The Other Press - June 4, 2019

Lettitor

Pride and joy Bex Peterson Editor-in-Chief

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’m not the biggest fan of summer. When I was growing up, it always felt like an empty, drawn-out hiatus between the more exciting seasons of life; school, sports, choir, holidays and birthdays, et cetera.

Now, I’m mostly grouchy about summer because it just gets too damn hot.

Despite this, I’m a big fan of June these days. June, after all, is Pride Month.

Pride Month means a lot more to me now than it did when I was younger. For one thing, I wasn’t “out” until my late teens.

The messaging for 2SLGBTQ+ youth when I was younger was… discouraging, to say the least. Twitter user @kvetchkween summed it up pretty succinctly in her tweet about Booksmart: “…im happy gay teens these days have movies about gay teens…when i was a teen we just watched brokeback mountain & figured we would one day die in colorado [sic].” I was raised on media that really highlighted the “tragic gay” experience; a lot of queer-focused books and films seemed like slow, sad ponderings

on how awful it was to be different, and it was really a roll of the dice as to how many gay deaths they could fit into one piece of media.

Don’t get me wrong. The sadness, the darkness, the pain… it’s real, and it exists for a reason. Coming out to myself as bisexual was harder than coming out to anyone else as I had to fight my own internalized biphobia; coming out to myself as nonbinary was a whole other mess of questions with few readilyavailable answers. Even so, the pain I experienced was less about the pain of personal confusion and some inherent tragedy of my own existence. The pain was an exterior force. The pain was being told I’d “chosen” a hard life. The pain was being asked if I was assaulted as a child because I was “too pretty” to be gay naturally. The pain was having my own family doctor ask me if I was “addicted to sex” when I told her I was bisexual—given that I was a virgin at the time, my answer was pretty scathing.

Pride serves to highlight our struggles, and it absolutely should do that. 2SLGBTQ+ history has always been a fight for understanding, a battle to be

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recognized as whole human beings. Pride Month celebrates the Stonewall Riots, a watershed moment in the ongoing push for our rights; a push that was begun by transwomen of colour, a demographic that has seen few of the benefits of their own work for the past half-century.

There is still so much work to do, but when I start to feel that pain, Pride Month reminds me of how far we’ve come. I’ve been out of high school for less than a decade, but the changes I’ve seen in those scant years have been astronomical. When I was in high school, no one really knew what trans people were—I didn’t know trans men could exist until I was about 17.

Many of my friends were closeted in one way or another, and I was told many times that bisexual people were automatically confused, attention-seeking, promiscuous, and untrustworthy people. Now, my little cousins—11 and 14 respectively—regularly have conversations about gender and sexuality. They’re already miles ahead from where I was at that age; hell, they’re miles ahead of many people I know now.

This past week I’ve been marathoning She-Ra on Netflix and I saw Rocketman in

Brittney MacDonald Business Manager Cara Seccafien Illustrator Tania Arora Staff Reporter Roshni Riar Staff Writer Billy Bui Staff Photographer Jerrison Oracion Senior Columnist Craig Allen Contributor Brandon Yip Contributor

Cover design by Lauren Kelly Feature layout by James Moore

theatres. What struck me most about these properties was the lack of the inherent gay tragedy. Rocketman, though unflinching in its portrayal of homophobia and abuse, has a hopeful, therapeutic ending about healing and self-acceptance. She-Ra basks in a rich world where gender and sexuality is as fluid as our own, but without the rigid assumptions and stereotypes we were raised with.

If one were to try and capture this hope that Pride Month gives me, it would probably look like Mark Kanemura’s viral Pride Month Twitter video set to Carly Rae Jepsen’s “Cut to the Feeling.” Kanemura dances in a glorious rainbow flag, pulling wig after colourful wig off his head in time with the music, joyous and vibrantly unashamed.

We need that joy to counterbalance the pain, to give the fight meaning. We need Pride.

Until next issue,

Bex Peterson Bex Peterson

The Other Press has been Douglas College’s student newspaper since 1976.

Since 1978 we have been an autonomous publication, independent of the student union. We are a registered society under the Society Act of British Columbia, governed by an eight-person board of directors appointed by our staff. Our head office is located in the New Westminster campus.

The Other Press is published weekly during the fall and winter semesters, and monthly during the summer. We receive our funding from a student levy collected through tuition fees every semester at registration, and from local and national advertising revenue. The Other Press is a member of the Canadian University Press (CUP), a syndicate of student newspapers that includes papers from all across Canada.

The Other Press reserves the right to choose what we will publish, and we will not publish material that is hateful, obscene, or condones or promotes illegal activities. Submissions may be edited for clarity and brevity if necessary. All images used are copyright to their respective owners.

news // no. 3 • BC Greens table conversion therapy ban • New air travel rules announced by CTA • New Westminster ferry extended ...and more

What does summer 2019 hold for Canadians?

Photo by Billy Bui

News

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››A look at the long-range forecasts for the season Tania Arora Staff Reporter

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fter a wet and gloomy fall and recordbreaking snowfall in February, the many ups and downs of spring are giving way to a long, hot BC summer. While this might be good news for beachgoers, it could spell disaster thanks to our upcoming wildfire season.

The temperature is predicted to be above average this year in British Columbia, with hot and dry conditions predicted clear across from the coast to the prairies. The situation however is different in other regions. According to AccuWeather, Atlantic Canada could

experience warm and dry conditions, while Ontario and Quebec might see a cooler, wetter summer than the rest of the country.

This could increase risks of flooding and thunderstorms in the region but will save them from conditions such as the deadly heat wave Quebec experienced last year.

“Last summer was a deadly one [for Quebec],” said Weather Network chief meteorologist Chris Scott, according to the CBC. “We don’t expect this summer to be as hot.”

The same AccuWeather report predicts that the west could experience record-breaking levels of heat and drought through BC and all the way up to the Yukon. This could cause an early start to

the wildfire season—which doesn’t just burn down trees and forests but also has far-reaching and much worse impacts.

AccuWeather Senior Meteorologist Brett Anderson said, “This [pattern] is likely to lead to an active wildfire season in this region, with a higher probability of large fires that burn tremendous amounts of land area.”

BC residents are already experiencing hazy skies from Alberta’s current wildfire battles. The Weather Network cautions that “Smoke from wildfires to the west and northwest will likely become an issue during the summer, meaning more hazy days and concerns for anyone with respiratory issues.” Few can forget the

orange, ashy skies from last year, and it’s looking like we’re set to experience many of the same conditions over the next few months.

As for Alberta, the Weather Network reported that while the province could see some temperature swings throughout the summer, the region is likely to experience the same warming trends affecting the west on the whole.

As the effects of climate change continue to make themselves known through rising temperatures and increased risks of natural disasters such as wildfires, droughts, floods, and storms, the one thing Canadians can predict is that this summer is set to see some extremes.

news // no. 4

theotherpress.ca

BC Greens table conversion therapy ban ››Legislation would protect minors from harmful, destructive practices

Bex Peterson Editor-in-Chief

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ast month the BC Green Party put forward legislation to ban the practice of conversion therapy on minors in the province.

“This bill supports those with diverse sexualities, gender identities, and expressions,” said BC Green Party leader Andrew Weaver in a statement on May 27.

“It sends a clear message that it is okay to be who you are, that your elected officials and those in positions of power hear you and will act now to protect your human rights.”

The ban is part of a larger bill titled the Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity Protection Act and would prohibit the practice of conversion therapy on individuals under 19 years of age. While the Ministry of Health has stated that conversion therapy has never been covered under the province’s medical services plan, BC does not currently have an outright ban in place to prevent it—though the City of Vancouver passed a law restricting businesses from offering conversion therapy last summer.

Conversion therapy is defined as a pseudoscientific practice meant to

“change” one’s sexual or gender orientation, often with psychologically scarring and traumatizing results for LGBTQ2S+ people. The practice has long been criticized and debunked by psychologists, with US Surgeon General David Satcher stating in a 2001 report that “there is no valid scientific evidence that sexual orientation can be changed.”

The Canadian Psychological Association issued a policy statement strongly opposing the practice in 2015.

“Scientific research does not support the efficacy of conversion or reparative therapy,” the policy states, adding that the practice “can result in negative outcomes such as distress, anxiety, depression, negative self-image, a feeling of personal failure, difficulty sustaining relationships, and sexual dysfunction.”

Despite this, only two provinces have outright banned conversion therapy for people of all ages: Ontario and Manitoba, who took provincial action in 2015. Nova Scotia banned conversion therapy on minors in 2018. Alberta was making progress towards a ban, but such actions have since been cancelled by the new United Conservative Government—a decision that Weaver condemned in his statement, saying that “It is particularly

important and timely to be advancing this ban today, as we hear news that the [UCP] is walking back the previous government’s commitment to end the practice there.”

A public push for a federal ban was spearheaded by Alberta LGBTQ2S+ activist Devon Hargreaves and presented in the House of Commons this past February

by NDP MP for Saskatoon West, Sheri Benson. Though the federal government condemned the practice in their response, they rejected the proposal, calling it a provincial and territorial issue. Hargreaves was critical of the federal government’s decision.

“If there isn’t a federal ban, we have a hard time tracking where this is still happening, and it shouldn’t be happening anywhere,” said Hargreaves in an interview with the CBC. LGBTQ2s+ activists in BC have voiced support for the BC Greens’ ban in a series of statements.

“There is no place for discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation, gender identity, or gender expression, as outlined in the BC Human Rights Code and the

Human Rights Act of Canada,” said Nicola Spurling, president of Tri-Cities Pride, in the BC Greens’ press release. “As such, I call on British Columbia’s provincial government to end this archaic and unscientific practice, and to send the message that our province will no longer tolerate these attacks on LGBTQ2s+ people.”

Peter Gajdics, conversion therapy survivor and author of The Inheritance of Shame: A Memoir, also voiced his support for the bill.

“When I left my own six years of ‘therapy,’ in 1995 […] I had no words to describe what had happened to me,” Gajdics said in his statement on the matter.

“In truth, so-called conversion therapy is soul-crushing torture that ends up not even being about ‘changing’ sexual orientation as it is about eradicating homosexuality, silencing it from the bodies of people who are gay. Legislative intervention helps prevent torture.”

A new hope for prescription medication ››BC to cover biosimilar drugs through Pharmacare Roshni Riar Staff Writer

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C will be the first province in Canada to expand Pharmacare coverage to biosimilar medication—changing the type of drugs that the healthcare system funds.

Biosimilar drugs are alternatives to the bioengineered drugs, which are called biologic drugs, that are currently available to treat specific conditions. Twenty years after the patent for an original biologic drug is filed, the patent expires and manufacturers are allowed to create biosimilar alternatives based off the original patent.

The introduction of biosimilar medication will reduce costs of prescription medications by 25 percent to 50 percent. The lowered cost comes from a decreased need to conduct research or development, since biosimilar drugs are modelled after their original biologic versions.

A six-month transition period will allow those taking medication for diabetes and specific arthritic conditions to switch to biosimilar medication before coverage for their current medication is eliminated.

In conjunction with the introduction of biosimilar drugs, coverage for arthritis drugs will be broadened and coverage periods and pre-requirements will be modified under Pharmacare.

As of November 25, Pharmacare will discontinue coverage for the original versions of drugs used to treat conditions such as ankylosing spondylitis, diabetes, plaque psoriasis, psoriatic arthritis, and rheumatoid arthritis.

Jardiance, a diabetes drug, and Taltz, a psoriatic arthritis drug, are available for patients to switch to immediately.

