The Other Press 39:7 by Other Press

News.

NEWS

OPINIONS

What’s up in the world this week

Library etiquette: know when to shut up

Keating Smith, page 06

ARTS

SPORTS Exploring the disconnects between fans & reality

Best fest: New West Doc Fest hits Douglas Angela Espinoza, page 09

FEATURE Shake it out: how to prepare for the big one How to make the most of your man-bag

Joel MacKenzie, page 14

THE DOUGLAS COLLEGE NEWSPAPER SINCE 1978

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HUMOUR Praise for the latest tech: the light bulb

Livia Turnbull, page 23

HIGHER LEARNING NUTRITION DEEP FRIED PICKLES (6)

DOUGLAS COLLEGE BURGER

STEAK FAJITA SANDWICH

CAJUN CHICKEN CAESAR WRAP

Served with tiger sauce or ranch dressing

Grilled beef or veggie patty or grilled chicken breast with lettuce, tomato, onion and pickle on a kaiser bun served with fries, salad or a cup of soup

ILLUSTRATOR

Oliver McTavish Wisden

illustrator@theotherpress.ca CONTRIBUTORS Dominic Chan Elliot Chan Glauce Fleury David Hollinshead Keating Smith Kayla Steinman

Natalie Serafini

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WHO WE ARE The Other Press has been Douglas College’s student newspaper since 1976. Since 1978 we have been an autonomous publication, independent of the student union. We are a registered society under the Society Act of British Columbia, governed by an eight-person board of directors appointed by and from our staff. Our head office is located in the New Westminster campus. The Other Press is published weekly during the fall and winter semesters, and monthly during the summer. We receive our funding from a student levy collected through tutition fees every semester at registration, and from local and national advertising revenue. The Other Press is a member of the Canadian University

Grilled steak marinated in herbs and lime juice with peppers, jalapenos, onions, topped with cheddar and Monterrey cheese, served on a hoagie bun with fries, salad or a cup of soup

Cajun chicken topped with tomatoes, Parmesan cheese and romaine lettuce wrapped in a cheese flour tortilla and served with fries, salad or a cup of soup

Above features available after 3pm on THURSDAY's with Student Card Press (CUP), a syndicate of student newspapers that includes papers from all across Canada. The Other Press reserves the right to choose what we will publish, and we will not publish material that is hateful, obscene, or condones or promotes illegal activities. Submissions may be edited for clarity and brevity if necessary. All images used are copyright to their respective owners.

THURSDAY BOOSTERS BUCKET OF CARIBOO CANS (3) WINGS

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On decisiveness and student journalists Yo—I’ll tell you what I want. What I really, really want. -Spice Girls

his past week I took a crack team of The Other Press staffers to Kamloops for the Fall 2012 Western, Prairies, and Northern regional conference for the Canadian University Press. The conference, affectionately referred to as “WPNCUP,” was chockablock full of useful insights into the newspaper biz, and was a great opportunity to see what our counterparts are writing about at other Canadian colleges and universities. However, while the conference was indeed full of helpful tips and tricks, one of the things I was most struck by was the type of people that generally seemed to fill the pages of student newspapers: driven, smart people who know what they want. Imagine that! I came to the whole newspaper game a little later than most—already in my mid-20s, and having done years of arduous soul searching to figure out what I wanted to do. However, the students at WPNCUP seemed, for the most part, to be fresh-faced wunderkinds already working on a professional level as, basically, real journalists. Watching today’s youth passionately and articulately debate about the future of journalism, it was apparent that these kids knew exactly what they wanted to do with their lives—and they were doing it. I don’t know where these people get their drive, but I’m inspired by it. If you’re one of these people who already know what you want to do with your life (whether it be driving a race car, curing cancer, or writing for the newspapers), I want to take a moment to applaud you. Can you share some of your secrets? And, if writing for the newspapers is what you know you want to do, why don’t you stop by a The Other Press meeting, Mondays at 6 p.m. in room 1020 of the New Westminster campus? If that’s what you really, really want—make it happen.

Sharon Miki

News. Graduate shares plans for Uganda By Dylan Hackett, News Editor

ast Friday, Uganda Project graduate Priscilla Bartleman-Wolf shared her plans to develop a community centre and school for Ugandan children with a small, captive audience. Attending BartlemanWolf’s talk were other students who had experienced the Uganda Project with her, instructors and organizers of the event, community members, and New Westminster MLA Dawn Black. “I want to start a new project. How that came about was when I was hanging out with some friends in Masaka, and I said that ‘I would really like to stay a while longer.’ And I did. I spent time with children there, and that’s when I better understood what life was like for some of these children,” Bartleman shared, explaining her extended stay in the Ugandan city after the formal semester was finished. “Everyone has a

Priscilla Bartleman-wolf with the children in Nyendo Photographer | Photo courtesy of Julius Lule

skill. If you highlight those skills and abilities, they still have a chance of having success in

I really like to idea of implementing life skills into the school—that’s something they’ve tried

to the dorms will have free access to that school and for the first year they’re with guardians,”

Everyone has a skill. If you highlight those skills and abilities, they still have a chance of having success in their life—whatever that may be… they can become independent and self-sufficient. their life—whatever that may be… they can become independent and self-sufficient. “There are two reasons I want to build a school. One is because

to do in the curriculum: having teachers who can show that to students and having the community work on those life skills. The other reason is that the kids who go

Bartleman-Wolf shared. Speaking as an Aboriginal Canadian, Bartleman-Wolf related the home-grown experiences in poverty on reserves to those

of Uganda’s poor. “When you think about the reserves we have here and where I grew up, it’s very similar... I’m used to being on a reserve where you have to boil water, you have to find food, and you’re under-housed. There’s a similar experience across the world.” Bartleman-Wolf ‘s brother, Vincent Bartleman, also shared his role in helping design the logo for the project, jesting about how “over 20 different were thrown at me.” The Ugandan Project is an annual field school that has trained students in social work in the impoverished equatorial nation since 2006. According to Janice Spencer, instructor and facilitator for the program, a three-principle approach is taken to the trip. Students are to go as learners, to make sure all projects have a sustainability (to combat criticisms of “voluntourism”), and that they do no harm to the communities that host them.

A chat with Hector Bremner By Dylan Hackett, News Editor Last week I had a chance to talk with Hector Bremner, BC Liberal candidate for the New Westminster riding, and Allie Valiente, president of the Douglas Young Liberals club. Below is an excerpt of our discussion.

Hector Bremner | Photo courtesy of www.bcliberals.com

Thank you for meeting with me today. First I would like to ask you,

for the sake of informing our readers, your background and personal history and how you became the BC Liberal candidate for the New Westminster riding. HB: I was originally born in Alberta and I grew up in Saskatchewan. I came out here and finished school in the late ‘90s. About 10 years ago, we moved here. We decided New Westminster is

where we wanted to raise our kids. It was through activity with various non-profits and local organizations that made me look at politics. I felt there was a gap there in terms of representation and I got talking to some folks who said, “Hey, you should do that” so I pursued it. It was a little bit of a race to get to the finish line and we came across first and I ended up being the candidate.

Do you think that would’ve been different perhaps if Dawn Black hadn’t dropped out of the NDP candidacy? HB: Maybe. I think that very well could be true but I think that people feel that New Westminster is changing. New Westminster is an evolving city. It has had an era and seems to be verging onto a new one. I think a lot of folks feel

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now that there are people who’ve moved here over the past five or 10 years and I feel that it’s their shot, their chance to make their voice heard.

in midstride of their lives—they’ve got a lot of skin in the game, as they say. They have kids in the public education system, they’re paying taxes.

but I couldn’t afford to go to school because I came from a lower income family myself. I had to go to work and I ended up selling shoes.

Gentrification is definitely active and it’s evident as ever looking at the SkyTrain station, the new developments…

I think that success in the 21st century, for any government, is in having a three-pillared approach. You equally weigh the social impacts, the environment impacts. We’ve learned that if you neglect any of those legs of the stool, it all just falls over.

Today, for kids coming out of this school, right now, there are companies up north that are willing to pay for you to live there, they will buy you a vehicle, they will do whatever it takes for you. They need you. There are six-figure jobs out there for you tomorrow if you’re willing to go get them. That’s the difference between the NDP and the BC Liberals. BC is one of the most thriving markets in North America, its future is so bright. We haven’t even come close to tapping our potential. Ontario is now going to be receiving provincial transfers—for the first time in Canadian federation history. That’s very substantial. There are jobs for you. You just got to be looking at the jobs that are there.

HB: I wouldn’t call it gentrification. Are you sure about that? HB: I generally reject the term gentrification. I think that puts a negative connotation on something that’s really positive because when we talk about development, New Westminster has become a bedroom community—the jobs have been squeezed out of it. I would argue nobody has had their eye on how to make New Westminster truly liveable. New Westminster was always a great place to raise your kids, being relatively safe, but at one point our downtown became left alone. People would escape after five o’clock and it was left to whoever was left. I think it has been wonderful that the community has been reclaimed and that the community has said, “No, we’re not going to abandon our city and our downtown. We’re going to stake our claim here, we’re going to live here and care about this community, invest in this community and that’s a positive thing.” I used to be the vice-chair on the committee for social issues at city hall and we were looking at some studies that showed 10 years ago, it was about a 70/30 split between seniors and young families and that is now inverted. Now you have a larger population of folks that are with family and are

Why should students vote BC Liberal this spring, given that tuition fees have gone up heavily in the past decade? AV: I think students should vote regardless, although I think they should vote BC Liberal. Voting gives you that opportunity to have your voice heard… rather than just standing by your computer screen, watching tuition rates go up and not having any say as to what happens. Voting BC Liberal, I feel as if this party has been very responsible, like Hector said, and we are making those changes to help us with tuition rates as well as having a job there for when you graduate. You put all this money into education and then you’re fearful that you’re not going to have a job to pay back your student loans. The BC government will give you that opportunity to get the job and pay back those student loans. HB: When I was the age of the folks that are reading your paper, BC was run by the NDP. I came into a province that had the highest unemployment, the highest youth unemployment, one of the lowest growth rates for an economy in the entire North America. I was a pretty bright guy

