The Other Press- September 17 by Other Press

THE DOUGLAS COLLEGE NEWSPAPER SINCE 1978

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“A person is, among all else, a material thing, easily torn and not easily mended.” –Ian McEwan

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hile most of you know me to be a playful, pun-filled roller coaster of a writer, I’d like to set aside my sarcasm and quips for a moment and talk to you about something I feel is an important issue: the role of vulnerability in our society. Behind my need to vocalize concern is my recent visit to the Vancouver Fringe Festival where I had the opportunity to see the Human Body Project. For those of you unfamiliar with the Project, it was started by Tasha Diamant eight years ago as “a vehicle for change.” As a mother of two, Diamant saw the trajectory the world is on and decided that unless there’s a shift away from selfishness towards compassion, the future doesn’t look so bright. Diamant begins each Project session naked and spends the next hour leading the audience in an unscripted forum. Part performance art, part improvised group discussion, the idea of vulnerability takes centre stage as Diamant does her best to provide people with an environment where raw emotions can run rampant. While my first encounter with the Human Body Project came two years ago in Victoria, my second experience was still positively jarring. Like finding a love note in your lunch box from your mom, the Project serves as a reminder to me: a reminder of how vulnerable we really are. Near the end of the Fringe session, a man who’d been silent the whole time raised his hand. He started with how he didn’t want to seem confrontational, but he saw Diamant’s nudity as her way of holding power over the audience, despite her claims that she was projecting vulnerability. He compared the experience to whenever he played team sports and how embarrassed he felt whenever he let his teammates down—which somehow led to him revealing that yesterday had marked the one-year anniversary of his wife’s death. The man went from confrontational to crying in under two minutes. It was impossible not to sympathize with him, though he was a complete stranger to most of us. His seemingly sudden breakage sent my consciousness rippling back to that time in Victoria, where I found myself unexplainably crying from hearing the stories of other people’s pain. It’s an impossible feeling to describe, but that’s the Human Body Project for you. What I’m trying to say here is that there needs to be a shift from what vulnerability means in our society. At what point did the words “vulnerable” and “weak” become synonymous, when they in fact mean the opposite? We’re all vulnerable in our own ways, but there’s no hierarchy to their significance. While not directly, many of the articles you’ll find in the issue you’re holding deal with the varying manifestations of vulnerability and how people manage them. The mass exodus of students’ unions from the Canadian Federation of Students comes as a result of feeling like students don’t have a voice in the organization; Sophie Isbister looks at the comparisons between being an introvert and extrovert and how they’ve become a dichotomy instead of symbiotic; and Angela Espinoza tackles the FROSH rape incident that recently shook UBC. Each story takes a look at vulnerability, but they’re also examples of empowerment and about taking back that sense of security. On a related note, this issue also marks the end of Espinoza’s tenure as Arts Editor for the Other Press. I’ve had the honour of working with Espinoza for the past three years and though we’ll undoubtedly stay in touch via our weekend antics, I admit that I already miss her name from the masthead. Shine on, you crazy Espinoza. Shine on. So it goes, Jacey Gibb Editor-in-chief

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Aidan Mouellic Staff Writer Contributors Cazzy Lewchuk, Ruth Cho Jerrison Oracion, Sharon Miki Paolo Anzovin, Monica Rolinski Idrian Burgos, Steve Cayer

he Other Press has been Douglas College’s student newspaper since 1976. Since 1978 we have been an autonomous publication, independent of the student union. We are a registered society under the Society Act of British Columbia, governed by an eight-person board of directors appointed by Wand from our staff. Our head office is located in the New Westminster campus.

The Other Press is published weekly during the fall and winter semesters, and monthly during the summer. We receive our funding from a student levy collected through tutition fees every semester at registration, and from local and national advertising revenue. The Other Press is a member of the Canadian University Press (CUP), a syndicate of student newspapers

that includes papers from all across Canada. The Other Press reserves the right to choose what we will publish, and we will not publish material that is hateful, obscene, or condones or promotes illegal activities. Submissions may be edited for clarity and brevity if necessary. All images used are copyright to their respective owners.

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Utilizing Douglas College’s free peer tutoring service Improving your grades with a little help from a friend By Elliot Chan, Staff Reporter

he Douglas College Learning Centre starts off every semester by recruiting new peer tutors. The number fluctuates between 20 and 35 peer tutors, which means there is often a waiting list for students who need assistance. The Learning Centre hires accordingly, depending on the courses offered at the college. Biology 1000, Chemistry 1000, and English 1130 tend to require extra-curricular help, and the centre often seeks students with expertise in those areas. “My opinion of a quality peer tutor is one who is very high achieving,” said Holly Salmon, Learning Centre coordinator. “They are independent learners or someone who loves to learn. But when I ask peer tutors who they want as a part of their team, they say they want someone fun, has a lot of team spirit, and someone who is serious about school.” The service is free for any students enrolled in a credit course at Douglas. Peer tutors offer two types of sessions: the weekly one-hour session allows students and peer tutors

Photo courtesy of Elliot Chan to sit down once a week to go over homework, assignments, and lecture notes. These onehour meetings are limited, and sometimes require a waiting list. The other option is a “Quick Question” 25-minute drop-in session that offers students the opportunity to ask one key question about their studies. “Our expectation is that you

come in when you hit a wall,” said Salmon, “and you want help.” Students who have high academic standards and want to share it with the community can also apply to be a peer tutor before or after receiving recommendations from an instructor. “We have students that

come in to apply and we ask them to provide names of two faculty references,” said Salmon. “I get emails from instructors a lot actually, ‘so and so came in and talked to me and I support them.’” The Learning Centre has certain requirements for students who want to be peer tutors, such as being a registered

student in at least one credit course at Douglas, and a B-average or better in 12 credits in Douglas College or equivalent courses. “We have two weeks of training before you can tutor,” said Salmon. “You have readings, activities, and you sit in on other sessions to observe more experienced tutors. After that I speak with you and ask how you are feeling and see if you need more training— nobody ever says they need more training. By the time they are done they are ready to sit with a student. Throughout the term they get 2 and a half more hours of training every week.” Peer tutors receive benefits for their assistance, including $11.20/hour, health and welfare, and a College Reading and Learning Association certificate, which is a professional certificate in three levels that allows peer tutors to tutor independently or at other institutions without extra training. Application forms and more information about becoming a peer tutor can be found online at www.douglas.bc.ca/services/ learning-centre/about/tutor. html. Job postings can be found on the Douglas College job board. If you are seeking a peer tutor to help with you academic needs, please visit www.douglas.bc.ca/services/ learning-centre/tutoring.html for more information.

Douglas College to host community engagement forums College seeks partnerships that will benefit students By Patrick Vaillancourt, News Editor

ouglas College has announced that it will host community groups at both the New Westminster and David Lam campuses this month to see how the college could further engage the community it serves. According to a press release, the goal is to “gather ideas about how it can maintain and build strong relationships with local organizations.” These forums will assist college officials in establishing new opportunities for students,

be it through practicums, internships, co-op placements, or other volunteer and employment opportunities. In the past, such consultations have also touched upon how students and college employees could get more

existing relationships between community groups and Douglas College. “This is really a listening exercise. We want to hear the thoughts and opinions of leaders in the business,

Douglas College, will also attend and is scheduled to deliver a keynote address. Douglas College has grown a great deal in recent years, thanks in large part to the relationships it has been able to

Douglas College has grown a great deal in recent years, thanks in large part to the relationships it has been able to foster within the community. College administrators believe that the best way to encourage further growth is to explore opportunities within the community. involved in the community through outreach programs and assisting vulnerable populations. Envision Financial, New Westminster Cultural Crawl, and the Fraser River Discovery Centre are just some examples of

corporate, government, and nonprofit sectors as well as other community members,” says Hazel Postma, Douglas College associate vice president, external relations. Scott McAlpine, president of

foster within the community. College administrators believe that the best way to encourage further growth is to explore opportunities within the community. “We believe we’re doing

a good job engaging with the community, but we want to learn if there’s room to improve,” says Postma. “If there are community groups looking for further support from us or who can provide new opportunities for our students or faculty, we’d like to hear about them.” The forums are to take place on September 23 in Room 3011 at the David Lam campus in Coquitlam and on September 24 in the Aboriginal Gathering Place at the New Westminster Campus. Both forums will be from 4 p.m. to 6 p.m. and members of the public are invited to attend and participate in the consultations. Those looking for more information or to register can email connections@ douglascollege.ca or phone 604-777-6501.

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Prime Minister Harper pushes for pipeline in Kelowna Senior ministers directed by PM to make trips to BC in support of oil strategy By Patrick Vaillancourt, News Editor

rime Minister Stephen Harper was in Kelowna the weekend of September 14 for a national caucus meeting, as well as to meet with residents opposed to the proposed pipeline projects in British Columbia. Although details of Harper’s agenda while in the province have not been disclosed, there is a broad consensus that the trip to Canada’s West Coast is to

make a big push in support of building the Keystone and Northern Gateway pipelines, as well as expanding the existing Kinder Morgan Pipeline. The Keystone Pipeline, which has been the focus of intense media attention and scrutiny over the last year, will take bitumen products from Alberta’s oil sands to refineries in Texas. While none of the components of the proposed Keystone Pipeline are to be built in British Columbia, Aboriginal leaders across the country have been vocal in their opposition to it, citing negative environmental impacts. The Northern Gateway Pipeline project proposes a 1,170-km twin pipeline from the oil sands to the port of Kitimat, in northern British Columbia.

