July 17 :: The Evolution of Masculine Fashion

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Vol. XXXVii iSSUe #8 July 17, 2013 t

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CONTENTS

CoVeR SToRY: ReADY To weAR

18 SO LIV FO CUS CIAL ING 6 9 13 14 16 17

letter from the editor news show & tell panel voices bleed like me the lesbian socialite

26 28 30 32 33 35

food for thought high society bar rag bar tab bar map on the scene

38 the interview 43 gay aesthetic 42 metropolitan 50 back in the day 52 sexuality 53 heinzesight

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14 26 On the cover: Willie recht // Cover photography by Chad Chisolm // www.Creationize.com 4

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Serving the LGBT Community of the Rocky Mountains since 1976 3535 Walnut Street Denver, Colorado 80205 Phone: 303-477-4000 Fax: 303-325-2642 Email: info@outfrontonline.com Web: OutFrontOnline.com Facebook: facebook.com/OutFrontColorado Twitter: @OutFrontCO Out Front is published by Transformation Communications Group, LLC, a Colorado limited liability corporation and is a member of: Denver Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce and Denver Drama Critics Circle.

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EDITORIAL NIC GARCIA / Executive Editor Email: Nic@outfrontonline.com MATTHEW PIZZUTI / Features Editor Email: Matt@outfrontonline.com KRISTIN ZIEGLER / Editorial intern CONTRIBUTING WRITERS: Brent Heinze, Robyn Vie-Carpenter, Scott McGlothlen, Jeff Steen, Josiah Hesse, Gary Kramer, Mike Yost, Ashley Trego, Nuclia Waste, David Marlowe, Jonathan McGrew, Chris Azzopardi, Shanna Katz, Noelle Leavitt Riley, Amy Lynn O’Connell, Kristin Ziegler, Steve Cruz, Rob Barger, Lauren Archuletta.

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ART SARA DECKER / Creative Director Email: Sara@outfrontonline.com DENEE PINO / Creative Strategist CHARLES BROSHOUS / Photographer

disTribuTion: Out Front Colorado’s print publication is available semi-monthly, free of charge in Colorado, one copy per person. Additional copies of Out Front Colorado may be purchased for $3.95 each, payable in advance at Out Front Colorado offices located at 3535 Walnut Street, Denver CO, 80205. Out Front Colorado is delivered only to authorized distributors. No person may, without prior written permission of Out Front Colorado, take more than one copy of Out Front Colorado.

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Re-claiming fashion

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ditorial duties on my high school newspaper staff were allotted by rotation – for every monthly issue we’d all head up a different section, so in each edition of The Standley Lake High School Overview I was “editor” of something new: features, news, and one month – lamentably – sports.

CONNECT WITH MATTHEW

reach features editor matthew Pizzuti by email at matt@outfront online.com, phone 303477-4000 ext. 712.

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though it’s only true for some.

Each plays a role in identifying the community’s who’s who. I tend to instinctively reject things with an “elite” component – all the worst evils in human history share the core feature of people considering themselves better than someone else. I can follow trends and understand what they’re about, and know the way I dress probably makes some difference in how people see me, I just can’t bring myself to participate until I have to.

But, I really like this issue’s cover story. That’s because the men and women in this story are doing something that seems different – not using fashion to place themselves in society, but to de-institutionalize fashion itself and in some cases use it to show what the whole world can be.

They all have a discernible look, a sense of class and an awareness of time and place, but never once in any of our interviews was a mention of an expensive brand or dollar amount, except when people were talking about what they used to wear. Not once was there a mention of what’s “in style,” what is “flattering” or “slimming” or “dated” – it was about what they want to say about their attitude toward fashion. I think it’s re–claiming fashion.

It’s re–claiming fashion as art, designers as artists, and the rest of us as curators who put it on display. It’s re–claiming our physical selves as canvasses for expression, which the human body has been used for for tens of thousands of years, and claiming masculinity or femininity as something you pull on like an outfit (or don’t) instead of as what a male has to be and a female shouldn’t be. It’s re–claiming fashion as a more conscious expression and dimension of human life, and I think that’s an idea we can all wear.

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ABOut tHE cOntrIButOrS:

CHAD CHISHOLM owns a fullservice Denver-based photography studio. His work takes him around the globe from shooting weddings and events to portraits and marketing materials, editorial content and food photography. To learn more visit r www.creationize.com. t See Chad’s work on the cover of this issue, and inside on Page 18.

Colorado Springs-based writer, AMANDA MILLER, loves a good story. She has been writing about people and how they interact with the world around them for newspapers and other mediums from New York to Alaska and Jackson Hole. Now that she’s settled back in her hometown, she’s happy to have a chance to share peoples’ stories in OutFront. t Read Amanda’s report on the impact of the Supreme Court’s marriage equality decisions on Page 8.

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Editors were expected to write personal columns introducing their sections, and when it was my turn to edit sports, my request to put my column on somebody else’s page (on the grounds that having to speak personally about sports was like forcing a dog to do math) was denied. I’d been staring glass–eyed at a blank page, indulging myself to stubborn resentment, for most of an hour when sudden angels of inspiration whispered the perfect title: “Sports Hated Me First.”

At first it was a joke, but when I actually wrote it, my column turned out to be a pretty triumphant moment for me – everyone in school (read: a couple people I overheard) were debating about it, and a popular guy gave me a thumbs–up in the hall (OK, he was a teacher). I bring this all up only because this is a fashion issue in an LGBT publication where many readers know the topic well, but I do not, and find myself strangely flashing back to that “sports opinion” column.

I don’t actively dislike fashion, but lets just say I’m really grateful to have a job with no dress code. If you ever see me in something nice, understand – they’re probably my boyfriend’s clothes. When I’m supposed to go to an “important” event I’ll be looking into my closet sweating.

There’s also a story that keeps coming up at the office: At last summer’s “surprise staff-bonding activity,” we were told to “bring a change of old clothes” for what turned out to be a water balloon fight. When it was time, I changed out of an old pair of khaki cargo shorts into another old pair of khaki cargo short. The second pair of shorts had an ink stain, so they were not identical, but I guess that only furthers what the story says about me.

Maybe there are some parallels between the role of fashion for gay men and the role of sports in a suburban high school.

Each is supposed to be a huge part of “the experience” even

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SPEAKOUT

Help is just a phone call away

By Sandhya Luther Reaching out for help is not easy for many of us, especially when we have experienced violence.

Often times we feel shame, isolation, fear of blame or being revictimized. And when our friends come to us for support we may not know what to say or what to do.

That’s why the Colorado Anti-Violence Program’s 24-hour statewide hotline is here to provide free, confidential and anonymous support to LGBT and queer individuals who have experienced any type of harm.

We are also here to support friends and family members of LGBT and queer people. Through our hotline, you can receive support, information on what services and options are available to you like referrals to therapists, shelters, and other services, as well

violence or brutality.

Our advocates get that our lives are multifaceted: the complexities that make up our identities, the walls of oppression that limit our choices, the webs of community resources and relationships that hold us together, the layers of experiences that make us both more vulnerable and more resilient, the families that sometimes support us, sometimes turn us away.

They get that yes, Colorado has anti-discrimination laws in place that offer protections from discrimination based on sexual orientation, gender identity and gender expression, but our lived experiences may be more about the barriers we face when trying to get services, the subtle and not–so–subtle discrimination we deal with in public places, schools, workplaces or even our homes, and lack of access or

They [our advocates] get that yes, Colorado has anti–discrimination laws in place that offer protections from discrimination based on sexual orientation, gender identity and gender expression, but our lived experiences may be more about the barriers we face when trying to get services, the subtle and not–so–subtle discrimination we deal with in public places, schools, workplaces or even our homes, and lack of access or lack of safety. as access to advocacy to receiver services oftentimes denied to us.

Your call will be answered by one of our volunteer advocates – a small group of dedicated people who volunteer their time to ensure all Coloradans are supported.

Each volunteer completes 40 hours of extensive advocate training.

LGBT and queer people from across the state who call our hotline often experience hate violence (about half the number of calls), intimate partner violence (an issue many of us are not comfortable talking about, even though 25-33 percent of us experience it), sexual violence, dating violence, pick-up violence, discrimination (from roommates, landlords, coworkers, employers, service providers, shelters), harassment (in–person or through email and social media), stalking (by ex–partners or strangers), and last, but not least, police 8

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lack of safety. Our advocates understand our hesitancy to report to law enforcement, because we fear re– victimization or mistreatment.

As our understanding of violence and community needs deepen, CAVP is evolving to address violence in all its forms across the state. We believe in order to break cycles of violence, we must develop creative and innovative strategies that go beyond providing services to addressing root causes. CAVP’s three main programs Advocacy, Training and Education and Youth Organizing address root causes of violence using unique and mutually supportive strategies.

We hope you will never need to use it, but if you do, you will know where to find it: 303-852-5094 and 888-852-5094.

Sandhya Luther is the director of advocacy for the Colorado Anti-Violence Program.

NewS

DOMA decision makes marriage meaningful for military

By Amanda H. Miller When Air Force Maj. Jeff Mueller moves to Los Angeles from Colorado Springs in January, the military will probably cover his fiancé Eric Gustafson’s moving expenses and offer an extra housing allowance for the couple – benefits that have traditionally only been available to heterosexual married couples.

Because the Supreme Court struck down the portion of the Defense of Marriage Act limiting federal benefits only to straight married couples last month, the Department of Defense will begin to extend full benefits to same-sex military spouses “as soon as possible,” the Pentagon said in a statement after the ruling.

“This is great timing,” Mueller said. “LA is not a cheap place to live. The extra housing allowance and the moving expenses – hopefully all of this is going to make the whole move a lot less stressful.”

Mueller, who works in missile defense at Schriever Air Force Base, expects he’ll even be able to transfer the remainder of his GI Bill benefits to help Gustafson pay for his doctorate.

Even though the two have been together for eight years – since the days of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell when their relationship would have been grounds for Mueller’s dismissal – the Air Force never considered Gustafson in Mueller’s assignments before.

Both Mueller and Air Force reservist Ashley Metcalf had scares early in their military careers when friends told them they were being investigated for homosexual activity. If the investigations would have turned up any evidence, these career military men could have lost their positions.

