Jan. 22, 2014 :: Age by OUT FRONT Magazine

Denver Women’s Chorus celebrates 30 years

McGlothlen: Is it a sexual addiction?

Stories to tell CONVERSATIONS WITH LGBT ELDERS

+ Meet One Colorado’s new executive director, Dave Montez What We’re Wearing: Out Front’s new street fashion feature

What happens in your body when you break up?

Volume 37 • Issue 20 | 1.15.14 – 1.31.14 FREE | $3.95 Outside Colorado OutFrontOnline.com

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[ CONTENTS ]

VOL. 37 | ISSUE 20 | JANUARY 15, 2014

Sage Advice

CONVERSATIONS WITH LGBT ELDERS

18 43

WHAT WE’RE WEARING: OUT FRONT’S NEW FASHION FEATURE

LESBIAN SOCIALITE: PERMISSION TO BE STILL

[ FOCUS ] 6 Letter From The Editor 8 Community Voices 10 Out In Colorado 14 News 16 Panel 18 Cover Story

[ SOCIAL ]

DIVING INTO DINAH SHORE: AN INTERVIEW WITH MARIAH HANSON

24 Bleed Like Me 25 The Lesbian Socialite 26 Food For Thought 30 High Society 32 Calendar 38 On The Scene 40 Interview

[ LIVING ] 43 What We’re Wearing 44 Beauty 46 Thrive 4 8 Big Toys 49 Back In The Day 52 Sexuality 4

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EDITORIAL MATTHEW PIZZUTI / Editor Email: Matt@outfrontonline.com CONTRIBUTING WRITERS: Lauren Archuletta, Michael Carr, Paul Collanton, Steve Cruz, Nicholas Ferguson, Keo Frazier, Nic Garcia, George Gramer, Brent Heinze, Josiah Hesse, Shanna Katz, Jen LaBarbera, Kelsey Lindsey, Brianna Matthews, Ken Schroeppel, Scott McGlothlen, Jonathan McGrew, Phil Nash, Tom Rockman, Karen Scarpella, Jeffrey Steen, Berlin Sylvestre, Pieter Tolsma, Ashley Trego, Robyn Vie-Carpenter, Nuclia Waste, Alison Wisneski, Mike Yost

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ART COLBY BRUMIT / Senior Graphic Designer Email: Colby@outfrontonline.com ROB BARGER / Production Coordinator Email: Rob@outfrontonline.com CONTRIBUTING ARTISTS & PHOTOGRAPHERS: Charles Broshous, Hans Rosemond, Evan Semon, Denee Pino DISTRIBUTION: Out Front Colorado’s print publication is available semimonthly, free of charge in Colorado, one copy per person. Additional copies of Out Front Colorado may be purchased for $3.95 each, payable in advance at Out Front Colorado offices located at 3535 Walnut Street, Denver CO, 80205. Out Front Colorado is delivered only to authorized distributors. No person may, without prior written permission of Out Front Colorado, take more than one copy of Out Front Colorado. Any person who takes more than one copy may be held liable for theft, including but not limited to civil damages and or criminal prosecution. COPYRIGHT & LIMIT OF LIABILITY: Reproduction of editorial, photographic or advertising content without written consent of the publisher is strictly prohibited. Advertisers are responsible for securing rights to any copyrighted material within their advertisements. Publisher assumes no responsibility for the claims of advertisers and reserves the right to reject any advertising. Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization in articles or advertising is not to be considered an indication of the sexual orientation or HIV status of such person or organization. Publisher assumes no responsibility for the loss or damage of materials submitted. OPINIONS EXPRESSED are not necessarily those of OUT FRONT COLORADO, its staff or advertisers.

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FROM THE EDITOR

Life after youth

MATTHEW PIZZUTI Editor  THERE’S THIS LINE PEOPLE SAY, THAT TURNING 30 IS “GAY DEATH” — the moment you supposedly become invisible to everyone in the gay community younger than that. Mostly, it’s just something us 20-somethings say to ourselves to poke fun at our own ignorance — I don’t know of any person who actually enjoys the concept or happily wishes life after 30 as irrelevant. Nobody’s enforcing it; it’s an idea that’s completely self-imposed. And whether you’re still in your 20s or you’re well beyond, you know that the thought that gay life ends at 30 is over by the time you’re 31. I’m not yet 30, but I do feel like I’ve been through this before. I mean, remember when we thought being in high school was everything? Caring so much about what people our age thought of us — what seemed like life’s greatest triumphs and the world’s greatest injustices, all taking place in high school. At the end of each school year

a class of seniors would disappear beyond its horizon into an afterlife of adulthood, their memory kept alive only by younger siblings or an occasional sighting somewhere, like a ghost. When you reached it yourself and left high school, it was like being born into something new. It didn’t mean we grew up right away. A couple months after graduating there were groups of us dancing in the gay club on 18+ night or drinking ourselves stupid at house parties, glancing, whispering, suspiciously at that 25-year-old guy there — wherever we went it seemed like there was always a different guy there who was about 25. At age 18 or 19, 25 seemed really old and out of place. We had a term for those guys. We were always sure they were up to something shady. Before my freshman year in college ended, I met a professionally-successful 28-year-old off the Internet — my friends from my dorm were completely horrified, ready to call the cops to report my kidnapping before he even picked me up. He and I hung out a few times; one day he said casually he wouldn’t even consider dating someone over the age of 24. “I can still do better than that,” he explained. What did that even mean — that each year in age is an increasingly-futile attempt to hang on to diminishing value? Aren’t you rejecting yourself? And if dating younger means you can “do better,” does that mean the younger guys you date are doing worse? I’m 28 now, and have seen all these stages in the way we think of age — how ridiculous they now seem in retrospect — and figure it will be more of the same at any other big

stage in life that people fear. None of these stories are unique to gay people, but there are some who will tell you that getting older is a bigger deal in the gay community because we put an incredible emphasis on youth and physical perfection. I disagree — first because I think the vast majority of us don’t really do that, and second, I think we’re actually pretty good at accepting life’s inevitabilities. I think the differences between LGBT people and anyone else, if there are any, have more to do with not having LGBT parents and grandparents as models of what life will be like, so getting older for us is an irreversible journey into the unknown. But in our cover story we find stories of LGBT people growing only more confident and self-assured with age. Of course there are well-known downsides to aging, but in spite of them we can see happiness can increase for LGBT elders. Knowing yourself better is a huge advantage. Hasn’t your own life seemed to go that way so far? Being LGBT in a world that hasn’t accepted us gave us hang-ups that diminish with time, fears about issues we eventually conquer or find were overblown, attachments to things we’ll find don’t ultimately matter, and a society that is getting better for us every year. It seems like a mistake fear the future, when we more to look forward to with age and maturity than most other people do — always moving more and more towards our true selves.

CONNECT WITH t OUT FRONT IS YOUR PLATFORM FOR THE EXPRESSIONS AND PERSPECTIVES OF COLORADO’S LGBT AND ALLIED COMMUNITY — WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU! To directly contact Out Front’s editors to respond to an article, send a story idea or tip, learn about becoming one of Out Front’s panelists or columnists, write your own Speak Out column or provide general feedback, please email editorial@outfrontonline.com.

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About the Contributors

Kailyn Lamb is an avid journalist who started as a reporter at the Metropolitan State University of Denver’s student paper, The Metropolitan and was the MetroSpective Editor during Fall 2013. She enjoys anything artsy, and is excited to pursue her journalism passion with Out Front. See Kailyn’s stories on pages 10 and 11, and on outfrontonline.com.

Zachary Foster is a collector of hobbies, books, and quarter-life crises. When he isn’t queering the classics at CU Boulder where he studies English literature, he’s usually teaching himself to play the balalaika, or writing bad song lyrics, designing video games or whipping up a batch of curry for friends. As a burgeoning academic and a fledgling LGBT activist, Zach is excited to turn his pen toward real world advocacy. See his stories on page 12 and on outfrontonline.com.

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COMMUNITY VOICES

Letters, comments and reactions RE: RADIOACTIVE VISION: ‘GAY IS THE NEW BORING’ Jan. 1 // ofcnow.co/pek ‘Absolutely Brilliant’ I have discussed with friends the days when gay often meant innovative, risky, edgy, experimental, shocking, surprising, unexpected, pioneering, trend-setting, disturbing. Now a great many gays and lesbians seem to be following: whatever the straights are doing, we’ll do it, too. Straights ride skateboards and don’t bathe; gays will ride skateboards, not bathe AND get a Rottweiler. A very old axiom observes: “Oppression breeds unity.” Anyone who hates gays and lesbians and wants to see our ranks lose power and cohesion only needs to stop opposing us. Most will assimilate into oblivion… as they’ve already begun to do, reserving their naughtiness for Grindr and Snapcrap. — Frank, Denver ‘Shallow, vile, hurtful piece’ As a gay man, I am completely disgusted by the article you published

from Nuclia Waste about Gay being the new boring. I cannot comprehend how Out Front would allow such a shallow, vile, hurtful piece of trash article on their websites and publications. Being gay is not some cool fad that is all about sex, parties, wasting money, and “shocking” people as Nuclia so eloquently put it. Why on Earth would you endorse this article that reinforces negative stereotypes among the gay community? And then you expect people to see us as normal?! You should be ashamed for letting that disgusting article be seen by anyone who has any self-respect! This is why I no longer support gay causes — including marriage — because when people like Nuclia show this mindset, it makes us ALL look bad. I will vote Republican from now on to make a point that gay trash like this article will not be tolerated. Out Front is the last place I would go to find support in the gay community. I’m un-liking your Facebook page and encouraging everyone else I know to not support your business AT ALL.

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Use your heads first next time you post garbage like that or you’ll keep isolating people like me. Hope you’re all proud of yourselves! Or is that too boring? — Naftali Kramish, Los Angeles

person is lying and, by lying, is hurting others, it is ethical to expose those lies to help prevent that person from hurting more people. It would be unethical to not bring the truth to light. — Tim Bond, Denver

RE: IS ‘OUTING’ STILL UNETHICAL WHEN IT’S REGARDING POLITICIANS WHO STAND FOR ANTI-LGBT POLICIES? Jan. 5 // ofcnow.co/c9f

All’s fair in love and war Normally I would say two wrongs don’t make a right. However if you are going to act pious and attempt to exercise control over my life. It’s you who forces me to defend myself with whatever ammunition I have. So you get involved in my life, I will get involved in yours. — Sundie Gasca, Aurora

It’s unethical, but... Outing is unethical across the board to me. That’s not to say I can’t find someone else’s lack of ethics deeply satisfying. — Elizabeth Daniels, Brandon, FL Stay true to facts Reporting a truth is never unethical when it comes to journalism. Reporting a lie is unethical. The question is — is it the truth? — Adam Crowley, Denver First do no harm Someone being gay or straight or bi or whatever isn’t the issue. If a

Community Voices is a section created for YOU, our readers, to submit opinions or perspectives pertinent to Colorado’s LGBT community.Have something to speak out about? Email editorial@outfrontonline.com with “COMMUNITY VOICES” in the subject line to submit a 500600 word piece.

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OUT IN COLORADO

Denver Women’s Chorus sings out with ‘30 Rock’ January 25 concert celebrates 30 years since founding

IF YOU GO

By Kailyn Lamb IN LIGHT OF THEIR 30TH ANNIVERSARY, THE DENVER WOMEN’S CHORUS IS SETTING THE STAGE WITH THEIR KICKOFF SHOW at the First Baptist Church on Jan. 25. Rocky Mountain Arts Association Executive Director Kevin Marvin said that their first performance will be a “high energy” show. “There’s quite a bit of pop music in it, they have some musicians with it, so it’s a lively concert,” Marvin said. In 1984 Carol White, founder of the Denver Women’s Chorus, directed PFLAG’s chorus at the national conference held in Denver. After the conference she decided that Denver needed its own women’s choral group, and started the Denver Women’s Chorus. Since then the group has expanded to 85 singers and is a member of the GALA choruses, an association serving gay and lesbian choral movements around the world. “The Denver Women’s Chorus is one of the largest and most recognized women’s choruses in the GALA movement,” Marvin said, “it really

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has a great reputation for good choral music, but more importantly for social change.” The Denver Women’s Chorus works with community involvement on several levels. Artistic Director Mark Zwilling said that in the past they have done concerts for Earth Day, Habitat for Humanity and some hospice organizations. “We’re always looking for venues that help the gay and lesbian community,” Zwilling said. “We decided that having the concert at First Baptist would be a signal to the community to support this church and the mission that they’re doing of changing and understanding that social change is important no matter what denomination you are,” Marvin said. The Denver Women’s Chorus will be performing twice at the First Baptist Church on Jan. 25, at 2 p.m. and at 7:30 p.m. Their 30th Anniversary Concert will be on April 4 at the Gates Concert Hall. The concert will honor Carol White with the Robert “Melba” Moore Community Award and will be emceed by Suzanne Westenhoefer.

