Teen Our Daily Bread
WHAT’S SO BAD ABOUT GOSSIP?
INTRODUCTION W
e share a joke with our friends about the weird kid in class. We watch to see what stupid thing they’re going to do next, ready to find more fuel for our gossip and laughter. It’s no big deal right? No one really gets hurt, and it means we keep having a good time with our friends. Except we know that’s probably not the whole story. We’ve all seen how ugly gossip really is. Why is he spending so much time at home on his own now? Why is she always crying? It’s only a few jokes. Hang on, why did they stop talking when I walked in the room? Are they laughing at me? Why are those two suddenly spending all this time together? . . .
The world of gossip quickly fills up with stress, anxiety, outsmarting each other, split friendship groups, backstabbing, trolling and loneliness. Maybe you think this booklet is going to be all about telling you to STOP right now! But what if actually there’s a plan that’s better than just not gossiping? What if God wants to help you replace it with something better? Like a way of life that shows His care and love for the people He has made?
Come and check it out for yourself . . .
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John 9:1-11 As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. 2 His disciples asked him, ‘Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?’ 1
‘Neither this man nor his parents sinned,’ said Jesus, ‘but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him. 4 As long as it is day, we must do the works of him who sent me. Night is coming, when no one can work. 5 While I am in the world, I am the light of the world.’ 3
After saying this, he spat on the ground, made some mud with the saliva, and put it on the man’s eyes. 7 ‘Go,’ he told him, ‘wash in the Pool of Siloam’ (this word means ‘Sent’). So the man went and washed, and came home seeing.
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8 His neighbours and those who had formerly seen him begging asked, ‘Isn’t this the same man who used to sit and beg?’ 9 Some claimed that he was.
Others said, ‘No, he only looks like him.’ But he himself insisted, ‘I am the man.’ 10 11
‘How then were your eyes opened?’ they asked.
He replied, ‘The man they call Jesus made some mud and put it on my eyes. He told me to go to Siloam and wash. So I went and washed, and then I could see.’
CURIOSITY OR COMPASSION? This happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him (JOHN 9:2).
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hy is it that when we hear about someone who is struggling in some way, we are more interested in the details of what happened than we are about how we can help?
When Jesus’ friends passed a blind beggar (JOHN 9:1), their question about why he was suffering was all they could think about—so they forgot to look for ways they could actually help him! “Who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” they asked (V.2). Their question for Jesus showed that they were way out of step with His love and care. In fact, lurking beneath their question was a judgemental attitude—they wanted to know who to blame—as if that would make anyone feel better! Thankfully, Jesus lived out care and love for the man. Instead of gossiping about what had happened to this man or why, He helped, which in this case meant healing him. He made it clear that the man’s blindness was given to him for this very moment. It allowed Jesus to make God’s love known as He took time out to care for a man most people probably ignored or just gossiped about every day. Feeling curious about somebody’s problem? Shift into Jesus’ mode and move past curiosity. Look instead to see how you can help and pray. Show the compassionate love of Jesus. JS
Thinking it over . . .
What is your natural reaction to hearing someone’s having a hard time? Do you compare yourself to them? Look for someone to blame? Gossip about where they went wrong? Or do you ask God to guide you in ways you can show His love to them?
BY THIS EVERYONE WILL KNOW THAT YOU ARE MY DISCIPLES, IF YOU LOVE ONE ANOTHER. JOHN 13:35
James 3:1-12 1 Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. 2 We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check.
When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. 4 Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. 5 Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. 6 The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. 3
7 All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, 8 but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. 10 Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. 11 Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? 12 My brothers and sisters, can a fig-tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water. 9
LITTLE THINGS The tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark (JAMES 3:5).
