N E I G H B O R LY LOV E : F O U R SA M E -S E X CO U P L ES L AU N C H M A R R I AG E EQ UA L I T Y L AWSU I T I N W YO M I N G
APRIL 16, 2014窶ポ窶ェREE窶ポ窶グUTFRONTONLINE.COM
MOVING FORWARD LG B T L AT I N O L E A D E R S LOOK TO THE FUTURE
DRAG RACE'S COURTNEY ACT SEXPERT: THE HEALING POWER OF KINK? MCGLOTHLEN: Y O U A R E W H AT Y O U J U D G E
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| APRIL 16, 2014 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM
VOTE
Sue Anne Michaels The “T” in LGBT CANDIDATE #1 FOR EMPRESS 41 Vote on Saturday, April 19 11 a.m. until 6 p.m. @ 1077 Race St.
• • • • • • • • •
15 Year LGBT Activist Proven Fundraiser Proven Uniter 9 Years ICRME Governing Boards 5 Imperial Line Titles 15 Years in ICRME Princess Royale 36 CGRA Member Past Ms. Gay Pride, Ms. Majestic Hearts, Ms. Denver Triangle
FOR A UNIFIED COMMUNITY OUTFRONTONLINE.COM
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CO NT ENTS
VOLUME 38
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ISSUE 2
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APRIL 16, 2014
FOCUS 6 Letter Fro m Th e E d i to r 7 Co m m u n i ty Vo i ces 1 0 O u t In Co lo rad o 12 N ews 14 Pa n el 16 Cover Sto r y
MOVING FORWARD
SOCIAL
L G B T L AT I N O L E A D E R S LOOK TO THE FUTURE
16 FROM OUR COVER: Neighborly love: Marriage equality lawsuit launched in Wyoming • 12 McGlothlen: You are what you judge • 23 Sexpert: The healing power of kink? • 44
42 THRIVE MYTH BUSTING MARIJUANA
22 Th e Lesb i a n So c i a l i te 24 Ca len d a r 2 6 Cu i si n e 2 8 Ar ts & Cu lt u re 30 Ba r Ta b 3 2 Rad i oact i ve Waste 3 3 O n t h e Scen e 3 5 In ter vi ew
LIVING 36 Au to 38 Beau ty 4 0 Ma r ket p lace 4 2 Th r i ve 4 4 Sexua l i ty 4 5 H ei n zeSi g h t
38 BEAUTY ARE WE OBSESSED WITH PLASTIC SURGERY?
35 INTERVIEW ACTING OUT: AUSTRALIA’S #1 DRAG QUEEN PHOTO BY MAGNUS HASTINGS 4
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44 SEXUALITY LESBIAN BED DEATH?!
Serving the LGBT Community of the Rocky Mountains since 1976 3535 Walnut Street Denver, Colorado 80205 Phone: 303-477-4000 Fax: 303-325-2642 Email: info@outfrontonline.com Web: OutFrontOnline.com Facebook: facebook.com/OutFrontColorado Twitter: @OutFrontCO Out Front is published by Transformation Communications Group, LLC, a Colorado limited liability corporation and is a member of: Denver Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce and Denver Drama Critics Circle.
ADMINISTRATION PHIL PRICE / Founder, 1954-1993 JERRY CUNNINGHAM / Publisher Email: Jerry@outfrontonline.com J.C. MCDONALD / Vice President Email: JC@outfrontonline.com JEFF JACKSON SWAIM / Chief Strategist Email: Jeff@outfrontonline.com RYAN KING / Associate Publisher Email: Ryan@outfrontonline.com
EDITORIAL MATTHEW PIZZUTI / Editor Email: Matt@outfrontonline.com KAILYN LAMB / Intern ZACHARY FOSTER / Intern CONTRIBUTING WRITERS: Lauren Archuletta, Michael Carr, Paul Collanton, Steve Cruz, Nicholas Ferguson, Keo Frazier, Nic Garcia, George Gramer, Brent Heinze, Josiah Hesse, Shanna Katz, Jen LaBarbera, Kelsey Lindsey, Brianna Matthews, Ken Schroeppel, Scott McGlothlen, Jonathan McGrew, Phil Nash, Tom Rockman, Karen Scarpella, Jeffrey Steen, Berlin Sylvestre, Pieter Tolsma, Ashley Trego, Robyn Vie-Carpenter, Nuclia Waste, Alison Wisneski, Mike Yost
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ART COLBY BRUMIT / Senior Graphic Designer Email: Colby@outfrontonline.com ROB BARGER / Production Coordinator Email: Rob@outfrontonline.com CONTRIBUTING ARTISTS & PHOTOGRAPHERS: Charles Broshous, Nicole Kushner, Denee Pino, Hans Rosemond, Evan Semon DISTRIBUTION: Out Front Colorado’s print publication is available semi-monthly, free of charge in Colorado, one copy per person. Additional copies of Out Front Colorado may be purchased for $3.95 each, payable in advance at Out Front Colorado offices located at 3535 Walnut Street, Denver CO, 80205. Out Front Colorado is delivered only to authorized distributors. No person may, without prior written permission of Out Front Colorado, take more than one copy of Out Front Colorado. Any person who takes more than one copy may be held liable for theft, including but not limited to civil damages and or criminal prosecution. COPYRIGHT & LIMIT OF LIABILITY: Reproduction of editorial, photographic or advertising content without written consent of the publisher is strictly prohibited. Advertisers are responsible for securing rights to any copyrighted material within their advertisements. Publisher assumes no responsibility for the claims of advertisers and reserves the right to reject any advertising. Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization in articles or advertising is not to be considered an indication of the sexual orientation or HIV status of such person or organization. Publisher assumes no responsibility for the loss or damage of materials submitted. OPINIONS EXPRESSED are not necessarily those of OUT FRONT COLORADO, its staff or advertisers.
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FROM THE EDITOR
The seeds of justice A
fter three years at Out Front this is my last issue as even within the LGBT community. After marriage equality, editor, and I’m ending my tenure with a moment to there will still be disparities faced by LGBT people of color. reflect on the struggle that has mattered to me most over So we arm ourselves with love, humility, and faith that these years, which we’re all in as a community — the the seeds we are planting now will grow, even if many of struggle for inclusion and acceptance. them seem for now to have been buried, You see, everybody celebrates the never to fruit until they’re long out of ideals of justice and inclusion; it takes our sight. That belief that they still will, a very bold (and unpopular) person to perhaps in unexpected ways and places, trash them openly. Yet when we look is the purest definition of faith. at the world — our LGBT community On the cover of this issue is a gay knows this deeply — we know it often Latino state legislator who embodies isn’t just or inclusive. that effort to plant seeds of justice. At Why? I think it’s because we too the time we took the photo, Colorado often fail to recognize that justice and State Sen. Jessie Ulibarri was in the inclusion are not passive; they’re not midst of a week-long challenge to live just shaking your head at the atrocities on only the dollars that someone making of the past or congratulating yourself minimum wage would earn. (It’s not that those times are over. It’s not just a coincidence that this gesture of washing your hands of current realities solidarity was going on at the same time or leaving the future to chance. Floating as our photo shoot — Sen. Ulibarri is with the current will not take you to always doing stuff like that.) That went MATTHEW PIZZUTI enlightenment. There are still so many for all his purchases, including food, he Editor places where we, and many others, feel explained between bites of his lunch explicitly or implicitly rejected for who we are, where — an apple. He, and many others who appear in this expectations seem to be set higher or the scrutiny set issue, know that all these things — LGBT equality, gender equality, racial justice, economic justice — are connected harsher, where we are made invisible, or, worst of all, by common principles and inseparable from each other. where we feel intimidated from sticking up for ourselves or someone else in hope of setting things right. All of this To fight homophobia means to also fight sexism and racism reminds us that despite the fact that most people have a and classism; to embrace LGBT equality is to embrace all common sense of decency, there’s still a lot of work to do. equality, because LGBT people are every gender and race I believe the case for inclusion is so compelling that it and class. People like Sen. Ulibarri, who know this and eventually wins any argument — nothing can compete with work for this, are the people whose values and work I look its simple integrity. Ultimately, time steals the wind from up to more than anyone else. I can only hope that I managed to plant a couple seeds the lips of its detractors; now we’ve had marriage equality for justice of my own in the three years since I began at for some 10 years in Massachusetts and it turns out not a single straight marriage has been harmed. (We are not Out Front as a staff writer in 2011. In three years I’ve surprised about that!) Meanwhile, Fred Phelps’s Wesboro had my successes and made my mistakes, but it’s always Baptist church is falling apart; its leader and founder was been an honor to work and learn from so many amazing people, who in turn left their own seeds and imprints on excommunicated on his deathbed, accused of being too “soft” on the church’s enemies. the organization and reminded me, once again, how much What a horrible way to die — being rejected by the only stronger we are for our differences. From the warmth and part of the world that you yourself did not reject. Years ago charm of Holly Hatch, who brought a magical ability to I might have been shocked to read that Fred Phelps’s life boost anyone’s confidence and help us make all kinds of ended like that — unlikely poetic justice for a man who people feel welcome; to the hard news savvy of Nic Garcia, never shied from using death to his own advantage. But who brought ambitious and cutting-edge journalism to at this point in my own journey, I can only imagine what take the publication to a new level; to the perseverance life was like in the world that he created around himself, and grit of Sara Decker, whose unselfish leadership and and think of course that’s what happened. I think we can whose library of institutional knowledge saved us all from all agree that the outcome of that world serves no one. disaster more than a few times — their contributions must Those are extremes, while most of us exist in a mushy always be part of who Out Front is. middle between stubborn hate and pure acceptance — And to those who remain — Publisher Jerry we’re only human, and I think my most important message Cunningham, who brings charm and sky-high ambition, for everyone there is that it’s that mushy middle that has Associate Publisher Ryan King, who brings business-savvy all the power. It’s you who decide what the world will be. and enthusiasm, and the whole team in whose hands the future of Out Front rests — thank you! The good news for inclusion is that it’s won mostly through education, something that can’t be undone; once It’s our differences that give me hope and perseverance, a person gains the ability to recognize her or his own knowing the world is a better place because of every indibias or double standards (and we all have them), she or vidual here, and that we have a truly amazing community he can never become blind again. That gives inclusion an with a place for everyone. When I look back at the last incredible upper hand. three years and how much more deeply I’ve grown in The downside is that the fight is never over. After each appreciation and affiliation for the LGBT community — its hard-earned victory of exposing injustice — after each ally people, its volunteers, its advocates, its leaders — I’m just overwhelmed with PRIDE. is won or each hateful argument collapses in hypocrisy and bad press — there’s someone to say “that last round didn’t count; start over!” and make us fight the same fights again, with names and faces changed. After lesbians and gays have acceptance, we’ll still have to fight for trans acceptance, 6
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About the Contributors
Lauren Archuletta describes herself as “sophisticated and fun:” a writer, journalist, and most of all curious soul. She’s proud to be part of both the LGBT and Latina communities in Boulder and Denver. See Lauren’s cover story on LGBT Latino leaders on page 16.
Hans Rosemond has been a magazine, headshot and portrait photographer for the last seven years. He enjoys all things film — from Lord of the Rings to Dumb and Dumber. The only thing better than a good movie is making the subjects he photographs look good, and feel like rock stars. See more of Hans’ work online at hansrosemond.com. Hans’ photographs are on the cover of this issue and inside in the cover story on page 16.
COMMUNITY VOICES
ON THE SCENE
LETTERS & REACTIONS THE HRC MILE HIGH GALA | RE: Mozilla CEO Resigns After Political Gay Marriage Ban Donation • April 3 ofcnow.co/mozilla He didn’t say anything. He made a donation. This is absolutely ridiculous. It is a dangerous world we live in when something like this, stripping a man of his livelihood for his privately held views, gets applauded. — Alyse Lasley, Houston, TX
photos by Charles Broshous
The 2014 Human Rights Campaign Mile High Gala was held at the Denver Marriott City Center on April 5th. Hundreds of supporters and allies gathered to celebrate the local and national victories in LGBT equality. This year’s event, featured entertainment from American Idol finalist David Hernandez, a silent auction, and remarks from Congresswoman Diana DeGette and former One Colorado Executive Director Brad Clark. Morris Price Jr. received this year’s Paul Hunter Award for his work toward social justice, equality and visibility of the LGBT community. ¢
The way I see it, how would it look if the CEO openly discriminated against race or gender in his personal life? Still appropriate for leadership or maybe not the first choice? — Rob Barger, Denver RE: Bangles that Dangle: Why I buy my jewelry from the pet store ofcnow.co/dangle Dear Nuclia Waste, I put you to the test today — I settled into my comfy chair, fresh cup of french press, dark roast coffee with Bailey’s. Non-alcoholic . I’m reading “Bangles” and am like a fella in the audience of a comedian with my arms crossed: “Ok, make me laugh!” So I am halfway through and thinking “She won’t do it...” Oh — truck stop... Mr. Waste... Mousetraps! — Coffee through nose. You did it again! Keep it up. I appreciate you holding our place and telling it like it is. — Keith, Denver
S E E M O R E P H O T O S O N L I N E A T ofcnow.co/galapics
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In case you missed it… P O P U L A R S T O R I E S O N O U T F RO N T O N L I N E .C O M
AN ADVOCATE FOR INCLUSION & EMPOWERMENT
We work with you WeWeunderstand you work with you because you We understand We because are you! We are you!
