March 15, 2017 :: Queer Weddings

March 15, 2017

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Plan your Big Day at Sheraton Denver Downtown Hotel Between now and “I do”, a lot has to happen. Whether your big day will be shared with 50 guests or 750, the Sheraton Denver Downtown Hotel will ensure the happiest day of your life is the most seamless one as well.

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CONTENTS

march 15, 2017 vol40 no24

06 TRUMPDATE 10 hair by divinity 12 why we need marriage equality 16 how same sex marriage benefits the economy

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22 tips to relieve wedding stress 26 perspectives 28 wedding planning on a budget

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34 davis mallory: gay real world denver star

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36 sandra bernhard 50 dueling with depression 54 heinzesight on the cover Styling by: Derick Figaro Hair || Makeup by: Glamour Bar Denver || Photography by: From the Hip Photo MATTIE WEARS: ‘Venture Collection’ peridot and diamond pendant || ‘Aiden’ by Aiden Mattox from Neiman Marcus Denver.

RACHEL WEARS: ‘Intrigue’ diamond engagement ring and matching band by John Atencio || Herve Leger dress from Neiman Marcus Denver

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Recent winner of 8 awards from the Society of Professional Journalists, an Excellence in News Writing award, and an Excellence in Feature Writing award from the National Lesbian & Gay Journalists Association.

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from bisexual issue: The Domestic Violence infographic that was missing showed that 61% of bisexual women experience intimate partner violence.

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trumpdate joseph soto

It doesn’t look like news and policy ideas are in short supply for Donald Trump or his team. Let’s take a look at some of the biggest developments and happenings of the Trump Administration.

Today is March 8, 2017. This is what you need to know.

House ACA Repeal Donald Trump has voiced support for the House Republican plan to repeal and replace the Affordable Care Act (ACA) and has taken the precarious step of ingratiating himself in the policy battle over the ACA, according to The Washington Post.

Data from The New York Times shows that under the bill, which can be viewed in its 50-page entirety online, tax credits available to Americans will be reduced by thousands for earners of all ages and incomes from $20,000 to $75,000 — while those higher-wage earners will actually see more tax rebates to the tune of thousands.

The New York Times reported that the bill protects the most popular ideas of the ACA, including that policies can’t be more expensive for sick Americans than for healthy Americans, that companies can’t place a lifetime cap on care, and that there is a cap on individual out of pocket payments for care.

The plan will slash subsidies to help lowincome Americans buy insurance by as much 6 \\ m a r c h 1 5 , 2 0 1 7

as 80 percent in certain scenarios, will allow companies to charge even higher prices for health care policies to older Americans, and effectively sticks sicker and poorer Americans with a 30 percent re-entry premium on health care policies when those without insurance re-enter the market.

The Washington Post also reports that the plan would fundamentally change how Medicaid is administered and Planned Parenthood would lose a significant amount of its funding and face a one-year overall funding freeze. Though Donald Trump supports the plan, a major split among his principal donors and supporters has emerged, but its fate is still very much undecided.

This is a long update, but it is important that our community knows as much as possible about the policy debate around repealing and replacing ACA because the ACA impacts us all, from its prohibition on insurance companies cost-sharing over services like HIV testing to funding for preventative public health policies that protect the most high-risk children to protections for married gay and lesbian couples.

Changing Federal Policy on Marijuana Late in February, White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer told reporters that Donald Trump was not likely to continue what he called a

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trumpdate “permissive approach” to marijuana policy and, according to The Los Angeles Times, compared recreational marijuana to opioid addiction. The Hill reported that Jeff Sessions, the confirmed attorney general who has since found himself in the spotlight for different reasons, said just last year while a senator from Alabama that, “Good people don’t smoke marijuana.”

Despite contradictory attempts to ameliorate the concerns of Republican senators in private meetings, Jeff Sessions has reiterated his previous stance in part, recently saying, “I am definitely not a fan of expanded use of marijuana.”

This affects a legal marijuana industry that Business Insider reported was worth nearly $5.4 billion in 2015, and is projected to soar past $20 billion by 2020. Legal marijuana generated around $200 million in tax revenue for Colorado last year.

While state data suggests that only 13 percent of Colorado adults use marijuana, the stance Donald Trump chooses to take on legal marijuana could potentially impact how we fund aspects of our entire state budget, as well as the thousands of full-time jobs it creates.

The potential policy shift is nationally very unpopular — nearly 60 percent of Americans support full legalization of marijuana whereas a greater 71 percent oppose the type of enforcement measures inferred by Sean Spicer.

Infrastructure, Infrastructure, Infrastructure It is likely that we will all be talking about infrastructure a lot in the next couple of years as Donald Trump has pushed his staff to craft a plan for $1 trillion in infrastructure, according to The Wall Street Journal.

Reuters reported on a March 8th meeting Donald Trump held with leaders from the public and private sector to address infrastructure, one of the few (albeit small) public actions taken by Donald Trump on this issue. The Hill said on the day of that meeting that Donald Trump was “eyeing” a plan to mandate states start infrastructure projects 90 days after receiving federal funds. He expressed interest in high-speed rail as a separate policy issue.

Infrastructure is a confusing area of policy, and the implementation of infrastructure spending is a tough management need. A point to consider is how much of that $1 trillion will go to actual infrastructure projects, the kinds of “shovel-ready” union jobs made famous in the early days of the Great Recession.

Donald Trump seemed to suggest that at least some of that $1 trillion would come in the form of tax cuts to private firms when he said that his infrastructure plan would be “financed through both public and private capital.” If part of that massive trillion-dollar infrastructure is for tax cuts and not actual infrastructure, there’s no mechanism for the federal government to ensure that the money actually ended up going through private industry to infrastructure projects on the ground.

Aside from that, Donald Trump’s infrastructure package may be too small to begin with. The American Society of Civil Engineers 8 \\ m a r c h 1 5 , 2 0 1 7

reported that the nations needs an estimated $3.6 trillion by 2020 to repair and rebuild America’s crumbling infrastructure. This is important for our state because there are 46 open construction projects impacting state highways in Colorado, and infrastructure in this state related to water supply, drinking water, bridges, and transit was graded at no higher than a C and as low as a D+, according to the Colorado Department of Transportation.

Well-funded infrastructure spending packages that directly fund projects are important to creating a more equitable life for all Coloradans.

Immigration in America On March 6th, Donald Trump signed off on the “second edition” of his executive order on immigration. The new order bans immigration from six predominantly Muslim countries — Iran, Somalia, Sudan, Yemen, Syria, and Libya — but Iraq was removed from the order. Syria will no longer be blanketly denied entry, but will be impacted by an overall 120-day suspension of the refugee problem as part of a larger effort to curb the total number of refugees admitted to the United States by 50 percent.

Tailored to the goal of passing constitutional scrutiny, the order comes at a time when the United States is stepping up aggressive military efforts in Syria, a country stuck in the quagmire of an intense civil war and dealing with a massive — but not globally unique — humanitarian crisis in which nearly 5 million have fled the country and nearly 7 million have been internally displaced.

Readers may not think Donald Trump’s new executive order on immigration is important or impactful to the community, but it is. Every news outlet from BBC to CNN has reported on the brutalizing violence inflicted upon gay men in Syria and in many of the countries around the world refugees and other immigrants come to America from. When the news cameras leave, there exists still a wider system of oppression that targets queers. These are the people who are likely to apply for asylum and refugee status, and are among the types of people who will now have an even more difficult time getting into the United States if they happen to make it at all.

These are four of the many more substantive policy areas that Donald Trump has made moves in since the last issue of OUT FRONT. Did I miss anything important? Let me know at joseph. soto@colorado.edu!

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arianna balderrama

@hairbydivinity

splashes color into Denver, welcomes queers to sit in her chair Divinity Ray,

better known as hairbydivinity, is an artist. More specifically, Divinity is a hair artist who incorporates vivid, larger-than-life color into her styling.

Every new client that walks through the door and sits in her salon chair is a blank canvas. Divinity takes the client’s desires and expectations and blends them into her own vision. No two people leave her chair with the same style. Each follicle is met with a new stroke of personalization catered to the individual’s needs.

She’d hate for a client to walk out of the Moon House Salon with a copied look.