For Metcalf, who is in the reserve at Buckley Air Force Base, the DOMA decision isn’t just about benefits.

“Tears came to my eyes when I heard,” Metcalf said. “It’s a weird feeling. I understand the weight of it all. I’ve been to Iraq and Afghanistan. I’ve been to those places and I come home and don’t have the benefit of loving who I want to love and that made me crazy.”

He’s never taken a partner to a military function before and he never used to think of marriage as an option.

But that’s all changing now – in part because of his current boyfriend and in part because it’s suddenly imaginable, he said.

Who will be eligible for spousal benefits?

There are still a lot of questions about how the Pentagon will make benefits available and who will be eligible.

“When it comes to the military, they were actually starting to move forward anyway, even without the Supreme Court decision,” said John Kelly, president of the Rocky Mountain chapter of American Veterans for Equal Rights. “If the

court had ruled differently, it might have slowed things down. But it was already happening.”

Before he left office in February, former Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta started working on developing a framework for extending at least some military benefits to same-sex couples and said they would be more extensive if DOMA was eliminated.

Mueller said he and his fiancé are planning a wedding after their big move to California. They want to have a ceremony and reception and invite all their friends and family. Whether they wait until they can have a full wedding to make it official or not depends on how the military extends benefits to same-sex couples.

Leaders in LGBT military and veterans advocacy groups, such as AVER, say the military could limit benefits to military couples officially married in one of the 13 states where it’s legal, or extend them to couples in civil unions and domestic partnerships.

If the defense department extends benefits to couples in domestic partnerships, Mueller and his fiancé will most likely get the approval they need for Gustafson to be eligible. If a civil union is required, they can do that here in Colorado and save the ceremony for after the move. If they must be legally married, they might go to California and make it official ahead of the move, putting the ceremony off until they’ve had a chance to settle into their new home in LA. Mueller said he expects word to come down about how benefits will be extended within six to 12 weeks.

“Everybody is just kind of waiting for this information to come out,” Mueller said. “But the information flow has been pretty good.”

There is also uncertain impact on already– discharged veterans.

“There’s a lot of information still going out about whether there will be benefits for veterans or not,” Kelly said.

For now, it appears benefits will be limited to veterans who have been officially married in states that legally recognize same-sex marriage, he said. And there are questions about whether the Department of Veterans Affairs will extend benefits to the same-sex spouses of officially married veterans if they don’t currently live in a state that recognizes their marriage.

But Kelly said he expects veterans’ benefits will continue evolving and will follow those for active duty military personnel.

“I think you’re going to see a very quick move coming out of Washington for all federal agencies,” Kelly said. “That’s partly because the Obama administration has been solid behind it. The move is not just going to be with the military, but pretty much all federal agencies are going to have to be the first. Obama is not going to sit on it.”

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What service members should do when new policies start: Military personnel are required to report changes in their dependents to the Defense Enrollment Eligibility Reporting System within 30 days of a change.

• To register a spouse, you will need a marriage certificate or a determination from a Staff Judge in the instance of common law marriage.

• The Pentagon has not said when the 30 days will start, but personnel should notify their DEERS office as soon a possible.

Some benefits military spouses get: • ID card • Base access • TRICARE medical insurance • Family separation allowance • Ability to move off base with spouse • Command-sponsored visas when stationed overseas • Joint duty assignments FOCUS

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oUt in colorado

Center launches young professional group The GLBT Community Center will launch its LGBT Young Professional program for those under 35 July 25. The first networking event begins at 6:30 p.m. and will be hosted on the rooftop at 1301 E. Colfax Ave. The networking event is open to students, recent graduates and entrepreneurs. The networking event is causal. For more information contact The Center at 303-733-7743 and at r glbtcolorado.org.

Glow in the dark fun run

e OTHER REGULAR NETWORKING EVENTS

A DAY AT THE PARK FOR LGBT FAMILIES

If you’re coming back from your evening run even more soaked then usual because of the heat, we might have just the solution: Denver’s inaugural Neon Splash Dash. Registration is now open for the Aug. 10 race at Dick’s Sporting Goods Park in Commerce City, 6000 Victory Way. The run will benefit the Colorado’s Children Hospital and Colorado Firefighter Calendar.

Organizers promise the wildest and brightest nighttime running event you’ve ever seen. To register go to r neonsplashdash.com

The Denver Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce hosts a monthly breakfast on the second Thursday of each month at Randolph’s at The Warwick Hotel at 1776 Grant St. For more information go to denverglc.org. The Denver Gay Professionals meets monthly at various locations around the city. For details on the next event, go to r denvergayprofessionals.com

Psychologist and co–author of Hugs of Three: My Mommies and Me and Hugs of Three: My Daddies Stacey Bromberg will be on hand to discuss LGBT family issues at an LGBT family field day at 10 a.m., July 28 at Bellview Park, 5001 S. Inca in Englewood.

Books will be available for purchase and portions of the proceeds will go to The Center’s Family programming. Bellview Park offers a petting zoo and train rides for $1.50 per person.

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obituary

Tenacious athlete, lover of animals Shelli Wagner A passionate athlete, successful business owner and lover of animals, Shelli Kay Wagner died June 26 in her home surrounded by her family and close friends. She was 49.

She will be remembered for her determination and will to lead the best life despite being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, her family said.

A celebration of her life will be held at 4 p.m., July 11 at The Barn at Evergreen Memorial Park.

Born April 13, 1964 to Gene and Judy Wagner of Sterling, Wagner graduated from Sterling High School in 1982. She then attended Northeastern Junior College for two years and played for both the women’s basketball and softball teams. She continued her education at the University of Northern Colorado and graduated with a degree in education. It was during her tenure at UNC she was diagnosed with MS. And while she was unable to continue playing herself, Wagner soon found herself teaching and coaching basketball in Eaton.

Wagner later went on to work for K-Mart and own her own massage therapy business, Loosen Up! Among her other accomplishments: she conquered the Bolder Boulder, traveled across the U.S. and Mexico and became a Master Diver.

Wagner died due to PML, a brain infection caused by her MS treatments. She is survived by her partner Heather Nanstiel, father Gene Wagner, sister and brother-inlaw Mindy and Jeff Stewart, brother and sister-in-law Tyler and Shelly Wagner, niece MacKenzie Stewart, nephews Ryley Stewart and Ryan, Caden, Kye and Reese Wagner and many, many beloved friends. Shelli

Shelli Wagner is preceded in death by her mother Judy Wagner, paternal grandparents Muriel and Gilbert Wagner, and maternal grandmother Anna Star.

Wagner had an immense love for all animals. A special fund has been created in her name at Canine Partners of the Rockies.

The organization trains and places service dogs for people with disabilities in Colorado. The ShelldiKay Fund, (ShelldiKay was a nickname bestowed by Wagner’s grandmother) was formed specifically to help pay for emergency veterinary services for service dogs whose human partners cannot afford to pay for them. The Fund will also help puppy trainers cover the veterinary costs associated with raising great service dogs. Memorial contributions can be made to the ShelldiKayr Fund at Canine Partners of the Rockies, caninepartnersoftherockies.org.

FYI

Feds won’t recogonize civil unions WASHINGTON — Same-sex couples in a civil union will not be eligible for most federal benefits now available to married, same-sex couples.

In a series of memos, The Office of Personnel Management announced that same-sex or other couples who are not legally married “will remain ineligible for most federal benefits programs,” although any existing benefits provided to domestic partners “will remain intact.”

The announcement means that the federal government will treat civil unions differently than legal same-sex marriages.

The action by OPM follows the June 26 decision by the Supreme Court which ruled Section 3 of the Defense of Marriage Act unconstitutional. Colorado is one of four states that currently offers civil unions to same-sex partners.

– LGBTNation.com 12

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marriaGe eQUalitY

Lesbian couple: DOMA bankrupted us

By Nic Garcia As thousAnds of binAtionAl sAme-seX couples Are celebrAting federAl recognition for the first time, a Colorado couple is struggling to find a way to be together in a country that’s laws finally accept them.

Inger and Philippa Knudson-Judd, married April 3, 2012, in Iowa, have been separated by the lack of federal policies protecting their relationship since 2009. Now, Inger, a U.S. citizen, and Philippa, a U.K. citizen, are separated by an ocean and the lack of the thousands of dollars it will take to bring Philippa to Englewood permanently and lawfully.

The couple has spent so much of their money living around the federal Defense of Marriage Act – which was struck down in part by the Supreme Court last month – that they’re now faced with living in a world without DOMA and still being apart.

“DOMA has completely bankrupted us,” Inger said in an interview.

In the five years they’ve been together there has been 19 round trips between Denver and Norwich, England, and an average monthly phone bill of $600.

“Our financial reality was always the next trip,” Inger said.

inger, left, and philippa Knudson-judd.

To bring Philippa to the U.S. the couple will need to save for moving expenses and legal fees which they expect will easily climb into the thousands of dollars.

The federal government has begun issuing green cards to non-U.S. citizens based on marriage status. But it can be a lengthy and complicated process taking several months or years. Last week, an Irish lesbian married to a Colorado woman became the first in the nation to be awarded a green-card based on their relationship status.

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“There is so much legal paperwork to be done, and we want it done correctly,” Inger said. “We’re terrified of screwing (the immigration process) up. We don’t want to make any mistakes.”

The couple has chronicled their struggles on the social media network Facebook, growing an audience and support system of other binational couples. And some of the thousands of followers are coming to their aid.

Shannon Maynard, connected to the couple only through Facebook, has launched a crowdfunding initiative to bring Philippa to the U.S. In eight days, Maynard has raised more than half of her goal of $5,000 to give to the couple.

Whether enough money is raised to bring Philippa home immediately or the couple has to scrimp and save — something they’re prepared to do — there is a new hope.

“We’re still 5,000 miles apart, but we’ve never been better off,” Inger said. “It’s really emotional to sit back and see that people do care about us.”

this story was first reported in out box, out front’s weekly e-newsletter. to sign up, visit outfrontonline.com

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PANEL

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Julia Hatch is a psychotherapist.

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Iowa native George K. Gramer, Jr. is the president of the Colorado Log Cabin Republicans.

