The Other Press - July 5

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Issue 30

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n Thursday June 23, the Leave side for Brexit prevailed: 52 per cent to 48 per cent. It seemed for a time as though the world had been turned upside down.

I’ve danced about the edge of many a conversation claiming how it’s a victory for racism, Britain made the wrong choice, and voters were so horribly outof-the-loop and misinformed.

My own contributions have been virtually nonexistent.

Fact of the matter is that I wasn’t very aware of the exact conditions of Brexit. I could no more list a lengthy column of “pros” than I could “cons” for Britain skipping ship. And for that reason, I was more than okay with my silence. Speaking ignorantly on a subject is one of the most dangerous things we can do, yet unfortunately seems

Image via huffpost.com

Pounding down the euro to be a calling card of millennials.

Millennials want to be a part of the discussion. We want to be involved. We want emotion. How loud has been the cry for the referendum’s result to be axed?

But how many, honestly and truly, can speak to the impact— both positive and negative—of Brexit? How many can actually converse on the topic with more than the regurgitated backwash they’ve heard from a friend who’s supposedly in the know?

Control of its [Britain’s] own borders (a point often too quickly buried under racist accusations to be debated) is just one detail affected by Brexit. In the National Post Rex Murphy touched on some of the issues with significantly less fanfare, “Do any of the Remain campaigners acknowledge the great file of complaints that has

grown over the last decade about the EU’s style of governance, its increasing distance from any superintending authority other than its own, its absolute divorce from democratic responsibility and the furiously paternalistic and near-imperial manner in which it treats the representatives and citizens of its member states?”

Staunch members of the Remain camp are quick to point out that the EU accounts for 44 per cent of Britain’s exports; the fact that Britain’s EU exports have actually fallen 10 per cent since 2000 is breezed by. Further still, the EU’s hold on global GDP has dropped from 30 per cent in 1993 to 24 per cent in 2013—a figure that illustrates how the rest of the world is growing faster than the EU. In addition, EU trade with Britain isn’t just going to

Davie Wong Sports Editor  sports@theotherpress.ca Eric Wilkins Editor-in-Chief  editor@theotherpress.ca

Chitwan Khosla Features Editor  features@theotherpress.ca

Lauren Kelly Assistant Editor  assistant@theotherpress.ca

Brittney MacDonald Life & Style Editor  lifeandstyle@theotherpress.ca

Mercedes Deutscher News Editor  news@theotherpress.ca

Elliot Chan Opinions Editor  opinions@theotherpress.ca

Adam Tatelman Arts Editor  arts@theotherpress.ca

Chandler Walter Humour Editor  humour@theotherpress.ca

Angela Ho Business Manager

Ed Appleby Illustrator

Jacey Gibb Distribution Manager

Jony Roy Social Media Coordinator

Cara Seccafien Layout Manager

Aaron Guillen Staff Reporter

Joel McCarthy Graphics Manager

Staff Writers Rebecca Peterson Cazzy Lewchuk Jamal Al-Bayaa

Elizabeth Jacob Production Assistant

Senior Columnists Duncan Fingarson David Manky Lauren Paulsen Jake Wray Contributors Sharon Miki Cheryl Minns

go away. Germany, to use a top example, only exports to two other countries in the world more than to Britain. EU countries need Britain as much, if not more, than Britain needs them.

My conservative upbringings have left me with a tendency to think critically and to prefer the story of numbers, because while you can lie with statistics, not having the figures there in the first place renders it awfully difficult to produce hard evidence. But in this case, I’m at a loss. Numbers would suggest Brexit is a good idea and the politicians who planned for the scenario are on to something; however, the aftermath has proved to be anything but clear. David Cameron resigned, expected.

Boris Johnson withdrew from the Conservative leadership race after Michael Gove stepped in

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(and all but openly blackmailed Johnson)? Politics. Nigel Farage took his leave from UKIP after his “political ambition has been achieved”? Hasn’t it just started?

And now Theresa May, a Remain supporter, appears to have the inside edge. Even for politics, these waters are disturbingly murky.

I’m definitely a broken record by this point, but make sure you do your own research before sounding off on current events. If we, the mis-/underinformed, are complaining about misinformed voters, aren’t we just contributing to the problem?

 theotherpress.ca  editor@theotherpress.ca    /theotherpress /DouglasOtherPress

OO The Other Press has been Douglas College’s student newspaper since 1976. Since 1978 we have been an autonomous publication, independent of the student union. We are a registered society under the Society Act of British Columbia, governed by an eight-person board of directors appointed by our staff. Our head office is located in the New Westminster campus.

OO The Other Press is published weekly during the fall and winter semesters, and monthly during the summer.

We receive our funding from a student levy collected through tutition fees every semester at registration, and from local and national advertising revenue. The Other Press is a member of the Canadian University Press (CUP), a syndicate of student newspapers that includes papers from all across Canada.

OO The Other Press reserves the right to choose what we will publish, and we will not publish material that is hateful, obscene, or condones or promotes illegal activities. Submissions may be edited for clarity and brevity if necessary. All images used are copyright to their respective owners.

News

Have an idea for a story?  news@theotherpress.ca

OO Rainbows in the Vancouver sky OO The DSU: What’s new in June OO Vacancy tax proposed for vacant homeowners And more!

New and old faces at Douglas College  College promotes long time faculty, brings in new VP of Student Affairs

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ouglas College hired for an Associate Vice President of Academic and Student Affairs and Dean of the Faculty of Humanities and Social Sciences in June, with Sarah Dench and John Fleming taking the positions respectively.

Dench has long worked in BC universities. According to Douglas News, she has previously worked at SFU as a Director of University Curriculum and Institutional

Liaison, and Director of Student Academic Affairs.

Prior to her work at SFU, Dench worked at UBC, holding several positions within the office of the Vice President.

Dr. Thor Borgford, Douglas’ Vice President of Academic and Provost, anticipates that Dench will be a valuable asset in further assisting and contributing to Douglas’ strategic student plan.

Fleming’s promotion comes after having been the interim Dean of the faculty since September 2015.

Fleming has worked at Douglas College for 25 years.

He started his work in the Criminology department, specifically with both the Youth Justice, Child and Youth Care Counselling programs, and the Community Social Work Program.

Borgford commended Fleming on his ongoing contribution to the college: “It’s people like John who, through thoughtful leadership and support, challenge and enlighten both students and employees, making Douglas College an attractive place to work and study.”

Image via dsu18.ca

Mercedes Deutscher News Editor

SFU administration allegedly mishandled three sexual assault allegations  University officials have come under fire for not responding to student allegations Jamal Dumas The Peak (Simon Fraser University n the midst of rolling out community consultations for SFU’s new standalone sexual assault policy, reports have emerged that this past year administration may have mishandled sexual assault allegations from three students against a male student in residence. The mishandling could implicate the top levels of administration including President Andrew Petter, VP Academic Jon Driver, and Associate VP Students Tim Rahilly.

The first individual alleges she was raped by the male student in October of 2015 while living in residence, according to the Vancouver Sun. The second alleges a sexual assault happened during the Christmas break outside of campus.

Both students withdrew from classes shortly thereafter. It was in February of this year that the mother of one of the individuals wrote to President Petter to bring his attention to the issue.

However, it was not until April that the mother met with several members of the administration.

It was reported by the Sun that the male student was moved to another residence— according to some reports, to an

Image via www.the-peak.ca

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even larger room. Kurt Heinrich, a spokesperson for the university, told the Peak that the university conducted a safety assessment “in conjunction with the RCMP.” Heinrich emphasized that the male student in question was no longer on campus, but would not say whether that was due to university action or some other reason. It is unclear whether the student is still enrolled in the institution.

He would also not get

into the specifics of any other measures taken by the university, despite saying to the Peak: “We’re doing our best [to be] as transparent as we can.”

Several friends of the survivors have claimed that the university has encouraged them to keep quiet about the allegations. They also claimed that they have been physically threatened by the accused student’s friends.

As of now, Petter,

Driver, and Rahilly have all declined to comment.

The Peak questioned Heinrich about why the university’s legal counsel was present at the April meeting if not to protect the university from liability. Heinrich said “that wasn’t necessarily the case,” but wouldn’t say why Li-Jeen Broshko, the lawyer, was present.

Heinrich refused to comment on many aspects of the story, including two of the female

individuals withdrawing from classes, citing privacy concerns and a wish to not interfere with the ongoing RCMP investigation.

Said the Teaching Staff and Support Union (TSSU) in a statement made available to the Peak, “The SFU Senior Administration needs to take responsibility for their decades of inaction and start being part of the solution rather than silently perpetuating injustice.”

theotherpress.ca

Image via thinkstock

news // no. 4

Rainbows in the Vancouver sky  Pride intensifies throughout Metro Vancouver Mercedes Deutscher News Editor

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ummer marks a time of celebration for the LGBTQ+ community and its allies throughout the Lower Mainland. Here is a list of events and organizations flying their flags proudly this summer.

DSU Pride Community The DSU Pride Community can be found on the second floor of the DSU building on the New Westminster Campus.

The community meets every second Tuesday, from 2:30–3:30

p.m. They can also be found tabling in the concourse every second Thursday, alternating from meeting weeks.

There have been some special events planned by the community to take place throughout the summer. There is an upcoming Whitecaps FC event on July 13, where a limited number of tickets are available for the cost of $20 each, and each ticket comes with a set of pride laces. Other events include movie nights and ice cream outings.

Vancouver Pride Society The Vancouver Pride Society is

preparing to kick off the city’s Pride Season on July 21 with Pride Premiere at Celebrities Nightclub. This will be the first of several official Pride parties hosted at Celebrities throughout the following week.

The kickoff will be followed by the Davie Street Party on July 29.

July 30 will mark the Terry Wallace Memorial Breakfast.

Wallace used his position as manager at the Old Castle Pub to fundraise enough to keep the Vancouver Pride Society alive through its toughest years, through the ‘80s and ‘90s.

He has been memorialized with the annual breakfast since his death in 2004.

July 31 hosts the Vancouver Pride Parade, starting at 12 p.m. and ending at 3 p.m.

The parade attracts around 500,000 spectators annually.

Returning to this year’s Pride is Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, who previously attended the parade in 2014 and 2015.

Bigger and brighter rainbows While already passed, Metro Vancouver has hosted several other events over the past month.

A parade in Surrey took place

on June 26. Surrey’s parade was the first of its kind, and followed shortly after a decision was made by the municipality of Surrey to fly a pride flag at City Hall earlier in the month. The parade was met with mixed reviews, with some more conservative residents complaining about the event being taken outside of Vancouver.

Queer Prom also had its annual appearance in June, hosting dozens of LGBTQ+ youth and their allies. The event provides a safe space for students to celebrate the end of another school year.

The DSU: What’s new in June?  An interview with Aran Armutlu Jamal Al-Bayaa Staff Writer

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he Other Press sat down with Aran Armutlu, treasurer for the Douglas Students’ Union, to go over the minutes of this month and what they mean for Douglas Students. Topics discussed included old business as well as bigger changes coming to the school in years to come.

OP: “So first on your agenda for June was increasing representation on Coquitlam Campus, can you tell us a bit about that?”

AA: “Absolutely. Obviously, a big part of our platform when we were running in elections was to do way more at David Lam, as around 40 per cent of our student body studies there. We figured one of the best ways to do that was to have a full time staff member there. Another

thing we’re really hoping for is a students’ union building at Coquitlam, so we’re currently speaking with the college about being involved in the master planning sessions, [because] we understand the importance of having our own space over there.”

OP: “So what’s new with our College Coordinator positions? From what I hear, there’s a New West Coordinator, a Campus Life [both campuses] Coordinator, but no Coquitlam Coordinator. Is that

set to change any time soon?”

AA: “It is. We’re currently working on hiring for that position, and we’ll be calling it the David Lam Organizer.

Having someone full time over there that’ll be able to engage with students, interact with staff members, collaborate, become an expert at that campus and spearhead the campus life situated there will be really beneficial.”

(Since the interview, it was revealed that Deepa

Singh will be filling in the vacancy on that position.)

OP: “On the DSU’s minutes it also says there’s going to be a new smoothie bar on campus.

What’s that going to look like?”

we’re imagining there to be a selfserve area where students can cook basic meals, and it might include things like blenders, microwaves, and stovetops.

We’ll see how that goes.”

AA: “It’s still early, so we’re not rock-solid on anything right now, but we’re looking into a lot of different options and we figure that the best option is going to be something that is self-sufficient, probably staff free. Students can just go in any time, grab one of the pre-made smoothie packages, blend it up, and go. They’ll also have the option to bring in their own stuff and use the blenders that are going to be available to them… Smoothie bars will be the first step in a longer [possible] plan to create a self-serve kitchen on campus, which is something we know would provide students with two benefits: more options, and ways to save money on food.

Almost like a hostel kitchen,

AA: “That is something that we will look into. We’re going to do a space audit to see which rooms are and aren’t being used and why, and then from there decide how to best utilize that space for students. Nap rooms are a topic that come up quite a bit, but in all seriousness it is something that would be pretty useful. So when midterm season comes around [in the fall], we’ll try it and see how it goes. In this, we’ll be looking at other campuses who have also trialed it to see what would work for us.”

