Beachside Blubber Blast

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“Half a ton of dynamite. I'm confident that it'll work! The only thing is.. we're not sure just exactly how much explosives it'll take to disintegrate this thing.”

“What to do when an eight-ton whale washes up on a beach? The carcass couldn't be buried because it might soon be uncovered again. It couldn't be cut up and then buried because nobody wanted to cut it up - and it couldn't be burned either! The humor of the entire situation suddenly gave way to a run for survival as huge chunks of whale blubber fell everywhere. The blast blasted blubber beyond all believable bounds. Everyone on the scene was covered with small particles of dead whale. Should a whale ever wash ashore again, those in charge will not only remember what to do - they'll certainly remember what not to do.” This is how news reporter Paul Linnman described the events that transpired on a small beach in Oregon in the US in November 1970 in a legendary piece of TV history.

Believe it or not, when whale carcasses combust on charming coastlines around the world, it’s actually not an unusual event - hundreds and hundreds of toothed, sperm, humpback, blue whales and even dolphins wash up, or “beach”, each year. Just last year, the municipalityof Mörbylånga on Öland started warning beachgoers not to get too close to the decomposing cetaceans because of the risk they might explode. According to Wikipedia, microorganisms soon after death begin to digest the tissues of the body, excreting gases that cause the corpse to bloat. And of

course, big chunks of dead whale raining down on tourists isn’t particularly desirable. This is also why people working with these huge ticking time bombs have to wear protective gear.

One of these daredevils is Darlene Ketten, a marine biologist nicknamed Dr. Doom, frequently gets called whenever it is unclear why a whale or even an entire pod of whales beached. Figuring out why these whales unwillingly find themselves sunbathing is actually really really difficult. Sometimes the reason can be obvious and entirely human-made: hit by a ship, entangled in fishing nets or a diet consisting mostly of big pieces of ocean plastic. Other times, it’s a harder puzzle to solve. Whales communicate and orient themselves using echolocation, low- and high-frequency noises. Weather, wind, waves - a lot of things make sounds that can confuse these beautiful giants, and lead them into dangerous waters by accident. This has been happening naturally for millions of years but, you guessed it, humans are also pretty inconsiderate when it comes to how much noise they make out on the ocean: military and fishing boats use sonar, underwater construction produces massive noise pollution and the odd cruise ship motor can turn from mildly annoying to dangerous. Whales can also get sick and infect each other, just like other mammals. Algal blooms, which is when algae populations explode due to a surplus of nutrients in the water, also happen both naturally as well as caused by fertilizers from human agriculture and other chemicals. They block sunlight, deplete the oxygen in our oceans and can even secrete toxins that can be harmful to whales. And when whales feel threatened or are being hunted, the panic can drive them into shallow waters, where their echolocation doesn’t work as well.

And then there’s the big one, of course. The blue whale of environmental