Brianna J Matthews is a 43-yearold post–op Trans–lesbian woman ready to take on the world.

I have always felt like the transgender community got lumped into the LGBT acronym because, like the others, they were misunderstood and considered aberrant.

Like society’s views toward same-sex attractions, the unchallenged heteronormative mind was just not able to grasp with ease the concept of mind and body gender differentiation.

That time is over. With the increased exposure the gay and lesbian community gets, I think it is high time that the myth and confusion around trans people is dispelled and other members of the LGBT acronym should be ready and willing to play an Oscar-worthy supporting role.

Trans rights spring directly from a struggle for recognition that our whole “aberrant” community knows all too well, and I feel it’s time that we say “Rights for us all – together.”

Pieter Tolsma

Cissexism and transphobia aren’t inherent to just the LGB community – they’re inherent to all those who allow themselves to harbor those prejudices. To get over negative reactions to trans people we have to be willing to look beyond what we expect in ourselves and others when it comes to gender.

I am a lesbian – I always have been and always will be. Being a post–op trans person doesn’t make that more of a reality for me than it was before, but it does leave some lesbian women looking the other way – not because they know what I do or don’t have, but because of their assumptions about dating a trans woman even though she has fully–functioning “parts.”

There are times I wish we had ID tags for everyone that didn’t say “trans” or “lesbian” or “gay” but instead, “great heart” or “open and caring,” so the world would see what are on the inside, and how we would make a great friend, lover or partner, given the chance of an open heart.

We need to be less judgmental toward those who don’t fit the stereotype of male or female. That’s where it starts.

A viral video of Dustin Hoffman regarding his role as a woman in the 1982 film Tootsie says it all: http://ofcnow.co/rcV

Brianna J. Matthews

Some would categorize the LGBT community as a class – I think perhaps this is for political expediency, and not because of huge commonalities between the four lettered components.

As a gay man, I find on the whole I have very little in common with the transgender community. Admittedly aside from occasionally attending The Rocky Horror Picture Show, my own experience with crossing gender norms is limited. The fact of the matter is that everyone (those darned heterosexuals included) is wired differently. We interact and understand based on our abilities to do so – all in different ways.

Still, one should ask the question “why lump us together?”

Are there perhaps some commonalities we can leverage? What differences can we surmount (or not)? However, when we get down to the nitty gritty, aren’t we all Americans? Can’t we all just get along? Aren’t we human beings despite tags and differences in our internal wiring?

Sometimes, it’s just difficult being oneself, let alone contemplating the connections with everyone else. We just need to accept and love everyone, regardless, as brothers and sisters. That should get us through.

George K. Gramer, Jr.

Julia Hatch

The trans community shares a lot with the LGB community – this includes the same problems of high rates of drug use, depression and suicide stemming from a history of exclusion and abuse by society as a whole. Both segments face job discrimination, social ostracism and threats of violence.

This doesn’t mean that relations between us have always been friendly and cordial. Early on, many lesbians despised what they called “transvestites” because they thought that transgender men were mocking them. There were some gay rights activists who have called for our exclusion from the lesbian and gay movement in order to gain more legitimacy with the straight community.

I’ve even heard similar attitudes from some transgender people who didn’t want to be mistakenly labeled gay.

These days, relationships between the LGBT communities have greatly improved and they’re getting better. These relations could further serve the transgender community if we could get support for our continuing fight for insurance coverage for the medical care we need and the struggle to get our diagnosis in the Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorderse liminated.

I’m quite optimistic relationships within the LGBT community will continue to improve.

How do you see the lesbian and gay community’s relationship with the transgender community?

Pieter Tolsma is program coordinator of Denver PIQUE, a program for gay/ bi young men in Denver.

Interested in becoming one of the voices on Out Front’s panel?

Contact the editorial department by email at editorial@outfrontonline.com or call 303-477-4000 ext. 702 to be considered.

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bleed like me

Another round with education During class lectures, I was able to pay – but running over. To keep up, I quit all of my volPeople often say to enjoy school attention for the full three hours, unlike unteer jobs and barely saw my friends. Workouts while it lasts – that once you’re in the the old days when I would start day- became infrequent, which was ironic because workforce, you will miss it. By the time dreaming in the first 15 minutes. I took they were very thing that fueled my interest in I neared my end of college, I couldn’t nutrition.

Schoolwork this all as a good imagine it could possibly be true. If I went back to tedious obsign. Although had to crack one more textbook, my ligations rather than a it took a big head would explode. The idea of a positive life choice. chunk of my 40–hour workweek (without evenings The reality finally time, school spent studying) seemed much more The stress had built up so hit. Though I’d wanted did in fact seem appealing. much that I decided to take a Scott McGlothlen worth it. it so badly, going back to At first that was true. I much presemester off. I felt a sense of school was harder than I But as I proferred going to work and leaving it imagined. At this point, I behind at the end of each day. But eventually I got gressed into my second disappointment that my will was only going part time restless – work became monotonous and I had semester, my exciting hadn’t been as strong as others and it already slapped new hobbies that I wished could be new career second round of adult edwho went back to school, but my lifestyle in the face. paths. People suggested I go back to school but ucation began to get agThe stress had built the idea seemed like a fantasy – how could I do gravating. It wasn’t just returning had become a return up so much that I decided the 40-hour workweek that while working full time? to hardship. Still unsure of to take a semester off.

After a couple years wrestling with it, I finally I should have considwhether I will continue on or I felt a sense of disaptook action. My new passion for food and fitness ered; things I loved, like pointment that my will led to a master’s program for nutrition. The first writing, working out, not, I now wonder if a fantasy hadn’t been as strong as hanging week of my first semester approached so fast I volunteering, future is simply not worth others who went back almost didn’t catch the pre–assigned readings out with friends and sacrificing a happy present. to school, but returning before the first class, and found myself left with spending time with my had become a return to two days to cram in some monster texts – yet I partner, had already liked it. It was different than my previous school- filled my free time. All of the different hats I hardship. Still unsure of whether I will continue ing; this time I wasn’t there because I had to be wore in my daily life morphed into a juggling act on or not, I now wonder if a fantasy future is and becoming a student would be the most time simply not worth sacrificing a happy present. but because I wanted to be.

Weeks into the program, my brain still felt intensive hat of all.

My thirst for knowledge wasn’t only quenched r Email Scott at scott@outfrontonline.com thirsty. I enjoyed sitting down to read textbooks.

d ‘‘

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Outfrontonline.com

the lesbian socialite

Honesty cures the dilemmas of dating

Robyn Vie-Carpenter r Follow Robyn on Twitter @The LesSocialite

Here’s how I look at it.

If someone doesn’t light you up early on – in somewhere other than your loins – why keep going? I think it’s wrong to string someone along if you don’t feel it.

Some friends were lamenting about dating and how difficult it is. The whole point of dating is to find your match – the person you’re supposed to be with for life. But many of you have scoffed at the idea of for life because sometimes “for life” becomes “until it’s over.”

Here’s a dilemma, though. If you begin each dating opportunity with an expectation that this could be “the one,” you may come off as intense or reckless. But if you never fully believe this could be “the one,” you never fully commit to a relationship. What do you do?

As light and airy as I might seem, I’m really very matter–of–fact – I expect people to be who they are. So, when I meet someone and I don’t quickly feel a spark of chemistry, I don’t really see a reason to continue a romance. Is that harsh?

Here’s how I look at it. If someone doesn’t light you up early on – in somewhere other than your loins – why keep going? I think it’s wrong to string someone along if you don’t feel it.

For example, I went on three dates with a woman – attractive, smart, witty, professional, accomplished. A gentlewoman. She asked me out and I accepted. First for coffee, that’s always the safest. Then the next two dates were at two of my favorite (expensive) restaurants in Denver. By all intents and purposes, she should have been perfect, but by the end of the third date I’d decided to tell her that I couldn’t keep seeing her. At the same time she decided that she needed some indication that this was leading somewhere. It was perfect timing – our mutual dating alarms went off and they were a miss, no harm, no foul.

For some people it’s three dates and you’re out.

For some people it means that you will see, and possibly sleep with, other people while seeing one another. I think the word that gets left out too often is exclusively. If you’re dating exclusively, then it changes your perspective of where it’s going.

Age makes a difference; for me it’s given dating a new meaning. When you’re younger, your life doesn’t have as many obligations – maybe a couple boxes and bags, a pet or two, and you.

That’s all you have to move around, so you can get “serious” quickly – whoever has the better place is where you go.

As you get older, people have their own homes that they don’t want to leave, or children who can’t be yanked around. There’s more of a life to try to fit someone in to, so when you meet someone who opens your eyes and your heart, you figure out whether that person is important enough to work it all out for. Until then, you “date.”

I have to hand it to my people – we are incurable romantics. We keep working at it. I say figure out what works best for you. If you’re on the third date and you know it’s going nowhere, speak up.

It’s only fair.

My advice is go with your gut. Believe me, you’ll know the difference between “the one” and “the one for now.”

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JULY 17, 2013

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COVER STORY

The evolution and revolution

Willie Recht

Manager of Women’s Philanthropy at Allied Jewish Federation of Colorado

of masculine fashion

MATT PIZZUTI: You wear a lot of traditional men’s clothes, but with a couple feminine pieces that mix it up and stand out – like the shoes.

WILLE RECHT: I like to push the limits of what people think a man should dress like. It’s not a political statement – I dress purely for myself – but there’s a sense of freedom that comes from being able to wear whatever you want to.

I get my toes done every month.

They make me happy and I like to show off what makes me happy! I do wear women’s clothes sometimes…the definition is becoming blurry. I’m equally as confident walking in to buy a suit as a women’s scarf.

MP: Did you dress like that growing up?

WR: As a child, I used to sit and watch my grandmothers get dressed. I liked to just watch them become beautiful. Now I like to play with colors and patterns in the same way, without putting on a dress.

I’ve always liked flair but dressed more conservatively in high school, in a large part as a way to hide my sexuality – a lot of Jordans and Tommy Hilfigers. I became more confident and expressive as I grew into myself.

I’ve been lucky to always have family, friends, employers, who allow me to express myself in ways that may not be typically mainstream or masculine.