Opposition to the Northern Gateway Pipeline is focused on the company Enbridge, which has a relatively poor record on pipeline safety and security. The proposed flow of oil makes pristine areas of the province potentially vulnerable to oil spills. The oil would be carried onto tankers destined for Asia. The proposed expansion of the Kinder Morgan Pipeline, however, strikes at the heart of every British Columbian, especially those living in the province’s Lower Mainland. The current pipeline, which was designed to transport crude oil but now carries refined product from the oil sands, ends at the Westridge marine terminal in Burnaby. The expansion, which proposes to twin the pipeline, is meant to accommodate more

than double the amount of oil, from 300,000 barrels to almost 900,000 barrels per day, to oil tankers in the Burrard Inlet. The oil is then exported to oilhungry markets in Asia. The Kinder Morgan pipeline was ruptured accidentally by sewer contractors working for the City of Burnaby, causing an oil spill that forced evacuations and damaged homes and marine wildlife, as well as resulting in traffic disruptions for months after the spill was contained. Environmentalists and First Nations leaders opposed to the pipeline say that the government is meeting with them purely as a formality, while the Harper government contends it is consulting with all interested parties. The debate, especially

with regards to the Northern Gateway pipeline, has also led to somewhat frosty relations between BC Premier Christy Clark and Alberta Premier Alison Redford; relations which have warmed significantly since their respective surprise election victories. The Prime Minister’s office has directed senior cabinet officials to travel to British Columbia, starting on September 23, to engage in a public opinion campaign which they hope will win them greater support for the building of the Keystone and Northern Gateway pipelines and the expansion of the existing Kinder Morgan Pipeline.

The waiting game Popular courses force students into waiting list purgatory By Elliot Chan, Staff Reporter

efore each semester, students rally for a good registration spot and a seat in the classes of their choice. The problem is, popular and prerequisite courses are attractive. With limited space in each class, students who register late or have a later registration date often miss the cut-off of around 37 students per class. This leaves many abandoning the prospect and applying for less appealing or relevant courses, thus prolonging their time at Douglas and other post-secondary institutions. Watching your ranking on a waiting list is a frustrating ordeal. Once on a waiting list, Douglas College recommends that students check their status daily and drop themselves from the list if they lose interest. Although the system at Douglas tries to be as fair as possible, the result may not always be favourable. Odds are you’ve already figured out whether you’ll be attending a course or not, but if you missed the chance this time, here are some tips to avoid the same outcome next semester. “If students want a better registration time, they will need a better GPA,” the registrar’s office suggests. “They should also register on the day to avoid disappointment—and even then sometimes courses just fill up.” Popular classes like Biology 1103 often reach the waiting list maximum of 100 students. After the first week, the waiting list shrinks to around 60-70. Even so, the prospect for attending the class becomes rather daunting. The registrar’s office recommends that students on a waiting list attend the first day of class and email the course’s instructor. Most professors won’t mind students sitting in on the inaugural class while they gauge interest, potential for dropouts, and ability to increase workload. It is then the instructors’ choice to override the class limit or stay the course. When sitting in on a class, it is important to respect the other students who have already registered and paid for the course. Understanding that the room may already be full, common courtesy is often a better route than eagerness. Speak with the instructor, let them know your condition, and accept a seat if one is offered for the time being. If the instructor ends up offering you a seat in the course, you must pay the tuition immediately: i.e. 23.75 hours after the offer has been sent. Failure to do so will drop you off the list completely. Planning ahead of time will give you an upper hand when it comes to getting the most beneficial courses. Research the courses you want to take and mark down the registration time, tuition fee payment deadlines, and any important dates to consider in relation to the course(s). Registration for Winter Semester 2014 goes from November 14 to 28, 2013, with the tuition fee payment deadline for domestic students on December 9, 2013. Classes commence in the New Year on January 6, 2014.

Photo courtesy of Elliot Chan

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Student unions turning away from the Canadian Federation of Students Sixteen student representative groups say they want out of the CFS By Patrick Vaillancourt, News Editor

ost-secondary student unions across the country are taking steps to opt out of the Canadian Federation of Students (CFS), the national body that represents the interests of students in over 80 Canadian colleges and universities. Sixteen unions, spanning from British Columbia to Quebec, have announced their intent to formally dissolve their relationship with the CFS. This follows an attempt from all but one of Quebec’s post-secondary institutions—

Dawson College—to leave the federation in 2009 after referendum results gave these student unions a mandate to do so. The results have not been recognized by the CFS and the matter is currently in the courts as Concordia’s student government seeks the

in a number of legal cases, arguing the validity of individual referendum results in some schools. Student unions across the country state that the national organization has become corrupt, operates in a militaristic top-down approach, and does

Students,” said Ashleigh Ingle, a graduate student from the University of Toronto and the spokesperson for the movement to leave the CFS. “We are not walking away from organizing at the national and provincial level; we are creating the space for that to happen effectively.”

This latest exodus from the federation, if successful, would mean that the CFS would be considerably weakened in British Columbia and Manitoba while being completely wiped out in Quebec. recognition of the referendum results. The CFS was formed in 1981, tasked with lobbying at the federal level to increase accessibility to post-secondary education. In recent years, however, it has been embroiled

not effectively advocate on student issues. They also claim that CFS’ finances are not properly kept and that use of funding has been questionable. “Students are realizing that their interests are not served by the Canadian Federation of

University of Victoria and its graduate student society have successfully left the CFS; Simon Fraser University (SFU) voted to decertify the CFS in 2008, and although the CFS failed to recognize the results, they settled out of court and SFU left the federation in late 2011; Kwantlen University College held a referendum in 2008 to leave the CFS, but students voted to remain within the federation. There has been no public comment from the Douglas Students’ Union (DSU) on what their position may be regarding the effort to weaken the Canadian Federation of Students, but the national coordination of the campaign to have schools leave the CFS makes clear that the DSU is, at the very least, monitoring the situation closely.

World Recap: September 6-12 By Patrick Vaillancourt, News Editor North America: (Canada) The Government of Quebec introduced a bill in the National Assembly which would place some restrictions on the freedom of religion of its public employees. The proposed law, known as Quebec’s Charter of Values, aims to portray the state as neutral and secular. Public sector employees would be prohibited from wearing any religious clothing or displaying any large religious symbols in the workplace. (United States) President Barack Obama addressed the nation on September 10 in prime time, stating his position on the Syrian civil war and making his case for a “limited” strike in response to the Syrian regime’s reported use of chemical weapons in the conflict. The president went on to suggest that he would attempt diplomacy, referring to a deal brokered by the Russians to get Bashar al-Assad to forfeit his chemical weapons. South America: (Argentina) The International Olympic Committee (IOC) held meetings in Buenos Aires this week, which set the direction for the future of the Olympics. The week-long gathering proved fruitful, as the IOC selected Tokyo as the

host city for the 2020 Summer Games, re-instated wrestling as an Olympic sport, and elected Germany’s Thomas Bach as the organization’s new president. Africa: (Libya) The 11th anniversary of 9/11 last year ended tragically in Libya as suicide bombers stormed the US consulate in Benghazi, killing four diplomats, including Chris Stevens, the then-newly named US ambassador to Libya. A year later, the new Libyan government is not cooperating with US efforts to bring those responsible for the attack to justice. In addition to apprehending those responsible, the Obama administration has yet to figure out the logistics of any potential criminal proceedings, including where they would be tried. Asia: (Philippines) Government and rebel troops in the country’s south have exchanged gunfire after a ceasefire between the two broke down less than 24 hours after it went into effect. The Moro National Liberation Front (MNLF) seeks independence of, what they refer to as, Bangasmoro Land, and has taken a number of hostages in the villages surrounding the southern city of Zamboanga. Government officials say that more than 50 people have been killed in recent hostilities. President Benigno Aquino III is

scheduled to visit Zamboanga this weekend to meet with displaced residents. Europe: (Greece) The Greek government is making more tough decisions to bring stability back to its economy. This week, Kyriakos Mitsotakis, Greece’s reform minister, scrapped a popular benefit given to its bureaucrats for working more than five hours a day on a computer. Since 1989, public employees working five or more hours per day on a computer have received six extra vacation days. The move comes as the Greek government tries to adhere to the terms of multiple bailouts from the International Monetary Fund and the European Union. Oceania: (Australia) Proponents of euthanasia in Australia are promoting a new drug they call the “peaceful pill,” which promises to be the most effective and painless way for someone to end their own life. Nembutal, a drug that kills within an hour of ingestion, is being easily imported from China, which dominates the global market demand for the drug. Despite the illegality of importing or possessing Nembutal in Australia, euthanasia supporter Dr. Philip Nitschke claims that hundreds of Australians have acquired the drug in the past two years.

Philippine government troops continue their assault on members of the Muslim rebel Moro National Liberation Front in Zamboanga City Photo courtesy of Bullit Marquez/AP

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My heart’s full of arts! Douglas arts events all semester long By Angela Espinoza, Arts Editor

t’s fall, there’s arts, and the arts are all over the place at Douglas this fall! Not sure what arts you want to partake in? Do you even know all the arts that are happening? Well you’re gonna know, because, whiplash alert, all them arts are below! First off, we’re covering the Arts at One concerts. These concerts happen every Thursday at 1 p.m. in the Laura C. Muir Theatre on the fourth floor of Douglas’ New West campus. Every fall and winter semester, these concerts feature free live music for students to experience. For free. This semester’s concerts include “Duo Romantico: Music of Latin America,” featuring Heather Beatty on flute and Stanton C. Jack on guitar (September 12); the always incredible “Music Technologies Concert,” directed by Douglas Music Coordinator Robert Caldwell (October 17); and several student showcase concerts happening in the final weeks of the semester. Support

your fellow students—you can’t begin to fathom the karma points! But wait a minute, what’s that across from the Muir Theatre? Well hold the phone, because that’s the Amelia Douglas Gallery. Every six weeks, a new installation comes through the gallery for all students and visitors to indulge in, providing a nice mental break from the stress of classes. “Curbside” is the current exhibit, featuring digital art by Ron Sangha (read our interview with him in last week’s Other Press issue), which runs from now until November 1. Then on November 7, we welcome “Reclamation,” which features mixed media pieces by Cynthia Minden, and will remain installed until the end of the semester. You remember that whiplash alert three paragraphs ago? Well welcome that whiplash back, because the departments of Theatre and Stagecraft & Event Technology are presenting you with some theatrical productions of the most epic proportions! From November 1 to 9, Steel Magnolias will be performed by a select group of Douglas

theatre students this semester in the Douglas Studio Theatre. Directed by Deborah Neville, as is almost always the case, seeing Steel Magnolias acted out by Douglas’ incredible theatre students is sure to make for a moving show. Then from November 8 to 16, say hello to A Macbeth (but don’t actually say, “Hello, Macbeth”). Directed by Thrasso Petras, you’re gonna get some satire with your Shakespeare, and it’s going to be the best! A Macbeth will be shown in the Muir Theatre, and both A Macbeth and Steel Magnolias feature pricing of $8 for students purchasing tickets. So with all that in mind, I’m basically setting you all up for a ridiculous amount of arts, fun, and other reasons to enjoy your time at Douglas. Seriously though, an immense amount of work goes into preparing and performing all of these arts events, and the best way for these students, faculty, and guests to know their work has paid off is for your smiling faces to be in the audience. Find some time this semester to explore one arts facet offered by the college; who knows, you might have an enlightening time.

