Our Town December 1, 2011

Camps: Ready or Not? December 1, 2011

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GET YOUR PET BLESSED

NEW BEGINNINGS AT THE BITTER END This Sunday, fresh, fresh-faced 16-yearold singer-songwriter Iman Haririkia will depart from her Upper East Side

Community

meeting Calendar Monday, Dec. 5 • Community Board 8 Public Safety Committee meeting, 6:30 p.m., New York Blood Center, 310 E. 67th St., Conference Rm 1.

Tuesday, Dec. 6 • Community Board 8 Street Life Committee meeting, 7 p.m., Marymount Manhattan College, 221 E. 71st St., Regina Peruggi Rm, 2nd Fl. Wednesday, Dec. 7 • Community Board 8 Vendor Task Force meeting, 6:30 p.m., New York Blood Center, 310 E. 67th St., Conference Rm 1.

Thursday, Dec. 8 • Yorkville Chapter of AARP monthly meeting, 1 p.m., Immanuel Lutheran Church, 1296 Lexington Ave.

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CITY LAW COULD RESULT IN OUSTED TOUR GUIDES When City Council passed Local Law 15 in 2010, mandating that passengers wear headphones to hear the colorful commentary of tour guides on openair sightseeing buses, they intended to protect the auditory comfort of the city’s residents. What they did not intend, as sponsor and Upper West Side Council Member Gale Brewer can attest, was to give tour bus companies an excuse to lay off human tour guides in favor of prerecorded audio to be piped in through those now-mandatory headphones.

Members of Transport Workers Union Local 225, which represents tour guides employed by Gray Line Sightseeing, are concerned that the company has expressed a desire to cut staff when contracts come up for renewal this month.

Brewer said that this was never the

A PASSEL OF SANTAS

Hai zHang

Hurry down with your furry (or feathered, finned or four-legged) friend to the ASPCA’s third annual Blessing of the Animals, a holiday gathering at which Senior Minister Stephen Bauman and Senior Rabbi Peter J. Rubinstein will bless New York City pets.

The pet-blessing session will be hosted by New York Post society columnist Cindy Adams Dec. 11 from 2-3 p.m. The Brooklyn Youth Choir will perform hymns and holiday anthems for attendees, both human and creature. The blessing will take place at Christ Church, 520 Park Ave.

digs to perform downtown at the Bitter End, a Bleecker Street bar where Bob Dylan, Vanessa Carlton, and Lady Gaga once played. The bar has been around since 1961 and boasts on its awning that it’s New York City’s oldest rock club.

Haririkia has “always dreamed of playing there.”

Haririkia, who plays original folk/pop tunes on her guitar, has performed at The Berklee Performance Center—a venue at which The Talking Heads, Melissa Ferrick, Sonny Rollins and other greats have performed—a gig she considers her big break.

“My hands,” she said, lifting one fragile limb, “were shaking so much before I went onstage I had to play pattycake with my friend.”

But she rocked.

Haririkia adores Carlton; she’s thrilled to play where her idol once began. “I love [her] songwriting and I love her compositions, especially on the piano. I wish I could play piano,” she said.

Perhaps she’ll learn. If there’s anywhere to start, it’s at the Bitter End. Catch Haririkia on Dec. 4 at 7:30 p.m., 147 Bleecker St. in Greenwich Village.

Tickets are $5; for more information, call 212-673-7030.

A little boy stops to find out what all the hullabaloo is about as the Sidewalk Santa Parade marches down the West Side. Budding Santas took part in the event Nov. 25 to raise money for the Volunteers of America’s Holiday Food Voucher Program.

These vouchers allow families in need to shop for a holiday meal special to them, rather than relying on a food pantry. intended result of the law. “I want to make it really clear that I am 100 percent supportive of live tour guides,” Brewer said. In a statement, she emphasized the need for human beings to conduct the live tours, and later said it would be absurd to have automated tours in New York City traffic, where timing any particular route can never be certain.

“We want live tourism guides, especially on the ‘hop on hop off’ buses, because they are skilled, spontaneous and entertaining, make a good impression and are good for the image of our city,” the statement read. “We want live guides because the job they do is important to the city’s economy and to the families they support.”

FORUM TACKLES SOLID WASTE QUESTIONS The New York League of Conservation Voters Education Fund is hosting a halfday forum to discussing how the city can and should be handling its solid waste. The event, “Wasted Opportunity?

Confronting NYC’s Solid Waste Challenges,” will feature panelists from city agencies, environmental groups like the Natural Resources Defense Council, private consulting companies and academics.

Adam Lisberg, editor of our sister publications City Hall and The Capitol, will moderate the second panel of the day. Speakers will discuss existing challenges and possible solutions for a more sustainable future, as well as the economic, environmental and public health impacts of the city’s current system of managing unrecyclable waste. For information and to RSVP, email dhendrick@ nylcv.org.

NYU PROFESSOR HONORED FOR SOCIAL WORK The National Association of Social Workers New York City chapter will present Dr. Alma Carten, associate professor at the NYU Silver School of Social Work, with a Leadership Award this week. Carten has worked in both public and private agencies and has been recognized for her excellent work in the field.

As director of the Office of Adolescent Services, she was responsible for planning citywide services for pregnant and parenting, homeless and runaway and gay and lesbian youth, and during her term as head of the public child welfare agency the city pioneered innovative preventive and family preservation services that have since become national best practice models.

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December 1, 2011

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feature

City Tardy with East Side Solution Parents feel stymied as overcrowding answer remains out of reach

By Megan Finnegan Bungeroth

T

he parents in Community Education Council (CEC) District 2 are not happy. They came out en masse on a school night this week to express their displeasure to the council and Department of Education (DOE) chancellors, Marc Sternberg and Kathleen Grimm.

While the district undergoes the growing pains of rezoning efforts, the undercurrent of frustration from parents and some elected officials is unmistakable and goes beyond the same old outrage at the DOE making changes that parents don’t like.

Time and again, Upper East Side parents say they feel left out of the process that affects how their children are educated. Even the CEC is asking that the DOE reform the ways in which they calculate school capacity and growth, and many have called for better foresight from the department.

“We want to see [the DOE] better anticipate, based on housing trends and population density, where people are moving and where there are likely to be children in the schools and to plan for that and be ready, as opposed to constantly being responsive and trying to catch up,” said City Council Member Dan Garodnick, who came to the meeting to voice his support for an immediate solution to P.S. 116’s overcrowding problem.

