Where Is God When I Feel Lonely?

Reflections from to help you rest in God’s presence

for my Father is with me”.

JOHN 16:32

“I am not alone,

JESUS’ heart beats FOR THE lonely

Loneliness has been termed the most desolate word in the English language. It is no respecter of age, race, economic status or intelligence. Anyone, anywhere can suffer from it, even in a crowd.

The nervous student fears loneliness in a new school. The single person fears a life of loneliness without a partner. The new mother feels isolated at home. The person with limited mobility and outdoor opportunities wonders when they will next have a face-to-face conversation.

We sometimes worry our loneliness will last the rest of our lives. Have you ever considered that Jesus knew loneliness too? He must have felt it when He humbled Himself and left His Father in heaven, “being made in human likeness” (PHILIPPIANS 2:7) to live as the only perfect Man in a sinful world. He surely experienced it as His family and hometown misunderstood and rejected Him (MATTHEW 13:54-57). He must have known it deeply when His disciples deserted Him (MARK 14:50).

His cry of loneliness echoed from the cross itself, “‘Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?’ (which means ‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’)” (MATTHEW 27:46).

Jesus’ heart beats for the lonely. After all, the Father named His son, “‘Immanuel’ (which means ‘God with us’)” (MATTHEW 1:23). When we feel most isolated, misunderstood and alone, our Lord draws even closer.

It is our prayer that the readings in this booklet will help you entrust your seasons and feelings of loneliness to your heavenly Father, reaching out to Him in prayer as Jesus did. “I am not alone,” He assured His followers. “For my Father is with me” (JOHN 16:32).

In Him, Your friends at Our Daily Bread Ministries

16 Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. 17 When they saw him, they worshipped him; but some doubted. 18 Then Jesus came to them and said, ‘All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptising them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.’

Jesus is here

[Teach] them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age. [ MATTHEW 28:20 ]

My elderly great aunt lay on her sickbed with a smile on her face. Her grey hair was pushed back from her face and wrinkles covered her cheeks. She didn’t speak much, but I still recall the few words she said when my father, mother and I visited her. She whispered, “I don’t get lonely. Jesus is here with me.”

As a single woman at the time, I marvelled at my aunt’s proclamation. Her husband had died several years earlier, and her children lived far away. Nearing her ninetieth year of life, she was alone, in her bed, barely able to move. Yet she was able to say she wasn’t lonely. My aunt took Jesus’ words to the disciples literally, as we all should: “Surely I am with you always” (MATTHEW 28:20). She knew that Christ’s Spirit was with her, as He promised when He instructed the disciples to go out into the world and share His message with others (V. 19). Jesus said the Holy Spirit would “be with” the disciples and us (JOHN 14:16–17).

I’m certain my aunt experienced the reality of that promise. The Spirit was within her as she lay on her bed. And the Spirit used her to share His truth with me—a young niece who needed to hear those words and take them to heart.

KATARA PATTON

REFLECT: How are you encouraged by the reality that Jesus is with you today? How have you experienced the comfort of the Holy Spirit?

PRAY: Thank You, Jesus, for sending Your Spirit as my comfort and companion. Remind me of Your presence throughout this day.

SURELY I AM WITH YOU always, TO THE very end OF THE age.

Matthew 28:20

4 Inspiring Quotes About Loneliness

1 Bare heights of loneliness . . . a wilderness whose burning winds sweep over glowing sands, what are they to Him? Even there He can refresh us, even there He can renew us. —AMY

CARMICHAEL

2 Loneliness comes over us sometimes as a sudden tide. It is one of the terms of our humanness, and, in a sense, therefore, incurable. Yet I have found peace in my loneliest times not only through acceptance of the situation, but through making it an offering to God, who can transfigure it into something for the good of others.

—ELISABETH ELLIOT

3 Look for yourself, and you will find in the long run only hatred, loneliness, despair, rage, ruin and decay. But look for Christ, and you will find Him, and with Him everything else thrown in.