Monsoon Rains by Ron Sangha | Photo courtesy of Ron Sangha

Select pix from Netflix Hidden gems you might have missed By Aidan Mouellic, Staff Writer Numb3rs (US, 2005-2010, Created by Nicolas Falacci and Cheryl Heuton) A riveting series following FBI agent Don Eppes (Rob Morrow), who is assisted

on cases by his genius mathematician brother, Charlie Eppes (David Krumholtz). The show had six seasons, but I’d be hard-pressed to find someone who actually watched it. Numb3rs is worth giving a chance, as the acting and storyline are excellent. The way the series uses math as a method of crime-solving really sets this show apart from other crimedramas before it. The series was also produced by filmmakers

Ridley Scott and his late brother Tony Scott. Senna (UK/France, 2010, 106 mins, Dir. Asif Kapadia) This documentary tells the life story of Brazilian Formula One racing legend Ayrton Senna. Even if you are not a fan of F1 racing, the story of this amazing human being on and off the track should be of interest to anyone. Senna was not often generous

on the track, but off the track he gave a lot of money to the poor in Brazil, and his efforts to combat youth poverty elevated him to being a sort of god-like figure in his homeland. It is a very well-made documentary that pays tribute to one of the greatest drivers who ever lived. Breakout Kings (Canada/US, 2011-2012, Created by Nick Santora and Matt Olmstead)

Breakout Kings was cancelled after two seasons, which is often a bad sign, but the show is decent enough. The series, which follows convicts helping US marshals catch fugitives, is entertaining and has some good performances. The storyline is interesting, and it’s fun watching bad guys break out of jail in unique ways, only to get caught.

Numb3rs, Senna, Breakout Kings | Photo illustration by Joel McCarthy

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What does ‘The Fox’ say? Attempting to understand viral videos By Angela Espinoza, Arts Editor

eople often wonder if they were born to the wrong era. My disturbingly high tolerance for annoying videos, songs, and sound bites makes me think I’m right where I belong. Whether it’s been “Gangnam Style,” “Friday,” “Nyan Cat,” or “The Fox,” I can indulge in these videos for weeks and not get sick of them—at least, not right away. But I think in this generation of searching for the next weirdest anything, as with every prior art form, we’ve started trying to decipher which of these viral pieces are actually “good.” Now that some time has passed, most of us know Ylvis is not just two guys trying to piss off the Internet; they’re more like Norway’s take on Flight of the Conchords. Brothers Bård and Vegard Ylvisåker (don’t even try) are comedians, not bent on irritating the world with ridiculous fox sounds, but merely promoting the new season of their musical comedy talk show, I Kveld Med Ylvis (roughly “Tonight with Ylvis”). On top of that, if one takes the time to check out some of their other English language music videos, such as “Stonehenge” or “Work It,” one will quickly see these men are actually talented, hilarious performers— something I don’t think most of us are used to finding when catching wind of a new weird video and its creator(s). At the time of writing this, “The Fox” is sitting at over 27-million views. Odd cases like “Gangnam Style” and Justin Bieber’s “Baby” video (if we want to go down that route) aside, 27 million views in less than two weeks is impressive. But, in the grand scheme of things, the really impressive videos reach anywhere over 100 million views. Some videos that have achieved that goal include, again, “Nyan Cat” (over 101 million), schmoyoho’s “Bed Intruder Song” (over 117 million), “The Sneezing Baby Panda” (over 165 million), and, surprisingly, “Charlie bit my finger – again!” (over 554 million). For every new video that “goes viral,” there’s likely about a dozen other videos actually trying to reach that popularity. The only way making a potential viral video could work would be

if the makers deciphered what they think would catch people’s interest. Looking at some of the videos I’ve already listed, really, anything can catch people’s interest—whether actual work was put into it (“The Fox” fits into this category, Ylvis clearly had a budget), or someone just had their camera out at the right time (such as with “Charlie bit my finger”). But after seeing videos like Psy’s “Gangnam Style,” Bieber’s “Baby,” or even Black’s “Friday” blow up like they did, people have to keep some things in mind. With regards to “Baby” (the view count currently sits at over 894 million), many music videos get lots of views and aren’t considered “viral”; what makes “Baby’s” popularity technically “viral” is that most people were watching it out of curiosity or irony. Yes, I do mean irony— with over one million likes and three million dislikes, I have a feeling most viewers weren’t intentionally enjoying the video. As for “Friday,” this was a rare case where money was put into what can only be considered an accidental success. Accidental because, yes, “Friday” is a god-awful song with a godawful video, but it makes for an incredible three minutes of entertainment. The original video is gone now, but at the height of its popularity, it was absolutely well over 150 million views. Then there’s “Gangnam Style,” the perfect combination of non-English language singer, extremely random visual moments, and incredibly catchy music. There’s a reason “Gangnam Style” sits at over one billion, 767 million views—it’s the video that simply does not give a fuck, and people like that. Because “The Fox,” as it turns out, was intentionally written as a comedic song, I don’t see it reaching even the 50 million-view mark anytime soon (although it has gradually been climbing by one to three million views a day). But Ylvis might be one of the few cases where, like auto-tune pros schmoyoho, the attention “The Fox” has garnered them will make all their future English-language music videos reasonable successes. Since “The Fox” was released, all their Englishlanguage videos have climbed in views, and I sincerely hope they continue making more. Now, incase anyone was wondering, my favourite fox sound is “hatee-hatee-hatee-ho!”

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Welcome back to Duckburg ‘DuckTales: Remastered’ review By Angela Espinoza, Arts Editor

eing a ‘90s kid, I only managed to catch the tail end of DuckTales during its rerun days (Darkwing Duck was more my territory). But that didn’t change the fact that diving into a pool of cash, gold, and treasures was the greatest possible thing any child could comprehend. So, understandably, the Internet’s been pretty excited about DuckTales: Remastered, the updated re-release of the 1989 Nintendo Entertainment System (NES) DuckTales game. This HD update is nothing short of insane with regards to all the work that went into it. Every single visual has been updated; the once pixilated characters are now clear-as-

crystal, hand-drawn individual works of art. The chiptune DuckTales theme song has been cleaned up and, perhaps the biggest deal of all, much of the original voice cast was brought back to record dialogue—that includes 93-year-old Alan Young, voice of Scrooge McDuck himself, and he sounds exactly the same as he did 20 years ago. The game itself is truly meant for the nostalgic at heart. If you’re not inclined to play an old school platformer, then obviously the game’s not for you. As someone who is far too used to little-to-no penalty deaths, getting adjusted to a three-life system again is a bit nerve-wracking. The controls, while tight, also take some time getting used to, and can make playing occasionally frustrating. All that said though, DuckTales: Remastered is a masterpiece in terms of updated games. The game is available on Steam, PS3, Xbox 360, and even Wii U… or should I say, woohoo!

Screenshot from Ducktales Remastered | Photo courtesy of www.wiiudaily.com

Screenshot from Kingdom Hearts 1.5 HD Remix | Photo courtesy of www.technobuffalo.com

‘Simple and Clean’ nostalgia Still of Forest Whitaker and Oprah Winfrey in The Butler | Photo courtesy of Anne Marie Fox

Living past its name ‘The Butler’ is the next ‘Forrest Gump’ By Jerrison Oracion, Contributor

eleased in August, The Butler is more than its namesake. Based roughly on the life of White House butler Eugene Allen, the film explores the life of Cecil Gaines (an interpretation of Allen, played by Forest Whitaker), who tells his story after working as a butler for eight presidents over the course of 30 years.

Also starring in the film are David Oyelowo as Gaines’ oldest son Louis, and Oprah Winfrey as Gaines’ wife Gloria. A big attraction for the film also comes from the many cameos and disguised casting, from Robin Williams as Dwight D. Eisenhower to John Cusack as Richard Nixon to Alan Rickman as Ronald Reagan. And of course, Lee Daniels, known previously for his work on 2009’s Precious, did a great job directing the film. Something of note is that The Butler is similar to 1994’s Forrest Gump in that both films feature a person who inspired people to do many things. While the film mainly focused on Gaines’ personal life, it would have been nice to see more of the conversations that he had with the various presidents (assuming they were had).

‘Kingdom Hearts 1.5 HD Remix’ review By Steven Cayer, Senior Columnist

t’s been 11 years since I was transported to the many different worlds of Final Fantasy and Disney combined. When Kingdom Hearts came out for the PS2 in 2002, I couldn’t stop playing it. Developed by Square Enix, Kingdom Hearts had revolutionary graphics that still hold up to this day. As of September 10, a compilation has finally come out. This includes Kingdom Hearts: Final Mix, Re:Chain of Memories, and 358/2 Days, all in pristine HD. To be perfectly clear, 358/2 Days is not an actual game, but a roughly

three-hour movie of every cut-scene from the DS game (something I found the developers didn’t really make that clear). That said, I would’ve been happy enough with just the first Kingdom Hearts; back in the day, it was my favourite PS2 game. For the people like me who missed Re:Chain of Memories, the game reveals some key plot points that confused everybody who went straight to Kingdom Hearts 2. The story of Kingdom Hearts involves a boy named Sora and his friends, Riku and Kairi. On “Destiny Island,” they decide to travel the world. Sora, as it turns out, is a “Keyblade Master,” one chosen to “lock” the keyholes in every world, including Wonderland and Halloween Town. He teams up with Donald and Goofy to defeat the Heartless, shadow creatures that steal people’s hearts. No matter how many times I play Kingdom Hearts, I’ll always go back— only now I get to go back in HD.

