional than a polyester dress.

Silk would be the perfect uniform material for ice hockey players.

These players are constantly skating into each other and will inevitably get many bruises and cuts. Silk will feel soft against the skin and cradle players’ bruises in a soft swaddle that will surely enhance the playing experience.

Each player will also be comforted in the knowledge that thousands of silkworms worked hard to create a simple pound of cloth for their uniforms. Not only humans work hard for sports; the blood, sweat and tears of silkworms also play into the game. It’s like the silkworms are playing a game of hockey before the players even get fitted into their uniform.

particular, is luxurious.

All swimmers’ bathing suits should be made out of velvet. The small fibers on the material will act as an extra challenge to create drag and slow the swimmer down. This will make the sport harder and more interesting, which equals greater entertainment. It’s simple math.

Velvet is a tad difficult to clean, but any time the swimmer jumps in a pool, the velvet will be sanitized by the chlorine in the pool water. This would make the bathing suits self-cleaning.

Following the ’80s trend, denim should clothe all martial artists.

Think of an old cheesy martial arts fighter, roaming the streets looking for a fight. These fighters should be clad in denim jackets and ripped denim jeans.

So, like, velvet is in again.

Anything considered ’80s fashion is hip and cool. Velvet, in

Denim

Velvet

Furthermore, all the excess material from uniforms can be donated to poor college students who need to reupholster their couches. Or to just upholster their couches in the first place.

Plus, silk is hypoallergenic, so silk threads are a much better alternative to cat hair, which some fanatics advocate for. This would better include the majority of hockey players, as anyone allergic to cats could not wear that uniform. And what better way to get out your frustration for not being able to pet a cat than to play a good ol’ game of ice hockey?

Denim is a sturdy, durable fabric that will withstand punches, kicks and potentially knife stabs and bullets. The only drawback is that the dye from the fabric may rub off. But hey, turning slightly blue during a fight will only add to the alluring mystique of the fighters.

Denim takes a bit to break in, just like a good pair of boots.

But it is a known fact martial artists and ninjas never take off their uniforms. It would be very embarrassing if someone needed to be assassinated at 2 a.m., and the martial artist needed to

FAUX ESTATE BILLY FERGUSON

waste precious time changing into their uniform. Due to the nature of their profession, the fabric will be broken-in in record time.

Obviously, only people who can do a full split while in stiff jeans are good enough for a black-belt status.

Leather Wrestling is considered a really masculine sport, correct? But in their tight spandex outfits, no one can take the wrestlers seriously! This is the biggest point of contention in the sports world: how to make wrestling outfits attractive and practical.

It’s a simple solution, really.

Leather suits. This will make the sport more masculine; also, a man wearing leather automatically gains plus 12 attractive points, right? It’s the association of leather with a “bad boy.”

Secretly every woman and most men want to root for the bad boy, the rebel, and live out some deep unconscious fantasy.

Plus, sweating in leather? That body-odor stench will be so strong, people will not be able to get away from the smell of man.

Or rather, the scent of a strong, handsome man.

Wool The answer to the old high school debate of “is cheerleading a real sport?” is yes. Duh. But one argument against this sport is cheerleaders are especially over-sexualized. Where wrestlers need to be sexualized more, cheerleaders have the opposite problem: They need to be sexualized less.

Wool is clearly the optimal

clothing choice for cheerleaders.

It has excellent water resistance when the natural lanolin is kept in the wool. Then, not only is the wool water-resistant, it also has water-wicking properties.

Perfect to keep up the illusion that women never sweat; they glimmer.

And wool is flammable, so now not only can cheerleaders defy gravity with their flips and tricks in the air, they can do it while on fire.

Cashmere If nothing else is taken from this article, the fact that cashmere should be used to make basketball uniforms should be taken into account. Petitions to change all of Mason’s basketball jerseys to cashmere need to be passed around campus ASAP. Disregard that cashmere is not the strongest of fabrics; this will deter any rowdy or extra-passionate basketball player from throwing punches at another player or an annoying fan.