—C. S. LEWIS

4 You are never left alone when you are alone with God.

—WOODROW KROLL

1 I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. 2 Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live.

3 The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came over me; I was overcome by distress and sorrow.

4 Then I called on the name of the Lord: ‘Lord, save me!’

5 The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. 6 The Lord protects the unwary; when I was brought low, he saved me.

7 Return to your rest, my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.

You are heard

He turned his ear to me.

[ PSALM 116:2 ]

In the book Physics, Charles Riborg Mann and George Ransom

Twiss ask: “When a tree falls in a lonely forest, and no animal is nearby to hear it, does it make a sound?” Over the years, this question has prompted philosophical and scientific discussions about sound, perception and existence. A definitive answer, however, has yet to emerge.

One night, while feeling lonely and sad about a problem I hadn’t shared with anyone, I recalled this question. When no one hears my cry for help, I thought, does God hear?

Facing the threat of death and overcome by distress, the writer of Psalm 116 may have felt abandoned. So he called out to God—knowing He was listening and would help him. “He heard my voice,” the psalmist wrote, “he heard my cry for mercy. . . . [He] turned his ear to me” (VV. 1–2). When no one knows our pain, God knows. When no one hears our cries, God hears.

Knowing that God will show us His love and protection (VV. 5–6), we can be at rest in difficult times (V. 7). The Hebrew word translated “rest” (manoakh) describes a place of quiet and safety. We can be at peace, strengthened by the assurance of God’s presence and help. The question posed by Mann and Twiss led to numerous answers. But the answer to the question, Does God hear? is simply yes.

KAREN HUANG

REFLECT: What do you do when you’re feeling alone or abandoned? What will you ask God, who hears your every cry and cares for you?

PRAY: Father, thank You for always hearing the cries of my heart. Your help and presence are my rest.

THE LORD IS with me; I WILL NOT be afraid.

Psalm 118:6

A Prayer for the Lonely

Heavenly Father, how good it is to know You have made me Your child. I can rest with You any day or night, experiencing Your deep grace and compassion. Lord, You know the lonely ache I feel in my heart. So I pray Your Word back to You today, putting my hope in Your promise to never leave or forsake me. Surround me with Your love. Hem me in with Your wonderful presence. May I feel how close You are.

Please also bless me with brothers and sisters in Christ who will bring wisdom, kindness and grace into my life. You have made me for community, so I ask that You would provide. I put my trust in You to meet my needs according to Your way and timing. My life and my heart are in Your hands, O Lord. Amen

8 ‘We both had dreams,’ they answered, ‘but there is no one to interpret them.’ Then Joseph said to them, ‘Do not interpretations belong to God? Tell me your dreams.’

9 So the chief cupbearer told Joseph his dream. He said to him, ‘In my dream I saw a vine in front of me, 10 and on the vine were three branches. As soon as it budded, it blossomed, and its clusters ripened into grapes. 11 Pharaoh’s cup was in my hand, and I took the grapes, squeezed them into Pharaoh’s cup and put the cup in his hand.’

12 ‘This is what it means,’ Joseph said to him. ‘The three branches are three days. 13 Within three days Pharaoh will lift up your head and restore you to your position, and you will put Pharaoh’s cup in his hand, just as you used to do when you were his cupbearer. 14 But when all goes well with you, remember me and show me kindness; mention me to Pharaoh and get me out of this prison. 15 I was forcibly carried off from the land of the Hebrews, and even here I have done nothing to deserve being put in a dungeon.’

20 Now the third day was Pharaoh’s birthday, and he gave a feast for all his officials. He lifted up the heads of the chief cupbearer and the chief baker in the presence of his officials: 21 he restored the chief cupbearer to his position, so that he once again put the cup into Pharaoh’s hand—22 but he impaled the chief baker, just as Joseph had said to them in his interpretation.