Artwork: “ Hour Hold” Artist: dYlan sCHolinsKi locAtion: redline GallerY

MP: It sounds like family is particularly important to you – and a lot of the things you wear have a special family significance.

WR: Most of my good stuff is from family. The suspenders were my father’s – you can’t go wrong with paisley, it’s fabulous. These are my grandfather’s tuxedo pants, and my grandmother’s antique YSL pin. It’s nice when I’m wearing something that may be not entirely ‘politically correct,’ and someone says something, and I can say ‘it was my family’s…they accept me.’ And I think putting it that way makes the person saying it more comfortable too.

 araPaHoe street, denver

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COVER STORY

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

Artwork: “MaPPinG infanCY” Artist: Katie Caron locAtion: Center for visual arts, MetroPolitan state universitY of denver  santa fe drive, denver

Ashe Bowen

working on an androgynous modeling agency – although androgynous is a dated word and that’s why I use ‘non–gendered.’ The goal is to transcend gender completely. Nothing like it exists – but that’s why I’m working on it.

Hair Stylist

MATT PIZZUTI: Tell me about your involvement in fashion and how living abroad has influenced it.

ASHE BOWEN: I’ve always had this style – I feel like it’s been ‘preppy chic’ since middle school – but I lived in London for a year when my partner was going for a PhD, where the styles were more non– gendered. Coming back here, there’s no access to non–gendered fashion; it’s all so masculine or feminine. I see my own style as non–gendered rather than one or the other.

MP: So what does it mean to you to be in a photo shoot about masculine style?

AB: I think it was great that I was thought of for this! Although I probably appear to be more masculine than I am.

MP: It’s hard to imagine what ‘non–gendered’ fashion looks like. Is it clothing with no gender component whatsoever, or more of a conscious blending of pieces that are typically considered masculine or feminine?

AB: It’s blending gender together in a way that appears less gendered overall. With the modeling agency, it’s for people who don’t look physically as masculine or feminine to model.

As a hair stylist, I started out seeing mostly lesbian clientele, who wanted a style that doesn’t necessarily have ‘masculine’ or ‘feminine’ attached to it. Sometimes lesbians would just get a men’s cut, but that’s not the same as these cuts, which could look non– gendered whether they’re on a man or a woman.

MP: What kinds of things are you doing with fashion?

Can you talk about the blog you’re planning to launch?

AB: The blog is about promoting local design on the national level, and I’m working on putting together a runway show. I’m also

MP: Is this something you think the culture is moving toward already, or is your position about actively fighting for it?

AB: I think it’s kind of happening – the more I get involved in non– gendered fashion, the more I see it everywhere.

ee OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

COVER STORY

JULY 17, 2013

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Mark Cameron Interior designer, owner of Black Crown Lounge & Crown Accents

MATT PIZZUTI: There’s got to be a story behind that pink cape.

MARK CAMERON: I’ve had it for years; it was given to me by a friend who used to be a showgirl – handmade for her. It’s ancient, heavy and disgusting – I love it.

There was a whole outfit with snap–off titties and all that. When I opened up my very first business at Colfax and Emerson, she was the lover of the girl who owned the T-shirt store next door. It’s kind of cool, because it was my very first business venture and they ended up being ‘family.’ She still comes to Black Crown Lounge a lot.

MP: Do you ever wear the cape?

MC: I wore it at the Pink Party this year. I try not to get rid of anything, ever, because you never know when you’re going to have some opportunity to wear it.

MP: How would you describe your personal style – and is there something you use your clothes to represent about yourself?

MC: It’s vintage – 100 years ago men’s clothing had a little more flare to it. I collect rhinestones, I like a lot of tuxedo shorts, a lot of French cuffs. I always felt it was really unfair that men’s clothing was boring and women’s more colorful. In history, or even in nature, it’s the males who are showy.

MP: Do you see your style as redefining a social concept of masculinity, or just dismissing it altogether?

MC: Well I’m not a drag queen – not coming off as a female persona – but it’s theater. The people I hang out with aren’t going to be turned off by the idea of a man not being ‘masculine.’ Like RuPaul said, ‘We’re born naked, the rest is drag.’

MP: So you’re saying that whether someone’s style is ‘mainstream,’ or more eccentric and unique, it’s all still some level of performance?

MC: That’s how I look at it. I’m not outspoken; I don’t need to talk about myself but I show it through clothing. I’ve not seen anybody that does anything much like I do.

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COVER STORY

Artwork: “HoMe is wHere tHere is love” Artist: inoCente iZuCar locAtion: redline denver OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

Morris Price

District Director for Congresswoman Diana DeGette MATT PIZZUTI: What do you call your look, and what did your personal style develop from?

MORRIS PRICE: Urban professional.

All my jewelry’s from my dad – when he buys things, it’s quality.

Dad was in the military, so I like form, but then I twist it up. I like traditional style with a little bit of mix and clash, like a bright pink shirt under a very traditional gray suit.

I’m not afraid of color. I like the mix of fabric with suede shoes.

MATT: Is that careful mix of professionalism and flair a statement about who you are?

MORRIS: I like to challenge perceptions. I’m a little bit of a contradiction as a gay black male. At a meeting I might be the only AfricanAmerican in the room, so I already stand out anyway. So I guess, yeah, it is a statement about who I am.

MATT: When would you typically wear something like what you’re wearing now?

MORRIS: I run a congressional office, and of course you have to wear a tie. I’m representing the congresswoman. But I might wear what I’m wearing now at fundraisers, art events, cocktail parties, when I’m representing me. It’s more of a professional image and then more of a community image.

MATT: How do you describe the difference?

MORRIS: I think of the structure of any professional clothing as being more traditional, but what you might see different on me is a little bit of color. Socially, it’s still structured – I like loose linen, wider pants – just a little bit of structure. It’s a little unpredictable.

When I go out I don’t want to be defined professionally and just talk about work. But you want to stand out just enough – not so much that it’s a distraction from what you’re there for.

MATT: So it’s all about balance.

MORRIS: In the end it comes down to confidence. You don’t want to spend 10 minutes on something as small as trying to pick out the right pocket square, when in the end no one will notice. People might not pay as much attention to you as you think they’re going to.

ee

locAtion: redline denver OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

COVER STORY

JULY 17, 2013

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Zach Vrba Waiter

MATT PIZZUTI: What do you call this look?

ZACH VRBA: I’m maybe a little boho, but it depends on the day. I’m really casual, but with a pop of color. I mostly wear neutrals, with a little color like right now – black with really blight blue. I also like a lot of gray and navy.

MP: An idea that keeps coming up here is a question whether we’re abandoning the need to look ‘masculine,’ or just expanding its definition. Do you see your style as masculine?

ZV: No! I kind of mix and match with male and female pieces.

My style is more breaking out of masculinity than redefining it. I get a lot of flak for it, but I don’t care – when someone makes fun of my style I kind of rebel and put it out twice as hard.

I’ve been dressing like this for the last five years; I was more ‘Abercrombie–esque’ in high school and later I started to switch it up. I think it’s funny that people gave me flak for dressing like this four years ago, and now I see a bunch of people doing it.

MP: How would you define masculinity in the first place?

ZV: There is no definition. It could be your attitude, or your manners – there are so many levels of it. I think most people think masculinity is a suit and tie, or business sportswear, but nowadays you can twist it up.

MP: How long do you spend getting ready?

ZV: For work, 30 minutes. For play, probably an hour. I like getting ready – it’s that time to yourself when you can do what you do and no one’s there to critique you.

MP: How do you dress differently for work?

ZV: I work at a restaurant, where I’d wear dark skinny jeans, just chucks and a polo. I dress according to occasion; I feel more comfortable when I’m not dressing for work – then maybe skinnys and a tank top.

MP: Are you conscious about how you want to be perceived?

ZV: I just go with it. It depends on the event, but it’s not really about how people see me.

locAtion: liBrarY at redline denver

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JULY 17, 2013

COVER STORY

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

Jody Bouffard Owner of Blush & Blu

MATT PIZZUTI: Where did you get that belt buckle?

JODY BOUFFARD: At a random antique thrift store in rural Vermont, visiting where I grew up.

BMW stands for ‘Below My Waist’ – a real lesbian right here!

MP: What else does your fashion sense say about you?

JB: I’m a jeans and tank top kind of girl. It’s all about comfort. I don’t shop in the girl’s department, unless it’s for bras and underwear because then I don’t have a choice.

Women’s clothes suck, for me – there’s nothing about them that I like.

MP: Do you see your style as masculine?

JB: I see it as ‘futch’ – femme and butch together.

MP: What’s your take on masculinity?

JB: I define it as energy, my energy.

I think I’m more masculine than most men, which can be intimidating sometimes. But it’s not what defines me – it’s what I need to prove myself as a business owner since it puts me on an equal playing field with men.

MP: So does that differ from who you feel you really are, or from your style?

JB: Well sometimes I feel like I was born in the wrong body – not transgender, although as a kid I sometimes thought I was more like a boy. I guess I was just supposed to be a woman but with some masculine characteristics. When it comes to style I do like shopping at thrift stores and boutiques, and always wear rings and necklaces and bracelets – I suppose that’s femme.

I’d also shave my head if I could but it wouldn’t look good on me.

MP: Is there any time you recognize someone else’s style sense as similar to yours?

JB: Gay men. I love gay men’s style, they’re the best dressers and I enjoy their fashion. I like to get the outfits on the mannequins at Express – not individual pieces; I’ll just ask for the whole thing.

My style is still from me, though.

I feel like my style is as unique as I am, and I try not to copy anyone’s.

Artwork: “CaPitol Bonus arMY sinGle, wasHinGton dC //, :PM” Artist: lauren Bon and tHe oPtiCs division locAtion: redline denver

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COVER STORY

JULY 17, 2013

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Post-Gender Post-Script

Artwork: “tHe love Garden” Artist: reBeCCa vauGHan locAtion: redline denver

Artwork: “ePiPHanY” Artist: jane tHoMas locAtion: Center for visual art

Artwork: “untitled” Artist: jeff swanson locAtion: redline denver

e “PEOPLE JUST DON’T CARE AS MUCH ABOUT GENDER ANYMORE,” said Aimee Zawacki, 24, a bartender and graphic designer who lives in Denver’s Capitol Hill neighborhood. “There are lots of important things going on out in the world, and someone doing something new with gender isn’t hurting them.”