OP: “One last thing before we go, and this isn’t officially on the minutes but I want to know, are you guys considering having a nap room on campus as well?”

news // no. 5

issue 30 // volume 42

Building a better tomorrow, one meal at a time  Local man dedicates time and effort to First Nations community centre Aaron Guillen Staff Reporter ucas Noel, 25, regularly attends to the small gathering of young adolescents, aged 13–19, at the Spirit of the Children Society. Noel is Ojibway, and he takes pride in his job as youth program coordinator at the First Nations service centre. The centre structures its aspirations, goals, and achievements around their mission statement: “Let’s take this journey together.”

Over the past couple of years, Noel has dedicated his time and effort into The Urban Drum, a youth program hoping to provide a safe space and supportive environment in order to achieve a successful future. His role extends past a coordinator, as he is popular among the kids for his fantastic cooking. Noel enjoys introducing his youth to multicultural cuisine, while also sharing traditional Aboriginal dishes, such as fry bread, bannock, Indian tacos, bison stew, and salmon dinners.

“The youth really enjoy familiar dishes such as stir fries, pastas, and soups. I also get frequent requests for my burritos.”

While his cooking might draw flocks to the kitchen, he believes that it’s more than the

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food that brings them back week after week. The Urban Drum provides not only an array of activities for youth, but a sense of belonging.

“They keep coming back because they become an important part of a community that values them for who they are.”

In an interview with the New West Record, Noel added that while there are many ups to his

job, there are a handful of downs.

“It can be very depressing because a lot of youths’ families have difficult and traumatic living situations or have histories of trauma,” he explains. “You get exposed to a lot of things you couldn’t even imagine, and you have to work past that and try to be happy knowing what has happened to some of these individuals. That part is kind of sad, knowing bad things happen

to good people.”

Noel, having played an active role at the centre for five years, has noticed his development as a person.

“I’ve grown up a lot since I started working here. I feel that working at Spirit has made me a better version of myself. It may sound really cheesy, but when you know that younger people look up to you as role model, you will actively go out of your way to be what you think they should look up to.”

In the coming months, many activities are being planned for the youth. With summer in tow, more outdoor activities are being coordinated.

“Beach volleyball at the New Westminster Quay, swimming at Moody Park Pool, and the Grouse Grind are on our list of planned activities for the summer. We are also planning on attending multiple community cultural events such as the powwow at Squamish First Nation, and the Surrey Fusion Festival. This summer we also plan on going blackberry picking, and visiting the Museum of Anthropology at UBC.” As Noel continues to work tirelessly, he reflects on the many reasons that inspire him to wake up each morning and love what he does. When someone comes

to Noel for help, sometimes a sensitive and personal issue, it reassures him that his work does make a difference.

“This makes me feel truly accountable to them to do my best not to let them down, and motivates me to provide them with the help that they deserve.

When I see the youth that I have worked with succeed, I feel a sense of pride knowing that I helped contribute to their success. It makes me so happy when I see that they’re doing well, and inspires me to work harder to create more success stories.

Noel suggests that those interested should begin volunteering. The Urban Drum and the Spirit of the Children Society is looking for new volunteers, especially when students aren’t in school. The opportunity could prove useful to a person looking for experience in a social work environment. “[Furthermore], seek employment with an organization that works with youth, or just take the time to show the young people in your lives that they’re valued and appreciated by spending time with them, and sharing knowledge with them about something that you feel passionate about.”

Vacancy tax proposed for vacant homeowners  All levels of government address Vancouver’s housing crisis Mercedes Deutscher News Editor hose looking to buy property in Vancouver and surrounding municipalities have been disappointed to find that even the most lacklustre of homes come with a price tag of over one million dollars.

Prospective homeowners face yet another bout of disappointment when many of those wealthy enough to afford to buy Vancouver property often leave it vacant.

Vancouver Mayor Gregor Robertson is hoping to combat the rising costs of owning property. Robertson announced in mid-June that the city is planning on taxing vacant homeowners.

City council is hoping to receive a response from the provincial government on the matter by the end of July.

“We would love to have thousands of those homes in the rental market right now when there’s almost no vacancy and a real crunch on affordable housing,” Robertson said to the

Illustration by Ed Appleby

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Globe and Mail. “We’d like to see more supply created from the empty homes that are just sitting there in the city.”

Local mayors have, in the past, recommended increasing the number of rental units in their cities, including

New Westminster Mayor Jonathan Coté. However, it provides only a temporary solution to a larger problem.

Still, Robertson’s proposition has caught the attention of the provincial government, who have been being called to

action over the issue for years.

BC Finance Minister Michael de Jong told the Globe and Mail that the province will examine the plan that Robertson and his staff conceptualize, and make a decision from there.

“I’ll be the first to say to you,

candidly, I have been conscious, the government has been conscious, about drawing on taxation authority to address the housing challenges,” said de Jong.

According to Global News, if city council hears no response from the provincial government by the end of July (when the city councillors go on break for the summer), they will be taking matters into their own hands and proceeding with implementing the tax upon their return.

Robertson’s suddenly aggressive approach to taxation has been raising some concern within City Hall.

Melissa De Genova, a member of the Non-Partisan Association Party who works with the council, tells the Globe and Mail that, while she supports the idea, she has doubts about the tight timeline it has been placed on.

“This is a huge issue. It’s an issue that needs to be approached cautiously. We need to consider the ramifications. If the mayor is fired up and ready to go, I question why he hadn’t moved forward on this sooner.”

Have an idea for a story?  arts@theotherpress.ca

Arts

OO Unforgettable fish returns with a big splash OO Chairman of the Board: No Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

 Guide to July’s upcoming films

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he month of July is going to be packed full of interesting movies releases to go and check out. The upcoming slate includes several family movies, actionpacked adventures, comedies, and some heart-stopping thrillers. Grab a friend or family member and spend an afternoon in an air-conditioned theatre.

July 1: Our Kind of Traitor, The BFG, The Legend of Tarzan, The Purge: Election Year Our Kind of Traitor is a thriller based on the bestselling novel of John le Carré, author of Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy. The story revolves around an ordinary English couple, Perry (Ewan McGregor) and Gail (Naomi Harris), who become caught up in the world of espionage and politics when they befriend a Russian named Dima (Stellan Skarsgård). Dima turns out to be the number one money launderer for the Russian mafia, and he asks the couple to deliver a flash drive to the MI6 to save his children. Thinking all they have to do is deliver the drive, Perry and Gail are unprepared for the chaotic consequences.

Disney and Steven Spielberg have teamed up to bring the bestselling children’s novel, The BFG, to the big screen. Many will recall this novel from their childhood, in which a young girl befriends the Big Friendly Giant and they go on an adventure to stop the evil man-eating giants. For those that enjoy family movies, The BFG looks very promising.

Tarzan is a name that everyone should be familiar with.

This summer, director David

Yates (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows) helms a remake titled The Legend of Tarzan.

In this live-action version, we not only look at Tarzan’s past, how he was raised, and how he falls in love with Jane, but also a look at what happens after he marries her and becomes Lord Greystroke. The movie stars Alexander Skarsgård, Christoph Waltz, Samuel L. Jackson, and Margot Robbie.

What happens when one night every year, all crime becomes legal, including murder? The Purge: Election Year is a new horror-thriller that gives us a glimpse at a world where the government lets criminals go wild every year.

July 8: The Secret Life of Pets Have you ever wondered what your pets do when you’re not home? From the makers of Despicable Me, The Secret Life of Pets is an animated family movie that gives us a glimpse into that world. The story mainly revolves around Max (Louis C.K.), a terrier that thinks he’s the center of his owner’s universe until she comes home with another dog named Duke (Eric Stonestreet).

When the two dogs end up lost in Manhattan, they must team up to get home and face a psychopathic bunny named Snowball (Kevin Hart) who’s building an army of pets who were abandoned by their owners to get back at humanity. Pet lovers won’t want to miss this animated film.

July 15: Ghostbusters Looking for a silly comedy to laugh at? Why not take a look at the new Ghostbusters reboot. Starring Melissa McCarthy, Kristen Wiig, Kate McKinnon, and Leslie Jones,

this new all-female team of paranormal investigators is sure to elicit a few laughs.

July 22: Lights Out, Our Little Sister, Star Trek Beyond The creation of first-time director David F. Sandberg and produced by James Wan, director of June’s The Conjuring 2, Lights Out is a new horror movie in which a woman is haunted by something that feeds off the dark and appears whenever the lights are turned off. Be prepared to be very afraid of the dark.

If you like foreign films, check out Our Little Sister.

Director Hirokazu Koreeda was the winner of the Audience Award at the 2015 San Sebastian International Film Festival for Audience Award. His movie is based on the manga series Umimachi Diary by Akimi Yoshida, and stars three sisters— Sachi, Yoshino, and Chika— whose father has been absent for 15 years. When he dies, they travel to attend his funeral and meet their half-sister, Suzu. The three sisters decide to take in Suzu, and thus begin a new life.

Another action-adventure movie coming out this July is the third installment of the rebooted Star Trek franchise: Star Trek Beyond. In this sequel, Captain Kirk and his crew end up stranded on a remote and hostile planet and struggle to return to Earth.

July 29: Jason Bourne Fans of the Bourne franchise will be eagerly awaiting the fifth installment in the series, Jason Bourne. In this new chapter, Jason Bourne finally remembers everything. But is he ready to face who he really is?

Image via observationdeck.kinja.com

Alexander Skarsgård and Margot Robbie in The Legend of Tarzan (2016)

And more!

Midsummer movies Lauren Paulsen Senior Columnist

OO Flawed by Design: Fighting by the numbers

Crowded Bookshelf: May you live in interesting times  A recommendation for the ‘Discworld’ series Duncan Fingarson Senior Contributor

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here to begin with Discworld? The series is 41 novels long, published between 1983 and 2015. The books are all self-contained, following the story arcs of many different groups of characters. Charts have been created by fans of the series, recommending which books to start with to follow the various different arcs. I’ve not read all of the books, but the ones I have read have all been good, and I’d start with either Guards! Guards! or Mort.

Mort is the fourth novel written for the series. It follows Death, the Grim Reaper, and the young man he chooses to be his apprentice. While not the first appearance of Death, this is the first time his role is expanded on, and the reader quickly finds that this Death is more human and generally likeable than most depictions.

The book makes a good starting point because it’s early enough in the series to not have a large pool of characters to draw from, and comes at the point in the series when the plot became more important than the jokes.

Discworld is comedic fantasy, frequently parodying common fantasy tropes with classic dry wit. Absurdity abounds, but is delivered straight because, as is quickly established, things on the Disc

work a little bit differently than they do here. Where else would the argument be made that the Thieves Guild is necessary because there’s going to be crime, and it may as well be organized?

And then there’s Guards!

Guards!. This is the first appearance of Samuel Vimes, Commander of the City Watch, though at this point in his career he’s at a bit of a low ebb. The book makes a good jumping-off point for the Watch novels, which follow Vimes’ career as he goes from degenerate drunken Captain to Commander, Duke, and Blackboard Monitor. Commander Vimes is a personal favourite of mine, and seeing him deal with dragons, secret societies, and Lord Vetinari, the only-mostly-tyrannical patrician of Ankh-Morpork, is always a load of fun.

The Discworld books might not be for everyone.

There are people who don’t appreciate fantasy, or affectionate parody, or the delighted skewering of life’s peculiar absurdities. For those who do, on the other hand, the series is a tremendously fun set of reads. I’ve got an entire shelf dedicated to mine, with space for more whenever I run out of new books and decide to pick up another. I’ll likely own all of them, in the end, and if that’s not a solid recommendation then I don’t know what is.

arts // no. 7

issue 30 // volume 42

New media, new medium Adam Tatelman Arts Editor

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t would be difficult to find any western millennial with an Internet connection who hasn’t at least heard of YouTube personalities like Felix “PewDiePie” Kjellberg, Mark “Markiplier” Fischbach, or Ian Hecox and Anthony Padilla of Smosh fame. The swearing Swede, the red-haired raconteur, and the suburban sketch comedians all have one thing in common: these seemingly pedestrian figures have captured the hearts of millions in a culture suffused with limitless disposable entertainment, forever changing the face of the Internet in the process.

At first glance, their methods are identical to that of an improv comedy show. It begins with the creation of an idiosyncratic personality, and the mining of comedic potential which arises from putting that personality in bizarre situations. Advertisement and self-promotion of that personality creates a viewer base, and the viewers’ loyalty provides ad revenue to the creators of the show and their distribution partners. That is where the new media’s similarities to film

and television end, however.

Community is the watchword when it comes to new media presentation. Without any multi-billion dollar film production companies in their corner, Internet personalities must rely on word-of-mouth advertising and self-promotion to push their shows. These methods have more power now than ever before in history because of the Internet’s worldwide accessibility. Anyone with presentational skill can likely accrue viewers provided they is able to fill some kind of niche with their content. This creates audiences who feel connected to the material, and thus are loyal. The trick is to then parlay niche appeal into mass appeal.

This is why the most successful e-personalities focus on the latest pop-culture trends, recording content in bulk and publishing bite-size chunks day by day. In a media-saturated culture like our own, so much disposable entertainment comes down the pipe that no one can possibly afford to keep up with it all without making a full time job of it. The brilliance of the e-personality is to do just that, offering a vicarious experience of all the latest

Image of PewDiePie via www.theverge.com

 E-celebrities the next generation of artists?

popular films and games in easily digestible comedic chunks that fit the pace of urban life.