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FROM THE APRIL 2 ISSUE: Paul Collanton got an opportunity to sit with Nita Henry and talk about her drive and Denver’s diverse future.
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THANKS, UNIVERSE! LEARN TO DISCOVER YOUR PSYCHIC ABILITIES FROM THE MARCH 19 ISSUE: This is one Experts column that you shouldn’t take too seriously unless you see a future of cat mind reading as your calling in life.
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Online at ofcnow.co/ObE Scan to read what our customers say about us!
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STAY UPDATED WITH THE LATEST NEWS & FEATURES FROM OUT FRONT! OUTFRONTONLINE.COM
NEWS
UMass basketball player Derrick Gordon comes out as gay AMHERST, MASS. — UMass guard Derrick Gordon has become the first openly gay player in Division I men’s basketball. Gordon made the announcement in interviews with ESPN and Outsports on Wednesday. Gordon said he gained confidence by seeing an NBA team sign Jason Collins, who became the league’s first openly gay player when he joined the Brooklyn Nets this season. “I want to be myself,” Gordon said in the interview televised on ESPN. “I don’t want to hide and be someone I’m not.” The sophomore was the Minutemen’s fourth-leading scorer with 9.4 points per game last season, when UMass reached the NCAA tournament for the first time since 1998. A transfer from Western Kentucky, Gordon played at high school powerhouse St. Patrick in New Jersey. In the Outsports interview, Gordon said he considered quitting basketball last fall and isolated himself from teammates because of teasing. Over the summer, he had “liked” a photo on Instagram of him and his thenboyfriend in front of a gay bar. “I just wanted to run and hide somewhere,”
he said. “I used to go back to my room and I’d just cry.” Gordon was also inspired by spending time with several gay people in the world of sports in March, according to the Outsports article, and decided to come out to his family and then the Minutemen. Once he opened up to his teammates, they were encouraging. In the ESPN interview, he recalled that they told him: “We’re going to support you no matter what.” Coach Derek Kellogg told ESPN that he could already see a newfound happiness in Gordon. “I haven’t felt like this. Ever,” Gordon said in the Outsports interview. “It’s a lot of weight lifted off my shoulders. I can finally breathe now and live life happily.” ¢
TEXAS SCHOOL SUSPENDS TRANSGENDER SUBSTITUTE TEACHER AFTER PARENTS COMPLAIN LUMBERTON, TEXAS — A transgender substitute teacher said she has been told not return to her classes at a Texas elementary school after parents complained about her. Laura Jane Klug says she has substituted at Lumberton Intermediate School previously and without any issues, and is unclear what has instigated the outrage, reports KBMT-TV. She says she was suspended Tuesday pending a decision by the school board on whether to continue using her as a substitute teacher. Roger Beard, whose son was in the fifth grade class Klug was subbing, said he is concerned that a transgender teacher poses a distraction to ten and eleven year old children. Klug says she has always conducted herself in a professional manner and “would never discuss my gender identity in school.” ¢
Notre Dame produces affirming video on gay tennis player Matt Dooley’s coming out Watch it now at ofcnow.co/dooley
N E W S R E P O R T S F R O M L G B T Q N AT I O N . C O M
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OUT IN COLORADO
‘Dive’ into volleyball Local gay man launches inclusive sports center in Ballpark neighborhood
costs, Speciale saw an opportunity to open a facility dedicated to adult The Dive Volleyball and Sports indoor volleyball in the Denver Center (Dive) is the city’s newest Metro Area. sports center providing competitive Dive is located at 2335 Delgany and fun indoor volleyStreet, a few blocks from downtown and ball for all. Dive was established by Shane the new Union Station Speciale, a long-time light rail terminus, Colorado resident as well as a couple minutes from both whose background in I-25 and I-70. Within the IT field includes its walls, there are founding his own 4 regulation-sized public health software courts, a concession development company. Speciale began space, and a viewing playing volleyball area for spectators. over 8 years ago with More importantly, D I V E FO U N D E R the Colorado Gay Dive offers a safe S H A N E S P EC I A L E and welcoming atVolleyball Association (CGVA), an organization that promosphere, an environment where vides volleyball leagues and player everyone who walks through the education to the LGBT community. door is treated equally and with CGVA only offered spring and fall respect. Speciale has infused a zeroseasons at the time, but Speciale tolerance policy for any behavior formed his own summer league, contradicting those principles. which has evolved into the many With one gay-focused league and leagues Dive currently offers. two gay-owned third-party organizations using Dive, people of Once he started directing leagues, Speciale realized the difficulty in many walks of life enter the facilrunning successful programs. Fed ity and each one is as welcome as up with having to change facilities the next. nearly every season, play at inconFind more information about Dive venient times in poorly located at divevolleyball.com. gyms, and continuously increasing By Christopher Otero
DON’T MISS FURRY SCURRY 2014! SATURDAY, MAY 3, 9 A.M. @ WASH PARK The Dumb Friends League Furry Scurry is an annual two-mile walk for animals that takes place at Denver’s Washington Park on the first Saturday in May. As the Dumb Friends League’s largest annual fundraiser, more than 12,000 people and 5,000 dogs join us for the walk and raise funds for the homeless pets in our care. Enjoy refreshments, contests, demonstrations and more, while helping out a great cause. For more information, visit ofcnow.co/fs 10
| APRIL 16, 2014 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM
OUT IN COLORADO
Get your flame on
April 27 queer arts festival benefits LGBTQ youth MORE THAN 30 LOCAL PERFORMERS AND ARTISTS WILL PERFORM at Tracks on April 27 for Flame 2014, a Colorado queer music and art festival to raise funds for local charities. The brainchild of Lokusdor Productions’ founder Brent Heinze, this event celebrates the diversity of queer musicians, artists, performers, and vendors in Colorado. It will feature live music, DJs, artists, designers, stylists, performances, health information, food, vendors and dancing from noon to 9 p.m. The charity fundraiser benefits homeless and LGBTQ youth organizations including Urban Peak, Rainbow Alley, the Gender Identity Center, Inside Out Youth Services in Colorado Springs, and Denver PIQUE. Performers — who offered their performances for free to allow more of the event’s revenue to go to the benefitting charities — include The Tah Tahs, Princess, DJ Markie, Werk Out Palace, and Penny From Heaven. The last three charity events produced by Lokusdor Productions — two Exile Fetish Balls and Code 13 — raised a combined $19,000 for charities. Can’t attend the event? You can still donate online at lokusdorproductions.com. ¢
Coronation
ICRME ushers in 41st reign
SUNDAY, APRIL 27 @ TRACKS/EXDO, 3500 WALNUT ST., DENVER TICKETS $15 ONLINE AT LOKUSDORPRODUCTIONS.COM OR $20 AT THE DOOR // AGES 18+ E M P E RO R 4 0 C H AS E WH ITM O RE & E M P RESS 4 0 LUS H US LA’ RE LL
FLA ME 2014 HEA D LINERS THE TA H TA HS
Please join the Imperial Court of the Rocky Mountain Empire for Coronation 41: 41nce Upon a Time! This fairytale weekend begins with the PR Ball on Friday, April 25 and continues into Coronation 41 & Sunday’s Victory Party. All events benefit the Center’s Rainbow Alley youth center and program, because every child deserves a happily ever after. To view the full schedule of events and to purchase tickets, please visit icrme.org.
OUTFRONTONLINE.COM
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NEWS
Equality in the “Equality State” Four couples launch marriage equality lawsuit in Wyoming By Mike Yost ON MARCH 5, BONNIE ROBINSON AND ANNE GUZZO, ALONG WITH THREE OTHER SAME-SEX COUPLES, filed a lawsuit against Wyoming for the right to get married, joining 61 cases in 30 states across the county — including Colorado — working to establish marriage equality. “I was seeing the progress being made in other states, especially since the Windsor decision,” said Robinson, “and seeing that there really was progress being made, and I was in a state where nothing was happening at all that I could see, and I was so frustrated.” Robinson lived in Colorado for 20 years before moving to Laramie, Wyoming in 2013 to be with her partner, Anne Guzzo. “In Denver I felt very comfortable with myself and who I am, and I really didn’t think anything of it,” said Robinson. “But it turns out in Wyoming, where it’s not nearly as populated, sometimes being out as a lesbian can make you an activist in a way.” While there are numerous legal protections in place for the LGBT community in Colorado, Wyoming lacks statutes regarding LGBT employment discrimination, housing and relationship recognition, which Robinson quickly discovered. She said it’s ironic that Wyoming — nicknamed the ‘Equality State’ for being the first U.S. territory to allow women the right to vote — refuses to recognize her commitment to her partner. “Some people aren’t going to agree with (samesex marriage), and that’s okay,” said Robinson, “but then not agreeing with it shouldn’t prevent us from having the same protections that other people have. It shouldn’t prevent us from being treated the same legally.” Though Wyoming has no constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage, the state passed legislation in 1977 that not only prohibits marriages between people of the same gender, but prevents the state government from recognizing marriages of same-sex couples who might be recognized elsewhere. Although Robinson has never worked as an advocate before, she felt compelled to act and work to make Wyoming live up to its name as an equality state. “I was really frustrated one day, and I turned to Anne and I said, ‘you know, we should start a lawsuit.’ And she looked at me and asked, ‘Is that a proposal?’”
About a week later they found out the National Center for Lesbian Rights (NCLR) was putting together a lawsuit and needed a fourth couple. “We decided we couldn’t not do this,” said Robinson. Robinson met Guzzo four years ago through her lifelong passion for dance. “Anne at the time was coming down to Boulder every Monday night to take dance lessons, and she wanted somebody to dance with.” They met online and became dance partners, meeting in Boulder every week for Lindy Hop, a form of swing dancing. “We got to know each other and I really started finding so much in common. We ended up dating.” Robinson and Guzzo are still very active dancers in Laramie, Denver, and Boulder. “It was so neat to meet someone who was just as passionate about dance as I am. It’s very much a part of our lives together.” But like numerous same-sex couples throughout the nation, Robinson and Guzzo faced challenges that were exacerbated by state laws refusing to recognize their relationship. “In January of 2013, we had a health scare,” said Robinson. “We started talking about, what if they won’t allow me to see Anne in the hospital? What would happen? There are all sorts of protections that marriage provides that are in place that other people can take for granted, and we didn’t have those.” In addition, Guzzo’s married co-workers are able to obtain health insurance for their spouses through her work, but Robinson is not eligible. “If you sign up for private insurance, they (Guzzo’s work) will pay a certain amount of that, but they add it on as extra income and then tax you.” “Anne is taxed heavier than her married collogues because they count the premiums as extra income,” added Robinson. Aside from all the legal protections, Robinson emphasized that there is also an important social aspect to having her relationship with Guzzo recognized as a marriage by the state. “You can make a commitment to somebody and have it be serious and lifelong, but when you introduce somebody to your girlfriend, it’s an entirely different thing than introducing somebody to your spouse or to your wife,” said Robinson. “It doesn’t convey the depth of our relationship or our commitment in any way, and there’s a certain amount of acceptance and understanding when you say you’re married — of how much you mean to each other.”
G r e u i d e mm u S de &
i r P 12
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BONNIE ROBINSON AND ANNE GUZZO
Public perception in Wyoming is shifting in support of same-sex marriage, even among local conservative lawmakers. Less than a week after the lawsuit was filed, seven Republican Wyoming legislators came out in support of marriage equality. “We support a small government that works best when it gets out of the way,” the op-ed in the Casper Star-Tribune said. “Just as our government has no place putting undue burden on businesses, it certainly has no place defining our families or our marriages.” If the lawsuit is successful, Robinson and Guzzo plan to marry in Wyoming, where Guzzo grew up and has family. “It’s really important to Anne that we get married here,” said Robinson. In the meantime, the couple continues to share their passion for dancing and plans on teaching Lindy Hop to Laramie LGBT couples this summer. “We’ve found that regular classes push some LGBT folks away because they refer to ‘men’ and ‘women’ instead of ‘lead’ and ‘follow,’” said Robinson. “It can be awkward for a female lead to ask a straight female to dance, or a male follow to ask a straight male to lead. But not dancing with others defeats the point of social dance!” ¢
COLORADO’S LARGEST & MOST POPULAR GUIDE TO PRIDEFEST AND OTHER GREAT SUMMER EVENTS
LOOK FOR IT ON STANDS JUNE 18 For advertising opportunities, call 303-477-4000 or email marketing@ outfrontonline.com
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PANEL
Q: WHAT ISSUES DO THE LGBT & LATINO COMMUNITIES HAVE IN COMMON? I
think the question implies some sort of separateness between the two communities. In reality, Latinos are part of the LGBT community and LGBT people are part of the Latino community. LGBT people exist in most demographics, and we care about issues that impact our lives not just as LGBT people -- but also as women, Latinos, students, voters, liberals, conservatives, and parents. I think that marriage equality, for example, is a Latino issue. In many ways, Latino families are at the center of the discussion about why marriage matters. According to a report co-authored by the Movement Advancement Dave Montez Project, Family Equality Council, and Center for American Progress, Latino gay and lesbian couples are more likely to be raising children than white gay and lesbian couples. It’s really hard to take care of your family when the state you live in doesn’t recognize you as a family. I also believe that immigration reform, as another example, is an LGBT issue. There are nearly 300,000 undocumented immigrants in the United States who are also LGBT. Many of these individuals have fled countries where they face dangerous conditions because they are LGBT. They need a path to citizenship just like the rest of the 11 million undocumented immigrants who are here in the United States.
