12.4.13 :: Gift Guide/Volunteers by OUT FRONT Magazine

INTERVIEW: THE FABULOUS EDEN LANE // LGBT FAITHFUL URGE CONSERVATIVE CHURCHES TO CHANGE + CLOSING OUT #NoShaveNovember WITH COLORADO’S SEXIEST BEARDS // THE SUBTLE THINGS LESBIANS FIND SEXY

Volunteers WHAT MOTIVATES THOSE WHO GIVE BACK

Gift & Giving Guide IDEAS FOR A FUN & FABULOUS HOLIDAY SEASON

12.04.13 – 12.18.13 Volume 37 • Issue 17 • FREE $ 95 3. Outside Colorado OutFrontOnline.com

INTERVIEW: THE FABULOUS EDEN LANE // LGBT FAITHFUL URGE CONSERVATIVE CHURCHES TO CHANGE + CLOSING OUT #NoShaveNovember WITH COLORADO’S SEXIEST BEARDS // THE SUBTLE THINGS LESBIANS FIND SEXY

Volunteers WHAT MOTIVATES THOSE WHO GIVE BACK

Winter Gift Guide

IDEAS FOR A FUN & FABULOUS HOLIDAY SEASON

12.04.13 – 12.18.13 Volume 37 • Issue 17 • FREE $ 95 3. Outside Colorado OutFrontOnline.com

DECEMBER 4, 2013

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DECEMBER 4, 2013

CONTENTS

VOL. XXXVII ISSUE #17 December 4, 2013 t

OUR ANNUAL

Winter Gift Guide

24 SO LIV FO CUS CIAL ING 6 8 9 11 12 16

Letter From The Editor Speak Out Out In Colorado News Panel Cover Story

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22 24 32 34 39 40

Food For Thought Gift Guide High Society Calendar Interview On The Scene

42 43 44 45 48 49

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Fashion Beauty Metropolitan Faith Sexuality HeinzeSight

Serving the LGBT Community of the Rocky Mountains since 1976 3535 Walnut Street Denver, Colorado 80205 Phone: 303-477-4000 Fax: 303-325-2642 Email: info@outfrontonline.com Web: OutFrontOnline.com Facebook: facebook.com/OutFrontColorado Twitter: @OutFrontCO Out Front is published by Transformation Communications Group, LLC, a Colorado limited liability corporation and is a member of: Denver Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce and Denver Drama Critics Circle.

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EDITORIAL MATTHEW PIZZUTI / Editor Email: Matt@outfrontonline.com CONTRIBUTING WRITERS: Lauren Archuletta, Michael Carr, Paul Collanton, Steve Cruz, Nicholas Ferguson, Keo Frazier, Nic Garcia, George Gramer, Brent Heinze, Josiah Hesse, Shanna Katz, Jen LaBarbera, Kelsey Lindsey, Brianna Matthews, Ken Schroeppel, Scott McGlothlen, Jonathan McGrew, Phil Nash, Tom Rockman, Karen Scarpella, Jeffrey Steen, Berlin Sylvestre, Pieter Tolsma, Ashley Trego, Robyn Vie-Carpenter, Nuclia Waste, Alison Wisneski, Mike Yost

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ART COLBY BRUMIT / Senior Graphic Designer Email: Colby@outfrontonline.com CONTRIBUTING ARTISTS & PHOTOGRAPHERS: Charles Broshous, Hans Rosemond, Evan Semon, Denee Pino

PRODUCTION ROB BARGER / Production Coordinator Rob@outfrontonline.com

DISTRIBUTION: Out Front Coloradoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s print publication is available semi-monthly, free of charge in Colorado, one copy per person. Additional copies of Out Front Colorado may be purchased for $3.95 each, payable in advance at Out Front Colorado offices located at 3535 Walnut Street, Denver CO, 80205. Out Front Colorado is delivered only to authorized distributors. No person may, without prior written permission of Out Front Colorado, take more than one copy of Out Front Colorado. Any person who takes more than one copy may be held liable for theft, including but not limited to civil damages and or criminal prosecution.

COPYRIGHT & LIMIT OF LIABILITY: Reproduction of editorial, photographic or advertising content without written consent of the publisher is strictly prohibited. Advertisers are responsible for securing rights to any copyrighted material within their advertisements. Publisher assumes no responsibility for the claims of advertisers and reserves the right to reject any advertising. Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization in articles or advertising is not to be considered an indication of the sexual orientation or HIV status of such person or organization. Publisher assumes no responsibility for the loss or damage of materials submitted. OPINIONS EXPRESSED are not necessarily those of OUT FRONT COLORADO, its staff or advertisers.

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DECEMBER 4, 2013

FROM THE EDITOR

Thanks to volunteers

By Matthew Pizzuti t IN 1976 IN DENVER, A SMALL GROUP OF DEDICATED ACTIVISTS LAUNCHED THE ORGANIZATION that is now known as the GLBT Community Center of Colorado — most widely encountered today as the organizer of Denver’s annual PrideFest, plus many other ongoing programs and activities throughout the year. The organization began as, in the words on the “History” page of the Center’s website, “an outgrowth of the Gay Coalition that formed in 1973 in response to police harassment of gay men.” More from that story: In the beginning, The Center’s main service was to help people come out. They dropped in — often after walking by the building a dozen times to build up the courage. They read books in the library. They volunteered. They started new activities. The Center ran 12 hours a day, six days a week on “coming-out energy.” Donors arrived with cash in hand, fearing to write “gay” on a check.

Phil Nash first served The Center as a volunteer in 1976 and became its first salaried coordinator from 1977 to 1980. The Center’s budget for 1978 was about $15,000, and Phil Nash — the only paid staffer — made $682.50 a month, plus an allowance for health insurance. So there you have it: just one example of how one of our most prominent local organizations came to be with the generosity of the community. If you have any relationship with any of our LGBT nonprofits — which are in many ways the heart and spirit of our community as a whole — our traditions we celebrate and resources we count on owe their existence to low-paid employees who could have easily gotten bigger paychecks elsewhere, and volunteers working completely for free. Even today, volunteerism and philanthropy is the fuel that keeps it all going. From our small-team athletic groups and LGBT social clubs to our big-name charities and organizations, all rely on people who sacrificed sweat and grit over countless hours for little or no compensation, or businesses and donors who dug into their pockets to pitch in, expecting to tangible return. It turns our “economics 101” lessons from high school on their head. Why do so many people do so much, in the LGBT community in particular? I think that for many — from the bold activists advocating under-recognized concerns to the friendly receptionists directing steady streams of phone calls — the payoff comes in the currency of acceptance. Volunteering, and

giving, is a way for LGBT people to engage in a place they feel they belong, and sometimes that’s hard to find. It brings a purpose, a connection to peers who understand their lives, a way to show appreciation for those they love but who we don’t see getting enough love from the rest of the world. It’s a way to heal their own wounds, making sure the next generation doesn’t face the same challenges. And, in the spirit of those who launched the first LGBT organizations in the first place, volunteering is a way to advance issues that aren’t yet connected to funds. It’s a good-faith investment in something they hope will come. Finally, I think it’s a sense of responsibility: some things just need to get done, some things just ought to be created for the benefit of ourselves and others, and the best of us ask themselves: if I don’t do it, who will? We see this as a long-overdue topic for a cover story — honoring one of the most important components of our community. What better time than the holiday season to highlight this spirit of generosity? So amidst all the chaos and giftgiving this year, amidst all the extra work hours or shopping and travel plans, please take a moment with us to think about those who volunteer, support and give back — they truly deserve our wholehearted thanks.

CONNECT WITH t OUT FRONT IS YOUR PLATFORM FOR THE EXPRESSIONS AND PERSPECTIVES OF COLORADO’S LGBT AND ALLIED COMMUNITY — WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU! To directly contact Out Front’s editors to respond to an article, send a story idea or tip, learn about becoming one of Out Front’s panelists or columnists, write your own Speak Out column or provide general feedback, please email editorial@outfrontonline.com. 6

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ABOUT THE CONTRIBUTORS

Lauren Archuletta describes herself as “sophisticated and fun:” a writer, journalist, and most of all curious soul. She’s proud to be part of both the LGBT and Latina communities in Boulder and Denver. See her stories on page 9 and 10.

Alison Wisneski, 26, is a student pursuing an MA in Social Change from the Iliff School of Theology. She focuses on relationship building and organizing those to rally around LGBTQ visibility and equality, currently within the United Methodist Church. When she’s not writing for class or on LGBTQ issues, she enjoys spending time with her musician wife and their cat and dog. See her Faith and Spirituality story on page 45.

SPEAK OUT

Why we need more women and LGBT people in office By Daneya Esgar AS A LESBIAN, I’VE ALWAYS WORKED HARD TO SERVE MY COMMUNITY AND FIGHT FOR PROTECTIONS FOR ALL OF US, in Pueblo and across all of Colorado. I know I want to do more. I want to serve in an elected office someday to help make value-based decisions that will positively impact our all of our communities. It’s important to me as a woman to know that the people that are making decisions on laws that affect me, share my Democratic values. Only 36 women in the U.S. have been a governor. Women make up just 18 percent of the U.S. Congress and 24 percent of state legislatures, and thirteen states have no women representing them in the U.S. Senate or Congress. When we look at the number of these women who are LGBT or women of color, the numbers dive even lower. Having been born and raised in Colorado, I’ve seen the progress we, the LGBT community, have

made when it comes to protections that we need and deserve; employment nondiscrimination, housing and public accommodation, hate crimes, second-parent adoptions, designated beneficiaries, and most recently civil unions. All of these wins started as grassroots movements and were eventually turned over to the votes of those elected to serve us at the state capitol, and we are far from done here in Colorado. We’re still fighting for full marriage equality, racial, economic and immigration status equality within our LGBT community, and protections for our youth. I know we can and will do more great work at the grassroots level to protect our community, but it’s important that the grass tops represent our community as well. Women make up around half of the population, yet we don’t hold half of the elected offices. This is dangerous and unfair for women and girls across the country. Women, especially LGBT women and women of color, need to be

represented as elected officials in our communities, in our state and across our county when decisions are being made about our lives. We can’t depend on people who haven’t lived our experiences to make the best decisions for us, or trust that they will always protect us. We as women need to be sure that the fight continues for “women’s issues” and who knows more of what women need than us? I was inspired by the Emerge Colorado program to run for and serve as an elected official someday. And although I haven’t decided what office to run for yet, I know that I am better equipped than ever to make a difference. In seven months, one weekend a month, I learned more about public speaking, communications, fundraising, the media, campaign strategy, field operations, ethical leadership and most important, networking. It’s been said that women need to be asked at least three times to run for an elected office before they decide to make a go at it. Men

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don’t even need to be asked, they aspire to it. I’m here today to ask you to run for an office, and if you aren’t up for it, ask a woman you know and trust to run for an office. Women are our best allies as women, not our competition. We are all in this together. The girls of today are watching our every move, much as we did our mothers, grandmothers, sisters and aunts. We have a responsibility to inspire, motivate and protect the next generation of women. Pueblo community activist Daneya Esgar was an honoree at Out Front’s 2013 Power Party for her successful push to obtain samegender employee benefits for Pueblo city workers, and the Colorado Springs Pride Center’s 2012 Activist of the Year. She is a recent graduate of Emerge Colorado, a program to prepare women for public leadership. r Learn more about Emerge at ofcnow.co/eme or email its executive director Faith Winter at faith@emergeco.org.

DECEMBER 4, 2013

Attackers beat store owner

NEWS

WRITE ANTI-GAY SLUR ON HIS FOREHEAD IN ALLEGED HATE CRIME

he is opposed to calling the measure for a vote. “Listen, I understand people have different opinions on this issue, and I respect those opinions. But as someone who has worked in the employment law area for all of my years in the statehouse and all of my years here, I see no basis or no need for this,” Boehner said. Currently, it is legal in 29 states to fire employees based on their sexual orientation and in 33 states based on their gender identity, including the Speaker’s home state of Ohio. A spokesperson for Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) told LGBTQ Nation Thursday that Reid maintains that if Boehner would allow a House vote on the bill, it would most likely pass.

PARIS, TENN — The owner of a health food store in Tennessee was beaten unconscious Nov. 20 by three men who used anti-gay slurs before robbing him and writing “fag” across his forehead. The victim, who owns the Healthy Thyme store in Paris, Tenn., about 90 miles northwest of Nashville, said a man had come into the building through the employee entrance asking for something to help his daughter, who was sick. The store owner suggested a product and had reached down to get it when the man began beating him, the report indicated. The report indicated two other men, both wearing ski masks and black jackets, joined the first man in hitting the victim, reported the Paris Post-Intelligencer. The victim told officers he was hit until he lost consciousness, and when he woke up, he said that he saw the men pouring gasoline near the front of the building. He said his attackers got away with $1,200 and caused about $5,500 in damage. The store owner told police that a man had come to the business earlier that day and asked him about his sexual “preference.” He said the man told him he could not shop at the store if he was homosexual.