Still, in a photo project about “masculinity” – and asked to alternately depict her interpretation of her own masculine and feminine sides through clothing – Zawacki was ready to provide her take. “People look at me differently depending on whether I’m wearing masculine or feminine clothes – when I’m more feminine they look at me like this Barbie doll with super–blonde hair. I’m a tomboy at heart, and somewhere along the line I became a super–girl. I like to think I try ‘butching it up’ a bit here and there – there’s always got to be something that’s not 100 percent girl.”

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COVER STORY

She said it goes back to what she appreciates in others, including people she’s attracted to. “I like when people gender–bend a little bit: some femme qualities in men and masculine qualities in women,” she said. “I think it’s sexy when people bend it up in some way.”

Zawacki is one to disregard labels in general, including for herself. “’Bisexual’ is the term people use for, like, college girls in their dorm room – maybe that’s just my sense of it but I don’t like the way they’re using it, like it’s just a phase, but it’s not,” she said.

“I think the word ‘queer’ is easier to use.”

“For me the issue is people don’t look at me and peg me as queer. They don’t think I’m someone who would be attracted to women, so with women I do all the work introducing myself, and I try to hint at some weirdness.”

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cover story

JULY 17, 2013

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FooD For tHoUGHt

ar 1 ye y p Hap versary anni

Out Front readers get a FREE order of Crab Cheese Wontons with orders over $30

Little Dragon 1305 Krameria Street, G Denver • 303-322-2128 LittleDragonDenver.com

The beauty of Central Bistro

Hamburger Mary’s 700 East 17th Avenue Denver • 303-832-1333 HamburgerMarys.com/denver

Serioz Pizzeria 1336 East 17th Ave. Denver • 303-997-7679 SeriozPizza.com

DJ’s 9th Avenue Cafe DJ’s 9th Avenue Cafe 865 Lincoln St. Denver • 303-386-3375 DjsCafe.biz/.com

JUlY 17, 2013

garnish. Then there are the Confit Chicken Wings.

Talk about reinvented Americana, these bite-sized treats take wings to another realm entirely.

Much like many new American concepts, Central Bistro has embraced the small and shareable plate idea. As far as I’m concerned, that’s the way to go – nestled into a chair under the shade of trees with a chilled white at your fingertips. Take a bite of this, a bite of that, and linger. I did, one breezy Saturday a few weeks back. And perhaps my favorite lingering moments came with the steak tartine, topped with a fried egg and paired with a grain mustard sauce.

What caught me next, and somewhat unawares, was the refreshing watermelon salad. Let it be known that I’m not a fan of watermelon, but the chefs did right by me with this rendition: a delicate pair for capicola, the gentle crunch of jicama, and house-made ricotta. It was a story in itself – mellow, sweet watermelon hit with saltiness, capped with crunch, and soothed with cream. Finished, of course, with a sip of lightly–oaked chardonnay.

One of Central’s unforgettable features has to be the pan–seared halibut. To me, fish is a beautiful and versatile ocean treat, but too often white fish is pegged as a delicate, dainty centerpiece.

I’ll often see it treated to nothing more than a light salad and a quaint sauce. There’s a balance, of course, and Central has found it with this dish: light, flaky fish cozies up to a smoky bacon vinaigrette with rich, earthy mushrooms to give the dish more of well-rounded, layered profile.

And while dessert is by no means necessary, it offers a captivating last word: Nutella Waffles with butterscotch and pretzel ice cream.

,

Central Bistro and Bar 1691 Central St. • 303-477-4582 centralbistrobar.com

When you settle into pre-meal conversation with friends at central Bistro and Bar, you might be distracted by the sprawling letters H–O–t hugging the ceiling above the kitchen. What’s that about? Well, it came from the owner, Isiah Salazar’s, family. Once proprietors of the regency Inn Hotel (now Auraria student housing), they kept the old letters from “HOtEL” and reused them to brand the new, fresh, and HOt central Bistro.

The Melting Pot 2707 W. Main St. Littleton • (303)-794-5666 MeltingPot.com

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SATURDAY IN LOHI IS A THING OF MAJESTY: jocular crowds guffawing over Fail Blog foibles; ladies of laughter chatting atop second–floor patios with beer; the scent of pasta, steak, and crisp white wine lingering on the stiff breeze; and a conviviality that is the sign of a simple, relaxing weekend.

Yes, you say, it’s the up–and–coming LoHi that everyone loves – the Linger–and–Jezebel–dotted culinary scene that draws crowds from every point in Denver.

And yet, it’s already become such a bustle, it’s nice to be a part of the energy without being overwhelmed by it.

That’s where Central Bistro and Bar comes in.

You know where the grand-dame of wurst, Über Sausage, lies, right? Well pass the sausage heading east along the freeway and meander your way to the quaint little bistro on the corner of Central and 17th Streets.

In a city where patiomania is near diagnosable, it’s wonderful to know a restaurant can naturally extend into its environs with comfort and ease, away from the contrived relaxations of crowded intersections and noisy hordes. And yet, the magic of being a part of Denver is still palpable – from a seat on Central’s roomy patio, you can practically touch the spires of downtown across the bridge.

But here, it’s about the food, the company you share it with, and the wine that makes it all complete. Back in the kitchen, two top toques share the reins: Chefs Gerard Strong and Jason Clark. Their inspiration is personal, unique, and wholly American. But as one must confess, being American means being a little bit of everything.

And so, the menu conjures images and flavors from around the globe: Colorado Beef Carpaccio extols the virtue of native meat, while embracing a classic European tradition. It serves as the bed to a surprisingly flavorful arugula salad and, thankfully, is not burdened by slings of sauces and drizzles of

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JULY 17, 2013

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Photo by Brian Miller

HiGH SoCietY

Peter and the Starcatcher Aug. 15 – Sept. 1 1101 13th St. • Denver r DenverCenter.org

Theater to illuminate ‘Sordid Lives’

The Wizard of Oz

Now – Aug. 31 5501 Arapahoe Ave. • Boulder r bouldersdinnertheatre.com

By Kristin Ziegler

Paula Poundstone

August 3 Chautauqua Auditorium • 900 Baseline Road Boulder r chautauqua.com

Oklahoma July 26 – August 4 PACE Center • 20000 Pikes Peak Ave. Parker • r PACEcenteronline.org

KRISTIN ZIEGLER: Why did Illumination Theatre choose to bring Sordid Lives to the stage?

DALE HALTOM: Sordid Lives is one of my favorite movies. I’ve seen it 20, 30 times, and I absolutely love it! I relate to the characters, it’s got awesome humor and it has heart. Parts will make you want to cry because it has very real people. And this all got started one night over dinner. Some acting friends got to the theater and asked me, ‘If you could be in any show, what would it be?’ And I said, ‘Well, it would have to be Sordid Lives.’ We got to talking and one thing lead to another, and I said let’s produce it. And here we are!

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels Sept. 13 – Oct. 13 2450 W Main St. • Littleton r townhallartscenter.com

Curtains

July 5 – July 28 6901 Wadsworth Blvd • Arvada r arvadacenter.org

RFK – A Portrait of Robert Kennedy July 26 – Aug. 31 Vintage Theatre • 1468 Dayton St. Aurora • r vintagetheatre.com

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JUlY 17, 2013

OLIVIA NEWTON JOHN was a little bit country and Leslie Jordan was more than a little bit campy in the 2000 cult film Sordid Lives.

The film, which was fast embraced by LGBT audiences, was based off of a 1996 Drama League Award-winning play of the same name. Written by playwright (and friend of the late Golden Girl and gay icon Rue McClanahan), Sordid Lives tells the story of a kooky Texas family who comes together after the scandalous death of one of their own – a story that Dale Haltom couldn’t wait to share with Colorado audiences.

Haltom is the co–founder and executive producer for Illumination Theatre, a theatre troop who will be bringing the sassy, stirring and ultimately Sordid Lives to the stage July 26 through August 17 at the John Hand Theater.

KZ: What makes Sordid Lives so timeless?

DH: I think it’s because we can really relate to these people – this family, their neighbors and the issues they face. I don’t know if these issues have changed much, especially in the LGBT community.

With coming out, for example, it’s still something that is difficult for a lot of people. And I’m sure it’ll continue to be that way for sometime.

KZ: The play is about a southern family. Do you think there is some kind of Colorado sensibility in Sordid Lives that will resonate with this audience?

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DH: Oh yeah. I think everybody, to a degree, can go back to their roots and relate to many of the things in this play. I don’t think it’s the type of show that’s segregated to a specific community. When Del (a Texas native) wrote it think he chose his characters from his own experiences, but I’m sure the story will feel very relatable to Colorado. The play isn’t defined by any boundaries.

KZ: Shores said the play, as kooky as it might be, is somewhat autobiographical. Did anything in the story really hit home for you?

DH: My dad’s family is from Texas, so we lived there for a while when I was a kid. One of the things I can relate to quite a bit was the bar scene! I mean, I lived that! My dad spent quite a few hours at the bar.

KZ: And Shores will be present opening night!

DH: Yes, he is flying out Friday morning and will attend opening night! We actually have a VIP reception planned with him after the show, and those tickets are available online. The VIP ticket includes preferred seating and attendance to the reception with Del. I’ve spoken with him on the phone quite a bit, and he’s totally up for meeting, greeting and taking photos. Also that night, he is bringing in some of his DVDs and scripts for a silent auction. He’s going to wait until the winner is announced and will personalize each individual item. He’ll also be teaching two master classes on Saturday.

KZ: Is there anything else you’d like to share?

DH: I just want to mention that there are a lot of people who have really helped me out with this.

The biggest help I’ve gotten is from my partner, Russell Gahagen. I’m truly the co-founder, because I could not have done this without him- he’s helped me from the beginning. And also my core team, the people who were present at dinner that night, I really want to give them thanks and praise for all they have done!

Sordid Lives plays July 26 through August 17 at the John Hand Theater. r For more information or to purchase tickets, please visit johnhandtheater.com.