This early adoption poises each monetized YouTube channel as its own small production company, requiring e-personalities to take on the roles of advertiser, producer, editor, director, cameraman, and actor. This balancing act could never be accomplished without the internet’s democratization

of media. Now that anyone can publish anything at any time with very little regulation, users of new media are free to adopt filmic advertisement techniques with entirely new methods of distribution.

That is the secret behind the rise of the e-personality; although everything they generate is entirely disposable, the sense of community they create ensures their viewers will always come

back for more. So, perhaps “new media” is a misnomer. After all, video has been around for over a century. Perhaps instead we should refer to this phenomenon as a “new medium,” one which transcends the limitations of film and television and embraces a new method of presentation.

Hell if I know what to call it, though.

The joke’s on you Rebecca Peterson Staff Writer

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ith the summer release of DC’s Suicide Squad approaching, actor Jared Leto has been making headlines with his unconventional methods of getting into character as the Joker.

Some of these methods include harassing fellow actors by sending them disturbing gifts such as used condoms and dead rats.

Cast mate Viola Davis revealed in an interview that she’d been tempted to pepper spray Leto in the face for his antics.

Much of this has been praised, or critiqued, as extreme method acting. Leto, after all, has some enormous shoes to fill as the Joker, given that the last actor to portray him won an Oscar posthumously for his work.

However, it begs the question; how much of this is done to get into character, and how much of it is simply a publicity stunt?

Actors have been doing odd things to get into character since before the dawn of cinema. Marlon Brando was one of the first actors to bring

these techniques to film. Many actors these days have their own versions of the widely-used and vaguely defined method. Daniel Day-Lewis, for example, once spent a shoot operating on the same limitations of his character who suffered cerebral palsy, so the rest of the crew had to wait on him hand and foot.

Heath Ledger also spent much of his time preparing for his role as the Joker doing intense method exercises. He apparently locked himself away in a London hotel room and delved deep into his psyche through writing and art to try to find the character that would win him an Oscar. Many feel that may have contributed to his death through lack of sleep and a slow mental decline.

However, Ledger apparently never brought this personality to set outside his scenes. Between takes he was friendly with cast and crew alike, and certainly never sent Christian Bale a box of bullets. These breaks from character did not in any way impact his performance negatively, and likely helped him deal with the weight of his role.

Much of the criticism surrounding Leto’s methods are based in concern for his cast members, and no small amount of feeling that he might be “trying too hard” for a film that has a PG13 rating. Leto has boasted about his dedication to the role to many outlets, claiming that people will want to “lock him away” once they see his performance.

Method acting has long been about how an individual actor delves into their deepest selves to discover something intense and excited to bring to the screen.

Given that every actor has their own techniques for finding their character, inflicting one’s method upon a cast mate could prove destructive to their performance.

Some actors, after all, prefer to leave their characters on set and go home to a preferably dead animal-free house.

Whether Leto’s methods are justified or a cry for attention will likely be decided once the movie is released August 3, when audiences can see his performance and judge for themselves.

Image via www.rollingstone.com

 Jared Leto’s method acting techniques cause controversy

theotherpress.ca

Image viahttp://tay.kinja.com/

Image via Pixar

arts // no. 8

Flawed by Design: Fighting by the numbers  The evolution of the tournament fighting genre Adam Tatelman Arts Editor

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n the primordial epoch known only as “the early ’90s,” the most fun anyone could have was burning their entire college fund on the altar of competition to become the champion of the arcade. The defining multiplayer experience of the time was the tournament fighting game, and the undisputed quarter-quaffing king of cabinets was the almighty Street Fighter II, with Mortal Kombat posing as a distant heir.

Today, Mortal Kombat X dominates the console market with an iron fist, leaving Street Fighter V wallowing in the remains of its own franchise, abandoned by its disillusioned fan-base. Oh, how things change.

At first, it was Street Fighter’s flawless control, eclectic cast of characters and split-second timing that made it a hit. Though it is less input-heavy than modern fighting games, it offered a free-form combat system that allowed for impressive combos to arise through happenstance or experimentation. Despite its primitive interface, it remains one of the best-balanced fighting games ever made. For this reason, Street Fighter II tournaments are still held 25 years after its initial release.

Mortal Kombat the first

offers no such technical mastery. Although it used (at the time) innovative motion capture technology to animate the characters, its control was much rockier than SFII. Mortal Kombat’s success sprang from the strength of its marketing and the controversy surrounding its violent content, a feature which spurred the creation of the Entertainment Software Ratings Board. Without that notoriety, Mortal Kombat would surely have landed in the dustbin of obscurity decades ago.

Both franchises sequelized to the Nth degree, marketing sequels and spin-offs and updated re-releases at a rate that even today makes Ubisoft look conservative by comparison.

But where Mortal Kombat improved upon its formula, Street Fighter stagnated. By the time Street Fighter III had been re-released as 2nd Impact, 3rd Strike, and New Generation, MK had experimented with Soul Calibur-style 3-D movement and polygonal graphics, where its competitor never left the 2-dimensional plane.

From here, aggravating trends began to appear in both franchises. In Street Fighter IV, the pace of combat slowed considerably, placing a greater emphasis on pure reflexes instead of opponent analysis

and strategic anticipation. It was a change akin to transitioning from blitz chess to a game of snap. Mortal Kombat went the complex route, redefining the formula with impressive-yetunbalanced combos based on rote memorization of long input strings.

Come Street Fighter V and Mortal Kombat X, the mechanics of each game only barely resemble their respective predecessors. Both retain their iconic character rosters, but Mortal Kombat has arguably stayed truer to the spirit of its predecessors—namely, the comical, overblown violence.

SFV succeeded only in alienating its already skeptical fanbase by homogenizing the characters’ once-distinctive and unique fighting styles.

Though many newcomers bemoan the elitists who dislike modern changes to the formula, it is not elitism to suggest that not all progress is necessarily good.

In the case of SFV, the choice to simplify core features did not draw nearly enough new players to replace the veterans who abandoned ship. As a result, MK has been primed to reign for years to come. Let this be a lesson to developers who forget what drew audiences to their games in the first place. Identity, once lost, is bloody hard to get back.

Unforgettable fish returns with a big splash  ‘Finding Dory’ movie review Lauren Paulsen Senior Columnist

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hirteen years after the iconic Disney/Pixar movie, Finding Nemo, fans finally get their beloved fishes back in a sequel this summer.

Finding Dory is something fans won’t want to miss.

As the title suggests, Finding Dory focuses on the endearing blue tang with shortterm memory loss. We learn more about her past, as one day, she remembers what it was she has been looking for all these years; her parents. Clownfish friends Nemo and Marlin join Dory to travel across the ocean in search of her family.

Separated from Marlin and Nemo in an accident, Dory ends up in a California aquarium, the “Jewel of Morro Bay,” where she strikes a deal with Hank, an escaped octopus.

As they search for Dory’s parents, she starts to remember more and more about her past. Meanwhile, Nemo and Marlin’s familial bonds are put to the test as they try to find Dory before she forgets them.

Although the plot might seem a little silly, and perhaps somewhat predictable, Pixar manages to execute the sequel quite well. Finding Dory stands up solidly against its predecessor, delivering great humour to the audience and tugging

on your sappy heartstrings without ever becoming schmaltzy or preachy.

The interesting thing about Finding Dory is that there is no villain character; the main conflict is “character versus self,” dealing foremost with Dory’s personal struggle against her own disability. Arguably, the film is much stronger for it. Making such dramatic concepts accessible to kids without talking down to them is what Pixar does best; they aren’t quite at the top of their form this time around, but it’s a great effort nonetheless.

The film is, unfortunately, lacking in the pacing department. It takes a bit too long to get going, and the suspense is drawn a little too thin by the numerous false finishes in the film’s climax.

However, there are some truly touching moments on offer, including a hard-hitting emotional reveal that kicks off the third act. The final chase is truly something to behold, boasting perhaps the greatest comedic use of Louis Armstrong’s “What a Wonderful World” in film history.

Grownups who remember Finding Nemo from their childhoods will enjoy seeing the old cast of characters mixed with the new, and the younger generation of kids will find much to marvel at in Pixar’s wonderfully designed underwater world. If you enjoyed the first movie, you’ll have a laugh with Finding Dory.

arts // no. 9

issue 30 // volume 42

Remembering Anton Yelchin  A look at Yelchin’s out-of-this-world career the first time after being kicked out of another private school. He soon becomes the students’ personal psychiatrist, prescriptions and all. Yelchin starred alongside two Marvel actors in this film— Iron Man’s Robert Downey Jr. and Thor’s Kat Dennings—before either of them entered the superhero universe.

Cheryl Minns Columnist

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n accomplished 27-year-old actor with over 60 film and television credits, Anton Yelchin died suddenly in a freak car accident on June 19. Although his passing was tragic, he left behind a collection of films and TV shows that showcase his amazing talent.

Terminator: Salvation (2009) Yelchin also appeared in the Terminator series, where he was introduced in the series’ fourth film.

He played a teenage Kyle Reese, who would later go on to father John Connor, the head of the resistance against the machines. The role was initially much more significant until rewrites reworked the story and reduced Reese’s character.

When Terminator Salvation and the first Star Trek film came out in the

spring of 2009, Yelchin admitted, “I have an aversion to remakes, which is ironic because I’m in two of them right now.”

Charlie Bartlett (2007) This coming-of-age comedy featured Yelchin as a spoiled, preppy high schooler who attends public school for

Although Yelchin is gone, he still has four more films to be released in 2016–17. The family drama We Don’t Belong Here is about a mother who hits her breaking point after her son (Yelchin) disappears. Porto is a romance about a life-changing night for a French woman and an American man (Yelchin) in Porto, Portugal. The psychological thriller Thoroughbred follows two suburban teenage girls who try to rekindle their volatile friendship.

Rememory, a sci-fi mystery filmed in Vancouver, follows a widow who uses her late husband’s invention that can record and play the memories of a person.

Photo via http://deadline.com/

Star Trek films (2009-2016) Yelchin appeared in several iconic movie franchises, but is best known for his portrayal of Pavel Chekov in the Star Trek reboot. The third film in the franchise was filmed in Vancouver and is scheduled for release on July 22.

Like the character of Chekov, Yelchin was born to Russian parents in Leningrad, Russian SFSR, USSR (now St. Petersburg, Russia). However, despite his familiarity with the Russian language and accent, he chose not to use a real Russian accent in his performance because he felt it wouldn’t be true to the character from the 1960’s TV series.

“The interesting thing about it is that his accent is a Cold War stereotype of a Russian person,” Yelchin told TrekMovie. com. “It was fun to purposefully mess around with the Russian accent, to purposefully change what I thought a Russian accent was to suit that stereotype they had in the ’60s.”

Taken (2002 mini-series) One of Yelchin’s earlier works was the Sci-Fi Channel (now SyFy) miniseries Taken (2002), which was filmed in Vancouver. The series aired on CBC for Canadian viewers. Taken followed three families who were affected by alien visits from 1944 to 2002. Yelchin played Jacob Clarke, a human-alien hybrid, in the 1950s and 1960s episodes. His performance in the series was nominated for a Young Artist Award in 2003. This followed his 2002 win of the Young Artist Award for his performance in Hearts in Atlantis (2001).

Chairman of the Board: No Kingdom of the Crystal Skull Ed Appleby Illustrator

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ife in ancient Mesoamerica can be a tough go—balancing day-to-day survival with piety and commerce. Luckily the gears of this game are welloiled and run like clockwork.

Tzolk’in: The Mayan Calendar is a worker placement game for 2–4 players designed

by Simone Luciani and Daniele Tascini, published by Czech Games Edition in 2012. Each turn you can place or remove workers from a system of gears that turn in tandem with a giant Mayan calendar, collecting various awards depending on their position once removed. The game ends when the calendar has made one full revolution.

Mousetrap this isn’t. I am usually very leery about games with moving parts, and once you add the fact that the rulebook was long and had

all the coherence of ancient Mayan hieroglyphs, I did not come into the game with high hopes. However, once I started to play, I realized the game abides by standard worker placement mechanics, and the elegance and simplicity of the gameplay won me over.

Timing is the essence of this game—being able to only either place or remove workers during your turn and trying to time against the calendar in order to most efficiently benefit your strategy becomes your goal.

Like many eurostyle games, it suffers from some “competitive solitaire” and “point salad” aspects, but I found it didn’t detract from the gameplay.

I would recommend this game to anyone in search of a smooth worker placement game—but, like searching out any Mayan temple nowadays, I would recommend letting someone who has played before guide you.

Illustration by Ed Appleby

 ‘Tzolk’in: The Mayan Calendar’ game review

Have an idea for a story?  sports@theotherpress.ca

SIntroducing ports Jay Tremonti

OO Meet your captain OO Last Vegas Desert Rats?

OO From coastal beaches to inland ones And more!

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la s co ll e g e r o ya l s . c a

ast year the men’s volleyball team was in the spotlight.

A dominant force on the court, the men had the chance to prove their worth as they hosted the CCAA men’s volleyball championships. Despite not winning the tournament, the team finished fourth in the country, which was an accomplishment in and of itself.