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mosquito is a tiny insect—but it can make a huge impact. When I was ten, I was bitten by mosquitoes on both of my knees. The bites got infected and I was left battling blood poisoning. For over a month I kept having penicillin injections—and my knees had to be drained twice every day to remove the infection. It was unbelievably painful and very scary for a young kid. I still have scars on my knees. All because of something as tiny as a mosquito. James, the half-brother of Jesus, warns us of another little thing that can also be very dangerous. He says that even though our tongues are little, they can say big, boastful things. It’s like a small spark that sets a whole forest on fire (JAMES 3:5). Although the tongue is small, there is nothing small about the damage it can do. Words carry with them great power. What we say can either make people feel great about themselves, or like total rubbish. Our words are even more deadly than mosquitoes! It is important that we choose our words with care. Will they bring love and forgiveness, or anger and gossip? BC
To pray about . . .
Father, I know my words matter and make a difference, even when I don’t realise. Help me to always pause before reacting to things, so I can check my words won’t just cause more pain.
A GOSSIP BETRAYS A CONFIDENCE, BUT A TRUSTWORTHY PERSON KEEPS A SECRET. PROVERBS 11:13
Proverbs 26:17-28 Like one who grabs a stray dog by the ears is someone who rushes into a quarrel not their own. 17
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Like a maniac shooting flaming arrows of death is one who deceives their neighbour and says, ‘I was only joking!’
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Without wood a fire goes out; without a gossip a quarrel dies down. 21 As charcoal to embers and as wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome person for kindling strife. 22 The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to the inmost parts. 20
Like a coating of silver dross on earthenware are fervent lips with an evil heart. 24 Enemies disguise themselves with their lips, but in their hearts they harbour deceit. 25 Though their speech is charming, do not believe them, for seven abominations fill their hearts. 26 Their malice may be concealed by deception, but their wickedness will be exposed in the assembly. 27 Whoever digs a pit will fall into it; if someone rolls a stone, it will roll back on them. 28 A lying tongue hates those it hurts, and a flattering mouth works ruin. 23
WHEN THE FIRE GOES OUT Without wood a fire goes out; without a gossip a quarrel dies down (PROVERBS 26:20).
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hen a fire finishes burning through wood, it goes out. In the same way, when gossip reaches the ear of someone who will not repeat it, it dies.
Gossip is like “tasty trifles” (PROVERBS 26:22 NKJV). We like to hear it and share it with others because it ‘tastes’ good. Gossip is all about our need to feel good about ourselves. As we bring others down we feel like we are moving upward; like we’re better than them. That’s why spreading gossip is so difficult to turn away from. It takes prayer and God’s strength to bring us to the point where we refuse to pass it on or even hear it. It can be easy to gossip and cover it up as ‘concern’ or as a prayer request for someone in a mess. That’s why we need God’s help to call gossip what it really is: hurtful and selfish. We must ask God for the wisdom to know when to speak, what to speak and when to simply keep our mouths shut. “Sin is not ended by multiplying words, but the prudent hold their tongues” (PROVERBS 10:19). It is often a good idea to be quiet and speak few words. But if we must speak, let’s talk of those things that encourage and move others closer to God, not those things that will upset and hurt them. “The tongue of the wise brings healing” (12:18). DR
Thinking it over . . .
How do you feel when you hear your friends gossiping? Do you want to stop them or join in? Why?
A PERVERSE PERSON STIRS UP CONFLICT, AND A GOSSIP SEPARATES CLOSE FRIENDS. PROVERBS 16:28
Acts 5:1-14 Now a man named Ananias, together with his wife Sapphira, also sold a piece of property. 2 With his wife’s full knowledge he kept back part of the money for himself, but brought the rest and put it at the apostles’ feet.
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3 Then Peter said, ‘Ananias, how is it that Satan has so filled your heart that you have lied to the Holy Spirit and have kept for yourself some of the money you received for the land? 4 Didn’t it belong to you before it was sold? And after it was sold, wasn’t the money at your disposal? What made you think of doing such a thing? You have not lied just to human beings but to God.’ 5
When Ananias heard this, he fell down and died. And great fear seized all who heard what had happened. 6 Then some young men came forward, wrapped up his body, and carried him out and buried him.
About three hours later his wife came in, not knowing what had happened. 8 Peter asked her, ‘Tell me, is this the price you and Ananias got for the land?’ 7
‘Yes,’ she said, ‘that is the price.’ 9 Peter said to her, ‘How could you conspire to test the Spirit of the Lord? Listen! The feet of the men who buried your husband are at the door, and they will carry you out also.’