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JULY 17, 2013

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bar raG

HERE’S HOW YOU GET FREE ADMISSION TO TRACKS EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT

Cora Vette is misbehaving at Black Crown

Step 1.

Be over 21.

DJ Sean Mac

An invasion is coming!

“Sometimes, in the midst of all my madness, I wish there were a place I could go to have a nice drink and simply sing. Now I finally have it!” exclaims Cora Vette, one of Denver’s favorite entertainers (and previous winner of an Out Front OutStanding Award). And now every Sunday at 7 p.m. at Black Crown, 1446 S. Broadway, she’ll be serving up dirty martinis and vintage jazz. Drink specials include premium Kettle One martinis and Coin Margaritas for $8.

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JUlY 17, 2013

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e Well, it’s no zombie apocalypse, but the Bear Invasion sponsored by Svedka Vodka, The Denver Wrangler and B.I.G. Productions is sure to be just as exciting. Featuring DJ Sean Mac of Atlanta, the Bear Invasion party, July 27, will include $3 Svedka cocktails and $3.50 domestic bottles.

The Wrangler is at 1700 Logan St. r Listen to DJ Sean Mac at ofcnow.co/djsm

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Step 2.

Find a Tracks employee or manager.

Step 3.

Ask them for a Summer Pass.

Step 4.

Enjoy.

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JULY 17, 2013

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bar tab

Regular happy hour specials and not-to-miss events e Aqua Lounge – Facebook.com/Aqua.Denver Tuesdays: Mile Hi Bullseye Dart League. Open play and free darts at 10 p.m., league play at p.m. 7 p.m.

Wednesdays: Wet Wednesday Dance party with DJ Tatiana and GoGo Dancers; 75 cent beers, $2 wells, $4 Absolut.

Thursdays: Karaoke hosted by Dave Myers at 8 p.m.; half-price bar from 8-9 p.m. e Blush & Blu – BlushBluBar.com DAILY HAPPY HOUR: $3 wells, vino, domestics, lattes; $1.50 PBR’s; $4 shots of Fireball 3 p.m.-7 p.m.

Fridays: Top 40 jams and dance party with DJ JodyB at 9 p.m.

Sundays: Molly’s famous $4 Bloody’s e BoyzTown – BoyzTownDenver.com DAILY HAPPY HOUR: MondayThursday: 3 p.m. till 8 p.m. and Friday–Sunday: noon to 8 p.m.

Mondays–Thursdays: Absolut $4.50 “U Call” Fridays & Sundays: Stoli $4.50 “U Call” Fridays–Sundays: 3Olives $4.50 “U Call” e The Compound Basix – CompoundDenver.com Saturday and Sundays: Pack the Pound with a beer bust.

Sundays: Click and pops with DJ Mark Thomas. $2.50 well vodka, $3 Long Island Ice Teas. e Charlie’s – CharliesDenver.com DAILY BEER SPECIAL: $4 for a 32 oz. domestic pitcher and $8 for a premium pitcher Mondays: Karaoke at 9 p.m. // $2.25 Bacardi (9 p.m.-close) Thursdays: 1/2 price night.

Fridays: $10 Buddy Beer Bust (5-8 p.m.) // $3 Absolute (9 p.m.-close) Saturdays: $5 Beer Bust (2-5 p.m.) e Eden Restaurant & Bar – EdenDenver.com DAILY HAPPY HOUR: $3 Domestics and wells, $2 off wines (4 p.m.7 p.m.) // $4 calls and shots (11 p.m.-midnight) Thursdays: Karaoke with DJ Bella Scratch at 9 p.m.

Sundays: 10 a.m. Yoga, $7 per class e El Potrero – Facebook.com/el.potrero.180

No cover on Wednesdays and Fridays.

Wednesdays: Drag Wednesdays with 2-for-1 beers, $3 rum, and vodka specials, $2 drafts Fridays: Go-Go Fridays with $2 rum and vodka specials, $2 drafts, $5 Jose Cuervo, $15 beer buckets and $5 Jager shots e Li’l Devils – LilDevilsLounge.com Short Bus Mondays: A different beer and cocktail special every Monday, $3 or less.

Wednesdays: $4 22 ounces tanks of your choice.

Sundays: Trivia Night. Compete for free drinks and bar tabs, starting at 7:30 p.m., $3 Smifnoff. e Lipstick Nightclub – lipstick.us.com HOURS OF OPERATION: 8 p.m. to 2 a.m., Wednesday through Sunday.

Visit website for specials. e R&R – rrDenver.com WEEKLY HAPPY HOUR: $3 wells and domestics from 3-8 p.m.

Mondays–Thursday: 3-7 p.m. on Fridays, and 11 a.m.-7 p.m. on Saturdays and Sundays Wednesdays: PBR and a shot of Jager for $6 (8 p.m. to close) Thursdays: $4 3Olives Vodka drinks ALL DAY Sundays: $3 Bloody Mary’s (11 a.m.-8 p.m.) e Tracks – TracksDenver.com Thursdays: Superstar Night, 18 + dance party; Cover: 18-20 $10, 21+ $5 after 10 p.m.

Saturdays: Elevated Saturdays; 2-for-1 drinks between 9 p.m. -10 p.m.; No cover before 10 p.m. e Wrangler – DenverWrangler.com Tuesdays: Tightwad Tuesdays with $2 beer grab, $2 wells, and $3.50 domestics // $5 Buy-in pool tournament Wednesdays: Geeks who Drink Pub Trivia (8-10 p.m.)

Sundays: $8 Legendary Beer Bust (4-8 p.m.)

Don’t miss: Bear Invasion, presented by B.I.G. productions, July 17 with DJ Sean Mac, Atlanta. $3 Svedka Vodka, all flavors.

Bar Tab is sponsored by the above mentioned LGBT inclusive bars.

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e Climax at Vinyl x WHITE PARTY x

July 7, 2013

photos by Charles Broshous

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radioactive vision

Sex on the fly think the door locked by itself.”

A recent Reddit poll asked readers to share access to the bathroom except for He ran to his seat. I locked the door the most unusual place they ever had sex. I us. One dirty thought lead to another and waited. Silence. I slowly cracked and I knew I had to take quick action thought, “Oh, this should be interesting!” open the door and found no one I should have known that straight people’s ideas if I was going to become of member waiting, much to my relief. We both of unusual places to have sex are as bland as a of that 5280 club. earned our Mile High Club wings.

I told my boyfriend that I was going white bread tofu sandwich – hold the mayo. First As fun as that was, it’s still not the of all, 90 percent of the stories involved masturba- to go to the restroom and that he most unusual place I ever had sex. tion – I would hardly qualify that as sex. For me, should wait 20 seconds and then join That prize comes from a Catholic sex involves at least six appendages, with one of me. He looked at me like I was out of church confessional. No, it was not my mind. “Trust me,” them being not your own. There’s with a priest (that’s the first question I said. I jumped up nothing unusual about masturbatNuclia Waste everyone asks), but how convenient and he soon followed. ing in the restroom of an airplane, There’s not a lot of room in those would that be? Sin and absolution on the spot. and no, it does not make you a ... it’s still not the most I was in college and my boyfriend and I were tiny closets to extend your landing member of the Mile High Club. unusual place I ever had horny.

(It was college – we were always horny.) gear and bend your boyfriend over Which reminds me, I have that sex. That prize comes This time our horny took hold right in front of like a runway, but the excitement membership card. from a Catholic church a church. The front door was unlocked. Having made us more flexible.

My boyfriend–at–the–time and confessional. No, it Of course, I had only come up been an altar boy all through grade school, I I had arrived at the airport late. was not with a priest with half a plan. I had not thought knew every nook and cranny of a chapel. I lead The only seats available were in (that’s the first question through what was going to happen him straight into the dark confessional where we the very last row. Those seats that everyone asks), but how when two of us had to leave the went at it like snakes in the Garden of Eden. do NOT recline. Ugh. We were not convenient would that be?

Do you have a story that can top (or bottom) same restroom at the same time. happy.

Sin and absolution on By now the beverage service had that? Email it to me at nuclia@outfrontonline.

Now on most planes, beverage the spot. moved much further up the plane com. I will pick a winner and send a special service starts from the front and and surely there was a line waiting Nuclia Waste prize pack. works backward. But for some reason, that did not happen on this particular to use the single restroom in the back.

“OK,” I said. “You leave first and shut the r Nuclia Waste, the Triple Nipple Drag Queen flight. We were the first to get our drinks and bags of snacks. Then the cart inched its way forward, door behind you really fast. I will lock it and of Comedy, can be reached through her website at preventing all the rest of the passengers from anyone waiting to use the restroom will just NucliaWaste.com. More Nuclia at ofcnow.co/Hx9.

d ‘‘

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“

the interview

I was a nutball throughout! I got obsessive about small things and started to worry I would never be able to get it right.”

Why Coles Whalen keeps coming back to music NIC GARICA: What’s your new album about?

COLES WHALEN: It’s about everything I was feeling around February of this year. This is the first time I’ve ever written, recorded, and released a project in less then six months. I feel very connected to the songs because the emotions are still so present in my life. This hasn’t been the case with previous records – they have taken many months and sometimes years to complete.

After Coles Whalen made her second album, she signed with a new indie label, turned in an album and went on tour – and came back to learn the new label had signed a star they couldn’t afford, gone bankrupt and were refusing to print more copies of her album. She had to pay them to get her rights to perform her own music. But she regrouped. And after two more records and a tour she booked entirely by herself, she rightfully felt tired. She took some time off the road, dabbled in a few other projects and waited to see if she had another album in her. It turns out she does. And that record – Come Back, Come Back – will be released July 23.

By Nic Garcia

NG: Where did the inspiration come from?

CW: My heart. I know that sounds cheesy but it’s true. I locked myself in my apartment for two weeks and wrote about everything I was feeling. Happiness, sadness, frustration, excitement – all of those emotions are in this record.

I also was mad inspired by my good friend and bass player Kim O’Hara. We co-wrote many of the songs on this album.