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The Other Dress: July Edition By Aidan Mouellic, Staff Writer

Christina Luu

Nancy Ho

General Studies

Pre-Nursing

Where do you get your fashion inspiration from? “My mum sews a lot and I get a lot of ideas and inspiration from her, also street fashion blogs and runway collection influence my fashion decisions.” Worst fashion trend? “Juicy Couture track suits!”

Where do you get your fashion inspiration from? “From a lot of places; people watching, TV shows, storefronts, and various websites like Pinterest.”

If you could have a $500 gift card for any store, what store would you pick? “Forever 21, it’s pretty awesome and their quality beats H&M.” Advice to new students? “Take chances and don’t be afraid!” Favourite Tim Hortons menu item? “The secret Ice Capp made with chocolate milk instead of cream!”

Worst fashion trend? “Anything trashy, like Juicy Couture or Ed Hardy.” If you could have a $500 gift card for any store, what store would you pick? “Probably Forever 21 or Sport Chek because I need to buy a lot of shoes and sports gear.” Advice to new students? “Socialize and get involved, it makes school more fun and rewarding!” Favourite Tim Hortons menu item? “Ice Capp and their chocolate chip cookies”

Talon talk Fall nail trends to try By Sharon Miki, Contributor

hen the urge to be oh-soau courant strikes this fall, there’s no easier—or cheaper— place to change up your style than your fingers. How else can you score brand-new Dior for under $30? While I feel that no one can ever go wrong, nailwise, with a classic Revlon red, I have a few ideas for new nails for fall.

their friends and partner with a flick of their well-manicured wrist?), this almond-like shape offers a fresh change of pace. Do note, however, that this longer shape requires more upkeep (re: filing) to stay pristine. When it comes to colour, fall is the perfect time to leave all things high-maintenance— whether it be five-coatsnecessary neon brights, chipprone bedazzled nail art, or that guy you met while doing tequila shots at Mirage—at the beach, where they look best

(a clear polish with gold and silver flecks from Sephora by OPI). The added benefit of a subtle sparkle coat is that it will disguise minor chips and imperfections for longer than an unforgiving solid-colour coat. If you’re looking for longlasting options, there are now a variety of at-home options for gel manicures, which last two to three weeks without chipping. While they require a bit of an initial investment (I bought my bestie the mini Sally Hansen Insta-Gel Strips Manicure Starter

When it comes to colour, fall is the perfect time to leave all things high-maintenance.

The quickest and most dramatic way to re-vamp your nails this season is to change their shape. For the last several years, the square-oval, or “squoval,” shape has dominated fashionable ladies’ tips. Since the spring, however, I’ve noticed more and more women opting for a more dramatic pure oval shape. While not necessarily sharp (who wants to worry about accidentally branding

and belong. Instead, opt for deep, soft, and satisfying muted tones of chocolate, flannel, and moss. My top shade picks are “Rich in Spirit” (a mutedyet-shimmery grey-blue from Nicole by OPI), “For the Twill of It” (a rich flannel grey by Essie), and “Nirvana” (a deep forest green from Marc Jacobs). If you’re looking for something with a bit more pizzazz, try a shimmery, spicy metallic sparkle topcoat like “The Golden Age”

Kit for $30 at London Drugs), it can save you a lot of time in the long run if you’re only doing your nails once a month or so, and at-home kits are significantly cheaper than going to the salon for a gel treatment. Well, what are you waiting for? With so many sumptuous choices, you must go forth immediately and sharpen your claws for fall.

P hoto courtesy of www.superflynails.blogspot.ca

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Photo courtesy of Sybren A. Stüvel (Flickr)

Break it to make it Top five productive ways to interrupt your workflow By Sophie Isbister, Life & Style Editor

ven though it’s only week three of the fall semester, it’s not too early to talk about effective study habits. The jury is back on the topic of breaks, and numerous studies agree that the best way to maximize your productivity is to take regular breaks. Lifehack.org reports that a single “microbreak” (a break of anywhere from 30 seconds to five minutes) can improve your

mental alertness by an average of 13 per cent. Good stats aside, breaks are just fun as hell. I’ve compiled a list of the top five ways to take a break (and none of them involve eating a Kit Kat bar). 5. Move your eyeballs. Constantly staring at a book or computer screen can cause eye strain, so the shortest of all microbreaks can simply involve moving your eyes around. Look out the window, look at your cat, or just look at the air in front of your face. 4. Hydrate. Water is the best thing for you. Your brain is about 77 per cent water, which

makes the easily accessible fluid crucial for the brain’s proper functioning. Getting up to grab a hit of H2O not only breaks you from your work, it moves your body and provides you with hydration—an added boon to your brainpower. 3. Tidy up. Tear your eyes away from your blank Word document and look around at your workspace. Are there empty glasses (from all that water)? Scattered coursework? Wayward pens and pencils? Do a five-minute clean blast on your desk—not only will it help you focus on your studying, it’ll clear some physical space to help you breathe easier.

2. Make a change. Are you currently studying 18th century British literature? Take a break to do a Sudoku or read an article on coding HTML (wait, do people still use HTML?). Are you engrained in some heavy stats cramming? Set it aside to spend a few minutes sketching in a notebook, or writing a poem (wait, do people still write poems?). Switching the mind from a left brain (linear and analytical) task to a right brain (emotional and creative) task can provide some much-needed variety and stimulation. 1. Dance break! Topping the list of my favourite breaks is the classic dance break. It’s

exactly how it sounds—pick your favourite song, blast it from your computer speakers (roommates be damned!), and dance like nobody’s watching until it’s over. Moving your body wakes you up and stimulates your brain, and an upbeat song definitely has the power to energize you. Stopping for a break on the regular is one of the keys to academic success. When you’re drowning in books, which you may already be, try to remember to be kind to your mind and engage in one of these popular breaks every hour or two. If all else fails, just have that Kit Kat bar.

can help direct someone who’s still figuring things out, making you a leader among your peers!

2. Fill it up with your course material. Update it as you go along. It’s super easy because of the way it’s laid out. Unlike standard organizers, this is a student version specially designed to aid you, the student. The bonus of getting an organizer from Douglas College is the handy school info at the front that you can use all semester. There’s also a sheet of bright, colour-coded stickers for things like assignment due dates, important deadlines, exams, and holidays (so you don’t end up in class when you could have stayed home and watched Friends reruns).

3. Use your organizer to its full advantage. In order to get the maximum benefit from your agenda, you’ll need to take it to school with you. Sounds like a nobrainer, right? Well, since working with this helpful tool may be new to you, it might take some getting used to. Apparently, it takes three weeks to replace an old habit with a new one. The best way to make sure you get off to a good start is to keep your organizer with your school supplies. Give it a nickname; for example, “my assistant.” Then, when you don’t know how to say no to something, you can say, “My assistant says my calendar is full, but thank you for the offer.”

Planning for success How to get the most out of your organizer By Monica Rolinski, Columnist

he fall semester has barely begun and already there are a lot of students—both new and veteran—racing around the concourse with scraps of paper clutched in their hands, knuckles whitening with anxious stress. Getting academically organized can be a daunting task. Once you factor in life’s pleasures and demands, even the better organized of us are, at times, juggling two full schedules. I don’t know about you, but I’m waiting for

someone to invent an app that’ll allow me to be in two places at once! But, until said magical app is created, we have to muddle through to the best of our limited, and very human, capabilities. Luckily, we go to a college that provides a wellrounded experience, as well as the tools to get organized. The use of an organizer, also known as a day planner or agenda, can be incredibly helpful—and the Douglas Students’ Union (DSU) gives them away for free, along with many other helpful things. Here’s how, in three easy steps, you can be calm and collected (at least on the outside) the next time you cross through the concourse. You may even appear so put-together that you

1. Get your organizer. Pop into the DSU office, downstairs from the DSU main floor—you know, the place where all those great Pub Nights are held. Ask the nice, helpful people there for an organizer. If you have the time, take a tour while you’re there! (Did you know the new computer lab offers 100 sheets of free printing per semester? That’s definitely a service to take advantage of.)

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Introverts and extroverts The (un)definitive guide By Sophie Isbister, Life & Style Editor

don’t know how you spent your August break, but mine was pretty tame. Once my courses were out of the way and my student loan coffers had dried up, I was left to spend two muggy weeks refreshing my Facebook newsfeed and reading every Buzzfeed list—twice. Because of this fruitful use of time, I now know everything there is to know about cat GIFs, the ‘90s, and what introverts are like. The battle between introverts and extroverts is the longest running social war of all time. I imagine it started in a cave somewhere, when two cavemen noticed that one caveman didn’t feel like going out too much: “Hey Grug, I noticed that Ug seems to spend a lot of time under that tree, and he doesn’t seem to be energized by social interaction in the same way we are. I asked him about the weather and he just rolled his eyes!” “I dunno Dug, maybe Ug is an introvert.” Since that first fateful discussion, humanity has decided that you must fit neatly into one box or another. And this summer, the online presence of introverts seems to have reached its zenith. Extroverts just can’t keep up with the slew of lists, image macros, and blogposts dedicated to the supremacy of introverts—perhaps it’s because they were too busy meeting people at pool parties to update the Internet on how great they are. Just kidding introverts, that was a cheap jab. After sifting through myriad articles with names like, “10 things you didn’t know about introverts” and “42 things you thought you knew about introverts but didn’t,” I’ve come up with a pretty definitive idea of what constitutes a member of the quieter half of society. First,

introverts aren’t necessarily shy. So if you’re someone who has no problem walking into a crowded classroom full of strangers to check if you left your laptop cable in there, you might still be an introvert. Second, they hate small talk. Seriously, do not try to make small talk with an introvert. If you ask an introvert if they’ve seen any good movies lately, they will throw a ninja star at your face. Third, all introverts carry ninja stars. And lastly, leave introverts alone. The only type of thing you should say to an introvert is, “How can one know that their experience of consciousness is the same as other people’s experiences of consciousness?” Any other type of talk is too “small” for them. When it comes to extroverts, I’ve learned that things are a lot simpler. First, you should treat an extrovert like an over-hyped child at a birthday party. Speak

loudly and firmly. Second, the best way to an extrovert’s heart is to invite them to a party. A party is probably the only situation in which an extrovert is comfortable. If there are currently no parties to invite your extroverted friend to, perhaps head over to visit one of your introverted friends instead,

dropping the extrovert off at a McDonald’s PlayPlace on the way. Third, never try to make “big talk” with an extrovert. Keep the conversation limited to the weather, weekend plans, and funny Vines. Talking about pop culture is dicey: use your judgement. A show like Real

Housewives of New York might be perfectly good conversation fodder for an extrovert, but you could be on thin ice when discussing a heavier show like Breaking Bad. My main takeaway from my mid-semester studies has been that extroverts and introverts are everywhere! In fact, you yourself may be one of them. The best way to check is to place two fingers flat on your wrist. If you feel a pulse, that means you might be an extrovert. Or an introvert.

