March 6, 2013 by OUT FRONT Magazine

March 6, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

VOL. XXXVI • ISSUE #22 • MARCH 6, 2013

Contents

‘‘

coVer STorY: “Despite my support for the Democratic Party, I do not believe that any candidate has ever clearly advocated for transgender rights speciﬁcally, because if they had, the DSM IV would be a lot less transphobic, and we would not be so far away from true equality.” – Savannah Sanburg

FOCUS 6 leTTer FroM The eDiTor 7 SPeaK oUT 9 neWS 10 Panel VoiceS 12 oUT in coloraDo BODY AND MIND 14 BleeD liKe Me 16 ThriVe 18 FaiTh & SPiriT

neWS:

Out state lawmakers tackle Colo’s controversial gun bills

Rep. Paul Rosenthal who voted for all four gun measures said: “This is something that I have felt myself for some time, that we need to do more to protect our citizens from gun violence and from folks who should not have weapons.” On the cover: Savannah Sanburg and Max Wolf Valerio. Photography by Nikki Kushner.

COLUMNS AND DEPARTMENTS

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SOCIAL 24 FooD For ThoUGhT 26 hiGh SocieTY 31 Bar TaB 33 QraVe LIVING 37 FaShion 39 ParenTinG 41 BacK in MY DaY 43 TraVel 45 heinZeSiGhT

24 43

2013

Serving the LGBT Community of the Rocky Mountains since 1976 3535 Walnut Street Denver, Colorado 80205 Phone: 303-477-4000 Fax: 303-325-2642 Email: info@outfrontonline.com Web: OutFrontOnline.com Facebook: facebook.com/OutFrontColorado Twitter: @OutFrontCO Out Front Colorado is published by Transformation Communications Group, LLC, a Colorado limited liability corporation and is a member of: Denver Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce and Denver Drama Critics Circle. PHIL PRICE / Founder, 1954-1993 JERRY CUNNINGHAM / Publisher Email: Jerry@outfrontonline.com J.C. MCDONALD / Vice President / Director of Circulation Email: JC@outfrontonline.com NIC GARCIA / Associate Publisher Email: Nic@outfrontonline.com JEFF JACKSON SWAIM / Chief Strategist Email: Jeff@outfrontonline.com

EDITORIAL HOLLY HATCH / Editor-in-Chief Email: Holly@outfrontonline.com MATTHEW PIZZUTI / Junior Editor Email: Matt@outfrontonline.com KRISTIN ZIEGLER / Editorial intern CONTRIBUTING WRITERS: Brent Heinze, Robyn Vie-Carpenter, Scott McGlothlen, Jeff Steen, Josiah Hesse, Gary Kramer, Mike Yost, Ashley Trego, Nuclia Waste, David Marlowe, Jonathan McGrew, Chris Azzopardi, Shanna Katz, Paula Girardi, Amy Lynn O’Connell, Kristin Ziegler, Steve Cruz, Jasmine Peters, Lauren Archuletta.

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DiSTriBUTion: Out Front Colorado’s print publication is available semi-monthly, free of charge in Colorado, one copy per person. Additional copies of Out Front Colorado may be purchased for $3.95 each, payable in advance at Out Front Colorado ofﬁces

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reserves the right to reject any advertising. Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization in articles or advertising is not to be considered an indication of

HRC PRESIDENT CHAD GRIFFIN

PAUL HUNTER AWARD WINNER KARLA RIKANSRUD

the sexual orientation or HIV status of such person or organization. Publisher assumes no responsibility for the loss or damage of materials submitted. OPINIONS EXPRESSED are not necessarily those of OUT FRONT COLORADO, its staff or advertisers.

March 6, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

Worth the battle: our journey onward

CONNECT WITH HOLLY

Reach editor-inchief Holly Hatch by email at holly@ outfrontonline.com, phone (303) 477.4000 ext. 711 or friend her on Facebook at facebook.com/ hollyamberhatch

As we head into the final throes of a three-year battle to pass civil unions in our little blue mountain state, we look in two directions. We look back – at our growth and evolution from “Bush Country” and the state that passed Amendment 2 to our current reality on the verge of being the first state in the region with civil unions. We look forward – to decipher what struggle or movement calls to us as the next big step. Some of us will lead the fight to gain full marriage equality, while others will look at other areas of unequal representation within the LGBT community. And at the end of each struggle, we are able to look back on our accomplishments with a tinge of triumph, and a prevailing strength from our successes that propels us to continue our work, be it in our personal lives – coming out or telling our story – or our professional and social spheres in which we gain momentum in standing together at rallies, protests or unique spaces – LGBT bars or hangouts – that we can still claim as ours. We know with certainty that there is always a cause to stick up for; there is always a battle worth the effort. Two years ago, almost to the day this issue comes out, I was embarking on my new journey in LGBT media. Accepting the job offer at Out Front for the managing editor position, I put my previous life as a bartender behind me – flare and cleavage-bearing late-night tops thrown to the back of my closet – excited yet timid, to immerse myself into the world of publishing. And I didn’t quite know what to expect, at first. I knew I was a lesbian, but beyond my small circle of out friends and acquaintances, I was a gosling to the LGBT community in Denver. A spectator more than an activist; a part of the crowd more than a leader, but a creative mind above everything else. Matt Kailey, the author of this issue’s cover story, was the previous managing editor at Out Front, and interviewed and then trained me to be his replacement in March of 2011. And for the two weeks that he spent detailing the day-to-day tasks of being an editor, I developed a deep respect and admiration for a person whose job I was expected to take on. And after getting to know him, I realized that I had some pretty big shoes to fill. We reached out to Kailey a few months ago in hopes he would take on this issue’s very important cover story on trans issues. Not only is Kailey

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a talented journalist, he is also an activist and thought leader in the national trans community, and wrote several books and many articles on the struggles and victories of transitioning. We were proud and excited that we could have Kailey back to write this issue’s cover story, and even more excited when the story developed. It focuses on three people: Savannah Sanburg, Max Wolf Valerio and Craig Archuleta, who reveal a spectrum when it comes to political worldviews. Trans folks are not just one type of person, even if they all happen to identify as “T.” They are advocates, students, teachers, bankers or prominent leaders who are conservative and liberal, Republican or Democrat, or neither. And in a community where we sometimes define our common experiences to a fault, we’ve found that in these cases, even the terms we use to identify ourselves and relate ourselves to the rest of our community will vary from person to person. Not all trans folks are liberal Democrats. Just as not all white, wealthy men vote Republican. And not all people who identify differently from the gender they were assigned at birth will publicly identify themselves as “trans.” We could spend much time talking about the complex relationship between trans people and the rest of the LGBT community, or whether trans people are accepted enough within the community – but the truth is, trans people are already at the center of our community and its social world, history and politics. Speaking of politics, this month we’re saying goodbye to a very important community activist, Jace Woodrum. Transman and deputy director for statewide LGBT advocacy organization One Colorado, Jace has focused his message on stories – the unique and personal details of our lives that, in our differences, make it impossible to miss what we have in common. He was also always ready to remind us to pay attention to those who are falling off the radar, whoever’s radar that may be and whoever has been lost to it. As Woodrum said after being honored in Out Front’s Power List last October: “When we get to know someone and their stories, it creates a connection,” he said. “I hope this encourages other members of the trans community to reach out to me, to One Colorado, to share their stories and get involved in the work that’s being done for trans equality in Colorado.” Jace left for South Carolina with his wife, Addison Woodrum, and we wish them the best of luck though we’re sorry to see them go. ]

Holly Hatch Editor-In-Chief

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from The eDiTor

ABOUT THE CONTRIBUTORS:

Matt Kailey is an awardwinning author, instructor, blogger, and community activist focusing on transgender/ transsexual issues. He is the author of Just Add Hormones: An Insider’s Guide to the Transsexual Experience, Teeny Weenies and Other Short Subjects, and the brief guide for parents, My Child is Transgender: 10 Tips for Parents of Adult Trans Children. He is also the former managing editor of Out Front Colorado. He can be reached through his blog at tranifesto.com. Read Kailey’s editorial cover story on page 20 of this issue.

Nikki Kushner is Out Front Colorado’s Northern Colorado correspondent, she lives in Windsor. Nikki has been a contributing Photojournalist with OFC for the past four years. You see her work covering Denver, Fort Collins and the Boulder Pride Celebrations each year, as well as other special assignments throughout the year. See Nikki’s photos in this issue on the cover and inside on pages 20-23.

sPeaK ouT

Volunteer so that your past struggles won’t be the world’s future

Paul Kaiser

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I volunteer because I believe HRC is the most effective organization at creating positive change for LGBT individuals at the federal level, including in the area of workplace discrimination.

‘

In 2002, I took my first real full-time, grown-up job. I worked as an assistant for a Catholic university in my hometown of Saint Louis, Missouri. I was not out at that time. In fact, I did not know if I would ever come out. Thankfully, I had not experienced the open, hostile discrimination that so many others have suffered. But I certainly felt the unspoken condemnation and disapproval of this ‘lifestyle choice’ from family, friends, in school, and now at my first workplace. I didn’t realize it at that time, but unjust and discriminatory repercussions of coming out at my work (such as denial of a promotion, harassment from coworkers, demotion or even outright firing) were – and remain – 100 percent legal in Missouri, one of the 29 states where it remains legal to discriminate in the workplace based on sexual orientation, and one of 34 states where workplace discrimination is allowed based on gender identity or expression. At my first opportunity, I made my move out of Saint Louis and away from home, friends and family. I lived – and then came out – during the three years that I spent in Milwaukee, working for another religious university. I continued to feel the threat that there were risks from being entirely myself in a professional setting. In 2010, I moved to Denver. I almost immediately became involved in the Human Rights Campaign in Colorado. I volunteer because I believe HRC is the most effective organization at creating positive change for LGBT individuals at the federal level, including in the area of workplace discrimination. HRC is actively pursuing federal legislation known as the Employment NonDiscrimination Act – a proposed law that would make it illegal for non-religious employers to fire or refuse to hire someone based on sexual orientation or gender expression. In tandem to their very successful work in the public arena, I also volunteer because I believe HRC is a critical player in moving the business community toward a more inclusive and supportive position in regards to the LGBT community. ]

Paul Kaiser is the co-chair for Corporate Relations for HRC Colorado. For more information on volunteer opportunities with HRC Colorado, email to volunteers@hrccolorado.org.

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fYi

Former First Lady wants off of pro–marriage equality ad A new print and TV ad campaign unveiled by LGBT advocacy group the Respect for Marriage Coalition features top political leaders from both major parties – including President Obama, former Vice President Dick Cheney and former Secretary of State Colin Powell – stating support for marriage equality. But former First Lady Laura Bush, who was also featured in the TV ad, asked to be removed from the spot, which uses clips of her and the other notables making public pro-equality statements on news programs. Bush spokeswoman Anne McDonald said, “when she became aware of the advertisement last night, we requested that the group remove her” – she “did not approve.” ]

^ Read the full story and

More than a cover story If you’re interested in our cover story on Trans identity and politics, find it and similar features at OutFrontOnline.com, and see how the issues and their portrayals have changed. a fluid expression: building a better trans* narrative March 14, 2012 cover story: ofcnow.co/ev4

Bodies: The poise, curves, definition and attitude that make us real: June 5, 2012 cover story and photo essay: ofcnow.co/QV5m

transitioning out loud: One Colorado’s deputy director to transition publicly May 4, 2012: ofcnow.co/ZoL

Gay and transgender workers continue to face discrimination June 2, 2011: ofcnow.co/Drz

Rediscovering spirituality as a trans Jew July 18, 2012: http://ofcnow.co/SKX

see the video at ofcnow.co/PkY

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For MORE online news, visit Outfront Online.com/ofcnow/

NEWS

Out CO reps draw national interest Vice President Biden calls Ferrandino, Moreno on state gun bills

ep. Dominick Moreno, D-Commerce City, was in Colorado’s House Chamber when he received a call on his cell phone. He let the call go to voicemail, and continued with the work of the assembly – but when Moreno left the House Floor moments later, he discovered an unexpected message from Vice President Joe Biden. “It was a complete surprise,” Moreno told Out Front, adding that he promptly returned Biden’s call. “He had questions about the legislation we were proposing here in Colorado, so I gave him a brief overview of the gun safety measures that we were considering in front of the House.” Four bills were being debated: Closing the loophole on background checks for private sales, requiring gun buyers to pay for their own background checks, limiting gun magazines to 15 rounds, and banning concealed weapons on college campuses. Biden called three other Colorado lawmakers: Speaker of the House Mark Ferrandino, D-Denver, Rep. Mike McLachlan, D-Durango, and Rep. Tony Exum, D-Colorado Springs. “The Vice President put in an encouraging word that obviously these conversations are difficult,” said Moreno, “but emphasized Colorado’s importance in the national debate on this issue.” As a bill for civil unions moves through Colorado’s House – likely to finally pass this year after being killed on party lines in the House three times in years past – the development in same-sex relationship rights in Colorado is inevitably noted along with the fact that for the first time, Colorado’s House Speaker, Ferrandino, is openly gay, as are a record eight state lawmakers. But while that may be topof-mind for Colorado LGBT activists and advocates, the out lawmakers, which include Moreno and Ferrandino, contend with all the state’s issues – and the gun-related measures have become the mainstream press’ story of the year so far. The gun control controversy in Colorado intensified last July when a heavily armed man named James Holmes allegedly walked into an Aurora theater, shooting and killing 12 and injuring 58. Holmes used several guns in the attack, including an AR-15 rifle with a 100-round barrel magazine. Moreno said most of his constituents “generally agreed with the philosophy that, why do I need a 50 round magazine? There’s really no need for that. The standard issue is at 15 or lower.” Moreno co-sponsored two of the bills: Requiring universal background checks and buyers to pay their own fees for background checks. “When we have a situation where you can simply buy a gun off of a website like craigslist and not go through a background check, that’s obviously a gaping hole that we needed to fill.” A January 2013 poll conducted by the Denver Post found that 83 percent of Coloradans support a law requiring background checks on gun sales, which would cover purchases from private sellers.