But tuition rates are going up and by the last account by the Canadian Centre for Policy Alternatives say that they went up five per cent when inflation was only at two per cent. Can we be promised a lower tuition rate? HB: No. And with all due respect to the CCPA, I don’t know if they’re the best source to quote, I don’t quote the Fraser Institute… Tuition rates is a really hot topic and it always will be. If we look at what’s going on in Quebec, we have to say to ourselves, well here’s a province with the lowest tuition rates out there, they’re being asked a marginal, marginal increase, and all hell broke loose. We have to step back for a

minute and say, “What are we fighting about here?” Tuition rates are increasing but our unemployment rate has been, consistently, far lower than under the previous government. Yes, people are paying more to go school but their income has increased. If you’re looking at your education as an investment, just like any business would, like “I’m going to invest x amount of dollars and expect to make my investment back plus a capital return.” That’s how folks going into post-secondary today need to be looking at it. Are you going to do that with a liberal arts degree today? It’s pushing it—it’s really pushing it. I have been looking at the state of post-secondary education and feel I’m well versed in education in North America and nobody disagrees with the statement that folks are out there training themselves for jobs that don’t exist. I had a conversation with a friend earlier today and he had a conversation with his friend about who was going to get his doctorate in philosophy. Look, I enjoy philosophy as much as the next guy but I highly question, unless you’re one of the top one per cent of thinkers you probably will not be able to sell a book or teach at Harvard or wherever and make a real living. You’ll probably be one of the most fascinating bartenders out there to talk to. I don’t want to belittle people’s dreams and nobody does, but we must recognize that in BC, there is a gold mine standing in front of us. For every young person today, there is a job for you, right now; there are people starving for you, right now. There are six-figure incomes waiting for

you, right now. Benefits, pension plans, forever! For your entire working life. But you have to seriously look at getting into trades right now. Do you see Christy Clark as an effective leader of the BC Liberal party? AV: I do. She is strong and every time I hear her say something, two months later, she’s done it or she’s putting the steps towards making that happen. She’s a delight to be around and I think that enthusiasm has captured the entire province. HB: I think she’s grossly underappreciated. I think she’s taken over a government and a party in an extremely tumultuous time and she has done quite gracefully, despite the completely unwarranted personal attacks. As a communications guy, I’ve seen a war waged against her reputation—completely unjustified. She’s been quite stoic through all of this and a lot of other politic figures would’ve thrown their hands up in disgust, walked away, or had a conniption when they saw the absolutely unfair treatment she’s gotten. She’s kept her head down and got the job done. Do you have cabinet ambitions? HB: I have a sole, burning desire to be the voice of New Westminster. I’m not looking at anything beyond being the MLA for New Westminster. New Westminster needs a real voice in the halls of the legislative assembly and I think we’ve been woefully underrepresented for the past many years and it’s time we had a real voice. 5

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Doctor-assisted suicides may soon be legal in Quebec Parti Quebecois plan on bringing new bill before the legislative assembly By Jacey Gibb, Assistant Editor

upporters of doctorassisted suicide in Canada received a boost of hope last week when the recently elected minority Parti Quebecois government in Quebec announced that it would be putting forward a bill to legalize euthanasia as early as next spring. The proposed bill, which was a part of the Parti Quebecois’ platform during the most recent provincial election, comes as a result of recommendations made by the province’s Special Commission on Dying with Dignity. Founded in

A weekly geopolitical update By Keating Smith, Contributor Africa: (Nigeria) The Dutch petroleum corporation Shell has rejected its liability for the environmental disaster created in the Niger Delta, claiming that rampant criminal activity in the region is to blame for the 6

1982, Dying with Dignity Canada is a memberbased charity that works on “improving individuals’ quality of dying and expanding Canadians’ end-of-life choices.” If the bill passes, individuals would still have to meet certain requirements before they may receive “medical aid in dying.” The patient must be suffering from a “serious and incurable disease,” have “no prospects of improvement,” be able to personally request medical assistance in dying, and must be a resident of Quebec. “We’re really talking about people who have unbearable suffering and who have no chance of improving their quality of life and whose death is really going to happen,” says Véronique Hivon, the province’s Junior Minister of Social Services and a supporter of the legalization of

doctor-assisted suicide. The proposal already faces a potentially power opponent though, as the federal government has a firm stance against doctor-assisted suicide via the criminal code. But Hivon is optimistic that the province will be able to move ahead without federal obstructions. “Quebec has jurisdiction over health and also over professional qualifications. So this gives us the confidence to introduce this medical aid in dying in our bill.” The province does not have any power over the criminal code or the laws that the code enforces. Another challenge facing the bill is the organization Vivre dans la Dignité , or Living with Dignity. The group has raised questions about how much support doctor-assisted suicide has within the Quebecer population and over

disaster and damages and that clean up is not the corporation’s responsibility. According to the BBC, “farmers are suing the company in a civil court in The Hague, claiming oil spills ruined their livelihoods.”

I’ll be a better president.”

Americas: (Venezula) Venezuelan President Hugo Chávez has secured a fourth term in office after defeating his opponent Henrique Capriles by winning 54 per cent of the votes in a turn out with roughly 81 per cent of the country participating. Mr. Chavez recognized that his new government would need to “respond with greater efficacy and efficiency to the needs of our people” adding, “I promise you

Asia- Central & South: (Pakistan) Police in Pakistan have arrested several teenage suspects related to the shooting of 14-year-old Malala Yousafzai. Yousafzai, a women’s rights activist in Pakistan, was attacked by the Taliban in her city after promoting education rights for women to the public in the Northwestern region of the country. The young girl still remains in critical condition after being rushed to a military hospital in Rawalpindi after she was shot in the head and neck while on a school bus. Asia- Pacific: (Australia) Australia’s Prime

Photo courtesy of Pink Sherbet Photography

whether Dying with Dignity was misleading during their public report. The independent analysis showed that “those who apparently favoured euthanasia showed significant confusion between directly taking a patient’s life by euthanasia and assisted suicide, and ceasing futile treatment, which is universally acknowledged as being ethical. Though the Parti

Quebecois only holds 54 seats of the 125 in the government, the Coalition Avenir Quebec has already expressed its support for the bill, meaning the majority of representatives are in favour. The Liberal party, the Official Opposition of the National Assembly, have not yet made their stance on the issue public.

Minister Julia Gillard has verbally lashed out against opposition leader Tony Abbott, labeling him as a “hypocrite” and a “misogynist,” in a fierce tirade which caught the international media’s attention. Gillard was quoted saying “If [Abbott] wants to know what misogyny looks like in modern Australia, he doesn’t need a motion in the House of Representatives; he needs a mirror.”

to the advancement of peace and reconciliation, democracy and human rights in Europe.”

Europe: (Norway) In a unanimous decision, the European Union has been awarded this year’s Noble Peace Prize. According to Thorbjørn Jagland, President of the Nobel Committee, the EU “contributed

Middle East: (Israel) Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has called for early elections in the Jewish state roughly eight months ahead of schedule. According to Al Jazeera, “reelection could grant him a fresh mandate to continue his tough stance toward Iran’s suspect nuclear program, put the already deadlocked peace process with the Palestinians further into deep freeze and complicate relations with the US if President Barack Obama is reelected.”

Arts. Affleck scores again with ‘Argo’ By Eric Wilkins, Staff Writer

f anyone was still harbouring any doubts about Ben Affleck’s abilities as a director, then be advised that those doubts can now be laid to rest. Argo (released October 12), the third feature directed by Affleck, is based on the

events of 1979, when six Americans were rescued from Tehran after Iranians had stormed the American Embassy and taken 52 hostages. The escape plan was to create a fake movie (Argo: a second-rate sci-fi) and have the six pose as members of the film crew to fool Iranian security. Thanks primarily to memorable performances from John Goodman and Alan Arkin as John Chambers (the John

Chambers) and Lester Siegel (a fictional producer), Affleck manages to space out the rising tension of the movie with some genuinely humorous moments. And as this powerful plot nears its end, it’s difficult to sit still; you’ll be gripping the edge of your seat. The only issue I have with the movie is the downplaying of the Canadian involvement in the operation. In classic Hollywood style,

the American is made out to be the true hero while everyone else (in this case, Canadians) are merely supporting

cast, both literally and figuratively. All the same, it’s a great movie and well worth a watch!

No ‘Vacancy’ for this writer J.K. Rowling’s latest is not her greatest By Livia Turnbull, Humour Editor

or many of us, J.K Rowling’s Harry Potter series was a huge part of our childhoods. However, five years after the release of the last Potter book, Rowling has decided to write something completely different: a book tailored towards adults, about a small, mundane

British town and the people living in it. There’s nothing magical in the small town of Pagford and its slummy outskirts, the Fields. The Casual Vacancy (released September 27) is just a look into the lives of a town full of unlikeable, yet human people; it’s a surprisingly straightforward social commentary. When popular parish councilor Barry Fairbrother suddenly dies of a cerebral hemorrhage, his seat is left vacant on the city council. Two opposing men rush to be elected

for his position, and this sudden election causes the town to be at odds with each other. Meanwhile, there is a big debate surrounding Pagford on what is to be done with the Fields, where all the impoverished people live. All it seems the towns’ patrons can agree on is that Barry Fairbrother was the glue holding the two sections of Pagford together. This is not a plotheavy story; instead, The Casual Vacancy is more of a character study. Rowling does a good job of making you reconsider your opinions

on certain characters, but every character’s morality is grey, and by the end of the book you don’t know who to cheer for. Rowling tries her hardest to make a memorable novel, but the characters are not likely to leave an impression on you by the time you close the back cover. The Casual Vacancy, despite all the hype, is forgettable. Although well written and with nothing outstandingly awful about it, the book does

Nothing left behind on Converge’s latest By Keating Smith, Contributor

ust in time for autumn and Halloween, the legends of metalcore are back again with the release of their eighth studio album All We Love We Leave Behind (released

October 9). The group has maintained their pace of releasing a studio album every three years since their 2001 breakthrough album, Jane Doe. All We Love is not only packed with ear drumdamaging tracks that will have you contemplating punching holes in your bedroom walls, they also play on long drawn out stoner-rock riffs that seem

to be more apparent in this and similar other hard music genres recently. Front man Jacob Bannon has also distinctively refined his vocals this time around by taking less of an approach to sounding like a tortured velociraptor while singing, focusing more on his monotone voice, which I have come to absolutely adore.

Although this album is not everything I had anticipated, All We Love defeats any similar sounding album I have heard this year. The album also proves to the audience that Converge likes to take the path less traveled when creating quality jams. Notable tracks include first single “Aimless Arrow,” “Glacial Pace,” “Coral

suffer from being too dull.

