February 20, 2013 by OUT FRONT Magazine

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February 20, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

VOL. XXXVI • ISSUE #21 • FEBRUARY 20, 2013

Contents CoVer STory: PerForMerS

“Anyone with a natural sense of style and drama can do theater. It doesn’t matter what your sexual orientation is; it’s whether you can create something people want to view. Do LGBT people do that better? I don’t know. But we do it often.” – Owen Niland, stage actor

FeaTure:

ParT 2: Celebrating black History Month The LGBT African Americans who altered the course of history for the better. Honoring the Movement by telling their stories.

On the cover: Owen Niland. Photography by Meredith Harris, CMH Photography / CMHImages.com

February 20, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

COLUMNS AND DEPARTMENTS

FOCUS 6 leTTer FroM THe eDiTor 7 SPeaKouT 9 neWS 10 Panel: VoiCeS 12 ouT in ColoraDo BODY AND MIND 15 beauTy 16 THriVe 18 bleeD liKe Me SOCIAL 24 FooD For THouGHT 26 HiGH SoCieTy 29 bar Tab 33 QraVe LIVING 37 on THe SCene WiTH CHarleS 39 ParenTinG 41 baCK in My Day 42 SHoW & Tell 45 HeinZeSiGHT

16 37

Serving the LGBT Community of the Rocky Mountains since 1976 3535 Walnut Street Denver, Colorado 80205 Phone: 303-477-4000 Fax: 303-325-2642 Email: info@outfrontonline.com Web: OutFrontOnline.com Facebook: facebook.com/OutFrontColorado Twitter: @OutFrontCO Out Front Colorado is published by Transformation Communications Group, LLC, a Colorado limited liability corporation and is a member of: Denver Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce and Denver Drama Critics Circle. PHIL PRICE / Founder, 1954-1993 JERRY CUNNINGHAM / Publisher Email: Jerry@outfrontonline.com J.C. MCDONALD / Vice President / Director of Circulation Email: JC@outfrontonline.com NIC GARCIA / Associate Publisher Email: Nic@outfrontonline.com JEFF JACKSON SWAIM / Chief Strategist Email: Jeff@outfrontonline.com

EDITORIAL HOLLY HATCH / Editor-in-Chief Email: Holly@outfrontonline.com MATTHEW PIZZUTI / Junior Editor Email: Matt@outfrontonline.com CONTRIBUTING WRITERS: Brent Heinze, Maya Salam, Robyn Vie-Carpenter, Scott McGlothlen, Jeff Steen, Josiah Hesse, Gary Kramer, Mike Yost, Ashley Trego, Nuclia Waste, David Marlowe, Steve Cruz, Chris Azzopardi, Shanna Katz, Max Oliver, Amy Lynn O’Connell, Jonathan McGrew, Jasmine Peters, Lauren Archuletta.

ART SARA DECKER / Creative Director Email: Sara@outfrontonline.com DENEE PINO / Production Assistant CHARLES BROSHOUS / Photographer

MARKETING / SALES JORDAN JACOBS / Marketing Executive Email: Jordan@outfrontonline.com

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the sexual orientation or HIV status of such person or organization. Publisher assumes no responsibility for the loss or damage of materials submitted. OPINIONS EXPRESSED are not necessarily those of OUT FRONT COLORADO, its staff or advertisers.

February 20, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

The Bohemian life

CONNECT WITH HOLLY

Reach editor-inchief Holly Hatch by email at holly@ outfrontonline.com, phone (303) 477.4000 ext. 711 or friend her on Facebook at facebook.com/ hollyamberhatch

I once thought I was destined for a life of acting. During my high school and early college years, I’d often don wigs, silly Cleopatra eyeliner and stage makeup complete with fuchsia lipstick that seemed impossible to keep inside the lines – just to go to class. I got to enact my dreams for the big screen on a local scale – playing in Colorado theatre house productions when I was 15 to 21, creating an identity through on-stage success, with dreams – the lofty goal – of one day taking it to the silver screen. “Where are you wanting to apply for college?” my dad asked me one morning while we were sitting around the breakfast table. Forking my baked beans – a Hatch family breakfast staple – inside a piece of turkey bacon, I replied, “I’m not going to college, Dad. I’m going to Hollywood to be an actress.” Coming from a family in which intellectual and philosophical development were deemed far more important to a balanced life than the flashy popculture world of TV, Hollywood and celebrity tabloids, it didn’t go over well. Over the next month I was reluctantly persuaded; I could go to Hollywood, but only after I had a degree. The type of degree I got, though, was still completely my choice. I started college as a broadcast production major, and after hauling an oversized studio camera around campus for a while, grew out of my dream of performance. After a few other stabs at majors – physical anthropology, journalism and hesitant flirtation with sociology – I found the romantic realm of creative writing. Poetry became my new passion. The words were my script, and I got to create them in whichever order I pleased. There was no need to read my poems out loud; seeing the words on paper was a satisfying-enough self-expression, and allowed me to be me: a femme lesbian who could find the beauty inside the dark voids and fill the caverns of my desires up to the communion of human experience, writing prose and alliterative beats that became my refuge; a place I could go, unashamed, to be myself. When we’re young we all try on different careers, relationships and ideas for life, like costume changes between scenes. When we’re grown we keep evolving: each stage of our development brings a new “role” we learn to play – child, student, rebel, traveler, worker, negotiator, manager, parent, leader – adding a layer toward a completed future self we hope to someday, though maybe never with finality, discover. We all try to “act the part,” often with insecurities, to the best of our abilities whether through political engagement and community organizing, fulfilling a job title,

FEBRUARY 20, 2013 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

finding satisfying social or family lives or coming off as strong in a corporate world where it is easy to get lost or feel insignificant. We are all required to be performers – actors and actresses playing out our lives and finding chances to express our individuality through daily work or extra-curricular activities. As we work to increase the connectivity of our community, this issue is our homage to the arts. This cover story (page 20) is a glimpse at our local LGBT performers and their motivations. For some like stage actor Owen Niland, on the cover, it’s an after-work activity that comes as second nature to his intrinsically-expressive personality; for others such as improv teacher and actress Sarah Kirwin, performance is a full-time trade and career. While we did our best to reach out as a staff exploring theatre houses, local bands and venues to get a snapshot of every kind of LGBT entertainer, the performance art world here in Denver is so expansive and rich, and LGBT people are such a substantial part of it, that we’d have to make it the topic of every cover story year-round to capture it fully. As LGBT folks, we are connoisseurs of aesthetics and sensory experience. We revel in grand productions, touching performances, thumping beats, soulful lyrics, evocative art, titillating photography and stylish clothing that accentuates our unique looks. We are constantly creating, growing, and making a sometimes-ugly world more beautiful, reflective, rich and striking through our roles in the arts, whether on-stage, in a supportive audience, or sculptors of our everyday lives. I will always think fondly on my days of stage performing: What it felt like to sing “Beauty School Drop-out” as “Frenchie” in Longmont Jester’s Dinner Theater production of Grease. I sometimes still pretend I’m that fiery 1950’s redhead woman, defying her time’s expected woman’s role, when I’m looking to lift my mood or confidence. Our work, as LGBT folks and as humans, is to make our experience one of beauty, truth, self-reflection, and compassion into a place where opportunity is not limited to a select few. Sounds a bit Bohemian, right? But our individualities and historic circumstances make that an inevitable part of who we are. Through our manifestations of artistry and character, we’ll find the strength to continue depicting a perfect, ideal world – where good people live happily-ever-after and everybody gets what they deserve, where crowds of passers-by spontaneously break into song, and every person, and every thing, looks fabulous – for those inside our community and beyond. ]

Holly Hatch Editor-In-Chief

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FROM THE EDITOR

ABOUT THE CONTRIBUTORS:

Hailing from the rural cornfields of Iowa, Josiah M. Hesse is our sharp-tongued arts and culture contributor. Despite his heterosexual leanings, Hesse has always seen the world through a queer lens, memorizing show tunes and giving fashion tips since the age of four. He is the author of the gay supernatural thriller, Dancing in the Flesh, and also writes music and political essays for Westword and PopMatters. Read Josiah’s editorials in this issue on pages 22 and 23.

Meredith Harris co-owns and operates the Denverbased photography company, CMH Photography, with her husband Christopher. CMH Photography specializes in contemporary wedding and ceremony photography and the duo is fun, flexible and treats each occasion with special care and detail. “I love shoes, shoes, shoes. You can never have too many pairs,” Harris said. Contact Meredith through her website at www.cmhimages.com. See Meredith’s photography on the cover of this issue, and inside on page 20.

SPEAKOUT

The next step:

Building a dream for everyone Over the years, I’ve shared with friends that one day I’ll write a book called I have a Dream…and you’re not in it. No one believes I will do it, but its impetus is something I struggle with each day – when will we have a community with a coordinated dream where everyone is included? It’s the basis for my hopes and dreams for the future. I turned 50 last year. Through those years I’ve witnessed with my own eyes, or experienced with my own being:

Nita Mosby Henry

‘

I don’t want to forget what it took to get this far. If we don’t remember where we came from and those who were fighting or experiencing the issues of the past, the ultimate “win” will only be by some of us.

‘

• Separate Colored and White water fountains in my community. • Working in a Fortune 500 company next to a self-acknowledged Ku Klux Klansman. • Seeing the first African-American President, Secretary of State, Secretary of Defense, astronaut, governor, Supreme Court Justice, and more. • Seeing the election of an out lesbian Congresswoman. • Watching LGBT people lose their jobs, homes, families or church relationships because they were LGBT. The list goes on, but you get my point: I’ve seen a lot of change. It is that history I bring forward to interpret where we go next. I don’t want to forget what it took to get this far. If we don’t remember where we came from and those who were fighting or experiencing the issues of the past, the ultimate “win” will only be by some of us. “Winning” truly takes the whole team. Looking forward: I want Colorado to be a leader in the area of inclusivity strategies. We have an opportunity to teach the rest of the country how to engage whole communities to advance initiatives, LGBT and beyond, within a state. I want us to leverage that experience to create more racial, ethnic and gender inclusion within the LGBT community. I want to see the LGBT community continue to lead. I am excited about the strides we can make. Maybe it is time to revisit the name of that book I’m writing: I have a dream… and it looks like you’re all in it! ] Nita Henry is the Executive Director of Career Service Authority, a member of One Colorado and Tony Grampas Youth Services Board of Directors and founder of Girlz Pushing the Button.

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FEBRUARY 20, 2013 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

FYI

Boy Scouts stall vote on repealing gay ban

would fund Colorado schools to fully institute any changes. The bill passed the House Health, Insurance, and Environment Committee Feb. 7 on a 6 to 5 party-line vote and was headed for a full House vote. If signed into law, the bill could move the state away from abstinence-only sex education curriculum, though students given a full range of sexual health information would still learn about abstinence in the curriculum established by the bill. ]

In January the Boy Scouts of America announced a review of its controversial long-standing ban on gay leadership, but this month the nation’s largest scouting organization opted instead create a task force to study the issue, delaying changes for the time being. The Feb. 6 board meeting announcement – which immediately came under fire from gay rights groups – stated, “After careful consideration and extensive dialogue within the Scouting family, along with comments from those outside the organization, the volunteer officers of the Boy Scouts of America’s National Executive Board concluded that due to the complexity of this issue, the organization needs time for a more deliberate review of its membership policy.” ]

^ Read more online at ofcnow.co/giD

^ Read the full story at ofcnow.co/bVL

Bill could bring LGBT-friendly sex ed. curriculum to Colorado schools Colorado lawmakers are advancing a comprehensive sex education reform plan that could, among other things, make sex education statewide more relevant to LGBT youth. The bill was introduced by Rep. Crisanta Duran, a Denver Democrat, and is co-sponsored by five other House Democrats including out Rep. Dominick Moreno, a Democrat from Adams County. HB 13-1081 would update standards for teaching “evidenced-based and medically-accurate” sex education and proposes a grant program that

FEBRUARY 20, 2013 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

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For MORE online news, visit Outfront Online.com/ofcnow/

NEWS

“We’re going to see civil unions get through the House this year thanks to the work you did,” Ferrandino told the crowd, receiving the loudest applause when he added, “it was great opening up the session, getting the gavel from Speaker McNulty and making sure he introduced the Gay Men’s Choir who sang on opening day.”