Report from LGBTQNation.com

Boehner still opposed to ENDA

CALLS WORKPLACE PROTECTIONS BILL ‘UNNECESSARY’ WASHINGTON — U.S. House Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio), on Nov. 21 reiterated his opposition to federal legislation to prohibit workplace discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity. Boehner said the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA), which the Senate passed last week, is “unnecessary” because “people are already protected in the workplace.” “I am opposed to discrimination of any kind — in the workplace and any place else,” Boehner said in a news conference. “But I think this legislation — that I have dealt with as chairman of the Education Workforce Committee long before I was back in the leadership — is unnecessary and would provide a basis for frivolous lawsuits. People are already protected in the workplace,” he said, indicating

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OUT IN COLORADO

Couple creates hub of love for local pets – for 14 years By Lauren Archuleta LEAVING YOUR SPECIAL FURRY FRIEND ALONE ALL DAY CAN BE WORRISOME FOR MANY PET OWNERS, but for Dan Remus and Jef Strauss, leaving their Dalmatian, Geni, at home five days a week was absolutely unbearable. Life partners of now 18 years, Remus and Strauss decided in the late 1990s, then living in Colorado Springs, that enough was enough — they saw a need, and realized that they wanted to create something where they could earn a living with Geni by their side. In that moment, the idea for Wag N’Wash was born. Advertised as “one cool place,” Remus and Strauss established a one-stop destination to wash, feed and spoil cats and dogs. Understanding the deep compassion Wag N’Wash customers have for their animals, the company offers a retail line of healthy pet food options in their in-house bakeries, such as raw and gluten-free products.

But it took some work. While a concept like Wag N’Wash seemed like a necessity to Remus and Strauss, getting other people to have faith in the idea was a harder sell. “Jef worked tirelessly to try and convince banks to give us a loan,” Remus said. “They would laugh and ask us why we even wanted to start a business.” Though both men had spent years working for businesses — Remus for Nordstrom’s employee resources department, and Strauss was even in small business retail working with his father in a family-owned jewelry store — neither had previously owned their own business. The couple ended up having to take out a second mortgage on their home to finance their vision, which launched in 1999 with their first store. It was a large and risky investment, but Remus and Strauss say the return was more than worth it. “The most rewarding part [of Wag N’Wash] is seeing how we can improve the lives of com-

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panion animals,” Strauss said. “People who weren’t aware of the healthier options out there say, ‘I gave this product a try and it really worked.’ We get to help nurture that love and that bond between companion animal and owner.” Since the first Wag N’Wash opened its doors, the company has taken off. There are now eight locations in Colorado and Arizona, a mix of stores they own and franchises. “For me, one of the most gratifying parts is that we’ve had this business for over 14 years and we get to surround ourselves with animals and the people who care about them,” Remus said. Strauss and Remus, now residents of Capitol Hill in Denver, look forward to their weekly adoption fairs held at local Wag N’Wash locations, and the joy they’ll bring to families and their soon-to-be animal companions. r Find more information on Wag N’Wash online at ofcnow.co/wagnwash

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DECEMBER 4, 2013

OUT IN COLORADO

Conquer the mat with Colorado’s LGBT-inclusive wrestling club By Lauren Archuletta RUN THE PIPE. HI-C BACK DOOR. REACH AROUND. These sound like innuendos, but they’re USA Wrestling-approved moves and techniques, taught and practiced at the Denver Wrestling Club. Head coach Greg Lines of Centennial, Colo. founded the LGBTfriendly wrestling club in 2012 as a place for beginners and experts alike in the Denver area to have a place to practice the sport — and art — of wrestling. “We have some people who wrestled in high school and college and some who are complete beginners,” Lines said. “A lot of people just want to come and check it out.” Lines calls wrestling in the Denver Wrestling Club as a “small minority sport.” While the club is not exclusively LGBT, Lines said they pride themselves on not discriminating based on age, skill level or sexual orientation. Though there are currently no women on the team, women are also welcome to join. “We’ve got members from 18, 19 years old all the way through people in their late 50s,” Lines said. The 2013-2014 season started in early November. “This is a big year for the Denver Wrestling Club because of the 2014 Gay Games that are going to take place in Cleveland in August,” Lines said. “I’ve already had a couple guys who have expressed interest in competing.” 10

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Coach Lines, a private mortgage consultant for Wells Fargo, plays an active role in the national wrestling community. He joked about going from suit and tie to wrestling singlet (although the Denver Wrestling Club doesn’t wear singlets during practice). “I coach, wrestle and serve as an official for kids’ tournaments and bigger, competitive tournaments,” Lines said. “This year I’ll be officiating the Gay Games.” Lines encourages anyone interested in wrestling to come as a free guest to a practice at Denver South High School to get the feel for the Denver Wrestling Club. The organization’s annual fees include $50 for the season and $5 per practice to cover the cost of renting the room. After the first practice, members are required to purchase or renew their insurance card from USA Wrestling. “We’re an open and friendly group that’s received accolades from USA Wrestling and Wrestlers without Borders, an organization that promotes diversity and inclusion,” Lines said. The Denver Wrestling Club meets weekly in the gym at Denver South High School, 1700 E. Louisiana Ave., at 6:30 p.m. r More info about the history, members, requirements or upcoming events of the 2013–2014 Denver Wrestling Club season is available online at ofcnow.co/dwc.

IN MEMORY

The Bryan Way

LGBT advocates remember Bryan McKay for his selflessness, contagious enthusiasm and unyielding dedication as a volunteer. By Mike Yost

MEMORIAL EVENT PHOTOS BY CHARLES BROSHOUS The LGBT community came out in force November 15 to say goodbye to a good friend and unsung hero who recently passed away. Services for Bryan McKay were held at Metropolitan Community Church followed by a Celebration of Life at Charlie’s. Bryan, who was originally from Florida, served in the Army for a short time and moved to Colorado in 1998. He served as Mr. December 2011 for the Men of Charlie’s and as Count 40 in the current reign of the Imperial Court of the Rocky Mountain Empire. The man with a big smile and even bigger heart spent thousands of hours selflessly volunteering behind the scenes for organizations around town, including Colorado Aids Project, Colorado Gay Rodeo Association, Denver Element, GLBT Community Center, ICRME, Men of Charlie’s, MCC and Pets are Wonderful Support. r Donations in his name can be made to PAWS at pawscolorado.org.

“I MET BRYAN WHEN I FIRST STARTED AT THE CENTER OVER THREE YEARS AGO,” said Juli German, Community Engagement Coordinator at The GLBT Community Center of Colorado. “I think what he wanted most was to make the world a better place. And in his heart of hearts, Bryan really believed that that was through volunteering.” McKay passed away in November, but his ebullient altruism and devotion to serve endures with those he worked with. “When folks talk about the LGBT community, a lot of it is focused on the sad,” German said. “Bryan wanted me to understand the good, and he really helped me understand the tributes and the camaraderie that comes along with the community and the support that we give each other.” German called McKay her right-hand man, a volunteer who invested more than 1,000 hours at the Center in the past three years, reaching out to more than 2,000 people. “In my opinion and in my eyes, Bryan has set the standard of what it means to be a volunteer at the Center,” German said. McKay was the first to sign up for the Center’s street team, leading groups into local businesses and connecting the Center’s crucial services to people in the community. “Our very first street team outing was in May of 2011, and we had a group of about five of us,” German said. “We all had these red street team t-shirts on, and we went to a gay bar not knowing how people were going to receive us.” German said McKay led the way, excitedly chatting with patrons about the Center’s advocacy work. “Bryan’s passion came shinning through in that moment,” she said. “A group of men walked up and they grabbed me and Bryan and hugged us both and kissed us on the cheek and said thank you so much for what you’re doing, we appreciate this.” In addition to the street team, McKay worked at the Center’s front desk, spoke to panels at universities,

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tabled events, helped with fundraising and volunteer orientation efforts, and even assisted with maintenance around the facility. His work had a profound impact on those he reached out to. German said over the years she has received numerous phone calls regarding McKay’s outreach. “The majority of those calls were folks who didn’t know that we existed. They didn’t know that we offered so many services, and they were so grateful for Bryan. He really helped folks understand what we have to offer.” McKay also volunteered with a host of other local organizations, including Pets Are Wonderful Support (P.A.W.S.), The Denver ELEMENT, the Colorado AIDS Project and the Imperial Court of the Rocky Mountain Empire (ICRME). Anthony Aragon, ICRME’s current Empress Lushus La’Rell, said McKay was one of the first to volunteer when Aragon launched his campaign for Empress 40 last August. “Bryan was a key part in getting the word out and on voting day, doing everything he could to help me get elected,” Aragon said. McKay was continuously putting others first, and not just through his advocacy work, he said. “He didn’t let his health issues deter him from volunteering and reaching out to people,” Aragon said. “Every single day, Bryan would reach out to somebody and just ask how they were doing or send them a text, ‘hope you’re having a good day.’” Aragon has pledged to do the same with what he called the Bryan Way: “It’s a way for me to keep his memory alive,” said Aragon, who has committed himself to reaching out to at least one person every single day in 2014. Many who knew McKay are also making the same commitment in his honor. “We were all blessed,” Aragon said. "Bryan was a kind-hearted human being. It was just his infectious smile and his positive outlook. It was never about him. It was always about other people. He was always wanting to make sure that other people were okay.” DECEMBER 4, 2013

PANEL VOICES

Q: Who has done a lot for Colorado’s LGBT community but hasn’t been recognized yet?

Pieter Tolsma is program coordinator of Denver PIQUE, a sexual health and social support program for gay/bi men in Denver.

Join the Panel. Contact the editorial department by email at editorial@outfrontonline.com or call 303-477-4000 ext. 702 to be considered.

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t MANY MAINLINE PROTESTANT CHURCHES IN COLORADO ARE FAR AHEAD OF THE REST OF THE NATION in accepting and loving the LGBT community — they deserve recognition. The web site gaychurch.org lists almost 150 churches in Colorado (100 of which are in the Denver metropolitan area) as “open and affirming” (gay-friendly). The predominant denominations are the United Church of Christ, the United Methodist Church, and the Episcopal Church. I am proud that my church is on the list, has a rainbow WELCOME above a main entry door, and holds four core values: intergenerational, international, inclusive, and interfaith. LGBT people often track away from organized religion, either not having an early grounding in their faith or from a fear that fire and brimstone will fall from the sky if they were to enter the doors of a church. We need to realize that God works in every one of us in mysterious ways. Bishop Elaine Stanovsky and my pastor recently forwarded a letter written to the bishops of the United Methodist Church. The letter strongly criticized the views of some (mostly African) bishops regarding exclusion of LGBT in the faith community, and strongly criticized the rule in the Book of Discipline that prohibits United Methodist clergy from officiating at same-sex weddings. Winning equalities in the USA is not enough if there are still people on other continents who can influence our own hopes and dreams. A faith community helps make changes for the better in our world. Thanks to our mainline Protestant supporters for their care and concern for us. George Gramer, Jr.

Pieter Tolsma

t I HAD A HARD TIME TRYING TO SELECT SOMEONE FOR THIS TOPIC. There are so many big names that have stood up and have been counted for the community and that makes it difficult to select just one. Instead I think I will select one to stand for many. Recently one of our volunteers at Denver ELEMENT passed away quite suddenly. His passing and his memorial service really set my mind to work. Bryan McKay was a tireless volunteer and defined so much of his public identity by lending his time and energy to causes that he felt were important. He never objected to going out there and just finding out what needed to be done and simply doing it. No praise needed, just the opportunity to give. In his way, Bryan and so many other volunteers like him are the unsung heroes of the LGBT community. They keep our foundations and charities running and so often they are the ones answering the phone or staffing the booth that we talk to when we are going through our most desperate situations. It is impossible to give these people all the recognition they are due. A thank-you never really is enough. I cannot begin to recognize everyone, but I can take this time to this recognize this irreplaceable one. Thank you Bryan for everything you had done. You are missed.

Iowa native George Gramer, Jr. is the president of the Log Cabin Republicans.

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DECEMBER 4, 2013

BLEED LIKE ME

The Burlesqueapades t IF I TOOK ONE MORE BITE OF MY FOOD, I MIGHT HAVE HURLED. I NEVER FELT LIKE THIS BEFORE — SO NERVOUS I COULDN’T EVEN EAT. In less than two hours, and with no background in stage performance, I would be stepping up to take off my clothes and dance in front of a crowd. It seemed like I was in over my head. A few months earlier I’d gone to a Vaudevillestyle variety show and discovered a coworker doing burlesque under the name Honey Touché. I’d known something seemed wickedly awesome about her, but this was way more exciting than I imagined. I caught up with her after the show and we immediately kindled a new friendship over our love for life’s obscurities. I learned a little about burlesque and found out that it didn’t resemble modern stripping — instead, a performer either beautifully or humorously teases her way up to a final reveal removing her top (rather than just revealing the whole time). Technically the girls didn’t even get “naked” since they wore pasties; instead of raunchy and overtly-sexual, these girls make burlesque glamorous and fun. It’s something many gay men could appreciate, despite the abundant lady flesh. Honey told me that even guys participated in this revival, calling it “boylesque.” Knowing how much I enjoyed it, she suggested I actually get on stage and try it.