“I think the four [bills] have broad support whether you own guns or not,” said Moreno. “I’m pretty happy with what we’ve been able to pass in terms of increasing community safety.” On Feb. 18, all four bills passed the House with no Republican support, and some Democrats voting against them. The legislation now moves to Colorado’s Senate, where it’s unclear if all the proposals have the votes to survive. Whatever the outcome, some Colorado representatives feel more can and should be done. “This, to me, is just a start,” Rep. Joann Ginal, D-Fort Collins, told Out Front. “I do believe that there are issues surrounding mental health. I think there will be other bills coming that will help in that area.” The Post poll showed that 61 percent of Coloradans think the state could improve its efforts in keeping firearms from those suffering from mental illness. Ginal, who voted for all four bills, said many of her constituents were concerned Colorado legislators were creating draconian laws. “One of the things that I’m sometimes baffled about when I have people who oppose any of the bills that passed, is that we we’re trying to take guns away from them. We’re not.” Ginal is the daughter of a police officer and emphasized she understands the need to protect the Second Amendment. “I really want to strike a balance between respecting gun owner’s rights as well as protecting our communities. To me, public

By Michael Yost

safety and the safety of our citizens is the most important thing we can do.” Rep. Paul Rosenthal, D-Denver, also voted for all four gun measures. “This is something that I have felt myself for some time, that we need to do more to protect our citizens from gun violence and from folks who should not have weapons.” Rosenthal is supportive of additional gun control initiatives. “Personally, I would like to see a ban on assault rifles.” Though the city of Denver has had an assaultweapons ban since 1989, Colorado has no such statute. Banning assault weapons, such as the AR-15 used by Holmes, is supported by 64 percent of Coloradans, according to the Post poll. Rosenthal said that during his campaign, it was his constituents who helped shape his opinion on the issue. “I’m certainly hearing from folks who want us to do common-sense gun safety legislation.” But not everyone agrees, with half of Colorado residents stating it’s more important to protect gun ownership than to control it, according to the Post poll. The controversial debate has driven some to levy threats at their legislators. Sen. Jessie Ulibarri, D-Commerce City, who declined to comment before the gun bills reach the Senate, reported on his website that he and his family were the target of harassment after he stated additional guns in civic life would jeopardize public safety. “I have received some of the most hateful, offensive and threatening messages in the course of this debate by those purporting to be law-abiding citizens who own guns,” Ulibarri wrote, adding that “we must acknowledge our fellow citizens and residents with basic human dignity if we want anything to change. I am committed to this principle, and I hope to receive the same level of consideration moving forward.” Gov. Hickenlooper supports three of the four bills, not yet taking a position on the concealed carry ban on college campuses. Last Sunday on CBS’s Face the Nation, the governor stated his top priority was universal background checks, but remained quiet on his position on an assault-weapons ban. ]

Colorado Civil Union Act The bill to establish civil unions in Colorado is headed to become law this spring. To be the first to see breaking updates on the bill’s progress or to follow community reactions and responses, follow Out Front online: / Updating list of all Out Front news stories on civil unions ofcnow.co/8UM / “Like” Out Front on Facebook for breaking bulletins ofcnow.co/djg / Follow Out Front on Twitter for live feeds of committee hearings ofcnow.co/-qQ / Join the conversation with 2013 news photos on Facebook: ofcnow.co/f6v

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PANEL VOICES

Are closeted people still LGBT, or does being a part of the movement begin when you come out publicly?

Karl Wesley is a 28-year old gay resident of Denver who was named Mr. CGRA in 2013, and continues to be active in the Colorado Gay Rodeo Association. Wesley is the manager at the country bar, Charlie’s, and works to strive toward a more tolerant, educated and accepting future for the LGBT community.

Elisabeth Long is a sassy queer femme-inist Pisces babe. She’s passionate about anti-violence and queer activism and enjoys bonding with animals, and rockin’ a hot pair of stilettos.

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My dictionary defines movement as “a diffusely organized or heterogeneous group of people or organizations tending toward or favoring a generalized common goal.” My view of the LGBT movement is broad and ample, and it includes out and closeted LGBT, as well as our many straight allies. I suspect that many closeted people quietly support organizations like The Task Force, HRC, One Colorado, PFLAG, Lambda Legal, and GLSEN even though they are not out. I suspect that many closeted people support LGBT causes, such as the pending civil union legislation in the Colorado legislature. I suspect that during PrideFest, thousands of closeted LGBT Coloradans come to Civic Center Park to enjoy something they can do only perhaps once per year. I suspect that many of the photo-free or faceless ads on Craigslist and LGBT dating sites are people sadly in the closeted category. I suspect that most closeted people eventually come out. Times are changing in the 21st Century, and people, even business professionals, athletes, celebrities, and politicians, no longer feel the absolute need to remain closeted. The LGBT movement needs all the support it can get, so if a closeted person, or LGBT person in an unhappy traditional marriage, or a closeted person on the down low because he is afraid of what family, friends, or whomever may think, we welcome them and we celebrate, secretly, with them. ] George K. Gramer, Jr.

Defining one’s existence within a community based solely on whether or not they’ve “come out of the closet” is really just another form of discrimination. Just because someone has not yet chosen to take the giant leap out of their walk-in doesn’t mean they have no place within the letters of LGBT. Do we not accept our straight allies/ supporters and allow them a place within our community? Labels are a huge part of the LGBT community, but they do not define how the community actually operates. It doesn’t take a label to become part of the movement, participate in Pride or even go to a gay bar. It only takes support and a desire to make an improvement within this community. ] Karl Wesley

Michael Carr is on the board of the Colorado Log Cabin Republicans, President of Aspirant Marketing, a former candidate for Colorado State Senate and resides in Cheesman Park with his partner, Fred.

Between the two parts of this question lies an assumption with which I don’t agree: that out LGBT people are a part of the movement by outness alone. If someone identifies as LGBTQ, I think they’re LGBTQ regardless of who they are or are not out to. I support people naming their identities and determining when and with whom they share that information. I don’t think that people become a part of “the movement” when they come out publicly. Coming out is a life-changing and courageous act for many – our LGBTQ identities shape our experiences and beliefs about the world, and our experiences with homophobia, transphobia, heterosexism, and heteronormativity activate us to move together for change. Yet, participation in any kind of social movement happens through action with others, not identification alone. One can be openly LGBTQ and not be a part of any movement, and one can be closeted or straight and be a part of LGBTQ movement if they are engaged in action with others to disrupt and dismantle the oppression of queer and trans peoples. Being LGBTQ does not mean you’re a part of LGBTQ movement just as being a woman does not equate with being a part of feminist movement, and so on. For many LGBTQ folks, the internal, interpersonal, social, professional, and other shifts that accompany coming out activate us to find community and fight for equality. That connection is real. ] Elisabeth Long

Michael Carr

Homosexuals are not automatically part of the GLBT community. And if one is not part of the community it’s even more difficult to be part of the movement. It’s safe to say that if one is a closeted homosexual then they are working against the GLBT movement. It’s harsh, I know. However, the fact is that the progress we have made as a movement is largely due to our “outness.” When we come out in our communities we get the opportunity to break down stereotypes and confront prejudice. Coming out is an integral part. Our job as out gays and lesbians is to tell our story – the good, the bad and the ugly. This helps propel our movement forward and provides the insights necessary to encourage our closeted friends to make the courageous steps to exit the closet. If a closeted person hasn’t heard or read a story that compels them to take the steps to live openly and honestly then we’re not doing our job. If a closeted person lacks the courage to live openly and honestly, the one thing they can do to assuage their guilt is to donate. If they aren’t going to tell their story, the best they can do is support those that do. I’m happy to have conversations with those struggling to come out of the closet. I’m even happier to help direct their donations! The battle for equality isn’t cheap. ]

Iowa native George K. Gramer, Jr. is the president of the Colorado Log Cabin Republicans.

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oBituarY

The life, passion, and Prime Time of Bobby Gates By Kristin Ziegler Though we’ve all heard the joke that a 30th birthday means “gay death,” Bobby Gates knew better. For Gates, 73 years old meant daily breakfasts at Panera Bread, regular cocktail hours at Charlie’s and weekly dinners and movie nights with groups of his countless friends and acquaintances. His vitality and passion for living made Bobby Gates: his unexpected passing in December all the December 8, 1940 – December 27, 2012 more a surprise to many of the people lucky enough to know him. Gates died from complications of the flu and pneumonia on December 27, 2012. Gates was known around Denver for running the Denver Prime Timers, a meet–up style group dedicated to getting older gay and bisexual men out of their homes and into the bars (and restaurants and coffee shops) for a good time. He founded the club in 1987, and watched it flourish into an invaluable resource for its 185 registered members. “He loved to help people out,” said Mark Gates of his late father. Mark explained this is why he set up the Prime Timers more than 20 years ago. “If someone was new to Colorado, he would take them around and help them to adjust,” Mark said. “He was such a kind and giving man.” Born December 8, 1940, Gates came of age in a time and a community where homosexuality was taboo at best, and punished at worst. Gates did his best to conform to an “expected” life of a heterosexual husband, father, and practicing Jehovah’s

Witness. He was married to his wife, Jane, for almost 23 years and together raised their son, Mark. However, Gates had joked he was never really “in the closet.” “I was never too bashful about it,” Gates told Out Front Colorado during an interview last Spring, “I was in the interior design business, where you could get away with a lot. You could be flamboyant and people would say, ‘Oh that’s just the decorator in him.’” Eventually, Gates did come out to his church and was forced to leave. Taking his excommunication as an opportunity to live authentically and connect with his community, Gates began reaching out to new friends and traveling across the country. “He was a traveler,” his son recalled. “He would visit the gay communities from Maine to California.” And Gates hosted countless visitors himself, turning his two-bedroom apartment into a bed and breakfast to properly and sophisticatedly host his guests. That relentless generosity and graciousness is how Kim Gates will remember her father-in-law. “He was so giving,” she said, adding that he had a tremendous sense of humor and consistently warm presence. “He always made me laugh. And every time he talked, I smiled. He would say things like, ‘How is my favorite daughter-in-law doing?’ And of course, I’m his only daughter-in-law.” Both Mark and Kim Gates know just how much Bobby touched his friends and the LGBT community in Denver, and just how sorely he will be missed. “He didn’t have a lot of money, but he had a lot friends,” Mark said. “I think this made him the wealthiest man in the world.” Though Bobby Gates’ family and friends have already hosted a ceremony to celebrate his life, donations may be made in his honor to: Hospitality Ministry of Center for Spiritual Living Denver 2590 Washington St., 80205. ]

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out in coloraDo

‘Just to be loved’ The 14th Colorado Gold Rush Conference in retrospect

Photos and story by Nikki Kushner

The 14th Colorado Gold Rush Conference, sponsored by the Gender Identity Center of Colorado, took place Feb. 22 to 24 at the Renaissance Denver Hotel. This particular conference meant a lot of different things to this year’s attendees. Each year I attend with no particular personal goal in mind at the onset of the conference. I did have one specific task this year – reporting the event to Out Front readers, and photographing Max Wolf Valerio, Savannah Sanburg and Craig Archuleta for this issue’s cover story dedicated to the transgender community. The conference brings together a cross-section of the nation’s leading experts on transgender issues: surgeons, physicians, therapists, psychologists, community advocates, authors, musicians and even comedians, to fill the weekend with an enormous selection of resources and entertainment for the transgender community. As I circulated through the conference, seeing old friends and making new acquaintances, I found a few common themes. Continue to share. Continue to care. Continue to educate. I sought to find a veteran of all 14 Gold Rush conferences to comment, along with somebody

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attending for their first time. The first bill was fit well enough by Dianna and Bonnie Brooks, who have attended 13 Gold Rush Conferences (but missed last year’s to attend their son’s wedding). Dianna and Bonnie are from Santa Fe, New Mexico, and after 25 years of marriage are still going strong. “It is our responsibility as senior members of this little group to pass on any and all the help and support we can to those starting or struggling with their journey,” Dianna said. Three first-timers I spoke to were not yet ready to have their names in print, but their feelings were identical – hoping to find resources and support from those who have already been down the path. Namoli Brennet, a nationally renowned and award-winning transgender singer-songwriter, was also at her first Gold Rush conference. Her album We Were Born to Rise, track 8, “Just To Be Loved,” best sums up the reasons people attend the conference: Just to be loved like one of us / Just to be loved like one of them / Just to be loved like one of us, again. ]

^ For more of Kushner’s photos of the event, visit ofcnow.co/hvu.