Information on biosimilar drugs for Crohn’s and colitis patients will be available this summer.

The BC government estimates that the transition to biosimilar drugs for arthritis, diabetes, and Crohn’s patients will save $96.6 million over the next three years.

This announcement comes after the January announcement that revealed the BC government will invest $105 million over the next three years to reduce or eliminate deductibles and co-payments for low income residents. These are the first changes to be made to Pharmacare since 2004.

Karen Sharma, a first-year Business student, shared her thoughts on the introduction of biosimilar drugs in an interview with the Other Press.

“Hopefully this will be effective in saving everyone [involved in] the pharmaceutical industry a lot of money—from the developers to the patients,” Sharma said.

Sharma hopes the immediate success of biosimilar drugs will be beneficial in having other prescription drugs redeveloped.

“If [the implementation of biosimilar drugs] proves to be beneficial, that should encourage the industry to look at expanding development to as many prescriptions drugs as possible,” Sharma said, “Too many people are skipping medication because they can’t afford it and hopefully that will stop as biosimilar drugs [become more readily] available.”

issue 27/ vol 45

news // no. 5

Q to Q ferry update

Photo by Billy Bui

››New Westminster ferry service extended to September 2

Bex Peterson Editor-in-Chief

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ew West residents hoping to cross the Fraser from Queensborough Landing to the River Market and back again will be able to do so with extended service throughout the summer.

The Q to Q ferry service, which takes passengers from the Westminster Quay to the Port Royal Public Dock in Queensborough and back again, has been extended once more for full summer

service. From May 18 to September 2 the ferry service will be operating from 6 am to 8 pm Monday to Thursday; 6 am to 9 pm on Friday; and 9 am to 9 pm on weekends and statutory holidays. The ferry service runs on a half-hour schedule throughout the day, though the journey across the water itself only takes about five minutes.

The ferry vessels can carry up to 12 passengers at a time, with room for up to two wheelchairs and four bicycles per trip. Parents are also able to bring strollers aboard if necessary.

Pets are allowed on the ferry, though

cats must be kenneled and dogs leashed and licensed. The official Q to Q website also advises that human passengers take priority, and that passengers with animals might have to wait for another ferry if one of the other passengers has an allergy.

The summer months are popular for the Q to Q ferry service, with ridership dropping over the colder and busier fall and winter months, according to the New West Record. A staff report to the New West city council this past December showed that ridership dropped to between one third to one half of what it was last summer.

“In-depth analysis of weekly ridership and weather effects show that the majority of reduction occurs during weekdays, regardless of weather impacts,” stated the report. “This implies that fall and winter commuting patterns have a greater effect on ridership than forecast rain.”

The report also stated that the City is looking to improve accessibility along the docksides and hopes to continue the service for “at least the next five years.”

The full summer service schedule is available on the City of New Westminster’s official website.

Latest air passenger travel regulations ››New rules announced by CTA Tania Arora Staff Reporter

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tudents looking to make the most of their summer vacation will be relieved to hear that the federal government is rolling out new regulations to protect air travellers.

The Canadian Transportation Agency (CTA) explained in a statement that from July 15 onwards, airlines will have to communicate effectively to passengers in case of flight delays and compensate with a sum of up to $2,400 for bumping passengers for reasons within the airline’s control, such as overbooking. The airlines must provide clear guidelines regarding transportation of musical instruments and compensate travellers for lost or damaged baggage. Passengers must also be ensured proper treatment in case a flight gets delayed.

This is only phase one of a two-part series of regulations, with the next phase set to come into effect December 15.

“Our goal was to provide a worldleading approach to air passenger rights that would be predictable and fair for passengers while ensuring our air carriers

remain strong and competitive,” said Transport Minister Marc Garneau in a statement. “After a long and thorough consultation process, I am proud to say these new regulations achieve that balance and will give air travellers the rights and treatment they pay for and deserve.”

Anushka Basantani, a student at Douglas College, shared her own air travel ordeal with the Other Press.

“It was in January last year when I was travelling to New York via Toronto. I was supposed to reach JFK around 11 am on Thursday,” said Basantani. “I landed in Toronto around six in the morning.

My scheduled flight was cancelled due to heavy snow and then the next three rescheduled flights also got cancelled. I was at the airport for 15 hours after which […] I was given a decent hotel and two $10 vouchers for dinner and breakfast next morning.”

Basantani lost over a day of her New York trip due to delays.

While the second phase of airline protections covers compensation for flight delays—including providing up to $1,000 worth of compensation for delays and cancellations—such protections only

cover flight cancellations that are within an airline’s control and that are not due to safety concerns. Weather-related delays and cancellations are not covered under these protections.

These baseline regulations and protections have been in the works for over a year and reflect the work of many hours of consultation with the Canadian public.

“Thousands of Canadians participated in the consultations that helped shape these new rules,” said Scott Streiner, Chair and CEO of the CTA in their statement on the regulations. “We’re grateful for their input, and confident that these groundbreaking regulations will help ensure passengers are treated fairly if their air travel doesn’t go smoothly.”

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Arts

• Vancouver International Jazz Festival • Twenty One Pilots concert review • Women in the writer’s room ...and more

Series finales: Is it better to be bad than be forgotten? ››An analysis on effective (or not) TV finales

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ast month, people around the world waited in eager anticipation for the end of one of the biggest shows of the collective watching era of television: The finale of Game of Thrones. The multi-awardwinning show cultivated a fan community that very few shows have ever been able to accomplish.

This final episode should have seen its fans rejoicing and being brought to tears by the end of one of the biggest shows in television history. Instead, the finale of the show brought anger, condemnation from the majority of the fanbase, and tears of frustration.

Whether it was Emilia Clarke’s Daenerys committing genocide on a village, or the rule of the kingdom being given to the unpopular Bran Stark played by Isaac Hempstead Wright, many fans were not pleased with the outcome of the juggernaut show. They signed petitions demanding the show’s final season be completely redone, and even demanded that the creators of the series—David Benioff and D. B. Weiss—have a future Star Wars trilogy they are working on taken away from them.

Game of Thrones is not the first show to enter the pantheon of horrible series finales. Great shows like Seinfeld, Dexter, and How I Met Your Mother have all been criticized one way or another for their series finales. In fact, the moniker of having “the worst series finale ever” is a title so often given that it begs the question: Is it even possible to have a series finale that will be universally beloved?

Series finales can be extremely tough to write.

Television shows are not like movies, where there is a defined beginning, middle, and end all neatly packaged in a roughly two-hour block.

Even sequels eventually lead to an end. For television, shows by nature have to be designed to focus more on the journey than on an actual conclusion.

One prime example is the finale of How I Met Your Mother (HIMYM). The show is about the journey of a man named Ted Mosby (Josh Radnor) as he tries to find the woman who will be the wife of his children. The show was a huge hit for

nine seasons, gaining viewers with its fun characters and enduring mystery of who the mother was. However, in the end HIMYM suffered one of the biggest falls from grace in TV history purely due to its finale. The final season of the show was set around the wedding of characters Robin Scherbatsky (Cobie Smulders) and Barney Stinson (Neil Patrick Harris). It is at this wedding that Ted meets the long-promised mother, Tracy McConnell (Cristin Milioti).

However, the finale goes on to show that

entire series for many.

How I Met Your Mother is just one in a long list of shows that hurt their overall legacy with a really bad finale.

Whether it was Seinfeld, the “show about nothing,” sending its entire cast to jail over their past transgressions in the series, or Dexter, where the serial killer played by Michael C. Hall ends the show as a low-key lumberjack, television is filled with finales that have let down fans and tarnished the series.

which the show was set around ends and everyone goes home. On Newhart, the show’s finale reveals the entire series to be a dream, with Bob Newhart’s Dick Loudon waking up as his character from his previous show The Bob Newhart Show next to his co-star Emily Hartley (Suzanne Pleshette). While M*A*S*H delivered the finale everyone expected, Newhart completely shocked its audience with its final scene reveal that in some ways is more memorable than the rest of the series.

Having a terrible series finale is likely not what any writer or creator wants for the end of a show they have worked on for years, but in some cases, a bad series finale may not be the worst thing.

There are shows like Everybody Loves Raymond in which Ray Barone (Ray Romano) almost dies and the family shows him how much they love him, and Friends which tied up every loose end, with Ross (David Schwimmer) and Rachel (Jennifer Aniston) getting together and Joey (Matt LeBlanc) moving to Hollywood to be a full-fledged actor (let’s just forget that spinoff even happened though). Both shows had solid and satisfying finales only to have them be completely forgotten to history.

Maybe in the case of series finales, it might be better to be infamous than forgettable.

In reality, the problem may not be with the show but with the fans who watch them.

With an epic series spanning many seasons, viewers have already invested so much emotional energy into a show that their expectations for the payoff are skewed by this emotional baggage. That could be the main reason fans are so upset with Game of Thrones.

They have invested so much into the show that in the end, the show’s finale was never going to appease them.

To answer the question posed at the beginning of this article, it is possible to make a series finale that both satisfies fans and wraps up the show, but this is a task fraught with failure. Along with this, it may be better to have a finale that is bad than a finale that is forgotten.

People remember the best, and people can even remember the worst if only for reasons of hatred, but nobody remembers the middling three-star series finale— and in the entertainment media, being forgotten and irrelevant is in some cases worse than being hated.

'Game of Thrones' still via Entertainment Weekly

Craig Allen Contributor

Maybe in the case of series finales, it might be better to be infamous than forgettable.

Tracy dies young, Robin and Barney break up after only two years of marriage, and Ted, after some encouragement from his kids, returns to Robin in hopes of rekindling their relationship. This finale went on to become reviled by the fans, who hated it so much that not only did it ruin the show’s final season, which has the lowest critical score out of all the show’s seasons, but it retroactively ruined the

This is not a hard and fast rule though—some shows have had beloved series finales. These include M*A*S*H and Newhart, and even the Seinfeld finale has seen fans turn their perception around upon further review. These shows managed to give fans a satisfying send-off for their characters but did so in completely different ways. On M*A*S*H it was the finale many expected. The Korean War

issue 27// vol 45

arts // no. 7

The short-changed women of ‘Game of Thrones’

››An argument for women in the writer’s room and behind the camera Bex Peterson Editor-in-Chief

Warning: This article contains spoilers for the final season of Game of Thrones. y now, the series finale of HBO phenomenon Game of Thrones has been out in the world long enough to be thoroughly consumed, digested, and parsed through filter after filter of internet hot take scrutiny. Whether you loved it or hated it, it’s definitely a thing that happened. I’m not here to comment on the finale itself, however. Instead, I’d like to take a closer look at a troubling aspect of production: The lack of women behind the scenes.

Chief TV critic for Variety Maureen Ryan broke down the numbers in a Twitter thread last year, pointing out some uncomfortable percentages. Out of 19 total directors for the series, only one was a woman: Vancouver’s own Michelle Maclaren, and she only directed four of the 73 episodes. Only four episodes exist where women held a full or even partial writing credit. No women were hired to write or direct any episodes of the final season. As Ryan grimly ended her thread, “Number of Daves writing #GoT: 2. Number of women: 2.”

The problems with Game of Thrones’ final season and the lack of women behind the camera wouldn’t have been so glaring if the series pivoted strictly on men’s character arcs and decisions (though please keep in mind I’m not saying that it should have done that). But because so much of the final season centred on the complex inner motivations of women, good and evil, entire story beats fell entirely flat because quite frankly the men writing the story either could not or were not willing to see their characters as three-dimensional beings.