At that moment she fell down at his feet and died. Then the young men came in and, finding her dead, carried her out and buried her beside her husband. 11 Great fear seized the whole church and all who heard about these events. 10
The apostles performed many signs and wonders among the people. And all the believers used to meet together in Solomon’s Colonnade. 13 No one else dared join them, even though they were highly regarded by the people. 14 Nevertheless, more and more men and women believed in the Lord and were added to their number. 12
ARE YOU HONEST? The Lord [hates] lying lips, but he delights in people who are trustworthy (PROVERBS 12:22).
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ne magazine got more than 2,000 people to do a questionnaire about their honesty level. When asked, “How honest are you?” 48% said “very honest”, 50% said “kind of honest” and the other 2% said “not very honest”. 68% of those people admitted that they had stolen stuff from school or work. And 40% said that they would cheat on an exam if they knew they wouldn’t get caught. Ananias and Sapphira must have thought they could get away with lying (ACTS 5:1-11). But they quickly found out differently. Peter challenged them and told them that they had lied to the Holy Spirit. They died immediately (VV.5,10). At that time in the book of Acts, God knew it was important to keep His new church pure. He was going to use His people to transform the lives of others. But those Christians would lose their impact if it turned out they weren’t very honest—they’d just look like everyone else; nothing special. But because God kept the church honest and pure, the powerful story of Jesus kept spreading. “More and more men and women believed in the Lord and were added to their number” (V.14). Let’s be the kind of people who are “trustworthy” (PROVERBS 12:22) so we can be used by God to make Jesus known. AC
To pray about . . .
Father, please help me to check my words so that I only say what is true. I want my words and actions to please You and make Jesus known.
AN HONEST ANSWER IS LIKE A KISS ON THE LIPS. PROVERBS 24:26
2 Corinthians 6:3-10 3 We put no stumbling-block in anyone’s path, so that our ministry will not be discredited. 4 Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; 5 in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; 6 in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; 7 in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; 8 through glory and dishonour, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; 9 known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; 10 sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything.
OBSTACLES Let us stop passing judgement on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling-block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister (ROMANS 14:13).
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t’s so easy to point and laugh when other people mess up. Whether we do it out in the open or just in our own minds, sometimes we enjoy watching others get things wrong. Pointing out even our friends’ mistakes and problems makes us look and feel so much better. But that’s just the problem. Avoiding our own issues by focusing on everyone else’s only slows down our growth with Jesus. God’s work in our lives can be blocked by how we live and what we choose to focus on.
It’s no surprise, then, that Paul made an effort to “put no obstacle in anyone’s way” (2 CORINTHIANS 6:3 ESV). For him there was nothing more important than his usefulness for Jesus in the lives of others. Anything that got in the way of that needed to be got rid of. If we want to be useful for God, we also need to check if there are any obstacles we need to get rid of. Focusing on how others mess up is a big obstacle for our own relationship with God and for our relationship with them. It can lead to gossip, boasting, greed, anger, selfishness and revenge—all of which hurt the people around us even more. If we want to show the love and welcome of God, we need to change our focus on to Jesus. He was kind and caring, even for those who had messed up really badly. When we live like that, others will see Him all the more clearly through us. JS
To pray about . . .
Father, please help me to be patient and kind in how I speak. Show me how to make You known in my conversations today.
LOVE DOES NOT DELIGHT IN EVIL BUT REJOICES WITH THE TRUTH. IT ALWAYS PROTECTS, ALWAYS TRUSTS, ALWAYS HOPES, ALWAYS PERSEVERES. 1 CORINTHIANS 13:6-7
FOCUS ARTICLE
THREE REASONS WHY WE GOSSIP
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ne of my earliest memories as a child was waiting for a doctor’s appointment with my mum. Across from us was a little girl with her mum. When I looked up, I caught her staring at me as she cupped her hands around her mum’s ears and whispered. I don’t quite remember what I felt—maybe a bit of fear, uncertainty, confusion—but I decided to copy her. I cupped my hands to my mum’s ears to whisper something fairly meaningless, just to show her that she hadn’t won, and that I, too, could make her feel afraid and reduce her to what my words made her out to be. That was my very first encounter with gossip. At the age of six—before I even knew what gossip was.