“A girl can sit in my chair with long, brown hair and leave with a short, purple bob,” Divinity said. “I do these crazy transformations all the time and it really keeps it interesting for me. I’m always creating art and helping bring out each person’s inner diva.”

Divinity’s traditional-style tattoos peeking out from the sleeve of her shirt, and short hair mirror her natural love for art and creativity. Although she has only been doing hair for a year, she has always been involved in the arts.

Colorado-born Divinity was raised by the Pacific Ocean.

At an early age, she got involved in ballet dancing.

Throughout her career as a dancer, she was navigating the backstage chaos, assisting with ballet buns and makeup. Her devotion to dance brought the opportunity for Divinity to travel to a larger professional dance setting — New York City. But she wanted to stay close to her family in Colorado, so she decided to change career paths.

After cutting ties with the beloved dance scene at 21, Divinity got into beauty school at Paul Mitchell, where she graduated with honors and a full clientele.

“That’s hard because people usually hit the beauty school for cheaper haircuts, but I made such an impact on the people that they followed me despite the increase in price,” she said.

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During her time in school, Divinity worked her way to dying her name all over Denver in bright colors. She’d spend her days in class mixing new and eccentric ideas in her head, rather than paying attention to the basics she had already mastered. She’d visit professionals on her lunch break, making connections that would find their way back into her career.

She’d offer to do people’s hair at stores after snatching the boxed coloring kit out of her future client’s hands at checkout and replacing it with her business card.

Social media was also a huge asset that Divinity often used to attract new clients or the attention of industry moguls.

Divinity is hungry and is continually staining her hands with adherence because she has a perfect portrait of what she wants.

“I want to build a brand,” she said. “I want to put my name out there so that people know me by my brand and not by what my girlfriend calls me. So far, it’s been a success. I’ll have people come up and say, ‘Hey, you’re hairbydivinity.’”

“He’s one of those artist who can use the same color pallet for five different paintings and make them look completely different, and that’s how I feel I do my color.”

When looking at Divinity’s fashion models, anyone can see the constant reference to the Pacific Ocean. Divinity has a natural love for the ocean, which is displayed in her work of layering beach waves and utilizing the vibrant colored hair often associated with mermaids. Throughout creating her own work, she strives for it to be recognized for its own personalized looks.

Divinity’s clients at times are welcoming to let her free spirit roam throughout their head and do not offer any wishful look ideas. She wishes to make whoever sits in her chair feel like a friend, rather than just a client.

Before her graduation in June of 2016, Divinity competed in Denver Unique Week of Fashion, winning first place in three of the five categories she entered.

She’s also no stranger to working with brides on their wedding days. Every bride has a disposition that they want to reflect for their special day, but Pinterest photos are usually a go-to for an upcoming bride. Divinity does not create a carbon copy of past bridal hair-do’s done for others. Instead, Divinity will play off a wishful design that is then personalized and still manages to meet the inclination of the bride.

Denver Unique Week of Fashion, beginning April 2nd, invited her to return this year, not as a competitor but as a consultant to the designers and a judge of the second annual stylist competition.

Being queer, Divinity wants her name to be known as a queer hairstylist because she wants people of all orientations and gender identities to know that they can feel comfortable sitting her chair.

Divinity’s inspirations come from different forms of art. Vincent Van Gogh galvanized her to fabricate different looks of color with the same pallet.

“Come as you are, sit in my chair, feel pampered, talk about your ex’s with me,” Divinity said. “Let’s make some art together.”

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why we need marriage q equality David-Elijah Nahmod

In If These Walls Could Talk 2, a made-for-TV movie produced for Showtime in 2000, Edith (Vanessa Redgrave) and Abby (Marian Seldes) play a longtime lesbian couple during the early 1960s. They’ve obviously been together for decades. One evening, after returning home from a movie, Abby collapses without warning and dies from a massive stroke.

is deeply in love with Michael, a young man who serves in the military beside him. The two have a brief relationship until Michael dies in combat. A grief stricken Jones must hide his feelings from his superiors or face a dishonorable discharge.

Soon after, Abby’s niece, whom the couple barely knew, descends upon the house and helps herself to whatever she likes. Edith is given thirty days to move — because they weren’t married, Edith has no rights to the home she shared with Abby.

“I think it was the absolute worst moment of my life,” he said.

“There are still triggers that send me into fear and panic.

Fortunately, I have gotten excellent care at the Veterans Hospital in San Francisco from experts in posttraumatic stress disorder.”

Scenes like these were very common and often repeated throughout the peak years of the AIDS epidemic. A gay man would die of AIDS. His surviving partner could be, and often was, thrown out of their home. In several extreme cases, the survivor might have been locked out of the home without notice of any kind, sometimes being denied access to his own personal property.

Years later in San Francisco, as When We Rise recounts, an older Jones (Michael Kenneth Williams) is in another relationship.

When his partner dies of AIDS, Jones is locked out of their home without warning. He files suit.

With the landmark 2015 Supreme Court ruling that legalized same-sex marriage nationwide, gay and lesbian couples now have the option of marrying. That piece of paper is more than just a romantic notion: a legal marriage entitles surviving same-sex spouses to the same property inheritance rights that heterosexual spouses have always taken for granted. Once married, a surviving spouse cannot be thrown out of the home they shared with their husband or wife.

Had they been able to marry, Jones would have had the legal right to remain in their home for as long as he wished.

One gay man who knows all too well the repercussions of not having legal recognition for a relationship is Ken Jones, who is one of the real life characters featured in ABC TV’s groundbreaking, queer, historical drama When We Rise.

Situations such as these can have an even greater negative impact on a person’s life, as Jones points out.

Jones, speaking to OUT FRONT, recalls the anguish he felt.

“What we consider family and what the law considers family are not always the same,” Jones is told by the judge.

“Quite candidly, the courts let me down,” Jones said. “But they were simply following the law. The laws needed to be changed.

“We need marriage equality because we want to be treated equally in the eyes of the courts and government. And marriage inequality leads to discrimination.”

Jones, now 65 years old and a wedding officiant, found love twice in his life. Both times were during pre-marriage equality years, and Jones suffered greatly.

“It has an adverse impact on the individual’s health and wellbeing,” he said. “This is America, and when our Declaration of Independence was signed, loyal Americans were of one mind to protect life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness for all people.”

When ABC viewers first meet the young Ken Jones (Jonathan Majors), he’s on combat duty during the Vietnam War. Jones

Marriage is more than just a wedding cake. For queer people, having the right to marry can be a matter of life and death.

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legal legal Directory Directory

Binge Drinking with ol’ Saint Patrick December has Christmas. July has Independence Day. In August we celebrate Labor Day, and in March — as Denver knows all too well — we hit the bars for St.Patrick’s Day. From the top o’ the mornin’ to the wee ‘arrs of night, Coloradans toss their inhibitions aside and do some serious drinking to celebrate Irish culture and heritage.

those who binge are 14 times more likely to be charged with DUI.

Unfortunately, many people will take the partying a bit too far.

According to statistics from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, there is an increase in binge drinking around holidays and St.Patrick’s Day is among the top of the list. And with binge drinking comes law-breaking, accidents, and even death. An average of 85,000 deaths are connected to binge drinking and

So yes, it’s great to honor Irish heritage and tip your glass to St.Patrick this Friday, but for your own sake, know when to stop.

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If you think the worst that can happen after a day-long drink fest in honor of St.Patrick is a hangover, think again! Just one drinking binge can harm your liver and cause brain damage. Or, you could be one of the unlucky ones who end up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning.

Our friends over at the Orr Law Firm encourage everyone to have fun and enjoy the ‘green’ holiday, but be safe and smart at the same time.

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how

S a me- S e x M a r r i a ge

B en efi ts

the

Economy

M

By Addison Herron-Wheeler

arriage is a controversial entity, not fully accepted or loved even by those who participate in it. While it is no doubt important to honor the bond of love between two people, many feel that marriage is patriarchal and perpetuates the gender binary, and the classic ceremony certainly puts a financial strain

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on many couples, young and old. But there is one thing that cannot be doubted: marriage is good for the economy.