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NG: Recently, a gay man came out with a country song, “All-American Boy.” The mainstream media and most LGBT media hailed him as a trailblazer [but] some said the song, in which a gay man falls in love with a straight man, played into a predatorial stereotype of gay men. Do you find yourself, as an LGBT artist, worried about how your work might influence equality?

CW: Not usually. I’ve never promoted my sexuality or much of anything about my personal life when releasing music. My songs are musical portraits of my intimate thoughts, not statements about my political beliefs.

I do hope my work will influence equality however! I try to play those songs at as many LGBT events as possible!

NG: Back to your record, what’s your favorite song? And yes, you have I have one, and why?

CW: My favorite song is “Tether.”

We got the title of the record Come Back, Come Back from a lyric in this song. I love “Tether” because it’s about sticking with someone through thick and thin. I’m very lucky to have someone in my life to inspire this song!

NG: You self produced this album, how is that different than someone else producing it?

CW: I wanted to see what an album would sound like uninfluenced by someone else’s ears. Just Coles Whalen, straight up. I also brought my live band into the studio for the first time. Eric Garcia, Kim O’Hara, Loren Ellis, Tim Buckman.

They are amazing players and they did a great job. I was trying to make an album that sounded just like what a listener would hear at a live show, without a lot of studio tricks. I think we got exactly that!

NG: Did you feel you had to be more critical of each part of the process?

CW: Absolutely. I was a nutball throughout! I got obsessive about small things and started to worry I would never be able to get it right.

That’s when I was very thankful for John Stewart, my engineer, and Kim. The two of them were able to listen more objectively, offer

helpful constructive advice, and help me realize that the mixes were great and I should stop fussing about them and relax!

NG: What’s up with the Denver release party?

CW: It’s going to be a par-tay! Casselman’s July 19. Doors open at 7:30 p.m., show at 8 p.m. Miguel Dakota is opening. He’s extremely good looking and talented – just sayin’. There will be a dance party after the show hosted by DJ John Stewart. Tickets are $10.

IF YOU GO • Come Back, Come Back release party at 7 :30 p.m., July 19 at Casselman’s, 2620 Walnut St. Tickets at casselmans.com/event/134964 GET THE ALBUM • Come Back, Come Back will be avaliable on iTunes July 23.

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NG: Any plans for a tour?

CW: The national CD Release tour launches July 23, the same date the album goes live to iTunes. Check out dates at coleswhalen.com.

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FRIZZ-FIGHTING TOOLS TO KEEP YOUR MANE UNDER CONTROL

1. L’ORÉAL PARIS EVERPURE MOISTURE SHAMPOO, CONDITIONER ($5.99 each, Target): When fighting static it’s important to start at the very beginning of your beauty regimen to procure the sleekest results. This shampoo and conditioner duo helps weigh hair down a bit (beneficial for those with thick hair), helping you keep things sleek long after your shower.

2. MOROCCANOIL FRIZZ CONTRO ($33.60, moroccanoil.com): If you tend to over process your hair with flat-irons and dryers (hey, it happens), this spray, loaded with argan oil and keratin, helps repair and strengthen static hair, even in the stormiest of forecasts.

3. GARNIER FRUCTIS STYLE SLEEK AND SHINE 5-IN-1 SERUM SPRAY ($4.69, Target): The best way to apply this smoothing serum is to spray it into your hands and work through trouble areas prone to frizz.

The silicone–free serum helps tame flyaways while leaving hair with a sleek shine.

By Kelsey Lindsey

4. SOLANO 3300 XTRALITE 1800 WATT PROFESSIONAL DRYER ($159, solanopower.com): This ultra-light hairdryer (read: great for traveling) uses ceramic and tourmaline technology to dry locks, distributing heat more evenly and adding shine. It also emits a negative charge that helps smooth the hair’s cuticle while locking in your frizz–free style.

Humidity beware: Frizz– fighting hair solutions IN THE DRY, ARID CLIMATE OF COLORADO, I find it easy to manage my curly locks: wash, spray, dry – and I’m finished. It can bring its own hair care challenges, but it’s nothing like the frizz–forming fury found in much of the rest of the country.

In the 60 to 70 percent relative humidity found in, say, Washington D.C., my normally docile hair takes on a mind of its own, turning into a giant

ball of high–static frizz. If you’re like me, you might find yourself turning to a lot of buns and braids to tame the beast.

For those lucky enough to score a vacation anywhere with an higher dosage of humidity in the air (and let’s face it, that’s pretty much everywhere when compared to Colorado), here are some frizz– fighting tools keep that mane under control.

5. BUMBLE AND BUMBLE CURL CONSCIOUS DEFINING CREME FOR FINE HAIR ($29, Sephora): Curly hair seems to be a magnet for humidity–induced frizz. This cream, made especially for those with finer curls, helps prevent flyaways while giving curls definition and bounce that lasts all day.

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lIVING

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metrOpOlItaN

5 ways ways ays to beat the heat – on the cheap

2020 Lawrence St. Denver, CO 80205 • ph303.820.2020 • fx 303.820.2010

Ballpark Neighborhood's Premier Apartment Building

Brand New – LEED-Gold Registered Utility Savings up to 50% 100% Non-Smoking Environment Rooftop Health Center with Yoga Area

Rooftop Hot Tub Rooftop Barks & Rec SM – Pet Exercise Area Velo Room SM – Fully Equipped Bike Maintenance Shop Best Views in Denver!

By Kristin Ziegler Summer is supposed to be the season of nonstop fun, but even the sunniest of days don’t keep the all the dreads away: the dreaded sound of an air conditioner breaking down, the dreaded cost of a utility bill for running the air conditioner all month, or relentless heat from noon through the night because you don’t have an air conditioner at all. Dread not, as there are plenty of easy and affordable alternative ways ways to keep your cool this summer.

1. GET YOURSELF A MISTER, MISTER! Noel Stalgren, a manger at the Glendale Home Depot, says you don’t have to suffer a hot house. Although his first recommendation is picking up a portable air conditioner or portable swamp cooler at your local home repair shop, he acknowledges such items can leave your wallet as dry as a Colorado summer. “A mister is a nice alternative you can pick up for less than $40,” he said. A mister is not only budget friendly, but user friendly too. Used outside on a patio or a lawn, a mister simply hooks up to a garden hose and can cool the area by anywhere from 10 to 30 degrees (depending on the quality of the particular unit purchased) by spraying the air with mist.

2. VAMP UP YOUR HOME! No reading Twilight required, you can easily cool off your home by embracing the dark side. Light sources such as incandescent bulbs, televisions, and computers create heat. Whenever possible, turning these items off can help cool down your home. Also, keeping any blinds and curtains closed during the daytime will keep your home significantly cooler. For the day– dwelling, warm–blooded, sun worshippers among us, reflective window covers are available through companies such as 3M to let the outside light through without as much of the heat. These covers also protect items in the house from sun damage, save energy, provide additional privacy (think tinted car windows), and make windows more resilient in the event of a major storm or attempted break in.

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MeTRoPoliTAn Continued from page 44 3. TRY BUCKWHEAT AND ICE FOR A GOOD NIGHT’S SLEEP! Buckwheat pillows, available through online retailers such as Amazon, are an increasingly popular alternative to feather and memory foam pillows. Not only are they a great option for people who suffer from allergies to traditional materials used in pillows, but the breathable buckwheat stuffing allows air to circulate – meaning you will almost always have a much–desired (especially in the heat of a summer night!) cool side of a pillow to relax on.

But if a comfy and cool pillow doesn’t do the trick, try going old school with a fan and a bucket of ice close to your bed. Simply place a bowl or bucket of ice in front of your portable fan, and as the water melts, you’ll feel the cool of a makeshift air conditioner.

Just remember to keep the bucket of ice a slight distance in front of the fan and away from the fan’s cord. A house fire will do nothing to cool you down!

4. DRINK LIKE A FISH! Strawberry daiquiris are classic summertime treats and might do a bit to cool you down, but water is your real best friend this time of year! “When you get overheated, you can literally dilate your peripheral arteries so much that you sacrifice your internal circulation,” said Dr. Sean O’Donnell, a Colorado Springs family and sports specialist. “That’s basically what heat stroke is. You’ve got confusion, bodily injury, etcetera.” The best way to avoid this, O’Donnell said, is by staying hydrated. This means drinking, according the Mayo Clinic, at least 13 cups of fluid per day if you are male and nine if you are female. However, wetting your whistle may not be enough to keep you feeling cool – wetting your entire body will help keep you feeling great of those scorching hot days. “I would advise getting some moisture,” O’Donnell said. “A little cool shower [will help].”

5. HIT THE ROAD! Just like most people, your pets will likely be uncomfortable in a home that is 80 degrees and climbing. If you have a car and a little extra gas money, consider taking a quick (or long and leisurely) drive with your furry friend. Just remember to never, ever leave Fido alone in the car and bring plenty of water and snacks for the both of you. r Find more ways to save money on your energy bill with Xcel Energy’s tips at ofcnow.co/cool 46

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BiG ToYS

Hybrids stand above in the luxury class

By Jonathan McGrew HYBRIDS HAVE TAKEN THE LUXURY MARKET BY STORM DURING THE LAST FEW YEARS. The result is the availability of a hybrid model in almost every size and shape you can imagine. The question that keeps coming to mind is: Are they really worth it?

Since Lexus leads the pack in hybrids, let’s take a look at the ES (sedan) and RX (SUV) models that offer hybrid and non-hybrid versions.

The ES model is a mid– to full–size four-door sedan that slots under the GS and above the IS. The current generation is one of the best looking and includes the integration of the family spindle grille design that has become the Lexus signature. The ES300h, our hybrid offering, comes with the 2.5-liter four-cylinder gasoline engine with an electric motor that delivers 200 total system horsepower. For most people this won’t mean a lot, but if you translate it into miles per gallon the hybrid is about 10 mpg better than the regular gasoline-powered version.

The mpg gain is a pretty good upside when you consider the hybrid can achieve 100 miles more for every 10 gallons of fuel. In the past, the inability to make up the additional cost of the hybrid would cause hesitation during the buying process. This is where the technology has evolved: The 2013 Lexus ES300h as tested tipped the scales at $47,944 and the ES350 at $46,004. What is even better is both vehicles

ES300H

RX 350

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are pleasant to drive and comfortable with four passengers. The driving experience difference you notice comes from the continuously variable transmission – you can’t feel it shift – in the hybrid model.