In place of time spent developing complex female characters to drive the plot, the women at the heart of Game of Thrones’

Photos of Daenerys, Sansa, and Cersei in 'Game of Thrones' via Glamour

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final season just sort of… do things, and say things, with placeholder reasons relying on stale tropes as their motivators. Cersei could have been a formidable foe and is touted as a tyrant, but we never see what she’s actually like as a ruler. It’s said time and time again that her only motivation is her children (in this case, an unborn child), but if that were the case, wouldn’t she want to flee somewhere safe so she can give birth and be a mother in peace? In previous seasons, Cersei’s desire for power was far more evident as a primary motivation. Now that she has it as queen, the writers couldn’t seem to think of anything interesting for her to do with her authority beyond sipping wine and smirking ominously.

Daenerys, of course, was given arguably the most controversial arc of the season, if not the entire show. Is it possible that a woman dedicated to justice and liberating the downtrodden could flip and become a tyrannical mass murderer? Of course. People in favour of Daenerys’ “Mad Queen” arc often argue that those critical of it missed clues and foreshadowing in previous seasons, but I haven’t seen many people argue that the transition from liberator to tyrant itself was a terrible creative choice. Rather, the motivations behind it and the lead-up to it was what

made the moment feel flat and sour for so many.

A writer who could conceive of Daenerys and Cersei as individuals driven by obsessive ideals and a rich inner world might have written a conflict between the two that highlighted not only the very worst of the characters themselves, but the very worst of human nature. What might have happened if the unstoppable force of Daenerys Targaryen met the immovable object of a Cersei Lannister that would rather watch her city burn than give up her rule? A city in ashes and a brutal, gritty conflict in which there are no winners, only broken people. I would have killed for a Daenerys that breaks not because of some genetic madness, not because “women be crazy,” not because the boy she likes feels weird about banging his aunt, but because she has absolutely become the monster she always sought to destroy and is consumed by despair—not put down like a rabid dog because we needed Jon to do something relevant this season. Would that kind of self-destruction not have been more in line with the kind of “no heroes, no villains, no victories” writing Game of Thrones was once lauded for?

Am I saying that a woman would have automatically written these arcs better

by virtue of being a woman? No, but the presence of women in the writers’ rooms and behind the camera would have added some much-needed dimension and, God help us, empathy. A woman might have seen the draft of the script where Sansa proudly states that being brutalized and assaulted made her a stronger, better person and pointed out that the scene was lacking some serious nuance. It’s not that some assault victims haven’t chosen to internalize their experience as a growing point, but it’s rarely discussed with the coy, tough girl smirk that Sansa delivered the lines with. Growing from sexual trauma is a cold comfort, not a victory. A woman might have known that.

A woman might have questioned Daenerys’ mad-eyed desperation for someone to love her and her complete inability to read the mood when Jon entered the ash-coated throne room of the Red Keep with a hangdog “time to put down the family pet” look on his face. A woman might have wanted to know more about Cersei’s rule as queen. A woman might have blinked a few times at Tyrion’s proclamation that “no one” had a better story of survival and growth than Bran Stark, waved at nearly every other woman present for the Great Council, and marked a few giant red question marks on the page.

The presence of women in primary creative roles could have challenged assumptions of women’s behaviours, motivations, and weaknesses, and might have added some much-needed complexity to the final arcs of the series. We’ll never know what Game of Thrones could have looked like with a deeper and more empathetic understanding of women at the heart of it, but I can only hope that future creative teams learn the right lesson from all this. The centring of women’s choices in the Game of Thrones finale wasn’t the wrong angle to take. The lack of women involved in its creation, however, ended up being its downfall.

Masked duo takes us to Trench Sonam Kaloti Arts Editor

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wenty One Pilots is a band composed of only two people—Tyler Joseph and Joshua Dun. Hailing from Columbus, Ohio, the band has made a huge name for itself by topping charts with hit singles such as “Stressed Out.” Their Vancouver concert on May 12, held at Rogers Arena, was part of the Bandito Tour, spanning many countries to promote newest album Trench.

I’ve been to a lot of concerts—in fact, it’s my favourite place to be. However, I may never have gotten so into concerts in the first place had it not been for Twenty One Pilots. My first concert was in 2014 at the Rio Theatre in Vancouver. Funny, considering that the Rio is a well-known movie theatre with a tiny 420-person

capacity, and that only five years later the ski-masked musicians would be playing in one of the biggest venues around.

It was the band’s first time playing their entire new album in one setlist. The set was composed of 23 songs yet didn’t run late. I was impressed that their show started exactly when stated and ended before 11 pm. At this point there’s nothing more rock than going hard right before getting a proper good night’s sleep.

They pulled gimmicks throughout the entire show, from their 2014 vocal host Nigel presenting the band, to walking over the entire pit on a suspended metal walkway. At one point a masked figure appeared onstage who we presumed to be Joseph, yet a light shone to the balcony and to everyone’s shock, the real him was standing there.

Their energy was high as usual and both Joseph and Dun’s stage presence was phenomenal. As a duo they must do all they can to capture the audience, a feat they continue to achieve.

Though the entire show was amazing, there were a few moments that stood out in the show. One was the performance of “Legend,” an emotional ballad about the passing of Joseph’s late grandfather.

Having suffered a similar tragedy this year, this performance’s raw lyrics and acoustic sound struck a chord with me.

Another magical moment was the song “Truce” played on tape. The instrumentals played while the band disappeared. During this, the audience sang “Stay alive, stay alive for me” together and the chorus of thousands of voices pleading to each other sounded so

Photo by Sonam Kaloti

››Twenty One Pilots concert review

beautiful.

Lastly, their ending performance of “Trees” was powerful as always. Both Dun and Joseph had drumming platforms set up in the crowd where they gave the last hurrah of the show. The energetic performance left a bittersweet feeling—sad that the show was over, but joyous of the experience and ready to live.

arts // no. 8

theotherpress.ca

The TV theatre

››The trajectories of movies and TV shows Jerrison Oracion Senior Columnist

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enjoy. Most of the films that were released recently have been superhero films, sequels, and remakes. Eight of the highest grossing films of all time have fallen into one of these categories, including The Avengers: Endgame which is on track to become the highest-grossing film of all time. An important thing to point out is that the film was entirely filmed in IMAX 3D. In my opinion, it is not only my favourite Avengers film but also the best superhero film, and indeed the greatest film, of all time. The almost-three-hour epic is like a series finale of a show. In fact, all the films of the Marvel Cinematic Universe between The Avengers: Infinity War and this film feel like a four-part miniseries that could have been simply titled The Avengers: Infinity War. On the other hand, the quality of TV today is very high and shares in some of

the magic of movies. For example, every episode of BBC’s Sherlock is the length of a movie and one season of Stranger Things is like an eight-hour film. If the last four episodes of the last season of Game of Thrones had been two episodes, they could have been Game of Thrones: The Movie. Of course, there is also overlap and crossover in television and cinema—Downton Abbey, my favourite show of this decade, will be releasing a film of the same name this fall, which will serve as a continuation of the series.

In my opinion seeing movies today is like watching TV except even better.

You can watch almost an entire series on TV and watch the series finale in a movie theatre for a bigger impact. As long as cinemas continue to innovate, create original stories, and provide viewing experiences that can’t be achieved at home, we will still have movie theatres.

Photo via Maryland Science Centre

ovies are experiences where you can explore new worlds without being there and understand current events in an enjoyable way. With the proliferation of the TV, the film industry and movie theatres have been trying to think of new ways to tell stories and present them. New innovations like widescreen, IMAX, and 3D have kept people going to the movie theatres over the past few decades. For example, in my opinion the definitive way to watch Dunkirk is to see it in IMAX 70mm because Christopher Nolan filmed most of it in that format—you see the entire frame instead of the cropped version you get when you watch it on Blu-ray, and the film is presented in 18k which is the highest picture resolution so far and cannot

be shown on a 4k TV. Nowadays, movie theatres are struggling to attract audiences in the era of Netflix, which provides the same content except in the comfort of your home (although Netflix must release movies in theatres to make them eligible for the Academy Awards). After watching some of the films that Netflix has offered— including Okja and the Academy Awardwinning Roma—both on the streaming service and on the big screen, I will say there is a difference in the impact of the films because when you watch them on the big screen, it is like you are there with the characters on screen and you react with people in the audience who you do not know.

Story-wise, it feels like there haven’t been a lot of original films released in this decade that would turn into instant classics and be passed to future generations to

There is hot air for everyone at annual jazz fest ››Vancouver International Jazz Festival preview

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hen it is summertime in Vancouver, it usually so hot outside that you either want to stay inside cooling off or walk around and do activities outside. It is certainly a time when hot air is rising—and by that, I mean jazz music is in the air. The TD Vancouver International Jazz Festival is back to fire us up with cool jazz music that many people can jam to. This year’s edition

of the festival, which runs from June 21 to July 1, features musicians that will not only appeal to jazz fans but to mainstream audiences. It is also the first edition since the death of festival founder Ken Pickering last fall.

Jazz music is not just the classic jazz standards that you know. Elements of this genre are also used in other genres of music including mainstream music, which is the case of the three headlining acts this year. These acts are all part of the Marquee Series which happens at the Queen

Elizabeth Theatre. The most surprising act that will perform in the festival this year as a last-minute addition is the iconic rap group Wu-Tang Clan, taking the stage on June 23. The group that pioneered rap music in the 1990s can be classified as a type of jazz music because rap is like slam poetry accompanied with jazz music.

Then on June 28 we have the Grammywinning group that is also the house band on The Tonight Show: The Roots. If you are a fan of Jimmy Fallon, you probably know that they can do any type of music. I saw this band performing during the last time they were at the festival in 2015 and their show was as exciting as a rap concert.

Another Grammy winner, Herbie Hancock, will perform on June 29. Hancock has been part of pop culture for the past few decades and has made a lot of memorable music that you might know.

One of the musicians whom Photo via TD Music and Vancouver International Jazz Festival

Jerrison Oracion Senior Columnist

Hancock is a fan and supporter of is Jacob Collier, who will perform at The Imperial in Chinatown on June 30. The British musician combines jazz music with electronic music. I recommend his song “With the Love in My Heart,” which at times sounds like an entirely different song.

One jazz festival performance that I recommend checking out is local singer Laila Biali, who does jazz music with a twist and won a Juno Award this year for her selftitled album. Her concert will take place on June 22 at Pyatt Hall, which is next door to the Orpheum Theatre.

If you cannot go to these concerts, there are also plenty of free concerts during the weekends of the festival, featuring musicians from not only the Lower Mainland but also around the world. There is Downtown Jazz at the Vancouver Art Gallery from June 22 to 23, Jazz Weekend at David Lam Park from June 29 to 30, and Canada Day at Granville Island.

Even if you are not a fan of jazz music, there is a concert for everyone’s music tastes at the TD Vancouver International Jazz Festival this year and you may learn to appreciate the genre. You can learn more about the festival, including the full schedule, at www.coastaljazz.ca.

Have an idea for a story?  lifeandstyle@theotherpress.ca

Life & Style

life & style // no. 9 • Babies aren’t for everyone • Considerations for getting inked • TV: Entertainment or distraction? ...and more

Enviable excitement Morgan Hannah Life & Style Editor

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ave you ever been ridiculously excited over something small and simple? I certainly have. The thing is, I think I may have found my favourite new lip balm and it surprised me when I read the ingredients list to find out that this bad boy is chockfull of occlusive agents like coconut oil and castor oil—perfect for nourishing those distressed lips—as well as mango butter, which just sounds delicious, doesn’t it?