30 ROCK JANUARY 25, 2014 SHOWS AT 2 P.M. & 7:30 P.M. @ FIRST BAPTIST CHURCH OF DENVER 1373 GRANT STREET

30TH ANNIVERSARY CONCERT

APRIL 4, 2014 7:30 P.M. @ GATES CONCERT HALL, UNIVERSITY OF DENVER

r For more information, visit ofcnow.co/rmarts

Colorado AIDS Project turns 30 February 1 Red Tie Affair honors CAP’s founding in 1984 By Kailyn Lamb t FOR 30 YEARS, THE DENVER COLORADO AIDS PROJECT (DCAP) HAS BEEN A FIGHTING FORCE IN Colorado for the more than 16,900 people diagnosed with HIV since 1982. With 3,355 total clients and 3,515 free HIV tests given in 2012, between their four offices Colorado AIDS Project (CAP) is serving 61 of Colorado’s 63 counties. CAP will be holding a Red Tie Affair on Feb. 1 at the Denver Museum of Nature and Science. CAP will be recognizing several of their partners through the years with awards at the event. There will also be a silent auction of 30 specially designed red ties. Designers include local celebrities, Katy Perry, John Travolta and the event’s emcee 9News anchor Kurt Montgomery. There will also be a chance of winning a set of pearl jewelry. The Denver Colorado AIDS Project is the oldest branch of the statewide CAP. The organization’s four offices — splitting the state into the Northern, Southern, Western and Denver-area service regions — ran as independent organizations for decades, until October 2011 when they joined together in order to unify for funding.

“Some of the outlying offices were struggling in getting funding because here in Denver we have 2,600 clients, whereas in Grand Junction they have 160. So they were getting a lot of rejections when it came to funding — they didn’t have a high enough number for national organizations to take note of them,” said Jeff Trujillo, manager of marketing and events at CAP. “Rather than getting a no because you have ‘only 160 clients,’ even though those 160 clients are very important, now we have 4,000 clients.” In addition to offering resources to get tested and helping pay for HIV meds for clients who can’t afford them on their own, CAP offers help finding employment, a food bank, counseling and housing services for HIV-positive clients who need them. An additional, large part of the organization’s mission is to lower the number of new HIV cases through prevention. “We know that we’re doing a lot more in the community, and we’re really going to spread the word about the disease still being present in our community not just something that’s not just happening in African countries, it’s right here in our backyard as well,” Trujillo said. OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

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NATION

Federal government will recognize ‘on-hold’ marriages in Utah

Marriage equality advances in Oklahoma

By Zachary Foster

FOR THE SECOND TIME IN LESS THAN A MONTH, A FEDERAL JUDGE in a deep red state has given a boost to marriage equality, with a January 14 ruling in Oklahoma against the state’s same-sex marriage ban that follows marriage equality’s surprising step forward in Utah December 20. In the Oklahoma decision, U.S. District Court Judge Terence Kern ruled that the state’s ban on same-sex marriage violates the U.S. Constitution, but let it remain effectively in place for now while the case advances through the courts. The case will move on to the U.S. 10th Circuit Court of Appeals, the same federal court based in Denver that will hear the appeal of Utah’s marriage equality case. It’s possible that the Oklahoma and Utah cases, which are both within the 6-state jurisdiction of the 10th Circuit Court, could be merged into one case in Denver, and eventually advance to the U.S. Supreme Court.

 FOLLOWING THE SUPREME COURT’S DECISION TO STAY SAMESEX MARRIAGE IN UTAH PENDING a final ruling by the 10th Circuit Court of Appeals, State Governor Gary Herbert issued a statement that the 1,300 marriages performed in the 17-day period preceding that decision will not be recognized by Utah’s state government until the appeal has been settled. According to a statement by U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder, however, the federal government has every intention of recognizing those marriages as valid. “I am confirming today that, for purposes of federal law, these marriages will be recognized as lawful and considered eligible for all relevant federal benefits on the same terms as other same-sex marriages,” Holder explained in a video on the Justice Department’s website, adding that “these families should not be asked to endure uncertainty

regarding their status as the litigation unfolds.” Not only does this surprisingly clear statement from the federal government reinstate what just days ago seemed like a giant step backward in the struggle for marriage equality, but it is also likely to complicate the future of Utah’s state-level policy. Even if Utah’s appeal to reinstate a same-sex marriage ban is successful, the direct contradiction between federal and state policy will make it hard for Utah to strike these 1,300 marriages from the record.

ALL THE LATEST Stay up-to-date with the latest news & events with our blog

ofcnow.co/news Denver Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce presents:

Quarterly Luncheon Pain Free Networking Marilyn Manning & REV Networking Thursday Jan. 23, 2014 11:30 a.m. - 1:30 p.m.

Scan to register or go to www.denverglc.org/events Washington Street Community Center 809 S. Washington Street Denver, CO 80209

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In case you missed it Popular stories on outfrontonline.com THE UNCARNAL KNOWLEDGE OF AN ASEXUAL MALE From the Jan. 1 issue: Sexuality writer Berlin Sylvestre talks to an asexual man on myths and realities of being asexual • Online at ofcnow.co/Ghn

IT RUNS IN FAMILIES From the Dec. 18 issue: The uncommon stories of a local lesbian who grew up with two lesbian moms, and a local gay man who has a gay dad and lesbian mother. Online at ofcnow.co/gayfamilies

BIOLOGY OF BEING GAY: From the Dec. 18 issue: Four cool scientific studies on gay brains, noses, twins and genetics suggest there’s more behind our sexual identities than meets the eye. • Online at ofcnow.co/FEJ

WHY THEY GIVE BACK: From the Dec. 4 issue: Mike Yost talks to local volunteers and activists on what inspires them to give their time and talent to the community. Online at ofcnow.co/volunteers

COME OUT, COME OUT, WHEREVER YOU ARE! From the Jan. 1 issue: Out Front’s panelists offer compassionate advice to LGBT people who are living in the closet. • Online at ofcnow.co/qwW

BLEED LIKE ME: A MORETHAN-DECENT PROPOSAL From the Nov. 20 issue: How one romantic evening brought Scott McGlothlen from being a marriage-skeptic to someone who’s more than eager to put a ring on it. Online at ofcnow.co/ur7 OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

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NEWS

Meet Dave Montez

For One Colorado’s next executive director, stepping up to the job means returning home to Colorado By Mike Yost LAST SEPTEMBER THE COLORADO LGBT COMMUNITY AND ITS ALLIES SAID GOODBYE TO BRAD CLARK, the former executive director of the state’s leading LGBT advocacy group, One Colorado. Clark left the organization for a job with the Human Rights Campaign in Washington D.C. In December, One Colorado announced the vacancy would be filled by Dave Montez, who has been the acting president for the national Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) since last March, and will soon return home to Colorado to step into the new role beginning in February. It’s a big role to fill in one of the most highlyvisible political LGBT organizations in the state — the organization has worked, among other things, to lead the lobbying effort for the Colorado Civil Union Act, to promote Gay-Straight Alliances and anti-bullying policies in schools, pushed with other groups to eliminate the tuition penalty that in-state college students face if they are undocumented immigrants, and lead an effort for transgender-friendly healthcare policy. Montez is a Colorado native who grew up in Gardner, a small town situated 60 miles southwest of Pueblo. “It’s a very small town. No sidewalks. No stop lights. My elementary school had about 50 kids in it,” he said. It was in this small community that Montez struggled to come out to his family, an effort made more difficult by his feelings of isolation as a gay Latino kid growing up in such a sparselypopulated area. “There weren’t a lot of LGBT people that I knew of,” Montez said. “Many of the representations that I saw were on the television, and that’s was how I learned, and how my family learned, about gay people.” Montez said that watching how those positive portrayals of LGBT people in the media often paved the way for progress piqued his interest in advocacy regarding public education and stereotypes. “As many LGBT Latino Catholics can attest, sometimes it takes a little bit of conversation about the realities of being LGBT,” said Montez, whose family came to accept him when he came out. “I know there are families who don’t come to the same place that mine did, and that’s part

Watching how positive portrayals of LGBT people in the media often paved the way for progress piqued his interest in advocacy regarding public education and stereotypes.

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People see the advancements that we’re making in marriage, they see the public becoming more supportive, they see the laws that are being passed, but equality under the law is really just the starting point.

DAVE MONTEZ of One Colorado’s work as well.” He said his grandparents are his greatest source of strength, inspiring him to this day. “They instilled early on the value of fighting for what you believe in and never backing down from your beliefs — treating everyone the way you ought to be treated.” After graduating from high school, Montez moved to Denver where he pursued a degree in journalism and public relations at Metropolitan State University (formerly Metropolitan State College of Denver). In 2007, Montez began work as the senior program officer at the Gill Foundation, a Colorado-based philanthropic organization that has contributed more than $106 million to LGBT advocacy groups around the state, including One Colorado. “I learned quite a bit about coalition building, about building a base,” Montez said, “so I’m really excited to take a lot of what I’ve learned and bring it back to Colorado.” In December of 2012, Montez took on his biggest challenge yet, moving to New York City as the chief of staff for GLAAD, a national organization to improve portrayals of LGBT people in media and culture. He became its acting president in March 2013, overseeing (among other initiatives) the work with other advocacy groups to overturn the Boy Scout’s ban on gay youth. “That campaign was really about telling the story of LGBT scouts and LGBT den mothers,” Montez said. “By telling those stories, we humanize LGBT people. When you know us, it’s really hard to discriminate against us.” Last October, Montez was honored by the

Latino GLBT History Project, receiving the José Ramirez Leadership Award for his work on immigration reform in Colorado and New York. “I think one of the things that’s important to understand is that LGBT people are also immigrants,” said Montez. “They’re women. They’re people of color. They’re voters and students.” “We care about immigration reform,” he continued. “We care about women having the freedom to make their own health choices. We care about learning and voting without barriers. We care about schools being adequately resourced. We care about low-income families having the resources and health coverage they need to make ends meet. When I take the helm of One Colorado, we’ll continue to be a steadfast partner in all of these efforts.” Montez reiterated that One Colorado will continue its work to secure marriage equality for all Coloradans and fight to protect LGBT allies in state government in upcoming elections. He said that cannot be accomplished without strong partnerships. “LGBT people are such a small percentage of the overall population, and so it’s going to require that we work in coalition with other people. To be good partners, we’ve got to work on issues they care about as well.” Montez said complacency is one of the biggest challenges facing the LGBT community moving forward. “People see the advancements that we’re making in marriage, they see the public becoming more supportive, they see the laws that are being passed, but equality under the law is really just the starting point.” Underpinning One Colorado’s goals, Montez said, is not just the work to transform public policy, but also the work to transform public perception. “There’s a difference between having a civil union and being able to put a picture of your partner on your desk at work. We have a statenondiscrimination law that protects transgender people, but I wonder how many transgender people are invited out for drinks after work with their colleagues.” Montez sees this cultural paradigm shift as the next frontier in One Colorado’s work. “If we don’t keep changing the way people see and treat LGBT people, we could easily see the legal protections that we’ve achieved overturned down the road.”