Gal on the move

Of love and bondage I’m thinking about bondage. I know and vicariously, the incredible hoops that what you’re thinking, and no, I don’t people jump through to prove their love. I have seen demands to give up friends and mean that kind. I got married recently. This was the even family, to never participate in the small, legal wedding in New York; the things that bring you joy, never talk about next will be the big public show with anyone you ever loved before me. Does any of that “the dress.” In New sound familiar? It’s not York I did stand up in Pretending that you love. It’s evidence that front of people and say, have a good relation- you are so insecure that “for richer, for poorer ship isn’t the same you need proof that you ... til death us do part.” as having one. And are lovable. Ouch – was Some people hear that that harsh? Pretending and describe marriage when your relationthat you have a good as being “shackled” to ship needs proof relationship isn’t the someone. I have since to convince you it’s same as having one. begun considering what good, then you might And when your relathat all means. want to reevaluate. tionship needs proof to Every relationship convince you it’s good, is unique. Every relationship requires concessions – you are then you might want to reevaluate. As part of my big public wedding, willing to do whatever it takes to show your love, and your partner will do the I want to incorporate a handfasting same. That also means you would never ceremony. This is an ancient tradition want that person to change something where a couple’s hands are “bound” important to them, if it hurt them, just by a ribbon or rope. I love the idea of for you. You love your partner too much binding yourselves together in a sacred way. It is a physical bringing together of to ask for that sacrifice. I have experienced, both firsthand objects, or people.

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When you engage in this kind of hands, join your circles of light, when you activity, don’t you think you want to be commit to being there until the end, also sure that the person standing across from consider the magnitude of that gesture. you is someone you want to be bound to? It means you know that the one constant you have is the love you It doesn’t mean that you have for yourself and for are physically inseparable. the person you are binding It means that you underyourself to. You are also stand that the things that trusting that they are in the you choose for your life same place. you are also choosing to put Everything else is in someone else’s life. So, whatever you make it. It when drama ensues, one of is not necessary for others you chose to put it there. to approve of your choice. I have noticed that the Anyone else involved in your decisions I make about my relationship ought to celelife, the people I choose brate and support your love, to be in it, the activities I Robyn Vie-Carpenter and help to nurture you and choose to engage in, how I your love, as best they can. present myself to the world, Not everyone is meant to marry. But but now I also consider how it affects my wusband. Do I want her involved in everyone – period – is meant to be loved something like this? Would I be embar- and have love. When and if you find rassed if she knew I was doing this? It’s someone that you know you are spiritually not like worrying about your parents and “bound” to, that’s when I say, tie me up! ] getting “in trouble.” It’s about being concerned for someone and striving to be the Email Robyn at best you that you can be. GoddessOfJoy1@gmail.com. When you tie the knot, bind the For more Robyn, visit ofcnow.co/FQv.

march 6, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

‘‘

BLEED LIKE ME

Twenty years ago, comparing Deen and Uncle Poodle would seem preposterous. But with the increasing incidence of diabetes and improvements in HIV treatment, Diabetes and HIV are now very similar kinds of diseases.

The Poodle and The Paula

Scott McGlothlen

ONCE AGAIN, THE LEARNING CHANNEL FAILS ITS NAMESAKE to make way for more sensational TV shows depicting families as freak shows. Its latest creation, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, reminds us why child protection agencies exist. The show’s gay character, Lee Thompson (Honey Boo Boo’s “Uncle Poodle”), has come out as HIV-positive. With minimal background information or evidence, Mr. Poodle explained to an Atlanta gay magazine that he was infected by an ex-boyfriend who hadn’t disclosed his status. Poodle said he pressed charges and the ex is now serving a five-year prison sentence. He said turning his ex in “was the right thing to do.” Message boards erupted, debating Poodle’s claimed decision to make the infection a criminal case. Did he truly want justice? Or merely revenge? A year earlier in a different kind of sensational television, Paula Deen came clean about having Type II Diabetes. She’d been teaching viewers since 2002 how to prepare gratuitous high-calorie foods; seven years later she received her diagnosis. Paula chose to keep that under wraps and continue her show of feel-good cooking that’s bad for the body. Deen is, of course, far from being solely responsible for new cases of diabetes. But for three years she kept her diagnosis secret while promiting recipes that increased viewers’ risk. Instead of facing prison time or lawsuits, she got minor public criticism and remained America’s darling Southern cook with a golden heart of butter. Twenty years ago, comparing Deen and Uncle Poodle would seem preposterous. But with the increasing incidence of diabetes and improvements in HIV treatment, Diabetes and HIV are now very similar kinds of diseases. Like HIV, untreated diabetes can lead to serious complications or death, but is manageable with medicine. And much like HIV, perceptions about who’s at risk of diabetes are misplaced by superficial stigmas. HIV is still culturally associated with sexual promiscuity even though that has nothing to do with whether you’re informed and careful – and many sexually-conservative people were infected through just one incident or by a long-term partner. Diabetes is still culturally associated with being fat even though many heavy-set people have healthy diets and normal blood sugar – while many people with diabetes are thin. A person with HIV can be perceived as having indulged too much, in sex; with diabetes, it may mean being viewed as having indulged too much, in food. According to the “seven deadly sins,” one would be labeled lust, and the other labeled gluttony. As an HIV-positive person, my heart goes out to those dealing with advanced diabetes, as it seems managing the disease can involve a lot a more than just taking medications. It can also involve testing blood sugar constantly, injecting insulin and keeping a close watch of diet. Laws criminalizing HIV are from a time when the deadly nature of HIV still had the upper hand. Naïve and scared, people tried every avenue to stop HIV, even caging up those who had it. Breakthroughs in medicine have made HIV a chronic disease rather than a fatal one. But HIV criminalization laws, which vary from state to state, remain mostly as they were.

MARCH 6, 2013 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

In comparing scenarios, The Paula would play the role of The Poodle’s untruthful ex-boyfriend. This is not to say that Deen should be in prison too. Instead, it raises the issue as to whether Uncle Poodle’s ex should be there. What disjuncture causes Poodle to be presented as a victim of someone’s careless secrets while Paula’s viewers don’t even consider a lawsuit? Most people agree “consuming bad foods can lead to bad health” is universal knowledge. But where people often disagree is whether the consequent health problems are the consumer’s fault for unhealthy choices or the manufacturers’ fault for making misleading claims about their products’ risk. Responsibility is seen as a two-way street; that’s a consideration that sex and HIV don’t get – more often viewed as a one-lane highway. When we jump in the consensual sack, the road has two lanes – no matter what our sexual partner tells us about his or her own HIV status, we still have the freedom to choose to use protection. If people like The Poodle were to punish people like The Paula, punishments should be proportional to the party’s role in the crime – not determined by outdated stigmas. Lee Thompson said that all would have been cool if his partner had only told him he was positive – he would have known how to protect himself. But it means he didn’t follow the most widely-recommended approach to protection: to treat all sexual partners, disclosing or not, as if they could be HIV-positive, and use protection. Romance and feelings of trust aren’t permission to throw condoms out the window. Obviously there is shared responsibility; the boyfriend made the choice to lie about his status, and Thompson made the choice to engage in unprotected sex in trusting that lie. It wouldn’t be fair to weigh these lanes equally just as it wouldn’t to disregard one lane completely. The two lanes of Paula Deen’s food road were perhaps too apparent. But one lane was so skewed in Lee Thompson’s favor that one person was deemed a victim and the other an offender in ignorantly-enforced HIV criminalization laws. For a more proportional sense of justice, Poodle could have opened a civil lawsuit. Instead, Poodle’s depiction of the situation was sensational, announcing the ex-boyfriend went to prison while The Poodle tried to collect kudos. Today, The Paula not only continues her show on Food Network but rakes in more money as a spokesperson for diabetes treatments. Uncle Poodle’s described ex-boyfriend continues to serve out a five-year prison sentence. And by now, The Poodle himself has made more statements about wanting to be a role model for others – by, of course, having his own reality TV show. ]

Email Scott at BleedLikeScott@gmail.com. For more Scott, visit ofcnow.co/aI9.

[ [ BODY & MIND ] ]

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By Kelsey Lindsey

The next time you begin a search for the best hair treatment, skin revitalizer, or eye cream, consider taking a look at your pantry before you head out to the stores. While many beauty brands are jumping on the all-natural bandwagon, these treatments below are truly organic and may even be a bit surprising as to how well they work. So skip the beauty isle and whip up some of these natural beauty remedies at home – your skin, hair, and wallet will thank you.

To reduce the appearance of brassy hair color that may have resulted from an unfortunate dye job gone wrong, soak it in a wash of tea that, when brewed, is close to your locks’ pigment. The tea will also help close the cuticle of your hair, promoting extra shine and softness. For the extremists out there, rinsing your hair with a good quality, organic beer once a week may encourage shiny, thick hair, thanks to the malt and protein found in the hops.

/To De-Puff Eyes For centuries, tea has been used as a pick-me-up for tired minds and bodies, but now its working double duty as a pick-me-up for tired eyes. The caffeine found in green tea can shrink the appearance of blood vessels around eyes, while antioxidants reduce inflammation. Soak two cotton rounds in a chilled cup of tea and apply to eyelids for ten minutes. If you are looking for a less drippy alternative, refrigerated raw potato slices also reduce swelling, acting as a natural astringent as well, which can help minimize pores.

/For Glowing Skin Exfoliating skin regularly helps remove dry or dead skin cells and promote circulation, giving the appearance of glowing, youthful skin. Thankfully, nature has a copious amount of natural exfoliators available, from mashed strawberries to brown sugar. Create a natural scrub at home by combining one of these buffers with moisturizing coconut oil, hydrating, antibacterial honey, or coffee grounds, which can diminish cellulite and varicose veins by improving blood flow to the skin.

/For Healthy Hair For stronger hair, look for natural products, like eggs, that contain an abundance of protein, helping hair follicles grow stronger and preventing breakage and heat damage. Fatty acids found in avocado and olive oil help moisturize and soften hair, bringing shine back to dull locks. Consider applying a mask of traditional mayonnaise (a pantry staple that has high amounts of both eggs and oils in its ingredient list) once a week for 30 minutes – just make sure you thoroughly wash it out afterwards to avoid a hyper-oily sculpt.

/To Reduce Redness Vitamins A and E are essential nutrients for healing wounds, protecting against sun damage and encouraging cell turnover, and both can be found in bananas and oatmeal. Create a mask of mashed bananas and oatmeal and apply it weekly for around 30 minutes to treat flakiness and redness. Build upon this mask by adding honey (for its hydrating properties), cinnamon (a gentle exfoliate), or licorice extract (shown to reduce uneven pigmentation). ]

Email Kelsey at Kelsey@OutFront Online.com. For more related editorial content on beauty, visit ofcnow.co/dgw.

[ [ BODY & MIND ] ]

MARCH 6, 2013 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

THRIVE

Experts say athome HIV tests could be gamechanging

OraQuick is the first FDA-approved complete at-home HIV test By Kristin Ziegler The convenience and confidentiality of at-home HIV testing appeals to health advocates and patients alike – but the option has been met with some scrutiny since the FDA-approved home test kit became available four months ago. Will the tests revolutionize HIV testing and care? OraQuick is touted as the first FDA-approved complete at-home HIV test; though a previous “athome” kit allowed patients to prick their fingers and mail the sample to a laboratory for analyses, OraQuick – an HIV testing device that resembles a pregnancy test – merely calls for a swab along the gums and 20 minutes to yield results. They are great tests and I wholeheartedly support their use,” said Dr. Mark Thrun, director of HIV Prevention and STD Control for Denver Public Health. “They allow people to be tested whenever and wherever they want, and in the comfort and confidence of their own home.”