And last but not least, THC. That’s right, this magical little lip lubricant contains tetrahydrocannabinol. I’m talking about the Raspberry Vanilla lip balm from Miss Envy Botanicals, a Vancouver-based company that produces medical cannabis products for Canadians.

Now, I’m not the sort of person who would use medical cannabis-infused products, and I can’t say I really have a good reason for my hesitance considering I’d likely be a good candidate for the curative herb with my asthma, eczema, and deep passion for all things skincare. But after contacting the Miss Envy team, I was set up with a sweet swag box containing a wide variety of Miss Envy’s organic smoke-free alternative medical cannabis products that had me thinking, why not!

“We wanted to create a stigma-free alternative to what was available in the current landscape, a high quality, organic alternative to all the ‘chronic xyz’ and ‘killer death abc’s that plague the local dispensaries,” said Michael Dubuc, a representative from the Miss Envy team, in an email to the Other Press. I knew what Dubuc was getting at right away— there really is a stigma against cannabis,

and it doesn’t help when it is referred to as “weed” or “pot” when cannabis is just a plant with some positive benefits to public health, to the economy, and to the many individuals who chooses to develop a healthy, balanced relationship with it. I get it, medical cannabis can be daunting for those who don’t smoke or are cautious of the plant—but when we’re talking bath bombs, massage bars, and oils that help to improve the condition of your skin, relieve headaches and body aches, help with depression, and help regulate insulin (and so much more!), what’s there to be cautious about? In moderation— like anything else—cannabis can be helpful, and it is a natural alternative to prescription health and wellness.

Cannabidiol (CBD) is a compound in cannabis with significant medical advantages, and unlike THC it is nonpsychoactive, making it an attractive choice for individuals seeking relief from their health problems. As a bonus, CBD and THC-infused lotions, balms, salves, and oils don’t get you high or make you test positive on a drug test, counter to common misconceptions—in fact, these nonpsychoactive products are absorbed directly through the skin to relieve localized pain and inflammation.

A quality cannabis topical is a healthy alternative to steroid ointments. I’d recommend Miss Envy’s Signature Blend Buddha Buddah, which contains essential oils, organic shea butter, and coconut oil. This “buddah” helps to improve and distribute moisture in the skin and has antibacterial and anti-inflammatory properties, thanks to the solvent-free THC. Not to mention it has an amazing peppermint smell. Final thoughts? My

Photo by Morgan Hannah

››Miss Envy product review

hands have reached a new level of soft after giving this product a try.

I was pleasantly surprised to find a set of four tinctures in a variety of doses, and even more pleasantly surprised by the very thoughtful packaging of seafoam green, turquoise, and navy-blue glass bottles all wrapped up in paper cartons. I didn’t really notice much from one or two drops at a time, but higher doses offered a natural alternative for headache cures as well as providing positive effects for my metabolism. And the best part? There’s no taste, so I could add a couple drops to my coffee or in cooking!

Speaking of food, fitting in with my wheat and dairy-free lifestyle, I gave the turmeric and pumpkin Bully Bites dog treats a try. Although crunchy and a little bland for my palate (yes, I did actually give these a taste), they would be excellent for dogs, and apparently for birds too. The crow that swooped in and snatched up one of my treats will now be the coolest crow

on the block.

Last but not least, I used a THC bath bomb a few days ago, and shortly after dropping it into the bathwater the room became a lemon-lime sauna. A light film of oil on the water’s surface didn’t leave my tub slippery but rather locked the moisturizer into my skin, causing less need for lotion afterwards. Once fully dissolved the bathwater lost its smell, but the refreshing, organic ingredients remained, including natural clay. Overall, I found this to be a very nice product that left me feeling purely pampered.

Through the delightful assortment of products and education, Miss Envy Botanicals continues to aim to be the leading source of quality cannabis wellness choices for a natural lifestyle, and from what I’ve tried, thanks to the Miss Envy team’s generosity, care, and quality, they leave little room for competition. Now I’ll never go back to another lip balm brand again.

Pour Boy: Growing more than garnishes ››Fresh herbs for your home bar Jacey Gibb Distribution Manager Gardening is a difficult hobby to cultivate in an urban setting like Vancouver.

For one, most folks are confined to yardless apartments, so there’s no space to grow anything beyond what you can cram onto your balcony. Secondly, it feels like everyone hops addresses every few years, so it makes long-term greenspace planning a pipedream. For the transient, spaceconfined individual though, I present the herb garden.

An herb garden is a fantastic entry point to gardening—relatively cheap to set up, takes up minimal space in your apartment, low-maintenance—and they’re a great addition to any fledging home bar.

Some cocktail recipes call for fresh herbs, but most require the herbs to be in syrup form. Don’t panic though: Making herbal syrup is a lot easier than it sounds.

Simply bring a cup of water to boil and add one cup of sugar. Whisk until the sugars have dissolved and then add whichever herb you’re working with. Let the mixture boil for one minute, then remove from heat, allowing the herbs to soak for roughly half an hour. Strain the syrup of any debris or plant matter and keep in a sealed container in the fridge.

Which plants you decide to grow will depend on your tastes and preferences for cocktails. I’ve listed a few of the most common herbs, but feel free to deviate based on the space you’re working with.

Mint The most popular herb also happens to be one of the easiest to grow. In fact, it sometimes grows too well, so plant mint in a container by itself or else it’ll overrun the other herbs. Mint is essential for mojitos and juleps, but fresh mint is a welcome addition to many other cocktails. Mint also

comes in a variety of offshoots including lemon mint, chocolate mint, and even pineapple mint, so there are plenty of different routes to take.

Basil Basil plants are notoriously difficult to keep alive, which is unfortunate because they’re mighty handy for cocktails and noncocktails alike. Basil’s flavour goes well with gin-based smashes or vodka gimlets but it can also be used in lieu of mint in most cocktail recipes. Keep in mind that basil plants generally only last for a few weeks, so keep a rotation of seeds planted to ensure you always have some on hand.

Rosemary Rosemary plants can be tricky to grow indoors, since they prefer hot and arid temperatures. Infusing rosemary with simple syrup is the best way to extract the savoury flavour, but the sprigs also make

for immensely satisfying garnishes. Similar to basil, rosemary pairs well with gin or lemony flavours.

Lavender In addition to being great in cocktails, lavender is one of the most popular plants for attracting pollinators. Lavender itself has a subtle, floral flavour, which can sneak into a lot of cocktails without dominating your taste buds. My personal favourite lavender drink is the Lavender Bee’s Knees, which calls for lemon juice, honey, lavender simple syrup, and gin.

If starting your own herb garden sounds like an impossible feat, you can always opt for the bitters version of the above-mentioned herbs. However, if you’re looking to test-drive your green thumb and don’t have a lot of—or any—garden space to work with, then give growing herbs a try.

Your cocktails will thank you.

Remembering Canuck Fever 25 Years Later The 1994 Stanley Cup Final and aftermath Brandon Yip

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une 14 will mark the 25th anniversary of game seven of the Stanley Cup Final between the Vancouver Canucks and the New York Rangers. The series was viewed by millions across North America. Canucks fans across the province were hoping for a Vancouver victory in game seven, but unfortunately it was heartbreak as the Canucks lost 3-2 at Madison Square Garden. It was the first championship for the Rangers in 54 years; it was the second cup final appearance for the Canucks (previously making the finals in 1982 and later in 2011).

While the city of New York was in a celebratory and euphoric mood, the atmosphere in Vancouver was downtrodden and destructive. After the end of game seven, an ugly riot ensued in the downtown core. Hundreds of people began smashing windows and looting local businesses on Robson Street. Riot police used batons and tear gas to disperse the crowds.

The damage caused by the riot cost approximately $1.1 million, and 150 people were arrested and over 200 injured. In a 2011 CBC News online article about the ’94 riot, Philip Owen, the then-Mayor of Vancouver, stated that the riot was indicative of the “deep social problems across the country”— and in some eyes, it was also the precursor for the devastating 2011 riot, which similarly took place after Vancouver’s Stanley Cup Final game seven loss that year.

At the outset of the ’94 finals run, the Vancouver Canucks finished the regular season in seventh place in the Western Conference with 85 points and a record of 41-40-3. The Canucks faced the Calgary Flames in the first round and the Flames took a commanding 3-1 series lead. Then the Canucks mounted a comeback and won an incredible three straight overtime games to win the series, highlighted by Pavel Bure’s game seven breakaway winning goal at 2:20 of the second overtime period. In round two the Canucks faced the Dallas Stars, with the

Canucks winning the series four games to one. Then it was the Western Conference Final against the Toronto Maple Leafs, with the Canucks winning the series in five games. The series was notable for Greg Adams’ series-winning goal 14 seconds into the second overtime in game five, a victory which sent the Canucks to the finals.

In contrast, the New York Rangers had a strong regular season, winning the Presidents’ Trophy for having the best record in the league. They finished first in the Eastern Conference with 112 points and a record of 52-248. Their road to the cup final at first was not challenging as they swept the New York Islanders in four straight games, then defeated the Washington Capitals in five games in the next round. However, the Rangers had a difficult series against the New Jersey Devils in the Eastern Conference Final.

The Rangers eventually prevailed, winning the series in the seventh game on a double overtime goal at 4:24 by Stéphane Matteau. The Stanley Cup Final was now set.

In the finals, the Canucks won game one in New York 3-2 on an overtime goal at 19:26 by Greg Adams. The game was also notable for the spectacular performance of Canucks goalie Kirk McLean, who made 52 saves. The Rangers then won the next three games, taking a

3-1 series lead. The Canucks would again mount another comeback, winning the next two games to force a game seven at Madison Square Garden. But in game seven, the comeback fell short as the Rangers held on to defeat the Canucks 3-2.

During the 1994 cup final run, many members of the Canucks played a key role in the team’s success—such as goalie Kirk

McLean; centres Trevor Linden, Cliff Ronning, and Murray Craven; and wingers Greg Adams and Geoff Courtnall. In addition, the Canucks had a game breaker in the “Russian Rocket” Pavel Bure.

He electrified Canucks fans with his speed, finesse, and puck handling abilities while skating at high speed. He put fear into opposing goalies each time he carried the puck into the offensive zone. Furthermore, the Canucks also had a solid defense core with Dave Babych, Jyrki Lumme, Gerald Diduck, Bret Hedican, Jeff Brown, and Brian Glynn. The team also had some toughness and grit in players: Martin Gelinas, Sergio Momesso, John McIntyre, Nathan LaFayette, Tim Hunter, and Shawn Antoski.

For many people in the media who covered the Canucks and Rangers cup final, the memories are still vivid. Squire Barnes, sports director and anchor with Global TV, recalls where he was during game seven of the Canucks and Rangers final. “I was doing the late sports on BCTV,” Barnes said in an email interview with the Other

Press. “So, I was watching and editing the game highlights and coordinating with our people who were in New York for interviews and such.”

Barnes recounted how angry Canucks coach Pat Quinn was that there was a three-day break between game six and game seven.

“He felt it gave the Rangers an edge because if they had played two days later, on June 13 instead, the younger Canucks would have won,” Barnes said. “He always believed that and would show his frustration whenever you asked him about it.”

Bob “The Moj” Marjanovich, host of the Donnie & The Moj radio show on TSN 1040, remembers being at The Shark Club in downtown Vancouver during game seven. “There was a big viewing party and I remember watching the game with friends on the big screen and just experiencing the emotional roller coaster of that game, the highs and lows,” Marjanovich said in a phone interview with the Other Press.