23 The chief cupbearer, however, did not remember Joseph; he forgot him.

Lonely, but not forgotten

The chief cupbearer, however, did not remember Joseph; he forgot him. [ GENESIS 40:23 ]

When you listen to their stories, it becomes clear that perhaps the most difficult part of being a prisoner is isolation and loneliness. In fact, one study revealed that regardless of the length of their incarceration, most prisoners receive only two visits from friends or loved ones during their time behind bars. Loneliness is a constant reality.

It’s a pain I imagine Joseph felt as he sat in prison, unjustly accused of a crime. There had been a glimmer of hope. God helped Joseph correctly interpret a dream from a fellow inmate who happened to be a trusted servant of Pharaoh. Joseph told the man he would be restored to his position and asked the man to mention him to Pharaoh so Joseph could gain his freedom (GENESIS 40:14). But the man “did not remember Joseph; he forgot him” (V. 23). For two more years, Joseph waited. In those years of waiting, without any sign that his circumstances would change, Joseph was never completely alone because God was with him. Eventually, the servant of Pharaoh remembered his promise and Joseph was released after correctly interpreting another dream (41:9–14).

Regardless of circumstances that make us feel we’ve been forgotten, and the feelings of loneliness that creep in, we can cling to God’s reassuring promise to His children: “I will not forget you!”

(ISAIAH 49:15).

LISA M. SAMRA

REFLECT: When have you experienced the pain of being forgotten? How does the reminder of God’s constant presence provide comfort?

PRAY: Heavenly Father, help me to reach out to You when I feel forgotten and remember that You’re always with me.

I will not FORGET YOU!

3 Things to Try when You Feel Lonely

1 Pray for Contentment. Read Philippians 4:10–13 and then ask God to help you to depend on Him each day and to learn to be content in any situation, just as Paul describes. Contentment is a promise of God’s Word, so we can seek it with Him in confidence that He will teach us what it truly means to be content in Him, no matter how we feel.

2 Do Something Good for Someone Else. Read Hebrews 13:1–3 and then ask God to show you how you can serve and support others. Loneliness can make us very inward looking, but stepping out to do kind acts for others not only lifts our focus away from ourselves, it also immerses us in community. If you are limited in what you can physically do for others, you could still make time to pray for your church family or pray for people over the phone.

3 Worship with God’s People. Read Hebrews 10:21–25 and think about how you can make sure you meet and praise regularly with other Christians. This might be at church, or by watching the service online. Joy and refreshment are found when you join with your brothers and sisters in Christ in whatever way you can.

1 In you, Lord, I have taken refuge; let me never be put to shame; deliver me in your righteousness. 2 Turn your ear to me, come quickly to my rescue; be my rock of refuge, a strong fortress to save me. 3 Since you are my rock and my fortress, for the sake of your name lead and guide me. 4 Keep me free from the trap that is set for me, for you are my refuge.

9 Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and body with grief. 10 My life is consumed by anguish and my years by groaning; my strength fails because of my affliction, and my bones grow weak.

11 Because of all my enemies, I am the utter contempt of my neighbours and an object of dread to my closest friends—those who see me on the street flee from me. 12 I am forgotten as though I were dead; I have become like broken pottery. 13 For I hear many whispering, ‘Terror on every side!’ They conspire against me and plot to take my life.

14 But I trust in you, Lord; I say, ‘You are my God.’ 15 My times are in your hands; deliver me from the hands of my enemies, from those who pursue me. 16 Let your face shine on your servant; save me in your unfailing love. 17 Let me not be put to shame, Lord, for I have cried out to you; but let the wicked be put to shame and be silent in the realm of the dead. 18 Let their lying lips be silenced, for with pride and contempt they speak arrogantly against the righteous.

19 How abundant are the good things that you have stored up for those who fear you, that you bestow in the sight of all, on those who take refuge in you. 20 In the shelter of your presence you hide them from all human intrigues; you keep them safe in your dwelling from accusing tongues.

21 Praise be to the Lord, for he showed me the wonders of his love when I was in a city under siege. 22 In my alarm I said, ‘I am cut off from your sight!’ Yet you heard my cry for mercy when I called to you for help.