MARCH 6, 2013 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

[ [ BODY & MIND ] ]

Thrun says the new kits will “ideally, increase the percentage of those who are living with HIV who are aware of their infection,” a compelling goal for HIV activists and experts since people who know they’re HIV positive are far more likely to keep others safe, and seek treatment. But Thrun said there are limitations to the at-home tests – they’re “not quite as accurate as tests performed in medical settings,” he said. Studies have found the version of the HIV test used in the at-home kit is 99.98 percent accurate at showing a “negative” result if that is the user’s status. But if the user is HIV positive, the test only shows a “positive” result 92 percent of the time. Accurate results also hinge on properly following the kit’s instructions. “We found that the instructions included with the test are lengthy,” Tim Schuetz said, speaking on behalf of Hey Denver, a local organization

that provides free and confidential HIV and STI testing primarily to men who have sex with men in the Denver Metro Area. “The tests are effective, but reading the test results can be confusing, especially if the instructions are not read completely and followed precisely.” Both Thrun and Schuetz encourage anyone who tests it’s a big step positive using OraQuick – or in the right anyone who tests negative direction, they but has the suspicion said. Both were they’re at high risk for HIV optimistic that the to question the result – to follow up with their doctors test may at least or a nearby clinic. mean fewer HIVMany HIV/AIDS advocacy positive people groups worry that patients will go unaware will not seek out appropriof their status. ate care after testing positive at home. There is also worry In the United that the shock of receiving a States, one in five positive diagnosis, without people infected do a trained and compassionnot know they are ate professional available living with the to explain the implications, virus – and often may be problematic. It’s hard to determine, refuse to seek thus far, how many people testing due to the are following up after using stigma associated the at-home kit – since it’s with HIV/AIDS. hard to track how many

people are using the test to begin with. “Though we may not be asking in the correct manner, I haven’t heard of anyone using the home test as of yet,” Thrun said. “Nor have we seen anyone in our clinic who performed a home test and then followed up with us.” The “revolutionary test” might not be flying off shelves just yet, and many potential customers still aren’t aware that OraQuick exists. OraSure Technologies, the maker of the at-home kit, has recently begun to combat that with a new TV commercial. Of course, advertising is not cheap, nor is the cost of running a 24-hour help hotline. So OraQuick has been stamped with a relatively steep price: $40 per test. That can be an obstacle since many at risk for HIV have low incomes. “Though I think home testing is a great tool,” Thrun said, “tests cost too much to be of benefit to most people at risk for HIV.” But professionals like Thrun and Schuetz didn’t want to focus on the test’s shortcomings – it’s a big step in the right direction, they said. Both were optimistic that the test may at least mean fewer HIV positive people will go unaware of their status. In the United States, one in five people infected do not know they are living with the virus – and often refuse to seek testing due to the stigma associated with HIV/AIDS. “We do believe there will be some demand for the in-home tests among the population that does not want to be seen at an AIDS service organization,” Schuetz said. “The positive aspect is that folks will have another way that feels comfortable to learn their status.” ]

For more resources and info on HIV testing, visit ColoradoAidsProject.org or HeyDenver.org.

[ [ BODY & MIND ] ]

MARCH 6, 2013 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

Faith & sPirit

Guided Practice:

Local shaman’s visual meditation By Paula Girardi Anyone can try this meditation. You will need a comfortable, quiet place to lie down, a white candle and a small stone that you find pleasing. Light your candle, lie back and relax. Remember to always allow yourself to move into greater comfort by heeding the body’s needs. Move if you need to. Hold your small stone in your right hand. viSUaliZaTiOn PRaCTiCe: See yourself standing in an outdoor place. The sun is high and a soft breeze gently touches your skin. You feel the soft earth beneath your feet and have a sensation of Photo by being truly at home. You feel your aura, the cocoon of Koko B. Studio light that surrounds your body, slowly begin to open and expand. A sense of wellbeing permeates. Here in this sacred place, you feel safe, alive and free. Take a few steps and really feel your feet on this earth. Many people in this world believe in the Divine nature of the earth and use it’s energy for healing. It is easy to move through life quickly and forget what a gift this planet is, what it gives us everyday of our lives. As you walk, offer thanks in your heart for what many call our Mother, the Earth. Your feet slightly sink in with each step. Take a deep breath a smell the sweetness of the air. You hear the faint sound of moving water and are drawn to discover the source. The trees here are dense, but you know the way as if your body feels the direction. Your mind is still and untroubled and your body moves with ease. You find the flowing

marCh 6, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

stream. Allow yourself to step into the cool water feeling the rocks beneath your feet. The shift in temperature jolts you a bit. You look down and wiggle your toes. Slowly, you move back to the stream edge and sit comfortably. With your left hand you reach down next to where you sit and pick up leaf. In your heart, ask yourself, what keeps you from feeling this calm, this sense of peace, in your life? Your answer could be anything. Perhaps it is a worry, a fear. Perhaps it is concern for a loved one. Whatever it is, the peace you feel at this moment it meant to be yours always, at any time. It is truly who you are. The problems of life come and go as swiftly as the water before you moves. Allow the leaf to fall from your hand and into the water. Carried on the current, it is soon out of your view. Reach into the water and pick a small stone. Shaped by years of the water’s flow, the stone is smooth in your hand. Understand that you, the rock, the stream and all you see are one. Here you may ask to be reminded in your daily life, the truth your own inner nature. Safe, alive and free, you can sweep the worries away and feel this peace always. Now pick one rock and hold it to your heart. Ask yourself for one thing within that keeps you from feeling the truth of those words. Perhaps there is still some unworthiness within you. Something feels you are not “good” enough to be really be that light. Bring the stone up to your lips and blow that feeling onto it. Give it up; give it away. Bring yourself back to the present slowly. Look at the flame from your candle and center yourself. Know that you may return to your stream anytime you wish to refresh and remind yourself of all that you possess; the great Light within you. ] Paula Girardi is a lesbian shaman who has been working at her private practice in Denver for more than seven years. She has a degree in Philosophy from New York University and is an ordained Interfaith Minister. Paula specializes in readings, counseling and leading spiritual classes. For more info, visit her website at ShamanStar.com.

[ [ BoDy & minD ] ]

Stay connected

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900 East Colfax denver colorado www.charliesdenver.com 303 839 8890 marCh 6, 13 | outfrontonline.com

Savannah Sanburg (left) Max Valerio (right). Photo by Nikki Kushner

TRanS RighT

T F e l S n PlUS TRa

= TRanS RighTS By Matt Kailey

ays before the 2012 presidential election, Vice President Joe Biden called transgender discrimination “the civil rights issue of our time.” He was apparently responding to a private question from a volunteer at a Florida field office, and whether or not he knew that his answer would make headlines, or even be overheard, is unknown. Regardless, it was a bold statement, and there was likely not a trans-identified person in the country who didn’t let out a little cheer. But that doesn’t mean that all trans people voted for Team

marCh 6, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

Obama – or that we will all vote Democrat in 2016. Just like the LGB community, the T community is not a monolith. And even the most progressive politicians could hesitate to court a “trans voting bloc” that might or might not exist. We are a diverse population with sometimes little in common other than the fact that we have fallen into a particular category – or have been placed there – based on an official diagnosis or a specific self-identity. And even the idea of a shared identity is frequently off the mark.

[ [ Cover story ] ]

TRanS iDenTiTY “I identify as a man,” said Max Wolf Valerio, who began his transition from female to male in 1989 and documented his path, including the extensive effects of male hormones, in his book The Testosterone Files, “although I am aware that I am also, always, in some sense, transsexual. So I will accept the identifier of ‘trans man’ or ‘transsexual man’ if there is a reason for that label to be applied. Otherwise, in general, I am just a guy, a man.” Valerio specifically dislikes the term transgender. “It casts such a wide umbrella, and so many different types of people, many of whom have very little, if anything, in common with me, are underneath that umbrella,” he said. “However, I also understand that it is an umbrella term, and that people in the media use it now. Frankly, I have better things to do with my time than argue about ‘transgender’ versus ‘transsexual,’ though, yes, I prefer the latter. “ On the other hand, Savannah Sanburg, a senior at Metropolitan State University of Denver majoring in Speech Communications with an individualized studies minor in GLBT Advocacy, prefers the term “transgender” and rejects “transsexual.” “I identify as a transgender female,” she said. “I do not embrace the term ‘transsexual’ because I feel as though our society has twisted it into a pejorative. It is offensive because of the shows like Jerry Springer and Maury Povich, who perpetuate and fuel stereotypes against trans people. These daytime talk shows label transgender people as deceptive, and they work to oversexualize transgender people for the purposes of ratings.” Historically, “transgender,” a socially constructed term, has had several distinct meanings depending on who you talk to. The narrowest definition refers to a person whose gender identity and physical body are not in alignment, while a broader description includes anyone who transgresses gender norms in some way.

“Transsexual” is generally thought of as a medical term defining those with a specific, diagnosable “condition” that results in gender/sex misalignment and can be mitigated through transition, primarily with hormones, surgery, or both. But transgender and transsexual are just two of the diverse array of identities that are reflected in the trans community, a population that has had to adapt or create much of our own language – either because outside sources imposed inaccurate labels on trans-identified people or because there was no language to describe a particular identity until someone came along and created it. And with the wealth of identities, along with vastly different personal interpretations of “traditional” terms in the trans vocabulary arsenal, comes a very diverse political spectrum as well.

TRanS POliTiCS While many of the most outspoken activists in the trans community lean left, measuring the “trans political response” can prove as difficult as determining the number of trans people that exist, for several reasons. An unknown number of people who trans activists or community “insiders” might consider to be transgender or transsexual have medically or socially transitioned, changed all legal paperwork, assimilated into the mainstream community as men and women, and do not identify as “trans” in any way. They don’t take “trans-related” surveys. They don’t visit “trans-related” websites. And their politics are not influenced by “trans-friendly” candidates, issues, or policies. An unknown number of people are not out as transgender or transsexual, even though they consider themselves to be such. They, too, are not visible or involved when transrelated political surveys, discussions or issues bubble to the surface. An unknown number of people,

[ [ Cover story ] ]

particularly in younger generations, have an identity or presentation that might be considered “trans” in the traditional sense, but they do not see themselves as trans. Instead, they have created other language to describe themselves, and because of their age and outsider status, even within the more traditional trans community, their voices are not always counted – or heard. But even within a self-defined, outand-proud transgender and transsexual community, politics differ – and don’t always focus on trans-specific issues. “I was one of those … Dems who were Hillary Clinton supporters but switched to McCain since they really were not happy with the choice of Obama for many reasons,” Valerio said. “Some went back to the Dems, others became Republicans or Independents. I voted for McCain/Palin and never looked back. … I voted for Romney and campaigned for him, even, in Colorado. I do not care at all for Obama.” Valerio identifies as a “classic liberal, a soft ‘L’ libertarian, who is also a hawk.” “I believe in individual liberty,” he said. “I’m a free speech absolutist, I believe in free markets. I support Israel and a strong national defense. I also am pro-choice from the standpoint of liberty, and think the government should stay out of the marriage business. First and foremost, I believe in individual liberty and freedom. The fact that trans people have become enmeshed in the claptrap and victim politics of the far left is unfortunate.” Opposed to the Affordable Care Act (Obamacare), Valerio said Obama Administration policies hindered economic recovery and failed in the Middle East. “The debt is insane,” he said, describing himself as “anti-tax” and opposed to government waste in particular. “These are larger issues to my mind than trans politics,” Valerio said. “My life as a trans person is pretty easy in some respects, and I don’t feel the need for sweeping political change to brighten my way.” Sanburg, also a Clinton supporter in 2008, remains steadfast in her party and candidate support. “I am a very strong liberal,” she said, “even though I consider myself socially liberal but fiscally conservative. I identify with the Democratic Party and am a fervent supporter of Hillary Clinton (for president in 2016). I maintain that if our sexist culture wasn’t so biased, Hillary would have been in office in 2008.” Citing race, class and gender as important issues to her, Sanburg said the Democratic Party “works to fight

for issues pertaining to these people better than the Republican Party can.” For both Valerio and Sanburg, trans issues are but one of many concerns, demonstrating that our politics are not just confined to our identity – although membership in the trans community, and what that means for our rights as citizens and as human beings, cannot be easily dismissed.