With the tournament in the past, and the season over, longtime head coach Brad Hudson announced that he had coached his last game at Douglas College, and would be moving on to new opportunities. And with that, the end of an era had arrived.

However, the end is also the beginning. For the 2016-17 season, that beginning is for Jay Tremonti, the new head coach of the men’s volleyball team.

For Tremonti, this will be the first venture into college-level coaching. But age is no indicator of experience here. Tremonti has an impressive résumé, boasting a near lifetime of volleyball experience. Tremonti is an alumnus of the University of Toronto’s volleyball program where he played five years, and in just three years since graduating, Jay has accrued a plethora of notable positions and achievements.

Since moving to the Fraser Valley three years ago, Jay has found his way into the heart of the BC Volleyball program. He holds the position of Fraser Valley Regional Program Manager, and he is also coaching with both the U16 Seaside club, which had a

one of the few rookies on last year’s squad. His skillful play captured him a spot on the PACWEST All-Rookies team, alongside teammate Jordan Loewan.

Faester had this to say about the upcoming season, and his new bench boss: “I am looking forward to returning to Douglas for the upcoming season. We have many great new recruits and returning players and Jay is a great, fresh coach that has plenty of experience from the playing the game at a CIS level. Jay is an extremely motivated individual and we, as a team, are excited to have him as our coach.”

The team coming up this year will be young with many of the veterans from last year moving on to CIS programs, but Tremonti isn’t intimidated by that. In fact, he says he knows exactly where to look. “A part of my job is to know pretty much every volleyball player in BC. With my past work experience in the Valley, and my coaching experience from the Valley, I think it’s natural that I’ll be looking for a lot of talent for Douglas from there.” While local talent is always a crowd favourite, Jay also has roots elsewhere that he could turn to. Born in Ontario, and having spent much of his volleyball playing career there, it would not surprise me to see a few players hailing from the east taking Douglas College into serious consideration.

As is regular for any coach, Tremonti already has goals in mind for the team. But with a higher than regular turnover rate heading into his debut season,

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golden run this year, and Delta Secondary School. It’s a lot for one person to do, and with his appointment as the Royals’ head coach, he’s going to have to make a time commitment decision soon. However, Tremonti feels that everything is just starting to fall into place. “The past couple of years, I’ve been working with youth in the Valley. When the opportunity to coach at Douglas arose, it was an opportunity for progression and an opportunity to challenge myself at a postsecondary level.”

Never one to shy away from a challenge, Jay says his job has been made easier by the warm welcome he received from the entirety of the athletics department. He steps into some huge shoes, and he is very aware of it, but he believes the past is more beneficial to him than it is daunting. “Brad’s built the program to what it is now, which is a perennial provincial contender and one of the best teams in the country. There’s a huge foundation that’s set, and that’s great, but I’m not really looking towards the past. Sure, we’re going to learn from the past, but I’m building towards the future, and I think we’re just going to keep getting better every single day.”

His job will be made indefinitely easier by the depth that was on last year’s team. “We got some younger guys from last year that are going to come in and play some key roles for the team, and we’re going to look to them a lot. Guys like Justin Faester; he got to learn from and play behind some of the great players last year.” Faester was

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Davie Wong Sports Editor

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 New men’s volleyball head coach

Tremonti believes the key to this season is patience and growth.

“This year is going to be all about growth. We have a lot of guys looking to grow as individuals, both on the court and off the court. We’re going be coming into practice every day and working hard to grow, and that’s going to lead to us being a very scary team later on in the season.

Obviously the end goal is always a championship win, but we’re going to be more focused on growing every day, and letting the rest fall into place.

“I’m here to build a sustainable quality program that students from BC and beyond can come to and grow from.”

This mentality comes from Jay’s passion and desire to make a difference in young athletes’ lives, as his experience did for him. It’s the reason he went into coaching to begin with. “For me, the

progression to coaching felt natural.

I found my athletic experience to be the most rewarding and fulfilling time of my life, so I wanted to have a hand in creating that experience for other student athletes. The atmosphere here at Douglas is perfect for that.”

Although the season is a little while away, Tremonti already knows how his team will look on the court. “The first word that will come to mind when you watch the Royals this year will be ‘fearless. We are not going to back down from any challenge, and we’re going to take the bull by the horns. We’ve got a young, passionate group of guys that will be coming in everyday and working hard. That’s going to be fun to watch, and exciting as well. When you’ve got that combination of passion and excitement, it’s a recipe for some great things to come.”

Indoor vs. outdoor sports for the summer  Is one really better than the other?

Davie Wong Sports Editor

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t’s an age old debate. Are sports better played outdoors where they were originally played? Or are they better behind closed doors, where the environment can be controlled? With summer in full force, the debate is more relevant than ever.

Fans of outdoor sports argue that playing sports outside is how it’s meant to be done. Many of the aforementioned sports get

their roots from outdoor play, so it makes sense to keep them as such. After all, what’s better than the feeling of the sun beaming down on you as you nail that three-pointer, or the wind rushing by you as move past a defender?

Or, how about the crisp, cool, BC air that fills your lungs after a hard run, either on the court, or the field? There’s not much that can match that feeling, much less replace it.

Yet at the same time, what makes outdoor sports great also

makes them less preferable for some. Have you ever played soccer in the scorching sun, at 30 plus degrees? I have, and it wasn’t fun.

The unbearable heat made every little breeze feel like a godsend.

And to top it all off, despite keeping myself well lathered in sunscreen, I still managed to get sunburned. You see, sunburns don’t exist when you play indoors.

You know what does exist when you play indoors? Regulated air conditioning. It keeps the temperature at a decent level,

while still allowing you to experience the sports that you want to enjoy.

Playing indoors also keeps the extreme weather at bay. Here in Vancouver, there are really only two types of weather on the forecast. It’s either really sunny, with high temperatures and maybe a slight breeze. Or it’s pelting rain with a howling gale.

If you play your sports indoors, the weather outside doesn’t really matter. No more pesky wind to account for when you take your

long shots or three-pointers. It’s just you and your target, with no external factors.

Both sides could go at each other for ages. Each has their own points, with their own sense of validity. However, they both seem to miss the big picture. Sports has evolved to a variety of things, but at its core, it’s a source of entertainment. Sports are meant to be fun. It shouldn’t matter where you play your sport, indoor or outdoor, if you’re having fun.

Do what works best for you.

sports // no. 11

issue 30 // volume 42

Meet your captain Davie Wong Sports Editor

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t’s hard to believe that it’s almost been a year since the Royals’ women’s soccer team’s historic run to Nationals. With the season quickly approaching, there are certain formalities that need to be taken care of. For coach Chris Laxton and his team, this means picking a new captain to lead them since both of last year’s captains have moved on.

For Laxton the choice was clear, so he called upon third-year veteran Samantha Kell. The 1996born midfielder was a key part of last year’s team and is no stranger to Laxton’s system.

One way or another, much of Kell’s life has been involved with soccer. She has played soccer for 16 years and doesn’t plan on stopping anytime soon.

“Soccer will always be a part of my life whether I am playing or coaching, and I never plan on giving that up. I guarantee you will always find me on a field.

“My personal goals for soccer have always stayed the same. No matter what team I’m playing for, my goal is to make a difference.

There’s a quote I often look to for inspiration: ‘Play for the name on

the front of the shirt and they’ll remember the name on the back’ (Tony Adams). Every time I step on that field I am playing for my school, for the former and future Royals athletes, and for my team.

As long as I continue to play with the same passion I played with when I was 10 years old, I will have achieved my goal.”

Despite last year’s success, Kell is looking for something more. “This is a completely different team from last year, you can’t deny that, but that doesn’t mean we are expecting anything less. Last season our team made history, and I know that all the girls returning from last year, including myself, are ready to build off of those results.

I think I speak for the team when I say that we want to continue making history and will settle for nothing less.” It’s a big goal that the team has set, but no matter what happens, Kell can be sure that she has the support of her teammates, who have backed her as their captain since the announcement.

When talking about her appointment, Kell did not shy away from the responsibilities that come with it. “I have had so many inspirational leaders in my life and my teammates the last

Image via douglascollegeroyals.ca

 Samantha Kell named captain of the women’s soccer team

two years at Douglas. Being one of the seniors this year my goal is to inspire the team just as my former teammates inspired me.”

This year will be a test for the Royals. The saying goes, the only thing harder than winning a title, is defending it.

But Kell believes the team is more than ready to defend their provincial banner. “I think last year definitely provided us with a certain level of confidence.

Going into this season we are the team to beat and we are all aware that this is not the time to

sit back. This is our time to push harder and prove to everyone that our successful season was not a fluke.” A second banner win in a row would certainly solidify the Royals as one of the premier soccer programs in the PACWEST.

The Other Presses

 Some less-popular exercises to help keep your summer body the way you like it Jamal Al-Bayaa Staff Writer

ummer is a time of preparation and perspiration for athletes in the off-season, and students are looking to build stronger and leaner bodies. Hiking trails open up, parks become instantly more agreeable, and the squat racks at the gym become considerably more available, so long as you’re not trying to go after 5 p.m. So the Other Press is going to take advantage of that availability and energy with nothing but a squat rack, pull up bar, and good running shoes.

We’ve picked out three different exercises that are variants on the generically-used workouts, with a focus on fun and novel exercises for the gym, or at home. Individually, these workouts are great. We’ve picked one for each type of person.

Tie them all together and you also have a quick but versatile workout. To really learn the techniques for each, a quick YouTube search will get you good results. So instead we’ll leave that to the pros, and go over what workouts you should try this summer and why.

1) For the powerhouse: The Front Squat

Image via thinkstock

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Front squatting is one of the least done moves in the gym. I’ve only seen it done a handful of times, and all by the same three or four people. Front squats are one of the few exercises that hit your whole leg. They load your hamstrings (back leg) on the way down, and fire your quads (front) on the way up. That hamstring is a very difficult muscle to hit

without special equipment or a deadlift, which isn’t for everybody.

2) For the sloth: Active Hangs Imagine a pull-up in which your arms stay perfectly straight and only your shoulders move up and down. Face your palms away from your body. There, you now know how to do an active hang. Active hangs are great for

shoulder mobility, flexibility, and injury prevention. They strengthen your straightened arm (which almost no general gym workout does) and prepare you for greater mobility challenges like swinging from one bar to the next—which could save your life one day. Developed, or at least popularized, by the famous movement coach Ido

Portal, active hangs are a great way to use a pull-up bar for something other than the average pull-up. Continued use can see strengthened shoulders as well as necks, which is incredibly useful for anyone who is seated a lot of the time or looking at phones and computers. I often crack my neck out of habit, and I find this workout very useful in reducing that tendency.

3) For the competitor: Sprints No one seems to do sprints!

They’re muscle-building, fatcutting, and heart-strengthening beasts of that get neglected because they require maximum effort. Sprints are another workout that really hit those hard to reach hamstrings, but they also work the entire body through the swinging motion of the arms and the intensity of the training.

Hills make these workouts even better, but starting out with hill sprints isn’t generally a good idea for beginners. Best practice would be to go for runs and incorporate short sprints into your longer runs. And if you don’t run, best way to start that is to go for walks and throw some shorter jogs into your longer walks.

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ou are a runner in a relay race. As your teammate approaches you, you see her hand extend, holding the baton. Your feet move to keep pace as she draws nearer. The fingers in your hands blossom out, creating a target, not just for the baton, but also for the responsibility, the confidence, the weight of the entire collective. You are the runner; you are the next editor-inchief of the Other Press.

The Other Job The sprint is a year long and starts in September. Douglas College gathers for orientation, and the parking-lot-like building that is the New Westminster campus fills up with young minds.

Sitting at a foldout table in the concourse is an optimistic individual, driven to make a mark on the long legacy that is the Douglas College newspaper: the Other Press.

With a welcoming smile, the editor-in-chief of the only student newspaper on campus showcases the publication to new students entering the post secondary institution and sometimes to students who have been enrolled in the college for years already.

“When you are talking to people and trying to recruit people to the newspaper,” says Natalie Serafini, editor-in-chief from 2014–15, “they are often surprised that we have a newspaper.”

“It’s also surprising the amount of people that say that they read it,” says Jacey Gibb, editor-in-chief from 2013– 14. “It sounds bad to say surprising.”

During the length of the orientation, the editor-in-chief is not only present to increase readership, but also to recruit contributors by introducing the variety of roles that goes into running a publication: writers, designers, illustrators, photographers, distributors, etc. The editor-in-chief is not only the boss, but also the ambassador.

“You only need to get one person for these events to be worthwhile,” says Sharon Miki, editor-in-chief from 2012–13). “You are never going to have an event and get like 20 new writers and 1,000 new readers. It’s Douglas College. It’s such a small community.

You only need to get one.”

The Other Press, like a collegiate program, is a revolving door for students to collaborate and gain experience in preparation for the real world. Each year, the editor-in-chief position opens up. The incumbent can choose to reapply and serve another term, or choose to leave the shoes for someone else to fill.

While much of it feels like training for the job of the future, being the leader of a student newspaper is a responsibility that weighs heavy, especially when working with a group of unseasoned writers, editors, and contributors. With ego and inexperience colliding, it is the job of the editor-in-chief to both calm the waters and steer the ship.

“I felt like a lot of my time was

spent dealing with the personnel,” says Liam Britten, editor-in-chief from 2008–10. “That was challenging: dealing with people who should just not have been there. You just can’t get rid of these people. It took a while.”

