Teen Our Daily Bread
WHAT’S SO BAD ABOUT PORN?
INTRODUCTION W
hat are we to make of porn? Lots of people look at it—it’s no big deal, right? It’s become part of everyday life. In fact “porn” is just stuff that feeds an appetite, like #foodporn.
But, it’s not really that simple, is it? Porn is exciting to start. Yet it’s not long until it becomes a way of life, whether we want it to or not. It takes over, demands our attention and, too late, we realise it won’t let us go. It affects our self-esteem, our relationships, our ability to open up, our expectation of sex and our mental health. It’s not a naughty little secret. It is dangerous and destructive, leaving us fearful and ashamed. And yet the Bible offers real hope and true freedom. No matter what your experience of porn or how trapped you may feel by it, it is nowhere near as big and powerful as the God who loves us. He sent His only Son, Jesus, to rescue us from all addictions, prisons and shame. And it’s not just a future rescue ‘someday’ in heaven. It’s a rescue we can start experiencing today.
Come and check it out for yourself . . .
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FOCUS ARTICLE
THE TRUTH ABOUT PORNOGRAPHY J
ason had finished school for the day. He was at home but now he felt a sense of restlessness. There was homework to be done, but he didn’t feel like tackling it, even though the exams were coming soon. He was agitated. What could he do?
Actually, Jason knew what he wanted to do. But he was trying to put it off. He knew that after doing it, he would feel guilty and ashamed. He looked at his laptop. “I’ll switch it on later,” he thought. He picked up a book to read, but it was boring. Finally, he went to the laptop and turned it on. Within a few clicks, he was at his favourite website. His heart started to beat more quickly, and a little fear stole into him. Would his parents walk into the room now? He pushed the thought aside as his eyes searched hungrily for the pictures he had been longing to see. Jason was looking at porn. How alive he felt! A thrill ran through his mind and body as Jason looked at picture after picture of naked women. He forgot he was feeling bored. He forgot his loneliness. He forgot the time. He forgot about all his worry and stress. It all began when a friend sent him a link introducing him to the world of pornography. Over the next few days and weeks, he kept visiting porn sites whenever he could be alone with his laptop. Soon, he was addicted to a steady diet of X-rated images. He wanted more and more. But something began happening to Jason. He felt guilty. He felt cut off from the real world. He felt dirty and trapped. He found himself stuck in a world of fantasy.
What makes porn so bad?
Porn promotes a casual and unrealistic view of sex that completely ignores the marital companionship and commitment that is meant to come with it. Porn also ignores the threat of unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases. Watching porn exposes you to the lie that sex is impersonal, and that you can have it at any time with anyone, without any consequences. Pornography says that no one else matters, only your enjoyment is important. In fact, porn demands that you please yourself—a way of thinking that destroys the foundation of any relationships. How can we respect the people we meet as images of God (GENESIS 1:27), if porn has turned people into objects of our own pleasure?
Slowly, the people around you will only start to hold your interest based on how sexually attractive they are. You may even find you cut conversations short and leave your friends early just so you can get back to looking at porn on your own. It breaks down our ability to really connect openly with others, especially boyfriends or girlfriends. Porn doesn’t encourage us to commit to our partner, but instead promotes moving onto new people and experiences to find sexual satisfaction. Because sex is all about what I get out of it. Porn users also struggle to stay in stable relationships because sex never matches up to what porn over-promises. Not to mention the men and women in the porn industry. Their smiles and enthusiasm is generally a mask covering abuse, pain and all manner of mistreatment. By watching porn, we agree to their abuse for our pleasure. Society, relationships and individual users all suffer from pornography.