In fact, weddings are an entire industry. From wedding DJs and dressmakers to those who make the cakes, this is an industry that turns a decent profit even in times of economic recession.

It should come as no surprise that legalizing same-sex marriage brings in even more revenue. When you increase the demographic of those who have the right to get married to 100 percent, you are looking at a lot more money. Factoring in that many people want to spend their special day just the way they’ve always dreamed of it due to facing adversity as a couple, you end up with some serious spenders who are committed to executing their wedding, their way — no matter the cost.

“On average I’ve noticed LGBTQ folk tend to actually have larger, higher budget weddings, which is definitely contributing more to the economy,” said Bec Koop of Irie Weddings & Events, a group that caters to alternative wedding choices such as cannabis-themed parties. “Sometimes you are also seeing a smaller, more intimate group, but in general you see people spending more money on their special day. The most beautiful thing I see about LGBTQ weddings is that they are more relaxed and they know how to throw one heck of a party.”

According to an economist’s column for PBS, state and federal budgets benefit from same-sex marriage legalization because nation-wide, same-sex couples’ money spent on weddings equals an estimated $1.5 billion. All the purchases of wedding items would also be taxed, generating even more money for the state.

In addition to all the money generated, allowing same-sex marriage supports the economy in another, more subtle way.

Married people are more beneficial economically than single people. This is because dual-income households are often more comfortable financially and therefore able to spend and give back to the economy. After all, if you are sharing all your bill and mortgage payments with someone else and splitting grocery costs right down the middle, it is a lot easier to splurge for that special night out or that expensive new piece of furniture.

“I think in terms of what’s worth it. That will, of course, vary couple to couple,” said Susannah Mcleod, local actor and photographer, who recently tied the knot with her girlfriend in beautiful Breckenridge. “It was important us to have a place where we could spend time with our best friends in the world and beautiful photos to remember our special day, so that’s where we ‘splurged.’”

Business Insider explained that legalizing same-sex marriage also increases revenue by boosting productivity in the workforce. If queer couples are treated just like hetero couples, they will gain the benefit of moving or staying wherever they want for work, rather than relocating in order to get married and will have an advantage in advancing their careers. They will also be more productive, due to increased self-esteem and lack of the stress caused by being seen as deviant or inferior.

Bobby LeFebre MSU Denver ‘04 Poet. Visionary. Roadrunner.

As an award-winning poet, spoken word artist, actor and social worker, Bobby LeFebre found his voice at MSU Denver.

For him, words are “indestructible bridges connecting us all across social, political, cultural and psychological borders.”

At MSU Denver, we’ve been transforming lives and empowering our students to find their personal road to success for more than 50 years. msudenver.edu/road

It shouldn’t come as much surprise that legalizing same-sex marriage is better for the economy. More married couples equal more weddings, a.k.a. people spending on everything from clothing and venue to the literal icing on the cake. And more dual-income families equals more spending and an overall healthier economy.

So next time you think about or discuss the same-sex marriage debate, remember the major secret weapon that proponents of gay marriage have on our side: cash.

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Queer Destination Weddings Demand Research and a Detailed Look at Safety Yvonne Wright 1 8 \\ m a r c h 1 5 , 2 0 1 7

Love.

It translates into all languages, has no permanent destination, and is a common bond shared worldwide. Now more than ever, people are sharing the love.

One out of every five couples are getting married somewhere other than home.

Why are destination weddings so popular? Lots of reasons.

Exotic locations are romantic. Friends and family can gather together to share an adventure. Or couples are looking for an intimate “couples only” experience (while saving money along the way). Whatever the reason, business is booming.

Bernadette Smith is the author of several books on LGBTQ weddings and runs 14 Stories, a company that helps plan LGBTQ weddings across the globe.

“We love planning destination weddings, as it’s a unique way to show off the diversity of our world,” she said.

She elaborated that couples should consider destinations with large LGBTQ populations, like “Puerto Rico, the ABC islands of Aruba, Bonaire, and Curacao and of course, Provincetown, Massachusetts.”

Some things to consider: Most destination weddings are inside the U.S. and cost an average of $225 per person. Outside the continent, you’re looking at about twice that.

Overall, you may save money, as the average number of guests drop from 141 to 86 for destination weddings. It can also cost little more than the trip itself if you want a couple’s-only getaway. Top locations inside the continental U.S. are Florida, California, and of course, Nevada. Outside the continent, Hawaii, Mexico, and the Caribbean top the list.

When considering a location for a same-sex wedding, you’ll need to do a little research. Jamaica is the most popular Caribbean location for Americans. Not only is same-sex marriage illegal there, engaging in homosexual behavior is also against the law. Mexico is another popular destination location, but not all states perform same-sex marriages. Hawaii, on the other hand, enthusiastically caters to LGBT weddings.

Equal marriage is legal in most Western European countries.

Bigger cities like London, Paris, and Madrid offer many samesex wedding tourist packages. Litizia* is a fiery Italian redhead who says she and her partner of 18 years plan to take advantage of her country’s recently-passed civil union law as soon as the newness of it wears off.

“At the moment, reporters and paparazzi are showing up at every ceremony,” she said.

Like many countries that have legalized same-sex unions, public opinion isn’t always on their side. Her wife-to-be is a police officer and, even in the cosmopolitan city of Florence where they live, they fear a publicized wedding.

Litizia still recommends Italy as a destination for LGBT weddings, “especially in Tuscany, my hometown, in Venetian lagoons, or in Milan.”

Besides the beauty, “Big cities are very open-minded with a lot of young people walking hand-in-hand.” It’s also bringing in more tourist dollars and opening up new business with new services for LGBT people, such as wedding planners and travel agencies.

In South America, Argentina, Uruguay, Brazil, and Colombia offer legal marriage for everyone. The Argentine capital of Buenos Aires is competing with the Colombian capital of Bogota for LGBT wedding dollars.

“We must be a friendly city that recognizes diversity in every way,” Tatiana Pineros said.

Tatiana is the director of Bogota’s Institute of Tourism and the only transgender government official there. She told the Colombian newspaper El Tiepo, “If we get people to know the wealth of the city, we will increase their sense of belonging.”

Not all South American destinations are taking the same approach. This year’s election in Brazil is laced with candidates using homophobic slurs and comparing gay people to pedophiles.

The South Pacific is a bit tricky. Hotels on some not-so-gayfriendly islands are trying to cash in by advertising same-sex wedding packages that don’t include legal ceremonies. LGBT marriage is legal on islands that fly U.S., French, and British flags – like Guam and Tahiti. And New Zealand is a gay-wedding mecca.

South Africa is the only African nation where same sex marriage is legal. In Asia, equal marriage is legal only in the small British territory of Akrotiri and Dhekelia. While Taiwan is currently considering a measure to legalize it, many Asian and African countries remain staunchly anti-gay. These are definitely areas to research before planning any type of same-sex ceremony.

Marriages legally performed and valid abroad are also legal in the U.S. Requirements vary from country to country. Some require blood or medical tests and documents such as birth certificates and valid passports. Ask if the documents need to be translated into the native language. Some countries also have residency requirements. These are usually 24 hours, but some are longer, like France’s 40 day residency rule.