I
GBT people and Latinos share many of the same issues and concerns about human rights, social justice, public education and higher education, affordable health care and jobs and the economy. Latinos have inherited a long-term history of oppression, bigotry and discrimination. The struggle for Justice and equality is the same with the LGBT community. Because I am a member of the LGBT and the Latino community I have been blessed with the understanding that we are all one people. Latinos experience racism; Lucia Guzman LGBT people experience racism, homophobia, and more. There should never be a time where Latinos and the LGBT community fight one another. We have all experienced oppression and we must overcome the terrible scars of oppression. If we do not, then we could find ourselves oppressing each other. We are all one because of our similar goals of erasing bigotry and oppression.
personally don’t identify as Latino. My last name would suggest that I am, but my ethnic makeup is a mix of Mexican, Native American, Irish and German, so it doesn’t seem appropriate for me to identify as Latino any more than it would be for me to identify as Caucasian or Apache. I’m all of those. I’m also male, gay, agnostic, single and middle class, so what would make any struggle I personally face any different for just the GLBT Jeff Trujillo or Latino parts of me and not the others? As minority communities there are some issues both GLBT and Latino populations have in common including negative stereotypes, misinterpretation of culture, prejudice and maybe moral conduct that is either shaped by or in conflict with religious upbringings. But at the same time, everyone and every minority community has issues that they’re dealing with that are probably identical to those that these two sub cultures face. Is the racial profiling of Mexican people as illegal immigrants any different from the profiling of Middle Eastern people as terrorists? Is the fight for marriage equality for GLBT people any different form the fight for interracial marriage that our country has already endured? Is the PrideFest parade that draws a number of protestors each year any different from the Columbus Day marches that so many people object to? We, as humans, have a tendency to want to be part of the group, so I think we look for commonalities among other people, and often that comes down to gay and straight, skin color, cultural upbringing and religion. With these groups we’ll find solace in going through struggles together, yet at other times we’ll find that comfort in completely different people. I think that’s the beauty of being American – we can be multi-ethnic, heterosexual or homosexual, work hard for our money and go to church wherever we want, and we’ll always find someone that understands exactly what we’re going through. I feel that the more we try to put ourselves into specific sub categories, the more we allow others to divide us. Everyone faces issues, whether they’re GLBT, Latino, or some other sub category. We’re all just people - hurting the same, laughing the same, loving the same. We all just want acceptance, and that, I think, is what every subculture has in common.
Lucia Guzman is a Colorado state senator and president pro-tempore of the Colorado state senate, representing district 34 in Northwest Denver.
Jeff Trujillo is the Manager of Marketing and Events at the statewide Colorado AIDS Project.
Dave Montez is the executive director of statewide LGBT advocacy organization One Colorado.
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COVER STORY
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ADELANTE
A PUSH FOR THE LGBT & L AT I N O C O M M U N I T I E S TO KEEP MOVING FORWARD B Y L A U R E N A R C H U L E T TA
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JESSIE ULIBARRI PHOTOGRAPHED BY HANS ROSEMOND HANSROSEMOND.COM
delante, siempre adelante. It’s a phrase that is heard frequently in Hispanic culture — the idea of “moving forward, always moving forward,” resonates within the minds and hearts of Latinos. A sentiment passed down from one generation to the next, it’s a reminder to one another that we must continue to put one foot in front of the other and keep going. “To me, adelante means no matter how hard it gets for the Latino community, we are still a community of people who always push forward and break though,” said Jose Plazola, a 22-year-old member of both the Latino community and the LGBT community of Denver. While adelante has always been strongly tied to the Latino community, it fits a sentiment the LGBT community also knows well. You could easily substitute LGBT for Latino in Plazola’s quote and its significance would remain the same. In 2014, the Latino community is intersecting perhaps more than ever with LGBT issues. Issues that affect one community clearly are clearly affecting the other. Even in this modern era of the new millennium, both groups experience daily injustice. Leaders in both communities are now coming together to voice their opinions about this unique intersection. For Colorado State Senator Jessie Ulibarri, two issues he has noticed to deeply affect both the Latino and LGBT communities are police brutality and basic human dignities under the law. “When I think of issues that are evident in both communities, I think police brutality, and I especially think of the Michael DeHerrera case here in Denver,” Ulibarri said. “Not many people know the full story, that Michael and his boyfriend Shawn Johnson were ejected from the club for crossing the gender line.” In 2009, two Denver police officers were caught on tape beating DeHerrera outside of a LoDo nightclub after Johnson had been booted from the club and then arrested for entering a women’s restroom. The city surveillance tape showed Johnson laying face-down in the street and DeHerrera speaking to his father on the phone nearby when Denver Police Officer Devin Sparks forced him to the ground and began beating him. Ulibari explained that Johnson (who recently worked as his intern) was acting as most gay men and other members of the LGBT community do when they are in line for the bathroom. “You go to whichever bathroom has the shortest line,” Ulibarri explained. “When Shawn went into the women’s restroom, the police officers chose to enforce gender norms.” Senator Ulibarri compared this specific case of brutality to several other historic police brutality cases. “The issue of police brutality has a long and challenging history,” he said. “We saw it as far back as the Stonewall Riots and with voting rights. The fact that it still happens in 2014 is appalling.” He said that DeHerrera and Johnson faced this injustice “exactly because of who they were” — gay men of color. The state senator commented that this discrimination is something neither of them should have ever had to face. “For being as young as they are, it’s sad that they had to deal with this in their lifetimes at all.” In 2012, Ulibarri was working with the Colorado Immigrant Rights Coalition (CIRC) as a consultant during the time that the Catholic Church pulled its funding from Compañeros de Durango, another immigrant rights group in Durango. The Catholic Campaign for Human Development refused to continue supporting Compañeros because of their alliance with the CIRC. C O N T I N U E D O N N E X T PA G E OUTFRONTONLINE.COM
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ADELANTE CONTINUED “Compañeros was a member of the Colorado Immigrant Rights Coalition, which is a member of One Colorado,” Ulibari said. “So even though Compañeros didn’t directly support One Colorado or civil unions, they lost all funding.” This particular instance affected both Latino and LGBT communities, and in turn both stepped in to rectify the situation. “Both communities came together to make the claim for basic human rights,” Ulibarri said. “The LGBT community stepped in to help fill the budget for three years on behalf of human dignity.” While we are beginning to go adelante collectively as Latinos and members of the LGBT community, the movement is also taking place outside our state lines. Arizona State Senator Steve Gallardo has been making headlines recently as he publically came out as gay following the announcement of Senate Bill 1062, the infamous anti-gay bill that was passed in Arizona by the legislative — but vetoed by Gov. Jan Brewer. Senator Gallardo worked to defeat SB1062, as well as Senate Bill 1070, the extreme antiimmigration bill that stirred uproar in 2010 when it became Arizona law. “Senate Bill 1070 was an attack on the Latino population of Arizona,” Gallardo said. “(Senate Bill) 1062 was no different. It was an attack on the LGBT community.” Both bills allowed for the discrimination of either community. While SB1070 requires police officers to attempt to determine an individual’s immigration status during “lawful stops, detention or arrest” or “lawful contact,” SB1062 would allow business owners to deny service to LGBT individuals by citing religious values. “The whole purpose of this bill was that legal protection would be given to business owners to deny services to LGBT people,” Gallardo said. “This opens the door to discrimination.” To defeat this bill, Gallardo turned to coalition politics — he rallied both LGBT and Latino communities to come together and work collectively to overturn the bill, focusing on the economic impact SB1062 could have on the state of Arizona. “This is a business-related issue,” Gallardo said. “Keep in mind, (Senate Bill) 1070 was four years ago and it created national attention. It hurt our tourism, our economy and our image. This (Senate Bill 1062) wouldn’t be any different. We have to keep moving forward.” The senator has been working for years to help push the state of Arizona past the devastation of SB1070. As a member of the Latino community, the senator saw himself possibly being affected by the implications of the bill. When SB 1062 was originally passed, Sen. Gallardo again considered the impact it would have on his personal life. While Sen. Gallardo was never publically out, he has never taken extreme measures to hide his sexual orientation. “My personal life has never gotten in the way,” Sen. Gallardo said. In the political arena he has lobbied for LGBT rights, being a politician known to be outspoken and debate certain bills. Privately, Sen. Gallardo came out to friends and family years ago. “I came out to my friends when I was 25 and to my family when I was 30,” said Gallardo, now 44 years old. C O N T I N U E D O N N E X T PA G E 18
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WALK UP MY COMING OUT STORY By Ray Rodriguez It must have been a blurry sight. With all that salty water in his eyes and all those distressed sounds coming out of his mouth I couldn’t figure out how to make him feel better. He was on the dusty ground, head between his knees, so I figured I would lick him everywhere and with a grin no less. An occasional head tilt with ear flop for the win. This is what my half husky half chow dog Oso (Spanish for bear) was thinking about me as I broke the rule. You know…the “boys don’t cry” rule. With every ounce of my being I resisted, but after 16 years I was finally surrendering to the fact that I, Ray Rodriguez am what they call, “gay.” While I sobbed with my dog consoling me, every jarring example of why I had to accept it played like random YouTube clips. My parents yelling at me in the kitchen when I was 9-years-old for walking “like that.” I kept asking them how I was supposed to walk but all they could say was to stop walking like a girl. My new classmates in my freshman year of high school calling me a fag while we stood in line for gym roll call. With each echo of that god-forsaken gymnasium, I cringed. I was never good at sports, but at times I could convince coach to let me run laps instead of continuing to accidentally score for the other team in some “ball” game. Even then though, I learned I needed to run a certain way, otherwise the name “pansy” would echo in that god-forsaken gymnasium. When it came time for teams to be picked, however, I wasn’t always last. There was another guy with bright blonde hair combed to the side like Macklemore. He was “even gayer” than I.