TRanS iDenTiTY POliTiCS It is sometimes argued (usually by LGBT Democrats, liberal thinkers, and the author of this piece) that any LGBT person who votes Republican is voting against his, her or hir own best interests. Truly, the modern Republican Party has not been particularly friendly to almost any marginalized population. But, despite Joe Biden’s comment and some recent nods to both LGB and T communities, the friendliness of Democrats remains a matter of contention. The Obama administration, having put into effect non-discrimination policies protecting gender identity and expression in housing and health care, and appointing an openly trans woman, Amanda Simpson, to a prestigious post in the Commerce Department, has proven itself to be the most trans-friendly presidential administration in history. But trans people still face ongoing discrimination, and even violence, with little to no institutionalized protections in place. And while almost every trans person has political views and interests that transcend personal identity, in our case, the personal often does become political. “I really want freedom and dignity for trans people,” said Valerio, “and I look at the fact that the United States is a leader in this regard. … We are really, in spite of our flaws, a wonderful country with an amazing Constitution that includes an empowering Bill Continued on page 22

marCh 6, 13 | outfrontonline.com

Continued on page 21 of Rights – empowering to the individual – and we know that individuals make up groups. But freedom starts with the liberty of each individual, not with the empowerment of the collective, which too easily dissolves into mob action or groupthink.” Valerio admits that answers are not black and white, and that there can be muddied waters between the two major parties when it comes to choosing sides. Valerio supports same-sex marriage and a pro-choice stance – issues that are more often aligned with Democrats and that affect the trans community. However, he said, the Democratic Party’s support of same-sex marriage only came after a shift in public opinion. “Only recently did the Democrats change their official platform to one that endorses gay marriage,” Valerio said. “Frankly, once the fight was basically won in terms of public opinion, they got behind the cause officially, and so they are getting out of the way more than actually leading the way.” Sanburg says her politics are heavily influenced by her identity not only as a transgender woman, but as a woman. “I do not feel safe around Tea Party Republicans who wave the finger at so many people and shout loud, violent, racist and/or homophobic rhetoric,” she said. “Being transgender has given me a new perspective to view how people judge one another each and every day, because I also am held to a very strict and unforgiving standard – that of being a woman in the Western world.” However, being a woman in the Western world is only one of Sanburg’s political lenses. Her trans identity still plays a role. “I look at a candidate’s philosophy and vote for the candidate that best represents my goals for what direction the government should take,” Sanburg said. “Despite my support for the Democratic Party, I do not believe that any candidate has ever clearly advocated for transgender rights specifically, because if they had, the DSM IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, under which trans people are still diagnosed) would be a lot less transphobic, and we would not be so far away from true equality.” And regardless of the progress that the trans community has made in recent decades – and particularly under the Obama administration – true equality remains a distant dream.

Change We Can Believe In? What’s next for the trans community? How should politicians look at this growing, changing, and extremely diverse population who enters the voting booth not as one uniform bloc, but as tens of thousands of individual voices, each with its own story and each with its own idea about what should happen in the world? That will surely be a challenge for the candidates of the future. “Transsexuals are pursuing happiness,” Valerio said. “We are following a path of radical individualism in our pursuit of our own truth and fulfillment. Because I am very indebted to the freedom-loving foundational principles of this country, I am very invested in making sure that these continue.” Valerio said the Internet made a difference supporting and connecting trans people around the world. “We do need support and informa

march 6, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

tion, places where people undergoing medical transition can find friends, talk in person, find medical resources,” he said, adding – “Those don’t need government mandates. There is a lot people can do without the government stepping in.” Sanburg said, “I see the transgender movement in dire need of strong leadership that represents the best interests of the individual members and the organizations that serve them. I see a future where organizations that purport to help transgender people develop a strong social security net and access to resources without limitations and status being an issue. … It is not beneficial to transgender people to hold events that they cannot attend because of their housing situation or lack of proper clothing. In the status quo, we are constantly preaching to the choir. We need to expand our thinking and reach out to those whose voices have not been heard and ask them, ‘What

[ [ Cover story ] ]

are you needs?’” It seems that Mr. Biden was right when he said that transgender discrimination is the “civil rights issue of our time.” The most important thing now is to turn that idea into real action, taking into account the broad spectrum of identities, needs, and philosophies that exist in trans communities. The candidate who can do that will truly be able to say that he, she or ze has the “trans vote.” ] Matt Kailey is an awardwinning author, college instructor and community activist focusing on transgender issues. He is the author of Just Add Hormones: An Insider’s Guide to the Transsexual Experience and Teeny Weenies and Other Short Subjects. He currently teaches Transgender Studies at Metro State University. He can be reached through his website, Tranifesto.com.

FeatUre

Who put the * in Trans*? By Matt Kailey the identity of “man” or “woman” – or even “trans man” or “trans woman” – is not one that every person who self-identifies as trans can relate to. But those folks on the edges of the “trans umbrella” still go to the polls – and their voices are becoming increasingly loud and persuasive as a younger generation begins to take control. Craig “arch” archuleta, a senior at metropolitan state University of Denver who is combining Psychology, Genders & sexuality and Feminist theory into an individualized education program in Queer studies, identifies as genderqueer, pansexual and trans*. archuleta uses a plural pronoun (they, them) or a combination of male and female pronouns in the same sentence. they are also multi-racial. For archuleta, the term trans* “allows for that malleability and takes away the connotations of traditional masculinity and femininity” that “transgender” or “transsexual” can signify. a genderqueer identity involves “queering the nature of gender – doing things outside of gender norms in a way that’s comfortable for me.” archuleta says that their identity “definitely” informs their politics. “i have to feel that people (including political candidates) can hear all of the facets of my identity,” archuleta said. “i think i could have a drink with obama and explain things to him and he might understand.” But that doesn’t mean that archuleta will always vote Democrat, even though they have primarily in the past. “if there was a socially liberal, fiscally conservative republican, i might vote for them, as long as they weren’t a reaganite,” archuleta said. archuleta has taken a close look at the Green Party, which they feel is generally more trans friendly than either major party – but has a tendency to be “hippy dippy” and “not very organized,” they said. regardless of how they are voting now, archuleta sees a shift coming with a younger generation, in terms of gender identity, gender acceptance and the language used to describe individual identities. “trans* is just a temporary thing,” archuleta said. “or at least i hope it is. instead of using labels like gay, lesbian, trans, maybe we have a different way of talking about gender. When there wasn’t all the language, you could just express yourself the way you wanted and didn’t have to label it.” archuleta sees two prongs within the larger lGBtQ movement. the first is assimilationist prong, which is heteronormative and reflects more traditional masculine and feminine gender expression and roles. the second is the liberationist prong, which says, “We don’t want to emulate those at the top. We want to change the top.” archuleta sees that happening with the youth population, and says that it is actually a return to the days before so much terminology came into existence to describe every facet of every group. “they (lGBtQ people) were all cohabitating,” archuleta said. “i think this is a return to that.” in the future, archuleta hopes that factions of the various communities can come together and work together toward real political progress for all people of all identities. “What are the commonalities in our community over the differences?” they said. “Where’s our Queer Wonderland?” ]

[ [ FeatUre ] ]

Craig “Arch” Archuleta Photo by Nikki Kushner

marCh 6, 13 | outfrontonline.com

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

Little Dragon 1305 Krameria Street, G Denver CO 80220 • 303-322-2128 LittleDragonDenver.com

Wazee Supper Club blends playful décor with a serious knack for culinary perfection By Jeffrey Steen Denver has its share of downtown historic landmarks – Lanny’s Clocktower, Union Station, the Taco Bell on the 16th and California – but when it comes to dining, we tend to focus on the new. What are chefs doing these days to blow our culinary minds? To natives and foodies, however, there is – just occasionally – a happy mix of both. Enter Wazee Supper Club. As history tells it, the Supper Club took up residence in 1974, the brainchild of Angelo and Jim Karagas who were fraternal transplants from Milwaukee. The two are known Denver-wide for My Brother’s Bar – housed at the corner of 15th and Platte, but Wazee Supper Club was a venture that took on a life of its own. In those days, the aging building – once a plumbing supply house – sported brick walls, wrought iron gas lamps strung from a lofted ceiling, and the inspiration for a delicious new watering hole. The Karagas brothers took the space, laid down checkered flooring, set up banquettes that snaked through the room, hoisted a loft at the back for seating, and stretched a wooden bar on the east side of the dining room. In the kitchen, they whipped up some of the best pizza the city has ever known, and at the mahogany bar, they poured beer that Milwaukee natives – and Denver’s sudsy locals – loved. Since the Supper Club’s birth in 1974, it has become a Denver icon – an undeniable piece of our city’s history.

Enter the team culled by the owners from Wynkoop Brewery – a bubbling, energetic cohort led by Chef Bob Whitmer, complemented by wine expert Greg Cheval and GM Shannon Baker. To them – and to the whole team behind the culinary, beverage, and dining room renovations – my hat is off. The new Supper Club, given a bit of a facelift last year, is a gracious tribute to what was and a refreshing take on what is to come. The dining room is open now – a perfect way to capture the energy of the space while giving room for live jazz every Wednesday. The bar looms large on one side, and the loft seating still presides at the back of the restaurant. The menu, meanwhile, is a playful new look at serious eats – including the introduction of an “entrée” section previously left off. The food is an unpretentious collection of apps, salads, sammys, and mains that touch on everything from American-Italian-style Spaghetti and Meatballs to a Scottish Salmon Sandwich topped with a hard-boiled egg. So, really, it comes down to this: If you’ve been to Wazee, go again. And if you’ve never walked through its doors for wine and some eats – well, seize the day. You can’t really call yourself a Denverite until you enjoy a meal in this iconic eatery; and you can’t wear a foodie’s toque until you indulge in some saucy Wazee pizza pie. ]

Las Margaritas 1035 East 17th Avenue Denver, CO 80218 • (303) 830-2199 LasMargs.com

Serioz Pizzeria 1336 East 17th Avenue Denver, CO 80218 • (303) 997-7679 SeriozPizza.com

^ Wazee Supper Club is located at 1600 15th Street in downtown Denver. Online at WazzeeSupperClub.com.

With the new era of dining and drinking at Wazee Supper Club comes the wine offerings assembled by Wine Director Greg Cheval. He’s part of the whole Wynkoop family of restaurants, so he makes his mark on wine lists from the dining room at Wazee to Gaetano’s in the Highlands. What makes his wine program so special? Well, he’s got Infinite Monkey Theorem on tap, for starters. Then, he’s got a perfect balance of reasonably-priced Italian bottles and California dynamos that kick dining up a notch. ^ More at GaetanosItalian.com.

Hamburger Mary’s 700 East 17th Avenue Denver, CO 80203 • (303) 832-1333 HamburgerMarys.com/denver

MARCH 6, 2013 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

[ [ SOCIAL ] ]

The Melting Pot 2707 W. Main Street, Littleton, CO 80120 • (303)-794-5666 MeltingPot.com

Dont forget Tuesday is $15.00 Liters of House Margarita Silver or Gold!

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HIGH SOCIETY

Director Eytan Fox

10 years after the gay tragic romance ends By Gary M. Kramer Ten years ago, Eytan Fox’s film Yossi and Jagger told a heartbreaking queer love story between two male Israeli soldiers. Yossi is Fox’s sequel to his 2002 classic. Familiarity with the original film is not essential. In this new drama, Yossi (Ohad Knoller, reprising his role), is a cardiologist who jerks off to porn, eats bad takeout and uses old photos of himself to pick up guys on the net. When he is forced by circumstances to take a vacation, Yossi unexpectedly meets Tom (Oz Zehavi), a young, handsome openly-gay soldier. A potential romance develops. Fox admitted in a phone interview from Israel that he never thought he would make a sequel to Yossi and Jagger but he’s pleased that he did. “I’m so proud of this film – it’s so personal, and I feel so close to it,” Fox said. “Part of why I made this was an excuse to explore what happened to Yossi, which is what happened to me, to Israel, and to the gay community over the past ten years.” The filmmaker said the Israeli army has been more accepting of queer soldiers since Yossi and Jagger. He observed, “When I was in the Israeli army in 1982, the idea of being openly gay was unheard of. All the people I know who were gay in the army were completely closeted. That world has changed.” Yossi reveals that the main character is stuck in the past with a closeted mindset. When Yossi meets Tom, he slowly begins to understand that there are other ways to live. “Tom represents the idea that you can be happy with who you are,” Fox said. “You can take your clothes off,

‘‘

I wanted to show a person stuck in a bad place who frees himself.

stand there naked, and say, ‘This is who I am – love me!’” – which Zehavi does in one of the film’s key scenes. The relationship between the heavyset and heavyhearted Yossi and the younger, cuter Tom forms the film’s romantic second act. Fox said his purpose was “to show the older generation reaching out to the younger generation to teach them how to live better.” He continued, indicating his dismay that audiences question – as the bewildered Yossi does – why Tom is attracted to a sad, lonely, older man. “I’m almost offended that a young beautiful man can’t fall for a somber, sophisticated older guy. That’s the wrong way to see desire. Tom sees that Yossi can offer him more than his fun friends can. He’s a doctor, who is smart and reads literature and needs saving. That’s something Tom wants to do – save someone who is in distress.” In one of the scenes early in the film, Yossi meets a man online for sex, only to have the encounter go badly because of Yossi’s poor physical image and poorer self-image. Several of the characters in Yossi – from his hospital colleague Moti (Lior Ashkenazi) as well as Tom – suggest that Yossi would feel better if he would just get laid. It’s a facile curative for a depressed man grappling with survivor’s guilt, and being mostly closeted, but the film emphasizes Yossi finding sexual fulfillment as a means to emotional happiness. “I didn’t think of it that way,” Fox responded to the claim, “But he does need to get laid to feel better about himself and life.” ]

Yossi opens March 8 at the Mayan, 110 Broadway. More info online at ofcnow.co/a8a.

march 6, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

[ [ Social ] ]

Light/The Holocaust & Humanity Project March 29-31 Ellie Caulkins Opera House 1101 13th Street Denver, CO 80204 More info: ^ ColoradoBallet.org (303) 893-4100

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Bar rag

Charlie’s gets patrons groovin’ in new dance bar

Charlie’s has been working to get their downstairs dance floor ready for action. With new lights and a hot dance floor, you’re sure to get moving and grooving. Charlie’s is located at 900 E. Colfax Ave. For more info, visit CharliesDenver.com. ]

X Bar boasts a St. Patty’s celebration debauchery

What: A drinking day extravaganza with drink specials all day, including $7 car bombs, $4 Guiness and $6 shots of Jameson starting at noon. Plus, special guest DJ Gary Givant will be spinning his famous jams. When: Sun., March 17 from noon to close Where: X Bar, 629 E. Colfax Ave. ofcnow.co/BZC More info:

march 6, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

[ [ Social ] ]

Eden is now open for lunch and dinner Eden bar & Cuisine Lounge, a go-to LGBT establishment in the warehouse district, is now serving lunch and dinner seven days a week. Known for a diverse menu and gluten free options, Chef Ching-yuan Hu has spiced things up with fushion small plates, and healthy spins on bar food favorites. Don’t miss the unique and tasty menu in the cozy neighborhood spot. And remember, the patio is open yearround with umbrellas in the summer and heaters in the winter. Hours for lunch and dinner: Monday – Friday: 10:45 a.m. till 4 p.m. (Serving lunch) Monday – Friday: 4 p.m. till close (Serving dinner menu) Saturday – Sunday: Brunch starts at 10 a.m.