Several dozen parents also came to the meeting to urge the DOE to incubate a new upcoming school, P.S. 281, in order to alleviate the overcrowding problem at P.S. 116. The school is over capacity and continues to take in more kindergartners than it graduates 5th graders. Parents as well as the Coalition for East Side Elected Officials have been desperate to find a solution that the DOE can enact for the upcoming school year.

The physical building for P.S. 281 is slated to open in 2013, but parents thought they had a creative solution in hand when they suggested the DOE incubate the new school in one of two spaces—either P.S. 267 at East 63rd Street and Third Avenue or The American Sign Language and English Secondary School on East 23rd Street.

Over the Thanksgiving break, the DOE responded in a letter essentially saying no.

Deputy Chancellor Marc Sternberg wrote that “the DOE has reservations regarding the proposed incubation sites”—the first

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would be too far and the second would be too disruptive to students already in the facility—and suggested that P.S. 116 does indeed have the capacity to hold out for another year before some of its students can make the jump to P.S. 281.

But parents aren’t happy with that and feel that their efforts to find workable solutions are being ignored. “We have a very unique situation in that we’ve identified two completely viable locations, both within an acceptable distance,” said Beth Parise, a parent at P.S. 116 who has been leading the charge on the incubation plan. She and others have said that they wish the DOE would ask parents if the distance is unacceptable rather than assume Upper East that it won’t work.

“Even if we get what we want, we’ll still have to ride out our current overcrowding capacity,” Parise said.

While many parents stepped to the microphone to give their 60-second pleas to take kids out of the overburdened P.S.

Side parents say they feel left out of the rezoning progress. neighborhoods.

“The DOE needs to be as transparent as they can be, to give people the information they need to understand why they’re proposing what they’re proposing,” said City Council Member Jessica Lappin, whose district encompasses P.S. 290.

“The more you discuss the issue, the better the feedback you’re going to get from the community.

It’s helpful to have parents at the table making sure we’re making the right decision.

“The frustration I hear from members of the CEC and parents [is that] they want to see statistics and projections and they want to analyze them themselves, they want to provide thoughtful feedback,” she said.

The DOE might do well to take advantage of the free effort some parents exert.

George Janes, a parent at P.S. 290, runs his own urban planning firm and issued a review of the projected enrollment at P.S. 290 based on census data. Janes found that a shrinking of the zone will result in under-enrollment based partly on the

“The frustration I hear from members of the CEC and parents [is that] they want to see statistics and projections and they want to analyze them themselves, they want to provide thoughtful feedback,” Jessica Lappin said.

116 as soon as possible, just as many parents used their time to ask the DOE to keep kids in their school.

Parents and the principal of P.S. 290, the Manhattan New School, are opposed to the DOE’s rezoning proposal, which would shrink their zone from 42 blocks to 18. They claim it would lead to underenrollment at the school, in turn leading to budget, service and staff cuts. Many parents expressed anger at what they see as an unfair solution and bafflement at how the DOE had reached its conclusions about what would be best for the

fact that there is little new residential development on the horizon. He asserts that the DOE’s method of only assessing current enrollment and prior year waitlist data is inadequate.

“If we have learned anything from the DOE over the past several years, it is that if you do not hold people accountable for their poor performance, you will keep getting poor performance,” Janes wrote in his findings, which he presented to the CEC. “A rejection of this rezoning not only holds them accountable for this year’s poor performance but sets the bar high for future years.”

The CEC has yet to approve the rezoning plans for the Upper East Side, but the DOE has not been forthcoming with alternatives. While they did revise rezoning plans for Lower Manhattan after many parents complained, DOE representatives are reminding parents that none of the solutions will be perfect as they respond to parent demands on one side and severe budget restraints on the other.

When faced with a crowd of emotional parents demanding action at the CEC meeting, Sternberg’s position seemed to soften somewhat on considering an early incubation to help P.S. 116. “We will confront the issues, we will have an honest conversation, we hope to find a solution that’s good for everybody,” said Sternberg. “We may not.”

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profile

Biographer Mines F. Scott Fitzgerald’s Life

Our Town: What should people know about you?

Schwartz: My parents lived at 320 West End Ave.—they were West Siders. I lived there until I got married. That was 1950. In 1950, my husband and I moved to Merrick and then in 1953, we moved to Great Neck.

I had three kids. We moved from Great Neck, where Jews are king, to New Paltz, where there was rampant anti-Semitism.

The hotel behind my house, Mohonk Hotel, used to keep records of how many Jews they had as guests. My mother, when she visited me, would never go there because of their “restricted” policies. No Jews, no blacks. My kids hated it. It was very hard for my kids.

One day, my daughter Nancy, living in Hollywood, called to say that she was having headaches. I went out there and two weeks later, she died. She really was the love of my life.

Why F. Scott Fitzgerald?

At the end of his life he was a real mess. Totally alcoholic. He was not a very nice man, but many writers aren’t.

I resent him for his treatment of Zelda, his wife. Today, it’s hard to conceive of being married, as she was, but having no bank account, mortgage, income, independence or autonomy. Some say that if she’d stayed with her family in Montgomery, she would not have developed schizophrenia. Any woman would have gone crazy, married to him.

his bank account. Total.

andrew schwartz

By Aspen Matis Sheila Schwartz has lived passionately and with intention. In addition to writing 19 books, she’s had a life of adversity, including the death of her 28-year-old daughter of a brain tumor in Hollywood while Schwartz herself worked on a book about the Hollywood Blacklist.

F. Scott Fitzgerald, the author of The Great Gatsby, also died in Hollywood— of alcoholism. Schwartz has now written a biography of the voice of the Lost Generation called F. Scott Fitzgerald (Haus Publishers), available from amazon.com and other booksellers.

We sat down with the 82-year-old Schwartz in her apartment to discuss how her daughter’s death impacted her, writing about Rome before roaming there and the “not very nice” Fitzgerald.

Sheila Schwartz has penned a biography of Great Gatsby author F. Scott Fitzgerald.

He was very competitive. He once institutionalized her, and she started to write a book called Save Me the Waltz. She sent it to his publisher, Scribner, and when the publisher mentioned it to him, he said they couldn’t publish it unless he could edit it.

Genius always seems to come at a very high price. Toward the end of his life—he died at 44 in Los Angeles—he had $75 in

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The next, The Gold Circle, came out around 1978. My Nancy was supposed to write it with me, but she died. She had, at the time, been writing her own book about the Hollywood Blacklist. I remember, between the ’50s and ’60s, my husband and I were throwing out all our left-leaning books—the Red Scare scared us. Before I was married, I was working at the Center Academy in Brooklyn, and they called me in for Communist testing on the charge that I’d displayed a map in my classroom in which Russia was the largest country. I said, “Russia is the largest country.” They fired me.