While queer couples need to be more cautious and research destinations more carefully, there are plenty of places that welcome everyone. It’s not where you marry, but whom you marry that matters most. *Litizia’s last name is withheld to protect her privacy

Outfrontmagazine.com

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PHOTOGRAPHY by: From The Hip Photo || HAIR by: Derick Figaro Hair || MAKEUP by: Glamour Bar Denver || WEDDING PLANNING by: Sweetly Paired || FLORAL & DECOR by: Bella Calla || FOOD by: Kelley Kakes || VENUE by: Moss Denver || CLOTHING by: Neiman Marcus Denver || JEWELRY by: John Atencio

MATTIE WEARS: ‘Venture Collection’ peridot and diamond pendant || ‘Satin’ diamond engagement ring and band in 18K white gold by John Atencio || ‘Aiden’ by Aiden Mattox from Neiman Marcus Denver

WEDDING PLANNING by: Sweetly Paired || FLORAL & DECOR by: Bella Calla || FOOD by: Kelley Kakes || VENUE by: Moss Denver

RACHEL WEARS: ‘Deco Collection’ amethyst and diamond pendant in sterling silver || ‘Intrigue’ diamond engagement ring and matching band by John Atencio || ‘Aiden’ by Aiden Mattox from Neiman Marcus Denver 2 0 \\ m a r c h 1 5 , 2 0 1 7

JESSE WEARS: ‘Pantheon Collection’ watch || ‘Eclipse’ wedding band in white gold || Floral crown by Bella Calla || Suit by Ermenegildo Zegna and Theory from Neiman Marcus Denver MATTIE WEARS: ‘Decision’ engagement ring and matching wedding band in 18K white gold by John Atencio || Gown by Oscar de la Renta from Neiman marcus Denver RACHEL WEARS: ‘Intrigue’ diamond engagement ring and matching band by John Atencio || Herve Leger dress from Neiman Marcus Denver IAN WEARS: ‘Pantheon Collection’ watch || ‘Eclipse’ wedding band in 18K yellow gold || Floral crown by Bella Calla || Tuxedo

by Ermenegildo Zegna from Neiman Marcus Denver || Accessory by Brackish Bowties from Neiman Marcus Denver

Outfrontmagazine.com

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s s e r t s ing

relieve

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let’s be honest. planning a wedding can be a p a i n i n t h e a s s . as an engaged man, i feel your pain.

This process is a struggle that comes with stress and headaches. From picking a date and venue to constantly updating the guest list, it can be agonizing. However, wedding planning should by no means be detrimental to one’s health and well-being. Before we go into full bridezilla mode, take a step back, breathe and remember that it will all work out in the end.

It may not be absolutely perfect, but it will be a day of pure happiness and bliss. Here are a couple of tips to help ease your mind and relieve your body from the stress.

communication is key

Staying connected with your fiance is significant. Under the pressure and stress of wedding planning, it can be easy to lose touch with the person you intend on spending the rest of your life with.

Schedule date nights to squeeze in some quality time together. Go out to dinner or spend an evening at home watching movies. Being with each other will help. This would also be the perfect opportunity to bring up any concerns about your upcoming nuptials. It happens, it’s natural. It is best to bring it up then, than the day before the wedding.

meditate

With so much to do and so little time, it is perfectly normal to feel overwhelmed. Meditating is the chance to clear your head of worries. Start focusing on the in-and-out cycle of your breath for just a few minutes a day, or when you are lying in bed at night. This will also help slow your heart rate and relax your muscles. Mediating is not just a cliché excuse, it really works.

softening scents

Numerous scents, like jasmine, vanilla, and lavender, are known for their soothing capabilities. To quickly shift your negative mood, dab a bit of your favorite scent onto your 2 2 \\ m a r c h 1 5 , 2 0 1 7

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denny patterson

tips to

wrists. This will instantly lift your spirits. If essential oils are not your thing, then you can light a perfumed candle or brew a cup of floral tea to fill your home with a sweet-smell repose.

pamper yourself

A day at the spa can do wonders for your stress levels. Go out and enjoy a facial, massage, or manicure. When the times get tough, do not think of these as indulgences, but more of a necessity. If you cannot afford the time or money for a spa day, a simple, relaxing bath at home can help melt the stress away.

Even better, add some of those softening scents.

keep a journal

Journaling is a safe and therapeutic way to express your feelings.

Do you have bottled up feelings? Write it down. Is something bothering you? Write it down. Are you head over heels in love with your partner? Write it down. Journaling will help prevent you from falling down the rabbit hole into complete anxiety.

ask for help

Let’s face it — you can’t handle everything by yourself. No matter how much of a control freak you may be, sooner or later, you will need help. Weddings are major endeavors, so it is okay to ask friends and family to help with certain tasks.

However, make sure they do know that you are the one in charge. If you have a particular design or color in mind, it needs to be that way. We don’t want a pesky in-law to change the plans just because they think it will be better.

take care of yourself

For real, your health and well-being is important. I know, the chaos may make you want to eat a tub of ice cream or cry in the shower, but I like I said, wedding planning should not be detrimental to your health. Exercise has positive emotional and psychological effects. Take a walk, go for a run, or beat the crap out of a punch bag — not your fiance. Any type of physical movement will help produce uplifting endorphins.

SEEKING SENSATIONAL SKIN FOR CEREMONY?

ASARCH CAN HELP!

When you look good, you feel good. And when you feel good, you look good.

Wedding day beauty should begin several months before your big day to keep your skin blemish free, glowing, and radiant. Amanda Hill of Asarch Dermatology and Aesthetics specializes in skin and body assessments, and says, “It is important to determine which treatments will be most effective, best for your skin type, within a budget, and also meet and exceed your expectations.”

1. Get your acne, hyperpigmentation, or rosacea under control once and for all. Stress can often exacerbate complexion problems. If you have any skin care concerns, it’s time to visit your dermatologist to learn about your options. It may take several months to clear up complexion problems, so start early.

2. Start laser facial treatments or chemical peels at least 3 months prior to your wedding day.

Treatments for skin tightening, brown spots, and

SPONSORED reduction of fine lines should be done well in advance.

3. Schedule regular facials with a medical aesthetician to gently exfoliate dead skin cells, minimize blackheads, and improve circulation while removing bacteria and environmental impurities. “Be consistent with a weekly or monthly Salt Peel Macrodermabrasion regimen to bring dull skin to life, and add DermaFrac Microchanneling to intensely hydrate and plump your skin,” Amanda says.

4. Botox? If you are thinking about correcting those frown lines or brow furrows, consult your dermatologist now for a consultation or your first round of treatments. Waiting until close to your wedding day could lead to disappointment.

Be sure to choose a reputable and expertly trained injector.

5. Start laser hair removal treatments for a smooth bikini line or hairless back for your honeymoon. These treatments require six weeks between each one, so every hair (at each point in its growth cycle) is targeted.

Cosmetic Consultations are complimentary at Asarch Dermatology, go to www.AsarchCenter. com for more information.

Outfrontmagazine.com

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chris arneson

local officiant specializes in

Love Fandoms &

Love is what wedding officiant Selena Naumoff believes in, especially if there’s a fandom involved.

Selena decided that instead of throwing a birthday party for herself in 2011, she’d treat herself to attending seminary.

Now, she’s just a few classes away from earning a Masters of Divinity. Somewhere along her journey, she decided to be interfaith, which many churches and synagogues won’t touch.

“If you don’t have a church, but you want to be spiritual and combine two different faith — and some Harry Potter — it can be a little difficult,” Selena said. “A lot of ministers take themselves too seriously and won’t dress in a costume, but I totally will.”

“I think there’s wisdom to be found in all religions,” she said.

Though there are some weddings Selena won’t touch—Betazoid weddings (for non-Trekkies, those are done in the nude) and Red Weddings (if you know Game of Thrones).

As an officiant, Selena performs weddings for any consenting adults, including queer couples. She also lends her services to funerals, baptisms, and blessings, but weddings are something special for her. And while she specializes in interfaith marriages, she also dips her toes into the waters of themed weddings.

A frequenter of Comic Cons in Denver and Phoenix, Selena found a powerful themed wedding program in Phoenix, where she once performed a Dr. Who-style ceremony as well as a Walking Dead theme for a pair of brides.

Conventions are where she’s seen most themed weddings, but she has noticed a shift toward themes outside of the fandom world.

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“It feels like we’ve shifted from traditional ideas to people just looking for an identity,” she explained. “People are looking to put more ‘them’ in their weddings, and sometimes that just means embracing a fandom.”

Selena recalls seeing themed weddings for the first time back in the ‘70s in Las Vegas, where Star Trek weddings were the rage. Now the most common theme seems to be Renaissance weddings.

“They may not realize they’re doing a themed wedding, but they totally are,” she said.

Where it started for her, though, was during the comic con’s fashion show where she dressed as a Star Wars Empire bride, escorted by a couple of Stormtroopers.

Selena noticed there was a geeky wedding void to be filled.

“People can get a little nervous about [themes],” she said. “But if the two of you met over Harry Potter, what a great way to celebrate.”

Even if the decorations are subtle, like wands featured in bouquets or a minister dressed in a wizard’s robe, it is still homage.