LGBT advocates rallied on the steps of the capitol for LGBT Lobby Day, Feb 4. Photo by Michael Yost

Citizen activists converge to champion change on LGBT Lobby Day By Michael Yost

undreds of enthusiastic LGBT advocates from all four corners of Colorado converged in Denver Feb. 4 for One Colorado’s 2013 Lobby Day, urging their lawmakers to support bills that they and One Colorado support. Close to 250 people congregated in Downtown Denver’s Central Presbyterian Church – headquarters for the day’s event. “It’s is a chance for LGBT Coloradans and allies to come together and learn about legislation that impacts our community,” said Jace Woodrum, One Colorado’s Deputy Director. The day began with speeches from six of Colorado’s eight openly gay state lawmakers speaking to the crowd – House Speaker Mark Ferrandino, Sen. Pat Steadman, Sen. Jessie Ulibarri, Rep. Joann Ginal, Rep. Paul Rosenthal and Rep. Dominick Moreno. “We’re going to see civil unions get through the House this year thanks to the work you did,” Ferrandino told the crowd, receiving the loudest applause when he added, “it was great opening up the session, getting the gavel from Speaker McNulty and making sure he introduced the Gay Men’s Choir who sang on opening day.” John Ferguson, a Denver resident since 1983, was there hoping to talk to his legislators about civil unions, equal employment protections and Colorado’s Medicaid expansion that Governor Hickenlooper announced the state would adopt in participation with federal healthcare reform. “I use to knock on doors with Ferrandino,” Ferguson said. Wearing t-shirts and buttons that read One Love, One Dream: Equality, participants packed the Capitol steps for a morning photo op, later spilling out into the noisy hallways outside Senate and House chambers to talk to their representatives about their key issues.

The most prescient item was, of course, the Colorado Civil Union Act, which has died in partisan turmoil for the last two years in the row but is promised to pass this year now that Democrats who support it control both chambers of the legislature. The bill has made it through several committees and arrived for a vote by the whole Senate, and will soon move on to be taken up in the House. “We do have considerable support at the Capitol, and a pro-equality majority,” Woodrum said. “But what we really have to be vigilant about is these amendments that keep being suggested, amendments that would harm the bill considerably. We think it’s important to gather supporters of civil unions, go to the Capitol, and talk to our elected officials about passing the bill in its current form.” Lobby Day participants also focused on another controversial bill that has failed in past legislative sessions: ASSET – Advancing Students for a Stronger Economy Tomorrow, a bill that would lower tuition rates for undocumented immigrants who grew up in the state, and currently have to pay out-of-state rates in Colorado colleges and universities. “The law would allow undocumented students to gain access to affordable higher education,” Woodrum said. According to ASSET’s website, Colorado ranks 32nd in sending high school graduates to college and proponents suggest the bill could increase that by making higher education more accessible to more people. If passed, ASSET would make Colorado the fourteenth state to grant in-state tuition to undocumented students. The Job Protection and Civil Rights Enforcement Act was also lobbied by participants. “It is a law that would update our anti-discrimination laws to provide workers in Colorado with the same chance to earn a living, be safe in their workplace, and allow them remedies if they are discriminated against,” Woodrum said. One Colorado also urged participants in LGBT lobby

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day to advocate House Bill 1088, which Woodrum described as modifying the work of the Colorado Department of Public Health and Environment’s Office of Health Disparities to improve health equity for facing health disparities. It would also re-name the state’s Office of Health Disparities, changing it to the Office of Health Equity, and consolidate several state research committees into a single equity commission that would explore expanded protections for people with disabilities, working and poor communities and the LGBT community. Finally, participants urged their lawmakers to support the recent Medicaid expansion, which will provide healthcare coverage to more than 160,000 Coloradans who live at or below 133 percent of the federal poverty level. “Access to affordable, quality care for LGBT Coloradans is an issue,” Woodrum said. “Expanding Medicaid eligibility is one thing we can do to improve access to health coverage.” Helen Bowman came all the way from Grand Junction to speak with Rep. Ray Scott, a Grand Junction Republican. “We sat with him for 15 to 20 minutes in his office,” Bowman said, adding that the representative wouldn’t even shake her hand in previous Lobby Days. “He told us he’s a big supporter of designated beneficiaries, but doesn’t support civil unions,” Bowman said. Though Bowman said Rep. Scott told her he will vote against civil unions, she said she appreciated that her representative took the time to listen to his constituents. “I think it’s important that we, as a community, not take anything for granted,” Woodrum said. “Certainly we have many, many supportive legislators under the dome this year, including an historic eight openly LGBT legislators. But we can’t rest on our laurels. We’ve got to make sure that we’re letting our voices be heard.” ]

To find and contact your Colorado state legislators, go to ofcnow.co/Lp2

FEBRUARY 20, 2013 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

PANEL VOICES

Will LGBT people always be a “community,” or will that fade away as we win- equality and acceptance? Community: “a group sharing common characteristics or interests.” So, does the Irish community continue to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day? Does the Italian community celebrate Columbus Day? Does the LGBT community celebrate Pride? Of course. Moreover, there is no sign of any of the three (nor any other celebration of community) fading into the past. Just as there is a wide array of Irish and Italians, the LGBT community is tremendously diverse, and finding unity among many diverging views, tastes, life choices, and preferences can be a challenge – but bring us together. I was in Amsterdam last summer shortly after their annual Pride celebration, and the city still showed many signs of the event which concluded about ten days before. Most notable was the huge number of rainbow flags in all parts of town. The same applied to Antwerp, where I also visited last August. Can you imagine Denver in 2050 without a June Pridefest? The pillars of the LGBT community in Denver will be standing strong. There will still be The Center, a PFLAG chapter, and LGBT affinity groups for sports, politics, social gatherings, and celebration. Once equality and acceptance come to fruition, LGBT people will still need social interaction – perhaps most importantly to meet the loves of their lives with whom marriage will be acknowledged by all levels of government. That normally comes only through meeting other LGBT folks as a community, not as a homogenized society. The LGBT community’s greatest days are yet to come. ] George K. Gramer, Jr.

Jennifer Schumacher is the VP of willpower & Grace fitness method, and co-owner of the FIT STUDIO in Denver. She lives in Denver and enjoys snow-boarding, all things fitness and philosophizing about the possibilities of creating a vibrant life.

Michael Carr is a member of the Log Cabin Republicans, President of Aspirant Marketing, former candidate for Colorado State Senate and resides in Cheesman Park with his partner, Fred.

Iowa native George K. Gramer Jr. is the president of the Colorado Log Cabin Republicans.

Interested in becoming one of the voices on Out Front’s PANEL? 10

February 20, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

An old saying goes, “You don’t know where you are going, until you know where you have been.” Sadly, for our modern community today, many have no idea where we’ve been. Our community has slowly been fading away for years now, and if we aren’t careful we will lose gay culture. You can see it when our local community bars, business, organizations and fundraisers go quietly into the night. However, we have a bigger issue to overcome than to win equality in our state and country – that’s to win equality and acceptance in our own community. The beauty about our community is supposed to be that all are welcomed into it. We all want equality and acceptance regardless of your letter in our LGBTQIA alphabet soup – but we have to be in it together for the same reason. We are Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans, Queer/Questioning, Intersex and Allied brothers and sisters and it is time we stop tearing each other down and separating ourselves. You might not always get along with your family – but it’s still your family! Equality and acceptance in Colorado will be bittersweet if it means we didn’t come together. We need to accept that our community is made up of such beautiful diversity, and unite – and maybe then we can truly achieve equality for all. Let every day be about our community. Keep that spirit of Stonewall alive in each of us daily! ] Shanida Lawya’

I think we will always be a “community” – because winning equality and acceptance doesn’t mean the world agrees we are equal. Acceptance will only happen if prejudice no longer exists. As much as I would love to erase prejudiced views, the beliefs of each individual person are carved into who we are. We can change laws, but subjective opinions are very difficult to change. For this reason, LGBT people will always have their “community” to fall back on for acceptance when prejudice casts its dark shadow. I do think that our community has improvements to make as I think we are prejudice within our own group, and it’s tough to be united if we are divided within it. We could have stronger bonds within our group, rather than rallying only when we are treated unfairly by outsiders. ] Jennifer Schumacher

Michael Carr

Gay people will always form a “community.” Our common interests and identifications are greater than our shared inequality. Over time, communities climb up the rungs of society. Their rights or social standing may improve, but their group identity is constant. Women, blacks, Catholics, Jews, Irishmen, all have experienced their own inequality in American society. Great strides have been made in achieving greater equality and wider spread acceptance, and yet their communities endure. Even groups that are generally perceived as having attained the highest level of acceptance still identify as members of a community: old rich white guys, Christians, urban dwellers, soccer moms, cat ladies; the list goes on and on. We don’t need adversity to unite us. As gay men we have other things to celebrate as a community: show tunes, drag queens, the gym, Sunday funday, and of course same-sex attraction. The G’s in GLBT are united with common interests. However, gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered people have little in common besides our pursuit of equality and our shared disenfranchisement. Equality organizations, activists and political leaders have already thrown our T friends “under the bus” in the struggle for equal rights. Historically we’ve subdivided our GLBT community between gay bars and lesbian bars. Given the human tendency for us to associate with, form communities with, “people like us,” I doubt we’ll be using “GLBT,” or any other alphabet soup to describe a politically convenient and hopefully soon obsolescent movement. ]

Shanida Lawya’, also known as “the firey redhead of the Rockies” is an activist, volunteer and entertainer in Denver. Shanida hosts Bingo at X-Bar every Wednesday, DREAMGIRLS every 1st, 3rd and 4th Fridays at Hamburger Mary’s and every other Sunday in Denver’s DIVAS at Charlie’s.

Contact Holly Hatch by email at Holly@outfrontonline.com or call (303) 477.4000 ext. 711 to be considered!

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ouT in coloraDo

Babes Around Denver celebrates 10th anniversary Babes Around Denver celebrates 10 years of fabulous parties March 1 at Tracks, with a “Tie One On” tie and top hatthemed party featuring multiple dance rooms hosted by big-name local DJs. The party includes a dance performance by Denver Dance, DJs Shannon, Markie, Tatiana and Blaque Gurl, and complementary appetizers from 7 p.m. to 9 p.m. before the hot night of dancing ensues. Babes Around Denver ringleader Dede Frain donates a portion of each party’s proceeds to a charity partner, and the organization – which has become the largest women’s party in the nation boasting 153,779 guest visits since 2003 – has grown into an all-encompassing party in which an estimated 20 percent of attendees are gay and bisexual men, transgender, or straight allies. ]

^ More info at BabesArounDenver.com.

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Celebrated Denver pride shop closes After nearly a decade as a recognized local stop for pride, leather and fetish gear, One in Ten – a local gay-owned business widely known by its previous name, Heaven Sent Me – is shutting down. A post on the store’s Facebook page Feb. 5 read: “It is the end of an era. Due to a struggling economy and dwindling community patronage, Heaven Sent Me will be closing its doors this month.” The store, at 116 S. Broadway is offering liquidation sale with discounts ranging from 10 to 60 percent off. CJ’s Leather, another business that shares the shop’s space, will be moving to Needz, the men’s clothing and underwear boutique at 135 Broadway. ]

february 20, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

OUT IN COLORADO

Get involved in creating change The Denver Mayor’s GLBT Commission is looking for new board-members

The mission of the Denver GLBT Commission is to partner with the community to advance social, economic and political equality for LGBT people using the unique position within the City and County of Denver. If interested in applying to be considered for a board-member position, contact: Linda Keenan at (720) 913.8468 or email Linda.Keenan@denvergov.org. To mail in submissions, send to Anthony Aragon, Director. Attn: GLBT Commission Applications, Office of the Mayor 1437 Bannock Street, Room 350 Denver, CO 80202

^ More info on the Commission at DenverGov.org.

Advice-seekers can strike gold at Feb. 22-24 transgender conference By Nikki Kushner Denver’s annual Gold Rush Conference promises a resource-rich forum of experts, activists and transgender community members to discuss all things physical, social and political relating to being trans. The weekend lineup, hosted by the Gender Identity Center of Colorado at Denver’s Renaissance Hotel, starts Thursday, Feb. 21 with the Gender Identity Center’s open-to-all awards banquet. Then at the Feb. 22 through Feb. 24 conference, leading experts offer presentations, discussions and workshops on transgender, gender queer and gender questioning issues – covering trans people’s everyday concerns from speaking with a more feminine voice to practicing sensitivity and inclusivity in the classroom. Two of the best-known representa-

February 20, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

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tives for the transgender movement will give keynote speeches to attendees. Saturday evening’s keynote address will be presented by Tim Sweeney, President and CEO of the Gill Foundation, one of the nation’s largest funders of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender equal rights work. Friday evening’s keynote address will be presented by Dr. Becky Allison, a Phoenix-based cardiologist who speaks nationally on transgender topics, served as President of the board of the Gay & Lesbian Medical Association and sits on the board of The World Professional Association for Transgender Health. ]

Visit GICofcolo.org for information on registration, meals and lodging, and a full event schedule of the awards banquet and Gold Rush Conference.

Gal on the move

The space to breathe There are many benefits to travel. You get to go to cool places, meet all kinds of cool people, and find space: Space to think your own thoughts, space to breathe – space between you and the drama. Yes, I said it, drama. I love being a lesbian. Every day is an adventure through the emotional ups and downs of the women of my community. But we must collectively admit that we can be incredibly dramatic. When I get on a plane, leaving behind people and things I would have been involved in, I get the opportunity for perspective. Things can be just too much for me. From the femmiest femme to the butchest butch, lesbians are women – emotional creatures. Have you ever seen Real Housewives? Emotion isn’t just crying hysterically – it’s also anger, jealousy, depression, euphoria, and of course, general ridiculosity. I love my people so much and want nothing other than happiness and love for them. When this isn’t what they’re experiencing, I’ve imagined I was failing them, tortured by the idea that I can’t fix it.