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arts

Making Art Out of the Dark

By Penny Gray Upper East Side poet Anna Rabinowitz has much to smile about these days. Most poets are grateful to have a collection of poetry published; few can boast that their words have been set in an opera, and even fewer can say that the opera has been successful enough to warrant a CD release. But Rabinowitz can.

From a book-length poem to a multimedia experimental opera featuring the music of composer Stefan Weisman to its current incarnation as an audio recording, Darkling is a haunting portrayal of the emotions, terrors and incalculable losses incurred by Eastern European Jewish people during the period from between the two world wars to the Holocaust.

Rabinowitz’s journey to becoming a poet was a somewhat circuitous one. She had a full life as a wife, mother and interior designer before deciding to pursue life as a poet, something she had dreamed about as a child. “I just decided that I didn’t want to wake up one day and realize I hadn’t done what I wanted to do, so I found my way back to poetry,” she said.

She started taking classes at The New

School, where she was singled out by teachers and encouraged to take her new vocation seriously. She enrolled in the Columbia MFA program as a mature student. “It was the best thing I ever did,” she said.

Since then, Rabinowitz has gone on to an illustrious career as a poet. A National Endowment for the Arts fellow, she has published four volumes of poetry, including Darkling.

Darkling started as a shoebox full of photographs and letters in her parents’ closet. When Rabinowitz’s parents died, she was left with a collection of memory fragments she didn’t know or understand.

“It was terrible to grow up in this world alone, marginalized and without family, having parents who must have felt terrible that they were the only ones to survive,” she recalled. “And all the while I felt angry with them because they wouldn’t talk about these things.”

Rabinowitz sent the fragments off to be translated from Yiddish into English.

When they returned, the real work of Darkling began. “This project was a way of honoring the lives of friends and relatives, not forgetting them, letting them

have their moment. I guess it’s a way of being a sort of missionary and relieving myself of guilt at the same time.”

For Rabinowitz, the process was both haunting and frustrating. “I didn’t want to invent anything. I knew I was distant from the events of the Holocaust. I find it problematic when people write about this period. It’s like they’re writing a consolation, which trivializes it.”

The book of poetry was the opera has toured widely in released by Tupelo Press in Europe and the United States.

2001 and caught the attention Now, Darkling is available in of American Opera Projects, a realm beyond the written page a nonprofit organization dediand live performance. The new cated to developing and genrecording, released by Albany Anna Rabinowitz. erating new American operas Records and produced by Judith while expanding the form. Post-classical Sherman, brings Darkling full circle for composer Stefan Weisman created a score Rabinowitz. “Time inevitably imposes a that is rich in minimalist riffs, recalling distance on all events of history. How do Schoenberg, Bartok and Shostakovich and we keep memories alive? Should we keep hinting at Jewish folk idioms. memories alive?” she said. “But in this The operatic incarnation of Darkling case, it’s important that we keep navigatopened at Classic Stage Company in ing the distance. Darkling has a life of its 2006 to such success that it returned to own and needs to continue.”

New York the following year as part of Darkling is available at www.amaNew York City Opera’s VOX. Since then, zon.com.

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arts

Loyal Listeners, from Garbage Men to Celebrities A gay ‘View’ from Uptown

By Mark Peikert The Upper West Side has long been home to funny people—everyone from Jerry Seinfeld to Elisabeth Hasselbeck— and comedian Dave Rubin is the latest in that long line.

“I absolutely love the Upper West Side,” he said over coffee. “There is something funny going on up here. You have every ethnic mix, every religious mix— there’s something that feels decent. There are straight families, gay families, single people. There’s everything here. It’s just a kooky mix of characters. You’re bored?

Go sit at the community table at Zabar’s and you will hear the funniest—and the most psychotic—stories.”

A decade-long resident of the neighborhood, Rubin and his radio talk show The Six Pack—which he co-hosts with Ben Harvey—recently began a run on Sirius Radio every Saturday from 1–3 p.m.

“We’ve been doing the show for over two years now. We originally started at HereTV, the other gay [TV] network,” Rubin said. “We just wanted something decent for gay people...It hit because it’s

good but also gay people need something, because it’s the 1 percent that are getting shows now. The show is, to me, The View meets Sports Center.”

Sirius caught on to the sexy, hilarious tone of The Six Pack (www. sixpackage. com) early and offered Rubin and Harvey free use of their studio space before officially adding the show to their lineup Oct. 1. Divided into six segments—“Everyone has ADD now,” Rubin explained—The Six Pack finds Rubin and Harvey dishing about politics, entertain- Dave Rubin. ment and gay issues with guests ranging from Gawker’s Bryan Moylan to Jackass’ Steve-O. “When we first started, we had a couple of personal connections that got us a few guests,” Rubin explained. “[After that] it was relentless emailing [or] if I bumped into a celebrity on the street

I thought would be interesting. We got Sandra Bernhard on Twitter. We had a long, semi-stalking relationship with Joy Behar, and we’ve had her on the show twice and I’ve been on her show once.”

An inveterate Tweeter (@RubinReport), Rubin said, “You put some of this stuff out and it’s like, Is anything actually happening because of this? But I tweeted at Rosie O’Donnell that I was at Blondie’s, and took a picture of me with a wing in my mouth and said, ‘Rosie, I’m having these wings for you.’

And I got this tweet back that said, ‘Dave, I’m on my way.’

“Before I could even reply, she was in the restaurant! Someone who had actually influenced me. We sat there and had some wings and some beer and she wanted to know about me. So there are real-world applications for this crazy little device.

It’s sort of an equalizer. You can actually build a fan base without compromising at every turn. I haven’t compromised yet. I look forward to compromising!”

As for the future of The Six Pack, Rubin said, “I think there are so many things we could do with this. Part of the reason we haven’t done as much video as we’d like has been that the quality of the audio has been so good we don’t want to just put a webcam up. And the nice thing about radio is you don’t have to get hung up on watching.

“We have this gay garbage man in Brooklyn who emails us who listens to us every week. And we get tons of emails from closeted listeners. We’re fighting the tide of straight media, trying to break through as a mainstream show, but a huge chunk of our fan base is closeted, so it can’t even help us.”

For anyone out there listening and laughing, pay The Six Pack back by taking it viral. Who knows? Tweeting may even get you a beer and a few in-person jokes from Rubin himself. Preferably on the Upper West Side, of course.