True freedom
There is a saying: “The Bible will either keep you from sin. Or sin will keep you from the Bible.” This could be applied to many situations; but it very clearly applies to pornography. The saying could easily be: “The Bible will either keep you from porn. Or porn will keep you from the Bible.” The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are unhealthy, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness! —MATTHEW 6:22-23 The point is that the Bible and pornography do not go together. You cannot be ‘looking into’ both well. We will either be filling our minds (and our "whole body") with God’s words, or with porn. True freedom from something as addictive as porn requires a power beyond ourselves. We’re told to “throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith” (HEBREWS 12:1-2). How do we fix our eyes on Jesus? By reading about His life, teaching, miracles, death and resurrection in the Bible. The Bible tells us all about Jesus, who was sent by God to free us from the power of addiction and to show us true love. Jesus can free us from everything that brings shame in our lives. He will lead us in a new life of forgiveness, true love and openness, giving us “[life] to the full” (JOHN 10:10). Porn is not easy to get rid of from our lives. It is too powerful; too persuasive; too demanding. But we can replace it with something so much better—knowing God through the Bible. Remember: “The Bible will either keep you from porn. Or porn will keep you from the Bible.” If we turn our eyes to the love and promises of God, running these things again and again through our minds-eye, we will see a change. It will be change brought by the power of God Himself who wants to free us of all things that “easily entangle”. That’s what this booklet is all about. It is full of words from the Bible, and little explanations, to help you start developing this new habit. Breaking free from the cycle of porn won’t happen overnight. But as we fill our eyes with Jesus, rather than porn, He will set us free (JOHN 8:36).
Ephesians 5:8-14 8 For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light 9 (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) 10 and find out what pleases the Lord. 11 Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. 12 It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. 13 But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. 14 This is why it is said:
‘Wake up, sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.’
LIVING TO PLEASE GOD
Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord (EPHESIANS 5:9-10).
P
ornography is a multibillion-pound-a-year “business”. But it leaves a trail addiction, pain, confusion and broken families. Why is porn so bad for us? Because it is the total opposite of God’s plan for sex. Sex is meant for a husband and wife in their marriage; it leads to a greater closeness and, in many cases, children. Porn is only about me and my selfishness; it leads to distance in all our relationships, including with God. It turns other people into objects who are only there for our pleasure—which in the end stops us being able to be close to others and open with them.
One Christian guy felt trapped in his addiction to pornography. He came to me for help and we read Ephesians 5:8-21 together. Then we talked about the “goodness, righteousness and truth” (V.9) that comes from living for God, rather than for ourselves. That life is so much better than the empty, secretive life that porn drives us into. When we find out what “pleases the Lord” (V.10) we can live “filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another with psalms, hymns and songs from the Spirit” (VV.18-19). Nothing can compare to the joy, freedom and satisfaction of a life centred on God and His wonderful ways. Before long, my friend was on his knees admitting his addiction to God and asking to be made pure. Pornography damages users and victims alike. It feeds sexual desires in ways that can never then be satisfied. True satisfaction is found only when we follow God’s ways and “find out what pleases the Lord”. Let’s give our attention and focus firstly to having a right relationship with our heavenly Father. HVL
To pray about . . . Father God, please help me to keep my eyes pure. Keep me safe from the temptation and dangers of porn. I want to follow Your ways and live a life of love, freedom and peace.
LIVE BY THE SPIRIT, AND YOU WILL NOT GRATIFY THE DESIRES OF THE FLESH. GALATIANS 5:16
Colossians 2:9-17 For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and in Christ you have been brought to fullness. He is the head over every power and authority. 11 In him you were also circumcised with a circumcision not performed by human hands. Your whole self ruled by the flesh was put off when you were circumcised by Christ, 12 having been buried with him in baptism, in which you were also raised with him through your faith in the working of God, who raised him from the dead. 9
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13 When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, 14 having cancelled the charge of our legal indebtedness, which stood against us and condemned us; he has taken it away, nailing it to the cross. 15 And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.
Therefore do not let anyone judge you by what you eat or drink, or with regard to a religious festival, a New Moon celebration or a Sabbath day. 17 These are a shadow of the things that were to come; the reality, however, is found in Christ. 16
NAILED TO THE CROSS You were dead in your sins . . . God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins (COLOSSIANS 2:13).