There used to be times I’ve been thrilled to see the spires of DIA rising over the horizon on my way out of town. But when I’d return, I’d find out all the stuff that happened while I was gone. “Why didn’t you call me,” I used to ask, dismayed. The answer was always the same: “you were gone, I didn’t want to bother you.” I used be offended when people would tell me that. I don’t understand. I’m still your friend. You usually just text me anyway, so why does my physical distance make a difference? Though I don’t actually have an answer to that, puzzling over that question brought me to the conclusion that it really doesn’t matter. The idea that my counsel wasn’t requested would hurt my pride – I believe my perspective can be useful. But when I acknowledge all that, the word pride jumps out. Now I get it. It’s my ego that has the issue. What matters is that they work it out without me. The funny thing is, I really would prefer to spend time with my peeps when we’re all in a good place. It’s

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much more fun when someone doesn’t stuff, I don’t have any time for my stuff. I get drunk and start crying or fighting, couldn’t understand why they wouldn’t isn’t it? When we can go out, eat, laugh, just figure it out for themselves. Oh right, dance, talk, drink, smoke, giggle and gen- I helped create this need for “Robyn.” We all have to grow up. Part of erally be of good cheer, that journey is developing this is the best time. But our emotional health. It is in every group of friends our responsibility to speak there are always at least up for ourselves. If you one or two people having want a champion, look in issues with someone else. the mirror. If we spend too much Now when I get on a time together, something plane, I can relax knowing always happens. that there will be things I’ve realized I’ve been that happen to and with my extraordinarily codepenpeople that have nothing to dent with friends and do with me. And although, lovers. I would defend Robyn Vie-Carpenter sometimes it will be difthem, speak on their ficult to hear, I will listen behalf, puzzle to find ways to expose where their challenges lay. I proudly as they tell me how they worked needed them to need me to feel fulfilled, it out. My proud smile will be tinged with or so I thought. Life is about learning the tiniest bit of ego if they tell me that your lessons. You don’t learn anything something I’ve told them helped. OK, so I like it, when it’s still a little until you have some sort of challenge. As I began working on a new path a bit about me! ] couple of years ago, my people’s need for me changed, it began to feel burdensome: Email to GoddessOfJoy1@gmail.com. If I spend all of my time working on your More Robyn at ofcnow.co/FQv.

February 20, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

faith & Spirit

The simple truth

Finding a spiritual center within simplicity During the course of the last five plus expressing them. They simply are and years I have been doing a lot of work we use them without having any comwith teens and young adults. I teach prehension of their existence. As we mature and our minds lend them the basics of understanding and making use of the metaphysical prin- themselves to seeking the “answers” we long to understand ciples that govern our exand express these truths, istence. I am always fascieven as life and the nated by the willingness lessons learned of expeof these young people to rience make them less explore the existential and less visible. The truth realities that supersede however, is still inherent the material world we in our being and the chalinhabit. Beyond their willlenge becomes discerning ingness is a real desire to it from the noise of our know the truth. 24/7 lifestyles. In my IntuiI suppose we all inhabit tive Coaching work, I have that space at a certain come to see that some of young age where the apus have buried our true pearances of life seem to be Ken Ludwig purpose in that noise. We less than the greater truths have become so dissocithat they conceal. I believe those greater truths area part of our core ated from the truth of our being that make up. They are complete within us we have lost contact with why we are when we are born and primarily remain here in the first place. The young people I work with live that way during those years when we are least capable of understanding or in a very complex world, as do we all.

February 20, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

In that complexity we seem to look for the answers and the greater truths of our life in the complications, as if the answers can only be mined from sorting through the massive amounts of information and events that life has layered upon our essence. It’s a little like looking for love in all the wrong places. The truth is in the simplicity, in the quiet. Looking for it amidst the noise is decidedly not where we will find it. Our truth is our essence, from the very beginning. We do not need to look through the noise; we need to put it aside and seek our purpose amidst our connection to the Universe. The final existential truth is in unity, the unity of all life. We will our truth, our true purpose and our ability to embrace it only when we decide to take the time to be still enough to listen to its call, its song. When we hear the old expression about not wanting to die while our music is still inside, this is what that reference means. Sometimes it requires a bit of work on our part to

[ [ body & mind ] ]

delve within that silent longing at the center of our hearts to discover what it is that we are longing for. You will find that the truth rarely hides in the complicated. Rather it is disguised in plain sight as the quiet we experience when we sit in silence and allow ourselves the opportunity to hear the song. In my work I have learned the keys to listening and I help others do the work to get there, for it is here that we will find our personal truth, our purpose and our pathway to fulfillment and joy. ] Ken Ludwig is an intuitive life path coach. He specializes in guiding you to discover your true purpose and life’s calling; answering that age old question, “Why am I here?” Ludwig is also an author, speaker and radio talk show host.

Visit him at MakingItOutAlive.com. For more editorials on the topic of faith, visit ofcnow.co/J5y.

BOULDERITE BEAUTY

Gym bag essentials By Kelsey Lindsey

It’s a cruel conundrum: you go to the gym to scoop out hot singles and to catch a peak of Hulk-like Hank working on his biceps or Tight-Ass Trisha practicing her yoga. Yet, when you actually try to talk to these potential playmates, you’re a sweaty, red-faced mess. My solution? Come prepared for some post-workout conversation by packing these helpful tools that are guaranteed to clean you up in a jiffy – just in time to get down and dirty all over again, doing a workout that you might actually enjoy. Deodorant: Deodorant is an ever-important essential that just has to work. For males, skip the nostrilstinging stench attached to some products (Axe I’m looking at you), and try Ralph Lauren Polo Big Pony Green #3 Deodorant, $15, with an outdoorsy mint leaf and ginger sent. For women there is a multitude of options, but Secret Clinical Strength Deodorant, $8.29, is one of the best antiperspirants out there, lasting throughout even the sweatiest workouts. For those sensitive to generic deodorants, Jason Aloe Vera Gel Deodorant, $6.39, is gentle on the skin while still providing the protection you need. For the extreme all-natural, Pristine Beauty Take a Whiff Natural Deodorant, $22, is vegan friendly and has a slight creamsicle sent. Who knew your sweat could smell so sweet?

Body Mist: If a shower is out of the question, Degree Women Natureffects Body Mist, $3.99, is a cheap way to feel refreshed, even without a washing. With natural scent neutralizers like orange flower oil and cranberry extract, no one but you has to know you were sweating away just minutes before that work meeting or dinner date.

Dry Shampoo: For those on a tight, post-workout, time budget, Umberto Beverly Hills Dry Clean Dry Shampoo, $8.99, lets you avoid washing your hair without looking the part. One quick spray mops up sweat and makes hair feel clean and refreshed. Bonus: besides feeling invigorated, this spray also gives your tresses a nice kick of volume.

Soap: For the multi-tasker male with little room in his gym bag, Sheamoisture’s Three Butters Utility Soap, $5, can be used to wash both your body and hair, and even as a shaving cream. For women, Kiehl’s Crème de Corps Soy Milk & Honey Body Polish, $28.95, is an ultra-moisturizing body scrub that comes in a gym-friendly package for your quick dips in and out of the shower. ]

Cleansing Cloths: Pond’s Exfoliating Renewal Wet Cleansing Towelettes, $8.38, are perfect for those times when washing your face in a gym sink just doesn’t sound to pleasing (or sanitary). One swipe helps remove sweat and oils that may have accumulated during your workout, leaving you fresh-faced and ready to chat up the next cutie that may walk through the locker room door.

^ Email Kelsey at Kelsey@OutFrontOnline.com. For more related editorial content on beauty, visit ofcnow.co/dgw. [ [ body & mind ] ]

February 20, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

thriVe

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Having surgery does not make you a woman, living your life, living in the real world, being part of a society as that woman is part of what it is to be a woman. -Brianna Matthews

rVC: Do you consider having your surgery to be the end of your transition? bm: No, your transition is ongoing because life is transition itself. This is just going to be making it where I don’t have to focus all my energy on this. I spend so much energy every day just thinking about what I’m going to wear, worrying if it’s going to be too obvious. I take pride in my appearance. It’s the reason I think a get the compliments and comments on being “passable.” I have been made part of a “society” of women.

‘A Journey to myself’:

rVC: It seems that a smoother transition would be predicated by having a good mentor. bm: As my transition started, I made friends who were also in transition, who had already been going through it. I started taking hormones in 2005. I would call them [to ask questions], you know, where did you start, that kind of thing.

Brianna Matthews on transitioning By Robyn Vie-Carpenter

The first time I met Brianna Matthews was more than three years ago. She was and is a vibrant, warm, funny woman, who sparkles with a true love for life. She is beautiful, kind and generous of spirit. Her pre or post-operative status as a transwoman was never a consideration. She is a woman, period. She is one of the people in my life who truly helped me understand how someone could actually be born in a body that is not congruous with the person inside, and the courage it takes to create that congruity. Matthews completed her long journey to womanhood by having her Gender Confirmation Surgery on December 17, 2012. We sat down together, with 60 days, then 30 days, then 1 day left before she left for her surgery, discussing this journey to herself and what it has taken for her to get there.

rVC: Seems like there are a lot of steps on this path, I wouldn’t know where to start. How did you learn about being a women? bm: I did lots of research. I didn’t have a doctor until 2009. By virtue of the work that I did, I spent a lot of time in airports. I people watch. I would go to the mall and just sit in the middle of the mall and watch women of all ages.

robyn Vie-Carpenter: I always say that I am really glad that I was born a woman because becoming one is so much harder then just being one. brianna matthews: I have a deep appreciation for what it is to be female. You know there are some women that take being a woman for granted. And I see that, some girls throw that away and I cherish it and covet it. It’s very precious to me.

rVC: I think that spending a lot of time with women would certainly help you understand how women are with one another, but can it teach you femininity? bm: I agree that you can’t teach femininity. You can easily “act that out” and I’ve seen people act it out. But, then you can carry it too far and it becomes too obvious.

rVC: It must be comforting to be in a loving relationship on this journey. bm: My partner has been great through this whole thing. Meeting her has probably been the best thing in my entire life, other than the surgery. I found the one person that’s accepting of me, as a person first, and me being trans never entered into that. rVC: Being trans doesn’t really have anything to do with your sexuality – there are lesbian and straight trans women and gay and straight trans men. It seems like an extra level to be trans. bm: It’s not always set in stone. At Gold Rush, an annual trans event held in Denver, I attended a talk entitled “The Slot Machine of Gender.” When it comes down to it, the combinations [of gender identification and attraction] are endless. rVC: You’re a lesbian, though. It seems like more of a challenge to your “womanhood” being in a relationship with another woman.. bm: I knew I was a lesbian. There aren’t a lot of trans lesbians. I am kind of low-key. So, I actually kind of “dial [the lesbian] down” with my girlfriend when we’re out in public. Some of her friends and family don’t even know I’m trans. rVC: When do you get to change everything legally? bm: My legal name is changed, as well as my gender on my driver’s license.

February 20, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

rVC: I could totally see that. But, the thing that I noticed is that you have a femininity about you that even some naturally born women lack. bm: I think the hormones only enhanced something I already had. I already had a natural sort of femininity. As a kid growing up, I always associated with women. I wanted to hang out and do the stuff with the girls.

rVC: How did you get estrogen if you didn’t have a doctor prescribing it? bm: I ordered it over the internet from overseas. It’s more expensive. rVC: Isn’t that more dangerous, psychologically speaking? There’s no one to help you, ask you questions, ascertain where you are. bm: That’s the danger. This is the major part of what transgenderism is. You feel so strongly about the person that you are, you’ll do anything it takes to get you to that point. And I realized that I could not survive being male. It was either, I was going to make a transition, or I may not be on this planet. So you take the risk. rVC: It seems as though trans women have a hard time fitting in, as women, sometimes. bm: I kind of knew that from the onset. I knew I wanted to be accepted. You know, not that I had to do a whole lot, but I made sure that, you know, I understood the outfits, the make up. A lot of girls, especially early in their transition, don’t get this and they stick out like a sore thumb. rVC: This has been a long journey for you. It seems like beyond money, the biggest thing your really need is patience. bm: People don’t know you’ve had surgery just walking down the street. It takes time to grow into the woman you are going to be. ]

[ [ body & mind ] ]

February 20, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

bleeD liKe Me

Our sorted lives

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Scott McGlothlen

Adam

turned me down as gently as he could. I knew he meant no harm. I also knew that I had just been serosorted; that term is for the act of sorting out guys by their HIV status. It had happened to me often

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online, but never to my face.