LOCAL

Colorado bill allowing joint tax returns for same-sex couples advances SEN. STEADMAN SAYS BILL REMOVES AMBIGUITY BETWEEN FEDERAL AND STATE RULES By Mike Yost COLORADO’S STATE SENATE FINANCE COMMITTEE voted 3–2 on Jan. 14 to advance a bill that would ensure that Colorado same-sex couples who were legally married in another state can file Colorado state taxes as married. “The whole point of this bill is to provide clarity,” said Colorado State Sen. Pat Steadman, sponsor of the legislation, “so people know how they’re going to be filing their taxes this year.” Steadman introduced the bill to address incongruities between Colorado tax laws and the federal tax code. If a married couple files jointly on their federal taxes, they must do the same for Colorado taxes. However, unlike the federal government, Colorado’s constitution does not recognize same-sex marriages. “This is really just removing ambiguity in the law,” said Steadman, “to make it clear that people in this situation who have a marriage in another state, which enables them to file a joint federal return, are also going to file their state taxes in the same way.” In part, the bill would make Colorado’s tax law gender-neutral, eliminating the distinction between same-sex couples and oppositesex couples. “We have language right now in the income tax code that talks about a husband and wife filing jointly, and I’m getting rid of that language,” Steadman said. The legislation does not allow couples in a civil union, who do not have a marriage license, to file jointly. Opponents of the bill claim the legislation violates Colorado’s Amendment 43, which defines marriage between one man and one woman. Michael Norton, senior council at the Alliance Defending Freedom, testified against the bill at the Jan. 14 Senate Finance hearing, stating the legislation was an “attempt to move towards the overturning by the legislature of Colorado’s marriage amendment.” Steadman said the bill brings state tax statues into conformance with the amendment by “getting rid of the concept of marital status for income tax purposes, and instead have everything determined by how you filed your federal return.” Though the Colorado Department of Revenue will recognize same-sex married couples who file jointly — regardless if the bill passes — Steadman reiterated the importance of the legislation. “The bill takes contradictory or confusing language out of the way so that people who are trying to follow the law won’t be confused by what the department is telling them and what the law says,” he said. OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

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PANEL

How did your expectations about being [your age] in the LGBT community differ from what you found?

George Gramer, Jr.

Keo Frazier

Pieter Tolsma

WHEN I CAME OUT IN 2003 IN MONTGOMERY COUNTY, MARYLAND (suburban Washington, DC), I had no issues with my age (51 at the time), nor did anyone else there. I involved myself in a variety of organizations (only some LGBT), and because of the more accepting and understanding DC Metro LGBT community, I found no age issues whatsoever. Not one. Fast forward to 2014 Denver – and add ten years to my age. I thought Denver would be an open and accepting place for LGBT people of all ages. I do not find that to be the case; ageism is rampant in the LGBT community here. Denver has some of the most picky, snotty, bigoted, egotistic, self-centered

ageist gays I have ever met anywhere. This is not at all what I hoped would be the case in the Mile High City. Yes, I have my personal preferences – I know what I want, and age has little to anything to do with my dating. I never believed that a discriminated-against minority could be so highly discriminating among themselves. Alas, I guess that Denver is populated with an ageist LGBT crowd with whom I do not always see eye-to-eye.

WHEN I FIRST CAME OUT I WAS THRILLED, ELATED AND RELIEVED. I was finally happy with myself and was open and ready to be myself. I thought the biggest hurdle was over, however, I learned quickly that I had many hurdles to overcome, still. I expected acceptance, love and friendship. Instead I was faced with the antithesis — opposition, disbelieve, dislike and petulance. Broken hearted I retreated into another self, trying my best to find my place in my newfound “community”. I learned quickly that what I had in my previous friendships was already community and I didn’t have to search and find my place in a new community to feel love, acceptance and

friendship. When I retreated back to my old friends I also learned that my new openness made my friendships closer and more rewarding. Today, I’ve found friends in many communities who I accept and love, and who accept and love me. I never had to go to any specific place to find that but to be open to it from anyone and everyone who was like-minded. Age never had anything to do with my feelings of acceptance but maturity did.

PERHAPS IT IS NAÏVE OF ME BUT I NEVER DEVELOPED EXPECTATIONS OF HOW THE COMMUNITY WOULD BE when I was 29. As a child growing up in a conservative household, the only hope I had for the gay community at any age was that it would be open to my gay identity and provide the potential for companionship which I feel has happened especially with the marriage equality movement. As for expectations for myself in the community I have had mixed success. I was raised to find a spouse and have kids by the time I was 25 and coming out did not really change much about that expectation for myself other than the expected gender of my partner. Being single and kid-free four years after the deadline has expired is not necessarily marked as a failure in

my book, and I feel the community is supportive of this goal, which I appreciate. I feel like I have had some successes as well and those relate to my work with LGBT youth. Honestly, I never planned on working in the community in the way I do now. It has changed my perspective tremendously and shaken up my life expectations in such a way that I no longer see my future as a slightly modified American dream but rather as something unscripted and without expectations beyond finding fulfillment and companionship.

Iowa native George Gramer, jr. is the president of the Colorado Log Cabin Republicans.

Keo Frazier is a local entrepreneurial and business leader, and the fearless founder of KEOS Marketing Group.

Pieter Tolsma is program coordinator of Denver PIQUE, a sexual health and social support program for gay/bi men in Denver.

JOIN THE CONVERSATION IS YOUR PLATFORM FOR THE EXPRESSIONS AND PERSPECTIVES OF COLORADO’S LGBT AND ALLIED COMMUNITY — WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!

To directly contact Out Front’s editors to respond to an article, send a story idea or tip, learn about becoming one of Out Front’s panelists or columnists, write your own Speak Out column or provide general feedback, please email editorial@outfrontonline.com.

| JANUARY 15, 2014 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

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COVER STORY

Sage Advice CONVERSATIONS WITH LGBT ELDERS

“The older I get, the more important my friendships have become.” — Randy Wren, 62

STORY BY KRISTIN ZIEGLER PHOTOS BY HANS ROSEMOND

| JANUARY 15, 2014 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

Four human forms — two of men and two of women — congregate in Christopher Park across the street from the momentous Stonewall Inn in Lower Manhattan. Part of a sculpture titled “Gay Liberation,” the bright, white life-size statues pose unremarkably as if gathered in casual conversation, evoking a time and a place when it was in fact dangerous for LGBT people to do something so simple in public — it carried the risk of arrest under local indecency laws. The sculpture by the late artist George Segal offers LGBT visitors the opportunity to reflect upon and appreciate the scope of LGBT history, as well as their own personal stories. It was at these statues Kent Schnurbusch finally and fully allowed himself to do just that. “Tears and profound emotion came to me as I experienced gratitude and appreciation for the journey that has unfolded on behalf of LGBT individuals, as well as our community as a whole,” Schnurbusch said. “Had it not been for those brave men and women [of Stonewall], I possibly would have gone to the grave with my secret.” At 67, Schnurbusch is handsome, refined, well-spoken and open; he is comfortable speaking his wisdoms and of his past. It is hard to imagine he was ever anything but. However, his journey as an out gay man is still relatively green. Schnurbusch verbalized for the first time that he is gay in his late 50s. “After a life-threatening experience, what I realized was an urgency to finally be ‘in my truth’ and to begin living a life of integrity on my own behalf,” he shared. “The only one being shortchanged was myself.” Schnurbusch is no longer shortchanging himself. He is out, actively part of the LGBT community and is ready to tell his story. And he has found the perfect outlet to do so in the Services and Advocacy for GLBT Elders (SAGE) of the Rockies writing group “Telling Your Story.” The members of “Telling Your Story” meet weekly to share poetry and prose on preplanned prompts. This week’s theme is “Endless Joy.” Some pieces are comedic, some lyrical, some depressing and cynical (some even more so about next week’s theme, “All My Exes Live in Texas”), and all are beautiful. Such describes the members of the writing group, themselves. Ranging in age from 62 to 88, the group in the room is certainly not lacking in personality and charisma. And while aging is not necessarily the focus of this LGBT elders writing group, they do not shy away from the subject. “I am aging, but I do not feel aged,” said Schnurbusch. His peers agree, sharing they still feel as though they are full of life, love, and, today’s writing prompt, endless joy. “My grandparents were old and my parents got old, but I am not old,” said Margaret, 76. “I embrace the time that I am in, and I enjoy it. I would not want to be young. I am very happy with where I am right now.” Ray, the eldest of the group at 88, asserts that he is “not in denial about aging,” but has also chosen to live and affirm his experience as an older gay man. “Now is what really counts,” he said. “I know plenty of people who are already dead, because they feel they are just old.” Gillian Edwards, 71, may have joked that “no one in the group is actually aging,” but she also has no hang ups or trepidations about getting older. “You can call me ‘old,’ you can call me a ‘senior,’” Edwards said. “But I hope I am aging gracefully!” And she is. Serving as the group’s substitute moderator for the day, she is a remarkable writer, sassy, humorous and warm. Like Schnurbusch and many others in her generation, which Schnurbusch described as a “generation that grew up in the closet,” Edwards came out when she was middle aged. “I was 45. It suddenly hit my consciousness what I was and had always been,” she said of her experience, “I was simply swept away. It was wonderful. I was finally the person I was born to be.” In her younger years, however, Edwards was terrified of aging. As she was closeted, she didn’t feel that aging as an out person would be an option, and the thought of bearing the burden of her secret was gnawing. “...I think because at some subconscious level I knew, or feared, that by then it would be too late to escape from this artificial reality I had trapped myself in,” she said. “Or perhaps it was the opposite; I feared that without work to distract me, that whisper inside me would become a scream I could no longer ignore.” More than two and a half decades later, Edwards has defied the expectations from her youth. In November 2013, she married her partner of more than 26 years. “Pure bliss” is how she describes her life now, one in which she is a wedded woman and an out and older lesbian. She believes, passionately, that being out is easier in one’s golden years. “There are many great things about being older. Being out is easier. I

(On hopes for the future of the LGBT community) “I hope we do not simply merge into the community at large. We are better than that and I hope we don’t forget it. We are different and can make a difference.” — Gillian Edwards, 71

can be much more relaxed about my sexuality,” she emphatically declared. Those in attendance at the writing group expressed similar sentiments. “Gay seniors are really very lucky,” said Randy Wren, 62. “We aren’t trapped in the same trappings others are.” “All of us struggled with being ‘different,’ and coming out did prime us for other challenges, including aging,” said Ron Zutz, 62. “(Senior LGBT individuals) are more willing to take chances and accept challenges because we already took on a very big one.” Zutz wore pastels to the group, a yellow and blue sweater that looked like spring and served as a welcomed retreat from the cold and snow outside. Unlike the others in the SAGE writing group, he did not write his story down ahead of time, but instead chose to share an extemporaneous tale about a recent trip to Las Vegas. His smile is winsome and his wit is cheeky. “Before I get started, I want to warn everyone that I am undergoing multiple medication adjustments — which would have meant something entirely different back in the day,” he jabbed at the young Out Front staff in the room. Even merely going off of the fun and frisky color of his clothing and his gutsy banter, it’s not hard to guess that Zutz has lived a life no holds barred. Zutz has been living as an out and proud gay man for four decades. He came out at the age of 23 after attending a Boston pride parade in 1974. “Many participants wore wrap-around sunglasses, so they would not be identifiable in news reports. Some had paper bags over their heads,” he recalled. “That was the moment that I made a gut decision not to walk though life with a paper bag over my head.” CONTINUED ON NEXT PAGE  OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

| JANUARY 15, 2014 | 19

CONTINUED FROM PREVIOUS PAGE  He bumped into his sixth grade teacher that same day and told her the secret he had been harboring. He followed his initial coming out up with a visit home to speak his truth with his family. Unfortunately, they weren’t as accepting as his teacher had been, but their reactions did not deter him from living authentically. “From that moment, whenever I faced a choice between the closet or the truth, coming out won,” he said. Zutz has seen a lot of changes in the near 40 years since he’s been out. These changes have been both personal observation about what it means to identify as gay, as well as what the political landscape looks like for LGBT

people. Although he asserts that the tightness of the small, close-knit urban communities of the early gay rights movement are no longer present, he is happy that identifying as gay is now less about sex and stereotypes (Zutz chided early depictions of LGBT life, “Think of Boys in the Band, which showed men living gay lives, yet with a core numbness.”), and more about a group of people with a collective, “shared experience.” “Being LGBT used to define me as a member of a fringe, unwanted element of society. Today LGBT defines me as a member of one of many diverse groups in our society. For a long time, my sexuality was shameful. Today I take pride in being queer,” added Zutz. Zutz’s refusal to live in the closet, even when the times all but demanded