I
t was a powerful church meeting. Our pastor talked about Jesus carrying our sins and dying in our place to take our punishment. He asked if anyone still felt guilt over things they had done wrong in the past, or because of things they were still struggling with—and whether we felt blocked from enjoying the forgiveness of God.
He told us to write the sin, addiction or whatever it was on a piece of paper, walk to the front of the church and nail the paper to the cross that was placed there. Many went forward, and you could hear the banging of nails for several minutes. That didn’t give us forgiveness, of course, but it was a reminder that Jesus had already taken those sins on Himself as He hung on the cross and died. The people at Colosse were being misled by false teachers who said Jesus wasn’t enough for them to be made new with God. But Paul explained that Jesus paid the full price for our sins. He said, “Having cancelled the charge of our legal indebtedness, which stood against us and condemned us; [Jesus] has taken it away, nailing it to the cross” (COLOSSIANS 2:14). The battle with addiction, including pornography, can make us feel like we’re too far gone for God to rescue. That’s not the true message of Jesus’ death on the cross. He didn’t come to pay for many sins; “He forgave us all our sins” (COLOSSIANS 2:13). If we admit where we’ve gone wrong to God, He will forgive (1 JOHN 1:9). We don’t need to hold on to the guilt and shame; they are His to carry. Our every sin has already been nailed to the cross; they’ve been taken away. Jesus has forgiven them all. AC
What I’m thankful for . . . Jesus, I stand amazed that You would die for me, to pay for my every mistake and mess. Even for my porn addiction. Thank You.
GOD MADE HIM WHO HAD NO SIN TO BE SIN FOR US, SO THAT IN HIM WE MIGHT BECOME THE RIGHTEOUSNESS OF GOD. 2 CORINTHIANS 5:21
Romans 8:1-17 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. 3 For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in the flesh, 4 in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.
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5 Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. 6 The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. 7 The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. 8 Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God.
You, however, are not in the realm of the flesh but are in the realm of the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, they do not belong to Christ. 10 But if Christ is in you, then even though your body is subject to death because of sin, the Spirit gives life because of righteousness. 11 And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies because of his Spirit who lives in you. 9
12 Therefore, brothers and sisters, we have an obligation—but it is not to the flesh, to live according to it. 13 For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live. 14 For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. 15 The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, ‘Abba, Father.’ 16 The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. 17 Now if we are children, then we are heirs— heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.
CHANGE There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (ROMANS 8:1).
W
hen I was a boy in our village, something about chickens fascinated me. Whenever I caught one, I held it down for a few moments and then gently let go. Thinking I was still holding it, the chicken stayed down. Even though it was free to run away, it felt trapped. When we trust Jesus, He rescues us from sin and the hold that sin and the devil have on us. But because it may take time to change our habits and lifestyle, we can still sometimes feel trapped. But God has set us free by living in us through His Spirit. Paul told the Romans, “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death” (ROMANS 8:1-2). Through our Bible reading, prayer and the power of the Holy Spirit, God works in us to change us and to help us live for Him. The Bible tells us we can be confident in our walk with Jesus. Nothing can take us away from Him (VV.38-39). Jesus said, “If the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed” (JOHN 8:36). May the freedom we have in Jesus give us the energy to love and serve Him.
To pray about . . . Jesus, thank You that there is freedom in following You. Some days the battle with porn feels overwhelming. Please help me to keep focused on You and to keep reflecting on Your life, death and resurrection.
HE WHO BEGAN A GOOD WORK IN YOU WILL CARRY IT ON TO COMPLETION UNTIL THE DAY OF CHRIST JESUS. PHILIPPIANS 1:6
Romans 6:13-23 13 Do not offer any part of yourself to sin as an instrument of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer every part of yourself to him as an instrument of righteousness. 14 For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace.
What then? Shall we sin because we are not under the law but under grace? By no means! 16 Don’t you know that when you offer yourselves to someone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one you obey—whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness? 17 But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you have come to obey from your heart the pattern of teaching that has now claimed your allegiance. 18 You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness. 15
I am using an example from everyday life because of your human limitations. Just as you used to offer yourselves as slaves to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer yourselves as slaves to righteousness leading to holiness. 20 When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. 21 What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death! 22 But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. 23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. 19
FREE Do not offer any part of yourself to sin as an instrument of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life (ROMANS 6:13).