Blue/Shame in the Way,” and last but not least, the track that the album takes its name from. Certain editions are available as a 17-song deluxe double album, packaged in a ‘reverse board gatefold jacket’ that comes in both a standard multi-coloured vinyl and a black 180-gram record for all you collector nerds out there. 7

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Another one bites the dust Goodbye Granville 7 Cinemas, let your pink neon shine on By Angela Espinoza, Arts Editor

he Vancouver International Film Festival this year had, without question, one of its best lineups of film screenings to date. While attending the Gala closing last Friday evening, I heard it stated that this year had more votes and positive reactions for the coveted Rogers People’s Choice Award than ever; I know for a fact that is because of the stunning quality of nearly all the films this year. But all this good news aside, the festival will not be the same after this year, because the Granville 7 Cinemas will be closing its curtains for the last time on November 4, not even three weeks from now. What does the cinema have to do with the festival? While VIFF

screenings are often separated between the Granville 7, the Vogue, Pacific Cinémathèque, and the Vancity Theatre, the Granville 7 is the hub that hosts about 80-85 per cent of the nearly 400 films each year. The loss of the cinema will have an effect on the festival, but as was sternly stated at the Gala, there will still be a festival next year and in the years to come—the only question now is where it will take place. After the devastating closure of the Vancouver Playhouse back in March of this year, one would think the crowd it brought out would prove the dedication of Vancouver’s artistic patrons; I shall retaliate with a simple, ‘nope.’ That said, I’m not a theatre person; I enjoy plays and musicals, and even operas can get me to shed a tear—but they’re just not my thing. My dedication to the arts lies in film (subjectively anyways), so it wasn’t until the thought that we could lose the Rio

Vampyros pianos A taste of Romania at Douglas College By Kayla Steinman, Contributor

ogdan Dulu, a native of Romania, graced Douglas College last Thursday with his presence and talent for that week’s instalment of Arts at One. Playing Haydn’s “Sonata in D major, Hob. XVI:42,” while beautiful, had an almost dark tone going through it, from the most interesting melodies to darker underlining melodies 8

that seemed to echo the joyous and energetic. It was the perfect balance between dark and light, long beautiful notes that seemed to hang in the air even after he stopped playing; showing his passion in every hand flick, and movement of his head. The rest of his musical choices were all right in comparison; Dulu is an amazing pianist, and it’s easy to understand why he is such a world-renowned artist. Both of his hands, each doing completely different things from the other, looked almost

Theatre on Commercial Drive earlier this year that I was actually able to sympathize with that crowd and the loss they went through. While I’m happy to say the Rio still stands strong, the Denman theatre is done, and—it appears I was the only one shocked by this news—Granville 7 is to be no more than a pile of wood and concrete very soon. I’m angry; I was angry when I heard the news two weeks ago, and I’m still angry now. No, the temperature in every screening room wasn’t perfect. Yes, those cup holders were fucking awful. As of three weeks ago, the ceiling over screen three is leaking, and it couldn’t be fixed without sacrificing the entire room during the festival. So what? I don’t know what kind of theatre everybody wants. Clearly they want the shit treatment everyone and their mother complains about with the Cineplex theatres, because bravo ladies and gentlemen, in no time at all, that’s

what we’re going to be stuck with. You want to know why liquor is allowed in theatres now, and therefore why the Rio Theatre still stands (something they themselves fought for, by the way)? Because chains like Cineplex knew it could be cashed in on; enjoy your $10 Smirnoff Ice, which you still can’t drink in the actual screen room FYI. The loss of the Granville 7 was inevitable, which is what several VIFF personnel told me. I’m not going to sit here and cry in denial that the last official theatre of Granville was going to be there forever, but I’m still upset. While in line for the morning rounds of volunteer and pass holder ticket pickup, a bitter old woman ahead of me bluntly stated that nothing was safe, not even a venue like the Commodore Ballroom, and while certainly a bold claim, I’m accepting that the angry old bat was right. As Mayor Gregor Robertson spoon-fed

us at the closing Gala about our strong arts community or some other bull, I sat there wondering where Vancouver’s arts budget was going. It’s been proven the budget gets significantly less money every year. I’m not going crazy, I know that even with a strong arts budget the Granville 7 would still be doomed, but it is something we have to keep an eye on, hell, even fight if we want to keep the arts in Vancouver alive. I’m going to miss the Granville 7 Cinemas. I’m going to miss secondguessing whether I should keep my coat on or off. I’m even going to miss those fucking awful cup holders (and their hilariously outof-date Z95.3 stickers). Vancouver claims to be this all-powerful, ‘Hollywood North’ film city, but if theatres keep closing at the rate they are, then where does the dignity stand?

magical when you were able to see their reflections in the piano, like there were two people playing the same notes at the same time for us. But our subject is not just a pianist; he is also very skilled at a range of other performing arts and public speaking, having made appearances on a variety of different shows throughout Asia and Europe. He has played in places like New York’s Carnegie Recital Hall, and Vancouver’s own Chan Centre for the Performing Arts. On top of his appearances

in such amazing places, he has also won many awards for his skill. Dulu is a shining example of how natural talent can further develop when one takes the time to get an education in their specific skill. More specifically, he holds a Bachelor’s of Arts in piano, both solo and collaborative, and a Master’s from New York. It was truly a marvelling experience to see Dulu in concert, and I can only hope he’ll return in the future. Until then, we have not one, but three music events here at Douglas this week!

First off, there will be a ‘Farewell Concert’ to long-time (now retired) Douglas piano instructor Ellen Silverman on Tuesday, October 16. Then, on Thursday, we’ll have yet another instalment of Arts at One—this time, it’ll be the unmissable Music Technologies Concert. Finally, on Friday, The Vancouver Opera will be here to perform a rendition of Naomi’s Road. All events will be taking place in the Laura C. Muir Performing Arts Theatre at the New West campus from 1 to 2 p.m.

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Don’t knock the Doc New West Doc Fest returns to Douglas College this weekend By Angela Espinoza, Arts Editor

ith this year’s Vancouver International Film Festival now drawn to a close, I’m excited to announce that New Westminster has got something to counter those ‘bye-bye VIFF blues.’ The New West Doc Fest will be returning for its second year in a row, and best of all, our very own Douglas College will be playing host to the event! From the opening night on October 19 to the full festival occurring on the 20th, the Laura C. Muir Performing Arts Theatre will be the venue. I’ve seen many different performances in the theatre, but film screenings are probably one of the coolest things to ever happen at the school (at least in my time here). To commemorate this most awesome event, I spoke with Joyce Rostron, Vice President of the Green Ideas Network. “Andrew Murray (from the New West Environmental Partners) and I met at the Sapperton Day Street Festival,” Rostron starts, “and the topic of a film festival for New Westminster was discussed. It was shortly thereafter that GIN and NWEP were sharing ideas and spearheading a new event for New Westminster, and cohosted with Douglas College's Department of

Science & Technology, [we would then] invite the community to come and learn, experience, and hopefully inspire people to effect change in our society.“ While the festival has obviously grown in the last year, the focus remains on documentaries that cover current changes going on environmentally, but there’s also been a slight turn into somewhat more personal (although of course social) docs. “The Doc Fest has grown to have more variety;” Rostron elaborates. “This year, we teamed with Film Circuit from the Toronto International Film Festival and have selected some excellent documentaries. The feature films we are presenting will focus on issues of social justice, sustainable energy future, climate change, workers' rights, and even gamer culture. “It's a great mix, and something for everyone. We've reached out to local experts for the Q&A sessions and have created a ‘Speaker's Corner,’ where conversation with the experts can continue outside the theatre.” Now, I wasn’t going to pass up this opportunity to pick Ms. Rostron’s brain on her favourite, so she was kind enough to let us know this tidbit: “Of the five films in the lineup, my favourite is Chasing Ice. I admire the filmmaker's personal story, the stunning cinematography, and the evidence-based message to the world. For Chasing Ice, we are really pleased to have Professor Mark Jaccard address the audience at 8:00 p.m. on Friday night; he's a lead-

What: New West Doc Fest Where: Laura C. Muir Performing Arts Theatre, Douglas College (New West) When: Friday, October 19–Saturday, October 20 (THIS WEEKEND) Cost: FREE to Douglas students; $7 regular admission; $20 festival pass ing climate change and energy solutions expert. But the New West Doc Fest this year surprisingly isn't just films. A number of other performances will be occurring during the two-day festival as well. “To make the festival unique, Now! Theatre will organize live performances. Now! Theatre is comprised of young and talented performing artists; their lineup [includes] a singer/ songwriter, spoken word, a reading from an award-winning play, and a song-cycle. Live bands will also be performing during the open reception on Friday night and

in the lobby from noon to 1:00 p.m. on Saturday. “Hopefully, more young people will come out to the Doc Fest this year. It'll be free for Douglas College students with ID. We are anticipating a really great event, and wish to invite everyone to bring along a friend and enjoy.” Of the film’s being shown, three of the docs are some I saw earlier this year: Indie Game— The Movie, Big Boys Gone Bananas!, and (most recently at VIFF) The World Before Her are all incredible in portraying the personal struggles of those who yearn to be creative, those with

a Goliath-like corporate challenge, and those who can actually change the world. The trailers for these films and more are available on the New West Doc Fest website, where the schedule and ticket purchases can also be made: www. newwestdocfest.ca. I heavily stress that the festival pass for non-students is worth the purchase; this, I can honestly say, is an excellent selection of documentaries, and I would be kicking myself if I missed out on this event.