Eden is located at 3090 Downing Street. For more info and details about the menu, visit EdenDenver.com.

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A thick pillow and earplugs Dear Cycle Sluts, I am thinking about trying drag but I don't know where to begin. What do you suggest as the starting point? Signed, "Wigs, Dresses and Shoes,Cycle Oh My!" Dear Sluts,

going to be. So anything else is fine as long as you pack the butter flavored Crisco and energy drinks. Sassy: I don't think it really matters Photos by Charles Broshous what food you take. From the sounds of it whatever you take is going to end up with pubic hair in it! Winnie: I'll have the big Italian sausage and two meatballs! Eden: Stick with oysters and green M&M's. This way those boys stay nice and horny all weekend. Diane: Cucumbers, squash and for the brave or cocky boys, bring along a watermelon. Oh wait, were you talking about food to eat? Rolonda: Franks and beans, and plenty of special sauce. Freeda: I heard orgy where and when? Bea: I guess I don't understand how the two go together. If there is an orgy I am sure no one needs food, just plenty of water, and a touch of spermicide.

My boyfriend and I are Zoey Diddim:our Takefirst lessons. Watch celebrating month the classic movies like Some Like it anniversary together. Hot, Tootsie, Pricilla Queen of the Because of me being ‘overDesert and Mame. Follow the sideendowed,’ I’ve not been kicks/bitchy parts then emulate that. able to satisfy him anally. Juana Mann: Start with heels. If Any suggestions toheel prepare you can't work a good you are him for my big anniversary doomed to failure. Nothing worse package? than hearing “Queen Down!” Winnie Bego: Come to Slut bingo Signed, “Ready orones Not, and see how the real do it. DianeI Come!” Tolickya: Find a sugar Here daddy and break the bank, honey! It's way too expensive to look this Zoey Diddim: Celebrate damn cheap. all week and give him a gift Molotovia I find that a each night: Cocktail: Six different-sized favorite store helps. I only shop at butt plugs leading up to your the best. Le Mart du K, Jacques Pen mammoth. Or you can dump nay, and my all time favorite is Le Dear Cycle Sluts, him and just call me! Why are straight people so Bon Will. Bea Dazzle: Well, speaking for intrigued by drag queens and Molotovia Cocktail: Lube, myself, I started on my back, and drag shows? lube, lube! then moved up to my knees. I have Signed, "Straight-Curious" had many satisfied customers in my Juana Mann: Start with a small Juana: Hello! Have you seen us? pumps. candy cane and work your way Rolonda Flor: Big titties and big Zoey: It makes them feel safe in up to the big candy sticks. If that their suburban world knowing there hair are the ultimate accessories. doesn’t work, least he’ll Eden Cox: My at suggestion is be to go are other freaks out there to draw the minty fresh! dumpster diving honey. That's attention off religious, judgmental, where you can find the best jewelry! bigoted groups. Who brought in my Winnie Bego: Forget him! Freeda Fondle: You can startI by soap box? want that big package! Freeda: Bitch, because we are taking me shopping. Sassy Squatch: Maybe start at fabulous! Rolonda Charlie's? Flor: A bottle of Jack, a Winnie: Cause my legs look better Xanax and a big tub of Crisco. in a dress! Diane: It's because we're so f*cking Dear Cycle Sluts, Freeda Fondle: shiny! Some friends andLube I arebaby, planlube. Rolonda: Because we're easy. ning a camping trip where we Molotovia: The women can hang will be really roughing it. I am Bea Dazzle: Buy a thick pillow with us without fear of getting in charge of the food for the and earplugs. weekend. I'm sure an orgy is in groped and the men hang with us in hope that they get groped. the works for that weekend so Sassy Squatch: Sweetie, the Bea: Well, Doll, first of all the difwhat do you suggest for the best advice I can give is to be ference between str8's and gays menu? patient take your time. is a six-pack. Gays have them, Signed,and "Chef Boys-are-whee" Work him up to it! Remember, if and str8s drink them for an alibi! you start offmenu withI asuggest WhamisBam Zoey: The the Eden: Well, I think the women come all you’ll do rip his can! My to get beauty tips from the best. number for isroom service. idea of "roughing it" is walking And the men are there because they eDiTor’S not ice. are secretly fantasizing about getdown the noTe: hall to Crisco get myisown safe with latex ting to wear our dresses. I AMtoause Diva after all.condoms, which are weakened by oil-based Molotovia: Depending on the Sassy: Because we're so glamorgy menuUse theafood should orous and entertaining. Also we can lubricant. watermenu or siliconeNOT lubricant include asparagus (PEE- rock a dress and heels better than based instead. you if you pee on them). And NO most real women do! Just sayin! ● Mexican, refried are a no go if Online at See the full album On theonline Web atat http://denver they are re-RUNS. Email DenverCycleSluts.net. ofcnow.co/Yq j cyclesluts.net. Keep questions Juana: Sounds like you know what questions to askaslu@gmail.com. your main course for the weekend is coming to AskASlut@gmail.com.

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[ [ Social ] ]

April 18, 2012 ● 51

march 6, 13 | outfrontonline.com

LGBT Bar Listings

Denver

Aqua Lounge • 1417 Krameria St. (720) 287.0584 • AquaLoungeDenver.com Covered patio, live entertainment, trivia, poker, karaoke, $2.50 happy hour M-F Barker Lounge • 475 Santa Fe Dr. (303) 778.0545 Patio, old Hollywood themed, neighborhood bar

Compound • 145 N Broadway (303) 722.7977 • CompoundDenver.com Neighborhood dance bar with edge, weekend beer bust Coco Breeze Lounge • 539 W. 43rd Ave. ofcnow.co/pob 18 and up, mixed crowd, dance floor

Lannie’s Clocktower Cabaret • 1601 Arapahoe St. (303) 293.0075 • Lannies.com Burlesque, comedy shows, appetizers, desserts Li’l Devils •255 S. Broadway (303) 733.1156 • lildevilslounge.com Dancing, video bar, mixed crowd

Fort Collins

Choice City Shots • 124 LaPorte St. (970) 221.4333 ChoiceCityShots.com Mixed crowd, karaoke, poker, DJ, dancin’

Pueblo

Black Crown Lounge • 1446 S. Broadway (720) 353.4701 • BlackCrownLounge.com Piano lounge, tapas and brunch, patio, live music

Decatur St. Grill • 800 Decatur St. (303) 825.4521 • Decaturbar.wordpress.com Pool table, poker, smoking patio, women

Tracks • 3500 Walnut St. (303) 863.7326 • TracksDenver.com LGBT dance club, BAD first Fridays, DJ, live performers

Pirate’s Cove • 105 Central Plaza (719) 543.2683 • MySpace.com/Pirates Cove1, Local bar, mixed crowd

bLush Coffee, Bar & Lounge • 1526 E. Colfax Ave. (303) 484.8548 • BlushBarDenver.com Bar, coffee, lounge, pool

Denver Eagle • 3600 Blake St. (303) 291.0250 • TheEagleBar.com Leather, fetish, darts, heavy pours

The Bar • 554 S. Broadway Ave. (303) 733.0122 • ItsTheBar.com Burlesque, bingo, dance parties and comedy

CO. Springs

Eden • 3090 Downing St. (720) 545-4055 • EdenDenver.com Women’s lounge, patio, healthy bar food, vegetarian, gluten free

Wrangler • 1700 Logan St. (303) 837.1075 • DenverWrangler.com Men’s bar, patio, leather Fridays, pool tables, beer bust, darts, “Sweet Dance”

Club Q • 3430 N Academy Blvd. (719) 570.1429 • ClubqOnline.com 18 and up, Military appreciation night, drag show, pool, darts, beer pong, ladies night

El Potrero • 320 S Birch St. (303) 388.8889 • ElPotreroDenver.com Mexican restaurant, patio, club, live shows

X Bar • 629 E Colfax Ave. (303) 832.2687 • XbarDenver.com LGBT bar, karaoke, Drag Queen brunch, BINGO, DJ, beer bust, patio, food

Boyztown • 117 Broadway (303) 722.7373 • BoyzTownDenver.com Male strippers Broadways • 1027 Broadway (303) 623.0700 • BroadwaysDenver.com Neighborhood sports bar, weekend beer busts, BINGO, trivia, outdoor patio Charlie’s • 900 E Colfax Ave. (303) 839.8890 • CharliesDenver.com Western and pop dance club, weekend beer busts, live music Club M • 700 E 17th Ave. (303) 832.1333 • HamburgerMarys.com/denver Karaoke, BINGO, trivia, drag, live DJ bar

Hamburger Mary’s • 700 E 17th Ave. (303) 832.1333 • HamburgerMarys.com/denver Great food, big patio, weekend brunch, big screen TV’s, mixed crowd

march 6, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

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The Underground • 110 N Nevada Ave. (719) 578.7771 • UndergroundBars.com, Pub style, BINGO, poker, karaoke, food, beer bust

Denver Gay Professionals

Photos by Charles Broshous

More pix at ofcnow.co/SP2

[ [ Social ] ]

march 6, 13 | outfrontonline.com

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Pope Nuclia has a nice ring

‘

Nuclia Waste

My bitterness stems because at one time I was studying to be a Catholic priest. Yes, that’s right. Instead of a dress and heels, I had plans to wear, well, a dress and flats.

march 6, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

‘

[ [ Social ] ]

Holy smokes. The pope resigned. The leader of the Roman Catholic Church, the right hand man of God, is calling it quits. The pope is supposed to be God’s own megaphone right here on earth. God whispers in the pope’s ear and the pope yells out what’s on God’s mind. Apparently what’s on God’s mind is, “You suck. You’re fired.” I suppose he must have not read the job contract closely enough. The last time I checked, you sign up for pope and death is your retirement plan. So the leader of a church who says that gays cannot get married, and straights cannot get divorced, just up and quits. Is that an example? You might be thinking. “Nuclia, you’re being a bit harsh on old Benedict XI. He was a Hitler youth and all, but insists he was never part of the Nazi party.” Well, bless his heart. My bitterness stems because at one time I was studying to be a Catholic priest. Yes, that’s right. Instead of a dress and heels, I had plans to wear a dress and flats. I spent four years of high school and two years of college in the Catholic seminary. And I took the vows of poverty, chastity and obedience quite seriously, though I never got to the point of actually taking the vows. My coming out of the closet fabulously derailed all of that. Chastity was going to be easy, I thought. I was not attracted to women. I thought that was God telling me I should be a priest. Chastity was going to be easy peasy. There was no way I was going to grope a girl, let alone have sex with her. Eww. As for poverty, have you

seen how poor the church is? Me neither. Have you ever seen a skinny priest? They are eating more than a few wafers and a glass of cheap wine, let me tell you. Poverty was not going to be a problem either. Obedience. That was going to be the albatross hanging on my rosary. I don’t like being told what to do. I like to be the one giving the orders, not taking them. I am more “S” than “M.” Regardless of the vows, I was prepared to take them, for life. Once you are ordained, you are a priest until you rattle those pearly gates for St. Peter to let you in. Not only could I have been a priest, why I could have been a bishop, then a cardinal, and then, ultimate of all ultimates, the pope himself. Yes, Nuclia Waste could be the one sitting on that empty papal throne. And let me tell you, I would not have let a little sickness and poor health get in the way. That’s par for the course. It just means your reign as pope is coming to an end. Stick it out. Not only do you get to hear God speaking in your ear, you’re about to see him nez a nez. But no, Benedict is giving up those fabulous golden robes, the pointy hat and those comfy papal slippers. What I would give for a pair of comfy slippers instead of six-inch platform shoes. So instead of praying on my knees, I’ve spent my life preying on my knees. And making the world a better place with fun and laughter. I think God will be chuckling to see my triple nipples parting the clouds on my way to heaven. Amen. ]

^ NucliaWaste.com

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For traditional pies with fresh ingredients, Serioz is your pizza headquarters Home of the “made from scratch, hand-tossed pizza, Serioz Pizzeria in Denver is dishing out the best of the best. With locations at both Lowry and 17th Avenue, Serioz caters to people from neighborhoods to business districts, filling folks with sublime pies for lunch, dinner and social snack hours all day long. Serioz boasts classic Italian recipes, including their famous pizzas and calzones. On top of the already mouth-watering menu, the Serioz name has been known for, patrons can also choose from gluten-free menu options, including gluten-free pizzas, salads and fettuccini. Serioz on 17th Avenue features two full bars, one being a patio bar that is open during the hot summer months, a private party room and a family dining room.