“I’m sure everyone else had this experience,” says Gibb, “where I’ve gotten a piece—especially as a section editor—and you are just reading it and you’re like there is no way this person reread what they wrote, because this doesn’t make sense and it’s just total garbage.” “[The Other Press] equipped me with skills like dealing with problem children and persevering through really challenging experiences where you don’t know what you’re doing and you are just flailing through it,” says Cody Klyne, editor-in-chief from 2011– 12. “And you do and you are kind of just given a lot of responsibility and you can take that and really run with it or you can sit on it and not really have any ambition for the newspaper for your term.”

The Other News Hidden away on the first floor is the Other Press headquarters in Room 1020. During the Fall and Winter semesters, the collective gathers weekly in the bowels of the campus to produce a newspaper. The issues will sit on black metal stands at entrances and high traffic areas of the school, but with only 50 per cent pick up— roughly 500 hundred hard copy readers per week—it often seems like a job that is supplying without demand.

Without a need to feed the beast, it’s easy to become apathetic.

The editor-in-chief term at the Other Press is indeed a marathon, but the leader is not running alone. Leading a team and keeping them from falling into the grips of apathy is as challenging as keeping up with all the emails that pile up. The job is not just about meeting deadlines; it’s about producing quality work.

“I guess one of the main points is showing that you care,” says Eric Wilkins, the current editor-in-chief of the Other Press.

“If you don’t, nobody else is going to follow. First and foremost is making yourself as enthusiastic as possible.”

“I know as editor-in-chief, one thing that was very frustrating was how hard it was to get people to

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Student apathy and other problems for A conversation with six leaders

By Elliot Chan O Photo Credit Ma

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the editors-in-chief of the Other Press of Douglas College s newspaper

Opinions Editor aria Asselin-Roy

write Douglas College-centered stuff,” says Britten, “or even Lower Mainlandfocused stuff can be a challenge. Let’s be honest, nobody reads the Other Press to find out what happened somewhere else in the world last week, right? But that’s what people’s instincts are; that is what’s interesting to them. You have to look for not the most obvious story, I guess. Look for opportunity to localize things.”

“If you are a sports editor, go watch the damn Royals play,” Britten adds.

“Or if you are the arts editor, you might have to go see a Douglas College play.”

The Other Press began in 1976 and it has always struggled to find its place within the Douglas College ecosystem. Splintered from the rest of the institution, the Other Press requires the editor-in-chief to bridge the gap between the different societies and communities, while staying true to the publication’s journalistic values.

“It’s so rare that anything noteworthy happens,” says Miki, “that if it ever does happen you have to talk about it. We’re not a PR magazine for Douglas College. But if we were, then yes, we wouldn’t say anything critical.

But if something happened—and it’s true—we have to report on it.”

The Other Problems The Other Press is an organization with many moving parts. It’s often hard to keep track of the squeaky wheels. In an effort to produce a newspaper on a weekly basis, there are going to be mistakes. The lesson is in how one recovers. Consider all the errors that take place in a classroom: spelling mistakes, incorrect facts, plagiarisms, etc. All these problems are magnified when it is printed a thousand times and handed out to the general public.

The editor-in-chief’s face is on every issue printed. If there is a problem, there is no hiding and there is no blaming; he or she must face the hard light.

“My worst fear was that I was going to do something that would end the newspaper,” says Gibb. “I’m sure everyone had that fear. I actually had the opportunity to end it, in that our contract with the college student levy was up for renewal in my term. It happened to come upon a very funny time.”

It was a funny time indeed.

A humour article mistaken as legitimate news got the Other Press in hot water at the tail end of 2013. Gibb was the editor-inchief at the time and he received the brunt of the backlash as the article involved the New Westminster Police Department.

“If the paper hadn’t been on such strong foundation,” Gibb adds, “who knows what would have happened?”

At the time, it was no laughing matter for the publication. But Gibb laughs it off now, reminding us that the words printed on the paper have impact. Being the leader of a media organization, even one as small as

the Other Press, carries a certain responsibility. It’s not just for the people who speak out, but for the people who don’t as well.

“You focus in on the fact that you get surprised when people say ‘I’m surprised that there is a newspaper at the college,’” says Klyne. “Like you are kind of taken aback by that statement.

It’s just, you do pour so much of yourself into it, but there are a lot of people who do read and don’t make their voices known or participate, and they are just the readers. And that’s their place in life and they are just happy to do that. And it’s our job to just be there and supply that.”

Each week, the editor-in-chief of the Other Press chases the clock, rallying the collective to produce a high-quality publication for the readers. It doesn’t matter if it’s the first few steps in September or the last leg in August, they know their efforts will be visible in print and digital not just for Douglas College to see, but for the whole world. They also know that their time is fleeting. This learning experience they treated wholeheartedly as a “real job” will soon be over.

“I feel like there was so much I wanted to do that I never got around to doing,” says Serafini. “There would always be a fire—not a literal fire—to put out. I feel like by the end of my first semester I was so exhausted, I was just trying to find the next person to fill a position—put out the next fire.”

You are a runner in a relay race.

You receive the baton—but it’s not really a baton, it’s a fire extinguisher.

You are the next editor-in-chief of the Other Press. You want to make your mark, but it’s actually an environment to make mistakes. If that’s the case, the best mark is to continue the legacy, improve the organization incrementally for the next generation, and allow room for the leaders of the future to solve the problems that are as ingrained into the institution as student apathy.

“You don’t need to be a born leader for anything,” says Wilkins. “You grow your way into it. You learn things. You figure out how stuff works.”

For over 40 years, the Other Press has been a fixture in the Douglas campus community. While it might be considered fringe, because there are no academic programs linked to it, it a necessary part of the institution.

The craft of writing, editing, and communicating is a key to professional success, regardless of the student’s career path.

Why does a school have gym?

Not because we want our students to become body builders or professional athletes, it’s because we want them to establish a healthy lifestyle. The same goes with a student newspaper. It’s not about the product; it’s about the work itself, and it’s about getting better and stronger at the craft. For the editorin-chief, it’s his or her chance to learn what no course in Douglas can teach, and that is a unique opportunity.

theotherpress.ca

sports // no. 14

Las Vegas Desert Rats?  A hockey team for the city of sin Davie Wong Sports Editor t’s expansion time! The lucky city? Las Vegas was approved for an NHL franchise in 2017-18.

While people who supported the idea are jumping for joy, I’m a bit more unsure.

The expansion comes at a time when a couple of teams, with one in particular, are unsure of their ability to field an NHL team in their city. The main team in question is the Arizona Coyotes. Fan interest in the team has dropped off immensely since the move from Winnipeg in the late ‘90s, and it doesn’t help that they can’t win for the life of them.

The team suffers from a variety of issues, with most of them stemming from a lack of funds due to an inability to sell tickets and merchandise. This last year, the team ranked second last in average tickets sold per game at 13,400. Only Carolina ranked lower than them. In my opinion, all of this has to do with one specific factor. Their geography.

Arizona is in the middle of the Sonoran Desert. With temperatures reaching to the

Photoillustration

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scorching 40’s on a regular basis, one would think that a nice ice hockey game would be a good escape from the heat.

Unfortunately, that’s not how it works. With the sun constantly shining, locals find it hard to be interested in a sport that is not

commonly available to them.

Hockey just isn’t popular there.

There is no local talent for the city to be proud of, and come out to support, and there are no players that garner huge fan interest. It’s really a snowball effect. There are no players that

want to play for the Coyotes, because there are no fans. No fans means no money from jersey sales, as well as just not being as fun of a city to play in. No players means no fans. It’s an endless, pointless cycle that has yet to be broken.

My fear is that the expansion Las Vegas team will not fare any differently than the Coyotes. As the saying goes, lady luck can be oh so fickle. I’m worried that the city will not have the patience that is needed for an expansion team. Make no mistake, the new Las Vegas team will be bad, and they will be bad for years. That’s just the nature of expansion teams and the expansion draft.

If people are expecting to see the Stanley Cup Finals in the City of Sin within the first five years, they can continue dreaming, because that isn’t going to happen.

It’s going to be a slow process. The first iteration of the team will likely be a disaster.

But fans need to stalwart. Rome wasn’t built in a day. However, continued investment into the team from a solid fan base will do nothing but help. They need to not get stuck in the Arizona loop, which is a harder task than it sounds. Las Vegas is smack dab in the middle of the Mojave Desert, and the fan base could be liquid and evaporate within a couple of years. It’s got all the same warning flags as Arizona. Let’s just hope this isn’t deja-vu.

From coastal beaches to inland ones  Coach Kyra Iannone announces her departure from Douglas Davie Wong Sports Editor t felt as if just yesterday, coach Kyra Iannone was discussing her plans for the team’s future in the upcoming season. Things were looking good with a young squad of hungry athletes. Her fifth year coaching the Royals volleyball team was by far the most successful, in terms of records and accolades. The team was poised for a record setting season coming up, but that will all have to be put on pause.

Starting September 1, Iannone will be starting at her new position as assistant coach at the University of Arizona. The decision may come as a surprise to some, but those who knew her saw this coming. After all, it doesn’t take long for a coach of her skill to be noticed by larger teams. For Iannone, the decision to leave was a difficult one, but in her heart, she knew the answer.

“I was offered a position for full time coaching in the NCAA Division 1 league, and to be honest this is a dream of mine. I have never had the opportunity to coach as my full time position and it has been my goal for a long time to make coaching my career. This is an opportunity of a

Photo by Davie Wong

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lifetime and I am so very blessed, honoured, and excited for the chance to make my mark on NCAA beach volleyball.”

Looking back at her five years behind the bench at Douglas, there are a lot of memories to sift through. It would be nearly

impossible to pick a favourite, though some players would be quick to mention specific trips or moments. However, the coach’s favourite memories go a little deeper than a singular instance.

“In all honesty, my favourite memories were the more intimate

and meaningful memories I have with each girl. The moments we share after a big win, or a big loss when an important hug or kind word was needed. It was watching my players bond, or make a big play, or the moment they realized they were something special.”

Yet, for as long as five years is, there are still some things that have yet to be accomplished by the team. For Iannone, it was the big prize. “I would have loved to win a championship. These girls improved, changed culture, and changed expectations, but they deserved the respect of the league and their peers that is earned when you win a championship.”

Despite not being able to obtain the coveted prize of a championship win, the team can be proud that they were able to stand toe-to-toe with some eventual championship winners during Iannone’s time with the team.

They say every career stop teaches you a valuable life lesson.

For Iannone, the lesson she learned is perhaps one of the most valuable. “I learned that family is the most important thing, and we, the team, were a family.” It was that passion that kept her going through the tough times, and allowed her to do the work that she did for them.

As she leaves her post, Iannone imparts this bit of wisdom for fans of the Royals: “This is a special group of girls who are serious about their dedication to the program, and each other. Be proud of them and stand by them because they are worth it.”

Have an idea for a story?  lifeandstyle@theotherpress.ca

Life & Style

OO Personal interpretation of personal space OO Easy spicy Mediterranean shrimp pasta OO The Other Playlist And more!

Getting the most out of a music festival

S

ummer is officially here, and the festival season is upon us. Whether you’re taking in a one-day outdoor concert, or experiencing a weekend event, music festivals are an amazing and often unique experience.

While fun is almost guaranteed, there are many ways to make the experience more enjoyable for everyone, as well as safer, smoother, and more efficient.

Hydrate. Perhaps the most important and universal rule of any outdoor event, especially in the summer. We all need water.

Festivals often lead to things like standing in hot sun for hours, dancing, and consumption of alcohol or other intoxicating substances—all things that lead to dehydration. Bring bottles of water, or face buying a bottle for $8 (and wouldn’t you rather spend that $8 on a bottle of beer?)

There’s no such thing as drinking too much water, so do your best

to have it whenever possible.

Be responsible. These festivals are often an opportunity to cut loose and do things you wouldn’t normally be doing.

Whether you’re going drinking with strangers, or wandering off to an unfamiliar area, stay safe through common sense. Make sure someone knows where you are at all times. Know exactly what you are putting in your body and how much of it. Take a break if you ever feel dizzy or sick, and don’t hesitate to seek medical attention if you think you need it.

The workers are there to help you and keep you safe, not judge you.

Organize, but not firmly.

Plan your day, but don’t let the schedule be too rigid. Figure out when and where you have to be for the bands you absolutely can’t miss, but also take chances.

Go to a few artists you haven’t seen before—some of my favourite festival acts have been people I had never heard of, and you never know who might make it big and end up as a headliner in the future. And if something doesn’t go according

to plan, roll with it. You’re here to have fun, aren’t you?

Respect people around you. This one should go without saying, but it can be easy to forget you’re there with thousands of other individuals.

Don’t touch people without their permission and don’t invade their personal space either. Basically, don’t harass anyone, and use common sense to determine how everyone, not just you, can have a good time.

Pack more than you think you’ll need. This especially applies at a multi-day festival.

If you’re on the fence about bringing something, throw it in the bag. As the old saying goes, it’s far better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it. A lot of things come in handy at these shows, sometimes in ways you might not expect. You don’t have the luxury of household items available to you, so you may have to MacGyver a situation.

And above all, pack wet wipes— they’re like a portable shower.