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er Christian friends at youth group were all talking about a TV show they’d been watching. So Beth decided to check it out. After just two episodes she was shocked by the show’s explicit sex scenes. She stopped watching the show, but couldn’t understand why they continued to watch it. As Christians, the Bible tells us that “Christ has set us free” (GALATIANS 5:1). But how do we live out this freedom—especially as we live for a perfect and holy God who wants us to be like Him? Does our freedom in Jesus mean that it no longer matters what we watch on TV? Or what we look up online? Are films with sex and nudity in something to just shrug our shoulders at and watch anyway? Paul offered guidelines in the Bible that are still true today. He reminds us that we are only Christians because of His love and grace. But he also says that this grace of God doesn’t mean we can just do whatever we want, knowing we’ll be forgiven anyway (ROMANS 6:1-2). Our lives are no longer enslaved to sin and death (V.22), but our freedom is to be used to show Jesus to the world around us—in every situation and circumstance (including the movies we choose to watch with our mates). Yes we have freedom in what we watch, where we go and what we choose to do with our time . . . But all these things should still be used to please God and show Him at work in our lives. In everything we do, we either offer ourselves to sin or to God. So let’s “count [ourselves] dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus” (V.11). RF
Want more . . . ? Why not read Galatians 5:16-26 to see how we live this free life—and what it looks like.
LIVE AS FREE PEOPLE, BUT DO NOT USE YOUR FREEDOM AS A COVER-UP FOR EVIL; LIVE AS GOD’S SLAVES. 1 PETER 2:16
FOCUS ARTICLE
AM I ADDICTED? P
ornography is made to capture your attention. Many people are introduced to porn by their friends, or even by being exposed to it in their homes. You may find porn exciting. But do you feel in control? Porn captures our attention, reels us in and takes over until we can barely give attention to anything else. Are you addicted to porn? Are any of these statements true of you? • I regularly seek out porn. • I often spend parts of the day looking forward to watching porn. • I shift back and forth between feeling that my problem is out of control, and that it is under control. • I cannot tell anyone else about my secret. • I tell lies to cover up my struggle.
How do I break the addiction?
Alcoholics Anonymous, (a group that helps people suffering or recovering from addiction to alcohol), has a 12-step programme to help them find freedom. If you are addicted to porn, then here are a similar twelve steps that you can work your way through: 1. Admit you are powerless over your addiction and cannot control it (EPHESIANS 2:1-7). 2. Believe that only God’s power and strength can free you and restore you (EPHESIANS 2:8-9). 3. Make a decision to turn your will and your life over to God’s care (ROMANS 10:9). 4. Search your own life honestly, without covering up or excusing what you see (1 JOHN 1:8-10). 5. Admit to God, to yourself and to another person (maybe your youth leader) the exact nature of your addiction. Ask for their prayers, support and to keep you accountable (GALATIANS 6:1-3). 6. Humbly ask God to remove your shortcomings (ROMANS 12:1-2). 7. Be willing and ready for God to change your life and work on your character so that you can live openly—not secretly—and share His transformative work in your life without shame (JOHN 3:19-20). 8. Make a list of all the people you have hurt because of your addiction, and be willing to apologise and make amends (PHILIPPIANS 2:3). 9. Make up with these people where possible (ROMANS 12:18). 10. Continue to search yourself honestly, and quickly admit when you mess up to God and to whoever you're sharing your journey with (1 JOHN 2:1-6). 11. Keep praying, reading the Bible and reflecting on what it says, looking to always draw closer to God. Ask Him for the strength by His Holy Spirit to keep living a pure, peaceful life (HEBREWS 4:12-16). 12. Look for and expect change in your life as the result of these steps. Always be active in taking them; they won’t happen on their own (GALATIANS 5:16-26).
Scripture taken from Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved. © 2019 by Our Daily Bread Ministries. All rights reserved.
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