While the food is great and the patios provide a welcoming and fun environment perfect as the warmer weather months approach, Serioz on 17th’s music venue attracts crowds from near and far. Artists such as Sarah Angela (a PrideFest main-stage performer last year), Attic Attack, The Outfit and Tommy and the Tangerines have all performed on the pizzeria’s music stage. It’s no wonder Serioz is such a hit, with classic Italian cuisine, live music, a full bar and a great central location, Serioz is serious about music, people and pizza. Dine-in, carry out, and delivery available! ]

^ Serioz is located at 1336 E. 17th Ave. and 200 Quebec St. For menu’s and more info, visit SeriozPizza.com.

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To locate a church near you, go to: www.ucc.org/ﬁnd/ [ OUT FRONT ]

FASHION

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Get stylish with the hottest trends in men’s vests RALPH LAUREN LANGLEY CHINO VEST $198 – RalphLauren.com This stylish vest is made with lightweight cotton and linen chino and features a buckled back for an adjustable fit. With a V-Neckline, a six-button front and a full lining, you’ll be all the rave with this classic vest. TASSO ELBA HERRINBONE VEST $34.99 – Macys.com Make your outfit dapper with this four-pocket polyester/rayon vest. With an adjustable tab on the back, button-front closure and machine washable, look debonair staying easy on the pocketbook. KNIT LONG GRID VEST $68 – AmericanApparel net This lightweight knit vest that has a bit of extra length, goes great over a T-shirt, and works great as a layering piece. Dry clean only.

MIRCRO TWILL SUIT VEST $98 – Express.com This twill wool blend suit vest pairs with the photographer suit for a hip uptown look – or with jeans to unsuit your style. Features a five-button front and an adjustable back buckle. RAG & BONE Merino Wool Vest $325 – Nordstrom.com This gorgeous vest made with merino wool is the perfect statement piece without an over-the-top pomp. With a front button closure, flap pockets and a sleek design, you’re blazing high-class. NEIMAN MARCUS DIAMOND-WEAVE CASHMERE VEST $168 – NeimanMarcus.com This versatile staple works with every style – dressy or casual, layered over a T-shirt or slipped on under a blazer. This vest has a V-neckline, a banded hem for a comfortable pullover style, and a ribbed trim. ]

^ For more fashion takes, visit ofcnow.co/Mb7. [ [ LIVING ] ]

MARCH 6, 2013 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

HOME GARDEN trees can bleed sticky sap now; save their pruning for fall.) Put up birdhouses. Birds scope nest sites and start building as early as February. Nesting birds need their privacy; for better chances of attracting a nest, avoid placing houses near birdbaths and feeders, noisy air conditioners, busy walkways or areas accessible to cats. Clean up gardens. Put dead leaves and branches in compost piles, or if you don’t compost, rake or spread them flat on the ground in place. They will soon be hidden by new growth, and decompose very quickly on contact with soggy snow-dampened soil in spring weather, providing nutrients to roots. Turn over compost piles for quick decomposition in time for summer vegetable gardens.

Get your patio garden ready for spring By Matthew Pizzuti

“April showers bring May flowers,” the saying goes to ease the disappointment of dreary, drizzly spring days. In Colorado that can’t be counted on – early spring could mean anything from a warm drought to unexpected snow. Still, March through mid-April – when many gardens and trees are still bare – is one of the busiest times of a year if you’re looking for a thriving summer oasis. Mark your calendars for the early-spring tasks here: EARLY MARCH: Prune trees. It’s easiest to see the tree’s structure and identify weak or crisscrossing branches when trees are bare. Plus, diseases are inactive and pruning wounds or holes in the canopy heal the fastest when pruned in early spring. Remember that low-hanging branches will sag even more when they grow leaves. (Elm and maple

LATE MARCH: Prune roses. As new buds swell, use sharp, clean pruners to cut old, dead or crisscrossing stems away at the base, remove dead cane tops, and cut the remaining stems down by one third or half – cut half an inch above the nearest outward-facing bud. This is also the best time to plant roses. Cover flowerbeds with mulch. Use wood chips, lawn cuttings, or hay to smother weeds before they sprout. Put down sheets of newspaper (which is biodegradable) under mulch for extra weed protection. An hour spent mulching now will save weeks of weeding later. Plant pansies. Excellent for patio planters, pansies (also called violas) thrive in cool spring weather and tolerate late frosts that would kill other annuals. Greenhouse-grown pansies need to adjust to cold, so for the first week cover with upside-down flower pots or mulch, or drag them inside at night if there’s going to be a frost. Plant early spring vegetables. Peas, radishes, lettuce and onions are cool-weather vegetables to plant now for late spring harvests. In an outdoor patio herb garden, mint, chives and sage can be planted as soon as the seeds or plants become available in stores. Start your big projects. Now is the best time to add a fountain, deck, raised garden, walkway or automatic sprinkler system, when it’s not too hot to work, disturbances in gardens or turf will be covered quickly by spring greenery, and the big garden-planting season starts in a month. Now is also a good time to plant trees. ]

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MARCH 6, 2013 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

[ [ LIVING ] ]

PARENTING

Lesbian mother – gay son

Jasmine Peters

‘

When he responded, not even the bed could have broken my fall. He said, “Would you still love me if I told you that I was gay?”

‘

I was on the phone in my bedroom when my 9-yearold son came into my room and sat on the bed. I could see on his face that he had something to say, and his silence indicated it was something important. I ended my call; crocodile tears filled his eyes and I gave him a big kiss on his cheek. I asked him why his tears were so big. He looked at me with frustration for not taking his tears seriously. I apologized and asked why was he crying. When he responded, not even the bed could have broken my fall. He said, “Would you still love me if I told you that I was gay?” Being a lesbian, it would be easy to assume that my response would be of nothing but support of his revelation, but in all honesty I was crushed inside. My entire past flashed before me and my heart felt heavy. I remember the rejection that I received from family and friends. I remember the struggle that I had to overcome in accepting who I am in the face of rejection. I remember news stories of young boys being bullied and teased, sometimes to death. I couldn’t help but feel crushed over the possible rejections, taunting and questions that might be flung his way. As a mother, I blamed myself. Why? Because of my own emotional baggage, that is still being unpacked. As a life coach, I had to remember that this was not about me. I needed to remove myself from this equation and meet him where he is to support him in where he is going. He was still looking at me, anxiously awaiting my response. Knowing that his response to this is contingent on mine. With all of

this in mind, I was sincere and supportive, not because I am gay and I welcome him into the LGBT family, but because he is my son and I love and support everything about him. He was so relieved by my acceptance that he was ready to tell the world that he is gay! I encouraged him to take things slow. I reminded him of reactions I got when I came out and said we needed to be responsible and safe. He agreed, took a deep breath and slowly released. I asked him if there was anything else he wanted to talk about. He jumped off of my bed with excitement and ran out of my room closing the door behind him. As a mother, I want nothing but the best for my children. I want them to be happy, healthy and safe. It doesn’t matter if they are gay or straight. What matters most is how they feel about themselves. I realized that my response made all the difference in how he would feel about himself and impact his journey to accept who he is. As a parent, our acceptance or rejection of our children, whom they are or what they want to do can make a life changing impact on their lives. It is important to separate our personal issues from that of our children’s issues and provide love and support without conditions. ]

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Jasmine Peters is the founder of Parenting Wellness Center, a certified life coach, an ordained non-denominational pastor, author and single parent of five. Reach her through her website at ParentingWell nessCenter.com. To read more related articles on parenting, visit ofcnow.co/ijZ.

[ [ LIVING ] ]

MARCH 6, 2013 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

Big ToYS

2013 Ford Escape

2013 Ford Explorer Sport

2013 Ford Flex

The fairytale SUVs from Ford By Jonathan McGrew

Once upon a time there was a 2013 family of three princesses, from the “Blue Oval” known as Ford, vying to be your Cinderella. Meet the princesses – ahem, SUVs – the Escape, Explorer and Flex. The all-new 2013 Ford Escape, the baby SUV of the family, encompasses a lot of magic. Some might call her a crossover or CUV; no matter how you define the new Escape, it ignites the imagination. With the available footactivated rear power liftgate and EcoBoost 2.0-liter fourcylinder with 240-hp (on premium gas) this little miss packs a lot of surprise. Designed in the language of the Ford Fiesta, the Focus is suited to a multitude of inhabitants, royalty or peasantry alike. For the top-of-the-line Titanium with all-wheel drive, you’ll have to magically uncover $35,100, but you won’t find much missing from

the option package. Be sure to check out the variable 1-5 settings for the leather-heated seats and take notice of the 24 mpg combined fuel rating. If the Escape doesn’t have enough room, then you might need to step up to the Explorer. And if the Explorer doesn’t have enough personality, take a look at the 2013 Ford Explorer Sport. The Sport represents the most powerful option with the most aggressive exterior styling. All we have to say is 365-hp Ecoboost twin turbo V6 and you know this truck has some muscle to adventure with any knight. You will have to get used to the need to climb over the expansive door seals to get in and out, but the features set it apart. With available navigation, heated seats, power liftgate, variable ambient lighting, Terrain Management System and 18 mpg combined fuel rating this is not your father’s Explorer. You do have to pay to play at an as-tested price of $47,390.

march 6, 2013 | outfrontonLine.com

[ [ Living ] ]

The alternative sister of this fairytale is the 2013 Ford Flex. With a refreshed front-end design, unique looks and a ton of passenger room the Flex is capable, and flexible like its namesake suggests. But it’s also the lowest to the ground and only comes with an available all-wheel drive, not the intelligent four-wheel drive system of the Escape and Explorer. For the SEL, the mid-trim level, our vehicle as tested rang up to $39,195 and came complete with heated seats, leather, Navigation and a power liftgate. Who’s first in line to become queen of your driveway? The choice is yours: Escape provides convenient manoeuvrability with class leading usability technology. Explorer Sport taps into the raw power of a sports enthusiast while conquering various terrains at the turn of a dial. And Flex generates a unique and alternative personality for those who want to stand out while still having the ability to carry all their precious cargo and friends too. ]

BacK in mY DaY

l u f r e d n o W ! s t h g i n d wil Gillian Ed wards

Do you remember when the famous country gay bar Charlie’s was further East on Colfax than it is now? That location became Ms. C’s when Charlie’s moved, but before that there were few places for lesbians to dance, so every Thursday night Charlie’s was turned over to the women. Oh those wonderful wild nights! Living in Lyons, I carpooled with a Lyons/Estes Park group. Katie, the leader of the pack, had a passenger van and in piled six or eight of us every Thursday night, come rain or shine, come gale or snow. Women came from all over Colorado. I danced with lesbians from Grand Junction to Pueblo to Julesburg. Many were boycotting Coors at the time for their anti-gay politics, and Katie had a unique way of introducing herself to Coors-sipping strangers. She bought another beer brand, took it over to the Coors-drinker, and wordlessly replaced the Coors with her preferred brand. Needless to say that engendered many interesting conversations! When Charlie’s closed at two

in the morning, the carpool group went to the White Spot for breakfast, accompanied by endless cups of caffeine stimulant, and an analysis of the night’s events. Then it was back to Lyons, a quick shower and change, and off to work. Just the thought of it exhausts me, now! But how I enjoy those memories. The beautiful, energetic, funny, Katie, now nearing ninety and lost to dementia, can no longer enjoy hers. So, make your memories while you can, and enjoy them while you may. ] aBoUT The aUThor Gillian Edwards was born and raised in England. After graduating from college there, she moved to the U.S. and, having discovered Colorado, never left. Gillian has lived in the Denver-Boulder area since 1965, working for 30 years at IBM. Gillian was once married, raised four stepchildren, then divorced after coming out as a lesbian in her 40s. She has been with her partner, Betsy, for 25 years.

Ms. C’s -

closed in Februar y 2008

... every Thursday night Charlie’s was turned over to the women. Oh those wonderful wild nights!