“One thing that I vividly remember is the last faceoff with Pavel Bure taking the draw with 1.6 seconds left,” Marjanovich said.

“The crazy thing about that Canuck team from a fan’s perspective, you just had a feeling they were going to win no matter what. And even with 1.6 seconds left, there was a part of me thinking that Bure was going to score on this draw and we’re going to overtime. But that wasn’t the case and we all know what happened [Rangers winning the cup].”

Paul Chapman, Deputy Editor at The Province and Vancouver Sun, was working in news at The Province during game seven. He was assigned to meet the team at the airport. Chapman remembers seeing the disappointment and melancholic looks on the players’ faces. “The players arrived back about 4 am and we got our quotes, I remember big Sergio Momesso trying to answer questions but breaking down into tears and not being able to finish,” Chapman said in an e-mail interview with the Other Press.

Photo from Canucks.com

Oddly, Chapman recalls being a Rangers fan as a kid and especially loving their uniforms. “I wore it into the newsroom for one game, kind of just to create a reaction, and it did, some people got quite angry,” Chapman said.

Even Douglas College student Ryan Wildgrube remembers where he was the night of game seven. “I remember watching game seven at my friend Scott’s place with our parents,” said Wildgrube, a thirdyear psychiatric nursing student at Douglas College. “It was at the time one of the things we kind of all did as a big group.”

Wildgrube said the ’94 Canuck team had a strong nucleus. “At the time I was a fan and a number of players stood out. Of course, Pavel Bure, who was an insanely good skater and goal scorer; Trevor Linden, who was an extremely young captain, who led through his actions on the ice; Dave Babych, probably the team’s best defenseman; and Kirk McLean, who was an amazing goalie.”

For Trevor Linden, the captain of the Canucks in ’94, who scored both Vancouver goals in game seven of the cup final, the passage of time has not made the loss to the Rangers any easier. In a March 2014 interview on the Hockey

Night in Canada segment called “Inside Hockey,” Linden said the opportunity to win a Stanley Cup is a rare occurrence because you may never get another chance. “I think ultimately, you get that close to something that you dreamed of, you realize the opportunity that you had and the opportunity that you missed,” said Linden. “And I

think just the emptiness of just leaving the ice with nothing [is painful].”

Linden also states that because the Canucks did not win the Stanley Cup, he does not have good memories of that ’94 cup run.

“People have really fond memories of that spring in Vancouver,” Linden said. “It was a beautiful

What was happening on June 14, 1994?

Douglas College only had the New Westminster Campus, as the David Lam Campus didn’t open until fall of 1996 Canadian Prime Minister • Jean Chrétien US President • Bill Clinton BC Premier • Mike Harcourt Number one song on the Billboard Charts • “I Swear” by All-4-One • Number one album on the Billboard Charts • The Sign by Ace of Base Movies released in theatres • Speed and City Slickers II • The Legend of Curly’s Gold (both released on June 10).

• The Lion King would open on June 15 Sports Events • The NBA Final was taking place, with the Houston Rockets leading the New York Knicks two games to one • The 1994 FIFA World Cup, held in the US, would begin on June 17

spring and I remember the weather was incredible. It was just very euphoric around the team. So, people have wonderful memories about that. And I got to say I’m not sure that I share that because we lost and that’s the bottom line.”

For Pat Quinn, coach of the Canucks during the ’94 cup run, the loss to the Rangers hurt but he was very proud of what his team had accomplished. Before his death in November 2014, Quinn spoke about losing game seven to the Rangers. In an interview during that same March 2014 “Inside Hockey” segment, he stated how proud he was of that Canucks team who captured the hearts and imagination of Vancouver fans during that incredible spring in 1994.

“I always believed to this day that the wrong team got that cup, based on its play,” Quinn said. “And it didn’t happen and I’m a bit of a dreamer. I was so disappointed for them because I wanted it badly for them. I always remembered Fred Shero [Philadelphia Flyers coach, who won Stanley Cups in 1974 and 1975], saying the old statement that he said, ‘Win and you walk together forever.’ Well, this group in my mind were winners and they will walk together forever.” `

life & style // no. 12

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Babies aren’t for everyone ››An unpredictable human experience

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’ve never been one to think that babies are cute. I just don’t. I’ll see a picture of someone’s son in a white romper with a fish and boat pattern being held up by their adoring parents, and where others might coo in admiration, I’ll think to myself how his head looks kinda squishy.

I’ll try to think up something nice about the child, but all that will come to mind are those constantly wet, drooling lips held in that puckered way babies do best, and those tiny, sticky limbs that I’m afraid of accidentally hurting while changing the little guy. I know none of that makes me sound good, but would it help to know that I was no exception? I looked like a little wrinkly alien wearing pink pyjamas!

Though my mother and many other mothers might disagree with me, I think children just don’t get cute for quite a long time.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate children or anything, and in fact my fiancé and I have entertained the idea of having a little girl a couple of times, but I can’t get past some personal obstacles in my way of actually committing. To me, that’s a big deal. Parenting a child is an unpredictable human experience that shouldn’t be taken lightly, and if you’re trying to figure out where a baby fits in your life, that seems

like a strong sign it’s not the right time—for me, that time may never strike.

I just can’t see myself giving up my freedom for the role of parent. Call me selfish if you’d like, but why wouldn’t I spend all my time, money, and devoted care on myself to ensure I am the best me I can be, rather than spend it all on a child? After taking a look at a child cost calculator provided by The Measure of Plan, a Canadian financial planning website, it seems quite costly indeed—with college savings included, the cost averages out to around $316,000 for the standard 18 years. Granted, this figure will vary from family to family, but to me those dollar signs are quite clear: Having a kid is a costly endeavour.

I’m nearing the age where it is expected of me to pump out a child or two, especially now that I’m recently engaged, but that lightning bolt of motherhood just hasn’t struck me. Some people to whom I mention my lack of desire to buckle down and buy diapers and strollers may state that I’m still quite young, and still in college, so I shouldn’t rush and maybe shouldn’t even knock on that door yet. Yet others will offer up how much better for me it’ll be to have kids early for a myriad of reasons including having the energy to keep up with them well into their youth. But what about my youth? What about having the excess income to afford the finer things in life, like a round of drinks with my friends on a

whim, or a trip to the Bahamas? Or several trips across the world—can you imagine! I just don’t think I could give that up. People always say that you can still travel with children, but it’s been proven that crying babies and airplanes don’t mix, and going to the beach with two folding chairs and two beers sounds a lot better to me than two toddlers and a wagonful of inflatables and shovels.

I suspect there are a lot of people out there who would regard me as unsuitable for providing advice on whether one should have a child or not and I’d agree, but I’d also like to follow up with how that’s not what I’m trying to do. What I am in fact doing is saying that, should you choose to not have kids, that’s perfectly okay—babies aren’t for everyone.

Go ahead and enjoy another drink and stay up a little later,

or purchase that ticket to New Zealand because you can, and if you find down the road that you have indeed changed your mind like I’m sure many people in your life have repeated like it’s a mantra, give it a shot!

Photo by Billy Bui

Morgan Hannah Life & Style Editor

issue 27// vol 45

life & style // no. 13

››Tips, tricks, and considerations for getting inked Bex Peterson Editor-in-Chief

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attoos have become something of a mainstream phenomenon in the past few decades—which is honestly great. I love my tattoos a lot and I have only had good experiences getting them, and I really want that for everyone who decides to go under the needle. With that in mind, here’s some advice to consider for your first tattoo.

Do your research I have friends who got their first tattoo by just walking into a shop, picking a flash they liked, and walking out freshly inked on a whim. These friends are braver and stronger than me and should be both feared and respected. However, if you’ve never gotten a tattoo before, I highly recommend researching everything—and I mean everything. Research the artist, research the reputation of the shop they work out of, research the recovery time and tattoo aftercare methods, research, research, research! This will not only prepare you so you know what to expect but also give you an edge in terms of being able to identify a shady situation before you drop money on a bad tattoo.

Tattoos aren’t cheap!

Trust me—you don’t want a cheap tattoo.

If an artist is offering to tattoo you for under $120 to 200 an hour and they aren’t an apprentice, really examine that artist’s portfolio. Odds are there’s a reason why they’re lowballing the price. Think of it this way: A good tattoo is something that will stick with you for life. This is one of those few things you’re literally doing entirely for yourself and your own selfimage. You deserve a tattoo that’s going to stand the test of time and make you feel good for as long as you live, and that kind of investment doesn’t—and shouldn’t—come cheap.

messes. Tattoo placement will also affect how the tattoo ages. Finger tattoos, in particular, fade to almost nothing very quickly. If you’re willing to put in the time and money for upkeep and refresh your tattoo time and time again, that’s absolutely an option; I don’t want to scare people off getting the tattoos they want!

But it’s important to know what you’re getting into in the long run.

Listen to your artist!

Your tattoo artist will know more about tattoos then you will ever learn from googling (or at least, they should). Your artist will tell you if your tattoo design is too small, if you’re getting a tattoo upsidedown (yes, that’s a thing), or if your tattoo placement needs adjusting due to how your body moves and ages. It might feel scary taking advice on something so personal, especially if you’ve set your mind on the tattoo looking a certain way. But believe me, your artist only has your best interests at heart. Prepare for some flexibility when you go into your consultation and it’ll pay off in the long run.

Tattoos are a medical procedure and should be treated as such This is why research is so important—you want to know that the shop you go into is clean and has a good record for safety and sanitization. Tattoos are literally a kind of open wound; your tattoo artist will know and respect this, and it’s important that you do too. Take their aftercare instructions seriously. Keeping a tattoo clean and dry not only promotes faster and better healing for an ideal finished product but can keep you from getting the sort of nasty infection that naysayers use as cautionary tales against tattoos in the first place. Don’t get a tattoo right before a beach vacation, keep it out of the sun, and for the love of God, when it gets itchy, smack it—don’t scratch it!

Keep in mind how tattoos age depending on ink and placement Some of the current tattoo trends— white tattoos, watercolour tattoos, et cetera—look pretty when fresh, but tend to age poorly. White ink, for example, often turn yellow with age, and watercolour tattoos can fade into splotchy, bruise-like

Photo by Bex Peterson; Tattoo by Kass at Adrenaline

Pick an artist by competence and style I like to spend hours looking through tattoo artists’ portfolios, and I usually look for two things: Overall competency and whether their style lines up with what I want on my body. Competencywise, you want to look for clean lines (lines that are smooth instead of jagged and without “blowouts”—splotches of ink caused by inconsistent needle depth) and tattoo composition (how the tattoo works with the shape of the body). The style part is up to you, of course, but I really recommend keeping in mind what a tattoo artist’s speciality is. If all you see in an artist’s portfolio is realism and greyscale work, they’re not going to be too excited about getting a request for a full-colour watercolour geometric piece.

TV: Entertainment or distraction? ››A speculation on the bigger picture Morgan Hannah Life & Style Editor

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ow many hours do you spend watching TV a day? A week? C’mon, be honest! What with Netflix and endless channels to surf through on cable, the options really are endless, and watching television is an inexpensive, lowcommitment activity that many people indulge in on a weekly if not daily basis. In fact, according to the New York Times, the average American watches more than five hours of TV per day—that’s a minimum of 35 hours per week, and there are only 168 hours in a week!