Image via thinkstock

Cazzy Lewchuk Staff Writer

Image via http://cdn.fashionisers.com/

 Survival tips and tricks

Beach bums  Taking a look at upcoming trends in swimwear Brittney MacDonald Life & Style Editor

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s the summer slowly trickles its way in, and the weather turns to clear blue skies and blistering heat, sooner or later everyone’s thoughts wander to the beach. But how can you expect to ring in the new season without a much needed wardrobe update? To help you out, I’ve compiled a list of swimwear trends you’ll be seeing popping up everywhere sand meets surf.

First off, let’s address shape. Two pieces are seeing a comeback after last year’s total monokini domination.

Instead of the traditional bikini top, expect to see a lot of high neck halter styles, and bandeaus. This is perhaps not the friendliest option for bustier women, but fret not— more athletic cropped cuts, with wide shoulder straps or even capped sleeves will also be very prevalent. Bottomwise, you should expect to see a lot of traditional bikini cuts. The high-waisted retro look will be on the decline, instead being replaced by a sleeker, more modernized pairing of athletic tops with high-waisted bottoms. Expect to see these various styles accented with provocative

cut-outs, and/or knotted or braided details, or even some lacing going up the side seams.

Trendy patterns and colours are a bit more limited than they have been in the past. Monotone shades of peach, teal, and black will be prevalent; featuring limited accent colours of either contrasting shades (white to black, orange to blue, etc.) or neon. The only patterns you should expect are a plethora of mixed florals that will be used to emphasize fit and cut. These florals will generally either be in the same colour family— various shades of peach, for example—or they will share a predominant feature colour.

More relaxed fit beach cover-ups will be a mainstay.

This will rely heavily on oversized, knitted sweaters, and oversized shirts—as opposed to last year’s dependence on the maxi dress. If you absolutely need more coverage, pair these options with loose fit shorts or joggers to become the epitome of casual chic.

As fun as trends are, don’t be too glum if this season’s line-up just isn’t your thing.

Always remember, style should be a reflection of your personal aesthetic, and what you feel confident in plays a big role in what will look the best on you.

theotherpress.ca

life & style // no. 16

Personal interpretation of personal space

otherplaylist the

Brittney MacDonald Life and Style Editor

 Offering comfort to strangers

Ready to rock out? Here’s what the Other Press staff have been playing on repeat. You can access the full playlist on Spotify, just search “the Other Playlist” or watch for the link in our Twitter feed.

Brittney MacDonald Life & Style Editor

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I’ll Keep Coming — Low Roar Brittney

Best Kept Secret — Neko Case. K.D. Lang, and Laura Veirs Jerrison

Victory Square — Adrian Teacher and the Subs Eric Image via www.myphilwong.com

eing aware of our boundaries, as well as the boundaries of those around us is becoming increasingly important—and having the courage to establish these boundaries in any sort of relationship is often the first hurdle to forming a good personal or professional relationship. But what about those times when that sort of discussion or hurdle has yet to happen, or in some more common cases, will never take place, such as with strangers?

Most people would respond to this sort of question by stating that they would never test personal boundaries or invade the “personal space” of people they do not know, but, in fact, it happens every day.

Humans are social creatures by nature, so when we see someone who is upset we automatically want to comfort them. How we comfort them when we don’t know them personally is often dependant on their perceived age and gender.

For women, tactile comfort is often our first response. We have been socialized to believe that touching a woman in some small way, patting them on the arm, embracing them around the shoulders, etc. establishes a connection that will help ground and calm them by reminding them that they are not alone.

For the person offering the comfort, this response is the same whether you are male or female. However, when the upset individual is male, our ingrained response is quite different. We are socialized from a very young age to do one of two things: either ignore their emotional state, or to attempt to deflect the situation through humour or by belittling whatever it is that is upsetting them.

The reason why we are taught to respond in these ways in particular goes back a long way, and actually has its roots in chauvinism and sexist thought.

It is based on the belief that any woman’s “hysterical” state is due to her emotional nature and need to feel secure in the knowledge that she will be taken care of, coveted, and protected. It also completely negates the idea of feminine bodily autonomy, or the idea that a woman should be allowed to establish boundaries for her own physical body. Don’t believe me? Consider what

your response would be should the woman respond negatively to your attempt at offering physical comfort. If she told you not to touch her, or pushed your hand away when you tried to pat her on the arm? Most people would immediately get defensive, even though in doing so, she is simply enacting her own right to bodily autonomy.

For men, our response is still based in that old-timey, chauvinistic belief that men should not be open about their emotions. Ignoring they’re upset, or attempting to belittle the situation that caused it, is essentially a refusal to acknowledge their emotional well-being—because acknowledging it means you are recognizing their “weakness.”

Now, most modern people don’t see emotions as a weakness for men, but that doesn’t change the root of the behaviour itself.

The problem is that most people confuse these behaviours with instinct. They believe that these automatic responses come naturally out of our desire to comfort one another, and not out of the way we have been educated through media, society, and various other outlets about how to behave.

The desire to comfort those that are upset is an instinct, just as is our desire to protect children, or run away from a dangerous situation. What isn’t instinctual is how we offer that comfort. Those behaviours come from social conditioning from a very young age.

So you might be asking yourself, why does all this

matter? In truth, it matters because these types of responses can either worsen the situation, or are even dangerous on some occasions. Good intentioned as your attempts may be, modern women are almost always in a heightened state of bodily awareness. This is due to the rampant metropolitan problem of public groping, which most women as well as some men just accept as something they need to be on constant alert about. This is especially true for people that ride public transit.

For men, these types of responses just further dangerous, classical archetypes of masculinity that much of society has been trying to break in recent years. In both cases, these responses might merely anger the individual or upset them further.

So how do you satisfy that instinct to comfort, while still respecting personal boundaries?

Most of the time, your physical presence alone will do a lot to comfort another person.

Even if they don’t know you, acknowledging that they matter enough to warrant an “are you okay?” will help a lot.

Furthermore, establishing verbal communication instead of a physical connection or ignoring their emotional state puts them in control which will automatically have a calming effect. Responding in this way, as opposed to the more classic method, ensures that you remain respectful but that you never leave someone hanging out to dry.

Comfortable — The Knocks ft. X Ambassadors Aaron

Speedracer — Capyac Mercedes

Dragon Slayer — Ninja Sex Party Ed

Nikki — Logic Jamal

My Slumbering Heart — Rilo Kiley Lauren K.

Pagan Angel and a Borrowed Car — Iron & Wine Rebecca

#DOUGLIFE Share your photos with us on Instagram using the hashtag #DougLife, for a chance to be featured in the paper!

This week’s tweet is by @jenfader

life & style // no. 17

issue 30 // volume 42

Easy spicy Mediterranean shrimp pasta T

here’s nothing like fresh pasta for dinner, and in the summer I like my dishes full of flavour and spice. This dish is not only super easy to prepare, but can be a fun twist on your average garlic shrimp pasta, if you’re not afraid of a little heat.

This recipe makes enough for four people, but can easily be adapted for smaller or larger crowds.

Usually when I make it I eyeball how much pasta I’m making and adjust the ingredients accordingly depending on taste—some people don’t like quite as much garlic in their sauce as I do! Thai chili peppers are tiny, but don’t be fooled by their size, one is easily enough to give your pasta that extra kick.

Ingredients: 4 servings of capellini (angel hair pasta) 2–4 cups of pre-cooked frozen shrimp, thawed 1 Thai chili pepper 3–5 cloves of fresh garlic 2/3 cup of chopped red onion 3 tbsp of pitted Kalamata olives 2 cups of cherry tomatoes 1 cup of Italian white wine 1–2 cups of crumbled feta cheese Olive oil on hand Italian seasoning to taste Fresh basil to taste Instructions: Prep is easily going to take up the most time with this recipe,

so make sure you have all your ingredients ready, your pot of water for the pasta heating on the stove top, and your shrimp thawing well in advance. If you missed your chance to take them out of the freezer earlier in the day, then prepare a bowl of warm to moderately hot water and let the bag of shrimp soak in it to thaw quicker. The pasta water should be salted and well oiled. Capellini has a bad habit of sticking together, so you really can’t have too much olive oil in the pasta water to prevent that from happening.

While the shrimp is thawing, mince your chili pepper, finely chop your red onion, and slice up your garlic cloves. I usually like to cut my garlic in long, thin strips, but it’s really up to you. Depending on how you chop them, remember to adjust your cooking time accordingly! I usually halve my Kalamata olives and leave my cherry tomatoes whole, but it’s again a personal choice on the chef’s part. One thing I love about this recipe is how flexible it is!

Pull out a skillet and put it on medium heat, with a healthy spread of olive oil across the surface. Depending on the size of your garlic slices, that’s likely what will go in first as it will take the longest to soften. The timing in cooking this recipe is the most crucial part, so start boiling your pasta water if you haven’t already.

Once the garlic starts to soften, add your red onion. I like to work the white wine in portions, so now is a good time to start slowly adding some to the

sauce, one splash at a time.

When the red onion is close to starting to cook, add in your minced chili pepper. Keep stirring and adding olive oil or wine to avoid burning.

Add in your cherry tomatoes, then your olives, and, once the tomatoes start to cook and soften, add in your shrimp. The shrimp will only need about three to five minutes to heat up and soak in all your flavours, so make sure the rest of the ingredients are cooked or just about finished before throwing them in! Now is also a good time to add in your Italian seasoning and fresh basil (whole or sliced thin). Because of the powerful tastes of the pepper, the garlic, the wine, and the olives, you can be light-handed with the seasoning. Once the shrimp is done, turn the heat down to low, stirring occasionally.

The pasta water should be boiling, so it’s time to cook your capellini. Fresh capellini should only take about 2–3 minutes to cook, so don’t walk away from the stove! You want your pasta to be tender but with a little firmness to it, so if you aren’t sure, take a fork and taste-test the pasta periodically to check the texture.

Once the pasta is cooked, drain it and return it to the pot, adding a little more olive oil as you do to prevent sticking. Back on the stove, add your sauce to your pasta and stir well.

When serving, add some feta on top of the pasta, as well as the rest of your fresh basil. Serve with a glass of some Italian white wine and enjoy!

Image via http://damndelicious.net/

Rebecca Peterson Staff Writer

Image via Essie

 A delicious summer dish for hot summer nights

Essie Silk Watercolour Kits  New nails for summer Lauren Kelly Assistant Editor

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recently discovered the new Silk Watercolour polishes from Essie, which promised the ability to easily create beautiful watercolour nail art. I had to give it a test run, so I tried a different pattern on each nail, some that were shown on the box, some just freehand.

I tried the Silk Watercolour Kit One, which included warm shades, and Kit Two, which included cool tones. Each set comes with one full-sized bottle of “White Page” as a base, and then three smaller bottles of the different colours. I definitely preferred the colours in Two, which included a soft blue, a turquoise, and a deep pink. One included a soft pink and purple, both of which I like, but I was not a fan of the bright yellow as it didn’t match with the softness of the other colours. Although each set is made to work on its own, you could easily mix and match the colours if you owned both sets to create even more looks—and you can even layer them to create new shades.

These polishes also held up incredibly well on my nails. I used two coats of “White Page” but did not use a top or base coat. Still, as of my writing this, each of my nails has lasted a full 48 hours with no chips, which is very rare for me.

The formula for the colours is very thin in order to create the watercolour look, and it succeeds well. The colours were fun to experiment with, and

were easy to layer to achieve different effects. However, in order to get pretty much any of the looks they included on the boxes, you would need to use specialized tools or actual paintbrushes. Due to the size of the brush, it is very difficult to paint the small patterns accurately. Each box comes with instructions on the back to create one look, so I attempted both. Two has instructions for making flowers that seemed fairly simple, but dabbing the polish on with the large brush just created big dots, not the soft, wider petals shown in the pictures. The instructions in One, which involved a simpler, swirly sunset pattern, were much easier—but still came out far worse than the one shown on the box when using the stock brush.

When used alone on a nail, these polishes look beautiful.

The layering of the white with the sheerer colour provides a very light, summery look, and the watercolour appearance makes them have a more playful look. I would recommend them for this alone, because for about $16 you get three different options for solid nails alone.

Paired with the ability to create so many different patterns and looks, even if some require alternate tools, these kits offer plenty of value for the money you are spending. I would recommend these to casual nail polish users and more experienced and artistic ones alike. There is truly something for everyone here—as long as you like the watercolour look!

Have an idea for a story?  opinions@theotherpress.ca

OO It’s time to pay to play

O pinions Brexit and Bregret: the importance OO Tickle me pink

OO The fuckboy enigma And more!

of informed voting Rebecca Peterson Staff Writer

T

he night of the Brexit vote, my family and I watched in mute horror as the online counter showed the UK tilting towards leaving the European Union (EU).

Even as the “Leave” votes pulled ahead, I still had hope. It held at 51 per cent for quite a while. Such a slim margin, and in the end, the Brexiters only won by those few percentage points.

It was heartbreaking, infuriating, to see a campaign built on misinformation and fear succeed. But far worse was hearing from many who’d voted to leave the EU the next day.

There is a new, fun mashed-up word to rival the catchily-named “Brexit”—it’s called “Bregret.” And it’s something many Leave voters are feeling now.