Life&Style. Five band shirts you shouldn’t wear Tacky, cliché, and poseurific band threads to avoid By Dylan Hackett, News Editor

and shirts rule. Everyone knows by the time they’re 14 that advertising your musical tastes by way of a T-shirt is an easy means to hit on or break the ice with the girl or guy you fancy. This behaviour is acceptable until you’re about 28. Until then, don’t be caught in the following band tees. The Beatles: Every idiot and their uncle knows that yes, the best pop band in the history of ever

The hottest apps of the week By Dominic Chan, Contributor Welcome, welcome, welcome. App Man is here to recommend the best apps of the week. Each week, App Man will have a new theme for you to discover and enjoy. And don’t forget! If you have any cool apps to share, email App Man at appman@gmail.com

hile others are studying for midterms, we, the cool 10

trotted single-file along a crosswalk on Abbey Road. Your attempt at expressing unbridled individualism isn’t even well-intentioned. Fact: everyone likes the Beatles. You’re born liking the Beatles. It’s implied in your existence. Advertising your affection for the Fab Four by way of T-shirt is tacky and redundant. Maybe the only permissible exception is a Rubber Soul shirt. Bob Marley: So what if the guy wrote a bunch of killer peace jams? You look like you have no social relevance beyond your toke circle at the BCMP vapour lounge. Pantera: If you discount their disowned glam

guys, don’t need books ‘cause we got it all in our head. Check out this week’s theme of fun and free games for you to enjoy in your spare time. 1. Bad Piggies – iOS ($0.99)/Android (free). The green piggies from Angry Birds are back! And this time, they’re more prepared than ever! Featuring new physics and ways to end each pig’s life faster, you’ll be glued to the screen with its addictive cartoony graphics. If you were a fan of Angry Birds, this will fit right in! 4/5

metal albums, Pantera is the worst band ever. Unless you’re a semiliterate binge-drinking teenager from Port Coquitlam picking fights at a shitty bonfire, you have no excuse to be draped in this garbage. You might as well complete the image with a sleeve of quasi-fascist tattoos, or worse—your last name and/or stupid family crest. Ramones: Another case of a quality band being over-merched to the point of being painfully poseur-friendly and tacky. You can pull this off if you’re a cool stoner uncle or your (male) hair is past your shoulders. If you’re looking for a more earnest way to turn your

2. Grabatron – Free for iOS/Android. Have you ever wondered what it’s like to be an alien serial killer? Tilting your phone back and forth, you’ll use your ship’s “Grabatron,” a mechanical arm, to abduct earth creatures! Compare your scores internationally and see if you’re the “Alien” we all fear. App Man found this game to be addictive, refreshing like no other, and full of content to be unlocked! 5/5 3. Prince Of Persia Classic – iOS ($1.99)/ Android (Free). Revisit the ancient lands of

wardrobe into a tribute to the lads then buy a biker jacket and get some tighter jeans—don’t halfass it with a $50 tee, you clown. EDM artist: We get it—you want to immortalize the first time you took ecstasy at a “rave” (i.e. cash-grab overhyped soundshow) with a piece of silkscreened cotton. Your toonie-sized pupils picked out a shitty shirt at that merch table staffed by over-tattooed MDMAgoons and you should be ashamed. If you bought that online, please be more ashamed—you have no fallback excuse. Also, your Soundcloud page sucks.

Persia as your beloved classic is resurrected for app lovers. Featuring revised graphics from the classic, Prince of Persia: Sands of Time (2003), this game will leave you breathless. Despite its sticky and often slow control response, Prince of Persia still manages to be fun in a matter of seconds. 3.5/5 4. Line Runner – Free for iOS/Android. Although it looks simple, Line Runner is as difficult as teaching your mother to use a computer. Your goal? Using only two controls (one to jump, and one to roll), you must run as far as you can, avoiding obstacles. It’s both addictive and has a steep learning curve, meaning this game will have you hooked for hours. 4/5

Honourable mentions: Metallica: Yeah, Kill ‘Em All is a sweet album, but you don’t want to draw attention to the probability that you haven’t opened a book since ninth grade. Alice in Chains: Your T-shirt is two sizes too big, and you smell like your lack of social skills and a bag of moldy cess. Motörhead: Just kidding, Lemmy is a fucking legend. There is a 90 per cent chance you have shitty chin hair though. Bathory: You’re an entrylevel metalhead that still uses Nexopia.

5. What’s My IQ? – Free for iOS/Android. “Oh look, it’s one of those stupid games again.” App Man disagrees! Despite its cartoony look, What’s My IQ gets you thinking out of the box! With over 50 questions, see how smart you really are, and compare them to your friends. Just don’t blame App Man when you’re the slow one. If you think you’re a big shot, players can add 50 questions with What’s My IQ? Pro ($0.99). Disclaimer: App Man is not responsible for failed classes, your exes, gaming addiction, or thumb muscle problems. With great apps, comes great responsibility.

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Things to consider while wheeling around in the fall Bike tips for autumn By Laurel Borrowman, Life & Style Editor Option 1: Wrap your neck in a scarf, clad your hands in wool mittens, pull out the insulated boots that you haven’t seen since last February, and shake out your fluffy toque. Do whatever it takes to keep warm as the temperature drops. Option 2: Don’t do any of those things! Get your blood pumping from your insides instead, and thwart the falling temperature outside with a bike ride. It’s fast, it’s fun, it’s efficient, and it’s going to keep you toastier than any layering job you’ll attempt all season. And contrary to belief—popular or unpopular—it’s not a life-threatening activity of dare-devil proportions, as long as you take a few precautions and consider these tips before mounting your trusty steed any time in the next eight months. Clothing: Don’t dress like a ninja. It’s cool for Halloween, it’s cool for hanging with your pals when you’re bored on a Saturday night, but it’s not cool when you’re biking from the Douglas Campus back home after dark. You don’t have to wear a constructionsite grade visi-vest that blinds anyone in a fivekilometre radius of you. A reflective Velcro strap around your ankle and a strip of

reflective tape on your jacket are both cheap and effective and aren’t permanent (i.e. no, you don’t have to roll through the concourse decked out in Mountain Equipment Co-Op gear, if that’s not your bag). Also, dress warmly, but not like you would for a slow stroll. Ditch your Patagonia parka and snow pants. After riding for about 10 minutes in any direction, your internal oven is going to heat you up and you’re just going to get sweaty. Most of the time, I just wear jeans, a light jacket, some light gloves, and a toque under my helmet, which also does double-duty for saving my hair. If it’s raining, throw on a light shell and bring an extra shirt on your journey.

(that’s a good thing; motor vehicles want nothing to do with a biker that looks like that). Also, with fewer hours of light during the day comes more hours of rain during the day. I was amazed and bedazzled at the difference a pair of fenders on a bike can make, and recommend you do the same. The gravel/puddle skunkstripe up your back and dirt-spattered face will be your problems, no more.

Helmet: This should go without saying, but I’ll hammer it home again anyways. Wear a helmet that fits your head and wear it every single time you go bike riding. Invest in a helmet that you think looks decent, and you’ll be more inclined to wear it. Think you are the safest, most skilled cyclist in town? Maybe you are, but that doesn’t make you invincible. Motor

vehicles are still bigger than you. Also, you know what looks way more lame than helmet hair? Your brains all over the sidewalk. Protect your head. There’s no need to stop cycling just because daylight is scarcer, or because blue skies are few and far between. Taking a bike ride is a great way to thwart winter blues, and when spring rolls around you’ll also be the kid in class sans muffin top and back problems.

Necessary accessories: In late July, you can ride well past 10 o’clock at night and still have the luxury of a dusky sky to light your way. It’s not July anymore. Pretty soon it will be dark when you get to class, and dark when you get out of class, so get a few lights for your bike. For about $20, you can buy a lowprofile light for both the front and back of your bike, and you’ll be like a disco dance party on wheels

Feature. Not ‘if’ but ‘when’ British Columbia prepares for ‘the Big One’ By Elliot Chan, Contributor

ancouverites sure are a whiny bunch. There’s never not something for us to complain about: it’s always raining, the traffic is bad, and it costs way too much to live here. We could go on and on, but it’s not until tragedy comes along that things are put into perspective. For years now, citizens of the Pacific Northwest have been warned about “the Big One,” an impending catastrophic earthquake with no equal in recent history. Caused by the Cascadia subduction zone, an area off of the west coast where two tectonic plates meet. The movements of both

plates force one beneath the other, causing tension to build up beneath the earth. When the tension is finally released, it will generate the most devastating of earthquakes, known as a megathrust. There have been 15 megathrust earthquakes recorded in human history; the most recent being the 2011 9.0 magnitude in Japan. The Japanese were recognized for their earthquake preparations, but after watching their coastal towns get wiped away by tsunamis, we must turn the lens on ourselves and ask how properly equipped we are for a disaster of equal or greater proportion. Give us 100 years and we still won’t be able to build an earthquake-

resistant city. What we can do is apply our knowledge and preparation and create a system that will lessen the effects. Mitigation, preparedness, response, and recovery are the four pillars of earthquake readiness.

The Shake Out The first Great British Columbia Shake Out was held last year on January 26, in memory of the earthquake that struck BC on the same day in 1700. The Shake Out is a province-wide earthquake drill, where participants practice and demonstrate safety procedures. Possibly receiving publicity from the ominous nature attached to the year 2012, the Shake Out has enjoyed a surge in

exposure for its second outing. The British Columbia Shake Out will take place on October 18 at 10:18 a.m. So wherever you are at this time, take a moment to test your reaction and comprehension of a safe earthquake protocol. Douglas College is amongst the 18 postsecondary institutions participating in the drill this year. A committee of local, provincial, and federal governments, as well as private sectors and non-governmental organizations are responsible for organizing the Shake Out. This committee is in charge of spreading earthquake awareness to the apathetic masses. Although they are unable to predict when a damaging earthquake

will strike, experts agree that there is a 1/3 chance of one hitting in the next 50 years, the same odds as contracting a heart disease (stroke, diabetes, etc.) So, along with eating healthy, getting plenty of sleep, and exercising, we must also be prepared for earthquakes. Captain Brock Henson, the Emergency Program Officer of Saanich, informed The Other Press that on the 18th, over 100 different drills will be conducted by different organizations and first response agencies. Speaking on behalf of the fire departments, Henson stated that these earthquake procedures include getting the fire truck out of the hall, insuring that communications are

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running, and inspecting the building for safety and capability for operation. From there, many untraditional emergency drills will be conducted.

The Quake

The severity of earthquakes is one of the many things Vancouverites neglect, though I can’t blame them. We can’t necessarily live our lives anticipating disaster, but it’s reckless to be ignorant—especially after we’ve been given extensive warning. Earthquakes are nature’s most violent fits. The best strategy is far from heroic: the drop, cover, and hang on for dear life method. Common myths advise you to seek safety beneath a doorway or run outside. In the occurrence of a megathrust, however, these methods are regarded as unsafe. In many modern buildings,

doorways are no more soundly structured than any other part, while it’s been proven that falling objects inside buildings more often injure people than the buildings themselves. If you are in a room without any immediate shelter, do not flee. Instead, crouch down in the corner for stability and cover your head and face. If you happen to be outside, quickly find an open area without power lines or buildings. If you are driving, pull over and remain inside the vehicle. The key points to remember during an earthquake are: if you are inside, stay inside; if you are outside, stay outside; and avoid anything that may break or fall.