“Now that I am out, I am living in integrity with myself, and I am creating a life for myself within the LGBT community. I am astounded at the energy and the excitement that I hold for living this life! Rather than growing old with a secret, (which I presumed was my fate in life), for the first time ever I exist with appreciation, love, and acceptance for myself which makes an incredible difference for me and everything I experience. I feel younger having come out of the closet, and I am no longer spending vital energy keeping a secret.” — Kent Schnurbusch, 67

“Many [LGBT seniors] have just come out. There is a place for us, and that’s so important to know.” — Ray, 88

| JANUARY 15, 2014 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

for it, is his courageous contribution to the fight for LGBT equality. Otherwise, he admits he is not one for marching in the streets. “I spent the 80s in rural New Hampshire, (which is) not a hotbed for gay activism,” he said, explaining that the Vietnam-era left him with a case of cause fatigue. But he does has high hopes for the community’s future. Zutz envisions a future wherein one’s sexuality does not require a special and often stressful coming out, LGBT high school kids will feel comfortable dating and partaking in all of the other coming of age experiences had by their heterosexual peers and where obtaining marriage, employment, and other equalities is not contingent upon being heteronormative. Zutz’s peers are equally optimistic about the future of LGBT rights, as they are already impressed by its momentum. Many never envisioned being able to be out, proud and vocal, let alone live to see the day when same-sex marriage became a real, viable thing. “So much of what we might hear in the media is disheartening, but we are living in such a wonderful time,” said Carlos, a 72-year-old professor of English. Carlos recently entered a civil union with his partner, and said the support he received from his colleagues and other acquaintances was both overwhelming and a welcomed tell-tale of tremendous progress. “The Earth is tipping, and it’s fabulous,” assented Wren. CONTINUED ON PAGE 22

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

| JANUARY 15, 2014 | 21

“From my limited viewpoint, getting old was a disaster. Who would want me when my hair receded and grayed? What value would I have when my body aged? And if I wasn’t rich, who would want to hang with me? I realized that relationships have an emotional context at least as valuable as the physical. I found that a man’s inner core informs his attractiveness, while a man’s appearance offers few clues as to what he’s like to be with. I experienced long-term relationships with great emotional and, by the way, sexual joy. As my social circles expanded, I met gay men with a greater variety of backgrounds and perspectives. Being 62 is different than I could have imagined at 22. I am not bound by the gay stereotypes of the 60s. There are more possibilities than I could have imagined.” — Ron Zutz, 62

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 20  And as the community and society at large continues to evolve, the SAGE writing group has a few words of wisdom for young LGBT people as they consider life, love, aging and change. Zutz wants his LGBT juniors to acknowledge they are attractive and worthy, while Edwards feels it is important to embrace life as it comes. “There are as many positives in it as negatives, possibly even more,” she said. Finally, Schnurbusch beautifully contributed that authenticity is paramount: “Be and express your authentic self. Never doubt the beauty of who you are knowing that there is a community that does accept you and who will support you. It does get better. It is the fear of not being enough that keeps one small. When we do not live from a sense of worthiness there are consequences for the individual, those involved in the individual’s life, as well as the community. The challenge is to become a leader, if only in your personal life. As the leader of your life, your experience of the world changes.” However, such sage advice is not to be taken as a signal that this generation is ready to pass the torch. Our community is lucky to still know and have many of its pioneers, and our pioneers have not yet lost the very vitality that made them such. “We can say without reservation who we truly are,” concluded Margaret. “I know who the hell I am, and I worked hard to get here. We are survivors.” For more information on the SAGE of the Rockies writing group, “Telling Your Story,” or to read the works of its participants, please visit sageoftherockies.blogspot.com. For other questions about SAGE of the Rockies and resources available to LGBT seniors, please visit glbtcolorado.org/sage. 22

| JANUARY 15, 2014 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

“‘Old’ is 100 and above. And when I get there, ‘old’ will be 120 and above!” — John, 65

LEGAL

Driving Under the Influence of Marijuana By Bloch & Chapleau, LLC WITH THE HISTORICAL CHANGE implemented on January 1, 2014, allowing adults to purchase marijuana from licensed retailers, it is important to remember that if you have taken pot in some form and get behind the wheel of a car, you may be committing a crime and could face serious consequences. There is wide variation in how people respond to a given dose of THC. Some people may be dangerously impaired at 5 nanograms, while others, such as regular consumers and those who use medical marijuana, may develop a higher tolerance to the drug’s effects. Regardless, there is a presumption that you are impaired while driving if you have 5 nanograms of THC per milliliter in your blood. Moreover, alcohol and marijuana can amplify one another in unexpected

ways, and mixing the two can lead to a greater degree of impairment. You can bet that law enforcement is on the lookout for drivers under the influence of marijuana now that the purchase and consumption of marijuana is legal. If you are charged with driving under the influence of marijuana or alcohol, it is important to have experienced legal representation to protect your rights. You should call an attorney right away to discuss your case.

The opinions expressed in this article are general in nature. For specific legal advice about your particular situation, please contact an attorney.

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Sexual appetite or sex addiction? How a strong sex drive started to raise flags AT THE START OF OUR RELATIONSHIP, LUKE AND I FACED A DIFFICULT ISSUE: he believed in monogamy and I didn’t. We liked each other too much to give up, so to be proactive Luke and I decided to go to therapy as a brand new couple rather than end up in a bitter longterm relationship. It would be an experiment lasting much longer than either of us could predict. Even after several months, we still struggled to understand each other and defend our positions. At one of our sessions, Luke laid out a new concern — that perhaps I suffered from sexual addiction. I wanted to be offended, but knew Luke came from a place of genuine worry. His thoughts, unfortunately, made sense. I had a history of cheating on ex-boyfriends. And now I was willing to put our new, amazing relationship on the line for sex as well. The scariest aspect was that I now lived with HIV — clearly sex had some devastating consequences in my life — yet still looked for multiple partners. Could this mean that I was addicted? After we left the therapy couch

that day, I needed time if there would be any to think. I studied up on cute guys there. Uh oh, maybe I really did have addiction and learned a problem. telltale signs — such as interference with But I still didn’t work or family life. feel like an addict. I had to admit that Addiction consists many times when I of behaviors that are worked from home, I disrupting and compulfound myself wandersive. I certainly didn’t ing onto Craigslist ads feel compelled, and my BLEED LIKE ME or chat rooms. As for interest was, at worst, Scott McGlothlen family life, my views just very distracting. on sexuality did seem While out hanging to disrupt my ability to nail down a with friends one night, we started nice relationship. sharing stories of dumb accidents Of course HIV is not an indicator we’ve had. Luke brought up how of sexual promiscuity — you can conhe once flipped an ATV while riding tract the disease with even just one around in a field. The vehicle landed partner. But in my case, I perhaps on him, breaking his collarbone, could have avoided HIV if I’d been and if it had landed any differently more conservative about sex. The it could have killed him. When a fact that my HIV didn’t bridle my friend asked if he would ever ride sexual desire felt unnerving. If I was again, Luke answered, “Absolutely.” an addict, I realized, this could be Yet Luke wasn’t an addict for the moment where I hit rock bottom. off-road vehicles. He enjoyed them I searched for a local sexual immensely, yet the unfortunate addicts anonymous group so I could accident wouldn’t stop him from attend a meeting. I found one for riding again. This didn’t feel all that gay men — then started wondering different from my HIV journey, the

| JANUARY 15, 2014 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

impact it had on me and my return to sexuality afterwards. At our next therapy session, I brought up this analogy. It seemed like a stretch, but the more I explained it, the more it made sense. Sometimes life knocks us down while we’re doing things we enjoy most. This doesn’t mean that the only healthy response is to run away. It’s OK to dust ourselves off and try again — If anything, it teaches us how to “ride” differently, perhaps more safely. By the end of the session, we all agreed that a non-traditional view of sexual relationships, even post-HIV, didn’t mean that I was a sex addict. And while it didn’t solve our disagreements over monogamy, Luke’s concern did teach me a lot about myself — that I had a strong sexual appetite I needed to recognize in order to manage better for the future. Scott McGlothlen is a cultural columnist on life as a HIV-positive gay man. See more of Scott’s columns online at ofcnow.co/scott or contact him at scott@outfrontonline.com.

Permission to be still In a world that values hard work, it can be hard to just ‘be’

PHOTO: FLOR BLAKE

AS I WRITE THIS, THE SUN IS and I couldn’t use my phone, check SHINING THROUGH THE WINDOW my email, be reached by anyone of my favorite diner, and I am relax- that wasn’t in my location. When I ing. At least I’m telling myself I’m had to surrender to the moment and relaxing. I declared two years ago accept that whatever was happening that if I was going to be my own “out there” would do so without my boss, then I was going to give myself input, out of my control, this is when permission to take a lot I found myself truly of time to spend idle — relaxing. They are just living — during the moments of real grace, moments holidays. that have fed me It’s a lot more difficult than I thought. the most. I know the work that Funny thing is, needs to be done. the only person preventing me When I moved back to Denver from New from having more York City years ago, I of these moments had someone marvel is me. I am the one that says yes to the to me that I don’t know how to relax. I commeeting, seeks the THE LESBIAN SOCIALITE pletely disagreed — of interview, starts Robyn Vie-Carpenter course I know how — I the blog, gets on just have to plan relaxthe plane. I am the ing time so I know how long I’ll be one that creates the life I have. So, unavailable. Have to schedule meet- it is clearly up to me to find more ings ahead of relaxing time. Have time for unplugging, relinquishing to decide where I’m going to relax my illusion of control. and pack accordingly, book the hotel, I look at the beginning of the year make reservations… as a great time to create joy. So, in Yes, of course I know this is a bit an effort to support myself in this neurotic. I used to blame it on New quest, which is a joyful pursuit to be York City. That’s easier than saying sure, I will begin scheduling retreat “I have control issues;” that’s what time (baby steps — I still have a busy it really is, about needing to feel in life). I always have writing, between control. And control is an illusion. my column, my blog, interviews that We don’t control anything. No matter I’ve done, interviews that are being what we do, we cannot make other offered, work on my book and other people do anything. We can do what plans — you get the idea. Being a we can to create the opportunity for writer means that there are always the outcome we seek. My wusband more words to write, it is a blessing. is constantly saying to me “it’s okay.” It also means that you can decide She says that I struggle with a need that you don’t have to be the one to to be perfect and I have to keep write them all. remembering that it’s okay if I’m Robyn Vie-Carpenter is a social not – control issues. When I think about the times that columnist on the local and national I can say I have been truly relaxed, LGBT community. See more of each one is a time when I had to Robyn’s columns online at be completely present. I was in the ofcnow.co/TLS or find her on mountains, on an island, on retreat Twitter @TheLesSocialite.