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Easy for her to say. Honey Touché As “The Dance of The Sugar Plum was a super fox with fiery red hair and Fairy” came to an end, Honey took off go-go dance skills to match. I was just her top and I stripped down my unitard. some Joe Shmoe queer boy who lacking Her pasties matched my codpiece with both talent and self-esteem. amusing, white feathers. The audience roared with applause and the lights When the fall season came around, went out. Honey informed me that their main hub, I ran off stage trying not to trip on Lannie’s Clocktower Cabaret, would be doing a holiday-themed show called my outfit still wrapped around my “The Burlesqueapades.” She had a brilankles. I could feel my heart racing and liant idea for a parody of The Nutcracker my mouth felt like sandpaper, and as and wanted me to play the male part. I Scott McGlothlen heat surged through my body I realized tried warning her again that I had no stage experi- that this was the feeling of pure adrenaline gone ence, but she seemed to think I’d do just fine. The right. I wanted to do it all over again. Throughout the years I continued to join Honey thrill seeker inside me finally agreed. Honey cranked out the choreography and outfits on the stage whenever she needed a male counteras the two of us practiced for months. The thought part. I even made an attempt at a solo act during of stripping wasn’t the scary part — I had enough a 1980s-themed burlesque show; just one of the experience with nudism that I was fairly comfort- many produced by the lovely Midnite Martini. But able with my body in front of others. Instead I was each Holiday season, I look forward in particular to strapping on that ridiculous unitard and joining more worried about the choreographed dance. When the time came, my nerves were shot. The Burlesqueapades for the show that gave me I didn’t know if I could go on. My hands were the thrill of a lifetime: it simply doesn’t feel like sweating and I felt dizzy with fear. The lights Christmas unless I take my clothes off in front of a dimmed and I knew it was now or never — when screaming crowd. the lights returned I leaped and hopped into the air, some sort of robotic ballerina. Once we started Scott McGlothlen is a cultural columnist on removing our costumes, the audience really began life as a HIV-positive gay man. r See more of to cheer. These people were excited and I was part Scott’s columns online at ofcnow.co/scott or of the excitement. contact him at scott@outfrontonline.com.

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THE LESBIAN SOCIALITE

MAKE YOUR NIGHT

A father’s love t BEFORE I HIT PUBERTY, harmonious relationship with my MY FATHER AND I WERE TWO father because she explains him to PEAS IN THE PROVERBIAL POD. me, not just in word but in deed. I followed him everywhere — his It’s easier dating her than biggest fan. I wore mini-cheer- anyone else I ever dated, and I leading-outfits for his college bas- believe my father felt that in her. ketball games. I loved to go fishing She’s the first one, male or female, and learned to hook he’s never had a commy own worm. I used plaint about — never to go with him for took me aside to warn poker night — until my or question me. He mother found out. quietly watched as we You know that old grew close, and after adage, a girl marries we eloped his only someone like her father question was, “are you and a boy marries happy?” When I said someone like his yes, he said “that’s all mother? I assumed I I’ve ever wanted.” would marry someone I had to get used to Robyn Vie-Carpenter like my father, but when this more harmonious Photo by Flor Blake I realized I was a lesbian relationship with my I figured that couldn’t happen. father — not having to steel myself I was so wrong, I still married when we talk out of fear of a fight. I my father. was confused when my relationship My father is a six-foot-two, black, with him seemed to morph into one basketball-playing Sagittarian from of a father and his adult daughter, Louisiana. My wusband is a six- and when I stopped feeling as foot-two, black, basketball-playing though I needed to defend myself Sagittarian from Louisiana. Yes. and my relationship, particularly I’ve dated people of different races, one with a woman. genders and regions, yet ended up I was always extraordinarily marrying my father. defensive about being queer. I held If the similarities stopped with on to the idea that my father still the aforementioned traits it would had a hard time with me being a be a mere colesbian, even incidence. But when he said I assumed I would marry in the almosthimself he someone like my father, but three-years my didn’t. I judged when I realized I was a lesbian wusband and him for judging I figured that couldn’t happen I have been my choices of together, the partners and let – I was so wrong, I still married reflection grew myself believe my father. deeper. They the reason like the same he didn’t like kind of food — both tell me I use someone was that she was a she. too many spices. Both have a mean Then I met my wusband, and sweet tooth. If we’re sitting in the finally understood my father’s disyard and I point out a particularly pleasure with previous partner fat squirrel, both will speak of BB choices had more to do with what guns (to my dismay). They both have he observed about me. For the first a fierce loyalty to their family, all time someone loved and cared for family, no matter how many times me the way he thought she should removed. They both love me. You — he felt she had a true appreciation for me and my gifts. I think, for get the point. When we first got together, all the first time, someone I loved truly this sameness gave my wusband felt like family to him. I am so grateful for the gift that and I a kind of shorthand. I already knew how to cook a lot of her my wusband has been — not only favorite food. I knew, through the the love that she has brought to my wisdom of my mother, how to keep life but the love she has brought her from eating all the candy as back to it — a love between a father and daughter. soon as it comes in the house. But the biggest benefit is understanding. I now have a greater Robyn Vie-Carpenter is a social understanding of my father — my columnist on the local and national wusband helps me understand his LGBT community. r See more of motivations, his point of view, his Robyn’s columns online at ofcnow. “Daddio” personality, in a way I co/TLS or find her on Twitter @ didn’t before. I have a deeper, more TheLesSocialite.

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FOCUS

DECEMBER 4, 2013

COVER STORY

A part of something bigger LGBT VOLUNTEERS SHARE WHAT MOTIVATES THEM TO GIVE BACK TO THE COMMUNITY By Mike Yost “WORKING WITH VOLUNTEERS WHO HAVE THE PASSION TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE INSPIRES ME TO DO THE SAME,” said Juli German, Community Engagement Coordinator at the Center. Speaking to a packed room of volunteers, staff, friends and family members, the GLBT Community Center of Colorado’s Community Engagement Coordinator Juli German recognized nine volunteers who have been instrumental in implementing various outreach programs. “This year so far, we’ve had 11,000 volunteer hours go into the Center, and we have done outreach to 4,000 people,” German said. The Center was in the midst of its Open House and Volunteer Appreciation Ceremony, acknowledging individuals who work tirelessly to maintain and expand critical outreach services. One of those vital services includes Rainbow Alley, a program geared toward LGBT youth and allies ages 12 to 21. With 800 hours provided this year alone, volunteers ensure the continuation of various youth-led services such as theater workshops, a computer lab, support groups and educational services — and most importantly — a safe place for LGBT youth to hang out. “Having that space was life saving for me,” said Nicole Goldman, who attended the open house. “I got a scholarship through the Gill Foundation. As part of that, I did a lot of volunteer work at the Center when it was located on Broadway.” In 2001, Goldman helped launch a Gay– Straight Alliance at her high school in Highlands Ranch — the first GSA in the county. The principal and several parents objected, attempting to shut down the fledgling club founded to promote awareness and acceptance of LGBT students.

Goldman enlisted the help of the American Civil Liberties Union to keep the GSA open — then she began receiving threats. “I had a police escort from class to class my senior year,” Goldman said. “Coming down to the Center and having this space was so critical to me, and now it’s a place where I still like to work.” Goldman is now a stylist at In.Salon located in Centennial, donating haircuts to the Center. “It’s my way to give back,” she said. “I think it’s so important to be a part of the community and, for me, to feel like I’m doing whatever part I can.” Those whose jobs serve or benefit the LGBT community often say that they are immensely grateful for the opportunity to spend so much of their lives on causes that they find important — but with so much to be done at various community groups, the LGBT community and LGBT activism as we know it couldn’t exist without volunteers. For many volunteers, giving free time and energy is their way of processing and healing from the challenges they’ve faced in their own lives and making sure their own voices are heard in the community and movement. Jayme Harris volunteers at the Center’s front desk, work that began last August after she was laid off from her job. “I initially came down here to participate in the transgender job fair, and I got to meet a few of the people and then decided to volunteer,” she said. Harris, who refers to herself as a Colorado semi-native after her family moved here when she was 7, said she loves welcoming visitors or assisting callers in finding resources and information over the phone. She didn’t realize how much the work meant to her until she almost had to leave the Center.

“There was a time when I thought I was going to have to stop volunteering due to my financial situation, and I was surprised how shook up I got about the fact that I might have to quit volunteering,” Harris said. “I just started crying, and that’s really out of character for me.” Like Goldman, Harris said she benefitted greatly from the Center’s outreach services. With 500 volunteer hours invested in the transgender program, the Center is seeking to make strides for the transgender community, including a support group for transgender veterans and information on insurance companies that now cover transition services. “It’s just amazing how the Center has changed to support the transgender community,” Harris said. “They’ve got the transgender job fair, support groups, and a job group that meets twice a month for people looking for work.” Jules Tybor was honored at the Center’s open house ceremony as volunteer of the year for his work in the transgender program’s Female to Male support group. He first began his work at the Center in 2000. “I think the most rewarding part of volunteering is just watching people become who they are,” said Tybor. “Watching them see themselves in the world as they’ve always seen themselves inside.” Tybor, who transitioned 12 years ago, remarked on how the important efforts of volunteers in the local community are essential to those who are transitioning. “I went stealth,” said Tybor, discussing his own transition process. “Everyone thought I was a straight man in the straight world, and then I realized that the community needs people to lead and mentor, to show them what life could be after and through transition.” Continued on Page 18 Z

JULY 11, 1976 MARCH IN NEW YORK CITY “RESPONSE BY FIVE OF US SENT BY THE COLORADO GAY COMMUNITY TO INFORM AND EDUCATE THE PARTICIPANTS AT THE DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION LAST WEEK CONCERNING GAY RIGHTS INDICATES THAT EQUALITY FOR ALL IS WITHIN OUR GRASP” — As reported in the July 23, 1976 issue of Out Front 16

DECEMBER 4, 2013

FEATURE

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Z Continued from Page 16 For Tybor, working at the Center continually galvanizes his own resolve to donate his time and share his experiences, struggles, and successes with others. “When a transgender person celebrates a small victory, like using the restroom of their appropriate gender and seeing how excited they are and how joyful they are in facing whatever it is that’s been holding them back, it’s just a constant inspiration for me.” Volunteers are also imperative in ensuring the needs and concerns of the Colorado LGBT community are heard on the national stage. The Human Rights Campaign is the largest LGBT civil rights organization in the nation, with a steering committee located here in Denver operated exclusively by volunteers. “I see HRC Colorado as a really important conduit between what’s happening locally and what we achieve on a national level,” said Alex Lindquist, Co-chair for the HRC Colorado Federal Club and a member of HRC’s Board of Governors. Every year, hundreds of Coloradans devote their time and talents to HRC’s local initiatives such as the annual Mile High Gala held every April, fundraising events sponsored by local Colorado businesses, or just helping out with local outreach programs such as the ya es hora Workshop, assisting legal permanent residents in filling out their applications for citizenship. Lindquist said his initiative to serve began in 2004 when President George Bush was reelected. “I was really worried about the future of even what few rights we had at the time, and I thought, well I can’t just be angry about it, I need to do something.”

Lindquist reflected on his own experiences growing up in Pueblo and coming out of the closet when he was sixteen years old. “I can say that I’ve been really fortunate since I came out. My family is very supportive, and my friends at my workplace have always been supportive.” But Lindquist acknowledged that not everyone is as fortunate. The year he came was also the same year Mathew Shepard was brutally beaten and tied to a fence near Laramie, Wyoming in October of 1998. Shepard’s death sparked a national dialogue on LGBT hate crimes in America. “That really had a big impact on me as I was formulating my own sexual identity,” said Lindquist. “Here is this college student who isn’t all that different form me, experiencing the total opposite of all the positive things that I had gone through. It really inspired me on a road to make sure that everybody feels the same level of acceptance and equality that I’ve been fortunate to have.” At the Center’s volunteer ceremony, German echoed Lindquist’s concerns that there are still a number of challenges facing the LGBT community in establishing full equality, challenges that can only be met with the help of the hundreds of individuals who commit their free time every year to fostering progressive change. “Our programs are developed because of the needs of the community, but they grow due to the passion and hard work and dedication of our volunteers,” German said. “It’s really an honor to work with all of the people who come in with their passion and their inspiration to help us expand what we do.”