RAY RODRIGUEZ
They would laugh and say we were meant for each other. I was so ashamed I couldn’t even talk to him. I knew he was facing the same treatment. In another class I sat down at a two person table (they all were) and began reading as another guy sat down next to me. Was this somebody to talk to? Soon enough another kid in the room (who I thought was closeted gay) came up to him and told him not to sit next to me because everyone would think he was gay also. The words echoed in that god-forsaken classroom. He didn’t get up and flee right then, but I became used to sitting alone in those two person desks. Nobody wanted to catch the gay. At the bus stop, the guy I had a crush on soon found out and made it his full time job to yell at me with his friends on a regular basis. “Fag” was followed by a push into the dirt. I could have very easily fought back or even worse, told one of my four very scary and tough older brothers. I didn’t blame him or anyone else. I was just as disgusted with myself, so I stopped going to my Honors Classes and began skipping school completely, failing class after class. The name of the game was to be as invisible as possible. If nobody noticed me walking they couldn’t make fun of it. If nobody noticed me crushing on them, they couldn’t be pissed at me for it. If nobody noticed me, well that was a good day. Not only was I wearing this scarlet F for Fag like a billboard as I roamed the halls, I was also failing my future in academics. Every example played in my head all at once like a roast. There my dog sat, big brown eyes, tickling whiskers, trying to lick the tears away. My parents and school counselors at Centaurus called a meeting to discuss why I had fallen from straight A’s to straight F’s. I didn’t have the guts to even say the word gay so they all tried to figure out what was wrong. They did their best to come up with theories but none of them came close. How could I admit to them something I and the rest of the world (as far as I knew) was so ashamed of? Hadn’t they been to church on Sunday? Didn’t they see the trash talk shows poke fun at my kind while my family members expressed agreement? I decided I was finished being a disappointment and told my mom I didn’t want to live anymore. She sat next to me on the couch as I sobbed. My eyes meandered through the patterns of the carpet as my eyes became too heavy to face her. “Do you think you are gay?” I couldn’t even answer her. That word struck my heart like a hot iron. All I could do was nod yes to which my mom began to laugh. “Mijo, you are not gay. You are not one of them! I can tell one a mile away!” I was not one of “them” she said. I recognized just how well founded my fears were. We ended up moving from Lafayette back to my small hometown of Fort Morgan. The town kissed tornado alley and if you squinted hard enough you could see the pearl blue Rocky Mountains just two hours of driving away, grassy tall corn fields in every other direction. It was so isolated, and I was so excited for it. I could go back into the closet and lock that door tight! I would talk to nobody. C O N T I N U E D O N N E X T PA G E
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ADELANTE CONTINUED Senate Bill 1062 had a stronger impact on the senator than any previous bill. While he had never before felt the need to come out publicly and professionally, SB1062 motivated him to do so. “(Senate Bill) 1062 had a tremendous impact on me personally,” Gallardo said. “I felt like it was time to take a stand and send a message. I wanted to send a broader message to people to let them know that it’s okay. I’m gay, I’m a Latino, I’m a state senator and it’s okay.” He said that coming from a Mexican and Catholic family, the word “gay” was never mentioned. “In my family, we order the Pay Per View fights and my dad will ask if Larry [my partner] is coming over, too,” Gallardo said. “Since I came out, my parents have never said the word ‘gay.’ Larry is mentioned as being Steve’s roommate or Steve’s friend, but never Steve’s partner.” Gallardo said he feels like the issues he experienced being gay in a Mexican Catholic family are common. Young Latinos especially are concerned with the aftermath of coming out, often scared of family rejection. He said that this is a misconception of coming out in AZ STATE SENATOR a Mexican Catholic STEVE GALLARDO family, especially. “Latino families would leave the Catholic Church before they leave la familia,” Sen. Gallardo said. “In Latino culture, we keep it (the family) together. We take care of one another.” By coming out publically, Gallardo said he hopes his message reached individuals that might be fighting this internal battle. “If I helped one Latino come out, then I’ve done a service,” Gallardo said. “It means that I’ve raised the level of debate on gay rights.” Senator Gallardo said that the time has come to begun for the LGBT and Latino communities to come together and work for inclusive Latino and LGBT rights. “Let’s talk about the issue of same sex marriage, let’s talk about immigration reform,” Gallardo said. “It’s important to realize that we haven’t advanced gay rights in the state of Arizona. No protection is given for gays in housing, or in jobs. We are far from cheering victory in the gay community.” He hopes that by initiating these conversations and sending this message, the LGBT and Latino communities can begin moving forward and making progress. “Adelante, keep moving forward,” he said. Both Senator Gallardo and Senator Ulibarri are both recognized as champions in the Latino and LGBT communities, not just in their own states but on a national level. For each of them, they have stories of moving forward, adelante. They are paving the way for the next generation of leaders in both communities, just as the trailblazers that came before them. “I got to where I am because of others that had trailblazed before me, like Senator Lucia Guzman,” Ulibarri said. “And now I get to help the next generation, breaking down other barriers.” The message of adelante is strong. The movement has always been widespread throughout the Latino community, and is now so clearly found in the LGBT community. For the young Latinos nervous to come out to their families, adelante. To members of both the LGBT community and the Latino community, adelante. Adelante, siempre adelante. ¢ 20
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WA L K U P CO N T I N U E D Dr. Nelson handed me the only piece of I would look at nobody. Basically, I would BE information I had ever read on the subject, nobody. Some of my old friends were a bit since the library had absolutely nothing in the confused as to why I wasn’t the old chatty card catalogs and Internet was not yet availcathy I used to be back in Middle School. I able. He handed me a PFLAG pamphlet that remember even cutting off one of my old described the process of coming out. He said it best friends who was so excited to see me. would take time for my family to process it. In “It was good to see you I have to go now,” I summary, they would go through denial, selfblurted as I retreated into myself. I became blame, anger, acceptance and finally pride. close friends with the library and chatted up He said the timeframe for everyone would be the daily paper USA Today in the dark private different and to be prepared that they might never accept me. I took that advice to heart desks where nobody could see me rather and in the decades to follow, I began to stand than eating lunch in the cafeteria. My preup to the stereotypes that others had of what emptive war to prevent word from getting out was in full tilt. No Prom, no parties, no it meant to be gay. No longer did I allow them friends, no football or other sports games to define me. Not one more teardrop would fall. With the support and persistence of my on Friday nights. My quest to hide was working and my grades were reflecting it. So parents and teachers, I even took enough I thought. summer classes to get caught up and gradu“Are you gay?” I stared at his beady eyes ated with cap and gown with my class. with my mouth open as he shouted it right My doctor was certainly correct. It would take years for my family to accept me. While to my face and the entire class halted. I quietly denied it again of course; I would the strength of their personal faith never have given the world to change it still. I went wavered, it was simply no longer housed by home crushed and started crying from the one spiritual institution. They chose their failed acting campaign to my dog. There was love of their child over the love of a social simply nothing more I could do to hide it. organization that would have eventually disThere were the occasional allies that fellowshipped me. As in many Latino families, always seemed to notice my battle. Among we were our own social network. We didn’t invest heavily in other social networks. Why them were my sister-in-law Donna who would visit occasionally and brag about her would we when we had so many brothers and gay friends from Boulder. I imagined Boulder sisters and cousins and aunts and uncles? to be some mecca with rainbow flags on This is why respect was also so important. As every door and glitter raining to quench the a member of this family, I was taught never to disrespect the family to the outside world. tulips. Someday I might escape to live there I dreamt. I finally mustered the courage to Eventually my entire family became my tell her one late night. She didn’t scold me strongest allies. My mother spoke on PFLAG or laugh at me. I felt like I gave my heart to panels and participated with my Grandma her and she put it on a pillow and locked it Helen in a film documentary. My father atsafely in a box. She still has it to this day. She tended a Civil Unions rally and hearing at the would be my first ally. Colorado Capitol. My siblings have marched with me at countless pride celebrations. My My second ally was my doctor, who I saw family is my rock. once and never again. On a regular checkup, he asked me to fill out a questionnaire which Yes, my story has a happy ending. However, included the question that simply asked me according to some estimates thirty percent of if I was happy. That was the easiest answer all suicides and forty percent of all homeless ever. I wrote “no.” When he asked me what youth are LGBT. That means many parents the reason was, I told him the whole story. were too embarrassed by their children to do I told him I wanted him to fix me, no matter what he had With our allies leading beside us, with lots of to do I was up for it. When he told me patience for those who need it, let’s lift our there was no cure for gay, I told him heads up, focus on the horizon and continue to just castrate me. the advice my doctor gave me at the age of 15. There was nothing I wanted to do with it. “It may take some time, but we’ll get there.” After praying literally every day for several years and with no change, I was convinced I simply needed their job of supporting them. That means kids to remove the opportunity to become a gay at school continue to wield weapons of words. man. He laughed at me and said there was We as a society all have more work to do in nothing wrong with me and that I could our schools, places of worship, the media, the continue to waste energy trying to change dinner table, the workplace, and yes even that small part of who I am, or I could focus those locker rooms of the sports world. that energy into being happy and making No longer should children walk with their others happy. After I finished talking to him, head down staring at the dirt. With our allies my mom talked to him. I saw her face fall. She leading beside us, with lots of patience for then yelled at me for telling him. It wouldn’t those who need it, let’s lift our heads up, focus be the last time she yelled at me for telling on the horizon and continue the advice my doctor gave me at the age of 15. “It may take someone after that but I was a changed man. some time, but we’ll get there.” ¢ I had knowledge.
ACC E S S O U R L E GA L D I R E C TO RY O N L I N E AT ofcnow.co/legal
LEGAL
Psychological Parent Standing for Allocation of Parental Responsibilities From The Law Offices of Frazer & Parks, LLC Factual Scenario: Jill was in a relationship with her same-sex partner, Barbara, and they raised Barbara’s daughter, Emily, together as a family in Colorado. Jill and Barbara never entered into a Colorado civil union, and they were never legally married in another state. Emily’s father was not in the picture. During their relationship, Emily referred to both Jill and Barbara as “mom.” Recently, Jill and Barbara ended their relationship. Now, Barbara is refusing to let Jill spend time with Emily. Barbara told Jill she has no legal parental rights. Is there anything that Jill can do? If you find yourself in a similar situation as Jill, you may be able to successfully make a psychological parent argument before a Colorado family court. A non-legal parent “may be deemed a psychological
parent for the purposes of seeking and receiving an award of parental responsibilities. . . .” In re E.L.M.C., 100 P.3d 546, 559 (Colo. App. 2004). In general, a psychological parent who had the physical care for a child for 182 days or more may file a petition with the court for allocation of parental responsibilities. Colo. Rev. Stat. § 14-10-123(1)(c)(2013). Further, the petition for allocation of parenting time must be filed within 182 days after the termination of physical care. When assessing physical care, Colorado courts consider “the nature, frequency, and duration of contacts between the child and the nonparent, including the amount of time the child has spent in the actual, physical possession of the nonparent and the [legal] parent.” In re L.F., 121 P. 3d 267, 270-271 (2005).
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The opinions expressed in this article are general in nature. For specific legal advice about your particular situation, please contact an attorney.
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THE POWER OF BEING OUT AUTHENTICITY GIVES YOU SOMETHING THAT CAN’T BE TAKEN AWAY
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used to think of being “out” as just letting people know your sexual orientation. I’ve come to realize it is so much more — it’s owning and gaining power over the perception of who you are. I am a huge believer in being out. I’m the Lesbian Socialite after all, upfront and honest about some aspects of my life immediately. If someone is truly interested and starts asking more questions, then it reaches a point where I start to analyze why she or he wants to know. If it’s just some guy that I think is hitting on me, I make sure I say I’m a lesbian really quickly and watch where he takes the conversation. In other conversations, I will usually tell a person the name of my column and my website, and then tell them about the kinds of things I write and my passion for them, so they get the idea. Some people are even more interested after they figure out I’m a lesbian — others are less. No one has ever been impolite or obviously horrified. There are a few people that have either quickly changed the subject or politely exited the conversation entirely. I take no offense. That’s their journey. Though I’m a proponent of being out, the concept of “outing” is still difficult for me. It’s never okay to tell someone’s story without her or his permission. That’s when someone takes away your potential to gain power and control by being out, and uses it for their own ends by “exposing” you. My trans friends would tell you that that being out also includes letting people know your status
as a trans person. One of them had someone “out” her as trans, a concept that floored me — what business is it of the person asking about someone in that way? If you’re interested in dating, ask someone out and let that person tell you if there’s anything that you should know. Secondly, why would you want to tell someone else’s story in the first place — is it trying to appear “in the know,” or is it actually trying to be mean? There are other ways another person might try to take over your power of being out. I once had someone who I was already out to observe to me that I talked about my girlfriend a lot. I told her I actually didn’t mention my girlfriend any more than a co-worker we had in common would mention her own husband, but perhaps she noticed it from me more often because I was talking about another woman, and that’s not something she was used to hearing. That shut her up quickly; I think she realized that I was probably right. It wasn’t a homophobic sentiment that she had — she wasn’t afraid of gay people or openly trying to be hostile — it was just a subconscious double standard. You have to call those things when you encounter them; otherwise, how will people grow? I understand that this is about me and how openly I want to live my life, and it can be difficult for some, so I would never tell a person that she or he has to handle things the way I do. In reality, being out is more than just having one big conversation
COLORADO SPRINGS First Congregational UCC www.fcucc.org COLORADO SPRINGS Vista Grande Community UCC www.vgcc.org ENGLEWOOD First Plymouth Congregational UCC www.firstplymouthchurch.org ENGLEWOOD Mayflower Congregational UCC www.mayflowercolorado.org EVERGREEN Wildrose Congregational UCC www.wildrosechurch.org To locate an Open and Affirming church near you, go to: ofcnow.co/ucc
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with friends and family; I have to continually come out to strangers PHOTO: FLOR BLAKE daily and not everyone is up THE LESBIAN SOCIALITE for that. Robyn Vie-Carpenter But there’s a power with being out that benefits not only the individual, but the community as a whole. What it does for the collective consciousness when pubic figures come out is continue to point out that people you admire for their talent and skill can also be queer. Yet a famous person is still a person and her or his coming out journey is unique — a power that belongs to that person alone. The community only gains from that power when the individual offers it voluntarily. The community loses power when that power is stolen, even if by another LGBT person. Our stories humanize us; putting a face to the group. It’s not about opening our lives up for scrutiny. It’s about not hiding our lives like there is something wrong. Love yourself, love your life, be out! Robyn Vie-Carpenter is a social columnist on the local and national LGBT community. See more of Robyn’s columns online at ofcnow.co/TLS or find her on Twitter @TheLesSocialite.
YOU ARE WHAT YOU JUDGE BLEED LIKE ME Scott McGlothlen
When the world finally holds up a mirror
I
used to have quite the infallible a couple years later made that parattitude in life — I sometimes don’t ticular memory vivid and upsetting. know how people ever put up with It made me realize that the thing I me. Self-righteousness would spew needed most from others would be out of every orafice of my body on empathy, and the idea of receiving nearly any topic. And ironically, this the same kind of backlash of ridicule attitude of mine fueled the way I that I once bestowed on others now thought about HIV in our community. paralyzed me with fear. In 2005, my boyfriend at the time Life lessons don’t really get more and his roommate had a small house ironic than this. I had to wonder that party. They did this kind of thing if there was a God and if our paths regularly; each time I’d meet new were predetermined by that God, people from their pasts, and with then God obviously played a well-deeach guest came a morsel of gossip. At served prank on me so I would stop one party in particuacting like such a lar, a good-looking judgmental wank. I now had first hand gay couple came by Seeing as how I ex p erience t hat life did not want to be and my boyfriend treated the same whispered into my wasn’ t so black and way, my conservaear that these fellas white after all . J u d ging were HIV positive. tive perspective had p eop le und er su ch It was my first quickly shattered. I stand ard s fails to take time meeting guys now had firsthand into account so many I knew were poz. I experience that of t he t housand s u p on didn’t take to them life wasn’t so black kindly. I acted cordial and white after millions of t hings t hat all. Judging people to their faces, only to can hap p en to a p erson under such stanroll my eyes behind in her or his life. dards fails to take their backs. Who gets HIV in into account so many this day-in-age? I whispered. All you of the thousands upon millions of have to do is wear a condom. It’s not things that can happen to a person that freaking hard. My boyfriend in her or his life. nodded obligatorily. Did I contract HIV from a broken Sure, I felt bad for them. I even condom? Did I contract from that tossed them a smidge of sympathy. time a guy accidentally shot his But in my mind it was clearly their wad in my eye? It didn’t matter. All fault for letting themselves become I knew now was that life had all these infected, and I discreetly stung them varying shades of grey. And before anyone judged me, I would desperwith silent ridicule. I wonder if that lesser-than-kind ately want them to understand that. attitude came from being raised in Truthfully, I can’t actually rea Republican family. Conservative member the names or faces of the politics tend to have a “fend for your- guys at that party so many years ago. self” perspective, that the poor are to But I often imagine that if got another blame for their own circumstances chance to meet them, I would apolo— that they didn’t work hard enough gize for regarding them in such an or made big mistakes. No matter egocentric way. Because, in all its the subject, it was always black and ironic glory, the moment I thought white like that. The attitude seeped I knew everything was actually the its way into all my opinions as a moment that I truly knew nothing young man. Thus I acted like quite at all. the bratty know-it-all and lacked any Scott McGlothlen is a cultural real sense of empathy. That was the key word in all columnist on life as a HIV-positive of this: “empathy.” Even though gay man. See more of Scott’s meeting those guys had been a columns online at ofcnow.co/scott fleeting moment in my judgmental or contact him at journey, learning my own HIV status scott@outfrontonline.com. OUTFRONTONLINE.COM
| APRIL 16, 2014 | 23
CALENDAR W E D N E S D AY, A P R I L 1 6
FABULOUS EVENTS FOR LGBT COLORADO & BEYOND
T H U R S D AY, A P R I L 1 7
LG B T FA M I LY BUILDING W H AT T O K N O W AS YOU BEGIN YOUR JOURNEY
Featuring State Senator Pat Steadman as speaker, join the DGLCC as they hold their quarterly luncheon at the Sheraton Downtown Hotel. Members $28, non-members $35. Register online at ofcnow.co/chamber
T H U R S D AY, A P R I L 1 7
@ UMB BANK 1635 E. COLFAX AVE 11 A.M. TO 3 P.M. The Transgender Job Fair will feature transgender-inclusive employers from the metro-Denver area. Past participants have included: Starbucks, Chase, City & County of Denver, Jefferson Center for Mental Health, and Ball Aerospace.