Your HIGHLANDS real estate LGBT specialist MICHAEL MADSEN 303 726 1543 M i c h a e l @ UrbanLegendary.com

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CUISINE

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t TO MANY, THE CUISINE OF THE INDIAN SUB(yes, there is Tikka Masala), and not so familCONTINENT DOESN’T AMOUNT TO MUCH iar (like the noodle-y Thupka). It really doesn’t MORE THAN SOPPY CURRY AND CHICKEN matter how you indulge, since you can tailor your TIKKA MASALA. Perhaps — thanks to the experience to touch on the more esoteric or the somewhat-adventurous offerings of Yak and Yeti comfortable and pedestrian. Naan, for example, is — we also think of meat rendered from mountainplentiful and pillowy, dotted with fragrant garlic roaming creatures like goat and cantankerous and cheese, or simply left plain. If your palate yak. But that’s about as far as our is agreeable, consider ordering the imagination will take us. Appetizer Platter, a heaping helping of samosas (savory stuffed pastries), The truth is, the countries that momos (steamed dumplings), panir, border India to the north harbor a wealth of culinary traditions still and pakora. It really could constitute very much foreign to Coloradans. If a meal in itself. And whether you’re we’re lucky, however, we can catch eyeing light and spicy or saucy and mild, the entrées run the gamut — a a glimpse of both the culture and cuisine of its rugged terrain. For spicy Shrimp Vindaloo is tops on a Boulderites, the nearest we get to the chilly winter afternoon, while a mild richly spiced fare of Nepal and Tibet Vegetable Korma paired with a heartis the smile-studded dining room of warming Argentinian Malbec heals FOOD FOR THOUGHT Sherpa’s on Walnut Street. all ill and warms the stomach at the Jeff Steen From the vine-wrapped patio to same time. the serpentine interior of this houseIf the affair of a sit-down meal turned-restaurant, Sherpa’s is an understated doesn’t suit you, then perhaps the bar is where gem. As with many a home that has become the you should be — right in the middle of the action. setting for restaurant devotees, it uses the charm Behind cocktail-sippers rests the library, where of the age-old building to its distinct advantage, many of the owners and employees mill about, spreading authentic knickknacks and memorabilia offering the perfect opportunity to nurse a ginthroughout for diners to catch between bites of and-tonic while asking about what it’s really like to scale the legendary Everest. If you get hungry saag or stew. The best part is, it’s never contrived just thinking about it, there will undoubtedly be or artificial; this is the real thing. a samosa or two with your name on it. Fun fact: the owner himself is Sherpa, and once worked in the tourism industry helping The beauty of it all is that Sherpa’s is a culinarytravelers scour the Himalayas. And as you’ll see culture stop for anyone. Whether you’re coming from the pictures adorning one of the walls in the just for a sampling of rich cuisine, or want a taste dining room, he still periodically travels back to of eastern worlds, Sherpa’s offers both; speakers, his homeland. If that isn’t enough to “peak” your momos, books, saag, maps, biryani, photos, unendinterest, there’s a traveler’s library-lounge set up ing conversation, storytelling, and a heaping bowl near the bar at the front of the restaurant, bulging of kir (rice pudding) round out an experience that with books about how, when, and where to plan is absolutely singular, tucked away amidst breweryour own excursion up the imposing slopes. ies and bars in the heart of Boulder. Honestly, Realistically, however, most of us come for the where else can you explore the Himalayas while tucking into a bowl of yak-filled Sherpa Stew? food — a warm sampling of dishes both familiar

For the vast majority of revelers, tales of Himalayan mountain climbing are sufficient. But if you’re hankering for a true adventure in the wild of Indian peninsula, then ask about volunteer trip opportunities offered through SherpaAscent.com. Owner Pemba Sherpa will happily woo you with tales of her own trips up the slopes, and might just ignite an interest in your own excursions abroad. If you do, just a bit of advice: dress warmly.

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ARTS & CULTURE

Straight A’s at the movies 2013 films you shouldn’t forget By Steve Cruz THE LEGEND OF GEORGIA MCBRIDE

LET’S TAKE A LOOK AT SOME FILMS THAT HAVE BEEN IN THEATERS, BUT WHICH YOU MAY NOT YET HAVE SEEN. These capsule-takes aren’t full reviews, but a quick look at films that shouldn’t be missed.

Jan. 10 - Feb 23 Champa & 13th • Denver DenverCenter.org

SPAMALOT Nov. 16 - Mar. 1 5501 Arapahoe Ave. • Boulder BouldersDinnerTheatre.com

PHILOMENA • PHOTO: THE WEINSTEIN COMPANY

BEETHOVEN AND BREWS Feb. 7 • Boettcher Concert Hall 1000 14th St. • Denver ColoradoSymphony.org

BOEING-BOEING Jan. 17 - Feb. 9 2450 W Main St. • Littleton TownHallArtsCenter.com

KNIGHTS OF BADASSDOM Feb. 8 2510 East Colfax www.denverfilm.org

| JANUARY 15, 2014 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

PHILOMENA They found him in the United States. The gay Steve Coogan (who co-wrote the screenplay and connection: Philomena’s son was a closeted gay produced this film, and steps out of comic mode for man who served in the administrations of Reagan this role) and Academy Award-winner Judi Dench and Bush. He died of causes related to AIDS a few create remarkable and memorable characters in years before Sexmith and Philomena located this gentle film about the effects of a woman whose him. This is a gently powerful story, and despite resilient spirit and forgiving nature affects a world- Philomena’s forgiving spirit, I’ve never wanted weary reporter who has become rigid and tart. so much to slap an elderly nun (kudos to Barbara I’ve spoken to several friends who have the film Jefford who plays Sister Hildegarde so effectively). on their list, but haven’t seen it. When I ask, “Are you aware of the major gay thread?” They look BLUE IS THE WARMEST COLOR surprised and shake their head. The three hours that has hushed audiences and set The story published by Martin Sixsmith (co- off air conditioning thermostats around the world writer of the screenplay with Coogan) “The Lost is a celebration of first love that captivates and Child of Philomena Lee” was widely read in the U.K., mesmerizes audiences, and causes its characters and this film attracted packed houses. Interviews emotional wreckage. Blue Is The Warmest Color with Coogan, Dench and the “real” Philomena Lee shows afresh how the most painful fall is from the include discussion her son Michael without hesi- greatest heights. (CONTINUED, NEXT PAGE) tation or concern that they are spoiling the plot. And rightly so, they are not: this has been reported and written about. If you don’t want to know anything more, STOP READING NOW. From the trailer viewers know that this is the story of a pregnant girl who gave birth in a convent, whose son was put up for adoption without her consent, and 50 years later seeks her son with the help of a reporter. BLUE IS THE WARMEST COLOR • PHOTO: SUNDANCE SELECTS

(STRAIGHT A'S CONTINUED) Much has been discussed about the frank depictions of sex — are they exploitive? Did the director push the female actors too far? Is this beyond good taste? Reviewers who simply must exercise their poison pens have jumped on this bandwagon. I cry hogwash. Does this criticism exist because the actors are “just girls?” What is the double-standard at here? There is finally have a film about romance and love and sex between two women that frank and convincing and some cry foul. How puny and boring of them. Thermonuclear guy/guy sex in Shortbus and Weekend didn’t seem to bother anyone (who wasn’t already bothered by sex).

DALLAS BUYERS CLUB • PHOTO: ANNE MARIE FOX / FOCUS FEATURES DALLAS BUYERS CLUB I came out in 1985 and the effects of AIDS was in full swing, but still little was known. I was scared of this film, protective of my tragic memories and fearful of sensationalism. I’ve seen this film twice and encourage everyone to see it. Matthew McConaughey’s depiction of Ron Woodruff — a hard drinking-drugging-screwing, foul-mouthed, short-tempered, heterosexual “man’s man” — shows that AIDS doesn’t care if you’re gay or straight. Jared Leto is the unsung scene-stealer in this film: without the trans character Rayon — who is every bit as tough and self-abusing, Woodruff might not function and evolve. G.B.F. I love this film and my review ran in the 2013 Cinema Q Festival line-up. It’s a smartly played number about high school hot bitches who decided a Gay Best Friend (G.B.F.) is the season’s must-have. Starring two adorable gay-and-out actors in gay-and-forced-out roles, this is a film worth taking notes: the one-liners are fast and fabulous. Part Clueless, part Mean Girls, Heathers and Carrie — and every John Hughes high-school melodrama — G.B.F. has all the classic hallmarks of a cult favorite and star-maker that within a decade will be looked upon as the launch for a crop of big names. Unfortunately this gem — which features neither nudity nor sex — has been slapped with an “R” rating by the MPAA. It may still play in Denver, but it’s definitely coming to video-ondemand services beginning January 17.

r Visit ofcnow.co/mMs online to see trailers of these films

LAKEWOOD Lakewood UCC www.lakewooducc.com LONGMONT First Congregational UCC www.ucclongmont.org PARKER Parker UCC www.parkerucc.org WHEAT RIDGE The Wheatridge Congregation of the UCC www.wheatridgeucc.org

To locate an Open and Affirming church near you, go to: ofcnow.co/ucc

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

| JANUARY 15, 2014 | 31

COMING EVENTS T HROUGH

JAN 25 THROUGH MAR 30

THROUGH APR 13

The Travesty of Lear @ THE BETSY STAGE, 1133 SOUTH HURON ST. THURS, FRI & SAT AT 8 P.M. // SUN AT 2 P.M. An original adaptation of Shakespeare’s Tragedy of King Lear set in the Wild West. Lear, a saloon owner, puts his three favorite prostitutes to the test as he divides his kingdom. Designed to surprise and amuse audiences. All performances are FREE, donations are accepted. Seating is limited – reservations required.

Joel Swanson: Left to Right, Top to Bottom Ian Fisher: Critical Focus @ DENVER MUSEUM OF CONTEMPORARY ART 1485 DELGANY STREET Denver-based artist Joel Swanson explores language and its literal forms as he stretches it to become an image, or multiple images. // Denver-based artist Ian Fisher has a new exhibition capturing fleeting moments of a skyscape, hovering between abstract patterns of color and highly recognizable imagery. r more info online at ofcnow.co/chp & ofcnow.co/2xy

r more info online at ofcnow.co/e5E

TH ROUGH

FEB 9

JAN 24 –

Last chance to catch Passport to Paris

FEB 23

@ THE DENVER ART MUSEUM 100 W. 14TH AVE. Passport to Paris surveys 300 years of French painting and brings together nearly 150 master works by Henri Tolouse-Latrec, Vincent Van Gogh, Paul Cezanne and others. r more info online at ofcnow.co/Gs1

JAN

29 Wed

Lamont Wind Ensemble Concert @ NEWMAN CENTER FOR THE PERFORMING ARTS 2344 E ILIFF AVE • 7:30 P.M.

The Lamont Chorale joins the Wind Ensemble in a special performance of Anton Bruckner’s Mass no 2 in E Minor and Eric Whitacre’s Equus. r more info online at ofcnow.co/chp 32

| JANUARY 15, 2014 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

Mousetrap @ ARVADA CENTER 6901 WADSWORTH BLVD ARVADA, CO 80003 The longest running play in recorded history has come to the Arvada Center. This classic Agatha Christie mystery unfolds when a group of strangers find themselves stranded in a boarding house during a snowstorm. Murder is committed and everyone is suspect as a policeman investigates the crime and uncovers their hidden secrets. r more info online at ofcnow.co/sKG

JAN 31 &

FEB

FEB 1

Sat

COLORADO AIDS PROJECT

Red Tie Affair

@ DENVER MUSEUM OF NATURE AND SCIENCE 2001 COLORADO BLVD. • 6 P.M. TO 10 P.M. Celebrating 30 years since the founding of Denver CAP, Red Tie Affair is an elegant night of cocktails, dinner and honoring supporters. r more info online at ofcnow.co/redtie

Epic Mozart GUEST ARTIST HSING-AY HSU, PIANIST

FRIDAY • 7:30 @ SAINT JOHN’S CATHEDRAL 1350 WASHINGTON STREET, DENVER SATURDAY • 7:30 @ FIRST UNITED METHODIST CHURCH 1421 SPRUCE STREET, BOULDER A program including two of the most sublime symphonic masterpieces by Mozart and Beethoven, played by an ensemble deemed “unrivaled” for consistent excellence.

The Onyx Ball @ TRACKS DENVER 3500 WALNUT ST. • 6 P.M. TO 9 P.M. This annual ball benefits American Cancer Society's local chapters for Relay for Life, as well as providing lots of awesome entertainment, including DJ Rockstar Aaron, chance drawing, auctions and a luminary memorial. r more info online at ofcnow.co/onyx

r more info online at ofcnow.co/pro

JA N

29 Wed

Jerome Rose CONCERT PIANIST

@ NEWMAN CENTER FOR THE PERFORMING ARTS 2344 E ILIFF AVE • 7:30 P.M.

FEB

8 Sat

ELEVATED SATURDAY PRESENTS

Aquarius @ TRACKS DENVER 3500 WALNUT ST. 9 P.M. TO 2 A.M.

Every second Saturday of the month Tracks celebrates the current Zodiac sign. If you’re an Aquarius, get free admission and drinks tonight.

Jerome Rose has been hailed as “the last romantic of our own age” and one of America’s most distinguished pianists. He has performed in major concert halls across five continents.

No cover and two-for-one Absolut Cocktails till 10 p.m., cover $5 from 10 p.m. to 11 p.m., $10 from 11 p.m. to close. r more info online at ofcnow.co/R7S

r more info online at ofcnow.co/ VMa

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

| JANUARY 15, 2014 | 33

WEEKLY SPECIALS FROM OUT FRONT’S LGBT-INCLUSIVE BAR PARTNERS.

BLACK CROWN

EL POTRERO

e Fetish, fun and fantasy at the Eagle

DAILY HAPPY HOUR

DRAG WEDNESDAYS: NO COVER

4 p.m. – 6 p.m.