CHARLIE’S SECOND ANNUAL SCAVENGER HUNT RAISES $1,895 FOR TWO GROUPS: CASA (COURT APPOINTED SPECIAL ADVOCATES FOR CHILDREN) AND DENVER NURSING PROJECT — As reported in the November 4, 1988 issue of Out Front

THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN EOY PAGEANTRY GAVE LOCAL CELEBRITIES DRAG MAKEOVERS TO HELP RAISE FUNDS FOR PFLAG — Photographed by Charles Broshous, October 22, 2011

HUNDREDS OF ENTHUSIASTIC LGBT ADVOCATES FROM ALL FOUR CORNERS OF COLORADO CONVERGED IN DENVER FEBURARY 4, 2013 FOR ONE COLORADO’S 2013 LOBBY DAY, URGING THEIR LAWMAKERS TO SUPPORT BILLS THAT THEY AND ONE COLORADO SUPPORT. — As reported by Mike Yost 18

DECEMBER 4, 2013

FEATURE

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

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LEGAL ALLIES*

Know your rights in Colorado DO YOU HAVE A LEGAL QUESTION? CONTACT ONE OF OUR TRUSTED PARTNERS LISTED HERE

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ALTHOUGH MORE LEGAL RIGHTS AND PROTECTIONS ARE NEEDED TO GIVE LGBT COLORADOANS TRUE EQUALITY, being aware of laws that exist right now can help you protect yourself and your family, and help you know what to bring to an attorney to find out what options or recourse you have. With 2013 drawing to a close, here’s a review of some of the most important legal rights and protections LGBT Coloradoans have already won:

t Civil Unions The most well-known benefit Colorado provides lesbian and gay couples is the ability to join in a civil union, passed into law in 2013. Unmarried individuals who are of age can form a civil union with a same-sex partner to gain access to the same state-level rights and benefits enjoyed by a married couple.

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t Workplace discrimination protections Colorado’s Employment Nondiscrimination Act of 2007 bans employers from firing you, refusing to hire you, or making employmentrelated decisions based on your lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender identity.

t Ability to adopt Single LGBT people can adopt children in Colorado, and since 2007 Colorado makes it possible for a second parent in a same-sex relationship to legally adopt a partner’s child as co-parents. t Public accommodations & housing protections Colorado law prohibits open-tothe-public establishments such as stores or restaurants from discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender expression, whether it is your real identity or what they perceive you to be. The protections also apply in hotels, medical establishments, museums, public libraries and more, and also to housing. t Hate crime protections If you are targeted for a crime because you are lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender, prosecutors can seek an increased criminal penalty for the offender through an additional charge of a bias-motivated crime — the same as if you are targeted for your race, religion, gender, age, disability or other protected traits. A bias-motivated crime can apply to a crime of physical violence, vandalism or threats.

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DECEMBER 4, 2013

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

Dining mashup:

THE MELTING POT 2707 W. Main St. Littleton • (303)-794-5666 MeltingPot.com

Things you overhear at Amato’s Ale House By Jeffrey Steen

HAMBURGER MARY’S 700 East 17th Avenue Denver • 303-832-1333 HamburgerMarys.com/denver

PARALLEL SEVENTEEN 1600 East 17th Ave. Denver • 303-399-0988 ParallelSeventeen.com

DJ’s 9th Avenue Cafe DJ’S 9TH AVENUE CAFE 865 Lincoln St. Denver • 303-386-3375 DjsCafe.biz

LITTLE DRAGON 1305 Krameria Street, G Denver • 303-322-2128 LittleDragonDenver.com

DECEMBER 4, 2013

SOCIAL

WHEN THE OPPORTUNITY ARISES FOR ME TO FLY SOLO FOR DINNER, I EXPERIENCE AN UNNERVING COMBINATION OF SELF-PITY AND GIGGLY EXCITEMENT. Life is so often hectic that I relish the chance to relax a bit on my own; at the same time, it seems terribly depressing that I’d be eating alone in a sea of couples, families, and misbehaving friends. But so it was a few weeks back at Amato’s Ale House in the Highlands. In theory, I can do what I want when the wine and entrée come and I’m alone — read a book, scour Twitter, talk to myself. But what I’ve recently discovered is that this solo eating allows me the chance to listen in on other people’s conversations. I’m not really invading their privacy, mind you; think of it as an invitation — an open door to the lives of people I will never see again. I hope. Thanks to this unsolicited entertainment, I’m able to bring you Out Front’s first-ever dining mashup — a cacophony of conversation interspersed with bites of salad and sips of house Chardonnay. This buzz of strange humor and randomness came mostly from a young family to my left, and two tables of business cohorts in front of me. It began, ominously, with a three-year-old sticking French fries up her nose. “No sweetie, you eat the French fries, but not in your nose.” Then turning to her husband, slumped in the chair across from her, “So it makes sense that I would get a new copier because if I can’t copy those fliers, I might as well just — no, no, not ketchup! How am I supposed to get that out of your nose?! — What was I saying? Oh, the copier. So if I get the copier, we can definitely do all the ransom notes on those, too — LISA! Put down the fries!” Lamb goes well with pesto, it turns out. It always has. And what I realized with glee, digging into a triumvirate of goat cheese, tzatziki, and pesto, is that Greek salads are rarely done with this much creativity. “I don’t think I was that drunk,” the financier lashed out between crackles of nachos in yellowing teeth. “I mean, sure, I was tipsy, but Frank couldn’t have known that.” Frank, I supposed, was his stale, unobservant boss. And as I later learned, wrapping my mouth around slivers of pita topped with nubbins of charred lamb, he was also the worst boss this side of JP Morgan Chase. “Who dresses in suspenders anymore? Who wears a bolo tie to work?!” Who indeed. And the wine — that angsty, tight-lipped dame OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

in a glass — calmed a bit when treated to the affection of buttery chèvre. Outside, the orange sun launched across the cityscape, and the lights of cars stalled panic red on the freeway. “You know, it was really all about the glue, the kind of glue — what do you call it? — the cement-y kind with Chinese instructions on the back?” This from somewhere in the corner booth, occupied by middle-aged ladies sipping pale pints. “Rubber cement,” I mumbled as the last vestige of lamb disappeared. The waitress came by and, perhaps with a touch of sympathy for me in my alone-ness, asked if I wanted another big glass of wine. “Yes — yes, please,” I quickly nodded. “Oh, and also the bread pudding if you don’t mind.” As if, somehow, serving a singleton was an onus she just couldn’t bear. “But let’s talk about you!” the sharp-eyed, mealy-haired, pinstriped businessman gushed in front of me. “I don’t know how you’ve been doing. How’s accounting? How is John? Getting along with that leg of his?” “LISA! For the last time, chicken is not makeup, it’s a food. You eat it. Like this.” And with an impressive show of strength, Lisa’s frazzled mother ripped apart her chicken breast with her bare hands, elbowing the financier behind her. Lisa proceeded to shriek-guffaw while Dad sat, impervious, and gnawed on a meager collection of wings bathed in blue cheese. “I’m SO sorry, I was just trying to show my daughter — ” “Oh, it’s no problem at all!” the financier rang with a bit of tried pleasantness. “I have a ton of other suits. I’ll just get it dry cleaned.” She grinned sheepishly as he brushed specks of gravy off his pin stripes and the two tried to revert to normal conversation. Something in him reminded me of a cross between Bill Lumbergh and Michael Scott. Something in her reminded me of Pam. And perhaps there were more shenanigans that night — more drunkenness, more french fries up the nose, more anxiety about rubber cement. But, to be honest, I wasn’t paying much attention. Because when faced with an apricotstudded, caramel sauce-draped, whipped creamcapped plate of bread pudding, you can’t pay attention to much of anything else. Food For Thought is a culinary column by Jeff Steen, Out Front’s food writer. r See more food articles at ofcnow.co/food.

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GIFT GUIDE

DECEMBER 4, 2013

HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE

THE PERFECT GIFT

Fun, charming and elegant ideas for partners, pets, family and friends. Holidays should be a time of celebration and joy — not gift-giving anxiety. Find the perfect gifts to blaze through your list and get back to the festivities and people you love.

1. AT THE BEACH SUNLESS TANNING

The Versa Spa features multiple levels of color, both a clear (color develops over time) and a bronze (color develops immediately) options, comfort dry system, and add on services to pamper your skin and enhance your color. Single visits range from $34–$65 but Out Front readers can take advantage of this exclusive offer and show up to your holiday events looking sunkissed for only $12. Gift cards available: atbtanning.com

2. G TOX HANGOVER BLOCKER

Get Healthy

Gifts are great, but good health is priceless. Show your love by supporting their well-being with these

Did you know? Most people start feeling the consequences of alcohol consumption after just two drinks. GTOX helps your body naturally remove harmful toxins and pollutants so you can deck the halls without the headache. Drink GTOX before bed and feel better in the morning! $35.99 12pk Case, gtoxnow.com

3. THE HEALTHY GREEN DRINK DIET

This book features advice and recipes to boost nutrition into hyperdrive with juicing — and get your green vegetables in drinks that actually taste good. $11.13, ofcnow.co/KJG

4. MAYU MEDITATION PILLOW

Celebrate healthy thoughts or peace of mind with a gift of a meditation pillow from the Mayu Sanctuary in Denver. The drop-in meditation center has meditation benches, singing bowls, mats, aromatics and more to support a clear and spiritual mindset. Online at mayusanctuary.com

5. HEALTHY FAMILY MEALS RECIPE BOOK

The American Heart Association, a trusted authority on healthy living, presents a cookbook bursting flavorful recipes to that makes smart eating a mouth-watering prospect. $17.53, ofcnow.co/cJq 24

DECEMBER 4, 2013

GIFT GUIDE

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

1. MELTING POT RESTAURANT GIFT CARD

For each $100 purchased in gift cards, receive a free lunch for two good in 2014. Must be purchased in person at The Melting Pot in Littleton and lunch is good at The Melting Pot in Littleton. No limit. 2707 W. Main Street, Littleton, CO 80210, 303-794-5666

2. POTTERY WHEEL CLASSES

Enjoy wine and beer while getting messy with art and friendly, step-bystep instruction at Creative Spirits pottery classes and parties in Englewood. Great for date night and special occasions. $29, ofcnow.co/JP1

3. CORNER OFFICE GIFT CARD

The Corner Office has private rooms perfect for cocktail parties, company luncheons or holiday dinners. When you book a private event you will receive a FREE signature cocktail for every one of your guests along with $100 off the F&B minimum! thecornerofficedenver.com

4. ELEGANT NEW YEAR’S EVE AT THE WARWICK HOTEL

Ring in the New Year at Denver's most intimate and elegant New Year's Celebration! It’s an exclusive party on the 15th floor of the Warwick overlooking Downtown Denver, with culinary treats and desserts prepared by our acclaimed Chef Jesper Jonsson, casino poker or roulette, premium ice bar, dancing, party favors and champagne toast at midnight. Party and overnight accommodation packages start at $299 for two adults, or just the party for $49 per person, ofcnow.co/warwick

5. COUPLES MASSAGE

Denver’s Ritz-Carlton Spa offers a variety of massage therapies, body treatments, skin care, nail care and salon services for a chance to relax and connect side-by-side with a partner in a luxurious couples’ suite. Starts at $80, ofcnow.co/ulm

2 Romantic

Spoil your loved one or surprise a couple with these special treats-for-two

Needs

Give peace of mind as something they can really use next year

1. BASIC TOOL KIT

Everyone should have a basic tool kit for needs that arise around the home. The Black & Decker hand tool set has 38 tools for nearly any home repair — a wrench, hammer, screwdriver, pliers, level, tape measure and more. Each tool has a unique ergonomic grip that provides a firm hold. Available at Target. $29.99, ofcnow.co/NKd

2. PROTECT YOUR LOVED ONES AT NEW YORK LIFE

Life's full of changes that can have a big impact on your financial situation. Get a complimentary Financial Review to discuss the latest developments, evaluate your current needs and see what we can do to help protect your lifestyle and future. No cost or obligation, call Danielle Jordan at 303-995-0739

3. MODERN LIGHTING FIXTURES BY URBAN LIGHTS

Any home could use more light — the OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

GIFT GUIDE

lighting selections at Urban Lights are sophisticated, sensible, and savvy. Browse the huge showroom for the latest trends, hottest looks, and the best twists on the traditional. Pictured: five light single tier chandelier, $319, urbanlightsdenver.com.