One of her favorite weddings took place on the groom’s farm, where he rode in on a tractor and his bride followed on a little John Deere. She’s also performed a small ceremony inside a vintage train car at a railroad museum. However, she’s never done a wedding in a church. Most of her weddings take place in nontraditional settings.

But the role of an officiant is much more than just performing the ceremony. Officiants work with the couple to decide the service of the wedding — including details like religious aspects and song choices — to premarital counseling, where the officiant guides the couple through keeping the experience sacred. But she’s also there to make sure the couple takes a breath and eats something. Essentially, the officiant is a guide.

“It’s a weird business because couples are willing to spend thousands of dollars on flowers, which are dead in a matter of days, but they’re hesitant to spend $200 on an officiant,” she explained, noting that choosing an officiant should be one of the first decisions an engaged couple should make.

“A wedding officiant is not a wedding planner, but they have just as much experience because they’ve done it all and seen it all,” she said. “There’s such a huge opportunity to get your officiant to help you pull together all the pieces.”

Selena says some officiants make sure there are pieces of the ceremony present throughout the rest of their lives. Some use symbolism like flowers, which allows the couple to recall their vow during hard times.

“Good officiants are paying attention to how to make the wedding vows last through the years,” she said.

Especially in this rocky political climate, Selena believes this is time for those who believe in love to take a stand against politicians, who in some states are still trying pass laws making gay and interracial marriages invalid. She hopes every officiant can find the courage to perform certain weddings despite laws.

“Lock me up for it,” she says. “I’m waiting for it.”

Selena’s services can be found on Facebook through Interfaith Connections.

Masks and photography by From The Hip Photo WEDDING PLANNING by: Sweetly Paired || FLORAL & DECOR by: Bella Calla || FOOD by: Kelley Kakes || VENUE by:

Moss Denver

Outfrontmagazine.com

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perspectives joseph soto

marriage is not it.

This summer will mark two years since the Supreme Court ruled in favor of marriage equality in the landmark Obergefell v. Hodges case, granting access to marriage and its seemingly countless benefits and responsibilities to gay and lesbian couples in the United States.

The Court, in ruling, said, “[Gay and lesbian individuals,’ as well as the party’s] hope is not to be condemned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization’s oldest institutions. They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law. The Constitution grants them that right.” It is difficult to overstate just how crucial marriage was to securing fundamental human dignities and civil rights for our community. But, it wasn’t the only issue our community needed to organize around, and now that the letter of the Constitution has been spelled out in marriage, we cannot forget that our struggle is far from over.

To start, we haven’t necessarily guaranteed equal access to marriage for every couple. There are gay couples living in 99.9 percent of all counties in America according to a 2011 story from The Advocate, yet in small communities and in neighborhoods around our country, gay couples may sometimes feel the discrimination and harassment institutionalized in their county marriage licensing office or in local businesses.

Though Jeff Sessions has not given an indication that he will be anything other than a dangerous, destabilizing attorney general, we cannot remove ourselves from conversations with him and this Justice Department. We should work with and pressure him to fully fund the Office of Civil Rights and empower its attorneys with the support and resources needed to enforce newly recognized rights for gay couples, including marriage. If we don’t do that, what does it matter what rights we have on paper?

We also need a robust omnibus package that protects queer people from discrimination in employment and the workplace, in all legal proceedings, in education and housing, and in health care.

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Executive orders President Obama crafted around protecting our community from discrimination were beneficial, but we’ve already seen the propensity of Donald Trump and his White House to break the law, nonetheless disregard executive actions and agency policy changes that weren’t enshrined in law.

This sort of policy prescriptive is exactly what conservatives would want, because it takes government out of the business of managing couples’ bedrooms while also opening significant consumer markets to new demographics in a completely autonomous economic occurrence and promulgating a robust and still far justice system. Beyond conservatives, and for the people these protections would shield, it’s not about ideology or being politically correct. It’s about making sure we all have the stability to plan for life.

For all the rights we are fighting for, we still have many more social liberties than queer people in countries like Uganda or Russia. In fact, Russia enforces harshly regressive measures that punish fellow citizens for everything from soliciting or distributing gay “paraphernalia” to being an active straight ally.

If we don’t use our soft power to consistently help countries make substantive progress on issues affecting the queer community, it doesn’t really matter that Donald Trump made the hollow gesture of keeping on a deputy in the State Department to work on those issues. We should organize our communities to advocate for legislative initiatives and consumer brands that firmly oppose homophobic or transphobic governments and government policies. We should write and call our Senators and Congressperson, engage with Donald Trump, and lobby the State Department to enact meaningful policies that do as much as legally possibly to protect marginalized communities within sovereign nations.

If we’re going to have the biggest consumer market in the world, we should at least be willing to use it for good.

These are just some of the issues we are facing as a community that still need to be dealt with. From training police departments and public correctional facilities on trans-identified people and how to treat them with dignity and respect to working with communities of color to address the remnants and still-existent strains of a brutal anti-LGBT sentiment that has contributed to everything from higher HIV infection rates to higher homelessness rates, there are a number of issues within our own community that desperately need our attention.

If we care about our lives enough to want the dignity of marriage, we ought to care about them enough to want the dignity of equality and respect in every aspect of our lives.

Outfrontmagazine.com

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$ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $

wedding planning on a

budget $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ t’s the one thing that takes the romance out of what’s supposed to be the most romantic day of your life — money. Most Colorado couples will spend more on their wedding than a down payment for their first home. A new survey by TheKnot.com finds the average cost of a wedding rose in 2016 to $32,641. That’s the highest number in American history.

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Here’s the thing. Spending more does not necessarily buy more. Nancy Gibson Schmidt married her wife in a backyard wedding in Wheat Ridge. She said it’s important to remember, “the day is about your love, not the size of the cake or anything else. Your friends and family will not care how much money you spent.”

The trick is to figure out how to say “I do” to a beautiful wedding and “I don’t” to extra costs.

what’s important?

Before you begin planning, make a list. What’s most important?

What’s least important? Where do items rank? This will help you focus on areas you need to budget more money for and areas you can cut.

Overall, you’ll save up to 30% by getting married during the off-season — anytime other than summer. Avoid wedding shops, as they tend to mark up everything. Consider a morning or afternoon wedding. A wedding brunch costs must less than a wedding dinner. Weekends will also cost you more than weekdays.

venue

Choosing a venue sets the tone for everything from the kind of invitations you’ll send to the type of photographer you’ll use.

Many of Colorado’s parks and mountain areas are available for very reasonable prices. The Washington Park Boathouse, for instance, is $600 for nine hours and that includes alcohol service.

Backyard weddings are also popular if you’re on a budget. But just because the venue is free, don’t assume it will cost you less. You will need to rent everything, from tables and chairs to lighting and linens. This can add up.

“The location we rented includes the property for the full day, tables and chairs. They supply the bartender, we pay for open bar,” Cathy Valentine said.

Valentine is helping plan her daughter’s summer wedding in 2 8 \\ m a r c h 1 5 , 2 0 1 7

yvonne wright

Colorado Springs. The pair opted for a mountain location that provides the basics, so they’ll be using their wits to come up with the little things.

“We will be making part of the food and having some brought in with the flatware,” she said.

When choosing a venue, renting a more ornate space may save you money in the long run because it won’t need to be decorated. Hotels cost a little more, but they come equipped with almost everything you need. They usually have a dance floor, a kitchen, a full staff, and food and alcohol.

invitations

The very first glimpse into your special day for guests is the invitations. Make sure they reflect the nature of your wedding.

A formal wedding calls for formal invitations. A casual wedding calls for more casual invitations.

It’s never been easier to make your own. Dozens of companies offer templates you can fill in and have printed on the paper you like. Also use this time to really examine the guest list.

Trimming the list is the easiest way to trim the budget.

decorations

When planning decorations, think about what you have on hand. Do you collect tea cups or stuffed animals? Maybe you have a large collection of family photos. Using these items to decorate is an excellent way to infuse your personality into the festivities and save money. Cardboard boxes can be wrapped in beautiful paper with ribbons for table centerpieces. Table mirrors can hold sand and seashells.

One popular trend is to make mini-wedding cakes that do double duty as table centerpieces and as dessert.