By Aidan Mouellic, Staff Writer

here are countless ways to be introduced to new music. You might hear the buzz about a new artist over the radio, hear a great track in a TV commercial, or your older sibling might lend you their iPod with a more mature selection of genres. I was first introduced to the music of Irish guitarist Gary Moore by my parents. My earliest memory of hearing his soulful blues-based ballads was on weekends after soccer games. I would come home for lunch after the game, with pancakes cooking and Gary Moore: Greatest Hits playing loudly in the kitchen. As a kid, when I was faced with the choice of paying attention to pancakes or music, my focus would lay solely with the stack smothered in melting butter and maple syrup; the meal always took precedence over the music. Childhood traditions don’t last forever, and eventually soccer games and pancake lunches faded away—as did Gary Moore’s music from my ears. But a couple years ago, I heard his album playing in the house again and paid attention. It was as if I was hearing his music for the first time. I was amazed by the beautiful sounds this man and his guitar were making. I was also mad at myself for not listening to more of my parents’ CD collection while back in high school. Mostly though, I was just happy that I had finally discovered this musician whom I was so unfamiliar with. The more Gary Moore I heard, the more I wanted to hear. His clean guitar sound and passionate songs struck a chord with me and I was hooked—and yet, I had no idea who he was. So I decided to find out. Born in Ireland in 1952, Moore began playing the guitar as a teenager and was heavily influenced by the likes of Fleetwood Mac, Jimi Hendrix,

and the Beatles. Moore’s greatest early influence was Fleetwood Mac’s guitarist Peter Green. Green was an early mentor to Moore and eventually sold his Gibson Les Paul to Moore because he thought it deserved a good home. Moore first gained listeners’ attention in the late ‘60s when he joined the original Skid Row in Dublin at the tender age of 16. After touring and recording some albums with Skid Row, Moore decided to leave the band and try his hand as a solo musician in 1971. Moore’s first solo album, Grinding Stone, was released in 1973 and gained little attention, even though the album is full of sweet rock and roll and blues ballads. Most impressive was the technical guitar ability that young Gary Moore possessed—even on his debut album, you could tell that he was in another league. The man could shred hard. Though most of the world didn’t pay much attention to Moore’s debut, one important person did: that person was Phil Lynott. The frontman of famed Irish band Thin Lizzy (known for hits such as “The Boys Are Back in Town” and “Whiskey in the Jar”) needed a guitarist so he called on Moore, who accepted the offer. The move to Thin Lizzy brought more attention to Moore’s playing ability, and he became well-known in Europe. But after spending time playing with Thin Lizzy, the time came to venture out alone once again. In 1978 Gary Moore’s second solo album Back on the Streets was released, and its single “Parisienne Walkways” made it into the top 10 of the UK Singles Chart. The album was a moderate success, and the sheer force and passion that Moore demonstrated while playing his guitar should have turned him into an instant rock god—but it didn’t. The likes of Eric Clapton, Jimi Hendrix,

and George Harrison held firmly onto that status, though many of said rock gods were fans of Moore. In an interview with Irish DJ BP Fallon in 1987, George Harrison said of Moore that “he’s an unbelievable guitarplayer.” It says a lot that a member of The Beatles thought so highly of Gary Moore. It also says a lot that Harrison was ranked number 11 on the Rolling Stones’ “100 Greatest Guitarists,” Hendrix was number one, and Gary Moore didn’t even make the list. I’m not saying that Gary Moore was underrated. Everyone who listens to him, watches him play, and gets to know his music can appreciate the skill and talent that he had. He’s wellrespected by those who hear him—it’s just that not many people hear him. One could say that he’s a guitarist’s guitarist, but he’s underappreciated by most others. He hasn’t received the recognition that his talents should have garnered. When I first saw videos of him playing live and saw how much effort and power went into his performances, I was in awe. I was also blown away when I saw that he didn’t make the Rolling Stone’s “100 Greatest Guitarists” (votes were gathered from people within the music industry). Like a stealth fighter, sometimes the most impressive and powerful fly under the radar. Gary Moore recorded 20 solo albums, mostly blues with some harder rock albums, and his last album was released in 2008. In February of 2011, he died at the age of 58 of a massive heart attack while in a hotel on vacation in Spain. Toxicology results showed that he had a blood alcohol concentration of 0.38 per cent, which is nearly five times the legal limit for driving. Like many people, Moore struggled with controlling his alcohol intake and it eventually killed him. He left behind a catalogue of legendary music, and his

comrades have spoken well of him in remembrance. One of the many people who spoke out at the time of Moore’s passing was the lead guitarist of Metallica, Kirk Hammett, who wrote a touching letter to Rolling Stone magazine. Hammett wrote that “Gary Moore is definitely in my list of top five guitar influences, right up with Jimi Hendrix, Eddie Van Halen, Stevie Ray Vaughan and Michael Schenker. His influence is strong to the point that the opening lick of the guitar solo of “Master of Puppets” is a variation of a lick that Gary Moore played a lot.… He just blew me away from the first time I heard him.” Metallica is one of the world’s largest and most influential groups, and for Kirk Hammett to say that Gary Moore was a major influence in his playing style and Metallica’s sound shows how far and wide Moore’s touch was. Hammett goes on to say that the “reason why he wasn’t more popular here in America is beyond me because he was incredible.” Other big names to pay respect were Bob Geldof, who called Moore “one of the great blues players,” and Eric Clapton, who covered one of Moore’s songs on his new solo album Old Sock, which was released in March of this year. So long as the music business is a business, amazing musicians will continue to go without the recognition that they deserve. Gary Moore was one of those musicians. He created some of the most radical, beautiful, and mesmerizing guitar tracks of all time and was adored by many. I urge you to seek out his music. His life will be remembered for contributions to the music world, but he’s also remembered as one of the greatest musicians that half the world ignored. Hopefully that will change.

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2 kewt 4 Facebook Ranting against Facebook couple cuteness

Photo illustration courtesy of Joel McCarthy By Natalie Serafini, Assistant Editor

ver the past year that I spent as an Opinions Editor, I may have given some of you the impression that I’m a rather open and public person, based on my penchant for disclosing embarrassing facts about myself at almost every opportunity. I’m really not. While I don’t mind being open and honest about myself in person and in print, I’m selective about my shares. This is partly because I think there should be a point to my publicity, and partly because I don’t like sharing what I feel only I and few others should be privy to. That’s why Facebook couple cuteness kills me; those public displays of affection that could easily be sent in a text or otherwise private message. Those proclamations that are destined to be embarrassing relics of your relationship past when That Guy I Dated for Five Months is no longer in the profile picture. Of course, these public declarations are temporary

in the sense of being only a deleted comment or photo away from extinction, but they last in the minds of your friends, acquaintances, and people you haven’t seen in years. Personally, I don’t need to keep former classmates from high school updated on my personal life. The gabby gals of Sex and the City may go into extreme detail about their romances,

update, no matter how heartfelt, isn’t exactly romantic. Facebook is not a book of poetry. You’d be hard-pressed to argue that sentiments immortalized on a social media site will carry the same simple beauty as Harold Pinter’s “It Is Here,” or Wislawa Szymborska’s “Thank-You Note.” You might protest that the goal of a status like “I love

way to communicate with your significant other on a private level. If you’re able to post an effusive status about your love, you can send your love a private message. Instead, the sharing of personal relationship moments and details seems to be grounded in either attentionseeking—again, begging for an “Aww, you two are the

That’s why Facebook couple cuteness kills me; those public displays of affection that could easily be sent in a text or otherwise private message. Those proclamations that are destined to be embarrassing relics of your relationship past when That Guy I Dated for Five Months is no longer in the profile picture. but they keep it within their square of friends. Their personal relationship sagas—the highs, lows, and rock bottoms—aren’t generally divulged to their more distant circle of friends (even if Carrie does write columns on the subject). Part of my aversion to these public displays lays in not understanding the motivations behind them. Call me unsentimental, but a status

[insert name] so much,” is simply to communicate with your boyfriend or girlfriend. It’s practical, and Facebook is a means of communication, after all. Nope. The reason for posting a veritable monsoon of pictures, or sharing personal relationship moments, or typing statuses that beg for an “Aww, you two are the cutest!” is not that there’s no

cutest!” comment—or insecurity. Attention-seeking probably shouldn’t be a motivation in any relationship decision, and it seems to me that, if you’re secure in your relationship, you don’t need to invite the eyes or voices of others. The shaky scaffolding of other people’s attention is too weak a structure to hold a relationship together, and trust issues aren’t going to be resolved through a simple

Facebook update. I’m not a tyrant, mind you. I know how difficult it is to not be “adorable,” hard as you try. Moderate sharing is fine, and engagement, wedding, and pregnancy announcements can justify a status update. Declarations of love and devotion that are excessive, incessant, and overly personal seem to almost trivialize the relationship. Facebook is a breeding ground for narcissism and mild stalking, but sharing aspects of your personal relationship—and one of the more intimate relationships that you can have in life—seems a boundary too far crossed. When you share too much of your relationship, it stops being yours; it loses its special quality because the little moments that you shared with your partner are shared with all of your Facebook friends. I like the idea of keeping certain private things private. If there’s a point to sharing, I’ll share, but when it comes to my more personal life, I’d rather keep it personal.

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Did we forget that rape still happens?