2-for-1 beers, $3 rum, and vodka specials, $2 drafts

Denver’s place to be for those interested in leather, rubber, underwear, sports gear and bootblacking. | Photos by Charles Broshous

BlackCrownLounge.com

MONDAYS

1/2 price select bottles of wine SUNDAYS Martinis & Misbehavin’ with Cora Vette and $8 Kettle One martinis

BLUSH & BLU

BlushBluBar.com

Facebook.com/el.potrero.180

GO-GO FRIDAYS: NO COVER

$2 rum and vodka specials, $2 drafts, $5 Jose Cuervo, $15 beer buckets and $5 Jager shots

HAMBURGER MARY’S

DAILY HAPPY HOUR

HamburgerMarys.com/denver

$3 wells, vino, domestics, lattes; $1.50 PBR’s; $4 shots of Fireball 3 p.m. to 7 p.m.

11 a.m. to 2 a.m., Thursday through Saturday.

FRIDAYS

HOURS OF OPERATION

VISIT WEBSITE FOR SPECIALS

Karaoke at 9 p.m. SUNDAYS Molly’s famous $4 Bloodys

BOYZTOWN

BoyzTownDenver.com HAPPY HOUR

Monday-Thursday: 3 – 8 p.m. U CALLS

Monday–Thursday: Absolut $4.50 Friday & Sunday: Stoli $4.50 Friday–Sunday: 3Olives $4.50

BROADWAYS

LI’L DEVILS

LilDevilsLounge.com WEDNESDAYS

$4 22-ounces tanks of your choice. SUNDAYS: TRIVIA NIGHT

Compete for free drinks and bar tabs, starting at 7:30 p.m., $3 Smirnoff.

PIRATES COVE • PUEBLO Facebook.com/ piratescoveeventspage

BroadwaysDenver.com HAPPY HOUR

Mon – Fri: 2pm – 9pm Sat & Sun: 12pm – 9pm $2.25 Wells | $2.00 Domestic Drafts | $3.75 Svedka Flavors & Domestic Mini Pitchers CUSTOMER APPRECIATION NIGHT

Mondays at 9pm

TRACKS

TracksDenver.com SUPERSTAR THURSDAYS

18 + dance party Cover: 18-20 $10, 21+ $5 after 10 p.m. ELEVATED SATURDAYS

2-for-1 drinks between 9 – 10 p.m. No cover before 10 p.m.

CLUB Q • COLO. SPRINGS ClubQOnline.com

COMPOUND BASIX CompoundDenver.com DAILY HAPPY HOURS

7 - 10 a.m. & 5 - 8 p.m. $2.50 wells, $3 domestic longnecks, $2 off calls FRIDAY & SATURDAY DANCE PARTIES

$3 Well Vodka & $5 Svedka; No cover BEER BUSTS

Saturdays, 6 – 10 p.m., $8.

WRANGLER

DenverWrangler.com WEDNESDAYS: TRIVIA NIGHT

Geeks who Drink Pub Trivia 8 p.m. $2 house vodka, Bud & Coors pints SATURDAYS

$3 Svedka // 2nd Saturday SWEET 5th Saturday RETRO SWEET! SUNDAYS: BEER BUST

$8 Legendary Beer Bust (4-8 p.m.)

CHARLIE’S

X BAR

DAILY BEER SPECIAL

MONDAY–SATURDAY

$4 for a 32 oz. domestic pitcher and $8 for a premium pitcher

SUNDAY

CharliesDenver.com

THURSDAYS: 1/2 PRICE NIGHT FRIDAYS:

XBarDenver.com BOGO happy hour: 3 p.m. – 6 p.m. $5 lemonade buckets all day

$10 Buddy Beer Bust, 5 p.m. $3 Absolut, 9 p.m. SATURDAYS: $5 Beer Bust, 2 p.m. SUNDAYS: Drag show, 9 p.m. 34

| JANUARY 15, 2014 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

FOR TWITTER UPDATES AND INTERACTIVE MAP GO TO OFCNOW.CO/BTAB

1446 S. Broadway Denver, CO 80210 720.353.4701

th S t.

Downing St.

. t St

lnu Wa

4501 E Virginia Ave Denver, Colorado 80246 • (303) 388-8889 www.facebook.com/elpotreroclub

A. BLACK CROWN B. BLUSH & BLU C. BOYZTOWN 700 E 17th Ave Denver, CO 80203 (303) 832-1333

D. CHARLIES

E . COMPOUND BASIX

W es

F. EL POTRERO G. HAMBURGER MARY’S H. LI’L DEVILS

Humboldt St.

Logan St.

Emerson St.

Washington St.

E. 18th Ave. E. 17th Ave.

Downing St.

Broadway

E. 20th Ave.

I. TRACKS J. WRANGLER

Colfax Ave. Broadway

E. 2nd Ave.

E. 1st Ave.

W Byers Pl.

Alameda Ave.

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

| JANUARY 15, 2014 | 35

How will your ganja garden grow?

RADIOACTIVE VISION Nuclia Waste

MARY, MARY, QUITE CONTRARY, HOW DOES YOUR GARDEN GROW? WITH SILVER BELLS, AND COCKLE SHELLS, AND MARIJUANA ALL IN A ROW. Well, that’s how my garden would grow if I get my way this spring, minus the cockle shells. I would not even know where to begin to look for cockle shell seeds. And what the hell are cockle shells anyway? I was very excited when the Denver City Council passed an ordinance allowing up to six pot plants to be grown per person with a maximum of 12 plants per household. I had visions of roto-tilling my entire backyard to make way for a ganja forest of fun. With 300 days of sunshine, my weedy weeds would rival Jack and his boring old beanstalk. But that bubble was burst when it was announced that the plants could only be grown indoors and in a locked space. Being a drag queen with hoarder tendencies leave little room for a mere fern, let alone a dozen THC laden trees. My drag dungeon is filled to the ceiling with thigh high platform boots, green and pink bouffants, and tackle boxes overflowing with earrings that were former Christmas ornaments and dog toys from Pets R Us. I could not possibly share my spotlights with grow lights. Mr. Waste and I do have a two-car garage that locks. But that would require moving out the Miata, Vespa scooter, Zero electric motorcycle, a push lawn mower, three mountain bikes with flat tires, 20 empty beehives, a 30-frame honey extractor, one deep freezer, four bales of Halloween straw, a light-up Christmas moose, a giant burlap and chicken wire mud-man mask, and a 1,000 pound antique O’Keefe Merritt chrome top stove that I

| JANUARY 15, 2014 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

dragged out to Denver from Kansas City. Did I mention the red canoe that is hanging from the rafters? While these all could make interesting decorations in our living room, it would not leave room for Puppy Waste One and Two and their menagerie of chew toys. Finding the space to grow a dozen Mary Jane plants is only half the hurdle. What’s really withering my plans is Mr. Waste himself. He absolutely refuses to have pot growing in the house. I do find it ironic that his reason is that he works for the city, a city that has legalized recreational marijuana. Mr. Waste feels that a good law-abiding city worker should not be harboring herbs and hash, bless his heart. So I must honor my husband’s wishes and limit my green thumb to sage, rosemary and thyme, along with a few tomato plants. Wacky tabacky will have to wait. But I am sure some of you are already installing those grow lights and raising the rafters to make room for some green ganja gardening. You’ve been Googling the internet for tips on THC tilling. You’re hoping that this year’s Denver County Fair will be handing out blue ribbons (or should they be green?) for Best Bud and Tastiest Cannabis Pie. Your holiday cookies next December will be extra festive. And you’ve repurposed your “Keep Off The Grass” sign. I wish you the best of luck. I am green with envy. Nuclia Waste, the triple-nipple drag queen of comedy, is Out Front’s radioactive cultural columnist. See more columns at ofcnow.co/nuclia or contact her through her website at NucliaWaste.com.

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NO COVER facebook.com/CompoundBasix 145 Broadway, Denver (303) 722-7977

www.LoHiLipoLaser.com

LOHI LIPO LASER CLINIC • 2500 18TH STREET DENVER

303-954-0896

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

| JANUARY 15, 2014 | 37

ON THE SCENE

PARTICIPANTS

NEEDED for a Study on Barriers to Physical Activity Among Gay Men

Researchers at the University of Northern Colorado want to understand what makes it difficult or stops gay men from participating in physical activity. Who can participate? You can participate if you are a gay man between the ages of 18-64 years who is not currently meeting the national recommended levels of physical activity. What will I have to do for the study? You will be asked to volunteer to participate in a 1-hour discussion with 5-10 other gay men where we will talk about what types of things make it difficult or stop you from being physically active on a regular basis. The 1 hour discussion will be held at location near you, such as a community center or a hotel conference room. You will also be asked to complete one survey asking you questions about physical activity, your age, your level of education, etc. Why is this study being conducted? Participation in physical activity positively influences a person’s immediate and long-term health (e.g., improved self-esteem, decreased risk of heart disease, Type 2 diabetes and some cancers). However, recent research has shown that many gay men are not participating in enough physical activity to achieve health benefits. Thus, it is important to understand what types of barriers make it difficult or stop gay men from being physically active. What are the benefits of being in the study? At the end of the study, the identification of barriers will be used to design interventions to increase participation in physical activity among gay men. In addition, participants in each focus group session will be: (1) provided refreshments, (2) entered into a drawing to receive a $20 Starbucks gift card, and (3) given a summary report of the project results. A drawing will be done after each focus group session to determine who will receive the $20 Starbucks gift card. How do I get involved or what if I need more information? If you need more information or you want to get involved, contact Melissa Ford or Dr. Danielle Brittain, Community Health Program, the University of Northern Colorado, 501 20th Street, Campus Box 132, Greeley, CO 80639, Phone: (970) 351-2859, Email: CHResearch@unco.edu. UNC IRB #: 527359 The University of Northern Colorado is an Affirmative Action/Equal Opportunity employer that is committed to a culturally diverse staff, faculty, and student body.

| JANUARY 15, 2014 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

Polar Plunge

Boulder Reservoir // Jan. 1 photos by Charles Broshous Nearly two hundred people showed up at the Boulder Reservoir on January 1 to take the plunge. Under the watchful eyes of the Boulder Fire Department, eager participants stripped to their skivvies and made their splash in the near freezing water. Proceeds from this year’s frigid fundraiser benefit the Boulder County AIDS Project. r See more photos online at ofcnow.co/qob

ON THE SCENE

New Year’s Eve Charlie’s // Dec. 31 photos by Charles Broshous Hundreds of rowdy revelers rang in the new year at Charlie’s during the Masquerade Ball on December 31. The holiday festivities included party favors, drink specials and a free champagne toast at midnight. Best wishes to one and all in the new year! r See more photos online at ofcnow.co/Yk5

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

| JANUARY 15, 2014 | 39

IF YOU GO

INTERVIEW

Diving into Dinah Shore

Mariah Hanson, the genesis of the famous women’s weekend in Palm Springs By Robyn Vie-Carpenter WHEN YOU SAY “THE DINAH” TO QUEER WOMEN, A VERY LARGE PERCENTAGE OF THEM WILL KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT. What began as an organic extension of a well-known women’s sporting event, The Dinah Shore Classic, has become one of largest women’s circuit parties in the world – Club Skirts The Dinah. 24 years ago Mariah Hanson began a movement to truly provide women the freedom to be themselves. Every year, women from all over the world descend on Palm Springs, California for a weekend of fun, frolic and (ahem). For some this is the only opportunity they have of fully being queer in front of everyone. Last December the Palm Springs Chamber of Commerce awarded Hanson the Athena Award — a predominantly straight, white organization of business men were honoring a lesbian for being a “warrior for business.” I had the chance to sit down with Hanson and talk to her about her journey. Robyn Vie-Carpenter: So, you’re getting this award. I think that’s so incredible. Mariah Hanson: Yeah, I think so too. I’m floored. My jaw just dropped when they contacted me and said, “would you be willing to accept this honor?” I’m like (pauses), yeah. I don’t know if I deserve the honor, but this is great. RVC: As a lesbian business owner that does things with and for the LGBT community, to be honored by an organization that’s not necessarily the most diverse, that’s pretty uncommon. MH: It’s all about lesbian visibility. There’s an aspect of Palm Springs that is incredibly liberal. The Chamber of Commerce is kinda old school (conservative). So, (this) was even more progressive, it’s like wow, you go Palm Springs. RVC: Watching women at The Dinah, I can imagine what it would have been like for me a few years back, before I got married. We don’t get to experience this often. When you think about lesbians, we don’t get to show up somewhere and there are lesbians everywhere. MH: And the thing is that although some of the core events do skew younger, the age demographics are 40

| JANUARY 15, 2014 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

really broad. It’s a party. I mean the pool party is like a nine-hour party. It’s this non-stop thing. What I love about it is that we do try to offer a lot of different programming. Think of it like this. There are people there (who are) in their 70’s. Imagine what the world was like when they were 25. And they look out at these like three and four star hotels catering to the lesbian community. It just must be so liberating. Because we take for granted so much, and that’s okay. That’s what people were fighting for. People were fighting so that one day we could take for granted (this freedom), and the civil rights that we are so quickly achieving all over the country.