Fresh flowers are expensive, so if you’re using them, utilize cheaper options. Discount stores like Sam’s Club and Costco offer wedding flowers. Use them strategically. Martha Stewart suggests buying a few exotic ones, then framing them with less expensive white ones. These make the more expensive flowers stand out. To save more money use flowers in season.

Cathy plans to make some of her daughter’s flower arrangements herself.

“The rest will be bought in bulk. We are making our own guest book and bridal book. We will buy a cheaper cake cutting set and I will decorate the handles.”

entertainment

A live band starts at around $2,000 for four hours of music. DJs start around $700. DJs are trained to keep the party going. A seasoned one will know what works well at a wedding and what doesn’t. This is an area where Nancy didn’t skimp. She says her DJ was, “money well spent.”

food and drinks

You can save a lot of money by cooking your own food and serving it buffet style.

Hotel prices begin at about $25 a plate for sit-down dinners and $15 a plate for buffets. Open bars begin around $15 per person and you must pay for an on-site bartender.

If you’re having a backyard wedding you can cut costs by simply setting up a bar and letting guests make their own drinks. Be careful. If you’re in any public setting, serving liquor usually requires a license or is banned. Check the laws before serving alcohol at a park or beach wedding.

what to wear

Online wedding warehouses are the way to go if you’re looking for something less expensive you want to keep. Many now offer custom made wedding dresses.

You pick the style, send them your measurements, and they do the rest at a quarter of the cost of buying one from a regular shop.

If you want something extravagant, but don’t want to pay extravagant prices, consider renting a dress. This is also a good way to make sure it fits properly.

photography

Do not overlook professional photography. It’s the one item that allows you to stretch those few precious hours into a lifetime. And, if you can find someone looking to build a portfolio, you can get it for free. Cathy found a photographer by posting requests on social media.

“The photography is being done for free with the release of the photos for the photographer to use in her magazine,” she said Bottom line: The more you do yourself, the more you save. Nancy created a big impact by stringing old Christmas lights around her reception area.

“Being classy is in the details, which are those little extra personal touches.”

Outfrontmagazine.com

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In observance of National Crime Victims’ Rights Week Wellness Redefined

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April 3

Community Yoga* (6pm)

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April 4

Yoga hosted by Healthy Pursuits – a program of Auraria Campus* (times vary)

April 5

Strength, Resilience and Justice! Healing Ourselves and Our Communities.

At Shorter AME Community Church featuring community leaders Lisa Calderon, MLS, JD, Executive Director of the Community Reentry Project and Dr. Nita Mosby Tyler, Founder of The Equity Project. (6–7:30pm)

April 6

Yoga for seniors* (11:30am)

• Vaccine updates • STI screenings Introducing Randall McDavid, FNP

RSVP: (303) 860-0660 or admin@traumahealth.org

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24-HOUR HOTLINE: English (303) 894-8000 | Español (303) 718-8289

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This project is supported by a National Crime Victims’ Right Week Community Awareness Project subgrant awarded by the National Association of VOCA Assistance Administrators under a Victims of Crime Act (VOCA) grant from the Office for Victims of Crime, Office of Justice Programs, U.S. Department of Justice.

Tyler’s Suite Rocky Mountain Premiere May 5—Broomfield Auditorium 7:30pm May 6—Central Presbyterian Church, Denver 7:30pm Under the direction of Dr. Tim Seelig, Artistic Director, San Francisco Gay Men’s Chorus

Presented by Harmony together with Sine Nomine, this nine-piece choral movement is dedicated to the memory of Tyler Clementi, a talented young musician who died by suicide after being bullied by his roommate during his first weeks of college.

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Outfrontmagazine.com

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P E w e N s e s a e l e R r a t S r e v n e D d l r o W l a e R y a G : y r o l l a davis m Davis Mallory, a cute Southerner who hails from Marietta, Georgia, crashed into Denver in 2006 when he was cast as one of the seven strangers, picked to live in a house, work together, and have their lives taped on the The Real World: Denver.

david-elijah nahmod

He was open about being gay on the air, and though queer people were coming into greater acceptance in 2006, there were still many challenges to overcome.

The viruntley anti-gay George W. Bush was still in the White House, and the tide hadn’t quite yet turned regarding public acceptance of equality laws.

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“I was 22 on Real World,” Mallory told OUT FRONT. “There were no gay males on TV — I wanted people to see a gay man who wasn’t a stereotype. A lot of guys wrote to me and said that I helped them come out.”

He added that he’s glad to have inspired them, but admits that he wasn’t sure if there was anything further he could do. “But it’s awesome that I moved them,” he said. “I’m happy for them.”

During the subsequent decade, things got considerably better for queer people, thanks to the unprecedented support accorded to the community by President Barack Obama. With the recent election of Donald Trump, many fear a rollback.

“It’s a scary time,” Mallory said. “I’m still not sure what will happen. I’m optimistic that we won’t go too far back. I feel the majority of Americans are in sync with equality.”

Now a singer, Mallory recently returned to Denver for a reunion with his castmates. “”I had a boyfriend then, my first. I enjoyed my time in the city.

I spent half my time in the city, half in the mountains. I love the air in Colorado — it smells cleaner. It feels peaceful there.”

These days Mallory is pursuing a career in music, and he’s enjoying some success. He’s currently preparing to release Loud, a new album. “Under Your Spell,” the EP’s first track, is

already available. The singer’s ex-boyfriend, from whom he recently broke up, serves as the song’s inspiration.

“I never intended for this to be an album about a certain person,” Mallory said. “But he was great fodder for some wonderful songwriting sessions. When we were breaking up I wrote some of my most teary eyed music.”

In “Under Your Spell” Mallory displays a sweet and gentle, yet emotionally powerful, voice. He sings plaintively about falling in love and of being “torn apart.”

While the track features some electronic arrangements, the song’s instrumentals are as gentle as the singer’s voice. The end result is a lovely tune, which sounds contemporary while also hearkening back to the singer/songwriter folk rockers who were popular during the 1970s.

“You taught me ways that I could celebrate it,” he sings. “My head, my heart get torn apart....”

The former couple remain friendly. “My ex has been involved in most of the songs,” Davis said. “He was the one I played the songs to.”

Mallory cites Michael Jackson, Prince, Justin Timberlake, Mariah Carey, and Usher as being among his musical influences, and says that he’s pursuing music for the long haul. Among his ideas for the future is a science fiction concept album.

“I’d love to go on tour with someone who’s established,” he said. “I hope to travel and write songs from around the world.”

He’d also like to try his hand at acoustic music. “Just me and my guitar,” he said. “My Georgia boy song.”

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Outfrontmagazine.com

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BRECKENRIDGE CREATIVE ARTS PRESENTS

SANDRA BERNHARD SANDRA MONICA BLVD: Coast to Coast

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RIVERWALK CENTER | BRECKENRIDGE Actress, singer and comedienne Sandra Bernhard brings her unique brand of humor to Breckenridge in her all new show, part of Breck Pride, Mar 22-26.

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Sandra Bernhard Headlines Breck Pride with

. . . . . . . . . .

The first ever Breck Pride, a celebration of the Rocky Mountain town and all who enjoy it, is rapidly approaching. Actress, singer, comedian, and author Sandra Bernhard will host a comedy night with a stop from her newest tour, Sandra Monica Boulevard: Coast to Coast. OUT FRONT had the privilege of speaking with the artist for a sneak peek at what’s to come.

Read the quick interview with Sandra Bernhard below, as she shares her story and the unique experience of entertainment today.

OUT FRONT: What inspired the title “Sandra Monica Boulevard”?

Sandra Bernhard : I have a soft spot in my heart for Beverly Hills and all the different streets that intersect Santa Monica Boulevard from when I was first living there as a manicurist.

I was on Cannon Drive and I always either took little Santa Monica or Big Santa Monica wherever I was going — it was kind of the main artery between West Hollywood, where I lived, and the beach.

So back in those days you could make your way from where I lived into Beverly Hills in 10 minutes. There wasn’t even a near assemblance of the traffic we have now. So I just thought it was fun and you know, it’s funny to put my name into as many things as possible.

How do you plan to intersect the LA lifestyle and liberal bubble into other parts of the country with your tour?