In statements to news outlets and in hashtags on Twitter, voters have expressed shock and dismay that their vote to leave the EU caused the UK to leave the EU. Some say that they felt misinformed. Others have admitted that their vote was meant as a protest vote and that they never thought it would matter. That there was no way the vote to leave would win.

This likely provided much solace and comfort to the schoolchildren of colour and citizens with accents that weren’t instantly identifiable as “British” who have had people gleefully shouting at them to get out of the

country since the referendum.

There are many, many situations in life that may cause you to wake up the next morning and ask yourself, “What the hell did I do last night?” Voting for a decision that can cause ripple effects worldwide should not be one of them.

For those who felt misinformed, I have some sympathy. The Leave campaign told some hefty lies to get their way, one being that they would channel the money sent to the EU into the National Health Service, a promise that human carpetbag and confirmed lizard person Nigel Farage was quick to backtrack on the very next day. He cited it as a “mistake” on the part of the campaign he spearheaded, claiming that he would never say that personally, despite the fact that many citizens who voted to leave took that promise—which was widely circulated in propaganda on buses and billboards—as the reasoning behind their decisions.

Those who voted to leave simply because they hate immigrants, I have far less sympathy for. I can’t stand behind a nation with a long and bloody history of invading and destroying other countries and cultures, stating that the Polish couple who moved in next door are attacking their very way of life.

Those who I have no sympathy for? The “protest” voters.

Your vote counts. Your vote matters. Voting for a ridiculous result simply to

express displeasure with the “establishment” is the most idiotic, destructively unhelpful thing I can think of. No politician is going to look at a vote to tank your country’s economy and close your borders and think “clearly this person is trying to tell us something nuanced that has nothing to do with the vote.” They’re probably going to think that you want to tank your country’s economy and that you say the word “immigrant” the same way Draco Malfoy says “mudblood.” There are millions of ways to protest and to make your voice heard. The voting booth is not the place to be sarcastic.

And for those who were “misinformed,” as I said, my sympathy is there, but it only extends so far. Most issues of a political nature have many facets.

You cannot only look at one side of an issue and decide to stop there. You cannot cast your vote and then go home to research the issue. The fact that one of the most Googled phrases in Britain on the day after the vote was “what is the European Union?” is both telling and depressing beyond words.

Let this disaster stand as a cautionary tale against complacency and lack of critical thought. Let it stand as an example of what happens when fear mongering wins. And let us hope that our American neighbours look at this vote, and keep it well in mind when voting this November.

Image via thinkstock

 Yes, your vote matters—that’s why we have votes

opinions // no. 19

Image via radaronline.com

issue 30 // volume 42

Tabloid junkie  High profile mags hock crap for clicks Adam Tatelman Arts Editor

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n June 25, the anniversary of the King of Pop, Michael Jackson’s death, Internet rumourmill Radar Online published an article claiming that a previously undisclosed stash of child pornography had been discovered by the FBI in their 2003 raid on Jackson’s Neverland Ranch estate. Although it creates a shocking impression at first glance, probing deeper into this claim reveals it to be nothing but a lurid speculative clickbait, devoid of any empirical fact.

To begin with, Radar’s “leaked video” of the Neverland Ranch raid had no pornographic materials whatsoever. This is not merely because the video is incomplete. Publicly available FBI

records and Santa Maria court documents clearly state that no child porn was recovered in the raid or entered into evidence.

Even if it were, there is no point to publicize such information a decade after the case was settled, other than to line the pockets of the muckrakers who present the story as gospel.

During the 2003 case, accuser Gavin Arvizo claimed that Jackson gave him a Hustler magazine. The presence of his fingerprints on the pages would seem to corroborate his story, and yet the magazine in question had been published several months after the initial accusation was made. The eyewitness testimony of journalist William Wagener reveals that prosecuting D.A. Tom Sneddon removed the magazine from its evidence bag and handed it to Arvizo during a pre-trial

interview. That is tampering by even the strictest definition.

If the FBI had truly discovered a mountain of child porn in Jackson’s home, there would be no reason for the prosecution to fabricate evidence in favor of a smoking gun. And yet empirical fact is not the only thing that contradicts the story— Radar’s previous publications on Jackson’s sex life also fly in the face of these claims. In a baffling display of self-contradiction, the Radar article links to an interview with Jackson’s girlfriend, Shana Mangatal who published a book describing her and other women’s relationships with Jackson.

In Radar’s interview, Mangatal was quoted as saying, “He loved women and I know that for a fact. He wasn’t a child molester.” Tellingly, the link to the interview no longer

functions but instead redirects the reader to a Kim Kardashian fluff piece. Not the most idiotproof way to cover one’s tracks, considering the link text still describes the Mangatal interview.

Normally I would not waste the ink necessary to dismiss such vacuous crap, but in a nakedly desperate attempt to generate site traffic, several high-profile news sites have circulated Radar’s article as well, including Breitbart, Jezebel, and the Huffington Post. That they chose to air the story on the date of Jackson’s death is no coincidence, and speaks to the sensationalist nature of the article. That it accuses Jackson’s family of being in deep denial over “the truth” only makes the content more odious.

In the King of Pop’s own words: “Just because you read

it in a magazine or see it on the TV screen don’t make it factual.”

This story is slanderous to the man’s memory and is shamelessly disrespectful to his loved ones and their right to privacy. Jackson has long since paid the ultimate price for any wrongdoing he may be guilty of. There is no reason to continue pissing on his grave and hounding his family, apart from the clicks.

If the aforementioned news sites have a fibre of journalistic integrity between them, then they will retract this unsourced, opprobrious drivel. If not, then they passively prove themselves accessory to the decadence and decay of modern media, where objectivity is secondary to shock value, and facts are merely inconvenient statics.

It’s time to pay to play Sharon Miki Columnist

I

’ll admit it: there was once a time that I thrilled at the ease that came with downloading songs, movies, and TV shows for “free.” As a child of the ’90s, I remember having to go to the store and wait in line and pay hard-earned money if I wanted access to a CD or DVD, so when it all-of-the-sudden because so easy—just a few clicks!—to instantly access whatever creative work that crossed my mind, I didn’t hesitate. It took the same amount of mouse work to download a movie illegally as it did to buy it on iTunes for $9.99, so I often took the easy way out.

But, lately, things have started to change. I literally don’t know how or where to pirate anything anymore, because I haven’t done it in years.

I’d like to think that this

leap to the legal side is grounded in some burgeoning maturity or moral rightness (and, maybe that’s part of it. Like, at least sixor-seven per cent of it). Actually, though? Our current media landscape has evolved to make it so simple and affordable to pay for content that it’s weird not to.

Subscription streaming services like Netflix, Shomi, CraveTV, Apple Music, Spotify, and more start at less than $10 a month, and provide access to more current music, television, and movies than you could possibly ever peruse. If you want a single-access option for a specific title that’s not available as part of your streaming bundles, you can buy or rent media on iTunes or Amazon. It’s totally possible to access all-you-canconsume media for less than the price of a CD (does anyone still buy CDs?) each month. It’s so easy, and so (relatively) cheap.

But why, some may argue,

should I pay even $10 or $20 a month to entertain myself, when I could just download it for free? It’s true that, in Canada, it is very unlikely that illegally downloading media would ever result in more than a warning letter from your service provider.

However, just because you may never be caught doesn’t mean that you should deny the creators of the media you love of financial support. Just because your girlfriend may never catch you cheating on her, should you still be trolling for randos at the Roxy? In either case, you might get away with it, but there’s really no need for you to risk moral corruption (or, at the very least, a lingering tingle of personal dishonesty) for a few bucks or a quick fuck, respectively.

It’s time to sail away from the Pirate Bay—if entertainment is a priority in your life, make it a part of your budget.

Image via thinkstock

 It’s 2016 and pirating media is an increasingly jerk-ish move

theotherpress.ca

Image via thinkstock

opinions // no. 20

Tickle me pink  The adult colouring craze Lauren Paulsen Senior Columnist

R

ecently I went into Chapters for the first time in a while.

The first display case that I saw was filled with colouring books. Off to the right, I saw an entire section of colouring books. I knew about the recent colouring craze, but I hadn’t realized it had gotten to the extent where bookstores had entire sections devoted to them.

I was kind of amused.

I’ve always been a fan of colouring. I find it soothing.

However, all of the colouring books that were on the market had been for children, and colouring something that simple didn’t really fulfill my artistic need. It was too

simple. I sometimes looked for complicated black and white pictures on the Internet to colour in, but pickings were sparse. Mostly what I found were mandalas. So the first time I saw one of these adult colouring books I was intrigued.

I can draw my own complicated swirls and scenes— I’ve been an artist all my life—but not having to spend a lot of time creating these and just spending the time colouring them in is really relaxing. I don’t have to worry about re-drawing lines because I’ve made a mistake.

Instead, I can just focus on the colour of the picture.

It’s not the actual concept of adults colouring that I found amusing when I walked into the store. Rather, it’s the fact that it has become such a craze.

Suddenly so many people are jumping in on the phenomenon.

So many, in fact, that companies that create pencil crayons are having shortages and can’t keep up with the demand. I guess people just always thought of colouring as a childish thing.

Of course, some people still do. Actor-comedian Russell Brand made a video rant about his opinion on the craze. He questions whether the popularity of these colouring books is a sign of the apocalypse. He thinks that colouring in pictures is a waste of time, and that we should be doing something more meaningful with our lives.

I don’t agree with this point of view. I can actually attest to the calm and relaxing feeling that colouring gives me. It’s actually more relaxing than drawing,

sometimes, because colouring in a picture requires less brainwork than drawing from scratch.

If we look at it from Brand’s and other critics’ perspective then any relaxing activity— such as meditation, listening to music, fishing, golfing, or watching television—would be seen as a waste of time. We need time to relax, so why can’t colouring a picture be included as one of those activities?

These adult colouring books also give people who have difficulty drawing a chance to enter the world of artists. I have talked to friends who feel proud of their coloured pictures, but feel they could never draw picture themselves. It gives them a sense of accomplishment when they finish an adult colouring book. They are making works of

art, no matter what critics may say, because they are colouring these pictures in uniquely. And who knows? Maybe it will spur them to draw themselves.

When Scottish illustrator Johanna Basford had the idea to create a colouring book for adults—instead of making the colouring book for children that her publishing house asked her to do—she couldn’t have had any idea how explosive it would become. No matter what critics like Brand are saying, there is no denying that there is definitely something special about colouring. If people didn’t like this activity, then 16-million copies of the first three adult colouring books by Basford would not have been sold in three years.colouring books.

online predators.

For so long now, we, as a society, have fought against shaming women for being sexually expressive. Why is it now that men can be shamed for their desire to do the same? Is that not a double standard? If the end goal of every fight for equality is for true equality, then we need to get rid of words that shame not just women, but men as well. Words like fuckboy are steps backwards to that goal.

But what if I told you there was an easy fix for all the shaming and all the hurt that people put out in this world? There really is. Stop empowering it. Words like fuckboy get their power from the masses. What looks like a simple childish term has evolved and became a tool used to shame men. The way to stop it is to stop using it. It seems like a

simple solution, and it is. Similar to how we try to stop shaming women with words such as slut and whore, we need to stop shaming men with words as well.

It all has to start somewhere, so why not start with you.

Stop using the word fuckboy. Stop giving it the power to shame men. Stop shaming anybody.

Build a world where people are not afraid to be themselves, no matter who

they are. Put a stop to the hate.

Tell your friends that fuckboy is not an okay word. It’s not okay to shame anyone, and that includes men. Because the last time I checked, man or woman, we’re all human.

The fuckboy enigma Davie Wong Sports Editor

E

very year, the English dictionary is expanded with popular slangs and terms that grew to common use. Last year, it was the word “twerk,” a popular dance. This year, the word could be “fuckboy.” But what is a fuckboy?

Fuckboy is something that keyboard warriors all over the world have been debating for a little less than a year. The general consensus is that a fuckboy is a male individual who attempts to befriend women for the purpose of extorting sexual favors or indecent images. By that definition, it is easy to see how this word rose to popularity.

With the concept of online dating constantly growing, so is the number of online predators.

The word fuckboy could be used to differentiate online male predators from the general population of men that use online dating tools. In that case, the slang makes sense.

However, that isn’t the case.

Like many forms of slang, the word fuckboy has diverged from its original definition. What was originally used to quickly share knowledge of online predators between peers has quickly evolved into a blanket term for men that are interested in sexual relationships. In many ways, it has become the replacement for the early 2000’s slang “player.”

What it has evolved to doesn’t bother me. What bothers me is that it is shaming promiscuous men. The word fuckboy is now more commonly used as an aggressive label for men that enjoy casual sex, not to identify

Image via VEVO

 Stop gender shaming

Have an idea for a story?  humour@theotherpress.ca

Humour

OO Student forgets registration time OO Universities begin accepting lengthy Facebook posts as credible articles OO Unintentionally inappropriate vintage ads And more!

Image via www.pot.tv/

New marijuana policies tough on recreational smokers  Improper bong etiquette could equal jail time Jake Wray Senior Columnist

T

he Liberal government’s new marijuana taskforce, led by Anne McLellan, has released a surprising list of proposed marijuana regulations that has pundits and advocates scratching their heads.

The taskforce has been collecting data and testimony in order to make recommendations to the federal government, which is preparing to table legalization legislation in 2017. Political observers and journalists were not expecting any announcements from the taskforce, which was meant to report directly to the justice minister.