Frosh chants just graze the issue of rape culture By Angela Espinoza, Arts Editor

uring the week of September 2, known as Frosh week for many Canadian schools, an incident at the University of British Columbia (UBC) occurred where Frosh leaders led students in a prorape chant. Since then, faculty and students have commented on how appalled they are with the situation, and how it’s never going to happen again; but while researching for this story,

I discovered that an almost identical incident happened in Nova Scotia at Saint Mary’s University in the same week. At Saint Mary’s, the chant occurred openly on a crowded football field. Saint Mary’s Students Association President Jared Perry has stepped down following multiple interviews. In a press conference on September 5, Perry said that he’d taken part in the chant before and that, while he regrets his participation in the chant, some students “are confused, some have said they don’t think the chant is wrong or that they didn’t think twice about saying it.” At UBC, the chant occurred on a crowded bus—only the Frosh leaders were stern with students to not let anyone know the chant took place, as a disturbing article from the campus’ student newspaper the Ubyssey pointed out. All students who partook in these chants—male students, female students, and especially the leaders—should be ashamed

of themselves. I don’t feel like I’m some nagging finger-wagger saying that; I am absolutely shocked and disgusted something like this would take place anywhere, let alone multiple university campuses. Apparently both chants at both campuses had been going on for years; the case with UBC is more unsettling given that the leaders wanted to do the chant, but in secret. I understand if the students involved felt peer-pressured to join in, and I also understand if students convinced themselves that because the chant might have been a joke, it justified the wording. I understand because up until two years ago, around the time I turned 20, I didn’t start to really hear what I was saying when I made sexual assault jokes—and I’ve made many. There eventually came a point where I would make a joke and instantly feel disappointed with myself; “Why did I just say that?” was always the first thought. The jokes were a bad habit I brought with me

from high school, and the main reason I stopped I can attribute to maturity, but also fear. “What if this happened to me?” was a thought that crossed my mind often as I got older. Although I would prefer to not go into detail, I have experienced sexual assault since then, and it’s something that I’ve had a lot of trouble coming to terms with. But if nothing else, I’m glad I began thinking about how assault or rape would affect me before anything of that caliber happened, and not after. Going back a few years, justifying sexual assault jokes was a way for me to convince myself the issue wasn’t that prevalent, and I’m sure a number of those students, and maybe even the leaders, felt the same way. In the last year though, from discussing the topic of sexual assault and rape with various women in my life, I’ve been heartbroken to hear just how many, especially now, have been subjected to sexual violence. Verbal abuse from strangers, outright sexual

abuse from family and friends, assault in the form of aggressive grabbing, and rape, sometimes repeated. What hurt most about learning all of this is that I’ve heard these stories from multiple women, not just one who “was in the wrong place at the wrong time,” or some other bullshit excuse. The issue with these chants is not that every student who partook will go out and start raping young women. The issue is that we are currently living in a culture that’s willing to tell people rape happens, and that it’s wrong, but not what defines rape and just how traumatic the experience can be. A passerby of either sex will frequently tell you rape is “wrong,” but that’s about as specific as people get. Rape is any form of one person being subjected to unwanted or non-consensual sex by another person. Rape doesn’t always happen in some gritty alley where rat-like men grab women in the night, and people need to get that stereotype out of their heads.

rise and prevalence of liberty and individualism, and the consequent decline and erosion of traditional collectivist norms and beliefs that guided and instructed humanity before modernity. Pre-modern society was of a collectivist nature where social-oriented beliefs and practices guided the actions of people, men and women included. People adhered to values such as honour, duty,

the community when tragedies happen. While it’s true that social and gender inequality existed during those times and men used their higher position to the disadvantage of women, it’s also true that emphasis during those times wasn’t on equality itself but on the “common good.” Society was seen as an organic entity, where each position in that society serves the good of everyone there. “Macho” characteristics

overturned. Strength and fortitude remained values, but their purpose had changed. Men will no longer exercise their toughness for others’ good. Males won’t use their stoicism for community survival in difficult times. Henceforth, men will utilize masculinity for their own benefit. Showing courage now means getting involved in unnecessary fights. Toughness corresponds to participation in the glamorized criminal lifestyle. Being a man now equates to doing everything to become the coolest man that ever lived on Earth. Equality was attained, but individuallyinstead of collectively-directed. The solution given by the article doesn’t offer a real alternative to the issue. Instead, it relativizes male and female characteristics as dependent on the individual, only reinforcing individualism’s importance and ignorance of the common good. Any true alternative to toxic masculinity must question not only the causes of the latter but also the liberal foundation that underlies both versions of masculinity. Only then will a radical alternative to the current state of gender affairs appear.

Twisted masculinity A response to ‘Toxic Masculinity’ By Idrian Burgos, Columnist The problem isn’t too much masculinity, but a mistaken form of masculinity.

here are a few things the August 6 article “Toxic masculinity” gets right. It’s true that the current masculine stereotype does more harm to men than good. It confines them to an image that takes most of their energy to maintain, and which may harm them in the long run. It’s also true that social, economic, cultural, and educational factors play important but underrated roles in the maintenance of this image and the patriarchal system; one can even include the media as an important factor. While the article is correct in identifying some of the causes behind destructive forms of masculinity, it left out a few details. The article argues that present gender imagery prevents males and females from expressing their true selves. The image of the tough

and self-reliant male inhibits men from expressing sensitive and caring characteristics, while the image of the caring and loving female stops women from showing strong and hardy characteristics. Such images help in shoring up patriarchy, which still affects society today, for all the advances in gender equality. The solution to this problem is to challenge these stereotypes; we need to reinvent the masculine image to give it

The truth is that neither the popular macho stereotype nor the prescribed compassionate image really helps in dealing and resolving the issue of contemporary masculinity. a more humane dimension and start a wide discussion that will help in creating a more genuine, healthier, and more equal gender binary. The truth is that neither the popular macho stereotype nor the prescribed compassionate image really helps in dealing with and resolving the issue of contemporary masculinity. Both the problem and solution presented in the article are products of the

devotion, courage, and loyalty. Men led their households and communities for the welfare and benefit of their households and communities, just as women served in the latter for the same reason. Males believed in principles that emphasized the welfare of all and responsibility to others. Male strength and stoicism served as important tools for the maintenance of a healthy and thriving community, and for helping

were oriented to common welfare. This old-fashioned concept of masculinity changed with the beginning of the modern period in the 16th century. The ideas of personal liberty, individual responsibility, and self-reliance came into importance. People saw unwritten customs and codes as chains to be destroyed in the journey to individual freedom; social constraints on individual action were thus

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Should we stay or should we go now? Weighing the benefits of CFS membership and national unity By Cazzy Lewchuk, Contributor

nions—an organized group meant to further the interests of employees or students—have existed for years. They usually serve to improve relations between groups and their superiors (i.e., corporations and educational institutes), stand up for members’ rights, and provide services for all who need them. The Douglas Students’ Union (DSU) is composed of every student within Douglas College. It provides students with health plans, meeting spaces, and student resources, among other things. Some of these benefits are made available with the support and participation of the Canadian Federation of Students (CFS), a 32-year-old national union with over 500,000 members. The CFS is heavily involved with several causes to better students’ lives and their academic community. They launch campaigns to reduce tuition rates and fees, encourage higher voter turnout among students, provide an International Student Identification Card (ISIC) to all members, and increase funding for scholarships and research. This September, it was announced that 16 schools are

in the process of ending their membership with the CFS. Some members of our own DSU are also considering a vote to leave in the future. The schools leaving plan to start new organizations under more “direct membership control.” I believe this movement is bad for both the futures of individual schools and for the CFS. For the schools, it will cut the local unions and students off from being nationally involved with their fellow Canadian students. The new unions formed will only serve the interests of the individual schools and not care about other schools, whether locally or across the country. The DSU is a founding members of the CFS, working alongside more than 80 other schools in the country on issues that affect us all. If we leave the CFS, we will no longer be part of the community that binds all post-secondary institutions in Canada. Students who take classes at other institutions will be especially conflicted, such as those in co-op programs like the SFU Degree Partnership. What happens if someone attends one school in the CFS and another that is not? Are they still a member of the CFS? Or the non-CFS school? It could cause issues for their privileges in either union and create a serious conflict of interest. The lobbying done by unions works on both local and national levels. If the DSU is not part of the CFS, we lose out on many of the national benefits, such as regulations for lower

A CFS rally in Ottawa (handout) | Photo courtesy of Maclean’s tuition. A basic essential service, the ISIC, which is currently free at Douglas and many other schools, would cost more under non-CFS membership. Leaving the CFS will leave students unable to truly enjoy the benefits

or make decisions that affect all Canadian students: tuition, scholarships, and funding. Being a part of the CFS is the easiest and most reliable way to know what our rights and responsibilities as college

students in Canada are. I believe the CFS works as a positive factor for the DSU and allows us to be more connected and aware of the student population in our country.

Being male, I understand that I will never know the feeling of being pregnant and having to internally carry around a junior human. It’s a plight I’m happy to avoid, but it

aren’t there stalls specifically for the elderly who don’t have handicap permits but also have difficulty walking? Maybe there should be stalls for people who’re sick and don’t feel entirely up to the challenge of having to cross the parking lot to get medicine from the stores? It’s difficult trying to write this article without coming off like an arrogant young person who’s insensitive to the miracle of life, but this whole idea of sectioning off a stall simply because someone has kids or is expecting just seems ridiculous. I can understand why someone might think they were a good idea, but it just comes across as excessive.

Well, what were they expecting? New/expecting mothers parking stalls are excessive

passes. What grinds my gears though is the rise of expecting mother/family stalls. They’re impossible to miss. They’re usually located near the entrance of buildings, right there

Places like Metrotown are notorious for being a cesspool of villainy, especially around the weekend. But just because you’re expecting doesn’t mean you should expect special

By Jacey Gibb, Editor-in-chief

parking lot can be a battlefield. Roaming cars warring against each other over vacant parking spots, engines salivating as they hover around for someone to leave; loose shopping carts lay dormant until a breeze comes along and sends them crashing into a parked vehicle. Such a horrible environment, it’s no wonder there are stalls legally reserved for individuals with handicap

But just because you’re expecting doesn’t mean you should expect special treatment. beside the handicap parking stalls—which I understand, by the way. Let me hone my criticism in on the expecting mother/family stalls specifically. Parking is just one of those things that sucks for everyone.

treatment. Since the introduction of vehicular transportation, pregnant women have managed to somehow make their way across a parking lot; did something change in recent years to inhibit this?

just seems absurd that there’s a semi-official system in place to try and accommodate this. Will this be a slippery slope on who should have parking stalls set aside for them? If there are family stalls, then why

Sports.