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December 1, 2011

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Dining

The Ins and Outs of Decanting a Wine I always tell people that Brad and I were friends long before he was rich and successful. However, that certainly doesn’t stop me from taking advantage of his generosity as far as fine wine and food are concerned. This time of year, he tends to pull out several incredibly expensive bottles of wine from his small stash. And he always makes a huge spectacle of bringing them out, presenting them to the crowd and then handing them over to me.

“If you would be so kind, garçon, to decant this fine wine.”

Truth be told—and no offense to Brad—I don’t think he’s completely clear on why I’m decanting the wines for him.

Sometimes, he’ll hand me a wine that he thinks needs to be decanted and I’ll tell him it isn’t necessary.

“Uh, I paid $400 for that. I think you should decant it.”

Which I do. And sometimes it doesn’t help the wine. Sometimes, it actually hurts

it. So for all of you Brads out there, and even those of us regular schmoes who might just have a special bottle stashed away for our upcoming holiday parties, I’m going to talk a little bit about how, why and when a bottle of wine should be decanted.

There are two main reasons a bottle of wine should be decanted, and those two reasons speak to the two very different types of wine you might decant. First, there are the older, expensive wines that may have been

By Josh Perilo sitting in a cellar for years. The object of aging a wine (correctly) is generally to let the wine, which may be harsh and tannic while young, become mellower and more refined. After several years in the bottle, however, the wine will begin to give up some precipitate. That is to say, there will be some crap at the bottom of the bottle.

Don’t worry! The wine isn’t bad. This is natural, but it isn’t a lot of fun to drink.

That is why decanting an older wine is

No Title Required Museum dining artfully done at Untitled

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ing genuinely edible food, have the quickstop, your-tour-bus-is-waiting feeling of museum cafés everywhere.

Now there is Untitled at the Whitney, which successfully blends the two approaches to provide a dining experience that could easily succeed on its own merits set squarely inside a museum.

To achieve this, Meyer called Gramercy Tavern executive sous chef Chris Bradley up to the big leagues and tasked him with creating two separate menus: casual classics for the museum crowd and interesting New American for weekend dinners.

Daytime gives us a take on New York diner culture, all-day breakfast and lunch featuring pancakes and eggs, sandwiches and salads. Every dish is carefully considered, and nothing is offered out of obligation—unlike your corner coffee shop, of whose sprawling menu maybe one-third is worth ordering. With a smaller kitchen, the restaurant outsources many of its baking duties to partners like Balthazar Bakery and Four and Twenty Blackbirds to great effect. But there’s plenty that is unexpectedly housemade—like the sausage and pastrami—all of which is spot-on.

At night, the three-course, prix fixe menu is short and sweet, changing

Decem ber 1, 2011

weekly to keep things seasonal, fresh and playful. Each course has just two or three options, and common side dishes are brought out with the entrées. These assimilate to varying degrees with the rest of the meal, depending on how you’ve chosen (a three-grain pilaf was an unnecessary starch boost for gnocchi but the perfect complement to a seafood stew), but are a pleasantly familial touch.

Wines are much better than tolerable; a concise list of American whites and reds by the glass or bottle. With such a short list, there is no room for error—surprisingly, though, there is plenty of room for eye-catching rarities, like the “Giuliano,” from Cameron Winery in Oregon, a remarkably food-friendly blend imported especially for the restaurant.

The space is comfortable, chic but sparse. Blond wood tables and low-slung black chairs fill the center of the room, ringed by padded banquettes. The bar is the same blond wood crowned with a chalkboard that displays the menu. The true accomplishment is the atmosphere at night, when the residual glare from the lobby above is parlayed, with candles and strategically placed pin-lights, into a cozy den where you can still read the menu.

Adjacent to the restaurant, in the space that used to be the downstairs gift shop extension, is a sleek waiting area to hold the inevitable crowd at peak brunching hours. One wall is devoted to a moreinteresting-than-necessary Lawrence

more agitation the wine gets, the more air is introduced and the more elegant that monster red is going to taste. My friend, Sean Kenneavey, manager at Bolsa Restaurant in Houston, has a tendency to even double decant his vino if it’s extra tannic. By all means…if it works, do it!

While it isn’t that often, there are the rare occasions when decanting is unnecessary and even harmful. In the event that you have a very, very old bottle of fine wine (i.e. a 1945 La Tache, a 1959 Lafite, a 1921 Chateau d’Yquem), you want to avoid this. These wines are so delicate that pouring the bottle’s entire contents, even slowly, into another vessel would destroy what is left of their structure.

Think of it like taking a well-preserved garment from the 1880s and throwing it into a modern washing machine; you’d end up with a pile of threads.

My holiday wish for all of you is that you have the opportunity to experience a wine worthy of decanting for any reason!

Follow Josh on Twitter: @joshperilo.

Nicole FraNzeN

By Regan Hofmann Hit the gift shop, skip the restaurant.

Unless you’re part of a tour group, hypoglycemic or having a day out with your nana, this has always been the accepted wisdom for museum visits. If you happen to be an unlucky member of one of these groups, you can look forward to a selection of dry sandwiches, a steam-table entrée and a sweaty, pre-cut cheese plate. The best to be hoped for is a tolerable wine to drown your sorrows and some art to remind you of the reason you’re there.

In recent years, Danny Meyer, the prolific and preternaturally successful restaurateur (so uniquely prodigious, in fact, that Eater.com now hands out a “Danny Meyer Empire Builder of the Year” award) has been fighting the good fight against this institutional ignominy.

He first tackled MoMA, opening The Modern, a mannered, genteel restaurant accessible from the museum via a corridor or by its own street-facing entrance.

You might stop in there for lunch after getting your fill of de Kooning’s women, but you’d check to make sure you were well-dressed first. Nearer to the galleries are two additional cafés that, while offer-

necessary. Let the bottle stand upright for a full day before serving to let the sediment fall completely to the bottom.

Then, grab a decanter and a flashlight (or candle if you’re feeling particularly arcane), and set the light up behind the neck of the bottle. Pour the wine slowly into the decanter. Stop just as the sediment creeps into the neck of the wine.

Congrats! You’ve decanted a crazy expensive bottle of wine!

That’s only half the story, though.

There are thousands of bottles of wine out there that should be decanted every year that aren’t. These tend to be your newer vintage, full-bodied reds, the ones that come out of the bottle so tannic and bold they rip your mouth apart on the first sip. By decanting these wines, you are exposing the entire bottle to oxygen, speeding up the aging process and immediately softening and maturing the wine.