February 20, 13 | outfrontonline.com

[ [ boDy & MinD ] ]

For months, I flirted with Adam, another male-minded comrade at the gym. We shot each other winky-faces from bench presses or treadmills. Always sweaty and energized, it made sense to jump in each other’s mesh shorts. But we barely said a word to each other. It took months for Adam and me to finally wrap up our workouts and hit the exit at the same time. After clumsy parking lot introductions, we figured out who lived closer so we could get our heart rates back up again – sans the shorts. “Just real quick,” I said casually, “I just want to let you know that I am HIV positive.” Now a semi-pro in the league of disclosure, I continued, “For me it doesn’t interfere with safe sex. I am on medications and am healthy and have no problems.” “Oh,” he let out a sigh. Instead of the usual look of initial shock and gradual acceptance, his face remained filled with disappointment. “I’m sorry. I’m sure you are safe and fine, but that is just a chance I can’t take. I mean… my job… and my parents… and my…” he stuttered out the excuses. Adam turned me down as gently as he could. I knew he meant no harm. I also knew that I had just been serosorted; that term is for the act of sorting out guys by their HIV status. It had happened to me often online, but never to my face. As we were now to bid farewell, I had mere seconds to make some kind of impact. “You know, you have already had sex with someone who has HIV,” I blurted out. “What do you mean?” he asked as if I was cluing him in to gossip about him. “I mean that you are obviously a sexually-active guy and that’s awesome,” I said. “But do you really think every guy you have ever

fooled around with has been HIV negative?” I could see him flipping through his mental sexual rolodex. “Think about it,” I said, “you were about to leave here with me. I could have just as easily never said anything, knowing how safe I am. Or I might have not known my status at all – that’s nothing unusual. So you don’t think that could have ever happened to you?” “Huh,” he laughed to himself, evidently brushing it off. “Well, thank you for being honest anyway. I’ll see ya’ around the gym sometime.” I wondered if I’d done the right thing. Nevertheless, what I told Adam is true for many of us. Serosorting for sex or dating is nothing new – but it’s not logical, either. Purposefully sorting out those who are honest about their status only leaves more contact with those who don’t know about their status at all. Whether the serosorters accept it or not, they’ve probably already tangoed with the big H – and probably more than once. I still saw Adam at the gym, occasionally. We we didn’t wink anymore, instead just nodding like passing cowboys. Eventually the day came along where the awkward avoidance came face-to-face. “I just wanted to apologize,” he said. “I acted like a total douchebag.” I accepted his apology. “So do you think maybe I could get a second chance on playing around?” Being sorted out because of my HIV status had been a huge turn-off. But the man standing in front of me seemed nothing of douche, nor bag. A man learning new approaches – that’s the sexiest man of all. ]

Email: BleedLikeScott@ gmail.com. For more Scott, visit ofcnow.co/aI9.

February 20, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

P E BR OF RO NR M E R S

WHAT DRIVES LESBIAN AND GAY ENTERTAINERS TO THE SPOTLIGHT

For more info on the artists featured here, visit the full story online at ofcnow.co/stg.

Owen Niland, photo by Meredith Harris, CMHimages.com Photo shoot location: Decor N More, Inc. DecorNMoreinc.com

February 20, 13 | outfrontonline.com

rom a brightly-lit corner in a chilly North Denver warehouse of for-rent theater props and special event decor, local stage actor Owen Niland transforms his poses for the camera into a theatrical performance. The oversized building – a locally-owned business that offered its space to Out Front’s Feb. 20 issue cover photo shoot – is stacked with hefty 20-foottall plywood shelves and lined with any and every kind of decoration, antique furniture piece, linen curtain or painted backdrop you’ve ever regretfully forced yourself to throw out for lack of space. Despite the abundance of props, Niland has his own collection of interesting items for the photo shoot, revealing, without provocation, a script – The Twilight of the Golds by Jonathan Tolins – which he opens to a random page. In a rich baritone voice, Niland begins reading lines, acting out their appropriate gestures and facial expressions. Photographer Meredith Harris snaps shots. Niland, who acts part-time, makes performing seem effortless. “I was always someone who liked to have a little attention,” he said. “I always looked around and wondered about people – and how they acted, how they looked.” It’s something a lot of LGBT people can identify with, it turns out. The performing arts have a reputation as magnets for gay people, inspiring lifelong passions often starting before young LGBT people even realize that what’s “different” about them is that they’re gay. What drives the connection between LGBT people and their individual desires to entertain? The performers Out Front spoke with had differing approaches to the question; Niland proposed his own.

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Owen Niland – Stage Actor By Matthew Pizzuti

iland has been in theater since sixth grade, and that’s where, he explained through a humble cliché, he “caught the acting bug” – during a “knock-off” performance of Pinocchio. “As a gay kid, acting is not so much a ‘craft’ as a survival mechanism,” Niland said – gay people learn how to ‘play a part’ when they realize they don’t innately fit what’s expected of them. “Anyone with a natural sense of style and drama can do theater. It doesn’t matter what your sexual orientation is; it’s whether you can create something people want to view. Do LGBT people do that better? I don’t know. But we do it often.” “Plus,” Niland added, theater “was one of the places where I fit in, and people kinda appreciated my humor and understood how I worked.” Stage acting through his teens and in college, Niland, a sociology major, performed in campus productions until he went to paralegal school. That’s when he left theater behind for a 10-year hiatus, working for a real estate company. In 2008 that market collapsed – “and I had some extra time on my hands,” Niland said. Niland didn’t drop his day job. But with extra free hours, he dove back into his old love. The Denver Gay Men’s Chorus gave him his first opportunity to get back in front of an audience, and then he auditioned and performed in six shows back-to-back in 2009. “That’s a lot if you’ve got a regular day job,” Niland said. “It’s hard – anyone who works in theater will tell you.” But Niland said he was surprised realizing how easily he’d let go of something he’d loved so much, and how enthusiastically he returned to it. After the first year’s intense performance schedule, he scaled back to find a balance and is now in three or four shows a year. “My day job is rewarding,” Niland said, “but it doesn’t really feed my soul.” At the cover photo shoot, Niland ducks behind a barrier for one of several costume and prop changes. He has a life-sized model of a human skull, which he adorns with a pair of sunglasses and grins at, lovingly, for a few shots. He dons a professional suit, then a blue denim shirt and tie, and later a pink floral shirt. He has a second script with him, The Sum of Us by David Stevens, which he pulls out while announcing the wisdom behind his selection: “Nobody will get this, but I brought two gay-themed plays.” Niland reads from the second script with a funnysounding twang, then stops. “I can’t really do an Australian accent,” he shakes his head. To top off the photo shoot, Niland puts the suit back on, then slips into a pair of dazzling women’ssize-14 red heels. “They’re ‘whore red,’” he says mischievously. “Or Lipstick red,” Harris offers instead. Niland said his highest aspiration as an actor is to do good work. “I’m not the kind of person who needs to perform in the biggest room in Denver,” he said (though the enormous stage supply warehouse might have been just that). “It’s always nice to get paid – but getting up on stage is reward enough.” But it’s apparent that performance is a natural extension of Niland’s personality – in a humor, charm and self-awareness he carries even off stage, along with an eagerness to pounce on opportunities to draw a gasp or laugh. “I’d never say I’m ‘method’ or anything like that,” Niland said, “but acting brings an awareness, of being more present in the moment, through the rest of my life.”

Sarah Kirwin – Improvisational Performer

By Holly Hatch

reativity and spontaneity – and a willingness to go off-script – are especially important when it comes to improv, script-free by definition. “A good improviser is naturally laid-back,” said Colorado native Sarah Kirwin, a local improv performer and teacher. “There’s a lack of judgment you have to have.” Kirwin’s knack for performance bleeds through her telling of her life. Recalling past conversations, she adjusts her voice to seamlessly shift into the characters of friends and family members she quotes; she said improv gave her an ability to imitate, along with a sense of humor, that overcome her underlying shyness. “Leaving self-judgment at the door translates directly to one’s mindset in other areas of life,” she said. “When I first started improv, I could barely hold a conversation, I was so shy. Even this interview would have been a nightmare,” she laughed. “I think that being conscious of how gay you are at a young age makes you even more reserved, and it’s easy to go inside your shell.” Kirwin first tried her hand at improv when she was 18. “I was too scared to try any other kind of theater, and it turned out to be a good fit for me,” she said. A year later, Kirwin came out as a lesbian to her mom. “My mom kinda outed me,” she said. “We were watching a TV show, and she was like ‘Why –’” (Kirwin deepens her voice to mimic her Korean mother) “‘are you always watching the gays?’ I was like” (quoting herself in a playful, overly-intonated voice) “‘I dunno.’ So she said, ‘Do you like handsome men, or handsome women?’ and I’m like, ‘Mom, I like women.’” The rest was easy, Kirwin said. “My family didn’t react poorly … all of my friends were like, ‘ummkay.’” Kirwin said her sexuality comes out on stage. “I’ll end up making characters very gay,” she said with a laugh. “I really enjoy playing a real person. Sometimes I enjoy being the stereotypical [straight] girl; it’s great to explore something totally different than you – but I do love playing a good lesbian on stage.” With a straight audience, that can be complicated; “Gay culture is hugely important to theatre, but it can be difficult for straight audiences to know how to react to ‘gay’ interactions on stage,” Kirwin said. “They sometimes don’t know if it’s OK to laugh at things, or they feel they don’t have permission to laugh. They don’t know if they’d be laughing with you, or at you.” There’s an opportunity to abandon those concerns with an LGBT audience that ‘gets’ the inside jokes; “Every lesbian knows what it’s like to be at Tracks on a First Friday,” Kirwin said. “I can play up some of those humorous or uncomfortable situations.” On the other hand, a strong activist thread through some parts of the gay improv community has made LGBT venues a chal-

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lenge, too. Kirwin said she once inquired about auditions after attending an all-lesbian improv show. The woman replied (Kirwin switches to a dramatically-deepened voice), “‘You have to be an activist to be in this group.’” Since then, Kirwin has wondered if being out is enough. “Sometimes I feel when I’m on stage I should be trying to teach the audience a lesson,” Kirwin said. “I wanna be like ‘let us eat Chic-fil-A!’ But it’s not in my personality to go in that direction. Just displaying the human aspect of gays, as they are, is a wonderful thing.” Improv is thought of as an intimidating and risky style of acting, Kirwin said, with “a lot of listening and reacting to what you hear.” But it might’ve been exactly what Kirwin needed to break out of her otherwise-withdrawn shell. “Improv has helped me with being able to feel more open in everyday situations,” she said. “You take full responsibility for what you say, and it can be scary, but also liberating because you don’t have the safety of the script.” She went on, “It’s a discovery process, going through the scenes, stumbling into things and discovering them as opposed to creating them. A lot of people think you have to be super funny or super witty to attempt it, and that’s not true at all – a lot of the comedy and humor

Stacy Roquemore – Stand-up Comedian

By Holly Hatch

or comedian Stacy Roquemore, being funny is a way of life – and being out and open about his sexuality is a vibrant part of his humor. “I’m usually the first to make fun of myself – I’m an easy target,” Roquemore said. “My sexuality is a huge part of my art. I feel a responsibility to the gay community to put a spotlight on [it]. I wouldn’t perform comedy unless I was able to include my sexuality.” Roquemore started performing in Florida 10 years ago – though he said he’s always been a class clown. “It just didn’t seem to be a workable career till much later in life.” He moved to Colorado four years later. Being a gay comic hasn’t always been fun and jokes; though Roquemore grew up in an accepting family – he came out to his mom at age 11 – he’s met resistance from audiences. “It doesn’t always happen right in your face,” Roquemore said. “But you feel the audience pulling back. I was doing three shows one Saturday night at a club, and the early crowd wasn’t receptive. I could hear moaning and some people were being outright rude. When I got off stage, another comedian asked how I deal with that. I said, ‘It just happens. I do what I do, and learn.’” Despite those moments, Roquemore is undaunted – Continued on page 22

February 20, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

Continued from page 21 he says depicting life with a touch of levity is how people grow. “I am multi-faced and by being myself, I know it’s liberating and helps to empower others or open their eyes so that they can see that we are not threatening or harming anyone by being gay.” “I’m quirky, full of life, easygoing and approachable. My sexuality adds another dimension to that – I can camp it up one minute, and be more serious the next.”

Maria Kohler – Musician

By Josiah M. Hesse

aria Kohler’s own identity-shifting flexibility defines her career as a musician. Whether she’s fronting country-blues outfit M and the Gems, hamming it up in female comedy-punk quintet Harpoontang or going solo with her electro-rap alter-ego Kitty Crimes, she maintains an intense focus on songwriting, never letting leaps from one style to the next pigeonhole her. Kohler started rapping at 13, often entering freestyle rap battles in online chatrooms. Making her way to Denver, Kohler hooked up with members of the local Americana band Paper Bird, forming their own raunchy side-project, Harpoontang, whose hilarious lyrics about sexual deviancy are well-recieved in the Denver comedy scene. She’s been gaining the most acclaim lately from Kitty Crimes. “I use Kitty Crimes as this vehicle to get me places,” Kohler said. “And I want to put the best fuel available to me in that vehicle – and the best fuel is my sexual journey. Becoming more familiar with my queer, feminine, and male-identified self, I use these because it’s the most passionate substance I have as an artist.” Kohler said that sexuality is a part of any performance, even if it’s not overt. “Any artist I appreciate is going to be sexy to me. I get super turned on when I see Feist play a live set,” she said. “I’m not necessarily on stage to be like ‘look at me, I’m sexy.’ I’m just trying to exercise fierceness, and if that involves a sexual tone to the show, that’s just going to come naturally.”