4. PERSONALIZED CASH GIFT CARD

Personalized cash cards let you upload your own photo and message for a very special gift — a cash card of up to $500 that reminds your loved one of you. Online at giftcards.com

5. COMPACT 3-IN-1 BREAKFAST MAKER

This mini electric breakfast maker is the perfect gift for anyone with a dorm, small cabin or limited kitchen space — including a four-cup coffee maker, toaster oven and griddle taking up only 12 by 17 inches of counter or table space. $49.99, ofcnow.co/F7V DECEMBER 4, 2013

1. STAINLESS STEEL SQUARE INFINITY CUFFLINKS

Smooth, shiny finish Stainless Steel Square Infinity Cufflinks make the perfect platform for personalization. Cufflinks by Ox and Bull Trading Co. $50, ofcnow.co/cuff

2. MICHAEL KORS 'SCOUT' CHRONOGRAPH WATCH

A diamond-etched bezel frames a bold, sporty chronograph watch set on a durable polyurethane strap with mineral crystal face, adjustable bracelet and date function. Imported from Michael Kors, from Nordstrom. $180, ofcnow.co/t96

3. DAY SPA GIFT CARD

Let your loved one know how much you appreciate them with a day at the spa. The Woodhouse Gift Card for the Woodhouse Day Spa in Denver is the perfect way to give someone special a relaxing, unforgettable experience. Online at denver.woodhousespas.com

Classy 5

These luxurious gifts will really stand out

4. CUSTOM FRAMING

Get photographs, artwork or that old favorite poster framed for your loved one to hang on the wall, or a shadowbox for awards or old keepsakes. FastFrame in LoDo has more than 2,000 options to choose from, fastframeoflodo.com

5. LUXURY TRAVEL COCKTAIL CASE

Perfect for a fancy picnic or party. Portable cocktail service for in a rigid, faux leather case with everything you need to mix a drink and additional room for bottles. The piece opens to everything needed to make drinks anywhere, with space to carry 2 bottles. From East Dane Gifts for $178.00, ofcnow.co/rxZ

1. GOPRO CAMERA

A gift to upgrade photography from cell phone cameras to the compact, sleek, but still-affordable HER03 White Edition waterproof camera offering 5-megapixel photos and video resolutions up to 1080p30. Up to Three-frame-per-second capability and built in Wi-Fi. $199.99, ofcnow.co/aQt

2. PHOTIVE IPHONE 5 PORTABLE BATTERY CHARGER

More than double your friends’ smartphone battery life with this external battery pack for iPhone 5, iPhone 5S, iPhone 5C — so there’s no more excuses for screening your call! Built in 8 Pin Lightning Connector to Connect to your iPhone 5. The IP-3000 can also charge other mobile devices as with an included charge cable compatible with any mobile device that uses Micro USB. $29.95, ofcnow.co/a9v

Gadgets

3. PYLE PWPBT60 PORTABLE WIRELESS SPEAKER

Play music or enliven videos with this portable speaker that connects wirelessly to virtually any Bluetooth-enabled device, reaching the full range of high and low notes with clarity. ofcnow.co/XaY

4. MONSTER DNA ON-EAR HEADPHONES

These headphones use old-school cushions you don’t have to jab into your ear — for comfort and better with blocking background noise — yet they’re durable and ultra-light. Better yet, they can be linked together so two people can listen to the same audio feed at once. $169.95, ofcnow.co/Hsz

Trendy tech gizmos for gay geeks

5. ‘COIN’ ALL-IN-ONE DIGITAL CREDIT CARD

Your family and friends won’t believe what this little gadget can do — an all-in-one digital credit card that can store and swipe all of an individual’s credit, debit and gift card accounts. Connecting to a cell phone wirelessly, it deactivates automatically if it’s left behind. Pre-order for $50, ofcnow.co/xfR 26

DECEMBER 4, 2013

GIFT GUIDE

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

1 1. TUACA

There are only a few things in this world that can top hot chocolate on a cold winter's day. Tuaca has provided the world with something that does: Tuaca Hot Apple Pie. Simply pour some tuaca into some hot apple cider, top with whipped cream and cinnamon, and garnish with a cinnamon stick. Just drink it responsibly — it's intoxicating! $25, tuaca.com

2 2. CHOCOLATES BY KATHLEEN

Food & Drink 3 4

These clutter-free gifts are your way to give something they’ll truly enjoy

Local chocolatier Kathleen Kinkade’s truffles are traditionally made with a flavored chocolate ganache center coated in chocolate. Kathleen makes both hand rolled truffles and molded truffles. The ganache centers are flavored with a variety of liquors and spices. Each flavor is more delicious than the last. Free shipping to all orders from Out Front. So wickedly, immorally enticing, these chocolates must be $21. katschocolateblog.blogspot.com

3. CHAMPAGNE AND CHOCOLATE GIFT BASKET

Wine or campaigned paired with candy, chocolate, cheese, cookies, chocolates or more makes a memorable statement as a gift. Compile your own with your favorite items, or check out the premade Royal Champagne Gift Basket for delivery at gifttree.com. Starts at $169.95, ofcnow.co/lusket

4. FRUIT BASKET

A healthier gift basket of premium fruits, sweets and nuts is also a more affordable way to wow someone with thought and variety. The basket from gifttree.com includes ripe California Oranges, juicy Bosc Pears, and crisp Fuji Apples from the Pacific Northwest, and more. $89.95, ofcnow.co/frasket

5. SHIPMENT OF STEAK

Skip the sentimentality with a tasty gift that sticks to the ribs — steak. This unconventional gift is delectable and hearty in one. From Omaha Steaks, 4 8 oz. steaks for $59.99, ofcnow.co/Plo

“The Tilio Tree” is available from amazon.com, barnesandnoble.com and on kindle

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GIFT GUIDE

DECEMBER 4, 2013

1. THE TILIO TREE (BOOK) Written by Dr. Raymond J. Jerome, this tale weaves between sexuality, historical fiction, and the triumph of love in the face of adversity. Now available on Amazon along with his other works From Creation To Eternity and A Grand View of Existence. $15, ofcnow.co/rY0

2. OTTERJ 2014 CALENDAR The 2014 Otterj calendar features new images and favorites from throughout last year, of sexy, scruffy, roughand-tumbly men taken by local gay photographer Josh Olsen. Enjoy a full year of naughty otter antics with 11-by-17-inch, full-color images — perfect for every wall. $20, otterj.com/store

2 1

3. BASKIT UNDERWEAR

4. HANDMADE JOURNAL

Baskit Wear is a Coloradobased Men's Underwear, Swimwear and Activewear company that delivers long lasting, well designed and always cutting edge products. A powerful mix of athleticism, masculinity and style — a perfect gift for your man. $12–$25, baskitwear.com

Some people can’t write creatively without having creative equipment. Journals by Jen G. Studios will provide enough creativity and then some—each page has been carefully crafted to give the user a writing/creating experience, just as literary moguls intended. $10, jengstudios. com/recycled-sketchbooks

Odds & Ends 4 3

These simple finds are easy and affordable as stocking-stuffers, extras or gifts for coworkers and friends

2 So Colorado 5

These gifts scream Centennial State — perfect for patriotic Coloradoans or for sharing the Mile High style with friends and family elsewhere

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DECEMBER 4, 2013

5. HEALTHY DOG TREATS Healthy Dog is a delicious pet treat that helps our dogs combat today's toxic world. Whether it's pesticides in the grass, second-hand smoke, or preservatives in their diets, Healthy Dog helps your dog naturally remove these toxins from their body. Single 8oz bag, $10.99 healthydog-treats.com

1. CUSTOM FLYING V SNOWBOARD A leaner, meaner evolution of the most trusted board ever. $549.95, ofcnow.co/ygm

2. GLIDER CIDER From Colorado Cider Company, glider cider is light and sweet with a hint of tartness and fresh apple flavors. 22oz, 6.85ABV, coloradocider.com.

3. RAFT & ZIP LINE TRIP Experience adventure and commune with the outdoors with a Royal Gorge rafting trip and zip line tour. Spring/summer trips can be booked now. $141, ofcnow.co/ZLe

4. CANNONDALE QUICK 4 BIKE With an upright riding position, nimble handling and a carbon fork for a smooth ride, the men's Cannondale Quick 4 bike is well-suited to commutes, tours or fitness rides. $689, ofcnow.co/kWn

5. COLORADO-MICROBREWED GOURMET BEERS Colorado is known not only as the state with the most microbreweries per capita but for increasingly fine and flavorful gourmet beers. Seduce the beer lover with Frambozen Rasberry Brown Ale, made in Fort Collins, 6.5 percent ABV. $8.99, ofcnow.co/brownale

GIFT GUIDE

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1 2 Give Back

In the spirit of giving, support these local nonprofits or charities or send a donation in a loved-one’s name

4 5

nEw

ExpandEd spaCE pink Bar, Blu room, undErground loungE

1. WRITE A NAME IN STONE AT THE GLBT COMMUNITY CENTER OF COLORADO

For the Person Who Has Everything: Dedicate a brick in the Stonewall Garden. Remember a special holiday, anniversary, birthday or civil union by purchasing a commemorative brick. Starting at only $99, you can Make a permanent statement for all to see as they arrive at The GLBT Community Center. $99, glbtcolorado.org/give or 303-951-5220

2. HELP THOSE IN NEED WITH THE ALEXANDER FOUNDATION

The mission of The Alexander Foundation is to provide financial assistance to the LGBT community of Colorado. Participating in Colorado Gives Day on Tuesday, Dec. 10, but always accepting donations. ofcnow.co/TAFgive

3. SHARE YOUR PRIDE WITH ONE COLORADO

One Colorado wants to give you a free bumper sticker so you can show your support of equality in Colorado! ofcnow.co/sticker

4. FIGHT AGAINST BREAST CANCER WITH SUSAN G. KOMEN DENVER

Breast cancer remains the most common form of cancer among women living in the United States — 1 in 7 women in Colorado will be diagnosed with breast cancer in their lifetime. Seventy-five cents of every net dollar raised locally are used to provide: breast health and cancer screening, diagnostics and treatment services for women and men who are uninsured or underinsured. Twenty-five cents of each net dollar support breast cancer research. komendenver.org

5. SUPPORT THE CAUSE FOR EQUALITY WITH LAMBDA LEGAL

naughty EntErtainmEnt, drink spECials & flamBoyant froliCking drinkEry!

Enjoy daily

at your favoritE

The leading group battling for LGBT rights through courts, Lambda Legal works on the forefront of equality advocacy on state and national levels. lambdalegal.org

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1526 E. Colfax avE www.BlushBluBar.Com faCEBook.Com/BlushdEnvEr

GIFT GUIDE

DECEMBER 4, 2013

1. THE COMPLETE MANUAL OF THINGS THAT MIGHT KILL YOU

Let your friends give in to their inner hypochondriac with this hilarious compilation of fatal diseases. You're going to die of something — why not choose an ailment that's rare and hard to pronounce? At Amazon for around $15, ofcnow.co/ork

2. CARDS AGAINST HUMANITY

Hopefully “Santa’s giant sack” brings someone you know a lot of joy and Cards Against Humanity this year. This uproarious game is not suitable for anyone, especially those under the age of 17, and really not for grandma unless she’s had a few glasses of holiday punch. $25, cardsagainsthumanity.com

3. GIGANTIC FLASK

Poke fun of your friends’ alcoholism with this giant engravable flask — beyond impractical, but filled to the brim with fun. Also a good option to carry out lighter mixed drinks or beer. Order for homewetbar.com for $29.95, ofcnow. co/bigflask

4. BUT I STILL SCISSOR’ TEE SHIRT

This tee shirt by American Apparel is the perfect Pride gear, but invites smiles at any occasion. Soft, lightweight and customizable. $31.45, ofcnow.co/scissor

5. WINE RACK FLASK BRA

Is your ladyfriend tired of having her purse purged of all alcohol prior to Broncos games? Maybe she’s struggling to achieve drunkenness during the kid's concert her child is attending. Whatever the reason, it’s a good idea to have a bra you can fill with several bottles of wine on hand. $29.95, winerackbraflask.com

6. DOGGIE SANTA COSTUME

Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus! It turns out Santa is the dog: this doggie Santa costume is complete with hat, cape and built-in belt. $24, ofcnow. co/72S

7. ‘WHERE THE BEARS ARE’ DVD

The hilarious gay web series features a family of bears — three lovable gay roommates in Los Angeles — and a murder mystery. The series is now available on DVD, additionally featuring uncensored scenes, bloopers and outtakes, commentary and interviews. $20, ofcnow.co/ZxE

Fun

Make them smile and show your gift off with these fun and hilarious ideas

8. IRON MAN HOODIE

Definitely cute. Socially acceptable for a casual night out — maybe? The Mark 42-M is a machine-washable hoodie that shows a lighter side. $48.99, ofcnow.co/ironman

9. NO SMOKING SIGN ASH TRAY

It’s the epitome of irony, or maybe a passive-aggressive statement about public smoking bans as it fills up with smoldering butts. Brought to you by The Onion’s gift store. $14, ofcnow.co/nosmoke

10. ‘LETS EXPLORE DIABETES WITH OWLS’ (BOOK)

The hilarious gay writer with a massive mainstream audience, David Sedaris’ 2013 book of comically-revealing personal essays is funny, but also insightful and touching. For the die-hard Sedaris fan and new readers alike. Hardcover $18.09, ofcnow.co/sedaris 30

DECEMBER 4, 2013

GIFT GUIDE

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

DECEMBER 4, 2013

HIGH SOCIETY

JACKIE & ME Nov. 15 - Dec. 22 Curtis & 14th • Denver DenverCenter.org

Sexiest lesbian and gay love scenes on Netflix Instant By Berlin Sylvestre

SPAMALOT Nov. 16 - Mar. 1 5501 Arapahoe Ave. • Boulder BouldersDinnerTheatre.com

SEXY TAKES ON MANY FORMS — PHYSICAL, INTELLECTUAL, ARTISTIC. Netflix Instant has some amazing demonstrations and, since sexy is subjective, here’s a rounded list to capture a few for your consideration.

t HIGH ART (1998)

HANDEL’S MESSIAH Dec. 13 - 15 • Boettcher Concert Hall 1000 14th St. • Denver ColoradoSymphony.org

t KEEP THE LIGHTS ON (2012)

THE NUTCRACKER Nov. 30 - Dec. 28 1278 Lincoln St www.coloradoballet.org

The guys: Erik is a Danish filmmaker who’s fallen for Paul, an American attorney and secret drug addict. Together, they’re a combustible couple both emotionally and sexually, whose on-screen chemistry doesn’t feel forced. The atmosphere: With diffused lighting capturing the bright lights/big city scene, “Keep the Lights On” is another arty installment for the instant queue. The film is rife with hooking up, and an angsty emotional current of rejection and insecurity infuses the scenes with an angry grudge-romp element that most of us won’t admit to liking in real life.