23 Love the Lord, all his faithful people! The Lord preserves those who are true to him, but the proud he pays back in full. 24 Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord.

Secure in God’s hands

But I trust in you, Lord; . . . My times are in your hands.

[ PSALM 31:14–15 ]

It was the last thing Monica expected after thirty-three years of marriage: her husband announced he was leaving. This threatened her home, her income, her future pension and, not least, the companionship of the man she loved. His rejection sowed feelings of deep inadequacy. Devastated, she feared the loss of friends, and her new identity as a divorcee filled her with shame.

For hours Monica sat with God as her world caved in, overwhelmed by grief and stress. But God’s Word still held true: He still had a plan for her. She was not in her husband’s hands: her changing times were in God’s hands. She could trust Him for help, comfort and provision, just like David had done in Psalm 31.

David felt hunted, rejected and isolated by the threats against him (PSALM 31:4, 11–13). In “soul and body” he was utterly drained by his distress (VV. 9–10). But his hope was in God: his “refuge” of righteousness, deliverance and guidance (VV. 1–3). David could trust in God, despite his circumstances, because he believed his times were in God’s hands (VV. 14–15).

“How abundant are the good things that [God] has stored up” for us (V. 19). As we wait for the fulfilment, we can take refuge “in the shelter of [His] presence” (V. 20). And as we affirm who God is, we are strengthened and encouraged for whatever we may face (VV. 21–24).

ANNE LE TISSIER

REFLECT: Which of Monica and David’s fears or emotions do you most identify with? How does the knowledge that God sees, cares and promises to provide help you receive His peace, strength and reassurance?

PRAY: Father, I choose to believe Your promises as a reality to grasp hold of. Thank You for reassuring me that my life is in no other hands but Yours.

I HAVE engraved YOU ON THE palms of my hands.

Isaiah 49:16

5 Reasons Jesus Understands Loneliness

1 He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.

ISAIAH 53:3

2 Jesus cried out in a loud voice, ‘Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?’ (which means ‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’).

MATTHEW 27:46

3 The Spirit sent him out into the wilderness, and he was in the wilderness for forty days, being tempted by Satan. MARK 1:12–13

4 Even his own brothers did not believe in him.

JOHN 7:5

5 You will leave me all alone. Yet I am not alone, for my Father is with me. JOHN 16:32

1 May God arise, may his enemies be scattered; may his foes flee before him. 2 May you blow them away like smoke—as wax melts before the fire, may the wicked perish before God. 3 But may the righteous be glad and rejoice before God; may they be happy and joyful.

4 Sing to God, sing in praise of his name, extol him who rides on the clouds; rejoice before him—his name is the Lord. 5 A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. 6 God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sunscorched land.

7 When you, God, went out before your people, when you marched through the wilderness, 8 the earth shook, the heavens poured down rain, before God, the One of Sinai, before God, the God of Israel. 9 You gave abundant showers, O God; you refreshed your weary inheritance. 10 Your people settled in it, and from your bounty, God, you provided for the poor.

Fatherless no more

[God is] a father to the fatherless.

[

PSALM 68:5 ]

Guy Bryant, single and with no children of his own, worked in a large city’s child welfare department. Daily, he encountered the intense need for foster parents and decided to do something about it. For more than a decade, Bryant fostered more than fifty children, once caring for nine at the same time. “Every time I turned around there was a kid who needed a place to stay,” Bryant explained. “If you have the space in your home and heart, you just do it. You don’t really think about it.” The foster children who’ve grown and established their own lives still have keys to Bryant’s flat and often return on Sundays for lunch with “Pops.” Bryant has shown the love of a father to many.

The Scriptures tell us that God pursues all who are forgotten or cast aside. Although some believers will find themselves destitute and vulnerable in this life, He promises to be with them. God is “a father to the fatherless” (PSALM 68:5). If, through neglect or tragedy, we’re alone, God is still there—reaching out to us, drawing us near, and giving us hope. Indeed, “God sets the lonely in families” (V. 6). In Jesus, other believers comprise our spiritual family.