Nick Sugar – Director, Actor, Choreographer

By Holly Hatch

ick Sugar – a three-for-one actor, choreographer and director who knows stage performance like the back of his hand – said that sexual orientation doesn’t define his craft, but plays naturally into what the artistic world is about. “The goal in theater is to discover truth on stage,” Sugar said. “You have to understand your personal truth: sexual, spiritual and emotional. Self-discovery is the essence to art and continues as long as you’re an artist.” The work of the performer, Sugar said, is to relate to the audience on a human level, to break down judgment and pre-conceived notions about characters. “The performing arts should help the audience feel and think on a deeper level,” Sugar said. “There is freedom in art. Being gay has not limited me. I embrace all aspects of myself which has only made me a stronger individual without concern regarding stereotypes.” Sugar’s profession in the performing arts is constantly evolving. Honing his craft has enabled him to explore his many roles, from actor to director and choreographer, with work and experience spanning New York, Los Angeles and Hong Kong. Through that, Sugar has come to believe the community of artists is one of the most inspiring aspects of that world – the diversity, in countless walks of life, combines with an openness of interaction to break down barriers. “The greatest part of the arts is being able to work closely with other artists,” Sugar said. “We are encouraged to be vulnerable, revealing emotions and feelings that most people working in the corporate world are not able to do as freely. Theater artists have all types of personalities and come together to create a unified piece of art that makes it easy to be open to all types of people.”

allows me to share my joy for the art and helps to bring people into the world and introduce them to something different,” he said. “My job is to suspend reality for just a bit, and enjoy a moment in a different place and time.” But the art world itself can be a tough place to prove oneself, and as a black, gay artist – and a male in a field that violates a masculine-oriented society – Hodge has experienced moments of judgment and adversity. “To be an artist of any kind means you have to have thick skin; you have to be OK with hearing the word ‘No.’” He said it’s probably obvious to some people that he’s gay. “When you hear me speak, you just know,” he said with a laugh. “Being gay doesn’t define who I am, but can strengthen who I become.” Hodge doesn’t bring his sexual orientation onto the stage – “I save the ‘gay’ for my own life,” he said – but he brings what he gained from performing through his whole life. “I don’t have the same fears about rejection and about what people might think of me, as I used to,” Hodge said. “You have to be able to laugh at yourself and be willing to make a fool of yourself on stage. It’s very liberating.”

Jill Brzezicki – Singer/Songwriter, Musician

By Lauren Archuletta

Antoine Hodge – Opera Singer

By Holly Hatch

t was the friendly support from a college choir director at Georgia Southern University that brought local opera singer Antoine Hodge to a serious reflection of his talent. He sang in high school, but lacked training and confidence. When his choir director showed him the light, “It was as if lightning struck,” he said. “I found a real intense passion that had been locked away. I really didn’t know, growing up, that I had any talent for singing, let alone the classical arts. My choir director arranged for me to have free voice lessons for a semester before encouraging me to join the opera.” Hodge soon found that performance was his escape. Living in Atlanta in the process of coming out as gay, he discovered the stage; a place to be himself, without judgment. “It’s a wonderful experience to immerse yourself fully in a different world, to become someone different for three hours a night,” Hodge said. In the same way, Hodge said a performer becomes an escape for the audience; “It

February 20, 13 | outfrontonline.com

[ [ CoVer STory ] ]

inger/songwriter Jill Brzezicki said her craft resonates with the journey and risks she’s taken to become the artist she is today. Brzezicki classifies her music as Americana and folk, with influences ranging from Pink Floyd to the Indigo Girls. “A lot of my influences are typical ‘lesbian,’” Brzezicki said. “Heavy-hitters, women songwriters with a guitar.” But before she followed in the footsteps of her inspirations, she led a very different life – as a scientist. With a master’s in toxicology, Brzezicki worked in human health at Colorado State University before she started doing music. It was when she went to Song School in Lyons, that she leapt from beakers to microphones. “That’s when I quit my chemistry job and started teaching, performing and running sound,” Brzezicki said. “I had a band, but I wanted to do it more seriously.” Although Brzezicki is a lesbian artist, she has a diverse following and says she tries not to play into stereotypes. “Me off stage and on stage are the same person. I don’t make [performing] a flamboyant activity, but if you look at me I think you can definitely tell that I’m gay. I guess you can say I’m typecast as a ‘butch dyke.’” Brzezicki plays mostly in the Fort Collins area, but used to be a regular in Denver at HER Bar. Still, she’s open to many venues. “I don’t want to pigeonhole myself into the LGBT market,” she said. “It’s a very pre-made market and a strong one, but I don’t want it to be my only market. Most people can relate to my songs. They’re not gender or sexuality specific.” “Once I started getting on stage,” she said, “there was a spark that I have yet to find anywhere else.” ]

feature

BLACK HISTORY MONTH CONTINUED

LGBT black leaders (Part two of a two-part series)

By Josiah M. Hesse Bayard Rustin Behind every great leader of a movement is a strategist. Barack Obama has David Axelrod. Harvey Milk had Anne Kronenberg. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. had Bayard Rustin. Taking the Ghandian approach of nonviolent resistance to heart, Rustin organized the first Freedom Rides through the segregated South, eventually becoming an intimate advisor to Dr. King and convincing him to live out non-violent principles to the extent that he abandoned the armed guards who’d been protecting his family. While arrests for civil disobedience had become a badge of honor within the Civil Rights movement, Rustin’s arrest for “sexual misconduct” with another man was a liability – prompting effective political attacks from pro-segregationists like Strom Thurmond. Though Rustin had organized the 1963 March on Washington and many other historic demonstrations that led to the 1964 Civil Rights Act and the 1965 Voting Rights Act, Rustin received little public recognition for his contributions – fellow organizers reluctant to shine too bright a light on their openly homosexual colleague. Rustin had long been open about his sexuality, but it wasn’t until much later in his life that he became outspoken about gay rights and took his principles to the gay movement. “The gays are beginning to realize what blacks learned long ago,” Rustin said in an interview when the LGBT movement was gaining steam. “Unless you are out here fighting for yourself, than nobody is going to help you. I think the gay community has a moral obligation to continue to fight.”

Rebecca Walker Known as an icon of “third-wave feminism” – a term she coined herself – black feminist writer Rebecca Walker has been shedding light on the subtle oppression of women since her debut essay in Ms. Magazine in 1991. In it, Walker – the 23-year-old daughter of Alice Walker who wrote The Color Purple, took thennominee to the Supreme Court Clarence Thomas to task over his sexual harassment controversy involving former-employee Anita Hill. In her essay, “Becoming the Third Wave,” Walker wrote: “To be a feminist is to integrate an ideology of equality and female empowerment into the very fiber of life. It is to search for personal clarity in the midst of systemic destruction, to join in sisterhood with women when often we are divided, to understand power structures with the intention of challenging them.” Walker, who is bisexual, has continued to contribute to Ms. Magazine and many others, and authored four books, including 2007s Baby Love: Choosing Motherhood After A Lifetime of Ambivalence, in which she examines the feminists movements troubled history with motherhood, and how she found strength as both a woman and a mother. Richard Bruce Nugent While historians now recognize that legendary historic figures like Leonardo Da Vinci, Oscar Wilde and Susan B. Anthony where discreetly homosexual, it wasn’t until revolutionary thinkers like Richard Bruce Nugent came along that the contemporary culture of openness began to develop among LGBT people. Nugent is known for his short story “Smoke, Lillies and Jade,” regarded as the first literary depiction of shameless gay sex by an African-American author. Co-founding the literary journal Fire! with renowned black poet Langston Hughes, Nugent lived with fellow writer Wallace Thurman in a Harlem apartment frequented by Hughes, Zora Neale Hurston, Gwendolyn Bennett and others as the informal central headquarters of the bohemian black creative community at the core of the Harlem Rennaissance. There, Nugent employed his illustrative skills by drawing deptictions of homoerotic sex across each wall of his home. “As they undressed by the blue dawn...Alex knew he had never seen a more perfect being...,” Nugent wrote in “Smoke, Lillies Jade” with characteristic ellipses. “His body was all symmetry and music...and Alex called him Beauty...long they lay...blowing smoke and exchanging thoughts...and Alex swallowed with difficulty...he felt a glow of tremor...and they talked and...slept...” Jean-Michel Basquiat Combining pop, street and African art into a creole of punk-rock expressionism, JeanMichel Basquiat has gone down in history not only as one of the first commerciallysuccessful black painters, but as an endless source of intrigue and infamy. A homeless, drug-exploring street kid of the late 70s New York graffiti-art scene, Basquiat first became recognized with his poetically sarcastic SAMO tag messages written around town, eventually making a name for himself as a painter of colorful abstract designs that expose – within a chaotic, insurgent style – sophisticated emotional depth and societal commentary. Befriending Andy Warhol and other neo-expressionist painters, Basquiat eventually exploded as the most talked about (and one of the highest paid) painters of the 1980s art boom. After a brief yet exciting life of DJ’ing the best clubs, affording the best clothes, and eventually dating Madonna (Basquiat, though never putting a label on his sexual orientation, was bisexual), the lifestyle caught up with Basquiat – who died of a drug overdose at the historically-fated age of 27. ]

^ See Part one of this feature from the Feb. 6 issue online at http://ofcnow.co/q0Q.

[ [ FEATURE ] ]

February 20, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

Food FoR ThoUghT

‘‘

Let it be said: I would (and will) be back for the tapas menu (who can turn down bite-sized plates of mouthwatering goodness ranging from $3-7?)

Dagabi Cucina: ‘I’ll be back for the tapas’ By Jeffrey Steen To many outside its flatironsflanked borders, Boulder consists mostly of 20-something college kids, patchouli, and the new hippie movement. Sadly, it has rarely been seen as a go-to for culinary inventiveness. While there are reasons that it certainly should be – the likes of Frasca, The Kitchen, and Black Cat among them – it nonetheless remains mostly a haven for peripheral experimentation. It’s worthwhile, then, for Denverites to occasionally traipse up north and learn what makes Boulderites salivate. Happily mixed with college nosh houses on the Hill – including hole-inthe-wall Asian takeout staples, coffeehouses aplenty, and burrito masters like Illegal Pete’s – are high-end, high-profile spots like John’s and Arugula. Somewhere in the middle rest weekday go-tos that feed the culinary and social appetite. Like Dagabi Cucina, for example. Tucked coyly away from primetime Pearl Street next to Lucky’s Market, it’s a stop that’s mostly known by locals. During the week, guests comfortably slide into fourtops or at the back bar for a quick bite and a glass of wine. Come the weekend, however, expect a wait; on a recent visit, my better

half and I waited 20 minutes for a table, even with a reservation. And yes, that kind of busy-ness is a regularity. Still, the place is undeniably quaint – accented by warm lighting, an Old World-style brick pizza oven, and conversation buzzing throughout with the punctuation of boisterous laughter. It’s the kind of place you want to be in the middle of, complete with a bottle of wine and tapas spread out in front of you. Unfortunately for us, the expansive tapas menu – our reason for stopping by – is only available during happy hour, save Tuesday, when it’s an all-day affair. Seated smack dab in the middle of rush hour on a Friday, we were pointed to the regular menu instead – an accessible, shorter menu dotted with ItalianSpanish apps, entrées, a wealth of American-style desserts that are hard to turn down. Intent on the shared plate experience, we created our own tapas spread – an antipasti plate decked with three different artisan cheeses, two meats, fruit to cut the salty-fatty edge of the meat and cheese, and, of course, bread. To boot, we dove into a plate of mushrooms topped with sheep’s feta, bathed in a balsamic-honey sauce. As if we needed a chaser, we decided to add a third

FEbRUARy 20, 13 | outfrontonlinE.com

dish: the seafood fritters topped with saffron aïoli. While I give due nods to a smiling, attentive wait staff – including that almost-shirtless, shaggy-haired, 20-something busser who my boyfriend and I affectionately dubbed Donatello – the food was, well, fairly lackluster. Let it be said: I would (and will) be back for the tapas menu (who can turn down bite-sized plates of mouthwatering goodness ranging from $3-7?), but what we assembled for a Friday evening meal was nothing to rave about. The mushrooms – far too numerous, and lacking a definitive “oomph” – were curious and enticing initially, but ultimately proved a bit one-dimensional. And while I always enjoy a well-plated antipasti platter (as I did in this case), the seafood fritters lacked a desired citrus climax, leaving the end of the meal a bit of a disappointment. I’m surely willing to give Dagabi a second shot – particularly after watching locals settle into their “regular” tables and hearing them banter about favorite dishes that are weekly necessities in their diet. I vow to be back – appetite at the ready, and menu well studied. ] Dagabi Cucina is located at N. Broadway St. in Boulder. ^ More info online at DagabiCucinaBoulder.com.