ANNIE Nov. 15 - Dec. 29 2450 W Main St. • Littleton TownHallArtsCenter.com

DECEMBER 4, 2013

The ladies: Syd is a young, underappreciated editor’s assistant at Frame, a magazine dedicated to photography. Lucy is a once-famous photographer who left the industry inexplicably and now lives a low key life in the same building as Syd. The atmosphere: In an underlit apartment in New York City littered with snapshot photography and dust-clouds of heroin, the former photographer opens her door to find a freshfaced neighbor who’s investigating a leak in the building. The attraction isn’t instant; it has that slow build that makes you want to physically press the two together before long. The dark, gritty themes surrounding Lucy’s life juxtaposed with the ambition and lightness in her seductress (Syd, yes) is a push-pull continuum that makes for some intense ground that you need to break.

t THE L WORD (2004-9) “JENNY AND MARINA’S BATHROOM BREAK“ The ladies: Jenny is a young writer who’s just come to Los Angeles to be with her boyfriend and start her career when she finds herself SOCIAL

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being (not unwelcomely) eyeballed by the powerfully sexy (and Italian) Marina, a lesbian who is also attending the neighborhood soiree. The atmosphere: The downtempo electronica, the flawless skin and sparkling eyes, the body language drenched in “I want” — the tension must go somewhere. After scintillating and alluring close-ups of the ladies’ eyes and lips as they wax poetic on an author they both take pretty seriously, we’re riding shotgun in the taxi to Grindtown for the first of many chemistryladen pairings in the series.

t ROOM IN ROME (2010) The ladies: Two women (who’ve probably modeled at some point in their lives) can’t seem to get enough of one another in a sex-fueled fest of seduction, classical art, abs, nipples, and intense bonding. The atmosphere: Natasha is into guys, but that doesn’t stop Alba from seducing the everlovin’ freak out of her. In a hotel room steeped in Rome’s … well, romanticism, the duo make use of every bit of the beautifully toned anatomy their Mama gave ‘em. Because Natasha is Russian and Alba is Spanish, there’s plenty of music and sexuality in their voices alone, but combined with the notion that this film didn’t need a wardrobe budget (it’s just skin everywhere, holy cow), you’ve got a film that’s definitely one to watch with someone you yourself might want to get a room with.

t WEEKEND (2011) The guys: Russell and Glen are two fast-talking, good-looking Englishmen whose one-night stand felt too right to end, which may or may not be a bad thing: Glen is moving to America in a week. The atmosphere: “Weekend” shows the intimacy of someone discovering “the little things” about his new lover and explores the intricacies of two men getting to know each other — an element that gay male cinema has so often glossed over on its way to bigger themes. “Weekend” works up the sexy in their handsome leads with pacey, believable dialogue, and incredibly risque sex scenes that don’t let an R-rating keep much from the imagination.

You know you want to...

Coming January 2014

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

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DECEMBER 4, 2013

CAFE VIVID

DEC

4-15

First Friday by Babes Around Denver

DEC

6 Fri

Snow Falling On Cedars @ VINTAGE THEATRE 1468 DAYTON ST, AURORA

Set in 1954 in a Puget Sound community divided among fishermen and farmers, whites and Japanese, the story is at once a courtroom drama, a mystery, and a love story. Performances are Fri.–Sat. at 7:30 p.m. and Sun. at 2:30 p.m., tickets $25 r more info online at ofcnow.co/cedars

5TH ANNUAL

DEC

Lesbian Connections

11 Wed

Holiday Mixer Party

@ TRACKS/EXDO 3500 WALNUT ST. • 6 P.M. TO 2 A.M. First Friday is the largest monthly women’s party in the US with more than 1500-2000 lesbians and guests (everyone is welcome) in attendance at the monthly party with resident DJs Markie, Tatiana, Shannon and Blaque Gurl. $5 cover until 9 p.m., $7 cover after 9 p.m. 21+ r more info online at ofcnow.co/FirstFri

Colorado Keshet Cabaret

COMING EVENTS DEC

7 Sat

Sing, Dance, and Celebrate at the Keshet Cabaret! Join a rousing evening of music, food and performance by local entertainers. This fundraiser supports Keshet’s work to create an LGBT-inclusive Jewish community in Colorado and around the country. Performances by Ariana Huffenstuff, Debbie Scheer, Rocky Mountain Oysters and more. Tickets $50, $25 for students & seniors.

@ TRACKS 3500 WALNUT ST. • 5:30 – 7 P.M. r more info online at ofcnow.co/Kgf

DEC

The Naughty List

Thurs

presented by Corky Cares

@ HAMBURGER MARY’S 700 EAST 17TH AVE. 6:30 P.M. • FREE ADMISSION

All-you-can-drink liquor bust for $30 benefits the Tennyson House and Denver Youth Advocacy.

r more info online at ofcnow.co/Tm9

@ X BAR 629 E. COLFAX • 7 P.M. r more info online at ofcnow.co/f8b

DEC

13 Fri

A Christmas 13-22 Carol DEC

Denver ELEMENT Red Party @ TRACKS 3500 WALNUT ST. • 9 P.M.

Join us as we celebrate our journey towards a world free of HIV. Wear red to show your support as we dance our way to a better world. $10 cover for 18+, $5 suggested donation at door for 21+ r more info online at ofcnow.co/X6Q

A Radio Play

@ DEEP SPACE EVENTS CENTER 1120 SOUTH PIKES PEAK DR. PARKER • 7:30 TO 9 P.M. In an impressive and amusing feat, this show is performed as a 1940s radio play with two men providing all of the characters’ voices and sound effects. r more info online at ofcnow.co/5zq

DECEMBER 4, 2013

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DECEMBER 4, 2013

WEEKLY SPECIALS FROM OUT FRONT’S LGBT-INCLUSIVE BAR PARTNERS.

e TUACA SHOT NIGHT

AQUA LOUNGE

CHARLIE’S

TUESDAYS

DAILY BEER SPECIAL

Mile Hi Bullseye Dart League. Open play and free darts at 10 p.m., league play at 7 p.m.

$4 for a 32 oz. domestic pitcher and $8 for a premium pitcher

Facebook.com/Aqua.Denver

WEDNESDAYS

Wet Wednesday Dance party with DJ Tatiana and GoGo Dancers; 75 cent beers, $2 wells, $4 Absolut. THURSDAYS

Karaoke hosted by Dave Myers at 8 p.m.; half-price bar from 8-9 p.m.

BLACK CROWN

CharliesDenver.com

THURSDAYS: 1/2 PRICE NIGHT FRIDAYS:

$10 Buddy Beer Bust, 5 p.m. $3 Absolut, 9 p.m. SATURDAYS: $5 Beer Bust, 2 p.m. SUNDAYS: Drag show, 9 p.m.

EL POTRERO

Facebook.com/el.potrero.180 DRAG WEDNESDAYS: NO COVER

DAILY HAPPY HOUR

2-for-1 beers, $3 rum, and vodka specials, $2 drafts

4 p.m. – 6 p.m.

GO-GO FRIDAYS: NO COVER

BlackCrownLounge.com

MONDAYS

1/2 price select bottles of wine SUNDAYS Martinis & Misbehavin’ with Cora Vette and $8 Kettle One martinis

BLUSH & BLU

BlushBluBar.com DAILY HAPPY HOUR

$3 wells, vino, domestics, lattes; $1.50 PBR’s; $4 shots of Fireball 3 p.m. to 7 p.m. FRIDAYS

Karaoke at 9 p.m. SUNDAYS Molly’s famous $4 Bloodys

$2 rum and vodka specials, $2 drafts, $5 Jose Cuervo, $15 beer buckets and $5 Jager shots

HAMBURGER MARY’S

HamburgerMarys.com/denver HOURS OF OPERATION

11 a.m. to 2 a.m., Thursday through Saturday. VISIT WEBSITE FOR SPECIALS

LI’L DEVILS

LilDevilsLounge.com WEDNESDAYS

$4 22-ounces tanks of your choice. SUNDAYS: TRIVIA NIGHT

BOYZTOWN

Compete for free drinks and bar tabs, starting at 7:30 p.m., $3 Smirnoff.

HAPPY HOUR

PIRATES COVE • PUEBLO

BoyzTownDenver.com Monday-Thursday: 3 – 8 p.m. U CALLS

Monday–Thursday: Absolut $4.50 Friday & Sunday: Stoli $4.50 Friday–Sunday: 3Olives $4.50

BROADWAYS

BroadwaysDenver.com HAPPY HOUR

Mon – Fri: 2pm – 9pm Sat & Sun: 12pm – 9pm $2.25 Wells | $2.00 Domestic Drafts | $3.75 Svedka Flavors & Domestic Mini Pitchers CUSTOMER APPRECIATION NIGHT

Mondays at 9pm

CLUB Q • COLO. SPRINGS ClubQOnline.com

COMPOUND BASIX CompoundDenver.com DAILY HAPPY HOURS

7 - 10 a.m. & 5 - 8 p.m. $2.50 wells, $3 domestic longnecks, $2 off calls

Facebook.com/ piratescoveeventspage

TRACKS

TracksDenver.com SUPERSTAR THURSDAYS

18 + dance party Cover: 18-20 $10, 21+ $5 after 10 p.m. ELEVATED SATURDAYS

2-for-1 drinks between 9 – 10 p.m. No cover before 10 p.m.

WRANGLER

DenverWrangler.com WEDNESDAYS: TRIVIA NIGHT

Geeks who Drink Pub Trivia 8 p.m. $2 house vodka, Bud & Coors pints SATURDAYS

$3 Svedka // 2nd Saturday SWEET 5th Saturday RETRO SWEET! SUNDAYS: BEER BUST

$8 Legendary Beer Bust (4-8 p.m.)

X BAR

XBarDenver.com

FRIDAY & SATURDAY DANCE PARTIES

MONDAY–SATURDAY

$4 JagerBombs all night long

BOGO happy hour: 3 p.m. – 6 p.m.

BEER BUSTS

SUNDAY

Fridays – Sundays, 6 – 10 p.m., $8.

$5 lemonade buckets all day

DECEMBER 4, 2013

CHARLIE’S & X BAR

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FOR TWITTER UPDATES AND INTERACTIVE MAP GO TO OFCNOW.CO/BTAB

4501 E Virginia Ave Denver, Colorado 80246 • (303) 388-8889 www.facebook.com/elpotreroclub

th S t.

W es

C. BLUSH & BLU

J. LI’L DEVILS

D. BOYZTOWN

K. TRACKS

1446 S. Broadway Denver, CO 80210 720.353.4701

L. WRANGLER

F. CHARLIES G. COMPOUND BASIX

Monaco Pkwy.

W Byers Pl.

I. HAMBURGER MARY’S

Krameria St.

Broadway

B. BLACK CROWN

Colorado Blvd.

Colfax Ave. E. 11th Ave. E. 10th Ave.

H. EL POTRERO

Humboldt St.

Downing St.

Logan St.

E. 17th Ave.

Emerson St.

E. 18th Ave.

A. AQUA LOUNGE

E. BROADWAYS k

Washington St.

Broadway

E. 20th Ave.

Downing St.

. t St lnu a W

700 E 17th Ave Denver, CO 80203 (303) 832-1333

Colfax Ave.

E 14th Ave.

E. 2nd Ave. E. 1st Ave.

Alameda Ave.