The Aftermath

So you survived the upheaval, but the crisis is far from over. After the noise and quiver of the first shake, be ready for an aftershock that could occur anywhere from

minutes to days after. Until then, follow the safety procedure and exit any building, assuming it is damaged. Any structure built before 2005’s strict earthquake code or ones that haven’t been subjected to seismic upgrades are seriously at risk of collapsing. Vancouver has over 8,000 buildings considered vulnerable, should a seismic attack hit. Expect to be on your own without any emergency response for the next 72 hours after an earthquake. Electricity and telephone reception, both landline and cellular, will most likely be down. If communication has not been completely severed, Henson wants people to refrain from making phone calls. For those who need to communicate, sending text messages is the best means for contacting others. Different areas of the Lower Mainland

will suffer different consequences following the earthquake. Congested areas like downtown Vancouver will be isolated, as all bridges will be closed. Don’t consider driving or traveling far either, as the city will be one big construction site—what else is new though? Although, the Lower Mainland is not a highrisk tsunami zone, coastal areas should still be avoided. All the while, Vancouver Island and Northern BC should take tsunami precautions. Waves have been known to hit land within minutes after the initial shock. The best way to prepare for such a crisis is to be knowledgeable about your surroundings. After an earthquake, experts estimate that citizens only have 10 minutes to get to higher ground, preferably 15 metres above sea level. In the Lower Mainland, communities in Richmond, Delta, and

the Fraser Valley built at sea level will be at the greatest risk. The soft, swampy foundation will cause flooding and soil liquefaction. Mitigation is the main defense; from there, the city can only hope that the structural standards and regular dike inspections are protection enough from the inevitable. In all the scenarios, it is important to locate proper necessities, both medical and sustenance. No one should be complacent when it comes to survival gear. Take an afternoon and go stock up with a friend, a co-worker, or a family member. Preparation for an earthquake may seem tedious, but it is your responsibility to ensure as much as possible has been done to prepare. Miracles are not a reality, but earthquakes are. So don’t be surprised if tomorrow the globe stammers and whiny ol’ Vancouver is left speechless.

The Other Press’ Layout Manager Cody Klyne is ahead of the game in preparing for the worst

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Man-bag essentials By Joel MacKenzie, Staff Writer “…it’s not a man purse; it’s called a satchel. Indiana Jones wears one.” -The Hangover

o all the dudes who have been avoiding using a small bag out of fear of ridicule: man up. Everyone has things to carry, and a bag is the best way to carry them. Drawing from my 20plus years of experience in general manliness, I’ve compiled the following list of items that can come in handy to ease every man’s practical and paranoid worries. Practical Mints They cover bad breath instantly, but they’re not candy. Mints are only for emergencies, like when you’re thrown into a close conversation on the bus after eating a bunch of pickled cabbage. Toothpaste/collapsible toothbrush Brushing your teeth throughout the day makes a huge impact on oral and even general health. If you forget to brush at home, with these you can brush anywhere. Nail clippers They’re invaluable if you forget to trim at home and are generally concerned with lookin’ fine in the hand department. Handkerchief/tissue For those unpredictable moments, like sneezing, sweating, or crying during a particularly 14

moving play. Scratch that last one: man up and cry openly. Spray deodorant For underarms, bags, shoes, or other people that smell. But avoid terrible deodorants (e.g. Axe). Comb/brush Combed hair makes the difference between looking like you just came from a sleepover and looking like you’re a prince. Pencils/Pens Don’t stifle your creativity. Write it down! Agenda The Douglas Students’ Union building offers free ones annually! Snacks/Water Food and water keep you alert and happy, and less likely to buy junk from corner stores. Paranoid Flashlight Start carrying a flashlight around with you and make friends during power outages, while fixing electronics, or while exploring a beach or forest at night! Whistle You lose your voice after only a little while of yelling. As long as you can breathe, you can blow a whistle and signal in an emergency situation. Fox 40 makes durable, ball-less, cheap, loud whistles. Emergency blanket They’re small, very light, very cheap, waterproof, windproof, and could

save your life. They reflect for signalling, trap body heat, or become a tent for when shit really hits the fan. Pocket mask Every gentleman should know how to perform CPR. These act as a barrier between mouths, preventing contraction of many diseases that strangers carry. They come in thin, very small varieties, or larger, ballooning ones. Examination gloves They’re another incredibly light and cheap barrier device that can protect your hands from body fluids or chemicals. Parachord Available in armysurplus stores and even dollar stores, parachord is designed for, and strong enough to be used in a parachute. When you need it to attach two things, to hang something, to repair something, etc., there’s no other alternative to rope. Multi-tool Another type of Swiss Army pocket knife, they commonly include knives, scissors, screwdrivers, pliers, and wire cutters. They’re incredibly useful. Cheap ones wear out quickly, though, so choose a quality one, like a Leatherman. Glow sticks or road flares Batteries give out much quicker than chemical reactions. These are only for the truly paranoid.

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‘The Other Press’ guide to style and class in social media By Sophie Isbister, Staff Writer

eople have asked me a lot of questions about my social media detox, mostly, “What’s the point?” which is a silly question that I refuse to address. The second most common is, “Will you go back to Facebook?” and my answer is always a resounding, “Hell yes!” If I’ve learned anything, it’s that social media is the place to be (see last week’s column on what I miss about social media). I’ve also learned that social media is a tool to be wielded wisely. I hope to temper my posts with moderation, and in an

effort to cement these good habits while the ideas are mere buds in my mind, I’ve created a handy how-to guide for Facebook posts. I’m going to tackle the top five things to post on Facebook, and my cowriter Keating Smith will be sharing his personal hit-list of Facebook pet peeves. As with all advice in The Other Press, the following should be taken as gospel and strictly adhered to. Top five dos when posting on Facebook: 1. Link with confidence—and context! We’ve all seen it: the link or music video just slapped on someone’s newsfeed

and broadcast to their own personal audience, with zero accompanying information. I think sharing is great—with some caveats. If you’re going to post a link to an article, I’d suggest including a pullout quote and then providing a small blurb of your own writing to spark a discussion. 2. Share, but don’t over share. This one should be a no-brainer, but it isn’t. The whole point of social media, I realize, is to share details about your life, and I love to read the occasional “Bennies for breakfast!” status. But before you hit post on your latest lunch or transit status, think: does everyone need to know your exact schedule of meals and deals? Unless you’re actively seeking stalkers, try to limit the personal life shares to once or twice a day. Or less. 3. Infographics are good, but only if they’re good. Infographics, or flashy

visual representations of data, are shared on Facebook about as frequently as an Amanda Bynes hit-and-run. They’re usually created by social advocacy pages, which I can get behind, but only if they’re good. I’m seriously interested in knowing about the evils of Monsanto and the benefits of organic farming, just as much as I’m interested in a breakdown on how electoral reform could have prevented a Conservative majority government. I’m not interested in reading a cluttered, grainy, and hastily-shared table that looks like it was made in MS Paint. 4. Manage your brand. Social media is most effective when your online activity is focussed. The day-today stuff is nice to read in moderation, but what I really like is when people tailor their posts to a specific interest. Say you really like baking, or Canadian film. Maybe

you do graphic design, or write for a student publication such as The Other Press. If you can manage and promote your personal brand and become known for a certain kind of post, it will make your Timeline, and your overall social media presence, more relevant and connected. 5. A picture says a thousand words. I know some will disagree here, especially my colleague Keating Smith, but I just can’t get enough of Instagrammed photos of food, cats, and kids. Vacations, graffiti, latte art, dead birds, I love it, so keep it coming! Some may argue that oversharing clutters their feed and doesn’t provide any valuable information, but I say it’s hard to take an ugly photo with Instagram (or Android versions such as LightBox and FXCamera). Images are a visual, attractive way to share original life content. And if you don’t like it, you can scroll down.

Etiquette tips for the avid social media user By Keating Smith, Contributor

espite being a social media slave, there are a few problematic items I would like to address when it comes to using social media properly. My intentions are not to offend you, but perhaps to make you think twice about the way you use your social media of choice next time. Top five things to not post on Facebook 1.The over-posted meme. Everyone’s news feed seems to be

completely clogged with memes ranging from cute cats to the American presidential race. Do some of these picture/ text thingies make you laugh? Of course they do. That’s their objective. Do you see them repeated on your feed multiple times? I’m sure you do. With that in mind, do you need to re-post the meme yet again? Probably not. Look at the bottom of the posting. If it has 10,000 likes and 40,000 shares, chances are, a large portion of those in the social media world have already seen it.

2. The elusive link. The really cool and obscure article you found in the bowels of the Internet, whether it is a news article, blog, or new music was a good find and I enjoyed checking it out. Why not write a few opinionated lines when you post it next time? That will grab our attention even more. 3. Your word-vomit. So, after a week of studying, you and the gang finally painted the town red last weekend, and you most certainly deserved it. I know it’s hard to refrain from “drunk Facebooking,”

especially considering we all use smartphones. But please, I beg you, when I wake up in the morning and see nonsensical misspelled status updates littered all over my news feed along with blurry dark phone camera pictures, you are essentially puking all over the Internet. Post a picture/update or two of the good times had that night. Just do it in moderation. 4. The “Vaguebook.” If you are unfamiliar with this term, here’s an explanation: it is posting every emotion you feel throughout the day on

public display for us to read and comment on. Would you not feel better talking to someone in person about your feelings instead of displaying them for the masses to see? 5. Instagrammed lifeshots. Your pet is really cute. You should feel so lucky to have such a loving animal in your life. Do others need to see your pet 10 times a day in different poses with different photo filters attached to it on two different types of social media? No. The same goes for your daily food intake. 15

Opinions. Whistle while you work Happy on the job, or happy in life? By Sophie Isbister, Staff Writer

f there’s anything that we can all agree on, it’s that life is hard. Jobs don’t pay enough, rent’s too high, and groceries are getting more expensive every year. The experience of Canadians definitely seems to be reflecting this trend. In a recent Ipsos-Reid poll, it was discovered that one in five Canadian workers experience depression. In a similar vein, a September 10th Macleans article titled “Campus crisis: the broken generation” profiles depression and suicide at US and Canadian campuses. Both the Macleans article and the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation (CBC)’s coverage of the depression poll focus on ways that campuses and workplaces can support people living with mental illnesses like depression and anxiety. Sure, employers can offer comprehensive mental health benefits such as

access to counselling and good extended benefits, but does that really solve the root issue of our culture’s malaise epidemic? And what’s so bad about being depressed anyway? I can see a lot of other things that there is to be upset about. Take, for example, the pressure to be happy itself. A quick perusal of the Craigslist jobs section tells me that employers are looking for a “positive attitude and enthusiastic outlook,” a “fun-loving” employee who can “work well under pressure while keeping a smile.” This is all fine and good in service and hospitality (if you hate people, it’s probably in your best interest to steer clear of these industries anyway), but you’re expecting me to have a “get-up-andgo attitude” in my job scraping barnacles off the underside of Rosie O’Donnell? “Happiness,” that nebulous, hard-to-grasp concept, seems to be the number one requirement to find employment these days. But I think all our problems could be solved

if we focused on attaining happiness through avenues that aren’t tied to our livelihood. Think about what you’d do if you didn’t have to work 40 hours a week. I like to think if I had an extra day off I would read more, or spend more time with friends and family, maybe devote more time to my personal writing. If I worked a six-hour day instead of an eighthour day, I might use that extra two hours to prepare a wholesome lunch for the next day or divide my time between domestic duties and social engagements. I

know I’d sleep more, feel less rushed, and apply a clearer head to the work that I do. When your identity is wrapped up in your employment, and that employment is underpaid and loaded with this awful I’lltake-all-your-bullshitand-thank-you-for-it expectation, it’s no wonder Canadians, workers, and students alike are depressed. Perhaps instead of pushing people to work 50 hour weeks, instead of overtime being the norm, instead of subtly penalizing women in

the workplace for taking maternity leave, society should evolve to work less. Why else have we created all this wealth in the Western world if not to reap the benefits of prosperity? What would be a better benefit than the freedom to develop an identity separate from your work, to have the time to foster a strong community? Maybe I’m an idealist, but I hope that the next iteration of Canadian society can open their minds to the idea that the 40-hour workweek is damaging our health, both mental and physical.