[ [ sociAl ] ]

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Serioz Pizzeria 1336 East 17th Avenue Denver, CO 80218 • (303) 997-7679 SeriozPizza.com

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HiGH SoCieTy

‘City of Angels’ musical hits with Hollywood gusto By David Marlowe Denver is no stranger to big talent and groundbreaking performances. Smaller community theatres are taking their place alongside colossal touring Broadway productions, giving local performers the chance to shine. The Vintage Theatre in Aurora is one of them. Since founders opened their doors in the summer of 2002, the Vintage has proved a successful and exceptional theatre, producing inclusive, diverse and Tony Award winning productions such as the current production, City of Angels – a musical that claimed six Tony Awards during it’s Broadway stint. The show plays at the Vintage Theatre through March 3. City of Angels pays homage to film noir, a movie genre that became popular in the ’40s. The show creatively weaves two plots – one, the “real” world of a writer, Stine, trying his luck at turning his book into a screenplay, and another, the “reel” (fictitious) world of Stine’s film script. I had the opportunity to interview the two main stage actors of the show – Out Front’s publisher and owner Jerry Cunningham, who plays the lead role. The actor talks about what makes City of Angels so unique. DaViD MarloWe: There are a lot of great shows coming up. What led you to audition for City of Angels? Jerry CunninGHaM: Doing this show really showed up as quite a surprise to me. It wasn’t on my schedule to do a show right now, so when I got the call to see if I was available to do the show, my wishful thinking came true. The intriguing thing about City of Angels is that it’s a show about my character writing a movie, and what I’m writing is being played out on the other side of the stage. It really is quite an amazing piece of live theater – the show itself has big Hollywood style production numbers, which of course all audiences love. DM: Who is doing the choreography?

‘‘

the show itself has big Hollywood style production numbers, which of course all audiences love.

Ballet MasterWorks February 22 – March 3 Ellie Caulkins Opera House 1101 13th Street Denver, CO 80204 More info: http://coloradoballet.org (303) 893-4100

JC: Piper Arpan. Her style is so inspiring. She comes from a sense of what’s rational and what makes sense. A talented individual who is making this a fabulous show by showcasing the individual strengths of each actor. Her choreography is very feng-shui, if there’s such a thing. DM: Talk about Director Brian Walker Smith. JC: He directed me in Town Hall Arts’ production of Bye Bye Birdie. He too is a very talented individual and it was a huge vote of confidence when he offered me the role. Once I had listened to the track from the original Broadway recording I was sold. Walker Smith has put together a very solid cast who are going to knock one big production number after another right out of the park. Even non-theatre goers are going to love this show. DM: What was your experience of the musical direction for a show like this? Were there elements that were difficult for you, vocally? JC: Traci Kern is doing a fabulous job with that! I have only the highest regard for this woman’s music direction. This show has some difficult yet amazing showstopping numbers that have me singing right at the top of my range. Traci has given me the kind of help and advice that most musical theatre actors can only dream of. Her technique coaching has given me the support I need to carry out a role like this. DM: What’s unique about the Vintage Theatre? JC: You’ve got to appreciate the excellent work of Vintage Theatre’s artistic director Craig Bond. His work to provide the LGBT community with the productions that support diversity has been awesome. Every step Vintage Theatre and their stake holders take seem to be in the right direction. ] ‘City of Angels’ runs through Marwch 3 at the Vintage Theatre, 1468 Dayton St. ^ More info at Vintagetheatre. com. See the full version of this intreview at ofcnow.co/4k3.

February 20, 13 | outfrontonline.com

[ [ SoCial ] ]

Godspell

March 15 – March 24 PACE Center 20000 Pikes Peak Avenue Parker, CO 80138 More info: http://PACEcenteronline.org

For more information on how to get your event listed, please call 303-477-4000

February 20, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

PIX

the Superbowl Sunday @ The Wrangler

February 20, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

[ [ Social ] ]

Photos by Charles Broshous

Pornstar Party

Photos by Charles Broshous

[ [ Social ] ]

February 20, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

luSH

Anything boys can do, girls can do better A tribute to chicks who can hold their liquor By Ashley Trego En route to San Diego I needed something to read on the plane – because for some messed up reason I have never been able to sleep while flying the friendly skies, and there are simply not enough tiny bottles of booze to knock me out. So I grabbed a book. It was called Living Loaded, a penning by Playboy columnist Dan Dunn. Not being a complete stranger to Playboy magazine, I knew enough about Mr. Dunn to understand he is one funny f*cker – completely inappropriate, and famous for getting himself into precarious situations on the job. Which is, in fact, his job – writing about drinking and all the disasters that come of it. So I figured it was a safe bet that the book would be an easy read and get me to where I was going. One bit in the book was about girls who can drink. Anyone with a mouth can do it, but being able to hold your liquor is another thing altogether. And just because women are reputed for not being able to do so doesn’t mean that’s true. There are, in fact, many women in

history who were shining examples of what I speak: Chicks who enjoyed the drink and for the most part could handle it. And no, I am not speaking of Lindsay Lohan or any of her kind. The dames of which I speak are more along the lines of Gertrude Stein, who drank and kept up with Ernest Hemingway, one of the most notorious “get drunk and write the great American novel” guys of all time. J-Lo’s character from the movie (and book) Out of Sight is a devout bourbon drinker – a woman after my own heart – and let’s not forget the skinny little bitches from Sex and the City who practically lived off of cosmos. I sit and ponder these women: I too likes to drink and me thinks that I could most likely drink most of my macho guy friends well under the table. This is not to say that this is a goal of mine, but just for the sake of saying it, I’m saying it. Here are some of my thoughts, and tips, on how we gals can, with elegance and ease, handle our booze and look good doing it: Eat food! I know, though I don’t entirely agree, that we supposedly want to be thin. Sistas – trust me – before you go drinking an excessive amount of alcohol, eat food. Just kill yourself at the gym the next day if you insist on making up for it. Know how each flavor of booze affects you.

Different liquors have different effects on each of us. For example, vodka makes me hungry, bourbon makes me wanna make out, gin makes me super social, tequila makes me slutty, wine makes me lethargic and beer just makes me have to pee a lot. Know what each does to you and choose accordingly. Hydrate – a lot. Drink at least one glass of water between each cocktail, and not only will you be able to hold on longer, your entire head and body will feel a lot f*cking better the next day. Look good drinking. We are all beautiful in different ways; know your way and work it. This will not only give you an advantage when drinking with boys, but it also get you some free drinks. Cleavage, as I have mentioned before, is awesome. Try new drinks. You never know what you might like. I have been a wine gal for a very long time. I know it, I love it and I know how it effects me. I have as of late been forcing myself outside of my comfort zone and trying new kinds of booze. I have discovered my love for bourbon. Maker’s Mark is delicious and local Stranahans Whiskey rocks my world. Dirty martinis are amazing and Camapari is a delightful aperitif. The point? Don’t be afraid to try new things. Hold your own. Own your drinking prowess and above all, do it like a lady. ]

lGbT bar liSTinGS

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Aqua Lounge • 1417 Krameria St. (720) 287.0584 • AquaLoungeDenver.com Covered patio, live entertainment, trivia, poker, karaoke, $2.50 happy hour M-F Barker Lounge • 475 Santa Fe Dr. (303) 778.0545 Patio, old Hollywood themed, neighborhood bar

Compound • 145 N Broadway (303) 722.7977 • CompoundDenver.com Neighborhood dance bar with edge, weekend beer bust Coco Breeze Lounge • 539 W. 43rd Ave. http://ofcnow.co/pob 18 and up, mixed crowd, dance floor

Lannie’s Clocktower Cabaret • 1601 Arapahoe St. (303) 293.0075 • Lannies.com Burlesque, comedy shows, appetizers, desserts Li’l Devils •255 S. Broadway (303) 733.1156 • lildevilslounge.com Dancing, video bar, mixed crowd

Black Crown Lounge • 1446 S. Broadway (720) 353.4701 • BlackCrownLounge.com Piano lounge, tapas and brunch, patio, live music

Decatur St. Grill • 800 Decatur St. (303) 825.4521 • Decaturbar.wordpress.com Pool table, poker, smoking patio, women

Tracks • 3500 Walnut St. (303) 863.7326 • TracksDenver.com LGBT dance club, BAD first Fridays, DJ, live performers

bLush Coffee, Bar & Lounge • 1526 E. Colfax Ave. (303) 484.8548 • BlushBarDenver.com Bar, coffee, lounge, pool

Denver Eagle • 3600 Blake St. (303) 291.0250 • TheEagleBar.com Leather, fetish, darts, heavy pours

The Bar • 554 S. Broadway Ave. (303) 733.0122 • ItsTheBar.com Burlesque, bingo, dance parties and comedy

Eden • 3090 Downing St. (720) 545-4055 • EdenDenver.com Women’s lounge, patio, healthy bar food, vegetarian, gluten free

Wrangler • 1700 Logan St. (303) 837.1075 • DenverWrangler.com Men’s bar, patio, leather Fridays, pool tables, beer bust, darts, “Sweet Dance”

El Potrero • 320 S Birch St. (303) 388.8889 • ElPotreroDenver.com Mexican restaurant, patio, club, live shows

X Bar • 629 E Colfax Ave. (303) 832.2687 • XbarDenver.com LGBT bar, karaoke, Drag Queen brunch, BINGO, DJ, beer bust, patio, food

Boyztown • 117 Broadway (303) 722.7373 • BoyzTownDenver.com Male strippers Broadways • 1027 Broadway (303) 623.0700 • BroadwaysDenver.com Neighborhood sports bar, weekend beer busts, BINGO, trivia, outdoor patio Charlie’s • 900 E Colfax Ave. (303) 839.8890 • CharliesDenver.com Western and pop dance club, weekend beer busts, live music Club M • 700 E 17th Ave. (303) 832.1333 • HamburgerMarys.com/denver Karaoke, BINGO, trivia, drag, live DJ bar

Hamburger Mary’s • 700 E 17th Ave. (303) 832.1333 • HamburgerMarys.com/denver Great food, big patio, weekend brunch, big screen TV’s, mixed crowd

February 20, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

Fort Collins

Choice City Shots • 124 LaPorte St. (970) 221.4333 ChoiceCityShots.com Mixed crowd, karaoke, poker, DJ, dancin’

Pueblo

Pirate’s Cove • 105 Central Plaza (719) 543.2683 • MySpace.com/Pirates Cove1, Local bar, mixed crowd

CO. Springs

Bubbles Nightclub • 1010 E Fillmore Ave. (719) 473.0177 • BubblesCos.com LGBT nightclub, DRAG WORLD, karaoke, poker, big screen TVs

Club Q • 3430 N Academy Blvd. (719) 570.1429 • ClubqOnline.com 18 and up, Military appreciation night, drag show, pool, darts, beer pong, ladies night The Underground • 110 N Nevada Ave. (719) 578.7771 • UndergroundBars.com, Pub style, BINGO, poker, karaoke, food, beer bust

[ [ Social ] ]

February 20, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

radioactive vision

Gay-mers unite

Nuclia Waste

‘

Hello, my name is Nuclia Waste. And I am an addict. Not smoking (like my mom). Not booze (like my dad). Not crystal meth (like too many gay youth). No, for me it’s games.

February 20, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

‘

[ [ Social ] ]

Hello, my name is Nuclia Waste. And I am an addict. Not smoking (like my mom). Not booze (like my dad). Not crystal meth (like too many gay youth). No, for me it’s games. Put a joystick or D-pad in my hands and I will find every last Pokemon, close every last Oblivion gate, slay every last Skyrim dragon. I can’t help myself. Mr. Waste is not too concerned with my addiction. As he says, “At least I know where he is at night.” I always read lots of fantasy and science fiction as a young drag thing. I got through the entire Lord of the Rings before 8th grade, overriding the protests of my teachers who said it was far advanced for my reading comprehension. Never say never to the Nuclia. I read the trilogy and all the appendices. As video gaming progressed towards more and more realism, I discovered I could live and play in the worlds I had only read about. My home office is set up with surround sound, two Xboxes and Kinect, two Nintendo DS Lites (your never know when a friend might want to play), one Nintendo 3-DS XL (for the release of Animal Crossing this spring), Wii, iPhone and of course the iPad. It’s a gaming gadgeteers wet dream of electronics. I recently started playing Clash of Clans on my iPad. It’s filled with goblins and gold, wizards and elixir. You build a fortress and can go online to raid gold and elixir from others all over the world. Players form clans and help each other out. I recently decided to look for a clan to join, as my fortress was looking pretty badass. (I could hardly join a clan with lame wooden log walls and pea-shooting

cannons). So I typed “gay” into the clan search. Sure enough, a few clans with gay in the title popped up. I picked one and asked to join. I was accepted and found myself in a friendly gaggle of gay players. This drag queen from Denver was now chatting with gay-mers in England, Australia, France and the Philippines. There’s Tonchi, a gay Philippino getting his degree in nursing while working for surfing tourists on Mindanao Island. His closest nightlife is three hours away on another island. When he goes, he’s stuck with his straight cousins who he cannot come out to. There’s Karlo, a Brazilian working in Japan. He’s finally getting a taste for sushi and sashimi. There’s Simon from Leeds, England who is our clan leader. “Si” started the group as a haven safe from the homophobic taunts that STILL take place in online gaming. There’s Jack, a lonely youth, who knows he is gay but has never been with a man or on a date. With our encouragement he signed up with a gay youth online dating service. I play games to escape the real world and have found myself in another just a real. Real people dealing with real issues. We chat, give advice, we help each other out. So maybe my addiction is doing a world of good. (If you’re a gay-mer too, look me up. My Game Center ID is Nuclia, of course!) ]

Nuclia Waste can be reached through her website at NucliaWaste. com. For more related editorials by Nuclia, visit ofcnow.co/Hx9.