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Storylines to watch this upcoming season Part 2: Luongo, young players, and new faces By Paolo Anzovino, Contributor

icking up from where we left off last week, here is part two of the storylines to pay close attention to this upcoming NHL season. This week, we’re focusing on Roberto Luongo, having the young players step up their game, and the new faces in the lineup. Roberto Luongo The goalie controversy is over—for now. Canucks starting goaltender Roberto Luongo has said that he will show up to training camp motivated for this upcoming season and plans to honour his contract. After being the subject of trade rumours for over a year, no deal could be made with another team to move his massive contract, so Cory Schneider was dealt instead. With Schneider gone, Luongo will need to bear the majority of the starting goalie load, and could face upwards of 70 starts—something he hasn’t done since the 20072008 season. John Tortorella’s defensive system should make Luongo’s job easier and help improve his stats after a disappointing season. And if Tortorella’s system doesn’t help improve Luongo’s play in net, the motivation to start for Team Canada in Sochi definitely will. Needing more from youth “We need to get younger,” seems to be Mike Gillis’ favourite catchphrase this offseason. In keeping with this, the Canucks are focused on adding more youth to their lineup in the upcoming years. For a second straight summer, Zack Kassian has been diligently working with strength coach Dave Orton in his bid to become a successful power forward in the NHL. Orton stated, “He’s eating really clean, he’s matured a lot. He came back from Vancouver ready to train.” Kassian will likely get to showcase his improved physical condition early on

as John Tortorella has stated that he wants to put Kassian on the Sedin line to start the season. Since starting the lockout-shortened season with five goals in seven games with the Sedins, Kassian has been alternating as a Sedin linemate with Alex Burrows, and has had trouble finding consistency and chemistry with his constantly changing linemates. After starting off slowly, Jordan Schroeder greatly improved as the season progressed. During the NHL lockout, Schroeder played with the Canucks’ AHL affiliate (at the time) Chicago Wolves, where he looked to have stepped up his defensive game. Once the lockout ended, Schroeder had his chance to shine with the Canucks since Ryan Kesler was injured and the team lacked centre-depth behind captain Henrik Sedin. He formed an almost instant chemistry with fellow speedster Mason Raymond, and showcased his playmaking abilities and willingness to fight for the puck in the corners despite his lack of size. Once Kesler was healthy and a top-six centre, Derek Roy was acquired, and Schroeder was sent back down to the AHL. He seemed to take his game to another level after getting some NHL experience, scoring at a point-per-game pace for the rest of the season with the Wolves. Unfortunately, his season ended with a shoulder injury that required surgery, but he hopes to be ready for the start of training camp where he’ll be competing for the third-line centre spot with Bo Horvat, Brendan Gaunce, and

newly-signed Brad Richardson. Frank Corrado has been a pleasant surprise since being drafted in the fifth round, 150th overall in the 2011 NHL Entry Draft. After barely being edged out of a roster spot on the Under 20 Team Canada World Junior squad, he nearly doubled his point total from a previous year in the OHL and wound up playing for the Canucks towards the end of the regular season and playoffs. He’ll be competing with Andrew Alberts and newcomer defenceman Yannick Weber for the sixth defenceman spot on the opening day roster. If he is forced into a depth role, the Canucks may look into letting him play with their new AHL affiliate the Utica Comets to get more ice time. After holding out for almost two months, Chris Tanev has a new contract and will be looking to be more than just a bottom-pairing puckmover next season. To back up that ambition, he bulked up this off-season, adding a few pounds of muscle. Keith Ballard, his mentor and defensive partner for most of his NHL career, was bought out this off-season, and Tanev could be

looking at getting a serious upgrade in Alex Edler or Jason Garrison as his new defensive partner. Eddie Läck and former Philadelphia Flyers goalie prospect Joacim Eriksson will be competing for the backup Canucks goalie job, and the loser will likely be the starting goalie for the Utica Comets in the AHL. Lack spent most of the 2012-2013 season recovering from hip surgery and hopes to be healthy for the start of training camp. Meanwhile, Eriksson spent last season with Skellefteå AIK in the Swedish Elite League, posting an impressive .931 save percentage and 1.67 goals against average in 30 games.

Montreal Canadiens, is a young, right-handed offensive defenceman from Switzerland who gives the Canucks something they have been missing since Christian Ehrhoff signed with the Buffalo Sabres: a power play quarterback . While he isn’t the Weber that Canucks fans have wanted for a few years, he will hopefully do a better job running the power play than failed experiments MarcAndré Gragnani and Cam Barker. Next week, we wrap up this three-part roundup with John Tortorella, players hoping to have a bounce-back season, and the new AHL affiliate, the Utica Comets.

New faces Mike Gillis didn’t have much cap space to spend on free agents this off-season, so he brought in two depth players in Brad Richardson and Yannick Weber. Richardson is a very energetic and versatile two-way forward who got buried in the Los Angeles Kings’ roster. He can play all three forward positions, is good at faceoffs, and isn’t afraid to use his body. Weber, a former third-round pick of the

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Dancing with Wolves Women’s soccer team loses a tough one By Eric Wilkins, Sports Editor

espite a solid team effort on an overcast Saturday afternoon at Cunnings Field, the Douglas women’s soccer team came up with the short end of the stick, losing 4-2 against the visiting Thompson Rivers University (TRU) WolfPack. “It’s unfortunate,” said Coach Ciaran McMahon after the game. “We wanted the win and we feel we deserved the win… But credit to the team because they pushed and they looked for the opportunities and never got their heads down, which is a big shift from where we’re coming from.” The game got off to a fast start, with Douglas’ Rebecca Mainardi stuffing a WolfPack forward on a breakaway in the eighth minute after the swift striker found room through the defence. The Royals were quick to go on the offensive themselves, though, seeing Marni McMillan (#21) finish a gorgeous through-ball from Nicolle Fraser (#13) in the 10th minute. In keeping with the torrid pace of the game, TRU went right back on the attack, forcing Mainardi to come up with a big save from in close off a volley. Unfortunately, the Douglas keeper was unable to keep out the subsequent corner kick, as Marlie Rittinger tied the game up at 1-1.

After a couple more saves from Mainardi, the Royals struck again. Fraser took a chance and got one into the back of the net in the 19th minute to put Douglas up 2-1. It wasn’t long before the WolfPack answered though, as a free kick just outside the 18 in the 22nd minute saw a spectacular strike from reigning PACWEST MVP Alanna Bekkering find the top corner. TRU closed out the half with several more chances but no goals, resulting in a halftime score of 2-2. The second-half would not be as high scoring an affair as the first, but it would see the first booking of the day when Fraser ended up with her name in the referee’s notebook after a yellow card in the 52nd minute. The deadlock would be broken in the 73rd minute when TRU’s Jaydene Radu rippled the mesh. The WolfPack nearly went up another goal five minutes later when the forward found her way past the Royals’ keeper along the top of the box, but she snubbed the shot and the ball dribbled harmlessly away. Mainardi would do her part to keep the game in reach in the 87th minute, coming up with a huge save diving to her left. Unfortunately for Douglas, it just wasn’t enough. With the Royals pressing hard, Bekkering would find room to slot home her second of the day on a breakaway in injury time. 4-2, final score. “I think we battled really hard for 90 minutes…

that’s something we’ve been working on as a team. We usually battle hard for about a half and then fold, and I think we played well the entire game today. We really gave TRU a run for their money,” said McMillan after the game. In reference to her goal, Douglas’ No. 21 stated, “We really wanted to get that first

goal and set the tone for the game and it was nice to make that happen.” Criminology major Fraser concurred with McMillan’s thoughts and added, “It’s always a good learning experience playing the top team.” McMahon was pleased with his squad in spite of the

score, “We keep playing like this and we keep pushing like this and the chances are going to come our way. We took the top team in the league to within a goal down to the dying seconds and had them on their heels for most of the game.”

Pierce made 31 starts. Despite his dedication to the Blue Bombers, he was dethroned from his starting gig by Justin Goltz, finding himself in third-string. And now, the Blue Bombers have officially cut ties with the fan favourite, announcing that Buck Pierce has been traded for 26-yearold Akeem Foster. The 31-year-old Pierce has posted a quarterback rating of 69.3 and thrown for 946 yards with two touchdowns and six interceptions this season with the Blue Bombers—a bit of a rough go. His 2013

campaign has been a far cry from his 2011 season when he led “Swaggerville” to the Grey Cup final. Akeem Foster never quite found his feet with the Lions. While he teased BC fans with flashes of brilliance over his three seasons and change, Foster’s career highlight would be a 593 yard season in 2011. Blue Bombers’ General Manager Kyle Walters says, “In Akeem, we are getting a veteran Canadian receiver who, at age 26, is still entering the prime of his career. His presence immediately helps

upgrade our non-import talent on our roster.” Make no mistake, the Winnipeg Blue Bombers were very pleased with Pierce’s contribution to the team, but given Pierce’s age and injury history, it was time to change things up. Foster brings Winnipeg 61 receptions, 949 yards, and 9 touchdowns in 43 starts. Unsurprisingly, the Winnipeg faithfuls have expressed their disapproval of the trade of their popular pivot. Adding to the heat being put on the struggling

Blue Bombers, Goltz has been a source of controversy for mockingly celebrating in a game against the Saskatchewan Roughriders on September 1—a game which the Blue Bombers lost. As for Pierce, he’ll assume the backup spot behind Travis Lulay. Pierce and Lulay will be reunited after playing together during the former’s first stint in BC With both being very familiar with taking a brutal beating on the field, it should make for a humorous reacquaintance as the rest of the season plays out.