Back in MY day…

Got a story, memory or reflection to share from way back when? Let us know about it! Email holly@outfrontonline.com with a story with “back in my day” in the subject line to have it considered for print!

[ [ Living ] ]

march 6, 2013 | outfrontonLine.com

SHOW & TELL

Illustrator’s ode to ‘burley’ gay men is tied to Colorado

Jeremy Owen is an illustrator, writer and aficionado of all things big and burly. Though currently residing in Oregon, he spent most of his life in Denver and Aurora, and in Greeley at the University of Northern Colorado. He is the creator of the superhero comic series “Bludgeon,” a character inspired by college friends, as well as the pinup zine “Burly.” He is striving to create art and stories that include themes and people of the ursine persuasion (read: Bears), as well as infusing his own experience of being a late bloomer in the gay community into his writing. Owen is heavily influenced by science fiction and horror films, the themes of which also bleed into his work. He self-publishes his comics and zines, most of which he prints and hand-assembles himself under the bawnner of Burly Press. ]

^ For more information on Owen’s comics and art, visit Burlypress.com.

march 6, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

[ [ Living ] ]

travel

A mid-winter night’s dream Or Escape to Palm Springs

By Nic Garcia It’s the perfect Colorado storm: snow, wind, clouds an endless chill. Looking out the window of my apartment all I see is white. Every 30 minutes or so, I hear the frivolous sound of shovel to pavement. Good luck, the snow will last longer than your endurance. I pace around my apartment all day, holding out hope for summer, shorts and sun. It’s late now, I close my eyes and go to bed. The window is cracked just a bit. A few snowflakes dance across my nose like fairy dust. There’s a gentle knock at the door. As I wipe the sleep out of my eyes, I see the sun breaking through the blinds. It’s too bright to be a sun muted by snow clouds. The king bed is too big to be my own. The hardwood floor, the black and white mid-century modern aesthetic – I’ve been transported, not to paradise, but the next best thing in the lower–48: Palm Springs. I’m staying at Escape, owned and operated by refugees from the Rocky Mountains Greg Kafka and Mark Hunter. The Denver couple opened the clothing optional men’s resort in 2011. The recovering workaholics, after spending several years searching for the right property, discovered the 12–room boutique hotel on San Lorenzo Road (a $5 cab ride, from Downtown Palm Springs) restored and updated the property. “The weather is going to be in the 80s, and perfectly clear,” Kafka says as I sip coffee on my private patio. There’s a pool open 24 hours, a 15–man hot tub, and in each room a flat-screen TV, BluRay and DVD player, Gilchrist & Soames Spa Bath Amenities and plenty of space to spread out. While clothing is optional, and cruising permitted, there’s a more laid back vibe at Escape, the antithesis of other Palm Springs resorts like the Triangle Inn and INNDulge. While I could lay by the pool for hours, soaking up the sun, there’s plenty more to-do in Palm Springs. First there’s brunch at Pinnochio’s. The breakfast

burrito rivals the best of the best in Denver. But the prices can’t be beat, like bottomless champagne, all day, for $3.95. If soaking up cheep bubbly all day isn’t your style, explore the desert with a Jeep and walking tour of Indian Canyon. No, it’s not Red Rocks, but with more than 100 miles of hiking trails, streams, waterfalls and stunning landscape, there’s sea-level wonders around every corner. After a trip through sand and dusts, nothing can compare to an afternoon at the spa. The Taking of the Waters experience at the Spa Resort Casino will refresh your mind and body. Steam, eucalyptus sauna, a private soak, and nap in the tranquility room, the Waters is like an amusement park for the soul, you’ll never want to leave. But there’s dinner, and shopping, and nightclubs. Sunnylands: A free public attraction, the winter home of Ambassador Walter and Lenore Annenberg, occupies more than 200 acres and was designed by A. Quincy Jones. Zin American Bistro: patio dinning, people watching, fine wines and better steaks. Perfect for a date night. Chase dinner with a bit of Villagefest: browse more than 200 booths offering art and handcrafted items, for more than 20 years, Villagefest is a free community event every Thursday. Lulu Palm Springs is the Racine’s of the desert. There’s something for everyone. The Palm Springs Aerial Tramway: Take a look at Palm Springs from 2,643 feet. Have a salad at Jake’s Ready to Eat before stopping by Interior Illusions (as in the Interior Illusions’ Lounge on RuPaul’s Drag Race) in the Uptown Design District. Happy Hour at Wang’s is the largest LGBT happy hour featuring cheap drinks and more boys than you can shake a pair of chop sticks at. TRIO Palm Springs: three year’s old and still the place to be seen, an extensive menu, a hot staff (especially if you like Gaytinos). Hunter’s Palm Springs: the classiest of the gay bars. Streetbar: camp meets dive bar. ]

[ [ Living ] ]

march 6, 2013 | outfrontonline.com

‘‘

SeXUaLiTY

To me, erotica ... exists in the words on a book spine, in the naked silhouette painted on a canvas in the student center and even in the throaty, suggestive whisper against my ear.

Erotica in many forms By Lauren Archuletta

Erotica publisher Raelene Gorlinsky describes erotica succinctly – as something that makes one “pleasurably sexually turned-on.” “Of course what’s ‘pleasurable’ can be different for every person,” Gorlinsky said in an interview with USA Today Books in the Feb. 22 article “Happy Ever After.” “But the current use of erotica is intended to have a positive connotation,” he said. Nowadays it’s rare someone would begin a search for any low-risk, low-commitment, sexually “pleasurable” thing anywhere but the Internet. More often than not that leads us to cheesy porn sites like Youporn and Pornhub, where we end up watching 12 minutes of a scene that essentially “gets the job done.” The quick fix takes our attention away from the other options that may take longer to dive into – but offers a more satisfying reward. We just have to be willing to explore and adventure. Literary erotica has come a long way since Harlequin novels. Perhaps the recent novel Fifty Shades of Grey by London-based author Erika Mitchell (pen name E. L. James) just crossed your mind. The “kinky f*ckery” of Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele swept over us this past year, undeniably driving countless happy moments for readers – not to mention big sales at Fascinations. But while 50 Shades was quite a national focal point last year, other options can truly take us on a long tour of the power of the written word to hit the sweet spot. To me, erotica (defined by Merriam-Webster to encompass any literary or artistic erotic work) exists in the words on a book spine, in the naked silhouette painted on a canvas in the student center and even in the throaty, suggestive whisper against my ear. It’s an expansive definition, and for this reason I want to share more than erotic books – I want to mention blogs and websites, too. Literotica is a site that offers a duality of literature and erotica, with various fantasy and fiction categories, and interest categories like gay male, interracial love, lesbian sex, etc. Completely free to visit, Literotica.com is a place where amateur and professional writers alike

can submit any story they wish, for anyone to see. There are also erotic chat rooms, bulletin boards for members and a place for audio files – sometimes to accompany written stories, sometimes the stories themselves narrated out loud, and often just people moaning or breathing heavily into a microphone. There’s something strikingly evocative about listening to someone get off, versus watching a three-minute clip of it on Xtube. Sex blogger, author, columnist and web celeb Violet Blue is a major advocate of erotica, who, on her blog Tiny Nibbles, demonstrates various genres – artwork, books, podcasts and more. In one Jan. 25 post she lists porn stars and female models wearing socks; to her there’s something distinctly titillating about that. Katherine Brock, a 23-year-old graduated Women’s Studies major, said she learned a lot from Tiny Nibbles and hopes to start a sexuality blog of her own. “Violet has such a powerful way of conveying erotica through her blog,” Brock said. “She literally just throws you right into it as soon as you click on her link. I think it probably has something to do with the strategic ad placement, too.” When visiting Blue’s blog, you could be reading about the dos and don’ts of dirty talk when your eye drifts to the side of the page, where naked men and women lure toward websites for fine art nudes, porn stores owned by women, and more. I personally find sites like Tiny Nibbles, Literotica and Viviane’s Sex Carnival more sincere – and more erotic – than heterosexual porn sites I feel zero connection with because they’re meant for men. Erotica carries different meanings or connotations for different people, this 20-something sex columnist and college student can only hope that some of you find your own reward stepping out of your comfort zones, thinking outside the box, and exploring that wide world. ]

Email Lauren at Lauren@OutFrontOnline.com. For more related articles on sexuality, visit ofcnow.co/ltS.

march 6, 2013 | outfrontonLine.com

[ [ Living ] ]

aSK The SeXPerT

Don’t let the music die

Shanna Katz

My 10-year lesbian partner and I have always had amazing sex. My sex drive has always been on the high side, but as we’ve progressed in our relationship, the amount has diminished, as seems to usually be the case. There have been been many disappointing times I thought we’d be intimate but it never occurred. I’m frustrated at not ever being able to decide if or when we have sex. Do you have any suggestions? – Wanting More in Wash Park

Dear Wanting More – There is a frequently discussed stereotype of LBD – Lesbian Bed Death, which insinuates that most long-term lesbian relationships don’t have the sexual passion they did at first. Here’s the real story: The majority of long-term relationships – lesbian or not – involve less sex than they did the first few months. It’s just part of the relationship arc. This is not to say that sex should stop after you’ve settled down. My first suggestion is to talk to her – not with a passive-aggressive “well, I guess we’re not having sex, again,” as we have all wound up thinking some point, but a genuine conversation about how you are feeling. She might not realize that it has been affecting you so deeply, and the talk could jumpstart some action. You can come up with planned action items, like scheduling makeout time (sounds silly, but it really works for some people), or reading erotica to each other out loud. Another idea is to think outside the box (pun intended!) and redefine “sex.” What if she helps out while you masturbate, or explores some kink? For some, erotic massage will incorporate (or reignite) intimacy outside traditionally-defined sex. One last option is opening your relationship. It sounds like you are getting all your needs met with your partner – except for your sexual ones. You could pick up a friend with benefits, or agree on having the opportunity to hook up with other people. If you decide to go that direction, I recommend the two of you read Tristan Taormino’s Opening Up for ideas around respect and boundarysetting in open relationships. Don’t give up yet. If you put in the work, my bet is that you can keep this great relationship going in a way that’s more satisfying. ] – Shanna

Shanna Katz, M.Ed, ACS is a board certified sexologist. She believes strongly in open source, accessible sexuality education. For more info, please visit ShannaKatz.com.

HEINZESIGHT

Live each day like it’s your last Last weekend I got to briefly hang out with a fun guy while I was out with friends. We had spent some good quality time together previously and I really enjoyed our conversations and his energy. We made plans to grab brunch soon with friends when our schedules were less busy. Five days later, I found out on Facebook that he had died from complications from cardiac arrest. I was saddened about his passing, painfully aware that we weren’t going to have opportunities to grab a bite, have a beer, or see our buddy’s band Princess play again. It seems like I’m spending a lot of time this week focusing on how important our friendships and relationships are in fulfilling our lives. I’m catching up with some people I haven’t seen in a while and pushing to make some new connections with people that I’ve chatted with about grabbing coffee. What are we waiting for? Is there ever a perfect time when we have absolutely nothing going on? Why do we procrastinate on doing things

that we could do sooner than later? How do we enjoy life and connections with others if we don’t make the effort and devote the time to make things happen? When are we going to move beyond putting off those things we talk about doing? There are times where we think we have all the time in the world to accomplish goals, forge relationships, and create a wonderful life. Unfortunately, we don’t always see approaching difficulties or catastrophes. Life can become quite rough – suddenly and without warning. Death and loss is a normal part of our lives and it can come up when we least expect it. Many times, we don’t think that these situations are looming until they happen. Considering our own mortality is something that almost everyone does, but I think it can be more important and impactful to consider what we are going to do while we are alive and how we want to spend our time. Focus on how to enjoy our lives and the people living around

[ [ Living ] ]

in anything is easier said us while forming strong than done. Living in the and exciting friendships. moment, thinking about This can enrich our lives what is behind and in much more than fixating front of you, and being on the inevitability of grateful for everything death. fantastic in your life can Although thoughts of help to keep you focused mortality may stress us on what you are going to out, many of us consider do to keep moving in a ourselves already stressed Brent Heinze positive direction. and overwhelmed with Remember, life truly is for the other aspects of being alive. We can fixate on past situations, dreaming living. Be careful not to take it for about how the future will be so much granted because it can change in a better than our current reality, or feel heartbeat. It doesn’t matter if you that our present-day issues keep us are putting off scheduling brunch, stifled. This stress can keep us from hanging out, or making out. Don’t living a life we love living, and stifle wait until you don’t have the opportunity to do something to wish efforts feel fulfilled and excited. Our lives are in a constant state that you had done it. Remember that of trying to balance our focus on the each moment is important, meaningpast, present and future. Any of these ful, and precious. ] can take too much of our concentration and energy. When this happens, Brent Heinze, LPC, is a we risk getting caught in one of them licensed professional counselor. and losing focus on the other two Email him at PerspectiveShift@yahoo. that give us wisdom, motivation and com. For more editorials by Brent, fulfillment. I know finding balance visit ofcnow.co/xcp.

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