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How are you, really? The complexities of small talk It’s not the size that matters By Elliot Chan, Contributor

mall talk doesn’t need to happen, but it does. Often overwhelmed by the awkward silence between two people, small talk manifests itself in various occasions from waiting in line for coffee to mingling at a social gathering. Since it’s too strange to smile at someone and not say anything, we might as well try to perfect the skill. Properly conducted small talk will make a big impression, but

Turn small talk into meaningful talk By Joel MacKenzie, Staff Writer There’s no doubt that questions like “How are you?” are overused to the point of redundancy. The start of most of the conversations I have with bosses, co-workers, and even friends begin with “How are you?” followed by “Good, you?”—each spat out as quickly as possible with no expectation to hear anything other than the stock reply. What

there’s the possibility that negative repercussions will leave you looking like either an obnoxious rambler or a disregarding jerk. While some of us have busy lives and are eager to get things

“Hello,” might sound drab and boring, but it’s a polite way of putting the conversation onus on the other person. Some people prefer entering a conversation with “How are you doing today?” and most of the time it’s harmless, but every so often you’ll find someone who just isn’t

was, don’t ask. If you don’t really care how their family is doing, don’t inquire about them. To avoid exiting a conversation early and leaving the person feeling rejected, it is important to understand what you want out of the small talk. There’s nothing

Since it’s too strange to smile at someone and not say anything, we might as well try to perfect the skill. done, others are lonely and starved for human contact. The key is being able to identify which is which. So before you ask someone how he or she is doing, ask yourself if you even care. A simple “Good morning,” or

doing well and wants to vent. Sure, you might’ve helped that person relieve some stress, but they also murdered a chunk of your day. Is it worth it? If you don’t want to know how someone’s weekend

wrong with the classics. Talking about the weather has become a cliché or a bad habit, but why should it be that way? Why can’t we just embrace the topic? After all, despite all the science in the 21st century,

is the point of asking something so personal if we expect a response that is nothing close to it? “How are you?” and similar questions should be followed by a personal response, or should not be asked at all.

inviting them to reveal something personal; it shows that their feelings matter to someone else and that someone wants to connect with and understand them. But when it turns into a knee-jerk response

me something personal about yourself” becomes “Sum up your feelings in one word, preferably ‘good.’” Being reversed, the question is closer to an insult than a respectful gesture. At best, this is an annoying hurdle to

Honest, personal conversations are what we should always strive to have. The questions seem like a polite way to start a conversation, but they are pushed closer to rudeness when they are reduced to a formality. Asking about others shows respect to them by

to seeing someone, it becomes meaningless. When the question’s answer is expected to be completely impersonal, the question itself almost asks the opposite of what it really does: “Tell

jump past before starting a conversation; at worst, it is a barrier restricting people from opening up. Honest, personal conversations are what we should always strive to have. As much as

weather is still an uncontrollable factor in our lives. It’s fascinating! Shouldn’t we talk about that? And since so few of us are ever correct about it, shouldn’t we take in everybody’s opinion? If even the professionals can’t get it right, then it seems like a very harmless conversation to have Well-constructed small talk can be a very enjoyable experience. It doesn’t need to have a compelling anecdote or a passionate rant; it only needs to be mutual.

the truth isn’t always pleasant, it is what it is. No one is always “good,” and no one should feel the need to act phonily in normal conversations. When asking someone how they are is meant to be meaningless, it pulls people apart by making them more concerned with formalities. The question should be said only with meaning, or not at all. Ask someone how he or she really is, and start making honest connections with people that go beyond rehearsed script. 17

Opinions Enbridge: should it stay or should it go? By Natalie Serafini, Opinions Editor

or months now, the Northern Gateway Pipeline has been a point of controversy amongst Canadians. The issue? Tons of oil that would end up being transported through a pipeline along BC’s coasts to PetroChina. The proposal would be economically beneficial for Canada, and Alberta with its tar sands aplenty certainly has a vested interest. Nonetheless, British Columbians have an ecofriendly reputation to live up to. We’ve heard from Alberta Premier Alison Redford, who seems to think that British Columbians just want a larger chunk of the change; we’ve heard

from Prime Minister Stephen Harper, who’s been supportive of the pipeline; and we’ve heard from BC Premier Christy Clark, who flipflopped before deciding to fight for her political career—oops, I mean, for BC’s pristine coasts! So, what do Douglas College students think about the issue? Sona Osmanzai stated, “Well it’s good for people for [economic] improvement, but it’s not good for the environment. I totally understand people that are saying that it can harm, because really BC is very environmentally friendly. We take care of the nature here.” Mark Ponce said, “I think in this case, people may have their own opinions of it, but in terms of how the government wants to reduce the debt, or increase the country’s

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income, I think yeah, of course they’re going to pursue the project.” Jessie Foote thought that Harper should consider how BC would be affected by a spill, rather than just the potential benefits to Canada’s economy. “He needs to focus more on the individual provinces and how it affects them, and not just Canada in general.” Asked how Christy Clark’s flip-flopping might affect her career, Derek Van Deursen stated “Well it depends if she can back it up and actually show that she’s [supportive of] it, or if she’s just following a trend. ... If she can capitalize on that and actually follow through, then I think it could be beneficial.” On how Stephen Harper’s career might be affected by the pipeline debate, Van Deursen also

said, “It seems like his career is unaffected by all his blunders. ... There’s so much money that I think it could almost [have] a positive effect if he gets it through, just because his supporters are the same kind of people who are backing it.” Delaney Bloudell asserted that “There are so many people, and so many people are really vocal against [the Northern Gateway proposal]. So it’s hard to imagine that it’s actually going to happen. But ultimately, there’s the people with all the power and then there’s the rest of us. I’d like to think that we all have a voice and that they’re going to consider what we’re saying, but I’m kind of pessimistic.” I think the Northern Gateway Pipeline is a pretty obvious recipe for disaster. According to Glen McGregor of the Ottawa Citizen, companies owned by the Calgary-based Enbridge Energy have experienced more than 170 pipeline leaks and spills in the US since 2002. In addition, the

route the oil is proposed to take is treacherously anfractuous, and people experienced in traveling the area have testified to its dangers. There’s definitely room to feel pessimistic based on how foggy and deceptive politics can be. Nonetheless, there are a few rays of hope shining through the fog: Christy Clark certainly wants to hang onto her career, and that means standing with British Columbians who are very vocally opposed to the pipeline. While the environmental review process is ongoing, Tim Leadem, a lawyer for Ecojustice, questioned how Enbridge “can be trusted even to conduct the building phase without environmental damage.” Legal battles and the obstacles that keep popping up in Enbridge’s way also show promise of impeding the path of the pipeline. It sounds like Douglas College students and British Columbians in general are opposed to the pipeline. We can only shout and hope the powers that be will listen.

How loud can we talk in the library? Consider those around you By Glauce Fleury, Contributor

hen you decide to go to the library or to one of the computer labs at Douglas College, what’s your main purpose? This is a question I’d like to ask every student in this institution, if I were doing research on the usage of those spaces. As I’m not a researcher, I’ll leave this question here

so that those of you who read this piece can think about it. I’ll probably never know what your responses would be, but I’m going to tell you mine. I use the library to study, or to go to one of the hopefully empty computer labs. To me, there’s no benefit to using the upper floor of the New Westminster library—a quiet space where no talking is permitted— simply because I need a computer. I know the library

is also used by study groups, and study groups need to talk. However, most of the time when I’m at the library I see people getting together, laughing out loud, and talking about a variety of subjects. Trust me when I say these subjects have nothing to do with the college. Even when two people are working together on a computer— and I know they need to talk—can’t they use a lower tone of voice? “The main floor of each library does tend to be more noisy than a

strictly quiet study area,” says Debbie Schachter, Learning Resources Director, the department that comprises the Library and the Learning Centre. “This is acceptable provided the noise does not become excessive, but we do request that students be respectful of others and keep noise down when talking or studying in groups.” Then how to know these limits? Behaving as we expect others to behave; that is, putting ourselves in others’

shoes. I don’t believe these students like noise when they are studying, so they should provide some silence for their peers. One evening, I decided to look for a computer in one of the labs because I needed to finish an assignment. When I arrived there around 8 p.m., it was empty. I was glad, as I needed to write a critical analysis for one of my courses and it required a lot of thinking. Some

CONTINUED

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minutes later, a student came in, talking on his cell phone as if he was the only creature on earth. He turned on a computer and started watching videos on YouTube. His voice got louder, and he never hung up, so I left. What he was doing there if he didn’t want to study isn’t my business, but his behavior interrupted my study. Something very similar also happened to me at the start of the year. I was in the smaller

room on the main level of the library when a guy sat next to me. He was watching videos and suddenly started to sing—loudly. I believe it’s really important to socialize because life’s not just about studying. I really love to spend time with my friends and when I meet them by chance in one of the study places, I talk to them quickly, arrange some talk for later, and move on. Am I unreasonable?