Whatever our challenging family stories, our isolation, our abandonment or our relational dysfunction may be, we can know that we’re loved. With God, we’re fatherless no more.

WINN COLLIER

REFLECT: What does it mean for you to have a heavenly Father who loves you and will never leave you? How does He meet your deepest needs?

PRAY: Father God, I need a good father, a true father, one who will not leave me. I’m trusting You to be this Father for me.

FEELING alone

Have you ever wondered if Mary felt alone during that first Christmas, as she shouldered the weight of carrying God’s child? Yes, Joseph, stood by her side. He’d already shown her that he wasn’t about to abandon her. And she most certainly held in her heart the angel Gabriel’s words, “The Lord is with you” (LUKE 1:28). Nonetheless, humanly speaking, this unexpected pregnancy was Mary’s responsibility to bear. She alone was carrying this Child. She would be expected to raise Him, perhaps under a cloud of shame and isolation, as it would be a birth out of wedlock.

Or what about the shepherds sitting alone in the middle of nowhere, tending sheep in the dark of night? Might they have felt the raw pangs of loneliness, wondering what the future held for them? Had family and culture already destined them to countless solitary nights protecting livestock from predators? What was to come of any other hopes and dreams?

Christmas and other big social seasons can be particularly hard for the lonely, as these are the times we’re expected to be surrounded by people. Some might say we need to fill our weeks with extra activities and busyness. But we can still be lonely, even when we’re busy. In fact, the ache of loneliness is seldom worse than when it is experienced in a crowd.

What can those of us who suffer with bouts of lonely feelings do?

Whether we experience loneliness regularly or just during holiday seasons and social events, here are a few thoughts that could be helpful:

1. Reach out to a safe family member, friend or person at church. Take that step of confiding your loneliness to at least one trustworthy person. Maybe ask them if they could spend some time with you, to simply be with you. Nothing complicated at first. It doesn’t have to be really intense—it could be a phone call or a Zoom chat to start. Even meeting up just to play board games, watch a film or go for a walk. Loneliness may be caused by others not reaching out to us; but we only increase our isolation when we don’t then try to reach out ourselves.

2. Take slow, concrete steps towards creating deeper conversations and connections. Try to open up with others you trust about how you really feel and what really matters to you. Being vulnerable is never easy, but it’s what builds deeper relationships—and it allows others the freedom to share openly too. Perhaps, if you are unable to see many people face-to-face, you might be able to have conversations like this on video calls or social media.

Just as we long to be heard, known and understood, there are others in our church families who struggle with these—and many other—issues. Why not ask your church leader for a weekly prayer list so you can be lifting your brothers and sisters to the Lord. This is a wonderful and valuable way to be an active part of the church family, even if you can’t physically attend church meetings.

3. Remember that Jesus knows what it’s like to be alone too. He took on the appearance of a fatherless child, conceived out of wedlock, born in shame. Yes, he had a Father, but on earth it didn’t look like it. That put Him on the fringes of society; a lonely path, but one He was willing to travel to be with us—to become one of us. His was a messy, less than ideal route, for sure. But isn’t that true of the paths we all find ourselves travelling?

The messy path Jesus took is also one filled with hope and promise. For the baby without an earthly father was “Immanuel (which means ‘God with us’)” (MATTHEW 1:23). He is the promised Messiah—the Son of God who came to save us and be one with us throughout our lives. And one day, He will fully transform the world. On that day, loneliness will be lost in history—”God himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away” (REVELATION 21:3–4).

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Where Is God When I Feel Lonely?

Jesus’ heart beats for the lonely. After all, the Father named His son, “‘Immanuel’ (which means ‘God with us’)” (MATTHEW 1:23). When we feel most isolated, misunderstood and alone, our Lord draws even closer.

It is our prayer that the readings, reflections and prayers in this booklet will help you trust your seasons and feelings of loneliness to your heavenly Father, reaching out to Him in prayer as Jesus did. “I am not alone,” He assured His followers. “For my Father is with me” (JOHN 16:32).

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