My work is really inclusive in its own way. I was raised between Flint, Michigan and Scottsdale, Arizona, and I have a lot of people call me from far flung places all over the country from Nebraska to South Carolina, so I think I have a pretty good idea of what happens outside of LA. I have my finger on the pulse and there’s more likeminded people than the media sometime lets on. It’s really important to be a smart performer who reaches out and tries to include anyone who’s willing to get on board. Obviously I embrace what would be considered “liberal causes,” but they affect everybody. We all want good health care, we all want equality, we all want gay rights, we all want women to have abortion rights and healthcare rights — it goes across the board. I think every family is affected by all of these ideas, and we don’t want to shut people out of the country. We want this to be a multicultural country the way it has always been and will continue to be. These are all things that affect people who care.

How do these ideas intersect with what Breck Pride is trying to do?

. . . . . . . . . .

One of my main goals alongside addressing these issues in my interesting, creative way is that I entertain people. Inherently, the gay audience wants clever, original, smart entertainment.

And that’s what I do. That’s what I’m known to do. That’s what I’ll continue to do throughout my career. So I think that when you care about all these issues and you know how to be funny and smart and musical, all that stuff just gets folded in. You need all your outlets for those people to connect to it.

How will you include your emphasis on political satire in this event?

I try not to do too much that’s dead-on, politically. You’ll hear that on social media or if you read the New York Times, Washington Post, Mother Jones and a thousand other great outlets. There are people like Bill Maher, John Oliver, and Stephen Colbert who are torn apart every night and have a staff of writers to make funny jokes about it. And that’s really not what I do.

My work, like I said, is inherently political because I have always lived as someone who embraces all the things we talked about. My work is sophisticated and fun, and it just hits some things in a way that I don’t think anybody else does in that way. And I try to stick to that.

How do you feel about the constant media inclusion of your feminine appearance alongside your sophisticated voice? Does that affect your work?

I’m very flattered that you think that.

I don’t think I’m traded on “my beauty;” I think I’m a uniquelooking person, and I’ve always been comfortable with that — or have gotten more comfortable with it as the years go by.

But I’m certainly not “the girl next door.” I am who I am and I come with a lot of interesting thoughts and viewpoints. It’s nice to be thought of as attractive, I think everyone likes that, but it’s not really what motivates me. I love fashion, I love to look great. I like the history of women looking great and having style. That’s sort of where it begins and ends, really. It has nothing to do with being a feminist, although I am a feminist.

It’s great to hear that and it’s fun, but it all goes into the work.

My day-to-day life is on the move, and I don’t go out of the house thinking, “Do I look okay,” you know. Now more than ever you have to hit the ground running. I think it’s part of it across the board, whether you’re a man or a woman. People want to see someone who has their look together, who is groovy. If you stay with who you are, that comes with a lot of different options.

Continued on page 48 Outfrontmagazine.com

// 3 7

Dani Pinkus

Sandra Monica Boulevard: Coast to Coast

CARE-

CONVERSATIONS

SM

From the Inside Out

Whether you’ve been caring for a loved one for many years, or you’re just beginning your journey, it’s important to know you’re not alone. Join us to learn about Colorado Care-FULL Conversations on March 28, 2017. We’ll share resources to help you take care of yourself and your loved one. You’re also invited to stay for a screening of Other People, starring Molly Shannon, Jesse Plemons and Bradley Whitford.

WHEN: March 28, 2017 | 5:00 p.m. – 9:15 p.m.

WHERE: Sie Film Center | 2510 East Colfax Avenue | Denver, CO 80206 RSVP:

Call 1-877-926-8300

aarp.org/Colorado

calendar Travis Wall’s Shaping Sound: After the Curtain

3/18-19

So You Think You Can Dance’s Emmy Award winning choreographer Travis Wall is back again with Shaping Sound. Their new show “After the Curtain,” tells the story of a man fighting to find his creative voice after the death of his one true love. His previous show, “Dance Reimagined,” has captivated audiences SAT, MAR 18 • 7:30PM across the country.

You won’t want to miss this one!

SUN, MAR 19 • 6:30PM DENVERCENTER.ORG 2 SHOWS ONLY • THE ELLIE SEASON SPONSORS

For more info visit denvercenter.org

3/19 Denver Pridefest Auditions

Have you ever wanted to perform at Denver PrideFest? Tracks Denver will be hosting auditions for Center Stage, Latino Stage, and for DJs and Go-Go Dances for Smirnoff Dance World performers and entertainers. Auditions will take place on Sunday, March 19 at Tracks Denver.

For more info visit glbtcolorado.org/pridefest

3/21 Beethoven and Brews with Fate Brewing Company Colorado Symphony is teaming up with Fate Brewing Company to bring you classical music lovers a night of casual beer tasting with your favorite composers. Beethoven and Brews features an ensemble performance and four 4 oz. samples of beer from local breweries. Tickets start at $45 for General Admission.

For more info visit coloradosymphony.org

3/23 Aaron Carter @ Tracks

Celebrate the start of spring break with a special live performance by recording artist Aaron Carter. Having just released his first full-length album in 14 years, LoVe, Aaron is making waves to bring you a spring break party that is hotter than ever. Advance tickets available for $5 (21+) and $10 (18-20). Get your friends together and head to Tracks for a sizzling spring break party.

Women’s Day of Service

3/25

Following the immense crowd at the Denver Women’s March, a huge list of volunteer organizations have put out a call to women to keep that amazing power moving in the right direction. On March 25th organizers will help direct people to more than a dozen causes from feeding the hungry and community gardening to sewing blankets for people with sensory processing issues. You can find the event of Facebook for more info or to sign up. “Open to all women and all who love women!”

Outfrontmagazine.com

// 3 9

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began to gather around the ranch-style beams framing the dance floor of Charlie’s Nightclub, eagerly awaiting the weekly drag show on Sunday. Some of the crowd had just started filling in, while others were on their third or fourth round of drinks. It was barely 9 p.m., and some of the patrons were already yelling with drunk happiness.

It’s time for Kai Lee’s KiKi, a weekly drag show featuring one of Denver’s most eccentric, most outspoken drag queens — Kai Lee Mykels.

Weekly Kiki

Invites Everyone to Charlie’s

Kai Lee Mykels jeremiah ntepp

A packed crowd had already

If you ask Kai Lee Mykels to describe herself in five words, her response might surprise you.

Outfrontmagazine.com

// 4 1

“I’m a good Christian woman.”

Kai Lee grew up in a very conservative, Southern Baptist home in Texas. But his love for entertaining took root long before she donned wigs and high heels.

As a young boy, Joshua Brown — the man behind Kai Lee — always loved to entertain. He starred in plays in middle and high school and has always loved the thrill of being on stage.

When he turned 18, Joshua skipped out of his hometown of Mabank, Texas, travelled 60 miles, and found himself at a gay bar in Dallas, witnessing drag for the first time. As he watched Krystal Summers and Cassie Nova perform, his mind started racing. Kyle fell in love with drag.

“I remember thinking, ‘I wanna do that one day,’” she said. “It’s always kind of in the back of my mind. But really, it was RuPual’s Drag Race Season 2 that really inspired me to pursue it.”

During college in San Marcos, Texas, Joshua didn’t jump into performing, as his college town only had one gay bar and very few drag outlets. But this didn’t stop him from throwing on some makeup, women’s clothing, and a wig to attend parties or hit the bars. It was his introduction to drag, without the pressure of performing.

In 2010, once he moved to Austin, Joshua decided to finally pursue drag in a professional sense. He messaged a few local queens and asked for advice before taking the stage for the first time as Kai Lee. “I worked for free for a year and a half to two years before I ever started getting paid anything besides tips,” she said. “I feel like new queens just have to do that to pave your way, if you will.”

For three years, Kai Lee performed in Austin, diving deep into the local scene and competing in drag pageants — drag pageants are huge in Texas. But a church job pulled her out of the Lonestar State and into colorful Colorado. It didn’t take long for her to start making a name for herself in the Denver drag community, becoming a staple in Denver Divas at Charlie’s.

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When the host left the show in August of 2015, it left a gap that would soon be filled with Kai Lee Mykels and her weekly KiKi. Brendan Sullivan, Charlie’s General Manager, saw the potential in the southern bell’s abilities and together they created a fabulous kiki.