The school already spends so much money on shoes, gear and uniforms for the players, all unnecessary. Players only have two feet. Why would they need more than two shoes? Mason should stop buying shoes for players and start upgrading their uniforms for the future. And that future is cashmere.

As Mason’s athletic season comes to a close in these next few weeks, join Fourth Estate in the push to change Mason Athletics uniforms to a more luxurious style and have Mason be the most chic out of all the NCAA athletic programs.

UPCOMING SPORTS

April 1.0

April 1.2

April 1.1

JC 2301: 5:30 a.m.

RAC: 45 p.m.

Rocket League vs Kansas St.

Curling vs Yale University

F1 Powerboat Racing vs Baylor Field House: 26 p.m.

Patriotball Tournament: All Day.

Underwater Volleyball vs Nebraska EBA: 79 p.m.

Indoor Canoeing vs UConn RAC Field: 2 a.m.

April 1.3 Luge vs DeVry University (All Day) Wingsuit Flying vs Davison Softball Field: 16 p.m.

GMUFOURTHESTATE.COM @IVESTATE @IVESTATE_SPORTS

SPORTS

26

04.01.2019

BATTLE OF HEROES

Gunston and the Patriot to duel in lightsaber battle to decide the mascot for the 2019-2020 season DOMENIC ALLEGRA THE WASHINGTON CAPITALS ARE STANLEY CUP CHAMPIONS

As many people know, the Patriot has been our university’s mascot since 2007. However, most do not know that Gunston, the green bundle of joy who was our previous mascot, disappeared after the Patriot took over 12 years ago.

Gunston fans, look no further, for after community outcry, Mason Athletics has decided to open their mind to possibly bringing Gunston back. However, it may not be in the most normal fashion.

With France having most recently created a new sport, lightsaber dueling, Mason Athletics has decided to utilize this sport to decide the next mascot.

That’s right. Before the start of next semester, the two mascots will go head-to-head in a fight to

the death to decide the mascot for the next 10 years.

The duel will use standard regulation rules; the point system is dependent on the place where the blade makes contact (head or body receives five points, arms or legs receive three points and hands receive one point). The first person to reach a score of 15 wins the game. If the match ends with no mascot at 15 points, the mascot with the higher score automatically wins.

Let’s break down the two fighters.

Breaking down the Patriot As the favorite in this match (given a 63% to win by ESPN), the Patriot stands at 6-3 and weighs 180 pounds. His agility is subpar, as he will have to find a way to

keep his jacket and hat on, but he makes up for this with less body mass. It is entirely possible, as it happened the last time these two matched up, that the Patriot will win in a close match.

Breaking down Gunston Heading into this matchup with the Patriot, Gunston currently has a record of 0-1 against the Revolutionary War figure. In the 2007 matchup, the Patriot battled Gunston in a joust. The Patriot came out on top, winning in a decisive fashion at George Mason Stadium.

However, it will be important to see how Gunston crawls back into the mascot scene after being gone for so long. While he does have his disadvantages with the #size of his body, he is quick and nimble, allowing him to strike at

Make sure to buy your tickets early, because they will sell out!

Don’t forget to use the hashtag #GunstonVsPatriot when posting on social media.

If I had to choose a winner in this duel, I would have to give it to Gunston. I think he will pull off the upset and possibly even win in a blowout. This will be a duel for the ages in the Fairfax community, as they see these two foes battle it out on the EagleBank Arena floor June 9, 2019, at 4:20 p.m.

GunstonVsPatriot.

any time.

Make sure to get your tickets from the EagleBank Arena box office or online through Ticketmaster at https:// www.ticketmaster.com/

FAUX ESTATE BILLY FERGUSON

QUIT HORSING AROUND

Sports editors beat Mason basketball in a game of HORSE, sending Athletics into a frenzy DOMENIC ALLEGRA THE WASHINGTON CAPITALS ARE STANLEY CUP CHAMPIONS

On Friday, March 29, the sports editors of Faux Estate challenged the Men’s and Women’s Basketball teams to a game of HORSE. However, it did not end the way most would expect.