You may be thinking, “Well, what’s the big deal? That sounds like a lot of extra hours to me.” Take into consideration that you’re probably asleep anywhere from 35 to 56 of those hours, you’re at work or school—or both—likely for a whopping 40 of those hours, and you’re commuting somewhere around three and a half to 14 hours. That only leaves anywhere from 23 to 54 hours left per week, again going by the above-mentioned numbers, which are merely my ideas of what a typical individual’s week might look like. That doesn’t even take into account homework time, chores, household responsibilities, and any other obligations or activities you might have going on.

I guess you could be thinking about how you’re a student or you’re not making as much money as you’d like, and therefore you can’t really afford to do too much else—I mean, have you seen the prices of gas? So what’s the harm in spending so much time in front of the ol’ tube? As it turns out—and this is not fresh news— watching too much TV is kinda bad for your brain. According to the results of a 2015 study on the television-watching habits of 3,200 young adults, those who watched three hours or more television per day scored poorly on cognitive tests in comparison to those who watched very little. Healthy brains require physical activity, rather than just sitting around with your eyes trained on a screen, said study author Tina D. Hoang of the Northern California Institute for Research and Education at the Veterans Affairs Medical Center in San Francisco.

The study theorizes that the link between lots of television time and poor cognitive performance may be due to spending time in a non-cognitively engaging way. Another hypothesis is that the poor performance may be caused by the decline in physical activity that accompanies watching TV. One thing that is glaringly obvious and potentially overlooked is that what we watch influences who we are and what we believe, and that’s not always a good thing.

According to pioneering linguist and cognitive scientist Noam Chomsky, our TV-watching instills in us the agenda of a totalitarian state. Ordinary working-class folks “ought to be sitting alone in front of the TV and having drilled into their heads the message, which says, the only value in life is to have more commodities or live like that rich middle-class family you’re watching and to have nice values like harmony and Americanism,” wrote Chomsky in his 2002 book Media

Illustration by Cara Seccafien

Tattoo tidbits

Control: The Spectacular Achievements of Propaganda. Chomsky stated that TV is largely used as a propaganda streaming service directly from our television sets to our brains in order to instill values in us that may not be our own, as well as subconsciously determining for us how we spend our money and live our lives. With so much time spent in front of the TV, it’s a fairly effective propaganda tool.

Chomsky’s words have darker implications as well. He suggests that the general public must have their attention turned elsewhere because if we were to wake up and have thoughts and opinions on what is going on in our world, rather than what we are selectively shown, that would be a problem for those whose goal it is to keep us distracted. Without distraction, we might then realize the bigger picture, which is that television is a cleverly adopted source of addictive entertainment-gone-advertisement meant to keep us docile and uninterested in those who have the real power, the “specialized class,” as Chomsky refers to them—those who shape our society as the real authority sees fit.

Consider the possibility that leaders, or the specialized class, are appointed to give us the illusion of control within our society, which is exactly what a higher power with their own interests in mind would want us to think, regardless of whether those interests align with the greater good of the people or not. This illusion of autonomy allows those in charge to do as they wish from behind the scenes, or screens—television screens that is, “mak[ing] sure that [the people] remain at most spectators of action, occasionally lending their weight to one or another of the real leaders,” wrote Chomsky.

But that’s just an opinion; it’s the opinion of a very smart and influential man, a view that is also shared by a number of people ranging from speculative theorists to experts alike. What is your opinion? Do you think that television is just an addictive source of entertainment that may have negative effects on an individual’s cognitive performance, or do you believe that there may be something darker, a distraction from the bigger picture, at work? Either way, it is important to find a healthy balance of activities, work, sleep, and entertainment in life, as well as to get involved and be more than just an observer or spectator.

Opinions

Have an idea for a story?  opinions@theotherpress.ca

• Don’t be ignorant of cultural norms if you’re travelling • Rants in your pants • Game of Thrones ...and more!

'Game of Thrones' still via Petty Mayonnaise

When ‘Game of Thrones’ fails to meet our expectations ››We only have ourselves to blame for the disappointment

Roshni Riar Staff Writer

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know that we’ve all probably had enough Game of Thrones talk to last a lifetime but before we’re totally burnt out on the subject, I want to talk about the series finale.

Most of all, I want to shift the blame away from the show creators to the show watchers. That’s right, I’m blaming you for your own disappointment.

When the season started, viewers knew that there would only be six episodes.

From that knowledge alone, I think we all should have thrown our expectations out of the window and just enjoyed the ride.

With the all the loose ends, we should have known it would be impossible to have everything resolved neatly.

George R. R. Martin created an expansive, rich universe filled with complex storylines and characters. He did so because he could—he didn’t have the same limitations that the television show had.

The show writers and production team really tried to do the books justice and I believe that when they had the books as

source material, they truly did.

In trying to do the books justice, the writers tried to include as many details and storylines as they could and of course, with only six episodes to the final season, not all those storylines could be resolved and wrapped up.

Going into the final season, I think that fans should have kept the various limitations to the television show in mind.

We all expected so much—too much, in fact—and were somewhat unrealistic in our expectations. After episode five, we should have realized that with only 70 minutes left to the entire series, it just wouldn’t be possible to feel totally satisfied. Sure, if things had maybe been done differently, those plot holes and loose ends could be forgivable, but this is where we’ve ended up and we must deal with it.

In light of the series finale, fans have gone so far as to create a change. org petition demanding season eight to be rewritten with different writers—many people have cited David Benioff and D. B. Weiss as responsible for the downfall of Game of Thrones.

While I understand the frustration

and am equally disappointed in the last season of the show, the petition won’t do anything to right the alleged wrongs of the finale. Even if the writers were aware of how the final season might be perceived, it’s not like they’re sitting in a conference room with bated breath waiting for someone to demand a revision.

Unfortunately, it’s over. All we can do now is wait—and cross our fingers—for the release of the final books of A Song of Ice and Fire series by GRRM. Fans should take their post-finale anger and channel it into support for the actors, crew, and the hundreds of people who spent months of their lives working on the show. In that spirit, a fundraiser was created by fans of the show in order to collect donations for Emilia Clarke’s—who played Daenerys Targaryen—foundation SameYou. The foundation was created

by Clarke after she suffered two brain aneurysms while filming Game of Thrones.

Its main goal is to raise funds and increase access to rehabilitation after brain injury.

The funds raised by fans will all be donated directly to Clarke’s charity and I feel like that is a respectful, meaningful way to honour the show and Clarke’s impact on a lot of people.

While we’re allowed to be angry, I think it’s important to do something with that anger—especially since the show isn’t coming back. Support the people you watched on your television screen for 10 years. Remind yourself that a lot of people put their blood, sweat, and tears into bringing this show to you. Hope that GRRM finishes those damn books. Find a new show to watch and just hope the ending won’t be as disappointing as this one.

enough money for a phone and internet, which gives you unlimited access to all of that information about manners at all times. Travellers spend time researching where they will be going for the day, what restaurants they will eat at, what trains they need to be taking, et cetera. If you can research any of those things, why can’t you research what polite manners are? Many tourists take a full hour finding a restaurant to eat at; five minutes spent researching local etiquette such as not sticking your chopsticks straight into your bowl of rice (because to the Japanese it resembles a funeral rite) is easy research work in comparison.

The concern for not knowing cultural norms is not only related to rudeness either—if you don’t respect the cultural

rules you could literally be ruining things without realizing. For example, many clothing stores in Japan have thin, sheetlike face masks to cover the faces of those who wear makeup in their fitting rooms.

If a tourist who wears makeup does not realize that they need to put the mask on, they could ruin the clothes (according to Japanese standards) and make an employee's life difficult.

If you have a reason to travel somewhere, obviously you have some interest and admiration for that nation’s culture. If you like a country and culture enough to visit it, you need to pay it the respect it deserves. It is unfair that many tourists travel to countries and enjoy the culture but disrespect the norms and the people to whom that culture belongs.

Don’t be ignorant of cultural norms if you’re travelling ››You’re an embarrassment when you don’t respect etiquette

Janis McMath Senior Columnist The popular tourist city of Kamakura, Japan (home to the largest Buddha) issued an announcement this April to raise awareness of the cultural norm of not eating while walking. Sadly, this is not the first time a city in Japan has had to spend money to try to make tourists more aware of their cultural rules—one previous attempt was Kyoto’s 2017 etiquette guide.

What an embarrassment this is for all travellers. Tourists should know the basic dos and don’ts of a country the same way a guest should be aware of the same in someone else’s home.

A respectful guest acknowledges that it is a privilege to be invited to and enter someone’s personal space and they abide by the host’s rules because they understand

this. Guests also respect the host’s rules and are on their best behaviour because they want the privilege of being invited again.

Tourists should not feel entitled to enjoy the culture of a country they are entering if they don’t intend to abide by the rules that maintain that culture. It is a privilege to be let into a country as a visitor and one should be aware of that fact, expressing said awareness by making an effort to be culturally aware. It is unfair that many tourists benefit from the the fun parts of the culture while disrespecting the cultural rules—ruining the image of tourists everywhere.

There is really no excuse to not know simple etiquette. It’s not like you’re being asked to learn an entire language; picking up 10 simple no-nos won’t take up too much brain space. If you have enough money to travel, you likely have

opinions // no. 15

War of the words

Coffee cups? In my Westeros? It’s more likely than you think! ››Expecting absolute perfection from TV shows and movies is unrealistic

Bex Peterson Editor-in-Chief

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Game of cups

››A mistake that should never happen in film or television

Jessica Berget Opinions Editor

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n case you haven’t heard enough about Game of Thrones and you aren’t sick of hearing about that damn coffee cup again, consider this hot take: People are right for being outraged. I know it’s a stance that has been done to death, but it bears necessary repeating. The coffee cup and yes, the water bottle from the series finale are major mistakes that should never happen in film or television ever again.

How many other television shows or movies can you think of where there have been some production mistakes, or something left in a scene that shouldn’t have been there? Off the top of my head I can think of a few. Small mistakes in film are bound to happen and that’s totally cool.

However, that coffee cup in episode four was a pretty fucking obvious mistake, and it wasn’t an isolated incident. In the series finale, there was a water bottle left in one of the final shots. Many people claim that these mistakes are a testament to how little the show’s creators care about the show.

I don’t think I would go that far, but I do agree it is a disappointing and frustrating mistake to happen with what was once such a great show, which is why it should never happen again.

There is a reason most filmmakers and producers take so much care to make sure that there are absolutely no inconsistencies or mistakes in the show. It takes the audience out of the fantasy of the show and ruins the illusion, which as a viewer is incredibly frustrating. In the context of a television series whose quality has substantially degenerated with each later season, I can understand why fans are so upset about the cup.

There may have been some unnoticeable hiccups or accidents in other shows and movies but something like a coffee cup in a scene, especially in a medievalesque fantasy piece like Game of Thrones, is pretty glaring. Furthermore, I find it hard to believe that the cup made it in, given how many eyes that scene has gone through. Producers, directors, editors, or anyone else who had a part in the show—nobody noticed it.

Like I said, it is just a small mistake that was bound to happen sooner or later.

However, it’s a mistake that happened not once, but twice in one season, both times with a beverage container being left in very visibly. I could understand it happening as a one-time thing, but I think twice in the same season, after all the scrutiny and backlash from the first mistake, is inexcusable.

f all the internet rages I’ve witnessed over the final season of Game of Thrones, the one that makes the least sense to me is the absolute frothing fury over the infamous coffee cup left on the table in episode four (and, yes, the water bottle in the finale). Should they have been there?

