To Come Out (or Not to Come Out) at Work_ - DiversityInc

To Come Out (or Not to Come Out) at Work? - DiversityInc.com

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To Come Out (or Not to Come Out) at Work? By Kevin Canessa Jr. - Jun 24, 2009

Also read: LGBT, civil rights, DiversityInc Top 50, discrimination, coming out Coming out as lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender to friends and family is challenging enough. But with no federal workplace-discrimination protection based on sexual orientation established, coming out at work is even more difficult--because you risk losing your job or a promotion. What do LGBT employees need to know? Click here to read "How Is the LGBT Community Mounting Pressure on President Obama?" Click here to read "When Same-Sex Partners Meet Immigration Law." Click here to read "'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' Repeal: Is It Gaining Steam?" Consider asking yourself these six questions: 1. Are you personally ready? And how do you know if you are? Out & Equal's Executive Director Selisse Berry says if you're prepared to come out, there should be some sense of relief because you'll be bringing your whole self to work. "[Our mission is] to really help people be able to bring all of who they are into the workplace," Berry says. "It's kind of this notion of leaving a big part of yourself at home and at work, it's like walking around with two different pairs of shoes all day long. It allows you to focus on your job, not changing pronouns and trying to hide who you are." 2. Does my company's non-discrimination policy protect LGBTs? Some organizations have sexual-orientation protections in their non-discrimination policies, but not all. If your company's policy doesn't clearly protect LGBTs--and you're ready to come out at work, but don't feel comfortable--take a look at The DiversityInc 2009 Top 10 Companies for LGBT Employees. 3. Are there other openly LGBT employees at your job? If there are, that's a positive sign. If you know an openly gay or lesbian colleague well enough, consider asking about his or her experience.

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"Everybody's different. But, definitely, if you're coming to work every day and you get to know people as people, you can tell who's going to have an OK time with this and who may not," Berry says. "Not everyone has a boss that they can come out to, but that definitely makes a huge difference when you feel like you can sit down and say to your boss, 'This is who I am and I'd love for you to meet my partner. But I'm not out to everyone on our team. Why don't we strategize together [on] what would make the most sense?'"

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4. Did you practice your announcement? It may sound silly, but it isn't. Reveal something emotional is never easy, and people sometimes get tongue-tied. Although there's no perfect way to announce that you're lesbian or gay at the office, practicing what to say

How far?

Why the 'B' in 'Black' Is Capitalized at DiversityInc When Should Your Company Take a Stand Against LGBT Bias? André Wyss on Building Gender Equality at Novartis PwC Chairman Bob Moritz Makes Diversity Personal KPMG, AT&T Stand Up to Anti-LGBT Bill in

5/26/2011 2:43 PM

To Come Out (or Not to Come Out) at Work? - DiversityInc.com

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should make you more comfortable. 5. Do you know how to respond to people's reactions? For some heterosexuals, the first time they hear "I'm gay" or "I'm bisexual" they may appear uncomfortable. Beyond that, curiosity may arise and they ask personal questions. Advice: Only respond to questions that you feel comfortable answering. And if someone asks you something inappropriate, let that be known, too. 6. Can you handle negative reactions? One 27-year veteran of a very progressive company (who is gay and asked that DiversityInc.com not use his name or company), says that last year was the first time he proudly displayed a photo of his partner on his desk. For all those years, he led coworkers to believe "the woman in the photo [on my desk] was my wife, when it was actually my sister." "As progressive as the company is, I still never felt I could be out in the office," he says. "It was extremely difficult. I wanted to let everyone know who my real partner was. But I also didn't want to cost myself a chance for advancement. No one else was out. If I only knew then what I know now." Companies on the The 2009 DiversityInc Top 50 Companies for DiversityÂ® list welcome LGBT employees. Also, every DiversityInc Top 50 company offers same-sex domestic partners benefits. Readers' Comments

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