When they met at EagleBank Arena for the matchup, no one thought that the editors stood a chance against some of Mason basketball’s best: Nicole Cardaño-Hillary, Jacy Bolton, Otis Livingston II and Jordan Miller.

percent of their shots and the editors only shooting 50 percent from the field.

The match then took a turn for the worse. After Mason basketball led through “H,” “O”

and “R,” the editors started to make a comeback. CardañoHillary missed a three-point shot, allowing Assistant Sports Editor Domenic Allegra to take advantage and convert from behind the arc, bringing the score within one.

Sports Editor Natalie Heavren made a reverse layup, forcing Livingston II to replicate the shot. After he threw it up, the ball rolled off the rim, tying the score at “HOR.”

FAUX ESTATE ALEXANDRIA MCALPINE

It started as one would expect, with the student-athletes converting on 90

Allegra went with a half-court shot to push Miller to shoot the long ball, but he failed to convert on the shot. Miller then went for the dunk, to which the 5-9 Allegra forfeited a letter.

With one letter left to give for the editors, at “HORS,” Heavren stepped up to the plate, draining a fade-away mid-range jump shot.

Bolton attempted to replicate the shot but bricked it off the rim to tie the score again.

Allegra had the chance to close out the game. Matched up against Livingston II, he went for the glory and attempted a behindthe-backboard shot on the baseline; he converted.

With his back against the wall, Livingston II had one chance to keep Mason basketball’s chances alive; he ended up missing the shot, only hitting the rim.

As a result, the editors of Faux Estate defeated Mason basketball by a score of “HORS” to “HORSE.” When Mason Athletics heard of this upset, they were confused as to how to explain the situation after the event picked up steam from being mentioned on the Atlantic 10 Conference Twitter

page.

This social media push showed that sports editors are athletes, too, not just the athletes that participate in these A-10 programs.

Since the “HORSE” game, Mason Athletics has not posted on any form of social media and has turned down all media requests.

Faux Estate reached out again for comment on the “HORSE” game but has not received any response.

Editor’s note: This is a developing story. It will be updated as more information becomes available or when we actually care to tell you that this is a fake story. If you think that a couple of sports editors could actually stand a chance against D-I athletes, then you are very much mistaken.

27

04.01.2019

SPORTS

GMUFOURTHESTATE.COM @IVESTATE @IVESTATE_SPORTS

“NO, THAT IS A SPORTS TERM” Sports editor quits after realizing no one else in the office knows what a sport is

NATALIE HEAVREN THE UCONN WOMEN ARE NOT BAD FOR BASKETBALL

Faux Estate will begin the intergalactic search for a new Sports editor, after former Sports Editor Natalie Heavren walked out of last weekend’s production meeting upon realizing that no one else in the office knew what a sport was.

“I started this section back up from nothing,” she said. “It’s my pride and joy, but unfortunately, I felt like I had to quit.”

She continued, “just last week I had to explain that bye week was not spelled ‘b-u-y.’ I then had to explain what a bye week was.”

Heavren, who had been the Sports editor since August 2018, simply got tired of saying, “NO, DON’T CHANGE THAT ... IT’S A SPORTS TERM.” “I actually had to break down the concept of fantasy football

last September,” she said. “I just couldn’t believe that there were people that hadn’t heard of fantasy football and didn’t know how it worked.”

After months of explaining Sports terms and creating a specialized AP/house Sports style guide, Heavren had reached her limit.

“I nearly screamed when one of my writers texted me saying their story contained the phrase ‘faster break points’ instead of ‘fast break points’ last November,” said Heavren. “After that, we started the ‘Sports Guide,’ or what I deemed a ‘No, This Really is a Sports Term Guide.”

With spring Sports nearly half over, Heavren simply gave up.

Despite mumbling on and on about

home runs, goals and various track and field events, no one managed to retain what a sport was.