Qrave

THE

OFF your check

Great Scott’s Eatery Taste the memories

Craving a sweet treat at 2 a.m.? Well lucky for you, Great Scotts Eatery in Denver is open 24/7, ready to provide you with an endless supply of milkshakes. Home of the Shaken Thursday, where milkshakes are only $1.75, Great Scotts has a menu devoted entirely to their abundance of shake flavors. The 1950s-inspired restaurant, located right off of US-36 and Pecos St., is easily accessible for all of its customers, literally pulling you right off the highway. Once inside the restaurant, you’ve entered into the time slip of old-fashioned soda fountains and juke boxes. Neon signs line the walls, pointing you in the direction of the arcade and encouraging you to buy Pepsi products. Great Scotts offers customers a wide variety

of specials, including a senior citizens menu. The breakfast crowd pleaser special: tater tots smothered in marshmallow sauce. But the specials don’t end there, especially for Out Front readers. “We offer 20 percent off your check with your VIP card,” said Fran Haskins, director of operations for both Great Scotts Eatery and Jay’s Grille and Bar. Haskins wants to stress that Great Scotts has more than one location in Colorado. “We have the one on Pecos and the one in Broomfield on 120th,” Haskins said. “We also have Jay’s on 78th and Washington in Denver.” All three locations participate in Out Front’s QRAVE program. ] Great Scotts Eatery is located at 1551 Cortez St. More info online at GreatScottsEatery.com.

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TO GET YOUR QRAVE CARD … Email promotions@outfrontonline.com February 20, 13 | outfrontonline.com

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February 20, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

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[ WORSHIP ]

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February 20, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

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“Bear-tending Panda” Daniel Romero, one of Denver’s favorite bears, has been bartending at the Denver Wrangler for eight years. He’s single, so watch out boys! Specialty Drink: “Wrangler RED.” Citrus vodka, sour mix, splash of cranberry and a dash of grenadine. Ask for his SUPER SECRET strong version, the “Red Panda” shot.

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The Wrangler

Cgra’s valentine’s extravaganza @ Charlie’s

Photos by Charles Broshous

[ [ living ] ]

February 20, 13 | outfrontonline.com

denver urbanism

Civic investments pay off By Ken Schroeppel

Denver is a city with a strong culture of investing in its future. From the city’s earliest days, Denverites have worked together to fund all sorts of infrastructure projects critical to the city’s long-term viability and competitiveness. In 1870, Denver voters passed a bond issue to finance a 106-mile-long railroad spur to Cheyenne to connect Denver with the Transcontinental Railroad, helping the fledgling 12-year-old outpost at the confluence of Cherry Creek and the South Platte River remain as a dot on the national map. Since then, Denver citizens have reliably supported civic investments for everything from libraries to airports to stadiums to convention centers to museums. The record is really quite amazing! Here’s a list I’ve compiled of civic investments approved by City and County of Denver voters over just the past 15 years: 1998: $95 million for various neighborhood capital improvements, $305 million for Denver Public Schools renovations and construction, and $260 million for the new Mile High Stadium. 1999: $261 million for the expansion of the Colorado Convention Center and $125 million for expansion of the Denver Art Museum and the Denver Zoo. Denver voters also approved the state’s TRANS proposal which authorized $1.7 billion for the T-REX light rail and highway reconstruction project. 2002: $25 million for the renovation of the Denver Auditorium creating the Ellie Caulkins Opera House at the Denver Performing Arts Complex. 2003: $148 million for the expansion of the Denver Health Medical Center. 2004: A 0.4 percent sales tax increase for RTD’s FasTracks program. Denverites also voted to extend the 0.1 percent Scientific & Cultural Facilities District sales tax for another 14 years. 2005: $378 million for the construction of the new Denver Justice Center, an increase to the city’s lodging tax to pay for Denver tourism and convention marketing programs, and a 10-year exemption from TABOR for the City & County of Denver. 2007: $550 million for a variety of capital improvements for health and human

services facilities, transportation and infrastructure projects, libraries, parks and recreation projects, public office buildings, public safety facilities, and existing/new cultural facilities. Denver voters also approved a permanent 2.50 mill property tax increase for additional annual capital improvements. 2008: $454 million for renovations and new construction for Denver Public Schools. 2012: A permanent exemption from TABOR, allowing the city to invest approximately $68 million in additional revenue per year into municipal services and capital improvements, $466 million for improvements to Denver Public Schools, and a permanent property tax increase of 4.86 mill for school operations and maintenance. Whew! That’s almost $3 billion in just city projects in 15 years, and that’s not counting regional projects like T-REX or RTD’s FasTracks program or some of the big infrastructure investments from earlier in the 1990s like Denver International Airport. With a track record like that, it’s no surprise Denver consistently ranks high on most national “best of” lists. What does this mean to you? If you’re a Denver resident, it means you live in a city that believes in itself, its future, and in providing the infrastructure necessary for a high quality of life for its citizens. If you live elsewhere in Colorado, it means you live in a state with a vibrant capital city, which is important for the whole state to thrive. If you’re a visitor to Denver, it means you have a great urban center to explore complete with an array of cultural, transportation, and civic facilities. With many cities across the country struggling to reach a consensus on funding needed civic infrastructure, here in Denver, we continue to work together to improve our city’s and region’s urban landscape. That, my friends, is worth celebrating. ] Ken Schroeppel is the founder of the DenverInfill and DenverUrbanism website and blogs, which offer aspects of sustainable design and urbanism in the Mile High City. ^ Find them at DenverInfill.com.

embrace the LIGHT Lights for ANYONE ANY ROOM ANY SPACE ANY NOOK ANY BUDGET ANY CRANNY ANY OFFICE ANY BEDROOM

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February 20, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

VISIT OUR SHOWROOM FOR ADDITIONAL INFORMATION 1393 SOUTH SANTA FE DRIVE, DENVER COLORADO 80223 303 989 8895 • WWW.URBANLIGHTSDENVER.COM [ [ Living ] ]

ParenTing

Dealing with Drama

Helping children when the world’s opinions hit close to home

‘

Jasmine Peters

“Ugh, the kids at my school make me sick. They walk around acting like being gay is either a disease or it’s a cool fad and I hate it.”

‘

Lights. Camera. Actions. So much attention is being given to the LGBT community, on politically charged issues from bullying to legalizing marriage, occurring anywhere from community meetings to national news. Emotions are high, tolerance is low, and communities hang in the balance. Not all attention is good attention. She abruptly opens the door and, once inside, slams it behind her. She drops her backpack and with a bad attitude and hurt in her voice, she mumbles, “Ugh, the kids at my school make me sick. They walk around acting like being gay is either a disease or it’s a cool fad and I hate it.” I looked up to my daughter my undivided attention. There were a few seconds of silence. Her brows met in the middle to form an intense frown. My daughter went on to explain that this is her life, and when the kids at her school play like they are gay or talk bad about gay people she feels that they are talking about her family, and it doesn’t feel good. The teachers do nothing about the insults that are strewn around the classroom like silly string, There are few, or no, allies to help fend off the insults. She feels helpless. Teachable moments Kids often judge a book by its cover and react out of fear and ignorance – often struggling with their own identity and finding comfort in insulting others. This is the perfect time to embrace this opportunity as a teachable moment and create allies. I encouraged my daughter to share her story

and her feelings by going to the teacher or the counselor to express how the actions of her classmates make her feel and her disappointment when nothing is done. What a difference words make. Act responsibly As bad as I wanted to tell my daughter to feel free to slam her fist on the table, stand up in her chair and tell her classmates a thing or two, I know that not every environment is safe to truly express her feelings. Children can respond to that out of emotion or go out of their way to cause harm to each other. I encourage my daughter to continue to vent to me – and tell her that if she would like to “share,” she needs to make sure she is familiar with her surroundings. Don’t take it personally Unfortunately, my daughter is at an age – a young teenager – where compassion is a spelling word, not something they live by. I encouraged my daughter to not take it personal, but to sit in truth. She knows who her mom is – me – and who her mom is not. The things people say and do are reflections of who they are and how they feel about themselves much more than they’re reflections on our family. After our talk, my daughter gave me a hug and with a big smile she walked away. At the door she turned around and said, “The world is a place to express what you want and you have the right to enjoy it too. Own it!” ] Peters is the founder of Parenting Wellness Center and single parent of five. ^ Parenting WellnessCenter.com.

[ [ living ] ]

February 20, 13 | outfrontonline.com

big ToyS

Japanese Sedans:

The All-New Nissan Altima takes on the Subaru Legacy By Jonathan McGrew

2013 Nissan Altima

2013 Subaru Legacy

Japanese cars have a reputation: reliability and value for your dollar. The remarkable thing is how different each brand and vehicle can be even when in a similar price point. Take for example the all-new 2013 Nissan Altima 3.5 SL and the 2013 Subaru Legacy 3.6R Limited. Both of these cars represent the top of the range in their model family. They are also both in the low $30K price range with the all-new Altima coming in at $32,135 as tested and the Legacy requiring a little more dough at $33,677 as tested. Ironically, both cars have six cylinder engines of a similar size — 3.5 and 3.6 liters respectively — and put out over 250 hp. The Altima has the edge with the 270 hp V6, but the Subaru pulls ahead slightly with a 0-60 time of 5.8 seconds, which is one-tenth faster than the Altima according to independent tests. A circumstance that is actually pretty remarkable considering the Subaru comes with the famed Sym-

February 20, 13 | outfrontonLine.com

metrical All-Wheel Drive system and the Altima is only front-wheel drive. Both cars also have leather, heated seats, navigation, high-powered stereo systems (the well known Bose in the Nissan) and safety systems like lane departure detection, blind spot monitoring and rear view camera. It really does beg the question: how do you pick? From my perspective the devil is in the details because both cars will perform and be reliable. However, in this case it is a hard choice to say I would buy one over the other. The Subaru has a sportier feel and holds the road like it is on rails. As you would expect it is also sure footed in the snow. It also has some class leading safety features like EyeSight to help prevent collisions (if you can stand the bulky stereo cameras around the rear view mirror). The downfall of the Subaru for me is the aesthetic appeal. It looks like it was designed in a vacuum — it just lacks passion or fluidity. The interior is okay, but doesn’t give

[ [ Living ] ]

you the same feeling as the inside of the Altima. Again, the design style is similar; the Legacy is harsher with hard lines and edges where as the Altima is a more fluid design inside and out. It just seems more refined. This might be why the Legacy has a real key and the Altima has the Intelligent Key with keyless entry and push button ignition. Oh, and a heated steering wheel. But then you don’t have the functionality of all-wheel drive. On paper, both are great cars and drive well with good road manners, but there is something we can’t account for—how the car makes you feel. I would go for the Altima because I think the new exterior body is beautiful and the interior well designed and finished. It also has better fuel economy, which all together gives me a sense of value for the dollar. Of course, I don’t have a fear of front-wheel drive in the snow either. ]