With this style of decantation, you need much less finesse. Simply open that bottle of vino and throw the whole thing in, the more violently the better. The

Weiner installation, a play on the theme “Here There & Everywhere” to ponder while you wait for your table.

It’s the only physical reminder that you are inside a museum full of iconic work, but there’s little chance you’ll forget where you are as you eat—the meal itself is an act of cultural appreciation.

Take your nana, your tour group, or your hypoglycemic buddy here to show them what museum dining has the potential to be. Maybe they’ll think twice about those dry sandwiches next time.

N EW S YO U LIV E B Y

10th annual meeting reception & exhibition honoring winners of our 2011 photo contest Thursday, December 8

5:30 - 8:00 pm

Central Synagogue 652 Lexington Avenue (enter at ground floor entrance in East 55th Street)

Free and Open to the public

Hors d’oeuvres and beverages caterd by Food Exchange RSVP to 212-813-0030 or info@eastmidtown.org

Partner with your neighbors in East Midtown for our Holiday Food Drive We’re collecting canned and non-perishable food items to benefit the Food Bank For New York City.

Stop In and Drop Off at the East Midtown Partnership Office until December 9, 2011.

875 Third Avenue, Mezzanine New York, New York 10022 Scan the QR Codefor further information, donating details, suggested food items and other ways to make East Midtown one of the best communities in Manhattan.

O u r T o w n N Y. c o m

CAN’T MAKE IT TO THE DISTRICT OFFICE? Start Your Own Collection and contact us no later than December 7, 2011 to schedule a pick-up!

December 1, 2011

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Armond White’s Film Capsules

PARK AVENUE

50/50—The buddy comedy genre faces cancer. Joseph Gordon-Levitt is helped through crisis by Seth Rogen. Decent emotions get cheated of depth by blithe, nonspiritual approach. Dir. Jonathan Levine.

The Descendants—George Clooney shakes off the snark, but filmmaker Alexander Payne puts it back on in this Hawaii-set story of how Americans squander their paradise and advantages.

Adultery, greed, family dysfunction and death go unenlightened by the film’s stupefying visual banality. Dir. Alexander Payne.

Drive—Fake toughness, fake sentimentality, fake style infected by Michael Mann. Brooding existential stuntman and petty criminal Ryan Gosling is so laconic and cool he’s inadvertently comic. This second-rate actor occasionally drops his Steve McQueen impersonation and lets slip Mickey Rourke’s old smile. Dir. Nicolas Winding Refn.

Gainsbourg: A Heroic Life— An inventive political, cultural, ethnic defense of France’s ’60s pop icon and rebel Serge Gainsbourg shows a caricaturist’s whimsy—especially in the Jewish

self-consciousness subtext, psychopolitical anime effects and Eric Elmosnino’s lead performance. Laetitia Casta does a worthy, knockout Brigitte Bardot impersonation. Dir. Joann Sfar.

Jack and Jill—Adam Sandler, the least abashed comic actor outside the Borscht Belt, tackles Jewish self-deprecation in this sibling rivalry laff fest.

Playing both male and female twins, Sandler show tribal affection by turning bad vibes into good. Al Pacino’s cameo as Jill’s suitor is both crazily romantic and a brilliant professional salute. Dir. Dennis Dugan.

J. Edgar—Using the career of longtime FBI director J. Edgar Hoover to promote a gay sympathy ought to be subversive (that’s the intention of screenwriter Dustin Lance Black, who wrote Milk). But despite Leo DiCaprio’s eager-beaver empathetic performance, this grim, humorless exercise, featuring lousy old-age makeup, turns out

ghoulish and self-congratulatory—just like Milk. Dir. Clint Eastwood.

Melancholia—Kirsten Dunst and Charlotte Gainsbourg play Eurotrash sisters waiting for the end of world—literally: A planet named Melancholia, symbolizing their depression, comes crashing toward Earth. Another Lars von Trier prank, this is apocalypse for nihilists. Dir. Lars von Trier.

Puss in Boots—More Shrek dreck, this time losing what little appeal the Puss in Boots character (voiced by Antonio Bandera) brought to previous episodes of the franchise. At least there are fewer human facile grotesques, but all the fairy tale/pop culture satire (from Humpty Dumpty to Jack and Jill) and feline cuteness becomes a jumbled-up overload. Dir. Chris Miller.

Real Steel—Hugh Jackman’s Lost Father and his Estranged Son (Dakota Goyo) come together in the near future of robot boxing—a metaphor for mankind’s displaced emotions in the digital age. This surprisingly touching footnote to producer Steven Spielberg’s A.I. is a fairytale of archetypes. Dir. Shawn Levy.

NOW PLAYING The Rum Diary—Another tryand-miss attempt at putting Hunter Thompson’s fevered journalism on screen. Although Johnny Depp’s too old to play the young Gonzo writer, the dissolute story ignores optimism and innocence. It is dully cynical. Dir. Bruce Robinson.

The Skin I Live In—A fairy tale using sexual anxiety as identity crisis. Mad scientist Antonio Banderas falls in love with his human guinea pig (Elena Anaya) in a narrative as convoluted as it is engrossing. Twisted yet ultimately humane, it gloriously refutes Lady Gaga. Dir. Pedro Almodóvar.

Take Shelter—Midwestern laborer (Michael Shannon) becomes unstable, sensing apocalypse in the changed wind (as Bob Dylan would put it). Political paranoia takes elemental, eschatological form, driving wife (Jessica Chastain) and blue-collar buddy (Shea Whigham) to the edge. Tipping into horror movie cliché, the political tension gets unbearably overwrought. Dir. Jeff Nichols.

Tower Heist—Eddie Murphy’s sharp, profane delivery can’t save this witless high-concept heist movie about a team of luxury apartment workers (led by Ben Stiller) seeking revenge on their MadoffTrump boss. Dir. Brett Ratner.

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PUBLIC NOTICE NOTICE IS HEREBY GIVEN, PURSUANT TO LAW, that the NYC Department of Consumer Affairs will hold a Public Hearing on Wednesday, December 7, 2011 at 2:00 p.m. at 66 John Street, 11th floor, on a petition from 75th & 3rd Corp. to continue to, maintain, and operate an enclosed sidewalk café at 1309 Third Avenue in the Borough of Manhattan for a term of two years.

REQUESTS FOR COPIES OF THE PROPOSED REVOCABLE CONSENT AGREEMENT MAY BE ADDRESSED TO: DEPARTMENT OF CONSUMER AFFAIRS, ATTN: FOIL OFFICER, 42 BROADWAY, NEW YORK, NY 10004

N EW S YO U LIV E B Y

Going to the Airport?