Royal’s Women’s soccer team | Photo courtesy of Jerald Wallise/Douglife (Flickr)

Throwback Pierce returns to the Lions’ den By Courtnie Martin, Sports Reporter

uck Pierce commenced his CFL career in 2005 with the BC Lions. After five seasons with the Lions, and alternating between starting and backup quarterback due to injuries, he was released by the Lions in 2010, joining the Winnipeg Blue Bombers as a free agent. In his four-season span with the Blue Bombers,

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Repeat offender Suh dodges suspension Hulking defensive tackle slapped with one of NFL’s largest fines By Courtnie Martin, Sports Reporter

damukong Suh, one of the Detroit Lions captains, has once again been disciplined for his unsportsmanlike behaviour after throwing an illegal block on Vikings centre, John Sullivan. Ironically, just days before the season opener, Suh called a meeting with his players suggesting the importance of creating a better team image. Unfortunately, Suh went against his own pep-talk and committed another offence that has now caused a riot in the football world. Suh’s been fined six times and suspended once. Two seasons ago, Suh slammed the head of Green Bay Packers offensive lineman Evan Dietrich-Smith into the ground and stomped on his arm. This cost him a two-game suspension. Last season, Suh kicked Texans quarterback Matt Schaub in the groin, racking up $30,000 in fines. Although Suh’s illegal block on Sullivan didn’t cost the Lions the game, it did cost Suh six-figures. The $100,000 fine is the most expensive fine levied by the league for an on-field incident. Suh is appealing the fine. He suggests that it was excessive considering the block was not intentional. The league, however, disagrees. They felt that the block was unnecessary since Sullivan was not in reach of interfering with the touchdown play. The replay of the video indicates the same. Suh found Sullivan after the game to apologize. Sullivan was understanding, later saying that “[Suh]

apologized and said there was no intent to injure. It’s fine.… I appreciate the fact that he came up to me and said something.” Nonetheless, he was clear that the block was dangerous, and he’s grateful that the block did not cause him a significant injury. “I’m just happy I wasn’t hurt— seriously injured… There’s a reason that play is illegal. It’s incredibly dangerous. I just feel fortunate that I’ll be playing this week.” After yet another fine, one must wonder if Suh has learned his lesson. His teammates certainly hope so and are backing him fully. As for the rest of the league, they believe that after enough devastating blows to his bank account, he may finally tighten up his professionalism on the field. After all, Suh is one of the best defensive linemen in the game; why would he need to continue to play dirty?

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Drawing it up Men’s soccer team ties TRU By Eric Wilkins, Sports Editor

ouglas’ men’s soccer team saw victory slip through their fingers Saturday afternoon when Thompson Rivers University (TRU) managed to tie the game up in injury time. “It was a decent game… We should have closed it out. It’s a learning experience though. It’s good this happened at the beginning of the season, not the end,” noted Coach Paul Bahia. The game saw a bit of a chippy start with a series of hard tackles early on. Ivor Evans (#10) received the only booking though, picking up a yellow card for a challenge. The Royals then buckled down and played their game, with Shahbaz Khattra (#19) forcing a save from the TRU keeper in the 14th minute. Shortly after, Douglas slotted one home, only to see it called back due to an offside call. The 29th minute found a TRU striker with an opportunity in the box, but his shot flew harmlessly wide of the goal. The next 10 minutes saw teams trade chances—both coming close, but neither sticking it in the net until the 40th minute when Khattra finished off a lovely piece of dribbling with a shot into the bottom corner. The Royals’ lead was short-lived though, as TRU responded less than a minute later when Justin Wallace rippled the mesh. Isaac Kyei tried to break the deadlock before halftime, but his run resulted in a save from the keeper. The second-half saw a run of play in the WolfPack’s favour, starting with a blocked shot in the 50th minute. Shortly after, TRU’s Kyle Logan assessed a yellow card for his comments after a call. In the 57th minute, Wallace struck again for TRU after dangling through the box before depositing the ball in the bottom left corner of the goal. Continued pressure from the visitors saw a scramble in the box in the 59th, but the Royals’ defence proved to be up to the challenge. In the 60th minute, TRU received their second booking of the match

when Nolan Wallace picked up a yellow card for a harsh tackle. Javid Khan (#9) tied things up again in the 63rd minute, sending a beautiful shot into the top right corner on a free kick at the top of the 18. Scoring chances for both sides sandwiched a yellow card for Khan in the 69th. Dorian Colopisis’ (#8) free kick in the 82nd required the TRU keeper to be on his toes to punch it away. The WolfPack had an opportunity in the 84th minute with a free kick in an advantageous position, but the shot sailed hopelessly wide of the target. Douglas picked up the final lead of the day in the 88th when Raaqim Amijee (#23) caught a volley perfectly, sending a stunner into the top left corner. The Royals tried to hold on, with Marc Mincieli (#1) showing off some sure hands on a cross before coming up with a big save from the top of the box, but Mike Harvey ultimately found the back of the net for TRU, tying it up in injury time. Final score: 3-3. “I thought the boys did well. We definitely showed that we have heart,” said Sports Science student Amijee. When asked about his spectacular goal, Amijee remarked, “Everything fell just right and it ended up in the back of the net.” “We battled but unfortunately we didn’t play the full 90 minutes and that’s what hurt us in the end,” observed goalscorer Khattra. The refereeing brought on comments from fans of both teams, and Evans (#10) wasn’t pleased about the early yellow shown to him. “Not for my first tackle in the first five minutes… just ruins the game. Can’t play the game I want to play.” Coach Bahia felt the team had its moments out there, but has yet to fulfil its potential. “Yes, we played well but still can be better. There’s way more room for improvement.”

Isaac Kyei | Photo courtesy of Jerald Wallise/Douglife (Flickr)

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Humour.

By Cazzy Lewchuk, Master Liar Capricorn (12/22-1/19) Things may get your goat today. A stray goat that wandered into the building will headbutt you while being chased by security. Take it in stride. You may also feel very horny. Take yourself in hand. Aquarius (1/20-2/18) This is the dawning of your age. Harmony, understanding, sympathy, and trust: these are the demons you must slay. Fake kindness, and keep your evil inside. Bring your friends water, laced with cyanide. Remember your mind’s true liberation. This is your age.

Laugh out loud hilarious? Contact the editor at humour@theotherpress.ca

Pisces (2/19-3/20) You make me sick, just sitting around and flopping with your mouth open and close. All you do is go with the flow. If you cover up your skin (more like scales) you’ll be lucky to get a job after college sitting on the wall of a sports bar singing country songs. Aries (3/21-4/19) You see yourself as the alpha among the rest of the student “sheeple.” Look in the mirror. See that face? That’s the sign of a true leader. Stick with your studies, and you could be the next Genghis, Kim, Fidel, or even Joseph.

Taurus (4/20-5/20) It’s time to take the bull by the horns. This should be easy, as you already live nothing but bull every day. All you do is sit around drinking Red Bull and bullshitting with your friends and profs. Want to control your life? Quit shooting the bull and get out of the pen. Also, be less subtle. Gemini (5/21-6/21) Today you will run into your long lost twin. You’ll finally understand how repulsive you are to other people, but you can make mischief together and you’ll only have to attend half of your classes. You will also step on a chewed wad of Dubble Bubble.

By Joel McCarthy, Graphics Manager http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_SEL27xiJGQ In a time when everyone is completely nuts over Breaking Bad, I thought it would only be appropriate to have a clip of Aaron Paul’s TV origin. We all know Bryan Cranston was Hal from Malcolm in the Middle, but did you know that Aaron Paul was a crazy meth head on The Price is Right? This video is hilarious and wonderful, until Aaron guesses wrong on his showcase showdown and has one of the most compelling performances of his career.

Cancer (6/22-7/22) Feeling crabby? Move out to someplace in the tropics. It won’t make you less crabby, but nobody will have to deal with you anymore, and you can yell at the locals to get you another piña colada. Leo (7/23-8/22) Today your father will be killed by your uncle, who will then try to take your pride. You’ll hang out with your stoner friends, then have romantic sex to Elton John. Virgo (8/23-9/22) Your love life will soon improve. It will be a fresh hot apple pie… a full tub of Vaseline… A fresh battery can put the buzz back into any relationship.

Libra (9/23-10/22) Your diet isn’t working. Neither will any of the others you’ll try. Buying bigger sweatpants will only work until next week. Stomach stapling is an option, but make sure you put your prof’s stapler back afterwards. Scorpio (10/23-11/21) You will be slaughtered by a giant arachnid. Your carcass will rot in a closet in Room 1020. Sagittarius (11/22-12/21) Today is a good day to play the William Tell overture while balancing an apple on your friend’s head and practicing your archery skills. You could be the next Katniss Everdeen!

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Bone-chilling bulletins The hauntingly accurate news By Ruth Cho, Weather & Spirit Séance Reader

his week at Douglas College, students reported seeing giant mutant rats in the first floor bathrooms. One student said, “They were over a foot long, had glowing red eyes, and came out from the sewers.” There were no comments about the yellow puddles on the floor. Janitorial staff have assured us that there is no such thing as giant mutant rats, and that what the students probably just saw ghost rats. To solve the problem, they have introduced a ghost cat, and say that the problem should be eRATicated within the next week. Multiple students have also reported that the north elevator will occasionally hesitate, make an odd creak and clunk sound, take the rider to the wrong floor, and ooze green slime from the walls. They say that the elevator sometimes stops at the eighth floor, which does not exist. It stops, the doors stay closed for a minute, then the elevator goes down and takes the passengers to the correct floor. Security denies any such activity from the elevator, and says that anyone saying otherwise is a liar and imagining things. Earlier this week, there were reports of a strange

occurrence in the library. Electronic screens in the room flickered on and off for about five minutes before restarting while some emitted a sound that, according to witnesses, was “like someone breaking through the veil between our world and the next.” Teachers would like to remind students that if they lost any work on the library’s computers, it does not excuse them from the due date and professors will not extend the deadline. Meeting these deadlines is, of course, made all the more difficult now that the past is colliding with the present, causing timetospeedupreallyfast. Not only is typing essays accurately nearly impossible (Editor’s Note: we’d like to apologize for any typographical errors resulting from the past-present collision), but many students have aged beyond their years at a rapid rate. “It’s even worse for me,” says the now 90-year-old student Connor Heissen. “I used to be ripped. Like, I had a six-pack and everything. Now I seem to… Where am I again?” Everyone suffered ill effects from the recent time terror, but the nursing students seem to be happy with all the new dependants to take care of. “Actually, this old fart used to be my boyfriend,” says Katrina Mamitas, nursing student, gesturing at an octogenarian attempting to feed himself beans.

Photo illustration by Joel McCarthy