IGGY AZALEA

APR

2–6

Club Skirts: The Dinah @ PALM SPRINGS, CA

WED THE OFFICIAL PRE-PARTY

RVC: They ‘fought for your right to party’ and now they get to enjoy it. They’re still around. MARIAH HANSON MH: The people that did the pioneering, they’re still here. And it must really just be amazing for them to see too. I love that part.

THU COMEDY NIGHT FEATURING CHELSEA LATELY’S FORTUNE FEIMSTER

FORTUNE FEIMSTER

THE DINAH OPENING PARTY

RVC: I got to talk to a lot of these women. And they were saying, “it’s awesome being us.” It makes your heart happy to know that there are these opportunities to be completely out, fully empowered and on fire, in a way that has never been before. 24 years is a long time to be doing something like this. MH: Yes it is. Half of the people there are 24, it’s a lifetime. RVC: You’ve been quoted saying, after signing the Pussy Cat Dolls to perform, you ‘had to just do it.’ You had to believe that eventually it was really going to happen. MH: Most entrepreneurs will tell you, being a successful entrepreneur versus not isn’t because they had a better idea. It’s that they believed in it facing a myriad of fears, doubts and voices saying, don’t do that. Are you crazy? You just have to do it anyway. My heart goes out to people that dream that dream, but don’t take that first step. You gotta take the first step. Once you take that first step, it’s like Life takes you in it’s sweet arms and just moves you forward. If you want to discover the inspiration, freedom and nine-hour parties by the pool, Club Skirts The Dinah will be taking over Palm Springs, CA April 2 – 6, 2014. Visit thedinah.com for more information.

TEGAN & SARA

FRI

SAT

TGIDF POOL PARTY (THANK GOD

IT’S DINAH FRIDAY)

THE DINAH WHITE PARTY

THE CABANA GIRL POOL PARTY TEGAN & SARA THE BEACH BALL

FEATURING IGGY AZALEA

SUN

THE WET & WILD POOL PARTY THE DINAH CLOSING PARTY

r more info online at thedinah.com

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OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

| JANUARY 15, 2014 | 41

CREATE

THE SPICE OF LIFE if variety is the spice of life, then i have a rack full of spice. in a world of confusion and strife, my little slice of life seems as quiet as that of mice. friends of mine are all different and diverse. one lives in the past, one lives in the future, others are at different places on the spectrum. few seem to achieve a level of happiness and live a life that is to them a curse. all beat themselves up like they would a drum. my life isn’t in the best of shape. i have my ups and downs, but i won’t let it get to me. if i thought about it, life would crush me like a grape. but my friends with all their diversity, gives me hope and pleasure to sail the deepest sea. i love the differences in my friends, they add so much to my happiness. these friends are all like spices on the rack. my life is full of spices, and it helps with all my mess. my friends mean so much to me and i know they have my back. — STEVE VOLLMER

WE TWO BOYS TOGETHER CLINGING We two boys together clinging, One the other never leaving, Up and down the roads going, North and South excursions making, Power enjoying, elbows stretching, fingers clutching, Arm’d and fearless, eating, drinking, sleeping, loving. No law less than ourselves owning, sailing, soldiering, thieving, threatening, Misers, menials, priests alarming, air breathing, water drinking, on the turf or the sea-beach dancing, Cities wrenching, ease scorning, statutes mocking, feebleness chasing, Fulfilling our foray. — WA LT W H I T M A N

CALL FOR ENTRIES Submit poetry, stories and personal essays to editorial@outfrontonline.com Submit original artwork and photography to art@outfrontonline.com 42

| JANUARY 15, 2014 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

FASHION

SEEN @ XBAR

SEEN @ {A•(s)Hē}

LAUREN ZWICKY

CHRIS RICHARDSON

W H AT W E ’ R E W E A R I N G

W H E R E D O YO U L I K E TO G O S H O P P I N G? Nordstrom & Nordstrom Rack. I like to have a clean style and I can easily find pieces that fit who I am. W H AT ’ S Y O U R F A V O R I T E P I E C E O F C L O T H I N G ? I love a good pair of jeans & I can never have enough boots. PHOTOS BY DENEE PINO

W H AT I N S P I R E S Y O U R S T Y L E ? I draw from a lot of different sources from street style blogs to browsing in thrift stores. I select things based on how it looks, not on the brand name. I like to mix my style up. It’s hard for me to stick to just one style. W H AT ’ S Y O U R F A V O R I T E P I E C E O F C L O T H I N G ? I live for drop crotch pants, I could wear them everyday. OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

| JANUARY 15, 2014 | 43

BEAUTY

Disordered definitions

We should stop using eating disorders as a casual joke or insult By Kelsey Lindsey  THIS JANUARY I’VE DECIDED TO ADDRESS AN ISSUE that still contains murky connotations in today’s society: eating disorders. I’ve skirted around this issue, but I’ve never really addressed it head-on. Perhaps this is because I never had one. As a teenage girl, eating disorders were a confusing subject. Every week there seemed to be a new childhood celebrity checked into rehab, and for a period it seemed to be the issue-dujour of almost every soap opera–esque show on TV. While they were always seen as a trouble, they were never treated with the same unease as other health issues like alcohol and drug abuse. In college and the years following, I saw eating disorders used as an arbitrary insult — using their stigma for the purposes of catty gossip and jealousy. A girl you don’t like lost ten pounds in two months? “Must be anorexic.”

Your skinny friend always uses the bathroom after meals? “Bulimic.” Like hurling weight gain insults at unfavorable persons, I saw these disorders become a tool for slander. What was most concerning was the persons tossing out the accusations were never really concerned for their targets, as you’d think they should be for someone allegedly suffering from a serious condition. No thought of help was mentioned, only thoughts of maliciousness. With contradicting media representations, personal accusations, and societal assumptions about eating disorders, I’m still confused as to what type of eating behavior warrants the title of a “disorder.” We all have odd eating schedules and choices, but what conduct bears concern? To finally clear the air, I turned to the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA), the largest non-profit eating disorders prevention and advocacy organization in the world. Defined as a range of psychological

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disorders characterized by abnormal or disturbed eating habits, these troubles are no light matter. The four listed eating disorders are serious issues combining physical, mental, and emotional traumas that can be life threatening if left untreated. Below are some factors that can contribute to eating disorders, according to NEDA: • Low self-esteem • Depression, anxiety, anger, stress, or loneliness • History of being teased or ridiculed based on size or weight • Troubled personal relationships • Cultural pressures that glorify “thinness” Before using tossing out the phrases “anorexic” or “bulimic,” I encourage you all to remember these contributing factors to eating disorders. From loneliness to bullying, some seem to be preventable by kindness or respect. With the new year, I resolve to be a positive force in the fight against these sometimes-opaque conditions. I hope you all do the same. Kelsey Lindsey is Out Front’s beauty columnist writing from an affirming perspective on being your best you. See more beauty columns at ofcnow.co/beauty or contact Kelsey at kelsey.a.lindsey@gmail.com

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THRIVE

The devil you know

Familiar plants you didn’t realize were psychoactive NOW THAT MARIJUANA IS OFFICIALLY LEGAL in Colorado, it’s hard to imagine why there were so many years of fuss over a little green plant that happens to make you hungry, giggly or tired. Psychoactive plants are very common in nature, and while cannabis isn’t known for much else besides its effects on the brain, many plants used for mundane purposes have little-known mind-altering properties — and they’re cultivated in parks, gardens or windowsills across Colorado, or found in our fields and forests. We cannot recommend eating, tasting or smoking any of these — not only because of their psychoactive properties but because in many cases psychoactive plants contain poisons as well (which might be why they aren’t popularly used). But in the spirit of knowledge and fun, here are a few plants you’ve probably seen, used or even grown without realizing their little secret.

Coleus

One of the most popular ornamental annuals grown for colorful leaves, the Coleus plants you’ll find in every nursery or garden center in town were bred from plants once smoked by the Mazatec people of Mexico as a mild hallucinogen.

Lettuce

Believe it or not, the harmless salad greens you know as lettuce produce psychoactive compounds similar to opium, which can make you feel calm, relaxed and hungry — so that’s why salads are used as an appetizer! The lettuce cultivated today has such a small amount of the psychoactive compounds that it’s impossible for them to have an effect on someone; an analogy for lettuce is industrial hemp, with negligible THC. But wild lettuce as well as the ancient lettuce that modern lettuce was bred from might indeed create a high.

Morning Glory

The morning glory family has several subfamilies and hundreds of species (including sweet potatoes), and many different types of morning glories are psychoactive. The most familiar morning glory — grown in gardens as a blooming vine that wraps itself up fences and sunflower stalks — has hallucinogenic seeds.

Absinthe Wormwood

Brought to Colorado as a medicinal plant, Artemisia absinthium is now an invasive species across the plains, growing wild on roadsides and recently disturbed soils, and is still grown in gardens as an herb. Used to make absinthe — which was banned in the U.S. until 2007 — wormwood is probably only mildly psychoactive at most, since the key component, a chemical called thujone, is also found in many common plants: yarrow, junipers, oregano, sage, hyssop, rosemary and savory, among others.

Joint Fir

Also known as “Mormon tea,” Ephedra is a genus of desert shrubs that produce ephedrine, a stimulant that has been used medicinally but has been banned by the FDA for adverse side-effects (the plant itself is not illegal). Three Ephedra species grow wild in Colorado and are common in gardens around Denver.

Mosaic Plant

Mosaic Plant is grown as an annual or houseplant in Colorado and can grow year-round in frost-free parts of the United States. Native to South America, Fittonia albivenis is a hallucinogen that has been used by indigenous people for medicinal or spiritual purposes.

Opium Poppy

The poppy seed used in muffins and cookies as a culinary spice is in fact from Papaver somniforum — the famous opium poppy. There are many ornamental garden versions, too. The seeds don’t contain opium, but the plants can produce it in the sap that drains from scratched seed pods (which, by the way, is illegal to do with your poppies). 46

| JANUARY 15, 2014 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

Ice Plant

Grown in Colorado gardens as a droughttolerant and attractive blooming groundcover, ice plants (from the genus Delosperma) contain differing amounts of dimethyltryptamine, or DMT, a hallucinogen that produces out-ofbody experiences.