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December 1, 2011

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new york family

A Mother of Two Has News for You

Mom-preneur Golnar Khosrowshahi expands GoGoNews, her popular children’s news website, with big ideas for little learners

By Joe Wack

F

ive years ago, Golnar Khosrowshahi’s twin daughters came to her with questions about a newspaper photo they had stumbled across. “My kids had seen a photograph of a little girl. She was disheveled and bruised and battered and beaten.

She was an earthquake survivor. They started asking questions: ‘What happened to her? Why did this happen?’”

Khosrowshahi recalled.

But this “Type A” mom knew that turning on television news coverage or looking the story up on Google News was not the best way to get her children’s questions answered.

“Mainstream news is not a safe place with your child,” she said. “You don’t know what you’re going to see, from an image standpoint. There are things on CNN that are fine for you and me, but it’s not necessarily what you want your 8- or 9-year-old to see.”

So Khosrowshahi took the matter into her own hands. “I started leaving [my daughters] a newsletter that they could have with their breakfast,” she said. “I started adding the weather and things like that, just topical news. It was really all inspired by that one photograph and the questions that came about because of it. And then it just grew.”

Khosrowshahi began sharing the newsletter with friends and family.

“People liked the idea,” she reflected. “[Eventually]…I moved it onto a couple of different web-based products and now we are where we are today.”

Hot Tip of the Week

Okee Dokee Concert The Okee Dokee brothers will be at 92Y Tribeca this Sunday, Dec. 4, at 11 a.m. as part of the “Bring Your Own Kid” (BYOK) music series. The brothers, who perform original music reminiscent of their own backyard adventure days, engage kids in an interactive concert with dancing and singing. BYOK events are great for kids 5 and under. For more information, visit 92y.org/tribeca.

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Where it is today is among the leading sites for children-focused news content. Thousands of readers flock to GoGoNews.com every day. And there are good reasons why they keep coming back.

GoGoNews, aimed at kids aged 5 to 13, is updated daily and features current news stories that are geared toward young minds. The site is organized into categories of interest, including Planet,

Golnar Khosrowshahi. which focuses on articles with an ecological angle; Picks, which includes recommendations for new products, toys and books; and Cool, a page of games, riddles and other bits of fun.

Unlike some kids’ news sites, which resemble a hyper-caffeinated Times Square, Khosrowshahi notes that GoGoNews was designed with simplicity in mind. “We wanted it to have some gravitas and still be appealing to kids and be simple,” she said. “We don’t really have anything happening ‘below the fold.’ That’s because kids don’t really know that they need to scroll down to find more content. So, while it looks simplistic, a lot of that was done deliberately.”

Another thing that sets GoGoNews apart is its daily updates—even during the summer, when other sites take a break. Khosrowshahi researched her site’s summer traffic and was surprised

Decem ber 1, 2011

to find that the number of hits increased significantly. “There were so many kids commenting on the stories. The numbers don’t lie.”

GoGoNews also doesn’t shy away from difficult stories. For instance, this year, the site covered the 10-year anniversary of the 9/11 attacks.

Khosrowshahi believes a wellwritten piece can serve as an effective launching pad for families to discuss these types of world events. “We covered it from the angle of ‘On this day, this happened ten years ago.’ Very, very factual,” she said. “We don’t get into a lot of cause and effect in these articles, because we need to leave room for our readers—and the families of the readers—to create their own judgment when they’re communicating with their children.”

Khosrowshahi doesn’t decide how to approach these stories all on her own, though.

“I work with a psychiatrist in the city, Dr. Jennifer Hartstein, who is a consultant to GoGoNews. We also work with an educational consultant to give us the ‘what’s happening at school’ perspective.”

But that’s not to imply that the site is all hard news, all the time. “We feature a lot of science stories, new planets or new fossils and that kind of thing, and stories about pets or animals. We’ll cover a lot of art-related stories, like new exhibitions. The thread here is that they are all current stories,” Khosrowshahi commented.

One recent article featured New Zealand’s release of a set of Star Wars coins. “It’s a great story, because kids love Star Wars, so it’s got mass appeal on that front, but so many people emailed us asking, ‘Where can I get these coins?’

I had no choice but to direct them to the New Zealand government’s site,” Khosrowshahi said. “A kid reads that

and walks away asking, ‘Where is New Zealand?’ It’s that additional piece of information that that child has learned because of his or her love of Star Wars.”

Looking ahead, Khosrowshahi and her team are currently expanding the site to include GoGoTeach, which will allow teachers to utilize worksheets in which stories from the site can be used to practice reading comprehension, punctuation and other literacy skills.

Perhaps the reason Khosrowshahi has been so effective at creating a functional site for kids and their families is that she’s a consumer of the site as well as its creator. Her daughters have grown up with the news stories that she has helped them follow. “They remember things from three years ago, which I find amazing,” she said. “I see that retention and I see that they have some resource to draw on when they’re forming their opinions. One of their resources is this exposure that they’ve had.”

Thanks to Khosrowshahi’s kid-focused take on current affairs, GoGoNews has become the go-to site for parents who wish to expose their kids to events and reports from all over the world. And it all started with a single photograph and a conversation.

For more information, visit gogonews.com.

N EW S YO U LIV E B Y

O u r T o w n N Y. c o m

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camps

Ready or Not? Helping your child feel comfortable about going away to camp

By Jess Michaels

S

ending your child to camp for the first time is a major milestone for a child, one that is often marked by excitement, anticipation and perhaps even some anxiety.

For many kids, sleepaway camp is often the first real separation from parents they have experienced, and some have difficulty transitioning from the comforts of home to learning more independence.

Homesickness, of course, is quite common, though in varying degrees.

There are many things parents can do to prepare their prospective campers for the emotional transition and to support them once they are away.

l Involve your child in the camp process. The more involved your child is in camp decisions, from choosing the camp to packing, the more comfortable your child will feel about being at camp.

l Practice separation throughout the year. Have your child sleep over at friends’ and relatives’ houses. l

Discuss with your child what camp will be like. Honest discussions before your child leaves will help prepare your child for the camp experience.

l Don’t bribe. Linking a successful camp stay to a material object when your child returns home sends the wrong message. l Send your child off with a personal item from home. Pack a favorite item, such as a stuffed animal. l Reach a prior agreement about phone calls from camp. Some camps may allow calls; others may not. Your child should know what the policy is beforehand, with an explanation for why the camp has that policy, and know that they have a lot of experience in dealing with homesickness in

kind and nurturing ways.

l Send a note or package ahead of time to arrive in the first few days of camp. Send a letter from home or a care pack- Campers at Bank Street Summer Camp enjoy some down time. age, acknowledging in a positive way toward independence and it plays an that you will miss your child. important part in their growth and development. l Don’t plan an exit strategy. Before your child leaves for camp, don’t l Talk candidly with the camp discuss plans to pick up your child director about his or her perspective early from camp if he/she doesn’t like on your child’s adjustment to camp. it.