^ For more Big Toys, visit ofcnow.co/Siw

baCK in My Day

et Clos case Denial can be unconscious and costumed in so many different and creative ways. I look back on at least 60 some years of telling myself who I am, what I think, what I believe, how I feel, what I want, and an infinite number other adaptations to identity. Now of course I am the same me that I have always been and will always be, but my self-concept and my attachment to definitions of selfhood have run the full spectrum and back again. Wow, isn’t it fascinating what the ego can come up with? And when in full defensive mode the distortions or imaginative propaganda that we try to kid ourselves with is downright funny and occasionally quite sad. Many of the costumes I have worn over the years are still hanging in the back while all the newer ego outfits are easier to put on or take off. These identity outfits include those I will gladly wear to most any occasion while others I reserve for those special occasions when I want to appear in a particular way. Of course if you’re like me you might have a huge wardrobe. That’s fine. It gives us the ability to be interesting and have character. The trick over a lifetime is to have an assortment of clean, neatly pressed and just plain honest, up front outfits that cover most any situation in a somewhat suitable way. Now that I can wear my outlandish ear adornments with bright colorful paisley shirts and unusual patterned and multicolor sweaters that when in combination tells the world that I am a somewhat eccentric, flaming queer with no second thoughts. I will be fair. There was a time when I was just as flamboyant but tried to pretend that since I

was a father and had girlfriends that no one would suspect my innermost desires. Well not too long ago when I finally had my first boyfriend I told my daughters. They all said that they had known since they were young. So why did I keep so many of my most interesting outfits hanging there, practically unused for all these years? I admit that I have either thrown out or given to charity (that’s a line of bull, isn’t it) many of the adornments and outfits that no longer fit. I still have more possible looks than most people I know. I do drag and had lots of fun with my grandson, daughter and sonin-law being catered to by my lover in the audience. I’ve come a long way, baby! Most of the time my closet door is wide open. It really isn’t my style to think of myself as having been a closet case. I may have been able to keep my job, get promotions, have the friends that I avoided, etc., but at the time I wasn’t feeling that I could be the me that wears whatever I want and not try to cover anything up. Since I do need a warm coat in the winter, I try to make sure I have the right color of fuchsia scarf to clash with my red coat and Tibetan bead earbobs over the purple paisley shirt and computer knitted multicolor sweater with purple socks to match. Why did it take most of a lifespan to be and do what I feel most comfortable with? The answer is simply that is as honest as my ego will let me be. I do think my ego is having a hell of a lot more fun now that there is no need for defenses. I often get complements on my many outfits. ]

Michael King Why did it take most of a lifespan to be and do what I feel most comfortable with? The answer is simply that is as honest as my ego will let me be. I do think my ego is having a hell of a lot more fun now that there is no need for defenses.

abouT THe auTHor Michael King is a gay activist that also goes by the drag name, Queen Anne Tique. King came out of the closet at age 70 and lives with his lover, Merlyn, in downtown Denver. King was married twice, has three daughters, four grandchildren and a great grandson. King volunteer at The Center and is active in the Prime Timers and Front Rangers. In his free time, King loves to travel, write, paint, cook and dress in drag.

Back in MY day…

Got a story, memory or reflection to share from way back when? Let us know about it! Email holly@outfrontonline.com with a story with “back in my day” in the subject line to have it considered for print!

[ [ Living ] ]

February 20, 2013 | outfrontonLine.com

Family Centered Medicine

Serving the GLBT community for over 15 years

Peter Prutch, NP.C, PhD

Primary Healthcare HIV/AIDS Health care & prevention

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SHoW & TeLL

How to plan your civil union ceremony in 16 weeks By Mark Paquette For many, planning a wedding, or a civil union ceremony, is a year-long process. But once a bill that establishes civil union relationships passes in Colorado, couples may want to “tie the knot” in much less time. Here’s how to plan your civil union ceremony in 16 weeks: WEEK ONE • Determine the budget. The average, 100-guest wedding in Colorado was about $24,000 in 2012. • Draft the guest list. To get the numbers down, eliminate groups of people, like coworkers. • Identify the vision. Is your ceremony going to be modern, classic or steampunk? • Hire a planner, or at least a day-of coordinator, as they will help coordinate budgets, suggest wedding professionals, and assist stretching your dollar. WEEKS TWO – SIX • Find the venue, and make sure you determine a weather-contingency plan as severe heat, cold, rain, snow, wind, hail and forest fires can impact outdoor events. • Hire the right professionals. Don’t just hire for a low price – if you don’t hire quality professionals, you may end up with a negative experience. • Protect your investment and buy event insurance. • Purchase, or rent, your formal wear. Don’t wait: alterations can add several weeks to the process. WEEKS SEVEN – ELEVEN • Create a website to allows guests to find pertinent details about the event. • Establish gift registries. Select a range of cost options. It’s usually considered improper etiquette to ask for cash. • Send invitations. It’s fairly common to send them eight to 12 weeks in advance, though same sources may say six to eight weeks. • Get nitty-gritty with details. It’s time

February 20, 13 | outfrontonLine.com

[ [ Living ] ]

to determine all the décor and logistical details. • Get fit. Yes, while you may want to trim a few pounds before the big day, that’s not what I mean. Schedule time to attend fittings and your have rings sized. WEEKS - • Track RSVPs. Make sure response cards indicate meal selections (if necessary), dietary restrictions (usually limiting this to vegetarian and gluten free is sufficient), and a place for the guests to write their names. • Attend the walkthrough. A 30-day walkthrough is usually required by most venues and caterers and is the time to map out the set-up and logistics of the big day. • Finalize details and pay all remaining balances due. Don’t wait until the day-of, even if the professional doesn’t require payment early – you’ll be too busy to deal with these on the wedding day. • Confirm details with all professionals. Double-check everyone has the correct date, timeline of activities, load-in/out information, and contact information for all key individuals. WEEK  • Welcome guests. A welcome gift in the hotel room is a nice touch. • Pick-up the attire. Be sure to allow a few days before the event to try on your attire and ensure a proper fit. • Prepare guest seating assignments and deliver the final decor to the appropriate person, and if open seating is what you were considering, this arrangement often leads to guests having to sit apart who want to sit together. • Say “I do.” ]

^ Mark C. Paquette is the lead planner

of Events Unwrapped and founder of www.coloradogayweddings.com. Mark was named “Best of” The Knot 2012 & 2013, and serves as the Event Professional Board Member for the National Association of Catering and Events – Denver Chapter.

ElpotrerO nightclub grand opening party

SPLASH FRIDAYS doors open at 8pm

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February 20, 2013 | outfrontonLine.com

SeXuaLiTy

aSK THe SeXPerT

With one hand if by land, two if by sea Shanna,

Shanna Katz

Generation Z and LED sex By Lauren Archuletta I can remember being 17 and seeing my first “naughty” text message pop onto my phone screen. The bluntness of “Let me bone you” somehow seemed so much raunchier and sexier than someone’s voice on the other end of a telephone. Five years later, “sexting” has evolved into something else. If you flip through the archives of Out Front, you’ll come across the 1-800 lines for leather daddies and bears looking for a good time. While these party lines are no longer plastered across every page of the magazine, you can still find the occasional ad in the back of the issue. But let’s face it, the sexual mechanisms of the ’80s and ’90s were quickly replaced by the technology of the new millennium. Cyber sex swept not only the nation, but the rest of the world, as well. We can all remember logging into Yahoo! chat rooms and typing our ASL – age/ sex/location – and more often than not lying about it. I don’t know how many times I was an 18-year-old blonde cheerleader from Miami. Of course there are still chat rooms to “cyber” in. In fact, now they’re even tailor-made for specific sexual desires, like BDSMchat.net, Pinkcupid.com and bros4bros.com. But, like everything, technology is always invented to bring even newer options. As Generation Z – people born in the late 1990s to 2010 – came into sexual maturity, chat rooms and sexting weren’t cutting it; reading words on a screen wasn’t enough. We needed to see the person on the other end of the line. And thus sites like Chat Roulette and Sex Roulette were born. With a simple click of the mouse, users on both of these sites could instantly be connected in a video chat. The terms and conditions were quickly violated with Chat Roulette – technically, people are supposed to stay clothed – so Sex Roulette was created, where anything goes and there’s no censoring. The timeline doesn’t stop there, though. Now

that Generation Z-ers are continuing to mature – both sexually and mentally – we’re learning that while we want to be sexually exploitive to a certain extent, maybe sending naked pictures and narrating what we want to do to each other via text isn’t the smartest idea. So someone wised up and created Snapchat – an app that allows users to text timesensitive photos to one another; Snapchatters set the amount of time that the other person can see the picture before it disappears. This breakthrough application sees more than 30 million viewers per day with its certain degree of freedom. “I Snapchat all the time because it means I’m not committing to the photo of myself being out there for the whole world to see,” said 21-year-old Regan McCauley. Non-Generation Z-ers are less enthused about this evolved sex application. “Like most people born before the 1990s, I’m not a Snapchat user,” said Farhan Majoo, a writer for Slate, in a recent column. “I’ve long assumed the worst about the app – that combining cameras, young people and secret, self-destructing messages could only mean trouble.” So here we are, in 2013 and Generation Z is hornier than ever. And then you add in Generations X and Y and we have literally, a cluster fu*k. So where do we go from here? The vices we have for our sexual appetite will suffice today, but tomorrow we’ll be hungry again. “Skype sex and Snapchat are fun for now,” said Jeanne Vance, a sociology major. “But we’re humans, we love sex, and we love technology. We’ve already meshed the two, and we’ll just keep wanting more until we’re satisfied. But that time will probably never come.” ]

Email Lauren at Lauren.ofc@gmail.com. For more editorials on sexuality, visit ofcnow.co/ltS.

February 20, 13 | outfrontonLine.com

[ [ Living ] ]

I am happily in a long term, monogamous relationship, but my partner is in the military and is deployed. I don’t believe in masturbation – any suggestions on how to relieve the tension? – Sexually Frustrated Military Spouse in Henderson

Dear Sexually Frustrated Military SpouseFirst of all, let me thank your partner for serving our country, and thank you for supporting them. Being a military spouse can be challenging in many ways, and one of those is certainly preserving your relationship while one of you (or both if you both serve) are away for long periods of time. I wonder what you mean when you say you don’t believe in masturbation – it’s not the Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus or a wintertime Pride parade. Masturbation does exist; probably 98 percent of Out Front readers seeing this have masturbated at some point in the last year. I would love to know more about why you choose not to masturbate, since there is a lot of erroneous information about masturbation out there. It does not, in fact, kill kittens, nor lead to hair on the palms of your hands. If you’re perhaps concerned that masturbation would be seen as cheating on your partner (with yourself), maybe the two of you could schedule some private Skype time to masturbate together. If your partner doesn’t have privacy, consider scheduling a time that – even if you can’t see or speak to each other live – you’ll know you’re having fun at the same time. If you’re truly against masturbation in all forms, this question is more difficult. I’d recommend heading to the gym, taking up running or Krav Maga, or enjoying some other such physical exercise that can re-direct tension. – Shanna Shanna Katz, M.Ed, ACS is a board certified sexologist. She believes strongly in open source, accessible sexuality education. For more info, please visit ShannaKatz.com.

HEINZESIGHT

Top 10 subversive gay behaviors We all get used to the status-quo, and at times we don’t think about how negative attitudes and behaviors can affect us. There are times where I feel that I am surrounded by people spewing grumpy, judgmental, mean-spirited, and soul-sucking crap from their mouths. It can be exhausting for me to hear and can absolutely impact my attempts to maintain a positive attitude sometimes. Let’s play the “I spy with my little eye” game with these. Try to keep score this week and see how many of these you can identify from yourself and others around you.

10. Getting off is more important than friendship. Sport sex can be fun, but you could develop a friendship before or after you go for the gold. Many of us hunt for the ultimate sexual experience, but friendships can be longer-lasting and more durable.

fragile ego or poor self-esteem. Misguided attempts to gain a sense of power at the expense of others is a waste of energy that could be spent on other fruitful activities.

9. Forgetting common courtesy. If someone says hello in passing or online, you could return the greeting. There is very little energy expenditure and you may meet an interesting person. It is surprising that some choose to be more impolite to people in their own communities than to a stranger. Where’s the value of “thank you?”

6. Life is full of the inevi2. Being defined by tragedy. table. Nothing is written in Many of us have gone through stone and almost everything is Brent Heinze difficult times, but some impacted by our efforts. Don’t define themselves by trauma. Looking like let the idea of fate dictate our choices. a wounded bird, self-loathing attitudes, or 5. Talking shit behind people’s backs. I’m telling the same drama-filled story over and not one to gossip, so you didn’t hear this from over to anyone who will listen, only reinforcme. OK, we can all be bitchy at times, but es ideas that they are a bummer to be around. getting the reputation for being two-faced does not help in gaining trust or friendship 1. Not dealing with the past. Many spend of anyone except those who might be talking their lives trying to heal emotional pain they have experienced. Fear of rejection, about you behind your back. abuse, and isolation can cause deep-rooted 4. Laziness. If you don’t like a situation, scars within us. No matter how much you your surroundings, or yourself, then do build your armor on the outside, if you don’t strengthen the inside, you are only covering something to improve it. Get off your booty! up a sad and insecure person. ] 3. Inauthenticity. It can be a struggle to Brent Heinze, LPC, is a licensed professional figure out who you are and what you believe. It is equally as important to figure out what counselor. Email: PerspectiveShift@yahoo.com.

8. Being psychic. Be careful in thinking that people always fit a pre-conceived mold or that you already know how an interaction will progress. You may think someone looks or will act like a douchebag or couldn’t possibly engage you in meaningful conversation, but you can’t be sure. Don’t let your imagination stop you from a potentially great connection. 7. Putting others down. This is usually done for their own benefit to soothe a

[ [ Living ] ]

really gets you off, makes you fulfilled, and internal qualities that make you unique and confident. Ask yourself, “Is it more important to look or be good?” Stop worrying about maintaining an image to be accepted.

February 20, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

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February 20, 2013 | outfrontonline.com