FIND
MORE
MORE EVENTS AT ofcnow.co/cal
Join lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, interest, allied Jews, families and friends to celebrate Passover at Colorado's 6th Annual Queer Seder, sponsored by Keshet. Full seder meal, $25 for adults, $15 for students, teens, low-income, FREE for children under 12. More info online at ofcnow.co/seder
More info online at ofcnow.co/fam
J O B FA I R
QUEER SEDER @ TEMPLE EMANUEL DENVER 51 GRAPE ST. • 5:30 P.M.
This information session, hosted by a panel of specialists, will provide the opportunity to learn about LGBT family building options including: gestational surrogacy, sperm/egg donation, adoption and foster parenting.
TRANSGENDER & ELDERS
Q UA RT E R LY LU N C H EO N @ SHERATON DENVER DOWNTOWN HOTEL 1550 COURT PLACE • 11:30 A.M.
@ SHINE RESTAURANT 2027 13TH ST., BOULDER 7 P.M. - 9 P.M.
S AT U R D AY, A P R I L 1 9
D E N V E R G AY & L E S B I A N C H A M B E R O F C O M M E R C E
T H U R S D AY, A P R I L 2 4
DINING OUT FOR LIFE @ VARIOUS DENVER/BOULDER RESTAURANTS Save the date and dine out at a participating restaurant for breakfast, lunch or dinner on Thursday, April 24, 2014! More than 250 Denver and Boulderarea restaurants will donate 25% of food sales from this one day to Project Angel Heart.
Register online at ofcnow.co/dining2014
D E N V E R G AY & LESBIAN
FLAG FOOTBALL LEAGUE GAME 5 S U N D AY, A P R I L 2 0 TH
More info online at ofcnow.co/center
GAME 6
T H E I M P E R I A L CO U R T O F T H E R O C K Y M O U N TA I N E M P I R E P R E S E N T S
C O R O N AT I O N 4 1 : FORTY ONCE UPON A TIME For a complete schedule of events, tickets & info, please visit icrme.org
S AT U R D AY, A P R I L 1 9 : V O T I N G D AY @ 1077 RACE STREET • 11 A.M.–6 P.M.
F R I D AY, A P R I L 2 5 : P R B A L L
S AT U R D AY, M AY 3 RD POSITION ROUND S U N D AY, M AY 4 TH P L AY O F F S S U N D AY, M AY 1 1 TH & S U N D AY, M AY 1 8 TH CHAMPIONSHIP S U N D AY S U N D AY, J U N E 1 ST
@ RENAISSANCE DENVER • 3801 QUEBEC ST. • DOORS: 6 P.M. • $25
F R I D AY, A P R I L 2 5 : 8 0 s D A N C E PA R T Y @ CLUB M • 700 E. 17TH ST. • 10 P.M. • $10
S AT U R D AY, A P R I L 2 6 : C O R O N AT I O N @ RENAISSANCE DENVER • 3801 QUEBEC ST. • DOORS: 6 P.M. • $50
S U N D AY, A P R I L 2 7 : V I C T O R Y B R U N C H @ CLUB M • 700 E. 17TH ST. • 11 A.M. • $20 24
| APRIL 16, 2014 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM
ALL 2014 GAMES PLAYED AT CONGRESS PARK. SCAN CODE FOR TEAM SCHEDULE OR VISIT
ofcnow.co/football
APRIL 24 – 27
STAN LEY FIL M FESTIVAL
TRAVEL
@ THE STANLEY HOTEL, ESTES PARK Set at the notoriously haunted and historic inspiration for Stephen King’s The Shining, The Stanley Film Festival showcases the best in classic and contemporary horror cinema at the Stanley Hotel in beautiful Estes Park, Colorado. Operated by the Denver Film Society, the festival is a labor of love dedicated to crafting a more interactive experience for genre filmmakers and fans. Doc of the Dead, showing Thursday, April 24
S U N D AY, A P R I L 2 7
For a full schedule of events & more information, visit ofcnow.co/stanley
5TH ANNUAL ‘SAME LOVE, SAME RIGHTS’
LG B T W E D D I N G E X P O @ THE CURTIS DOUBLETREE BY HILTON, 1405 CURTIS STREET, DENVER 12:30 P.M. TO 3:30 P.M. Begin planning your own Dream Civil Union with companies who support our community! Over 30 select gay-friendly wedding professionals will be on hand to answer questions & help create your perfect ceremony, reception and honeymoon. Gay-friendly wedding & travel professionals, wedding tips, amazing raffles, fashion, music & more! Doors open at 12:30 p.m. and raffles start at 2:15 p.m.
Register online at ofcnow.co/love
S U N D AY, A P R I L 2 7
national LGBT destinations Arizona Gay Days May 8-12 | Phoenix, AZ ofcnow.co/az Albuquerque Pride May 31 | Albuquerque, NM ofcnow.co/abq Disney Gay Days June 3-9 | Orlando, FL ofcnow.co/orlando
T H U R S D AY, M AY 8
SO M E L I K E I T H OT
itinerary
OFF CENTER: CULT FOLLOWING
Capitol Pride June 6 | Washington, DC ofcnow.co/dc LA Pride June 6-8 | Los Angeles, CA ofcnow.co/la PrideFest Milwaukee June 6-8 | Milwaukee, WI ofcnow.co/milw
C E L E B RAT I N G L G B T FA M I L I ES ! @ PIZZERIA LOCALE 550 BROADWAY, DENVER 11 A.M. - 1 P.M. Join the GLBT Center of Colorado for lunch and laughter at Pizzeria Locale for tasty food and a family friendly atmosphere. 20% of all sales will go back the The Center’s Family Program.
RSVP online at ofcnow.co/pizza For more information, visit ofcnow.co/center
F R I D AY, M AY 9
Pittsburgh Pride June 6-15 | Pittsburgh, PA ofcnow.co/pitt
@ SIE FILMCENTER 2510 EAST COLFAX • 7 P.M.
@ THE JONES, DCPA SPEER & ARAPAHOE • 8 P.M.
One night only! When musicians Jerry and Joe accidentally witness the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre, they get out of town the only way they know how — dressed as women. Special introduction by Melinda Barlow Ph.D., Associate Professor of Film Studies, CU Boulder.
Cult Following is a live movie created by six improvisers. This real 3-D experience features a different movie genre each time along with movie trailers, low budget special effects, and amateur stunts performed by the actors themselves.
For information and to purchase tickets, visit ofcnow.co/some
For information and to purchase tickets, visit ofcnow.co/cult
A RT FOR LIFE
Boston Pride June 6-16 | Boston, MA ofcnow.co/boston Indy Pride Festival June 7 | Indianapolis, IN ofcnow.co/indy Key West PrideFest June 11-15 | Key West, FL ofcnow.co/key Pride Houston June 20-29 | Houston, TX ofcnow.co/houston Pride Toronto June 20-29 | Toronto ofcnow.co/toronto
BENEFITING PROJECT ANGEL HEART @ ABEND GALLERY 2260 E. COLFAX AVE. • 6:30 P.M. Hundreds of supporters will join us for an evening of hors d’oeuvres, cocktails, wine, desserts, good company, and fine art. Bid on art from local & national artists and watch artists create live paintings and drawings throughout the evening.
For more information, please visit ofcnow.co/art4life
NYC Gay Pride June 27-29 | New York City ofcnow.co/nyc San Diego Pride July 18-20 | San Diego, CA ofcnow.co/sd Southern Decadence Aug 27- Sept 1 | New Orleans, LA ofcnow.co/deca Las Vegas Pride September 5-6 | Las Vegas, NV ofcnow.co/lv
OUTFRONTONLINE.COM
| APRIL 16, 2014 | 25
CUISINE
THE MELTING POT 2707 W. Main St. Littleton • (303)-794-5666 MeltingPot.com
Springtime Suds Beer is the new (season) cocktail O
HAMBURGER MARY’S 700 East 17th Avenue Denver • 303-832-1333 HamburgerMarys.com/denver
PARALLEL SEVENTEEN 1600 East 17th Ave. Denver • 303-399-0988 ParallelSeventeen.com
DJ’s 9th Avenue Cafe DJ’S 9TH AVENUE CAFE 865 Lincoln St. Denver • 303-386-3375 DjsCafe.biz
COOHILLS 1400 Wewatta Street Denver • (303)-623-5700 Coohills.com 26
| APRIL 16, 2014 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM
k, gays. Here it is: your springtime beer breakdown. You see, unlike other high-falutin’ metropolises, Denver is one that can overwhelm your beer palate. Do you go with a hoppy red when you’re pretending the weather is nice, but really it’s 40 degrees and overcast? Or the other likely April scenario: What do you enjoy at the pool when the sun is out but the wind is kicking sub-50 temps in your face? Put down the cock...tail. Pick up the pint. This is what springtime is all about.
a liter of sudsy heaven. Straddle a picnic bench, chomp on a juicy sausage with kraut, and down a Deutsche doppelbock. bohemianbiergarten.com At the pool: V is for Vacation. Also, Victory. One of Victory Brewing’s most luscious beers, the Golden Monkey is for the wit-lover who also enjoy a bit more heft. It’s a Belgian-style tripel, which means it’s got a higher ABV, but you won’t feel it. Yes, it’s 9.5% and fruitier than I am, but why else would it be tops for poolside gazing and grazing? Get it wherever beer is sold, except probably not strip mall liquor stores. victorybeer.com
At the bar: Hats off to the gents at Wynkoop, our home-grown crop of CO beer. FOOD FOR THOUGHT Oh sure, they’ve been around for a Jeff Steen while, but that’s what we love: the Untamed and unafraid, the Sierra hoppy hug of hometown brew. My season’s pick Nevada Kellerweis is a surprisingly soft treat has to be the Colorojo. 80 IBUs isn’t too much of that goes down quick and easy. Yeah, you’ve got a kick to the tongue, but at 8.2% ABV, you might the clove and the banana bread kickin’ in five want to sip and savor over happy hour, paired seconds after the first sip, but there’s no cloying, with the Thai Chile Calamari and stories about no bitter hit, no hoppy retaliation. Perfect for corn that one co-worker who smells like hummus. hole, before and after, and while meeting your wynkoop.com girlfriend’s mother for the first time. Buy where they sell good beer. sierranevada.com If you’re tired of the drama of downtown, then take a trek along 36 to the quaint little town of Let’s assume you’re eccentric. You love neon colors Lafayette. You probably need no other reason for your hair. You teach people about the benefits to journey this far northwest than Post Brewing. of a Prince Albert. You have a wallet made of duct Wood-studded and filled with studly waiters, this tape. Then contort your taste buds to this feast of fried chicken haven is all your Southern soul could crazy: Dogfish Head’s Birra Etrusca Bronze. Where ever crave. And, yes, their beer is pretty awesome, does it come from? Oh, just from the molecular analysis of Etruscan tombs. Which means what too — Ol’ Zippy Pale Ale for the lightweights, Lovey Dovey Amber for the sweet tooths. Finish with exactly? A swarthy assembly of hazelnut flour, Whoopie Pies and mosey on back down to Denver pomegranate, chestnut, and honey. If you drink for the Golden Girls. postbrewing.com it by yourself, cheers. If you drink it with friends, brave. If you drink it at all, pair with a spicy pickle Hardcore German? Or just like drinking hardcore or pasta bolognese. Buy it if you’re lucky, and don’t with Germans? Boulder has a stop for you — and it’s harbor expectations. dogfish.com likely filled with college beerophiles and resident Food For Thought is a culinary column by Jeff brewmeisters who know their hops. Bohemian Steen, Out Front’s food writer. See more food Biergarten is where it’s at, and though they don’t articles at ofcnow.co/food. brew their own stuff, there’s no better hangout for
BEER LOVERS: SHARE YOUR OWN BEER FAVORITES & DISCOVER NEW ONES. JOIN THE CONVERSATION NOW AT: OFCNOW.CO/BEER
Dont forget Tuesday is $15.00 Liters of House Margarita Gold!