Remember, camp staffs are trained to ease homesickness, have dealt with l Don’t feel guilty about encour- homesick children before and will go aging your child to stay at camp, even out of their way to help make a child if your child wants to come home. For who’s feeling homesick feel more inmany children, camp is the first step volved in camp.

“An Intimate Place to Learn in the Heart of a Great City” Dear Parents: You are cordially invited to attend one of our OPEN HOUSE at York Preparatory School.

Thursday, January 12th

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Wednesday, January 25th

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N EW S YO U LIV E B Y

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CLASSI FI E DS Classified Advertising Department Information Telephone: 212-268-0384 | Fax: 212-268-0502 | Email: advertising@manhattanmedia.com Hours: Monday - Friday 9:00 am - 5:00 pm | Deadline: Monday 12 noon for same weeks’ issue

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Garbage Transfer Stations and Delicate Ecosystems

By Philip Orton Mayor Bloomberg has been pushing to rebuild and reopen a shuttered marine garbage transfer station (MTS) in the Manhattan neighborhood of Yorkville since 2002. Many nearby residents vociferously oppose the plan because the old MTS worsened air quality and noise pollution and led to foul garbage smells in the area and they anticipate similar or worse problems with the new, larger MTS. As an oceanographer and resident of Yorkville, I am writing with a dissenting viewpoint that’s sure to start some trash talking.

In 1999, the MTS was shuttered because of decreasing use after the Staten Island Fresh Kills landfill was closed. Since then, trash has typically been driven through less affluent communities and transferred to long-haul trucks for shipment to other states as far off as South Carolina.

If the MTS is rebuilt and reopened, garbage trucks from most of the eastern half of Manhattan will converge on 91st Street at East River, where garbage will be transferred inside a closed building to sealed shipping containers and placed on barges for long-distance transport. This would reduce citywide truck traffic and air pollution and (in the long run) save a lot of money. It would also address the injustice of trucking most of Manhattan’s trash through low-income communities.

The MTS opponents have been distributing printouts of a new letter around the community that can be signed and sent to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA). This latest effort

Sorry for the “Inconvenience”

To the Editor: Regarding an “Open Letter to OWS” (Nov. 24), I guess Mrs. Merkl has forgotten that real change is not easy, that it’s messy and that sometimes people are unintentionally hurt, yes, and even inconvenienced along the way.

These people are struggling to find a way that is as inclusive as possible to make real and serious change. They will make mistakes. As with any movement, there will always be wackos and people who will try to exploit it. However, it is the majority of people in a movement who define it, not those on the fringes.

This movement is made up of the

Decem ber 1, 2011

to stop the MTS collides with my area of expertise, oceanography—they are claiming that the “delicate ecosystem” of the East River will be badly harmed and that the project threatens striped bass.

The East River is not a delicate ecosystem, as the letter claims; it is a heavily urbanized waterway, with large boat wake waves and strong, dispersive tidal currents. Striped bass aren’t likely to be vulnerable to the proposed increase in activity nor to the development’s relatively small footprint.

Moreover, there is a much more compelling set of factors that should override the delicate ecosystem argument.

Opening the new MTS will prevent substantial carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions that currently result from trucking garbage over long distances within and beyond NYC. CO2 emissions are enhancing the greenhouse effect, causing global warming of the atmosphere and ocean. This ocean warming is pushing fish like striped bass poleward to find cooler waters and threatens to eliminate the world’s immobile ecosystems, such as coral reefs.

The heating of the ocean and melting of glaciers causes sea levels to rise, which should be a very serious concern for this low-lying neighborhood. Sea level around New York City is expected to rise between 1 and 4.5 feet by 2085, raising flood levels for coastal storms like Hurricane Irene higher and giving them much greater destructive potential.

Furthermore, CO2 is causing ocean acidification, with poorly understood but potentially profound implications. The

world’s oceans are already 30 percent more acidic than in pre-industrial times and are projected to become a factor of 2 to 2.5 times more acidic in the next 100 years if we don’t dramatically reduce our emissions.

For those who care about delicate ecosystems, acidification makes seawater more corrosive for many of the microscopic organisms that form the base of the food chain.

New Yorkers can take pride that Mayor Bloomberg is the chair of a coalition of 58 major global cities taking action as the Cities Climate Leadership Group. Global warming is a major concern for Bloomberg, in part because we are a city of islands and sea level rise may eventually force the city to rebuild low-lying infrastructure like FDR Drive where it passes by Yorkville.

The MTS is an important part of PlaNYC 2030, which prepares the city for expected population growth, improves city air quality and helps reduce global warming, sea level rise and ocean acidification. Detailed information on the MTS and the broader Solid Waste Management Plan is available on the NYC Department of Sanitation website.

While we must be vigilant and hold the Department of Sanitation to their commitments to maintain a healthy and clean local environment, residents should support the MTS plan because it has concrete, long-term benefits for Yorkville, New York City and people and ecosystems around the globe.

Dr. Philip Orton is a postdoctoral research associate at the Stevens Institute of Technology.

LET T ER S

employed, the unemployed, the underemployed, those seriously underpaid and the retired. What we all have in common is that if we’re not homeless now, we’re merely a catastrophe or two from losing our homes. I have relatives who have saved their whole lives and are now being nickled and dimed into poverty. Is Goldman Sachs offering them a hand up?

So I’m sorry a group of 7th graders missed a field trip; perhaps they should have visited Zuccotti Park. The teacher missed a huge teaching moment. One can only hope that their teacher and parents talk about the issues that the Occupy protesters are trying to discuss: not having enough to eat, being thrown out of a fair-paying job to work for minimum wage, parents having to work several jobs to make ends meet, joining the military because it’s the only job you can get,

choosing between paying for prescriptions or for food and rent—and this is only a partial list.

Maybe they should learn about of their fellow students, who graduated college owing tens of thousands of dollars and are unable to find a job to pay that money back.

Your summary of “Get a job!” sounds a lot like our parents, who told us to “take a bath” and “cut our hair” in the ’60s and ’70s.