“We wanted to produce a show without limits,” Sullivan said. “It’s through collaboration with my team and Kai that makes this such a great show.”

Almost instantly her show was a success, as people poured in the door to see a more intimate, sassy, entertaining show than they were used to in Denver. It was often packed to capacity with returning fans of Denver Divas finding a new show to love alongside new people eager to experience the kiki.

“I think the environment is created not only by me, but by the bar and the audience,” she said. “It’s a fun drag show. I can actually say 100 percent you won’t go to another drag show in Denver and have a kiki experience.”

For those that don’t know, a kiki is “a party including good music and good friends, held for the express purpose of calming nerves, reducing anxiety and stress, and generally fighting ennui.”

“I couldn’t have such a good kiki every week without the help from everyone at Charlie’s,” Kai Lee said. “They have been incredible from day one. It’s really a phenomenal partnership.”

Along with performing, Kai Lee is also a very strong advocate for social justice. She frequently participates in local protests. Being a good christian, she believes that one person may not be capable of changing of the world, but it only takes one person to start a movement.

“Now, with this new administration, we need a sense of community,” Kai Lee said. “Although my shows can be as vulgar as they are fun, they are still a place for people to come laugh, dance, and feel welcome.

“I invite you all to my kikis!”

Ryan Howe contributed to this article.

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Continued from page 37

Can you offer any advice for fans of yours or people who are not as familiar with your work?

In terms of coming to see me perform, if you haven’t, I think that everybody should. I’m a perennial artist. I’ve been performing my one-woman shows for more than 30 years, and a lot of them have been groundbreaking.

We’ll make your wedding or special event even more memorable...

I think more than ever, seeing a live show is inspiring. It’s a unique experience to that audience and that performer for that night.

What has been the highlight of your career?

There have been so many. I’m always evlovling.

Every day that you get up as a performer, you keep creating and challenging yourself. It makes an indelible mark in what you’re trying to do on your life. I don’t think of my life in terms of one highlight: I think it’s just the fact that I’m still doing it, I’m still inspired, and I enjoy doing my radio show every day.

It’s just kind of a testament to the creative experience, and I think the highlight is continuing to be a creative person.

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VI E HE

ON: T 5 0 \\ m a r c h 1 5 , 2 0 1 7

DEPRES

L

TWIN

SI

t

H

M

Yos ike

N I G L e WI U D T

M

ost of us have experienced that familiar “falling” dream.

It happens to me just as I’m slipping into a deep sleep. I begin to dream that I’m walking barefoot along the edge of a crumbling precipice, my toes curled tightly around the edge of a sheer cliff.

Then suddenly, I trip and tumble with arms flailing violently as I plunge headfirst into a dark chasm, screaming in terror — though I can’t hear my own screams.

Bam! I kick my feet out from under the blankets and startle myself awake, eyes snapping open. My cat leaps onto the floor, his furry face a combination of annoyance and WTF? My breathing is rapid and shallow. Sometimes I’m even sweating. I blink a few times. Shake my head. I realize I’m in my bedroom.

A warm calm washes over me as I plop my head back onto the pillow, pulling my bare feet back under the warmth of the comforter. Maybe I giggle to myself, realizing I was always safe in my bed. My cat meows and jumps back onto the comforter, curling into a ball next to my legs.

I equate anxiety with this falling sensation — except I never wake from the nightmare. That terror which floods the chest stays with me while I roll out of bed. While I force myself to eat breakfast. While I brush my teeth. While I drive to work.

Always falling. Always feeling the tightness in the chest. It’s exhausting.

Writer Andrew Solomon has spent the majority of his adult life lecturing about his own struggles with depression and anxiety.

He penned a similar description in his 1998 article “The Anatomy of Melancholy,” published in the New Yorker.

“If you trip or slip, there is a moment, before your hand shoots out to break your fall, when you feel the earth rushing up at you and you cannot help yourself — a passing, fraction-of-a-second horror. I felt that way hour after hour.”

Anxiety has become my depression’s evil twin, jumping into the bloodstained arena just when I’ve got the high ground on my depression. And while depression is sometimes described as brooding over the past, anxiety is like ruminating over possible futures.

My entire thought process is wrestled away from the present, and I’m stuck ruminating about possible catastrophes that might come crashing down on my skull, crushing my bones into dust.

What if I lose my job? I’ll be homeless. My friends will rightly abandon me. I’ll die alone under a bridge, cold and hungry and forgotten.

Of course I know I’m not really falling. But facts can’t keep the feeling of falling from overwhelming me. Free falling on my feet every day. It’s maddening.

I’ve only just begun exploring the slew of deep-breathing exercises, muscle relaxation techniques, and sensory and visualization meditations designed to keep that powerful spotlight of the mind focused on the present.

The trick seems to be acutely mindful of the now. To foster that feeling of calm after you wake from a nightmare. To remind me that, similar to the falling dreams, these catastrophes that make me so anxious only exist in my brain. I just need to wake up.

Outfrontmagazine.com

// 5 1

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Outfrontmagazine.com

// 5 3

heinzesight

HIV, PREP, BRENT HEINZE CONDOMS, AND INTIMACY

For more than 30 years, our sexuality has been dramatically impacted by the reality of HIV. For many of us, we have grown up in a world where this virus has had an influence on the types of sex we have and whom we engage with. We struggle with how to discuss HIV, disclose our HIV status, or express how HIV affects our lives.

Essentially, HIV has been somewhat responsible for the loss of connecting with each other in a variety of ways. This virus has impacted the way we form interpersonal relationships in sexual encounters, friendships, and romantic ties. With all of the options out there to protect ourselves from HIV, it seems like we should be working on developing more relationships without fear of infection.

I feel like there are still a lot of issues out there that are stopping people from connecting with each other.

By the nature of the way HIV can be transmitted, it does have the potential to bring up fear in people and impact their behaviors. In the past, it was a common practice for HIV-positive individuals to only focus on being intimate with each other due to concern for transmission or because they shared common experiences with discrimination, stigma, and health concerns. Some HIV-negative people took comfort in not becoming involved with someone unless they had confidence that HIV could not be transmitted to them. Many HIV-positive people developed feelings of isolation, dismissal, and lower self-esteem, while HIV-negative people lived in fear that their lives could be irreversibly changed if they were to become HIV-positive and they would be challenged with the negativity that HIV-positive people faced. It drove people apart more than it brought them together.

Of course, we now live in a reality where scientific research has been paramount in keeping people alive and dramatically reducing the transmission rate of HIV around the world.

Effective HIV treatment medications have kept HIV-positive 5 4 \\ m a r c h 1 5 , 2 0 1 7

individuals healthy and reduced the negative impact on their bodies. Condoms, when used correctly, can stop the transmission of HIV and other sexually transmitted infections.

Pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP), a medication that prevents an HIV-negative individual from becoming HIV-positive if exposed to the virus, has been extremely effective in keeping people HIV-negative. All of these methods to keep HIV from being transmitted should impact our ability to feel connected with each other without fear, but apparently there are still residual issues stopping us. A medical condition has caused so much separation and concern in our society, so it makes sense that the treatment for it should be a solution that brings us back together.

Many of us are forgetting the emotional impact of HIV throughout our lives. It has served to drive us apart, and most of us have lived in a sexual world that has always included HIV. It can be difficult to remove the knowledge and feelings associated with it. We have to work consciously to put fear and stigma in thier place, so we work to build connections with amazing people. It is hard enough to talk about enjoyment in intimate encounters generally, but when HIV is included, it can bring up additional barriers for many. As a society, we have the ability to not allow HIV to negatively affect our lives.

As humans, we crave building relationships and wonderful connections with others, focusing on feeling close to them.

Within our community, we have faced tragedy and are now celebrating victories. Unfortunately, HIV prevention research and messaging focus on targeting medical facts and statistics.

This information needs to include how it benefits all of us by allowing us to engage with others. We can screw without fear of HIV and forge relationships with individuals regardless of their HIV status. This should make our hearts and genitals jump with excitement. No longer do we have to be afraid of a virus or those living with it. We can come back together and begin connecting again.

Outfrontmagazine.com

// 5 5

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