FUN AFFORDABLE DELICIOUS
Not all green chili is created equal. Come in and get your Benny’s fix. 301 EAST 7TH AVE. • 303 894 0788 BENNYSRESTAURANT.COM OUTFRONTONLINE.COM
| APRIL 16, 2014 | 27
ARTS & CULTURE
ANIMAL CRACKERS Apr. 4 - May 11 Champa & 13th • Denver DenverCenter.org
SISTERS OF SWING Mar. 7 - May 11 5501 Arapahoe Ave. • Boulder BouldersDinnerTheatre.com
Stuff of legends
Cirque Du soleil does greek mythology By Kailyn Lamb
W THE GREAT GATSBY Apr. 25 - May 25 6901 Wadsworth Blvd • Arvada ArvadaCenter.org
SPRING AWAKENING Apr. 11 - May 4 2450 W Main St. • Littleton TownHallArtsCenter.com
e all have our own visions of the circus, but Quebec based Cirque du Soleil has revolutionized them all, and they're on their way to Colorado. Varekai, a story about wanderlust, will be performed at the Budweiser Events Center in Loveland from May 1 through May 4, and May 7 through May 11 at the 1STBANK Center in Broomfield. Icarus, the main character in the production is performed by Mark Halasi from Hungary, who has been performing this role in Varekai for eight years. “I had many different directors, so all of them brought something new to the show and all of them had different ideas of how the should like,” Halasi said. Halasi attended circus school in Hungary, where he learned the basics of performing for the first four years and then select a specialty for the rest of the duration. In Varekai, Halasi performs “The Fall of Icarus” which is also called the Net Act. If there are two shows in one day, Halasi said he will spend the better part of the day at the arena preparing for the shows.
“I have to do my make up, if we have any meetings about the show or any changes to the show I have to be involved. I basically warm-up — so it takes about 40 minutes — then I put on my costume and I perform the show,” Halasi said. After a short break between shows, the process starts again for the next run. He added that relaxing is a big part of preventing injury during performances. In addition to Halasi, the show includes 50 other musicians and performers that come form 18 different countries. “The Fall of Icarus” is accompanied by traditional circus acts like clowns and juggling as well as the “Russian Swing,” balancing acts and more. “I get to see the world, and also I have friends from all over the world like people who I wouldn't have a chance to work with or even to meet them,” Halasi said of performing with Cirque du Soleil. “I really enjoy being on stage and showing people something they can't necessarily do,” he said. Varekai is one of Cirque du Soleil's many traveling arena shows. The company also has a traveling big top as well as several shows permanently stationed in Las Vegas. ¢
I F YOU G O. . .
STANLEY FILM FESTIVAL April 24 -27 www.stanleyfilmfest.com 2510 East Colfax www.denverfilm.org
VAREKA I MAY 1–4
MAY 7–11
@ BUDWEISER EVENTS CENTER 5290 ARENA CIRCLE, LOVELAND
@ 1STBANK CENTER 11450 BROOMFIELD LN., BROOMFIELD
For TIckets & more information, visit ofcnow.co/cirque 28
| APRIL 16, 2014 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM
You don’t have to be a Celebrity to have a Celebrity smile! Dr. Raymond Frye, D.M.D Celebrity Dentist Dr. Raymond’s exquisite aesthetic approach to perfecting his patient’s smiles has brought him celebrity clientele who have nicknamed him "Dr. Bling.” However, as Dr. Raymond always says, "Not all of our patients are celebrities, we just make them smile like they are!"
“Thank You Dr. Raymond for my amazing new smile! I Loved showing it off at Denver Pride! Love You!
Before
After
GRAMMY WINNER
Taylor Dayne Complimentary Teeth Whitening for New Patients’ featuring Dr. Raymond’s own
Icing 30-Carat Teeth Whitening System
50 A $2 UE VAL “Icing-30 Carat is our secret for white smiles at the Grammy’s!” -LMFAO
(303) 355-1645 www.smilehighdentalspa.com 6825 East Hampden Avenue, Suite #103 Denver, CO, 80224 OUTFRONTONLINE.COM
| APRIL 16, 2014 | 29
BAR TAB
W E E K LY S P E C I A L S F R O M O U T F R O N T ' S L G B T- I N C LU S I V E B A R PA R T N E R S
AQUA LOUNGE
B ROA DWAYS
1417 Krameria, Denver (720) 287-0584 ofcnow.co/aqua
1027 Broadway, Denver (303) 623-0700 broadwaysdenver.com
HAPPY HOUR MON–FRI $2.50 wells & domestic bottles from 3–7 p.m.
HAPPY HOUR Mon – Fri: 2 p.m. – 9 p.m. Sat & Sun: 12 p.m. – 9 p.m. $2.25 Wells, $2.00 Domestic Drafts $3.75 Svedka Flavors & Domestic Mini Pitchers
475 Santa Fe, Denver (303) 778-0545 facebook.com/BarkerLounge DAILY HAPPY HOURS 3–8 p.m. & 11 p.m.–close $3 Well/Wine/Domestic Bottles
BAR RICUDA'S 1076 Ogden St., Denver (303) 860-8353 barricudasdenver.com DAILY DRINK SPECIALS 2–4 p.m. & 10 p.m.–midnight
B LACK CROWN 1446 S. Broadway, Denver (720) 353-4701 blackcrownlounge.com DAILY HAPPY HOUR 4 p.m. – 6 p.m. MONDAYS 1/2 price select bottles of wine SUNDAYS Martinis & Misbehavin’ with Cora Vette. $8 Kettle One martinis
A
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145 Broadway, Denver (303) 722-7977 compounddenver.com
DENVER E AG L E 1475 36 th St., Denver (303) 291-0250 theeaglebar.com HAPPY HOUR Tuesday through Sunday, 4-8 p.m: Endless beer & Cocktails $12
| APRIL 16, 2014 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM
17 TH AVE.
WRA NG L ER X BA R
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HA M B U RG E R MARYS CHAR LI E ’S B LUS H & B LU
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11 TH AVE. V I N YL 8 TH AVE.
6 TH AVE. BA RKE R LOU N GE COM P OUND B OYZ TOWN 1 ST AVE. L I ’ L D EV I LS
BA R R I CU DA’S
ALAMEDA AVE. ARKANSAS AVE.
COLFAX AVE. AQUA LOU N G E
R &R
COLORADO BLVD.
BEER BUSTS Saturdays, 6 – 10 p.m., $8.
L
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OGDEN ST.
FRIDAY & SATURDAY DANCE PARTIES • NO COVER $3 Well vodka & $5 Svedka
AL
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CLARKSON ST.
DAILY HAPPY HOURS 7 - 10 a.m. & 5 - 8 p.m. $2.50 wells, $3 domestic longnecks, $2 off calls
ST .M
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for interactive map
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COMPOU N D BAS I X
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ofcnow.co/barmap
KRAMERIA ST.
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COLORADO BLVD.
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HAPPY HOURS Drink specials every day 3–6 p.m. & $1 off any drink 6–8 p.m. every day
PA R
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D ENVER BA R M A P
scan or visit
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3430 N. Academy Blvd., Colo. Springs (719) 570-1429 clubqonline.com
T RAC KS
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WASHINGTON ST.
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BROADWAY
U CALLS Monday–Thursday: Absolut $4.50 Friday & Sunday: Stoli $4.50 Friday–Sunday: 3Olives $4.50
SUNDAYS Drag show, 9 p.m.
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HAPPY HOUR Monday-Thursday: 3 – 8 p.m.
BR
VD BL
117 Broadway, Denver (303) 722-7373 boyztowndenver.com
SATURDAYS $5 Beer Bust, 2 p.m.
N TO
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B OYZTOWN
FRIDAYS: BEER BUST $10 Buddy Beer Bust, 5 p.m. $3 Absolut, 9 p.m.
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SUNDAYS Molly’s famous $4 Bloodys
THURSDAYS 1/2 price night
SP
FRIDAYS Karaoke at 9 p.m.
DAILY BEER SPECIAL $4 for a 32-oz. domestic pitcher and $8 for a premium pitcher
SANTA FE DR. KALAMATH ST.
DAILY HAPPY HOUR $3 wells, vino, domestics, lattes; $1.50 PBR’s; $4 shots of Fireball 3 p.m. to 7 p.m.
900 E. Colfax Ave., Denver (303) 839-8890 charliesdenver.com
YORK ST.
1526 E. Colfax Ave., Denver (303) 484-8548 blushblubar.com
C HA R LI E'S
BROADWAY
B LUSH & BLU
CUSTOMER APPRECIATION NIGHT Mondays at 9 p.m.
DOWNING ST.
BAR KE R LOUNGE
SPRING BREAK @ TRACKS
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B L ACK CROWN
SPRING BREAK @ TRACKS Underwear fashion guru Andrew Christian recently spent part of his spring break in Colorful Colorado! The “Life’s a Beach Spring Break 2014” party was held on March 29 at Tracks Nightclub. Hundreds of people packed the house to welcome Spring with one hell of a party. In addition to the usual drinking, dancing and carousing, the festivities featured an Andrew Christian underwear fashion show and the musical stylings of DJs Flowers and Blaque Gurl. Photos by Charles Broshous
700 E 17th Ave Denver, CO 80203 (303) 832-1333
1446 S. Broadway Denver, CO 80210 720.353.4701 EL POT R E RO
T RAC KS
4501 E. Virginia Ave., Denver (303) 388-8889 elpotrerocolorado.com
3500 Walnut St., Denver (303) 863-7326 tracksdenver.com
DRAG WEDNESDAYS 2-for-1 beers, $3 rum, and vodka specials, $2 drafts. No cover.
SUPERSTAR THURSDAYS 18 + dance party Cover: 18-20 $10, 21+ $5 after 10 p.m.
GO-GO FRIDAYS: NO COVER $2 rum & vodka specials, $2 drafts, $5 Jose Cuervo, $15 beer buckets and $5 Jager shots
ELEVATED SATURDAYS 2-for-1 drinks between 9–10 p.m. No cover before 10 p.m.
HAM BU RG E R MA RY'S 700 E. 17 th Ave., Denver (303) 832-1333 hamburgermarys.com/denver OPEN DAILY• VISIT WEBSITE FOR SPECIALS Monday - Wed: 11 a.m. to 1 a.m. Thur - Saturday 11 a.m. to 2 a.m. Sunday: 10 a.m. to 1 a.m.
LANNIE'S CLOCKTOWER CABA RET 16th St. Mall @ Arapahoe St., Denver (303) 293-0075 lannies.com CHECK OUT LANNIES.COM For show information & tickets
LIL' DEVILS 255 South Broadway, Denver (303) 733-1156 lildevilslounge.com WEDNESDAYS $4 22-oz. tanks of your choice. SUNDAYS: TRIVIA NIGHT Compete for free drinks & bar tabs, starting at 7:30 p.m. $3 Smirnoff.
P IRAT ES COVE 105 Central Plaza, Pueblo (719) 543-2683 ofcnow.co/cove
U NDERG ROU N D PUB 110 N. Nevada Ave., Colorado Springs (719) 578-7771 undergroundbars.com HAPPY HOURS Mon–Sat: 4 – 7 p.m.: $1 off all drinks Sun–Thu: 11 p.m. – 1 a.m. $5 Long Islands
VI NYL 1082 Broadway, Denver (303) 832-8628 coclubs.com/club-vinyl CLIMAX SUNDAYS Return Memorial Day Weekend!
WRA N G LER 1700 Logan St., Denver (303) 837-1075 denverwrangler.com MONDAY: POKER NIGHT Free Texas Hold-em Poker, 7-8 p.m. $2 House Drinks, $2 PBR Cans TUESDAY: POOL TOURNAMENT $5 buy in Pool Tournament, 7 p.m. $2 House Drinks, $2 Beer Grab WEDNESDAY: TRIVIA NIGHT Free Geeks Who Drink Trivia 8 p.m. $3 Svedka Drinks, $2 PBR Cans. FRIDAY: $3 HOUSE DRINKS SATURDAY: $3 SVEDKA DRINKS SUNDAY: BEER BUST, 4–8 P.M. $10 Legendary Charity Beer Bust $3 Svedka drinks, 5 p.m.-close.
Open Tues–Sun 6 p.m.–2 a.m. VIP Lounge available: call for details
X BA R
HAPPY HOURS Tues–Sun: 6-8 p.m. & Tues–Thurs: 11-midnight
629 E. Colfax Ave., Denver (303) 832-2687 xbardenver.com
WEEKLY EVENTS DJ every Saturday Free pool Tuesday & Sunday
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See more photos at ofcnow.co/fbpics OUTFRONTONLINE.COM
| APRIL 16, 2014 | 31
SAME-SEX MARRIAGE = AN EMPTY PLANET? RADIOACTIVE VISION Nuclia Waste
The latest argument against equality claims it’s an end to procreation. ORLLY?