The F-Sport is a little different as it includes the Lexus sports appearance package and comes with the 8-speed automatic transmission, opposed to the 6-speed automatic in the base RX350. The end result is actually a better paring to the hybrid than the base model. Looking at both vehicles you start at a base price of $47,000 for the RX350 F-Sport and $47,310 for the RX450h with the Lexus hybrid system. Switching to the mileage perspective the RX350 F-Sport will achieve 18 mpg city and 26 mpg highway, while the RX450h will sip its fuel at 30 mpg city and 28 mpg highway.

Here we learn that the RX350 F-Sport (an AllWheel Drive) and the RX450h (also an All-Wheel Drive) are well matched. Like the ES, the driving experience in both is pleasant with good handling and ride qualities. The sports enthusiast will find that the F-Sport has a more driver-centric personality and it will also have more aggressive styling inside and out. Ironically, the most powerful vehicle will be the hybrid at 295 total system horsepower and it will also have the smoothest application of power.

At the end of this experiment I have to admit that I found it difficult not to side with Team Hybrid – in most cases serving better on a daily basis, especially in an urban environment.

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BACK in MY DAY

1942 – 2008

WAY N E JA K I NO

Back in MY day ...

e Got a story, memory or reflection to share from way back when?

Let us know about it. Email backinmyday@outfrontonline.com with a story to have it considered for print!

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Five years ago, Wayne Jakino died July 16 at the age of 66. As Colorado’s gay rodeo season comes to an end, it’s impossible to forget his legacy spearheading the founding of the Colorado Gay Rodeo Association itself.

Immersed in Denver’s gay community – and community service in general – Jakino and his business partner John King opened Charlie’s in 1981. Jakino went on to help organize the first citizens advisory board for the Denver Police Department, and advised Denver Mayors Federico Pena (during the AIDS epidemic) and Wellington Webb and Colorado Gov. Roy Romer to take their stands against Colorado’s Amendment 2. Jakino died after battling pancreatic cancer.

Read a 2008 tribute to Jakino – written by Out Front’s publisher Jerry Cunningham and Roy Seeber, online at http://ofcnow.co/kg7

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SEXUAlITY

ASK THE SEXPERT

Your payoff from the money shot dear shanna,

Combating sexual violence starts with reporting

By Lauren Archuletta i usuAlly write this feAture from A lightheArted perspective – there’s nothing I love more than looking at kink in everyday American culture and sexual LGBT trends and happenings nationally and around the world. But I’d like to turn toward something very serious: sexual assault.

Sexual assault is troublingly common – statistics from RAINN, the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network, report that someone in the U.S. is sexually assaulted every two minutes.

Oftentimes we disregard the issue, too uncomfortable or too afraid to entertain the idea that someone in our organization, social circle or family is a victim – or perpetrator. And statistics show that the LGBT population is disproportionately targeted for sexual violence.

Recently a friend of mine – who does not wish to be named – told me her story about being raped as a teenager by a family friend in her hometown.

For the sake of this article I’ll refer to her as Sara.

Sara was already facing social injustices on a daily basis – high school was especially hard for her, coming to terms with her own sexuality and feeling completely alone. It got worse when she was raped.

“People always talk about hitting rock bottom,” Sara said, “but I don’t think many people can truly attest to that. I know I hit rock bottom after what happened to me.”

Like many people who suffer sexual violence, Sara lost control of her life, turning to drugs and alcohol to keep the nightmares of her attacker’s face at bay. After years of keeping the experience a secret, she found relief in sexual assault support groups, she said.

“It’s a breath of fresh air to realize you’re not alone in something like this,” Sara said, “but devastating to see and know that this happens to people just like me.”

According to the National Anti-Violence Project’s 2012 Report on Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer and HIV–Affected Hate Violence, 45 percent of LGBT victims and survivors of sexual assault identified as gay men and 21 percent identified as lesbians. The report 52

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revealed that the trans community is one of the most disproportionately–affected identity groups for sexual violence.

In 2012, the Colorado Anti-Violence Program reported a 143 percent increase in hate violence toward transgender individuals in Colorado; more than 22 percent of total violence reports in the state of Colorado are made up of transgender victims and survivors.

There are resources to help people cope with the trauma of sexual violence, particularly for the LGBT community. CAVP strives to build safety and justice for LGBT and queer individuals, offering a 24-hour hotline, case management and advocacy training.

Sara found her place in similar outreach efforts.

“I tried to do it alone and found that it wasn’t worth it,” Sara said. “My peers and counselors showed me how to express what I was feeling through writing. What started out as a journal filled with pages of the dark shit I went through is transforming nicely into a book now.”

Sara said she hopes her writing will one day encourage others to speak up about violence inflicted on them or others.

CAVP’s Advocacy Director Sandyha Luther urges victims of violence, especially of sexual violence, to call the organization’s statewide 24-hour hotline providing resources for healing and justice, community support, referrals and advocacy to access shelters, and other services like support for filing police reports or complaints.

That way not only can the CAVP team counsel victims but document the depth and extent of violence within and against the LGBT community, Luther said. “This documentation we get from the calls of survivors of violence and from the families and friends of victims of violence helps us understand the needs of the community, advocate, and train service providers for LGBTQ– inclusive and LGBTQ–safe services,” she said.

Sexual assault is something very real in the LGBT community, and by opening up our eyes and addressing the problem, we can strive for a safer and more LGBTQ–inclusive future. r Find more statistics and resources on sexual assault from CAVP at coavp.org/news-updates.

OutfrOntoNlINE.cOm

Shanna Katz

i’m with a new guy, and almost everything is going well – good chemistry, we like hanging out, and the sex is unbelievable – but he seems to be obsessed with this whole idea of the “money shot.” right before he climaxes, he pulls out and wants to orgasm on my back or chest. what gives? tired of target practice in eaton

Hey Tired of Target Practice, I feel you. It seems like all of society has developed an obsession around this idea of the jizz shot, even though it was developed specifically for (mostly heterosexual) porn – to “prove” a man is getting off by literally showing it to viewers, in graphic detail, all over his partner.

Despite these fairly niche beginnings, it seems as though the climax shot permeates all types of sex, queer, straight, gay and everything else. While I’m not knocking anyone who enjoys a nice facial or pearl necklace, I have to wonder how much of it is natural enjoyment of that act, and how much of it is what people are socialized to expect.

How do you feel about him pulling out to climax on you? If you like it, then mazel tov.

If you’re ambivalent, then maybe sit down to talk (not during or right after sex – aim for a more neutral time). Maybe he does it because he thinks he’s supposed to, or because an ex-partner preferred it. On the other hand, maybe it really gets him off. Having more insight into his intentions might help you resolve how you feel about it.

And if you hate it? Let him know! It’s OK to say that it doesn’t turn you on, or that you’d find it much sexier if he climaxes inside you, a towel or a condom. Figure out a happy medium that works best for both of you, and continue to enjoy the steamy and hot sex you have going on.

As a side note, some people have found that the pH of some semen can irritate their skin. If you like the feeling but it irritates your skin, wipe it off quickly, or use hydrocortisone cream or scent–free lotion on the afflicted area.

Have a question you’d like to ask Shanna?

Email shanna@outfrontonline.com.com.

Shanna Katz, M.Ed, ACS is a Colorado native, fierce femme and board certified sexologist. She believes strongly in open source, accessible sexuality education, and loves teaching adults how to optimize their sex lives. r For more info, please visit www.

ShannaKatz.com.

HEINZESIGHT

Boot camp for social skills covering a cure for cancer or world A few people are graced with remarkable down or looking away too quickly. You peace – but they’re great training exsocial skills that make them the life of the don’t have to pounce immediately; ercises. Keep it positive; judgments of party and afford them amazing friends and take your time and be smooth. others or complaints right off the bat Sometimes the person we want to fun wherever they go. Many more look at present you as a bitter person. these people in wonderment, envy, or distain. talk to is in a group. Don’t be intimiI’m about to give you one of my The truth is that most of the people who exhibit dated or wait for a time the person is most treasured secrets. Ready? Here these qualities have had to overcome feelings of alone because it probably won’t come, goes: talk to people like you already and this is not awkwardness or inadequacy know them. I don’t mean giving the great Persian from their past – and as with them crap like you do with a buddy, army – you can any other skill, these are often but talk to them with the confidence approach a group Brent Heinze learned abilities. and comfort of talking to a friend. It without being Just as going to the gym attacked. You can stand by the puts both of you at ease. Don’t have an agenda to get your biceps bigger and So many failures trying person – within her or his line or expectation; your primary goal is to get some stronger, your social muscles need to be developed through to socialize with others of sight – or wait for a lull in the practice chatting with people you don’t know – conversation before talking to seeing if grabbing coffee, food, or a hike could training. These techniques and are dictated by our be in your future is a secondary goal. Also, avoid someone in the group. exercises can help get you more The next set of exercises trying to seal the deal quickly – take your time socially–buff: not guaranteed own insecurities – it’s after you have built and try to enjoy the process. to get you laid more often or hard to go into a social occurs So many failures trying to socialize with others up the resolve to talk. It’s OK find you that perfect partner situation with lower to approach someone and say are dictated by our own insecurities – it’s hard to for a home with 2.5 kids and a hello, without wasting time go into a social situation with lower self–esteem white picket fence, but they can self–esteem or self– or energy on a cheesy pickup or self–confidence and expect to kick ass and feel help you overcome insecurity confidence and expect line. I do suggest having a comfortable. This boot camp is designed to help and increase your chances of few pieces of small–talk in kick your social muscles into high gear and set you meeting great people. to kick ass and feel mind, like your enjoyment of towards being more socially buff.

The step is before you utter comfortable. the event or an appropriate a word: After you identify a compliment (not about their Brent Heinze, LPC, is a licensed person you want to talk to, start the interaction with something simple like a smile, big package). These casual conversations could professional counselor. r Email him nod or quick wave. Avoid extremes of staring them be considered pointless – they aren’t about dis- at PerspectiveShift@yahoo.com.

d ‘‘

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Envisioned by Boberto

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