Hopefully, you will be able to avoid catastrophes in your personal life so you won’t have to feel first-hand the need to go to Zuccotti Park and participate yourself, thereby “inconveniencing” others.

Mike Glick Manhattan Letters have been edited for clarity, style and brevity.

N EW S YO U LIV E B Y

MOORe tHOuGHtS

Losing Papa, But Keeping New York My father dies, but not before giving me the gift of home

By Christopher Moore I looked out at the Hudson River from his room at New York-Presbyterian/ Columbia, his body lying next to me. The gray weather. The awful, post-stroke writhing finally over after a few horrible days. I thought so many things, including that he had managed to die in a town he loved. Oh, and what a great view.

My father died two months ago on Oct. 1.

He was not my “dad.” We never used that word. We called him Papa, but that feels wrong in print. Here we will favor the term father, a good old decent word for a good old decent man. He was sharp, cynical and usually right about what was wrong with America. He traded Ohio for the East. He was a fine high school teacher, an even better parent and someone who shared my interests in everything from politics to theater. He was conservative in his personal behavior, believing in traditional virtues like classical literature

and getting your chores done. He was liberal politically, saying he stopped voting Republican after really learning to read.

He was one of three or four people who actually listened to how my day had gone. On bad days since Oct. 1, losing that has felt like losing way too much. He was 81, but I got tired fast of answering the age question—I know those who ask are just adding up how many years they have left. Yes, that sounds cranky. My other pet peeves: “died” is better than “passed away” and I never want to see another sympathy card again.

Along with my mother, my father gave me the great gift of New York City.

I was raised in New Jersey, where there’s a weird divide. Some people traipse regularly into this wacky town; others would never think of leaving Summit, N.J., for an afternoon in Midtown. My father traipsed, even during the city’s

more difficult days. On his way out the door to catch a train, he would cheerfully announce to my mother: “I need some money for the mugger.”

He rode the subways. He championed them. He told suburbanites, both his students and anyone who would listen, that the city was a citadel of culture. In some of the most beautiful places in the country, surrounded by a beach or a gorgeous landscape, someone might mention the dream of living in such a spot. “It’s awfully far from Lincoln Center,” he would say, underscoring yet again his own personal quality-of-life test.

He said this for decades. He lived it, too. After years of working and building lives in New Jersey, he and my mother returned to this city, where they had met.

They chose a Riverdale co-op. There was an express bus from them to Lincoln Center.

One week after he died, on Oct. 8, I spread his ashes around New York City.

Maybe I tossed a few bits of Papa close to the Metropolitan Opera or perhaps

I worried instead about the legality of such a move. You decide. Either way, we think of him when my partner and I walk about the plaza, touring our adopted hometown or heading to last month’s opening night of “La Bohème.”

Years ago, on the night of another Lincoln Center performance, my father and I were eating dinner at a now-defunct Greek restaurant. I mentioned a building where I wanted to live, the Masters Apartments, where I’m sitting and writing this now. He said he had lived once in the same structure. Was he just having a senior moment? No, he was right. When he died, I found a piece of his stationery from his one-year stay at 310 Riverside Dr. During his time there—here, really—he studied at a Columbia University program, wrote letters for academic journals and The New York Times and enjoyed music and theater. He thrived.

He first fell for New York from what later become my perch.

Across the decades, we found the same home.

Christopher Moore is a writer who lives in Manhattan. He can be reached by email at ccmnj@aol.com and is on Twitter (@cmoorenyc).

citiquette

The Overachieving Overnighter Is there such a thing as being too great a guest?

By Jeanne Martinet Recently, friends from Montreal, a married couple, came to stay with me for one night on their way to see relatives in Virginia. When they called to let me know they were running late due to a delayed flight, I said to them, as firmly as I know how, “Now, listen guys, I have gin in the freezer. Your martini glasses are chilled and waiting, so don’t stop for anything.

Don’t buy me anything. Just come directly here.” I said this because they visit me often, and I know their houseguesting M.O. all too well.

Was I surprised when they arrived bearing not only a bottle of expensive gin, but flowers and other gifts as well?

Not really. Nor was I surprised when they insisted on taking me to dinner. In the morning, they snuck out before I woke up and brought back coffee, bagels and lox, fresh strawberries and a newspaper—even though by that time I had a pot of coffee brewing and was more than O u r To w n NY. c o m

prepared to whip up mushroom and feta omelets.

Now, these are old and wonderful friends, and of course I felt pampered and loved and grateful to them. But I have to confess I also felt a little bad. I felt dehostified.

The couple took care of me the whole time, rather than the other way around. And while guest largess may seem like an absurd thing to complain about, considering all of the stories we hear about horrible houseguests (people who arrive without warning, stay too long and never send a thank you)— these guests were so overly generous that it made me feel like a horrible hostess.

It is often a delicate balance, this dance between host and guest. Hosting and guesting, like almost all forms of human interaction, is a yin-yang thing. You can’t really be a good guest unless you allow the host to be a good host; you can’t be a

good host if you don’t let your guest contribute in some way. Whenever I have a visit from my Montreal friends, I definitely feel that the balance is out of whack.

On the one hand, it’s nice that I don’t have to entertain or take care of them when they come.

On the other hand, I am frustrated I can’t do more for them—not only because it is my house but because it simply feels good to make others happy. People can forget that it is generous to let others give to you as well as for you to give to others. Sometimes, when a host says to her guest, “I do wish you would allow me to take care of that,” she really means it.

But do I really mean it? Do I really want my beneficent overnighters to take it down a notch? Maybe my friends are actually responding to signals I am unaware I am sending. Like most New Yorkers, I tend to suffer from TMHS (Too

Many Houseguests Syndrome) which can make me a more jaded, less eagerto-please host than I might otherwise be.

Manhattan hotels are so expensive that many people who come to stay with New Yorkers are coming primarily because they need a place to stay; seeing the host is frequently a secondary thing.

I suspect that years of these “favorbased” sleepovers have made me a more careless host. And it’s a carelessness I am not proud of. For one thing, I should be the one getting up early and bringing home the bagels, not my guests. I know a D.C. woman who will drive 30 miles to the fish market in the middle of a heat wave to buy a bushel of crabs, just because one of her guests mentioned she had a hankering for them.

Perhaps, after all, it is I who needs to become an overachieving host. The next time these friends come to town, I swear I am going to pick them up at the airport in a limo and hand them their chilled martinis as soon as they step inside the car.

They won’t know what hit them.

Jeanne Martinet, aka Miss Mingle, is the author of seven books on social interaction. Read her blog at MissMingle.com.

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