A
s I was reading the Denver Post I came across another article about the greater acceptance of same sex marriage laws throughout the land. Bans on gay marriage are falling faster than the tears of a Christian preacher confessing his adultery. What had me laughing out loud is the new Christian argument that same sex marriage will lead to a decline in birth rates, not only in our country, but also around the world. I can barely type that statement as it still makes me giggle. This argument is one of the “Top Ten Harms of Same-Sex Marriage” listed on the Family Research Council’s website. If you need a good laugh, it’s really worth a read (online at ofcnow.co/FRC). So how is this supposed to work exactly? If gay men and women are allowed to marry, straight couples are going to stop giving birth all over the world? Like that’s going to happen. Ever since Eve bit into that apple, the pussy has been let out of the bag and it ain’t going back.
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Are straight couples supposed to be so turned off by gay marriage that they will lose all interest in sex? “I’m sorry, honey. I cannot possibly do you tonight. I just found out the gay neighbors got married and my dick has gone limp.” Sex is going to take place, straights are going to knock each other up, and babies will always be crying next to you on the airplane. Maybe the Christians mean that gay couples will not be having extra babies and the world population will decline because of that. News flash. Gay couples, if anything, are having more babies as a result of gay marriage. There has been a gayby explosion in our neighborhood of Gaypleton. Gay men are surrogating and adopting babies like there’s a red tag sale at Macy’s. And as for the lesbians, hello! Double the pleasure, double the fun. Or I should say, double the womb, double the kids. With women, you have two baby ovens under one roof. Their kitchen has a double convection oven and it’s cooking
up a storm. I would not be surprised to see a lesbian baby reality show on The Food Network — Popped, where lesbians compete to see who can launch a baby down and out the birth canal the farthest. Even if their statement was true, would it really be a bad thing? If same sex marriage really did curtail birth rates, would a few less people on our planet using up all our natural resources and clogging up our fabulous dance clubs be a bad thing? I would think not. Let’s get real. The Christian Right is losing this battle over same-sex marriage. They are firing with blanks (which really would lead to a decline in population). It’s time we start calling them the Christian Wrong. Right? Nuclia Waste, the triple-nipple drag queen of comedy, is Out Front’s radioactive cultural columnist. See more columns at ofcnow.co/nuclia or contact her through her website at NucliaWaste.com.
ON THE SCENE
NOH8 at The Center photos by Charles Broshous
C
elebrity photographer Adam Bouska and the NOH8 campaign made a stop at the GLBT Community Center of Colorado on March 30. The campaign is a photographic silent protest in direct response to the passage of California’s Proposition 8 in November 2008. Photos feature subjects with duct tape over their mouths and the NOH8 logo painted on one cheek, symbolizing their voices being silenced by Prop 8 and similar legislation around the world. The Campaign has grown to nearly 35,000 photos and features the portraits of people from all walks of life. Funds raised by the NOH8 Campaign will be used to continue promoting and raising awareness for marriage equality and anti-discrimination. See more photos online at ofcnow.co/noh8
OUTFRONTONLINE.COM
| APRIL 16, 2014 | 33
ON THE SCENE
Denver Gay Professionals photos by Charles Broshous
T
he Denver Gay Professionals March networking event was held at Cadence Union Station on March 27. Members of the group and their guests gathered at one of Denver’s newest luxury apartment buildings for an evening of networking, cocktails, jazz and more. The Denver Gay Professionals continually strive to provide a highly creative and social environment where members and guests are encouraged to network, promote business contacts, advocate for one another and champion inclusivity. See more photos online at ofcnow.co/dgp3
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INTERVIEW
Acting Out
The Wonder from Down Under is off to the (Drag) Races By Berlin Sylvestre
C
ourtney Act found it ‘refreshing’ that I haven’t watched any of RuPaul’s Drag Race this season. “You have an unbiased view, which is good,” she observed in that kick-ass Australian accent of hers. Still in the runnings to win at the time of this interview, she spent a relaxing hour on the phone with Out Front to discuss everything from gender identity to sex in drag. Though a rising superstar on the American drag circuit, the zen-inspiring lover of meditation offered none of the catty hijinks or barbed witticism of the famous drag acts she’s been a fan of for years, which I found (in its own way) quite refreshing. Let’s go back. What was life in Oz like for a young Courtney Act? Growing up in Brisbane, I would sing and dance around the living room, so my mom put me in singing, dancing and acting lessons after school. I fell in love with performing arts during childhood. When I moved to Sydney at 18, I kissed my first boy and discovered drag and the gay nightlife and it all took off from there. And how about life at the moment? In 2003, I was on the first season of Australian Idol and was (rejected) as a boy, but when I went in drag, I was put through to the finals. I got signed to Sony BMG and have had a fabulous career for the past 11 years in Australia. In Australia, I was able to make mistakes, but (in America) I get a second chance with much bigger stakes. Can you tell me a bit about what it’s like being on Drag Race? I’m such a fan of the show. I watched it in Australia and I’ve seen every season. Just being there, to have come to America and landed on the show is very cool. To watch it on TV is such a fascinating experience. I met Ru briefly years ago, but it was like a quick hello kind of thing. He’s such a striking man, in real life. He’s handsome and tall with this energy … and those cheekbones.
CO U RT N E Y ACT • P H OTO : M AG N US H AST I N GS
or does it get crazy enough to drive the contestants batty? There’s definitely some driving of crazy, but not (all of it). Bianca Del Rio and I have had a lot of rapport with each other — I’m the sweet, she’s the salty — and we’ll shoot looks and comments at each other, but it’s because we share a love of insults. We understood that, but when editing gets to it, it’s all insult and no love. There’s a bit of throwing shade, but as a group we’re really kumbaya in spite of the intense moments. And another thing: people are lovely to your face, but it’s in those interviews that the truth comes out. You’re in a private little room and it’s like, “Oh. Is that what she really thought?” That’s where the real shade happens. Do you see the world differently when you’re presenting as a woman? That’s funny. Chaz (Bono) and I were talking about gender expression until the wee hours of the morning. We often have lengthy talks about sexuality and gender. I feel like, in this world, we tend to view everything, not just gender, in black or white. It’s very binary. I think gender falls on a spectrum, sort of like the Kinsey scale. I think gay men and women might be meeting on an axis where gender and sexuality cross. I think the term “transgender” seems to signify becoming the opposite gender, but … I think gender fluidity is something relevant to a lot more people. I love to make people think — especially straight men. They’re the ones who have the most rigid thinking in our society. When a straight man realizes Courtney is not a biological woman, he has to really consider that and think about it. Anytime you can make somebody think, that’s good. A lot of society motors along without it.
Is there any footage you hope the producers of the show don’t use? I can’t really comment on that, but I can say that I felt really ... focused [during the filming]. I felt that flow that comes from doing something you love. It’s been very positive, a wonderful experience.
I’m gonna read you an internet criticism and you tell me how you’d respond: “Courtney might not win because, like Willam, successful people doing well for themselves don’t make for good TV.” That’s one of my fears. I don’t have a television. I don’t watch TV, but when I used to watch ages ago, I’d say, “These people are fucking nuts! They’re irrational, overemotional, and I don’t think they’re teaching anyone how to act.” I do a lot of meditation and yoga and try to be as peaceful as I can, and I don’t think that makes for good television… but what I do think it makes for is good entertainment.
There can be a serious amount of shade on Drag Race. Is a lot of it just for show
For the full story, visit ofcnow.co/act
OUTFRONTONLINE.COM
| APRIL 16, 2014 | 35
AUTO
2 0 1 4 T O Y O TA V E N Z A L I M I T E D A W D
Crossover roundup: four crossovers vying for your attention By Jonathan McGrew
H
ave you noticed on your commute how many CUVs are out on the road? No, I am not talking about a thinly veiled comment on other drivers. CUVs, or Crossover Utility Vehicles, are one of the fastest growing and most competitive automotive segments in North America. Let’s take a quick look at four very different takes on the Crossover segment. 2014 Nissan Rogue SL AWD: The Rogue has undergone a major refresh for 2014 and the jury is still out on the new design. From my perspective the looks are more balanced with a good use of body sculpting — and yes, it seems more masculine in nature. In the Rogue, you have the advantage of the leading CVT transmission (no gear changes while accelerating), not to mention a much better interior look and feel. In the Rockies, the AllWheel Drive (AWD) paired with the anti-skid and traction control makes it a capable and safe vehicle in bad weather. What is truly remarkable is that you can now get a third row for carrying seven passengers in a pinch. Add the 25/32 mpg city/hwy and a SV Premium price just under $33,000 and the result is a capable, flexible and well-mannered vehicle. 2014 Toyota Venza Limited AWD: The Venza is an interesting vehicle as is takes more of a car (dare I say station wagon) approach to its stance and styling. It is also the oldest design here in our vehicle set, so you won’t find the latest design essentials. For those waiting for the redesign it has to be eminent. But, if you need a vehicle today, the Venza is powerful with a peppy V6 and available AWD. It can also carry a fair load with folding rear seats and a power liftgate. The fuel economy is decent 36
| APRIL 16, 2014 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM
and trips the meter at 18/25 mpg city/ hwy. So, in the end you will shell out about $40,000 for the Limited AWD version and have a well-appointed and more car like experience. 2014 Outlander Sport SE AWC: If you are looking for a small CUV with five passenger seating and a younger flare, the Outlander Sport is worth a look. More of a value priced CUV, the Outlander Sport SE AWC (All-Wheel Control) is unique in the market for having Four-Wheel Drive (4WD) not AWD. The value here is that you can switch back and forth from two to four-wheel mode at your own discretion. For 2014, not a lot has changed from the refresh not that long ago, but you will find a new touchscreen entertainment system and the youth targeted 710-watt Rockford-Fosgate sound system. At $25,000 this CUV, the cheapest in our roundup, has good looks, heated seats, better than average fuel economy at 24/29 mpg city/hwy and, for a few more dollars, an available panoramic moonroof. 2014 Jeep Cherokee Trailhawk: The return of the Cherokee is a welcome sight for Jeep enthusiasts and in this instance, Jeep has done a fantastic job creating excitement in the CUV segment. From the aggressive and angular styling to the varying levels of trim and capability packages, you can get a Cherokee that is suited specifically to your lifestyle. The Trailhawk is akin to the Wrangler Rubicon and offers a beefed up trail-rated suspension, off-road styling and a phenomenal multi-mode terrain system. With options like heated seats, 8.4-inch touchscreen navigation and adaptive cruise, this $38,000 vehicle brings the most capability in the wilderness. Likely it is the most off-road capable CUV on the market. ¢
OUTFRONTONLINE.COM
| APRIL 16, 2014 | 37
Family Centered Medicine
Serving the GLBT community for over 15 years
Peter Prutch, NP.C, PhD
BEAUTY
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Confidence — á la carte When there’s plastic surgery for everything, where do you draw the line? By Kelsey Lindsey
I
Get to know us better outfrontonline.com /OutFrontColorado ofcnow.co/outbox @OutFrontCO
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| APRIL 16, 2014 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM
’ve always been fascinated by the dissimilar prominence both men and women place on certain physical attributes. For women, some of the characteristics praised and coveted may puzzle someone of the opposite sex: Most men seem to overlook a woman’s cheek bones, eyelash length, and eyebrows. But flip open any women’s magazine on newsstands and your bound to find an article covering one, if not all three, of these trends. This dichotomy is not lost when men are observing their masculine counterparts. I’ve heard men size up others by their height, hairline, and even calves, three attributes I would certainly overlook if they were not called to my attention. Within each sex, there seem to be key characteristics that seem to be only important to those identifying with the gender. Beards have occupied this space for guys; enough so that men in Brooklyn are paying a pretty price of up to $8,500 for beard implant surgery. Patchy beards are apparently a cause for insecurity amongst the male set, enough so that plastic surgeons in these hipster meccas of New York are transplanting hair from other body extremities in an effort to sport a bushy bundle of masculinity on their face. For any haters thinking that we would never find a male equivalent to vajazzlings, I call your bluff. Hipster yuppies — with apparently large disposable incomes — are offering
stiff competition to the California housewife for the most ridiculous plastic surgery investment. Granted, being void of testosterone levels contributing to this trend, my position on the craze might be a little too harsh. Women have adopted a range of seemingly unnecessary procedures to alter their physical appearance, so is it really that shocking that men want to join in on the fun? My only qualm is the direction these practices seem to be heading. There seems to be a range of procedures to alter almost every physical characteristic on our bodies. And if there isn’t one, we’ll engineer it. Am I wrong to think that this is the direction humanity is heading? I would like to think so, but if you told me five years ago men are gluing chest hair on their face, I wouldn’t have believed you. I’m not mad, just disappointed. Disappointed that, despite all the progress society has accomplished in the name of self-acceptance, we still find a new way to alter ourselves. It seems that in the future, a “new” body will be readily available to everyone — offered on á la carte menus in doctors’ offices near you. Kelsey Lindsey is Out Front’s beauty columnist writing from an affirming perspective on being your best you. See more beauty columns at ofcnow.co/beauty or contact Kelsey at kelsey.a.lindsey@gmail.com. What do you think? Join the conversation at ofcnow.co/surgery
OUTFRONTONLINE.COM
| APRIL 16, 2014 | 39
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THRIVE
Medical myth-busting: marijuana edition! By Berlin Sylvestre
O
ne of the more frustrating elements of analyzing marijuana in a medicinal context is the lack of… well, stuff to analyze. Facebook memes shared by the thousands tell us pot is good for everything from PTSD to killing pain, while others tell us we’re on the slippery slope to SchizVille and cancer. And who are we to scoff, as though we know without a shred of uncertainty exactly what it is that pot can do? With laws being what they are, most of our friendly neighborhood scientists have been running into brick walls of red tape trying to catch a ride on the Pineapple Express for our benefit. That said, there are a few saplings of wisdom sprouting from the medical journals of those who’ve managed to break barriers and scrutinize the skunk under a microscope. Let’s examine some of their findings and bust a few myths, shall we?
that not only is marijuana responsible for zero cases of overdose, but that humans have built-in cannabinoid receptors in our cute little noggins that were designed to pick up on the playful parsley! Turns out, this dashing little addition to our nervous system becomes especially active when we partake and orders a portion of our pain receptors to clock out and take a break. The news is good for those suffering from diabetes, HIV/AIDS, cancer, spinal cord injury and many other devitalizing conditions, so who are the haters to wag a finger while we shake what Mother Nature gave us?