Photo courtesy of Pink Sherbet Photography

Political correctness Fecally plenary By Eric Wilkins, Staff Writer

olitical correctness is differently-abled (I swear my computer just autocorrected that). Everyone is always afraid of offending anyone. Recently popping up in the news was that the University of Winnipeg is looking at renaming its sports teams; apparently the “Wesmen” is too gender exclusive. The university has had the name for decades, both for men and for women. There’s a strong attachment to the name from the university’s current students and alumni and there’s

obviously meaningful history associated with it too. But the top brass are considering a name change because they think it upsets the fairer race? Should the province be renamed Personitoba? Judging by the number of females at the university who have also spoken out against the potential name change, I think I can safely assume I’m not just a blind, insensitive male in this situation. But sports teams changing their names is nothing new. Every single possibly offensive term is slowly being weeded out. Arkansas State University used to be known athletically as the “Indians.” Now? They’re the Red Wolves. Same thing happened

at Oklahoma City University; what was formerly the “Chiefs” is now the “Stars.” It’s examples like these that make me want to walk out into society and scream sexist and racist obscenities just to balance out the extreme oversensitivity. I fail to see anything wrong with being called the “Indians.” There’s no mention of colour, which seems to be the most popular complaint from minorities, and there’s nothing added to the term that is insulting. If a team were called the “Red and Bloodthirsty Indians” then I could see a real problem arising. But it doesn’t seem like any team has ever been so inappropriately

named. Why are some minorities singled out as opposed to others? Notre Dame has always been the “Fighting Irish,” but isn’t that disrespectful towards the Irish? The University of North Dakota was forced to change its name from the “Fighting Sioux” a few years back (a name many North American Indians fought to keep), and I’m seeing a slight similarity between the names. Is it because North Americans are originally from Britain that the continent continued the everlasting beat down on the Leprechauns? What about the Montreal Canadiens? Seems like a blatant disregard for our nation within a nation’s

feelings, doesn’t it? Sexism and racism are, if the previous examples prove anything, selective when it comes to being PC. The term “stewardess” is considered sexist, and has been phased out and replaced by “flight attendant.” However, this wasn’t done to preserve the dignity of those males who assist passengers on planes; it was to erase the image that flight attendants were always female and always there to serve you. How come women get to play with a double-headed nickel? If you’re going to be politically correct, at least be consistent about it.

Sports. All aboard the Toronto train wreck By Eric Wilkins, Staff Writer

he MLS season is drawing to a close and it looks like the Vancouver Whitecaps will just sneak into the playoffs. Now, it would be all fine and dandy to write a happy little piece about how the Caps have greatly improved since last season, how the contributions of their new players have been key, and how it’s a miracle it took them this long to bench Joe Cannon, but that just wouldn’t do. Not after the Toronto FC have had such a miserable season, that is. The team has had a horrible go of it this year. Absolutely horrendous. One of the worst seasons ever seen

by MLS. TFC is last in the entire league, 19th place with a woeful 22 points from 32 games. That 22 points is comprised of five wins, seven draws, and 20 losses. Downright disgusting. Forgive me for any possible redundancy in my writing here, but it’s rather difficult not to gleefully indulge in Toronto hate, being a proud Vancouverite. With the exception of 2009, when the club missed out on the playoffs by a mere point, the team has consistently finished at, or near the bottom of the MLS. While injuries to Torsten Frings, Stefan Frei, Danny Koevermans, and a host of other players have significantly handicapped the squad this year, it’s still unacceptable that the

organization has yet to make the playoffs. TFC can’t hide behind the fact that they’re an expansion club anymore; six seasons in and that line has gotten a little old. Fan attendance has dwindled down to the 15,000 range, in stark contrast to the full houses of over 20,000 that used to be common occurrences. Maple Leaf Sport and Entertainment (MLSE), who owns Toronto FC, is getting restless as well. One has to wonder if MLSE has ever considered the fact that perhaps they are at fault? MLSE also owns the Toronto Raptors, the Toronto Marlies, and the Toronto Maple Laughs. The Marlies aside, and they barely count since they’re an AHL team, those teams add up to a whole lot of losing.

The Raptors were 24 in the entire NBA last year, and the Laughs were tied for 25 in the NHL. MLSE may not be the ones playing out there, but they are the ones who put the product out there. It’s too much of a coincidence that the clubs they own can do so poorly. Someone upstairs, whether it’s general manager hirings or otherwise, is making

some bad decisions. Either that, or it’s just impossible to be in Toronto and do well at sports. The Blue Jays are terrible too. But it’s probably a bit of both. And, just because I love to slag ‘em: What’s the difference between the Toronto Maple Leafs and a cigarette vending machine? The vending machine has Players. Zing!

vacation overseas and occasionally fitting some hockey games into their schedule. Some consider the motive to play abroad as disrespectful; one of those was long time CBC sports commentator, Don Cherry, who claimed on Twitter that it is understandable for Europeans to go play in their homeland, but millionaires should not go abroad and take jobs from players trying to make a living. Not all players jumped the fence. Those that stayed found comfort on Twitter. Pictures and tweets began surfacing of players exploring new hobbies and vocations.

Others simply showcased their neglected hockey gear. It’s clear that some players are dealing with the lockout better than others, but nobody wants the season to commence more than Pittsburgh Penguin’s captain, Sidney Crosby. After suffering a concussion injury in 2010, Crosby has missed 101 regular season games. Considered the best player in the league at the time of his injury, most hockey fans anticipate him to be back in full form. Needless to say, the lockout is just another unlucky addition to Crosby’s fortunate career. Because of that very reason, many expect Crosby to really

mull over the decision to play overseas, despite polar opinions from management and fans. Should the resolution of the lockout eat away the 2012-2013 season, expect to see more great players taking roles on foreign teams. As days fall off the calendar and negotiations on the collective bargaining agreement continues, the season opener has been pushed back to October 25, bestcase scenario. Worst-case scenario is that I might have time to spend with my family, to finish my homework, and to pick up extra shifts at work. Yikes!

Toronto FC Richard Eckersley, Vancouver Whitecaps Russell Teibert Photo courtesy of Mark Blinch (REUTERS)

The No Hockey League NHL players keep busy during lockout By Elliot Chan, Contributor

here was a moment in early September when the sun was shining, the school year was full of optimism, and hockey was the furthest thing from my mind. Now, as the days are getting shorter and the NHL lockout continues on, the absence of hockey can no longer be ignored. Desperate to find my fix, I resorted to the Internet and found a sketchy website *shiver in shameful disgust* streaming European 20

hockey. Over a hundred NHL players have crossed the frozen pond, abandoned the Players’ Association, and found themselves dressed as billboards with skates. At a glance, it seems as though the European leagues are the main benefactors of the lockout. After all, they did fetch such top players as Alexander Ovechkin, Evgeni Malkin, Claude Giroux, Rick Nash, Jamie Benn, and most recently Tyler Seguin. But delving deeper and looking at some stats, it is strange seeing so few recognizable players on the top of the scoring list. It seems as though NHL players are taking a paid

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Sports and reality The disconnect fans perceive By Eric Wilkins, Staff Writer

n a week five NFL game between Baltimore and Kansas City, Chiefs quarterback Matt Cassel was hit and injured by the Ravens defense. The crowd’s response? They cheered. Did I miss something here? A living, breathing human being was seriously injured (sustained a concussion), and a number of those in attendance were happy about it? Concussions may seriously reduce one’s quality of life, yet the crowd at Arrowhead had no misgivings whatsoever about rejoicing at the misfortune

Top 10 Canucks of all time By Josh Martin, Sports Editor

ith the lockout in affect and the fact that there’s no hockey being played in the NHL, I decided to make a list and honour the top 10 Canucks of all time. This week features the top Canucks ranked 10 to six.

of their quarterback. In the words of Chiefs tackle Eric Winston, it was “sickening.” Cassel is both a husband and a father. He had a hand in saving someone’s life last year when he alerted a woman to a fire in her house that she was unaware of; witnesses called him a “hero.” And yet, this man’s injury

you’re probably like that in real life. If you’re a dirty player, there’s generally aspects of your life that are less than savoury as well. On the flipside, an honest, hardworker on the pitch tends to be the same off of it. However, there is a point where you have to think people just get lost in it all. A disconnect with

masquerading as hats. Seats lined with a never-ending stream of expensive grub. And fans cheering on the non-stop violence of the game. Players can be reduced to a stat line in the world of sports. The specks on the field can be seen as nothing more than tools to help achieve a victory. Famous people

It’s normal to have an ever so slight thirst for violence, and that’s why we have sports. brought not tears, but joy to Chiefs fans. I’ve always found sports to be a great indicator of the kind of person you are. It brings out your raw character, the basest you can be. If you’re a faker and a coward on the field,

reality. Here we fall into the realm of the armchair quarterback and fantasy footballers. As fun as it is to go to a game, it’s an ugly scene. Painted beer bellies hanging out for all of the world to see. Hunks of cheese and hollowed watermelons

are already viewed differently. Being a sports star on the field just means that you’re even less/more of a person than anyone else. Following in this vein, I like to think that the fans can be given at least a partial pardon

#10 – Todd Bertuzzi The bruiting power forward left quite the legacy in Vancouver and was a part of the “West Coast Express” line, which consisted of superstars Markus Näslund and Brendan Morrison. He is arguably the best power forward to ever wear a Canucks sweater and has the numbers to back it up with 188 goals and 449 points in 518 games. Unfortunately Bertuzzi is infamously known for the “Steve Moore Incident” towards the end of his tenure as a Canuck, which ultimately led to his plane ticket out of Vancouver.

was not only a threat on the blue line to opposing goaltenders, but was also one of the toughest defencemen in the NHL, making it extremely hard for the opposition to score. In 2009, Ohlund became an unrestricted free agent in the offseason and signed a seven year contract with the Tampa Bay Lightning.

#7 – Stan Smyl The “Steamer” spent his entire career with the Vancouver Canucks, retiring as the franchise leader in every major statistical category with 262 goals, 411 assists, and 673 points in 896 games (which was later surpassed by Trevor Linden, Markus Näslund, and the Sedin twins). Smyl captained the Canucks for eight seasons, bringing them to their very first Stanley Cup final against the New York Islanders in 1982, where the Canucks ultimately lost in four games to none. Smyl became the first of three Canucks to have his jersey retired, as his number 12 was raised to the rafters in honour of his successful career in Vancouver.

#9 – Matthias Öhlund The Swedish defencemen served 11 seasons as a Canuck, putting up 325 points in 770 games while becoming the alltime leader in points among defencemen in the organization. Öhlund

#8 – Kirk McLean Captain Kirk is best known as one of the last great stand up goaltenders in the league who backstopped the Canucks to the 1994 Stanley Cup Final against the New York Rangers. His sensational performance throughout the playoffs that year was almost enough to win the Stanley Cup, but Mark Messier and the Rangers came out on top in game seven. McLean has 516 games as a Canuck under his belt, the most of any goaltender in franchise history.