As a teenager, gossiping about others became a daily life. In school, my friends and I would eyeball our target’s every move, anticipating her next misstep. When it happened, we’d glance at each other with knowing smirks, and gather later to whisper and laugh about what we’d just seen. And we didn’t just gossip about people we disliked; we also backstabbed each other. It was only after I trusted my life to Jesus that I began to realise the impact of my ‘harmless’ gossiping—on others as well as on myself. Over time, I started to understand why gossiping has such a big appeal to us:
1. We gossip because we’re proud and judgemental.
Though we may like to think otherwise, every single one of us is selfish and sinful by nature. We judge others because of our pride, which tells us that we are better than them. When we think that someone is ugly, stupid, annoying or weird, it is because we think that we are more attractive, smarter, cooler or just a better person. Quickly pointing out the faults of others, we fail to recognise our own—faults which Jesus chose to pay for when He died for us on the cross. Knowing that we are forgiven, accepted and loved by God’s grace alone, how can we not show the same love and kindness to others? We are in no position to judge others; only God is (ROMANS 2:16). Instead, we are called to show grace and kindness, just as Jesus has to us: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen . . . Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (EPHESIANS 4:29-32).
2. We gossip to protect and empower ourselves.
Many of us badmouth others because we feel insecure and afraid of what others may think about us. We try to find ways to look and feel better about ourselves, and the most popular way by far is to diss others. Like a seesaw, we put others down to lift ourselves up. Gossiping inflates our self-esteem and hides our insecurities. When our identity is found in Jesus, however, there is no need for us to protect or empower ourselves through gossip. We can find true meaning, acceptance and confidence in Him. As children of God, we are called to “put off your old self”, and to “put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness” (EPHESIANS 4:22-24).
3. We gossip because everyone else is.
Gossiping is a social activity; for some, it is a means of making friends. Dissing others can also be ‘entertaining’: “The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to the inmost parts” (PROVERBS 26:22). How can we stop ourselves from taking part in gossip? Here are four practices I’ve tried to adopt to help myself steer clear of gossiping: 1. Change the topic. The best way to stop ourselves from gossiping is to steer the conversation in the right direction. We can bring up other subjects or talking points that our friends would also be interested in. There are certainly far better options and more meaningful topics to chat over than badmouthing! 2. Be quick to listen and slow to speak. James 1:19 tells us that “everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak”. So, if our friends are ranting about someone to let off steam, we would do well just to listen, and not add anything. Sometimes, our friends don’t expect us to say anything, but to listen, sympathise and offer a comforting word where necessary (EPHESIANS 4:29). 3. Avoid those who live on gossip. I used to have a friend who was a gossip queen. From the moment we first met to the last conversation we ever had, making fun of others was the foundation of our friendship. However, a relationship built on gossip isn’t built to last. If we’re surrounded by friends who love gossiping, we should ask ourselves if we want to be in that environment. We may even want to prayerfully consider spending less time with them, in case we fall into this way of living and thinking ourselves. As 2 Timothy 2:16 advises: “Avoid godless chatter, because those who indulge in it will become more and more ungodly.” 4. Lastly, do not judge those who gossip. We must not fall into the trap of believing that we are better than gossipers, like the Pharisees in Jesus’ time who condemned others who messed up. The reality is that we are no less sinful than others. It is by grace alone that we are saved, and grace alone that we need to be showing in what we say and do. Although it may be hard to stop gossiping, especially when everyone else is doing it, we can trust that with God, everything is possible (MATTHEW 19:26). When we belong to Jesus, God gives us the strength and power to overcome the stuff in our lives that causes harm, no matter how deep-rooted it is (1 CORINTHIANS 10:13).
Scripture taken from Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved. © 2019 by Our Daily Bread Ministries. All rights reserved.
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