No. Is it, as many people have described, incontrovertible proof that the executive producers “definitely didn’t care” about the quality of their final season by making some kind of easily avoidable mistake?

Absolutely not. We accept the occasional typos in our newspapers and printed books despite the amount of time and effort that goes into editing them—why should film and television be any different?

I’ll admit I get a bit defensive on this topic because as someone who used to work in film, I know what the days are like.

I think people get this image of a film set as some kind of glitzy, quiet workspace where actors lounge in luxury between takes while directors carefully craft every shot with painstaking attention to detail and time is no object. In reality, people should be picturing something like a construction site. Actors and crew need to be able to eat and drink between takes, and snacks are often brought around set to keep everyone’s blood sugar up during the long hours of shooting. One of the most oft-repeated jokes when set-ups are running behind schedule is “we’ll fix it in post,” meaning that any mistakes caught on the day will have to be rectified in post-production.

Because of tight schedules, 15 to 20-hour days making everyone a bit loopy, and the general chaos of film, post-production has to deal with a lot of fixes.

A shot goes through many different hands before a final version is delivered.

I guarantee that production and postproduction had to filter out plenty of immersion-breaking errors along the way.

Rants in your pants

››‘Detective Pikachu’ would have been so much better with Danny DeVito Jessica Berget Opinions Editor

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n May 10, Pokémon fans all around were either ecstatic or dreaded the release of Pokémon Detective Pikachu.

However, I think if more fans had known that Danny DeVito was considered for the voice of Pikachu, the release of the film would have much more unpleasant. Ryan Reynolds may have done a good job with the role but compared with DeVito I think it’s obvious who would have played the better Pokémon.

Indeed, DeVito was considered for the role of the adorable Pokémon detective, in large part because an online petition calling for DeVito to voice the character garnered

about 50,000 signatures. In fact, test footage with his voice was even made by the filmmakers to see if he would be a good fit because of the internet’s response.

Watching the film myself, I couldn’t help but think how much better the movie would have been had DeVito voiced the starring role. A movie about an adorable Pokémon who solves crime with a sassy and crude demeanor is the exact role DeVito was born to play. I think it was a waste to make the movie and not have him be in it.

If you ask me, Ryan Reynolds’ voice was too neutral and flat to be captivating or humorous in this role. Experiencing the movie with the knowledge that DeVito could have been Pikachu instead left a Danny DeVito-sized hole in my heart that will never be filled.

I at least hoped that although DeVito didn’t get this role, there might be a future Pokémon movie he could still be in. Unfortunately, that day may never come. Some Pokémon fans may be disheartened to know that, at least as of three years ago, DeVito didn’t even know what Pokémon was, suggesting that he will probably never voice any adorable Pokémon in any future movies.

When asked about the possibility at an It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia special event in 2016, he responded, “What the fuck is Pokémon?”

With no Danny DeVito Pokémon movies on our horizon, the only thing we can find comfort in is the edited Pokémon Detective Pikachu trailers with DeVito’s voice dubbed over on YouTube.

The coffee cup, with its neutral colour palette, would have blended right in with the rest of the scene and would have been incredibly easy to miss in the light of much bigger concerns and fixes to focus on.

The argument people often make for why this error is particularly egregious is the show’s massive budget—which, given the nature of the mistake, makes absolutely no sense. It’s not like they spent $15 million per episode on a designated “coffee cup sniper” in production or post.

For some much-needed perspective, The Lord of the Rings trilogy had a budget of $94 million; adjusted for inflation, this equates to about $140 million today.

They had comparatively more time and money to produce a shorter product than the final season of Game of Thrones, and that fantasy trilogy is rife with mistakes: Trucks ambling along in the background, forgotten coloured contact lenses, “dead” orcs sitting up after Aragorn jumps over them, so on and so forth. Hell, even Academy Award darling Gladiator infamously gave us chariots flipping over to reveal gas canisters underneath. These things happen. It’s not a sign of laziness, it’s what we get when fallible humans make fallible products. Given the time and effort that goes into the more important parts of production—the writing, the visual effects, the attention to detail in set and costume design—it’s wildly unrealistic and, quite honestly, grossly unfair to expect a flawless product. I say let the person who’s never made a mistake at work be the first to cast Twitter shade on this one.

In the grand scheme of things, a coffee cup is not a big deal. The Game of Thrones production team handled the gaffe with grace and good humour, and it’s already been edited out so the coffee cup won’t appear in DVD box sets and digital copies. It’s really your choice whether you decide to laugh and enjoy the thought of Daenerys Targaryen sipping on a latte or let something so small and petty ruin the show for you.

Image via thingstodoinla1 on Soundcloud

issue 27// vol 45

Humour

Have an idea for a story?  humour@theotherpress.ca

• Quiz: What summer injury should you get?

• Local beach water just urine • Three ways to ruin your workplace BBQ ...and more!

What summer injury should you get? ››Can I sign your cast?

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uch! With all the wholesome summer activities out there like biking, beaching, and drinking a six-pack of canned vodka sodas in the park alone at 11 pm, it’s inevitable that you’ll sustain some kind of injury before the season is out. Like all things during the summer, the sun makes injuries and bedrest seem so much more fun, vibrant, and romantic than if you had to deal with them during the winter! Take this quiz to make sure you pick the right injury for you and be sure to shoot me a text once you’ve spent three consecutive weeks in bed and your standards are severely lowered ;)

Isabelle Orr Entertainment Editor

What is your ice cream truck order? a) Fudgsicle b) Firecracker popsicle c) that SpongeBob popsicle that looks like SpongeBob if he ran headfirst into a moving vehicle d) you’re driving the ice cream truck You’re at the nude beach! You: a) turn around and go home b) wear a slightly racier swimsuit c) are already topless, baby! d) live in a tent on the left side of the beach for the remainder of the summer Family visits from out of town.

To show them around, you take them to: a) a nice park for a stroll in the sunshine b) your favourite restaurants and bars c) a music festival to really show them a good time d) your tent on the left side of the nude beach where you’ve been living all summer

Uh oh! It’s going to rain on Sunday. What’s your plan? a) enjoy it! You were looking forward to cooler weather b) it’s a bummer, but variety is the spice of life c) moodily stay inside and watch horror movies d) fortify your tent on the side of the nude beach You’re in charge of throwing a summer party. Your theme is: a) bonfire! You and all your pals drink hot chocolate around a safely maintained beach fire that you have all the permits for b) glow party! Everyone brings glowsticks and you release compostable lanterns into the sky c) pub crawl! You hit up all your favourite patios and get sloppy drunk d) you invite everyone to your beach tent for a no-holdsbarred Bacchanalia, where you participate in a 20-plus person orgy under the light of the harvest moon

Mostly “A”s: Summer cold What is it about summer colds that make them so much worse than winter colds?

While all of your friends are out having a good time, you’ll be stuck inside like a loser watching Gilmore Girls on a loop.

You’ll look for sympathy, but no one will care about your boring ass while you waste away. Sorry about it!

Mostly “B”s: Sprained ankle An extra-annoying injury, sprained ankles get all the fun of being sore yet without the visible signs of injury so everyone around you thinks you’re just being a big baby. You don’t even get, like, a crutch or anything. While you hobble around clumsily, you can be secure in your knowledge that you look dumb as hell.

Mostly “C”s: Broken wrist For some reason, I remember being very attracted to people with casts in elementary school. Why? Maybe because they seemed like badass risk-takers, or maybe I have an unearthed mummy fetish. Either way, your injury could pass as a cool fashion accessory if you accessorize well, and it’s severe enough to score you a couple of weeks off work.

Enjoy!

Mostly “D”s: Head-to-toe sunburn Wow, that’s… commitment? Forget tan lines, you should just be worried about the state of your remaining skin once the burn heals up. Once September hits, you’ll be able to shed your withered skin like a snake and slide like a fresh newborn back into the ocean waves from whence you came. See you in 2020!

Three ways to ruin your workplace BBQ ››Throw yourself on the grill!

Isabelle Orr Entertainment Editor

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ecause it’s sunny now, your minimum wage job will force you to participate in mandatory camaraderie with the same people you see every day—except without pay. Fun, right?! Why spend your scant hours off catching up on laundry or seeing friends and family, when you could see your coworkers in a non-work setting? Nothing bonds coworkers together more than seeing what they wear when they’re not bound by the employee handbook!

Luckily, everybody feels the same way about seeing your sorry ass. Everyone’s ready to leave at the soonest opportunity.

That’s why the burden falls upon you to ruin your work BBQ as quickly as you can so you can run home and hole up in your bedroom, watching Sex and the City until it’s time for you to head back to work. Don’t know how to be a party pooper? Try any of

my three easy ways to get out of worksanctioned fun as soon as possible!

Get drunk The easiest way to get out of any scenario, this option has the added bonus of, well, being drunk. All coworkers have to be on a moodaltering substance to stand each other, but this is just cranking that dial up to 100. Drink your alcohol, your coworker's alcohol, your manager’s alcohol, and the wine in the wine bra you wore to the BBQ until you’re too drunk to stand and slurring about how we shouldn’t have to work to live. Everybody will be quick to rush you out of there so you don’t ruin the vibe of 10 to 15 people who don’t want to hang out with each other. As another added bonus, you’ll get a free cab home! Be sure to stop at a 24-hour Subway for a celebration sub to soak up all that booze.

Grandma’s dead Warning: This excuse can only be used once! How crazy is it that you got a phone call at this exact second, and it’s your mother calling to tell you that Grandmammy passed in her sleep after 84 fruitful years on Earth? Wow, you’ve never really talked about her much before, but rest assured you are VERY sad and heartbroken. Yes, she was very present in your life and not scary with long acrylic nails that she would pinch you with and call you fat. Yes, you’re very, very sad, and you need to go home right away, but not before stopping at the 24-hour Subway for your mourning sub.

Big fight This one is high risk, high reward. Pick your least favourite coworker who has been getting on your nerves, and just start reaming them out. They never take out the garbage or mop the floors? Let ’em have it. Do they take 40-minute breaks instead of 30-minute ones? Go off. Did they narc on you for stealing pastries? It’s game time, baby! Launch a full-on person versus person fight, and when you are forced to leave the gathering, stop by the 24-hour Subway to hand in a resume and application for a new job. Proud of you!

issue 27// vol 45

humour // no. 17

Escape room theme ‘kidnapped by a man’ ››Perfect for any bachelorette party!

Isabelle Orr Entertainment Editor

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undreds of women flocked to Epic Escape on Granville Street to test their new terrifying escape room.

“We have Escape from Dracula’s Castle, Escape from Haunted Asylum, and Escape from the Plague,” Simon Hoppersien told Other Press reporters.

“But this one really is the scariest of all. It’s Escape from a Man Who Has Kidnapped You and Probably Intends to Torture and Kill You and There Is Nothing You Can Do About It.” Hoppersien, who helped to program the game, said he based it on the “harsh realities of human existence.”

“Most women live in fear for their safety and wellbeing,” he said. “I thought, why not capitalize on that?”

With the help of technology, the simulation takes women to a bar far from their neighbourhood in an area they don’t know very well. After a couple of drinks, players “wake up” in a trunk with their hands zip-tied behind their backs.

“The challenge is to escape the trunk before the kidnapper comes back,” Hoppersien says. “Players have an hour time limit, but in real life, they probably only have a scant handful of minutes before being assaulted by someone bigger than them.”

Hoppersien assured Other Press reporters that the game was fully immersive.