#6 – Roberto Luongo Arguably the greatest goaltender in franchise history has been

for cheering Cassel’s injury. They weren’t cheering a man getting hurt. They weren’t celebrating the concussion of a father. They were simply thankful that their overpaid and underperforming quarterback, not person, was out of the game. It’s normal to have an ever so slight thirst for violence, and that’s why we have sports. Sports offer an opportunity to have all those emotions and thoughts that we usually keep to ourselves, manifest themselves. And that’s ok, to an extent. I’m not saying don’t scream your head off when your team makes a huge tackle, but just keep in mind that those are people out there. People with friends and family just like anyone else. through it all as a Vancouver Canuck. Ever since Luongo came to Vancouver from the Florida Panthers he’s been under the microscope. From being named captain, to winning the Olympic Gold in 2010, to coming one game away from winning the Stanley Cup against the Boston Bruins, and to having his starting position taken away by Cory Schneider—it’s been an interesting journey here in Vancouver. Luongo has had his share of ups and downs and whether he remains a Canuck in the near future is uncertain; what is certain is that he will go down as one of the best Canucks of all time. Stay tuned next issue for the top five Canucks of all time.

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No clear Heisman favourite Evaluating the best in this year’s college crop By David Hollinshead, Contributor

t’s what every college football player competes for, right? No matter what school you go to, you’re able to win the most prestigious award in college football: the Heisman Trophy, presented every year to the player that is deemed, well, the best player in college football. Every year before the season even starts, you’ll have experts argue over who will deserve to win the top award, and usually the eventual recipient will be in the conversation. This year, there seems to be no Heisman favourite. We’ve gotten to the point in the college football where the Heisman Watch List starts to look relevant, and there is no player who has really made a jump at the award. University of Southern California quarterback Matt Barkley came into this year as the Heisman favourite, whose hopes

for the award are slowly disappearing. His stats aren’t necessarily bad, with a 150 passer rating, 1,308 yards, and 15 touchdowns to five interceptions, but the one thing that made him slip was a loss to state rival Stanford that caused the USC QB to slip to fifth on the list. The Trojans lost to the Cardinals 21–14. Barkley also has a better running game behind him than anticipated after USC recruited Silas Redd from Penn State after the scandal there. Barkley looks to be a first round pick in this April’s NFL Draft. De’Anthony Thomas for the Oregon Ducks was another player that looked to be atop the Heisman list, but finds himself ranked fourth. Thomas is an absolutely electric playmaker for Oregon who can do it all. His official position is running back, but he also plays receiver, and returns kicks. None of Thomas’ individual stats stand out, which might be his biggest setback. He only has 377 rushing yards, despite his 9.2 yards per carry, including six for touchdowns. He

also has 205 receiving yards and three touchdowns. In total, Thomas has 582 yards and nine touchdowns. In three games, that is very impressive, with almost 100 yards of total offense averaged each game. Oregon’s other running back is also on the Heisman list, which brings Thomas down. Kenjon Barner is the team’s more conventional running back, but he also sweats talent, ranking eighth on the list. Barner actually has more yards in total than Thomas does, including more touchdowns. Barner has 727 yards on the ground, 111 yards receiving and nine to one touchdowns respectively, but it’s Thomas’ big play ability that puts him above Barner. This year’s Heisman race seems to have ultimately come down to two quarterbacks. Ranked second is quarter back Braxton Miller from Ohio State. The Buckeyes run an offense that deflates the QB’s passing stats, but bolsters their rushing yards. Miller looks like a running back that can throw the ball

every now and again, and is a huge play maker. Ohio State is currently undefeated including a blow out against number 21 ranked Nebraska 63–38. In this game, Miller ran for 186 yards, including a 72–yard touchdown run, giving him 763 rushing yards and eight touchdowns on the ground for the year. Miller also boasts a 145.0 passer rating with 1,060 yards, but only nine touchdowns to three interceptions. The current Heisman leader is West Virginia Mountaineers quarterback Geno Smith, and I think most people would agree with this pick. Smith is absolutely lighting it up this season statistically. Up until their last game against Texas Tech, West Virginia was undefeated. The game against Baylor University was one that any football fan could watch over and over again. The final score was 70–63 as Smith had an absolute field day, throwing all over the Baylor Bears’ defense. Smith threw more touchdowns than incompletions, going 45 of 51 for 656 yards, eight

with both games starting at 6 p.m. The Royal’s men’s soccer team beat the Blues this past Saturday with a devastating 7–0 blowout. They then went on to defeat their biggest rivals in the standings— the Vancouver Island University Mariners—by a score of 3–2 on Sunday. With two big wins, the Royals advance to first place in the standings with 30 points—three points ahead of the second place Mariners.

The Royals have a busy schedule coming up with away games this weekend against the Quest Kermodes on Saturday at 2 p.m. and the Langara Falcons on Sunday at 3:30 p.m. In two weeks the Royals will partake in the PACWEST Provincials at Quest University, and in three weeks Douglas College will be hosting the CCAA Men’s Soccer National Championships. The women’s soccer

touchdowns and not a single interception. You read that right. If you think those numbers are impressive, look at his stats for the year. He has a passer rating of 202.4, thrown for 1,996 yards, 24 touchdowns, all without throwing a single interception all year. Smith started the year against less than impressive talent, which was why it took him awhile to gain the national attention, but after the Baylor victory, all eyes were in his direction. After that, he looked great against a strong defense in Texas. They don’t have an easy schedule left, against number six ranked Kansas State, TCU, Oklahoma State, and number 13 Oklahoma. Even TCU and Oklahoma State were ranked at the beginning of the year. If Smith can continue these kinds of video game numbers against the toughest competition, he’ll be the one hoisting the Heisman Trophy at the end of the year.

Royals Roundup By Josh Martin, Sports Editor

he men’s volleyball team had a successful season-opening weekend taking out the Capilano Blues in back-to-back games on Friday and Saturday, resulting in 3–1 wins both times. With the two wins, the Royals move up to first place to tie with the Columbia Bible College Bearcats for four points in the PACWEST standings. This week the Royals

host back-to-back games at the New Westminster campus against the College of the Rockies Avalanche on Thursday and Friday at 8 p.m. The women’s volleyball team split their games against the Blues with a 3–2 win on Friday night and a 2–3 loss on Saturday. They sit amongst the middle of the pack in the standings with two points. The Royals host the women’s Avalanche team on Friday and Saturday,

team had a successful weekend as well, defeating the Capilano Blues on Saturday by a score of 4–3 and edging out the VIU Mariners 1–0 on Sunday. They sit in sixth place in the standings with 14 points. This weekend, the Royals face the Quest Kermodes on Saturday at noon and the Langara Falcons at 1:30 p.m. on Sunday.

Humour.

Praises for Edison’s light bulb By Livia Turnbull, The Most Boring Person on the Planet

Capricorn (12/22-1/19) Restriction and discipline were never your strong suits but ask yourself: do you really need 5,000 boxes of Oreos today? No. You need them tomorrow. Aquarius (1/20-2/18) You have to be thankful for the good things in your life. For example, blind date shows have all but disappeared, meaning that the world will no longer laugh at your desperate mug on TV. Pisces (2/19-3/20) You need to tone things down when it comes to romance. Nobody wants several dozen flowers covered in glitter delivered to their home hourly. Aries (3/21-4/19) Your love is magnetic. Unfortunately, you should probably vacate the kitchen, as your magnetism may cause knives to fly at your partner during a romantic dinner. Taurus (4/20-5/20) You should dress more conservatively in order to be successful. I would recommend emulating the fashion sense of Stephen Harper. His wardrobe choices have won over many young hearts all across Canada. Gemini (5/21-6/21) Your love life may be anemic right now, but don’t worry! I just read your tarot and the ace of clubs says that things will soon be on fire! Cancer (6/22-7/22) It seems like it’s getting harder to communicate with your partner each day. Maybe if he or she stopped avoiding

arguments by suddenly speaking Klingon, your problems could be solved. Maybe. Leo (7/23-8/22) This a fantastic time for love, action, and emotions. Unfortunately, you’re a person who only has one line of dialogue in this play of life and it’s “We’re all out of toner!” Virgo (8/23-9/22) There’s a fine line between being a friend and being a creepy stalker who hides under your sick friend’s bed. Guess which category you fall into, no matter how times you tell me lies about being loyal and true. Libra (9/23-10/22) If you want to gain the love and support of others, then don’t control their decisions. After all, you are most likely not a presidential candidate. However, if you are a presidential candidate, then what the hell are you doing reading a Canadian college newspaper?

any of you today are reading this while under an invention you all take for granted: the light bulb. Ever since the light bulb was invented in the 1880s, people have become more efficient at organizing their thumbtack collections (I know I always sort mine by colour and sharpness). What is it about the light bulb that brings so much joy to our lives? For a while, I didn’t know the answer myself. But after pouring myself a glass of tepid water and blasting John Cage’s “4’33” for an hour, I finally came up with an answer: light bulbs are great because they provide better lighting than candles. Think about how many potential masterpieces have been lost to humanity’s most cruel mistress, Fire. Some might argue that fire paved the way for the invention of the light bulb. Balderdash, I say! Fire burns people, and sometimes those burns can be permanent. Fire also destroys whole civilizations. There is a reason that fire is often associated with anger and hate, while light bulbs are associated with bright ideas. Light bulbs don’t burn people—unless you’re stupid enough to touch a hot one. I have

never burnt myself on a light bulb in my life, for I always wear oven mitts whenever one of my precious light bulbs has burnt out. Along with the fact that the light bulb is a mostly harmless invention, they can also be used to check if anyone has stolen anything of value from your home. For example, I was lying in bed one night, counting the stucco on my ceiling as I normally do, when I noticed that there were 268,258 bumps instead of the usual 268,259. Without the invention of the light bulb, I would have never known that some thief wanted my stucco for his ill-gotten gains. Two weeks after the night of the missing stucco incident, my apartment put out a notice saying that there were rats living in our ceiling. I approached the exterminator’s truck and asked them if I could have one of the dead rats. The corpse is now framed on my wall, where a light bulb shines its glorious light over the display. I put the corpse on the wall as a warning to other vermin who might steal my stucco bumps. However, thanks to the almighty light bulb, I see that no other pest has since tried to steal my stucco again. Thank you light bulb, for all your bright ideas.

Scorpio (10/23-11/21) You need to make more realistic goals for yourself. To be honest, even the most desperate of movie studios isn’t going to accept your remake of Cutthroat Island screenplay! Sagittarius (11/22-12/21) Things are finally going in your favour. However, there’s just one problem: that talking seashell won’t stop yammering on about your overdue rent. It’s best to just throw him back into the sea. With files from Livia Turnbull. 23