“Yeah, well it still can cause deterioration of your brain functions.” On the contrary! Its use in patients with Alzheimer’s revealed some uplifting findings. The Scripps Research Institute in California observed in awe as THC pumped the brakes on production of the enzyme responsible for the accumulation of amyloid plaque — the disease’s primary marker — in Not only is marijuana responsible for zero cases of a “considerably superior” manner to approved Alzheimer’s drugs on overdose, but humans have built-in cannabinoid the market. The researchers concluded that “[c]annabinoids offer a receptors in our cute little noggins that were multi-faceted approach by providdesigned to pick up on the playful parsley! ing neuroprotection and reducing neuroinflammation, whilst simultaneously supporting the brain’s Marijuana and the lungs intrinsic repair mechanisms.” In addition, scientists at “Smoking cigarettes causes pulmonary dysfunction. That the California Pacific Medical Center saw the onset of Lou means smoking pot does too!” Gehrig’s Disease (which affects the brain stem, among Yeah, not so fast. Researchers at the University of other sites) delayed in patients undergoing experimental Alabama recently sifted through the data collected treatment with THC, “potentially extending life expecwhen more than 5,000 cigarette smokers and their tancy and substantially reducing the overall burden counterparts, the weed tokers, agreed to have their lung of the disease.” And these are just two quick examples functions monitored for 20 years. The researchers used from a state that legalized medicinal marijuana! Imagine two straightforward tests: one to test the amount of air the possibilities … a person can breathe out in one second (gauging their overall speed) and another to test the amount of air a “OK, but the paranoia from pot can trigger a mental person can breathe out after taking a maximally deep breakdown.” breath (gauging their overall volume). The tobacco, as So does college algebra and people who drag their feet, previous studies have shown, had an adverse effect on I’ve found. To be fair, studies have shown that the psychoboth the speed and the volume of the smokers’ output, active qualities of THC can cause paranoia and auditory while the pot smokers (particularly those who smoked hallucinations (both which are bad news for the mentally no more than a single joint per day) actually showed fragile), its non-psychoactive “other half” (cannabidiol, or increase in both criteria. CBD) can modify, and in some cases even diminish, the THC like a concert security guard holding the overzealous wannabe stage-diver at bay. It’s often the case that “What about cancer?” To date, there’s been no definitive link that marijuana is weed fortified with too much party and too little bouncer carcinogenic on its own, despite many attempts to prove causes varying degrees of anxiety in the more sensitive otherwise. In fact, after carefully monitoring nearly among us, but people who toe the mental illness line 65,000 pot-puffin’ patients, researchers at the Kaiser should be careful of any script-flipping, both medicinal and recreational. Permanente Medical Care Program in San Francisco concluded that the subjects were not at increased risk for cancer in any of the demographics studied. Their Hippie lettuce and digestion conclusion states that marijuana “was also not associThe Journal of Physiology and Pharmacology published ated with tobacco-related cancers or with cancer of the a study last year centered around pot and the gastrointestinal tract of patients with ulcerative colitis, Crohn’s following sites: colorectal, lung, melanoma, prostate, breast, [and] cervix.” Put that in your pipe and smoke it! and Irritable Bowel Disorder, all of which are inflammatory diseases of the tum tum, scientifically speaking. Pain, the brain and Mary Jane Conclusion: the THC in marijuana works to “protect “You stoner bums are going against nature!” the lining of the stomach and intestine from injury and It would appear that humans dig the wacky tobacky accelerate healing from inflammation.” Anecdotally, the because hey: we’re gettin’ spaced, right? Imagine the nausea and pain of the afflicted are eased with a few frowning among the throng of judgey t-totalers to learn puffs of the good stuff. ¢
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OUTFRONTONLINE.COM
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SEXUALITY
‘Lesbian bed death?’ An encounter with the sexless relationship By Berlin Sylvestre
I
never knew it was a thing, this ‘lesbian bed death,’ until it was mentioned in passing on Showtime’s The L Word. Apparently, a couple had stopped having sex and it was such a common phenomenon among lesbians that it had a name. (The horror, right? Lesbian. Bed. Death.) The notion struck me in (what’re the kids saying these days?) some type of way. I mean, certainly a sexless relationship would be a relationship worth ending, I surmised — at that point you’re just best friends trying desperately not to end up alone. It was a good deal later — a good stretch into my first long-term girlfriend — that it struck me like a skillet thrown from a wagon that we hadn’t had sexy sex in about five months. My blood ran cold with unfavorable epiphany as I lay there, listening to her get into the shower, knowing I wasn’t going to sneak-attack her nakedness with irrepressible affection. At that point, the most I’d managed were quick booty-tweaks and boob-honks from the other side of the curtain on especially goodhumored days. At night, I’d often stay up working on my book or fiddling with the wires coming from the entertainment center (anything, really) while she called from our room, “Come to bed!” It never honestly occurred to me how low I prioritized sex with my ever-patient sweetheart. Not until that morning. Is this the beginning of the end? I worried. No, it can’t be. I love her, I do. This has nothing to do with not loving her. When I asked Cara about it a few days later, she mentioned that she’d noticed I was stressed
out a lot lately. (For the past five months?) I nodded along and rattled off watery excuses (bills, school, family) like they somehow prevented me from turning her around by her hips in the kitchen and masterfully encroaching her privacy or ambushing her as she changed into yoga attire. Like I used to. Like I used to with many-times-daily frequency. Back when things were better. And I would agonize in bed at night, knowing that all I had to do was reach over and show my feelings in that type of way. But I didn’t want to. I became irritable, more upset with myself than anything else. I thought of all the people from her past, present and potential future who could lavish her with the sexual attention she not only deserves, but most likely needs, in spite of her insistence to the contrary. How awful of me to put her through this desert of a love life, watching the tumbleweeds of depleted love blow by as lazy and empty as her attempts to justify it for my sake. Then I became irritable with her. Why doesn’t she initiate sex more? Why is it just my responsibility to take control of our love life? Well, of course I can’t feel sexy! It’s all this pressure! Where once I was embarrassed, I now felt fit enough to broach the subject with my buddy James, who was single despite his constant surge of gentleman callers…or perhaps because of it, come to think. I filled him in on the lack of sex in my life and he waved his hand. “It’s over,” he said flatly, leaving me to protest and frantically, naively ‘count the ways’ about my lady. He wouldn’t have it. He eventually said
something like: “Take inventory of your relationship and you’ll see that it’s more than just sex you’re missing” and my heart sank. I’d been doing that anyway. We no longer talked about the things we saw in our future; we didn’t playfully argue over marriage or kids or a home in California; we didn’t go jogging together, didn’t want to meet for lunch, didn’t talk politics or school or damn-near anything we used to rattle on for hours on end about. I’d been kicking and screaming that the deep bond we shared transcended sex, but who was I really kidding? Certainly not us. Months later, it happened. I met a girl at the university who made my knees quiver and my heart race. I tried to deny it, avoiding her at first. Speaking with her only made it worse, feeling that spark when she’d touch my arm or laugh at length at my anecdotes on college life. How I missed that rush of vitality! Partly through shame, I tried to reignite the lost magic between my girlfriend and me which was an utter and miserable failure that made me finally drink the water life had lead me to. We both deserved better than this facade. When we called it off, James didn’t gloat. He took me out to Midtown for drinks and assured me that lesbians aren’t the only group of lovers who linger in sexless relationships. “Y’all just stay for longer,” he laughed, assuring me that when I look back on this time years down the road, I’ll see that it was more than a lack of sex that drove us apart. It was just two people changing their minds about the whole idea of union. ¢
BDSM therapy? Kink as a way to heal after sexual violence Dear Shanna, Can BDSM (bondage and discipline, domination and submission, and sadomasochism) or kink practices be healing for survivors of sexual assault? — Therapeutically Interested in Kink
In some cases, allowing a survivor complete control over a sexual power play situation could be healing in that they could either be in a dominant role (which was likely not the case during their assault), or in a submissive role in which they can dictate exactly what does and does not happen, and can have the power hat an incredibly interto stop their interaction at any esting question, and one time. For many individuals, the ASK THE SEXPERT explicit consent that is required that Colorado local Tim Murray Shanna Katz is working on researching with for BDSM and/or any kink play his awesome project A Kink in can be empowering. the Cure, which examines the experiences with On the other hand, it can sometimes be members of the kink and BDSM communities and overwhelming, or even re-triggering of previous the therapeutic benefits and challenges they have experiences or interactions. Sometimes, the surviexperienced in these communities. So the long vor won’t even realize that something might trigger answer? Check out Tim’s work and contribute to them until they are in the middle of a situation, and his project in a quest for more knowledge around it could be something as seemingly innocuous as this issue: facebook.com/AKinkInTheCure a certain song playing on the radio, or a scent that The shorter answer? Anything can be either could trigger memories or emotions. Taking that helpful or hurtful (or even both in some cases) to into account, setting up a pre-negotiated kinky play survivors of sexual assault or any type of violence. date could seem like a great idea, until something
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winds up not going according to plan or triggering someone and compounding their trauma. Solution? Communication is going to be an important part of figuring out what will work for you, and/or what will work for your partner. Consider also bringing in a sex-positive or kink aware professional to the conversation to support your planning — and to support you when things either go really well, or really not as planned. Be aware that intimacy and sexual activities always can result in unexpected emotional reactions, regardless of experiences of sexual assault or other trauma, so just be open about what is going on, and be ready to be flexible when the best laid of plans may change at the last minute. Best of luck! ¢ Shanna Katz, M.Ed, ACS is a board-certified sexologist, sexuality educator and author who believes in open source, accessible sexuality education. Visit ofcnow.co/sexpert to read past columns, or for more info on teaching adults to optimize their sex lives. visit ShannaKatz.com. Send Shanna a question for her column at ShannaKatz@gmail.com.
BEAUTY IN BALANCE T I R E D O F B E I N G J U D G E D B Y YO U R LO O KS ? Dear Brent, I know I’m not the hottest guy on the planet, but I’m not ugly either. I’m not expecting that everyone is attracted to me, but it seems like there are so many guys that are way too superficial and only looking for someone that is really hot. I have many great qualities that I think people would appreciate, but it seems like I can’t even get to the initial meeting to let them get to know me. Why does it seem like you have to be gorgeous to get anywhere with dating?
T
here are some in our community that feel that physical beauty is much more important than what exists that is beautiful under the surface. Many of us may have the tendency to gauge our self-esteem by how we look in the mirror, appear to others, or how people flirt with us when we go out or log on. Although not completely based around those ideals, many times we may feel less attractive due to how we are seeing ourselves at that moment. It may influence our decision to engage others in conversation or flirt with a cute guy across the room. Ego blows can be devastating. Many of us struggle with our insecurities, but they are made so much worse when we feel that we are being rejected or dismissed because of them. On the flip side, there are also things that we find attractive in others that we search out. There are an infinite number of qualities that individuals are attracted to, not just the ones that can be noticed during a first glance. Of course, there are most often those things that are noticed quickly that can entice an onlooker to look harder and deeper. Thankfully there is a wide variety of qualities that people find attractive. It is much more than simply six-pack abs and baby blue eyes. I think most people would agree that a hot douchebag is still a douchebag. They may be pretty for looking and could assist you in a fantasy when rubbing one out, but chances are that their personality would be a huge barrier to creating any type of friendship or deeper connection.
HEINZESIGHT Brent Heinze
In a perfect world, there would not be a concern about inner and outer beauty being out of balance. We would all be completely fulfilled people. I’m not proposing that the only awesome people are those that look like models paired with the intellect of a rocket scientist, the giving nature of Mother Theresa, and the social proclivities of Justin Timberlake. In reality, we can only work on ourselves by trying to find a healthy balance of personal aspects that makes us feel like a well-rounded person. Of course physical characteristics are some of the most identifiable reasons why you may be checking someone out or want to go up to strike up a conversation, but hopefully after the initial meeting happens, you have the opportunity to peel back the layers of the individual and find more engaging aspects about them. In turn, they can dive deeper into your gooey center to find out about the amazing parts of you as well. Luckily, there are fantastic people out there that will be drawn to our internal and external qualities while appreciating us for who we are. They are amazing inside and outside with beautiful personalities and souls to match. This combo can make them hot as hell. ¢ Brent Heinze, LPC, is a licensed professional counselor. Get more HeinzeSight online at ofcnow.co/brent or send him a question for his column at PerspectiveShift@yahoo.com.
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