“Women are encouraged to wear as little clothing as possible to the escape

room so that they can 100 percent feel that being kidnapped was their own fault,” he said. “And for a $5 fee, we can edit the kidnapper’s face to a picture of a friend or loved one that the player provides, as most attacks come from someone the victim knows.”

Reporters spoke to women who played the escape room for their reviews.

“I’ve been told my entire life to be careful of what I say, do, eat, drink, how I dress, who I smile at, how I walk down the street, and so much more,” Eliza Luppi told press. “Finally, I can channel all that fear into something that I feel like I’ve unjustly earned.”

“This is good practice for when I’m inevitably actually kidnapped,” Jessica Smythe said.

“When my friends and I got scared and asked to leave the room early, the staff said no and made us wait it out,” Jenny Blake said. “It really made us feel like we had no control over the situation, just like in a real assault. They really went the extra mile.”

What happens when men try the simulation? Reporters talked to Karl Senna, who tried the escape room for himself.

“It’s weird,” Senna said. “I went to the bar in the beginning, but instead of kidnapping me, the guy and I just talked at the bar for a really long time about the 76ers season and where we think the team is going to go next year. After an hour it ended and I just walked out of the room. He was a really cool guy. Wish he was real so we could really hang out.”

Local beach water just urine ››Forecast calls for swimmer’s itch Isabelle Orr Entertainment Editor A study recently done by a group of UBC scientists showed that all beach water in the Greater Vancouver area is actually just human urine.

“People always debate which beach is the cleanest, with oil tankers, pleasure crafts, and seaplanes in close proximity to popular swimming areas,” head researcher Carly Johnston told Other Press reporters.

“What most citizens don’t know is that none of that matters, since the ‘water’ at the beach is completely urine.”

Is this a recent phenomenon?

“No, it’s nothing new,” Johnston said. “People have been peeing in the ocean since the beginning of time. It’s easier and less gross than using the beach bathrooms, which are always covered in sand and greatly resemble a washroom in a maximum-security prison. The ocean, as we now know it, is the accumulation of thousands and thousands of people who are too lazy to walk up the beach and use the porta-potty.”

But how do fish and other aquatic animals manage to survive?

“We don’t know,” Johnston said.

“Nobody knows. Sometimes science is just too vast to know all of the answers.”

Sociologist Peter Kinsey had some insight into the phenomenon of what makes the ocean such a peeing free-forall.

“Something about the beach and the mentality surrounding it kind of dissolves the rules of modern society,” Kinsey said.

“That’s why so many people wear bucket

hats and openly play country music the closer they are to any body of water.

Anything goes.”

Reporters spoke to beachgoers at Jericho, Kitsilano, and Spanish Banks Beach to get their input on the recent findings.

“It doesn’t surprise me,” Gerry Irby told press. “I’m disgusting, and I’ve been peeing in the ocean ever since I’ve been old enough to swim. In fact, you’re all lucky that that’s all I do in there.”

“I’m actually a purist who’s only ever peed in large bodies of water,” Jim Sheffield said. “Mostly beaches, but I did a brief stint in rivers and lakes during my wild college years. A man’s gotta cut loose every now and again, you know?”

The Vancouver Board of Parks and Recreation issued a statement following the research team’s findings.

“Though this seems like a groundbreaking discovery, it’s really nothing to be alarmed about,” Park Board commissioner Tessa Martin said. “Some back alleys in Gastown and Chinatown are actually 80 percent urine. Pee plays a large part in our city’s foundation. To say nothing about what goes on in Delta.”

What’s the best course of action for the discerning beachgoer?

“Just try not to think too much about it,” Johnston said. “And urine is an antiseptic after all. Enjoy the sunshine and the ‘water,’ and try not to dunk your head.

We also recommend burning your hair and clothing after each seaside excursion.”

Johnston declined to comment on what Trout Lake water consists of.

“That’s classified,” she said.

Men passing anti-abortion laws revealed to be time-travellers from 1700s ››‘We hate women in a quaint, old-timey way’ Isabelle Orr Entertainment Editor

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n May 15, the state of Alabama introduced an anti-abortion regulation that makes it illegal for people with uteruses access to safe abortions, with no exceptions for rape or incest, thanks to elected officials who are literally from the 18th century.

“Women’s bodies are not actually their bodies,” Clyde Chambers, sponsor of the abortion bill, announced to press last Thursday. “They actually belong to whatever man is nearest to them at the time.”

Chambers, like other men who do not possess uteruses, the means to produce a child, or any empathy for anyone but themselves, was happy and secure in the legislative decision.

“This is the best possible thing for society right now,” Chambers said.

“People think that we should be focusing

on climate change, or how humans have single-handedly run the Earth into the ground. But I disagree. We should be enforcing strict regulations on women because frankly, I am scared of them and the power that they wield.”

What most people don’t know? The men in charge of passing these laws are actually from the year 1776.

“My fellow lawmen and I found a small pool at the edge of an enchanted forest while we were out for a good old foxhunt,” Chambers said. “When we drew nearer to the pool, we fell in and wound up in the year 2005.”

When asked how he was able to quickly rise to the title of State Senator with no previous work experience, education, or knowledge of modern technology, Chambers simply said: “I’m a man.”

What do these men of yesteryear gain from these restrictions in women’s autonomy?

“Me and my boys are simple folks,” Chambers said to reporters. “We like

relaxing before the hearth after a long day’s work, enjoying a hot mug of mead before bed, and making sure that women know their place as subservient to men in every way. You know, before my father died of an old-timey disease that he got because he never bathed, he told me that the key to a good mother and wife was breaking her spirit like you would a wild animal. I believe that passing this law will collectively break the spirits of almost every woman around the world.”

Unsurprisingly, thousands of women worldwide voiced their dissent for Chambers’ ideas.

“Any woman who goes against my orders is a witch and should be burned at the stake or dunked in water until she confesses to being a witch. After she admits this, she shall be given a partial lobotomy so she can become a good wife and mother to a man’s children, with no option to terminate the pregnancy,” Chambers said.

Reporters closed interviews early when a battalion of women from the year

3000 transported into the press conference and began eviscerating Chambers and his men with ray guns.

Creative Works Cinnamon sticks Roshni Riar Staff Writer Auntie always amazed me with her endless bag of tricks in the kitchen stories flowed from her fingertips, each one a little better.

How did she build this house with cinnamon sticks?

Tiny bruises dotting her arms from too tight grips the shadows of men who’ve done nothing but mislead her.

To ease the pain, she’d reach fearlessly into her bag of tricks.

Don’t worry, adding some sugar is a sure-fire quick fix to heal the sting on your tongue from the unwanted bitter.

She told me once this house was made with cinnamon sticks.

When she was alone, I’d watch her break out from his eclipse spinning rotis and crushing pods of cardamom and black pepper.

Auntie always amazed me with her endless bag of tricks.

Did she ever wonder if these walls would be stronger with bricks?

She didn’t care for strength when the scent brought her pleasure.

I can’t help but wonder why she made this house with cinnamon sticks.

When her spice jars went empty, she’d stand with her hands on her hips, the clock ticking towards an unwanted dinner as her forehead grew wetter.

Auntie always amazed me with her endless bag of tricks.

Forget popsicles, this house was made with cinnamon sticks.

Tending Caroline Ho Assistant Editor I have this tendency, as such to ruin everything I touch to damage all that I hold dear the fool who dares to stand too near I bury fingers in the dirt where I pretend that nothing hurts where hints of green poke through the soil— one new life I’ve yet to spoil I’ve planted it, this tiny seed so I can grow it, tend its needs so what if I forget to water (truth is it’s so hard to bother) I take this task upon myself let this plant live, if nothing else let me believe I’m something more this plant can be my metaphor

I tell myself that I can change that I will learn to rearrange that tendency toward self-hate but that’s all I can cultivate I want to nurture, care for, tend to more than just this withered end to let this living being grow but I don’t have it in me, no

We are all the same Morgan Hannah Life & Style Editor

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utside the car window, bodies reached new energies as they tore across an asphalt stage; no music but the humming of engines, crashing of waves against the pier, and the slapping of skin against steel. Gleaming with sweat, those bodies moved in a frantic, fervent rhythm, beads and bangles dancing up and down arms with each motion. Teeth flashing, eyes wide.

Gooseflesh on sunbaked skin. Sensation.

Giddy with a need to join them, a scream erupted from me before the car door even opened. I needed this—we had slept in the desert, we had climbed through the earth, we had even driven at breakneck speed just to taste the wind on our tongues out the window.

Stretching limbs, flowing fingers, sweeping hair, and I had been spotted amongst the crowd. I approached the leader of this new tribe as he called to me. He wanted me to battle-cry. He must have sampled the capacity of my lungs earlier—all that pent-up time on the road, and all those jitters—those sparks of life, now out to play. My body was free, given a chance to explode with movement. Pulling, twisting, peeling through me, another scream rolled out and across the waves of bodies, dipping, shaking, and sliding. They cheered. Yes, we were now dancing.

We praised the gift of these glorious shells—how they move, how they bend, and how they attract and connect with those of their tribe. We are all the same, and we are dancing.

I pray someday I’ll learn to love just shed these roots and rise above just wait, one day, we’ll blossom free— but until then, I’ll just be me.

Comics & Puzzles Monthly crossword: Cake edition

By Caroline Ho, Assistant Editor

Monthly crossword: Cake edition

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Caroline Ho Assistant Editor

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ACROSS 1. Dictate 4. Norse thunder god 8. Cake-making place 14. Prefix meaning “equal” 15. Musician Shankar 16. Dickens’ Twist 17. Rammed 19. Internet connection devices 20. With 54-down, operatic interlude 21. Abbr. in beer measurement 22. Cake baked in a ringshaped mould 25. Equiv. to mLs 27. Ruhr city 32. Painkiller brand 33. Resistance unit 34. Woolen fabric 35. Unspeaking 36. Law, en français 37. Novelist Larsson and others 38. Chocolate sponge, cherry-filled cake (2 wds.)

41. Laboured tirelessly 43. Work week end, briefly 44. Butter derived from an African tree 47. Edmonton NHLer 48. White fish variety 49. Bow counterpart 50. Famous sled dog 51. Organic compound suffix 52. Cake with equal weights of flour, butter, eggs, and sugar 53. Licensed establishment

55. Churn 57. Grading scheme 61. Make complete 65. Whole 66. Exceptional thing 67. Napoleonic war marshal 68. Soft, fluffy food often used in cakes and other desserts 69. Like many cakes 70. This American Life broadcaster DOWN 1. Curved bone 2. Our southern neighbour 3. Neither’s partner 4. 30, en français 5. Stop 6. Make a cake too dry 7. Shed 8. Explosive 9. “Gentille” bird 10. Young goat 11. Biblical first woman 12. Sleep phase (abbr.)

13. Decade components, in brief 18. Layered chocolate cake often coloured with beetroot (2 wds.)

21. Suffix for a belief 22. Explosive sound 23. Inuit knife 24. Sport similar to basketball, except with no dribbling 26. Very light, fluffy cake 28. Cylindrical sponge cake (2 wds.)

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Monthly crossword: May!

By Caroline Ho, Assistant Editor

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37. __ Lanka 39. Cardio exercise 40. Getting a cake custommade 41. Weep 42. __ Fail 45. Very long time

46. Abbr. for many SUVs 48. Vehicle 49. Honeybee home 54. See 20-across 56. Universal donor blood type (abbr.)

57. Edge

58. Family card game 59. Heating abbr.

60. __’_ al Ghul 61. Enemy 62. Charged particle 63. Shock 64. Make a mistake

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