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DECEMBER 4, 2013

RADIOACTIVE VISION

Our Lady of the PBJ, pray for us By Nuclia Waste THE OTHER DAY, WHILE I WAS IN THE NUTS AISLE OF WHOLE FOODS IN CHERRY CREEK, I HAD an epiphany. I absolutely love peanut butter. Once I realized it was sugar, not fat, that was causing me to lose my girlish figure (never a good thing for a drag queen), I’ve been on a quest to rid my life of sugar wherever possible. (Well, except for chocolate. I always make an exception for chocolate. Chocolate should be exempt from everything. It is the one perfect food.) As I began reading peanut butter labels, I was shocked to see how much sugar was put into a food I considered healthy. The only way to get 100 percent pure peanut butter was for me to grind my own. That’s how I ended up in the bulk food section of Whole Foods. Watching those fresh peanuts jiggle down the chute and come out as a thick, gooey nutty goodness is magical. And even though the machine does all the

DECEMBER 4, 2013

The shrine was a work, you walk away little Catholic amusewith such a sense of ment park. There was a peanut pride. I hold my drive-through Stations plastic container high of the Cross, complete in the air. “Look, world! with roadside speakers I ground my own! I and buttons you could am somebody!” press through your But you do have to be car window. Jesus may careful. There is more have had to walk miles than one peanut butnaked, burdened by ter grinding machine. the weight of his cross, One has peanuts. The but you could follow other has “honey-roastNuclia Waste along from the comfort ed” peanuts, which is a sneaky way of saying, “we’ve coated of your car. A giant concrete Faberyour peanuts in sugar!” Thanks, but gé-like Easter egg displayed a mysno thanks. I might as well be buy- terious burning flame suspended midair All done with smoke and miring Jif. There was a time, however, when rors, literally. (I climbed inside that I made fun of grinding your own. egg one day to figure it out. Miracle, Back in high school I was in the schmiracle.) But the piece de resistance was seminary studying to be a priest. The Missionary Oblates of Mary the Our Lady of the Snows Shrine Gift Immaculate was the Catholic order Shop. Even the priests and brothers of priests and brothers. Not too far were embarrassed. The gift shop was from the school in Belleville, IL was owned and operated by lay folk, so the main source of income for the the Oblates had no say on what was order, the Shrine of Our Lady of sold. The shop carried the usual assortment of bibles, rosaries and glow the Snows.

SOCIAL

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in the dark crucifixes — because Jesus dying on the cross is a vision you want to see long after turning off the bedroom light. Other souvenirs went down the tacky road, like official Our Lady of the Snows back scratchers and fly swatters. You, too, can send those bugs and itches straight to hell. The strangest contraption, however, was the grind-your-own peanut butter machine. Yes, you could make your own holy peanut butter. What a peanut butter machine was doing in a religious gift shop was beyond any of our theological dreams. Peanuts aren’t even in the bible. Perhaps those gift store employees were just way ahead of their time. Instead of saving souls, they were saving people from obesity and sugar-laden peanut butter. Our Lady of the PBJ, pray for us. Nuclia Waste, the triple-nipple drag queen of comedy, is Out Front’s radioactive cultural columnist. See more columns at ofcnow.co/nuclia or contact her through her website at NucliaWaste.com.

INTERVIEW

First Transgender Mainstream TV Journalist Shares Path to Success By Paul Collanton t EDEN LANE IS A PIONEER for those who want to live authentically and rise to the top of their fields, serving as a shining example. When she said yes to an interview for Gay Ambition Podcast after I met her at the Out Front Power Party in October I couldn’t wait to get started. What was your favorite part about hosting the Out Front Power Party? The fact that before the evening begins I have an excuse to walk around the entire room and say hello to people, ask what group they are from and who they are there to honor or do they know some of the honorees. That part of it — playing “hostess” — that was my most enjoyable aspect of the evening because otherwise I probably would have been too shy and just sat at my table like a lump. You are a trailblazer. You are marked as the first mainstream transgender television journalist. What does that mean to you and do you think that’s true? I do think it’s true in that there may have been other transgender men or women who were television journalists before me but they weren’t necessarily out. I don’t know who that may or may have not have been. I didn’t realize it until someone else told me. When I started covering for Colorado Public Television politics it didn’t occur to me that no one else who was transgender had done it before nor did it occur to me to keep it quiet. It wasn’t on my credentials but it wasn’t a secret either and it never occurred to me until later when there was some bad press about some of the interviews, some of the politicians who sat down with me got some flack not only for what they said but for sitting down with the “transsexual journalist”. And I thought I’m not really sure how that’s relevant and that’s when I was told the reason it’s relevant is because you are the first. Was that when you were covering the 2008 convention? Yep, during the Democratic National Convention there were a few murmurs about “ohhh.” “ohhh.”

So I heard that I might be doing something new but again I was so focused on getting the story and not being the story that I didn’t really internalize that in any way. When it really became what you would call a negative issue was during the campaign for Governor and Senator in Colorado. Then-Mayor John Hickenlooper was running for Governor against Tom Tacredo among others and he gave me an interview in which he made an in-artful statement and the conservative press was making hay with it trying to win points against him and then included the fact that he sat down with this “transsexual.” Ken Buck, Republican candidate, even a Tea Party Republican at that, had given me a couple of interviews and he was really brilliant and wonderful and personable and was given a little flack for having given an interview to a transsexual journalist by the conservative press and then that got used in the campaign against John Hickenlooper and Ken Buck and I became sort of an issue for a moment, a white hot moment. It didn’t really hurt either of those candidates but it did hurt me. Well thank you for taking on that role. I think that you serve as an inspiration for others who might want to follow in your footsteps and be in television. I think it’s other people that inspire me rather than me inspiring them. When I hear from young LGBT kids, students, teens, sometimes parents – when they contact me and ask me for advice whether they want to be in television or not or they just site my work as evidence that they have so many more avenues than they thought, that’s inspiring to me. I don’t think of myself as doing any work that’s inspiring anyone I’m just doing my work I’m just being a journalist. Did you always know you wanted to get on television, was that a lifelong dream for you or did you stumble into it later in life? For me, television as a journalist was a second chapter. My early career in the entertainment field was in the theater and in dance and in New York and I had a very different career. It was fairly successful at the time. The challenge for me is

that I can’t really site any of those achievements because then that raises a whole other set of questions about “oh that’s who you used to be, that’s who you really are”, that kind of thing. That’s something that happens to transgender people that doesn’t necessarily happen to gay and lesbian people. No one tries to undermine your current identity and site it as something less than legitimate by referring to your previous identity as your real name or your real work. What have you learned since you came out as transgender as a journalist, and what piece of advice would you give to someone who might be aspiring to be a journalist whether they are transgender, straight or in the LGB community? It’s funny that you say came out as transgender because I didn’t come out in that it was never a secret, but when it became an issue, when it became something that people focused on, that was a big surprise to me. I guess I was very naïve I didn’t think of it, I just didn’t think of it. The advice I would give is if you

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SOCIAL

want to be a journalist make sure that you learn your craft, you learn the ethics of journalism, you really hone those skills, especially writing. Even if you’re working in television, writing is important, although the writing style can be very different. But the other thing is what’s exciting now is you don’t have to wait for someone to give you permission to be a journalist, you don’t have to wait for someone to give you permission to work on television or film no matter who you are because you can find equipment readily available and you can just make it and you can start publishing it and if you’re in J school you should still start publishing your own work even if it’s just for a tiny audience of your family so you have that diverse experience of doing the work and getting it out there and getting the feedback from people who read it or watch it or listen to it. I would say just roll up your sleeves and do the work. r To listen to the full interview on Gay Ambition Podcast online, visit ofcnow.co/edenlane DECEMBER 4, 2013

ON THE SCENE

e Boulder Pride BOULDER THEATER x

Nov. 23

The crowds bundled up and braved chilly weather to attend Boulder PrideFest’s 10th Anniversary celebration at the Boulder Theater on November 23. The event, originally scheduled for September, was postponed due to the widespread flooding at the time. This year’s event, hosted by Out Boulder and emceed by Hayes Burton, featured the Tah Tah’s and TranZend. r See more photos online at ofcnow.co/qtw

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LIVING

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photos by Charles Broshous

ON THE SCENE

e Outrageous Friday at Broadways BROADWAYS x

Nov. 22

photos by Charles Broshous

Friday nights have gotten outrageous at Broadways with “Absolut Outrageous Fridays.” Out Front stopped by on November 22 to check out the action and enjoy the Grand Long Islands, Malibu Buckets, Absolut Flavors and domestic drafts at the gayborhood watering hole. The house was rocking and the tail feathers were shaking thanks to the awesome beats of DJ Sinna-G. r See more photos online at ofcnow.co/OUR

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LIVING

DECEMBER 4, 2013

WHAT WE’RE WEARING

No Shave November x

photos by Josh Olsen

t THOUSANDS OF MEN IN COLORADO AND BEYOND GAVE THEIR RAZORS A REST LAST MONTH with the annual tradition of #NoShaveNovember — or its milder variation, moustache #Movember — riding out 30 days worth of facial hair to raise awareness for prostate cancer. Things got pretty fuzzy for those participating, and before they simultaneously clogged their bathroom sinks December 1 with long-due shavings (that day’s for raising awareness of plumbers), they’d raised awareness of another important thing about beards: they’re sexy! So in celebration of beards, we asked to see some of the best ones captured by gay Denver photographer Josh Olsen, creator of otterj.com, a visual stomping ground of all things scruff. Here’s what he came back with. See what we mean?

DECEMBER 4, 2013

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x otterj.com

BEAUTY

It’s all in your mind:

How we transform our perceptions after a workout By Kelsey Lindsey t OVER THE YEARS I’VE FOUND THAT STRESS, ANGER OR SADNESS ARE BEST DISPELLED THROUGH A LONG RUN OR YOGA SESSION. Afterwards I can’t help but feel joyful that everything is ok in the world — even if it only lasts an hour or two. Perhaps most of this is attributable to the uplifting effect of endorphins, but they’re reliable: I always find myself leaving a workout happier, calmer and more confident than when I started. The last effect is of particular interest to me, because for so many of us, our perceptions of our bodies is why we’re bothering to exercise in the first place. Runners and practitioners of yoga will tell you that the tiniest bit of activity can have important effects on self-perception. We’ve all witnessed — and I’ve experienced myself — the tendency to admire ourselves in the mirror post-workout, seeing a new version of ourselves. Stomachs seem flatter,

Photo by Alex Bramwell

arms seem bigger, even if our bodies couldn’t possibly have changed that much in a couple hours. It’s impossible to completely transform our bodies in one workout, so the real change is mental — we view ourselves and our bodies differently, more optimistically, after exercise. This “all in your head” effect also works in reverse. After a particularly glutinous meal, I sometimes

look in the mirror and see a doughy and bloated Kelsey staring back, an expanded version of what my body looked like pre-feast. It doesn’t stop there. To everyone else I look the same, but in my head I’ve gained 20 pounds — plus I’m suddenly unhappy with my hair, and ten new sunspots have appeared on my face in an hour. One negative thought leads to another, and I’m caught in a downward spiral.

While these feelings are common after a greasy meal, we’ll ride waves of discontent with ourselves after spotting even the most trivial of “flaws” — characteristics that don’t measure up to society’s increasingly high standard of beauty. Why is it so easy to switch from one extreme to the next? And most importantly, how do we get it to stop? I’m still struggling with these questions myself, but an important starting place is realizing that you are the most important influence on your own happiness — you’re your strongest ally and your worst enemy. The path to self-acceptance doesn’t start with a hundred pushups or a new foundation; it starts with you loving you, in every shape, size, and form, and loving what your body can do. Kelsey Lindsey is Out Front’s beauty columnist writing from an affirming perspective on being your best you. r See more beauty columns at ofcnow.co/beauty or contact Kelsey at kelsey.a.lindsey@gmail.com.

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METROPOLITAN

5 tips to get the mess under control Some people hate living in at messy home, and some people live with a little more chaos and clutter. Unfortunately, a lot of us are both: often letting things get out of control and finding ourselves in an embarrassed, apologetic frenzy to clean up any time guests are on their way. People who are prone to clutter are often accused of being lazy, but it’s more likely that you’re distractible or your organization scheme requires more energy than it needs to. Here are some tips for making it easier to keep the chaos tamed long–term.

DECEMBER 4, 2013

t Keep your things close to the spot where you use them: Go through your home and find instances where you store things in a separate area or room from where you use them, and reorganize to shift the balance. Putting your dirtylaundry basket near your closet where you get dressed, creating a reading area near the bookshelf, eating in the kitchen and making a spot for jackets and shoes near the front door will all make it more likely that you’ll put things away without a conscious effort. t Have a junk drawer or bin: You aren’t necessarily a hoarder, but from time to time you acquire things you’ll rarely if ever use, yet can’t bring yourself to throw out. If this is you, create a “junk pile” hidden from view in a drawer or container where you give yourself permission to stuff things and worry about them

LIVING

later. Every six months — or before it starts to overflow — go through the pile resolving to throw at least half of the stuff away. t Separate your dishes: If dirty plates and pans tend to pile up in your sink, take out a small stack of the plates, cups and silverware you use on a daily basis and put them in your main kitchen cabinet. Put the rest in a box, closet or long-term storage. That way you’ll get into the habit of cleaning dishes as you need them; don’t get the others out until you have a large group of guests coming over. t Store your cleaning supplies in the open: They may not be pretty or decorative, but face it — having your broom in a corner or bathroom cleaner on a visible shelf is better than the way things are going now. You’ll be surprised how much easier it is to take initiative when you see

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the solution (your cleaning supplies) at the same time you’re looking at the problem (your mess). t Tidy up to upbeat music: Designate a weekly time to clean and organize — during daylight hours — and get to work with some fun music playing in the background to keep yourself upbeat and energized during boring household chores. The bottom line: rather than beating yourself up trying to reverse your personality and habits, accept the way you are and structure your life around what needs to be done. That’s the beauty of it being your home — and while others might not always appreciate the wisdom behind your strategies for staying on top of it, you, your family or roommates will find life is much better that way.