“You would think after this many months, they would have listened to any words that have come out of my mouth during that time,” said Heavren. “It’s not like I talk about much else besides Sports. They really should have figured out what AT LEAST one sport was. I was watching March Madness games in the office just last week and college football games last fall.”

was, so only time will tell if Faux Estate will ever again have a Sports section.

“You know, I really don’t know what she’s been doing this whole time,” said Editor-in-Chief Alex Shedd. “I mean, I know I hired her, but looking back, I’m not quite sure why. We’ll be meeting on April 31 to discuss whether we will be bringing back the Sports section next fall.”

“Wait, they don’t know what a sport is? I’m out, too,” said former Assistant Sports Editor Domenic Allegra.

If you are interested in applying to be the Sports editor, please wait until the end of the Spring 2021 semester to apply. There is no need to apply until then as Heavren slowly teaches the office about Sports.

FAUX ESTATE ALEXANDRIA MCALPINE

Will the Sports section be missed? Probably not. No one seemed to know what a sport

MASON ATHLETICS INVENTS NEW SPORT, WILL PLAY THEMSELVES AT THE D-I LEVEL Mason Patriots beat Mason Patriots 4.25 to -2 in first tournament

MR SHEDD FROM JMU ASSISTANT SPORTS EDITOR

Mason Athletics announced the creation of a new sport last week, Patriotball, and immediately played against their own team in a Division I tournament held at EagleBank Arena.

“Well, we weren’t doing that great in anything else, so we decided to take matters into our own hands,” said Mason Athletics Spokesman Perry Horowitz. “We figured that if the only team was ours, we would win every time, and it worked.”

The rules of Patriotball are unclear but appear to revolve around throwing seven different-sized footballs, basketballs and baseballs at the iconic Patriots mascot until the mascot is incapacitated. Whichever team throws the final ball will then rush the Patriot, attempt to tear the head off the mascot suit and carry the head to their opponent’s end of the arena.

In the impromptu tournament, which had a record student section crowd of eight people, the Mason Patriots (home) defeated the Mason Patriots (away) 4.25 to -2. The point system is unclear.

“Oh, it’s completely arbitrary,” said Matt Harris, senior Patriotball back point goalie kicker. “We just beat the s--- out of the Patriot and take his head.

Then, the ref decides who did it better after, like, an hour.”

“It’s very cathartic,” added Yolanda Carter, sophomore runningfront. “It’s almost like a religious ritual, and one way or another, we always win, which is pretty cool.”

The Patriots, who are simultaneously ranked first and last in the league, have chosen to block any other schools from entering the league for what Horowitz calls “insurance reasons.”

Horowitz said, “Look, by preventing other schools from playing, we’re ensuring our own victory. I don’t need to tell you that basketball isn’t going that well this year. We really need the publicity, and these kids need something to believe in. And that something might just be competitive

FAUX ESTATE ALEXANDRIA MCALPINE

ritualistic stoning and beheading of our own mascot.”

Patriotball has already run into some small controversy, however.

The game, played without pads, tends to be violent and can result in bruises, scrapes, lacerations, fractures, bite wounds, burst eardrums and irreversible psychological damage.

Additionally, some administrators have expressed concerns that the new sport is “too expensive.”

“Eh,” said Horowitz on the choice not to provide players with pads.

“It’s a rough sport, and we don’t get funding, so we can’t afford it, anyway.”

Next week, the Patriots will once again play the Patriots in Patriotball at EagleBank Arena.

When asked for comment, the Patriot mascot only asked, “When will the violence end?”

FAU X E S TAT E

April 1, 2019

Happy April Fools!

All articles between pages 15 and 28 are made up and intended for entertainment purposes. Nothing in this section is real as it is saterical commentary

THE BATTLE OF HEROS page 11

STUDENTS TO LIVE IN CLASSROOMS

TEA WITH IVY

News page 17

opinions page 21

Culture page 20

IRON THE FINAL FOUR BANNER

ARGUE FOR WINGDINGS

Sports page 24

@fauxestate | gmufourthestate.com