McLellan called a last-

minute press conference in Ottawa on Monday to make the off-kilter announcement.

“I realize that we are taking some unconventional steps here,” McLellan said. “This isn’t the entirety of our report, but we wanted to release a few of the staple regulations that form the core of what we’re trying to do here.”

McLellan then pressed play on 25-minute PowerPoint presentation set primarily to ’80s power rock songs, including “Eye of the Tiger,” and “The Final Countdown.” The proposed regulations are as follows: 1. All Canadians over the age of 19 must take a rip at 4:20 p.m. every day.

2. $4,000 fine for spilling a grinder.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

Visine must be applied between smoking and driving.

Bongs and other glassware must be cleaned once a month with an alcohol-based cleaner.

Pizza delivery drivers must accept joints in lieu of tips.

Poppers must be taken from dedicated bongs.

Bitch-tokes punishable by up to two years of jail time.

Blunts must be rolled with a sprinkle of cocaine, just like Biggie used to do it.

Smokers must buy local weed. No smoking any of that nasty Mexican brickweed.

10. Children can only

process of raising a posse.

“Think of the CHILDREN,” she said, wiping foam from the corners of her mouth as she sharpened her pitchfork.

“The government has signaled clearly that it’s on the side of the druggies and the fiends. I shudder to think how many abortions will be conducted using marijuana once these proposals become law.”

Karem Adams, professor of Bluntology at the University of Victoria, said he takes issue with the requirement that blunts be rolled with cocaine.

“A blunt without some blow in it is still good. The government is placing unfair pressure on people who want to enjoy a fat roll,” Adams said.

“Also, coke is still illegal.”

smoke at school if they bring enough for the whole class.

11. Joints must always be passed to the left.

Pot advocate Marc Emery said the taskforce’s priorities are different that he imagined.

“Uh… holy shit. I was fully expecting the federal government to propose heavy-handed legislation that favoured big corporations and had no basis in the day-today realities of recreational smokers,” Emery said.

“This is… something else.”

The Other Press caught up with Conservative Party leader Rona Ambrose in Lethbridge, Alberta, where she was in the

The elbow that shook the world

 Three amigos conference instrumental in elbow-gate resolution Jake Wray Senior Columnist

ustin Trudeau and Barack Obama have apparently made up after their elbowbased spat last month.

American forces, which had amassed at the Canadian border after the incident, quietly withdrew after several days.

Weeks of silence and uncertainty followed before Trudeau and Obama appeared together at the Three Amigos Summit in Ottawa.

In a speech at the House of Commons, President Obama briefly addressed the incident that nearly drove North America into a bloody conflict.

“I was honestly pretty pissed that Justin would assault me viciously with his elbow, but I found it in myself to forgive him

Photo via www.popsugar.com

J

because I am great, fantastic, and wonderful,” President Obama said. “I also realized that my attempt to politicize the incident wasn’t gaining me any favour with voters, so screw it, right?”

Justin Trudeau spoke to reporters about the incident after

the Three Amigos proceedings had concluded. He maintained his claim to innocence, saying that the elbow was a light, accidental bump, but that he was sorry nonetheless. He said that Mexican President Peña Nieto was instrumental

in calming the situation.

“If it wasn’t for Peña, I would still be mad at Barack, and Barack would still be mad at me. But our third amigo was able to talk us down and get us sitting at the same table again,” Trudeau said.

“It’s a good thing too because

we would have been fucked if the Americans had invaded,” Trudeau added with a nervous chuckle.

Hasbro, the maker of Monopoly, is also apologizing for its role in the incident. Colin McFadyen, a spokesperson for the company, said Hasbro will be reviewing its own policies.

“We recognize that we are responsible for the animal hatred that grows between Monopoly opponents. This shocking international incident that almost caused millions of people to be slaughtered has forced us to rethink the rules of Monopoly, as well as our values as a company,” McFadyen said.

“For now, we are recommending that world leaders play Scrabble, Yahtzee, or Battleship instead.”

theotherpress.ca

humour // no. 22

Student forgets registration time  Ends up with triple major Chandler Walter Humour Editor

C

hris Evans committed the cardinal sin: he forgot to register for courses the very day of his registration time. Instead, he remembered mere weeks before the semester was to start.

“It was pretty rough, that first year,” Evans said in an interview. “All that was left were third year online science courses. I was hoping to maybe take some intro to philosophy, or an anthropology course, but instead I was in advanced biochemical engineering.”

Rather than simply waiting until the next semester to register for the courses he was hoping to take, Evans felt like he could “at least get by” in what was left for him to register in.

“Honestly, I didn’t want to take quantum mechanics. I didn’t even know what it was.

But my mom said I would have to start paying rent if I wasn’t

registered in at least three classes, and that was all that was left.”

Evans soon found that he had a knack for the courses, and passed the prerequisite test with flying colors. “I’ve always been a really good guesser,” he said.

Once Spring semester came around, Evans was determined to take the classes that he had wanted to take, including Intro to Writing Poetry and Communications 1000.

However, due to a clerical error in the Registrar’s Office, Evans was signed up for Douglas’s two-year theater program.

“They didn’t notify me until it was too late to drop the program,” Evans said, “and my mom was adamant that it didn’t count as courses because it wouldn’t work towards a Bachelor’s degree. So I had to take a few more science courses that semester, as well as learn how to act.” Evans participated in a splendid production of Rent, all the while learning about the theories behind

superconducting magnets and light-emitting diodes.

“Honestly, it was harder to learn my lines than it was to remember the mathematic formulas, but I enjoyed the costumes a bit more than the lab coats, so it all worked out,” Evans said.

Eventually, Evans did manage to secure a spot in the courses he wanted, and by the end of six years at Douglas had himself a Bachelor of Arts, a Bachelor of Science, and a diploma in Theater. Evans is currently working for NASA, training for the super classified Mars expedition planned for 2020, and doing a few Broadway shows on the side.

“I never really thought I would have ended up here after forgetting to register back in the day,” Evans said. “But hey, work is work. Gotta make a dollar doing something, right?”

In his free time, Evans still enjoys writing poetry at an introductory level.

Unintentionally inappropriate vintage ads

“Guaranteed to cure toothaches!

Not guaranteed to cost you only 15 cents nowadays.”

Brittney MacDonald, Life & Style Editor

World leaders agree to a mass reboot Cazzy Lewchuk Staff Writer

I

n response to the many system failures exhibited globally, world leaders have agreed to simply reboot the whole damn thing in the hopes of salvaging some of the programs.

Recent and escalating problems repeatedly damaging the system include (but are not limited to): terrorism; climate change; civil unrest; the largest refugee crisis in history; a rise in nationalism, xenophobia, and racism; a collapsing global economy; an environment damaged beyond repair; Donald Trump; and the renewal of 2 Broke Girls and The Big Bang Theory for yet another season.

Earth’s most powerful people—including Barack Obama, Justin Trudeau, Vladimir Putin, Pope Francis, the Dalai Lama, Ellen DeGeneres, Elon Musk, Mark Zuckerburg, Kim Kardashian, Kanye West, and the Premier of China, whose name nobody really remembers or cares about—have entered into an agreement with the mysterious

behind-the-scenes Illuminati.

It was unanimously agreed that concepts like democracy simply weren’t working anymore.

“Whoever thought giving the common people the power, I want some of whatever they were smoking,” Trudeau explained in a press statement at the local Tim Hortons. “Massive war, ethnic conflicts—even the coffee here tastes a lot worse than it used to. When MY father was in charge...” he began, before literally everyone in the restaurant lost interest.

It was widely agreed the best option for fixing the planet would be a mass reboot, taking a cue from how the entertainment industry treats their franchises.

“It’s been ten thousand years since we evolved into modern Homo sapiens and the whole time it’s been nothing but shit,” billionaire Elon Musk telepathically communicated, while floating in a higher plane of existence far outside of the simulation we know as reality. “There’s been some good ideas. I mean, have you seen that Internet? There are so many naked ladies on there! But it’s time to try

existence all over again.”

Various methods have been deliberated on as the best way to reboot all of humanity’s existence. Despite the Pope’s best efforts and phone calls, God was unavailable or simply unwilling to destroy all of the universe. Several of the attendees—led by Ellen—gave their votes to the possibility of existence being given away as a prize on TV, but the idea was shot down when they realized that nobody really watches cable anymore. British Prime Minister David Cameron proposed a referendum be held on the issue, but was quickly tackled and led away by security.

Eventually, Obama, Putin, and the Chinese Premier came up with the best solution, influenced by the suggestions of Obama’s advisor, Dr. Strangelove.

Effective at exactly 12:37 p.m. today, the approximately 16,000 nuclear warheads owned by the major superpowers worldwide will all be detonated.

The resulting explosion will murder the entire world’s population, and in the same stroke, create a wasteland

Image via thinkstock

 Turning civilization off and on again would be best bet

inaccessible for any vertebrate for centuries to come. It is speculated that this will result in a much better universe without humans in it to create terrible things like nuclear warheads.

Preliminary reports from the afterlife suggest that humanity will be condemned to the void for all eternity, with the possible exception of Bernie Sanders, who will ascend to Heaven.

humour // no. 23

issue 30 // volume 42

Universities begin accepting lengthy Facebook posts as credible articles  Many Facebook users being published for their exceptional writing

I

n a move that has shocked many in academia and delighted warriors of the keyboard, various universities around Canada and the USA have begun accepting Facebook posts as scholarly articles.

While some universities and colleges are holding out to the “traditional” approach to learning, many noteworthy institutions such as Harvard, the University of British Columbia, and our own Douglas College have begun accepting Facebook posts (on a wide variety of topics) as thoroughly thought-out and edited works.

James Kilmer, a pizza delivery boy from Port Coquitlam, was among the first to be published in a historic collection of Facebook writings.

“I didn’t think many people would see what I wrote,” said Kilmer. “I just knew a few of my friends would like my take on what I think really happened during 9/11.”

What started as 852 words of drivel soon gained traction online, going viral to more than 800 users within the first 24 hours of being posted. One commenter demanded Kilmer supply evidence for his works, at which point Kilmer readily responded with various YouTube links.

“I guess you could call that the ‘works

cited’ of our new scholarly articles,” said UBC professor Scott Dryden.

“There is such a wealth of information online, with millions of new words being written every hour. It would be irresponsible of the academic world to turn a blind eye to what could very well be ground breaking discoveries.”

In the past few weeks, Dryden has been a pioneer in publishing works found in the depths of the Internet.

His most famous findings to date have been a 300 word rant on why Donald Trump wants to “take our (American’s) guns,” and an eloquently written series depicting the struggles of finding a girlfriend as a “nice” guy.

“This is information that is crucial to understanding the human psyche,” Dryden explained during a press conference, “and it should be preserved in our archives for hundreds of years to come.”

A stroke of luck for Kilmer, as he said that the money he received as a published scholar has helped him make his monthly insurance payments. “Hopefully one day I will be able to quit the pizza game, and come up with conspiracies full time.”

So far Kilmer’s work has been cited twice, in both an essay written by a first year Douglas College student titled “How Our Generation Has Ruined the Internet” and this fictional article in the Humour section of the Other Press.

Image via thinkstock

Chandler Walter Humour Editor

EU will not take Britain back, no matter how much it begs  Britain really sorry, didn’t mean it Chandler Walter Humour Editor

I

n the aftermath of the British referendum that found Britain leaving the European Union, many who voted to leave found themselves longing for what once was.

Britain has been adamant that it had made a mistake, and that it would like to get back into the EU. The EU is not falling for Britain’s slick ways ever again, says EU spokesperson Jenifer Jones.

“We heard Britain loud and clear when they said it was over,” Jones said in a statement to the press. “We asked them not to leave, but they chose what they chose, and they have to live with the consequences.”

British Prime Minister David Cameron stated in an interview that he wasn’t at all worried about what Jones said. “Oh, they’ll take us back, all right,” Cameron said.

“They just like to put on a show

that they don’t want us. It’s this cute little thing that they do.”

Controversy over the split-up has found Scotland in an awkward situation, with many of its residents stating that they “Just want to stay on good terms with everyone,” and when asked if they too would think about splitting from the EU, the Scottish Prime Minister promised: “They will work things out before I really need to pick sides… I hope.”

Recently, the EU has declared that it would like to have Albania join the ranks, filling in the spot that Britain left. Albania eagerly agreed, and the EU has found itself at 28 members, the capacity it was at before Britain decided it had better things to do.

“We are happy and honored to have Albania beside us as we look to the future,” Jones said during the ceremony welcoming Albania, “and the inclusion of Albania has no correlation whatsoever to our past

relationships with other countries that will remain nameless.”

It is rumoured that shrieking was heard from Cameron’s home not long after the ceremony was televised, though no accounts are certain.

What can be reported as fact, however, is that Britain has strengthened its ties to Canada in the days after its break from the EU, as import and export from Canada to Britain are up 150 per cent, and both countries are really happy with where they are right now.

“We have, and always will be, there for Britain in their times of need,” Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced late last Tuesday. “We are so glad that they want Canada as their partner going forward, even if we might be their second choice.”

It is reported that Cameron has stepped down from his position as Prime Minister, saying in a hurried statement: “It just wasn’t the same.”

by David Manky, Senior Columnist

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