MOTHER’S DAY FEATURE
CAROLINE SIMPSON
D E T N A W M O M JOB TITLE: Mother.
H
appy Mother’s Day, Mom! If I was in charge, I would recommend you for a promotion and a raise, your service over the years has been remarkable. However, since I do not play the CEO role in this family, I will take this opportunity to honor you by giving you an inside look at my new plans for this holiday. In all seriousness, Mother’s Day is an important holiday. Allow me to provide a bit of the history for you. The tradition dates back as far as the Greek Empire and their Annual Spring Festival; various religions and spiritual groups dedicated a specific day in May to celebrate the Mother Mary, Mother Earth, the Mother of All Deities, etc. England expanded this honor to not just religious mother figures, but to all mothers, and the United States made it the celebration it is today about 150 years ago, when Anna Jarvis, mother and homemaker, decided that there were days for men and days for children, but there just was not a single day devoted to mothers alone. Anna would be proud. Today, Mother’s Day results in the highest volume of telephone traffic over any other day of the year, restaurants are more crowded on this second Sunday in May than any other holiday, and, of course, Hallmark card sales increase dramatically. Well, this Mother’s Day, I want to do more than just buy a card. I know that nothing says thank you like a folded piece of card stock with a poem and some pastel colored flowers on it, but you deserve more than
Old Town Crier
REQUIREMENTS: Must be willing to work overtime for no additional compensation. that. This year, I NECESSARY SKILLS: Patience, am going to make fortitude, and super-human a revolutionary ability to multitask. recommendation to extend Mother’s SALARY: None but must be able Day to not just the to provide monthly (at least) second Sunday in payments to clients. May but for it to TRAVEL: Yes – lots. replace several other holidays so as to BENEFITS: Bedtime and the one extend the focus day a year that it is all about you! on the value of mothers. Before you question funny to leave this one off my logic, take a look the list!) at the following list of holidays that I feel no one would • Poinsettia Day (because really miss: (they all really are moms can keep them alive considered holidays according for months!) to the Earth Calendar’s website It is clear that these are – www.earthcaledar.net.) holidays that may be better • Trivia Day (because moms served if they became the know everything.) ten new additional Mother’s Days. Why should you settle • Maintenance Day (because for just one day? There are 365 moms fix everything.) days and if you do the math, • Groundhog Day (because eleven total holidays increase Punxsutawney Phil won’t last the average to…I’m not sure; forever!) you always helped me with the • Random Acts of Kindness math. Anyway, they are kind Day (no explanation needed.) of like vacation days; think of it as a perk or as part of your • Pi Day (as in 3.14…think benefit package. It is worth about all that help we had some consideration, and you with our math homework.) are worth it! • Father’s Day (come on dad, Comments and suggestions take one for the team!) are welcome, just not to whoever plays the role of • Cross Atlantic HR. I would not want to hear Communication Day from any offended Pirates or (because there are times Groundhogs. when a mother’s voice can Happy Mother’s Day(s!) travel that far…like when dinner is ready or your bed is Caroline Simpson is a former not made.) regular contributing writer to the • National Hot Dog Day OTC and we love to feature her (hmmm – why do we have a missives whenever we have the National Hot Dog Day in the opportunity. She is the mother first place?) of two adorable girls and a crazy • Talk like a Pirate Day (too little boy.
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