Out of the Closet

“One day, she came to me and said: ‘Is it OK if I had a girlfriend?’

“If a partner has an affair with the opposite sex you can be angry but this is so much more complicated. She’d been feeling like this for two years but said nothing,” he says.

She wanted to remain married, but he couldn’t live a lie and they divorced. They haven’t spoken since and she now has a female partner.

Kevin’s life fell apart and he became suicidal.

“I wanted to make a go of my marriage, I had everything invested in it, I didn’t want to be a failure. I felt a failure as a man and a husband. It was bad, very, very, bad.”

There are all kinds of reasons why people commit to straight relationships when they are gay - they may not have fully realised their feelings, hope they will go away or fear they will suffer prejudice. Some may have been together for years after marrying at a time when society was less accepting of gay people.

Former Welsh rugby player Gareth Thomas has talked about how he doesn’t believe he would have reached the top in the sport if he had been openly gay. When he came out in 2009 he said he had been in denial about his true feelings and had genuinely been in love with his wife.

Both Carol and Kevin have a clear message for those who are in straight marriages but think they may be gay.

“You have to be honest with yourself and your partner, especially when kids are involved. Not knowing your own sexuality and taking time to decide hurts everyone involved. Be true to who you are,” says Carol.

Kevin adds: “The sooner you come out the better for everyone concerned. It might be difficult, it might end a marriage, but the fact is you can’t start to repair while they’re in the closet but you’re nailed to the outside and don’t even know it.”

Six years on, he describes his life as “brilliant” and now supports people going through the same experience. He says people in his position should contact a support group.

“It will get better. It’s been difficult, my life has now taken a completely different path, but is better than I could have ever hoped,” he says.

Gareth Thomas

It is always good news to hear that a professional sports person has come out of the closet ... and recently Dennis Del Valle, a professional volleyball player, who lives in Switzerland and is a member of the Puerto Rican national team, has come out publicly as gay.

The 31-year old, from San Juan, Puerto Rico, revealed that he decided to come out to show that gay athletes can play at elite levels; saying in an interview with 24 Heures, “Now is the time to speak up. There must be lots of young athletes who live in secret ... On my level, I’ve had a successful career being gay.”

“I hope they will say to themselves: ‘Why not me?’ Maybe I could change someone’s life. Me speaking out could allow someone to gain confidence, to feel safer, to not stop playing sport for fear of rejection.”

“What an unusual Sunday for me,” Del Valle wrote on Facebook after the story appeared. “While I thought I was doing something nice and special for myself, I didn’t realise how much more I was doing for others like me.

“I wanted to use this platform not to tell the world my story or who I am. But to try to inspire other people, kids, especially athletes that don’t have anyone to look up to.”

We applaud all athletes who take this huge step, which often comes from many years of soul-searching and the fear that such a revelation with have oh fellow team members as well as fans. It is a very brave move, as major stars feel terrified to come out while their careers are active - they are role models ...

As well as struggling for public acceptance, players sometimes also face rejection from family as was the case with Justin Fashanu who came out as gay in 1990. The footballer died by suicide in 1998 after years of homophobic abuse and tabloid harassment.

Then, Gareth Thomas, the former Welsh Rugby captain who was the first rugby player to come out, was forced in 2009 to come out as HIV positive after allegedly being blackmailed by a newspaper. It is not an easy decision ... we admire and congratulate those who do.

LOOKING BACK AT

The idea of The Lemming Sisters began, as great ideas often do, as a joke amongst three friends, all with a penchant for drag, but no opportunity to express it. Their first chance came along at a kitchen tea party in Mvurwi, where they went down a storm with the farmers’ wives. “Love-Less” Lemming, and Lara “Du-May Puss” Lemming. And they have never looked back.

1995 was a landmark year in the history of Zimbabwe’s gay community. It was the year we found out that our president was a tired old homophobic bigot. It was also the year that The Lemming Sisters burst out on to the scene with pride and gusto not seen since the post-Independence euphoria of the early Eighties.

THE LEMMING SISTERS

From humble beginnings in the conservative rural backwaters of Zimbabwe’s northern farming community of Mvurwi in 1994, to international stardom at the end of the Gay Nineties, The Lemming Sisters have thrilled, delighted and excited audiences, gay and straight alike, with their glamorous, sexy, sometime sleazy, and always entertaining performances.

Photos: Gavin O’Neill

The next opportunity was to perform at the by then regular Thursday gay nights at the Tube Night-club in Harare in early 1995. There was an ABBA Evening, and the trio appeared as ABBArish, and performed a hilarious rendition of “Money, Money, Money”, dressed in frumpish house coats and huge bosoms. By the end of their set, they were stars on the rise, thanks to a magnificent performance of the Pointer Sisters “I’m So Excited”, which had since become their theme song. The success of their first public performance at The Tube encouraged the girls, and they changed their name to The Lemming Sisters, comprising Tara “Tight-Ass” Lemming, Linda In 1996, The Lemming Sisters supported The Three Degrees during their tour of Zimbabwe, and somewhat eclipsed the visiting stars, judging from the audience response.

Their fate was sealed when they brought the house down at the Jacaranda Queen Drag Pageant in 1995, with their glamorous, in-your-face performance, before their largest audience yet. The event was also covered by the international press, thanks to the free publicity from our president. What followed was more dates at The Tube. Meanwhile, the shows were getting more daring and outrageous. “Gold Finger” springs to mind. Their reputation was growing, and they began doing more and more engagements outside the gay community, mainly for corporate functions, bachelor parties, product launches, and so on.

Later on in 1996, The Lemming Sisters received the Chelsea Award at the Jacaranda Queen Pageant. This annual award goes to any group or individual who has increased gay visibility in Zimbabwe in a positive manner.

With the Three Degrees in Harare 1996

form at her theatre in Darling, near Cape Town, where they received rave reviews.

The value of drag is that it can be subversive, something that was clearly illustrated when the Lemmings were seen at a function by a minister of state who described The Flemming (sic) Sisters as an excellent example of Zimbabwean womanhood, who should be emulated. It must be remembered that this happened just after the head of state’s anti-homosexual tirades!

The Lemming Sisters disbanded in 2000 and only one sister remains in Zimbabwe. However, the legend of the Lemming Sisters lives on as they have entered the annals of Zimbabwe’s gay history. And although there have been several rumours of a reunion, sadly they are only rumours.

But Lara “Du May Puss” Lemming, now resident in Jersey, could not stay out of the limelight for too long. She has reinvented herself and is now known as Madonna Lemming, in honour of her idol.

In November 2004 she visited her home town Bulawayo for her Reinvention Tour.

In June 2005, she wowed audiences with a spectacular rendition of “Like A Virgin” at the Peninsula Hotel in Manila, the Philippines. After critical acclaim there, it seems as if Madonna Lemming is on the verge of a second debut on the international stage. She also performed on the Pride stage in Cape Town and at The Venue Bar.

Not bad for a girl from sleepy, dusty Bulawayo. The unforgettable spirit of the Lemmings lives on.

Article courtesy GayZim “Dorothy’s Friends Diary