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AUTO

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Audi Q5 TDI

Four vehicles that will help you hit the slopes By Jonathan McGrew THE CHALLENGE IN NAVIGATING SKI COUNTRY THIS TIME of year isn’t amount of snow or where to go; the challenge almost always comes down to how to get there. Weather can really throw a wrench into your plans, especially if you are without All-Wheel Drive (AWD) or Four-Wheel Drive (4WD). These vehicles could be your solution: 2013 Toyota Tundra Crew Max Limited, 2013 Toyota RAV4 Limited AWD, 2013 Audi Q5 TDI and 2013 Subaru Outback 3.6R Limited. Our truck fans might be able to get behind the Tundra Crew Max. It fits into the large 1500 truck category and won’t disappoint your passengers with the Crew Max configuration. The backseat room is pretty incredible with plenty of leg and headroom for taller passengers. Add a 361-hp 5.7-liter V8 engine, leather trimmed seats, heated front seats, electronically controlled part-time 4WD and a power rear window that rolls down and you have most of the creature comforts you would expect. Things you might want to add are a bed cover and ski rack to keep everything dry and tidy. Biggest gripe: no navigation on our test model and a thirsty engine at 15-mpg combined. Pros: Toyota reliability and 2014 gets an exterior and interior refresh. MSRP: $46,518 For those looking for a more compact and affordable carbased utility vehicle, the all-new 2013 Toyota RAV4 is worth a look in the CUV segment. The new face lift is dramatic from the previous generation shedding the swing out tailgate, V6 engine option and sliding rear seats. In its place you will find an All-Wheel Drive option paired to a standard 176-hp 2.5-liter four-cylinder engine. While the styling has been of much debate, it is fresh and with the current design trends. The RAV4 offers good room both front and rear and one of

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the nicest RAV4 interiors to date. Biggest gripe: flat spots in the four-cylinder’s power and lack of real leather trim. Pros: versatile size for in-town or open-road travel, good driving feel and road holding and an optional power liftgate. MSRP: $31,964 Keeping with the CUV theme, the 2013 Audi Q5 offers an upscale luxury spin on heading to the ski chalet. The Q5 has become more aggressive than previous generations with strong design cues front and rear including LED pipe lit running lights — similar to A4/A5 and Allroad. From a technology perspective you get everything you would expect from the Google Earth integrated navigation to heated leather trimmed seats and 3-zone climate control. New for 2013 is the Turbo Diesel or TDI engine with start/stop technology; a big win with an EPA 27-mpg combined rating. Biggest gripe: high price for a small vehicle. Pros: excellent electromagnetic steering, diesel mpg without the intrusive noise from yesteryears and class leading All-Wheel Drive. MSRP: $51,945 For those not into the SUV/CUV or truck market, there are not a ton of options. Subaru really corners the market with the Subaru Outback. Our test car was outfitted in the Limited trim, which tops the range and gives a power boost with the 256-hp 3.6-liter horizontally opposed six-cylinder engine. Outback fans will see a reduction in fuel economy from the four banger with the EPA combined rating of 20-mpg as opposed 26-mpg. The benefit is putting more power to the popular All-Wheel Drive system and being able to pass on the I-70 corridor. The Outback also has a raised independent suspension and some neat roof rails with integrated crossbars, though we aren’t sure how functional they really are. Biggest gripe: Plain interior, no navigation and small back-up camera screen. Pros: the ultimate in versatility, extra ground clearance and one of the best AWD systems available. MSRP: $34,365

BACK IN THE DAY t IT’S NO SECRET THAT THE INTERNET HAS COMPLETELY OVERHAULED GAY DATING. Buried in the archives of Out Front, the “dating checklist” approach from before the digital era almost seems archaic compared to the dating websites of today — and more expensive. How effective were these programs? The attributes that can be marked here are mostly basic details like location, work and physical categories rather than the more elusive characteristics — the ones you can only get a sense of through pictures or interaction — that determine whether a real sexual or romantic attraction could be there. Thanks to the Internet and smartphones

it’s a lot easier today to thumb through a long list of potential matches, see their pics, scan their details and start having conversations. But options for connection were more limited in 1988. Back then, you could “order” a penpal/partner/occasional visitor who is a balding man with hairy legs, smooth chest, makes between $30,000 and $50,000 a year and enjoys dancing — or any other mix of traits on the list. So which world was better? Is the easy fact-finding and connected throngs on dating and social sites today indicative of a great leap forward in opportunities of love — or distracting us with flashy pics and information overload?

Got a story, memory or reflection to share from way back when? To share yours, email editorial@outfrontonline.com with your query or 250-500 word story using “back in my day” in the subject line.

ORIGINAL PRINTED ARTICLE FROM THE SEPTEMBER 9, 1988 ISSUE OF OUT FRONT

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‘My breakup killed my sex drive’

SEXUALITY

The health hazards of heartbreak What’s really happening in your body when you hold your feelings in By Berlin Sylvestre SO IT HAPPENED — IT SEEMED LIKE ONLY YESTERDAY YOU WERE GOING DUTCH ON THE CAR INSURANCE and playing rock-paper-scissors to decide who gets to pick where to put the bed. Now you’re ugly-crying while you stare at that very same bed, wondering if it’s yet another place where “Babe” cheated on you. Oh, honey. Let me pick up a cheesy movie and a few medicinal cigarettes — this dark little chapter’s making you physically ill and your homegirl’s got your back. The science has it too — it turns out that heartbreak isn’t all in your head, but a number of real, physical states your brain or body goes through after experiencing rejection and grief. BREAKING DOWN THE BREAKUP Brace for impact: heartbreak likes to get physical. This isn’t happening! How could (s)he do this to me? This can’t be real! In the initial stages of emotional trauma, the worst sufferers of heartbreak can develop Takotsubo cardiomyopathy, a severe weakening of the heart muscles that results in chest pain, shortness of breath, arrhythmia, low blood pressure and, in extreme cases, congestive heart failure. Unofficially known as “heartbreak syndrome,” it’s believed that the inordinate amount of adrenaline suddenly coursing through your veins constricts the arteries carrying blood to your ticker, resulting in less blood flow and a heart that’s forced to run on fumes as you sort out your business. The recovery period is swift, though — most patients are cleared within a few days — and boasts no known long-term damage. After the shock wears off, the actuality of what happened settles in and envelops you like a cold, wet blanket. Depression, you suck. The adrenaline frenzy has eased up on your wounded heart, which is good, but now the stress hormone cortisol is tearing around your system like an unattended child at Chuck E. Cheese’s. Present in dangerous and/or traumatic situations, cortisol has real effects on the body. Directing an extra amount of blood to your muscles, it’s got you tensed up and ready for action. Problem is, the only place you’re going is back to bed so all that tension leads to bad headaches and a stiff neck. Diverting blood away from your digestive tract, cortisol also blesses you 52

| JANUARY 15, 2014 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

with tummy cramps, an aversion to food and — umm, let’s just call it some extra paperwork in the john. Excellent, thank you, cortisol! Anything else? Actually, yes. Disruptions due to the release of cortisol can not only pack on pounds pretty quickly (despite the fact that you’re eating less), but it tends to pack them right on the gut, so there’s that, Jelly Belly. Right. I’m going back to bed. An honorable mention for runner-up in Heartbreak’s Crappiest Hormone goes to norepinephrine. Camping out in your bloodstream, it’s like Adrenaline Lite. A rapid heartbeat leading to shortness of breath doesn’t help the insomnia you’ve developed and it generally keeps you from feeling physically normal. The hits just keep on comin’. But there’s a whole other war going on in your noggin, on both a physical and psychological plane. Not only are you obsessing on what went wrong and if you’ll ever get back to being happy, your brain pretty much insists that you mull everything over — over and over and over. Doctors observing changes in the brains of the recently-spurned noticed a reduced blood flow going to the hippocampus when shown photographs of their absentee lovers. The hippocampus is responsible for many things, but most situationally-relevant would be its ability to house memories, both good and bad. It’s just a theory, but choking out the hippocampus could result in the inability to “find a happy place” for those who could really use one, leaving you stuck in what you’re feeling right now. What’s worse, surges in blood flow to the anterior cingulate cortex, a brain region responsible for pain signals, also appear in brain scans. The observed behaviors in these jilted Jacks and Jills included anxiety, controlling intrusive thoughts and actual physical pain. Sad, but mostly temporary. There is no average shelf-life for the symptoms of (physical) romantic anguish, but they’ve been observed for up to six months. Thumbing through anecdotal evidence, though, one might fathom a norm to be around three months — if “one” is yours truly. Now that you’re armed with the knowledge that what you’re experiencing is a perfectly natural and explicable chemical reaction to your douche-canoe of an ex, tune in for the next Sexuality installment, where we’ll discuss (just in time for Valentine’s day) the top ten ways you can get over this mess.

Dear Shanna, After a traumatic end of a serious and longterm relationship, I lost pretty much all interest in sex, including masturbation. Considering that before and during this recent relationship I had a super high sex drive, is something ASK THE SEXPERT wrong with me? Should Shanna Katz I just have sex and see if the interest comes back? My friends are starting to worry, and some are even calling me a prude. What should I do? Single & Satisfied with Being Sexless in Lonetree Dear Single & Satisfied with Being Sexless: If you are happy with where you are at with your sex drive, then I say tell your friends to go figure out their own problems and leave you alone. That being said, if you are worried about having a less than super sex drive, there are some things to think about. First of all, trauma of any kind can significantly impact our sex drives; this could be anything from loss (loss of a relationship, loss through death or someone ending a friendship), physical trauma (a car accident or injury), stress-centered trauma, etc. Because sex is not usually the first thing we think of in a crisis such as these, it is sometimes difficult to process how it might have affected our sex drives. Basically, ending a long term relationship can be very traumatic for some folks, and it can take a while for us to recover. Be gentle with yourself and consider looking into some self-awareness practices like meditation or journaling. Work on being sensual — hot baths, running your hands over your body or reading erotica might light a spark. Don’t push it, but know that it is ok to play around within your new sex drive, and figure out what does and doesn’t turn you on, what things have changed, and what has stayed the same. Allow yourself space to be who you are now and slowly heal. Once you’re feeling like you have a better understanding of what works for you and what doesn’t, then you can feel free to go out and start looking again, but it’s fine if you’re not in the same high-sex-drive prowling place that you were before the relationship. As long as what ever you do feels right to you, then it is absolutely perfect for you, regardless of what your friends say. Best of luck! Shanna

Shanna Katz, M.Ed, ACS is a board-certified sexologist, sexuality educator and author who believes in open source, accessible sexuality education. r See more columns at ofcnow.co/sexpert or for more info on teaching adults to optimize their sex lives visit ShannaKatz.com. Send Shanna a question for her column at ShannaKatz@gmail.com.

Do sub-cultures bring drama? The line between belonging and exclusivity MOST OF US CAN CONSIDER OURSELVES PART OF AT LEAST ONE SUB-CULTURE, COMMUNITY, OR CLIQUE. They may be based around social, political, sexual, community-focused, charitable, or other shared interests. For as many of these affiliations can be a positive and affirming part of our lives, there exists a potential dark side that can emerge from these as well. They can serve to bring some extremely strong negative situations and people into our lives. These groups can function as a form of personal support or as an extended family, providing opportunities for social fun, support, love, sex, and connection. If your chosen community is that close to your heart or imperative to the way experience connectedness, it could explain why some people may feel the need to get extremely passionate and lash out when they feel it is threatened. There are also those where inclusion in these groups is due to an absence of connection to other people and it takes on huge significance in people’s lives. Some people work extremely hard to become members of particular sub-cultures and it can become a substantial part of their self-image. In some ways, it becomes crucial to their life and fulfillment of their existence. One of the main negative outcomes that could happen by membership in these groups would

be a natural movement towards stomp it out. There are times where establishing a pecking order or a some of these people may not have way of identifying the “cool kids” the social or interpersonal skills within that community. Even if it’s to effectively deal with conflict. a group of “social misfits” that may This is where generally venom is have never been part of the inner spilled and group member’s incircle of popularity, many people securities and negative attitudes will fight to establish some type become quite evident. It may be of importance, power, influence, shown verbally, non-verbally, or or social standing within a group in written form either in public, behind people’s backs, or online. of people. HEINZESIGHT Regardless, this drama only serves Many times these sub-cultures Brent Heinze have an identified or underlying to bring people down and generally pecking order that can acknowlmakes the perpetrators appear to edge elder statesmen or those who be aggressive, self-important, conhave higher standing. As with many groups, there trolling, unfulfilled individuals. are those people who attempt to climb to the top Be careful to identify your main motives to of the social ladder. Being the “King of the Muscle become part of any group and then to be aware Bears” can feed someone’s fragile ego and give of your actions as you become more engrossed their life somewhat of a meaning, at least for a in its rules, expectations, patterns, and personlittle while and is generally only affecting their alities. Just because you have found acceptance self-worth on a surface level. Thankfully most somewhere doesn’t necessarily mean that it is people don’t need that kind of validation or title beneficial to your feelings of fulfillment or your because there can only be a few positions of future existence. power within each sub-culture. When something threatens to hurt the comBrent Heinze, LPC, is a licensed professional munity or their position within it, people or counselor. Get more HeinzeSight online at communities can lash out against the source of ofcnow.co/brent or send him a question for his the real or perceived threat in their attempt to column at PerspectiveShift@yahoo.com.

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Envisioned by Boberto

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