FAITH

Steadfast in faith

Instead of abandoning conservative churches, some LGBT believers try to change them from within

Connect with LGBT-friendly religious groups and churches Affirmation (Mormon) ofcnow.co/affirmation •

Believe Out Loud (Various Christian) ofcnow.co/BelieveOutLoud •

By Alison Wisneski BEING A YOUNG LESBIAN ENROLLED IN SEMINARY, I OFTEN HEAR ABOUT THE “cool new worship service” at the local Unitarian Universalist church, or the United Church of Christ’s food pantry service that needs volunteers. These are non-denominational churches that welcome everybody, and though they are tempting to check out, I know I’ll be living a lie if I walk in the doors. It is not often that one hears of young people wanting to fulfill themselves spiritually in institutions that make public declarations against who they love or even ask them to leave, but it’s also not as uncommon as one may think. United Methodists, Roman Catholics, smaller sects of Lutherans, Southern Baptists, and other groups known for opposing same-sex relationships are finding their local churches bending and reshaping as laws change across the country and the world toward equality for LGBTQ people. Within those churches, there are changemakers working to hold their stake in their strong beliefs while not letting go of who they are. The sometimes painful process of coming out can be elevated to new levels in faith-based organizations. Oftentimes, instead of offering support and open arms, the options LGBT people receive are counseling to discuss celibacy and even reparative therapy to try to make them straight. In a 2010 study, the Public Religion Research Institute found that two out of three Americans

believed that LGBTQ people commit suicide partly based on messages coming from their churches. With these frightening facts in front of us, it seems easier to join a church or faith-based organization that is already accepting of who they are versus attempting to make change inside of a seemingly neverchanging hierarchy of hate. So why stick around? “I was baptized into the Catholic Church when I was 10 years old. It was a personal decision that I made and I actually studied for a year in order to actually become a member of the church,” said Lea Drisdel, 22. “I had studied several denominations of Christianity for a while, but Catholicism was always something that I felt a personal connection to.” Drisdel, who has been out as a lesbian for six years, struggled with the process being a member of the Catholic Church. She recalls even contemplating conversion therapy. “When all of your religious peers tell you that you have to change, it wears you down and you start thinking that maybe it is something that you can fix,” she said. “Trying to do that actually threw me into a deep depression and I contemplated suicide because I kept failing at trying to change my sexuality.” But, rather than leaving the church that has hundreds of years of anti-gay teachings, Drisdel decided to stay and work to change it. “It was one night that in sheer desperation I prayed to God and asked that if this is

who I am supposed to be, give me a sense of peace. And from that moment I have had it.” Drisdel is starting small by referring others to books that challenge anti-LGBT stances in Christianity. She knows that the process is large and often intimidating, but she’s not afraid of it. “When it comes to me personally, I identify both as Catholic and lesbian publically because I want people to know, within the church community and on the outside, that we actually do exist. Visibility definitely matters, and if me being out within the church helps anyone struggling, I’m happy to do it.” Organizations such as DignityUSA in the Catholic Church and the Association of Welcoming and Affirming Baptists have long existed in hopes of making a difference for the lives of LGBTQ churchgoers. Small popup activist groups like Love Prevails in the United Methodist Church are becoming more prevalent for those looking to make waves with direct action. For the most part, there is an LGBT-positive group for each denomination. Drisdel is still working on meshing her sexuality with her faith life, but she’s willing to try to do so in the name of helping others who struggle. “Sometimes I still do have issues reconciling my faith with my sexuality,” she said, “but I’ve bridged that gap between the two and I’d like to show other people in the LGBT community that you can have spiritual beliefs without denying who you really are.”

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DignityUSA (Catholic) dignitydenver.org •

Evangelical Network t-e-n.org •

Keshet (Jewish) ofcnow.co/keshet •

More Light Presbyterians ofcnow.co/MoreLight •

Muslims for Progressive Values mpvusa.org •

New Ways Ministry (Catholic) ofcnow.co/NewWays •

Reconciling Works (Lutheran) ofcnow.co/ReconcilingWorks •

Reconciling Ministries Network (Methodist) ofcnow.co/ReconcilingMinistries LIVING

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SEXUALITY

ASK THE SEXPERT

Strapping it on in style

Shanna Katz

Little things lesbians find sexy

SUBTLE SEDUCTION — THE WOMEN’S EDITION “Is it weird that bony little knees is a turn-on? I love almost too-thin legs.”

By Berlin Sylvestre FOR OUR LAST SEXUALITY INSTALLMENT, I LET THE GUYS SPILL THE BEANS ON THE SUBTLE THINGS THEY CONSIDER SEXY IN A MAN. This time the ladies took the mic, and lemme tell ya: There’s no greater topic to get a room full of lesbians atwitter than to ask them what subtle things on a woman they find attractive. Frankly, it was difficult to compile this without including some of my own suggestions, but with all the answers I garnered from some eager Sapphos I wouldn’t have had room for them anyway. Here are my favorite twenty responses to the question, “What are some of the subtle things women do that are really hot?” “I think it’s so hot when a woman has her hair up, but those little wisps of hair are coming out … like she’s been too busy to fix it and doesn’t care. And the super-fine curls on the neck are like a little lion mane are hot, too.” “I love when a woman takes her long hair out of a hair tie and shakes her head to loosen it all.” “No, as she’s putting it up and has the hair tie in her mouth so she can use both hands to grab her hair. And then she arches her back so much that her shirt comes up. Over!” “I think a woman running her hands through short hair is sexy, like if she’s fresh out of the shower and applying product.”

“It’s so sexy when you can see her bra through her thin T-shirt.” “It’s sexy when you can tell through her T-shirt she’s cold — you know what I mean. It’s like, ‘I know what you’re looking at’ and the fact that she’s OK with it is even sexier.” “If her boob touches me in the slightest way, whether intentional or accidental, I’m done. I like to think that it’s always intentional, though.” “I was paired up with a beautiful girl in high school for a project, and we’d meet at my house to do our work. She fell asleep on my couch for about 45 minutes, and when she woke up, she looked at me smiling and stretching. I thought, OK, that’s it. I’m in love.” “A girl with elegant hands has always done it for me. Long fingers, beautiful nails.” “I love a woman with rough hands. If she has callouses and bites her nails, I think she’s good in bed.”   “When a woman speaks with her hands! Like she’s conducting music.” “The top couple buttons undone — especially if I can see her collarbones and a great necklace.” “Just wear glasses. Glasses are sexy.”

“I have a co-worker whose back is always to me, and when she gets stressed out she rubs the back of her neck. Her hair is always up so I can see every bit of this and it’s really [expletive] hot.” “When a woman stretches and arches her back so that her ass pokes out, yesss.” “I dated a ballet dancer who always walked [soundlessly] on her tip toes. I thought that was hot in a strange way.” “Bare feet and pajama pants on a hardwood floor gets me.” 48

DECEMBER 4, 2013

LIVING

“The sound of her high heels.” “No heels for me, thank you. Some work boots, jeans, a sports bra, and no shirt. If you can throw a motorcycle somewhere in there, I’m a happy woman.” Got one you think needs a mention? r Join the conversation at outfrontonline.com. More on protean signals in a previous Sexuality feature online at ofcnow.co/Ljn, or for the guys’ version see ofcnow.co/FcM OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

DEAR SHANNA – I’M FEELING PRETTY CONFIDENT WITH MY STRAP-ON SKILL SET, BUT IT’S HARD TO BE SEXUALLY SPONTANEOUS WHEN THE MOOD STRIKES AND I’M NOT ALREADY STRAPPED ON AND READY TO GO. ANY TIPS OR SUGGESTIONS? — STRIVING FOR SPONTANEITY IN CASTLE ROCK

Dear Striving for Spontaneity, This question that befalls many of us: how do we go from zero to sixty — or even zero to thirty — in the bedroom when we have to take the sometimes-awkward pause of getting the equipment on and ready to take off? You’re definitely not alone. The good news is there are lots of options. First, depending on the situation, you can strap on beforehand. For most harness and dildo combos this won’t work if you’ll be going out in public (unless you’re into looking like you’re packing heat and/or a huge boner), but if your partner is coming home in the next 20 minutes and you’re looking to show them a good time, consider strapping it on and then re-dressing yourself. Your love will be in for a pleasant surprise as the clothes come off. If you do want to strap on before you go out and about, consider a pack-to-play dildo such as Silky from Vibratex, a Pack N’ Play from Tantus, Inc, or a Shilo from the New York Toy Collective — those are softer dildos that pack well, and straighten out to get into the action. Paired with a low profile harness like the Sportsheet’s Bare as You Dare harness, it’s a great option for spontaneity. Another option is to work it into your sexual play time. Consider blindfolding your partner to give you a little wiggle room while your work your way into your harness. As long as you keep talking, they might not even really what you’re doing until you’re ready to go. Also, if you have a harness you can adjust in advance (like anything from Spareparts Hardwear or Aslan Leather), slipping it on takes just seconds. It’s also definitely ok to practice in private before show time; it will boost your cock confidence and make you seem super smooth in the strap on department. Lastly, it’s ok to be a little awkward, obvious, or both. Real sex is awkward at times. Putting it on as a team can be a fun, playful, and even bonding for some partners; it can also be a great way to display active, non-verbal consent. It’s ok to recognize that bodies and toys and sex and all of that are not always smooth and flawless; being real about it can take off some of the pressure and keep things comfortable for all involved. Shanna Katz, M.Ed, ACS is a board-certified sexologist, sexuality educator and author who believes in open source, accessible sexuality education. r See more columns at ofcnow.co/sexpert or for more info on teaching adults to optimize their sex lives visit ShannaKatz.com. Send Shanna a question for her column at ShannaKatz@gmail.com.

HEINZESIGHT

I’m mistrusting my new relationship Dear Brent, I’ve been dating a great guy for several weeks and we’re serious about each other. We both agreed that for right now we want to be monogamous, but discussed opening it up somewhat in the future. I discovered that there are two guys my boyfriend still talks to about finding time to meet up — he says he’s still being faithful, but I’m seeing some red flags. What would you do? t IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU BOTH RECOGNIZE THAT ROLLING AROUND NAKED WITH JUST ONE PERSON for the rest of your relationship may not be one of your long-term relationship goals, but it also sounds like you don’t completely trust he’s being honest about his activities meeting up with old flames.

I would think about whether you distrust him specifically, or if your perceptions have been affected to not trust any gay dude you’re dating when he hangs out with other gay guys. The old adage, “boys will be boys,” can be applied to some people’s opinions that gay men are unlikely to be dedicated, faithful or honest. Trust is one of those things that must be built up over time, but hopefully you are a good judge of character and have chosen someone with integrity. Unfortunately, there are some who lie, cheat and sneak around — to the dismay of their past partners in relationships. Bearing the brunt of these experiences, or being aware of them happening to others, can make us feel insecure and look for X-Files-type conspiracy theories everywhere we look. Before you hire a private investigator to lurk in the bushes taking pictures of your boyfriend’s coffee date, take the time to talk to him about your personal concerns and where they come from. A relation-

Another pitfall that ship that is not built some couples experion trust is doomed to ence is thinking that fail. If you care about your world needs to continuing to form a revolve around that strong bond with your super awesome person boyfriend, take the you just started dating. time and effort to have In the honeymoon periconversations about a od you can’t get enough variety of things you of each other — you want out of a relationtext 200 times a day ship: passions, insecuriBrent Heinze while you’re at work ties, pet peeves, dreams reminding each other how much and concerns. I’m curious about what conver- you are yearning for their touch, and sations you’ve had so far with your spend every available moment toboyfriend around his activities with gether. Maintaining contact with old these guys. The process of “meeting friends can be a really healthy way to up” can be as innocent as grabbing a balance that out when you’re getting bite with old buddies to have a great into a committed relationship, so it’s chat and catch up on each other’s possible that your boyfriend’s conlives. Of course it could also be get- nection with other guys is a good sign ting freaky. Gay men can and do de- rather than a bad one. velop non-sexual friendships with each other regardless of whether Brent Heinze, LPC, is a licensed prothey have sexual history. (Although fessional counselor. some feel that this species of homo r Get more HeinzeSight online at is rare or extinct, they do exist!) And ofcnow.co/brent or send him a many actually have integrity and question for his column at PerspectiveShift@yahoo.com. keep their promises.

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